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1
00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:12,135
Cyrano de Bergerac stands in the shadows
whispering poetry to the lovely Roxanne,
2
00:00:12,212 --> 00:00:14,807
but she thinks it's the good-looking guy
speaking to her.
3
00:00:14,882 --> 00:00:18,182
So our poor, big-nosed lug
wins the heart of the woman he loves,
4
00:00:18,252 --> 00:00:21,154
but he wins it for somebody else.
5
00:00:21,221 --> 00:00:24,783
That is so sweet and so noble,
that he would sacrifice his own happiness
6
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:26,986
- to help his friend.
- Other opinions?
7
00:00:27,060 --> 00:00:30,497
- (all) Loser!
- OK, define "loser."
8
00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:32,556
Big dip.
9
00:00:32,633 --> 00:00:35,034
It makes no sense.
I mean, he likes this girl
10
00:00:35,102 --> 00:00:37,196
and then he passes her on
to another guy.
11
00:00:37,271 --> 00:00:39,399
Dip... the biggest.
12
00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:41,271
Topanga, can you refute the "dip" theory?
13
00:00:41,341 --> 00:00:45,938
Cyrano performs a totally selfless act
and he does it for the sake of love.
14
00:00:46,013 --> 00:00:49,279
- That is so romantic.
- Why? What does he get out of it?
15
00:00:49,349 --> 00:00:52,410
He knocks himself out spewing poetry,
his friend gets the girl...
16
00:00:52,486 --> 00:00:55,615
All he can do is go home
and blow his big nose.
17
00:00:55,689 --> 00:00:57,590
Rebuttal from the estrogen section.
18
00:00:57,658 --> 00:00:59,650
Boys don't understand passion
and romance,
19
00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:01,695
and will never understand women.
20
00:01:01,762 --> 00:01:03,993
And that's why all of you
will spend half your lives confused
21
00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:07,466
and the other half paying alimony.
22
00:01:07,534 --> 00:01:11,062
This is interesting. The women here
find Cyrano compelling and romantic,
23
00:01:11,138 --> 00:01:16,042
and yet the men find him
misguided and... dip like.
24
00:01:16,109 --> 00:01:19,546
- What does this tell us?
- Women like dips?
25
00:01:19,613 --> 00:01:22,708
Sorry, Matthews, no luck.
It tells us that men
26
00:01:22,783 --> 00:01:26,948
have a hard time understanding
what women find romantic.
27
00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:29,012
Will that be on the test?
28
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:32,685
Oh, yeah, in ways
you can not yet imagine.
29
00:01:35,295 --> 00:01:36,991
- Here we go.
- Thanks, George.
30
00:01:37,064 --> 00:01:39,624
If I'd hidden it anywhere in the house,
she'd have found it for sure.
31
00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:43,102
Always glad to be a good neighbor
and help you stash your... whatever it is.
32
00:01:43,170 --> 00:01:45,435
Trash compactor.
33
00:01:45,505 --> 00:01:47,940
- A trash compactor?
- Yeah.
34
00:01:48,008 --> 00:01:49,874
For your anniversary?
35
00:01:51,178 --> 00:01:52,237
How surprising.
36
00:01:52,312 --> 00:01:55,908
That's the whole idea. I went all-out
on this one. This is top-of-the-line.
37
00:01:55,983 --> 00:02:01,388
This is two tons of pressure. You put coal
in this baby, you get diamonds.
38
00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:04,653
- That might have been a better way to go.
- What do you mean?
39
00:02:04,725 --> 00:02:08,787
Oh, nothing. I'm certain that you got her
exactly what she wanted.
40
00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:10,854
- She does want this, hm?
- Oh, yeah...
41
00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:13,298
She's been talking about having a
compactor in the kitchen for years.
42
00:02:13,367 --> 00:02:16,269
Well, happy anniversary.
43
00:02:16,336 --> 00:02:18,771
And I hope you have others.
44
00:02:22,342 --> 00:02:26,746
Amy, my bride!
Dinner reservations in half an hour!
45
00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:29,715
- So Dad, what's up?
- I'll give you a clue.
46
00:02:29,783 --> 00:02:33,515
17 years ago today,
something very important happened.
47
00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:35,852
- It's your anniversary, right?
- Correct.
