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1
00:00:13,580 --> 00:00:15,241
There it is, the list...
2
00:00:15,282 --> 00:00:17,750
who made first string,
who made second string...
3
00:00:17,784 --> 00:00:20,651
and who didn't even make
the basketball team.
4
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:21,813
What do you think is worse...
5
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:23,482
second string
or not making the team?
6
00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:26,186
Second string.
What do you think is worse...
7
00:00:26,226 --> 00:00:29,024
second string
or falling out of an airplane...
8
00:00:29,062 --> 00:00:32,122
and landing on the Empire
State Building on your eye?
9
00:00:32,165 --> 00:00:34,497
If you make second string,
you still have to sit...
10
00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:35,797
on the bench
in front of everyone...
11
00:00:35,836 --> 00:00:37,497
and your uniform's
always clean...
12
00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:40,632
and you always get
a high number like 867.
13
00:00:40,674 --> 00:00:43,643
Not something any of us
have to worry about, however.
14
00:00:43,677 --> 00:00:47,340
We're not second string,
bench-warming, "B" team guys.
15
00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:49,440
I made the "B" team!
I made the "B" team!
16
00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:51,883
Can you believe it?
Wait till I tell my father!
17
00:00:55,656 --> 00:00:57,487
Why don't we check the list?
18
00:00:57,524 --> 00:01:00,015
Just to make sure coach
spelled our names right.
19
00:01:04,197 --> 00:01:06,597
"Hunter, Shawn, A-team."
20
00:01:06,633 --> 00:01:09,261
Surpriserama!
21
00:01:12,172 --> 00:01:15,539
"Robertson, comma, Harris.
A-team."
22
00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:17,908
"Air" Harris. I like it.
23
00:01:17,945 --> 00:01:19,640
I'm going to have to shave this.
24
00:01:22,716 --> 00:01:25,844
"Matthews, Cory, A-team."
25
00:01:25,886 --> 00:01:27,581
Wait a minute.
26
00:01:27,621 --> 00:01:30,317
They spelled "A" with a "B"!
27
00:01:30,357 --> 00:01:33,349
Duf, you're reading
the wrong line.
28
00:01:33,393 --> 00:01:34,826
"Matthews."
29
00:01:35,896 --> 00:01:38,262
B-team?
30
00:01:38,298 --> 00:01:40,664
Come on, guys.
It's got to be a typo.
31
00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:41,827
It's handwritten!
32
00:01:41,868 --> 00:01:46,032
I'm on the B-team,
second string.
33
00:01:46,073 --> 00:01:50,066
Just drop me
on the Empire State Building.
34
00:01:52,913 --> 00:01:55,040
Aw, so what?
35
00:01:55,082 --> 00:01:58,279
- Yeah, no big deal.
- It doesn't change anything.
36
00:01:58,318 --> 00:02:00,786
I mean, it's not like you're
going to lose your friends.
37
00:02:00,821 --> 00:02:01,913
Right.
38
00:02:08,228 --> 00:02:10,219
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
39
00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:14,287
Homo sapiens.
40
00:03:14,327 --> 00:03:15,453
Modern man.
41
00:03:15,495 --> 00:03:17,690
As you can see,
he walked fully upright...
42
00:03:17,731 --> 00:03:20,165
had opposable thumbs,
and was known for...
43
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:23,101
A mother
who labels his underwear.
44
00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:25,832
At least I have
more than one pair.
45
00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:27,339
Moving back through history...
46
00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:30,775
we devolve
to the Neanderthaloids...
47
00:03:30,811 --> 00:03:34,269
who made and used tools.
48
00:03:34,314 --> 00:03:37,681
Now, can anybody tell me...
49
00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:41,279
what was going on
before the Neanderthaloids?
50
00:03:41,321 --> 00:03:44,017
Anybody?
51
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:45,752
Anybody but Mr. Minkus?
52
00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:49,959
Take it away, Minkus.
53
00:03:49,996 --> 00:03:52,988
A billion years ago, the world
breathlessly anticipated...
54
00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:54,159
the emergence of life...
55
00:03:54,201 --> 00:03:56,999
from the prebiological
organic compounds of the sea.
56
00:03:57,037 --> 00:03:59,471
Ow.
57
00:03:59,506 --> 00:04:01,406
You can take your seats.
Thank you.
58
00:04:01,441 --> 00:04:04,535
What Mr. Minkus is saying
is that we were waiting...
59
00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:10,039
for the lowest form of life
to crawl out of the slime.
60
00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:12,311
I'm here.
61
00:04:14,855 --> 00:04:16,345
What?
62
00:04:16,389 --> 00:04:18,380
Mr. Feeny
was just talking about you.
