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1
00:00:10,128 --> 00:00:13,965
All the shadows in the city
2
00:00:14,132 --> 00:00:18,052
Used to love you,
what a pity
3
00:00:18,219 --> 00:00:21,806
I miss the questions
you used to ask me
4
00:00:21,973 --> 00:00:25,936
Bored to death,
cut, mad and lonely
5
00:00:26,103 --> 00:00:29,856
Bored to death, cut,
mad and lonely
6
00:00:30,023 --> 00:00:31,859
Bored to death
7
00:00:32,025 --> 00:00:34,194
Cut, mad and lonely.
8
00:00:52,005 --> 00:00:54,841
I got Maker's Mark, Bushmills.
What do you want, handsome?
9
00:00:55,008 --> 00:00:56,509
Nothing, thank you.
I'm fine.
10
00:00:56,676 --> 00:00:59,554
So just how long you been
a private dick on the side?
11
00:00:59,721 --> 00:01:01,640
Only a few months.
12
00:01:01,806 --> 00:01:04,726
I know it's strange
but it's kind of my way to help people.
13
00:01:04,893 --> 00:01:08,689
It's good, because
I want you to help me.
14
00:01:11,024 --> 00:01:13,110
I think my wife's been
having an affair on the side.
15
00:01:13,277 --> 00:01:15,404
She's been suppressing
a smile for weeks.
16
00:01:15,571 --> 00:01:17,323
I want you to figure out
what's going on.
17
00:01:17,489 --> 00:01:18,949
I don't know if I feel comfortable.
18
00:01:19,116 --> 00:01:20,576
Louis showed me your ad
in craigslist.
19
00:01:20,743 --> 00:01:22,787
It said your rates are quite fair.
How much do you charge?
20
00:01:22,953 --> 00:01:24,163
A hundred a day plus expenses.
21
00:01:24,330 --> 00:01:26,457
- How does 500 sound?
- Mr. Antrem.
22
00:01:26,624 --> 00:01:27,833
Deal. Keep the clip.
23
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:32,005
And come on-- it's Richard.
24
00:01:33,131 --> 00:01:34,883
- Well, I could use the money.
- Good!
25
00:01:35,049 --> 00:01:37,761
So listen, I got it all figured out
how we're gonna do this.
26
00:01:37,927 --> 00:01:40,013
Tomorrow night I've told her
I'm going out of town.
27
00:01:40,180 --> 00:01:41,723
She's got pilates at 7:00.
28
00:01:41,890 --> 00:01:45,185
I want you to plant yourself
in my closet in our bedroom.
29
00:01:45,352 --> 00:01:47,854
- What, why?
- So you can see who she's fucking.
30
00:01:48,021 --> 00:01:50,482
If there's any action, you text me,
I'll be right over.
31
00:01:50,649 --> 00:01:52,568
I've got a room at the Harbor Club
for the night.
32
00:01:52,734 --> 00:01:53,986
I don't know. Sounds risky.
33
00:01:54,153 --> 00:01:55,821
Oh, come on! It's a snap.
34
00:01:55,988 --> 00:01:58,741
If she's not screwing anybody,
she's taking two Ambien every night.
35
00:01:58,908 --> 00:02:00,868
She'll be dead to the world.
You'll sneak right out of there.
36
00:02:01,911 --> 00:02:03,996
Maybe you should hire
a more experienced detective.
37
00:02:04,163 --> 00:02:07,917
Listen, George is an idiot,
38
00:02:08,084 --> 00:02:10,837
but his one decent trait--
39
00:02:11,003 --> 00:02:12,505
he surrounds himself
with good people,
40
00:02:12,672 --> 00:02:15,842
so I trust you intrinsically
and I want you for this job.
41
00:02:19,596 --> 00:02:21,014
Okay, I'll take the case.
42
00:02:21,181 --> 00:02:23,266
So how is George anyway?
43
00:02:23,433 --> 00:02:25,852
- He's good--
- You know what I can't stand about him?
44
00:02:26,019 --> 00:02:28,355
Whatever you're doing
he wants to do.
45
00:02:28,522 --> 00:02:31,692
Whatever you've got, he wants.
You ever notice that?
46
00:02:31,859 --> 00:02:35,279
- Yeah.
- He's just a big narcissistic
47
00:02:35,446 --> 00:02:39,074
nipple-sucking infant, you know?
Mmm-mm-mm...
48
00:02:39,241 --> 00:02:41,118
- George, give me that titty.
- Richard!
49
00:02:41,285 --> 00:02:42,953
Oh, Louis.
50
00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:45,873
You remember your old
boxing opponent Jonathan?
51
00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:48,751
- Hello, Louis.
- Hello, Jonathan. I heard your novel was rejected.
