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1
00:00:02,369 --> 00:00:04,360
[MUSIC PLAYING]
2
00:00:08,308 --> 00:00:10,708
Say you could pick any superhero
to be your dad.
3
00:00:10,744 --> 00:00:13,269
- Who would you choose?
- Batman, no question.
4
00:00:13,313 --> 00:00:17,340
Live in a cool cave,
borrow the Batmobile.
5
00:00:17,384 --> 00:00:20,444
He lets Robin hang out with him
and play with all his stuff.
6
00:00:20,487 --> 00:00:22,182
And Robin's
not even his real kid.
7
00:00:22,222 --> 00:00:25,055
- He's his ward.
- How do you get to be a ward?
8
00:00:25,092 --> 00:00:29,028
Batman? Is he faster
than a speeding bullet?
9
00:00:29,062 --> 00:00:31,087
I don't think so.
10
00:00:31,131 --> 00:00:35,534
Is he more powerful
than a locomotive? Uh-uh.
11
00:00:36,837 --> 00:00:38,304
I'd Want Superman.
12
00:00:38,338 --> 00:00:39,566
Sees through walls.
13
00:00:39,606 --> 00:00:41,904
You'd never get away
with anything.
14
00:00:41,942 --> 00:00:45,844
Because I'd make somebody
a very cool ward.
15
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:48,347
I'd like to have
Superman for a dad.
16
00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:50,509
Hey, there's Minkus.
17
00:00:55,289 --> 00:00:56,415
Ow.
18
00:00:56,456 --> 00:00:59,653
Whoa! The 2000-X
Hydro-Saturator.
19
00:00:59,693 --> 00:01:01,388
Careful.
If Feeny sees this baby...
20
00:01:01,428 --> 00:01:03,055
on school grounds,
he'll shag it...
21
00:01:03,096 --> 00:01:04,996
and I'll have to sit out
the water wars.
22
00:01:05,032 --> 00:01:08,900
Gentlemen,
meet the Hydro-Sat 3000-Z.
23
00:01:08,936 --> 00:01:11,871
Blow your head clean off.
24
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:13,338
The 3000?
25
00:01:13,373 --> 00:01:16,308
That's not even supposed
to come out till Christmas.
26
00:01:16,343 --> 00:01:17,537
I know a guy.
27
00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:22,874
You really shouldn't do that.
28
00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:24,907
What, are you going to melt?
29
00:01:24,952 --> 00:01:26,112
No.
30
00:01:31,491 --> 00:01:33,652
I'm going to retaliate.
31
00:01:37,297 --> 00:01:39,060
Go ahead...
32
00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:41,659
make me Wet.
33
00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:50,738
Wise choice.
34
00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:52,745
Ah, who needs one of those?
35
00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:56,237
For your information,
a well-placed water balloon...
36
00:01:56,283 --> 00:01:59,309
can give you just as much splash
for your cash.
37
00:01:59,353 --> 00:02:02,880
Like everyone's gonna have
a humongous water gun.
38
00:02:07,594 --> 00:02:09,061
How are you?
39
00:02:09,096 --> 00:02:11,656
Aah! Aah! Stop!
40
00:02:11,698 --> 00:02:13,666
I'll get one! I promise!
41
00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:15,327
Oh, my G...
42
00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:18,566
I'll get one! Stop!
I promise!
43
00:02:27,014 --> 00:02:29,539
Mr. Matthews...
44
00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:32,711
the drinking fountain
is not a toy.
45
00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:45,588
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
46
00:03:42,489 --> 00:03:44,150
[MUSIC PLAYING]
47
00:03:46,493 --> 00:03:48,393
Hi, hon. What's horrible?
48
00:03:48,428 --> 00:03:51,329
Hmm. The plumbing in the boys'
bathroom is leaking again.
49
00:03:51,364 --> 00:03:52,524
I'm on it.
50
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:54,796
You are an amazing guy.
