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1
00:00:01,803 --> 00:00:03,037
This is so gross.
2
00:00:03,171 --> 00:00:05,373
I don't understand why they
don't just hire an exterminator.
3
00:00:05,507 --> 00:00:07,708
It's like, what is my rent
even going to?
4
00:00:07,843 --> 00:00:09,710
Well, they gave you the
bug bombs for free, right?
5
00:00:09,845 --> 00:00:11,212
Yeah, great, so, like,
everyone in the building
6
00:00:11,346 --> 00:00:13,547
can just, like, mass murder
all their own cockroaches?
7
00:00:13,682 --> 00:00:14,615
Ridiculous.
8
00:00:14,750 --> 00:00:16,450
Coming up on
1600 hours here.
9
00:00:16,551 --> 00:00:18,486
No, 4:00 p.m. sharp, are you
kidding?
10
00:00:18,587 --> 00:00:20,287
Everyone in the building is
doing it at 4:00 p.m. sharp.
11
00:00:20,389 --> 00:00:22,223
That-- that's what
that is, 4:00.
12
00:00:22,324 --> 00:00:23,924
Okay, I knew that.
13
00:00:23,992 --> 00:00:25,126
Zero dark thirty!
14
00:00:25,227 --> 00:00:26,894
Zero dark 29!
15
00:00:26,962 --> 00:00:28,763
Zero dark 28!
16
00:00:28,897 --> 00:00:30,898
Zero dark 27!
17
00:00:31,033 --> 00:00:32,700
Zero dark 26!
18
00:00:32,868 --> 00:00:34,435
... Zero dark three!
19
00:00:34,536 --> 00:00:36,504
Zero dark two!
20
00:00:36,605 --> 00:00:37,738
Zero dark one!
21
00:00:37,873 --> 00:00:39,774
Zero dark zero!
22
00:00:39,908 --> 00:00:41,542
Go! Go!
Go, go, go!
23
00:00:52,254 --> 00:00:53,421
Oh.
24
00:00:53,522 --> 00:00:55,756
Hey.
What's up, Jer?
25
00:00:55,891 --> 00:00:56,957
That's crazy.
26
00:00:57,059 --> 00:00:57,958
Nothing like the smell of
a million dead bugs in the
27
00:00:58,060 --> 00:00:59,260
morning, right?
I know.
28
00:00:59,394 --> 00:01:01,996
It's like an insect holocaust
in here or something.
29
00:01:02,097 --> 00:01:05,933
It would make us
Mr. and Mrs. Hit-- Hitler.
30
00:01:06,001 --> 00:01:08,002
Like Nazis?
Yeah, like the--
31
00:01:08,170 --> 00:01:11,005
I mean, I just was--
Yeah, have a good 24 hours.
32
00:01:11,139 --> 00:01:12,373
I wouldn't--
33
00:01:12,474 --> 00:01:14,442
(coughing violently)
34
00:01:14,543 --> 00:01:15,943
It's in my mouth!
35
00:01:16,044 --> 00:01:17,878
Four and the
and two and one, one
36
00:01:23,051 --> 00:01:25,719
And another thing, I know
a girl who returned a vacuum
37
00:01:25,787 --> 00:01:29,023
after three years of
using it, dude.
38
00:01:29,091 --> 00:01:30,724
They just gave
her her money back.
39
00:01:30,792 --> 00:01:32,193
They really care about
their customers.
40
00:01:32,294 --> 00:01:34,361
Okay, Ab, you know, you're
spending the entire weekend
41
00:01:34,463 --> 00:01:36,163
at my place, just--
42
00:01:36,298 --> 00:01:37,932
Spread out the Bed Bath
& Beyond lectures.
43
00:01:38,100 --> 00:01:39,366
I love the place, you know?
I just.
44
00:01:39,468 --> 00:01:41,569
Yeah, fine, I just have a lot
more to say about it, so.
45
00:01:41,703 --> 00:01:44,171
Great, you should tell me more
while I transform my room
46
00:01:44,306 --> 00:01:45,473
into a walk-in closet.
47
00:01:45,540 --> 00:01:46,841
Dude, you're not doing
the pole right now.
48
00:01:46,975 --> 00:01:48,843
It's gonna take
me ten minutes, dude.
49
00:01:48,977 --> 00:01:51,912
Okay, it's gonna take you three
months, like everything does.
50
00:01:52,047 --> 00:01:53,380
Did you forget about my art show?
No, no.
51
00:01:53,482 --> 00:01:54,381
This is a big deal.
52
00:01:54,516 --> 00:01:56,050
Your first gallery
opening is...
53
00:01:56,184 --> 00:01:58,119
I mean, this is the
biggest moment of our lives.
54
00:01:58,253 --> 00:01:59,587
It's my life, but--
55
00:01:59,688 --> 00:02:00,888
I mean, you're with--
you're with me.
56
00:02:01,022 --> 00:02:02,256
So when we get inside,
I'm gonna shower first, okay,
57
00:02:02,357 --> 00:02:05,759
and then I'm gonna pluck my
eyebrows, get my make-up on.
58
00:02:05,927 --> 00:02:07,995
I'll Nair, like, a bunch
of different areas.
