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1
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~ Are you working here?
~ Yes. I work for a US advertising firm...
2
00:00:03,300 --> 00:00:05,150
.. and I'm opening a London office.
3
00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:08,930
~ This is Fran. She's an old pal.
~ Great to meet you!
4
00:00:08,980 --> 00:00:12,980
My guru Allan, he cured himself of prostate
cancer last year with walnuts.
5
00:00:13,740 --> 00:00:16,050
What did he do - jam
them up his asshole?
6
00:00:16,100 --> 00:00:20,100
~ I think you should leave!
~ I have cancer.
7
00:00:20,940 --> 00:00:22,890
Hey.
8
00:00:22,940 --> 00:00:24,730
Hey, are you awake?
9
00:00:24,780 --> 00:00:26,370
Uh-uh.
10
00:00:26,420 --> 00:00:28,730
~ Can I talk to you?
~ OK.
11
00:00:28,780 --> 00:00:30,330
Can you open your eyes?
12
00:00:30,380 --> 00:00:34,050
Listen, I know it's hard when you
can't sleep, but I was asleep
13
00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:36,810
and don't you think it's
good if one of us sleeps?
14
00:00:36,860 --> 00:00:39,370
No, I think it's good if
you make me feel better
15
00:00:39,420 --> 00:00:43,420
~ and then both of us sleep.
~ I don't agree, but OK.
16
00:00:45,660 --> 00:00:48,770
I keep getting very horny and very
depressed at the exact same moment.
17
00:00:48,820 --> 00:00:51,090
~ It's awful.
~ It just sounds like hormones.
18
00:00:51,140 --> 00:00:53,090
What if something
happens to the baby?
19
00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:54,970
Nothing is going to
happen to the baby.
20
00:00:55,020 --> 00:00:58,090
What if he has a weird-shaped head?
What if he needs a special helmet?
21
00:00:58,140 --> 00:01:00,410
You should be thankful
they even do helmets now.
22
00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:02,810
In the old days, if your baby
had a weird-shaped head,
23
00:01:02,860 --> 00:01:05,250
he just grew into a man
with a weird-shaped head.
24
00:01:05,300 --> 00:01:08,370
~ What if you die?
~ I had a full check-up before I came over here.
25
00:01:08,420 --> 00:01:10,330
Do you have life insurance?
26
00:01:10,380 --> 00:01:13,210
No, but I'll get some. We'll
get you life insurance too.
27
00:01:13,260 --> 00:01:16,330
OK.
28
00:01:16,380 --> 00:01:17,970
Not too big a policy for me, though.
29
00:01:18,020 --> 00:01:19,930
I don't want you to murder
me to get the money.
30
00:01:19,980 --> 00:01:21,290
I'm not going to murder you.
31
00:01:21,340 --> 00:01:23,610
When women get murdered,
it's like 85% of the time,
32
00:01:23,660 --> 00:01:26,170
their husband did it. They'd
totally know it was me.
33
00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:28,730
Even if I wanted to kill
you, I wouldn't kill you.
34
00:01:28,780 --> 00:01:32,780
~ Or have you killed.
~ I won't kill you either. ~ Thanks, honey.
35
00:01:33,540 --> 00:01:36,450
I keep getting this recurring
vision that I'm in a restaurant
36
00:01:36,500 --> 00:01:38,970
and I have to go to the loo
but I take a wrong turn
37
00:01:39,020 --> 00:01:41,290
and walk into the kitchen
where an Italian chef
38
00:01:41,340 --> 00:01:43,850
is talking and gesticulating
and the knife he's holding
39
00:01:43,900 --> 00:01:45,690
stabs me in the baby.
40
00:01:45,740 --> 00:01:48,850
~ Y'know, because Italian people
talk with their hands. ~ Anything else?
41
00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:51,090
Yes! The world is a toilet.
42
00:01:51,140 --> 00:01:54,290
We might not kill each other, but
that doesn't mean terrorists won't.
43
00:01:54,340 --> 00:01:56,970
Whether your government won't
start another war tomorrow
44
00:01:57,020 --> 00:01:58,690
just fucking because.
45
00:01:58,740 --> 00:02:02,010
You can't worry about
everything. There's too much -
46
00:02:02,060 --> 00:02:05,290
~ there's Ebola, global warming...
