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1
00:00:01,267 --> 00:00:02,467
(THEME SONG PLAYING)
2
00:00:23,489 --> 00:00:25,089
DIRECTOR: All right,
everyone in place.
3
00:00:25,157 --> 00:00:26,691
Here we go.
4
00:00:26,759 --> 00:00:29,126
And action!
5
00:00:32,431 --> 00:00:34,231
Hello.
I'm Topanga Lawrence.
6
00:00:34,299 --> 00:00:36,100
Hi, I'm Cory Matthews.
7
00:00:36,168 --> 00:00:37,502
We'll be hosting
your hosts
8
00:00:37,570 --> 00:00:40,171
on this historic tour
of Pennbrook College.
9
00:00:40,238 --> 00:00:42,106
For over a century,
Pennbrook has been a place
10
00:00:42,174 --> 00:00:45,209
where thousands of students come
each fall to embark on a journey.
11
00:00:45,277 --> 00:00:47,044
A journey that will
take them to a ugiverse
12
00:00:47,112 --> 00:00:49,280
of exciting
experimences.
13
00:00:49,348 --> 00:00:51,683
So if Pennbrook is
the college of your choice...
14
00:00:52,518 --> 00:00:53,651
Then come on.
15
00:00:55,187 --> 00:00:56,588
Cut! Cut!
16
00:00:56,956 --> 00:00:58,056
You think?
17
00:00:58,124 --> 00:00:59,424
Where've you been? I stink.
18
00:00:59,492 --> 00:01:01,326
I think I said
the word "Ugiverse".
19
00:01:02,761 --> 00:01:04,529
Shall we try it
one more time?
20
00:01:04,596 --> 00:01:06,898
Maybe take 59
will be the charm.
21
00:01:06,966 --> 00:01:10,134
No, no. I knew way back
at take 33 I was sucko.
22
00:01:11,203 --> 00:01:12,603
I quit.
23
00:01:12,671 --> 00:01:13,838
(ALL CHEER)
24
00:01:13,905 --> 00:01:16,341
Whoa! Wait a minute.
I don't understand.
25
00:01:16,408 --> 00:01:18,743
Cory and I were picked as
the perfect freshman couple
26
00:01:18,810 --> 00:01:20,645
because of our
natural chemistry.
27
00:01:20,712 --> 00:01:22,113
Yeah,
where'd that go?
28
00:01:23,683 --> 00:01:25,383
Cory, come on,
don't leave yet.
29
00:01:25,451 --> 00:01:28,520
I want to hear you butcher
the word "Curriculum".
30
00:01:28,588 --> 00:01:30,489
Oh, yeah? If curricum
is such an easy world,
31
00:01:30,556 --> 00:01:32,156
then let's hear
you say it.
32
00:01:34,059 --> 00:01:35,093
(ENUNCIATING)
Curriculum.
33
00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:37,229
Wow.
34
00:01:37,296 --> 00:01:38,597
Do that again.
35
00:01:39,331 --> 00:01:40,665
Curriculum.
36
00:01:40,732 --> 00:01:43,001
Wow. I like it.
37
00:01:43,069 --> 00:01:45,636
Hey, you wouldn't
possibly consider, uh...
38
00:01:45,704 --> 00:01:46,737
What a great idea!
39
00:01:46,805 --> 00:01:47,905
Shawn, you could
take my place.
40
00:01:47,974 --> 00:01:48,940
Perfect.
41
00:01:49,008 --> 00:01:51,008
Oh, I don't know.
42
00:01:51,076 --> 00:01:52,611
I don't feel comfortable doing
this unless Cory is gonna do it.
43
00:01:52,678 --> 00:01:54,479
Cory, I can't be you.
44
00:01:54,547 --> 00:01:57,649
Shawn, listen, I don't want to be
responsible for ruining this film.
45
00:01:57,717 --> 00:01:58,850
Listen, you can
take my place.
46
00:01:58,917 --> 00:02:00,151
And besides,
Topanga will be here.
47
00:02:00,219 --> 00:02:02,220
She'll make you
feel comfortable.
48
00:02:02,288 --> 00:02:03,288
I think
it's a bad idea.
49
00:02:03,356 --> 00:02:06,057
Oh, when did I ever
have a bad idea?
50
00:02:08,761 --> 00:02:10,295
The social life
at Pennbrook University
51
00:02:10,363 --> 00:02:12,330
will lead to lifelong
friendships,
52
00:02:12,398 --> 00:02:15,300
and who knows? Maybe more.
Right, honey?
53
00:02:15,368 --> 00:02:17,268
That's right,
snookums.
54
00:02:17,336 --> 00:02:18,970
Why, I remember
the first night we met,
55
00:02:19,038 --> 00:02:21,172
right here in the newly
remodeled student union,
56
00:02:21,240 --> 00:02:22,874
paid for by
a generous donation
57
00:02:22,942 --> 00:02:24,976
of Mrs. Stanley Kandelman,
class of '48.
58
00:02:26,545 --> 00:02:28,145
Don't they look
great together?
59
00:02:28,213 --> 00:02:30,214
You know,
they really do.