48
00:02:35,922 --> 00:02:38,585
Gifts. Come on, don't leave us
out in the cold, man.
49
00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:41,686
- We need our names on that card.
- I suppose there's room for all
50
00:02:41,762 --> 00:02:45,062
on my love bus.
And your name is...?
51
00:02:45,132 --> 00:02:47,897
- Give me this.
- I'm ready for dinner.
52
00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:52,796
That and more.
But... are you ready for this?
53
00:02:53,573 --> 00:02:57,669
- Oh, what is that?
- Happy anniversary, my sweet.
54
00:03:02,115 --> 00:03:03,640
Yes!
55
00:03:05,152 --> 00:03:09,385
- Wow, a trash compactor.
- Yes!
56
00:03:09,456 --> 00:03:10,446
Thank you.
57
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:13,892
- We were just putting our names on the...
- Cory.
58
00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:17,988
"To Amy-with love from Alan."
Just Alan, nobody else.
59
00:03:18,065 --> 00:03:20,125
See ya!
60
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:24,861
Well... do you like it?
61
00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:26,964
Yes, it's... it's fine.
62
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,441
- Let's go.
- Amy, call me crazy,
63
00:03:29,509 --> 00:03:32,445
but this is exactly
what you said you wanted.
64
00:03:32,512 --> 00:03:38,918
Yes, Alan. And a trash compactor
would be a lovely gift on say... a Tuesday.
65
00:03:38,985 --> 00:03:42,513
You said you wanted compactor.
66
00:03:42,589 --> 00:03:45,149
I get compactor.
67
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:48,627
Why Oogh wrong?
68
00:03:48,695 --> 00:03:51,529
We don't want to be late for dinner.
69
00:03:52,099 --> 00:03:56,230
Oogh not sleep in cave tonight.
70
00:04:03,376 --> 00:04:04,810
Harley...
71
00:04:04,878 --> 00:04:09,680
- What, no kiss?
- I'm not feeling real kissy, Gloria.
72
00:04:10,317 --> 00:04:11,945
How come last night you keep me waiting
for 20 minutes outside your house?
73
00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:17,918
How come you sit outside my house,
honk your horn and don't come in?
74
00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:20,290
'Cause maybe I saw your father
waitin' by the door
75
00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:24,593
- and maybe I didn't wanna say hello.
- That was my mother.
76
00:04:24,664 --> 00:04:27,896
Then I definitely don't want to
meet your father.
77
00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:31,166
All my girlfriends,
they have guys who come up to the door.
78
00:04:31,238 --> 00:04:34,174
That's 'cause they don't have cars.
79
00:04:34,241 --> 00:04:37,973
They got cars and they got manners,
so there.
80
00:04:38,044 --> 00:04:40,673
You got your finger in my face.
You call that manners?
81
00:04:40,747 --> 00:04:43,740
Hey, hey, hey... lovebirds...
I don't like what I'm hearin'.
82
00:04:43,817 --> 00:04:45,547
Where's the magic gone
in this relationship?
83
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:48,521
- If I may venture to interject my...
- Oh, cork it, Joey!
84
00:04:48,588 --> 00:04:51,217
Inserting cork.
The next words you hear will not be mine.
85
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,487
Because I'm 100%,
absolutely, zip.
86
00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:55,825
Put white on my face right now
and I'm a stinkin' mime.
87
00:04:55,896 --> 00:04:58,092
Cork it, Joey.
88
00:04:58,165 --> 00:05:02,796
What's the matter with you, Frankie?
You have not said anything all day.
89
00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:05,429
I'm just having some quiet time.
90
00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:09,704
That's good. Some people around here
could learn from that.
91
00:05:09,776 --> 00:05:13,406
I'm telling you, the macaroni and cheese
had more grease than Harley's hair.
92
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:18,384
I think that's how they made it, they
just turned him over and wrung him out.
93
00:05:18,451 --> 00:05:20,215
(both) Ugh!
94
00:05:20,287 --> 00:05:22,620
And I thought it was gonna be a slow day.
95
00:05:22,689 --> 00:05:25,181
What? You thought we were
talking about your hair?
96
00:05:25,258 --> 00:05:28,057
No... no...
Everyone knows your hair's not greasy.
97
00:05:28,128 --> 00:05:31,121
Why don't you test it and tell me?
