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Welcome to
Sparkhill, Birmingham,
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the capital of British Pakistan.
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00:00:14,411 --> 00:00:17,368
They all know me.
Do you like my suit?
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00:00:18,384 --> 00:00:20,549
Number one. Citizen Khan.
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00:00:21,964 --> 00:00:24,964
She's getting married
in the morning
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00:00:24,964 --> 00:00:27,928
Tum te tum te tum te tum te
tuuummm!
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00:00:27,928 --> 00:00:29,920
Salaam alaikum, Mr Khan!
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00:00:30,992 --> 00:00:33,944
Hello, Keith! Why are
you dressed like that?
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00:00:34,952 --> 00:00:36,988
It's my outfit for the wedding!
What do you think?
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00:00:36,988 --> 00:00:39,944
A bit "Imran Khan"?
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00:00:40,944 --> 00:00:43,960
Imran Khan's old,
white neighbour, maybe.
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00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:47,912
Big day today. Someone
must be very excited.
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00:00:47,912 --> 00:00:50,956
I am. And I got to make a speech!
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00:00:50,956 --> 00:00:53,940
I meant Shazia.
Oh, right, yeah.
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00:00:53,940 --> 00:00:54,948
So, is this OK?
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00:00:54,948 --> 00:00:57,904
Cos I know it's supposed to
be a fusion wedding -
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00:00:57,904 --> 00:00:59,968
a mix of the English
and Pakistani traditions.
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00:00:59,968 --> 00:01:02,972
Pakistani tradition is to make
sure it's bloomin' cheap!
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00:01:04,916 --> 00:01:08,908
The proudest moment
in any Pakistani man's life
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00:01:08,908 --> 00:01:11,908
is seeing his daughter getting
married for under ?3.50 a head.
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00:01:12,984 --> 00:01:14,960
So, how's your speech coming along?
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00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:17,980
Great. It's going to be
a real showstopper!
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00:01:17,980 --> 00:01:20,944
I've got a brilliant joke to kick
it off. Listen to this.
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00:01:20,944 --> 00:01:24,928
A Muslim, a Christian and a Hindu
walk into a mosque, you see...
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00:01:24,928 --> 00:01:25,948
Which mosque?
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00:01:27,956 --> 00:01:28,960
What?
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00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:32,964
Is it the mosque in Sparkhill
or the one in Garretts Green?
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00:01:33,968 --> 00:01:34,984
Does it matter?
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00:01:34,984 --> 00:01:37,960
Ooh, yes, because the one in
Garretts Green has closed down.
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It's a Nando's now.
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00:01:40,940 --> 00:01:42,964
Right... Look, just forget it.
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Why don't you go and get the
flowers for the reception
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from Mrs Quereshi across the road?
Oh, is she selling flowers now?
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00:01:47,988 --> 00:01:49,996
No, they're growing in her garden.
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00:01:55,928 --> 00:01:57,960
Alia, I've got a joke for my speech.
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I want you to listen to it
and tell me what you think,
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OK? OK.
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00:02:00,968 --> 00:02:03,984
A Muslim, a Christian and a
Hindu walk into a mosque...
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00:02:03,984 --> 00:02:07,924
Oh, that's great, Papaji,
you're so funny and that!
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00:02:10,956 --> 00:02:13,952
I haven't finished yet.
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00:02:13,952 --> 00:02:16,956
Oh, I can't believe
how much there is to do...
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When are you going to change
into your wedding outfit?
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I'm wearing my wedding outfit.
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Er, that's not what I chose.
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Er, that's not happening.
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Do you want to hear my joke?
No.
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Go and put it on. No way!
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Just do it! Papaji!?
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00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:34,972
Ohhh! Come on, sweeties,
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let's not argue on such a
special day.
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00:02:37,916 --> 00:02:40,904
It doesn't matter about
the style of your outfits.
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All that matters is,
how much did they cost?
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00:02:45,920 --> 00:02:47,980
They're designer! Yeah, Primani.
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00:02:48,988 --> 00:02:52,940
What kind of a loser dresses
up like a Greggs lemon puff?
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00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:54,924
Hi!
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00:02:56,996 --> 00:02:58,960
Hello, Debbaaaaay.
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Is everything OK?
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00:03:00,988 --> 00:03:02,996
She's refusing to wear the outfit.
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00:03:02,996 --> 00:03:05,968
What? This is great!
I've been a bridesmaid loads -
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00:03:05,968 --> 00:03:07,940
always the bridesmaid,
never the bride.
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00:03:07,940 --> 00:03:09,960
Not surprised if you keep
dressing like that.
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00:03:12,976 --> 00:03:15,972
You know, when we're done with them,
we can sell them on to the council -
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00:03:15,972 --> 00:03:16,984
hi-vis, isn't it?!
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00:03:18,924 --> 00:03:20,992
There's nothing wrong
with anybody's outfit!
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00:03:20,992 --> 00:03:22,972
I don't like my outfit.
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00:03:22,972 --> 00:03:25,932
What?! It makes me look short.
