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00:00:01,835 --> 00:00:04,463
[TICKING]
2
00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:05,938
I'm Cory Matthews.
3
00:00:05,973 --> 00:00:07,463
Today on "Eyewitness Cory"...
4
00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:10,306
a probing expose of the plight
of the middle child.
5
00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:12,005
Stay with us.
6
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:15,482
CORY:
So. Mr. and Mrs. Matthews...
7
00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:17,484
where are we taking
youngest chiLd Morgan today?
8
00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:20,487
Hey, Cor, we're going
to Stephanie's birthday party.
9
00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:22,489
Doesn't your sister
look adorable?
10
00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:25,492
Get a close-up of her new dress.
11
00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,994
CORY: Excuse me. ma'am.
did you say new dress?
12
00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:30,997
And is the baby of the family
wearing a goLd necklace?
13
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:32,999
My mommy gave it to me.
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00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:34,500
Lent it to you.
15
00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:36,503
Party. necklace. new dress...
16
00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:39,335
aLL for your daughter.
yet just Last night...
17
00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:41,136
your son was imprisoned
in his room...
18
00:00:41,174 --> 00:00:44,007
forbidden to go to the movies
with his best friends.
19
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:45,511
Our daughter didn't dial
random numbers...
20
00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:50,506
in Saskatchewan just
to hear people talk Canadian.
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00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:53,850
Say good-bye to your poor,
exploited brother, sweetie.
22
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:58,017
Bye. Sorry everybody hates you.
23
00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:00,026
Finally.
the naked truth emerges.
24
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:01,459
Hey, Cor, do me a favor.
25
00:01:01,495 --> 00:01:03,554
No phone calls,
no Home Shopping Network...
26
00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:05,531
and be careful
with my video camera.
27
00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:07,727
Have fun.
28
00:01:07,768 --> 00:01:09,633
[CORY GRUNTING]
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There you have it.
30
00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:13,472
All across America,
middle children suffering...
31
00:01:13,507 --> 00:01:16,999
at the hands of suspicious,
mistrustful parents.
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00:01:18,011 --> 00:01:20,343
Aah! [CRASH]
33
00:01:20,380 --> 00:01:24,146
Next week... Grounded.
and how to cope with it.
34
00:01:27,487 --> 00:01:29,478
[MUSIC PLAYING]
35
00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:27,905
[MUSIC PLAYING]
36
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:33,217
Taxation Without representation.
37
00:02:33,253 --> 00:02:34,515
King George.
38
00:02:34,554 --> 00:02:36,021
We provide the colonists...
39
00:02:36,056 --> 00:02:38,024
with all their finished
manufactured goods.
40
00:02:38,058 --> 00:02:39,992
We deserve remuneration.
41
00:02:40,027 --> 00:02:41,187
General Washington.
42
00:02:41,228 --> 00:02:42,627
Fine. Keep your goods.
43
00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:45,461
Like we need
your stinking British goods.
44
00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:47,933
We're American.
We're independent.
45
00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:50,436
We'll get our goods from Japan.
46
00:02:50,470 --> 00:02:52,028
[LAUGHING]
47
00:02:52,072 --> 00:02:55,098
General, I'm dying for you
to elaborate.
48
00:02:55,142 --> 00:02:56,609
What's the point, Mr. Feeny?
49
00:02:56,643 --> 00:02:59,612
We all know
we kicked British butt.
50
00:02:59,646 --> 00:03:02,638
Winners and losers aside,
General.
51
00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:04,651
If we do not understand
history...
52
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:07,711
we are doomed to repeat
its mistakes.
53
00:03:07,754 --> 00:03:10,689
Oh, who cares about
George Washington?
54
00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:12,851
Who cares about King George?
55
00:03:12,893 --> 00:03:16,385
Was every boring guy in history
named George?
56
00:03:21,601 --> 00:03:25,867
I meant, every dead boring guy.
57
00:03:25,906 --> 00:03:28,875
Apparently, the past
holds no fascination for you.
58
00:03:28,909 --> 00:03:30,376
No. It's happened. It's done.
59
00:03:30,410 --> 00:03:33,379
- It's history.
- I'm saying.
60
00:03:33,413 --> 00:03:36,871
Perhaps we should study
your history, Mr. Matthews.
61
00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:39,886
I have no history, Mr. Feeny.
I'm eleven.
62
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:42,252
I'm more interested in
my future.
63
00:03:42,289 --> 00:03:44,757
Oh, well, then it might be
more interesting...
64
00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:47,760
for us to look into
our futures...
65
00:03:47,794 --> 00:03:50,194
to see if we can avoid
our mistakes...
66
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:51,857
before they happen.
67
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:54,662
I smell an assignment.
68
00:03:54,701 --> 00:03:57,169
I swear,
I didn't see it coming.
