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1
00:00:01,602 --> 00:00:03,336
Hi, Galina, hey Tatiana.
2
00:00:03,338 --> 00:00:05,038
Hey, Yevgenya. Hey.
3
00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:06,373
I love your braids. Thank you.
4
00:00:06,375 --> 00:00:07,474
Here to wax the usual spots?
5
00:00:07,476 --> 00:00:11,678
Yep, you know it.
Okay, follow me.
6
00:00:12,180 --> 00:00:13,480
Been a long time.
7
00:00:13,482 --> 00:00:14,314
Like a week.
8
00:00:14,316 --> 00:00:18,585
No, it's been,
like, three weeks.
9
00:00:18,587 --> 00:00:20,921
I'm sorry.
10
00:00:21,456 --> 00:00:23,290
Okay, this may hurt.
11
00:00:23,292 --> 00:00:25,425
My body's learned.
12
00:00:25,427 --> 00:00:29,329
Oh... kay.
13
00:00:29,331 --> 00:00:31,064
Whoa.
14
00:00:31,066 --> 00:00:32,599
Oh, my God.
15
00:00:32,601 --> 00:00:33,767
First voice message.
16
00:00:33,769 --> 00:00:35,769
Abbi, this one is a great idea.
17
00:00:35,771 --> 00:00:38,405
What about an umbrella, but
it's connected to your clothes,
18
00:00:38,407 --> 00:00:39,773
so you don't have to hold it?
19
00:00:39,775 --> 00:00:40,707
That'd be hot.
20
00:00:40,709 --> 00:00:41,608
Maybe draw it up?
21
00:00:41,610 --> 00:00:45,212
Abbi, there is a hot couch on
the corner of 4th and Avenue C.
22
00:00:45,214 --> 00:00:47,380
Do you need a couch?
I'm e-mailing you pics.
23
00:00:47,382 --> 00:00:49,783
Hey, girl, there's, like,
piss and blood on it.
24
00:00:49,785 --> 00:00:51,518
Okay, sorry to bother you, bye!
25
00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:53,620
Abbi, Jaime's
coworker has a turtle
26
00:00:53,622 --> 00:00:54,654
and it just had baby turtles.
27
00:00:54,656 --> 00:00:56,123
I thought maybe we
could each get one.
28
00:00:56,125 --> 00:00:58,625
So text me back if
you don't want a turtle.
29
00:00:58,627 --> 00:01:00,828
Hey, Ab, never mind about
that umbrella idea.
30
00:01:00,829 --> 00:01:02,863
I forgot there's
raincoats, duh.
31
00:01:02,865 --> 00:01:05,332
Abbi, hey, girl, do me a favor.
32
00:01:05,334 --> 00:01:06,666
What's this song?
33
00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:14,741
Four and three
and two and one-one
34
00:01:19,781 --> 00:01:22,415
Hey, guys, so sorry to
interrupt, but Zandir,
35
00:01:22,417 --> 00:01:25,352
your instructor has
actually been missing
36
00:01:25,354 --> 00:01:26,787
for the last 48 hours.
37
00:01:26,789 --> 00:01:28,855
And Bryce, his sub,
is also missing.
38
00:01:28,857 --> 00:01:31,591
So power slide has been
canceled for today,
39
00:01:31,593 --> 00:01:34,294
but you're welcome to
stay and have an hour
40
00:01:34,296 --> 00:01:36,229
of free sliding, okay?
41
00:01:36,231 --> 00:01:37,464
I can't believe this.
42
00:01:37,466 --> 00:01:39,466
If I don't slide,
my flaps will come back.
43
00:01:39,468 --> 00:01:42,302
Slide and glide is all I have.
44
00:01:42,304 --> 00:01:43,737
Hey, guys, listen.
45
00:01:43,739 --> 00:01:46,640
I don't know. I work here
and I'm already at the front
46
00:01:46,642 --> 00:01:50,243
of the class, so
maybe I... I could lead.
47
00:01:50,245 --> 00:01:51,411
I recognize you.
48
00:01:51,413 --> 00:01:52,312
You clean the locker room.
49
00:01:52,314 --> 00:01:54,648
Okay, everyone doesn't
need to chime in, but,
50
00:01:54,650 --> 00:01:58,518
I would absolutely love
to be your instructor.
51
00:01:58,520 --> 00:01:59,653
Hi, hi.
52
00:01:59,655 --> 00:02:02,823
You know, it's always
been a dream of mine
53
00:02:02,825 --> 00:02:04,057
to teach a class in this gym.
54
00:02:04,059 --> 00:02:06,726
It'd be such a rush of
power to experience that.
55
00:02:06,728 --> 00:02:08,962
It'd be wonderful.
I totally agree.
56
00:02:08,964 --> 00:02:10,197
I just want to
make sure everyone
57
00:02:10,199 --> 00:02:12,032
gets their money's worth,
'cause, like, I'm...
58
00:02:12,034 --> 00:02:15,735
I'm pretty close to being
a legit instructor, so...
59
00:02:17,706 --> 00:02:20,173
Sorry, I'm so sorry.
60
00:02:20,175 --> 00:02:22,075
I would really love
to do this, you know.
61
00:02:22,077 --> 00:02:24,811
I mean, while I'm still here.
62
00:02:24,813 --> 00:02:28,014
You, um, you should do it.
63
00:02:28,016 --> 00:02:29,082
You should teach it.
