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1
00:00:08,108 --> 00:00:11,601
(girl) Ah, Eric, yes.
That feels so good!
2
00:00:11,979 --> 00:00:14,210
Don't stop!
3
00:00:14,281 --> 00:00:17,649
OK, we found my brother.
4
00:00:17,718 --> 00:00:21,655
This personality profile of our
new principal is superlative.
5
00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:24,556
Well, the man lives next door.
Glad I could give some help.
6
00:00:24,625 --> 00:00:27,288
Yes. Well, you give
a wonderful neck massage.
7
00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:30,991
You know, Molly, I'm more than just
a pair of strong, masculine hands.
8
00:00:31,064 --> 00:00:34,592
Well, of course you are,
my little cabana boy.
9
00:00:34,668 --> 00:00:36,762
Well, finis!
10
00:00:36,837 --> 00:00:39,238
No, no. It's "Feeny."
11
00:00:39,306 --> 00:00:41,502
His name is Feeny.
12
00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:44,443
"Finis" is French for "finished."
13
00:00:44,511 --> 00:00:47,208
Ha-ha, the French...
our neighbors to the north.
14
00:00:48,515 --> 00:00:51,747
- Hello!
- Not now, I'm working.
15
00:00:51,818 --> 00:00:54,720
- You said you'd drive us home.
- (screams)
16
00:00:54,788 --> 00:00:58,190
Hey, babe,
you're wiggin' out the rats!
17
00:00:58,258 --> 00:00:59,988
Rats?
18
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:01,756
Yeah. We're studying
natural selection.
19
00:01:01,828 --> 00:01:03,262
We're gonna see
if rats know the difference
20
00:01:03,330 --> 00:01:07,233
between natural cheddar
and "I can't believe it's not cheese!"
21
00:01:07,301 --> 00:01:10,669
Yep, our D-plus rests
on furry little Shawn and Cory.
22
00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:12,535
- You named them after yourselves?
- Yeah.
23
00:01:12,606 --> 00:01:16,202
Shawn's the one chewing the lock.
I'm the one with the skin disease.
24
00:01:16,276 --> 00:01:19,474
Keep your little vermin away from
tomorrow's edition of the school paper.
25
00:01:19,546 --> 00:01:22,175
Yeah. Come on, let's go,
all four of you rats.
26
00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:25,481
Um... all three of us rats.
27
00:01:25,552 --> 00:01:29,319
Little Shawn broke out?
I got him, I got him.
28
00:01:30,057 --> 00:01:32,049
- He wants to kiss you!
- (screams)
29
00:01:32,125 --> 00:01:34,685
Please! He loves you!
30
00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:37,595
Come on, you kissed my brother!
31
00:01:37,664 --> 00:01:40,998
Hey, thank you.
Thank you very much.
32
00:01:41,068 --> 00:01:45,096
I finally get a brainy girl interested
in me, and you guys screw it up!
33
00:01:47,874 --> 00:01:50,036
Oh, pull.
34
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:53,569
Hey, that floor's real
slick out there. Just...
35
00:01:53,647 --> 00:01:56,378
(screams/thud)
36
00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:59,010
Good.
37
00:01:59,086 --> 00:02:00,918
Well, I gotta get home.
38
00:02:00,988 --> 00:02:04,083
I promised Mom I'd crack her back
before American Gladiators.
39
00:02:04,157 --> 00:02:06,592
What are you doing, Cor?
40
00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:08,652
Check it out!
41
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:13,623
Oh! A screen full of Feen!
42
00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:16,295
He's gonna be on the front
page of the school paper?
43
00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:19,306
Won't it scare children?
44
00:02:19,373 --> 00:02:22,275
It won't scare 'em if he's...
45
00:02:22,342 --> 00:02:25,278
- ...teeny!
- Oh!
46
00:02:25,345 --> 00:02:27,246
This has definite possibilities.
47
00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:28,907
- Let me in there.
- OK.
48
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,917
OK, new principal is...
49
00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:34,921
...beeny, deeny,
50
00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:38,288
geeny, leeny...
51
00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:41,852
Ha!
52
00:02:41,928 --> 00:02:44,022
"New Principal is Weeny!"
53
00:02:44,097 --> 00:02:47,761
Can you imagine 2,000
students reading this?
54
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:50,895
Power... ultimate power.
55
00:02:50,971 --> 00:02:53,099
Yeah, but we would never...