69
00:03:57,204 --> 00:03:58,671
The assignment for all of you...
70
00:03:58,705 --> 00:04:01,674
is to create personal histories
for yourselves...
71
00:04:01,708 --> 00:04:07,112
as if you were returning for
your 20th high school reunion.
72
00:04:07,147 --> 00:04:09,047
More like a preunion.
73
00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:11,346
Well said, Mr. Minkus.
74
00:04:11,384 --> 00:04:16,617
You are the graduating class
of the year 2000.
75
00:04:16,656 --> 00:04:19,352
What is your profession?
76
00:04:19,392 --> 00:04:21,360
Do you have children?
77
00:04:21,394 --> 00:04:26,263
Are those children tormenting
their sixth-grade teacher?
78
00:04:26,299 --> 00:04:29,996
Mr. Feeny, would it be oK
if I brought my wife?
79
00:04:30,036 --> 00:04:33,062
Oh, come on, Minkus,
what's going to marry you?
80
00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:36,075
Topanga.
81
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,872
CLASS: ooh!
82
00:04:37,911 --> 00:04:41,108
Why, Stuart, I'm flattered
that you would consider me...
83
00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:43,514
as a potential life mate,
but I'm not sure...
84
00:04:43,550 --> 00:04:45,882
I even recognize
the institution of marriage.
85
00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:48,717
Trust me, babe,
I've seen the future...
86
00:04:48,755 --> 00:04:50,450
and it's me.
87
00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,326
You're going to show up
as a tire salesman?
88
00:05:00,367 --> 00:05:02,358
- That's what my dad does.
- So?
89
00:05:02,402 --> 00:05:03,869
I knowWhat to Wear.
90
00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:05,201
I know how
to use a pressure gauge.
91
00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:07,331
I can spot a retread
from a mile away.
92
00:05:07,374 --> 00:05:08,841
Shawn, you're so boring.
93
00:05:08,875 --> 00:05:10,968
And lazy.
94
00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:13,605
How about you, Larry?
95
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:16,115
- I got an angle.
- Let's hear it.
96
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:18,640
I'm going to be
a sixth-grade teacher.
97
00:05:18,685 --> 00:05:20,380
Better yet,
I'm going to be Feeny.
98
00:05:20,420 --> 00:05:21,580
Why?
99
00:05:21,621 --> 00:05:24,818
Imitation is the sincerest form
of butt-kissing.
100
00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:26,325
Wait a minute.
101
00:05:26,359 --> 00:05:28,350
Weren't we supposed to be
what we wanted to be?
102
00:05:28,395 --> 00:05:30,625
I mean, you're going to
grow up to be your dad...
103
00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:33,428
and you're going to grow up
to be a Feeny clone.
104
00:05:33,466 --> 00:05:36,128
Am I the only one left
here with some vision?
105
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:37,830
What are you going to go as?
106
00:05:37,871 --> 00:05:39,998
Cory Matthews...
107
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:43,100
center fielder
for the Philadelphia Phillies.
108
00:05:43,143 --> 00:05:45,111
BOTH: Ha ha ha!
109
00:05:45,145 --> 00:05:46,612
What are you laughing at?
110
00:05:46,646 --> 00:05:49,547
You had 31 errors
in Little League last season.
111
00:05:49,583 --> 00:05:52,814
OK, so I didn't play
up to my enormous potential.
112
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:55,822
Come on, guys, let's be what
we really want to be.
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00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:57,323
Are we going to be men...
114
00:05:57,357 --> 00:06:00,793
or are we going to be men
with boring jobs?
115
00:06:00,827 --> 00:06:02,158
We're going to be men!
116
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:04,493
[BARKING]
117
00:06:09,236 --> 00:06:11,898
OK, here's a picture of you
I'm willing to part with...
118
00:06:11,938 --> 00:06:13,462
for you to put on
your baseball card.
119
00:06:13,506 --> 00:06:15,371
Boy, Feeny'll be blown away...
120
00:06:15,408 --> 00:06:17,501
by this future
I'm putting together.
121
00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:21,344
Let's see, when you have
your 20th high school reunion...
122
00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:24,839
I'll be...44.
123
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:27,854
Mom, how can that be possible?
You're already...
124
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:30,356
It's possible.
It's not only possible...
125
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,881
it's the way it's going to be.
126
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:36,863
Look, Mommy.
127
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:38,364
That's very pretty, sweetheart.
128
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:39,558
Where did that come from?
129
00:06:39,599 --> 00:06:41,362
I traded your necklace.
130
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:44,097
Morgan,
that was a gold necklace...
131
00:06:44,137 --> 00:06:46,230
and this one is plastic.
Can't you see the difference?
