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1
00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:08,800
-Hi, Grant.
-Hi, Linda.
2
00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:11,400
Er, Linda, can I have a raise?
3
00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:15,440
I have it on good authority that
you've been stamping passports
4
00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:19,240
with a Wild Bean Caf�
loyalty stamp. Is that true?
5
00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:32,080
? No doubt about it ?
6
00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:34,640
? I'm on my way ?
7
00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:36,400
? Taking over ?
8
00:00:37,360 --> 00:00:39,160
? I'm here to sta-ay-ay ?
9
00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:40,880
? We're teaming together ?
10
00:00:41,560 --> 00:00:43,960
? That's what I say-ay-ay ?
11
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:45,320
? One way to do this ?
12
00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:47,400
? Taking over today! ?
13
00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:51,200
? We're taking over ?
14
00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:56,280
? We're taking over today ?
15
00:00:57,760 --> 00:00:59,360
Sir, sorry to keep you
waiting...
16
00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:01,160
It's a big day today
at Northend.
17
00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:03,320
They have interviews
for a new border agent.
18
00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:05,200
Big day today at Northend.
19
00:01:05,240 --> 00:01:07,880
We have interviews
for a new border agent.
20
00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:09,800
-Told you.
-Some people absolutely hate
21
00:01:09,840 --> 00:01:11,800
the interview process
but I love it.
22
00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:15,000
Gives me a chance to show
them what I've got. [chuckles]
23
00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:17,960
-Clive!
-Hey! Hey!
24
00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:20,720
I wasn't expecting to see
you quite yet but, er, hi.
25
00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:22,440
-Come here.
-Good to see you.
26
00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:24,160
Oh, yes.
27
00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:27,720
It's just a formality.
They have to interview
28
00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:31,440
everyone and do it
properly, erm... but...
29
00:01:31,480 --> 00:01:34,280
I'm pretty confident.
30
00:01:34,320 --> 00:01:36,560
It's just nice to be
back in the building and...
31
00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:39,320
I'm a visitor this time.
32
00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:41,320
But, er...
33
00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:45,240
I might keep this thing for
when I get my real badge back.
34
00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:51,840
-Clive Hassler?
-Mmm.
35
00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:54,960
But you can just
call me Mr Hassler.
36
00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:56,960
-[he laughs]
-Right.
37
00:01:57,000 --> 00:02:02,240
OK, so it says on your CV that
you have previous experience
38
00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:05,760
as a border agent. Can you
tell me a bit about that?
39
00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:09,320
Erm, yeah, it was terrible.
40
00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:11,720
[laughs] Er, I hated it.
41
00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:15,640
[laughs] Erm, cos it was boring,
42
00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:17,960
and, er, stupid,
43
00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:23,160
and my boss was this
crazy woman. [laughs]
44
00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:27,000
So why did you leave
the police force?
45
00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:33,360
Do you know the real answer?
46
00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:35,560
Can I...
47
00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:37,920
have the gun?
48
00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:41,680
-Please?
-No.
49
00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:44,560
But it's my gun!
50
00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:47,440
It was the thing
about the gun, yeah.
51
00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:52,160
So, listen, Clive, if it was up to me,
I would let you start back today.
52
00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:54,600
-Great. Thank you.
-But... Er, no.
53
00:02:54,640 --> 00:02:58,480
But you have to go online and fill in
an official application form.
54
00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:00,720
Ah, er, really?
55
00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:04,040
Just cos last time
I just did an interview.
56
00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:06,880
But, you know, things have
changed, times move on,
57
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:08,840
-more checks these days.
-OK, got it.
58
00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:11,480
More checks. I understand.
Well, I'll go and do that.
59
00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:14,600
-Alright?
-Cool. I know you're not, erm...
60
00:03:14,640 --> 00:03:18,400
probably not supposed to say
but what are my chances?
61
00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:22,120
Just fill in the application
form, Clive, OK?
62
00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:27,480
Sounds like a cricket.