51
00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:57,736
Hey, Dad, how about some
quality time with your son?
52
00:03:57,771 --> 00:04:01,263
I can't. I'm spending some
quality time with your toilet.
53
00:04:01,308 --> 00:04:03,833
But you just got home
from work.
54
00:04:03,877 --> 00:04:06,710
Hi, Mom. Wow,
dinner smells terrific...
55
00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:08,738
and that thing you're wearing
is really lovely.
56
00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:12,212
What is that, a dress?
57
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:15,380
Oh, Cory, what a lovely
and sincere compliment...
58
00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:17,413
and I just know that
you wouldn't spoil it...
59
00:04:17,457 --> 00:04:19,357
by asking me for something.
60
00:04:19,392 --> 00:04:21,656
Eerie how she always
knows, huh?
61
00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:24,289
What, do all women
have antennas...
62
00:04:24,331 --> 00:04:26,458
hidden somewhere
on their bodies?
63
00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:30,163
I don't know.
None of them Will let me look.
64
00:04:30,203 --> 00:04:32,171
Look. oK, look,
say you're in the kitchen...
65
00:04:32,205 --> 00:04:34,867
and the living room
burst into flames.
66
00:04:34,908 --> 00:04:36,239
Why?
67
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,267
I don't know.
Maybe lightning hit it.
68
00:04:38,311 --> 00:04:39,539
Why?
69
00:04:39,579 --> 00:04:42,776
Because it was attracted
by the metal plate in your head.
70
00:04:42,816 --> 00:04:46,115
And you can't escape
'cause your legs are broken.
71
00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:48,178
What will you do?
72
00:04:48,221 --> 00:04:50,086
Why are her legs broken?
73
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:52,216
Because she tripped
over your dead body.
74
00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:57,757
Cory, spit it out.
What do you want?
75
00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:59,493
Just a water gun.
You know...
76
00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:01,524
so you can put out that fire
in the living room.
77
00:05:01,568 --> 00:05:03,195
Fine. I'll buy you a water gun.
78
00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:06,467
Cool. Here's the brochure.
Color chart's on the back.
79
00:05:06,506 --> 00:05:08,337
How much do these things cost?
80
00:05:08,375 --> 00:05:12,209
How can you put a price
on the safety of your family?
81
00:05:12,245 --> 00:05:13,906
$50?
82
00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:16,848
$49.95...plus tax, but...
83
00:05:16,883 --> 00:05:19,010
I'll take my chances
with the lightning.
84
00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:20,610
Come on, Mom.
85
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:24,146
You and Dad blow that much money
on food every week.
86
00:05:24,191 --> 00:05:26,659
Your bathroom sink
doesn't leak now.
87
00:05:26,693 --> 00:05:29,253
Wow, Dad.
You fixed it all by yourself?
88
00:05:29,296 --> 00:05:30,524
Yeah, and your toilet...
89
00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:33,124
doesn't do that geyser thing
anymore, either.
90
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,157
You never cease to amaze me.
91
00:05:35,202 --> 00:05:37,227
How much do you figure
you saved on a plumber?
92
00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:40,467
What's he want this time?
93
00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:42,737
A $50 squirt gun.
94
00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:46,610
A $50 squirt gun?
No, really, what's he want?
95
00:05:46,646 --> 00:05:48,944
Dad, we're not talking
an ordinary squirt gun.
96
00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:52,110
We're talking
the Hydro-Sat 3000-Z.
97
00:05:52,152 --> 00:05:55,087
It's the big boy on the block.
98
00:05:55,121 --> 00:05:56,645
That's nice, Cor.
99
00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:59,659
Pretty steep, though.
Maybe for Christmas.
100
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:02,127
Hey, great,
a water gun in December.
101
00:06:02,162 --> 00:06:05,654
I'll be the little boy
spreading pneumonia.
102
00:06:08,134 --> 00:06:11,433
If they can't afford to buy toys
for three children...