64
00:02:29,084 --> 00:02:31,852
Great, let's do this. Okay.
65
00:02:31,854 --> 00:02:33,820
Excuse me.
66
00:02:33,822 --> 00:02:37,490
You, , ready to slide and glide?
67
00:02:37,492 --> 00:02:40,827
Let's go for some
magic gliders!
68
00:02:40,829 --> 00:02:41,937
Come on, pussies!
69
00:02:45,166 --> 00:02:46,600
Oh, God.
70
00:02:46,602 --> 00:02:47,901
Dude, what do you
think is worse?
71
00:02:47,903 --> 00:02:49,603
Constipation or diarrhea?
72
00:02:49,605 --> 00:02:50,770
Constipation, I think.
73
00:02:50,772 --> 00:02:51,972
Diarrhea, I'm like, okay.
74
00:02:51,974 --> 00:02:54,808
Uh, Ilana, you think
you could do me a favor
75
00:02:54,810 --> 00:02:56,877
and take all the
staples out of these?
76
00:02:56,879 --> 00:02:58,645
Then why did I spend hours
77
00:02:58,647 --> 00:03:00,213
stapling all these
documents together?
78
00:03:00,215 --> 00:03:03,316
I even ran out halfway
through to buy more staples.
79
00:03:03,318 --> 00:03:06,319
You took an hour-and-
48-minute break.
80
00:03:06,321 --> 00:03:09,322
And we have a cabinet
full of staples here.
81
00:03:09,324 --> 00:03:10,624
All good points by Nicole.
82
00:03:10,626 --> 00:03:12,559
I want to reiterate that no
one asked you to do that.
83
00:03:12,561 --> 00:03:19,266
In fact, I specifically said,
please, don't staple these.
84
00:03:19,268 --> 00:03:21,101
It's the same piece of paper.
85
00:03:21,103 --> 00:03:22,936
The same piece of paper.
86
00:03:22,938 --> 00:03:24,104
The same piece of paper.
87
00:03:24,106 --> 00:03:26,573
You know what?
I'll just unstaple it.
88
00:03:26,575 --> 00:03:28,074
Come on, faster!
89
00:03:28,076 --> 00:03:30,076
What's wrong with you people?
90
00:03:30,078 --> 00:03:31,144
Faster!
91
00:03:31,146 --> 00:03:32,688
Do it! Push it!
92
00:03:33,615 --> 00:03:34,981
Yes, Todd, what's up?
93
00:03:34,983 --> 00:03:36,883
Ilana, how come every
time I e-mail you,
94
00:03:36,885 --> 00:03:40,553
I get an out-of-office reply
that says you're in Mexico?
95
00:03:40,555 --> 00:03:43,556
Honestly, I do it to buy
myself some time because
96
00:03:43,558 --> 00:03:45,325
I am so overworked.
97
00:03:45,327 --> 00:03:46,993
We all are.
98
00:03:46,995 --> 00:03:49,162
Today I got eight e-mails.
99
00:03:49,164 --> 00:03:51,464
Speaking of that,
you have to start using
100
00:03:51,466 --> 00:03:53,466
your company e-mail address.
101
00:03:53,468 --> 00:03:54,167
Why, Todd?
102
00:03:54,169 --> 00:03:56,303
So I can be another
cog in your machine?
103
00:03:56,305 --> 00:03:57,270
What's my e-mail gonna be?
104
00:03:57,272 --> 00:03:59,506
"Business at the
white man dot biz"?
105
00:03:59,508 --> 00:04:01,174
What's wrong with
my personal e-mail?
106
00:04:01,176 --> 00:04:05,011
It's IlanaWexler@MindMyVagina.com.
107
00:04:05,013 --> 00:04:07,047
How do you not see that
that's inappropriate?
108
00:04:07,049 --> 00:04:10,517
To remind every client
immediately of a vagina?
109
00:04:10,519 --> 00:04:12,961
And a mind, dude.
110
00:04:14,089 --> 00:04:15,255
Good job today.
111
00:04:15,257 --> 00:04:16,256
Nice work.
112
00:04:16,258 --> 00:04:17,490
You need to work harder.
113
00:04:17,492 --> 00:04:19,092
I'm gonna be on your ass.
114
00:04:19,094 --> 00:04:21,528
Hey, Janice, can I speak
with you for a second? Yeah.
115
00:04:21,530 --> 00:04:23,063
You know, you're not an
official instructor here,
116
00:04:23,065 --> 00:04:25,498
but the way you took initiative
today was very solstice.
117
00:04:25,500 --> 00:04:28,568
Would you ever consider
being a sub?
118
00:04:28,570 --> 00:04:29,369
Hey, Trey?
119
00:04:29,371 --> 00:04:30,837
They found Bryce and Zandir.
120
00:04:30,839 --> 00:04:32,839
They're dead.
121
00:04:35,676 --> 00:04:38,678
Thank you, Jenna.
122
00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:39,679
Can you start today?
123
00:04:39,681 --> 00:04:42,248
I don't know, I mean,
it wasn't as much fun
124
00:04:42,250 --> 00:04:44,084
as I thought it would be.
125
00:04:44,086 --> 00:04:45,246
But sure.
126
00:04:46,121 --> 00:04:46,853
Great.
127
00:04:46,855 --> 00:04:47,821
Now, this a sensitive question,
128
00:04:47,823 --> 00:04:50,056
but would your sickly
body allow for that?