63
00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:31,160
While Clive hopes to get
his old job back,
64
00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:33,880
two of the airports current
employees, baggage handlers
65
00:03:33,920 --> 00:03:37,920
Mo Khan and Sujan Stevens,
are hard at work.
66
00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:42,680
Suj, you know, yeah? Your wife's
good stuff is the goods.
67
00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:45,400
-I mean, like...
-Are you gonna eat it all?
68
00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:47,720
Of course I'm gonna eat it all.
Did I win the bet?
69
00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:50,640
-Yes. -That means I eat it all.
You know the rules, baby.
70
00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:53,160
But on a positive note, bruv,
71
00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:55,320
you never have to buy packed
lunch cos of this, innit?
72
00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,400
Well, you gotta save
the pennies, haven't you?
73
00:03:57,440 --> 00:03:59,680
Cos of the pension cuts
coming up, innit?
74
00:03:59,720 --> 00:04:03,960
-It just got announced.
-Pension cuts?!
75
00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:07,120
Classic management trick, yeah?
76
00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:10,080
Making changes
without informing us.
77
00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:12,160
Er, they emailed us.
78
00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:16,400
Double classic management
trick, yeah?
79
00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:20,120
Informing us using a system they
very well know we don't use now.
80
00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:24,960
I'm strictly Snapchat.
I only use Snapchat.
81
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:27,200
Er, I still use email.
82
00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:30,640
Do ya? It's cos girls don't
like opening the laptop,
83
00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:33,080
attaching nude pictures
of themselves and sending the emails.
84
00:04:33,120 --> 00:04:35,880
Snapchat's like... Wow! Bam!
There's my pum and that. You understand?
85
00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:37,720
So Snapchat's me.
86
00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:40,120
I still use email.
87
00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:42,520
Although Proctor briefs
the team every morning,
88
00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:44,560
occasionally
circumstances dictate
89
00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:47,320
she has to call them
together at short notice.
90
00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:50,520
OK, so I've called this
emergency meeting. Clive?
91
00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:54,120
Clive, what are you doing here?
92
00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:57,560
I just thought I'd sit in
ahead of coming back full-time.
93
00:04:57,600 --> 00:05:00,440
-Are you?
-Clive, Clive!
94
00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:02,880
There hasn't been
a decision yet.
95
00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:04,760
Oh, yeah.
96
00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:06,560
-OK, yeah, sorry.
-Yeah.
97
00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:08,120
-Thank you.
-Good luck with the...
98
00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:09,800
whatever the emergency is.
99
00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:11,800
I'm not supposed to know!
100
00:05:11,840 --> 00:05:13,200
Off you go.
101
00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:15,280
Now, Ebola.
102
00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:19,840
There has been a resurgence
of the Ebola virus,
103
00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:22,320
so we need to be particularly
careful with passengers
104
00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:26,080
arriving from Guinea,
Liberia and Sierra Leone.
105
00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:28,800
-Just those countries?
-At the moment, yes.
106
00:05:28,840 --> 00:05:31,440
OK, but isn't that going to make
us appear a bit prejudiced?
107
00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:33,200
They're all
African countries?
108
00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:36,160
Well, that's where
the Ebola outbreak is--
109
00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:38,520
Yes, I realise that,
I just think--
110
00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:40,680
I know what you're
trying to do here, Andy.
111
00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:43,400
Trying to impress
a certain someone.
112
00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:47,960
Yeah, yeah, people do keep
going on about that thing.
113
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:52,000
But, you know, lots of things
happened a year ago.
114
00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:57,000
Grant broke his pinky, but it healed
and then we don't bang on about it...
115
00:05:57,040 --> 00:05:59,120
all the time.
116
00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:02,720
We're looking for unsteady
on the feet, disoriented,
117
00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:06,400
-high temperature. -Oh, how do you
check for high temperature then?
118
00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:09,160
It's not like we can just shove
a thermometer up their backside
119
00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:11,040
while they wait in line, is it?
120
00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:13,160
Oh, welcome to the UK. Voop!
121
00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:14,880
-Thank you.
-[whistles]
122
00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:16,640
-OK, thank you.
