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1
00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:18,840
Let me get this right.
2
00:00:19,132 --> 00:00:22,352
Celtic, SPL champions,
3
00:00:22,410 --> 00:00:27,609
have got nae chance against Hibs,
a bunch of fannies frae Edinburgh.
4
00:00:27,610 --> 00:00:29,070
Piss off.
5
00:00:29,103 --> 00:00:30,982
Eyes on!
6
00:00:30,983 --> 00:00:33,183
You know Celtics are without Hooper?
7
00:00:33,184 --> 00:00:35,062
Whit? Thigh strain.
8
00:00:35,063 --> 00:00:38,381
My nephew sent me text message.
He is taxi driver in Hamilton.
9
00:00:38,382 --> 00:00:41,503
Your nephew lives in Scotland?
He says it's a real dump.
10
00:00:46,903 --> 00:00:50,303
Ugh. Have you set the suit
to gas mark six, Millsy?
11
00:00:50,393 --> 00:00:52,432
Er... what?
12
00:00:52,433 --> 00:00:54,991
I'm implying the suit is an
oven, Millsy. It's buggered.
13
00:00:54,992 --> 00:00:58,111
Orders from the SAT. Wear the suit
as often as practical. It's safer.
14
00:00:58,112 --> 00:01:01,711
Oh, so, it's safer for me
to pass out face first into a boatload of explosives?
15
00:01:01,712 --> 00:01:05,353
I don't get it. I fixed this.
And I put new batteries in. It should be working.
16
00:01:05,354 --> 00:01:08,552
No shit. You need bomb suit?
17
00:01:08,553 --> 00:01:13,313
Yes, I do, Faruq. Although, ideally,
not one made by the Soviets in 1981.
18
00:01:13,314 --> 00:01:14,552
Oh.
19
00:01:14,553 --> 00:01:17,933
I have ordered a replacement, boss.
Well, where is it? My request
20
00:01:17,939 --> 00:01:20,697
has been approved. So, some blanket
stacker has a piece of paper,
21
00:01:20,698 --> 00:01:24,459
saying that he approves of your
piece of paper? Order... it... again.
22
00:01:24,460 --> 00:01:27,338
And again. And again.
23
00:01:27,339 --> 00:01:29,299
Until someone finally delivers it.
24
00:01:29,300 --> 00:01:33,178
Boss. OK. Now, my juices
are running clear, Millsy.
25
00:01:33,179 --> 00:01:36,379
Ah. Time to take me out of the oven.
26
00:01:36,486 --> 00:02:02,855
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
27
00:02:02,989 --> 00:02:05,629
Celtic obviously the
favourites here, John...
28
00:02:08,229 --> 00:02:10,749
Sit down!
29
00:02:13,749 --> 00:02:18,069
I'll never forget the first time
my dad took me to see Hibs at Easter Road. I was ten.
30
00:02:18,070 --> 00:02:20,668
Best meat pie of my life.
31
00:02:20,669 --> 00:02:25,468
Aye. Hibs should pack in the fitba
and enter fuckin' MasterChef.
32
00:02:25,469 --> 00:02:27,348
Aw...!
33
00:02:27,349 --> 00:02:28,788
No football today.
34
00:02:28,789 --> 00:02:29,868
Ah!
35
00:02:29,869 --> 00:02:31,987
Record it and watch it tomorrow.
36
00:02:31,988 --> 00:02:34,707
You're going to be busy
with Captain Softly
37
00:02:34,708 --> 00:02:37,707
preparing for a midnight raid
on a bomb factory in Nowabad.
38
00:02:37,708 --> 00:02:41,029
So, that should be exciting.
Plans going up on the screen now.
39
00:02:41,030 --> 00:02:42,828
Excellent.
40
00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:47,789
Over to you, Recce Platoon
Commander... Captain Softly.
41
00:02:50,909 --> 00:02:52,429
Hello, cunts!