129
00:04:50,058 --> 00:04:51,791
I can't afford to
lose another teacher.
130
00:04:51,793 --> 00:04:52,959
I'm sorry, I don't follow.
131
00:04:52,961 --> 00:04:54,427
I mean, you clearly
have cancer.
132
00:04:54,429 --> 00:04:56,663
Don't be ashamed.
Oh, no.
133
00:04:56,665 --> 00:04:57,330
No, no, no.
134
00:04:57,332 --> 00:04:59,265
Me and my bandmates,
we shaved our heads
135
00:04:59,267 --> 00:05:00,900
to raise awareness
for our band.
136
00:05:00,902 --> 00:05:04,738
We're going on tour.
Oh, cool.
137
00:05:04,740 --> 00:05:05,739
Oh Abbi, hey,
138
00:05:05,741 --> 00:05:07,073
I know you're not
working today,
139
00:05:07,075 --> 00:05:08,208
but we could really
use some Abbi magic.
140
00:05:08,210 --> 00:05:11,311
There's a pube situation in
the locker room that is...
141
00:05:11,313 --> 00:05:12,345
unprecedented.
142
00:05:12,347 --> 00:05:14,114
Oh, when there's
a pube situation,
143
00:05:14,116 --> 00:05:15,248
you call on old Abbi.
144
00:05:15,250 --> 00:05:17,050
When there's something
that actually matters,
145
00:05:17,052 --> 00:05:19,552
you just go another way.
146
00:05:19,554 --> 00:05:23,256
Ilana, this thing that you
brought in for company morale?
147
00:05:23,258 --> 00:05:24,157
It's very distracting.
148
00:05:24,159 --> 00:05:26,526
You have to take it down.
Hey, come on.
149
00:05:26,528 --> 00:05:31,564
Everybody loves it.
Everybody hates it!
150
00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:35,769
Oh, I love him.
151
00:05:35,771 --> 00:05:38,171
Come on, it's my job
to improve morale.
152
00:05:38,173 --> 00:05:40,874
No, it is your job to do sales.
153
00:05:40,876 --> 00:05:43,476
Well, then I'd like to
transfer to corporate morale.
154
00:05:43,478 --> 00:05:46,946
Corporate morale is
not a department!
155
00:05:46,948 --> 00:05:49,549
It doesn't exist!
156
00:05:50,717 --> 00:05:51,217
God!
157
00:05:51,219 --> 00:05:53,019
Everybody's really
riding my ass today.
158
00:05:53,021 --> 00:05:56,022
I don't know how you keep
such a happy face on.
159
00:06:00,361 --> 00:06:02,228
Day 274.
160
00:06:02,230 --> 00:06:06,299
Five hours late, wearing
a napkin as a shirt,
161
00:06:06,301 --> 00:06:07,737
violently high.
162
00:06:12,574 --> 00:06:13,907
I'm becoming
a corporate yes man.
163
00:06:13,909 --> 00:06:15,775
I'm like, yes, Mr. George Bush.
164
00:06:15,777 --> 00:06:18,178
Whatever you say,
Mr. George Bush.
165
00:06:18,180 --> 00:06:20,647
What? I know, I know.
166
00:06:20,649 --> 00:06:23,149
Dick Cheney,
go easy on me, dude.
167
00:06:23,151 --> 00:06:26,086
Before I know it,
I'm gonna wake up and be 23
168
00:06:26,088 --> 00:06:28,021
and my life's gonna
be behind me.
169
00:06:28,023 --> 00:06:29,923
You know that I'm 25, right?
170
00:06:29,925 --> 00:06:31,458
Abbi, you are ageless.
171
00:06:31,460 --> 00:06:32,759
That's a different thing.
Okay.
172
00:06:32,761 --> 00:06:34,494
Okay, so what's this thing
you're doing tonight?
173
00:06:34,496 --> 00:06:37,630
Okay, so remember my hot rich
friend from NYU, Parker? Yeah.
174
00:06:37,632 --> 00:06:40,433
So she invited me to this,
like, SoHo rooftop party
175
00:06:40,435 --> 00:06:43,169
and I know you're not gonna
want to go, but I have to,
176
00:06:43,171 --> 00:06:45,205
I need this.
No, no, no, I want to go.
177
00:06:45,207 --> 00:06:46,372
I'm in.
Really?
178
00:06:46,374 --> 00:06:47,040
Yeah, I wanna go.
179
00:06:47,042 --> 00:06:48,341
Oh, my God, I thought
I'd have to go through
180
00:06:48,343 --> 00:06:49,676
a whole rigamarole to get you to...
No, no, no.
181
00:06:49,678 --> 00:06:53,279
That's dope, dude. Perfect opportunity
to introduce, like, the new me.
182
00:06:53,281 --> 00:06:54,714
Yeah. No more Mr. Nice Abbi,
183
00:06:54,716 --> 00:06:58,918
no more... no more cleaning
up other people's pubes.
184
00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:01,521
And, you know,
getting screwed by people
185
00:07:01,523 --> 00:07:03,656
that end up not having cancer.
186
00:07:03,658 --> 00:07:05,225
No, I'm stepping...
I am stepping it up.
187
00:07:05,227 --> 00:07:07,060
From here on out,
I am stepping it up.