-[clicks]
123
00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:18,920
OK, meeting over.
Thanks very much.
124
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:21,520
-[they laugh]
-Erm, Tariq, Andy.
125
00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:24,120
-Can I have a quick word?
-[whistles]
126
00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:25,880
[clicks]
127
00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:27,920
[whistles]
128
00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:32,160
-Workplace romances.
-Oh, no!
129
00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:34,920
Now, I know where you're
coming from, I get it.
130
00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:38,600
I've been chased round enough
filing cabinets in my time.
131
00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:42,200
-But it's inappropriate.
-Say something, Tariq! Tell her.
132
00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:44,040
Yeah, you've got it wrong,
it's nothing...
133
00:06:44,080 --> 00:06:47,160
I understand.
I know how these things happen.
134
00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:51,440
First, it's the longing
glances over the desk.
135
00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:54,160
Then you're noticing
wherever he is in the room.
136
00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:56,720
Before you know it,
you're in the ladies' loo
137
00:06:56,760 --> 00:06:59,280
with two in the pink
and one in the stink.
138
00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:02,000
-Oh, wow!
-I draw the line there!
139
00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:03,960
-I draw the line there!
-Yeah, thank you.
140
00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:06,480
Chief Inspector Proctor is
not the only team member
141
00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:09,160
able to handle tricky
issues with such delicacy.
142
00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:13,600
Charlotte...like the potato.
Next!
143
00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:16,360
Down at passport control,
Agent Brodie is checking
144
00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:18,320
the temperatures
of arriving passengers
145
00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:20,560
using a marginally
less intrusive method
146
00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:22,680
than the original suggestion.
147
00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:24,640
Just, er...
148
00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:26,320
I'm just going to...
No, no, it's OK.
149
00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:29,440
I just need to check
your temperature.
150
00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:33,800
And just like that.
You're absolutely good to go.
151
00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:37,000
Thank you. Next, please. Oh.
152
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:40,440
Grant, management has said
we can't eat or drink anything
153
00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:42,160
-ever again.
-Did they?
154
00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:44,280
No, they said they're
cutting our pensions.
155
00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:46,200
They said that as well.
156
00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:49,000
Well, what do you want me
to do about it?
157
00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:51,840
Well, you're the union rep,
blood, so you know...
158
00:07:51,880 --> 00:07:56,000
OK, so how did you know that?
159
00:07:58,280 --> 00:08:02,600
When I volunteered to be union
rep I thought it would be like
160
00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:05,680
doing fun things like
weekends away doing paintball
161
00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:09,080
or crazy golf or singles darts.
162
00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:12,360
But it's just not
like that at all.
163
00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:16,600
You think people are nice. It's a bit
like Twitter, everyone's a cunt.
164
00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:19,320
We need you to step up to the plate,
baby. Now's your time to shine.
165
00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:22,200
-We need a fire brand.
-We need a fire bandit.
166
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:27,160
-Fire brand. -How about this, how about
I speak to management about this?
167
00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:29,080
-Natural-born fire band,
bruv, you know. -Fire brand.
168
00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:31,840
Fire band the shit
out of them, yeah?
169
00:08:31,880 --> 00:08:34,800
-Salaam-Alaikum. -My guy, you know.
Look at this guy. Thank you, madam.
170
00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:36,400
Fire brand! OK.
171
00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:38,960
Ah, next. Thank you.
172
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:42,400
Ah...what a day.
173
00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:44,640
Step forward, just a touch.
174
00:08:44,680 --> 00:08:47,240
Ah, there we go, and...
175
00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:51,160
So, Clive, thank you for
your official application.
176
00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:53,240
You're welcome.
177
00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:56,960
Your psychometric test results,
they're a bit, erm...
178
00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:58,880
They're a bit off.
179
00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:03,920
You've actually tested
as a psychopath.
180
00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:06,200
[laughs]
181
00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:07,800
Really?
182
00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:09,840
-Yeah.
-[laughs] Wow.
183
00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:13,200
In general, how do you
deal with conflict?