103
00:06:11,471 --> 00:06:13,336
why did they have
three children?
104
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:14,704
Leave me alone.
105
00:06:14,741 --> 00:06:16,800
I'm trying to put Heather
in my watch.
106
00:06:16,843 --> 00:06:17,901
What?
107
00:06:17,944 --> 00:06:20,572
I can't get it out
of video baseball mode.
108
00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:23,105
[BEEPS BASEBALL CHARGE]
109
00:06:23,149 --> 00:06:26,676
Hey, how'd you get Mom and Dad
to buy that for you?
110
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,187
I bought it for me.
111
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:29,984
I cashed my first week's
paycheck...
112
00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:31,422
went down to the mall.
113
00:06:31,458 --> 00:06:33,653
Welcome to the wonderful
world of stuff.
114
00:06:33,693 --> 00:06:36,253
Mom and Dad just
let you buy that?
115
00:06:36,296 --> 00:06:39,060
Yeah, they said it's my money.
I can buy anything I want...
116
00:06:39,099 --> 00:06:41,829
except that
"Buns of Steel" video.
117
00:06:41,868 --> 00:06:43,836
Eric, you know, I'm thinking.
118
00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:45,861
Now that you're raking
in the big bucks...
119
00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:47,533
maybe you'd like to consider...
120
00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:50,236
this exciting
investment opportunity.
121
00:06:50,277 --> 00:06:52,108
Call my broker...
122
00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:53,942
Shearson, leave me alone.
123
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:59,685
Big man... doesn't even know
what time it is.
124
00:06:59,719 --> 00:07:01,186
I do so.
125
00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:03,655
It is...12:00.
126
00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:06,750
12:00, 12:00.
127
00:07:06,793 --> 00:07:09,660
[BEEPS BASEBALL CHARGE]
128
00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:12,454
[MUSIC PLAYING]
129
00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:19,096
See? I'm not getting
any kind of pressure here.
130
00:07:19,139 --> 00:07:21,130
You had to have a house.
131
00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:23,039
Remember the apartment?
132
00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:24,976
Remember
before the children?
133
00:07:25,011 --> 00:07:26,945
Before We Were married?
134
00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:28,504
Before We knew each other?
135
00:07:28,548 --> 00:07:30,880
Remember how happy We Were?
136
00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:34,882
Ooh! ow!
137
00:07:34,921 --> 00:07:37,947
You remember when you knew
when I was kidding?
138
00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:41,023
Dad, you busy?
139
00:07:41,061 --> 00:07:44,553
No. I'm just relaxing
with my wrench.
140
00:07:44,597 --> 00:07:46,827
I want a job at the market.
141
00:07:46,866 --> 00:07:48,834
You're too young
for a job at the market.
142
00:07:48,868 --> 00:07:51,336
You let Eric be a box boy.
143
00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:54,829
Son, you're young. Enjoy it.
It doesn't last long.
144
00:07:54,874 --> 00:07:57,172
Well, I could work
after school.
145
00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:59,678
Cory, I don't have
any openings.
146
00:07:59,713 --> 00:08:02,580
Well, you're the manager.
Fire somebody.
147
00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:05,912
Fire Eric!
148
00:08:07,287 --> 00:08:10,654
Why don't I fire myself
and make you manager?
149
00:08:10,690 --> 00:08:13,318
Cool. What's it pay?
150
00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:16,329
Not enough to keep me
out from under the sink...
151
00:08:16,363 --> 00:08:19,332
or the car
or the mortgage payments.
152
00:08:19,366 --> 00:08:22,665
Dad, nobody likes a whiner.
153
00:08:22,702 --> 00:08:24,670
Now, I need a job.
154
00:08:24,704 --> 00:08:26,569
You need to be a kid.
155
00:08:26,606 --> 00:08:28,540
I don't Want to be a kid.
156
00:08:28,575 --> 00:08:30,372
That's too bad,
because once it's gone...
157
00:08:30,410 --> 00:08:31,741
you can never get it back.