56
00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:55,472
- Would we?
- Power!
57
00:02:56,910 --> 00:03:00,142
We'd be notorious!
We would be legends!
58
00:03:00,213 --> 00:03:02,682
- What do you mean?
- Well, what are we now?
59
00:03:02,749 --> 00:03:05,651
We are lowly seventh-grade
sewer scum
60
00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:08,883
who name rats after ourselves
to feel important.
61
00:03:08,955 --> 00:03:11,481
And how do you feel about that?
62
00:03:11,558 --> 00:03:14,221
Better than the guys with no rats!
63
00:03:14,294 --> 00:03:17,458
Hey, Cor, wouldn't you
rather be something special...
64
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,466
...or would you rather be us?
65
00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:23,595
Shawn, power like that
in the wrong hands... it's dangerous.
66
00:03:23,670 --> 00:03:26,765
All right.
Come on, let's go.
67
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:28,832
Yeah, wrong hands, wrong hands.
68
00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:39,643
(laughter)
69
00:03:45,358 --> 00:03:47,293
Hey, look at this.
70
00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:50,990
His name's Feeny.
They wrote "Weeny."
71
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:53,556
I'm laughin'.
You laughin'?
72
00:03:53,633 --> 00:03:55,431
Oh, yeah. I was just
thinkin' of laughin'.
73
00:03:55,502 --> 00:03:57,095
I would've been laughin' already
but I was too busy
74
00:03:57,170 --> 00:03:59,230
listening to you, Harley.
But I think I'm ready now.
75
00:03:59,306 --> 00:04:01,935
(laughing)
76
00:04:02,008 --> 00:04:04,739
The guy who could cook up
somethin' like that...
77
00:04:04,811 --> 00:04:06,939
now, that's a guy I'd like
to have hangin' with me.
78
00:04:07,013 --> 00:04:09,710
He'd be a great addition
to our organization.
79
00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:11,342
Well, yeah.
He could stand right here.
80
00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:14,286
I'm thinkin' he could stand
right where you're standin'.
81
00:04:14,354 --> 00:04:17,051
Well, then, where would Joey stand?
82
00:04:17,124 --> 00:04:20,424
Oh.
83
00:04:20,494 --> 00:04:22,429
Am I goin' for a ride?
84
00:04:25,065 --> 00:04:26,863
Excuse me, Harley.
85
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:29,596
Sir, about that guy
you wanted to meet...
86
00:04:29,669 --> 00:04:32,901
Did I say you could eavesdrop
on a senior conversation?
87
00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:34,908
Did your little seventh-grade ears
88
00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:37,035
hear something they
shouldn't have heard?
89
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,772
For your sake, I truly hope not.
90
00:04:38,845 --> 00:04:40,905
Yeah, 'cause Harley's got
a whole locker full of ears
91
00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:42,506
from guys who've
done the same thing.
92
00:04:42,582 --> 00:04:45,746
Their glasses hang crooked now
'cause they got no ears!
93
00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:49,723
- How much to keep the ears?
- A buck.
94
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:53,090
Thank you!
95
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:57,029
Shawn, are you farther gone
than I ever would've imagined?
96
00:04:57,097 --> 00:05:00,067
No, no. I'm not gone.
I've arrived!
97
00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:03,001
I am known!
I rule this school!
98
00:05:03,069 --> 00:05:05,436
My fame here will live forever.
99
00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:08,134
Except nobody knows you did this.
100
00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:11,745
What, you think that bothers me?
101
00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:14,213
I know I did it,
and that's good enough for me.
102
00:05:14,281 --> 00:05:16,512
I wonder who did this?
103
00:05:16,583 --> 00:05:20,350
If it was my boyfriend,
I would do anything for him.
104
00:05:23,190 --> 00:05:25,182
Oh, it's killing me!
105
00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:28,055
OK, The Scarlet Letter...
106
00:05:28,128 --> 00:05:31,064
Hester Prynne has a red letter "A"
on her dress.
107
00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:33,191
Now, everybody knows what
the "A" stands for, right?
108
00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:35,667
Boring?
109
00:05:35,735 --> 00:05:38,034
Hey, everybody,
don't laugh at Matthews, OK?
110
00:05:38,104 --> 00:05:39,402
He's never seen an A before.
