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1
00:00:11,178 --> 00:00:12,304
Stuart?
2
00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:13,472
Yes?
3
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:16,381
Did you leave this
paper rose on my desk?
4
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,178
No.
5
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:23,618
Oh.
6
00:00:23,657 --> 00:00:27,218
Actually it isn't a rose.
It's a camellia.
7
00:00:29,763 --> 00:00:31,230
In the language
of flowers...
8
00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:34,234
a white camellia means
perfect loveliness.
9
00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:36,736
At least,
that's what I've read.
10
00:00:36,770 --> 00:00:37,964
Well, then...
11
00:00:38,005 --> 00:00:40,064
The person
who left this for me...
12
00:00:40,107 --> 00:00:43,270
must be a sensitive
and caring soul.
13
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:47,343
Is it just me...
14
00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:49,906
or is love blooming
among the nerd set?
15
00:00:49,950 --> 00:00:51,315
I don't know.
16
00:00:51,351 --> 00:00:53,080
The only time I've ever
seen a look like that...
17
00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:57,489
was just before Bambi's
mother caught that bullet.
18
00:00:57,524 --> 00:00:59,685
What a movie they'd make.
19
00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:01,125
It's Minkus in Love.
20
00:01:01,161 --> 00:01:02,287
Watch what happens...
21
00:01:02,329 --> 00:01:04,354
when 48 pounds
of near-sighted geek...
22
00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:07,697
meets 10 pounds of hair
from a parallel universe.
23
00:01:08,835 --> 00:01:10,234
- Ha!
- Ha!
24
00:01:13,006 --> 00:01:15,702
I think people who
judge other people...
25
00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:19,303
by their outward appearances
are shallow and ignorant...
26
00:01:19,346 --> 00:01:22,509
and will have much to answer for
in their next life.
27
00:01:22,549 --> 00:01:25,109
That may be the way
it works on Remulak...
28
00:01:25,152 --> 00:01:28,087
but here on Earth...
you're a nerd, you pay.
29
00:01:28,121 --> 00:01:29,247
[BELL RINGS]
30
00:01:29,289 --> 00:01:30,415
Good morning, class.
31
00:01:30,457 --> 00:01:32,482
I trust you all
had a good weekend.
32
00:01:32,526 --> 00:01:34,653
I sure did.
My mom baked brownies...
33
00:01:34,695 --> 00:01:37,687
and my dad rented two
monster movie videos.
34
00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:40,199
I sold blood.
35
00:01:40,233 --> 00:01:43,168
This morning we have
a guest lecturer.
36
00:01:43,203 --> 00:01:44,795
The school board feels...
37
00:01:44,838 --> 00:01:47,272
that since you're all starting
the seventh grade next year...
38
00:01:47,307 --> 00:01:48,399
it would behoove you...
39
00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:50,672
to have an advanced taste
of the experience.
40
00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:52,178
[KNOCKING]
41
00:01:52,212 --> 00:01:53,236
Eric?
42
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:54,247
Cory!
43
00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:55,475
Mr. Matthews?
44
00:01:55,515 --> 00:01:57,176
Mr. Feeny?
45
00:01:57,217 --> 00:01:58,377
Oh.
46
00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:02,153
I thought the school said...
47
00:02:02,189 --> 00:02:04,157
they were sending over
good students.
48
00:02:04,191 --> 00:02:06,125
Nice. The problem
with smart kids...
49
00:02:06,159 --> 00:02:07,558
is they all have
goals to pursue.
50
00:02:07,594 --> 00:02:10,062
I'm just looking to
get out of Algebra.
51
00:02:10,097 --> 00:02:12,065
Lucky me.
52
00:02:12,099 --> 00:02:13,361
Proceed.
53
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:14,867
Hi, kids, I'm Eric.
54
00:02:14,901 --> 00:02:16,368
I'm in the 10th grade
at Adams High...
55
00:02:16,403 --> 00:02:18,030
the school you'll all
be going to next year.
56
00:02:18,071 --> 00:02:20,062
At least
all of us who pass.
57
00:02:20,107 --> 00:02:22,041
Hey, Minkus, pass this.
58
00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:23,440
[RASPBERRY]
59
00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:28,278
Please, class, give
Mr. Matthews your attention.
60
00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:29,976
Matthews?
61
00:02:30,017 --> 00:02:31,484
Oh, yeah, I'm Cory's
older brother.
62
00:02:31,518 --> 00:02:32,883
I got the good hair.
63
00:02:32,919 --> 00:02:35,649
Anyway, next year you guys
will be seventh graders...
64
00:02:35,689 --> 00:02:37,316
or, as we upper classmen
will be calling you...
65
00:02:37,357 --> 00:02:38,881
phlegmballs.
66
00:02:38,925 --> 00:02:40,392
Now, there's gonna
be a few things...
67
00:02:40,427 --> 00:02:41,894
you're gonna need
to know for survival...