~ I'm worrying about all that too.
47
00:02:05,340 --> 00:02:07,170
We'll be fine.
48
00:02:07,220 --> 00:02:11,220
But you know who global warming
WILL kill in our lifetime?
49
00:02:11,500 --> 00:02:14,570
Bangladeshis. Just millions
of Bangladeshis.
50
00:02:14,620 --> 00:02:16,530
And who gives a shit about them?
51
00:02:16,580 --> 00:02:19,890
Why can't there be like a air-borne
gout that just kills rich people?
52
00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:22,810
I'd like to wake up to news
that Monaco had been wiped out
53
00:02:22,860 --> 00:02:24,730
by an avalanche of
poorly built palaces.
54
00:02:24,780 --> 00:02:26,490
We're getting a little off...
55
00:02:26,540 --> 00:02:28,690
Do you know what percentage
of greenhouse gases
56
00:02:28,740 --> 00:02:30,210
~ Bangladesh produces?
~ No.
57
00:02:30,260 --> 00:02:33,370
Roughly zero. But Bangladesh
is being eaten by the ocean
58
00:02:33,420 --> 00:02:35,970
while we drive Range Rovers
to the mall to buy underpants
59
00:02:36,020 --> 00:02:38,570
that were stitched by a
seven-year-old, who literally,
60
00:02:38,620 --> 00:02:40,730
in 2015, is an indentured servant.
61
00:02:40,780 --> 00:02:44,130
Let's just say slaves, because
their life is shit, in a ditch.
62
00:02:44,180 --> 00:02:46,410
It's not even shit in a toilet.
63
00:02:46,460 --> 00:02:49,170
Well, it won't get fixed by some
whining idiot lying in bed
64
00:02:49,220 --> 00:02:53,220
lecturing a pregnant woman, will it?
65
00:02:53,500 --> 00:02:57,500
Night-night.
66
00:02:57,900 --> 00:03:00,010
Yeah, sleep tight, asshole.
67
00:03:00,060 --> 00:03:04,060
SHE LAUGHS
68
00:03:08,100 --> 00:03:11,330
~ 'Hello, Rob?'
~ Hey, Tony. How you doing?
69
00:03:11,380 --> 00:03:13,810
OK. How's things in London town?
70
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:16,770
Really great. Really working out.
Are Greg and Mark joining us?
71
00:03:16,820 --> 00:03:20,820
I'm here! Had to sneak off for
a call with the Crocs guys.
72
00:03:20,940 --> 00:03:24,250
Sounds to me like they're having
trouble maintaining in Europe.
73
00:03:24,300 --> 00:03:27,090
I'm like, maybe that's
because European people
74
00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:31,130
aren't exclusively fat idiots who
wear Day-Glo rubber clogs, you know?
75
00:03:31,180 --> 00:03:33,290
~ They have fat idiots here.
~ Less though, right?
76
00:03:33,340 --> 00:03:36,010
~ Yeah, in general.
~ Rob, bit of an echo there.
77
00:03:36,060 --> 00:03:38,490
Could you move a little closer
to the speakerphone?
78
00:03:38,540 --> 00:03:42,290
Oh, yeah, sorry.
79
00:03:42,340 --> 00:03:44,290
Is Greg gonna join us?
80
00:03:44,340 --> 00:03:48,340
~ No, he isn't. Listen.
Rob, are you sitting down? ~ Yes.
81
00:03:49,140 --> 00:03:51,530
Greg had a stroke Friday night.
82
00:03:51,580 --> 00:03:54,130
It was a bad one and he's in a coma.
83
00:03:54,180 --> 00:03:56,290
Oh, my God! Is Ellen OK?
84
00:03:56,340 --> 00:03:58,410
Not really. It's pretty fucked up.
85
00:03:58,460 --> 00:04:00,090
~ Christ!
~ Just so awful.
86
00:04:00,140 --> 00:04:03,370
Listen, I hate to switch gears so
abruptly but could we get an update
87
00:04:03,420 --> 00:04:05,410
on what's shaking out over there?
88
00:04:05,460 --> 00:04:08,610
It'd be great to get a clearer
idea of what you've been doing.
89
00:04:08,660 --> 00:04:11,770
~ You're making inroads?