111
00:05:39,472 --> 00:05:42,874
OK, the buzz is all over
the Massachusetts Colony
112
00:05:42,943 --> 00:05:45,435
that Hester has taken
the pure out of Puritan.
113
00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:48,949
It's scandal. It's gossip. It could've come
right out of today's headlines.
114
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:50,540
(laughter)
115
00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:53,611
Ahem.
116
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,553
Mr. Feeny, good morning.
117
00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:58,148
Actually, Mr. Turner, I've had better.
118
00:05:58,225 --> 00:06:00,922
You see, I have been forced
on this particular morning
119
00:06:00,994 --> 00:06:04,260
to go from room to room,
asking anyone with information
120
00:06:04,331 --> 00:06:07,733
about this little journalistic prank...
121
00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:11,602
...to come forward. Hmm?
122
00:06:11,671 --> 00:06:14,698
I will go a lot easier
on the perpetrator
123
00:06:14,774 --> 00:06:18,370
if he or she or they
voluntarily confess.
124
00:06:21,748 --> 00:06:23,717
No?
125
00:06:23,783 --> 00:06:27,948
Very well. I will now return
you to your lecture on...
126
00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:32,491
...on the letter "A."
127
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:36,291
Keep up the good work.
128
00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:46,801
Eric, my son, how was your day?
129
00:06:48,174 --> 00:06:51,872
Oh, wow, that's pretty hysterical.
130
00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:54,176
Yeah, I laughed at it myself.
131
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,239
My girlfriend, however,
failed to see the humor.
132
00:06:56,316 --> 00:07:00,185
She said her efforts
at journalistic excellence
133
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:02,415
have been forever compromised
by my limited intellect
134
00:07:02,489 --> 00:07:03,957
and profound immaturity.
135
00:07:04,024 --> 00:07:08,394
- And what did you say?
- I said, "Bite me."
136
00:07:08,461 --> 00:07:10,828
So, you're back on the market.
You'll find someone.
137
00:07:10,897 --> 00:07:13,662
Dad, I was dating the editor
of the school newspaper.
138
00:07:13,733 --> 00:07:16,464
It was a status relationship.
It made me somebody special.
139
00:07:16,536 --> 00:07:18,471
Eric, I think you're somebody special.
140
00:07:18,538 --> 00:07:20,700
Oh, you have to. You had me
and you're stuck with me.
141
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:22,970
Well, that's true.
But sooner or later,
142
00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:27,481
love will softly sneak up on you
and wrap you in its gentle embrace.
143
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:31,111
You forgot to clean out the garage.
144
00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:33,380
And it's a beautiful thing.
145
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:36,252
Oh, look, George is
on the cover... oh.
146
00:07:36,323 --> 00:07:37,689
Weeny!
147
00:07:37,757 --> 00:07:39,521
Isn't that the greatest thing
you ever saw?
148
00:07:39,592 --> 00:07:41,754
- No.
- Second greatest?
149
00:07:41,828 --> 00:07:43,854
It says "Weeny"!
150
00:07:43,930 --> 00:07:46,729
- How could this have happened?
- I don't know!
151
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,792
Molly proofread the whole
thing right before...
152
00:07:48,868 --> 00:07:52,066
- Wait a minute.
- You're lying! You have no proof.
153
00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:53,902
You were the last one
in the newspaper office
154
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:55,408
before the disks went to the printers.
155
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,740
Cory, did you have
something to do with this?
156
00:07:57,811 --> 00:08:01,873
No. I did not do this,
nor did I do it.
157
00:08:01,948 --> 00:08:05,180
Weeny!
It says "Weeny"!
158
00:08:05,251 --> 00:08:06,810
I can read!
159
00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:15,353
I don't understand this.
160
00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:18,830
How can you... what is there
not to understa... Molly, hi!
161
00:08:18,898 --> 00:08:22,426
Get out of my sight,
you vermicular miscreant.
162
00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:26,998
So, how's it goin' with Molly?
163
00:08:27,073 --> 00:08:30,475
There's no talking to her.
She's a vicious, humorless man killer
164
00:08:30,543 --> 00:08:32,034
who leaves nothing
but a trail of misery
165
00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:33,978
and crushed hearts in her wake.
166
00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:36,141
So, it's OK if I call her?
167
00:08:36,216 --> 00:08:39,948
Jason, I'm through with women
for my junior year, OK?