59
00:02:08,163 --> 00:02:09,630
Maybe you could massage my
shoulders for a second, but,
60
00:02:09,731 --> 00:02:11,966
like, not like last time
'cause that wasn't cool.
61
00:02:12,100 --> 00:02:15,269
Abbi,
I have some bad news,
62
00:02:15,337 --> 00:02:18,472
but it's white people
problems, so let's see if you
63
00:02:18,573 --> 00:02:19,974
can keep it in
perspective.
64
00:02:20,075 --> 00:02:23,444
I-- I don't have my key.
65
00:02:23,545 --> 00:02:25,679
Okay, first of all,
I'm allowed to be upset
66
00:02:25,814 --> 00:02:27,848
even though I'm white.
Typical honky.
67
00:02:27,916 --> 00:02:29,250
All right, we don't have time
to be locked out.
68
00:02:29,384 --> 00:02:30,718
Is Jaime home?
69
00:02:30,852 --> 00:02:32,987
He is in Vermont
for a straight wedding.
70
00:02:33,121 --> 00:02:35,222
Let's just call a locksmith.
No, I'm not calling a locksmith.
71
00:02:35,390 --> 00:02:36,924
They take forever
to get here.
72
00:02:37,058 --> 00:02:38,926
I think we can get in--
We have street smarts.
73
00:02:39,027 --> 00:02:40,194
All right, there's got
to be at least, like,
74
00:02:40,262 --> 00:02:41,996
one person home in
your building, right?
75
00:02:42,130 --> 00:02:43,364
Yeah, just a--
Hey, don't, don't--
76
00:02:43,465 --> 00:02:45,799
Use the wood, dude.
Oh, my God, all right.
77
00:02:45,901 --> 00:02:48,269
Wood, I mean...
78
00:02:48,336 --> 00:02:50,437
(electric buzzing)
Jesus!
79
00:02:50,539 --> 00:02:52,773
Okay, okay, you need
to move at some point.
80
00:02:52,908 --> 00:02:54,909
I know.
All right.
81
00:02:55,010 --> 00:02:57,111
Where's your fire escape?
82
00:02:57,245 --> 00:02:59,847
Okay, hands on my shoulders
on three.
83
00:02:59,948 --> 00:03:01,448
One, two...
84
00:03:03,685 --> 00:03:04,585
Jesus.
85
00:03:04,686 --> 00:03:06,120
Sorry,
I released too early.
86
00:03:06,288 --> 00:03:07,621
Okay, we got this.
87
00:03:07,756 --> 00:03:09,590
One, two...
88
00:03:09,758 --> 00:03:11,358
Okay.
89
00:03:11,459 --> 00:03:13,661
Okay.
Okay.
90
00:03:13,762 --> 00:03:16,931
(grunting)
Just one pull-up.
91
00:03:17,098 --> 00:03:19,667
I should be supporting myself--
dude, I work at a gym.
92
00:03:19,801 --> 00:03:22,803
There are so many
upper-body strength classes.
93
00:03:22,871 --> 00:03:24,505
Okay, you got it?
94
00:03:24,606 --> 00:03:25,472
You got it?
95
00:03:25,574 --> 00:03:26,607
Do you have me?
Here, I got you.
96
00:03:26,741 --> 00:03:27,641
Okay.
97
00:03:27,742 --> 00:03:29,877
I don't think it's
gonna work out.
98
00:03:29,978 --> 00:03:33,347
(laughing)
That was my bad, dude.
99
00:03:33,448 --> 00:03:34,648
Okay, you just, like--
100
00:03:34,783 --> 00:03:36,784
You just went up
inside me.
101
00:03:36,918 --> 00:03:38,752
Okay.
That's just what happened.
102
00:03:38,820 --> 00:03:40,120
It was honestly
not intentional.
103
00:03:40,255 --> 00:03:42,056
It was natural for me.
104
00:03:42,224 --> 00:03:45,593
Okay, who would you rather
have go down on you?
105
00:03:45,694 --> 00:03:49,597
Michael Buble
or Janet Jackson?
106
00:03:49,698 --> 00:03:51,699
Oh, okay.
107
00:03:51,833 --> 00:03:54,034
What Buble are we
talking about, though?
108
00:03:54,169 --> 00:03:55,836
I don't know, the optimal
Michael Buble.
109
00:03:55,971 --> 00:03:57,271
His weight fluctuates.
110
00:03:57,372 --> 00:03:58,706
Yeah.
So does hers.
111
00:03:58,807 --> 00:04:00,207
Yeah.
So does mine.
112
00:04:00,308 --> 00:04:01,909
Yeah.
But then again,
113
00:04:02,010 --> 00:04:03,844
Michael Buble is,
like, such a crooner.
114
00:04:03,945 --> 00:04:05,946
I feel like he could do
stuff with his mouth that,
115
00:04:06,014 --> 00:04:08,148
like, most people
couldn't.
116
00:04:11,286 --> 00:04:13,153
Somebody call
a locksmith?
117
00:04:15,357 --> 00:04:19,059
Yeah.
118
00:04:19,194 --> 00:04:21,362
I'm gonna look disgusting
for tonight is all.
119
00:04:21,463 --> 00:04:24,298
No, you're gonna
look hot and cool.