98
00:05:31,731 --> 00:05:34,428
Wow, dry as a bone.
99
00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:39,706
Sorry, inner ear problem.
100
00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:43,642
Here's a quarter, baboon.
Call your parents - say goodbye.
101
00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:46,578
Uh, Harley, you know, in many countries,
what I said about your hair,
102
00:05:46,646 --> 00:05:51,949
it might be considered a compliment.
For example, Greece.
103
00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:56,012
- That's funny.
- Yeah, yeah, he's a pretty funny guy.
104
00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:59,253
- So I guess I get to live, huh?
- Ha! There's that humor again.
105
00:05:59,326 --> 00:06:01,557
I will miss that.
106
00:06:01,628 --> 00:06:04,621
Oh, Harley...
Are you sure you gotta beat him up?
107
00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:08,533
Yeah, you don't wanna do something ugly
to us in front of this beautiful...
108
00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:11,800
angel of the hallway.
109
00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:14,467
Harley, why would you
waste your time pounding us
110
00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:17,636
when you could be spending it
with Claudia Schiffer's cuter sister?
111
00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:21,204
Oh, I don't know that I would say cuter.
112
00:06:21,281 --> 00:06:24,115
- Turn it off!
- Turning it off, sir.
113
00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:27,677
Oh, come on, Harley,
go easy on 'em.
114
00:06:27,754 --> 00:06:29,882
Do it for me.
115
00:06:29,956 --> 00:06:33,688
Very well, Gloria.
I will not lay a hand on them.
116
00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:37,891
Frankie, remember that pi?ata
I promised you for your birthday?
117
00:06:37,964 --> 00:06:39,956
Here's two.
118
00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:41,399
Feliz Navidad.
119
00:06:41,468 --> 00:06:43,460
Bye-bye.
120
00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:47,335
Look, I've got an idea.
121
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:50,309
How about you give us a five-minute
head start and then you hunt us down?
122
00:06:50,377 --> 00:06:52,073
That way it's more fun for you.
123
00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:56,480
OK, the way I see it,
you guys got two options.
124
00:06:56,549 --> 00:06:59,747
One - you die.
125
00:06:59,819 --> 00:07:02,755
- I'll take number two.
- Yeah, number two is looking good to me.
126
00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:04,381
Number two is, you do me a favor.
127
00:07:04,457 --> 00:07:05,288
- Done.
- Happy to.
128
00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:07,350
You just name it.
129
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:12,161
I, Frankie Stecchino, am in love.
130
00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:19,698
Where's this going?
131
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:22,299
She's a goddess stepped down
from heaven.
132
00:07:22,375 --> 00:07:25,174
The most beautiful creature
I have ever seen.
133
00:07:25,245 --> 00:07:30,183
Her voice is like the tinkling of bells.
And her eyes...
134
00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:32,549
...also tinkle like bells.
135
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:37,113
Well, that's real sad and tender and...
what do you want from us?
136
00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:39,250
Help me woo her.
137
00:07:39,326 --> 00:07:41,090
What?
138
00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:44,563
- Woo her.
- What?
139
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:47,760
I've watched you guys.
You're a good little talker.
140
00:07:47,834 --> 00:07:51,293
And you...
girls seem to have a thing for you.
141
00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:53,738
I want you guys to coach me.
142
00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:56,936
Frankie, I don't know if we're
the guys to help you woo her.
143
00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:59,206
What?
144
00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:00,838
Have you talked to Harley about this?
145
00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:03,076
I mean, he could probably
help you out more than us.
146
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:07,018
So... you do not feel able
to do me this favor?
147
00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:11,718
- It's probably not such a great idea.
- Yeah, you're probably right.
148
00:08:11,791 --> 00:08:15,853
All right, pi?ata boys,
which one of you has the prize inside?
149
00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:19,923
I don't wanna die
before I know what woo is.
150
00:08:27,574 --> 00:08:28,598
(clears throat)
151
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:31,304
- Hi.
- Hello.
152
00:08:31,378 --> 00:08:34,212
Well, I helped Morgan
straighten up her room and...
153
00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:40,447
I cleaned out those gutters. You know...
Boy, you were right, they really needed it.
154
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:43,251
Ohh... ha...
So, how you doin'?