42
00:02:54,109 --> 00:02:56,468
We've recced a compound in Nowabad
43
00:02:56,469 --> 00:02:59,228
where those twisted fuckers
make IEDs.
44
00:02:59,229 --> 00:03:01,869
So we thought we'd pop back
with our friends
45
00:03:01,870 --> 00:03:05,028
and tear Terence Taliban a new one.
46
00:03:05,029 --> 00:03:07,187
Now, there are two ways
we can go in.
47
00:03:07,188 --> 00:03:10,909
Option one, knock on the door and
pretend to be Jehovah's Witnesses.
48
00:03:10,910 --> 00:03:14,588
Or option two, blow the gates,
pile in,
49
00:03:14,589 --> 00:03:18,828
chuck a few grenades around,
brass the fuckers up.
50
00:03:18,829 --> 00:03:21,548
Hands up for option one?
51
00:03:21,549 --> 00:03:22,989
Option two it is.
52
00:03:24,109 --> 00:03:29,308
So, at 2300, transport will drop
1 Platoon and Bluestone 42 here.
53
00:03:29,309 --> 00:03:32,909
Alpha and Bravo sections
will secure the outer area,
54
00:03:32,910 --> 00:03:35,108
shooting anything that moves,
55
00:03:35,109 --> 00:03:38,547
while Captain Medhurst blows
the gates to fuckington come.
56
00:03:38,548 --> 00:03:40,867
Charlie section will secure
the outer compound
57
00:03:40,868 --> 00:03:45,269
then 2 Platoon will enter the
building and clear it room by room.
58
00:03:45,270 --> 00:03:51,108
Do not touch a fucking thing
unless Bluestone 42 say you can.
59
00:03:51,109 --> 00:03:52,947
Unless you fancy losing
a fucking leg.
60
00:03:52,948 --> 00:03:54,987
At which point your military career
will be over.
61
00:03:54,988 --> 00:03:58,189
Although on the plus side you might
be able to start for Hibs.
62
00:03:58,190 --> 00:03:59,468
Oi!
63
00:03:59,469 --> 00:04:01,188
Any questions? Good.
64
00:04:01,189 --> 00:04:03,468
We leave at 2100.
65
00:04:03,469 --> 00:04:04,508
Colonel?
66
00:04:04,509 --> 00:04:07,188
Thank you, Captain Softly.
67
00:04:07,189 --> 00:04:10,268
So, go over the plan in your teams
68
00:04:10,269 --> 00:04:13,989
and remember, what's the first rule
of a daring midnight raid?
69
00:04:14,989 --> 00:04:16,029
Surprise!
70
00:04:18,669 --> 00:04:19,709
Ah...
71
00:04:27,389 --> 00:04:30,029
So we detonate the explosive
on the gates.
72
00:04:31,789 --> 00:04:34,228
Cheers, Millsy.
73
00:04:34,229 --> 00:04:36,187
We stay out of 2 Platoon's way.
They pile through.
74
00:04:36,188 --> 00:04:40,227
Then we bimble in, take a shufty.
We expecting much resistance?
75
00:04:40,228 --> 00:04:43,747
About as much as I'd expect
from Rocket's mum after a couple of lagers.
76
00:04:43,748 --> 00:04:45,827
We're hoping to catch Terry Taliban
in his pyjamas,
77
00:04:45,828 --> 00:04:49,907
rather than having some
friends around for a who's-got-the-biggest-gun party.
78
00:04:49,908 --> 00:04:52,627
If you are feeling nervous,
go and see the Padre.
79
00:04:52,628 --> 00:04:54,189
Door's always open, guys, OK?
80
00:04:54,190 --> 00:04:56,468
Post. Blueys for Mac and Rocket.
81
00:04:56,469 --> 00:04:57,747
That's a parcel for you. Thanks.
82
00:04:57,748 --> 00:05:00,467
This one's from HQ.