168
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:43,320
The next time you see me about to
fall in love with some beautiful,
169
00:08:43,390 --> 00:08:45,382
heartless bag of misery,
I want you to talk me down.
170
00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:48,451
You got it.
And can I call her?
171
00:08:49,496 --> 00:08:51,761
- Oh!
- Ugh!
172
00:08:51,831 --> 00:08:54,699
- My shoes!
- Your shoes? My shoes!
173
00:08:54,768 --> 00:08:57,260
- I just bought mine!
- I just bought mine in New York.
174
00:08:57,337 --> 00:08:59,306
- Oh, my pants!
- My blouse!
175
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:01,000
My hair...
176
00:09:02,409 --> 00:09:04,310
My, my!
177
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,403
My, oh, my!
178
00:09:06,479 --> 00:09:10,109
Uh, bag of misery,
bag of misery, bag of misery.
179
00:09:10,183 --> 00:09:12,345
Yeah, I know.
You're right.
180
00:09:12,419 --> 00:09:15,480
I'm sorry I bumped into you.
I'll just get out of your way.
181
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,148
Oh, well, that's a shame,
182
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:20,284
because my family just
moved here from Atlanta,
183
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:23,194
and it's my senior year
in a brand new school,
184
00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:26,131
and I'm just so utterly, utterly lost.
185
00:09:26,199 --> 00:09:28,259
- You're a senior?
- Misery bag!
186
00:09:28,334 --> 00:09:31,998
- Senior!
- Old misery bag.
187
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:33,597
Look, I know.
You're right.
188
00:09:33,673 --> 00:09:35,471
- Are you doing anything right now?
- No.
189
00:09:35,542 --> 00:09:37,977
Well, then, you're gonna
want to get these.
190
00:09:43,817 --> 00:09:47,185
Desiree Emmeline
Hollinger Beaumont,
191
00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:49,984
but you may call me "Desiree."
192
00:09:50,056 --> 00:09:52,116
Eric Matthews.
193
00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:54,252
You may call me "Desiree."
194
00:09:56,963 --> 00:10:00,297
OK, a rumor
was going around school
195
00:10:00,366 --> 00:10:02,426
that the "weeny" headline
was just a typo...
196
00:10:02,502 --> 00:10:05,734
that nobody did it, like I don't exist.
197
00:10:05,805 --> 00:10:08,104
Check it out.
Now I exist.
198
00:10:08,174 --> 00:10:11,372
I am somebody!
199
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,072
Oh!
200
00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:15,081
What a beauty, huh?
201
00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:17,310
Oh!
202
00:10:17,383 --> 00:10:19,545
I snuck in early
this morning and changed it.
203
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,554
Looks like the real thing, doesn't it?
204
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,556
Except for this drip.
205
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:26,422
Shawn, Shawn, Shawn,
you're out of control!
206
00:10:26,493 --> 00:10:28,553
Yeah, I am.
Tell your friends.
207
00:10:30,263 --> 00:10:32,664
There's your man, Mr. Weeny.
208
00:10:36,169 --> 00:10:38,866
Mr. Feeny, I did not paint this "W."
209
00:10:38,938 --> 00:10:40,736
And the headline
in the school newspaper?
210
00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:42,435
- It wasn't me!
- Mr. Matthews,
211
00:10:42,509 --> 00:10:47,209
our own esteemed Janitor Bud
placed you at the scene of the crime.
212
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:50,910
I seen him with my good eye.
213
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:53,818
- Well, that'll be all, Janitor Bud.
- Aye, aye, sir.
214
00:10:53,887 --> 00:10:57,016
Out of my way,
you little puke machines!
215
00:10:58,091 --> 00:11:00,151
Scene of the crime?
216
00:11:00,226 --> 00:11:03,162
Janitor Bud said he saw you
and another boy
217
00:11:03,229 --> 00:11:05,198
toying with the computer after school.
218
00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:08,099
Unfortunately, he didn't get
a good look at your accomplice.
219
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:10,330
Mr. Feeny, I'm totally innocent.
220
00:11:10,403 --> 00:11:12,702
My hands are clean!
221
00:11:12,772 --> 00:11:14,764
Oh!
222
00:11:15,742 --> 00:11:17,677
I didn't do it, I swear!
223
00:11:17,744 --> 00:11:20,373
All right, then give me
the name of the person who did.
224
00:11:21,447 --> 00:11:23,382
I see.