155
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:50,691
Oh, wow...
I think I'll just take out this garbage.
156
00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:56,067
I'll just get this garbage and...
I'll... just... take it out.
157
00:08:58,905 --> 00:09:01,568
- Alan.
- George.
158
00:09:02,175 --> 00:09:07,079
That looks suspiciously like a fluffy,
non-compacted bag of garbage.
159
00:09:07,647 --> 00:09:10,640
Yeah, well, I haven't gotten around
to installing the...
160
00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:12,413
...you know,
the trash compactor.
161
00:09:12,485 --> 00:09:15,785
- Will you be?
- Not in this lifetime.
162
00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:17,279
Ah...
163
00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:21,488
I'm aware that it was an appliance,
but it's not like it was a toaster.
164
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,393
It's a very expensive appliance.
165
00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:26,627
I would've never have gotten it for her
hadn't it been a very special occasion.
166
00:09:26,699 --> 00:09:29,726
Heck, it cost more
than her engagement ring.
167
00:09:29,803 --> 00:09:32,068
Not an argument
I would recommend using.
168
00:09:32,138 --> 00:09:34,107
You know what I'm saying.
169
00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:39,670
Perfectly. She asked for a trash compactor
and you went out and got it.
170
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:42,580
Kind of a no-brainer.
171
00:09:42,649 --> 00:09:46,381
- No-brainer?
- Well, it was a real time-saver, wasn't it?
172
00:09:46,453 --> 00:09:48,615
I mean, you didn't have to sit around
thinking about her.
173
00:09:48,688 --> 00:09:51,055
Racking your brains
about what she would like,
174
00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:53,286
what would make her feel good.
175
00:09:53,359 --> 00:09:57,490
What were the things
about her that you love.
176
00:09:58,465 --> 00:10:01,993
Whoo... I missed that exit completely.
177
00:10:02,802 --> 00:10:04,896
You think there's time to back up?
178
00:10:04,971 --> 00:10:08,271
On the husband highway,
there's very little forward traffic.
179
00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:12,972
Just a million well-intentioned men
backing up frantically.
180
00:10:13,513 --> 00:10:15,948
You've been down that highway before,
huh, George?
181
00:10:16,015 --> 00:10:19,110
Yes, I have.
Before it was paved.
182
00:10:22,388 --> 00:10:23,378
- Hey, Cor.
- Hi.
183
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:25,823
Shawn.
Aah!
184
00:10:26,526 --> 00:10:29,462
Eric, you know Frankie Stecchino.
Frankie, this is my brother Eric.
185
00:10:29,529 --> 00:10:32,556
Sure, Eric, I stole your lunch
everyday, ninth grade.
186
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,999
Don't tell me - tuna on white.
187
00:10:36,269 --> 00:10:38,135
- Wheat.
- Right, right...
188
00:10:38,204 --> 00:10:40,696
- Those were days, huh?
- Excuse me.
189
00:10:40,773 --> 00:10:42,969
What's the enforcer doing in our house?
190
00:10:43,042 --> 00:10:45,068
- We have it under control.
- It's fine.
191
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:49,139
"Under control?" Frankie Stecchino
sprinkles guys like you on his pizza.
192
00:10:49,215 --> 00:10:51,650
Eric, please, everything's fine.
193
00:10:51,718 --> 00:10:54,711
OK. Just remember,
no sudden movements,
194
00:10:54,787 --> 00:10:58,315
no shiny objects
in front of his face. OK?
195
00:10:58,391 --> 00:11:01,725
- It was nice seeing you again, Frankie.
- Nice to see you again, tuna.
196
00:11:01,794 --> 00:11:03,262
Yeah.
197
00:11:04,264 --> 00:11:06,631
OK, guys, teach me in the ways of love.
198
00:11:06,699 --> 00:11:10,261
All right, Frankie. This girl you like,
you ever try to talk to her?
199
00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:13,329
Oh, I uh...
I... I... I...
200
00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:17,071
You can not let her psych you, man.
You just gotta walk right up to her
201
00:11:17,143 --> 00:11:21,137
- and tell her you like her, OK?
- Ohh...
202
00:11:22,048 --> 00:11:23,641
OK.
203
00:11:23,716 --> 00:11:28,416
- Let's pretend that this is her.