132
00:06:46,273 --> 00:06:49,208
Yes. This one is pretty.
133
00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:51,642
Who did you
make this trade with?
134
00:06:51,678 --> 00:06:52,940
Stephanie.
135
00:06:52,979 --> 00:06:55,948
Honey, I'm going to have to call
Stephanie's mom...
136
00:06:55,982 --> 00:06:58,280
and untrade this trade.
137
00:06:58,318 --> 00:07:02,015
But we said,
"Black, black, no trades back."
138
00:07:02,055 --> 00:07:04,523
Hello, Jane?
Hi, it's Amy Matthews.
139
00:07:04,557 --> 00:07:08,584
Look, our daughters did a
silly little trade yesterday...
140
00:07:08,628 --> 00:07:10,027
so I'm sure you'll understand...
141
00:07:10,063 --> 00:07:12,531
I'll be needing
my necklace back.
142
00:07:12,565 --> 00:07:16,865
What do you mean,
"Black, black, no trades back"?
143
00:07:18,371 --> 00:07:21,602
MINKUS: Then after my Leveraged
buyout of Microsoft...
144
00:07:21,641 --> 00:07:23,108
I Went public and became...
145
00:07:23,143 --> 00:07:25,634
the largest software
manufacturer in the free world.
146
00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:30,412
Mr. Minkus, taking over
a company is no simple task.
147
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,850
It requires proof of assets...
148
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:35,946
bank guarantees,
countless applications.
149
00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:39,447
Mr. Feeny, who do you think
you're dealing with?
150
00:07:39,492 --> 00:07:41,960
A list of my creditors,
my loan guarantees...
151
00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:44,555
and my approval by
the Federal Trade Commission.
152
00:07:44,597 --> 00:07:49,796
An "A", Mr. Minkus, for
a very well thought out future.
153
00:07:49,836 --> 00:07:52,805
Thank you, Mr. Feeny,
and on the personal front...
154
00:07:52,839 --> 00:07:55,808
my lovely wife Topanga and I
just celebrated the birth...
155
00:07:55,842 --> 00:07:59,073
of our third child,
Rainbow Einstein Minkus.
156
00:08:00,513 --> 00:08:03,311
A tire salesman.
157
00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:06,410
I can't believe
you came as a tire salesman.
158
00:08:06,453 --> 00:08:07,920
And muffler specialist.
159
00:08:07,954 --> 00:08:09,922
What's with the big gut?
160
00:08:09,956 --> 00:08:13,915
My dad's fat, my uncle's fat,
my grandpa's fat.
161
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:17,225
Let's face it, Cor,
I'm going to be fat.
162
00:08:17,263 --> 00:08:19,231
President of the United States.
163
00:08:19,265 --> 00:08:21,130
Very ambitious, Miss Lawrence.
164
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:24,659
Yes and no. Not many people
want the job anymore.
165
00:08:24,704 --> 00:08:26,399
Oh, why is that?
166
00:08:26,439 --> 00:08:28,430
Well, now that
I've disbanded the military...
167
00:08:28,475 --> 00:08:29,942
and eliminated
nuclear weapons...
168
00:08:29,976 --> 00:08:32,536
the position
is not as seductive.
169
00:08:32,579 --> 00:08:36,015
I see. That's rather
an unusual costume...
170
00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:37,277
for a president, isn't it?
171
00:08:37,317 --> 00:08:39,114
We all wear togas now.
172
00:08:39,152 --> 00:08:40,847
It removes
the hostile competition...
173
00:08:40,887 --> 00:08:42,514
that fashion often creates.
174
00:08:42,555 --> 00:08:44,614
This world of yours
seems like...
175
00:08:44,657 --> 00:08:47,182
quite a peaceful
and loving place.
176
00:08:47,227 --> 00:08:50,128
Yes, especially since
we moved all men underground...
177
00:08:50,163 --> 00:08:52,063
and use them just for breeding.
178
00:08:57,404 --> 00:09:00,862
Well, a few moments ago,
Mr. Minkus mentioned...
179
00:09:00,907 --> 00:09:02,875
that you were his lovely wife.
180
00:09:02,909 --> 00:09:04,570
Stuart and I obviously
do not see...
181
00:09:04,611 --> 00:09:05,873
eye-to-eye on our futures.
182
00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:07,971
- We're married.
- You're breeding stock.
183
00:09:08,014 --> 00:09:09,572
I'll take it.
184
00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:14,752
Can I help you, Mr. Williams?
185
00:09:14,788 --> 00:09:17,484
I've come back to the reunion
as a beloved teacher...
186
00:09:17,524 --> 00:09:19,219
not unlike yourself, sir.
187
00:09:19,259 --> 00:09:21,819
Oh, how flattering.
188
00:09:21,861 --> 00:09:24,830
You're following
in my footsteps...