63
00:04:19,526 --> 00:04:21,118
I Was
in With the basketball coach.
64
00:04:21,161 --> 00:04:22,958
I have a note.
Did I miss anything?
65
00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:25,487
Two hundred million years
of human evolution.
66
00:04:25,532 --> 00:04:26,692
Cool.
67
00:04:30,303 --> 00:04:31,770
So, what's the deal?
68
00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:35,172
It wasn't a mistake.
I'm on second string.
69
00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:39,872
Hey, you, too? Congratulations!
Did you tell your dad?
70
00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:43,178
No, I happen to like my dad.
71
00:04:43,216 --> 00:04:45,776
[BELL RINGS]
72
00:04:48,255 --> 00:04:50,382
Aren't you going to lunch,
Mr. Matthews?
73
00:04:50,423 --> 00:04:54,189
Why eat?
Eating would only keep me alive.
74
00:04:54,227 --> 00:04:56,127
I don't understand
your depression.
75
00:04:56,163 --> 00:04:58,188
Mr. Minkus
seemed rather enthused...
76
00:04:58,231 --> 00:04:59,994
about his position
on the second string.
77
00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:02,331
Look, Mr. Feeny,
I know you think Minkus...
78
00:05:02,369 --> 00:05:04,303
is, like, the next
Alvin Einstein...
79
00:05:04,337 --> 00:05:06,328
but if he's so smart,
why doesn't he know...
80
00:05:06,373 --> 00:05:08,170
second string is for losers?
81
00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:10,403
Alvin Einstein.
82
00:05:11,778 --> 00:05:14,110
This is my life.
83
00:05:17,083 --> 00:05:19,643
Maybe I should just quit
basketball altogether.
84
00:05:19,686 --> 00:05:21,711
- I agree.
- What?
85
00:05:21,755 --> 00:05:25,418
Mr. Matthews, the lesson
that you missed today...
86
00:05:25,458 --> 00:05:26,982
was on natural selection.
87
00:05:27,027 --> 00:05:29,894
Nature has already made
a selection for you.
88
00:05:29,930 --> 00:05:31,864
And as far as basketball
is concerned...
89
00:05:31,898 --> 00:05:34,799
you are the dodo bird.
90
00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:36,803
Oh, yeah?
Well, no offense, Mr. Feeny...
91
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:39,897
but that Darwin didn't know
diddly about sports.
92
00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:41,908
Oh, I believe he did.
93
00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:43,967
Survival of the fittest,
Mr. Matthews.
94
00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:46,410
In sports,
the weak are weeded out.
95
00:05:46,446 --> 00:05:48,107
Only the strong survive.
96
00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:50,810
Hold it, hold it.
Are you saying I'm weak?
97
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:52,580
Did you make the first string?
98
00:05:52,619 --> 00:05:54,678
No, but maybe
that's just the coach's way...
99
00:05:54,721 --> 00:05:56,313
of telling me to evolve.
100
00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:58,551
Maybe I'm supposed
to crawl my way...
101
00:05:58,592 --> 00:06:00,287
out of the slime
of second string...
102
00:06:00,327 --> 00:06:02,158
and slither up to first string.
103
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:06,962
Look out, Mr. Feeny,
I'm a species on the move.
104
00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:09,758
It's so simple.
105
00:06:18,845 --> 00:06:21,814
- Eric, you're here!
- Yeah, the old Eric's here.
106
00:06:21,848 --> 00:06:23,748
The new Eric's going to be here
in ninety days...
107
00:06:23,783 --> 00:06:25,717
according to
Make Me Big magazine.
108
00:06:25,752 --> 00:06:28,312
I don't Want the new Eric.
I Want the Eric...
109
00:06:28,355 --> 00:06:30,380
who's the best
basketball player I know.
110
00:06:30,423 --> 00:06:33,551
I'm not the best anything.
I'm scum!
111
00:06:33,593 --> 00:06:37,029
You're scum! You're scum!
You're scum!
112
00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:39,190
Hey, hey, hey,
I've got a problem here.
113
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:40,824
I need to get better
in basketball.
114
00:06:40,867 --> 00:06:45,327
You call that a problem?
I laugh at your problem! Ha!
115
00:06:45,372 --> 00:06:48,273
Could you take a flex break?
I need you to pay attention.
116
00:06:48,308 --> 00:06:50,208
What?
117
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:51,904
I just started dating.
118
00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:55,506
Now it's gone. Dating's over.
They ripped it away from me.
119
00:06:55,548 --> 00:06:58,517
- Heather dumped you?
- Yeah. They all dumped me.
120
00:06:58,551 --> 00:07:01,452
Every tenth grade girl
in America dumped me.