52
00:02:48,918 --> 00:02:51,337
- Yes, but--
- No wonder you're on the casting couch.
53
00:02:51,504 --> 00:02:54,716
You're looking for work. There's a position
in the mailroom if you're interested.
54
00:02:54,883 --> 00:02:57,385
- What are you talking about?
- Don't be so fey, Louis.
55
00:02:57,552 --> 00:02:59,763
Could you come back
in 10 minutes, please?
56
00:02:59,929 --> 00:03:03,308
Jonathan and I are finishing up
some very important business.
57
00:03:08,897 --> 00:03:11,900
I'm so sorry. He's very possessive
in his own way.
58
00:03:12,067 --> 00:03:15,028
His father
was a child psychologist',
59
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:18,157
Made him sleep in a box.
I think it aged him prematurely.
60
00:03:20,451 --> 00:03:22,536
Oh, I didn't know.
61
00:03:25,498 --> 00:03:29,001
If George knew I was working
for Antrem, he'd be really hurt,
62
00:03:29,168 --> 00:03:31,003
but I need the money.
63
00:03:31,170 --> 00:03:33,047
- George will never know.
- I hope not,
64
00:03:33,214 --> 00:03:35,091
but I still feel guilty.
65
00:03:35,258 --> 00:03:37,844
It's just too bad that Antrem
doesn't trust his wife.
66
00:03:38,011 --> 00:03:40,263
They should just have
an open relationship.
67
00:03:40,430 --> 00:03:42,515
Monogamy sucks!
It never works.
68
00:03:42,682 --> 00:03:44,684
Didn't know that you
felt that way.
69
00:03:44,851 --> 00:03:48,021
Do you have an open mind
about relationships?
70
00:03:48,188 --> 00:03:50,357
Yes, I have an open mind.
71
00:03:50,524 --> 00:03:54,027
Well, I'd like our relationship
to be... open.
72
00:03:54,194 --> 00:03:55,904
A lot of people
at the food co-op
73
00:03:56,071 --> 00:03:59,033
are experimenting with polyamory
and I want us to try it.
74
00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:01,744
What? I can't just go
from an open mind
75
00:04:01,911 --> 00:04:03,537
to an open relationship.
76
00:04:03,704 --> 00:04:06,707
We need to talk about this
for months and never act on it.
77
00:04:06,874 --> 00:04:09,794
Jonathan, I realize
that this is coming out of the blue,
78
00:04:09,961 --> 00:04:12,338
but I want to see
other people.
79
00:04:12,505 --> 00:04:15,008
Wait, wait a second.
Wha-wha-- what brought this on?
80
00:04:15,174 --> 00:04:16,467
I thought you were
happy with me.
81
00:04:16,634 --> 00:04:20,263
- We found your G-spot and everything.
- I know. I know.
82
00:04:20,430 --> 00:04:22,891
My first love has
come back to Brooklyn
83
00:04:23,058 --> 00:04:24,935
and he's the other person
I want to see,
84
00:04:25,101 --> 00:04:27,354
but I also don't want
to lose you.
85
00:04:27,521 --> 00:04:30,065
I-I can't believe this.
Who's this first love?
86
00:04:30,232 --> 00:04:33,068
His name is Warren.
We went to Bard together.
87
00:04:33,235 --> 00:04:36,947
- Well, he's agreed to it.
- You checked with him before me?!
88
00:04:37,114 --> 00:04:38,699
I just want us all to have
89
00:04:38,866 --> 00:04:40,993
an overnight group cuddle
90
00:04:41,160 --> 00:04:44,080
just so that we can see
how we all get along.
91
00:04:44,246 --> 00:04:46,290
God, Stella, a sleepover?
92
00:04:46,457 --> 00:04:48,918
It'll be fun.
You'll like Warren.
93
00:04:49,085 --> 00:04:51,963
He's a struggling comedian.
You guys have a lot in common.
94
00:04:52,130 --> 00:04:54,090
- Because I'm struggling?
- No!
95
00:04:54,257 --> 00:04:57,343
Because he's funny
and sweet like you.
96
00:04:57,510 --> 00:05:01,097
No, I will not have a three-way cuddle
with a struggling comedian.
97
00:05:01,264 --> 00:05:03,266
Come on, Jonathan,
you're a writer.
98
00:05:04,267 --> 00:05:06,228
Henry Miller
would have done it.
99
00:05:07,688 --> 00:05:10,190
You can be my Henry Miller.
100
00:05:13,026 --> 00:05:14,820
I do like Henry Miller.
101
00:05:14,987 --> 00:05:18,407
But wait, if I'm Henry Miller
then who's Warren?
102
00:05:18,574 --> 00:05:20,618
He'll be...
103
00:05:20,784 --> 00:05:22,703
- Bukowski.