60
00:02:30,282 --> 00:02:33,685
I just meant they do.
I don't mean they really do.
61
00:02:33,753 --> 00:02:37,321
In fact, many students wind up meeting
their lifelong mates here at Pennbrook.
62
00:02:37,389 --> 00:02:39,323
And while that may not be
the number-one reason
63
00:02:39,391 --> 00:02:40,591
to attend
Pennbrook College...
64
00:02:40,659 --> 00:02:42,460
It sure ranks
high on our list.
65
00:02:42,527 --> 00:02:43,762
(CHUCKLES)
66
00:02:45,297 --> 00:02:46,898
Well, that went well.
67
00:02:46,966 --> 00:02:48,300
Okay, let's have
a nice kiss.
68
00:02:48,367 --> 00:02:49,867
What?
Kiss her.
69
00:02:49,936 --> 00:02:52,370
No, don't!
70
00:02:52,438 --> 00:02:55,139
Come on, more heat.
Come on, you're in love.
71
00:03:00,446 --> 00:03:01,946
Less heat! Lesser!
72
00:03:02,013 --> 00:03:03,381
Oh, that's hot.
That's very hot.
73
00:03:04,616 --> 00:03:05,984
Cut! Cut!
74
00:03:06,051 --> 00:03:07,118
Cut!
75
00:03:08,220 --> 00:03:10,088
Back away fromthe girlfriend!
76
00:03:17,028 --> 00:03:18,696
What was that?What?
77
00:03:18,764 --> 00:03:20,331
What "what"?You know what!
78
00:03:20,399 --> 00:03:21,566
You kissedmy girlfriend!
79
00:03:21,634 --> 00:03:23,267
He told me to.
80
00:03:23,335 --> 00:03:24,702
If he told you to put a knife
through my heart, would you do it?
81
00:03:24,770 --> 00:03:26,837
It depends. Would you
be yelling in my ear
82
00:03:26,905 --> 00:03:28,706
through a bullhorn
at the time?
83
00:03:31,877 --> 00:03:34,078
I don't like that you
kissed my girlfriend.
84
00:03:34,113 --> 00:03:35,479
It didn't mean anything.
85
00:03:35,547 --> 00:03:38,917
Cory, this is silly. Please don't
go crazy over this. Please.
86
00:03:38,984 --> 00:03:40,684
Please don't go
crazy over this.
87
00:03:40,752 --> 00:03:41,952
Please.
88
00:03:50,429 --> 00:03:53,231
Oh, that's right. Kiss
him again, you little...
89
00:03:53,298 --> 00:03:55,366
Oh, you hurt me so bad.
90
00:03:55,967 --> 00:03:57,168
And you!
91
00:03:57,236 --> 00:03:59,637
You best friend-
gigolo-home wrecker.
92
00:03:59,704 --> 00:04:02,873
Why don't you take her back to your
tornado-infested trailer park?
93
00:04:02,941 --> 00:04:04,175
(SCREAMS)
94
00:04:04,243 --> 00:04:06,844
Topanga!
95
00:04:06,912 --> 00:04:08,479
MAN: Shut up!
96
00:04:08,547 --> 00:04:09,613
You shut up!
97
00:04:09,681 --> 00:04:10,881
No, you shut up!
98
00:04:10,949 --> 00:04:12,116
No, you shut up!
No, you!
99
00:04:12,184 --> 00:04:13,918
You shut up first!
No, you!
100
00:04:13,985 --> 00:04:15,219
No, you! Come on!
101
00:04:15,287 --> 00:04:16,620
You want a piece of me?
102
00:04:16,688 --> 00:04:18,822
I'm not going anywhere!
Come on!
103
00:04:22,594 --> 00:04:23,861
(TIMIDLY) Hello.
104
00:04:28,334 --> 00:04:30,435
Mmm. Mmm, that's good.
105
00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:39,477
Ooh, Rachel, another
splash of tomato?
106
00:04:39,545 --> 00:04:41,178
Oh, no, no, no.
No, thanks, Eric.
107
00:04:41,246 --> 00:04:42,847
I really have to
get to class.
108
00:04:42,914 --> 00:04:44,382
Oh, here you go. Let
me get this for you.
109
00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:46,016
Oh, Jack, you know you really
don't have to do that.
110
00:04:46,084 --> 00:04:47,318
Oh, you kidding?
I'm happy to do it.
111
00:04:47,385 --> 00:04:48,753
My first class doesn't
start for another hour.
112
00:04:48,821 --> 00:04:50,688
My first class is
probably over by now.
113
00:04:53,092 --> 00:04:54,358
Well, you know,
can't we just wait
114
00:04:54,426 --> 00:04:56,393
till we get home
to do the dishes?
115
00:04:57,696 --> 00:04:59,130
You know, look,
you guys,
116
00:04:59,197 --> 00:05:00,564
if you're doing this
for my benefit,
117
00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:02,033
it really is not necessary.
118
00:05:02,100 --> 00:05:03,868
For your benefit?
Doing this for you?
119
00:05:03,936 --> 00:05:06,103
No. See, we do this
for ourselves.