121
00:07:01,488 --> 00:07:03,115
What'd you do to upset them?
122
00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:06,125
I'm not a senior.
That's What I did.
123
00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:08,923
I'm a sophomore!
You know what that makes me?
124
00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:12,420
- Scum! Scum! Scum!
- Scum! Scum! Scum!
125
00:07:12,465 --> 00:07:15,628
Seniors with their cars
and their muscles...
126
00:07:15,669 --> 00:07:18,103
and their Burger King
trainee hats!
127
00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:19,833
Eric, you're ignoring me.
128
00:07:19,873 --> 00:07:23,434
Yeah, well, the whole world
doesn't revolve around you, Cor.
129
00:07:23,476 --> 00:07:25,569
Uhh!
130
00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:27,739
Uhh!
131
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:28,907
Ohh!
132
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:31,383
I'm starting
to get that feeling.
133
00:07:31,418 --> 00:07:32,578
Eehh!
134
00:07:40,527 --> 00:07:43,894
I'm going to be
the best princess in the play.
135
00:07:43,930 --> 00:07:45,090
Morgan,
if you don't hold still...
136
00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:48,225
you're going to be
the best princess with tetanus.
137
00:07:48,268 --> 00:07:50,793
I'm home. No interviews, please.
138
00:07:50,837 --> 00:07:52,168
I'm a princess.
139
00:07:52,205 --> 00:07:54,730
Yeah,
and I had lunch with Elvis.
140
00:07:54,774 --> 00:07:57,937
Somebody's in a snicky mood.
141
00:07:57,978 --> 00:08:00,970
What's the matter, Cor?
Your first game didn't go well?
142
00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:02,481
Yeah, didn't go well
is a thing you could say.
143
00:08:02,515 --> 00:08:04,847
- Want to hear about it?
- Cookies!
144
00:08:04,884 --> 00:08:06,511
I got to get that
and slide in another dozen.
145
00:08:06,553 --> 00:08:08,919
- I'll be back in two seconds.
- I'll take the cookies out!
146
00:08:08,955 --> 00:08:11,014
No, Morgan, they're hot!
Your costume...
147
00:08:13,259 --> 00:08:15,659
Hey, Cory.
148
00:08:15,695 --> 00:08:19,358
You just kill and eat
a Vegas showgirl?
149
00:08:19,399 --> 00:08:22,994
Hi, dad.
Morgan's a princess today.
150
00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:26,631
Hey, I'm sorry I didn't see
your basketball game.
151
00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:28,231
Mom told you why, didn't she?
152
00:08:28,274 --> 00:08:30,265
Mom and I didn't really
get a chance to talk.
153
00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:33,040
Ah, well, you see, the district
manager showed up, and...
154
00:08:33,079 --> 00:08:34,842
- It's oK, dad.
- No, it's not oK.
155
00:08:34,881 --> 00:08:37,042
Give me the play-by-play.
Don't leave anything out.
156
00:08:37,083 --> 00:08:38,573
Make it come alive for me.
157
00:08:38,618 --> 00:08:41,314
- Well, we won.
- All right!
158
00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:43,447
But, dad, I think you should
know I didn't actually get...
159
00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:47,517
Dad! Look, this is serious.
I need $36,000 right now.
160
00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:50,461
Sure, can you break
a fifty thousand?
161
00:08:50,497 --> 00:08:52,863
Come on, dad. Heather
used the words "other people."
162
00:08:52,899 --> 00:08:55,834
You know what that means?
"other people" with cars.
163
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:58,099
Now, look, you give me
$36,000 for a 'Vette...
164
00:08:58,138 --> 00:09:00,163
and I'll never ask you
for anything again.
165
00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:02,197
No.
166
00:09:02,242 --> 00:09:04,233
I had a feeling
you might say that...
167
00:09:04,277 --> 00:09:08,407
but I came up with a plan
on how to save you $26,000.
168
00:09:08,448 --> 00:09:11,383
Say it with me, dad... Harley.
169
00:09:11,418 --> 00:09:14,182
Say it with me, Eric... Schwinn.
170
00:09:17,257 --> 00:09:20,226
Excuse me, dad, but
I'm still alive for free, and...
171
00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:21,727
You're not even
old enough to drive.
172
00:09:21,761 --> 00:09:23,820
Oh, so now you're on me
for not being a senior.
173
00:09:23,863 --> 00:09:25,160
Eric, sit down, will you?
174
00:09:25,198 --> 00:09:27,393
Cory, come on, tell us
all about your big game.
175
00:09:27,434 --> 00:09:29,664
Well, I wouldn't exactly
call it a big game...