~ Oh, yeah, inroads, a lot.
90
00:04:11,820 --> 00:04:13,410
I mean, there's Jeff's Cola,
91
00:04:13,460 --> 00:04:16,810
which it looks like the
supermarket chain Lidl
92
00:04:16,860 --> 00:04:20,730
are very keen to get behind.
93
00:04:20,780 --> 00:04:24,780
So that's Jeff's.
94
00:04:27,420 --> 00:04:30,050
Um... I'm just opening a spreadsheet.
95
00:04:30,100 --> 00:04:34,100
Last week, I met with...
96
00:04:35,340 --> 00:04:36,970
Hanley's.
97
00:04:37,020 --> 00:04:41,020
They make pants for women
who cook a lot. Chef women.
98
00:04:42,540 --> 00:04:44,170
They make women's chef's pants.
99
00:04:44,220 --> 00:04:46,770
Huh. So what kind of budget they got?
100
00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:50,820
It's such a great product that,
really, the sky's the limit.
101
00:04:54,580 --> 00:04:56,450
Man, Greg...
102
00:04:56,500 --> 00:04:58,210
Yeah. Just awful.
103
00:04:58,260 --> 00:05:01,090
Let's circle back next week. I
know Greg hated conference calls.
104
00:05:01,140 --> 00:05:03,330
Just want to make sure
you don't forget about us
105
00:05:03,380 --> 00:05:04,610
and become a Beefsweeper.
106
00:05:04,660 --> 00:05:06,970
You mean a Beefeater?
107
00:05:07,020 --> 00:05:08,610
Take it easy, buddy.
108
00:05:08,660 --> 00:05:12,660
~ OK, thanks. Bye.
~ Yeah, bye.
109
00:05:13,660 --> 00:05:15,290
How was your conference call?
110
00:05:15,340 --> 00:05:18,130
It was tough. One of the
partners had a stroke.
111
00:05:18,180 --> 00:05:20,170
And they still made him do the call?
112
00:05:20,220 --> 00:05:22,890
Good one. Good stroke joke.
113
00:05:22,940 --> 00:05:25,730
I still have a job, which
is a minor miracle.
114
00:05:25,780 --> 00:05:28,570
They sort of implied that I had
to up my game if I wanted them
115
00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:31,370
to keep funding my
London office, though.
116
00:05:31,420 --> 00:05:33,010
Don't you own part of the company?
117
00:05:33,060 --> 00:05:35,370
That's what you told me the
first night you met me.
118
00:05:35,420 --> 00:05:37,570
Unless you were lying,
to get in my knickers.
119
00:05:37,620 --> 00:05:40,970
I own two and half percent
of it. So, not lying.
120
00:05:41,020 --> 00:05:44,970
And I seem to recall you
saying you had a PhD.
121
00:05:45,020 --> 00:05:47,010
I almost had half of one.
122
00:05:47,060 --> 00:05:51,060
And that you were a published writer.
123
00:05:51,780 --> 00:05:55,690
Anyway, up your game, like the
guy said. Smarten up your act.
124
00:05:55,740 --> 00:05:59,610
Maybe buy a suit with normal length
arms. You're in London now.
125
00:05:59,660 --> 00:06:01,890
Do you think Clive
Owen would wear that?
126
00:06:01,940 --> 00:06:05,290
Well, I don't know. Would
Kate Winslet wear
127
00:06:05,340 --> 00:06:09,340
a boy's yellow tweed...
fucking smoking jacket?
128
00:06:09,460 --> 00:06:13,460
I mean, what is THAT?
129
00:06:23,420 --> 00:06:25,610
You see the one on the mannequin?
130
00:06:25,660 --> 00:06:29,660
~ That little one like that.
~ Yes. ~ It doesn't match with that tie thing.
131
00:06:31,940 --> 00:06:35,650
Why do they not have any
grey? What is wrong...?
132
00:06:35,700 --> 00:06:38,410
See, I think it's a neutral palette.
133
00:06:38,460 --> 00:06:40,770
Whoa! I'm sorry.
134
00:06:40,820 --> 00:06:42,810
Well, fuck me.
135
00:06:42,860 --> 00:06:45,650
Hey, Chris! Look, I'll
just step out...