225
00:11:23,449 --> 00:11:26,681
Mr. Matthews, you have until
the end of school tomorrow
226
00:11:26,753 --> 00:11:28,517
to give me the perpetrator's name.
227
00:11:28,588 --> 00:11:31,524
Otherwise, you will be suspended.
228
00:11:41,267 --> 00:11:43,498
Hey, how you folks doin'?
229
00:11:43,570 --> 00:11:45,539
- Better than you.
- Mr. Feeny called.
230
00:11:45,605 --> 00:11:47,801
He told us he's meeting with you
in his office tomorrow.
231
00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:50,434
He also said to ask you
what it's about.
232
00:11:52,445 --> 00:11:54,141
OK, look.
233
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:57,810
I am in this sort of a situation
and I don't exactly know what to do.
234
00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:59,876
Well, if you want to,
you could talk to us.
235
00:11:59,953 --> 00:12:02,513
'Cause we're gonna make you.
236
00:12:02,589 --> 00:12:06,856
All right. I've got this friend
who's pulled a major scam at school.
237
00:12:06,926 --> 00:12:08,224
- Shawn.
- Not Shawn.
238
00:12:08,294 --> 00:12:10,923
- Shawn!
- Fine, Mom, think it's Shawn,
239
00:12:10,997 --> 00:12:14,525
because that protects
the kid it really is.
240
00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:17,662
- Anyway, this kid did something.
- With a newspaper headline.
241
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,535
Yeah, it could be.
242
00:12:19,606 --> 00:12:22,508
Now, Mr. Feeny...
he knows I didn't do it,
243
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:24,976
but he also thinks he knows
I know who did do it.
244
00:12:25,044 --> 00:12:26,239
- Shawn.
- Not Shawn.
245
00:12:26,312 --> 00:12:29,009
- Shawn!
- Amy, he says it's not Shawn.
246
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:32,246
- I believe him.
- Obviously it's Shawn.
247
00:12:32,318 --> 00:12:35,652
Well, I don't care who it is.
A friend does not rat out a friend.
248
00:12:35,722 --> 00:12:39,659
What are you, in a prison movie?
There are consequences.
249
00:12:39,726 --> 00:12:41,217
Oh, what's the worst
that Feeny can do?
250
00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:43,490
Well, he's threatening
to suspend me.
251
00:12:43,563 --> 00:12:46,158
Oh, great, a big red "S"
on his permanent record.
252
00:12:46,232 --> 00:12:47,996
Oh, nobody looks at that.
Who looks at that?
253
00:12:48,067 --> 00:12:49,968
Some colleges he applies to.
254
00:12:50,036 --> 00:12:52,369
Any college will let you in
as long as you have enough money.
255
00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:55,875
- Do we have enough money?
- No.
256
00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:59,140
You have to rat out
your friend 'cause we're poor.
257
00:13:01,047 --> 00:13:03,983
What possessed Shawn
to do something like this?
258
00:13:04,050 --> 00:13:07,487
I don't know. He just wanted
to be someone special,
259
00:13:07,553 --> 00:13:09,613
and not some
seventh-grade nothing.
260
00:13:09,689 --> 00:13:12,022
Maybe when you get a little older
and a little more mature,
261
00:13:12,091 --> 00:13:14,322
maybe you'll realize
that stunts and gimmicks
262
00:13:14,394 --> 00:13:16,522
are not what make you special.
263
00:13:16,596 --> 00:13:19,964
I'm dating a senior.
I'm special!
264
00:13:20,033 --> 00:13:24,334
I am fabulous. I have a tremendous
newfound sense of self-worth.
265
00:13:24,404 --> 00:13:27,238
- Nothing bad can happen, right?
- (all) No, no.
266
00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:28,969
Good!
267
00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:42,017
Mr. Matthews, I trust you're
not forgetting our 3:30 meeting.
268
00:13:42,088 --> 00:13:44,250
Come on, Mr. Feeny.
269
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:46,520
It was just a little prank.
270
00:13:46,592 --> 00:13:48,993
Don't you think you're maybe
taking it too seriously?
271
00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:53,124
Ah. You think I'm acting
like a weenie, Mr. Matthews.
272
00:13:53,199 --> 00:13:57,159
- Am I acting like a weenie?
- You know I didn't do anything.
273
00:13:57,236 --> 00:14:00,604
But I know you know who did,
and until you tell me who it is,
274
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:03,507
the only person
I can talk to is you.