- Mmm... could the pillow be her?
204
00:11:28,488 --> 00:11:30,855
Anything you want, big guy.
205
00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:37,420
Ah, there she is.
Ooh... she looks very pretty today.
206
00:11:37,497 --> 00:11:39,591
- I'd better go.
- Ah... come on.
207
00:11:39,666 --> 00:11:41,931
Come on, tell her how nice she looks.
208
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:48,236
(whispers) I can't take my eyes off you.
209
00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:51,745
I can't take my eyes off you.
210
00:11:51,811 --> 00:11:54,906
Thank you, Frankie.
That's real nice.
211
00:11:56,316 --> 00:12:00,151
(whispers) I just wanted to tell you
how pretty that dress is.
212
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:03,418
I just wanted to tell you
how pretty that dress is.
213
00:12:03,489 --> 00:12:05,287
Oh, this old thing.
214
00:12:06,626 --> 00:12:08,219
There you go, you can do this.
215
00:12:08,294 --> 00:12:11,423
No, no, no...
I could never do this by myself.
216
00:12:11,497 --> 00:12:13,489
You guys have to come with me.
217
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:16,434
Frankie, I think she's gonna notice
two guys hanging around you.
218
00:12:16,502 --> 00:12:19,028
I mean, what are you gonna do,
put us in your locker?
219
00:12:19,105 --> 00:12:20,368
Stay with me here.
220
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:22,875
Frankie, it's not like there's
a back way out of here.
221
00:12:22,942 --> 00:12:24,934
I know, I checked.
222
00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:28,277
Frankie, you're talking to yourself.
223
00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:32,718
Not really. See, I uh...
Mmm... oh...
224
00:12:33,653 --> 00:12:36,623
- She sound familiar to you?
- Quiet!
225
00:12:36,689 --> 00:12:38,988
This is hard for me to say.
226
00:12:39,058 --> 00:12:42,051
This is hard for me today.
227
00:12:43,730 --> 00:12:46,290
Because I've watched you for so long.
228
00:12:46,366 --> 00:12:48,961
And I've always dreamed of telling you
how I feel about you.
229
00:12:49,035 --> 00:12:53,131
Because I've watched you... so long.
230
00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:57,701
And I've always dreamed of...
something.
231
00:12:58,244 --> 00:13:00,236
- What are you saying?
- I love you!
232
00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:02,509
- I love you.
- You do?
233
00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:05,609
I've always loved you.
I think about you all the time.
234
00:13:05,685 --> 00:13:10,123
If you were my girl, I would treat you
like the magic princess that you are.
235
00:13:10,189 --> 00:13:12,784
You know, your friend
never talks to me like this.
236
00:13:12,859 --> 00:13:17,388
Perhaps he is not racked with the love
that consumes his entire being.
237
00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:21,195
- You wanna go get a burger?
- I would love to.
238
00:13:24,537 --> 00:13:26,403
Shawn, I just figured out
who that girl was.
239
00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:28,168
Hey, she likes him.
We did it.
240
00:13:28,241 --> 00:13:32,872
Oh, we did it all right. We just fixed up
Frankie with Harley Keiner's girlfriend.
241
00:13:32,945 --> 00:13:35,346
That's not possible.
242
00:13:36,182 --> 00:13:37,445
Ah!
243
00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:39,816
Ah!
244
00:13:45,792 --> 00:13:48,057
Oh, boy... Oh, boy...
Oh, boy...!
245
00:13:48,127 --> 00:13:51,495
- We're in such trouble here.
- No, nobody saw us.
246
00:13:51,564 --> 00:13:55,865
No witnesses. And without witnesses,
it's all just circumcised evidence.
247
00:13:55,935 --> 00:13:59,030
Shawn, we just helped Frankie
snake Harley's girlfriend.
248
00:13:59,105 --> 00:14:01,370
I mean, we gave him love lessons,
we hid in the locker,
249
00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:03,774
we told him what to say.
How is that not trouble?
250
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:07,541
OK, let me think.
Uh, protective custody, plastic surgery...
251
00:14:07,613 --> 00:14:11,880
Ah! We dress up as girls,
pretend we're our out-of-town cousins
252
00:14:11,951 --> 00:14:14,182
and say we haven't seen ourselves.
