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1
00:00:01,067 --> 00:00:02,334
Oh, Cash.
2
00:00:02,336 --> 00:00:04,536
You saved me from Skeletor.
How romantic.
3
00:00:04,538 --> 00:00:07,106
Anything
for my soul mate Molly.
4
00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:11,777
Now let me lay you down on this
Tauntaun-skin rug and make some sweet...
5
00:00:11,779 --> 00:00:12,478
Stop, stop, stop!
6
00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:14,713
I feel like I'm about to see
something I can't un-see.
7
00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:18,250
Dude. This is called
a destiny diorama.
8
00:00:18,252 --> 00:00:21,387
I'm visualizing my future with Molly
so it'll come true.
9
00:00:21,389 --> 00:00:25,224
Yeah, we're gonna live
in Castle Grayskull.
10
00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:28,961
Okay, well, I don't get
what you see in her,
11
00:00:28,963 --> 00:00:30,496
but power to ya.
Go for it.
12
00:00:30,498 --> 00:00:33,032
Oh, I will. I'm gonna
ask her out. Yeah.
13
00:00:33,034 --> 00:00:37,269
I'm just building up my nerve.
I'll do it in one...
14
00:00:37,271 --> 00:00:39,471
Maybe two years.
15
00:00:39,539 --> 00:00:41,540
I got plenty of time.
16
00:00:41,941 --> 00:00:44,777
I'm being deported
in three weeks.
17
00:00:44,779 --> 00:00:47,246
No! Oh, my God!
This is terrible!
18
00:00:47,248 --> 00:00:48,814
How can this be
happening to me?
19
00:00:48,816 --> 00:00:50,149
Well, it's mostly
happening to me.
20
00:00:50,151 --> 00:00:54,787
My work visa expired because you never
filled out the extension.
21
00:00:54,789 --> 00:00:55,687
Yeah, I did.
22
00:00:55,689 --> 00:00:57,923
Really? Well, pardon my French,
but bollocks!
23
00:00:57,925 --> 00:01:01,393
It's here, covered with coffee stains
and penis doodles.
24
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:04,863
All right, all right. Everybody shutty.
We can fight this.
25
00:01:04,865 --> 00:01:05,964
I know a guy
who knows a guy
26
00:01:05,966 --> 00:01:07,900
who can bribe a guy
at Immigration.
27
00:01:07,902 --> 00:01:10,035
Hello.
Agent Benson, please.
28
00:01:10,037 --> 00:01:12,571
I see. I see.
Good day.
29
00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:14,673
He's dead.
30
00:01:14,675 --> 00:01:15,407
Well, as H.R.,
31
00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:17,876
I could petition the court
for a stay of deportation,
32
00:01:17,878 --> 00:01:19,044
but that could
take months,
33
00:01:19,046 --> 00:01:21,246
so your best option
is to make me your bride.
34
00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:22,748
It's legal.
35
00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:24,783
Wait a minute. Yes.
Okay.
36
00:01:24,785 --> 00:01:25,517
Oh, my gosh.
37
00:01:25,519 --> 00:01:27,386
You're gonna get married just like
in that movie Green Card
38
00:01:27,388 --> 00:01:31,390
where that fat French guy convinces
Andie MacDowell that he's not an uggo.
39
00:01:33,727 --> 00:01:34,660
Stop. No, stop.
40
00:01:34,662 --> 00:01:37,062
When I used to fantasize
about my wedding day,
41
00:01:37,064 --> 00:01:40,365
a sham marriage is not
what I had pictured.
42
00:01:40,367 --> 00:01:42,668
Of course I'll marry you,
Prince William.
43
00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:45,003
I just have to
let Hugh Grant down gently
44
00:01:45,005 --> 00:01:45,871
and quit the Spice Girls.
45
00:01:45,873 --> 00:01:47,206
Oh, brilliant, Molly.
46
00:01:47,208 --> 00:01:50,542
Now let's do some kissy-kissy
with our shirts off.
47
00:01:51,145 --> 00:01:55,280
A wedding is a sacred bond
between two people,
48
00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:55,948
not to be trifled with.
49
00:01:55,950 --> 00:01:59,985
Come on.
I've trifled with that bitch four times.
50
00:01:59,987 --> 00:02:00,686
You just say, "I do,"
51
00:02:00,688 --> 00:02:01,920
and then when
the bouncy-bouncy dies down,
52
00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:05,057
you pull the rip cord and smoke a jay.
No big whoop.
53
00:02:05,059 --> 00:02:06,125
Wonderful.
54
00:02:06,127 --> 00:02:07,159
Oz, what's going on
with Molly?
55
00:02:07,161 --> 00:02:08,260
Cash is freaking out
over here.
56
00:02:08,262 --> 00:02:10,929
Look, nobody wants the girl to stick around
more than me.
57
00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:14,099
When it comes to Veronica,
Molly is my buffer.
58
00:02:14,101 --> 00:02:15,334
She's my Buffy.
59
00:02:15,336 --> 00:02:15,968
She's my rock.
60
00:02:15,970 --> 00:02:19,037
She's the only one here
that uses correct postage.
