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1
00:00:06,133 --> 00:00:09,172
Weapons Intelligence aren't
usually late.
2
00:00:09,173 --> 00:00:11,052
We could give it another five.
3
00:00:11,053 --> 00:00:12,372
You did ask them to come.
4
00:00:12,373 --> 00:00:15,172
Yes, I did.
And yet, WISWO came there none.
5
00:00:15,173 --> 00:00:16,213
WISWO!
6
00:00:18,893 --> 00:00:22,012
I just like the word - WISWO!
7
00:00:22,013 --> 00:00:25,612
Well, it doesn't sound like he's a
weapons intelligence guy, does it?
8
00:00:25,613 --> 00:00:28,052
Sounds like he's a wizard. Whiz!
9
00:00:28,053 --> 00:00:30,413
And he's just done something
amazing! Whoa!
10
00:00:32,253 --> 00:00:33,293
WISWO!
11
00:00:34,453 --> 00:00:36,692
Your life in his hands. Incredible.
12
00:00:36,693 --> 00:00:39,492
Right, life's too short.
I'm going down there.
13
00:00:39,493 --> 00:00:40,813
Boss on the move!
14
00:00:52,093 --> 00:00:54,013
Boss. We've got some chat on ICOM.
15
00:00:55,453 --> 00:00:56,652
What are they saying?
16
00:00:56,653 --> 00:00:59,732
"The donkey is walking
towards the tiger."
17
00:00:59,733 --> 00:01:00,812
What?
18
00:01:00,813 --> 00:01:03,093
Oh shit! Boss! Boss,
get out of there!
19
00:01:07,693 --> 00:01:09,413
"The donkey runs like a girl."
20
00:01:10,773 --> 00:01:11,813
Just kidding.
21
00:01:13,613 --> 00:01:17,012
Well? They're saying the donkey was
walking towards the tiger.
22
00:01:17,013 --> 00:01:19,492
You must be the donkey, boss.
Yes, I... And the tiger is...
23
00:01:19,493 --> 00:01:23,732
The bomb! Well done for cracking
that impenetrable Taliban code!
24
00:01:23,733 --> 00:01:25,652
OK. So, what does this mean?
25
00:01:25,653 --> 00:01:27,492
Remote initiation? A command wire?
26
00:01:27,493 --> 00:01:29,732
Yeah. But the search team's already
had a poke about
27
00:01:29,733 --> 00:01:31,332
and didn't find anything, so...?
28
00:01:31,333 --> 00:01:33,052
It could be along a linear feature?
29
00:01:33,053 --> 00:01:37,412
A linear feature! He's learning!
Bird, linear feature.
30
00:01:37,413 --> 00:01:39,052
Get them to check again.
31
00:01:39,053 --> 00:01:42,292
Boss, my team can't stop you being
blown to bits
32
00:01:42,293 --> 00:01:44,692
by a command wire device,
33
00:01:44,693 --> 00:01:47,493
but you're not getting shot,
not on my watch.
34
00:01:48,453 --> 00:01:50,453
Thanks, Simon... comforting!
35
00:01:53,773 --> 00:01:56,052
The donkey is checking the time.
36
00:01:56,053 --> 00:01:58,292
The donkey!
Why can't I be the tiger?
37
00:01:58,293 --> 00:02:00,372
They go to go to all this
trouble of targeting me,
38
00:02:00,373 --> 00:02:02,612
and they can't even give me
a decent bloody codename?
39
00:02:02,613 --> 00:02:05,333
Don't shoot the messenger.
40
00:02:06,373 --> 00:02:08,794
No, seriously. Don't.
41
00:02:08,894 --> 00:02:35,190
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
42
00:02:38,013 --> 00:02:40,172
There you go! All done.
43
00:02:40,173 --> 00:02:42,693
Let's hope our new WISWO...
WISWO!
44
00:02:44,973 --> 00:02:49,132
..can help us to... Nutsack!
Fucking hell!
45
00:02:49,133 --> 00:02:50,692
Nick.
46
00:02:50,693 --> 00:02:51,733
Nutsack.
47
00:02:54,133 --> 00:02:55,492
This is cosy!
48
00:02:55,493 --> 00:02:59,132
Isn't it? So, you're our new WISWO.
49
00:02:59,133 --> 00:03:01,252
Good. Perfect. Amazeballs!
50
00:03:01,253 --> 00:03:04,132
Believe me, mate, as much of a
surprise for me as it is for you.
51
00:03:04,133 --> 00:03:06,772
Last week I was in Chester,
scratching my arse, next thing
52
00:03:06,773 --> 00:03:10,212
I'm off to Afghan before I even get
a chance to sniff my fingers.
53
00:03:10,213 --> 00:03:14,212
Charming! Steve Nuttall,
Towerblock, you've already met Bird.
54
00:03:14,213 --> 00:03:18,853
Yes, she... Lance Corporal Lansley.
Close protection.
55
00:03:20,493 --> 00:03:23,092
Yeah, Bird said about a command
wire device?
56
00:03:23,093 --> 00:03:24,332
Unusual in this terrain.
57
00:03:24,333 --> 00:03:27,892
Yeah, I know it's unusual.
That's why you're here.
58
00:03:27,893 --> 00:03:30,452
Yeah, so we reckon we're dealing
with an experienced bomber
59
00:03:30,453 --> 00:03:33,172
with a working knowledge
of our existing render safe
60
00:03:33,173 --> 00:03:34,612
and forensic procedures.