120
00:05:07,206 --> 00:05:08,840
It's called
personal pride.
121
00:05:11,143 --> 00:05:12,944
Okay, well, I'm going
to go to class now.
122
00:05:13,011 --> 00:05:14,879
Oh, yeah.
Here you go.
123
00:05:14,947 --> 00:05:16,514
Put the bag on there. Thanks.
124
00:05:16,582 --> 00:05:18,450
Hey, have
a great day.
125
00:05:20,453 --> 00:05:21,453
Thank you.
126
00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:23,020
Make a new friend.
127
00:05:23,088 --> 00:05:24,422
Okay.
128
00:05:24,490 --> 00:05:26,257
All right.
129
00:05:26,325 --> 00:05:27,592
Oh, thanks.
130
00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:29,160
You go for it.
131
00:05:31,530 --> 00:05:32,497
Bye.
Bye.
132
00:05:35,067 --> 00:05:37,101
(BURPS) Oh.
133
00:05:37,169 --> 00:05:40,037
Boy, I've been holding
that in for three weeks!
134
00:05:40,105 --> 00:05:42,707
She's killing us, man, with this
cleaning and consideration.
135
00:05:42,775 --> 00:05:45,677
I'm telling you
something, manners blow.
136
00:05:45,744 --> 00:05:46,845
"If you're doing this
for my benefit,
137
00:05:46,912 --> 00:05:48,980
"it really isn't necessary,"
my butt.
138
00:05:49,047 --> 00:05:50,281
Who does she
think she is?
139
00:05:50,349 --> 00:05:52,216
We know what
women expect.
140
00:05:52,284 --> 00:05:54,452
Yeah, does she think she's the
first woman we've ever lived with?
141
00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:57,721
Dude, I lived with
my mother for 18 years.
142
00:05:57,723 --> 00:06:00,358
Women thrive on guys
being all proper and crap.
143
00:06:00,426 --> 00:06:01,459
Yeah, I'm telling
you something,
144
00:06:01,526 --> 00:06:03,928
she don't want
to see the real us.
145
00:06:09,501 --> 00:06:10,869
My mother never did.
146
00:06:10,936 --> 00:06:12,837
Yep. Well,
mothers can't leave.
147
00:06:12,905 --> 00:06:14,239
Hottie-hot roommates
have no such allegiance.
148
00:06:14,306 --> 00:06:15,539
You're right.
You're right.
149
00:06:15,607 --> 00:06:16,908
And if we want
to keep Rachel here,
150
00:06:16,976 --> 00:06:19,110
we can never, never
show our real selves.
151
00:06:19,178 --> 00:06:20,411
I love your mother.
152
00:06:24,482 --> 00:06:25,749
Wait a minute.
153
00:06:25,818 --> 00:06:27,318
Rachel's not
here anymore.
154
00:06:27,385 --> 00:06:29,053
(SCOFFS) What are we still
doing with our pants on?
155
00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:30,354
After you.
156
00:06:30,422 --> 00:06:31,823
Why, thank you.
157
00:06:36,762 --> 00:06:38,228
(BOTH CRYING)
158
00:06:42,668 --> 00:06:44,368
Tramp, man!
159
00:06:44,436 --> 00:06:45,870
I hear you, brother.
160
00:06:45,938 --> 00:06:47,972
I never saw it
coming, Isaac.
161
00:06:48,039 --> 00:06:49,974
You can't blame yourself,
little buddy.
162
00:06:50,041 --> 00:06:51,943
The same thing
happened to me once.
163
00:06:52,845 --> 00:06:55,045
Topanga!
164
00:06:55,113 --> 00:06:56,547
Fred!
165
00:06:56,615 --> 00:06:57,849
(CRYING)
166
00:07:16,001 --> 00:07:17,468
Shawn? Wake up.
167
00:07:17,536 --> 00:07:19,036
No, clown, no!
168
00:07:20,772 --> 00:07:22,306
You slept on the couch?
169
00:07:22,374 --> 00:07:24,141
Oh, yeah, I had to.
170
00:07:24,209 --> 00:07:26,043
He, um, installed
a deadbolt.
171
00:07:26,111 --> 00:07:29,213
Yeah, I know. He's been avoiding
me since the incident, too.
172
00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:30,414
What do you think his
next move's going to be?
173
00:07:30,482 --> 00:07:32,182
Well, you know him
as well as I do.
174
00:07:32,250 --> 00:07:34,418
Yeah, he's probably
let it eat at him all night.
175
00:07:34,486 --> 00:07:36,487
Yeah, and by now
he's way out of control.
176
00:07:40,258 --> 00:07:42,092
Well, it's probably
no surprise to you
177
00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:46,664
that I've had a long, hard night
and a lot of time to think.
178
00:07:46,732 --> 00:07:48,198
And I know that the two
of you are thinking
179
00:07:48,266 --> 00:07:50,935
that the crazy little man
would dwell and stew
180
00:07:51,003 --> 00:07:53,905
and blow all this horribly out
of proportion. (CHUCKLES)
181
00:07:53,972 --> 00:07:56,707
But I want you to know
that I've worked through it,
182
00:07:56,775 --> 00:08:00,478
I'm fine, and I am
a happy, healthy Cory.