176
00:09:29,702 --> 00:09:31,169
and I wouldn't call it mine.
177
00:09:31,204 --> 00:09:33,229
Hi, guys.
I didn't know you were home.
178
00:09:33,273 --> 00:09:34,604
Mom, you do not want
to see me on a motorcycle...
179
00:09:34,641 --> 00:09:36,131
- do you?
- No.
180
00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:38,144
See, dad?
Mom wants you to buy me the car.
181
00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:40,146
But if you really want
to hear about it...
182
00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:42,171
- I made cookies.
- You did?
183
00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:43,409
Because if you really
want to hear about it...
184
00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:44,610
I'm the guy to tell you.
185
00:09:44,651 --> 00:09:45,948
Yep, and mommy helped.
186
00:09:45,985 --> 00:09:49,079
Wild Cats are down two points...
187
00:09:49,122 --> 00:09:51,613
with only a minute left
in the game.
188
00:09:51,658 --> 00:09:52,955
The ball in bounds...
189
00:09:52,992 --> 00:09:54,653
he flies down the court
to take the pass!
190
00:09:54,694 --> 00:09:58,289
He shoots! He scores!
It's a tie game!
191
00:09:58,331 --> 00:09:59,958
Mustangs
try to toss to midcourt!
192
00:09:59,999 --> 00:10:03,730
I dart between two humungoids
and snatch the ball!
193
00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:05,897
Their only hope
is to foul me on purpose.
194
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:07,270
They do!
195
00:10:07,307 --> 00:10:10,105
I'm at the line. There's
no time left on the clock.
196
00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:11,610
The crowd goes nuts!
197
00:10:11,644 --> 00:10:14,545
Cory! Cory! Cory!
198
00:10:14,581 --> 00:10:17,516
The ball leaves my hands
and arcs in superslow motion...
199
00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:19,518
as the crowd
goes deathly silent.
200
00:10:19,552 --> 00:10:22,453
And then... swish!
Nothing but net!
201
00:10:22,489 --> 00:10:24,423
The crowd goes, "Aah!"
202
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,254
I win the game!
203
00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:28,886
- That's incredible.
- I can't believe I missed it.
204
00:10:28,928 --> 00:10:31,089
You're such a hero, Cor.
205
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:34,259
No, I'm not. You know why?
I didn't even get to play.
206
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:37,792
I just made all that stuff up.
207
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:42,771
He has an active imagination.
208
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:44,640
You know why
I don't get to play?
209
00:10:44,677 --> 00:10:47,840
Because I'm just a second
string, bench-warming nobody.
210
00:10:47,881 --> 00:10:49,371
- Cory...
- First of all...
211
00:10:49,415 --> 00:10:51,508
there's nothing wrong
with being second string.
212
00:10:51,551 --> 00:10:53,644
Yeah, there's nothing wrong
with being second string.
213
00:10:53,686 --> 00:10:56,018
Now, why didn't you
tell us this before, Cor?
214
00:10:56,055 --> 00:10:57,989
He told me.
215
00:10:58,024 --> 00:11:00,652
It's going to cost me the car,
isn't it?
216
00:11:00,693 --> 00:11:01,751
Why didn't you tell us?
217
00:11:01,794 --> 00:11:03,056
You're supposed to tell us
what he says.
218
00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:06,327
That's why you sleep
in the same room with him.
219
00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:08,732
You see? I'm trying
to spill my guts out...
220
00:11:08,768 --> 00:11:10,633
and you guys
are having a family meeting.
221
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:11,728
This is why I have to make up...
222
00:11:11,771 --> 00:11:13,966
a whole exciting life
to get any attention.
223
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:16,498
- Oh, Cory, that isn't true.
- Yes, it is.
224
00:11:16,543 --> 00:11:18,272
You spend half your day
with Eric at the store...
225
00:11:18,311 --> 00:11:19,505
and the rest of the time...
226
00:11:19,546 --> 00:11:21,446
you're talking about
his pathetic love life.
227
00:11:21,481 --> 00:11:22,607
Hey.
228
00:11:22,649 --> 00:11:24,549
And you're always
braiding Morgan's hair...
229
00:11:24,584 --> 00:11:25,778
or making a costume for her.
230
00:11:25,818 --> 00:11:27,217
And, I mean, I get it...
231
00:11:27,253 --> 00:11:29,244
that she's the baby
of the family and all, but...
232
00:11:29,289 --> 00:11:32,122
You know, being second string
in basketball is hard enough...
233
00:11:32,158 --> 00:11:35,150
but I'm only on the second
string in my own family.
234
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:44,226
Why don't you want me
to go up and talk to him?