- I wanna be Bukowski.
104
00:05:22,870 --> 00:05:24,997
Okay, you are Bukowski.
105
00:05:25,164 --> 00:05:27,291
I always loved Bukowski.
106
00:05:33,548 --> 00:05:36,134
- Hi, I'm Dr. Kenwood.
- Oh.
107
00:05:36,301 --> 00:05:38,511
Uh, George Christopher.
108
00:05:38,678 --> 00:05:41,181
- Where's Dr. Rebonowitz?
- Oh, he retired.
109
00:05:41,348 --> 00:05:43,642
I've taken over his practice.
We sent out an e-mail.
110
00:05:43,808 --> 00:05:45,644
I didn't get it, I guess.
111
00:05:45,811 --> 00:05:47,396
- I'm on AOL.
- Sorry.
112
00:05:47,562 --> 00:05:49,856
So what brings you
to me today?
113
00:05:50,023 --> 00:05:52,150
Uh...
114
00:05:52,317 --> 00:05:54,945
well, I've had this
terrific pain.
115
00:05:55,112 --> 00:05:58,282
It's like one of those,
uh, little piranhas
116
00:05:58,449 --> 00:06:00,451
got inside of my penis.
117
00:06:01,827 --> 00:06:03,579
What do you think
would cause such a thing?
118
00:06:03,746 --> 00:06:05,748
Off the top of my head
I would say urethral scarring.
119
00:06:05,915 --> 00:06:09,001
What? Oh my God, why--
why would I have scarring?
120
00:06:09,168 --> 00:06:11,462
A long active sex life.
Does that apply to you?
121
00:06:11,629 --> 00:06:16,718
Well, I've always admired the French lifestyle,
if you know what I mean.
122
00:06:16,885 --> 00:06:20,430
Yes, I understand.
All right, feet up.
123
00:06:23,225 --> 00:06:25,936
Look at those.
124
00:06:34,945 --> 00:06:37,906
- Is that really necessary?
- Sometimes.
125
00:06:38,073 --> 00:06:40,951
Also it's good for spotting
tiny venereal warts.
126
00:06:42,912 --> 00:06:44,455
Oh God.
127
00:06:47,625 --> 00:06:50,461
You know, I don't recall
Dr. Rebonowitz having stirrups.
128
00:06:50,628 --> 00:06:53,047
- Is this something new?
- Yes, it's my own innovation.
129
00:06:53,214 --> 00:06:55,508
I thought of it
when I was at the gynecologist.
130
00:06:55,675 --> 00:06:58,052
This way when I
finger your prostate
131
00:06:58,219 --> 00:07:00,722
I can see your face
and gauge your reaction.
132
00:07:00,889 --> 00:07:02,974
Makes me a better
and more effective doctor.
133
00:07:04,976 --> 00:07:07,312
Is it strange
as a female urologist
134
00:07:07,479 --> 00:07:09,439
to deal with men?
135
00:07:09,606 --> 00:07:12,484
No, I've always been intrigued
with the male anatomy.
136
00:07:12,651 --> 00:07:14,236
As a girl I loved horses.
137
00:07:14,403 --> 00:07:16,113
Right.
138
00:07:17,114 --> 00:07:19,617
- Okay.
- So, uh,
139
00:07:19,783 --> 00:07:20,826
how are we doing down there?
140
00:07:20,993 --> 00:07:22,828
So far so good.
141
00:07:22,995 --> 00:07:26,207
But you have bedbugs.
142
00:07:26,374 --> 00:07:29,001
- What?
- Didn't you notice the little red bites?
143
00:07:30,711 --> 00:07:33,047
Oh, I thought
that was chafing.
144
00:07:33,214 --> 00:07:35,300
Oh God,
this is so embarrassing.
145
00:07:35,466 --> 00:07:37,844
Not at all, the whole city's
infected with bedbugs.
146
00:07:38,011 --> 00:07:39,846
Bloomberg
probably has them.
147
00:07:40,013 --> 00:07:41,848
You're gonna need to bomb
your apartment.
148
00:07:42,015 --> 00:07:43,308
Oh Lord.
149
00:07:43,475 --> 00:07:46,019
My fingers are gonna feel
a little cold.
150
00:07:49,564 --> 00:07:51,817
How does that feel?
151
00:07:53,402 --> 00:07:56,739
It feels comforting actually.
152
00:07:56,905 --> 00:07:58,824
Hmm.
153
00:09:41,431 --> 00:09:43,892
Oh, come on!
154
00:09:44,059 --> 00:09:45,602
All right, just hold on.
155
00:09:45,769 --> 00:09:46,978
I got it, I got it.
156
00:09:54,820 --> 00:09:57,156
Just put it in me now.
I can't wait!