61
00:03:34,613 --> 00:03:37,772
Brilliant! So you've totally read
the profile I compiled.
62
00:03:37,773 --> 00:03:40,412
Did you have any information that,
you know, I didn't give you?
63
00:03:40,413 --> 00:03:42,492
Like, who it is?
64
00:03:42,493 --> 00:03:43,612
No idea, mate.
65
00:03:43,613 --> 00:03:45,652
Well, I'm so glad you're here!
66
00:03:45,653 --> 00:03:47,732
It's good to know
you've got my back.
67
00:03:47,733 --> 00:03:50,972
Puts you in an ideal position to
stick a knife in it.
68
00:03:50,973 --> 00:03:54,172
Yeah, all right. Just make sure that
the rest of your team are...
69
00:03:54,173 --> 00:03:56,052
The rest of my team are fine. OK.
70
00:03:56,053 --> 00:03:58,812
Actually, you know what - the rest
of my team are better than fine.
71
00:03:58,813 --> 00:04:03,053
They're a group of highly skilled
individuals who know exactly what they're doing. So thank you.
72
00:04:04,973 --> 00:04:06,132
Bloody hell, Simon.
73
00:04:06,133 --> 00:04:08,732
Sorry. And in the World Willy Waving
contest,
74
00:04:08,733 --> 00:04:11,252
both Nick
and Nutsack both have nil points.
75
00:04:11,253 --> 00:04:13,652
Piss off, Bird. Seriously boss,
what was all that about?
76
00:04:13,653 --> 00:04:16,213
He said you were old mates.
Yeah, we were.
77
00:04:18,133 --> 00:04:19,972
Till he fucked my fiancee!
78
00:04:19,973 --> 00:04:22,892
Whoa! Fuck me! Of course! Marianne!
79
00:04:22,893 --> 00:04:26,173
Losing a fiancee, huh?
I feel your pain, brother.
80
00:04:27,813 --> 00:04:30,333
Come on. Let's go home.
81
00:04:38,413 --> 00:04:43,652
OK, most likely
to... get caught dogging.
82
00:04:43,653 --> 00:04:46,452
Bird! No question.
What about you, Mac?
83
00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:48,252
I wouldn't get caught, would I?
84
00:04:48,253 --> 00:04:50,372
Aaaaah!
85
00:04:50,373 --> 00:04:51,652
OK. OK. OK!
86
00:04:51,653 --> 00:04:53,332
Most likely to...
87
00:04:53,333 --> 00:04:57,132
stick a Haribo up his arse to see if
he could tell which one it was by the shape?
88
00:04:57,133 --> 00:04:58,372
Ha ha... gay!
89
00:04:58,373 --> 00:05:00,932
Well, you actually did that,
Rocket, so you.
90
00:05:00,933 --> 00:05:05,252
Ha ha! Aye, I did.
And you cannae tell.
91
00:05:05,253 --> 00:05:09,532
OK - most likely to...
come out as gay?
92
00:05:09,533 --> 00:05:13,212
Mac! Eh?!
Aw, seriously - I'm no' fucking gay!
93
00:05:13,213 --> 00:05:15,332
Ah, see! He's no' gay.
94
00:05:15,333 --> 00:05:18,332
But the thing is,
Rocket, Mac is in denial.
95
00:05:18,333 --> 00:05:22,532
No, I'm not! Mac is so keen to call
everything and everyone else gay,
96
00:05:22,533 --> 00:05:25,932
because he has certain - feelings -
97
00:05:25,933 --> 00:05:28,652
that upset and confuse him.
98
00:05:28,653 --> 00:05:31,372
Except, I don't,
because I'm no' gay!
99
00:05:31,373 --> 00:05:36,172
So, if you're completely secure
in your heterosexuality,
100
00:05:36,173 --> 00:05:38,732
you wouldn't care
how you came across,
101
00:05:38,733 --> 00:05:43,732
so you'd be happy to call everyone
"duckie" all day.
102
00:05:43,733 --> 00:05:45,572
For example. Fuck off!
103
00:05:45,573 --> 00:05:48,732
"Duckie"? Towerblock, have you ever
actually met anyone who's gay?
104
00:05:48,733 --> 00:05:50,212
I've met Mac.
105
00:05:50,213 --> 00:05:51,652
Fair enough.
106
00:05:51,653 --> 00:05:55,292
My great-uncle was gay.
But you couldnae tell.
107
00:05:55,293 --> 00:05:58,492
Until he married that guy. He never
called anyone "duckie", though.
108
00:05:58,493 --> 00:06:00,572
He just called everyone "pal".
109
00:06:00,573 --> 00:06:03,772
Let's not get bogged down
by authenticity, eh?
110
00:06:03,773 --> 00:06:07,332
"All right, pal!" That was him.
111
00:06:07,333 --> 00:06:12,692
OK, look, the only way that Mac can
prove he's not in denial
112
00:06:12,693 --> 00:06:16,412
is to call everyone on the base
"duckie" - all day.
113
00:06:16,413 --> 00:06:17,813
Fuck off!
114
00:06:21,293 --> 00:06:23,332
Fuck off!
115
00:06:23,333 --> 00:06:24,652
Duckie!
116
00:06:24,653 --> 00:06:25,893
Better.
117
00:06:35,613 --> 00:06:37,652
So, as our new WISWO...
WISWO!
118
00:06:37,653 --> 00:06:40,932
..pointed out, this bomber is
specifically targeting us...