183
00:08:02,381 --> 00:08:03,781
And I just want
to ask one thing.
184
00:08:05,417 --> 00:08:06,417
What's this?
185
00:08:07,519 --> 00:08:08,987
No, Cory, we were just...
186
00:08:11,690 --> 00:08:13,057
Underpants!
187
00:08:14,259 --> 00:08:15,759
I always
sleep like this.
188
00:08:15,827 --> 00:08:17,328
Underpants!
189
00:08:17,396 --> 00:08:18,729
Oh, here we go.
190
00:08:18,797 --> 00:08:21,532
Okay, here's how we're
going to handle this.
191
00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:23,301
Now, it's very clear
that the two of you
192
00:08:23,369 --> 00:08:26,437
have had a lot of hidden sexual
tension for the last 15 years.
193
00:08:26,505 --> 00:08:27,805
No, we haven't.
194
00:08:27,873 --> 00:08:29,840
I am speaking now.
195
00:08:29,908 --> 00:08:32,743
Now, there is one solution to
this and one solution only.
196
00:08:32,811 --> 00:08:33,878
(GROWLING)
197
00:08:35,547 --> 00:08:37,748
I want you two
to go out on a date.
198
00:08:37,816 --> 00:08:38,916
What are you
talking about?
199
00:08:38,984 --> 00:08:40,151
You're going out
on a date,
200
00:08:40,218 --> 00:08:41,319
and you're going to
explore your feelings.
201
00:08:41,386 --> 00:08:43,120
There are no feelings.
There are feelings.
202
00:08:43,188 --> 00:08:44,255
Maybe you don't think
there are feelings,
203
00:08:44,323 --> 00:08:45,423
but the tape
says there are.
204
00:08:45,490 --> 00:08:48,993
I should know.
I watched it 512 times.
205
00:08:49,061 --> 00:08:50,661
Now, when you kissed
each other,
206
00:08:50,728 --> 00:08:53,664
you felt something.
You both did.
207
00:08:53,731 --> 00:08:54,765
We're not going out
on a date.
208
00:08:54,833 --> 00:08:56,334
You're gonna
go out on a date,
209
00:08:56,401 --> 00:08:58,035
otherwise it's going to haunt
us for the rest of our lives.
210
00:08:58,103 --> 00:09:00,438
Why does everything have to haunt
us for the rest of our lives?
211
00:09:00,505 --> 00:09:01,839
Underpants!
212
00:09:04,209 --> 00:09:05,943
Will you go out
on a date with me?
213
00:09:06,011 --> 00:09:07,244
Yes.
214
00:09:07,312 --> 00:09:08,645
I knew it!
215
00:09:13,017 --> 00:09:14,117
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
216
00:09:14,185 --> 00:09:15,386
Come in.
217
00:09:16,288 --> 00:09:17,554
Hey.
Hey.
218
00:09:17,622 --> 00:09:18,922
What are you studying?
219
00:09:18,990 --> 00:09:20,525
White history.
220
00:09:20,592 --> 00:09:23,261
You know, you people contributed
quite a bit to this country.
221
00:09:23,328 --> 00:09:24,529
Thanks.
222
00:09:24,663 --> 00:09:26,030
But I got
my own problems.
223
00:09:27,532 --> 00:09:29,266
Now, I've kept you
in the dark about this
224
00:09:29,334 --> 00:09:31,069
because even though
you and Shawn broke up,
225
00:09:31,136 --> 00:09:32,937
I know how much you
still care about him.
226
00:09:33,005 --> 00:09:34,939
And you, of course, know
how much I care about
227
00:09:35,007 --> 00:09:36,173
that betraying
witch of a girl...
228
00:09:36,241 --> 00:09:37,241
Get to the point.
229
00:09:37,309 --> 00:09:39,176
Shawn and Topanga
are out on a date.
230
00:09:39,912 --> 00:09:41,245
(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)
231
00:09:41,312 --> 00:09:42,446
They would never do that.
232
00:09:42,514 --> 00:09:44,048
It's true.
233
00:09:44,115 --> 00:09:45,149
Well, why would they...
234
00:09:45,216 --> 00:09:46,350
Because I made
the reservation.
235
00:09:46,418 --> 00:09:47,384
Well, what...
And I paid for it.
236
00:09:47,452 --> 00:09:48,753
Why did you...
237
00:09:48,820 --> 00:09:49,987
I ordered the souffle in advance.
Why?
238
00:09:50,055 --> 00:09:51,989
Because you have to do
that sort of thing, Angela.
239
00:09:52,057 --> 00:09:53,290
Cory, why?
240
00:09:53,358 --> 00:09:55,459
I don't know.
Call the restaurant.
241
00:09:55,527 --> 00:09:57,862
Gosh, the love of my life
is out with my best friend,
242
00:09:57,930 --> 00:10:00,264
and you want to discuss
dessert policy.
243
00:10:00,331 --> 00:10:01,799
Jeez, you're annoying.
244
00:10:03,769 --> 00:10:06,103
Cory, is this still
about this kiss?
