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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:12,135 Cyrano de Bergerac stands in the shadows whispering poetry to the lovely Roxanne, 2 00:00:12,212 --> 00:00:14,807 but she thinks it's the good-looking guy speaking to her. 3 00:00:14,882 --> 00:00:18,182 So our poor, big-nosed lug wins the heart of the woman he loves, 4 00:00:18,252 --> 00:00:21,154 but he wins it for somebody else. 5 00:00:21,221 --> 00:00:24,783 That is so sweet and so noble, that he would sacrifice his own happiness 6 00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:26,986 - to help his friend. - Other opinions? 7 00:00:27,060 --> 00:00:30,497 - (all) Loser! - OK, define "loser." 8 00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:32,556 Big dip. 9 00:00:32,633 --> 00:00:35,034 It makes no sense. I mean, he likes this girl 10 00:00:35,102 --> 00:00:37,196 and then he passes her on to another guy. 11 00:00:37,271 --> 00:00:39,399 Dip... the biggest. 12 00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:41,271 Topanga, can you refute the "dip" theory? 13 00:00:41,341 --> 00:00:45,938 Cyrano performs a totally selfless act and he does it for the sake of love. 14 00:00:46,013 --> 00:00:49,279 - That is so romantic. - Why? What does he get out of it? 15 00:00:49,349 --> 00:00:52,410 He knocks himself out spewing poetry, his friend gets the girl... 16 00:00:52,486 --> 00:00:55,615 All he can do is go home and blow his big nose. 17 00:00:55,689 --> 00:00:57,590 Rebuttal from the estrogen section. 18 00:00:57,658 --> 00:00:59,650 Boys don't understand passion and romance, 19 00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:01,695 and will never understand women. 20 00:01:01,762 --> 00:01:03,993 And that's why all of you will spend half your lives confused 21 00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:07,466 and the other half paying alimony. 22 00:01:07,534 --> 00:01:11,062 This is interesting. The women here find Cyrano compelling and romantic, 23 00:01:11,138 --> 00:01:16,042 and yet the men find him misguided and... dip like. 24 00:01:16,109 --> 00:01:19,546 - What does this tell us? - Women like dips? 25 00:01:19,613 --> 00:01:22,708 Sorry, Matthews, no luck. It tells us that men 26 00:01:22,783 --> 00:01:26,948 have a hard time understanding what women find romantic. 27 00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:29,012 Will that be on the test? 28 00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:32,685 Oh, yeah, in ways you can not yet imagine. 29 00:01:35,295 --> 00:01:36,991 - Here we go. - Thanks, George. 30 00:01:37,064 --> 00:01:39,624 If I'd hidden it anywhere in the house, she'd have found it for sure. 31 00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:43,102 Always glad to be a good neighbor and help you stash your... whatever it is. 32 00:01:43,170 --> 00:01:45,435 Trash compactor. 33 00:01:45,505 --> 00:01:47,940 - A trash compactor? - Yeah. 34 00:01:48,008 --> 00:01:49,874 For your anniversary? 35 00:01:51,178 --> 00:01:52,237 How surprising. 36 00:01:52,312 --> 00:01:55,908 That's the whole idea. I went all-out on this one. This is top-of-the-line. 37 00:01:55,983 --> 00:02:01,388 This is two tons of pressure. You put coal in this baby, you get diamonds. 38 00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:04,653 - That might have been a better way to go. - What do you mean? 39 00:02:04,725 --> 00:02:08,787 Oh, nothing. I'm certain that you got her exactly what she wanted. 40 00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:10,854 - She does want this, hm? - Oh, yeah... 41 00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:13,298 She's been talking about having a compactor in the kitchen for years. 42 00:02:13,367 --> 00:02:16,269 Well, happy anniversary. 43 00:02:16,336 --> 00:02:18,771 And I hope you have others. 44 00:02:22,342 --> 00:02:26,746 Amy, my bride! Dinner reservations in half an hour! 45 00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:29,715 - So Dad, what's up? - I'll give you a clue. 46 00:02:29,783 --> 00:02:33,515 17 years ago today, something very important happened. 47 00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:35,852 - It's your anniversary, right? - Correct. 