188
00:07:07,062 --> 00:07:08,661
If anyone's gonna pretend
like they have cancer,
189
00:07:08,663 --> 00:07:10,330
it's gonna be me.
190
00:07:10,332 --> 00:07:12,365
You know what? I look too nice.
191
00:07:12,367 --> 00:07:13,533
You look really nice, yeah.
192
00:07:13,535 --> 00:07:14,901
No, I look like vanilla.
193
00:07:14,903 --> 00:07:17,854
Oh. Let's go shopping.
194
00:07:26,013 --> 00:07:27,914
First one's fine, I think.
Yeah.
195
00:07:27,916 --> 00:07:29,849
Your ass looks incredible.
Okay.
196
00:07:29,851 --> 00:07:32,152
And your head and body, too.
Thanks.
197
00:07:32,154 --> 00:07:36,489
But we all know who's the
star of the show here. Ilana.
198
00:07:38,459 --> 00:07:42,262
That'll be $438.
199
00:07:42,264 --> 00:07:43,730
That's real.
200
00:07:43,732 --> 00:07:45,832
There.
201
00:07:45,834 --> 00:07:47,133
You know what? It's good.
202
00:07:47,135 --> 00:07:49,536
This is a great day.
203
00:07:49,538 --> 00:07:51,571
Let me ask you
a quick question.
204
00:07:51,573 --> 00:07:55,275
What is your return policy?
205
00:07:55,277 --> 00:07:56,409
It's 30 days.
206
00:07:56,411 --> 00:07:58,845
I will see you
in 30 days, then.
207
00:07:58,847 --> 00:08:00,180
Bitch!
208
00:08:00,182 --> 00:08:03,917
You still need to
sign the receipt.
209
00:08:03,919 --> 00:08:05,618
I would love to do that.
210
00:08:05,620 --> 00:08:11,124
Sorry about that
communication mishap.
211
00:08:11,126 --> 00:08:12,559
Okay.
212
00:08:32,380 --> 00:08:33,881
You know what's cool
about this party?
213
00:08:33,883 --> 00:08:35,015
We're the sexiest girls here.
214
00:08:35,017 --> 00:08:37,184
'Cause we have, like, the
fattest asses, you know?
215
00:08:37,186 --> 00:08:38,452
Like, we're the most -able.
216
00:08:38,454 --> 00:08:44,425
Yeah, I mean, look at all these
fashion chic basic bitches.
217
00:08:44,427 --> 00:08:45,893
I love your dress.
218
00:08:45,895 --> 00:08:48,962
Thank you so much,
I literally just bought it.
219
00:08:48,964 --> 00:08:50,864
So cute.
220
00:08:50,866 --> 00:08:52,666
Oh, my God, there's Parker.
221
00:08:52,668 --> 00:08:54,935
Parker, hey.
222
00:08:54,937 --> 00:08:56,503
Ilana.
223
00:08:56,505 --> 00:08:58,038
Ilana Wexler.
224
00:08:58,040 --> 00:08:59,072
From NYU.
225
00:08:59,074 --> 00:09:01,082
We were roommates for a second.
226
00:09:03,311 --> 00:09:05,446
Oh, my God, Ilana,
you're so cute.
227
00:09:05,448 --> 00:09:07,548
So what's this party
for? It's amazing.
228
00:09:07,550 --> 00:09:09,149
It's for change.
229
00:09:09,151 --> 00:09:10,984
Okay.
230
00:09:10,986 --> 00:09:12,419
Ciao, Rodrigo!
231
00:09:12,421 --> 00:09:13,287
See ya.
232
00:09:13,289 --> 00:09:15,055
Damn, we are so hot right now.
233
00:09:15,057 --> 00:09:17,891
Like, paparazzi
all up in our face.
234
00:09:17,893 --> 00:09:19,660
You know, sometimes I feel,
like, a million miles
235
00:09:19,662 --> 00:09:20,494
away from the office.
236
00:09:20,496 --> 00:09:23,297
You know, like that's robot
me and this is real me.
237
00:09:23,299 --> 00:09:24,631
I'm not a robot.
238
00:09:24,633 --> 00:09:26,400
Let's get drunk.
Yeah, yeah.
239
00:09:26,402 --> 00:09:29,336
Okay, cool. Okay.
240
00:09:29,338 --> 00:09:31,438
Move, honk, honk.
241
00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:33,173
Pardon me.
242
00:09:33,175 --> 00:09:34,274
Out of the way, clavicle.
243
00:09:34,276 --> 00:09:37,911
Okay, five-nine, I can't even,
like, deal with you right now.
244
00:09:37,913 --> 00:09:39,179
Oh, do you guys all
have drinks already?
245
00:09:39,181 --> 00:09:41,849
Maybe you should, then, get the
hell away from the bar, great.
246
00:09:41,851 --> 00:09:44,084
Is anyone even working
at this bar?
247
00:09:44,086 --> 00:09:47,321
Yes, hi.
248
00:09:47,323 --> 00:09:48,322
What can I get you?
249
00:09:48,324 --> 00:09:50,591
Um, I don't know,
what are the drinks?
250
00:09:50,593 --> 00:09:52,893
The West Nile Coolatta
is very popular,
251
00:09:52,895 --> 00:09:54,695
but I would recommend
"The sex trafficking
252
00:09:54,697 --> 00:09:56,763
on the beach" or
"The tsunami slide."