61
00:02:19,039 --> 00:02:19,638
She will be missed.
62
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:21,573
Who am I gonna watch
Downton Abbey with?
63
00:02:21,575 --> 00:02:24,209
It's "Downtown.""Downtown Abbey."
64
00:02:24,211 --> 00:02:25,477
Yeah, it's "Downtown." Ricky.
65
00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:27,179
I'm pretty sure
it's "Downtown."
66
00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:28,380
Are we talking
about the same Molly?
67
00:02:28,382 --> 00:02:31,984
The one who leaves passive-aggressive
post-it notes
68
00:02:31,986 --> 00:02:32,551
all over my desk?
69
00:02:32,553 --> 00:02:34,153
"Cameron, thank you so much
70
00:02:34,155 --> 00:02:36,088
"for cleaning
the office microwave."
71
00:02:36,090 --> 00:02:36,889
Sounds okay to me.
72
00:02:36,891 --> 00:02:39,725
No. I didn't clean it.
She's being a dick.
73
00:02:39,727 --> 00:02:41,894
Screw
my 1-slash-2-year plan.
74
00:02:41,896 --> 00:02:46,532
It's time I become her superhero
and keep her in the country.
75
00:02:46,534 --> 00:02:48,233
The hell is that?
76
00:02:48,235 --> 00:02:51,537
It's my master replica green lantern
engagement ring.
77
00:02:51,539 --> 00:02:53,138
Easy, cupcake.
When it comes to Molly,
78
00:02:53,140 --> 00:02:54,173
she needs somebody
who's all business,
79
00:02:54,175 --> 00:02:55,607
not somebody who wants
to get up in her business.
80
00:02:55,609 --> 00:02:59,945
Yeah, Oz is right.
You're way too emotionally involved.
81
00:02:59,947 --> 00:03:00,913
Lucky for us, I am not.
82
00:03:00,915 --> 00:03:03,615
Now the fate of this office depends on
Molly sticking around.
83
00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:06,919
That's why I'm gonna jump on this grenade
and marry the girl myself.
84
00:03:06,921 --> 00:03:07,920
I couldn't help
but overhear, you know,
85
00:03:07,922 --> 00:03:10,589
because I was hiding behind the
Tron machine, spying.
86
00:03:10,591 --> 00:03:14,126
You can't marry Molly.
You already have a wife.
87
00:03:14,128 --> 00:03:18,530
I think I'd know
if I was married.
88
00:03:22,068 --> 00:03:22,601
Son of a bitch.
89
00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:25,537
So we got married
in March 2005,
90
00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:29,241
and then, oh, look, married again
in June 2010...
91
00:03:29,243 --> 00:03:32,978
Uh-huh. And then divorced
in July...
92
00:03:32,980 --> 00:03:33,946
Yeah.
93
00:03:33,948 --> 00:03:34,513
And then, yes,
94
00:03:34,515 --> 00:03:37,482
we ran into each other
last year in Cozumel...
95
00:03:37,484 --> 00:03:40,018
Got crazy drunk on tequila,
and tied the knot again.
96
00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:45,057
Oh. I guess we both ate the worm
on that one, huh?
97
00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:49,194
So we're married.
What now?
98
00:03:53,099 --> 00:03:55,067
Amy Kyleen Osbourne,
99
00:03:55,069 --> 00:03:57,903
would you make me the happiest man
on planet Earth,
100
00:03:57,905 --> 00:03:59,671
and grant me a divorce?
101
00:03:59,673 --> 00:04:00,405
Oh, Oz.
102
00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:03,575
It's such a big decision.
What's a girl to do? No.
103
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:06,178
"No"?
What do you mean, "No"?
104
00:04:06,180 --> 00:04:07,479
You loathe me.
I loathe you.
105
00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:10,048
That is the one thing
we agree on.
106
00:04:10,050 --> 00:04:11,550
Because what's the point?
107
00:04:11,552 --> 00:04:14,486
We get together,
and then we break up,
108
00:04:14,488 --> 00:04:17,055
and then we have
insane monkey sex...
109
00:04:17,057 --> 00:04:17,656
Mmm-hmm.
110
00:04:17,658 --> 00:04:18,957
And then we get
back together,
111
00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:22,327
so why not save the legal fees
and just stay married?
112
00:04:22,329 --> 00:04:23,729
'Cause this time,
I mean it.
113
00:04:23,731 --> 00:04:25,631
Okay. Well, I need
to tell you that...
114
00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:27,699
...got something pierced.
115
00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:28,767
Oh, really?
Mmm.
116
00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:30,102
Oh, no, no!
No, no, no.
117
00:04:30,104 --> 00:04:33,171
I don't care
what you got pierced.
118
00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:36,208
Sign the papers.
119
00:04:36,542 --> 00:04:38,277
Legal fees it is.
120
00:04:39,046 --> 00:04:40,746
Unless...
121
00:04:40,748 --> 00:04:42,214
Ooh!
122
00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:44,650
Still a "no."
123
00:04:44,652 --> 00:04:46,585
Nice piercing.