48 00:02:35,922 --> 00:02:38,585 Gifts. Come on, don't leave us out in the cold, man. 49 00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:41,686 - We need our names on that card. - I suppose there's room for all 50 00:02:41,762 --> 00:02:45,062 on my love bus. And your name is...? 51 00:02:45,132 --> 00:02:47,897 - Give me this. - I'm ready for dinner. 52 00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:52,796 That and more. But... are you ready for this? 53 00:02:53,573 --> 00:02:57,669 - Oh, what is that? - Happy anniversary, my sweet. 54 00:03:02,115 --> 00:03:03,640 Yes! 55 00:03:05,152 --> 00:03:09,385 - Wow, a trash compactor. - Yes! 56 00:03:09,456 --> 00:03:10,446 Thank you. 57 00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:13,892 - We were just putting our names on the... - Cory. 58 00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:17,988 "To Amy-with love from Alan." Just Alan, nobody else. 59 00:03:18,065 --> 00:03:20,125 See ya! 60 00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:24,861 Well... do you like it? 61 00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:26,964 Yes, it's... it's fine. 62 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,441 - Let's go. - Amy, call me crazy, 63 00:03:29,509 --> 00:03:32,445 but this is exactly what you said you wanted. 64 00:03:32,512 --> 00:03:38,918 Yes, Alan. And a trash compactor would be a lovely gift on say... a Tuesday. 65 00:03:38,985 --> 00:03:42,513 You said you wanted compactor. 66 00:03:42,589 --> 00:03:45,149 I get compactor. 67 00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:48,627 Why Oogh wrong? 68 00:03:48,695 --> 00:03:51,529 We don't want to be late for dinner. 69 00:03:52,099 --> 00:03:56,230 Oogh not sleep in cave tonight. 70 00:04:03,376 --> 00:04:04,810 Harley... 71 00:04:04,878 --> 00:04:09,680 - What, no kiss? - I'm not feeling real kissy, Gloria. 72 00:04:10,317 --> 00:04:11,945 How come last night you keep me waiting for 20 minutes outside your house? 73 00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:17,918 How come you sit outside my house, honk your horn and don't come in? 74 00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:20,290 'Cause maybe I saw your father waitin' by the door 75 00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:24,593 - and maybe I didn't wanna say hello. - That was my mother. 76 00:04:24,664 --> 00:04:27,896 Then I definitely don't want to meet your father. 77 00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:31,166 All my girlfriends, they have guys who come up to the door. 78 00:04:31,238 --> 00:04:34,174 That's 'cause they don't have cars. 79 00:04:34,241 --> 00:04:37,973 They got cars and they got manners, so there. 80 00:04:38,044 --> 00:04:40,673 You got your finger in my face. You call that manners? 81 00:04:40,747 --> 00:04:43,740 Hey, hey, hey... lovebirds... I don't like what I'm hearin'. 82 00:04:43,817 --> 00:04:45,547 Where's the magic gone in this relationship? 83 00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:48,521 - If I may venture to interject my... - Oh, cork it, Joey! 84 00:04:48,588 --> 00:04:51,217 Inserting cork. The next words you hear will not be mine. 85 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,487 Because I'm 100%, absolutely, zip. 86 00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:55,825 Put white on my face right now and I'm a stinkin' mime. 87 00:04:55,896 --> 00:04:58,092 Cork it, Joey. 88 00:04:58,165 --> 00:05:02,796 What's the matter with you, Frankie? You have not said anything all day. 89 00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:05,429 I'm just having some quiet time. 90 00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:09,704 That's good. Some people around here could learn from that. 91 00:05:09,776 --> 00:05:13,406 I'm telling you, the macaroni and cheese had more grease than Harley's hair. 92 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:18,384 I think that's how they made it, they just turned him over and wrung him out. 93 00:05:18,451 --> 00:05:20,215 (both) Ugh! 94 00:05:20,287 --> 00:05:22,620 And I thought it was gonna be a slow day. 95 00:05:22,689 --> 00:05:25,181 What? You thought we were talking about your hair? 96 00:05:25,258 --> 00:05:28,057 No... no... Everyone knows your hair's not greasy. 97 00:05:28,128 --> 00:05:31,121 Why don't you test it and tell me? 98 00:05:31,731 --> 00:05:34,428 Wow, dry as a bone. 99 00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:39,706 Sorry, inner ear problem. 