253
00:09:56,765 --> 00:10:00,934
Well, I guess that I will
have two "Tsunami slide" 's,
254
00:10:00,936 --> 00:10:04,505
even though that name, I think,
is a little bit ridiculous.
255
00:10:04,507 --> 00:10:08,408
Well, 6% of the proceeds
go to the tsunami.
256
00:10:08,410 --> 00:10:09,676
What tsunami?
257
00:10:09,678 --> 00:10:11,111
Whichever one happens next.
258
00:10:11,113 --> 00:10:15,315
Forward thinking, I guess, then.
Or corruption.
259
00:10:15,317 --> 00:10:17,618
Can I interest anyone
in a dose of reality?
260
00:10:17,620 --> 00:10:20,153
Some mac and cheese ball
fried and truffoiled.
261
00:10:20,155 --> 00:10:23,257
Oh, yeah. I am
saying yes to that.
262
00:10:23,259 --> 00:10:28,595
Just now a child in South
America died of starvation.
263
00:10:28,597 --> 00:10:31,164
Would you like another?
264
00:10:31,166 --> 00:10:32,699
You know what? I would.
Yeah.
265
00:10:32,701 --> 00:10:34,902
They're very good.
They're really good.
266
00:10:34,904 --> 00:10:35,969
Just now a child
in South Amer...
267
00:10:35,971 --> 00:10:38,438
Hold on, do you just have
one fact that you repeat?
268
00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:43,710
Well, you're the first people
to actually want a second.
269
00:10:44,579 --> 00:10:47,881
Wait! Um, uh, right now...
270
00:10:47,883 --> 00:10:51,552
Just now, a child in South
America died of starvation.
271
00:10:51,554 --> 00:10:52,461
Thank you.
272
00:11:00,395 --> 00:11:01,929
This is the men's room.
273
00:11:01,931 --> 00:11:03,580
Adoy!
274
00:11:12,807 --> 00:11:13,874
Let's go, buddy!
275
00:11:13,876 --> 00:11:16,877
We got people with
full bladders out here.
276
00:11:16,879 --> 00:11:18,345
Occupied.
277
00:11:18,347 --> 00:11:19,646
No, no, no.
278
00:11:19,648 --> 00:11:21,114
Not today!
279
00:11:21,116 --> 00:11:23,617
What the hell?
280
00:11:23,619 --> 00:11:25,285
Well, well, well.
281
00:11:25,287 --> 00:11:28,355
What do we have here?
282
00:11:34,495 --> 00:11:34,995
Hey.
283
00:11:34,997 --> 00:11:36,964
Can you guys play
something else?
284
00:11:36,966 --> 00:11:40,701
This church bell techno song
still has 27 minutes left.
285
00:11:40,703 --> 00:11:42,336
When it's done,
can you play, like,
286
00:11:42,338 --> 00:11:44,237
I don't know, '90s hip-hop?
287
00:11:44,239 --> 00:11:45,639
We've been asked
to play whale songs,
288
00:11:45,641 --> 00:11:46,974
so that's probably
not gonna happen.
289
00:11:46,976 --> 00:11:50,177
You know, I can't, like,
move my damn ass to this?
290
00:11:50,179 --> 00:11:52,479
You know what I mean?
It's like...
291
00:11:52,481 --> 00:11:53,764
Bad music.
292
00:11:54,917 --> 00:11:56,917
All right. You know what?
293
00:11:56,919 --> 00:11:58,885
We can probably find
something for you.
294
00:11:58,887 --> 00:12:01,304
Cool. I like that
"I Dream of Jeannie" hair.
295
00:12:01,366 --> 00:12:03,292
Thanks.
You grant wishes?
296
00:12:05,094 --> 00:12:07,527
You've only done coke once?
297
00:12:07,529 --> 00:12:08,161
Ew.
Hey!
298
00:12:08,163 --> 00:12:11,898
I've cleaned more pubes than
you have on your entire body.
299
00:12:11,900 --> 00:12:14,651
I look at you for a second,
I can tell you got no pubes.
300
00:12:15,270 --> 00:12:18,171
You're right.
Damn right I'm right.
301
00:12:18,173 --> 00:12:19,447
I know when I'm right.
302
00:12:24,779 --> 00:12:26,582
Damn right I'm right!
303
00:12:28,250 --> 00:12:29,650
I should probably
give you some cash
304
00:12:29,652 --> 00:12:31,084
'cause I've coked
a lot of this.
305
00:12:32,221 --> 00:12:33,587
Life is infinite, you know?
306
00:12:33,589 --> 00:12:34,955
I'm a collector of experiences.
307
00:12:34,957 --> 00:12:37,824
We all are.
Oh, hundred percent, bro.
308
00:12:37,826 --> 00:12:38,426
It's the truth.
309
00:12:38,427 --> 00:12:39,993
But tonight, it's like,
what could tonight lead to?
310
00:12:39,995 --> 00:12:42,863
Like, my friend Abbi... she's...
Hang on.
311
00:12:42,865 --> 00:12:44,097
You got a friend?
312
00:12:44,099 --> 00:12:44,831
Who's a female?
313
00:12:44,833 --> 00:12:47,100
Yeah, chocolate brown
eyes, ass of an angel.
314
00:12:49,370 --> 00:12:51,638
Um, where's she at?