158
00:08:31,778 --> 00:08:34,076
I want to be able
to afford stuff!
159
00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:35,706
So do I!
160
00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:41,346
Hey, Mr. Feeny.
Whatcha doin'?
161
00:08:43,656 --> 00:08:45,749
Immersing myself
in the tranquillity...
162
00:08:45,792 --> 00:08:47,054
of my rose garden...
163
00:08:47,093 --> 00:08:50,790
in the vain attempt
to offset my evening ahead...
164
00:08:50,830 --> 00:08:54,493
drudging through two dozen
sixth-grade essays...
165
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:57,560
on Edgar Allan Poe's
"The Raven."
166
00:08:57,604 --> 00:09:00,004
- I think you'll like my paper.
- oh?
167
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:04,033
What a major freakoid
that Ed Poe must have been, huh?
168
00:09:05,445 --> 00:09:09,211
You have no idea
how major a freakoid.
169
00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:11,717
So, are you cutting
your flowers?
170
00:09:11,751 --> 00:09:16,211
I am pruning my prized
eglanteria floribundas...
171
00:09:16,256 --> 00:09:20,556
a fragile hybrid that I have
meticulously cultivated...
172
00:09:20,593 --> 00:09:22,561
over the past few seasons.
173
00:09:22,595 --> 00:09:24,256
Well, for a small fee...
174
00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:26,561
I can hack off
the rest of that dead stuff.
175
00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:31,794
You stay away from my roses!
176
00:09:31,838 --> 00:09:34,807
Uh, you know, Mr. Feeny,
I was thinking.
177
00:09:34,841 --> 00:09:38,470
Autumn's here, and winter's
just around the corner.
178
00:09:38,511 --> 00:09:41,036
That's typically the pattern.
179
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:43,549
And if you give me
fifty bucks now...
180
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:45,847
I'll shovel your snow
all winter.
181
00:09:45,885 --> 00:09:47,785
Payment in advance?
182
00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:52,224
For a task linked to factors
as unpredictable as the weather?
183
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:53,748
Hardly seems fair.
184
00:09:53,793 --> 00:09:55,954
Come on, Mr. Feeny,
have some pity.
185
00:09:55,995 --> 00:09:59,123
I've been out of work
for eleven years.
186
00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:05,660
Well, I do have some shutters
that are in dire need of paint.
187
00:10:05,705 --> 00:10:07,696
Cool. What's it pay?
188
00:10:07,740 --> 00:10:11,335
Well, I could go
as high as, oh, five.
189
00:10:11,377 --> 00:10:13,845
Dollars? Get a pulse!
190
00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:16,906
Five bucks
to paint all those?
191
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:20,044
$5 apiece, Mr. Matthews.
192
00:10:20,086 --> 00:10:25,080
That's five times two shutters
times eight windows.
193
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:29,221
Five times two...
194
00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:31,321
times eight.
195
00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:33,730
What's that, like, 58 bucks?
196
00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:39,467
$58 it is.
197
00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:48,078
You are worth every inch of
that C-plus I gave you in math.
198
00:10:48,114 --> 00:10:49,581
Thanks, Mr. Feeny.
199
00:10:49,616 --> 00:10:51,550
You won't regret it.
200
00:10:51,584 --> 00:10:54,052
Oh, I expect I shall.
201
00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:57,049
[MUSIC PLAYING]
202
00:11:07,033 --> 00:11:09,092
Well, Mr. Matthews,
I must confess...
203
00:11:09,135 --> 00:11:10,625
I'm pleasantly surprised.
204
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:13,230
Your first foray
into the work force...
205
00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:14,865
is a rousing success.
206
00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:17,843
You completed your task
ahead of schedule...
207
00:11:17,877 --> 00:11:19,845
and with a modicum of skill.
208
00:11:19,879 --> 00:11:22,074
Cool. Does that mean
you're giving me a bonus?
209
00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:23,639
Get a pulse.