100 00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:43,642 Here's a quarter, baboon. Call your parents - say goodbye. 101 00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:46,578 Uh, Harley, you know, in many countries, what I said about your hair, 102 00:05:46,646 --> 00:05:51,949 it might be considered a compliment. For example, Greece. 103 00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:56,012 - That's funny. - Yeah, yeah, he's a pretty funny guy. 104 00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:59,253 - So I guess I get to live, huh? - Ha! There's that humor again. 105 00:05:59,326 --> 00:06:01,557 I will miss that. 106 00:06:01,628 --> 00:06:04,621 Oh, Harley... Are you sure you gotta beat him up? 107 00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:08,533 Yeah, you don't wanna do something ugly to us in front of this beautiful... 108 00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:11,800 angel of the hallway. 109 00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:14,467 Harley, why would you waste your time pounding us 110 00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:17,636 when you could be spending it with Claudia Schiffer's cuter sister? 111 00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:21,204 Oh, I don't know that I would say cuter. 112 00:06:21,281 --> 00:06:24,115 - Turn it off! - Turning it off, sir. 113 00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:27,677 Oh, come on, Harley, go easy on 'em. 114 00:06:27,754 --> 00:06:29,882 Do it for me. 115 00:06:29,956 --> 00:06:33,688 Very well, Gloria. I will not lay a hand on them. 116 00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:37,891 Frankie, remember that pi?ata I promised you for your birthday? 117 00:06:37,964 --> 00:06:39,956 Here's two. 118 00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:41,399 Feliz Navidad. 119 00:06:41,468 --> 00:06:43,460 Bye-bye. 120 00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:47,335 Look, I've got an idea. 121 00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:50,309 How about you give us a five-minute head start and then you hunt us down? 122 00:06:50,377 --> 00:06:52,073 That way it's more fun for you. 123 00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:56,480 OK, the way I see it, you guys got two options. 124 00:06:56,549 --> 00:06:59,747 One - you die. 125 00:06:59,819 --> 00:07:02,755 - I'll take number two. - Yeah, number two is looking good to me. 126 00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:04,381 Number two is, you do me a favor. 127 00:07:04,457 --> 00:07:05,288 - Done. - Happy to. 128 00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:07,350 You just name it. 129 00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:12,161 I, Frankie Stecchino, am in love. 130 00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:19,698 Where's this going? 131 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:22,299 She's a goddess stepped down from heaven. 132 00:07:22,375 --> 00:07:25,174 The most beautiful creature I have ever seen. 133 00:07:25,245 --> 00:07:30,183 Her voice is like the tinkling of bells. And her eyes... 134 00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:32,549 ...also tinkle like bells. 135 00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:37,113 Well, that's real sad and tender and... what do you want from us? 136 00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:39,250 Help me woo her. 137 00:07:39,326 --> 00:07:41,090 What? 138 00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:44,563 - Woo her. - What? 139 00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:47,760 I've watched you guys. You're a good little talker. 140 00:07:47,834 --> 00:07:51,293 And you... girls seem to have a thing for you. 141 00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:53,738 I want you guys to coach me. 142 00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:56,936 Frankie, I don't know if we're the guys to help you woo her. 143 00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:59,206 What? 144 00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:00,838 Have you talked to Harley about this? 145 00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:03,076 I mean, he could probably help you out more than us. 146 00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:07,018 So... you do not feel able to do me this favor? 