189
00:09:24,864 --> 00:09:27,833
and, look,
you've dressed just like me.
190
00:09:27,867 --> 00:09:31,894
Come over here,
you little suck up.
191
00:09:31,938 --> 00:09:35,499
Every year someone tries
to avoid the assignment...
192
00:09:35,542 --> 00:09:37,737
with this transparent
little ruse.
193
00:09:37,777 --> 00:09:39,506
I didn't mean to be ruse.
194
00:09:39,546 --> 00:09:41,207
Can you tell me the meaning
of the word "tenure"?
195
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:42,407
I can look it up.
196
00:09:42,449 --> 00:09:45,384
- Can you define curriculum?
- I can look it up.
197
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:48,216
Just as I thought.
You're no teacher.
198
00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:51,451
You're nothing more
than a poseur.
199
00:09:51,491 --> 00:09:52,981
Go look it up.
200
00:09:56,896 --> 00:09:58,523
Ready for me?
201
00:09:58,565 --> 00:10:00,795
Yes, I'm ready, Mr. Matthews.
202
00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:02,165
All right.
203
00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:04,864
Center fielder for the Phillies.
204
00:10:04,904 --> 00:10:06,064
Most impressive.
205
00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:07,733
Yeah, my fans seem to think so.
206
00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:09,867
Then you're quite well-known?
207
00:10:09,909 --> 00:10:13,037
Breakfast of me.
208
00:10:14,414 --> 00:10:16,974
How's it feel to be
in the presence of a legend?
209
00:10:17,016 --> 00:10:19,382
Well, legends
are not born overnight.
210
00:10:19,419 --> 00:10:21,148
You must've been playing
for quite a while.
211
00:10:21,187 --> 00:10:23,052
Oh, ever since the 11th grade.
212
00:10:23,089 --> 00:10:25,023
You didn't graduate high school?
213
00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:26,958
High school's kind of a joke...
214
00:10:26,993 --> 00:10:29,086
when you're pulling down
six mil a year.
215
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,289
Six million?
216
00:10:30,330 --> 00:10:32,389
Hurts, doesn't it?
217
00:10:32,432 --> 00:10:34,764
Well, adjusted for inflation...
218
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:36,860
that's a paltry sum
compared to even...
219
00:10:36,903 --> 00:10:40,236
the average ballplayer's
salary today.
220
00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:44,471
- But I've got investments.
- Such as?
221
00:10:44,511 --> 00:10:47,912
You know, investments.
Buildings.
222
00:10:47,947 --> 00:10:51,348
Buildings with floors
and people in them doing stuff.
223
00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:52,817
I'm diversified.
224
00:10:52,852 --> 00:10:55,013
And do you handle
these investments yourself?
225
00:10:55,054 --> 00:10:56,487
No. My guys do that stuff.
226
00:10:56,523 --> 00:10:58,457
Oh, you've got guys?
227
00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:01,551
Lots of guys.
They're in my buildings.
228
00:11:01,594 --> 00:11:03,619
And what percentage
of your salary...
229
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,392
do they charge
for their services?
230
00:11:05,431 --> 00:11:07,899
Mr. Feeny,
you're dragging me down.
231
00:11:07,934 --> 00:11:10,164
Can't we discuss, like,
my batting average?
232
00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:12,364
You're floundering,
Mr. Matthews.
233
00:11:12,405 --> 00:11:13,895
No. I thought this through.
234
00:11:13,940 --> 00:11:16,773
Look, I even made up
my own baseball card.
235
00:11:16,809 --> 00:11:18,367
Yet you have no clue...
236
00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:20,879
as to how your affairs
will be managed...
237
00:11:20,914 --> 00:11:23,382
no education
to help you get a clue...
238
00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:24,883
and no marketable skills...
239
00:11:24,918 --> 00:11:27,409
after your ball-playing
days are over.
240
00:11:27,453 --> 00:11:29,546
But I've got guys.
241
00:11:29,589 --> 00:11:31,420
Well, Mr. Matthews...
242
00:11:31,457 --> 00:11:33,652
you've made an attempt
at this assignment.
243
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:35,058
You just didn't think it
all the way through.
244
00:11:35,094 --> 00:11:38,154
And until you do, I'm going
to give you an incomplete.
245
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,894
- An incomplete?
- Mm-hmm.
246
00:11:40,934 --> 00:11:42,902
That's an "I".
247
00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:45,404
That's lower than an "F".
248
00:11:45,438 --> 00:11:47,770
That's down there by "M".
249
00:11:47,807 --> 00:11:50,002
You can't do this.
250
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,271
Why not?
251
00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:52,642
'Cause it's not like
you're giving me...
252
00:11:52,679 --> 00:11:55,842
an incomplete
on some dinky quiz.