275
00:14:03,576 --> 00:14:07,308
- 3:30, Mr. Matthews.
- 3:30, Mr. Feeny.
276
00:14:10,883 --> 00:14:13,751
- Did you tell him?
- What do you think?
277
00:14:15,088 --> 00:14:18,115
- Thanks, man.
- You're welcome.
278
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,251
'Cause it was just
a little prank, right?
279
00:14:20,326 --> 00:14:23,296
And nothing else is ever
gonna happen again, right?
280
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:25,457
Right. It's never
gonna happen again.
281
00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:27,523
So, have you seen this?
282
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:33,033
"Corrections: A typographical error
in our last edition
283
00:14:33,106 --> 00:14:36,543
incorrectly named the new
principal as Mr. George Weeny."
284
00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:39,704
- Good, it's over.
- Read on, little buddy.
285
00:14:39,779 --> 00:14:41,839
"His true name is...
286
00:14:41,914 --> 00:14:44,383
"...Weeny Weeny.
287
00:14:44,450 --> 00:14:49,354
"Weeny, Weeny, Weeny, Weeny,
Weeny, Weeny, Weeny, Weeny.
288
00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:51,789
"Continued on page
three, column one.
289
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,919
Weeny!"
290
00:14:55,995 --> 00:14:59,932
- Are you completely deranged?
- Yes, I am.
291
00:14:59,999 --> 00:15:02,195
- But I didn't do this.
- You didn't?
292
00:15:02,268 --> 00:15:04,396
No! Somebody ripped my idea.
293
00:15:04,470 --> 00:15:06,462
I'll never be a legend now.
294
00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:09,475
I'm laughin'.
I'm hysterical.
295
00:15:09,542 --> 00:15:12,273
I'm rolling on the floor.
296
00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:16,510
It has imagination.
It has daring.
297
00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:18,778
It has a certain kind of... flair.
298
00:15:18,851 --> 00:15:22,310
You hear that, Frankie?
Harley says we got flair.
299
00:15:22,388 --> 00:15:24,482
This was your work?
300
00:15:24,557 --> 00:15:27,220
Well, you know how you said
it was gonna be somebody else
301
00:15:27,293 --> 00:15:30,457
standin' here instead of me and Frankie
standin' here, and, well,
302
00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:32,362
maybe it was just
the motivation we needed.
303
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:35,800
We did it for you.
304
00:15:35,868 --> 00:15:39,134
May I say that right now,
305
00:15:39,205 --> 00:15:41,765
I'm having a moment.
306
00:15:42,842 --> 00:15:45,209
I wanna blow my nose on that kid.
307
00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:48,339
Yo, kid, it's your lucky day!
308
00:15:48,414 --> 00:15:51,816
Now, after school, you can
drive me down to the mall,
309
00:15:51,884 --> 00:15:54,319
because I have no idea
where anything is yet.
310
00:15:54,387 --> 00:15:57,380
And while I'm investigating
the finer stores,
311
00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:59,688
you can take my new kitten
that Daddy bought me,
312
00:15:59,759 --> 00:16:02,160
and have him neutered.
313
00:16:02,228 --> 00:16:04,356
Who's your little Georgia peach?
314
00:16:04,430 --> 00:16:06,558
You are.
315
00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:08,658
And who's my little Yankee Doodle?
316
00:16:09,735 --> 00:16:11,727
I am.
317
00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:16,207
Ooh, whoo!
On the cheek!
318
00:16:16,275 --> 00:16:18,141
She's a senior!
319
00:16:18,211 --> 00:16:20,442
Is that why you're getting neutered?
320
00:16:21,848 --> 00:16:23,783
The cat's getting neutered.
321
00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:26,046
Maybe you can get
a two-for-one deal.
322
00:16:26,118 --> 00:16:28,610
- Or am I too late?
- Hey, hey.
323
00:16:28,688 --> 00:16:31,681
This happens to be a relationship
between two complete equals.
324
00:16:31,757 --> 00:16:34,317
Do you know, my little puff pastry,
325
00:16:34,393 --> 00:16:36,624
there's just a lick of winter in the air?
326
00:16:36,696 --> 00:16:39,598
Would you mind, before picking
me up, just drivin' around the block
327
00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:41,657
for 40 minutes while the heater's on,
328
00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:44,568
so the inside of the car's
all nice and toasty?