147 00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:11,718 - It's probably not such a great idea. - Yeah, you're probably right. 148 00:08:11,791 --> 00:08:15,853 All right, pi?ata boys, which one of you has the prize inside? 149 00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:19,923 I don't wanna die before I know what woo is. 150 00:08:27,574 --> 00:08:28,598 (clears throat) 151 00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:31,304 - Hi. - Hello. 152 00:08:31,378 --> 00:08:34,212 Well, I helped Morgan straighten up her room and... 153 00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:40,447 I cleaned out those gutters. You know... Boy, you were right, they really needed it. 154 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:43,251 Ohh... ha... So, how you doin'? 155 00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:50,691 Oh, wow... I think I'll just take out this garbage. 156 00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:56,067 I'll just get this garbage and... I'll... just... take it out. 157 00:08:58,905 --> 00:09:01,568 - Alan. - George. 158 00:09:02,175 --> 00:09:07,079 That looks suspiciously like a fluffy, non-compacted bag of garbage. 159 00:09:07,647 --> 00:09:10,640 Yeah, well, I haven't gotten around to installing the... 160 00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:12,413 ...you know, the trash compactor. 161 00:09:12,485 --> 00:09:15,785 - Will you be? - Not in this lifetime. 162 00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:17,279 Ah... 163 00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:21,488 I'm aware that it was an appliance, but it's not like it was a toaster. 164 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,393 It's a very expensive appliance. 165 00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:26,627 I would've never have gotten it for her hadn't it been a very special occasion. 166 00:09:26,699 --> 00:09:29,726 Heck, it cost more than her engagement ring. 167 00:09:29,803 --> 00:09:32,068 Not an argument I would recommend using. 168 00:09:32,138 --> 00:09:34,107 You know what I'm saying. 169 00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:39,670 Perfectly. She asked for a trash compactor and you went out and got it. 170 00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:42,580 Kind of a no-brainer. 171 00:09:42,649 --> 00:09:46,381 - No-brainer? - Well, it was a real time-saver, wasn't it? 172 00:09:46,453 --> 00:09:48,615 I mean, you didn't have to sit around thinking about her. 173 00:09:48,688 --> 00:09:51,055 Racking your brains about what she would like, 174 00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:53,286 what would make her feel good. 175 00:09:53,359 --> 00:09:57,490 What were the things about her that you love. 176 00:09:58,465 --> 00:10:01,993 Whoo... I missed that exit completely. 177 00:10:02,802 --> 00:10:04,896 You think there's time to back up? 178 00:10:04,971 --> 00:10:08,271 On the husband highway, there's very little forward traffic. 179 00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:12,972 Just a million well-intentioned men backing up frantically. 180 00:10:13,513 --> 00:10:15,948 You've been down that highway before, huh, George? 181 00:10:16,015 --> 00:10:19,110 Yes, I have. Before it was paved. 182 00:10:22,388 --> 00:10:23,378 - Hey, Cor. - Hi. 183 00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:25,823 Shawn. Aah! 184 00:10:26,526 --> 00:10:29,462 Eric, you know Frankie Stecchino. Frankie, this is my brother Eric. 185 00:10:29,529 --> 00:10:32,556 Sure, Eric, I stole your lunch everyday, ninth grade. 186 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,999 Don't tell me - tuna on white. 187 00:10:36,269 --> 00:10:38,135 - Wheat. - Right, right... 188 00:10:38,204 --> 00:10:40,696 - Those were days, huh? - Excuse me. 189 00:10:40,773 --> 00:10:42,969 What's the enforcer doing in our house? 190 00:10:43,042 --> 00:10:45,068 - We have it under control. - It's fine. 191 00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:49,139 "Under control?" Frankie Stecchino sprinkles guys like you on his pizza. 