68
00:02:41,928 --> 00:02:43,361
on the mean streets
of high school.
69
00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:46,127
Will the exam process
be more rigorous?
70
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:48,460
Yeah, uh...
71
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,299
Parties are gonna be
a lot better, too...
72
00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:51,269
because you can
stay out later.
73
00:02:51,304 --> 00:02:52,362
All right!
74
00:02:52,406 --> 00:02:55,204
And, of course, cool
clothes are a must.
75
00:02:55,242 --> 00:02:58,040
For that young detention
sitter on the go.
76
00:02:59,579 --> 00:03:00,807
Yeah. Uh, you're
gonna want to know...
77
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:01,973
where the parking lot
is, too...
78
00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:03,505
because that's Where the
most popular kids hang.
79
00:03:03,550 --> 00:03:04,915
And you're gonna want
to hang with them...
80
00:03:04,951 --> 00:03:06,009
unless, of course...
81
00:03:06,053 --> 00:03:07,315
you want to look
like a complete nerd.
82
00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:09,618
Ha ha ha!
83
00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:12,021
No offense, Mink.
84
00:03:13,260 --> 00:03:14,818
I have a question.
85
00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:15,885
Who cares?
86
00:03:15,929 --> 00:03:17,396
This isn't like home, Eric.
87
00:03:17,431 --> 00:03:19,763
In here, when I raise my
hand, you have to answer.
88
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:20,926
I do?
89
00:03:20,967 --> 00:03:22,559
I do, too.
90
00:03:22,602 --> 00:03:24,593
All right, now next year
when you're 16...
91
00:03:24,638 --> 00:03:25,570
and driving to school...
92
00:03:25,605 --> 00:03:27,470
would you be willing
to give a ride...
93
00:03:27,507 --> 00:03:30,408
to a certain few
select phlegmballs?
94
00:03:30,444 --> 00:03:31,741
Do I have to?
95
00:03:31,778 --> 00:03:32,802
I Wouldn't.
96
00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:33,835
Drop dead.
97
00:03:37,084 --> 00:03:39,609
What do I owe you?
98
00:03:43,190 --> 00:03:45,021
[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]
99
00:04:46,586 --> 00:04:48,486
TOPANGA: I have some
freshly baked brownies here...
100
00:04:48,522 --> 00:04:50,217
I thought you might enjoy.
101
00:04:50,257 --> 00:04:51,690
Thanks for dropping
them off.
102
00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:53,352
I thought perhaps
I could stay here...
103
00:04:53,393 --> 00:04:55,361
and enjoy them with you.
104
00:04:55,395 --> 00:04:57,022
Milk's in the fridge, babe.
105
00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:01,433
Hey, not bad.
106
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:03,436
My sister Nebby made them.
107
00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:05,301
Nebby?
108
00:05:05,338 --> 00:05:06,999
Don't you mean Debbie?
109
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:09,508
No, Nebby. It's
short for Nebula...
110
00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:11,704
Nebula Stopthewar Lawrence.
111
00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:14,441
So your parents
thought, like, what...
112
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:16,949
Linda was already taken?
113
00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:24,616
Hey, cool braid.
114
00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:25,955
You like it?
115
00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:27,619
I can put one in your hair.
116
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,060
You can?
117
00:05:29,095 --> 00:05:31,393
Sure. Do you have some
ribbons and a rubber band?
118
00:05:31,431 --> 00:05:33,058
Upstairs in my room.
119
00:05:33,099 --> 00:05:36,557
You know, I'd like
to see more of her...
120
00:05:36,603 --> 00:05:38,093
and less of him.
121
00:05:44,578 --> 00:05:45,602
What?
122
00:05:45,645 --> 00:05:46,976
Comes over
with the brownies...
123
00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:49,038
tries to get in good
with your sister.
124
00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:51,050
- So?
- So...
125
00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:52,312
& Cory and Topanga &
126
00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:53,512
& Sitting in a tree &
127
00:05:53,553 --> 00:05:56,181
& K-i-s-s-i-n-g &
128
00:05:56,223 --> 00:05:58,214
No way. Minkus wants her.
129
00:05:58,258 --> 00:06:00,283
And yet she's not
over at Minkus' house...
130
00:06:00,327 --> 00:06:01,294
unloading brownies.
131
00:06:01,328 --> 00:06:02,625
What are you saying, Shawn?
132
00:06:02,662 --> 00:06:04,630
Cory, it all has
to start somewhere.
133
00:06:04,664 --> 00:06:07,132
See, Minkus gets
squishy about Topanga.
134
00:06:07,167 --> 00:06:09,192
Topanga gets
squishy about you.
135
00:06:09,236 --> 00:06:11,204
One day your solid
as a rock...
136
00:06:11,238 --> 00:06:13,172
the next day... Squish.
137
00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:16,300
Topanga does not have
a squish on me.
138
00:06:16,343 --> 00:06:18,311
She brought you
brownies, dude.