253
00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:58,851
You threw me out
before I even got to first base.
254
00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:00,944
You took away my future.
255
00:12:00,987 --> 00:12:03,046
[SIGHS]
256
00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:09,384
[MUSIC PLAYING]
257
00:12:15,535 --> 00:12:18,800
I'll miss you, Jim,
but you should be...
258
00:12:18,838 --> 00:12:21,398
on the wall
of a kid with a future.
259
00:12:23,643 --> 00:12:24,803
What are you doing?
260
00:12:24,844 --> 00:12:27,244
There's nothing
out there for me, Eric.
261
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,475
That's great, Cor,
but I'm trying to read here, oK?
262
00:12:29,515 --> 00:12:30,880
What's the point?
263
00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,077
This is the point.
264
00:12:32,118 --> 00:12:33,551
In three years,
I could save up enough...
265
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,520
to get one of
these vintage Mustangs...
266
00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:37,386
and fill it
with cheerleaders. Ha ha!
267
00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:39,891
Yeah? How're you gonna pay
for the insurance?
268
00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:41,985
What? I don't know.
Maybe Dad'll help me.
269
00:12:42,028 --> 00:12:44,496
What if Dad can't afford
to help you, Eric?
270
00:12:44,530 --> 00:12:47,055
I don't know. Maybe
I'll get another part-time job.
271
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:49,034
Work two jobs and go to school.
272
00:12:49,068 --> 00:12:50,797
Oh, Eric, Eric, Eric.
273
00:12:50,837 --> 00:12:52,464
You're nothing but a poseur.
274
00:12:52,505 --> 00:12:55,303
Poseur, huh? Really?
275
00:12:55,341 --> 00:12:57,832
What do you think of this pose?
276
00:12:59,345 --> 00:13:01,813
Hey, guys,
you ready for dinner?
277
00:13:01,848 --> 00:13:05,807
No, but I'll do anything
to get away from Captain Bummer.
278
00:13:05,852 --> 00:13:08,753
Your mom told me about
the assignment.
279
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:11,256
It wasn't
just an assignment, Dad.
280
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:12,758
It was my future.
281
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,817
I got an incomplete.
282
00:13:14,861 --> 00:13:17,125
I have an incomplete future.
283
00:13:17,163 --> 00:13:18,653
Of course you have
an incomplete future.
284
00:13:18,698 --> 00:13:19,926
The future's always incomplete.
285
00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:23,527
When it's complete,
people tend to call it the past.
286
00:13:23,569 --> 00:13:25,833
Mine was supposed to be
all planned out.
287
00:13:25,872 --> 00:13:27,396
I thought you wanted to be
a baseball player?
288
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:31,536
I do, but that's not enough
for Feeny the Dream Crusher.
289
00:13:31,577 --> 00:13:33,306
I don't care
what George Feeny says.
290
00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:37,783
You can do anything you put
your mind to, Cory, anything.
291
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,785
Maybe I'll give these to Morgan.
292
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:42,788
She can color in
Jim Abbott's uniform.
293
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,585
Dad, when you were a kid...
294
00:13:44,624 --> 00:13:46,524
did someone tell you
that you'd never make it...
295
00:13:46,559 --> 00:13:48,459
to being the manager
of a supermarket?
296
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:51,725
Well, that wasn't exactly
what I dreamed of being.
297
00:13:51,764 --> 00:13:54,289
It's not?
But it's such a cool job.
298
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:56,097
I wanted to build bridges...
299
00:13:56,135 --> 00:13:58,069
big ones,
like the Ben Franklin.
300
00:13:58,104 --> 00:14:00,072
Then how come you gave that up?
301
00:14:00,106 --> 00:14:01,539
I don't know.
302
00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:04,065
Sometimes, as you get older,
your dreams change.
303
00:14:04,110 --> 00:14:07,102
After a while, I dreamed of
having a wife and a family...
304
00:14:07,146 --> 00:14:08,306
and that came true.
305
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:09,508
You know what
I dream of being now?
306
00:14:09,549 --> 00:14:10,811
What?
307
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:14,013
I dream of being the father
of a Phillies center fielder.
308
00:14:14,053 --> 00:14:17,022
Dad, there's another dream
you can kiss good-bye.
309
00:14:17,056 --> 00:14:18,819
Hey, not so fast.
310
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:20,826
I don't give up that easy.
311
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:23,260
I still think my kid's going
to play in the majors.
312
00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:25,025
I used to dream
like that, Dad...
313
00:14:25,064 --> 00:14:26,725
but now I know
that sooner or later...
314
00:14:26,766 --> 00:14:30,224
every dream comes to an end
and you got to wake up.
315
00:14:36,776 --> 00:14:38,403
Hello, Jane.