184
00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:17,520
Oh, erm, well, I close my eyes,
count to ten and walk away.
185
00:09:17,560 --> 00:09:21,280
But here you've written, "I
would smash them in the face."
186
00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:25,200
I would count to ten and then
punch them in the face. [laughs]
187
00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:28,160
It's a joke, a joke. I was
trying to make you laugh.
188
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:31,920
Yeah, but the problem is, Clive,
it's not just me reading these.
189
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:37,720
Oh, yeah. There are other
people, very important people.
190
00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:41,160
And also I'm being leant on
from above, you know,
191
00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:43,480
on the whole diversity issue.
192
00:09:43,520 --> 00:09:46,800
I can be diverse.
I can be diverse.
193
00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:49,480
Can you? Can you be a woman?
194
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,960
[Clive]
How did it go? Erm...
195
00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:00,600
Er...
196
00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:06,560
It's... It was good.
197
00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:10,280
Clive, I'm really sorry but
we've gone with someone else.
198
00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:15,840
I'm sorry that I
became a policeman.
199
00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:20,880
Do you want a cuddle?
200
00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:24,760
Yes.
201
00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:27,680
She's made her decision,
202
00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:31,880
but there's, you know,
there's still...
203
00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:35,720
Just gonna go home...
204
00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:42,360
and work on being
more diverse!
205
00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:52,440
At Northend Airport, Agent Grant
Brodie is having a difficult day.
206
00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:54,720
As the union rep, he has
to deal with complaints
207
00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:56,320
about the upcoming pension cuts,
208
00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:58,560
whilst as a border agent
staying vigilant
209
00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:00,680
for any arriving passengers
showing symptoms
210
00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:03,080
of the recent
Africa Ebola outbreak.
211
00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:07,840
Mr Martins, yeah. Sorry, it's a little
thing, if you wouldn't mind...
212
00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:10,800
Ah, yeah.
Oh, how are you doing today?
213
00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:13,640
Actually, I'm not feeling
that great actually.
214
00:11:13,680 --> 00:11:18,600
Are you a little disorientated,
slightly unsteady on your feet?
215
00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:20,520
A little.
216
00:11:20,560 --> 00:11:23,040
And where is it
you've travelled from?
217
00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:27,120
-Sierra Leone. -Leone, OK. Sir, if you
wouldn't mind stepping this way
218
00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:29,360
and just coming with me?
219
00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:32,480
-I haven't got much time. -Yeah,
probably less than you actually think.
220
00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:34,600
If you wouldn't mind
coming this way, please?
221
00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:38,040
[Andy] That can be more dangerous
cos your hands can freeze.
222
00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:39,342
So you'd have to wear gloves?
223
00:11:39,422 --> 00:11:42,120
You can but when are you gonna
find gloves if there's a fire?
224
00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:44,920
-Yeah, and it would take a while to...
-Yeah, exactly.
225
00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:48,080
Ahem, ladies loo.
Proctor is so awkward.
226
00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:50,920
Oh, right, yeah.
You wanna talk about that?
227
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:55,520
-No. -Cos I've actually spent all
morning repressing that memory.
228
00:11:55,560 --> 00:11:57,240
-That's smart.
-Yeah.
229
00:11:57,280 --> 00:11:59,760
I think that's,
I think that's about it.
230
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:03,160
-I do actually need to go, so...
-Yeah. No, go...
231
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:05,840
-Don't follow me in and fuck me.
-No, er...
232
00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:09,000
I won't. Not gonna do that.
233
00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:11,840
Andy, I love her to bits.
234
00:12:11,880 --> 00:12:14,240
She's really cool.
We get on really well.
235
00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:17,880
We're good mates. You know,
some things just don't work out
236
00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:22,880
the way you thought they would,
but she's cool, I'm cool and... Yeah.
237
00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:25,240
Following emergency protocol,
238
00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:27,320
it's vital that
Agent Brodie isolates
239
00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:30,040
the suspected Ebola
victim as soon as possible.
240
00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:34,120
Absolutely. Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Don't fucking die on me, Mr Martin.