139
00:06:18,345 --> 00:06:20,836
Ipso facto,
love-o you-o.
140
00:06:22,148 --> 00:06:23,445
Hi, guys.
141
00:06:23,483 --> 00:06:24,950
Ah, reinforcement snacks.
142
00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:28,182
It doesn't look like
you're starving to death.
143
00:06:29,189 --> 00:06:30,156
Hey.
144
00:06:30,190 --> 00:06:32,454
Eric, your can runneth over.
145
00:06:32,492 --> 00:06:34,153
Garbage again?
146
00:06:34,194 --> 00:06:36,628
I just took it out
last week.
147
00:06:36,663 --> 00:06:38,722
Mommy! Mommy, look!
148
00:06:38,765 --> 00:06:40,926
Topanga made my hair pretty.
149
00:06:40,967 --> 00:06:42,935
She sure did.
150
00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:44,960
Yep. Brownies, braids...
she does it all...
151
00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:47,166
but, uh, now she has
to do it all at home.
152
00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:48,469
But I was hoping
I could stay.
153
00:06:48,508 --> 00:06:49,998
You can't. We're over
the legal hair limit...
154
00:06:50,043 --> 00:06:51,237
of this room.
155
00:06:56,016 --> 00:06:58,348
Well, that wasn't
very polite.
156
00:06:58,385 --> 00:07:00,319
I can't afford
to be polite, Mom.
157
00:07:00,353 --> 00:07:02,514
I'm polite... Squish.
158
00:07:02,555 --> 00:07:03,920
I hear a lot of men...
159
00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:05,822
treat the women they love
like that.
160
00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:09,428
I'll kill you, Shawn.
161
00:07:09,462 --> 00:07:11,430
We got a little girlfriend
action going on here?
162
00:07:11,464 --> 00:07:12,453
- Yep.
- No.
163
00:07:12,499 --> 00:07:13,966
Cory and Topanga
164
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:15,433
Sitting in a tree
165
00:07:15,468 --> 00:07:18,198
A-B-C-D-E-F-G
166
00:07:19,372 --> 00:07:21,306
[WHISTLING]
167
00:07:21,341 --> 00:07:25,141
Mr. Matthews, we seem to
be on similar missions.
168
00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:26,304
Hey, Mr. Feeny...
169
00:07:26,346 --> 00:07:29,042
how'd your class like
my little pep talk today?
170
00:07:29,082 --> 00:07:32,813
The class found you
amusing and entertaining.
171
00:07:32,852 --> 00:07:34,581
But you didn't.
172
00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:36,088
On the contrary.
173
00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:38,454
I found you both amusing
and entertaining.
174
00:07:38,491 --> 00:07:41,483
I didn't, however, find
you very informative.
175
00:07:41,528 --> 00:07:44,122
Everything I told them about
the parties and clothes is true.
176
00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:45,631
Well, that may be...
177
00:07:45,665 --> 00:07:48,133
but you didn't tell
them the whole truth.
178
00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:49,601
Like What?
179
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:52,070
Well, like... up until now...
180
00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:55,472
they've lived in a small,
protected environment.
181
00:07:55,508 --> 00:07:59,035
Next year it'll be like
moving out of a small town...
182
00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:00,637
into a big city.
183
00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:01,977
It's just a bigger school.
184
00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:03,642
How easy is it to get drugs?
185
00:08:03,683 --> 00:08:04,672
I don't do drugs.
186
00:08:04,718 --> 00:08:05,776
But if you wanted to?
187
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:06,786
Pretty easy.
188
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,788
- Alcohol?
- Easier.
189
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:09,811
Cigarettes?
190
00:08:09,856 --> 00:08:10,914
Oh, come on, Mr. Feeny.
I didn't want...
191
00:08:10,957 --> 00:08:12,356
to bring them down
with stuff like that.
192
00:08:12,392 --> 00:08:15,418
I mean I wanted to give them
something to look forward to.
193
00:08:15,462 --> 00:08:17,987
Mr. Matthews, do you
consider yourself popular...
194
00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:20,261
an influential voice
in high school?
195
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:22,734
Look, Mr. Feeny,
I'm no role model.
196
00:08:22,769 --> 00:08:26,068
Yes, but the moment you
stepped into that classroom...
197
00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:27,937
you became one.
198
00:08:41,554 --> 00:08:43,579
That Was the Worst
macaroni and cheese...
199
00:08:43,623 --> 00:08:45,022
I've ever tasted.
200
00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:47,049
You going to finish yours?
201
00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:50,529
You're a pig,
you know that?
202
00:08:50,563 --> 00:08:52,428
Hey, I'm in a growth
spurt. I need fuel.
203
00:08:52,465 --> 00:08:53,932
Yeah, well, those of us
who sit near you...
204
00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:55,730
don't like
the exhaust fumes.
205
00:08:57,570 --> 00:08:58,594
Oh, look.