210
00:11:26,719 --> 00:11:28,050
Good morning, Alan.
211
00:11:28,087 --> 00:11:30,317
George. Kid did oK, huh?
212
00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:35,350
Oh, yes. He acquitted himself
like a young Earl Scheib.
213
00:11:35,395 --> 00:11:37,363
Three coats, like you said...
214
00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:39,865
and they don't even stick
or anything.
215
00:11:39,899 --> 00:11:42,367
See, Dad, this work stuff
is a piece of cake.
216
00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:43,869
Nothing to it.
217
00:11:43,903 --> 00:11:46,895
I may just start up
my own business.
218
00:11:54,180 --> 00:11:56,045
Yeah? Well,
don't start printing up...
219
00:11:56,082 --> 00:11:59,848
those business cards just yet.
220
00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:01,649
Doesn't even stick.
221
00:12:01,688 --> 00:12:03,053
Remarkable.
222
00:12:06,192 --> 00:12:07,489
Well, got to go.
223
00:12:07,527 --> 00:12:09,654
Water war's starting,
starting real soon.
224
00:12:09,696 --> 00:12:11,095
Gotta go. See ya.
225
00:12:15,034 --> 00:12:17,264
I'm gonna be late, aren't I?
226
00:12:17,303 --> 00:12:19,032
[MUSIC PLAYS]
227
00:12:21,774 --> 00:12:23,765
[MUSIC PLAYING]
228
00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:27,378
You know how you've
been talking about...
229
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:28,880
maybe redoing the backyard.
230
00:12:28,915 --> 00:12:30,712
Yeah, but now that
I look at it...
231
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:34,481
I don't think I want
to go with this zebra motif.
232
00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:35,987
Well, nobody told me...
233
00:12:36,022 --> 00:12:38,217
the paint was gonna
go through the shutters.
234
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,749
Cory, when you open the shutters
in your bedroom...
235
00:12:40,793 --> 00:12:42,488
does the sunlight go through?
236
00:12:42,528 --> 00:12:44,086
Well, you got me.
237
00:12:44,130 --> 00:12:45,961
I'm an idiot.
238
00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:48,627
No, you're not an idiot.
You're a kid.
239
00:12:48,668 --> 00:12:51,159
I'm a kidiot.
240
00:12:55,842 --> 00:12:57,104
Water war time, Cory.
241
00:12:57,143 --> 00:12:59,577
War!
242
00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:03,908
War brings out the beast
in Minkus.
243
00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:08,751
You kids and your water wars.
I'd love to join you...
244
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,847
but I'm having
way too much fun here.
245
00:13:10,890 --> 00:13:13,222
You're bailing
on the water war?
246
00:13:13,259 --> 00:13:14,692
To paint a fence?
247
00:13:14,727 --> 00:13:17,992
You say paint a fence.
I say party.
248
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,623
And, by the way,
even if you wanted to...
249
00:13:21,668 --> 00:13:24,068
I wouldn't cut you in
on this action.
250
00:13:24,103 --> 00:13:26,594
Why not?
I thought we were friends.
251
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:28,504
Yeah, how come
you're cutting us out?
252
00:13:28,541 --> 00:13:32,443
People, people,
am I the only one...
253
00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:35,641
who read the summer
reading list?
254
00:13:35,682 --> 00:13:37,582
Tom Sawyer?
255
00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:42,511
He's sucking you in
to do the work for him.
256
00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:46,548
Guys, who are you gonna
listen to, me or the banana?
257
00:13:48,928 --> 00:13:50,395
Well, let's see.
258
00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:53,661
The banana says play.
You say work.
259
00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:56,533
We're gonna hang
with the big yellow guy.
260
00:13:56,569 --> 00:14:00,562
OK, look, I got seven bucks left
after buying my Hydro-Sat...
261
00:14:00,606 --> 00:14:03,575
and it's yours
if you help me paint the fence.