124
00:04:46,686 --> 00:04:47,452
Hey, Molly.
125
00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:48,954
I'd like you
to meet Thor,
126
00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:51,189
my personal trainer
and your future husband.
127
00:04:51,191 --> 00:04:55,193
Come on, Thor.
Give her a peek under the hood.
128
00:04:55,195 --> 00:04:57,696
Am I right? Huh?
129
00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:02,968
No offense, Mr. Thor,
but I think I'll pass.
130
00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:04,436
Oh, great.
131
00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:07,306
Well, you really screwed this one up.
All right.
132
00:05:07,308 --> 00:05:11,443
My place, usual time.
Wear the thing.
133
00:05:11,511 --> 00:05:12,844
Look, Veronica,
134
00:05:12,846 --> 00:05:15,013
if I go through
with this marriage,
135
00:05:15,015 --> 00:05:17,983
it has to be
100% platonic.
136
00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:23,088
No money, no sex, no love.
Just like my parents.
137
00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:24,489
All right.
Let me get this straight.
138
00:05:24,491 --> 00:05:28,360
So you want a plain,
bland, vanilla, boring
139
00:05:28,362 --> 00:05:31,363
Joe Shmoe who, sounds like,
doesn't even like you.
140
00:05:31,365 --> 00:05:33,565
Really? A post-it note
on my windshield?
141
00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:35,567
Yes. Got your attention,
didn't it?
142
00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:37,569
Perhaps now you'll hand in
your expense reports
143
00:05:37,571 --> 00:05:38,937
before I'm kicked
out the country.
144
00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:40,038
Maybe I will,
maybe I won't.
145
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:41,173
Well, it would be
very useful if you...
146
00:05:41,175 --> 00:05:42,941
I don't know. Would, please,
because...
147
00:05:42,943 --> 00:05:44,743
Well, maybe I could...
"Please" what?
148
00:05:44,745 --> 00:05:45,811
Please hand them in.
"Them"? "Them" now?
149
00:05:45,813 --> 00:05:47,579
It would be nice and professional of you...
When are you talking about?
150
00:05:47,581 --> 00:05:49,014
If you could just hand them in
like everybody else
151
00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:51,316
in the office has, on time...
Well, it would be very professional
152
00:05:51,318 --> 00:05:52,684
if you sent me an e-mail
and stopped...
153
00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:55,187
Three days ago, I sent you two e-mails.
Ooh. Ooh.
154
00:05:55,189 --> 00:05:55,721
What?
155
00:05:55,723 --> 00:05:59,024
Oz, thank God.
Uh, Veronica's forcing me to marry Molly.
156
00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:00,826
And please don't say...
I'll allow it.
157
00:06:00,828 --> 00:06:01,760
No, just because
you allow it
158
00:06:01,762 --> 00:06:03,628
doesn't mean it has to be allowed.
Yes, it does.
159
00:06:03,630 --> 00:06:06,264
We're gonna have a dummy wedding,
and you are the dummy.
160
00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:07,165
You're gonna
sign some papers,
161
00:06:07,167 --> 00:06:08,166
answer a few questions,
and bam!
162
00:06:08,168 --> 00:06:11,136
In two years' time, you get a
quickie divorce. You're a free man.
163
00:06:11,138 --> 00:06:11,636
Two years?
164
00:06:11,638 --> 00:06:15,140
I'll wait for her.
It fits into my 1-slash-2-year plan.
165
00:06:15,142 --> 00:06:18,243
No, you don't have to wait.
You can have her.
166
00:06:18,245 --> 00:06:19,077
No. No, you can't.
167
00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:20,812
Oz, I'll never pass
the immigration interview.
168
00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:23,215
You know
I'm the worst liar ever.
169
00:06:24,385 --> 00:06:26,084
Who are you?
170
00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:27,386
I work here.
171
00:06:27,388 --> 00:06:29,254
I'm Dick Biggens.
172
00:06:29,256 --> 00:06:31,256
Porn star Dick Biggens?
173
00:06:32,859 --> 00:06:34,493
I have to admit...
174
00:06:34,495 --> 00:06:37,763
I have very little faith in you,
but we're out of options.
175
00:06:37,765 --> 00:06:39,931
Help us, Cameron.
You're our only hope.
176
00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:43,235
No. No way.
There's no way in hell.
177
00:06:43,336 --> 00:06:46,037
He said, "Yes"!
178
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:54,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
179
00:07:02,688 --> 00:07:05,323
We got your back
180
00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:11,830
So, haven't heard
from your attorneys.
181
00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:13,498
Have you signed
the papers, or what?
182
00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:15,300
Depends on if you agree
to the pre-div.
183
00:07:15,302 --> 00:07:16,968
What?
It's like a reverse pre-nup.
184
00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:19,571
It's just
a little list of demands
185
00:07:19,573 --> 00:07:22,274
before I grant you
your freedom.
186
00:07:22,276 --> 00:07:26,278
"Boat, house, houseboat, diamond..."
Are you insane?
187
00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:29,147
You want me to buy you
a disengagement ring?
188
00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:30,215
I'll allow it.