And a parcel for me.
83
00:05:00,468 --> 00:05:03,069
All right for some. No, not really.
I think it's from my dad.
84
00:05:03,070 --> 00:05:04,748
Yep. "Dear Mary,
85
00:05:04,749 --> 00:05:07,867
"can never remember whether you
love cashews or are very allergic."
86
00:05:07,868 --> 00:05:11,667
Very allergic, Dad. Coincidentally,
I absolutely love cashews.
87
00:05:11,668 --> 00:05:14,949
And I'm adorable and about to raid
a bomb factory.
88
00:05:14,950 --> 00:05:19,268
Every time I put one in my mouth,
I shall think of you.
89
00:05:19,269 --> 00:05:21,108
OK, everyone, listen up.
90
00:05:21,109 --> 00:05:23,507
In other news, a new campaign
has been launched
91
00:05:23,508 --> 00:05:26,029
to release the Danish aid worker
Astrid Nygaard...
92
00:05:26,030 --> 00:05:27,708
Gleaming! Ooh, yeah.
93
00:05:27,709 --> 00:05:30,507
Now, remember we have talked about
appropriate responses to this.
94
00:05:30,508 --> 00:05:33,267
She is a Taliban hostage.
There's a time and a place.
95
00:05:33,268 --> 00:05:36,067
Is there a photie? Hell, yeah!
And it's another hot one.
96
00:05:36,068 --> 00:05:39,667
Ah, gies it. They're just very
concerned for her wellbeing.
97
00:05:39,668 --> 00:05:43,947
I'm sure they'd be just as concerned
if she wasn't... quite pretty.
98
00:05:43,948 --> 00:05:46,827
No, no. Sorry, no, no, that's mine.
That's mine.
99
00:05:46,828 --> 00:05:47,987
What the fuck is this?
100
00:05:47,988 --> 00:05:51,509
"A Foot in Death's Door, A Memoir
by Lance Corporal Simon Lansley."
101
00:05:51,510 --> 00:05:54,028
Yeah, OK. OK! I wrote a memoir.
102
00:05:54,029 --> 00:05:56,308
Ooh!
103
00:05:56,309 --> 00:05:58,827
All right! Let's get
all the jokes out of the way.
104
00:05:58,828 --> 00:06:00,547
Don't have time, Simon.
Could take all day.
105
00:06:00,548 --> 00:06:03,827
There's the first.
"From a young age, I'd always wanted to be a soldier.
106
00:06:03,828 --> 00:06:05,787
"Focused, trained, uninformed."
107
00:06:05,788 --> 00:06:07,627
Uniformed.
That should say uniformed.
108
00:06:07,628 --> 00:06:10,307
"The Corporal protested angrily."
Piss off, Mac!
109
00:06:10,308 --> 00:06:12,507
He barked, still annoyed
at his rubbish spelling.
110
00:06:12,508 --> 00:06:14,629
Guys, leave him alone.
What did they say?
111
00:06:14,630 --> 00:06:20,708
"Thank you for sending us
A Foot In Death's Door, which we enjoyed reading.
112
00:06:20,709 --> 00:06:23,387
"Unfortunate... unfortunately
we didn't..."
113
00:06:23,388 --> 00:06:26,987
Find it quite distinctive
enough to stand out in a competitive market.
114
00:06:26,988 --> 00:06:30,427
It's a standard rejection.
I used to work in publishing before I was a Padre.
115
00:06:30,428 --> 00:06:32,187
At least I got off my arse
and tried to get a book deal.
116
00:06:32,188 --> 00:06:34,109
I tried to get a book deal once.
Yeah? What happened?
117
00:06:34,110 --> 00:06:36,428
I got a book deal.
What? Did you?
118
00:06:36,429 --> 00:06:39,107
Yeah, spent the advance,
forgot to write the book.
119
00:06:39,108 --> 00:06:41,507
Millsy, do you want to write a book?