157
00:10:00,451 --> 00:10:03,120
- Do you feel filled up?
- Yes yes.
158
00:10:03,287 --> 00:10:06,874
What's my name?
I want to hear you say it.
159
00:10:07,041 --> 00:10:10,628
- Nosferatu.
- No, you forgot to say "great."
160
00:10:10,795 --> 00:10:13,548
- The Great Nosferatu.
- Sorry, dear.
161
00:10:13,715 --> 00:10:16,384
All right, do it again.
162
00:10:18,428 --> 00:10:21,097
George left at midnight.
Then she took two Ambien.
163
00:10:21,264 --> 00:10:24,851
It was one of the worst nights
of my life.
164
00:10:25,018 --> 00:10:26,937
Does George have
a nice ass?
165
00:10:27,104 --> 00:10:29,898
It-- it was very white.
166
00:10:30,065 --> 00:10:31,817
It figures.
I still don't understand
167
00:10:31,984 --> 00:10:35,612
why he's having an affair
with his ex-wife.
168
00:10:35,779 --> 00:10:37,656
It's like a waste
of a divorce.
169
00:10:37,823 --> 00:10:40,159
I don't understand why he didn't tell me
he was seeing Priscilla.
170
00:10:40,326 --> 00:10:41,786
Why?
I don't tell you everything.
171
00:10:41,952 --> 00:10:43,704
- You don't?
- No.
172
00:10:43,871 --> 00:10:46,624
Oh, yes yes yes yes.
173
00:10:46,791 --> 00:10:48,459
Look at this.
174
00:10:48,626 --> 00:10:50,878
My new drawing.
175
00:10:51,045 --> 00:10:53,631
The origin of Super Ray.
176
00:10:53,798 --> 00:10:55,675
- So this is how he gets his powers?
- Yeah.
177
00:10:55,842 --> 00:10:57,719
Walks down the street
with his fly undone,
178
00:10:57,886 --> 00:10:59,012
falls through a subway grate,
179
00:10:59,179 --> 00:11:02,390
hits his cock
on the third rail,
180
00:11:02,557 --> 00:11:04,017
and it becomes a god.
181
00:11:04,184 --> 00:11:06,019
So the third rail
is to his cock
182
00:11:06,186 --> 00:11:08,188
what the spider bite
was to Peter Parker?
183
00:11:08,355 --> 00:11:10,315
Yeah, but this is
on a higher level.
184
00:11:11,817 --> 00:11:13,444
That's the general idea, yeah.
185
00:11:13,610 --> 00:11:17,865
Plus when Leah sees the quality
of my new work, she'll want me back.
186
00:11:19,033 --> 00:11:21,452
You know, I don't know
if that's gonna do the trick.
187
00:11:21,619 --> 00:11:23,954
I mean, she never really
liked comics.
188
00:11:24,121 --> 00:11:26,624
It'll work, okay?
I made a mix CD also.
189
00:11:26,791 --> 00:11:30,044
And between the mix CD
and the book,
190
00:11:30,211 --> 00:11:31,629
she'll know how much
I love her.
191
00:11:31,796 --> 00:11:33,339
When did you start
using that pipe?
192
00:11:33,506 --> 00:11:35,675
Uh, a couple of weeks ago,
193
00:11:35,842 --> 00:11:37,886
right after Leah
sent my heart to Darfur.
194
00:11:38,052 --> 00:11:40,972
Corncob pipe gets you more stoned,
195
00:11:41,139 --> 00:11:43,099
plus it makes me look
like a sea captain.
196
00:11:43,266 --> 00:11:45,894
I don't know what's worse--
Leah breaking up with you
197
00:11:46,061 --> 00:11:48,730
or Stella forcing me into bed
with her old boyfriend.
198
00:11:48,897 --> 00:11:50,899
But if you don't do it,
you'll lose her
199
00:11:51,066 --> 00:11:53,068
just like I lost Leah.
200
00:11:53,235 --> 00:11:54,903
I'm a chest of drawers.
201
00:11:55,070 --> 00:11:57,114
This drawer
202
00:11:57,281 --> 00:11:59,825
right here...
has been removed.
203
00:11:59,992 --> 00:12:01,827
Sorry, Ray.
204
00:12:01,994 --> 00:12:03,412
It's okay.
205
00:12:03,579 --> 00:12:07,375
I'll win her back.
I have to.
206
00:12:15,675 --> 00:12:17,260
I can't believe
you were in the closet.
207
00:12:17,469 --> 00:12:19,763
I can't believe I had to listen to you
make love for 10 minutes.
208
00:12:19,929 --> 00:12:22,349
10-- it was longer
than 10 minutes.
209
00:12:22,515 --> 00:12:25,352
Thank you. This is the best part
about having bedbugs.