136
00:06:45,700 --> 00:06:48,330
Don't be daft. Fran's out there.
137
00:06:48,380 --> 00:06:50,770
I know. That's why I ran in here.
138
00:06:50,820 --> 00:06:54,170
Ha! You're scared of
my sweet little bride?
139
00:06:54,220 --> 00:06:57,930
~ No, I just...
~ There's no shame in it.
140
00:06:57,980 --> 00:07:01,410
Well, for you.
141
00:07:01,460 --> 00:07:04,650
So... how're things treating you?
142
00:07:04,700 --> 00:07:06,490
You settling in OK?
143
00:07:06,540 --> 00:07:10,210
Yeah. Work is tough and
I don't know anybody,
144
00:07:10,260 --> 00:07:12,570
except for Sharon and
this one guy, Dave.
145
00:07:12,620 --> 00:07:16,610
We should go for a drink
sometime. Catch a movie.
146
00:07:16,660 --> 00:07:19,330
I don't want you to be lonely.
147
00:07:19,380 --> 00:07:22,250
Oh. OK, sure.
148
00:07:22,300 --> 00:07:25,010
What about Fran...? Would
Fran be OK with that?
149
00:07:25,060 --> 00:07:26,410
No. She can't stand you.
150
00:07:26,460 --> 00:07:28,970
She hasn't been able to enjoy
an episode of Mad Men
151
00:07:29,020 --> 00:07:31,690
since that night, because
you remind her of Harry.
152
00:07:31,740 --> 00:07:34,290
Harry? Are you sure she said
Harry? Didn't she mean...?
153
00:07:34,340 --> 00:07:37,090
KNOCK AT DOOR How are
those trousers, love?
154
00:07:37,140 --> 00:07:40,170
Yeah, they're a little
bit short, sweetheart.
155
00:07:40,220 --> 00:07:44,220
~ Would you mind grabbing me one size up?
~ OK. ~ Thanks.
156
00:07:47,340 --> 00:07:50,450
Call me. Not a word to the wives.
157
00:07:50,500 --> 00:07:51,890
Oh, shit, no.
158
00:07:51,940 --> 00:07:54,810
Take a left out of here, two
rights, you'll be in Lingerie.
159
00:07:54,860 --> 00:07:58,860
You'll be safe there. Go now. Go.
160
00:08:19,460 --> 00:08:21,730
~ Get out of here!
~ YOU get out of here!
161
00:08:21,780 --> 00:08:25,170
I don't believe it. How are you?
162
00:08:25,220 --> 00:08:27,730
I'm great, thanks. How are you?
163
00:08:27,780 --> 00:08:31,780
Fine. I mean, I'm in shock
right now, but I'm good.
164
00:08:32,540 --> 00:08:35,770
~ What are you doing in my bookstore?
~ You bought Archer's?
165
00:08:35,820 --> 00:08:39,250
No!
166
00:08:39,300 --> 00:08:41,850
This is nuts. What's new with you?
167
00:08:41,900 --> 00:08:43,890
~ You still doing your PHD?
~ No.
168
00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:47,170
Nothing's new with me.
What's new with you?
169
00:08:47,220 --> 00:08:51,220
A lot. Yeah. I mean,
four years. A lot can...
170
00:08:51,620 --> 00:08:54,170
Listen, I'm late to meet
a person for lunch...
171
00:08:54,220 --> 00:08:56,450
You're having lunch with a person?
172
00:08:56,500 --> 00:08:59,450
Yeah, but would you let me buy
you a cup of coffee sometime?
173
00:08:59,500 --> 00:09:01,610
I don't drink coffee any more.
174
00:09:01,660 --> 00:09:04,090
OK. Maybe we could
get something to eat.
175
00:09:04,140 --> 00:09:05,690
Do you eat food any more?
176
00:09:05,740 --> 00:09:08,050
All the time. Every meal.
177
00:09:08,100 --> 00:09:10,610
~ Well, great. Then we can really catch up.
~ Yeah.
178
00:09:10,660 --> 00:09:12,930
~ I'll call you tomorrow.
~ OK. ~ OK!
179
00:09:12,980 --> 00:09:15,770
Great!
180
00:09:15,820 --> 00:09:19,820
~ Oh!
~ Ah.