119
00:06:40,933 --> 00:06:42,652
But mainly targeting you, boss.
120
00:06:42,653 --> 00:06:46,612
Thank you, Simon - so stay sharp,
double check everything.
121
00:06:46,613 --> 00:06:48,892
Drills and skills. OK? Mary.
122
00:06:48,893 --> 00:06:51,972
OK, so I've organised another
Mary's Movies Night.
123
00:06:51,973 --> 00:06:53,132
Really? Brilliant!
124
00:06:53,133 --> 00:06:56,532
Look, I know that some of my film
picks have bombed -
125
00:06:56,533 --> 00:06:58,012
I mean, er, sorry...
126
00:06:58,013 --> 00:06:59,732
I quite enjoyed Three Colours Red.
127
00:06:59,733 --> 00:07:02,732
Face it, Mary,
you have no idea what the guys like.
128
00:07:02,733 --> 00:07:05,292
Just trying to broaden some
rather narrow horizons.
129
00:07:05,293 --> 00:07:07,252
And what cinematic treat do
you have for us?
130
00:07:07,253 --> 00:07:10,972
Well, I think you're going to like
it, it's a bit more soldiery.
131
00:07:10,973 --> 00:07:12,612
Atonement!
132
00:07:12,613 --> 00:07:15,292
Mary, have you actually ever met
any soldiers?
133
00:07:15,293 --> 00:07:16,813
Well, I'm a soldier...
134
00:07:19,333 --> 00:07:21,852
Can't you at least put
something popular on?
135
00:07:21,853 --> 00:07:23,972
Atonement won a BAFTA!
Always a bad sign.
136
00:07:23,973 --> 00:07:25,652
What's a BAFTA?
No, look, it's fine,
137
00:07:25,653 --> 00:07:28,012
if you want to watch mindless
Hollywood blockbusters.
138
00:07:28,013 --> 00:07:31,652
But it's my movie night,
and some people actually prefer European cinema.
139
00:07:31,653 --> 00:07:33,812
So, tomorrow night,
we're watching Atonement,
140
00:07:33,813 --> 00:07:36,492
and there'll be lots of people
there, and that's that!
141
00:07:36,493 --> 00:07:39,652
Wait, wait, wait! Tomorrow night's
Bird's Boogie Night! Of course!
142
00:07:39,653 --> 00:07:42,173
What?
First Thursday. Bird's Boogie Night.
143
00:07:43,253 --> 00:07:45,172
How did I not know about this?
144
00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:48,652
Cos I've never invited you.
It's a soldier thing.
145
00:07:48,653 --> 00:07:51,972
Well, can you change it to another night?
Because I've told everyone now.
146
00:07:51,973 --> 00:07:56,252
I'm not moving Bird's Boogie Night
just to avoid clashing with everyone not watching your film.
147
00:07:56,253 --> 00:08:00,372
Yeah? And I'm not moving Mary's
Movies for an event you hadn't even told me about.
148
00:08:00,373 --> 00:08:02,252
Mmmm. A stand off.
149
00:08:02,253 --> 00:08:06,132
No, OK - we'll have to have both and
we'll just see who comes to what.
150
00:08:06,133 --> 00:08:07,333
Fine. Fine.
151
00:08:08,893 --> 00:08:10,692
OK. So team, anything else?
152
00:08:10,693 --> 00:08:13,612
Boss, could we run some close
protection drills?
153
00:08:13,613 --> 00:08:15,052
What with you being targeted...
154
00:08:15,053 --> 00:08:16,252
No. I'm with Mac on this one.
155
00:08:16,253 --> 00:08:20,772
Are you sure, boss? Cos if you got
killed, how's that gonna make me look?
156
00:08:20,773 --> 00:08:23,092
Wow! OK.
157
00:08:23,093 --> 00:08:27,252
Er... boss, look, if this new
bomber's on your case, then you and the WISWO will need to get on.
158
00:08:27,253 --> 00:08:29,412
WISWO! It's all right, Towerblock.
159
00:08:29,413 --> 00:08:30,892
No, I agree, boss.
160
00:08:30,893 --> 00:08:33,252
If you are being targeted,
you can't be thinking of
161
00:08:33,253 --> 00:08:35,373
Warrant Officer Nuttall, y'know...
162
00:08:37,173 --> 00:08:40,572
..ploughing your fiancee.
Clear the air.
163
00:08:40,573 --> 00:08:43,292
Yup! Go and see him, face to face.
164
00:08:43,293 --> 00:08:45,252
And punch his fucking lights out.
165
00:08:45,253 --> 00:08:49,012
All right, Towerblock, I know in
t'North you settle your disputes
166
00:08:49,013 --> 00:08:51,172
by glassing your mates outside t'pub,
167
00:08:51,173 --> 00:08:54,972
but in the civilised world,
we talk to each other. Using words.
168
00:08:54,973 --> 00:08:56,572
I'd punch him in the face.
169
00:08:56,573 --> 00:08:59,692
I was going to go with nuts,
but face could work.
170
00:08:59,693 --> 00:09:01,093
Good meeting, everyone!
171
00:09:07,453 --> 00:09:10,292
Knock, knock -
Corporal Bird, Private MacDowell.
172
00:09:10,293 --> 00:09:11,652
Sir. Sir.
173
00:09:11,653 --> 00:09:14,292
Everything in hand
for Bird's Boogie Night?
174
00:09:14,293 --> 00:09:16,932
We're just putting together
the playlist, sir. Good-oh!