210
00:12:25,519 --> 00:12:27,854
I may never move back
to my apartment.
211
00:12:28,021 --> 00:12:29,856
You know the Maritime
is a beautiful hotel,
212
00:12:30,023 --> 00:12:33,819
but the Meatpacking District
really has become... Los Angeles.
213
00:12:33,986 --> 00:12:36,947
So how was I last night in bed?
Do I still got it?
214
00:12:37,156 --> 00:12:39,366
I don't know, George.
I never saw you have sex before.
215
00:12:39,575 --> 00:12:41,744
True true.
216
00:12:41,911 --> 00:12:44,372
But Priscilla,
God, she's beautiful, isn't she?
217
00:12:44,538 --> 00:12:46,499
Yeah, of course she's lovely,
218
00:12:46,707 --> 00:12:49,877
but what was all that
"Nosferatu" business?
219
00:12:50,044 --> 00:12:52,130
Oh, well...
220
00:12:52,296 --> 00:12:55,633
we like to do vampire role-play.
It's always been our thing.
221
00:12:55,842 --> 00:12:59,137
- God, is everyone into vampires?
- It seems that way.
222
00:12:59,304 --> 00:13:00,889
Oh, what's that?
223
00:13:01,056 --> 00:13:03,475
Two poached eggs
and an avocado.
224
00:13:03,642 --> 00:13:06,853
You know, avocado is the fish
of vegetables-- a lot of omega-3.
225
00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:08,730
Oh, I want that.
Can we switch?
226
00:13:08,897 --> 00:13:11,066
This looks like very
very nice oatmeal.
227
00:13:12,568 --> 00:13:13,902
All right, fine.
Never mind.
228
00:13:14,111 --> 00:13:17,823
What the hell were you thinking
letting Antrem hire you?
229
00:13:17,990 --> 00:13:20,910
He was very pushy
and I needed the money.
230
00:13:21,076 --> 00:13:23,913
So very strange.
I mean I've had people watch, you know,
231
00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:26,707
back in the '70s
at Plato's Retreat,
232
00:13:26,916 --> 00:13:29,335
but not when I didn't know.
233
00:13:29,502 --> 00:13:31,838
Well, you better call it quits.
I covered for you.
234
00:13:32,046 --> 00:13:33,756
Why?
What exactly did you say
235
00:13:33,965 --> 00:13:36,176
to that pompous,
bloated toad?
236
00:13:36,384 --> 00:13:39,220
I told him she was alone,
but he wants me back in the closet.
237
00:13:39,387 --> 00:13:41,890
- Tomorrow night I'll be back in there.
- All right.
238
00:13:42,098 --> 00:13:44,476
- Wednesday night.
- No, George, today is Wednesday.
239
00:13:44,684 --> 00:13:46,645
Oh, right right.
240
00:13:46,853 --> 00:13:50,190
George, why are you having an affair
with your ex-wife?
241
00:13:52,359 --> 00:13:54,695
Because I've never
fallen out of love with her.
242
00:13:55,946 --> 00:13:56,905
Hmm.
243
00:13:57,114 --> 00:13:58,949
Are you sure
you don't wanna switch?
244
00:13:59,116 --> 00:14:00,951
Oh, of course you do.
Come on, come on.
245
00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:03,913
Oh, this is gonna be fun.
246
00:14:04,121 --> 00:14:06,707
Ah, bon app?tit.
247
00:14:06,916 --> 00:14:08,793
Let's have a toast
248
00:14:09,001 --> 00:14:12,964
to my two favorite men
in the world.
249
00:14:13,131 --> 00:14:15,091
To my favorite girl
in the world.
250
00:14:16,217 --> 00:14:17,802
Mine too.
251
00:14:21,181 --> 00:14:23,934
You know, if you guys
just randomly met,
252
00:14:24,142 --> 00:14:25,977
you would be friends.
You know what I mean?
253
00:14:26,186 --> 00:14:27,521
Sure, baby.
254
00:14:27,729 --> 00:14:29,856
"Baby."
255
00:14:34,528 --> 00:14:36,488
Just trying to keep it symmetrical,
you know?
256
00:14:38,490 --> 00:14:40,951
I'm gonna go light some candles
in the bedroom
257
00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:42,995
and get everything
all ready, okay?
258
00:14:43,162 --> 00:14:44,664
Sure, sweetie, sure.
259
00:14:55,174 --> 00:14:58,219
Oh, she's so sexy, isn't she?
260
00:14:58,428 --> 00:15:02,140
Yeah, I love that ass.
Doggy-style with her, right?
261
00:15:02,307 --> 00:15:04,267
- Listen--
- Yeah yeah,
262
00:15:04,476 --> 00:15:06,561
you're probably right.
No locker room talk.