181
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:24,060
~ Yeah.
~ OK, then. Bye.
182
00:09:24,260 --> 00:09:28,260
Shit!
183
00:09:34,020 --> 00:09:37,450
Sharon!
184
00:09:37,500 --> 00:09:40,170
Fran. Hi! I didn't... How are you?
185
00:09:40,220 --> 00:09:44,220
~ Very well, thank you.
~ Haven't seen you since the...
186
00:09:44,580 --> 00:09:48,290
~ Oh, well, water under the bridge now.
~ Is it? ~ It is.
187
00:09:48,340 --> 00:09:52,340
~ Oh! Well, you look great with the...
~ I hope I do!
188
00:09:52,460 --> 00:09:54,650
I just spent a minor fortune
189
00:09:54,700 --> 00:09:57,970
on a three-week rejuvenation
retreat in Turks and Caicos.
190
00:09:58,020 --> 00:10:00,010
~ Really?
~ How're things with you?
191
00:10:00,060 --> 00:10:02,690
Oh, fine. Still riddled
with pre-cancer,
192
00:10:02,740 --> 00:10:05,570
but the doctors says I'm probably
going to blow it all out
193
00:10:05,620 --> 00:10:08,730
during the trauma of
childbirth, so that's...
194
00:10:08,780 --> 00:10:11,410
~ That's a turn-up for the books.
~ Yeah.
195
00:10:11,460 --> 00:10:14,570
~ How's little Jeffrey?
~ Jeffrey! Jeffrey's wonderful.
196
00:10:14,620 --> 00:10:16,890
He's started a new series for ITV1.
197
00:10:16,940 --> 00:10:20,370
It's an adaptation of the
Knights of Dorian books.
198
00:10:20,420 --> 00:10:22,410
~ Oh, God.
~ Sorry?
199
00:10:22,460 --> 00:10:25,090
Oh, sorry, no, I'm... That's great.
200
00:10:25,140 --> 00:10:28,890
I just hate those books. They're
so shit, aren't they?
201
00:10:28,940 --> 00:10:32,940
No. No, I do not think they are shit.
202
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:37,500
I'm not saying the series will
be shit. It's just the books.
203
00:10:40,220 --> 00:10:44,220
~ And Chris, how's he?
~ Chris is great.
204
00:10:46,500 --> 00:10:48,530
~ I just bumped into Fran.
~ Really?
205
00:10:48,580 --> 00:10:50,410
Yeah. Did you not see her?
206
00:10:50,460 --> 00:10:52,130
No. Wow.
207
00:10:52,180 --> 00:10:54,210
~ Did you get your new image?
~ I did.
208
00:10:54,260 --> 00:10:56,650
~ Did you get your book?
~ Yip.
209
00:10:56,700 --> 00:10:59,700
~ Shall we skedaddle?
~ Yeah.
210
00:11:11,560 --> 00:11:15,560
Ugh!
211
00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:19,310
Wizards of fucking yore!
212
00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:22,350
DOOR OPENS
213
00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:26,400
~ Hey!
~ Hi. ~ Hi.
214
00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:28,550
You OK?
215
00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:31,110
Yeah. I just heard a lot
of "No, thank yous" today.
216
00:11:31,160 --> 00:11:33,870
But they were so polite that
you think you're hearing yeses
217
00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:36,470
until you replay it in your
mind. And you know what?
218
00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:40,520
It's fucking rude to be that polite.
219
00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:42,670
Do you want a tea?
220
00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:44,950
Yeah, sure. How was school?
221
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:48,590
I kept getting that weird feeling,
like I might cry or come.
222
00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:51,110
I had to go to the bathroom
and have a... you know...
223
00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:55,160
have a wank. By myself. It was
awful. I mean, it was horrible.
224
00:11:55,280 --> 00:11:56,710
Do you want to talk about it?
225
00:11:56,760 --> 00:12:00,230
I don't know. I can't work out
if it's hormonal or mental.
226
00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:02,630
No, I mean do you want to
tell me how you masturbated?
227
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:04,230
Did you use both hands?
228
00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:07,590
Are you 14?!
229
00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:09,350
Do you still have that feeling?
230
00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:11,470
Yeah, a bit. It's always there a bit.