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00:03:28,212 --> 00:03:30,220
Sweetie, what do you expect?
It's a dress,
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not Harry Potter's
invisibility cloak.
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I'm going to wear my
Pakistani outfit.
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00:03:36,276 --> 00:03:39,280
Mum, we've been through this.
I want a fusion wedding.
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00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:41,256
A mix of East and West.
But, Shazia, I'm not...
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00:03:41,256 --> 00:03:43,236
And Mrs Malik's wearing a
sari. I know...
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00:03:43,236 --> 00:03:46,232
I don't have time to think about
this right now, I've too much to do.
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00:03:46,232 --> 00:03:48,248
Well, let me help.
You don't need to help.
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00:03:48,248 --> 00:03:50,260
But I want to help.
But you don't need to help.
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00:03:50,260 --> 00:03:53,216
Why don't you go and sit down
and have a nice cup of tea, yeah?
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00:03:53,216 --> 00:03:55,228
Can you believe that?
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00:03:56,288 --> 00:03:59,244
Nobody is listening
to a word I'm saying.
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Quarter past 11.
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00:04:09,284 --> 00:04:11,240
Have you done all your jobs?
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00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:12,280
Yes. Really?
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00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:15,296
Shazia, it's not hard. You've
just got to be organized.
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00:04:15,296 --> 00:04:17,204
So you've done it all?
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00:04:17,204 --> 00:04:18,236
I delegated it.
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00:04:18,236 --> 00:04:19,276
To who?
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00:04:19,276 --> 00:04:21,244
Salaam alaikum, Mr Khan.
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00:04:24,204 --> 00:04:26,244
Walaikum assalam, Riaz. Are you
wearing that to the wedding?
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00:04:26,244 --> 00:04:28,288
No, I had two funerals today.
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00:04:28,288 --> 00:04:31,252
Did you do all the things I
asked? Yes. No problem.
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You see?
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00:04:32,260 --> 00:04:35,284
Oh, except there's a problem
with your car.
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00:04:35,284 --> 00:04:37,204
What kind of problem?
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00:04:37,204 --> 00:04:39,240
I was getting it from
that guy you said,
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00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:41,264
you know,
Mohammed in Small Heath?
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00:04:41,264 --> 00:04:45,212
No, not THAT Mohammed!
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00:04:45,212 --> 00:04:48,240
I meant the other Mohammed.
You know, big Mohammed.
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00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:52,204
Father of little Mohammed. Lives
next door to Mohammed Mohammed.
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00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:55,268
I mean, how difficult can it be?
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00:04:55,268 --> 00:04:57,276
What, so there's no car?
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00:05:00,280 --> 00:05:02,228
How can this be happening?
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00:05:02,228 --> 00:05:04,256
The whole day will be ruined
if I don't have a car!
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00:05:04,256 --> 00:05:06,276
I know. I'm furious.
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00:05:09,228 --> 00:05:10,280
Dad!
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00:05:10,280 --> 00:05:12,276
What about the ice?
Did you get the ice?
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00:05:12,276 --> 00:05:16,260
Yeah, I got it. Don't worry,
it's in the boot of my car.
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00:05:17,288 --> 00:05:19,228
How long's it been there?
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00:05:19,228 --> 00:05:20,272
Since, er...
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...Tuesday.
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You left it in the car?
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I didn't want to forget it.
Oh, my God!
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00:05:30,264 --> 00:05:32,212
Sweetie...
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Ohh!
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HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
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00:05:38,268 --> 00:05:41,220
There's a Muslim, a Christian
and a Hindu...
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Heard it.
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00:05:45,204 --> 00:05:46,260
Beti.
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00:05:46,260 --> 00:05:49,200
Oh, you look great.
What about the hat?
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Er, it's a bit big.
It goes with the dress.
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00:05:50,296 --> 00:05:53,264
OK, fine. Beti, I wanted to talk
to you about something...
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00:05:53,264 --> 00:05:55,280
Is it quick? Only we're a bit
behind. It won't take long.
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00:05:55,280 --> 00:05:57,280
Should I...?
Oh, no, it's fine.
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00:05:57,280 --> 00:05:59,288
I wanted to give you this.
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00:05:59,288 --> 00:06:01,284
It's my grandmother's gold necklace.
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00:06:01,284 --> 00:06:04,224
She wore it on her wedding,
and I wore it on mine.
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00:06:04,224 --> 00:06:05,292
So I thought, perhaps...
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00:06:11,268 --> 00:06:14,212
I mean, it's really nice...
You don't like it.
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00:06:14,212 --> 00:06:15,232
No, it's not that, it's just...
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00:06:15,232 --> 00:06:17,212
It's OK. Forget it.
It's just...
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00:06:17,212 --> 00:06:19,240
me and Debbie spent ages
choosing all my accessories.
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00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:22,232
Of course. I understand.
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00:06:22,232 --> 00:06:24,236
Oh... let me see you
with the hat on.
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Perfect.
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00:06:33,288 --> 00:06:36,244
No, the Muslim guy says that!