262
00:14:03,609 --> 00:14:05,133
I say we hold out for lunch...
263
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:08,443
and that's Mr. Banana
to you, bud.
264
00:14:11,050 --> 00:14:13,416
One bunny ear...
265
00:14:13,453 --> 00:14:18,117
goes around
the other bunny ear.
266
00:14:18,157 --> 00:14:20,125
Will you just tie the bow?
267
00:14:20,159 --> 00:14:22,286
I'm late for the market.
Dad's going to kill me!
268
00:14:22,328 --> 00:14:25,661
I don't know how to tie a bow.
269
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:27,962
So, why did you
tell me you did?
270
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:30,161
'Cause I'm self-confident.
271
00:14:31,671 --> 00:14:34,037
[SIGHS]
Now they want dessert!
272
00:14:34,073 --> 00:14:35,506
How's work going, man?
273
00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:37,873
Work. I love work.
274
00:14:37,910 --> 00:14:40,105
Paint the shutters,
paint the fence.
275
00:14:40,146 --> 00:14:41,613
You want paper
or you want plastic?
276
00:14:41,647 --> 00:14:42,978
Don't drip the paint
on the roses.
277
00:14:43,015 --> 00:14:44,482
Don't put the cans
on the produce.
278
00:14:44,517 --> 00:14:47,543
I'm with you, man.
I hate being an adult.
279
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:50,753
Can I have an ice cream?
280
00:14:50,790 --> 00:14:53,190
Another mouth to feed.
281
00:14:57,697 --> 00:14:59,255
What flavor did you bring us?
282
00:14:59,298 --> 00:15:02,290
Vanilla. They're vanilla
with chocolate on the outside...
283
00:15:02,335 --> 00:15:05,634
just like they've been
for 1,000 years!
284
00:15:05,671 --> 00:15:08,401
I really prefer
a Heath Bar Crunch.
285
00:15:08,441 --> 00:15:09,499
You do?
286
00:15:11,978 --> 00:15:13,411
Here you are, Minkus.
287
00:15:13,446 --> 00:15:16,574
Crunch on this.
288
00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:19,710
Is it just me,
or is he copping an attitude?
289
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:22,220
I'm beginning to feel
unwelcome here.
290
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:23,916
- Water war?
- Water war.
291
00:15:23,956 --> 00:15:26,447
Hey, come on, come on!
I paid you.
292
00:15:26,492 --> 00:15:28,960
I brought you sandwiches.
I brought you ice cream.
293
00:15:28,995 --> 00:15:31,964
- Yeah, so?
- So I'm gonna sue you!
294
00:15:31,998 --> 00:15:34,967
Fine. Have your lawyer
call my mom.
295
00:15:35,001 --> 00:15:38,459
Fine. You want something done,
you do it yourself.
296
00:15:38,504 --> 00:15:41,473
I don't need them.
I don't need anybody.
297
00:15:41,507 --> 00:15:42,974
Stupid water war.
298
00:15:43,009 --> 00:15:45,500
Water wars are for kids.
299
00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:46,807
Mr. Matthews...
300
00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:50,646
I sold you my childhood
for 58 bucks!
301
00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:52,742
A paint drip, Mr. Matthews...
302
00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:56,619
an acrylic dribble has appeared
on my side of the fence.
303
00:15:56,656 --> 00:15:58,487
I like it.
304
00:15:58,524 --> 00:16:01,357
I don't. I Want it removed.
305
00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:02,986
You do?
306
00:16:04,764 --> 00:16:07,927
Yes. Either that, or perhaps
you'd care to paint...
307
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:12,370
the rest of my side
to match the offending spot.
308
00:16:17,343 --> 00:16:19,311
Oh, come now, Mr. Matthews.
309
00:16:19,345 --> 00:16:23,213
I've hardly asked you to descend
into the stygian coal shafts...
310
00:16:23,249 --> 00:16:26,912
of West Virginia
with a pickax and a flashlight.