206
00:08:58,638 --> 00:09:01,471
Here comes the future
Mrs. Cory Matthews.
207
00:09:01,508 --> 00:09:02,566
Hello, Cory.
208
00:09:02,609 --> 00:09:04,474
Cory's not here.
209
00:09:04,511 --> 00:09:05,978
My sister rented
a videotape...
210
00:09:06,012 --> 00:09:08,503
I thought you might
be interested in seeing.
211
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,413
He left.
You just missed him.
212
00:09:10,450 --> 00:09:12,281
GodziLLa Goes to college.
213
00:09:12,318 --> 00:09:14,252
Whoa.
214
00:09:14,287 --> 00:09:18,087
That's the one where
Godzilla scarfs down UCLA.
215
00:09:18,124 --> 00:09:19,148
Yeah.
216
00:09:19,192 --> 00:09:20,853
When can we borrow it?
217
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:23,260
You can't.
It's my sister's tape.
218
00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:25,287
She said I can't
let it out of my sight.
219
00:09:25,331 --> 00:09:27,629
OK, what time should we
be over at your house?
220
00:09:27,667 --> 00:09:29,134
Our VCR is broken.
221
00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:30,966
I'll have to bring it
to your house.
222
00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:32,596
All right, how about 4:00?
223
00:09:32,639 --> 00:09:33,867
4:00 is good for me.
224
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:36,307
That will give me time
to get home and get ready.
225
00:09:36,342 --> 00:09:37,331
Get ready?
226
00:09:37,377 --> 00:09:39,675
I mean get the tape.
That's all. Bye.
227
00:09:41,381 --> 00:09:44,544
Oh, man, she's got
a thang for you.
228
00:09:45,785 --> 00:09:47,514
What do I care?
229
00:09:47,554 --> 00:09:49,749
All I want from her
is brownies and videos.
230
00:09:51,391 --> 00:09:53,621
You maggot.
231
00:09:55,562 --> 00:09:56,688
Huh?
232
00:09:56,729 --> 00:10:00,256
All these years pretending
to be my close friend.
233
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:05,795
Close? As in Philadelphia
is close to... Neptune?
234
00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:09,240
All so you could get to her.
235
00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:11,709
Her, Topanga?
I don't think so.
236
00:10:11,744 --> 00:10:14,679
Oh, please. The whole school's
talking about you two.
237
00:10:14,714 --> 00:10:16,306
What? I ate
a couple brownies.
238
00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:18,214
I said I'd Watch a video.
239
00:10:18,251 --> 00:10:21,709
Aren't you forgetting
the trip to Acapulco?
240
00:10:21,754 --> 00:10:23,551
What?
241
00:10:23,590 --> 00:10:25,785
I embellished.
242
00:10:25,825 --> 00:10:28,123
Do you really care
about her...
243
00:10:28,161 --> 00:10:31,619
or are you just doing this
to humiliate me?
244
00:10:31,664 --> 00:10:34,565
I give up.
Take it, Shawn.
245
00:10:34,601 --> 00:10:36,068
Minkus...
246
00:10:36,102 --> 00:10:39,071
Want to play walnut?
247
00:10:39,105 --> 00:10:40,629
Your bodyguard
can't be with you...
248
00:10:40,673 --> 00:10:43,574
24 hours a day, Matthews.
249
00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:45,100
Be afraid...
250
00:10:46,112 --> 00:10:48,444
Be very afraid.
251
00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:54,084
I've got two words
for you...
252
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:55,644
Antiperspirant.
253
00:10:58,625 --> 00:11:00,217
That's 3 Words.
254
00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:03,694
What's going on here?
255
00:11:03,730 --> 00:11:05,561
I don't want girls
to like me.
256
00:11:05,598 --> 00:11:06,895
Why is everything changing?
257
00:11:06,933 --> 00:11:09,197
Hey, Topanga
forgot her notebook.
258
00:11:09,235 --> 00:11:10,600
Want to trash it?
259
00:11:10,637 --> 00:11:12,537
I got a little
macaroni and cheese left.
260
00:11:12,572 --> 00:11:15,234
Naw, she'll probably think
it's some type of love code.
261
00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:18,540
Oh, why do I have
to be so attractive?
262
00:11:18,578 --> 00:11:20,045
Oh, look.
263
00:11:20,079 --> 00:11:24,038
It's a heart with a name
doodled in swirly things.
264
00:11:24,083 --> 00:11:26,244
"Mrs. Matthews."
265
00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:27,617
Give me a break.
266
00:11:27,654 --> 00:11:29,554
"Mrs. Topanga Matthews."
267
00:11:29,589 --> 00:11:31,056
ooh...
268
00:11:31,090 --> 00:11:33,058
"Mrs. Eric Matthews."
269
00:11:33,092 --> 00:11:35,560
Would you get off my...
270
00:11:35,595 --> 00:11:37,085
What?
271
00:11:48,741 --> 00:11:50,834
Eric, I'm glad
I caught you.