315
00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:54,441
I can make you hot
like 600 degrees
316
00:12:54,443 --> 00:12:56,209
Miss Goosebumps
317
00:12:56,211 --> 00:12:57,110
Your knees twist
318
00:12:57,112 --> 00:12:59,946
You're now under
the influence
319
00:12:59,948 --> 00:13:03,050
What I mean is
make the pole bounce
320
00:13:03,052 --> 00:13:05,385
Make moves back
to the pad uhh
321
00:13:05,387 --> 00:13:07,254
You love the sound of that
322
00:13:07,256 --> 00:13:09,656
So it must be...
323
00:13:09,658 --> 00:13:12,325
You down use the town...
324
00:13:12,327 --> 00:13:13,093
Miss Cindy
325
00:13:13,095 --> 00:13:15,062
She a sexy little
thing Miss Cindy
326
00:13:15,064 --> 00:13:16,596
She a sexy little thing...
327
00:13:16,598 --> 00:13:17,230
Ab!
328
00:13:17,232 --> 00:13:18,699
Oh, man, look at
this spot I got.
329
00:13:18,701 --> 00:13:20,967
Okay, there's these,
like, DJs and they're,
330
00:13:20,969 --> 00:13:23,036
like, cute, but like
douchey but cute and...
331
00:13:23,038 --> 00:13:24,971
- What's going on?
- Hey.
332
00:13:24,973 --> 00:13:27,507
Ho, whoa.
Ooh.
333
00:13:27,509 --> 00:13:30,077
That is some soft
skin right there.
334
00:13:30,079 --> 00:13:31,645
What kind of lotion do you use?
335
00:13:31,647 --> 00:13:33,246
You know, like, normal stuff.
336
00:13:33,248 --> 00:13:34,648
Yeah, like Occitane?
337
00:13:34,650 --> 00:13:37,608
Yeah, oh you, yeah.
338
00:13:39,555 --> 00:13:42,622
Oh my God, oh, oh, my God.
339
00:13:42,624 --> 00:13:44,491
You guys, we need to get
the hell out of here.
340
00:13:44,493 --> 00:13:45,859
Let's do it.
Oh, you guys are...
341
00:13:45,861 --> 00:13:46,993
You're working, you gotta spin.
342
00:13:46,995 --> 00:13:49,629
No, not really. No, no, no,
it's a playlist on shuffle.
343
00:13:49,631 --> 00:13:52,099
We can leave whenever we want.
344
00:13:52,101 --> 00:13:53,767
Okay.
Let's go.
345
00:13:53,769 --> 00:13:55,669
I gotta say goodbye
to all my friends.
346
00:13:55,671 --> 00:13:56,803
Bye, guys.
347
00:13:56,805 --> 00:13:58,939
Great.
348
00:13:58,941 --> 00:14:02,275
Okay, just a couple
more, I think.
349
00:14:02,277 --> 00:14:03,043
Oh, my God.
350
00:14:03,045 --> 00:14:05,428
I can't even believe
I just did seven flights.
351
00:14:07,616 --> 00:14:09,349
God, just hold on.
352
00:14:12,220 --> 00:14:13,436
A lot of flights.
353
00:14:14,256 --> 00:14:16,456
Welcome.
Okay.
354
00:14:16,458 --> 00:14:18,107
Okay.
355
00:14:20,895 --> 00:14:22,615
How do you do this every day?
356
00:14:26,434 --> 00:14:27,784
Nice backpack.
357
00:14:32,673 --> 00:14:34,908
You guys have a really
great apartment.
358
00:14:34,910 --> 00:14:36,209
So many cool pieces.
359
00:14:36,211 --> 00:14:38,044
Great, like, cabinets and...
360
00:14:38,046 --> 00:14:39,045
Right, enough.
361
00:14:39,047 --> 00:14:40,247
Beard, where your room at?
362
00:14:40,249 --> 00:14:42,410
Right back there on the right.
Oh, God, finally.
363
00:14:42,410 --> 00:14:43,613
Later.
364
00:14:46,687 --> 00:14:47,621
Oops.
365
00:14:47,623 --> 00:14:49,089
That's too many.
366
00:14:49,091 --> 00:14:51,458
You wanna?
Yeah, sure, okay.
367
00:14:51,460 --> 00:14:53,994
Yeah? Okay.
368
00:14:57,265 --> 00:14:58,165
That's dope.
369
00:14:58,167 --> 00:15:01,701
That's my art.
Oh, cool.
370
00:15:04,839 --> 00:15:06,306
What is this?
371
00:15:06,308 --> 00:15:07,340
That's a little embarrassing.
372
00:15:07,342 --> 00:15:08,308
That's my
grandfather's sweater.
373
00:15:08,310 --> 00:15:11,778
He's dead and this is the
last thing of his I have.
374
00:15:11,780 --> 00:15:13,246
Sometimes I sleep
in it, you know,
375
00:15:13,248 --> 00:15:14,614
it just reminds you of him.
376
00:15:14,616 --> 00:15:17,050
Would you put it on?
377
00:15:17,052 --> 00:15:18,952
Sure.
378
00:15:18,954 --> 00:15:20,554
Were you, like, close with him?
379
00:15:20,556 --> 00:15:22,956
He was, like, my best
friend, you know?
380
00:15:22,958 --> 00:15:24,257
We did tons of stuff together.
381
00:15:24,259 --> 00:15:27,394
He taught me how to fish,
skip stones, whittle.
382
00:15:27,396 --> 00:15:29,137
Did you, like, cry,
when he died?