175
00:09:16,933 --> 00:09:19,052
Make sure there's a bit of
Sugababes on there.
176
00:09:19,053 --> 00:09:21,532
Guaranteed floor filler. Sir.
177
00:09:21,533 --> 00:09:24,132
Pity about the clash with
the padre's film night.
178
00:09:24,133 --> 00:09:26,572
Still, her hit rate's pretty dismal.
179
00:09:26,573 --> 00:09:29,452
What's she gone for this time?
The Kite Runner?
180
00:09:29,453 --> 00:09:31,612
Documentary about Venezuelan
feminists?
181
00:09:31,613 --> 00:09:35,413
Atonement. Oof! Really?
Still, could be worse.
182
00:09:36,413 --> 00:09:39,892
Could be The King's Speech.
That was bobbins.
183
00:09:39,893 --> 00:09:42,532
Always a bad sign, BAFTAs.
Don't you think, Mac?
184
00:09:42,533 --> 00:09:43,653
Aye. You're right.
185
00:09:45,853 --> 00:09:47,012
Duckie!
186
00:09:47,013 --> 00:09:49,693
Carry on! Precious.
187
00:09:51,453 --> 00:09:54,413
If you're ready for me, boy
you better...
188
00:09:56,253 --> 00:09:59,892
Push the button,
let me know before I
189
00:09:59,893 --> 00:10:02,533
Get the wrong idea and go...
190
00:10:04,133 --> 00:10:05,932
I've got the forensics from
this morning.
191
00:10:05,933 --> 00:10:08,253
"The donkey is entering
the cookhouse."
192
00:10:09,893 --> 00:10:14,572
Yeah, and I just wanted to, um,
clear the air.
193
00:10:14,573 --> 00:10:17,012
I know we've had our differences,
but it's time to move on,
194
00:10:17,013 --> 00:10:20,932
focus on the matter in hand.
So. This bomber...
195
00:10:20,933 --> 00:10:23,452
Hey, it's so good to hear you
say that!
196
00:10:23,453 --> 00:10:27,052
Seven years is too long not to
speak to each other.
197
00:10:27,053 --> 00:10:30,532
And I'm sure Marianne would
want to say hi.
198
00:10:30,533 --> 00:10:33,332
Would she? OK.
Well, as long as she's...
199
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:35,892
all right. So, the wire...
200
00:10:35,893 --> 00:10:38,812
She's all right. As all right as you
can be with twins on the way!
201
00:10:38,813 --> 00:10:40,372
That'll be five.
202
00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:43,893
Five kids! Wow!
203
00:10:45,013 --> 00:10:49,292
So the wire - well, it feels like
he wants us to know it's him.
204
00:10:49,293 --> 00:10:51,212
Feels like he's trying to
fuck with my head.
205
00:10:51,213 --> 00:10:54,212
Or maybe he's just
got a load of orange wire.
206
00:10:54,213 --> 00:10:57,613
Look, I'm just made up that you
want to, you want to move on.
207
00:10:59,373 --> 00:11:00,613
You were my best mate.
208
00:11:01,773 --> 00:11:03,092
"Best mate?"
209
00:11:03,093 --> 00:11:06,692
You were screwing Marianne
behind my back for six months!
210
00:11:06,693 --> 00:11:09,853
Oh, so it's... all in the past
now then, is it?
211
00:11:12,093 --> 00:11:14,132
Come on, Nick! Nicky boy -
212
00:11:14,133 --> 00:11:17,532
we're part of the most incestuous
trade in the whole fucking army...
213
00:11:17,533 --> 00:11:19,132
Speak for yourself!
214
00:11:19,133 --> 00:11:22,212
Hang about -
you shagged Marianne's sister!
215
00:11:22,213 --> 00:11:25,012
Yeah! But only afterwards!
216
00:11:25,013 --> 00:11:26,652
And I didn't enjoy it.
217
00:11:26,653 --> 00:11:27,773
Much.
218
00:11:40,093 --> 00:11:41,333
Oh, what?
219
00:11:44,453 --> 00:11:46,053
Bird, you utter bitch!
220
00:11:47,533 --> 00:11:49,013
Well, I'm sorry but she is.
221
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:56,133
Well, hold it up
so everyone can see.
222
00:11:57,973 --> 00:12:01,012
So Bird,
how come you've got gay porn?
223
00:12:01,013 --> 00:12:03,612
Does that mean you're gay? No.
224
00:12:03,613 --> 00:12:06,892
Cos if you were gay you'd have
porn with girls in it.
225
00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:09,812
But that's straight porn. So...
I just prefer it, all right?
226
00:12:09,813 --> 00:12:13,332
It's the real deal.
Just plain old naked men fucking.
227
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:14,892
Fair dos.
228
00:12:14,893 --> 00:12:18,692
Bad news, chaps.
Film night is cancelled.
229
00:12:18,693 --> 00:12:22,812
Oh! Brilliant!
..because the projector has mysteriously gone missing.
230
00:12:22,813 --> 00:12:25,972
Jesus'll know where it is. Ask him.
231
00:12:25,973 --> 00:12:29,932
So unless whoever's "borrowed" it,
decides to return it, then it's all off.
232
00:12:29,933 --> 00:12:32,492
Which is such a shame as I've got
a job lot of Pepperami
233
00:12:32,493 --> 00:12:34,452
coming from a padre in Bastion.
234
00:12:34,453 --> 00:12:36,132
Can we have the Pepperami anyway?
235
00:12:36,133 --> 00:12:39,012
No. I just think it's sad that
someone would...