When do you need it by, boss?
120
00:06:41,508 --> 00:06:44,707
No of fence, Nick,
but how did you get a book deal? Er... he has been in the papers.
121
00:06:44,708 --> 00:06:47,307
But mainly cos that journo
at the Express
122
00:06:47,308 --> 00:06:50,307
is obsessed with him.
HQ keep feeding her stories, so...
123
00:06:50,308 --> 00:06:54,667
Yeah, you know,
the double-page spread, Nick "Ten bombs in one day" Medhurst.
124
00:06:54,668 --> 00:06:56,907
Which is factually accurate.
You know what's next?
125
00:06:56,908 --> 00:06:59,747
Ten bombs in one day.
Ten times in one night.
126
00:06:59,748 --> 00:07:02,267
Wa-hey!
Yeah, OK, look. I'm... I'm definitely
127
00:07:02,268 --> 00:07:04,789
not going to sleep with her
again, OK?
128
00:07:05,909 --> 00:07:07,468
Not that I ever have.
129
00:07:07,469 --> 00:07:10,148
Not... ten times, anyway.
130
00:07:10,149 --> 00:07:13,628
Although, obviously,
I could have managed that.
131
00:07:13,629 --> 00:07:15,547
If I'd wanted to.
For heaven's sake!
132
00:07:15,548 --> 00:07:16,827
Which is all in the past.
133
00:07:16,828 --> 00:07:19,709
So, let's prepare for tonight's
raid, then. Good meeting, everyone!
134
00:07:20,869 --> 00:07:23,867
Mary! Look, I didn't want
to sleep with that journalist.
135
00:07:23,868 --> 00:07:26,547
Oh, she forced you?
Nick, it's fine. Do what you like.
136
00:07:26,548 --> 00:07:29,467
You seem to think of me as some
sort of unfettered Lothario.
137
00:07:29,468 --> 00:07:31,747
Oh, do I?
Thanks for the briefing, Captain.
138
00:07:31,748 --> 00:07:33,429
If I was, I'd be sleeping with Bird.
139
00:07:33,430 --> 00:07:36,188
And you. And Millsy too, probably,
140
00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:39,187
who I'm sure would be...
very accommodating.
141
00:07:39,188 --> 00:07:42,147
I am surprised you haven't
already slept with Bird.
142
00:07:42,148 --> 00:07:43,347
You've slept with Bird.
143
00:07:43,348 --> 00:07:45,627
Well, we were training.
We got it out of the way so we could be friends.
144
00:07:45,628 --> 00:07:47,867
And I am more than happy
to get it out of the way with you
145
00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:50,347
so that we can have the friendship
that you seem to crave.
146
00:07:50,348 --> 00:07:53,107
Crave? That's a bit strong.
Tolerate, maybe.
147
00:07:53,108 --> 00:07:56,149
What? A quick word with the Padre,
in private?
148
00:07:58,309 --> 00:08:01,148
Fine. I can tell
when I'm not wanted.
149
00:08:01,149 --> 00:08:02,669
Oh, I don't think that's true.
150
00:08:06,189 --> 00:08:09,547
I didn't know you were in
publishing. Would you have a quick look at my book for me?
151
00:08:09,548 --> 00:08:13,749
All you need to know is that
it's not just about the book. You need a hook.
152
00:08:13,750 --> 00:08:15,228
A hook?
153
00:08:15,229 --> 00:08:16,708
Like Abu Hamza?
154
00:08:16,709 --> 00:08:18,827
No, as in something particular
about you.
155
00:08:18,828 --> 00:08:20,709
Like, um... like Nick is
"the ten bombs guy".
156
00:08:20,710 --> 00:08:22,988
Ah. And it's also about the look.
157
00:08:22,989 --> 00:08:25,427
So, if you have a hook and a
good look, you've got a book.
158
00:08:25,428 --> 00:08:27,147
A hook, a look and a book.