235
00:11:44,270 --> 00:11:46,830
Because I think you and I
should talk first.
236
00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:49,671
What about? Cory's had
a basketball disappointment.
237
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,404
He's overreacting.
I'm going to go tell him that.
238
00:11:51,444 --> 00:11:52,741
Is he overreacting?
239
00:11:52,779 --> 00:11:54,076
What does that mean,
that he's right?
240
00:11:54,113 --> 00:11:55,239
That I spend more time
with Eric...
241
00:11:55,281 --> 00:11:56,942
I don't care as much about him?
242
00:11:56,983 --> 00:12:01,283
No. I just think that Cory
is going through middle-pause.
243
00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:03,881
Is that a scientific term?
244
00:12:03,923 --> 00:12:07,757
Yeah. I mean, this week,
Eric has girl problems...
245
00:12:07,794 --> 00:12:09,421
Morgan needs to be a princess...
246
00:12:09,462 --> 00:12:11,828
and there's a kid in the middle
that didn't get heard.
247
00:12:11,864 --> 00:12:14,128
Because
there's three of them now.
248
00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:16,135
We let ourselves
get outnumbered.
249
00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:17,101
Yep.
When there were two of them...
250
00:12:17,136 --> 00:12:18,763
we had them covered man-to-man.
251
00:12:18,805 --> 00:12:21,399
Now we're in a zone defense,
and Cory's problem got by us.
252
00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:22,999
What's the game plan, coach?
253
00:12:23,042 --> 00:12:25,875
Full court press,
double-team Cory.
254
00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:28,210
- Go, team, go.
- Hey.
255
00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:29,579
Just a little sport thing.
256
00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:39,658
Wasn't that a great game
yesterday...
257
00:12:39,692 --> 00:12:42,661
sitting on the bench,
cheering on the team?
258
00:12:42,695 --> 00:12:44,890
I'm still pumped!
259
00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:47,399
Minkus-Abdul Jabbar!
260
00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:49,663
We couldn't have been
any closer to the action...
261
00:12:49,702 --> 00:12:51,260
unless we actually played.
262
00:12:57,944 --> 00:12:59,172
Check it out.
263
00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:01,976
I dug out this old edition
of Sports illustrated for you.
264
00:13:02,015 --> 00:13:04,074
I already know
I'm not on the cover.
265
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:05,607
Lighten up.
There's an article in here...
266
00:13:05,652 --> 00:13:08,143
on great sports figures
who sat on the bench...
267
00:13:08,187 --> 00:13:09,620
before they got their big break.
268
00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:10,782
Really?
269
00:13:10,823 --> 00:13:12,313
Yeah.
It says that Steve Young...
270
00:13:12,358 --> 00:13:14,417
sat on the 49ers' bench
for five years...
271
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:16,052
before he became
the starting quarterback.
272
00:13:16,095 --> 00:13:17,892
And then he won MVP.
273
00:13:17,930 --> 00:13:20,228
- Man, this is good news.
- I knew you'd like it.
274
00:13:20,266 --> 00:13:22,496
Wow.
These are, like, major guys.
275
00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:24,002
And they all came back
from the brink.
276
00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:26,096
If they can do it,
you can do it.
277
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:28,232
Yeah! That'll prove
I'm worth something.
278
00:13:28,274 --> 00:13:29,741
Maybe coach'll
put you in the game today.
279
00:13:29,776 --> 00:13:31,243
Maybe you'll score
twenty points.
280
00:13:31,277 --> 00:13:33,507
Yeah, maybe then I'll be
on the A-team permanently.
281
00:13:33,546 --> 00:13:35,741
I'm going to be season MVP.
282
00:13:35,782 --> 00:13:37,215
I'm going to be unstoppable!
283
00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:40,242
Matthews, why are you suited up?
284
00:13:40,286 --> 00:13:43,278
Second-string
doesn't go to the away games.
285
00:13:50,296 --> 00:13:52,764
Anybody home?
286
00:13:52,799 --> 00:13:54,266
Mom?
287
00:13:54,300 --> 00:13:58,100
Probably baking cookies
with Morgan.
288
00:13:58,137 --> 00:14:01,231
You know, there was a time when
you used to bake cookies with...
289
00:14:02,642 --> 00:14:04,872
And I'm talking to nobody.
290
00:14:06,245 --> 00:14:08,076
Anybody home?
291
00:14:08,114 --> 00:14:10,048
Well, the furniture's
still here...
292
00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:12,244
so you didn't move without me.
293
00:14:16,489 --> 00:14:18,855
ANNOUNCER:
Tonight on Hard Edition...
294
00:14:18,891 --> 00:14:20,722
when her daughter
didn't seLL enough cookies...