236
00:12:39,013 --> 00:12:42,532
I haven't taken your fucking
projector, all right?!
237
00:12:42,533 --> 00:12:44,252
Ma'am.
I'm not saying anything.
238
00:12:44,253 --> 00:12:46,492
Just whoever it is...
It wasn't me, though!
239
00:12:46,493 --> 00:12:49,852
Yes, but whoever it is...
Can you stop looking at me when you say "whoever it is"!
240
00:12:49,853 --> 00:12:53,252
If whoever has it can bring it
back... It wasn't fucking me, all right!
241
00:12:53,253 --> 00:12:56,412
Has anyone else got
an erection right now?
242
00:12:56,413 --> 00:12:58,732
Apart from that guy, obviously.
Yes, thank you, Nick.
243
00:12:58,733 --> 00:13:00,172
Wow!
244
00:13:00,173 --> 00:13:02,492
Anyway... Whoever has it,
should just return it to me,
245
00:13:02,493 --> 00:13:05,133
no questions asked,
and I won't take things any further.
246
00:13:06,173 --> 00:13:07,213
With her.
247
00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:24,092
RESA has completed a search
for command wires, boss. Nothing.
248
00:13:24,093 --> 00:13:26,932
Oh, well, we're unlikely to see two
on the same day anyway.
249
00:13:26,933 --> 00:13:29,612
Sounds like you're relying on the
law of averages there, mate.
250
00:13:29,613 --> 00:13:32,612
Er... he's right, boss. You did say
we should double check everything.
251
00:13:32,613 --> 00:13:35,692
There you go, listen to your number
two, and... Then you two get a room
252
00:13:35,693 --> 00:13:39,013
and you can fuck him like you
fucked my fiancee. How about that?
253
00:13:40,853 --> 00:13:42,893
Jesus! Sorry, boss.
254
00:13:44,213 --> 00:13:47,332
I was watching - vigilance.
255
00:13:47,333 --> 00:13:50,812
Yeah, we're just working on some new
close protection procedures.
256
00:13:50,813 --> 00:13:52,973
Very close, as it turns out.
257
00:13:55,373 --> 00:13:56,413
WISWO!
258
00:13:59,213 --> 00:14:01,052
Yeah?
259
00:14:01,053 --> 00:14:02,653
Er...
260
00:14:04,413 --> 00:14:05,453
Nothing.
261
00:14:41,133 --> 00:14:42,453
Padre.
262
00:14:50,253 --> 00:14:54,252
Right! Tatty Bye!
263
00:14:54,253 --> 00:14:56,533
Boss on the move!
264
00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:02,852
The snake is crawling
towards the mango.
265
00:15:02,853 --> 00:15:04,653
Shit. Boss. Get back!
266
00:15:11,573 --> 00:15:12,772
You are shitting me.
267
00:15:12,773 --> 00:15:14,772
The snake is crawling
towards the mango.
268
00:15:14,773 --> 00:15:15,932
Bird, find Sergeant Hogg
269
00:15:15,933 --> 00:15:18,372
and tell him to do another
search for command wires! Sure.
270
00:15:18,373 --> 00:15:20,572
With a side order of
"fucking find it this time!"
271
00:15:20,573 --> 00:15:22,972
I'll see if they got that.
272
00:15:22,973 --> 00:15:24,453
Well, this is gonna take an hour!
273
00:15:30,853 --> 00:15:36,252
So I'm a snake now, am I?
How peachy!
274
00:15:36,253 --> 00:15:37,293
Did I say snake?
275
00:15:38,533 --> 00:15:42,932
Sorry, a better translation
would be worm.
276
00:15:42,933 --> 00:15:45,733
The worm is crawling towards
the mango.
277
00:16:01,493 --> 00:16:03,252
Is there something
I can help you with?
278
00:16:03,253 --> 00:16:07,652
Yeah. Where's my fucking stereo?
Ma'am?
279
00:16:07,653 --> 00:16:12,532
Well, where's my f... actual
projector, Bird? Corporal?
280
00:16:12,533 --> 00:16:15,292
Ah, padre, Bird. Missing something?
281
00:16:15,293 --> 00:16:17,572
Yes! I... No, I just...
282
00:16:17,573 --> 00:16:19,812
Your projector? Sorry, padre.
283
00:16:19,813 --> 00:16:22,892
Had to borrow it in a hurry for a
Powerpoint thingy back at the FOB.
284
00:16:22,893 --> 00:16:25,812
Theirs was broken. Knew you wanted
it back for film night.
285
00:16:25,813 --> 00:16:27,252
Yes. Thank you, sir.
286
00:16:27,253 --> 00:16:30,692
No problem. I think
the DVD's still in the box.
287
00:16:30,693 --> 00:16:33,332
Oh, no. This is a different one.
288
00:16:33,333 --> 00:16:37,453
Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen.
And Atonement seems to be missing.
289
00:16:38,613 --> 00:16:41,692
I can't show that. That's not what
Mary's Movies is all about.
290
00:16:41,693 --> 00:16:44,652
I thought you two were
competing for an audience.
291
00:16:44,653 --> 00:16:47,252
I'd go with Transformers. Fine.
292
00:16:47,253 --> 00:16:49,293
Robots in disguise!
293
00:16:50,453 --> 00:16:54,093
Not a very good disguise
though, most of the time. Shame.
294
00:17:00,133 --> 00:17:03,813
Bird! You stop! It's not in here.