316
00:14:38,444 --> 00:14:40,173
Hi, Stephanie,
it's nice to see you again.
317
00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:41,612
Where's Morgan?
318
00:14:41,647 --> 00:14:44,616
- In the kitchen.
- Go ahead, sweetheart.
319
00:14:44,650 --> 00:14:46,584
I'm glad
our little disagreement...
320
00:14:46,619 --> 00:14:48,177
didn't prevent the kids
from playing together.
321
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:51,019
Well, that would be selfish.
322
00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:53,048
Would you like some coffee?
323
00:14:53,092 --> 00:14:55,560
You are not getting
the necklace back.
324
00:14:55,595 --> 00:14:57,062
Now, don't misunderstand.
325
00:14:57,096 --> 00:14:59,064
It's not the value of it...
326
00:14:59,098 --> 00:15:01,362
it's Stephanie's
attachment to it.
327
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:02,891
Oh, I'm sure I do understand...
328
00:15:02,935 --> 00:15:05,233
and I had no intention
of asking for it.
329
00:15:05,271 --> 00:15:07,068
In that case,
I'll have some coffee.
330
00:15:07,106 --> 00:15:09,939
- Ha ha ha!
- oK.
331
00:15:09,976 --> 00:15:12,672
Wow, you have neat stuff.
332
00:15:12,712 --> 00:15:16,739
Yes. Here we have my mommy's
double chocolate brownies.
333
00:15:16,783 --> 00:15:18,045
Ooh, brownies!
334
00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:21,247
Not so fast.
335
00:15:21,287 --> 00:15:23,915
And here
we have a diamond crown.
336
00:15:23,956 --> 00:15:25,116
Ooh, diamonds.
337
00:15:25,158 --> 00:15:27,319
Hold your horses.
338
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:30,158
And speaking of horses...
339
00:15:30,196 --> 00:15:31,686
My Little Pony.
340
00:15:34,233 --> 00:15:36,064
So, do you work?
341
00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:37,967
Oh, no, I don't have to.
342
00:15:38,004 --> 00:15:41,030
My husband's
a very successful attorney.
343
00:15:41,073 --> 00:15:42,802
Ahh. So that's
where little Stephanie...
344
00:15:42,842 --> 00:15:45,868
gets her flair for negotiations.
345
00:15:45,912 --> 00:15:48,779
Mommy, look, diamonds!
346
00:15:48,815 --> 00:15:51,113
Stephanie,
where's your dress...
347
00:15:51,150 --> 00:15:53,118
and your hat and your necklace?
348
00:15:53,152 --> 00:15:54,312
I traded them.
349
00:15:54,353 --> 00:15:58,414
My dress, my hat, my necklace.
350
00:16:01,327 --> 00:16:04,558
You traded them
for a plastic tiara?
351
00:16:04,597 --> 00:16:06,064
And a brownie.
352
00:16:06,098 --> 00:16:07,565
And a little pink pony.
353
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:10,831
No. I had to give her
something else for the pony.
354
00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:12,030
What?
355
00:16:12,071 --> 00:16:14,505
I'll be needing
the keys to your car.
356
00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:17,998
Don't misunderstand.
It's not the value of the car...
357
00:16:18,044 --> 00:16:21,036
it's Morgan's attachment to it.
358
00:16:22,348 --> 00:16:24,646
Look, I'm telling you,
she was doing the kissing.
359
00:16:24,684 --> 00:16:27,312
I... I was like
an innocent bystander.
360
00:16:27,353 --> 00:16:28,820
Yes, I could've walked away...
361
00:16:28,855 --> 00:16:31,824
but she had me pinned up
against the lockers. I mean...
362
00:16:31,858 --> 00:16:34,452
- But...
- Call her back later.
363
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:37,554
Are you crazy?
I didn't even know who that was.
364
00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:40,828
Shawn, call everyone
and get over to my house now.
365
00:16:40,867 --> 00:16:42,892
Jim Abbott's in my kitchen.
366
00:16:42,935 --> 00:16:44,960
Ha ha ha! Jim Abbott?
Are you out of your mind?
367
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:46,767
No, I'm totally in my mind.
368
00:16:46,806 --> 00:16:48,671
Yeah, one of the best pitchers
in Major League Baseball...
369
00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:50,107
is in our house. Ha ha ha!
370
00:16:50,142 --> 00:16:54,078
Guys, somebody here
I'd like you to meet.
371
00:17:12,231 --> 00:17:14,131
Cory, Eric.
372
00:17:14,166 --> 00:17:16,657
Wouldn't you like
to meet Jim Abbott?
373
00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:20,938
I guess not.
374
00:17:20,973 --> 00:17:23,635
BOTH: Aah!
375
00:17:23,676 --> 00:17:25,439
- Hi, guys.