120
00:04:24,399 --> 00:04:26,300
Your shower is just
a lockpick away.
121
00:04:26,401 --> 00:04:27,801
Very hot.
122
00:04:27,902 --> 00:04:30,371
Very cool.
123
00:04:30,505 --> 00:04:32,172
What's your name,
sweetheart?
124
00:04:32,307 --> 00:04:33,907
Uh...
125
00:04:34,009 --> 00:04:35,809
Yolanda.
126
00:04:35,944 --> 00:04:38,012
Yolanda.
127
00:04:38,179 --> 00:04:39,613
So where is it
you sleep?
128
00:04:39,681 --> 00:04:41,148
What?
129
00:04:41,283 --> 00:04:43,250
Which apartment's yours?
130
00:04:43,351 --> 00:04:44,818
Um...
131
00:04:44,886 --> 00:04:46,787
Do you have any, like,
credentials?
132
00:04:46,888 --> 00:04:48,756
Or, like, a license to be
a locksmith that you could
133
00:04:48,857 --> 00:04:50,324
just show us?
134
00:04:50,492 --> 00:04:52,293
No, the only thing you
need to be a locksmith is
135
00:04:52,460 --> 00:04:54,662
you gotta want it.
136
00:04:54,796 --> 00:04:56,363
Real bad.
137
00:04:59,801 --> 00:05:01,535
That one.
138
00:05:01,636 --> 00:05:02,903
Yeah, it's this one,
the 6--
139
00:05:03,038 --> 00:05:05,005
6C.
140
00:05:11,713 --> 00:05:15,582
(amorous groaning)
141
00:05:18,053 --> 00:05:20,788
They call this
a whore door.
142
00:05:20,889 --> 00:05:23,657
'Cause it's so easy.
143
00:05:23,758 --> 00:05:25,159
Okay.
144
00:05:25,226 --> 00:05:29,730
Thank you for your
terrifying services
145
00:05:29,864 --> 00:05:31,965
and don't call us,
we'll call you.
146
00:05:32,133 --> 00:05:33,634
Oh yeah.
147
00:05:36,604 --> 00:05:38,605
Oh, you'll call me, huh?
148
00:05:42,944 --> 00:05:44,511
(whistling)
149
00:05:50,118 --> 00:05:51,352
God.
150
00:05:51,486 --> 00:05:54,388
Look at this gorgeous
immigrant family.
151
00:05:54,522 --> 00:05:55,789
At least
they're not home.
152
00:05:55,924 --> 00:05:57,458
How do I not know them?
I don't know.
153
00:05:57,559 --> 00:06:01,095
New Yorkers don't usually
know their neighbors.
154
00:06:01,196 --> 00:06:02,496
Except for me and Jeremy,
155
00:06:02,630 --> 00:06:04,531
just 'cause that's
a special relationship.
156
00:06:04,632 --> 00:06:06,567
Yeah, I would know
Jeremy, too.
157
00:06:06,668 --> 00:06:09,737
I'd know him in and up
and all around.
158
00:06:09,838 --> 00:06:13,173
Cute little
Mexican candies.
159
00:06:13,241 --> 00:06:18,679
They're Nerds.
160
00:06:18,780 --> 00:06:19,747
I am the problem.
161
00:06:19,848 --> 00:06:22,783
I am gentrification,
you know.
162
00:06:22,884 --> 00:06:24,752
In three generations,
gentrification is gonna be a
163
00:06:24,853 --> 00:06:26,787
non-issue because
statistically,
164
00:06:26,921 --> 00:06:28,522
we're headed toward an age
where everybody's gonna be like
165
00:06:28,623 --> 00:06:30,491
caramel and queer and
everybody's gonna live
166
00:06:30,558 --> 00:06:32,259
where they're gonna--
(doorknob turning)
167
00:06:35,864 --> 00:06:37,164
What the hell is this?
168
00:06:37,232 --> 00:06:38,432
I live next door,
I live here!
169
00:06:38,566 --> 00:06:39,700
I've never
seen you before!
170
00:06:39,834 --> 00:06:41,502
We got locked out and I was
gonna make my room
171
00:06:41,636 --> 00:06:43,203
a walk-in closet and--
Robbers!
172
00:06:43,304 --> 00:06:45,172
(screaming)
173
00:06:48,411 --> 00:06:49,578
I'm gonna shoot you
in your face!
174
00:06:49,679 --> 00:06:50,612
Wait, wait!
175
00:06:50,713 --> 00:06:52,147
I can prove that
I live here, okay?
176
00:06:52,248 --> 00:06:53,382
Uh...
177
00:06:53,483 --> 00:06:55,517
Three-- three months ago,
that old white dude
178
00:06:55,585 --> 00:06:57,085
was found chopped up
in our dumpster.
179
00:06:57,186 --> 00:06:59,321
That happens all the time in Gowanus.
Okay.
180
00:06:59,422 --> 00:07:02,090
Last week, one of you
farted and I heard it
181
00:07:02,225 --> 00:07:03,759
'cause the walls are
so thin and I laughed
182
00:07:03,926 --> 00:07:06,762
and then you heard me,
so you laughed.
183
00:07:06,896 --> 00:07:08,530
That did happen.
184
00:07:08,664 --> 00:07:09,865
Why are you
in our apartment then?