241
00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:37,320
I don't know how to deal
with, erm, fucking dead people.
242
00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:42,000
Jesus Christ! Oh, I'm gonna
have to...gonna have to...
243
00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:50,040
Are you OK there, yeah?
OK, don't go anywhere.
244
00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:53,080
I'll be back very,
very, very shortly.
245
00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:55,920
Grant, where have you been? We've been
looking everywhere for you, bruv!
246
00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:58,600
Yeah, I'm having a little bit
of a nightmare right now.
247
00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:01,000
Yeah, everyone's having a nightmare,
bruv. They've cut everything!
248
00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:03,080
-We've lost flexible working.
-Flexible's gone.
249
00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:05,080
-Reduced holiday.
-Holidays are gone now.
250
00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:07,840
-No more final salary pension.
-Final salary pension gone.
251
00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:11,360
Do you know what? I'll speak
to management in a little bit.
252
00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:16,480
You have to give me a chance and
I'll get back to you ASAP, OK?
253
00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:18,400
[groans]
254
00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:20,480
Feels like you're having
a lickle pussy moment now.
255
00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:22,760
No, no, no, I'm not having
a lickle pussy moment, no.
256
00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:24,960
Looks like a two, two pussy
moments at the moment.
257
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:26,400
I'm not having a two,
two pussy moment.
258
00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:28,080
Three, three pussy moments.
259
00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:30,640
There's no three,
three pussy moment.
260
00:13:30,680 --> 00:13:32,480
-[groaning]
-Right, OK.
261
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:34,400
Who's the guy
that saved Scotland?
262
00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:36,960
-Oh, what, Mel Gibson?
-Yes, Lethal Weapon guy.
263
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:41,320
I'm Lethal Weapon. I'm Mel Gibson.
I'm just going to deal with...
264
00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:44,280
-You're that guy?
-Let's get out of here.
265
00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:47,067
Let's get the fuck out
of here, lightning!
266
00:13:47,147 --> 00:13:48,680
Right out of here now, OK?
267
00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:51,000
We are going on strike.
268
00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:53,200
-[Linda] This is regrettable.
-[Grant] I'm sorry.
269
00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:57,960
I feel like a double agent.
But we're cool?
270
00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:00,400
-Yeah, oh, yeah.
-Good.
271
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,040
Er, oh.
272
00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:05,480
Erm, one more thing.
273
00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:08,960
There's a guy in the hold.
Er...
274
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:14,720
Mr Martin, er...
I think he's got Ebola.
275
00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:20,240
Agent Brodie's improvised picket line
may be keeping the staff away from Ebola,
276
00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:23,720
but as they don't know this,
they seem slightly underwhelmed.
277
00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:25,840
What is that now?
278
00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:28,640
It's a brazier. You've got
to have a brazier on a strike.
279
00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:30,960
-That ain't no brazier! That's a bin.
-It's a brazier.
280
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:33,880
-Think you'll find that's a bin.
-It's a bin but there's a fire.
281
00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:36,240
-Might be a brazier.
-Thank you. It's a brazier.
282
00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:38,560
Whoa, my sister!
Where are you going?
283
00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:41,120
Oh, I'm... I'm cold, so...
284
00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:43,800
If you cross that line,
that makes you a scab.
285
00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:46,120
T, can you have a word
with your girl, please?
286
00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:48,200
-She's not my girlfriend.
-That ain't what I heard.
287
00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:51,240
Well, what you heard
is wrong, so stop it.
288
00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:53,960
It's what they said about Lady Di
and Dodi as well, you understand?
289
00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:57,080
-What a weird reference. -Grant, you're
meant to be the fire brand here.
290
00:14:57,120 --> 00:14:59,520
-Can you get like a chant going or
something like that? -All right.
291
00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:01,960
-Well, what would Bob Crow do?
-You, back to the protest. Thank you.
292
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:05,920
[Grant] Together united,
we'll never be divided!
293
00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:09,800
[all] Together united,
we'll never be divided.
294
00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:13,360
-Oh! Oh! Oh! -Together united,
we'll never be divided.