263
00:15:06,770 --> 00:15:09,898
So before we go to bed
I should know
264
00:15:10,107 --> 00:15:12,818
- are you bi or what?
- I don't think so.
265
00:15:13,026 --> 00:15:16,405
A camp counselor once fondled me
inappropriately, but that's about it.
266
00:15:16,613 --> 00:15:18,324
- Are you bi?
- I don't know.
267
00:15:18,532 --> 00:15:21,660
When I was 13, my best friend
used to put on his mom's wig and blow me.
268
00:15:21,869 --> 00:15:23,996
- Does that count?
- Maybe?
269
00:15:24,205 --> 00:15:27,542
- Yeah, whatever. So you're a writer?
- Yes, I've written one novel.
270
00:15:27,750 --> 00:15:29,961
Stella told me that
your second novel was rejected.
271
00:15:30,169 --> 00:15:33,506
- She did. Well--
- Does that make you feel like a one-hit wonder,
272
00:15:33,715 --> 00:15:35,884
even though your one hit
wasn't really that big?
273
00:15:36,092 --> 00:15:38,052
Actually my first novel
was very well received.
274
00:15:38,261 --> 00:15:39,387
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
275
00:15:39,596 --> 00:15:40,972
Because I read a review
of your novel by Louis Greene.
276
00:15:41,181 --> 00:15:45,143
- Well, that guy's very biased.
- You're kind of a weak sister, aren't you?
277
00:15:45,352 --> 00:15:47,270
What the hell is that
supposed to mean?
278
00:15:47,479 --> 00:15:51,066
Everything's ready. Do you guys
wanna come in and smoke some pot?
279
00:15:55,446 --> 00:15:57,072
Let's do this, little man.
280
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:03,871
You know, I really wanna
thank you guys for doing this.
281
00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:05,831
I feel really loved right now.
282
00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:07,500
Oh, I'm happy too, baby.
283
00:16:07,708 --> 00:16:09,877
Do you think that we could rotate
the spooning in a little while
284
00:16:10,086 --> 00:16:13,047
so that I'm behind you, Stella?
I think that's fair.
285
00:16:13,214 --> 00:16:15,383
This is my apartment.
286
00:16:15,550 --> 00:16:17,719
- That's fine with me.
- No problem.
287
00:16:17,927 --> 00:16:20,639
But can you pull the plug
on that little kiddie nightlight?
288
00:16:20,805 --> 00:16:24,226
I like total darkness.
My circadian rhythms get all messed up.
289
00:16:53,131 --> 00:16:56,676
You know what?
I'm ready for more than cuddling.
290
00:16:59,596 --> 00:17:03,183
It was frightening.
It was-- it was like an elephant tusk.
291
00:17:03,350 --> 00:17:05,435
I'm sorry
you had to see that.
292
00:17:05,602 --> 00:17:07,813
I think I may have
the smallest penis in the world.
293
00:17:07,979 --> 00:17:09,773
I mean, first George,
which was bad enough,
294
00:17:09,940 --> 00:17:12,359
but then Warren
makes George look tiny.
295
00:17:12,526 --> 00:17:14,862
But you're just comparing yourself to those two.
You don't have a small penis, do you?
296
00:17:15,028 --> 00:17:17,531
I do! I've been looking at it all morning.
I can't even see it.
297
00:17:17,698 --> 00:17:20,910
It's like I'm on top of the Empire State Building
and my penis is an ant.
298
00:17:21,076 --> 00:17:22,828
You need to go to a doctor
for something like that.
299
00:17:22,995 --> 00:17:26,249
Maybe, I don't know.
I'm just really going crazy right now.
300
00:17:26,415 --> 00:17:28,125
I'm committing menticide.
301
00:17:28,292 --> 00:17:32,130
- Menticide, what's that?
- My brain is attacking itself.
302
00:17:32,296 --> 00:17:34,507
Look...
303
00:17:36,551 --> 00:17:39,679
can you please look at my penis
and tell me I'm an adult male?
304
00:17:39,846 --> 00:17:41,348
- No! What, are you nuts?
- Come on.
305
00:17:41,514 --> 00:17:44,851
Hemingway checked Fitzgerald
when he went through a crisis like this.
306
00:17:45,018 --> 00:17:46,561
He wrote about it
in "A Movable Feast."
307
00:17:46,728 --> 00:17:48,647
I'm your friend, but I'm not
gonna look at your cock.
308
00:17:48,814 --> 00:17:50,524
I don't care
what Hemingway wrote.
309
00:17:50,691 --> 00:17:52,776
Please?
310
00:17:54,111 --> 00:17:56,155
- What, here?
- Yes.
311
00:17:56,322 --> 00:17:58,157
- Now?
- Yes please.