192 00:10:49,215 --> 00:10:51,650 Eric, please, everything's fine. 193 00:10:51,718 --> 00:10:54,711 OK. Just remember, no sudden movements, 194 00:10:54,787 --> 00:10:58,315 no shiny objects in front of his face. OK? 195 00:10:58,391 --> 00:11:01,725 - It was nice seeing you again, Frankie. - Nice to see you again, tuna. 196 00:11:01,794 --> 00:11:03,262 Yeah. 197 00:11:04,264 --> 00:11:06,631 OK, guys, teach me in the ways of love. 198 00:11:06,699 --> 00:11:10,261 All right, Frankie. This girl you like, you ever try to talk to her? 199 00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:13,329 Oh, I uh... I... I... I... 200 00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:17,071 You can not let her psych you, man. You just gotta walk right up to her 201 00:11:17,143 --> 00:11:21,137 - and tell her you like her, OK? - Ohh... 202 00:11:22,048 --> 00:11:23,641 OK. 203 00:11:23,716 --> 00:11:28,416 - Let's pretend that this is her. - Mmm... could the pillow be her? 204 00:11:28,488 --> 00:11:30,855 Anything you want, big guy. 205 00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:37,420 Ah, there she is. Ooh... she looks very pretty today. 206 00:11:37,497 --> 00:11:39,591 - I'd better go. - Ah... come on. 207 00:11:39,666 --> 00:11:41,931 Come on, tell her how nice she looks. 208 00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:48,236 (whispers) I can't take my eyes off you. 209 00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:51,745 I can't take my eyes off you. 210 00:11:51,811 --> 00:11:54,906 Thank you, Frankie. That's real nice. 211 00:11:56,316 --> 00:12:00,151 (whispers) I just wanted to tell you how pretty that dress is. 212 00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:03,418 I just wanted to tell you how pretty that dress is. 213 00:12:03,489 --> 00:12:05,287 Oh, this old thing. 214 00:12:06,626 --> 00:12:08,219 There you go, you can do this. 215 00:12:08,294 --> 00:12:11,423 No, no, no... I could never do this by myself. 216 00:12:11,497 --> 00:12:13,489 You guys have to come with me. 217 00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:16,434 Frankie, I think she's gonna notice two guys hanging around you. 218 00:12:16,502 --> 00:12:19,028 I mean, what are you gonna do, put us in your locker? 219 00:12:19,105 --> 00:12:20,368 Stay with me here. 220 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:22,875 Frankie, it's not like there's a back way out of here. 221 00:12:22,942 --> 00:12:24,934 I know, I checked. 222 00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:28,277 Frankie, you're talking to yourself. 223 00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:32,718 Not really. See, I uh... Mmm... oh... 224 00:12:33,653 --> 00:12:36,623 - She sound familiar to you? - Quiet! 225 00:12:36,689 --> 00:12:38,988 This is hard for me to say. 226 00:12:39,058 --> 00:12:42,051 This is hard for me today. 227 00:12:43,730 --> 00:12:46,290 Because I've watched you for so long. 228 00:12:46,366 --> 00:12:48,961 And I've always dreamed of telling you how I feel about you. 229 00:12:49,035 --> 00:12:53,131 Because I've watched you... so long. 230 00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:57,701 And I've always dreamed of... something. 231 00:12:58,244 --> 00:13:00,236 - What are you saying? - I love you! 232 00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:02,509 - I love you. - You do? 233 00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:05,609 I've always loved you. I think about you all the time. 234 00:13:05,685 --> 00:13:10,123 If you were my girl, I would treat you like the magic princess that you are. 235 00:13:10,189 --> 00:13:12,784 You know, your friend never talks to me like this. 236 00:13:12,859 --> 00:13:17,388 Perhaps he is not racked with the love that consumes his entire being. 237 00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:21,195 - You wanna go get a burger? - I would love to. 238 00:13:24,537 --> 00:13:26,403 Shawn, I just figured out who that girl was. 239 00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:28,168 Hey, she likes him. We did it. 240 00:13:28,241 --> 00:13:32,872 Oh, we did it all right. We just fixed up Frankie with Harley Keiner's girlfriend. 241 00:13:32,945 --> 00:13:35,346 That's not possible. 242 00:13:36,182 --> 00:13:37,445 Ah! 243 00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:39,816 Ah! 244 00:13:45,792 --> 00:13:48,057 Oh, boy... Oh, boy... Oh, boy...! 245 00:13:48,127 --> 00:13:51,495 - We're in such trouble here. - No, nobody saw us. 246 00:13:51,564 --> 00:13:55,865 No witnesses. And without witnesses, it's all just circumcised evidence. 