272
00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:51,969
We got to talk.
273
00:11:52,011 --> 00:11:53,706
Not now. I'm headed down
to the video arcade.
274
00:11:53,746 --> 00:11:55,737
Play games some other time.
This is important.
275
00:11:55,782 --> 00:11:57,181
Hey, this is
important, too.
276
00:11:57,217 --> 00:12:00,653
Eric, somebody's
in love with you.
277
00:12:00,687 --> 00:12:03,520
Oh, yeah? Who?
278
00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:05,046
Topanga Lawrence.
279
00:12:05,091 --> 00:12:07,025
You know, that hair
in the front row...
280
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:08,687
with the girl attached?
281
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,889
We're talking about
a sixth grader? Later.
282
00:12:10,930 --> 00:12:13,228
I'm telling you, Eric,
she loves you.
283
00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:14,733
Look, she's 11.
She's too young...
284
00:12:14,767 --> 00:12:15,825
to have feelings like that.
285
00:12:15,868 --> 00:12:17,927
Minkus is only 11,
and he loves her.
286
00:12:17,971 --> 00:12:20,064
Will you stop saying that
word? Nobody loves anybody.
287
00:12:20,106 --> 00:12:22,131
I mean... you're babies.
288
00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:23,301
You're too young
to understand...
289
00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:26,437
the pain of love,
the agony of love...
290
00:12:26,479 --> 00:12:28,947
the seamy underbelly of love.
291
00:12:28,982 --> 00:12:30,643
You're not going to
fully understand it...
292
00:12:30,683 --> 00:12:32,173
until you're...15.
293
00:12:32,218 --> 00:12:33,310
Like you?
294
00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:36,254
I understood it at 14,
but, hey, I was a natural.
295
00:12:36,289 --> 00:12:38,689
Look, Eric, you got
to kiss her off.
296
00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:40,716
Get her out of
your life and mine.
297
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:41,852
She's not in mine.
298
00:12:41,894 --> 00:12:43,088
Well, she's going to be.
299
00:12:43,129 --> 00:12:46,257
You know, it sounds
like you're jealous.
300
00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:47,766
Oh, yeah. I'm jealous.
301
00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:51,167
That's just what I want,
to be Topanga's boyfriend...
302
00:12:51,204 --> 00:12:52,694
and then we can
name our children...
303
00:12:52,739 --> 00:12:55,299
Chewbacca and Plankton.
304
00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:58,507
OK, I'll get rid of her.
305
00:12:58,544 --> 00:13:00,239
What do you want me to say?
306
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,214
All right, she's coming
over in a little while.
307
00:13:02,248 --> 00:13:04,716
Tell her that We
both think she's scum...
308
00:13:04,751 --> 00:13:06,912
and that I'm politically
incoherent.
309
00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:08,921
- Incorrect.
- There you go.
310
00:13:08,955 --> 00:13:11,014
All right. I'll
let her down easy...
311
00:13:11,057 --> 00:13:12,888
but they're usually
pretty crushed...
312
00:13:12,925 --> 00:13:14,483
so when you hear
the doorbell...
313
00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:16,757
call someone to pick up
the pieces, oK?
314
00:13:21,768 --> 00:13:23,736
- Hey.
- Hey.
315
00:13:23,770 --> 00:13:24,964
Your mom told me...
316
00:13:25,004 --> 00:13:27,632
you're having a little
confab about a girl.
317
00:13:27,674 --> 00:13:31,075
Not any normal girl,
a totally weird girl...
318
00:13:31,110 --> 00:13:32,737
Topanga Lawrence.
319
00:13:32,779 --> 00:13:35,009
Well, I bet most girls...
320
00:13:35,048 --> 00:13:37,278
seem a little weird
to you at this age.
321
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:39,751
Come on, Dad.
You don't understand.
322
00:13:39,786 --> 00:13:41,515
I'm not talking
"I'm a guy...
323
00:13:41,554 --> 00:13:43,078
and I don't
understand girls."
324
00:13:43,122 --> 00:13:45,317
I'm talking really,
truly weird.
325
00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:48,054
She eats sandwiches
made out of brown rice...
326
00:13:48,094 --> 00:13:50,324
and has a sister
named Nebula.
327
00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:51,830
Well, what seems
to be the problem...
328
00:13:51,864 --> 00:13:52,888
between you and this girl?
329
00:13:52,932 --> 00:13:54,524
No problem.
330
00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:56,364
See, I thought she
had a crush on me.
331
00:13:56,402 --> 00:13:58,870
She kept hanging around
and doing things for me.
332
00:13:58,905 --> 00:13:59,929
And you liked that.
333
00:13:59,972 --> 00:14:01,837
No, I hated it...
334
00:14:01,874 --> 00:14:04,536
but then I found out
she really likes Eric.
335
00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:06,670
And you were relieved.
336
00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:07,941
No.