253
00:14:14,253 --> 00:14:18,748
- No, that'll never work.
- Oh, yeah? Tell my Uncle Mary.
254
00:14:19,959 --> 00:14:22,554
Harley!
How are ya?
255
00:14:22,628 --> 00:14:25,393
Didn't I tell Frankie
to dispose of you guys?
256
00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:29,527
Yes, and he did.
He killed us - big time.
257
00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:35,439
- And now we're the angels of ourselves.
- And it's time for us to float away.
258
00:14:35,508 --> 00:14:37,807
Float... float...
259
00:14:38,344 --> 00:14:41,337
- Either of you angels see my girl?
- You mean Gloria?
260
00:14:41,414 --> 00:14:42,404
No, we haven't seen her.
261
00:14:42,482 --> 00:14:43,848
No, there's no reason
we could have seen her.
262
00:14:43,916 --> 00:14:45,908
We were in the locker the whole time.
263
00:14:46,819 --> 00:14:49,220
The whole time what, boys?
264
00:14:49,288 --> 00:14:52,417
Come on, Shawn...
Float... float...
265
00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:57,722
You know, Frankie,
it's OK you don't have a lot to say.
266
00:14:57,797 --> 00:15:00,426
Still waters run deep.
267
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:03,937
I'm an ocean...
an ocean of love for you.
268
00:15:05,671 --> 00:15:09,904
No one ever said anything sweet
like that to me before.
269
00:15:09,976 --> 00:15:11,740
I cannot believe my eyes.
270
00:15:11,811 --> 00:15:17,250
I am betrayed by my best girl
and my most trusted flunky.
271
00:15:18,217 --> 00:15:21,244
Maybe you just need some time alone.
272
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:25,849
My world is shattered.
I feel so... vulnerable.
273
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,917
Think I'm going to have to kill somebody.
274
00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:31,530
OK, everybody outta here!
275
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:34,226
Everybody except you two.
276
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,660
Us two, I guess, huh?
277
00:15:36,736 --> 00:15:39,934
Frankie...
Hmm... Gloria...
278
00:15:40,006 --> 00:15:41,770
Imagine my surprise.
279
00:15:41,841 --> 00:15:45,642
- Harley, I can explain.
- I look forward to hearing it.
280
00:15:45,711 --> 00:15:49,204
I went behind your back
and stole your girl.
281
00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:55,017
I know this is a betrayal of
a sacred trust, but I have no choice.
282
00:15:55,087 --> 00:15:58,148
I am but a pawn of love.
283
00:15:58,224 --> 00:16:00,716
How could you do this to me?
284
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:03,922
You wanna know how?
I'll tell you how.
285
00:16:04,063 --> 00:16:06,965
All it took was somebody saying
something nice to me for a change.
286
00:16:07,033 --> 00:16:09,025
Making me feel special for a change.
287
00:16:09,101 --> 00:16:11,502
I make you feel special.
I get you stuff.
288
00:16:11,571 --> 00:16:14,871
What did you ever get me
that made me feel special?
289
00:16:14,941 --> 00:16:16,569
Tires! Steel-belted.
290
00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:19,043
- Three!
- The guy came back!
291
00:16:19,111 --> 00:16:22,980
- You never think about what I like.
- I ain't got that kind of time.
292
00:16:23,049 --> 00:16:24,677
Maybe you should've made some time.
293
00:16:24,750 --> 00:16:27,015
Maybe if you cared about me
and thought about me,
294
00:16:27,086 --> 00:16:28,884
instead of all the time
thinking about you.
295
00:16:28,955 --> 00:16:31,857
If I thought about you,
who'd think about me, huh?
296
00:16:31,924 --> 00:16:34,018
- Guys!
- What?!
297
00:16:34,093 --> 00:16:37,086
You know, every couple goes through this.
I mean, you're going through it,
298
00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:41,658
- my parents are going through it.
- Your parents do this?
299
00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:46,798
Well, not quite as loud, but yeah.
See, my mom's mad at my dad
300
00:16:46,873 --> 00:16:49,934
because he got her a trash compactor
for their anniversary.
301
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,705
What a yutz!
302
00:16:51,777 --> 00:16:55,612
Oh, yeah, that's a long way
away from tires.
303
00:16:56,616 --> 00:16:59,711
So your parents,
they gonna split up?