295
00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:17,040
Together united,
we'll never be divided.
296
00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:20,920
-Feel the ting, T! -Together united,
we'll never be divided.
297
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:23,080
Together united...
298
00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:25,160
No, I don't have a problem
with protests.
299
00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:28,920
I've been on loads of marches.
I just have to be a bit careful,
300
00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:34,240
cos I can get a bit
caught up in the moment.
301
00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:36,080
-Hey, hey!
-Ho, ho!
302
00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:38,000
-Corporate greed!
-Has got to go!
303
00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:39,600
-Hey, hey!
-Ho, ho!
304
00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:41,640
-Corporate greed!
-Has got to go!
305
00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:43,240
-Hey, hey!
-Ho, ho!
306
00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:45,200
-Corporate greed!
-Has got to go!
307
00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:47,240
Rah, you know.
308
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,720
Is she bashing at everything
she does like that, yeah?
309
00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:53,400
-She's not my girlfriend.
-I bet she wind on the cookie.
310
00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:56,520
-No, she's not my girlfriend.
-"Ah, Tariq!" Come on now, T.
311
00:15:56,560 --> 00:15:58,920
Yeah, I think she does
that as well.
312
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:02,480
Left alone and unaware of
the serious medical situation,
313
00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:05,040
Clive is desperate
to be useful.
314
00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:08,280
-Chief! Hi! -I don't have time
for this at the moment, Clive.
315
00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:11,760
My pass is for the whole day,
but I heard there's a strike,
316
00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:14,520
and I thought maybe I could
help because I'm here.
317
00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:18,000
I doubt that. We have a situation,
a seriously ill man in holding.
318
00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:20,720
Well, have you called
an ambulance?
319
00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:24,480
Yes. He'll be more than an hour.
He'll probably be dead by then.
320
00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:27,520
Actually, could you
take him to hospital?
321
00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:32,040
It would be my privilege.
322
00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:34,720
Meanwhile, it's becoming
clear to Agent Brodie
323
00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:39,200
that he and his strike colleagues
may not necessarily be on the same page.
324
00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:41,640
-What do we want?
-Pensions.
325
00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:44,000
-And when do we want them?
-65.
326
00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:46,280
-Come on! What do we want?
-Pensions.
327
00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:48,640
-When do we want them?
-I want mine now!
328
00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:51,160
-When we're 65!
-I want my pension now!
329
00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:54,360
-Gimme my pension now!
-You won't get anything.
330
00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:56,840
-Is that not how it works?
-You build up a pot.
331
00:16:56,880 --> 00:16:59,040
I think if we all say "now",
we might get them now.
332
00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:01,400
-When do you want pensions?
-When we're 65.
333
00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:04,720
Back inside Proctor,
like all good leaders,
334
00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:06,760
knows when to delegate.
335
00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:09,160
[groaning]
336
00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:14,440
-Ebola?
-Shh, shh!
337
00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:19,080
-Why can't you take him?
-I can't take him.
338
00:17:19,120 --> 00:17:22,400
I'm running every department
here today. I'm snowed under.
339
00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:25,640
But I'll die. I don't even
work here and I'm gonna die.
340
00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:30,720
Has he stopped breathing? Oh, God!
Don't tell me he's stopped breathing!
341
00:17:30,760 --> 00:17:34,520
Ahh, we've got to get him
to the hospital because...
342
00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:37,720
because we have to do
the right thing and...
343
00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:40,560
That's what working
at the border means.
344
00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:43,680
It's about putting
the welfare of people
345
00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:46,320
before our own, er...
346
00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:48,280
[mutters]
347
00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:50,720
-475, 475.
-Clive!
348
00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:54,600
[groaning]
349
00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:59,440
[all] Together united,
we'll never be divided!
350
00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:03,160
Together united,
we'll never be divided!
351
00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:11,800
Hi. I need your, I need your
mask. Official business.
352
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:15,120
Well, I don't
actually work here.
353
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:18,520
I'm unemployed at the moment,
trying to get my old job.
354
00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:20,880
I used to work here but they've
given it to someone else.