337
00:14:07,980 --> 00:14:09,743
Disappointed?
338
00:14:09,782 --> 00:14:11,272
No.
339
00:14:11,317 --> 00:14:12,477
Confused.
340
00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:14,008
See, Dad? You always know.
341
00:14:14,053 --> 00:14:16,248
Well, get used to
being confused, pal...
342
00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:18,086
because girls are going
to be rattling your cage...
343
00:14:18,124 --> 00:14:19,318
for the next 60 years.
344
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,327
Till I'm 71?
345
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:22,453
Yeah, but then
you get a break.
346
00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:23,462
You do?
347
00:14:23,496 --> 00:14:25,123
Yeah. You die.
348
00:14:29,802 --> 00:14:31,429
[DOORBELL RINGS]
349
00:14:37,276 --> 00:14:38,243
Topanga, right?
350
00:14:38,277 --> 00:14:39,767
Have a seat.
351
00:14:43,282 --> 00:14:45,750
Uh, yeah, that's an
interesting way to go...
352
00:14:45,785 --> 00:14:47,776
but I was thinking couch.
353
00:14:47,820 --> 00:14:49,344
Whatever you want.
354
00:14:53,292 --> 00:14:55,123
So what's that?
355
00:14:55,161 --> 00:14:56,389
Movie.
356
00:14:56,429 --> 00:14:57,896
GodziLLa Goes to college!
357
00:14:57,930 --> 00:15:00,091
Cory's gonna love this!
He loves monster flicks.
358
00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:02,033
Oh, he really loved those
brownies you brought over, too.
359
00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:03,899
I mean, uh, you must
really like him a lot...
360
00:15:03,936 --> 00:15:05,426
to do all those
nice things for him.
361
00:15:05,471 --> 00:15:07,200
He's very nice...
362
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:10,209
in a young kind of way.
363
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:13,076
Um, see, that's why you
two get along so well...
364
00:15:13,112 --> 00:15:14,773
because you're young, too.
365
00:15:14,814 --> 00:15:17,715
No. I've done my chart.
366
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:20,241
I have a very old soul.
367
00:15:20,286 --> 00:15:23,153
Uh, yeah, here's
a tip for you, Topanga.
368
00:15:23,189 --> 00:15:26,420
Not a lot of guys are
going to be after your soul.
369
00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:29,326
When you were talking
to us in class...
370
00:15:29,362 --> 00:15:31,330
you know what I noticed?
371
00:15:31,364 --> 00:15:32,388
What?
372
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:34,696
Your aura was glowing.
373
00:15:34,734 --> 00:15:36,929
Be that as it may...
374
00:15:36,969 --> 00:15:40,496
my aura's too old for you
to be looking at.
375
00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:42,906
I don't understand.
376
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:45,308
It's because you're
not ready to understand.
377
00:15:45,344 --> 00:15:46,311
I am ready.
378
00:15:46,345 --> 00:15:47,778
You're not.
379
00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:51,307
OK, I was wrong.
380
00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:55,083
Huh, maybe you are ready.
381
00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:57,214
Look, Cory told me
about you...
382
00:15:57,256 --> 00:15:59,019
and he told me
you're very smart.
383
00:15:59,058 --> 00:16:01,686
I don't have to be smart.
384
00:16:01,727 --> 00:16:04,855
No. Look, you're going
to have to be smart...
385
00:16:04,897 --> 00:16:06,694
because there are
a lot of guys out there...
386
00:16:06,732 --> 00:16:08,666
that won't take aura
for an answer.
387
00:16:08,701 --> 00:16:10,999
What do you mean?
388
00:16:11,037 --> 00:16:12,766
I mean, you've known me
for, like, 5 minutes...
389
00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:15,000
and you think you like me
because you thought I was cute
390
00:16:15,041 --> 00:16:16,508
and who could blame you?
391
00:16:16,542 --> 00:16:17,839
But a real relationship...
392
00:16:17,877 --> 00:16:19,640
is based on
so much more than looks.
393
00:16:19,679 --> 00:16:21,442
And if you're old enough
to have these feelings...
394
00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:22,743
then you should know that.
395
00:16:22,782 --> 00:16:24,010
[DOORBELL RINGS]
396
00:16:24,050 --> 00:16:26,041
You are so wise.
397
00:16:26,085 --> 00:16:27,677
Yes, I am.
398
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:29,517
And that wisdom
comes from knowing...
399
00:16:29,555 --> 00:16:32,023
that if you have a
relationship based on looks...
400
00:16:32,058 --> 00:16:34,720
it's stupid and superfiicial.
401
00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:36,728
Hi, I'm Topanga's sister.
402
00:16:36,762 --> 00:16:39,230
Hi, I'm stupid
and superficial.
403
00:16:39,265 --> 00:16:42,063
Cory called and said
Topanga wasn't feeling well...
404
00:16:42,101 --> 00:16:43,227
and wanted to come home.