311
00:16:26,953 --> 00:16:30,320
What's something like that pay?
312
00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:33,916
What did you do
to my kid, George?
313
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:37,396
Overwork,
stress-related injury.
314
00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:39,489
You know, Alan,
when I was a boy...
315
00:16:39,532 --> 00:16:42,433
my father had a strong
puritanical belief...
316
00:16:42,468 --> 00:16:44,459
in the Work ethic.
317
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:48,065
He used to work me
from sunup to sundown...
318
00:16:49,876 --> 00:16:52,071
and look how I turned out.
319
00:16:53,212 --> 00:16:54,179
[DOOR SHUTS]
320
00:16:54,213 --> 00:16:56,704
I don't want you
working anymore.
321
00:16:58,317 --> 00:17:01,218
Shutter marks still
showed after one coat.
322
00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:04,951
Had to borrow from Mom to buy
more paint for second coat.
323
00:17:04,991 --> 00:17:08,290
I worked two days, painted
sixteen shutters and a fence.
324
00:17:08,327 --> 00:17:10,420
Know how much money I made?
325
00:17:10,463 --> 00:17:12,931
I owe eight bucks.
326
00:17:12,965 --> 00:17:15,399
Welcome to adulthood.
327
00:17:15,434 --> 00:17:18,164
At least you came out of it
with this water gun you wanted.
328
00:17:18,204 --> 00:17:19,671
Yeah. You like it?
329
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:22,105
So this is the big boy
on the block, huh?
330
00:17:22,141 --> 00:17:23,665
Very slick.
331
00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:25,904
Too bad I can't go to
the water war to use it.
332
00:17:25,945 --> 00:17:28,812
You can if you run.
333
00:17:28,848 --> 00:17:32,409
Isn't it my responsibility
to finish painting the fence?
334
00:17:32,451 --> 00:17:35,511
I think your
first responsibility...
335
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:39,616
is to stay eleven years old
as long as you can.
336
00:17:41,027 --> 00:17:43,188
Hoo hoo, cool.
337
00:17:45,364 --> 00:17:46,763
Go on.
338
00:17:53,873 --> 00:17:56,273
Ahh! Whew!
339
00:17:56,309 --> 00:17:58,675
The water war
to end all water wars.
340
00:17:58,711 --> 00:18:02,044
Both sides
are claiming victory.
341
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:06,552
I'd kill you, but I can't move.
342
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:10,283
Bagging groceries...
chasing carts...
343
00:18:10,323 --> 00:18:12,120
price checks...
344
00:18:12,158 --> 00:18:14,820
spill on aisle seven!
345
00:18:14,860 --> 00:18:17,590
Oh! It's a nightmare.
346
00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:19,621
I only worked
half a shift today.
347
00:18:19,665 --> 00:18:21,997
I don't know how he does it.
348
00:18:22,034 --> 00:18:24,696
- Who?
- Dad.
349
00:18:24,737 --> 00:18:27,865
Twelve-hour days...
never sits...
350
00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:29,898
eats his Lunch
standing up...
351
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:31,375
never takes a break.
352
00:18:31,410 --> 00:18:34,709
It's Like he's not human.
It's Like he's...
353
00:18:34,747 --> 00:18:36,442
It's like he's Superman.
354
00:18:36,482 --> 00:18:37,915
Huh?
355
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:40,544
Superman's my dad.
356
00:18:49,528 --> 00:18:51,860
I know you finished painting
the fence for me today, Dad.
357
00:18:51,897 --> 00:18:53,364
That's all right, Cory.
358
00:18:53,399 --> 00:18:57,233
No. It's not all right.
359
00:18:57,269 --> 00:18:59,669
You work all day,
then you come home...
360
00:18:59,705 --> 00:19:03,163
and work some more,
and then you do my work.
361
00:19:03,209 --> 00:19:05,871
You're hogging all the work.
362
00:19:05,911 --> 00:19:08,778
And I'm calling you out.