383
00:15:30,666 --> 00:15:32,265
Can I be honest with you?
384
00:15:32,343 --> 00:15:33,228
Please.
385
00:15:34,047 --> 00:15:35,368
I cried so hard
I thought I didn't
386
00:15:35,370 --> 00:15:37,186
have any more tears left in me.
387
00:15:37,739 --> 00:15:38,705
Oh, my God.
388
00:15:38,707 --> 00:15:40,540
He was like my best
friend, you know?
389
00:15:40,542 --> 00:15:42,142
And my worst enemy.
390
00:15:42,144 --> 00:15:43,317
Totally.
391
00:15:49,283 --> 00:15:51,351
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
392
00:15:51,353 --> 00:15:52,786
I want to take this slow.
393
00:15:52,788 --> 00:15:55,055
It's gonna take a long
time to get my dress off,
394
00:15:55,057 --> 00:15:56,223
so that's gonna...
395
00:15:56,225 --> 00:15:57,623
It's kind of super slow.
396
00:16:09,709 --> 00:16:10,270
You know what?
397
00:16:10,272 --> 00:16:12,606
We should go up to the
roof, the view is sick.
398
00:16:12,608 --> 00:16:13,240
Okay.
399
00:16:13,242 --> 00:16:16,042
It sounds super
sexy and romantic.
400
00:16:16,044 --> 00:16:17,685
So romantic.
401
00:16:29,333 --> 00:16:30,733
Oh, my God, what the...
402
00:16:30,759 --> 00:16:31,992
Holy shit!
What?
403
00:16:31,994 --> 00:16:32,754
Are you kidding me?
404
00:16:33,529 --> 00:16:35,029
I just don't really understand.
405
00:16:35,031 --> 00:16:35,763
What'd you guys think?
406
00:16:35,765 --> 00:16:38,247
That we were just gonna, like,
make out up here all together?
407
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:39,500
No!
408
00:16:39,502 --> 00:16:42,637
I just came up here 'cause the
view is so beautiful, like you.
409
00:16:42,639 --> 00:16:44,171
Yeah, I was like, oh, my God.
410
00:16:44,173 --> 00:16:45,573
I gotta take this gorgeous girl
411
00:16:45,575 --> 00:16:47,074
up to see my gorgeous view.
412
00:16:47,076 --> 00:16:48,776
Yeah, it's the best
part of our apartment,
413
00:16:48,778 --> 00:16:52,813
so we were both just taking
advantage of the... the view.
414
00:16:52,815 --> 00:16:56,083
I swear to God, dudes, this
was an honest mistake.
415
00:16:56,085 --> 00:16:57,725
Let me talk to you.
416
00:16:58,821 --> 00:17:00,755
I don't know, I mean...
417
00:17:00,757 --> 00:17:02,690
Ilana, he swore to God.
418
00:17:02,692 --> 00:17:04,926
What are you,
a Christian, dude?
419
00:17:04,928 --> 00:17:08,029
No, I'm not Christian,
but I respect
420
00:17:08,031 --> 00:17:10,631
swearing to some... higher...
421
00:17:10,633 --> 00:17:11,866
Why, do you want to leave?
422
00:17:11,868 --> 00:17:13,134
No, no, I want to stay.
423
00:17:13,136 --> 00:17:15,436
I'm, like, so hard right now.
424
00:17:15,438 --> 00:17:16,737
Ew, you're hard?
425
00:17:16,739 --> 00:17:18,706
Yeah, I know you don't
like the word "horny."
426
00:17:18,708 --> 00:17:19,807
No, I don't like
the word "horny,"
427
00:17:19,809 --> 00:17:23,044
but I'm not a big fan of
"hard," either, for a lady.
428
00:17:23,046 --> 00:17:24,645
Listen, I think
that this was just
429
00:17:24,647 --> 00:17:27,148
a big misunderstanding.
430
00:17:27,150 --> 00:17:28,950
All right.
Okay, that's fine.
431
00:17:28,952 --> 00:17:30,151
We're in. We're done.
432
00:17:30,153 --> 00:17:31,585
We understand,
it's a coincidence.
433
00:17:31,587 --> 00:17:32,687
You're not creepy, you're cute.
434
00:17:32,689 --> 00:17:35,056
All right, we're back in?
Yeah!
435
00:17:35,058 --> 00:17:36,097
Okay.
436
00:17:37,193 --> 00:17:38,893
Yeah, that's good.
437
00:17:38,895 --> 00:17:42,330
Oh, your beard, oh, my God.
438
00:17:42,332 --> 00:17:44,865
Oh, yeah.
439
00:17:44,867 --> 00:17:46,400
Oh.
440
00:17:46,402 --> 00:17:47,835
Sweet like candy.
441
00:17:47,837 --> 00:17:51,038
I eat sour straws
like every day.
442
00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:52,363
Watermelon?
443
00:17:59,548 --> 00:18:01,148
You're sweet like candy.
444
00:18:01,150 --> 00:18:03,284
No, you are.
445
00:18:03,286 --> 00:18:05,686
You are.
I'm what?
446
00:18:05,688 --> 00:18:07,221
You are sweet...
447
00:18:07,223 --> 00:18:08,322
Wait, wait.
448
00:18:08,324 --> 00:18:10,691
Maybe you could, um, just...