304
00:16:59,785 --> 00:17:03,381
No. I mean, they'll work it out.
They always do.
305
00:17:03,456 --> 00:17:05,049
How?
306
00:17:05,124 --> 00:17:06,353
I don't know.
307
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:09,188
But they always do?
308
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:10,457
Yeah.
309
00:17:26,846 --> 00:17:28,371
- Mrs. Matthews?
- Yes...
310
00:17:28,447 --> 00:17:30,006
I'm a school chum of your son.
311
00:17:30,082 --> 00:17:32,608
- Eric?
- No, the little squirrelly one.
312
00:17:32,985 --> 00:17:35,545
- Oh, Cory.
- Yeah, that's him.
313
00:17:35,621 --> 00:17:38,887
My name is Harley... Harley Keiner.
314
00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:42,122
Oh, the Harley Keiner
that everybody's afraid of?
315
00:17:42,194 --> 00:17:44,186
You flatter me.
316
00:17:44,263 --> 00:17:47,563
- What can I do for you?
- Yes, well, your son...
317
00:17:47,633 --> 00:17:48,965
- Uh...
- Cory.
318
00:17:49,035 --> 00:17:50,094
- Cory.
- Mm-hmm.
319
00:17:50,169 --> 00:17:52,661
He indicated that you and your husband
were having a spat
320
00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:56,300
similar to the one that I'm presently
going through with my own better half.
321
00:17:56,375 --> 00:17:58,571
Now, I would go to my own mother
for advice,
322
00:17:58,644 --> 00:18:03,378
but, you see, it's four in the afternoon,
so she's out cold.
323
00:18:03,449 --> 00:18:06,078
Well, I don't see how I can really help you.
324
00:18:06,152 --> 00:18:09,554
Please, ma'am,
I got nobody else to go to.
325
00:18:14,060 --> 00:18:15,551
No!
326
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:21,967
- Leave my mom alone, Keiner.
- Eric, what is the matter with you?
327
00:18:22,034 --> 00:18:24,526
- Do you know who this is, Mom?
- Yes, I do.
328
00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:26,971
And everything is under control.
329
00:18:27,039 --> 00:18:29,031
- More tea, Harley?
- Just a smidge.
330
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:32,670
- OK.
- Hey there, Eric.
331
00:18:32,745 --> 00:18:36,841
Harley Keiner's drinking tea in my kitchen.
What's going on?
332
00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:40,375
It's personal and I don't think Harley
wants to talk about it in front of you.
333
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:42,445
Oh, he's getting in touch
with his inner thug?
334
00:18:42,521 --> 00:18:44,387
Eric.
335
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:50,293
Mrs. Matthews,
you've been married a few years,
336
00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:52,764
you probably have some insight.
337
00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:54,824
What do women want?
338
00:18:54,900 --> 00:18:59,395
Oh, it's pretty simple, Harley.
All women really want, is to be appreciated.
339
00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:02,704
Do you think that maybe Gloria
feels a little unappreciated?
340
00:19:02,775 --> 00:19:07,042
- Who knows what she thinks.
- You should, you're her boyfriend.
341
00:19:07,113 --> 00:19:10,880
Ah, jeez, Mrs. Matthews,
I'm not so good with feelings and emotions
342
00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:13,419
and all that Ricki Lake stuff.
343
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:17,184
Feelings and emotions
is what it's all about, Harley.
344
00:19:17,256 --> 00:19:20,351
I'll bet you Gloria thinks a lot about you.
345
00:19:20,426 --> 00:19:23,328
Well, who could blame her.
346
00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:26,958
Then you should think about her.
How you feel about her,
347
00:19:27,033 --> 00:19:28,899
how much you appreciate her.
348
00:19:28,968 --> 00:19:30,960
She's my girlfriend. Isn't that enough?
349
00:19:31,037 --> 00:19:33,768
I mean, why does she need to
be appreciated all the time?
350
00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:36,138
Because that's how you show people
you care about them.
351
00:19:36,208 --> 00:19:40,236
By thinking about what they want.
What would make them happy and...
352
00:19:40,312 --> 00:19:43,282
By the way, who...
who are you?
353
00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:46,649
Just a fella who took a wrong turn
on the highway of love.