159
00:08:27,148 --> 00:08:29,949
Have a quick read of it anyway,
will you, Padre? Cheers.
160
00:08:32,989 --> 00:08:36,588
All set for tonight?
Yup. Think so. Yup.
161
00:08:36,589 --> 00:08:38,667
Er... what did you order those for?
162
00:08:38,668 --> 00:08:40,467
Well, he told me
to keep ordering it, so...
163
00:08:40,468 --> 00:08:43,227
No, that's an old-style suit.
No air con.
164
00:08:43,228 --> 00:08:45,347
Standard issue for
Northern Ireland.
165
00:08:45,348 --> 00:08:48,587
Capable of withstanding petrol bombs
and permanent drizzle.
166
00:08:48,588 --> 00:08:52,187
I'm going to get creased again. I
filled out the form on the computer.
167
00:08:52,188 --> 00:08:54,227
Er...! Rule one. Don't fill out
the form.
168
00:08:54,228 --> 00:08:56,507
Call them up and say
you're with Counter-IED.
169
00:08:56,508 --> 00:08:58,547
They'll tell you to fill in a form.
Right, so I fill out the form.
170
00:08:58,548 --> 00:09:00,667
Er...! You've already forgot
rule one, don't fill out the form.
171
00:09:00,668 --> 00:09:02,187
All right. Don't get cross.
172
00:09:02,188 --> 00:09:04,267
Rule two, get cross,
and then ask for their name.
173
00:09:04,268 --> 00:09:05,827
That usually shits them up.
All right.
174
00:09:05,828 --> 00:09:08,227
Rule two, get cross, get their
name. Rule three? Put the kettle on.
175
00:09:08,228 --> 00:09:11,189
What, after I get their name?
No. Now. Milk.
176
00:09:11,190 --> 00:09:12,428
One sugar.
177
00:09:12,429 --> 00:09:14,468
Oh. Aha! I get it.
178
00:09:14,469 --> 00:09:16,228
New bomb suits?
179
00:09:16,229 --> 00:09:20,027
Well, old bomb suits. New old
bomb suits. They're not required.
180
00:09:20,028 --> 00:09:22,789
I mean, we do require some suits,
but those aren't the suits you're looking for.
181
00:09:22,790 --> 00:09:26,188
Are you trying to do
a Jedi mind trick on me?
182
00:09:26,189 --> 00:09:27,749
Oh. Ha!
183
00:09:28,869 --> 00:09:30,628
Listen, Bird,
184
00:09:30,629 --> 00:09:33,307
how am I going to prove to Mary
that I'm not only interested in one thing?
185
00:09:33,308 --> 00:09:35,387
Stop trying to have sex with her.
Yeah, but if I do that,
186
00:09:35,388 --> 00:09:39,349
how am I going to get to have sex
with her? Mm, the eternal conundrum.
187
00:09:52,349 --> 00:09:53,868
Oof.
188
00:09:53,869 --> 00:09:57,869
OK, guys! So, you know how
Nick is the "ten bombs guy", right?
189
00:09:57,870 --> 00:10:00,828
Well, Mary says I need a hook.
190
00:10:00,829 --> 00:10:02,708
Er... for my book.
191
00:10:02,709 --> 00:10:05,789
A short punchy description about me.
192
00:10:07,029 --> 00:10:08,068
So...?
193
00:10:08,069 --> 00:10:10,229
I do not think this will end well.
No.
194
00:10:10,230 --> 00:10:14,468
How about Lance Corporal Lansley,
"not officer material"...
195
00:10:14,469 --> 00:10:16,188
"Sandhurst."
196
00:10:16,189 --> 00:10:17,787
That wasn't Sandhurst, actually.
197
00:10:17,788 --> 00:10:20,187
That was Captain Glover
in my regiment said that about me.
198
00:10:20,188 --> 00:10:21,709
That's all right, then.