- Hi.
376
00:17:25,478 --> 00:17:27,912
How are you doing?
You must be Cory.
377
00:17:27,947 --> 00:17:30,142
I'm whoever you want me to be.
378
00:17:30,182 --> 00:17:32,343
Your dad's told me
a lot about you.
379
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:35,354
He has? But how did he...
380
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:38,789
How did Dad...
Why are you in my house?
381
00:17:38,824 --> 00:17:42,783
Cory, don't bug the man with
a lot of little-boy questions.
382
00:17:42,828 --> 00:17:45,797
So, Jim,
why are you in our house?
383
00:17:45,831 --> 00:17:46,991
Well, I heard that Cory here...
384
00:17:47,033 --> 00:17:48,728
wants to be in
the big leagues someday.
385
00:17:48,768 --> 00:17:51,669
Who, me? Nah, stupid idea.
386
00:17:51,704 --> 00:17:53,035
I gave up on that.
387
00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:54,733
Guys like me
don't make it to the majors.
388
00:17:54,774 --> 00:17:57,265
Well, there's a guy
I know who has a son...
389
00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:59,778
who always dreamed of playing
in the major leagues...
390
00:17:59,812 --> 00:18:01,336
until a certain teacher
told him...
391
00:18:01,380 --> 00:18:03,871
that maybe
it wasn't such a good idea.
392
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,781
This sounds familiar to me.
393
00:18:05,818 --> 00:18:07,945
Well, it sounded
familiar to me, too.
394
00:18:07,987 --> 00:18:09,887
- It did?
- Sure.
395
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:11,446
One time
I had a high school coach...
396
00:18:11,490 --> 00:18:13,424
who said I should never play
in the major leagues...
397
00:18:13,459 --> 00:18:15,791
and that only made me
work 50 times harder.
398
00:18:15,828 --> 00:18:17,295
Really? You ever go back
to that coach...
399
00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:18,922
and rub it in his face?
400
00:18:18,965 --> 00:18:21,331
Nah, Jim's too cool to do that,
aren't you, Jim?
401
00:18:21,367 --> 00:18:26,304
No, actually, I sent him
a videotape of my no-hitter.
402
00:18:26,339 --> 00:18:29,035
Cool. I guess you showed him.
403
00:18:29,075 --> 00:18:30,804
Well, actually, he showed me.
404
00:18:30,843 --> 00:18:32,868
He showed me
an application to a place...
405
00:18:32,912 --> 00:18:34,311
called
the University of Michigan.
406
00:18:34,347 --> 00:18:35,746
Why'd he do that?
407
00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:38,113
Well, he was smart enough
to know...
408
00:18:38,150 --> 00:18:40,015
that if I didn't make it
to the major leagues someday...
409
00:18:40,052 --> 00:18:41,986
at least I'd have
a major league education.
410
00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:45,650
So you think I can get into
the University of Michigan?
411
00:18:45,691 --> 00:18:48,091
I mean, now that I got
connections and everything?
412
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:50,652
I think
you'll be all right, Cory.
413
00:18:50,696 --> 00:18:52,459
You got one big thing
going for you.
414
00:18:52,498 --> 00:18:55,558
Oh? You heard
about how well I bunt?
415
00:18:55,601 --> 00:18:58,092
Well, that and the fact
that you've got a great dad...
416
00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,503
who lets his kids
have big dreams...
417
00:19:00,539 --> 00:19:01,972
and he's also
just crazy enough...
418
00:19:02,008 --> 00:19:04,772
to send a total stranger
63 telegrams.
419
00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:07,278
Gee, you only got 63 of them?
420
00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:10,441
You did that for me, Dad?
421
00:19:12,218 --> 00:19:15,312
But how'd you know he'd show up?
422
00:19:15,354 --> 00:19:20,986
I didn't know.
But a guy can dream, can't he?
423
00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:24,292
Hey, Jim, you mind
signing these for these guys?
424
00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:25,524
Sure.
425
00:19:26,532 --> 00:19:29,296
- Me, too!
- I want one, too!
426
00:19:29,335 --> 00:19:32,099
Apparently,
I've brought the wrong ball.
427
00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:38,636
Matthews goes back deep.
428
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:41,146
He's on his horse!
He's at the Wall!
429
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:42,841
That ball is...
430
00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:45,612
Gone.
431
00:19:45,651 --> 00:19:48,051
Come on, Mr. Feeny, please.
432
00:19:48,087 --> 00:19:49,884
You know the rules.
433
00:19:49,922 --> 00:19:51,480
You start respecting
my property line...
434
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:53,515
and I'll start respecting
your property.
435
00:19:53,559 --> 00:19:57,120
Yes, sir. Mr. Feeny,
I just want you to know...