329
00:16:44,637 --> 00:16:47,436
Would you do that for me?
330
00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:50,067
Say, "Yes, puddin'."
331
00:16:50,142 --> 00:16:52,873
Yes...
332
00:16:56,883 --> 00:16:59,011
I believe the woman wants puddin'.
333
00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:03,480
...puddin'.
334
00:17:05,258 --> 00:17:08,524
Oh, you know, I hope
that when I get a girlfriend,
335
00:17:08,594 --> 00:17:11,325
she respects me the exact
same way she respects you.
336
00:17:11,397 --> 00:17:15,164
And if I do, I want you to...
337
00:17:15,234 --> 00:17:18,363
...drive your car around
the block for 40 minutes
338
00:17:18,437 --> 00:17:22,135
till the heater gets
all nice and toasty...
339
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:24,677
...and then I want you to run me over.
340
00:17:25,945 --> 00:17:28,540
Would you do that for me, puddin'?
341
00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:33,284
So, you gonna be shootin'
some hoops today after school?
342
00:17:33,352 --> 00:17:37,221
I can't. I got this little meeting
with Mr. Feeny where he's gonna ask me
343
00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:39,623
some questions about
something I didn't do.
344
00:17:39,692 --> 00:17:43,857
And if I don't tell him who did,
I get suspended.
345
00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:46,900
And I totally appreciate
you doing this for me.
346
00:17:46,966 --> 00:17:49,492
I mean, after I blew up
that mailbox last year,
347
00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:52,903
Dad said one more screwup and he'd
ship me off to military school.
348
00:17:52,972 --> 00:17:56,238
You know, I can only
cover for you for so long.
349
00:17:56,309 --> 00:17:58,301
How long?
350
00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:02,840
"Weeny, Weeny, Weeny, Weeny,
351
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:04,907
"Weeny, Weeny...
352
00:18:07,186 --> 00:18:09,212
...and Weeny."
353
00:18:09,288 --> 00:18:11,689
Don't be late, Mr. Matthews.
354
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:17,525
Go easy on 'em, George.
They're at a new school.
355
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:21,227
As am I, Mr. Turner, as am I.
356
00:18:26,305 --> 00:18:29,867
So in the end, Hester Prynne is faced
with a pretty tough decision, huh?
357
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:32,776
Does she rat on the person who's
responsible for her predicament,
358
00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:35,314
or does she keep his secret
and face the scorn of society?
359
00:18:35,381 --> 00:18:37,816
Pretty relevant stuff.
Eh, Matthews? Eh, Hunter?
360
00:18:37,883 --> 00:18:41,149
Sir! It stood for adultery, sir!
361
00:18:44,056 --> 00:18:46,525
I was practicing for military school.
362
00:18:46,592 --> 00:18:49,152
(bell rings)
363
00:18:49,228 --> 00:18:51,254
Matthews, hang for a minute,
will you?
364
00:18:51,330 --> 00:18:54,562
I can't, sir. I've got
a date with destiny.
365
00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:58,503
You could be late.
What's Feeny gonna do, suspend you?
366
00:18:58,571 --> 00:19:01,234
He's going so psycho
over this, don't you think?
367
00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:04,869
I think when you're new
at a school like you and me,
368
00:19:04,944 --> 00:19:08,312
first impressions really stick.
They decide your reputation.
369
00:19:08,381 --> 00:19:10,111
What if tomorrow you
raised your hand and I said,
370
00:19:10,182 --> 00:19:13,744
- "What do you want, booger?"
- Would you do that?
371
00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:15,811
It'd probably follow you
all through high school.
372
00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:18,357
Maybe all your life people
would call you "booger."
373
00:19:18,424 --> 00:19:20,325
- Would you do that?
- I'm the teacher.
374
00:19:20,393 --> 00:19:24,353
I can do whatever I want. I wield
the power to inform and to influence.
375
00:19:24,430 --> 00:19:26,456
So do people who make
funny newspaper headlines
376
00:19:26,532 --> 00:19:31,368
about the principal who's
new in school, like you and me.
377
00:19:31,437 --> 00:19:33,633
So you're saying
I should squeal on my friend?
378
00:19:33,706 --> 00:19:36,699
- No, I'm not.
- So I should cover for him?
379
00:19:36,776 --> 00:19:40,269
- I'm not saying that, either.