405
00:16:43,269 --> 00:16:44,736
No, she's feeling fine.
406
00:16:44,770 --> 00:16:47,762
Nobody has to go anywhere.
I mean, just look at her.
407
00:16:47,807 --> 00:16:50,708
I think I'd like to go home.
408
00:16:50,743 --> 00:16:52,210
Is she gone?
409
00:16:52,245 --> 00:16:54,372
Oh, no. More hair.
410
00:17:16,769 --> 00:17:20,227
"There are strange things
done in the midnight sun...
411
00:17:20,273 --> 00:17:22,764
"By the men who moil for gold.
412
00:17:22,808 --> 00:17:25,743
"The arctic trails
have their secret tales...
413
00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:29,145
"That would make
your blood run cold.
414
00:17:29,181 --> 00:17:32,150
"The northern lights
have seen queer sights...
415
00:17:32,184 --> 00:17:34,209
"But the queerest
they ever did see...
416
00:17:34,253 --> 00:17:37,154
"Was that night on the marge
of Lake Lebarge...
417
00:17:37,189 --> 00:17:39,487
I cremated Sam McGee."
418
00:17:39,525 --> 00:17:40,685
Cool!
419
00:17:42,528 --> 00:17:44,462
"Now Sam McGee
was from Tennessee...
420
00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:46,658
"Where the cotton
blooms and blows.
421
00:17:46,699 --> 00:17:48,667
"Why he left his home
in the South...
422
00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:51,363
to roam around the Pole,
God only knows."
423
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:52,496
Burn him!
424
00:17:52,538 --> 00:17:54,904
- [KNOCK ON DOOR]
- Mr. Feeny?
425
00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:58,067
Um, may I come in?
426
00:17:58,110 --> 00:17:59,600
Of course.
427
00:17:59,645 --> 00:18:02,170
Uh, could I speak
to your class?
428
00:18:02,214 --> 00:18:03,772
Be my guest.
429
00:18:03,816 --> 00:18:05,784
This better be good, Eric.
430
00:18:05,818 --> 00:18:09,083
He was about
to toast this guy.
431
00:18:09,121 --> 00:18:12,249
So, uh,
a couple of days ago...
432
00:18:12,291 --> 00:18:14,259
I pretty much covered the
big high school picture...
433
00:18:14,293 --> 00:18:17,558
but, uh, I left out one
little tiny detail.
434
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:20,122
You've all known
each other since...
435
00:18:20,166 --> 00:18:22,532
like, kindergarten. But
next year there's gonna be...
436
00:18:22,568 --> 00:18:24,536
maybe 9 or 10 other
sixth grade classes...
437
00:18:24,570 --> 00:18:25,594
from different schools...
438
00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:26,900
making up your seventh
grade class...
439
00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:29,339
and you're not gonna
know all those kids.
440
00:18:29,375 --> 00:18:31,502
A lot of them are gonna
think differently than you.
441
00:18:31,544 --> 00:18:32,909
What do you mean?
442
00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:35,505
Well, do you smoke
cigarettes?
443
00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:36,515
No.
444
00:18:36,549 --> 00:18:38,517
A lot of kids in your
new school will.
445
00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:40,018
A lot of them are gonna try
to pressure you into it.
446
00:18:40,052 --> 00:18:41,747
They're gonna tell how
cool it is to smoke.
447
00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:43,084
You want to be cool,
don't you?
448
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:45,181
More than you could ever know.
449
00:18:46,926 --> 00:18:48,587
Maybe you'll smoke.
450
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:49,617
I don't think so.
451
00:18:49,662 --> 00:18:51,220
Why not?
452
00:18:51,263 --> 00:18:53,231
Because according to New
EngLand journal of Medicine...
453
00:18:53,265 --> 00:18:54,994
smoking reduces
lung capacity...
454
00:18:55,034 --> 00:18:56,467
leads to emphysema...
455
00:18:56,502 --> 00:18:58,470
and causes heart attack
and lung cancer.
456
00:18:58,504 --> 00:19:01,405
Well, what if she
thought it was cool?
457
00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:02,634
Then would you smoke?
458
00:19:02,675 --> 00:19:04,939
In a heartbeat.
459
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:08,606
Welcome to the world
of peer pressure.
460
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:10,377
So he smokes. Do you
think that's cool?
461
00:19:10,416 --> 00:19:14,011
I think anyone who smokes
is a disgusting pig.
462
00:19:14,053 --> 00:19:16,385
I'm trying to quit.
463
00:19:16,422 --> 00:19:18,652
WeLL. it's not
that easy. Minkus.
464
00:19:18,691 --> 00:19:19,658
There's all kinds
of pressure.
465
00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:21,455
I mean, what about alcohol?
466
00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:24,861
Could you use somebody else
as an example, please?
467
00:19:25,965 --> 00:19:28,593
Sure. What about alcohol?
468
00:19:28,634 --> 00:19:30,033
What about it?