295
00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:22,250
to win the grand prize...
296
00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:24,763
Mom killed the whoLe troop.
297
00:14:26,265 --> 00:14:28,756
Now there's a mom Who cares.
298
00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:33,334
MAN ON Tv:. WeLL. I think
we've aLL Learned a Lesson...
299
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,000
here today. kids.
300
00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:36,736
When you've got family...
301
00:14:36,776 --> 00:14:38,243
a house fuLL of Love...
302
00:14:38,277 --> 00:14:39,608
and a puppy...
303
00:14:39,645 --> 00:14:41,237
[PUPPY BARKS]
304
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:45,273
MAN ON Tv:. If you not making
a Lot of money. you a Loser.
305
00:14:47,286 --> 00:14:48,947
MAN ON Tv:.
By carefully inserting...
306
00:14:48,988 --> 00:14:52,651
the tip of the probe into
the throbbing heart muscle...
307
00:14:52,692 --> 00:14:53,852
[CLICK]
308
00:14:55,795 --> 00:14:59,253
6:24.
Dinnertime, and nobody's home.
309
00:14:59,298 --> 00:15:04,634
I'm eleven years old! Come on!
I'm on a schedule here.
310
00:15:04,670 --> 00:15:06,831
What am I supposed to do
for food?
311
00:15:28,694 --> 00:15:31,254
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
312
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:35,257
[RING]
313
00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:37,836
[MUSIC PLAYING]
314
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:03,261
Mr. Matthews,
what are you doing?
315
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:06,390
Uh, I'm burying a hamster.
316
00:16:09,569 --> 00:16:13,403
I see you basted the little
cadaver with barbecue sauce.
317
00:16:13,439 --> 00:16:18,103
Mr. Feeny, nobody's in my house.
My family's abandoned me.
318
00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:20,704
Is that so? Why would they
do something like that?
319
00:16:20,746 --> 00:16:22,714
Maybe because
I only made second-string...
320
00:16:22,748 --> 00:16:24,238
and they were ashamed of me.
321
00:16:24,283 --> 00:16:25,841
You think
that's what happened, huh?
322
00:16:25,885 --> 00:16:27,443
That's why I'm trying
to survive on my own.
323
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:29,114
I mean,
I saw your chicken cooking...
324
00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:32,215
and the voice of Chuck Darwin
whispered in my ear...
325
00:16:32,258 --> 00:16:34,192
"Just do it."
326
00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:37,993
Survival of the fittest,
Mr. Feeny. You taught me that.
327
00:16:38,030 --> 00:16:40,692
In the first place,
Mr. Matthews...
328
00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:42,223
snatching a chicken
from a grill...
329
00:16:42,268 --> 00:16:45,795
is hardly chasing down
and spearing a mastodon.
330
00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:49,239
And in the second place,
your family didn't abandon you.
331
00:16:49,275 --> 00:16:51,300
They went
to your basketball game.
332
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:54,370
My family went to my game? Why?
333
00:16:54,413 --> 00:16:57,507
One would assume that
they wanted to watch you play.
334
00:16:57,550 --> 00:16:59,609
But, I mean, I told them...
335
00:16:59,652 --> 00:17:01,176
second-string
doesn't get to play.
336
00:17:01,220 --> 00:17:03,745
We just sit on the bench
and rot.
337
00:17:03,789 --> 00:17:06,986
Well, then, one would assume
that they went to watch you rot.
338
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:09,688
My family drove
all the way to Cheltenham...
339
00:17:09,729 --> 00:17:11,720
to watch me sit on the bench?
340
00:17:11,764 --> 00:17:14,562
- Yes, Mr. Matthews, they did.
- Why would they do that?
341
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:16,568
Well, perhaps
if you kept listening...
342
00:17:16,602 --> 00:17:19,070
to the voice of Chuck Darwin...
343
00:17:19,105 --> 00:17:23,064
he might've told you that
the highest form of evolution...
344
00:17:23,109 --> 00:17:27,205
is a family of human beings who
genuinely care for each other.
345
00:17:27,246 --> 00:17:29,714
What if it seems like
sometimes they don't care?
346
00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:32,217
Sometimes you have
to give your family...
347
00:17:32,251 --> 00:17:33,718
the benefit of the doubt.
348
00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:36,483
That's part
of your personal evolution.
349
00:17:36,522 --> 00:17:39,218
Do you know what happens to you
if you stop evolving?
350
00:17:42,194 --> 00:17:43,889
I end up like this guy?
351
00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:45,522
More or less.
352
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:47,795
Mr. Feeny,
we got a situation here.
353
00:17:47,833 --> 00:17:49,733
I need you
to drive me to the game.