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00:06:37,288 --> 00:06:39,284
I thought he
wasn't there any more.
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00:06:39,284 --> 00:06:43,248
Where, in the church?
There is no church!
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00:06:44,288 --> 00:06:47,288
Salaam alaikum, sir!
Amjad! Perfect. Listen to this.
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00:06:47,288 --> 00:06:49,280
There's a Muslim, a Christian
and a Hindu...
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00:06:49,280 --> 00:06:51,292
I need my headdress, sir. What?
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00:06:51,292 --> 00:06:53,284
You said you'd sort my
headdress for the ceremony.
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00:06:53,284 --> 00:06:56,272
Oh, yes. I got a job lot
for the wedding season.
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00:06:56,272 --> 00:07:00,204
They're selling like hot cakes!
What's Amjad doing here?
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00:07:00,204 --> 00:07:02,224
Shazia mustn't see him.
It's bad luck.
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00:07:02,224 --> 00:07:05,276
She's marrying him, isn't she?
How much worse can it get?
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00:07:05,276 --> 00:07:08,208
But seriously, Mr Khan,
he's right about that.
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00:07:08,208 --> 00:07:12,212
My Auntie Doreen saw her
husband-to-be before the wedding
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00:07:12,212 --> 00:07:14,216
and he was knocked over by
a charabanc.
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Killed him stone dead.
On their wedding day?
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00:07:17,272 --> 00:07:19,252
No, it was about 15 years later.
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00:07:21,224 --> 00:07:23,256
But still,
you can't be too careful.
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00:07:23,256 --> 00:07:25,224
Fine. You keep a lookout, huh?
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00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:28,280
Here you go - good, eh?
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00:07:29,288 --> 00:07:31,200
It's great.
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00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,264
Don't say your father-in-law
never does anything for you.
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Thanks. Don't mention it.
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That'll be ?25.
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00:07:39,276 --> 00:07:40,292
Oh.
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00:07:44,212 --> 00:07:45,292
And ?5 postage and packing.
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Go on, try it on.
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00:07:53,288 --> 00:07:55,200
It's a bit tight.
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00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:57,228
It's all right, just press it down.
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There you are.
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00:07:59,252 --> 00:08:00,292
I can't see very well.
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00:08:00,292 --> 00:08:03,240
Well, we can't see you,
so it's ideal.
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00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:07,200
All right, take it off now.
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00:08:09,272 --> 00:08:11,204
I can't. I think it's stuck.
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00:08:11,204 --> 00:08:13,232
Oh, for God's sake! Come here.
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00:08:17,228 --> 00:08:18,260
What the hell?!
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00:08:19,288 --> 00:08:21,292
Budhoo?
Ladhoo?
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00:08:21,292 --> 00:08:23,248
Shazia's here.
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00:08:24,244 --> 00:08:27,272
What's going on? You're not supposed
to see me before the wedding.
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00:08:27,272 --> 00:08:29,200
But I... Don't look at me!
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00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:31,268
Don't look, Amjad! He's not
looking. I'm not looking!
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00:08:31,268 --> 00:08:34,200
Hai hai! Bad omen!
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00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:35,296
Don't look at her, either!
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00:08:37,244 --> 00:08:38,296
But that's not unlucky.
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Best not take any chances.
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00:08:40,236 --> 00:08:44,204
Why is everyone trying
to ruin my special day?!
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Wait! Ladhoo!
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Perfect!
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00:08:53,284 --> 00:08:55,276
He's not dead.
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00:08:57,276 --> 00:08:59,220
Well, that's something.
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00:09:00,276 --> 00:09:02,236
Ow, my head!
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00:09:02,236 --> 00:09:03,276
Get up, you idiot.
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00:09:05,268 --> 00:09:08,200
It's all gone dark.
I think I'm blind!
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00:09:11,248 --> 00:09:12,284
Oh, right.
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00:09:12,284 --> 00:09:15,200
You just get that thing
off your head.
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00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:17,248
You go and get the car
and I'll sort out Shazia.
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00:09:17,248 --> 00:09:19,284
Oh, er...
Oh. I forgot about you.
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00:09:19,284 --> 00:09:22,216
Perhaps I should go.
I can see you're busy.
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00:09:22,216 --> 00:09:24,280
Just one thing though,
I haven't got the address
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00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:26,288
for the reception. I know.
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00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:34,216
Hello, beti.
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00:09:34,216 --> 00:09:35,284
Everything OK? No!
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00:09:35,284 --> 00:09:39,200
We've got no car, no ice,
no-one's ready
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00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:41,236
and now I've seen Amjad
before the wedding!
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00:09:41,236 --> 00:09:42,276
Count yourself lucky -
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00:09:42,276 --> 00:09:46,216
in some Pakistani marriages, you wouldn't
even have met him before the wedding.
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00:09:47,272 --> 00:09:50,232
It's a disaster. This is
the worst day of my life.
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00:09:50,232 --> 00:09:51,256
Right.