189
00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:30,816
That's my thing.
190
00:07:30,818 --> 00:07:34,186
See number 15.
I get your catchphrases.
191
00:07:34,188 --> 00:07:35,253
I see what you're
trying to do here.
192
00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:37,422
You're trying to rattle me,
but it's not gonna work,
193
00:07:37,424 --> 00:07:38,824
because it's just stuff.
Take it all.
194
00:07:38,826 --> 00:07:43,094
Well, that's good,
because that brings me to our last item.
195
00:07:43,096 --> 00:07:46,398
No. No.
No, no, no, no, no! Hey!
196
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:49,401
I would rather be married to you
for another hundred years
197
00:07:49,403 --> 00:07:50,535
than give up
my Kirk Chair.
198
00:07:50,537 --> 00:07:52,704
What's the matter?
It's just stuff, right?
199
00:07:52,706 --> 00:07:56,241
Shatner gave me the chair.
It's the Captain's chair.
200
00:07:56,243 --> 00:07:57,142
It represents my yearning
201
00:07:57,144 --> 00:08:00,545
to boldly go where no man
has gone before.
202
00:08:00,547 --> 00:08:03,014
Well, now it's gonna
be a dog bed.
203
00:08:03,016 --> 00:08:05,116
No deal, devil woman.
204
00:08:05,118 --> 00:08:09,888
Now if you'll excuse me, I have
another sham marriage to attend to.
205
00:08:11,258 --> 00:08:12,958
L'chaim!
206
00:08:16,295 --> 00:08:17,696
Always a bridesmaid.
207
00:08:17,698 --> 00:08:18,563
You're not a bridesmaid.
208
00:08:18,565 --> 00:08:19,731
Then why am I wearing
a lime green dress?
209
00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:23,735
'Cause you're a crazy woman.
Now where's that cake?
210
00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:26,404
I was told
there'd be cake.
211
00:08:26,807 --> 00:08:28,740
You know, your wife was looking
real fine at the wedding today.
212
00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:31,610
All fine in those
boots and stuff.
213
00:08:31,612 --> 00:08:34,112
Man, that part of the leg
that goes from the top of the boot
214
00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:37,582
to the bottom of the skirt?
That right there?
215
00:08:37,584 --> 00:08:38,783
F.D.A. approved.
216
00:08:38,785 --> 00:08:39,384
What are you doing?
217
00:08:39,386 --> 00:08:41,620
You pissed? Huh? You want
to punch me in the face?
218
00:08:41,622 --> 00:08:44,322
Little protective of your wife?
Hmm? Huh? Dude, dude,
219
00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:45,657
I don't like Molly,
okay?
220
00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:46,992
I give you my blessing.
Ask her out.
221
00:08:46,994 --> 00:08:49,694
Seriously,
date my wife, please.
222
00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:50,595
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
223
00:08:50,597 --> 00:08:53,732
This is a beautiful
moment, man.
224
00:08:58,205 --> 00:09:00,272
Hey.
Hello. Are you Mr. Price?
225
00:09:00,274 --> 00:09:01,873
Uh, yeah.
Yeah, that's me.
226
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:03,742
Richard Holden,
Immigration.
227
00:09:03,744 --> 00:09:06,144
Need to speak to you
and your wife, please.
228
00:09:06,146 --> 00:09:07,679
My wife?
229
00:09:08,314 --> 00:09:10,515
Yes! Yes! My wife!
230
00:09:10,517 --> 00:09:12,617
Just, it's so new,
and I mean,
231
00:09:12,619 --> 00:09:17,289
- I can't even believe I'm married.
- Mistake!
232
00:09:17,590 --> 00:09:19,357
Wedding humor.
You probably don't get it.
233
00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:21,893
I see you're not
wearing a ring.
234
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:24,629
Neither are you.
Shall we?
235
00:09:24,631 --> 00:09:29,000
I... We weren't
expecting you.
236
00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:33,371
Uh, yes, I like to, uh,
have surprise visits.
237
00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:35,040
It helps
keep people honest.
238
00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:39,244
So, um, you live here,
239
00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:41,413
in this place, with your...
240
00:09:41,415 --> 00:09:43,181
...with your wife?
241
00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:45,684
Just the three of us.
"Three"?
242
00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:47,185
Yeah, I'm...
I'm the roommate.
243
00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:49,321
About to move out
tomorrow.
244
00:09:49,323 --> 00:09:52,691
He's gay.
He's a homosexual man
245
00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:55,260
who enjoys hugging
other men sexually.
246
00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:57,395
That's...
That's what he does.
247
00:09:57,397 --> 00:09:58,163
Yep.
248
00:09:58,165 --> 00:09:59,264
Mr. Price, you do know
249
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:02,200
that lying about your marital status
is a felony?
250
00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:03,668
Yes, I do know that.
I'm a lawyer.
251
00:10:03,670 --> 00:10:06,972
Uh, I have a car...
You know what? I don't have a card.
252
00:10:06,974 --> 00:10:08,073
It's more of a word-of-mouth
kind of thing,
253
00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:11,142
but, um, we should maybe reschedule
this tomorrow, when my wife is here.