354
00:19:47,086 --> 00:19:48,679
Been there.
355
00:19:48,754 --> 00:19:50,985
So, Harley,
you gonna talk to Gloria again?
356
00:19:51,090 --> 00:19:52,183
No.
357
00:19:52,258 --> 00:19:55,092
You were correct when you said
I should think about what she wants.
358
00:19:55,161 --> 00:19:58,029
And what she wants now
is Frankie.
359
00:19:58,097 --> 00:20:00,089
This is how it is to be.
360
00:20:00,166 --> 00:20:03,864
I shall have to wait my turn
and another chance for love.
361
00:20:03,936 --> 00:20:05,632
Thanks, Mrs. M.
362
00:20:06,238 --> 00:20:07,501
- You're a lucky guy.
- Yeah, I know that.
363
00:20:07,573 --> 00:20:09,235
But really, who are you?
364
00:20:09,308 --> 00:20:11,607
- Harley Keiner.
- Oh, thank you.
365
00:20:11,677 --> 00:20:15,614
- Listen, take me. Just don't kill them.
- It's OK, baboon.
366
00:20:15,681 --> 00:20:17,707
Death takes a holiday.
367
00:20:17,783 --> 00:20:22,278
Well, nice meeting you, Harley.
Oh, uh... the... teacup.
368
00:20:22,354 --> 00:20:24,346
Good eyes.
369
00:20:26,125 --> 00:20:29,254
- What was he doing here?
- He had a girlfriend problem.
370
00:20:29,328 --> 00:20:31,422
He didn't appreciate her enough.
371
00:20:31,497 --> 00:20:35,298
Something that happens to you
young guys, but not us seasoned veterans.
372
00:20:35,401 --> 00:20:38,496
We know never to take the people
we care about for granted.
373
00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:42,736
We like to show them
that every day together is a gift.
374
00:20:42,808 --> 00:20:44,800
Happy anniversary, darling.
375
00:20:44,877 --> 00:20:48,279
18 pearls.
One for every year we're married.
376
00:20:48,347 --> 00:20:53,945
That is so sweet.
But we've only been married 17 years.
377
00:20:54,019 --> 00:20:56,386
One for the year we weren't married.
378
00:20:56,489 --> 00:20:59,288
Oh, yeah, that was a good year.
379
00:21:00,659 --> 00:21:03,288
Wait, what does that mean?
380
00:21:03,362 --> 00:21:05,854
Guys, what does that mean?
381
00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:08,025
Aw, get a room.
382
00:21:18,444 --> 00:21:22,882
Hey, Matthews, I was just grading
the Cyrano papers and I liked your work.
383
00:21:22,948 --> 00:21:25,975
Well, that's not surprising,
since I am Cyrano.
384
00:21:26,051 --> 00:21:27,644
- Uh-huh.
- No, I'm serious.
385
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:29,154
- See them?
- Yeah.
386
00:21:29,221 --> 00:21:32,214
I did the whole Cyrano bit.
I put them together.
387
00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:33,657
Wait, you're saying
you were in love with her,
388
00:21:33,726 --> 00:21:35,388
but you stepped aside
for the other guy?
389
00:21:35,461 --> 00:21:39,296
No, no... I just hid in a locker
and helped Frankie woo her.
390
00:21:39,365 --> 00:21:41,891
- What?
- Woo her.
391
00:21:41,967 --> 00:21:45,096
Oh, well, job well done, Matthews.
392
00:21:45,171 --> 00:21:50,007
So, you think maybe there's some
extra credit in this for me?
393
00:21:50,075 --> 00:21:52,806
No, but tell me what you learned.
394
00:21:52,878 --> 00:21:56,542
All right. Love is something
you can never take for granted.
395
00:21:56,615 --> 00:22:00,211
So if you find someone
you really, really care about,
396
00:22:00,286 --> 00:22:03,916
never buy her tires
or major appliances.
397
00:22:04,423 --> 00:22:07,723
Matthews, a very mature understanding
on the mystery of love.
398
00:22:07,793 --> 00:22:10,319
You are wise beyond your years.
399
00:22:10,763 --> 00:22:14,131
Cory, you gotta come quick.
The girls volleyball team is running laps.
400
00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:15,759
Oh, baby!
401
00:22:15,809 --> 00:22:20,359
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