200
00:09:51,256 --> 00:09:55,224
I wanted everything to run smoothly
today, I wanted it to be perfect!
201
00:09:55,224 --> 00:09:57,236
It will be perfect. How?
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00:09:58,236 --> 00:09:59,264
Your father will sort it.
203
00:09:59,264 --> 00:10:01,268
Really? Of course.
204
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:04,216
I'll make sure Amjad's OK.
205
00:10:04,216 --> 00:10:06,288
Debbaaay is dealing
with your sister
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00:10:06,288 --> 00:10:08,284
and Riaz is getting a car.
207
00:10:08,284 --> 00:10:10,284
But what about the ice
and the... Shazia...
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00:10:10,284 --> 00:10:13,220
what did you want from me
on your tenth birthday party?
209
00:10:13,220 --> 00:10:16,276
To go to the theatre with my
friends to see The Lion King.
210
00:10:16,276 --> 00:10:19,232
Haan. And I said you couldn't go
211
00:10:19,232 --> 00:10:22,216
because there was no way
I was paying those prices.
212
00:10:22,216 --> 00:10:23,280
You said it was sold out.
213
00:10:27,276 --> 00:10:28,292
Oh, yes.
214
00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:35,240
So, instead, your mother and I acted
out the whole show in the front room.
215
00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:37,280
You made masks and everything.
216
00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:39,272
The stampede was a challenge.
217
00:10:41,268 --> 00:10:44,236
But I thought Naani was
perfect as the warthog.
218
00:10:45,272 --> 00:10:47,232
Hakuna matata!
219
00:10:48,276 --> 00:10:50,240
Aw, that was a brilliant party.
220
00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:53,264
You see, beti, you can always
rely on me.
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00:10:53,264 --> 00:10:56,244
I'll make sure you get what
you want.
222
00:10:56,244 --> 00:10:58,212
Thanks, Dad.
223
00:10:58,212 --> 00:10:59,252
That's OK.
224
00:11:00,264 --> 00:11:04,292
I know I don't always say this, but
you know you are very special to me
225
00:11:04,292 --> 00:11:07,284
and I love you very much.
226
00:11:09,220 --> 00:11:10,236
I know.
227
00:11:10,236 --> 00:11:13,220
And you're sure you don't
mind it's a smaller wedding
228
00:11:13,220 --> 00:11:14,268
than maybe you and Mum wanted?
229
00:11:14,268 --> 00:11:18,200
It's not a smaller wedding
than I wanted, sweetie.
230
00:11:20,216 --> 00:11:22,256
No wedding could be smaller
than I wanted.
231
00:11:25,212 --> 00:11:26,288
Couldn't you just try it on,
at least?
232
00:11:26,288 --> 00:11:29,236
No way.
Anyway, it's not Islamic.
233
00:11:29,236 --> 00:11:31,240
In what way?
It's too yellow.
234
00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:37,256
Is that a thing? Yeah.
Our religion's really strict.
235
00:11:37,256 --> 00:11:40,284
Is Mum OK? I get the feeling
she's a bit upset.
236
00:11:40,284 --> 00:11:43,220
Shazia, no-one knows your
mother better than me,
237
00:11:43,220 --> 00:11:45,244
and I'm telling you
she's absolutely fine.
238
00:11:49,296 --> 00:11:51,284
Sweetie, what are you doing?
239
00:11:51,284 --> 00:11:53,224
What does it look like I'm doing?
240
00:11:53,224 --> 00:11:54,280
I'm going to work. What?!
241
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:58,216
Mum, don't be ridiculous.
It's my wedding day.
242
00:11:58,216 --> 00:12:00,216
I know it's your wedding day,
Shazia!
243
00:12:00,216 --> 00:12:04,220
Everything about it is yours. It's
in your venue, with your friends,
244
00:12:04,220 --> 00:12:06,284
we're wearing your clothes
and your everything else.
245
00:12:06,284 --> 00:12:08,256
No-one cares what I think
246
00:12:08,256 --> 00:12:10,268
and the whole thing
has nothing to do with me.
247
00:12:10,268 --> 00:12:12,248
So I'm going to work.
248
00:12:14,220 --> 00:12:16,220
She'll be back in a minute.
249
00:12:16,220 --> 00:12:18,232
DOOR SLAMS
Maybe not.
250
00:12:19,256 --> 00:12:22,220
You said she was fine!
251
00:12:22,220 --> 00:12:24,252
I may have misjudged
the situation.
252
00:12:24,252 --> 00:12:27,232
Oh, my God! My mum's
not coming to my wedding.
253
00:12:27,232 --> 00:12:30,248
On the up side, that's one
less mini chicken leg.
254
00:12:31,272 --> 00:12:34,280
Idiot! I can't
get married without Mum there!
255
00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:36,292
Look, I'm sure it will all be
fine.
256
00:12:36,292 --> 00:12:39,232
Does this mean
I don't have to wear that?
257
00:12:39,232 --> 00:12:41,220
No!
258
00:12:41,220 --> 00:12:43,284
You just get your hair done
and get to the wedding.