312
00:17:58,324 --> 00:18:01,118
Okay.
Pull it out.
313
00:18:01,285 --> 00:18:04,121
- Well, I mean, not here here.
- Where do you want to do it?
314
00:18:04,288 --> 00:18:06,874
Because I'm not going into an alley.
I'm not gonna fall for that again.
315
00:18:09,043 --> 00:18:10,670
Make it quick, Fitzgerald.
316
00:18:10,837 --> 00:18:13,298
I really appreciate
you doing this.
317
00:18:17,927 --> 00:18:19,804
You're fucking crazy.
You're perfectly normal.
318
00:18:19,971 --> 00:18:23,475
- Really, you think so?
- Yeah, look at this.
319
00:18:26,228 --> 00:18:28,146
Oh my God, what is that?
320
00:18:28,313 --> 00:18:30,983
I have a long foreskin. Not everybody
in New York is Jewish, you know.
321
00:18:52,380 --> 00:18:53,798
Not again!
322
00:18:53,965 --> 00:18:55,717
Okay, go down on me first.
Get me ready.
323
00:18:56,926 --> 00:18:59,220
Oh God,
I love licking your armpit.
324
00:18:59,387 --> 00:19:01,348
Oh George.
325
00:19:03,934 --> 00:19:06,228
Don't put your tongue in there.
I'll come.
326
00:19:06,395 --> 00:19:09,272
Oh, no no no, George.
327
00:19:09,439 --> 00:19:12,901
No no, George, no.
328
00:19:28,042 --> 00:19:30,378
I saw the color violet
when I came.
329
00:19:30,545 --> 00:19:32,171
I saw the color orange.
330
00:19:35,008 --> 00:19:37,761
I forgot to turn my phone off.
I'm sorry.
331
00:19:37,927 --> 00:19:39,262
I won't answer it.
332
00:19:43,808 --> 00:19:47,145
George, I'm in the closet
and I need to come out!
333
00:19:47,312 --> 00:19:50,065
I'll give you two minutes to get decent
and then I'm coming out.
334
00:19:50,232 --> 00:19:51,942
It's an emergency.
335
00:19:52,109 --> 00:19:53,944
What?
336
00:19:54,111 --> 00:19:56,530
You remember
Jonathan, right?
337
00:20:15,133 --> 00:20:18,094
This is Leah. Please leave a message.
338
00:20:27,562 --> 00:20:29,856
You can come out now.
339
00:20:30,023 --> 00:20:32,651
George, I told you I was gonna be
in here on Thursday night.
340
00:20:32,818 --> 00:20:34,027
You knew he was
gonna be in there?
341
00:20:34,194 --> 00:20:36,655
I thought he was gonna be
in there Wednesday night.
342
00:20:36,822 --> 00:20:38,991
And it's not my fault.
Richard hired him.
343
00:20:39,158 --> 00:20:41,327
How could you forget
which night?
344
00:20:41,494 --> 00:20:44,246
I don't know. You know, I got
that vaporizer you told me about.
345
00:20:44,413 --> 00:20:47,166
I think my short-term memory
is going and my long term.
346
00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:49,377
We gotta go.
Antrem's gonna be back soon.
347
00:20:49,544 --> 00:20:51,087
This is the most humiliating
experience of my life.
348
00:20:51,254 --> 00:20:53,423
- Sweetheart, come on.
- Oh, just shut up.
349
00:20:53,589 --> 00:20:56,217
Sweetie, my flight got canceled!
350
00:20:56,384 --> 00:20:59,345
Oh shit.
What are we gonna do?
351
00:21:01,473 --> 00:21:03,517
Leah?
352
00:21:03,683 --> 00:21:06,686
- Leah?
- Who are you?
353
00:21:06,853 --> 00:21:09,147
- Who the fuck are you?
- Leah, call 911.
354
00:21:09,314 --> 00:21:10,857
Some nut has broken
into the house.
355
00:21:11,024 --> 00:21:12,901
Some nut? I'm her boyfriend,
you fucking asshole!
356
00:21:13,068 --> 00:21:14,945
I thought you guys broke up.
357
00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:22,912
- Irwin?
- Here.
358
00:21:23,079 --> 00:21:25,790
Ray?
What's going on?!
359
00:21:25,957 --> 00:21:27,667
Priscilla?
360
00:21:27,833 --> 00:21:31,087
I have something terrible
to confess to you.
361
00:21:31,254 --> 00:21:33,881
I thought that you were
cheating on me
362
00:21:34,048 --> 00:21:36,217
so I hired
a private detective.
363
00:21:38,178 --> 00:21:41,181
Jonathan, you can come
out of the closet now.
364
00:21:44,142 --> 00:21:46,228
Hello, Richard.