- So, what are you saying?
380
00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:42,144
I was hoping you'd know.
381
00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:48,986
You're not really gonna
call me "booger," are you?
382
00:19:49,055 --> 00:19:51,047
I'll see how I feel.
383
00:19:59,598 --> 00:20:03,262
Listen, about the headline and all...
384
00:20:03,335 --> 00:20:06,567
well, I'm sorry for what happened.
385
00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:10,542
Must've hurt being called...
you know.
386
00:20:10,609 --> 00:20:12,407
Wasn't as if I never heard it before.
387
00:20:12,478 --> 00:20:15,073
It was practically
my nickname growing up.
388
00:20:15,147 --> 00:20:17,378
Uh, that's not to leave this room.
389
00:20:17,450 --> 00:20:21,217
I guess it's more of
a big deal than I thought.
390
00:20:21,287 --> 00:20:25,190
As principal of this high school,
I'm expected to keep order.
391
00:20:25,257 --> 00:20:28,318
Unchecked, these pranks
undermine my authority
392
00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:30,329
and breed disrespect.
393
00:20:30,396 --> 00:20:33,730
So I guess I get punished
for something I didn't do.
394
00:20:33,799 --> 00:20:36,860
Name the person who did,
and you walk out of here scot-free.
395
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:40,730
I'm sorry, I can't do that.
396
00:20:40,806 --> 00:20:44,243
You thought about this,
and that's your final decision?
397
00:20:44,310 --> 00:20:46,643
Yeah.
398
00:20:46,712 --> 00:20:49,807
You've decided that protecting
a friendship is more important
399
00:20:49,882 --> 00:20:53,011
than the grisly punishment
I shall now dispense?
400
00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:56,453
Mr. Feeny, he didn't mean
to hurt anyone.
401
00:20:56,522 --> 00:21:00,050
He just wanted to do something that
would make him somebody special.
402
00:21:00,126 --> 00:21:02,425
Ah.
403
00:21:02,495 --> 00:21:06,796
To be somebody special is a quality
from within, Mr. Matthews.
404
00:21:06,866 --> 00:21:11,497
To give you an example,
I think it's a very rare quality
405
00:21:11,570 --> 00:21:14,802
for you to put a friend's
welfare before your own.
406
00:21:16,609 --> 00:21:19,511
But, just a second ago,
you wanted me to rat on him.
407
00:21:19,578 --> 00:21:23,447
As the new principal, yes.
But as your teacher,
408
00:21:23,516 --> 00:21:27,476
as someone who lived next door
and watched you grow up...
409
00:21:27,553 --> 00:21:30,079
...I never expected it for a moment.
410
00:21:43,335 --> 00:21:46,794
- So how long am I suspended for?
- You're not.
411
00:21:46,872 --> 00:21:50,707
Detention for five days.
One day for each letter in "weeny."
412
00:21:50,776 --> 00:21:55,043
Which, in this instance,
should properly be spelled
413
00:21:55,114 --> 00:21:57,913
W-E-E-N-I-E.
414
00:21:57,983 --> 00:22:00,179
Shouldn't it, Mr. Hunter?
415
00:22:02,121 --> 00:22:05,250
- You told him?
- What do you think?
416
00:22:05,324 --> 00:22:08,385
I think you wouldn't.
417
00:22:08,460 --> 00:22:10,520
I'm an idiot!
418
00:22:10,596 --> 00:22:12,792
He refused to rat you out,
Mr. Hunter,
419
00:22:12,865 --> 00:22:16,267
and he now faces a week
of detention in your honor.
420
00:22:16,335 --> 00:22:19,567
But the punishment for not
being caught, Mr. Hunter,
421
00:22:19,638 --> 00:22:21,937
is far, far worse.
422
00:22:23,609 --> 00:22:26,579
I did it, Mr. Feeny.
I confess!
423
00:22:26,645 --> 00:22:30,605
I will be watching you every moment
of your high school career.
424
00:22:30,683 --> 00:22:32,743
Which, in your case,
could be decades.
425
00:22:32,818 --> 00:22:35,947
- But I just confessed.
- Too late, Mr. Hunter.
426
00:22:36,021 --> 00:22:41,824
You are my new special friend.
427
00:22:41,894 --> 00:22:44,090
Why didn't you turn me in?
428
00:22:44,140 --> 00:22:48,690
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