295
00:17:04,973 --> 00:17:06,612
Look,
296
00:17:06,613 --> 00:17:10,172
why don't I see if I can find out
who stole your stereo,
297
00:17:10,173 --> 00:17:13,532
and get him to put it back,
no questions asked?
298
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:18,093
Or HER. Get HER to put it back.
Ma'am.
299
00:17:24,253 --> 00:17:25,373
All right, benders?
300
00:17:28,373 --> 00:17:31,772
Oh, dear. You have really let
yourself down there, Mac.
301
00:17:31,773 --> 00:17:34,252
Aw, what? Are you still on that?
302
00:17:34,253 --> 00:17:35,532
We didn't want to be, but...
303
00:17:35,533 --> 00:17:38,612
Casual homophobia is
a definite sign of denial.
304
00:17:38,613 --> 00:17:40,412
Fuck off.
305
00:17:40,413 --> 00:17:42,492
I've already proved I'm very
comfortable
306
00:17:42,493 --> 00:17:45,292
with a whole range of gay
activities. Ah-huh!
307
00:17:45,293 --> 00:17:47,612
We could get him to dress
as one of the Village People.
308
00:17:47,613 --> 00:17:50,092
The Red Indian! He was the best one!
309
00:17:50,093 --> 00:17:52,052
Might look a bit racist.
310
00:17:52,053 --> 00:17:54,452
Yeah, it would be a
shame to look a bit racist
311
00:17:54,453 --> 00:17:57,892
when you've made such an effort to
give a balanced view of gay culture.
312
00:17:57,893 --> 00:18:00,133
Hmm. Maybe the construction
worker then?
313
00:18:03,653 --> 00:18:07,972
I mean, I know I'm no saint, but
come on, he was shagging my fiancee.
314
00:18:07,973 --> 00:18:09,972
Nick, you just have to forgive him.
315
00:18:09,973 --> 00:18:13,612
Is that what they taught you at
Sandhurst while we were all learning about fighting?
316
00:18:13,613 --> 00:18:16,773
You just look him in the eye
and you say, "I forgive you".
317
00:18:17,893 --> 00:18:21,652
Wow. I really must write
some of this down.
318
00:18:21,653 --> 00:18:25,413
Otherwise how will I remember
the finer details? Cheers, padre.
319
00:18:29,493 --> 00:18:30,692
Boss!
320
00:18:30,693 --> 00:18:33,732
Without knowing it, you are already
part of a close protection drill.
321
00:18:33,733 --> 00:18:36,492
I've primed Mac and Rocket to
launch a surprise attack
322
00:18:36,493 --> 00:18:38,612
when we least expect it.
323
00:18:38,613 --> 00:18:41,572
Bloody hell! Jesus! Not yet!
324
00:18:41,573 --> 00:18:42,972
You said you wanted a surprise!
325
00:18:42,973 --> 00:18:44,292
Yes, but... Surprise!
326
00:18:44,293 --> 00:18:49,092
OK, Simon. I think the key here
is 360 degree visibility, yeah?
327
00:18:49,093 --> 00:18:51,172
OK, great, so why don't you get up
that sangar,
328
00:18:51,173 --> 00:18:56,772
and see what the 360 degree
atmospheric visibility profile is
329
00:18:56,773 --> 00:18:57,892
on me, Mac and Rocket?
330
00:18:57,893 --> 00:19:00,532
Great idea! Boom! Good work,
soldier!
331
00:19:00,533 --> 00:19:03,213
Right, coffee? Aye. Brilliant.
332
00:19:08,453 --> 00:19:10,412
Boss?
333
00:19:10,413 --> 00:19:14,293
Boss! I've lost visibility!
334
00:19:22,373 --> 00:19:23,413
Cover that.
335
00:19:24,493 --> 00:19:27,332
Right, the search team have gone
over every inch for command wires
336
00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:28,692
twice, boss, and nothing.
337
00:19:28,693 --> 00:19:30,572
Well, you had two command
wires yesterday.
338
00:19:30,573 --> 00:19:32,532
Hey, someone write this guy
up for a medal!
339
00:19:32,533 --> 00:19:35,493
He totally remembers something
that happened yesterday!
340
00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:38,212
Simon?
341
00:19:38,213 --> 00:19:40,212
Following this morning's exercise,
342
00:19:40,213 --> 00:19:44,972
I wondered about that 360 degree
vis on that ridge up there?
343
00:19:44,973 --> 00:19:48,012
It's a good vantage point, Corporal,
but it hasn't been cleared.
344
00:19:48,013 --> 00:19:49,492
Oh, we can clear it as we go.
345
00:19:49,493 --> 00:19:50,932
I wouldn't advise it.
346
00:19:50,933 --> 00:19:54,132
I think I can trust my team to make
the right decisions.
347
00:19:54,133 --> 00:19:57,132
Trust, mate, not
something you know much about.
348
00:19:57,133 --> 00:19:59,212
Simon,
you do whatever you think's best.
349
00:19:59,213 --> 00:20:01,052
OK, let's move out! You!
350
00:20:01,053 --> 00:20:04,332
Right, if no-one has any more
objections,
351
00:20:04,333 --> 00:20:06,972
I think I might go down to that
device.
352
00:20:06,973 --> 00:20:08,973
Towerblock, get my kit. Yes, boss.
353
00:20:13,853 --> 00:20:14,933
Bird!
354
00:20:18,933 --> 00:20:20,892
The leopard is...
355
00:20:20,893 --> 00:20:22,292
What is it?