245
00:10:07,539 --> 00:10:10,007
Wait a minute.
She told you about it?
246
00:10:10,075 --> 00:10:11,475
Well, that means it must
have meant something to her.
247
00:10:11,543 --> 00:10:12,877
Let me ask you this.
248
00:10:12,944 --> 00:10:14,679
In all the time that
you were with Shawn,
249
00:10:14,746 --> 00:10:16,681
did he ever call out
the name Topanga?
250
00:10:16,748 --> 00:10:18,615
No, but he called out
the name Cory.
251
00:10:19,685 --> 00:10:21,919
In what context?
252
00:10:21,987 --> 00:10:24,521
In the context
of how stupid you are.
253
00:10:24,589 --> 00:10:26,757
No, no, no, no.
You weren't there, Angela.
254
00:10:26,825 --> 00:10:28,592
You didn't see them
kiss each other.
255
00:10:28,660 --> 00:10:29,894
It was a movie!
256
00:10:29,961 --> 00:10:31,128
There was passion.
257
00:10:31,196 --> 00:10:33,364
(CHUCKLES) They were acting.
They were pretending.
258
00:10:33,431 --> 00:10:36,300
They weren't pretending. I know when
Topanga pretends. I've been there.
259
00:10:36,368 --> 00:10:38,235
Oh, Cory, you have
nothing to worry about.
260
00:10:38,303 --> 00:10:39,770
They're going
to go out on this date,
261
00:10:39,837 --> 00:10:41,138
spend the evening
talking about you
262
00:10:41,206 --> 00:10:42,806
and have a terrible time.
263
00:10:44,076 --> 00:10:45,843
You really think so?
264
00:10:45,910 --> 00:10:48,112
I know so.
265
00:10:48,180 --> 00:10:50,381
(SIGHS) All right.
Thanks a lot, Angela.
266
00:10:50,449 --> 00:10:52,416
You're really
great to talk to.
267
00:10:52,484 --> 00:10:54,718
TOPANGA: (LAUGHS)
You are so funny, Shawn.
268
00:10:54,786 --> 00:10:56,787
SHAWN: Oh, stop.
269
00:10:56,855 --> 00:10:57,955
You moron.
270
00:11:02,327 --> 00:11:04,662
Well, he's not here.
Let's go in.
271
00:11:04,730 --> 00:11:06,163
Okay, but we should put
a rubber band on the door,
272
00:11:06,231 --> 00:11:08,265
just in case
he comes back.
273
00:11:10,502 --> 00:11:11,836
After you.
274
00:11:17,442 --> 00:11:20,177
SHAWN: This is the greatest
night I've had in a long time.
275
00:11:20,245 --> 00:11:21,712
I mean, to realize how
we feel about each other
276
00:11:21,780 --> 00:11:23,247
after all these years.
277
00:11:23,314 --> 00:11:25,115
TOPANGA:
We should thank Cory.
278
00:11:25,183 --> 00:11:26,884
SHAWN: Topanga, I'm not sure
we should be doing this.
279
00:11:26,951 --> 00:11:28,419
After all,
he's my best friend.
280
00:11:28,487 --> 00:11:31,422
TOPANGA: Hey, he's my fiance
and I'm fine with it.
281
00:11:32,957 --> 00:11:34,291
You're right.
282
00:11:34,359 --> 00:11:36,627
We can't fight what we've
been fighting for 15 years.
283
00:11:36,694 --> 00:11:38,729
I'm just not
strong enough anymore.
284
00:11:38,797 --> 00:11:41,665
I can't just sit here
and watch your beautiful skin
285
00:11:41,733 --> 00:11:43,834
and silky hair
and perfect face
286
00:11:43,902 --> 00:11:46,237
and long, long legs...
287
00:11:48,740 --> 00:11:50,241
Isn't there anything you
want to say about my eyes?
288
00:11:50,308 --> 00:11:54,979
Yes! Yes. The number
of eyes on your face...
289
00:11:56,615 --> 00:11:59,016
That's nice.
290
00:11:59,084 --> 00:12:00,117
Nice?
291
00:12:00,185 --> 00:12:02,219
Yes, but enough
about your eyes.
292
00:12:02,287 --> 00:12:05,389
How do you like what
I'm doing to you right now?
293
00:12:07,392 --> 00:12:10,094
Ooh, Topanga like.
294
00:12:10,162 --> 00:12:11,996
How do you like what
I'm doing to you?
295
00:12:12,064 --> 00:12:13,364
(MOOING)
296
00:12:13,431 --> 00:12:15,466
SHAWN: Oh, more! More!
297
00:12:15,533 --> 00:12:17,367
Oh, Shawn!
298
00:12:17,435 --> 00:12:19,269
(ON RECORDING)
Oh, Shawn!
299
00:12:19,337 --> 00:12:20,805
(CLANGING)
300
00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:31,115
BOTH: Surprise!
301
00:12:33,151 --> 00:12:34,751
Where'd he go?
302
00:12:42,894 --> 00:12:43,894
Mmm.
303
00:12:44,729 --> 00:12:45,862
Nice spaghetti, Jack.