231
00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:14,150
Well, the good news is, right
before I came into the flat,
232
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:16,910
this woman was bending over,
picking up her garbage cans
233
00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:19,270
and I saw both her
complete full breasts,
234
00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:22,030
so if you hadn't been home,
I was gonna have to jerk off,
235
00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:24,550
~ but since you are...
~ You know what? It's passed.
236
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:28,600
PHONE RINGS
237
00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:31,190
~ It's Dave. That prick.
~ Ugh.
238
00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:33,990
I'm just gonna...
239
00:12:34,040 --> 00:12:37,710
Sure. Johnny One-mate.
240
00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:39,230
Yeah, I don't envy you,
241
00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:42,030
having to build a book of
business in a new country.
242
00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:43,430
It's a nightmare.
243
00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:47,030
Why don't you use this as an
opportunity to start over?
244
00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:49,350
Fuck advertising. It's for bawbags.
245
00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:52,870
What do you really want to
do? What's your passion?
246
00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:56,920
~ I don't know that I...
~ Come on - dream job.
247
00:12:57,360 --> 00:13:00,190
I love big animals.
248
00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:02,110
Big-animal lover? What does that pay?
249
00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:04,950
No, I mean I wanted to be a large
animal vet when I was younger.
250
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:06,830
I started school to do that.
251
00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:09,550
But then my cousin Brian started
working at an ad company
252
00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:12,830
and pretty soon he had a Ferrari
and was dating a figure skater.
253
00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:16,230
Listen, do it. Be a large
animal vet. Go for it.
254
00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:20,280
~ Yeah?
~ Absolutely. Seize the day.
255
00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:23,830
Right. What we seeing?
256
00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:27,510
So I got us tickets for The
Emancipation of Flyburton Crisp.
257
00:13:27,560 --> 00:13:29,910
~ What?
~ The new Wes Anderson.
258
00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:33,030
~ No.
~ No?
259
00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:35,830
~ Just no?
~ Just no. What else?
260
00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:39,470
Well, we could see that Adam Sandler
movie. It starts at 8.10.
261
00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:43,520
Let's go.
262
00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:21,200
And a pack of Biros.
263
00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:25,640
KEYBOARD CLICKS
264
00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:40,110
Sorry. Excuse me.
265
00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:43,990
~ Yes?
~ Can you keep it down on the keyboard? ~ Sorry?
266
00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:47,430
It's just you're banging away there.
Like, bash, bash, bash, bash!
267
00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:51,480
Like you're self-harming your fingers.
I can't hear myself think.
268
00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:55,720
Jesus!
269
00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:12,800
Hey, can I ask you something?
270
00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:16,430
Would it really matter if I couldn't
make the business work here?
271
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:18,630
~ Yes.
~ Well, hang on.
272
00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:21,150
And instead I went back
and finished my degree,
273
00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:24,550
got into veterinary school and then
hopefully in a couple of years
274
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:27,550
got a junior position,
you know, at a zoo?
275
00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:29,790
~ Yeah.
~ Yeah what?
276
00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:32,950
Yeah, it would matter.
277
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:36,190
Oh. OK. Well, I guess it's back
to women's chefs' pants tomorrow.
278
00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:37,910
Aw, poor you.
279
00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:39,630
Are you realising how shit it is
280
00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:41,830
being an adult with responsibilities?
281
00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:43,950
All your dreams just...
282
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:45,710
"Oh, no, my dreams!"
283
00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:48,270
You know, you say a lot of
shit to me and I let you
284
00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:49,830
because you're pregnant,
285
00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:52,310
but just so you know, after
you have that baby,
286
00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:54,310
I'm going be a fucking
asshole to you.
287
00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:57,550
Thanks for the heads-up.
288
00:15:57,600 --> 00:16:00,190
Dave wants to take me to the
launch of a new restaurant
289
00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:03,270
~ his friend is opening.
~ When?
290
00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:05,230
Tomorrow night.
291
00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:09,280
Tomorrow night? Sure.
292
00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:29,830
Hey!
293
00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:33,750
~ You look great!
~ So do you.
294
00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:35,550
You haven't aged.
295
00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:37,350
What, since Saturday?
296
00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:40,270
Well, no, since we... You know.
297
00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:41,710
It's horrible!