356
00:20:22,293 --> 00:20:25,292
The leopard is approaching
the turnip.
357
00:20:25,293 --> 00:20:27,052
I'm a leopard? I'm a leopard now!
358
00:20:27,053 --> 00:20:29,892
Get in! But you haven't started
approaching the turnip yet, boss.
359
00:20:29,893 --> 00:20:34,493
No, no, no! Can we just focus on the
fact that I am a leopard for a moment because...
360
00:20:36,733 --> 00:20:38,013
Simon.
361
00:20:39,533 --> 00:20:41,692
Simon, Simon!
362
00:20:41,693 --> 00:20:43,132
I'm nearly there, boss!
363
00:20:43,133 --> 00:20:46,292
There's a device up there! Fucking
come back down or you'll die!
364
00:20:46,293 --> 00:20:47,453
Simon, get down!
365
00:20:54,733 --> 00:20:59,012
Charlie, Charlie One, this is
Bluestone 42. Contact IED. Wait out.
366
00:20:59,013 --> 00:21:00,332
Fuck, fuck.
367
00:21:00,333 --> 00:21:02,332
Simon? SIMON!
368
00:21:02,333 --> 00:21:05,612
Mac, thank fuck! Where's Simon?
369
00:21:05,613 --> 00:21:08,292
Fuck knows! Quick, get into cover!
370
00:21:08,293 --> 00:21:10,572
Simon!
371
00:21:10,573 --> 00:21:12,652
SIMON!
372
00:21:12,653 --> 00:21:13,972
Boss!
373
00:21:13,973 --> 00:21:18,412
Oh, Jesus! Simon! Are you OK?
374
00:21:18,413 --> 00:21:21,452
Wha... I AM OK!
375
00:21:21,453 --> 00:21:25,332
OK, everyone stay in cover,
stay sharp. Eyes on.
376
00:21:25,333 --> 00:21:27,613
Eyes on. Eyes on!
377
00:21:29,133 --> 00:21:31,213
Shit. That was too fucking close.
378
00:21:38,573 --> 00:21:40,292
Simon. Boss?
379
00:21:40,293 --> 00:21:42,732
Look, I just wanted to
apologise for earlier.
380
00:21:42,733 --> 00:21:46,332
Letting you go up on that ridge was... It's
all right, boss. I'm your close protection.
381
00:21:46,333 --> 00:21:50,053
It was my call. Yeah, it's just this
stuff with Nutsack, you know.
382
00:21:51,293 --> 00:21:53,492
It's got to me and I'm sorry.
383
00:21:53,493 --> 00:21:57,652
Maybe, you need to forgive him.
You sound like the padre.
384
00:21:57,653 --> 00:22:00,292
And I can't believe you got to be
the fucking leopard!
385
00:22:00,293 --> 00:22:01,373
ROAARR!
386
00:22:08,093 --> 00:22:09,733
Steve. Nick.
387
00:22:12,293 --> 00:22:14,772
Look.
388
00:22:14,773 --> 00:22:15,933
Kick him in the nuts!
389
00:22:16,933 --> 00:22:19,372
Sorry, mate, I had to do that.
390
00:22:19,373 --> 00:22:23,332
Yeah, yeah, I know mate.
Fair play. Shit!
391
00:22:23,333 --> 00:22:24,932
You've got quite a hook there.
392
00:22:24,933 --> 00:22:27,372
Look, I know that
I behaved like a complete arsehole.
393
00:22:27,373 --> 00:22:30,572
So if you want to have another go,
come on.
394
00:22:30,573 --> 00:22:32,733
Nah!
395
00:22:33,933 --> 00:22:36,572
Look, mate, you and Marianne,
I mean, fair play,
396
00:22:36,573 --> 00:22:38,332
you've made a go of it, right.
397
00:22:38,333 --> 00:22:40,932
When I proposed to her I'd just
finished my first tour,
398
00:22:40,933 --> 00:22:43,372
I thought it was what I wanted,
but could you imagine?
399
00:22:43,373 --> 00:22:45,292
Me? With a wife?
400
00:22:45,293 --> 00:22:47,492
Stuck in some shitty Army semi?
401
00:22:47,493 --> 00:22:50,452
Bunch of fucking rug rats snotting
and puking all over the place?
402
00:22:50,453 --> 00:22:53,292
What? School runs, recorder
practice, Saturday night telly?
403
00:22:53,293 --> 00:22:57,132
Awful. Never have a shag cos you're
always knackered?
404
00:22:57,133 --> 00:23:00,012
That is my fucking life you're
talking about, you wanker!
405
00:23:00,013 --> 00:23:02,572
Oh, fuck you, you two-faced prick!
406
00:23:02,573 --> 00:23:03,733
Kick him in the nuts!
407
00:23:04,853 --> 00:23:06,893
Go, Nick! Go, boss!
408
00:23:12,053 --> 00:23:14,692
Hi, guys, help yourself to
Pepperami.
409
00:23:14,693 --> 00:23:17,292
Who have you come as,
Bob the Builder?
410
00:23:17,293 --> 00:23:19,693
It's a wee bit more
complicated than that.
411
00:23:21,973 --> 00:23:23,292
Nice turn out.
412
00:23:23,293 --> 00:23:26,132
Oh. Thanks, Bird.
413
00:23:26,133 --> 00:23:28,492
And my stereo turned up, so...
414
00:23:28,493 --> 00:23:33,252
No problem. I mean, oh!