254
00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:12,477
I think that would
work much better,
255
00:10:12,479 --> 00:10:14,879
so I'll see you then.
Bye-bye now. If we could just...
256
00:10:14,881 --> 00:10:18,016
Damn it!
That was a disaster!
257
00:10:18,018 --> 00:10:19,217
Okay, chicos
and chic-ettes.
258
00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:21,620
The suit from Immigration's going
to be here tonight, so let's keep it up.
259
00:10:21,622 --> 00:10:24,990
Let's give this man cave
a much-needed estrogen bath.
260
00:10:24,992 --> 00:10:28,159
I've got some mad
bras and panties.
261
00:10:28,161 --> 00:10:28,760
Oh. Oh.
262
00:10:28,762 --> 00:10:30,829
Are you sure it's necessary for me
to move in here?
263
00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:33,798
Well, look, it's only temporary,
one, maybe three years.
264
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:37,836
Three years? I'm sorry.
This is spiraling out of control.
265
00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:38,837
Maybe I should just
go back to London,
266
00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:41,172
and I can just clear
all of this up there.
267
00:10:41,174 --> 00:10:42,741
Aw, don't...
Ooh.
268
00:10:42,743 --> 00:10:44,509
Oh, jeez.
269
00:10:44,710 --> 00:10:45,944
What the hell?
270
00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:46,911
Don't freak out.
271
00:10:46,913 --> 00:10:47,646
Hardwood floors?
272
00:10:47,648 --> 00:10:51,182
I have hardwood floors?
This is awesome! What's that smell?
273
00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:53,218
Clean?
274
00:10:53,220 --> 00:10:54,252
Love it.
Ah!
275
00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:55,320
Well, this is
the easy part.
276
00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:58,023
The real trick is gonna
get the two of you to walk,
277
00:10:58,025 --> 00:10:59,758
talk, and squawk
like newlyweds.
278
00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:00,825
Carol. What do
you got for me?
279
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:01,893
Complete bios
on Cameron and Molly.
280
00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:06,865
Family histories, pet peeves, personal stats,
hobbies, and sleeping habits.
281
00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:08,600
How do you know that?
282
00:11:10,970 --> 00:11:12,437
It's physically impossible
for anyone
283
00:11:12,439 --> 00:11:15,340
to learn all this information
in a few hours.
284
00:11:15,441 --> 00:11:18,943
Thanks to me,
you won't have to.
285
00:11:19,145 --> 00:11:19,711
Cam!
Oh.
286
00:11:19,713 --> 00:11:21,312
What's Molly's
mother's name? Quick.
287
00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:22,480
It... She...
Too slow!
288
00:11:22,482 --> 00:11:23,915
You blew it, man!
Now Molly's in prison,
289
00:11:23,917 --> 00:11:26,484
getting her hair braided
by her cell-mate queeny!
290
00:11:26,486 --> 00:11:28,053
Again, perhaps
it might be better
291
00:11:28,055 --> 00:11:29,220
if I just went home
to London.
292
00:11:29,222 --> 00:11:32,590
Nonsense, nonsense.
While you guys are being interrogated,
293
00:11:32,592 --> 00:11:34,025
just look to the wall
for your answers.
294
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:39,330
See, right here we've got Big Momma
next to a map of...
295
00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:40,265
Florence.
296
00:11:40,267 --> 00:11:41,633
That's my mummy's name.
297
00:11:41,635 --> 00:11:42,333
Oz, that's brilliant.
298
00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:44,869
Little trick I learned from my
drinking buddies in the K.G.B.
299
00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:48,673
K.G.B.?
More like Keyser Soze.
300
00:11:48,774 --> 00:11:49,674
Okay, students.
301
00:11:49,676 --> 00:11:52,377
Today we're going to be
learning about chemistry,
302
00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:54,813
because you two
don't have any.
303
00:11:54,815 --> 00:11:56,114
You know
you're really in trouble
304
00:11:56,116 --> 00:12:01,586
when Buddy and Ricky have
more sexual tension between them
305
00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:02,454
than you two do.
306
00:12:02,456 --> 00:12:04,422
Does it tickle?
307
00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:08,293
Now show me what you got.
Come on. Bring me the heat.
308
00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:10,261
Okay. Chemistry. Right.
309
00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:11,930
So, um...
What?
310
00:12:11,932 --> 00:12:15,166
Maybe just around the...
around the back.
311
00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:15,967
There we go, yeah.
312
00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:18,536
Sorry. I... I grazed
some side boob.
313
00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:19,771
That's fine.
Don't do it again.
314
00:12:19,773 --> 00:12:21,940
Yes, do it again.
Do it right now!
315
00:12:21,942 --> 00:12:24,642
Grab her boobs!
This is your legal property.
316
00:12:24,644 --> 00:12:26,811
Absolutely not.
317
00:12:27,146 --> 00:12:28,146
Well...
318
00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:30,648
I did not want to
have to do this.
319
00:12:30,650 --> 00:12:33,017
Molly? Watch and learn.