304
00:12:45,930 --> 00:12:47,831
Thank you, Eric.
305
00:12:47,899 --> 00:12:49,333
Lovely job on the
mashed potatoes.
306
00:12:49,401 --> 00:12:51,134
(CHUCKLES)
307
00:12:51,203 --> 00:12:53,103
And where did you
get this gravy? Heaven?
308
00:12:56,775 --> 00:12:58,709
You know,
funny little story.
309
00:12:58,777 --> 00:13:00,544
I was watching
Martha Stewart today,
310
00:13:00,612 --> 00:13:02,880
and I got a lovely tip on
how to freshen our potpourri
311
00:13:02,948 --> 00:13:04,948
with cranberries
and lilac petals.
312
00:13:05,016 --> 00:13:06,917
Oh, yes, I saw that one. Oh.
313
00:13:06,985 --> 00:13:08,552
How was your day,
Rachel?
314
00:13:08,620 --> 00:13:09,820
I had lunch with a friend.
315
00:13:09,887 --> 00:13:10,887
We put our elbows
on the table,
316
00:13:10,955 --> 00:13:12,223
and we ate
with our fingers.
317
00:13:12,290 --> 00:13:13,390
(BOTH LAUGHING)
318
00:13:13,525 --> 00:13:14,758
(BOTH SIGHING)
319
00:13:15,994 --> 00:13:17,661
You guys don't think
I know what you're doing?
320
00:13:18,664 --> 00:13:20,297
What are you talking
about, doing?
321
00:13:20,365 --> 00:13:22,733
You actually think that I think
that you live like this?
322
00:13:25,070 --> 00:13:27,438
You're just treating me
differently because I'm a woman.
323
00:13:27,505 --> 00:13:29,774
(SCOFFS)
Shows how much you know.
324
00:13:29,841 --> 00:13:31,608
What, you think you're the first
woman we've ever lived with?
325
00:13:31,677 --> 00:13:34,244
Hmm. Besides
your mothers, yes.
326
00:13:34,312 --> 00:13:35,613
Is that an accurate
count, Jack?
327
00:13:35,680 --> 00:13:37,581
I stayed with
Nana Boo Boo once.
328
00:13:37,649 --> 00:13:39,850
Now, there's a woman.
329
00:13:39,918 --> 00:13:41,885
I hate this. It's like I have
to be on my best behavior.
330
00:13:41,954 --> 00:13:43,620
It's like I'm living
with my mother.
331
00:13:43,688 --> 00:13:44,955
Actually, do you have a
picture of your mother?
332
00:13:45,023 --> 00:13:46,056
No reason.
333
00:13:48,427 --> 00:13:50,327
You know what?
I can't do this. I can't.
334
00:13:50,395 --> 00:13:53,364
You have to be yourselves
so I can be myself.
335
00:13:53,432 --> 00:13:55,432
If she's telling the truth,
our lives are perfect.
336
00:13:55,500 --> 00:13:57,568
Yeah, well, she's not. She's testing us.
Just stick with the plan.
337
00:13:57,635 --> 00:13:59,170
Stop! Stop planning!
338
00:13:59,238 --> 00:14:01,472
Ooh, stop acting
like I can't hear you.
339
00:14:04,709 --> 00:14:06,343
We're afraid
to be ourselves.
340
00:14:06,411 --> 00:14:09,146
Because we're slobs.
There, I said it.
341
00:14:09,214 --> 00:14:11,382
And you're afraid that
I can't handle it, right?
342
00:14:11,449 --> 00:14:12,649
Oh, you could
never handle it.
343
00:14:12,718 --> 00:14:14,418
Oh, because I'm a woman?
Because I'm a woman
344
00:14:14,485 --> 00:14:16,320
you think that you're going to
offend me or something.
345
00:14:16,387 --> 00:14:19,189
Well, you know what? I can be just
as big a slob as the two of you.
346
00:14:19,257 --> 00:14:20,624
That's insane.
347
00:14:35,874 --> 00:14:37,975
Apparently I've got
meatball on my face.
348
00:14:42,247 --> 00:14:43,414
Martha Stewart says
349
00:14:43,482 --> 00:14:45,849
a lovely blend of
bleach and turpentine
350
00:14:45,917 --> 00:14:47,951
really clears that up...
351
00:14:54,292 --> 00:14:55,725
(SIGHS)
352
00:14:55,793 --> 00:14:57,561
Stick with the plan.
353
00:15:01,499 --> 00:15:03,233
No matter
what happens.
354
00:15:04,169 --> 00:15:06,036
Oh!
355
00:15:06,104 --> 00:15:07,737
Do I have my feet
on the table?
356
00:15:08,973 --> 00:15:10,407
You know what?
My mother always says,
357
00:15:10,475 --> 00:15:12,909
never put your feet
on the table,
358
00:15:12,977 --> 00:15:15,479
unless they're in
marinara sauce.
359
00:15:23,888 --> 00:15:26,022
Right away, I don't like
the way this is going.
360
00:15:27,024 --> 00:15:28,459
(BOTH LAUGHING)
361
00:15:30,128 --> 00:15:31,462
That's it.