199
00:10:21,710 --> 00:10:24,669
Lance Corporal Lansley,
five foot seven!
200
00:10:26,229 --> 00:10:30,108
Lance Corporal Lansley,
first-class fuckwit.
201
00:10:30,109 --> 00:10:33,108
I don't know why I said anything.
202
00:10:33,109 --> 00:10:35,109
I was quite surprised.
203
00:11:39,109 --> 00:11:40,509
Honey! I'm home!
204
00:12:05,829 --> 00:12:08,309
I've got this! You crack on!
205
00:12:13,829 --> 00:12:15,828
Rocket, get a medic! Yeah.
206
00:12:15,829 --> 00:12:17,069
Mac, watch the door.
207
00:12:18,389 --> 00:12:19,668
Thank God.
208
00:12:19,669 --> 00:12:23,189
Are you Astrid Nygaard? No,
I'm the Little fucking Mermaid.
209
00:12:23,190 --> 00:12:25,388
What? Yes, I'm Astrid Nygaard!
210
00:12:25,389 --> 00:12:27,268
What? Medic coming.
211
00:12:27,269 --> 00:12:30,028
Is she the Danish bird? Aye.
212
00:12:30,029 --> 00:12:32,868
Fucking hell! She is hot.
213
00:12:32,869 --> 00:12:35,948
Super-fucking-hot.
I mean, she is gorgeous.
214
00:12:35,949 --> 00:12:37,029
Thank you very much.
215
00:12:37,030 --> 00:12:39,108
You speak English? Of course!
216
00:12:39,109 --> 00:12:42,949
Shit. Oh! If you know the results
of Hibs-Celtic, don't tell us!
217
00:12:42,950 --> 00:12:46,148
Let's go. I found the hostage,
everyone!
218
00:12:46,149 --> 00:12:48,468
I found the hostage! Medic!
219
00:12:48,469 --> 00:12:49,947
Simon! What the hell were you doing
220
00:12:49,948 --> 00:12:52,987
racing off like a lunatic when...
Hello. It's you!
221
00:12:52,988 --> 00:12:55,669
From the newspaper.
Ten bombs in a day.
222
00:12:55,670 --> 00:12:58,228
Just doing my job. So brave!
223
00:12:58,229 --> 00:13:00,908
And even taller than I thought.
224
00:13:00,909 --> 00:13:02,667
Medic! Where's this medic?
225
00:13:02,668 --> 00:13:04,549
It's good to meet you, Captain.
226
00:13:04,550 --> 00:13:06,228
Call me Nick. All right.
227
00:13:06,229 --> 00:13:07,509
Come this way, please. Oh.
228
00:13:07,510 --> 00:13:11,388
You're going to be fine, just fine.
Thank you.
229
00:13:11,389 --> 00:13:14,228
What? Look, I have other
interests, OK?
230
00:13:14,229 --> 00:13:16,349
Yeah, but one main one.
231
00:13:17,589 --> 00:13:20,348
Well done, everyone!
232
00:13:20,349 --> 00:13:22,509
Really good job, every...
233
00:13:23,669 --> 00:13:25,109
Move out.
234
00:13:26,269 --> 00:13:29,388
Well done. Oh, well done.
235
00:13:29,389 --> 00:13:31,947
I hear it was a success. Well done,
guys. Where's the hostage?
236
00:13:31,948 --> 00:13:34,347
I don't know. Why are you asking me?
I thought that you...
237
00:13:34,348 --> 00:13:36,709
Look, I'm not going to sleep
with her, OK? Jesus!
238
00:13:38,109 --> 00:13:39,549
Blimey.
239
00:13:42,429 --> 00:13:44,709
Huh!
240
00:13:48,189 --> 00:13:49,229
Hi, Nick.
241
00:13:51,429 --> 00:13:52,749
Oh.
242
00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:57,668
Hello.