363
00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:10,406
Huh?
364
00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:15,045
I'm calling you out.
365
00:19:15,087 --> 00:19:16,418
- Cory...
- Draw.
366
00:19:16,455 --> 00:19:17,717
What are you talking about?
367
00:19:17,757 --> 00:19:19,384
[ALL SHOUT]
368
00:19:19,425 --> 00:19:21,256
What do you think you're doing?
369
00:19:21,293 --> 00:19:23,158
I think I'm being a kid, Ma!
370
00:19:23,195 --> 00:19:25,186
I think I'm living up
to my responsibility...
371
00:19:25,231 --> 00:19:26,858
of being eleven years old.
372
00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:28,799
Hey, hey!
No, listen, I'm serious!
373
00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:30,199
I've had a very rough day.
374
00:19:30,236 --> 00:19:32,898
We do not shoot water pistols
at the dinner table.
375
00:19:32,938 --> 00:19:35,406
You would if you had one.
376
00:19:35,441 --> 00:19:36,669
What?
377
00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:39,234
Go ahead. Maybe there's
a little surprise...
378
00:19:39,278 --> 00:19:41,371
taped underneath
the table for you.
379
00:19:44,717 --> 00:19:47,208
Hey, where'd you get this?
380
00:19:47,253 --> 00:19:50,051
Traded my 3000
for two 1500s.
381
00:19:50,089 --> 00:19:51,215
Cool!
382
00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:55,655
Dad, I know you said
you had a rough day...
383
00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:58,095
and that you only get
to be a kid once...
384
00:19:58,130 --> 00:20:00,598
but I thought it'd be oK
if you came back to visit.
385
00:20:04,670 --> 00:20:07,764
Visiting hours
are outside in the yard.
386
00:20:09,275 --> 00:20:11,368
[ALL SHOUT]
387
00:20:11,410 --> 00:20:14,573
No shooting water guns
in the house!
388
00:20:14,613 --> 00:20:16,342
Maybe you wouldn't
feel that way...
389
00:20:16,382 --> 00:20:19,146
if you checked
under your side of the table.
390
00:20:22,354 --> 00:20:23,821
There's nothing there.
391
00:20:23,856 --> 00:20:26,154
What do you think,
I'm made of money?
392
00:20:26,192 --> 00:20:28,524
[ALL SHOUTING]
393
00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:32,363
Don't hit my hair!
394
00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:33,865
MORGAN: Hit his hair!
395
00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:34,866
Yaah! Yaah!
396
00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:37,368
I don't even have a gun!
397
00:20:37,403 --> 00:20:38,870
Trade the stupid Watch!
398
00:20:38,904 --> 00:20:40,633
[SHOUTING CONTINUES]
399
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,638
Cookies, Morgan?
400
00:20:48,681 --> 00:20:51,844
Sure, I'd love some.
401
00:20:51,884 --> 00:20:53,875
[MUSIC PLAYING]
402
00:20:59,125 --> 00:21:00,888
[MUSIC PLAYING]
403
00:21:03,729 --> 00:21:07,028
9-1-1.
404
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:09,690
Hello?
405
00:21:09,735 --> 00:21:13,330
Yes. I'm stuck here,
and I can't get down.
406
00:21:13,372 --> 00:21:15,704
My parents
are outside fighting.
407
00:21:15,741 --> 00:21:17,208
Listen.
408
00:21:20,012 --> 00:21:22,913
You're drowning
my floribundas!
409
00:21:22,948 --> 00:21:25,781
They just shot the neighbor!
410
00:21:28,821 --> 00:21:31,483
Hold on. Let me ask.
411
00:21:31,524 --> 00:21:35,051
Mommy! What's our address?
412
00:21:35,094 --> 00:21:37,187
[MUSIC PLAYS]
413
00:21:39,598 --> 00:21:41,532
[Theme music playing????????????????????????????????????????????????
414
00:21:41,582 --> 00:21:46,132
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