259
00:12:43,284 --> 00:12:47,268
I'll bring your mother and make sure
everything is how you want it.
260
00:12:47,268 --> 00:12:49,220
You, come with me.
261
00:12:49,220 --> 00:12:51,232
And you,
put the horrible dress on!
262
00:12:59,272 --> 00:13:01,252
Ah!
263
00:13:01,252 --> 00:13:04,248
Hello, sweetie!
264
00:13:06,220 --> 00:13:08,224
What are you doing? My job.
265
00:13:08,224 --> 00:13:11,212
I've got to finish here and then
re-stock the frozen party food.
266
00:13:11,212 --> 00:13:12,292
I mean, why aren't you
coming to Shazia's wedding?
267
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:15,208
You know why.
Salaam alaikum, Mrs Khan.
268
00:13:15,208 --> 00:13:16,216
Are you coming, then?
269
00:13:16,216 --> 00:13:17,260
In a minute!
270
00:13:17,260 --> 00:13:19,248
It's only, we're getting late
and we need to...
271
00:13:19,248 --> 00:13:21,244
Give me a minute!
But, sir, we need to go to...
272
00:13:21,244 --> 00:13:23,240
Why don't you go and get the ice?
273
00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:25,236
I'll come and get you
when we're ready, huh?
274
00:13:29,272 --> 00:13:32,224
Sweetie!
The ceremony starts in an hour.
275
00:13:32,224 --> 00:13:34,272
Fine. Go.
276
00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:38,284
Go to our daughter's tiny wedding,
in the small function room,
277
00:13:38,284 --> 00:13:42,204
with the limited guest list
and only one chicken leg
278
00:13:42,204 --> 00:13:43,284
and half a samosa per person!
279
00:13:43,284 --> 00:13:46,296
You make that sound like a
bad thing.
280
00:13:46,296 --> 00:13:49,236
Oh, of course. That's it, isn't it?
281
00:13:49,236 --> 00:13:53,212
All you care about is money. No-one
is interested in my feelings.
282
00:13:53,212 --> 00:13:56,200
Don't be ridiculous, of course
I'm interested in your feelings.
283
00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:57,296
Are these on special offer?
284
00:13:57,296 --> 00:14:01,212
She wouldn't even wear
my grandmother's necklace.
285
00:14:01,212 --> 00:14:04,232
So let them have their small wedding.
But I don't have to be there.
286
00:14:04,232 --> 00:14:08,228
Fine. If you're not going,
then I won't go either.
287
00:14:08,228 --> 00:14:09,236
What?
288
00:14:09,236 --> 00:14:11,248
Well, you're my wife,
and I will stay here with you.
289
00:14:11,248 --> 00:14:13,208
We can both miss the
wedding together.
290
00:14:14,228 --> 00:14:15,232
OK.
291
00:14:16,244 --> 00:14:17,252
OK, what?
292
00:14:17,252 --> 00:14:19,220
OK, we'll both stay here.
293
00:14:19,220 --> 00:14:21,236
You can help me with the
frozen pasties.
294
00:14:21,236 --> 00:14:25,224
Are you crazy?! Frozen pasties!
295
00:14:25,224 --> 00:14:28,272
I'm not missing my own daughter's
wedding, even if it is only Shazia.
296
00:14:30,272 --> 00:14:32,284
Careful!
They're buy one, get one free.
297
00:14:32,284 --> 00:14:35,288
Well, Shazia's wedding is
a one-off special offer,
298
00:14:35,288 --> 00:14:37,252
today only, take it or leave it,
299
00:14:37,252 --> 00:14:40,244
never, ever to be repeated...
God willing.
300
00:14:44,204 --> 00:14:47,204
Sweetie, don't you remember
our wedding?
301
00:14:47,204 --> 00:14:49,284
We didn't have a big do, did we?
302
00:14:49,284 --> 00:14:52,296
Just you and me and my
cousin Mohsin
303
00:14:52,296 --> 00:14:54,260
and your friend Valerie.
304
00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:59,260
And Bert and Tina from the chip
shop, they were our witnesses.
305
00:15:01,244 --> 00:15:05,236
You looked so beautiful in your
wedding outfit/chip shop uniform.
306
00:15:07,212 --> 00:15:09,224
And I wore my best suit.
307
00:15:09,224 --> 00:15:12,224
Haan. It's worn well, hasn't it?
308
00:15:14,292 --> 00:15:18,244
Quality, you see?
Never goes out of fashion.
309
00:15:18,244 --> 00:15:20,252
It was a lovely day.
310
00:15:20,252 --> 00:15:22,204
It was a lovely day.
311
00:15:22,204 --> 00:15:25,200
And although there were only
six of us there,
312
00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:27,272
I was the happiest man in the world.
313
00:15:27,272 --> 00:15:30,276
And you know, maybe,
if they're lucky,
314
00:15:30,276 --> 00:15:33,240
Shazia and Amjad will be
as happy as we have been.
315
00:15:35,260 --> 00:15:37,284
Oh, my God!