365
00:21:49,564 --> 00:21:52,359
Ray, stop.
Irwin, come back.
366
00:21:52,526 --> 00:21:54,903
- I'm so sorry.
- That's all right.
367
00:21:55,070 --> 00:21:57,448
I'll just go home.
Thank you for a beautiful evening.
368
00:21:57,615 --> 00:21:59,783
Shut up, asshole.
You have a small cock.
369
00:21:59,950 --> 00:22:02,953
Because I'm frightened.
I'll call you tomorrow, Leah.
370
00:22:03,120 --> 00:22:04,872
Shut up.
371
00:22:06,374 --> 00:22:08,960
I can't believe this, Ray.
Why are you here?
372
00:22:09,127 --> 00:22:11,087
Because I love you.
373
00:22:11,254 --> 00:22:13,214
What?
What did you say?
374
00:22:14,215 --> 00:22:16,426
I can't believe it. It's only been
three weeks and you do this?
375
00:22:16,593 --> 00:22:20,263
I'm sorry. He's just a guy I met.
I don't wanna hurt you.
376
00:22:33,444 --> 00:22:36,071
You're my best friend.
377
00:22:42,328 --> 00:22:44,455
You're cheating on me
with him?
378
00:22:44,622 --> 00:22:47,667
How could you do that to me?
You know that I love you.
379
00:22:47,833 --> 00:22:50,211
- Richard, I'm sorry.
- But why?
380
00:22:50,378 --> 00:22:52,005
Because I could pretend
that I was in the past
381
00:22:52,171 --> 00:22:54,507
when George and I
were married,
382
00:22:54,674 --> 00:22:57,802
when I was young.
383
00:22:57,969 --> 00:23:01,723
Oh, R-Richard.
Don't be mad at Priscilla, please.
384
00:23:01,890 --> 00:23:04,142
It's my fault. I mean, yes,
we have an amour fou--
385
00:23:04,309 --> 00:23:06,395
Shut up, you old queen.
386
00:23:06,561 --> 00:23:09,690
And you? I thought
you were my new friend.
387
00:23:09,856 --> 00:23:11,358
Uh--
388
00:23:28,501 --> 00:23:31,879
- I'm sorry, Richard.
- Me too.
389
00:23:32,046 --> 00:23:34,924
I'd like all of you idiots
out of the house.
390
00:23:40,055 --> 00:23:42,015
Want to get a drink?
391
00:23:44,100 --> 00:23:46,103
Sure.
392
00:23:57,031 --> 00:23:58,657
I'm your only friend
393
00:23:58,824 --> 00:24:00,576
I'm not your only friend
394
00:24:00,743 --> 00:24:02,745
But I'm a little glowing friend
395
00:24:02,912 --> 00:24:05,998
But really
I'm not actually your friend
396
00:24:06,165 --> 00:24:07,375
But I am...
397
00:24:12,672 --> 00:24:13,881
Blue canary in the outlet
by the light switch
398
00:24:14,048 --> 00:24:16,426
Who watches over you
399
00:24:16,593 --> 00:24:18,887
Make a little birdhouse
in your soul
400
00:24:19,054 --> 00:24:20,930
Not to put too fine
a point on it
401
00:24:21,097 --> 00:24:23,850
Say I'm the only bee
in your bonnet
402
00:24:24,017 --> 00:24:26,770
Make a little birdhouse
in your soul
403
00:24:26,937 --> 00:24:28,647
And while you're at it
404
00:24:28,814 --> 00:24:32,734
Leave the night light on
inside the birdhouse in your soul
405
00:24:32,901 --> 00:24:34,903
Not to put too fine a point on it
406
00:24:35,070 --> 00:24:37,823
Say I'm the only bee
in your bonnet
407
00:24:37,990 --> 00:24:40,659
Make a little birdhouse
in your soul
408
00:24:40,826 --> 00:24:43,037
-
Blue canary in the outlet by the light switch
-
While you're at it
409
00:24:43,204 --> 00:24:45,915
-
Who watches over you
-
Leave the night light on inside the birdhouse
410
00:24:46,082 --> 00:24:47,625
Make a little birdhouse
in your soul
411
00:24:47,792 --> 00:24:49,710
Not to put too fine a point on it
412
00:24:49,877 --> 00:24:51,921
Say I'm the only bee
in your bonnet
413
00:24:52,088 --> 00:24:54,924
Make a little birdhouse
in your soul
414
00:24:55,091 --> 00:24:57,469
-
Blue canary in the outlet by the light switch
-
And while you're at it
415
00:24:57,635 --> 00:25:00,513
-
Who watches over you
-
Leave the night light on inside the birdhouse
416
00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:03,099
Make a little birdhouse
in your soul.
417
00:25:03,149 --> 00:25:07,699
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