185
00:07:09,966 --> 00:07:13,502
We got locked out and we
called this locksmith
186
00:07:13,636 --> 00:07:16,238
and he was really
scary, he was so creepy.
187
00:07:16,339 --> 00:07:18,707
We couldn't let him
into our apartment,
188
00:07:18,775 --> 00:07:22,811
so we had him let us
in, uh, to your--
189
00:07:22,945 --> 00:07:24,513
Unbelievable!
190
00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:27,983
Now that I say it out loud, I
realize I led the creepy dude
191
00:07:28,084 --> 00:07:31,319
to your apartment
and I am so sorry.
192
00:07:31,454 --> 00:07:34,122
I'm so sorry.
193
00:07:34,257 --> 00:07:36,758
'Cause of the--
I threw up.
194
00:07:36,859 --> 00:07:38,927
'Cause of the--
It was because of the mace.
195
00:07:38,995 --> 00:07:40,195
'Cause I never thought--
196
00:07:40,329 --> 00:07:42,564
I haven't thrown up in like
a year, I'm so sorry.
197
00:07:44,834 --> 00:07:46,468
Oh, yes.
Oh.
198
00:07:46,602 --> 00:07:47,869
Oh, my God.
199
00:07:48,004 --> 00:07:49,471
I'm sorry I got you maced.
200
00:07:49,605 --> 00:07:50,705
That's okay.
201
00:07:50,807 --> 00:07:51,940
It's not your fault.
202
00:07:52,041 --> 00:07:54,409
We're just technically
homeless right now, so.
203
00:07:54,477 --> 00:07:57,446
Ben Affleck was homeless
for a night for charity.
204
00:07:57,547 --> 00:08:00,882
We're, like, doing that,
just involuntarily.
205
00:08:01,017 --> 00:08:03,351
Yeah, we're just
a regular Matt and Ben.
206
00:08:03,486 --> 00:08:05,053
Exactly what's happening.
207
00:08:14,097 --> 00:08:16,231
(beeping)
208
00:08:21,537 --> 00:08:24,039
(beeping)
209
00:08:29,445 --> 00:08:30,479
Oh, God.
210
00:08:30,613 --> 00:08:32,848
I am--
I'm so sorry.
211
00:08:35,818 --> 00:08:36,885
Listen, don't mess
this up for me.
212
00:08:37,019 --> 00:08:38,487
I'm gonna be
a teacher here one day.
213
00:08:38,588 --> 00:08:40,956
We are just gonna shower really
quick and get to the gallery,
214
00:08:41,057 --> 00:08:43,558
and honestly, probably look
better than if we hadn't been
215
00:08:43,693 --> 00:08:45,794
maced 'cause our pores are
tight and burning.
216
00:08:45,928 --> 00:08:47,129
It's like we had
a chemical peel.
217
00:08:47,230 --> 00:08:49,397
I-- I highly doubt that, so
going right to the locker room,
218
00:08:49,499 --> 00:08:52,667
if anyone sees me, it's gonna be a whole thing.
Okay, okay, okay.
219
00:08:52,802 --> 00:08:55,003
Oh, my God,
there's Trey.
220
00:08:55,104 --> 00:08:56,938
Gonna really feel it in
those glutes, okay?
221
00:08:57,073 --> 00:08:58,874
Okay, give me your stuff,
give me your stuff.
222
00:08:59,008 --> 00:09:01,676
I'm out, I'm out,
I'm out, I'm out.
223
00:09:01,777 --> 00:09:03,712
(Trey)
Hey, Ab.
224
00:09:03,846 --> 00:09:05,981
Hey.
225
00:09:06,115 --> 00:09:07,849
Trey, I didn't think--
Whoa.
226
00:09:07,950 --> 00:09:09,217
What happened to your face?
227
00:09:09,352 --> 00:09:13,054
Oh, it's-- It's really
embarrassing, actually.
228
00:09:13,122 --> 00:09:16,458
I was-- I was doing
parkour just now.
229
00:09:16,592 --> 00:09:17,659
Abbi, that's great.
230
00:09:17,727 --> 00:09:19,895
Using the city as your gym,
very solstice.
231
00:09:19,996 --> 00:09:23,031
I did a backflip...
off of a car
232
00:09:23,166 --> 00:09:25,800
and I fell right
into a fire hydrant.
233
00:09:25,902 --> 00:09:27,669
That's-- It's a pretty
advanced technique.
234
00:09:27,803 --> 00:09:29,971
You can't take a break from
fitness, that's what I say.
235
00:09:30,039 --> 00:09:32,307
To myself.
I wish I was as strong as you.
236
00:09:32,475 --> 00:09:35,076
I mean, sometimes I just go
to Quizno's and I go nuts.
237
00:09:35,211 --> 00:09:36,077
It's bad.
238
00:09:36,212 --> 00:09:37,512
Quizno's is
my guilty pleasure.
239
00:09:37,647 --> 00:09:39,114
Dennis, relax that face,
buddy, okay?
240
00:09:39,215 --> 00:09:40,448
Relax that face.
241
00:09:40,583 --> 00:09:42,751
While I'm here, you know what,
I should check out the locker
242
00:09:42,885 --> 00:09:45,554
room just to make sure that
it's, like, up to code,
243
00:09:45,655 --> 00:09:48,857
nice and clean, just the way you
like it, I'm gonna check it out.