298
00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:45,760
You look the same and now I'm just
this middle-aged-looking... person.
299
00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:50,640
HE LAUGHS
300
00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:55,790
Can I...? Where's the loo?
301
00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:59,840
Um... it's, I think...
302
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:08,150
If you'd told me that I'd be sitting
opposite you, having a friendly...
303
00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:10,070
I know! It's good, though.
304
00:17:10,120 --> 00:17:13,990
Yeah, I mean when you dumped
me, I was like... oh!
305
00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:17,910
~ Oh!
~ But then you realised your mistake and wanted to get back,
306
00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:20,910
but I was already with...
307
00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:22,630
I think I was drunk.
308
00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:25,070
Drunk for three months?
309
00:17:25,120 --> 00:17:26,350
Ha!
310
00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:29,710
But it's so great to see
you. What's going on?
311
00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:32,550
Just... all sorts.
312
00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:34,030
Nothing.
313
00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:35,830
It's complicated. You?
314
00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:37,750
Well, I'm still with Gina.
315
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:41,270
SHE CHOKES
316
00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:45,320
~ Really?
~ Yeah, she's pregnant, actually.
317
00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:47,230
I'm pregnant too.
318
00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:50,750
Really? Wow!
319
00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:53,670
~ You didn't say.
~ Well, I just... I forgot.
320
00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:57,030
I'm pregnant. Four months,
by my fiance, Rob.
321
00:17:57,080 --> 00:18:00,190
He's a successful American.
Six foot four.
322
00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:01,990
And you're still drinking?
323
00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:06,040
It's fine. The new thing
is it's OK to drink. A bit.
324
00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:08,910
French women do it, and look at them.
325
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:11,870
Gina said she read that
even a sip of alcohol
326
00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:13,830
could be potentially harmful.
327
00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:17,880
Gina obviously doesn't know
the pregnant wine score.
328
00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:22,590
I can't believe you're
still with Gina Randolph!
329
00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:25,310
I mean, no-one thought
that would last.
330
00:18:25,360 --> 00:18:27,990
She was always just so much more...
331
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:32,040
just everything than you -
successful. Just... better.
332
00:18:33,120 --> 00:18:35,910
Well, I'll take that as a compliment.
333
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:37,710
Are you sure you're still with her?
334
00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:40,950
Yeah, we're solid.
335
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:43,590
She's due in February - same
month her new book's out.
336
00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:45,590
Is it another of the...?
337
00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:48,030
~ Knights of Dorian, yeah.
~ The ones for kids?
338
00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:52,080
For young adults.
339
00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:55,950
~ I still write.
~ Well, good.
340
00:18:56,000 --> 00:19:00,000
You were always funny.
341
00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:09,630
Argh!
342
00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:11,190
I had a really good time tonight.
343
00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:13,750
You don't say that to a man,
unless you want to kiss him.
344
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:15,630
Do you want to kiss me now?
345
00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:19,550
~ No, I do not.
~ Great. I'm off.
346
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:21,550
Hey, man, can I ask you a question?
347
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:24,990
When Fran was pregnant,
did she ever sort of...
348
00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:29,040
rocket between being really
horny and really sad?
349
00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:32,950
No, Fran would get horny
and hungry at the same time.
350
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,590
One night she made me fuck
her in her parents' kitchen,
351
00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:37,190
and I'm not shitting you here,
352
00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:40,990
she finished off a plate of
stew while I was inside her.
353
00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:44,350
Wow!
354
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:47,710
~ Game of squash next week?
~ Sure.
355
00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:49,710
Wear those little shorts I like.
356
00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:53,760
MUSIC: Don't You (Forget
About Me) by Simple Minds
357
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:01,510
You HAVE aged.
358
00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:03,150
Badly.
359
00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:05,990
DOOR OPENS
360
00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:07,790
You OK?
361
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,310
What's up?
362
00:20:09,360 --> 00:20:13,150
What have I done with my
life? What have I achieved?
363
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:14,550
You've achieved plenty.
364
00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:17,150
~ Why am even I asking
you? You barely know me. ~ Well...
365
00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:18,550
I haven't achieved shit.
366
00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:21,430
And now I'm going to be a mother,
it'll be even less than shit.
367
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:25,480
It'll be minus shit. My
son will be embarrassed.