436
00:19:57,163 --> 00:19:58,323
I made up my mind...
437
00:19:58,364 --> 00:19:59,831
and I'm going to be
a baseball player.
438
00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:01,332
Is that so?
439
00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:02,857
Yeah. Because a friend
of my dad's...
440
00:20:02,902 --> 00:20:04,460
I don't want
to drop any names...
441
00:20:04,503 --> 00:20:07,836
so let's just call him
Jim Abbott...
442
00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:11,206
well, Jim and I and my dad
had a little talk...
443
00:20:11,243 --> 00:20:12,801
and we straightened out
my whole future.
444
00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:14,005
You did?
445
00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:15,911
Yep, I'm going to be
in the major leagues...
446
00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:17,916
Mr. Feeny,
no matter what you say.
447
00:20:17,950 --> 00:20:21,010
But Jim and my dad...
and when I say Jim...
448
00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:23,715
- You mean Jim Abbott.
- I'm saying!
449
00:20:25,424 --> 00:20:27,892
Well, they say that maybe
I shouldn't turn pro...
450
00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:29,394
until after college.
451
00:20:29,428 --> 00:20:31,862
So you've changed your plans
and intend to graduate?
452
00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:34,127
Yeah. 'cause I'm going to make
a name for myself...
453
00:20:34,166 --> 00:20:36,259
playing college ball
before I turn pro.
454
00:20:36,302 --> 00:20:37,496
Just like Jim did.
455
00:20:37,536 --> 00:20:39,003
Seems like
this Abbott fellow...
456
00:20:39,038 --> 00:20:41,768
had his future
very well-planned...
457
00:20:41,807 --> 00:20:43,798
and worked hard
to get where he is.
458
00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:46,403
You have no idea how hard,
Mr. Feeny.
459
00:20:46,445 --> 00:20:49,414
Well, you did better
than I expected...
460
00:20:49,448 --> 00:20:51,882
and I guess you
deserve something.
461
00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:54,112
Is this your little way
of telling me...
462
00:20:54,153 --> 00:20:56,314
you're changing
my incomplete to an "A"?
463
00:20:56,355 --> 00:20:58,721
No. This is
my little way of saying...
464
00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:00,749
Play ball!
465
00:21:11,237 --> 00:21:13,034
[TELEVISION PLAYING]
466
00:21:13,072 --> 00:21:16,473
Why do women go on these shows?
467
00:21:16,509 --> 00:21:19,376
You see the guy with the ripped
jeans and the tight butt?
468
00:21:19,411 --> 00:21:23,711
- Yeah.
- That's why.
469
00:21:23,749 --> 00:21:26,809
Does it ever bother you
that I never built bridges?
470
00:21:26,852 --> 00:21:28,444
What?
471
00:21:28,487 --> 00:21:30,921
I never became an engineer.
472
00:21:30,956 --> 00:21:32,651
Does it bother you?
473
00:21:32,691 --> 00:21:34,158
Once in a while.
474
00:21:34,193 --> 00:21:36,923
You think
you married a failure?
475
00:21:36,962 --> 00:21:40,489
You've got a really good job
where people respect you.
476
00:21:40,533 --> 00:21:43,502
You have
three beautiful children...
477
00:21:43,536 --> 00:21:46,505
who are fast asleep
in their little beds...
478
00:21:46,539 --> 00:21:48,507
and you have a wife...
479
00:21:48,541 --> 00:21:50,509
who has absolutely
nothing to do...
480
00:21:50,543 --> 00:21:52,511
for the next half hour.
481
00:21:52,545 --> 00:21:56,174
So what are you saying, hmm?
482
00:22:02,054 --> 00:22:04,147
Mom, Dad.
483
00:22:08,060 --> 00:22:10,028
CouLd you do
something interesting?
484
00:22:10,062 --> 00:22:11,529
This kissing stuff...
485
00:22:11,564 --> 00:22:13,964
is not going to hoLd
my audience's attention.
486
00:22:13,999 --> 00:22:17,457
It was holding my attention
until the news crew showed up.
487
00:22:17,503 --> 00:22:19,471
Come on. guys.
This is television.
488
00:22:19,505 --> 00:22:20,972
How about a little action?
489
00:22:21,006 --> 00:22:23,531
Oh, oK. You want action?
How about a chase scene?
490
00:22:23,576 --> 00:22:24,975
- Give me that camera!
- Cut!
491
00:22:25,010 --> 00:22:27,774
- Give me the camera!
- Cut, cut!
492
00:22:27,813 --> 00:22:30,281
- Give me the camera.
- Cut! Cut!
493
00:22:30,316 --> 00:22:32,580
Give me the camera????????????????????????????????????????????????
494
00:22:32,630 --> 00:22:37,180
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