244
00:09:48,991 --> 00:09:50,358
I'm gonna stop you
right there, Ab.
245
00:09:50,493 --> 00:09:52,394
I know what
this is really about.
246
00:09:52,528 --> 00:09:54,029
You're afraid of your
own failure.
247
00:09:54,197 --> 00:09:57,065
Abbi, parkour
is terrifying, I know.
248
00:09:57,200 --> 00:09:59,401
But you've got to get back
on that urban jungle.
249
00:09:59,535 --> 00:10:00,869
I guess so.
250
00:10:01,003 --> 00:10:02,537
I'm glad to hear you say that
'cause I'm gonna walk you out
251
00:10:02,605 --> 00:10:04,472
and watch you do it, all right, come on.
Okay.
252
00:10:04,540 --> 00:10:06,241
Dennis, keep squatting,
I'm gonna do some parkour.
253
00:10:10,079 --> 00:10:15,650
(classical music playing)
254
00:10:28,631 --> 00:10:29,898
Kiehl's.
255
00:10:33,636 --> 00:10:35,971
Oh, yeah.
256
00:10:54,223 --> 00:10:55,624
All right, you speak
parkour, right?
257
00:10:55,758 --> 00:10:57,559
Yeah, totally.
Awesome.
258
00:10:57,693 --> 00:10:59,294
Show me a tic-tac
on the hydrant.
259
00:10:59,462 --> 00:11:00,729
Come on.
Okay, tic-tac.
260
00:11:00,863 --> 00:11:01,730
Yeah.
261
00:11:01,864 --> 00:11:05,100
Um...
262
00:11:05,201 --> 00:11:06,167
Okay.
263
00:11:06,302 --> 00:11:07,402
That's--
That's pretty good.
264
00:11:07,536 --> 00:11:08,937
Do a cat pass
under the hood.
265
00:11:09,105 --> 00:11:10,171
Cat pass?
Do a cat pass.
266
00:11:10,306 --> 00:11:11,473
Okay.
267
00:11:15,311 --> 00:11:16,344
Beautiful.
268
00:11:16,512 --> 00:11:17,779
I want you to tic-tac
right over the car.
269
00:11:17,913 --> 00:11:19,014
Tic-tac right over.
270
00:11:19,148 --> 00:11:20,482
Abbi, you're overcoming
your fear, all right?
271
00:11:20,583 --> 00:11:21,483
Don't give up now, Abbi.
272
00:11:21,651 --> 00:11:22,484
You've got this.
273
00:11:22,618 --> 00:11:24,185
Arch that back,
arch that back.
274
00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:25,487
That's a good hostage,
okay.
275
00:11:25,588 --> 00:11:27,188
Come down
and do a spit roast.
276
00:11:27,323 --> 00:11:28,390
You know what?
277
00:11:28,524 --> 00:11:30,725
Your full body is involved,
so that's good.
278
00:11:30,826 --> 00:11:32,327
Beautiful, Abbi.
279
00:11:32,495 --> 00:11:33,328
Picabo Street.
280
00:11:33,429 --> 00:11:35,497
Abbi, you are
a natural traceur.
281
00:11:35,631 --> 00:11:37,799
I want to see a jack in
the pulpit in the bikes.
282
00:11:37,867 --> 00:11:39,134
Jack in the pulpit.
Yeah.
283
00:11:39,268 --> 00:11:41,770
Totally.
Okay, yeah, pump it.
284
00:11:41,871 --> 00:11:42,771
It's very Grecian.
285
00:11:42,872 --> 00:11:44,773
Tap, tap, tap, tap,
good.
286
00:11:44,874 --> 00:11:47,475
Now I want you to do a Kong
jump and a back handspring
287
00:11:47,610 --> 00:11:50,545
off the car, but don't let
me anticipate the movement.
288
00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:55,317
You know, I-- I bet you that
Dennis is not squatting anymore.
289
00:11:55,418 --> 00:11:56,951
Anticipation.
290
00:11:57,086 --> 00:11:59,287
Abbi, that's the makings
of a great trainer.
291
00:11:59,388 --> 00:12:01,022
I think that I know--
Thank God I am one.
292
00:12:01,123 --> 00:12:02,390
Hasta la vista, Abbi.
293
00:12:02,558 --> 00:12:03,425
Dennis!
294
00:12:03,526 --> 00:12:05,527
295
00:12:07,263 --> 00:12:08,663
We are officially
homeless.
296
00:12:08,764 --> 00:12:10,899
No, dude, we are
standing and awake.
297
00:12:10,966 --> 00:12:14,769
You gotta be lying down
to be really homeless.
298
00:12:14,870 --> 00:12:16,371
Sorry.
299
00:12:16,539 --> 00:12:18,306
Or officially dicks.
300
00:12:18,441 --> 00:12:21,076
You know what?
This is insane.
301
00:12:21,210 --> 00:12:22,243
I'm changing here, just,
like, cover me.
302
00:12:22,411 --> 00:12:24,579
This is, like,
getting to be ridiculous.
303
00:12:24,714 --> 00:12:26,047
Okay.