362
00:15:33,164 --> 00:15:34,965
New plan!
363
00:15:35,033 --> 00:15:36,466
(SCREAMING)
364
00:15:38,804 --> 00:15:40,071
You jerk!
365
00:15:41,006 --> 00:15:42,472
No! No! Oh!
366
00:15:44,342 --> 00:15:45,710
Stupid!
367
00:15:57,288 --> 00:15:58,488
Ow! Ow!
368
00:16:02,794 --> 00:16:04,928
RACHEL:
I'm gonna murder you!
369
00:16:08,633 --> 00:16:09,700
(RACHEL SCREAMING)
370
00:16:20,212 --> 00:16:22,313
Pie her! Pie her! Pie her.
371
00:16:23,081 --> 00:16:24,047
Pie!
372
00:16:24,115 --> 00:16:26,784
Yeah! Don't treat me special
'cause I'm a woman.
373
00:16:26,851 --> 00:16:28,652
She's right.
374
00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:30,520
I'm not your mother,
I'm your roommate.
375
00:16:30,588 --> 00:16:31,522
Yeah!
JACK: Yeah!
376
00:16:32,690 --> 00:16:34,057
(SIGHS) Now hit
Jack with the pie.
377
00:16:34,126 --> 00:16:35,159
No!
378
00:16:47,139 --> 00:16:48,539
And when I get out
of the shower,
379
00:16:48,607 --> 00:16:50,374
I expect
this place clean.
380
00:16:55,013 --> 00:16:56,180
BOTH: Yes, Mommy.
381
00:17:00,752 --> 00:17:01,952
Good pie.
382
00:17:07,225 --> 00:17:09,593
What happened?
383
00:17:09,661 --> 00:17:12,997
You know, I don't know,
but I think we won.
384
00:17:20,071 --> 00:17:23,440
I heard sounds, Angela.
Forbidden sounds.
385
00:17:23,508 --> 00:17:26,476
I think there was
a cow in there.
386
00:17:26,544 --> 00:17:29,713
Cory, you're letting your
imagination run away with you.
387
00:17:29,781 --> 00:17:31,481
Really? Go ahead.
388
00:17:31,549 --> 00:17:33,216
Tell me there's nothing
going on in there.
389
00:17:33,284 --> 00:17:34,351
Go ahead.
390
00:17:36,788 --> 00:17:38,022
There's nothing
going on in there.
391
00:17:38,089 --> 00:17:39,657
Oh, no. They're nestling.
392
00:17:40,424 --> 00:17:41,591
I'm opening the door.
393
00:17:41,660 --> 00:17:43,460
No, I don't want to see.
394
00:17:47,065 --> 00:17:48,866
There's no one here.
395
00:17:48,933 --> 00:17:51,802
Of course not. We're talking
about Shawn and Topanga.
396
00:17:51,870 --> 00:17:53,003
They don't care
about each other
397
00:17:53,071 --> 00:17:54,704
because they care
about you.
398
00:17:54,773 --> 00:17:56,339
No, Angela, you are thinking
about this too logically.
399
00:17:56,407 --> 00:17:59,042
And this defies logic.
400
00:17:59,110 --> 00:18:02,579
This is raw, hot,
unfiltered passion.
401
00:18:02,647 --> 00:18:04,648
And that kiss
opened the gates.
402
00:18:04,715 --> 00:18:05,715
There are no gates.
403
00:18:05,784 --> 00:18:06,984
Oh, there's gates.
404
00:18:08,653 --> 00:18:11,789
Cory, don't we know
each other a long time?
405
00:18:11,856 --> 00:18:13,157
Yeah.
406
00:18:13,224 --> 00:18:15,025
Well, is there
any tension between us?
407
00:18:16,795 --> 00:18:18,695
Well, there was
that one time
408
00:18:18,763 --> 00:18:22,132
that you didn't get me
a gift for my birthday.
409
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:24,902
I mean, I didn't say
anything, but, ooh.
410
00:18:26,904 --> 00:18:28,138
Not that kind of tension.
411
00:18:29,173 --> 00:18:30,874
Oh, you mean...
412
00:18:30,941 --> 00:18:33,109
I mean, have you ever thought of me
in a way other than just a friend?
413
00:18:33,177 --> 00:18:34,177
Never!
414
00:18:34,245 --> 00:18:35,779
Tell the truth.
One time.
415
00:18:37,148 --> 00:18:38,282
Really?
416
00:18:38,349 --> 00:18:39,383
Yeah, but it
wasn't my fault.
417
00:18:39,450 --> 00:18:41,851
See, I had a dream,
and you were in it.
418
00:18:41,919 --> 00:18:43,086
Was it a good dream?
419
00:18:43,154 --> 00:18:44,220
Yes.
420
00:18:45,757 --> 00:18:47,857
Was it real?
No.
421
00:18:47,925 --> 00:18:48,958
Neither was the kiss.
422
00:18:49,026 --> 00:18:50,627
Yeah, but they...
It happened.
423
00:18:50,695 --> 00:18:51,861
And they felt
something.
424
00:18:51,929 --> 00:18:53,263
How do you know?