247 00:13:55,935 --> 00:13:59,030 Shawn, we just helped Frankie snake Harley's girlfriend. 248 00:13:59,105 --> 00:14:01,370 I mean, we gave him love lessons, we hid in the locker, 249 00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:03,774 we told him what to say. How is that not trouble? 250 00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:07,541 OK, let me think. Uh, protective custody, plastic surgery... 251 00:14:07,613 --> 00:14:11,880 Ah! We dress up as girls, pretend we're our out-of-town cousins 252 00:14:11,951 --> 00:14:14,182 and say we haven't seen ourselves. 253 00:14:14,253 --> 00:14:18,748 - No, that'll never work. - Oh, yeah? Tell my Uncle Mary. 254 00:14:19,959 --> 00:14:22,554 Harley! How are ya? 255 00:14:22,628 --> 00:14:25,393 Didn't I tell Frankie to dispose of you guys? 256 00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:29,527 Yes, and he did. He killed us - big time. 257 00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:35,439 - And now we're the angels of ourselves. - And it's time for us to float away. 258 00:14:35,508 --> 00:14:37,807 Float... float... 259 00:14:38,344 --> 00:14:41,337 - Either of you angels see my girl? - You mean Gloria? 260 00:14:41,414 --> 00:14:42,404 No, we haven't seen her. 261 00:14:42,482 --> 00:14:43,848 No, there's no reason we could have seen her. 262 00:14:43,916 --> 00:14:45,908 We were in the locker the whole time. 263 00:14:46,819 --> 00:14:49,220 The whole time what, boys? 264 00:14:49,288 --> 00:14:52,417 Come on, Shawn... Float... float... 265 00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:57,722 You know, Frankie, it's OK you don't have a lot to say. 266 00:14:57,797 --> 00:15:00,426 Still waters run deep. 267 00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:03,937 I'm an ocean... an ocean of love for you. 268 00:15:05,671 --> 00:15:09,904 No one ever said anything sweet like that to me before. 269 00:15:09,976 --> 00:15:11,740 I cannot believe my eyes. 270 00:15:11,811 --> 00:15:17,250 I am betrayed by my best girl and my most trusted flunky. 271 00:15:18,217 --> 00:15:21,244 Maybe you just need some time alone. 272 00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:25,849 My world is shattered. I feel so... vulnerable. 273 00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,917 Think I'm going to have to kill somebody. 274 00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:31,530 OK, everybody outta here! 275 00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:34,226 Everybody except you two. 276 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,660 Us two, I guess, huh? 277 00:15:36,736 --> 00:15:39,934 Frankie... Hmm... Gloria... 278 00:15:40,006 --> 00:15:41,770 Imagine my surprise. 279 00:15:41,841 --> 00:15:45,642 - Harley, I can explain. - I look forward to hearing it. 280 00:15:45,711 --> 00:15:49,204 I went behind your back and stole your girl. 281 00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:55,017 I know this is a betrayal of a sacred trust, but I have no choice. 282 00:15:55,087 --> 00:15:58,148 I am but a pawn of love. 283 00:15:58,224 --> 00:16:00,716 How could you do this to me? 284 00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:03,922 You wanna know how? I'll tell you how. 285 00:16:04,063 --> 00:16:06,965 All it took was somebody saying something nice to me for a change. 286 00:16:07,033 --> 00:16:09,025 Making me feel special for a change. 287 00:16:09,101 --> 00:16:11,502 I make you feel special. I get you stuff. 288 00:16:11,571 --> 00:16:14,871 What did you ever get me that made me feel special? 289 00:16:14,941 --> 00:16:16,569 Tires! Steel-belted. 290 00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:19,043 - Three! - The guy came back! 291 00:16:19,111 --> 00:16:22,980 - You never think about what I like. - I ain't got that kind of time. 292 00:16:23,049 --> 00:16:24,677 Maybe you should've made some time. 293 00:16:24,750 --> 00:16:27,015 Maybe if you cared about me and thought about me, 294 00:16:27,086 --> 00:16:28,884 instead of all the time thinking about you. 295 00:16:28,955 --> 00:16:31,857 If I thought about you, who'd think about me, huh? 296 00:16:31,924 --> 00:16:34,018 - Guys! - What?! 297 00:16:34,093 --> 00:16:37,086 You know, every couple goes through this. I mean, you're going through it, 298 00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:41,658 - my parents are going through it. - Your parents do this? 299 00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:46,798 Well, not quite as loud, but yeah. See, my mom's mad at my dad 300 00:16:46,873 --> 00:16:49,934 because he got her a trash compactor for their anniversary. 