355
00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:22,840
Something to do with
I didn't tick the form.
356
00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:24,920
I just need one.
That's great. Thank you.
357
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:28,280
[all] Together united,
we'll never be divided!
358
00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:32,000
-Oh, yeah! -Together united,
we'll never be divided!
359
00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:36,120
Together united,
we'll never be divided!
360
00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:39,440
Together united,
we'll never be divided!
361
00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:50,280
[groaning]
362
00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:53,040
Without any access to proper
protective clothing
363
00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:55,800
or suitable transportation,
Clive, nevertheless,
364
00:18:55,840 --> 00:18:58,888
shows great initiative in
his bid to rush Mr Martin
365
00:18:58,968 --> 00:19:00,880
to hospital as soon as possible.
366
00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:03,880
Together united,
we'll never be divided!
367
00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:06,160
Together united,
we'll never be divided!
368
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:09,000
Together united,
we'll never be divided!
369
00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:12,880
[beeping]
370
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:22,160
Er, that guy, he, erm,
he has Ebola, so...
371
00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:27,720
Ah! Together united...
372
00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:32,440
Telling Clive that he didn't
have the job was, like,
373
00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:36,120
punching a puppy
repeatedly in the face.
374
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:40,880
But he showed real initiative
today and I'm not a monster.
375
00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:45,400
Maybe this outfit
needs a Clive.
376
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:49,600
And he's already
got the uniform, so...
377
00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:52,920
-[Andy] You saved his life then?
-[Clive] Yeah, I guess I did.
378
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:56,000
Saved his life. I saved
someone's life! [laughs]
379
00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:57,840
-[mobile ringtone]
-Oh, sorry.
380
00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:01,560
Oh, it's Proctor. Sorry.
381
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:03,840
Er, Chief?
382
00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:06,280
Really?
383
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:10,480
Er, yeah, yeah, of course!
384
00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:13,320
Of course. What? Now?
385
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:18,280
Yeah, OK, I'll be right there.
Thank you.
386
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:21,680
Oh, my God!
I got my job back!
387
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:23,520
[cheering]
388
00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:27,200
[cheering and laughter]
389
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:30,360
-Scab!
-What?
390
00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:33,400
-Scab!
-[all] Scab! Scab Scab! Scab!
391
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:36,760
Scab! Scab! Scab! Scab! Scab!
392
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:40,320
As a delighted Clive Hassler
re-joins the borderline team,
393
00:20:40,360 --> 00:20:43,480
he sheds some light on
the mysterious Ebola victim.
394
00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:46,960
Turns out it wasn't Ebola.
Just food poisoning.
395
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:51,720
I can't tell you which
airline, of course,
396
00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:53,800
but, erm,
397
00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:57,120
just avoid travelling
on any...
398
00:20:57,160 --> 00:20:59,440
Has someone
changed my log-in?
399
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:04,040
It's not Sweetguy88 any more.
400
00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:06,560
Sweetguy...
401
00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:09,040
It's good for the team
to be back together,
402
00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:12,320
as the job vacancy has been
occupied by its previous owner.
403
00:21:12,360 --> 00:21:14,720
Though Clive may never know
just how close he came
404
00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:18,640
to getting his position filled by
two surprising contenders.
405
00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:22,440
-Hello, Proctor.
-Wagwan, my G.
406
00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:25,440
Yes, we're here about the job.
407
00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:29,120
Oh, what as border agents?
408
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:30,880
[both] Yeah.
409
00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:33,560
OK, well, it's quite hard work.
410
00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:35,640
Can do that. Yeah, it's fine.
411
00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:38,280
-Night shifts?
-We can do that, yeah.
412
00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:41,360
Dealing with the public.
Strip and search, rectal examination.
413
00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:43,960
Fuck that! I ain't doing
no rectal examination.
414
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:46,240
I ain't putting my thumb
in anybody's bum hole.
415
00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:47,720
I'm telling you this now, Suji!
416
00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:51,160
Suj!
417
00:21:51,210 --> 00:21:55,760
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