320
00:12:33,019 --> 00:12:34,085
What?
Okay, I'm coming in.
321
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:36,221
Oh, goodness.
We're here.
322
00:12:36,223 --> 00:12:37,021
Here we go.
323
00:12:37,023 --> 00:12:40,191
Ah. I want a raise.
I want a raise!
324
00:12:44,964 --> 00:12:47,398
Barkeep?
Another mudslide.
325
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:50,034
Make it two. Hold the mud.
Double bourbon.
326
00:12:50,036 --> 00:12:52,504
Oz. What are
you doing here?
327
00:12:52,506 --> 00:12:54,239
I'm drinking
my wife away.
328
00:12:54,241 --> 00:12:57,408
Oh.
Marriage trouble, eh?
329
00:12:57,410 --> 00:12:58,076
Oof.
330
00:12:58,078 --> 00:13:01,746
Can't believe I'm gonna say this,
but I can relate.
331
00:13:01,748 --> 00:13:04,682
I don't think I can go through
with this interview.
332
00:13:04,684 --> 00:13:08,453
Every fiber of my being
is telling me it's a mistake.
333
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:09,687
Getting married
for a Green Card?
334
00:13:09,689 --> 00:13:14,159
Ah, don't beat yourself up.
I'm staying married for a chair.
335
00:13:14,593 --> 00:13:16,294
A chair?
Yeah.
336
00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:16,861
That's absurd.
337
00:13:16,863 --> 00:13:18,596
Hey, I prefer
my drinking partners
338
00:13:18,598 --> 00:13:21,566
to be a little
less judgmental.
339
00:13:22,168 --> 00:13:23,434
Sorry.
340
00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:24,769
But at least
my sham marriage
341
00:13:24,771 --> 00:13:27,505
helps me keep my life,
my job, and my friends.
342
00:13:27,507 --> 00:13:31,042
Well, sounds like
a pretty good deal to me.
343
00:13:34,213 --> 00:13:36,781
Yes, I suppose it does.
344
00:13:39,251 --> 00:13:41,386
Thank you, Oz.
345
00:13:41,388 --> 00:13:44,088
I hope you and your chair
are very happy together.
346
00:13:44,090 --> 00:13:48,560
I want to takeyou away somehow
347
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,234
Got your text.
348
00:13:56,236 --> 00:13:58,636
Come to your senses?
349
00:13:58,638 --> 00:14:00,371
The Con is yours.
350
00:14:00,639 --> 00:14:02,574
I don't even know
what that means.
351
00:14:02,576 --> 00:14:04,108
Then why do you
want the chair?
352
00:14:04,110 --> 00:14:06,845
Because driving you crazy
makes me hot.
353
00:14:06,847 --> 00:14:09,714
Must be quite cozy for you,
considering you are the devil.
354
00:14:09,716 --> 00:14:12,450
What can I say?
You bring out the worst in me.
355
00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:14,953
Really? Well, that would imply
that there is some good
356
00:14:14,955 --> 00:14:16,988
in that black,
twisted heart of yours.
357
00:14:16,990 --> 00:14:18,623
Oh, if I have
a black, twisted heart,
358
00:14:18,625 --> 00:14:20,258
it's because you put it there, mister.
Oh, please.
359
00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:22,527
Like everything is my...
I'll allow it! I'll allow it!
360
00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:24,662
I'll allow it! Stop saying that!
You know what?
361
00:14:24,664 --> 00:14:25,763
I hate you!
362
00:14:33,405 --> 00:14:35,473
Okay, guys.
We're almost done here.
363
00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:37,342
I have one more thing
to ask.
364
00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:38,810
How did you
pop the question?
365
00:14:38,812 --> 00:14:41,846
It's so romantic
to hear these stories.
366
00:14:42,448 --> 00:14:43,815
Yeah, um...
367
00:14:43,817 --> 00:14:47,018
Well, we were on
her father's ranch,
368
00:14:47,020 --> 00:14:47,886
riding horses,
369
00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:50,355
and as we reached
the river,
370
00:14:50,357 --> 00:14:55,159
I gazed deep into
Molly's blue eyes,
371
00:14:55,161 --> 00:14:57,762
and said, "Molly Hughes,
372
00:14:58,097 --> 00:14:58,763
"will you be my wife?"
373
00:14:58,765 --> 00:15:01,566
They've already answered 30 questions.
They're acing it.
374
00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:07,538
You know, I was skeptical
of this whole situation at first, but...
375
00:15:07,806 --> 00:15:10,909
I think you two
are a terrific couple.
376
00:15:12,178 --> 00:15:14,045
Yeah.
Thank you.
377
00:15:14,047 --> 00:15:15,580
So I think we're done.
378
00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:17,048
Yes.
379
00:15:17,050 --> 00:15:22,754
Oh, my. But, you know,
I do have one last question.
380
00:15:22,756 --> 00:15:25,590
Who made this
very interesting art piece?
381
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:28,493
Our daughter made it.
382
00:15:29,228 --> 00:15:31,162
Oh. You have kids?
383
00:15:31,164 --> 00:15:32,563
Yes.