304
00:12:26,182 --> 00:12:28,817
Oh, my God.
305
00:12:28,918 --> 00:12:30,585
Ilana.
306
00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:33,555
What did you do?
307
00:12:33,656 --> 00:12:35,490
That solstice, like...
308
00:12:35,591 --> 00:12:37,258
They should, like,
give you containers for--
309
00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:40,195
You know, for--
For what? Stealing lotion?
310
00:12:40,296 --> 00:12:42,197
What did you put it in?
311
00:12:42,331 --> 00:12:44,699
Those, like, plastic bags.
312
00:12:44,834 --> 00:12:45,767
Okay.
313
00:12:45,901 --> 00:12:47,502
The plastic bags are for
swimsuits and, like,
314
00:12:47,603 --> 00:12:51,272
dirty gym clothes,
not for loose goo.
315
00:12:51,374 --> 00:12:53,608
Just an FYI, okay?
316
00:12:53,743 --> 00:12:55,443
This is just insane.
I know.
317
00:12:55,578 --> 00:12:58,680
I can't believe that I'm gonna
go to my first gallery show
318
00:12:58,748 --> 00:13:00,582
looking like this.
319
00:13:00,683 --> 00:13:02,217
You're ruining
my big break.
320
00:13:02,351 --> 00:13:04,786
I mean, look-- look at me,
I look like garbage.
321
00:13:04,887 --> 00:13:06,788
You know what?
I'm going in.
322
00:13:06,922 --> 00:13:08,823
Wait.
What?
323
00:13:08,958 --> 00:13:10,825
This is the gallery?
Yeah.
324
00:13:10,993 --> 00:13:14,229
This is a sandwich shop.
325
00:13:14,363 --> 00:13:16,398
Or it's a gallery after 8:00
'cause they make people put
326
00:13:16,499 --> 00:13:17,966
their laptops away.
327
00:13:18,100 --> 00:13:20,835
You have been busting
my balls all day
328
00:13:20,936 --> 00:13:23,338
over a sandwich shop?
329
00:13:23,406 --> 00:13:24,672
You know what, dude?
330
00:13:24,774 --> 00:13:27,976
I think I want you to stay out
here, 'cause I definitely don't
331
00:13:28,077 --> 00:13:30,178
want you coming in there if
you're not gonna be supportive.
332
00:13:30,279 --> 00:13:33,581
Oh, I will absolutely
be coming in.
333
00:13:33,682 --> 00:13:34,883
Oh, Jesus.
334
00:13:34,984 --> 00:13:36,418
You know what?
Fine.
335
00:13:36,552 --> 00:13:39,187
I'll just park myself out here
while you do your thing
336
00:13:39,321 --> 00:13:40,455
and you know what?
337
00:13:40,589 --> 00:13:42,490
In the meantime, I can just
watch your bag and make sure
338
00:13:42,591 --> 00:13:44,092
nobody touches it.
Fine, thank you.
339
00:13:44,226 --> 00:13:46,327
Yeah, you're welcome.
I appreciate it.
340
00:13:46,429 --> 00:13:47,429
Anytime!
God.
341
00:13:48,899 --> 00:13:50,766
My eyes cannot
see the pain
342
00:13:50,901 --> 00:13:56,305
I walk in the dark I cry
343
00:13:56,406 --> 00:13:58,574
I'm sorry,
can I help you?
344
00:13:58,675 --> 00:14:00,443
Oh, I'm one
of the artists.
345
00:14:00,577 --> 00:14:01,744
One of the
sandwich artists?
346
00:14:01,845 --> 00:14:04,447
No, I'm one of the--
the artist artists.
347
00:14:04,548 --> 00:14:06,782
Have any of the pieces
sold yet?
348
00:14:06,917 --> 00:14:09,852
I know it's early.
I haven't heard anything.
349
00:14:09,953 --> 00:14:12,121
But I highly doubt it.
350
00:14:12,222 --> 00:14:14,657
Well, no, it's just that people
don't really come in here
351
00:14:14,791 --> 00:14:16,258
for the art.
352
00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:17,626
We're a sandwich shop.
353
00:14:17,761 --> 00:14:20,563
So we sell food.
354
00:14:20,697 --> 00:14:22,098
Would you like some?
355
00:14:22,265 --> 00:14:23,933
Are they...
free sandwiches?
356
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,836
You can order
and then pay.
357
00:14:26,937 --> 00:14:29,338
Okay, so how it
usually works.
358
00:14:29,439 --> 00:14:30,539
It's-- Yeah.
359
00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:33,576
High-quality lotion,
I'm gonna take the lotion.
360
00:14:33,677 --> 00:14:35,311
God.
361
00:14:35,379 --> 00:14:37,413
(scoffs)
Gallery.
362
00:14:37,514 --> 00:14:38,681
Step into reality.
363
00:14:56,767 --> 00:14:59,435
Oh.
364
00:14:59,536 --> 00:15:01,904
Ilana?
365
00:15:02,072 --> 00:15:04,807
Are you eating
garbage bagels?
366
00:15:04,875 --> 00:15:05,975
Why are you here?
367
00:15:06,109 --> 00:15:09,779
Abbi sent me a Facebook invite
to her gallery debut.