425
00:18:53,331 --> 00:18:54,531
Because you can't do
something like that
426
00:18:54,599 --> 00:18:56,032
without feeling
anything.
427
00:18:56,100 --> 00:18:57,434
Even if they're
just friends?
428
00:18:58,135 --> 00:18:59,236
Yeah.
429
00:19:00,438 --> 00:19:01,472
Okay.
430
00:19:03,508 --> 00:19:05,142
Oh, no. It's the dream.
431
00:19:09,947 --> 00:19:11,014
Wow!
432
00:19:11,883 --> 00:19:13,049
What?
433
00:19:13,518 --> 00:19:14,551
Nothing.
434
00:19:14,619 --> 00:19:15,819
No, tell me.
435
00:19:15,887 --> 00:19:18,455
No, I mean,
I felt nothing.
436
00:19:18,522 --> 00:19:21,324
I mean, it felt good
and everything, but not...
437
00:19:21,392 --> 00:19:23,794
Like you and Topanga?
438
00:19:23,862 --> 00:19:26,196
Yeah. Not like
me and Topanga.
439
00:19:26,264 --> 00:19:28,598
Yeah. Well, that's because
you love Topanga, Cory,
440
00:19:28,666 --> 00:19:31,735
and when you're with her
you feel something for her.
441
00:19:31,803 --> 00:19:33,670
And that's why it doesn't
matter that she kissed Shawn,
442
00:19:33,738 --> 00:19:35,672
because she only feels
something for you.
443
00:19:37,275 --> 00:19:39,209
So even a kiss like
you and I just had
444
00:19:39,277 --> 00:19:41,211
is just a kiss
between friends...
445
00:19:41,279 --> 00:19:42,679
Because you don't love me.
446
00:19:43,915 --> 00:19:45,282
Yeah.
447
00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:47,618
Sorry.
448
00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:50,588
Well, it's okay, I've been
getting a lot of that lately.
449
00:19:50,655 --> 00:19:52,756
Well, you don't
deserve it.
450
00:19:52,823 --> 00:19:55,059
You know you're
a great person.
451
00:19:55,126 --> 00:19:56,894
Thanks for
talking me down.
452
00:19:57,428 --> 00:19:58,696
Come here.
453
00:20:00,865 --> 00:20:01,899
(SIGHS)
454
00:20:01,966 --> 00:20:03,433
Hey!
What?
455
00:20:03,501 --> 00:20:04,568
What about
when I walked in
456
00:20:04,635 --> 00:20:08,005
and Shawn was
in his underpants?
457
00:20:08,073 --> 00:20:10,708
Cory, if you're going to spend the
rest of your life with Topanga,
458
00:20:10,775 --> 00:20:12,376
don't you think
you should trust her more?
459
00:20:12,443 --> 00:20:14,478
Oh, nobody would trust
anybody they caught
460
00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:17,213
in such a compromising position.
461
00:20:17,281 --> 00:20:19,316
There you are. We've been
looking all over for you.
462
00:20:19,383 --> 00:20:20,784
I can explain.
463
00:20:20,852 --> 00:20:22,419
Shawn, I found him.
He's in bed with Angela.
464
00:20:24,688 --> 00:20:26,590
Oh, they're so cute.
465
00:20:28,325 --> 00:20:29,626
(ALL SCREAM)
466
00:20:36,534 --> 00:20:37,801
Make fools out of us,
will she?
467
00:20:37,868 --> 00:20:39,403
Wants us to behave like
ourselves, does she?
468
00:20:39,471 --> 00:20:40,804
We're gonna smoke her when
she gets out of that shower.
469
00:20:40,871 --> 00:20:42,239
Yeah! Yeah!
Whoo! Whoo!
470
00:20:44,609 --> 00:20:46,110
(SIGHS)
471
00:20:46,177 --> 00:20:48,078
She's been in there an awful
long time, hasn't she?
472
00:20:48,146 --> 00:20:50,280
Yeah. Well, you know women.
They like to loofah.
473
00:20:50,948 --> 00:20:52,116
Takes longer?
474
00:20:52,183 --> 00:20:53,417
Oh, yeah.
But think about it.
475
00:20:53,485 --> 00:20:54,684
The cleaner she is,
the better it's gonna be.
476
00:20:54,752 --> 00:20:56,353
Whoo!
Yeah!
477
00:20:57,822 --> 00:21:00,224
She's been in there
an awfully long time.
478
00:21:00,291 --> 00:21:02,292
Well, yeah, but she's got to come
out here sometime, doesn't she?
479
00:21:02,360 --> 00:21:03,594
And when she does,
we will be ready.
480
00:21:03,661 --> 00:21:04,961
Are we going to be here?
Oh, yeah!
481
00:21:05,029 --> 00:21:06,730
I think we are. I think we are!
Yeah. Yes!
482
00:21:06,797 --> 00:21:08,565
Wait here a hundred years
if we have to.
483
00:21:08,633 --> 00:21:09,766
Yeah.
484
00:21:17,875 --> 00:21:20,110
RACHEL: I'll be
out in a minute.
485
00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:24,710
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