449
00:18:10,693 --> 00:18:13,094
I don't want to do, like,
a full circle thing.
450
00:18:13,096 --> 00:18:16,130
Oh, okay, okay.
451
00:18:19,935 --> 00:18:21,035
Hey, bro.
Hey.
452
00:18:21,037 --> 00:18:22,903
Shower's all set,
you ready to go?
453
00:18:22,905 --> 00:18:24,238
Yeah, awesome.
454
00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:25,873
I feel so gross.
455
00:18:25,875 --> 00:18:27,942
Not from you, just from
the bar and the...
456
00:18:27,944 --> 00:18:30,745
Hey, shut up.
457
00:18:30,747 --> 00:18:33,781
I love smelly girls.
458
00:18:47,295 --> 00:18:49,230
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
459
00:18:49,232 --> 00:18:52,333
What are you doing?
460
00:18:52,335 --> 00:18:54,535
What are you doing?
Guys, guys.
461
00:18:54,537 --> 00:18:56,804
This is just a hilarious
coincidence.
462
00:18:56,806 --> 00:18:58,773
I know, maybe we should
just go with it.
463
00:18:58,775 --> 00:19:01,008
Oh, God! No, we are
not going with it.
464
00:19:01,010 --> 00:19:02,743
You suck!
You're kidding me!
465
00:19:02,745 --> 00:19:06,147
You asses!
Insane.
466
00:19:08,617 --> 00:19:11,485
Of course you're not
supposed to go home with DJs.
467
00:19:11,487 --> 00:19:12,486
Ow! Or roommates.
468
00:19:12,488 --> 00:19:13,554
You got my hair,
you got my hair.
469
00:19:13,556 --> 00:19:16,057
Don't rip it, I still
want to return this.
470
00:19:16,059 --> 00:19:18,192
Oh, well, well, well.
471
00:19:18,194 --> 00:19:20,061
What's happening here?
472
00:19:20,063 --> 00:19:21,827
Can you throw on some sweats?
473
00:19:25,467 --> 00:19:26,067
It's insane.
474
00:19:26,069 --> 00:19:28,636
I mean, maybe I should just
do J-Date or something.
475
00:19:28,638 --> 00:19:29,870
Just, like, you
can't meet people
476
00:19:29,872 --> 00:19:31,572
and just go home with them.
477
00:19:31,574 --> 00:19:32,873
Kill us.
478
00:19:32,875 --> 00:19:35,109
Hold on a second,
there's an elevator?
479
00:19:35,111 --> 00:19:37,611
You guys made us walk
up eight flights of stairs,
480
00:19:37,613 --> 00:19:40,915
you sick!
481
00:19:40,917 --> 00:19:42,917
Get away!
482
00:19:42,919 --> 00:19:45,519
weirdos.
483
00:19:45,521 --> 00:19:47,121
We were so close.
I know.
484
00:19:47,123 --> 00:19:48,622
Ugh. You know what, though?
485
00:19:48,624 --> 00:19:51,725
Three out of 12 is still
a respectable number.
486
00:19:51,727 --> 00:19:53,327
I'm happy with it.
487
00:19:53,353 --> 00:19:56,487
I have to be back in the
office in six hours.
488
00:19:57,401 --> 00:19:59,134
What a waste.
489
00:19:59,136 --> 00:20:01,169
Thanks a lot, Halliburton.
490
00:20:01,171 --> 00:20:03,538
What does Halliburton have
to do with your work?
491
00:20:03,540 --> 00:20:05,073
I... I don't know.
492
00:20:05,075 --> 00:20:06,641
I don't know.
Okay.
493
00:20:06,643 --> 00:20:07,509
I'm just pissed, dude.
494
00:20:07,511 --> 00:20:10,145
I'm pissed though guys, like,
thought they had to trick us.
495
00:20:10,147 --> 00:20:12,314
Agreed. You know, with
bells and whistles.
496
00:20:12,316 --> 00:20:13,882
Meanwhile, if they'd
just been direct,
497
00:20:13,884 --> 00:20:15,917
we would have been
down and open-minded...
498
00:20:15,919 --> 00:20:17,419
We would not have been down.
499
00:20:17,421 --> 00:20:18,853
I would not have done that.
500
00:20:18,855 --> 00:20:21,189
I mean an orgy in
a non-sexual way.
501
00:20:21,191 --> 00:20:23,591
Just for, like, the Arc
de Triomphe, that's it.
502
00:20:23,593 --> 00:20:24,959
What's an Arc de Triomphe?
503
00:20:24,961 --> 00:20:28,096
It's when two dudes go down on
us, this is how I picture it.
504
00:20:28,098 --> 00:20:31,772
And they're butt to butt and
then you and I do Oprah hands.
505
00:20:35,071 --> 00:20:37,138
Oh, I see, I see now.
506
00:20:37,140 --> 00:20:38,373
Totally non-sexual.
507
00:20:38,375 --> 00:20:40,308
We just stare at
each other, right?
508
00:20:40,310 --> 00:20:41,943
As the dudes go down on
us at the same time?
509
00:20:41,945 --> 00:20:43,745
Yeah, exactly. So we're
making a lot of eye contact.
510
00:20:43,747 --> 00:20:46,548
Exactly, it's like a feminism thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
511
00:20:46,550 --> 00:20:49,331
I'm being sarcastic.
Oh, yeah.
512
00:20:49,381 --> 00:20:53,931
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