301 00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,705 What a yutz! 302 00:16:51,777 --> 00:16:55,612 Oh, yeah, that's a long way away from tires. 303 00:16:56,616 --> 00:16:59,711 So your parents, they gonna split up? 304 00:16:59,785 --> 00:17:03,381 No. I mean, they'll work it out. They always do. 305 00:17:03,456 --> 00:17:05,049 How? 306 00:17:05,124 --> 00:17:06,353 I don't know. 307 00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:09,188 But they always do? 308 00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:10,457 Yeah. 309 00:17:26,846 --> 00:17:28,371 - Mrs. Matthews? - Yes... 310 00:17:28,447 --> 00:17:30,006 I'm a school chum of your son. 311 00:17:30,082 --> 00:17:32,608 - Eric? - No, the little squirrelly one. 312 00:17:32,985 --> 00:17:35,545 - Oh, Cory. - Yeah, that's him. 313 00:17:35,621 --> 00:17:38,887 My name is Harley... Harley Keiner. 314 00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:42,122 Oh, the Harley Keiner that everybody's afraid of? 315 00:17:42,194 --> 00:17:44,186 You flatter me. 316 00:17:44,263 --> 00:17:47,563 - What can I do for you? - Yes, well, your son... 317 00:17:47,633 --> 00:17:48,965 - Uh... - Cory. 318 00:17:49,035 --> 00:17:50,094 - Cory. - Mm-hmm. 319 00:17:50,169 --> 00:17:52,661 He indicated that you and your husband were having a spat 320 00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:56,300 similar to the one that I'm presently going through with my own better half. 321 00:17:56,375 --> 00:17:58,571 Now, I would go to my own mother for advice, 322 00:17:58,644 --> 00:18:03,378 but, you see, it's four in the afternoon, so she's out cold. 323 00:18:03,449 --> 00:18:06,078 Well, I don't see how I can really help you. 324 00:18:06,152 --> 00:18:09,554 Please, ma'am, I got nobody else to go to. 325 00:18:14,060 --> 00:18:15,551 No! 326 00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:21,967 - Leave my mom alone, Keiner. - Eric, what is the matter with you? 327 00:18:22,034 --> 00:18:24,526 - Do you know who this is, Mom? - Yes, I do. 328 00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:26,971 And everything is under control. 329 00:18:27,039 --> 00:18:29,031 - More tea, Harley? - Just a smidge. 330 00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:32,670 - OK. - Hey there, Eric. 331 00:18:32,745 --> 00:18:36,841 Harley Keiner's drinking tea in my kitchen. What's going on? 332 00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:40,375 It's personal and I don't think Harley wants to talk about it in front of you. 333 00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:42,445 Oh, he's getting in touch with his inner thug? 334 00:18:42,521 --> 00:18:44,387 Eric. 335 00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:50,293 Mrs. Matthews, you've been married a few years, 336 00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:52,764 you probably have some insight. 337 00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:54,824 What do women want? 338 00:18:54,900 --> 00:18:59,395 Oh, it's pretty simple, Harley. All women really want, is to be appreciated. 339 00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:02,704 Do you think that maybe Gloria feels a little unappreciated? 340 00:19:02,775 --> 00:19:07,042 - Who knows what she thinks. - You should, you're her boyfriend. 341 00:19:07,113 --> 00:19:10,880 Ah, jeez, Mrs. Matthews, I'm not so good with feelings and emotions 342 00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:13,419 and all that Ricki Lake stuff. 343 00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:17,184 Feelings and emotions is what it's all about, Harley. 344 00:19:17,256 --> 00:19:20,351 I'll bet you Gloria thinks a lot about you. 345 00:19:20,426 --> 00:19:23,328 Well, who could blame her. 346 00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:26,958 Then you should think about her. How you feel about her, 347 00:19:27,033 --> 00:19:28,899 how much you appreciate her. 348 00:19:28,968 --> 00:19:30,960 She's my girlfriend. Isn't that enough? 