What have I done?
316
00:15:37,284 --> 00:15:40,208
It's Shazia's wedding!
317
00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:44,212
Oh, hang on!
318
00:15:50,288 --> 00:15:53,252
Where are they? The guests
will start arriving in a minute.
319
00:15:53,252 --> 00:15:54,276
It will all be fine.
320
00:15:54,276 --> 00:15:56,272
Stop saying it'll be fine!
It won't be fine.
321
00:15:56,272 --> 00:15:59,216
My mum's not here. My dad's not
here. And Amjad's not here!
322
00:15:59,216 --> 00:16:00,224
They'll be here.
323
00:16:00,224 --> 00:16:01,296
But they're not here!
They should be here.
324
00:16:01,296 --> 00:16:03,244
Why aren't they here?! What?
325
00:16:03,244 --> 00:16:04,268
Say something helpful.
326
00:16:04,268 --> 00:16:08,208
If you kept the receipts, we can
return these minging dresses.
327
00:16:08,208 --> 00:16:11,256
How has this happened? I planned
everything, I did a timetable!
328
00:16:11,256 --> 00:16:14,264
Honestly, it will all be... fine.
329
00:16:14,264 --> 00:16:17,240
We'll have to cancel. Tell everyone
to come back next week.
330
00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:18,264
There's plenty of time.
331
00:16:18,264 --> 00:16:20,292
The imam's not even here
yet. The imam's here!
332
00:16:22,272 --> 00:16:23,292
Salaam alaikum.
333
00:16:23,292 --> 00:16:25,296
ALL: Walaikum assalam.
334
00:16:25,296 --> 00:16:27,248
How are we all today?
335
00:16:27,248 --> 00:16:29,248
This is the worst day of my life!
336
00:16:29,248 --> 00:16:30,292
She's a bit stressed.
337
00:16:30,292 --> 00:16:32,248
Well, of course.
This is only natural.
338
00:16:32,248 --> 00:16:34,204
I want to go home.
339
00:16:34,204 --> 00:16:37,248
Look, calm down, my dear, these things
always turn out all right in the end.
340
00:16:37,248 --> 00:16:42,220
And God, he won't mind if you get married
a little bit later than advertised.
341
00:16:42,220 --> 00:16:46,204
I, on the other hand, have got
another wedding upstairs at three,
342
00:16:46,204 --> 00:16:48,208
so if they haven't turned up by
then, I'm out of here.
343
00:16:48,208 --> 00:16:51,284
SHE CRIES
344
00:16:52,288 --> 00:16:56,240
Our little girl's getting
married! I'm so excited!
345
00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:59,240
Me too! You must
be excited too, Amjad.
346
00:17:00,264 --> 00:17:01,288
Amjad?
347
00:17:01,288 --> 00:17:03,220
The freezer!
348
00:17:03,220 --> 00:17:05,268
TYRES SCREECH
349
00:17:07,248 --> 00:17:09,268
Amjad!
350
00:17:09,268 --> 00:17:11,204
Quick, get him out of there!
351
00:17:11,204 --> 00:17:12,252
OK, OK!
352
00:17:12,252 --> 00:17:15,284
PHONE: Bismillah, no!
We will not let you go...
353
00:17:15,284 --> 00:17:18,284
Hello, Mr Khan speaking!
354
00:17:18,284 --> 00:17:20,252
Hello, sweetie.
355
00:17:20,252 --> 00:17:22,216
Yes, I've got your mother.
356
00:17:22,216 --> 00:17:24,216
We're on our way.
357
00:17:24,216 --> 00:17:25,288
It's Shazia.
358
00:17:26,288 --> 00:17:30,208
Oh, Amjad?
Oh, he's right here too.
359
00:17:36,296 --> 00:17:38,264
How is he?
360
00:17:42,232 --> 00:17:44,268
Oh, he's cool.
361
00:17:46,276 --> 00:17:48,252
I'm sorry, my dear.
362
00:17:48,252 --> 00:17:51,212
Please! They'll be here,
I know they will.
363
00:17:51,212 --> 00:17:52,280
But I really have to go.
364
00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:55,208
Just a few more minutes.
As a favour to my dad?
365
00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:56,288
He's a community leader,
they all know him.
366
00:17:56,288 --> 00:17:59,264
I don't.
You must. He's Mr Khan!
367
00:17:59,264 --> 00:18:02,232
Well, there are
a lot of Khans around.
368
00:18:02,232 --> 00:18:05,224
He's got the beard, the hat...
369
00:18:05,224 --> 00:18:07,292
drives a yellow Mercedes...
Oh, him!
370
00:18:07,292 --> 00:18:09,280
So you can give us a few
more minutes. No.
371
00:18:11,288 --> 00:18:13,224
But, Imam sir,
372
00:18:13,224 --> 00:18:17,200
I'm sure such a wise and honoured
man like you would want to help.
373
00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:20,224
And doesn't our religion teach
us that when it gets tough,
374
00:18:20,224 --> 00:18:21,280
we've got to fight some more?