No.
384
00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:35,800
Well... She...
Molly's pregnant!
385
00:15:35,802 --> 00:15:37,802
What?
Yeah! Surprise!
386
00:15:37,804 --> 00:15:38,836
It's a boy!
Shut up.
387
00:15:38,838 --> 00:15:41,773
And a girl! And we...
388
00:15:41,775 --> 00:15:44,442
All right. Well, it wasnice to talk to you.
389
00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:44,943
Whoa.
390
00:15:44,945 --> 00:15:48,980
Now that is what I call chemistry.
No.
391
00:15:53,152 --> 00:15:54,686
I really gotta go.
392
00:15:54,688 --> 00:15:57,322
You said that
three sexes ago.
393
00:15:57,324 --> 00:16:00,325
I know.
I mean it this time, though.
394
00:16:00,327 --> 00:16:02,327
All right, well,
I'll have the chair wrapped up
395
00:16:02,329 --> 00:16:04,195
and delivered
to you tomorrow.
396
00:16:04,197 --> 00:16:05,196
Keep the chair, Oz.
397
00:16:05,198 --> 00:16:07,332
What? That's what
this whole thing was about.
398
00:16:07,334 --> 00:16:12,136
No. It was to see if you were
serious about ending this.
399
00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:16,541
The fact that you gave it to me
means that you are.
400
00:16:18,077 --> 00:16:19,711
Boop.
401
00:16:22,414 --> 00:16:23,948
I hate you.
402
00:16:27,519 --> 00:16:28,286
There you are.
403
00:16:28,288 --> 00:16:31,689
Oh, my God.How did this fit
in the microwave?
404
00:16:31,691 --> 00:16:34,225
I didn't do it
in the microwave, silly.
405
00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:35,059
I used the oven.
406
00:16:35,061 --> 00:16:36,327
I have an oven?
407
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:38,629
Just consider it a "thank you"
for everything.
408
00:16:38,631 --> 00:16:42,166
Hey, you're the one who saved the day
with the kiss.
409
00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:43,534
Yes, um,
I'm sorry about that.
410
00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:48,172
I... I had to make it
look convincing.
411
00:16:50,076 --> 00:16:51,743
Oh. Uh, that's dessert.
412
00:16:51,745 --> 00:16:54,045
Only the very best for my hubby
from here on out.
413
00:16:54,047 --> 00:16:57,715
I don't know what
everyone's bitching about.
414
00:16:57,717 --> 00:16:59,584
Marriage is awesome.
415
00:17:03,088 --> 00:17:04,689
Uh...
416
00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:11,329
Oh. Damn it.
417
00:17:11,730 --> 00:17:14,032
Oh, God.
418
00:17:14,466 --> 00:17:15,066
What's up, man?
419
00:17:15,068 --> 00:17:18,736
Yeah, uh, I'm here to speak to
the woman of the house.
420
00:17:18,738 --> 00:17:20,505
What is that smell?
421
00:17:20,507 --> 00:17:22,740
It's my cologne.
It's Luke, by Mark Hamill.
422
00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:24,642
He sells it out
the trunk of his Corvette.
423
00:17:24,644 --> 00:17:25,543
He also sells fireworks.
424
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:28,112
Listen, this is...
this is kind of a bad time.
425
00:17:28,114 --> 00:17:29,414
Oh, I'm sorry.
Am I interrupting?
426
00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:32,717
Too bad, 'cause I'm here
to ask out your wife.
427
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,318
Come on. Dude,
is this about the kiss?
428
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:35,553
You know we had
to sell it.
429
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:36,521
Oh, you sold it,
all right.
430
00:17:36,523 --> 00:17:38,956
You sold your best friend
down the river.
431
00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:41,492
Now step aside,
'cause I got a wife to woo.
432
00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:43,261
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
433
00:17:43,263 --> 00:17:43,995
Cameron, who is it?
434
00:17:43,997 --> 00:17:46,998
It's one of those, uh,
Jehovah's pizza guys
435
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:48,466
selling girl scout
magazines.
436
00:17:48,468 --> 00:17:52,670
Oh, you better not close
that door. Oh, it is on!
437
00:17:56,208 --> 00:17:57,875
Cement? Really?
438
00:17:57,877 --> 00:18:00,611
Okay, so that's
how it's gonna be.
439
00:18:00,613 --> 00:18:02,513
Honey badger
don't give a damn.
440
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:04,816
Okay. All right, fine.
You know what?
441
00:18:04,818 --> 00:18:05,550
Two can play this game.
442
00:18:05,552 --> 00:18:07,185
What do you got?
You got nothing.
443
00:18:07,187 --> 00:18:09,153
You can't beat
the prank master.
444
00:18:09,155 --> 00:18:09,787
Well, what's this?
445
00:18:09,789 --> 00:18:12,390
No. Put that down.
You're crossing the line.
446
00:18:12,392 --> 00:18:16,494
Mmm? Ooh.
Little ballroom dancing?
447
00:18:16,496 --> 00:18:18,696
No, he is not
a ballroom dancer!
448
00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:20,731
Oh, m'scrote!