349 00:19:31,037 --> 00:19:33,768 I mean, why does she need to be appreciated all the time? 350 00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:36,138 Because that's how you show people you care about them. 351 00:19:36,208 --> 00:19:40,236 By thinking about what they want. What would make them happy and... 352 00:19:40,312 --> 00:19:43,282 By the way, who... who are you? 353 00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:46,649 Just a fella who took a wrong turn on the highway of love. 354 00:19:47,086 --> 00:19:48,679 Been there. 355 00:19:48,754 --> 00:19:50,985 So, Harley, you gonna talk to Gloria again? 356 00:19:51,090 --> 00:19:52,183 No. 357 00:19:52,258 --> 00:19:55,092 You were correct when you said I should think about what she wants. 358 00:19:55,161 --> 00:19:58,029 And what she wants now is Frankie. 359 00:19:58,097 --> 00:20:00,089 This is how it is to be. 360 00:20:00,166 --> 00:20:03,864 I shall have to wait my turn and another chance for love. 361 00:20:03,936 --> 00:20:05,632 Thanks, Mrs. M. 362 00:20:06,238 --> 00:20:07,501 - You're a lucky guy. - Yeah, I know that. 363 00:20:07,573 --> 00:20:09,235 But really, who are you? 364 00:20:09,308 --> 00:20:11,607 - Harley Keiner. - Oh, thank you. 365 00:20:11,677 --> 00:20:15,614 - Listen, take me. Just don't kill them. - It's OK, baboon. 366 00:20:15,681 --> 00:20:17,707 Death takes a holiday. 367 00:20:17,783 --> 00:20:22,278 Well, nice meeting you, Harley. Oh, uh... the... teacup. 368 00:20:22,354 --> 00:20:24,346 Good eyes. 369 00:20:26,125 --> 00:20:29,254 - What was he doing here? - He had a girlfriend problem. 370 00:20:29,328 --> 00:20:31,422 He didn't appreciate her enough. 371 00:20:31,497 --> 00:20:35,298 Something that happens to you young guys, but not us seasoned veterans. 372 00:20:35,401 --> 00:20:38,496 We know never to take the people we care about for granted. 373 00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:42,736 We like to show them that every day together is a gift. 374 00:20:42,808 --> 00:20:44,800 Happy anniversary, darling. 375 00:20:44,877 --> 00:20:48,279 18 pearls. One for every year we're married. 376 00:20:48,347 --> 00:20:53,945 That is so sweet. But we've only been married 17 years. 377 00:20:54,019 --> 00:20:56,386 One for the year we weren't married. 378 00:20:56,489 --> 00:20:59,288 Oh, yeah, that was a good year. 379 00:21:00,659 --> 00:21:03,288 Wait, what does that mean? 380 00:21:03,362 --> 00:21:05,854 Guys, what does that mean? 381 00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:08,025 Aw, get a room. 382 00:21:18,444 --> 00:21:22,882 Hey, Matthews, I was just grading the Cyrano papers and I liked your work. 383 00:21:22,948 --> 00:21:25,975 Well, that's not surprising, since I am Cyrano. 384 00:21:26,051 --> 00:21:27,644 - Uh-huh. - No, I'm serious. 385 00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:29,154 - See them? - Yeah. 386 00:21:29,221 --> 00:21:32,214 I did the whole Cyrano bit. I put them together. 387 00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:33,657 Wait, you're saying you were in love with her, 388 00:21:33,726 --> 00:21:35,388 but you stepped aside for the other guy? 389 00:21:35,461 --> 00:21:39,296 No, no... I just hid in a locker and helped Frankie woo her. 390 00:21:39,365 --> 00:21:41,891 - What? - Woo her. 391 00:21:41,967 --> 00:21:45,096 Oh, well, job well done, Matthews. 392 00:21:45,171 --> 00:21:50,007 So, you think maybe there's some extra credit in this for me? 393 00:21:50,075 --> 00:21:52,806 No, but tell me what you learned. 394 00:21:52,878 --> 00:21:56,542 All right. Love is something you can never take for granted. 395 00:21:56,615 --> 00:22:00,211 So if you find someone you really, really care about, 396 00:22:00,286 --> 00:22:03,916 never buy her tires or major appliances. 397 00:22:04,423 --> 00:22:07,723 Matthews, a very mature understanding on the mystery of love. 398 00:22:07,793 --> 00:22:10,319 You are wise beyond your years. 399 00:22:10,763 --> 00:22:14,131 Cory, you gotta come quick. The girls volleyball team is running laps. 400 00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:15,759 Oh, baby! 401 00:22:15,809 --> 00:22:20,359 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 33046

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