354
00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:52,602
I need to drive me
to a restaurant.
355
00:17:52,638 --> 00:17:55,004
You buried my dinner, remember?
356
00:17:55,041 --> 00:17:56,736
I'm sorry about your chicken.
357
00:17:56,776 --> 00:17:59,802
Drive me to the game, and
I'll buy you a couple corn dogs.
358
00:17:59,845 --> 00:18:01,142
Tempting, but no.
359
00:18:01,180 --> 00:18:04,172
Please, Mr. Feeny. My family's
finally there for me.
360
00:18:04,216 --> 00:18:07,674
I need to be there
for me for them.
361
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:08,982
[CRYING]
362
00:18:11,724 --> 00:18:14,557
Oh, have some dignity, man.
363
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:16,289
My car's out front.
364
00:18:16,329 --> 00:18:17,921
Cool. You know,
if we dust this off...
365
00:18:17,964 --> 00:18:19,454
we can eat it on the way.
366
00:18:26,739 --> 00:18:28,707
Ah, what a night.
367
00:18:28,741 --> 00:18:32,199
Those sixth grade girls
thought I was so cool.
368
00:18:32,244 --> 00:18:35,213
I'm going to tuck Morgan in.
I'll be right back down.
369
00:18:35,247 --> 00:18:37,442
I want to say good night
to Cory first.
370
00:18:37,483 --> 00:18:40,043
Well, hero,
say good night to your sister.
371
00:18:40,086 --> 00:18:41,246
Good night, Morgan.
372
00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:42,754
You were awesome.
373
00:18:44,657 --> 00:18:47,285
Must you kiss me?
374
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:53,728
Well, you had yourself
a big night tonight.
375
00:18:53,766 --> 00:18:56,200
Six points.
Who would've thought...
376
00:18:56,235 --> 00:18:58,362
three first-stringers
would foul out...
377
00:18:58,404 --> 00:18:59,962
and they'd need me to jump in?
378
00:19:00,006 --> 00:19:01,166
Yeah,
maybe your coach learned...
379
00:19:01,207 --> 00:19:02,333
to bring
a couple second-stringers...
380
00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:04,639
along with him on the road
games to cover his butt, huh?
381
00:19:04,677 --> 00:19:07,009
I'm really proud of the way
you handled yourself.
382
00:19:07,046 --> 00:19:09,674
Three baskets
in the last minute.
383
00:19:09,715 --> 00:19:11,182
Mr. Clutch.
384
00:19:11,217 --> 00:19:14,152
Sure, we were up by thirty-one,
but still.
385
00:19:14,186 --> 00:19:15,676
Well, I'm not talking
about basketball.
386
00:19:15,721 --> 00:19:18,189
I'm talking about the way
you handled things today.
387
00:19:18,224 --> 00:19:19,748
You come home
to an empty house...
388
00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:22,192
there's nobody here,
but you don't panic.
389
00:19:22,228 --> 00:19:24,253
You commandeer
the neighbor's car...
390
00:19:24,296 --> 00:19:25,422
And the neighbor.
391
00:19:25,464 --> 00:19:26,863
And you get yourself
to the game.
392
00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:28,696
It's called
survival of the fittest.
393
00:19:28,734 --> 00:19:31,328
I was explaining it
to Mr. Feeny earlier.
394
00:19:31,370 --> 00:19:34,703
Well, Morgan doesn't want
to hear a story from me tonight.
395
00:19:34,740 --> 00:19:37,766
She wants to hear a story
from the basketball star.
396
00:19:37,810 --> 00:19:40,210
I think I can squeeze in
a little Green Eggs and Ham...
397
00:19:40,246 --> 00:19:41,770
before I hit the showers.
398
00:19:41,814 --> 00:19:44,647
- Hey, guys?
- Hey, Cor.
399
00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:46,743
How come you drove
all the way out to my game?
400
00:19:46,786 --> 00:19:49,414
I mean, you knew I was just
going to sit on the bench.
401
00:19:49,455 --> 00:19:51,821
You must've had
something better to do.
402
00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:56,252
Me? No.
403
00:19:56,295 --> 00:19:58,229
Well, Cory, it really
doesn't matter to us...
404
00:19:58,264 --> 00:20:00,994
if you sit on the bench or
if you score a hundred points.
405
00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:02,295
Come on, it does so.
406
00:20:02,334 --> 00:20:04,393
No, it really doesn't.
I mean, there are times...
407
00:20:04,437 --> 00:20:07,338
when I catch your father
just watching you sleep.
408
00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:09,898
Only if
there's nothing good on TV.