449
00:18:20,733 --> 00:18:22,033
That is my destiny!
450
00:18:22,035 --> 00:18:23,000
Balls!
451
00:18:23,002 --> 00:18:23,601
Dude, give me that.
452
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:25,937
He likes it.
He's building a home down there.
453
00:18:25,939 --> 00:18:27,972
Hey! Hey!
What is going on here?
454
00:18:27,974 --> 00:18:29,207
I'll tell you
what's going on.
455
00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:31,976
My best friend slammed the door
in my face 'cause of you.
456
00:18:31,978 --> 00:18:34,078
You know what?
Don't bring my wife into this!
457
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:35,713
Fake wife!
Or so you claim!
458
00:18:35,715 --> 00:18:38,349
Oh, it feels so good
down here! Oh! Oh!
459
00:18:38,351 --> 00:18:40,284
Enough! Look!
460
00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:46,157
The whole point of this marriage was
for me to keep my friends,
461
00:18:46,159 --> 00:18:47,258
not split them up,
462
00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:52,130
but if this is how you're gonna act,
then I'm going home.
463
00:18:55,334 --> 00:18:57,368
"Going home"?
464
00:18:57,569 --> 00:18:59,704
I can't believe
I lost my crazy wife.
465
00:18:59,706 --> 00:19:01,906
I can't believe
I lost my fake wife.
466
00:19:01,908 --> 00:19:05,443
I can't believe
I lost my future wife.
467
00:19:05,445 --> 00:19:09,280
Can I give you sad sacks
a little advice?
468
00:19:09,282 --> 00:19:09,680
No.
469
00:19:09,682 --> 00:19:12,717
Let me tell you a little something
about the womens.
470
00:19:12,719 --> 00:19:17,088
Yeah, we be crazy.
Yeah, we be shopping.
471
00:19:17,289 --> 00:19:17,989
But you know what?
472
00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:21,959
At the end of the day,
we're romantics.
473
00:19:21,961 --> 00:19:26,197
We just want
to feel wanted.
474
00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:29,467
So if you really
want her back,
475
00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:32,303
why don't you
just go get her?
476
00:19:32,305 --> 00:19:36,407
That was actually some pretty sage advice,
Veronica.
477
00:19:37,110 --> 00:19:40,011
Yeah, I'm pretty baked
right now.
478
00:19:41,813 --> 00:19:43,648
Let's go.
479
00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:56,894
What the hell are
you doing here?
480
00:19:57,897 --> 00:19:59,297
I gave you what you wanted.
481
00:19:59,299 --> 00:19:59,897
No, you didn't,
482
00:19:59,899 --> 00:20:04,101
'cause I didn't know what I wanted
until right now.
483
00:20:04,103 --> 00:20:06,904
Amy Kyleen Osbourne,
484
00:20:06,906 --> 00:20:09,674
would you do me the honor
of not divorcing me?
485
00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:12,310
Wait, you want to
be married again?
486
00:20:12,312 --> 00:20:14,045
Hell, no.
487
00:20:14,047 --> 00:20:17,248
Then what are we?
I have no idea.
488
00:20:22,588 --> 00:20:24,655
We're just us.
489
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:28,392
I'll allow it.
490
00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:31,629
Yeah, this is good
right here.
491
00:20:31,631 --> 00:20:33,264
Let's go.
492
00:20:35,701 --> 00:20:36,434
Can I help you?
493
00:20:36,436 --> 00:20:39,937
Mr. Hughes, we're here
for your daughter Molly.
494
00:20:41,340 --> 00:20:42,940
She lives in America.
495
00:20:42,942 --> 00:20:45,376
Well, yeah, she told us
she was going home.
496
00:20:45,378 --> 00:20:47,078
She hasn't told me that.
497
00:20:47,879 --> 00:20:49,780
Oh, bollocks.
498
00:20:49,782 --> 00:20:50,815
What? I...
I don't get it.
499
00:20:50,817 --> 00:20:54,819
Her apartment across the street
from work.
500
00:20:56,021 --> 00:20:58,422
Oh, bollocks!
501
00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:01,259
Would you like
a cup of tea?
502
00:21:04,330 --> 00:21:06,430
Oh, my God.
I spoke to my father.
503
00:21:06,432 --> 00:21:10,501
You two idiots went to London?
For me?
504
00:21:10,503 --> 00:21:13,671
Because I'm a terrible liar
and insanely jet-lagged,
505
00:21:13,673 --> 00:21:15,506
I'm just
gonna say, "Yes."
506
00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:19,443
Just when I think
I'm done with you two,
507
00:21:19,611 --> 00:21:21,579
you do something
like this,
508
00:21:21,581 --> 00:21:24,949
and I love you
even more.
509
00:21:27,986 --> 00:21:30,087
What the hell
does that mean?
510
00:21:30,089 --> 00:21:33,124
Dude, I don't even know
what day it is.
511
00:21:33,126 --> 00:21:34,825
She kissed me.
512
00:21:35,305 --> 00:21:41,398
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513
00:21:41,448 --> 00:21:45,998
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