375
00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:25,200
We've got to fight, fight,
fight for this love?
376
00:18:26,228 --> 00:18:27,308
I think that's Cheryl Cole.
377
00:18:29,208 --> 00:18:33,256
But fine, five more minutes,
then that's it.
378
00:18:33,256 --> 00:18:35,220
Thank you, Alia, thank you!
379
00:18:35,220 --> 00:18:37,220
That's all right, you're my
sister, innit?
380
00:18:43,264 --> 00:18:47,216
Look, there's
Mrs Malik in her stupid sari.
381
00:18:47,216 --> 00:18:48,232
Come on, hurry up!
382
00:18:48,232 --> 00:18:50,292
He needs a few more minutes
in front of the heater.
383
00:18:50,292 --> 00:18:53,204
His feet aren't thawed out yet!
384
00:18:55,224 --> 00:18:56,280
Come on!
385
00:18:58,240 --> 00:18:59,256
Hurry!
386
00:18:59,256 --> 00:19:01,240
I'm coming!
387
00:19:03,256 --> 00:19:05,212
Hurry, hurry!
388
00:19:09,272 --> 00:19:11,212
Come on!
389
00:19:11,212 --> 00:19:12,252
All right, all right!
390
00:19:12,252 --> 00:19:14,280
Oh, God, my flower!
391
00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:41,296
INAUDIBLE
392
00:19:48,264 --> 00:19:50,268
Beti! Mum!
393
00:19:50,268 --> 00:19:53,244
Beti! I'm so sorry!
394
00:19:55,264 --> 00:19:57,244
No, I'm sorry.
395
00:19:57,244 --> 00:20:00,252
It's your special day, not
mine, I was being selfish.
396
00:20:00,252 --> 00:20:03,204
No, I was being selfish.
397
00:20:03,204 --> 00:20:04,284
And look...
398
00:20:04,284 --> 00:20:07,212
Oh! It's beautiful.
399
00:20:07,212 --> 00:20:10,224
And you don't have to wear
that stupid hat.
400
00:20:10,224 --> 00:20:12,284
Oh, thank God!
401
00:20:17,268 --> 00:20:20,256
Come on, Amjad. Let's not
keep them waiting, eh?
402
00:20:20,256 --> 00:20:22,256
Here he is!
403
00:20:23,284 --> 00:20:26,264
Get in there. Right, we got groom.
404
00:20:26,264 --> 00:20:29,284
We got bride. We got bride's mother.
405
00:20:29,284 --> 00:20:33,240
Everything is tickety-boo.
Imam, do your thing.
406
00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:37,200
FEEDBACK Two, two. One,
two, one, two, hello.
407
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:39,256
Ladies and gentlemen,
we are gathered here today...
408
00:20:39,256 --> 00:20:41,288
Hold on. Now what?!
409
00:20:41,288 --> 00:20:43,232
That's not Amjad!
410
00:20:43,232 --> 00:20:45,200
GASPS
411
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,200
Of course it is Amjad,
what are you talking about?
412
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:49,212
She's right. It's not Amjad.
413
00:20:50,212 --> 00:20:52,240
It is Amjad!
414
00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:54,280
Look!
GASPS
415
00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:57,200
Oh, twadi. No, it isn't!
416
00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:58,256
Brilliant!
417
00:20:58,256 --> 00:21:01,240
You idiot, you got the wrong groom!
Heh!
418
00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:03,276
Well, let's not be hasty.
419
00:21:03,276 --> 00:21:05,276
What does your father do,
young man?
420
00:21:05,276 --> 00:21:08,276
And I thought this was going
to be really boring!
421
00:21:08,276 --> 00:21:10,272
Where's my Amjad? What have
you done with him?
422
00:21:10,272 --> 00:21:13,272
Why didn't you say
something? Well...
423
00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:14,292
AMJAD: Shazia!
424
00:21:16,204 --> 00:21:18,248
Shazia!
425
00:21:19,256 --> 00:21:20,292
Shazia!
426
00:21:24,208 --> 00:21:26,296
Oh, thank you for saving me, sir.
427
00:21:26,296 --> 00:21:32,200
Right, Amjad, the time has come for
you to take your place
428
00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:35,252
in the finest family in
Sparkhill - the Khans.
429
00:21:35,252 --> 00:21:37,276
That's us. OK.
430
00:21:37,276 --> 00:21:43,216
And I just want to say, I couldn't be
prouder to have you as a son-in-law.
431
00:21:43,216 --> 00:21:45,296
Aw, you're the best, Mr Khan.
Thank you, sir.
432
00:21:50,292 --> 00:21:52,256
Ameen.
433
00:21:52,256 --> 00:21:56,264
You know, I don't know why people
get so emotional at weddings.
434
00:21:56,264 --> 00:22:00,216
It's just two people getting
married. Happens every day.
435
00:22:00,216 --> 00:22:03,240
So, we've reached that part
of the ceremony
436
00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:07,296
where I ask Amjad and Shazia to
both give their consent to marry.