Oh! Did it? Great!
415
00:23:33,253 --> 00:23:35,972
Anyway, no harm done.
416
00:23:35,973 --> 00:23:40,932
It's been a hell of a day,
so let's just watch Transformers.
417
00:23:40,933 --> 00:23:42,053
Fuck Boogie Night.
418
00:23:43,693 --> 00:23:45,572
Er, really? OK, OK.
419
00:23:45,573 --> 00:23:51,012
- Guys, shall we begin?
- Yeah!
420
00:23:51,013 --> 00:23:54,333
Trailers. They're my favourite.
They're like wee movies.
421
00:23:59,093 --> 00:24:02,012
Hey? What? What is this?
422
00:24:02,013 --> 00:24:05,573
But how is this...
I had a feeling someone might steal it so I set up the handicam.
423
00:24:11,453 --> 00:24:13,412
OK, I think we've all seen
enough of this.
424
00:24:13,413 --> 00:24:16,013
I don't think we have... Ma'am.
425
00:24:17,093 --> 00:24:18,693
Oh, hello. What's she seen?
426
00:24:20,493 --> 00:24:22,652
Now THAT'S entertainment.
427
00:24:22,653 --> 00:24:24,372
Yeah, right padre!
428
00:24:24,373 --> 00:24:28,212
OK, no, sorry, that's it.
No more Mary's Movie Nights.
429
00:24:28,213 --> 00:24:30,692
What? I was hoping you'd beg me to
keep them. Never mind.
430
00:24:30,693 --> 00:24:33,452
Who's up for Bird's Boogie Night?
431
00:24:33,453 --> 00:24:36,972
Ah, Mary. I've just been watching
Atonement. Cracking film.
432
00:24:36,973 --> 00:24:38,772
Despite the BAFTA.
433
00:24:38,773 --> 00:24:40,173
See you at Boogie Night.
434
00:24:47,533 --> 00:24:51,052
Mac! Mac! Mac!
I've got it! I've got it!
435
00:24:51,053 --> 00:24:54,492
If you want to prove that you're not
gay, then you would have no
436
00:24:54,493 --> 00:24:57,452
problem in putting your penis
in Rocket's mouth.
437
00:24:57,453 --> 00:25:00,412
Eh? I mean, what could be a clearer
demonstration that you're
438
00:25:00,413 --> 00:25:02,453
entirely comfortable
with your own sexuality?
439
00:25:04,773 --> 00:25:06,732
All right. But this is the last one!
440
00:25:06,733 --> 00:25:10,573
Well, don't I get a say in this?
I'm not doing that.
441
00:25:12,733 --> 00:25:13,772
What?
442
00:25:13,773 --> 00:25:16,012
You're in denial, mate.
You must be gay.
443
00:25:16,013 --> 00:25:17,773
Aye. You're gay, Rocket. Am I?
444
00:25:18,813 --> 00:25:22,013
Because I don't want
to suck Mac's cock?
445
00:25:23,013 --> 00:25:24,052
Yeah. Aye.
446
00:25:24,053 --> 00:25:26,533
It just goes to show,
you cannae tell.
447
00:25:38,653 --> 00:25:41,932
Sugababes! Great choice!
448
00:25:41,933 --> 00:25:42,973
Thanks, sir!
449
00:25:44,973 --> 00:25:46,932
All right, I take it back.
450
00:25:46,933 --> 00:25:50,092
You do understand what
they want more than I do.
451
00:25:50,093 --> 00:25:51,133
Thank you!
452
00:25:54,973 --> 00:25:56,453
One for the wank bank, eh?
453
00:25:58,253 --> 00:25:59,492
What?
454
00:25:59,493 --> 00:26:03,052
I don't... er...
Let's just say we have different...
455
00:26:03,053 --> 00:26:05,012
Masturbational fantasies?
456
00:26:05,013 --> 00:26:06,213
I'm just going to...
457
00:26:16,213 --> 00:26:19,092
Is there something on your mind,
Rocket?
458
00:26:19,093 --> 00:26:23,372
Eh, I'm just a wee bit
confused about my sexuality.
459
00:26:23,373 --> 00:26:24,892
Really?
460
00:26:24,893 --> 00:26:28,133
Aye, I think
I may be the only gay one here.
461
00:26:29,573 --> 00:26:32,012
What makes you say that?
462
00:26:32,013 --> 00:26:34,572
Mac and Towerblock said
that I'm in denial.
463
00:26:34,573 --> 00:26:36,093
Mac said that?
464
00:26:37,973 --> 00:26:43,012
OK. Rocket, sexuality
is on a spectrum.
465
00:26:43,013 --> 00:26:45,773
Everyone has to work it out
on their own.
466
00:26:48,253 --> 00:26:51,613
And some people find it much harder
to work out than others.
467
00:27:00,893 --> 00:27:03,212
So you "forgave" him then?
468
00:27:03,213 --> 00:27:05,412
We forgave each other,
didn't we, mate?
469
00:27:05,413 --> 00:27:09,932
Yeah. We forgave seven
shades of shit out of each other.
470
00:27:09,933 --> 00:27:11,373
I'm glad it all worked out.
471
00:27:16,973 --> 00:27:19,212
Tell you what, mate,
472
00:27:19,213 --> 00:27:21,972
your padre is proper fit.
473
00:27:21,973 --> 00:27:23,653
Don't you fucking dare!
474
00:27:27,111 --> 00:27:54,520
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475
00:27:54,570 --> 00:27:59,120
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