368
00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:27,950
What's that?
369
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:30,830
It's just... It's just writing.
370
00:20:30,880 --> 00:20:32,910
I used to write.
371
00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:35,030
I had a letter published
in The Times once.
372
00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:37,870
Then someone wrote a letter about
my letter the next week -
373
00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:41,190
~ it was that good.
~ That's great, honey.
374
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:45,240
~ May I take a look?
~ No. ~ Come on.
375
00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:47,470
Get off! No, get off!
376
00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:51,520
Just get...!
377
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:55,390
You're really funny. This is good.
378
00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:58,110
Not as good as Gina "Elf
Fucker" Randolph, though.
379
00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:01,310
The Knights of Dorian lady?
Who gives a shit about her?
380
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:03,430
Just a few million zitty teenagers.
381
00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:05,710
What about all the zitty
teenagers who love you?
382
00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:08,390
What about the letters on the
fridge from your students?
383
00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:10,110
They're insane about you.
384
00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:12,830
I almost cried reading some of these.
385
00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:16,150
When you go to work and you prod
some snot-faced little kid
386
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:19,310
into using his imagination
or show them he can use a book
387
00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:21,510
to escape his shitty
life instead of meth,
388
00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:23,870
that's massive.
389
00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:26,150
We don't really have meth here.
390
00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:28,990
You will one day and your
students won't do it,
391
00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:32,990
because you inspired them to become
archaeologists or brain surgeons.
392
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:35,630
Well, not that one. I mean,
he's a nice lad, but...
393
00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:37,990
I won't go into it.
394
00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:40,790
You're so nice to me.
395
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:44,840
And I was so mean about
your zookeeper dream.
396
00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:47,870
I went to dinner with
my ex-boyfriend tonight.
397
00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:48,910
Oh.
398
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:50,950
Why? Do you still like him?
399
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:55,000
No. He's awful. I wanted him
to still like me, though.
400
00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:57,350
Isn't that sad?
401
00:21:57,400 --> 00:22:01,400
No, I get it. I have
a Facebook account.
402
00:22:02,360 --> 00:22:06,350
Listen, I was with Chris
tonight. Not Dave.
403
00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:09,310
I've been on two dates
with him. I'm sorry.
404
00:22:09,360 --> 00:22:11,990
We kept it secret cos he didn't
want Fran to find out.
405
00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:14,590
Like I'm gonna leap on the
phone and call that cow?!
406
00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:17,190
I'm glad I was mean to
you about your zoo dream.
407
00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:19,270
You're an idiot.
408
00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:23,320
You're right.
409
00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:27,590
Do you feel that?
410
00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:29,030
Is he kicking?
411
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:32,310
No, he just did a little fart.
412
00:22:32,360 --> 00:22:34,510
You can feel that?
413
00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:35,870
Eugh!
414
00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:37,470
Sorry. It was the baby!
415
00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:39,350
No, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.
416
00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:42,510
I'm sorry!
417
00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:44,550
What if there's a 9/11 at my school?
418
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:46,550
Why would there be
a 9/11 at your school?
419
00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:48,750
I don't know. Will
you have sex with me?
420
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:51,310
~ Well, why don't we just...?
~ No, I want to. I need it.
421
00:22:51,360 --> 00:22:54,110
~ But you're crying.
~ It's fine.
422
00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:56,270
I don't want to have
sex with a crying woman.
423
00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:57,790
Really?
424
00:22:57,840 --> 00:23:01,840
No, I'll do it, but get it together.
425
00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:04,510
What if my womb prolapses
after the birth
426
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:06,350
and I can't wear leggings any more?
427
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:10,400
~ We'll get you special leggings.
~ Yeah? ~ Yeah.
428
00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:13,230
What if my bladder bursts and
every time I need to wee,
429
00:23:13,280 --> 00:23:16,230
it just comes pouring out me like
a broken fountain wherever I go?
430
00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:19,230
Adult diapers?
431
00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:23,280
Adult diapers. OK.
432
00:23:24,360 --> 00:23:25,990
It's gone soft.
433
00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:29,870
Mm-hm.
434
00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:31,470
Do you want to watch a Homeland?
435
00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:35,520
Sure.
436
00:23:35,570 --> 00:23:40,120
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