437
00:22:09,252 --> 00:22:13,240
Shazia Khan, do you accept Amjad
Malik as your husband?
438
00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:14,268
I accept.
439
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:20,212
Amjad Malik, do you accept
Shazia Khan as your wife?
440
00:22:21,220 --> 00:22:22,248
I accept.
441
00:22:22,248 --> 00:22:27,224
So, Shazia and Amjad have both
given their agreement to marry.
442
00:22:27,224 --> 00:22:29,252
Subhan Allah.
443
00:22:29,252 --> 00:22:32,244
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
444
00:22:54,264 --> 00:22:57,224
HE SOBS
445
00:22:58,296 --> 00:23:02,252
This is the happiest day of my life!
446
00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:13,204
Are you OK now? Yes.
447
00:23:13,204 --> 00:23:15,208
It all worked out
all right in the end.
448
00:23:15,208 --> 00:23:17,228
Yes, but it's not finished yet.
449
00:23:18,256 --> 00:23:21,296
Oh, yes, your speech.
I'd almost forgotten about it.
450
00:23:24,272 --> 00:23:26,248
FEEDBACK
451
00:23:26,248 --> 00:23:27,292
Two, two. One, two. Hello.
452
00:23:27,292 --> 00:23:31,248
Ladies and gentlemen, there's one more
person we are going to hear from -
453
00:23:31,248 --> 00:23:33,296
a man who needs no introduction,
454
00:23:33,296 --> 00:23:35,292
although he gave me one anyway.
455
00:23:35,292 --> 00:23:39,280
So, in a moment I'm going to call on
456
00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:42,220
the most respected,
457
00:23:42,220 --> 00:23:46,272
admired and loved community leader
in Sparkhill, Mr Khan,
458
00:23:46,272 --> 00:23:48,260
they all know him.
459
00:23:50,224 --> 00:23:52,268
HAWKS NOISILY
460
00:23:52,268 --> 00:23:55,224
But before I do,
a funny story for you.
461
00:23:55,224 --> 00:23:59,248
Now, a Muslim, a Christian and a
Hindu walk into a mosque.
462
00:23:59,248 --> 00:24:03,284
The Muslim comes up to the Christian
and he says, "Why the long face...?"
463
00:24:30,228 --> 00:24:32,280
Don't they both look lovely?
464
00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:34,200
They do.
465
00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:36,224
Well done. What for?
466
00:24:36,224 --> 00:24:37,228
Everything.
467
00:24:37,228 --> 00:24:41,208
Oh, did you sort out
the wedding car?
468
00:24:41,208 --> 00:24:42,216
Yes...
469
00:24:48,292 --> 00:24:51,204
Here you go.
470
00:24:51,204 --> 00:24:53,204
Ah, thank you, sweetie.
471
00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:56,296
It was a nice wedding,
wasn't it? Haan.
472
00:24:56,296 --> 00:24:58,240
What was your favourite bit?
473
00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:00,212
When Naani went home early.
474
00:25:01,252 --> 00:25:03,228
No, seriously!
475
00:25:03,228 --> 00:25:05,272
When the Maliks went home early.
476
00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:08,240
No.
477
00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:10,284
When Amjad danced with Shazia.
478
00:25:10,284 --> 00:25:13,240
She looked so happy.
479
00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:17,260
It reminded me of the beautiful young
girl I danced with at my wedding.
480
00:25:17,260 --> 00:25:18,292
You do mean me?
481
00:25:20,296 --> 00:25:22,228
Of course!
482
00:25:22,228 --> 00:25:24,220
That's all right, then.
483
00:25:24,220 --> 00:25:26,252
Are you happy, my darling?
484
00:25:26,252 --> 00:25:28,264
Haan. I was just being silly.
485
00:25:28,264 --> 00:25:33,264
Or maybe, secretly, deep down, you
were just a bit frightened...
486
00:25:33,264 --> 00:25:35,240
of losing Shazia.
487
00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:36,248
Maybe.
488
00:25:36,248 --> 00:25:40,220
Frightened that the house would
feel all empty without her.
489
00:25:40,220 --> 00:25:44,240
That you wouldn't see her any more
and she would forget about us?
490
00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:48,276
But you're not afraid any
more, no? Nahin.
491
00:25:48,276 --> 00:25:51,232
Because she'll always be our
little girl.
492
00:25:51,232 --> 00:25:52,288
Haan.
493
00:25:52,288 --> 00:25:55,296
And because you forgot to book the
airline tickets for their honeymoon.
494
00:26:00,276 --> 00:26:01,284
Shall we leave them?
495
00:26:01,284 --> 00:26:03,264
Why?
496
00:26:03,264 --> 00:26:06,252
Remember what we got up to
on our wedding night?
497
00:26:08,228 --> 00:26:10,204
Oh, yes!
498
00:26:14,228 --> 00:26:15,264
Here...
499
00:26:20,204 --> 00:26:21,564
...and don't stay up too late, eh?
500
00:26:21,614 --> 00:26:26,164
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Afrikaans
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