368
00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:13,582
Do you...
look... crazy?
369
00:15:13,717 --> 00:15:16,185
Mm-hmm.
370
00:15:16,286 --> 00:15:18,287
Yeah, I do.
371
00:15:18,388 --> 00:15:20,723
I got locked out
and then I--
372
00:15:20,857 --> 00:15:24,660
I just, like, ruined
her night completely.
373
00:15:24,795 --> 00:15:27,363
I'm an idiot,
I'm like a dumb ass.
374
00:15:27,497 --> 00:15:28,864
I, like, can't function.
375
00:15:28,999 --> 00:15:30,466
Oh, don't be so hard
on yourself.
376
00:15:30,567 --> 00:15:31,834
Nobody's perfect.
377
00:15:31,935 --> 00:15:33,536
I'm not
a perfect dentist.
378
00:15:33,670 --> 00:15:34,737
I eat candy all the time.
379
00:15:34,871 --> 00:15:36,972
I got, like,
six cavities.
380
00:15:37,107 --> 00:15:38,707
Thanks-- thanks for--
Ahh!
381
00:15:38,842 --> 00:15:39,975
Ooh, what?
382
00:15:40,076 --> 00:15:41,043
Oh.
383
00:15:41,144 --> 00:15:44,647
Oh, my God.
384
00:15:44,748 --> 00:15:46,682
Oh, my God.
385
00:15:46,750 --> 00:15:48,684
The keys to
my apartment.
386
00:15:48,785 --> 00:15:50,453
Don't you ever
tell Abbi.
387
00:15:50,587 --> 00:15:51,754
You can't ever tell her.
388
00:15:51,888 --> 00:15:53,122
You can't ever tell her this,
this is--
389
00:15:53,223 --> 00:15:57,860
I won't tell Abbi, but I've
told you several times
390
00:15:57,994 --> 00:15:58,894
and I'll
tell you again,
391
00:15:59,062 --> 00:16:00,529
phone, keys, wallet--
Every time.
392
00:16:00,597 --> 00:16:02,665
Phone, keys,
wallet, P-K-W.
393
00:16:02,799 --> 00:16:06,936
Your brain is a muscle, Ilana,
and I feel like that muscle
394
00:16:07,103 --> 00:16:08,971
isn't getting
enough exercise.
395
00:16:09,105 --> 00:16:10,573
You need to do your
brain kegels.
396
00:16:15,846 --> 00:16:17,246
And five.
397
00:16:17,347 --> 00:16:18,714
Crushed it.
398
00:16:22,752 --> 00:16:25,688
That's my--
my drawing up there.
399
00:16:25,822 --> 00:16:28,491
You're in
a good spot for it.
400
00:16:28,592 --> 00:16:30,659
I'll take the hamburger.
401
00:16:30,794 --> 00:16:33,028
Oh, that's actually
not a menu item.
402
00:16:33,096 --> 00:16:34,363
It's art.
403
00:16:34,498 --> 00:16:36,198
We're actually a vegan
sandwich place.
404
00:16:36,333 --> 00:16:38,300
I mean, I guess it's,
like, ironic or something.
405
00:16:42,372 --> 00:16:43,305
Abbi's right.
406
00:16:43,406 --> 00:16:46,008
I'm not gonna make my room
a walk-in closet.
407
00:16:46,109 --> 00:16:48,577
I was always
anti- that idea.
408
00:16:48,712 --> 00:16:50,746
Who would want to live
in a closet?
409
00:16:50,847 --> 00:16:52,214
Oh, my God.
410
00:16:52,315 --> 00:16:55,618
Because then I would
be closeted.
411
00:16:55,719 --> 00:16:58,754
I was thinking more like who
would want to live amongst
412
00:16:58,855 --> 00:17:03,859
their clothes,
but also what you said.
413
00:17:03,994 --> 00:17:06,428
Either one.
Let's just go in here.
414
00:17:06,530 --> 00:17:08,831
Okay, yeah.
415
00:17:08,965 --> 00:17:11,634
Is that lotion?
Yeah.
416
00:17:11,735 --> 00:17:15,404
God, these bagels here are,
like, very good, so.
417
00:17:20,176 --> 00:17:21,844
How's the, um,
gallery going?
418
00:17:21,978 --> 00:17:23,245
It's not a gallery.
419
00:17:23,313 --> 00:17:25,347
It's a sandwich shop,
you were right.
420
00:17:25,482 --> 00:17:26,649
And they don't really--
421
00:17:26,783 --> 00:17:29,184
They don't even have meat,
so I don't know if I would even
422
00:17:29,286 --> 00:17:32,288
consider it
a sandwich shop,
423
00:17:32,389 --> 00:17:34,957
but... I'm sorry
I was a bitch.
424
00:17:35,058 --> 00:17:37,560
Don't even worry about it,
you know?
425
00:17:37,694 --> 00:17:38,994
When a friend
makes a mistake,
426
00:17:39,062 --> 00:17:40,262
you forgive them
blindly, right?
427
00:17:40,397 --> 00:17:41,463
Cool, yeah.
428
00:17:41,531 --> 00:17:44,733
I'm gonna go take a dump.
Oh... cool, cool.
429
00:17:44,801 --> 00:17:47,002
Hey Abbi, you gotta
start somewhere.