409
00:20:09,942 --> 00:20:11,409
You still watch me sleep?
410
00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:12,911
Do you watch Eric?
411
00:20:12,945 --> 00:20:15,743
Yeah, but I'll probably stop
when he's a senior...
412
00:20:15,781 --> 00:20:17,749
and he gets a life.
413
00:20:17,783 --> 00:20:19,751
Hey, thank you for your support.
414
00:20:19,785 --> 00:20:21,309
I think I'm going
to go into the kitchen...
415
00:20:21,353 --> 00:20:23,048
and eat something
that causes a lot of zits...
416
00:20:23,089 --> 00:20:25,284
because it really doesn't make
any difference.
417
00:20:26,592 --> 00:20:29,823
Look, Cor,
there's nobody in this family...
418
00:20:29,862 --> 00:20:31,124
that's going
to be disappointed...
419
00:20:31,163 --> 00:20:34,257
by you being second-string,
third-string, or no-string...
420
00:20:34,300 --> 00:20:36,768
as long as
you try the best you can.
421
00:20:36,802 --> 00:20:38,565
We're only disappointed
when you don't tell us...
422
00:20:38,604 --> 00:20:40,162
if something's bothering you.
423
00:20:40,206 --> 00:20:42,731
Well, I tried,
but nobody was listening.
424
00:20:42,775 --> 00:20:45,903
You want to know who's
in my room telling me a story?
425
00:20:45,945 --> 00:20:48,470
Nobody.
426
00:20:48,514 --> 00:20:50,072
Come on, honey,
you have to wait a minute.
427
00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:52,482
We're talking with Cory.
428
00:20:52,518 --> 00:20:56,010
Well, look, Cory, you're going
to have to make me listen.
429
00:20:56,055 --> 00:20:57,317
How?
430
00:20:57,356 --> 00:21:02,760
Just grab my face and say,
"Hey, dad! Listen to me!"
431
00:21:02,795 --> 00:21:06,731
As long as you got my face,
you got my attention.
432
00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:08,996
- Dad?
- Yeah?
433
00:21:09,034 --> 00:21:11,502
Let go of my face.
434
00:21:13,038 --> 00:21:15,802
I feel kind of bad
about the things I said.
435
00:21:15,841 --> 00:21:17,001
Uh-huh.
436
00:21:17,042 --> 00:21:19,306
And, well...
437
00:21:20,679 --> 00:21:23,113
Don't you hate it
when you have to apologize?
438
00:21:23,149 --> 00:21:26,209
Yeah, but we don't mind
hearing them.
439
00:21:26,252 --> 00:21:29,881
You know, when you're eleven,
and you start hanging out...
440
00:21:29,922 --> 00:21:31,753
at a lot of other
sixth graders' houses...
441
00:21:31,791 --> 00:21:34,259
you get to know
a lot of other parents.
442
00:21:34,293 --> 00:21:35,726
Believe me,
I know the difference...
443
00:21:35,761 --> 00:21:37,558
between the good ones
and the bad ones.
444
00:21:37,596 --> 00:21:39,291
And?
445
00:21:39,331 --> 00:21:43,927
And, well...
446
00:21:43,969 --> 00:21:46,369
What do you want from me,
blood?
447
00:21:46,405 --> 00:21:47,804
Hey!
448
00:21:49,809 --> 00:21:51,436
Where's my story?
449
00:21:55,314 --> 00:21:56,804
Good night.
450
00:21:57,817 --> 00:21:59,045
Good night.
451
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:18,800
I'm telling you, Feeny's
a maniac behind the wheel.
452
00:22:18,838 --> 00:22:20,931
I didn't know a Gremlin
could go that fast.
453
00:22:20,973 --> 00:22:22,964
No way. Feeny?
454
00:22:23,008 --> 00:22:24,771
The guy takes twenty minutes
to peel an orange.
455
00:22:24,810 --> 00:22:25,902
Hey, I was in the car.
456
00:22:25,945 --> 00:22:29,176
He was clipping corners,
driving on the sidewalk...
457
00:22:29,215 --> 00:22:30,944
catching air off speed bumps.
458
00:22:30,983 --> 00:22:34,919
Our Mr. Feeny burning rubber?
I think not.
459
00:22:34,954 --> 00:22:36,979
I thinkWhat We see
in the classroom...
460
00:22:37,022 --> 00:22:39,684
just may be the Clark Kent side
of Mr. Feeny.
461
00:22:39,725 --> 00:22:43,024
I would've had you if that light
hadn't turned yellow.
462
00:22:43,062 --> 00:22:46,122
Hey, you snooze, you lose????????????????????????????????????????????????
463
00:22:46,172 --> 00:22:50,722
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