What about drugs?
469
00:19:30,069 --> 00:19:33,436
Hey, calm down, Eric.
We're not into that stuff.
470
00:19:33,472 --> 00:19:35,804
All we like is baseball
and comic books.
471
00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:37,240
Yeah, that's what
you like now.
472
00:19:37,276 --> 00:19:38,573
But that's going to change...
473
00:19:38,611 --> 00:19:40,408
just like you're
changing schools.
474
00:19:40,446 --> 00:19:41,708
Just like you're going
to start feeling...
475
00:19:41,747 --> 00:19:43,009
a lot of new stuff
inside you...
476
00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:44,539
you're not really
gonna understand.
477
00:19:44,583 --> 00:19:46,574
How do you know?
478
00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:48,644
Because you're growing up.
479
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:51,418
Some of you
have already started.
480
00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:59,187
MINKUS: She Loves me...
481
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:02,000
She Loves me not.
482
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:04,662
She loves me...
483
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:06,672
She loves me not.
484
00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:09,266
This is absurd.
485
00:20:09,308 --> 00:20:11,503
This isn't rational
or logical at all.
486
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:17,182
She loves me...
487
00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:19,150
She loves me not.
488
00:20:19,185 --> 00:20:20,743
Look at him.
489
00:20:20,786 --> 00:20:22,981
The love bomb has
blown his head off.
490
00:20:23,022 --> 00:20:24,387
This is big.
491
00:20:24,423 --> 00:20:27,415
This love thing could
kill us if we let it.
492
00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:29,826
You and I have to make
a deal right now.
493
00:20:29,862 --> 00:20:31,693
Let everyone else go nuts.
494
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,198
We stay the same.
495
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:34,597
Forever.
496
00:20:34,633 --> 00:20:37,727
Excuse me. I'm new here.
497
00:20:37,770 --> 00:20:40,796
How do I get to the
principal's office?
498
00:20:42,208 --> 00:20:43,698
We have a deal.
499
00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:47,545
We have a deal.
500
00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:49,445
The principal's office?
501
00:20:49,482 --> 00:20:51,450
I've been there
a million times.
502
00:20:51,484 --> 00:20:54,146
I know exactly where it is.
I'll take you.
503
00:20:54,186 --> 00:20:56,518
We have a deal!
We have a deal!
504
00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:03,451
[READING FRENCH]
505
00:21:06,565 --> 00:21:07,862
Monsieur Minkus...
506
00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:09,834
if we could understand
what you were saying...
507
00:21:09,869 --> 00:21:12,599
we wouldn't need your help
for the French test.
508
00:21:12,638 --> 00:21:14,799
Pardonnez moi.
I will speak English.
509
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:16,603
You will please
answer in French.
510
00:21:16,642 --> 00:21:17,734
"The chicken."
511
00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:19,642
"Le pouLet. "
512
00:21:19,678 --> 00:21:21,145
[CORRECTS PRONUNCIATION]
Le pouLet.
513
00:21:21,180 --> 00:21:22,306
"The frog."
514
00:21:22,348 --> 00:21:25,044
[MISPRONOUNCES]
La green oil.
515
00:21:25,084 --> 00:21:26,847
La grenouiLLe.
516
00:21:26,886 --> 00:21:29,354
Minkus, come on.
There's 10 letters here...
517
00:21:29,388 --> 00:21:31,686
and you're only using
5 of them.
518
00:21:31,724 --> 00:21:33,089
Au contraire.
519
00:21:33,125 --> 00:21:34,854
The final "E" is silent.
520
00:21:34,894 --> 00:21:37,863
The double "L" ls
like the Spanish "Ye".
521
00:21:37,897 --> 00:21:40,195
And the diphthong
creates a "W" sound.
522
00:21:40,232 --> 00:21:41,631
It's very simple.
523
00:21:41,667 --> 00:21:43,635
No, Minkus,
you know what's simple?
524
00:21:43,669 --> 00:21:44,829
Frog.
525
00:21:44,870 --> 00:21:47,998
Yeah, the f-r-o is
pronounced "Fra".
526
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:51,009
And the "G" ls
like the English "Ga".
527
00:21:51,043 --> 00:21:53,477
Why can't these French guys...
528
00:21:53,512 --> 00:21:55,776
just speak English
like normal people?
529
00:21:55,815 --> 00:21:58,443
Who cares
how the French talk?
530
00:21:58,484 --> 00:21:59,781
I like how they kiss.
531
00:21:59,819 --> 00:22:00,979
Wait a minute.
532
00:22:01,020 --> 00:22:02,715
They kiss
differently, too?
533
00:22:02,755 --> 00:22:04,120
Let me put it
this way, boys.
534
00:22:04,156 --> 00:22:07,216
The tongue is not silent.
535
00:22:07,259 --> 00:22:09,750
- Eeyeuw!
- Eeyeuw????????????????????????????????????????????????
536
00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:14,350
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