430
00:17:47,137 --> 00:17:48,504
And look at the Hardy boys.
431
00:17:48,638 --> 00:17:51,273
They started out as
kid detectives,
432
00:17:51,374 --> 00:17:53,676
just solving
mysteries in Bayport
433
00:17:53,810 --> 00:17:57,179
and now they have an entire
book series about them.
434
00:17:57,280 --> 00:17:59,381
Yeah, definitely, but you know,
they are, like,
435
00:17:59,516 --> 00:18:03,485
fictional characters,
but I appreciate the...
436
00:18:03,620 --> 00:18:04,787
sentiment behind it.
437
00:18:04,888 --> 00:18:07,222
Thanks for coming, Lincoln.
Thanks for inviting me.
438
00:18:07,357 --> 00:18:09,658
They wouldn't accept me
in the bathroom,
439
00:18:09,759 --> 00:18:11,594
so I'll just go
at your place.
440
00:18:11,728 --> 00:18:14,096
We're staying over, by the way.
Sleepover! Yes.
441
00:18:14,230 --> 00:18:15,698
I need this day to end.
442
00:18:15,765 --> 00:18:17,399
Hey, your drawing sold.
443
00:18:17,500 --> 00:18:19,902
Oh, my gosh!
444
00:18:20,003 --> 00:18:22,271
I think I'm gonna solstice--
I mean, focus on my art.
445
00:18:22,372 --> 00:18:24,139
So you have two options.
446
00:18:24,307 --> 00:18:27,876
You can take your cut of the
proceeds, which are 17.50,
447
00:18:28,044 --> 00:18:31,580
or you can get a credit
for, like, three sandwiches.
448
00:18:31,715 --> 00:18:33,549
17.50.
Yeah.
449
00:18:33,683 --> 00:18:34,683
Okay.
450
00:18:34,784 --> 00:18:36,952
And there's no meat.
No.
451
00:18:37,087 --> 00:18:38,887
Okay, how big are
the sandwiches?
452
00:18:38,989 --> 00:18:40,389
Like, substantial?
453
00:18:40,557 --> 00:18:41,557
We-- Sometimes.
454
00:18:41,625 --> 00:18:43,425
That's not--
That's not like a sandwich.
455
00:18:43,560 --> 00:18:45,561
That's a teeny
sandwich, right?
456
00:18:45,695 --> 00:18:46,862
People are full on that.
457
00:18:46,997 --> 00:18:48,464
Okay, well, I'm not
normal people.
458
00:18:48,531 --> 00:18:49,665
Okay.
I don't--
459
00:18:49,766 --> 00:18:52,267
Tofu is in them.
Is it thick?
460
00:18:52,402 --> 00:18:54,103
I don't know the degree
of tofu-ness.
461
00:18:54,204 --> 00:18:55,104
You have
no idea the degree.
462
00:18:55,205 --> 00:18:56,839
There should be some
sort of scale.
463
00:18:56,940 --> 00:19:00,142
Okay, to-go coffee mugs,
you guys must have that.
464
00:19:00,276 --> 00:19:02,277
Do you know what
a sandwich is?
465
00:19:02,345 --> 00:19:03,379
Do you?
466
00:19:03,546 --> 00:19:06,715
'Cause you don't have
any meat in them.
467
00:19:06,783 --> 00:19:08,183
There's no meat
in the sandwiches.
468
00:19:08,251 --> 00:19:11,453
Just an FYI, that makes the sandwich.
That's funny.
469
00:19:11,588 --> 00:19:12,621
Do you guys have
Naked juices?
470
00:19:16,559 --> 00:19:17,660
Hello.
471
00:19:17,761 --> 00:19:19,461
Oh, so you bought
the drawing.
472
00:19:19,529 --> 00:19:20,796
Two of my
favorite things.
473
00:19:20,964 --> 00:19:21,897
Art and Abbi?
474
00:19:21,998 --> 00:19:23,799
Um, hamburgers and Abbi.
Oh.
475
00:19:37,147 --> 00:19:38,280
Okay, I just--
476
00:19:38,381 --> 00:19:40,716
I kind of want
to hold it.
477
00:19:40,817 --> 00:19:42,317
All right.
478
00:19:50,293 --> 00:19:54,129
(whistling)
479
00:19:59,202 --> 00:20:02,638
(man)
Yolanda.
480
00:20:04,974 --> 00:20:07,443
Yolanda.
481
00:20:07,610 --> 00:20:10,746
I wanna pick
your little keyhole...
482
00:20:12,315 --> 00:20:14,183
Ahh!
483
00:20:14,317 --> 00:20:17,352
Yolanda!
484
00:20:17,487 --> 00:20:19,354
No!
485
00:20:19,456 --> 00:20:21,724
Yolanda!
486
00:20:21,858 --> 00:20:23,125
Why?
487
00:20:23,226 --> 00:20:24,993
Why?
488
00:20:27,664 --> 00:20:30,466
It's just a keyhole!
489
00:20:34,738 --> 00:20:36,638
Why?
490
00:20:36,773 --> 00:20:40,909
Why?
491
00:20:41,010 --> 00:20:45,848
(man screaming)
492
00:20:45,898 --> 00:20:50,448
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