243
00:13:57,669 --> 00:14:02,188
I wanted to, um... thank you
properly for rescuing me.
244
00:14:02,189 --> 00:14:04,909
Actually, er...
Simon rescued you, so...
245
00:14:04,910 --> 00:14:09,949
Yes, but I did not have
his picture on my office wall.
246
00:14:10,949 --> 00:14:13,349
Well, as Simon's
commanding officer, I...
247
00:14:14,389 --> 00:14:17,108
suppose it was me, in a way,
248
00:14:17,109 --> 00:14:19,988
that... rescued you.
249
00:14:19,989 --> 00:14:21,389
Yes.
250
00:14:22,989 --> 00:14:24,908
Cashew nut?
251
00:14:24,909 --> 00:14:27,507
You're not as sexually confident
as I expected, Nick.
252
00:14:27,508 --> 00:14:29,629
Er... bloody am, actually. It's...
253
00:14:38,829 --> 00:14:39,869
Hey.
254
00:14:41,149 --> 00:14:42,629
OK.
255
00:14:47,149 --> 00:14:48,548
Sorry. Er... fiddly.
256
00:14:48,549 --> 00:14:51,188
Um... help yourself to a nut.
257
00:14:51,189 --> 00:14:55,228
Somebody likes you. Who sent these?
258
00:14:55,229 --> 00:14:57,349
Oh, they're from...
259
00:14:59,589 --> 00:15:01,669
Actually, they're from the Padre.
260
00:15:01,670 --> 00:15:04,668
Best Padre ever. Yeah.
261
00:15:04,669 --> 00:15:06,309
Um...
262
00:15:07,989 --> 00:15:09,909
Sorry, maybe this isn't a good idea.
263
00:15:09,910 --> 00:15:11,549
You're kidding, right?
264
00:15:12,669 --> 00:15:14,709
We're only interested
in one thing, aren't we?
265
00:15:14,710 --> 00:15:16,948
Actually, I'm not... actually.
266
00:15:16,949 --> 00:15:19,547
Good.
Sure, you're deep and meaningful.
267
00:15:19,548 --> 00:15:21,829
Now can you please have sex
with me?
268
00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:27,187
You have got to be fucking joking.
This is your only chance.
269
00:15:27,188 --> 00:15:30,869
I know. Tomorrow you'll be gone,
and... No, tomorrow I'll be famous.
270
00:15:30,870 --> 00:15:34,828
Hot hostage who got rescued?
I'll be on chat shows.
271
00:15:34,829 --> 00:15:38,669
Denmark only has one chat show,
but I will be on it. A lot.
272
00:15:38,670 --> 00:15:39,788
Sorry.
273
00:15:39,789 --> 00:15:43,629
My mother was right.
British guys are fucking weird.
274
00:16:01,469 --> 00:16:03,908
Come on, then. Nick?
275
00:16:03,909 --> 00:16:06,388
A word, please.
276
00:16:06,389 --> 00:16:08,388
I'm very disappointed in you.
277
00:16:08,389 --> 00:16:10,227
Astrid was in a really
vulnerable position
278
00:16:10,228 --> 00:16:12,707
and to take advantage of that is
just... Well, it's wrong, actually.
279
00:16:12,708 --> 00:16:15,107
Bit sexist to assume it was
Nick who took advantage of her.
280
00:16:15,108 --> 00:16:17,587
Well, was Nick emotionally
vulnerable after being kidnapped by the Taliban?
281
00:16:17,588 --> 00:16:19,307
Not really.
He could hardly say no, could he?
282
00:16:19,308 --> 00:16:20,347
She'd been imprisoned for two
months.
283
00:16:20,348 --> 00:16:21,747
She must have been desperate.
No of fence.
284
00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:23,787
He could have exercised
some self-control.
285
00:16:23,788 --> 00:16:26,707
Why do you care?
Oh! Do you want to sleep with Nick?
286
00:16:26,708 --> 00:16:29,667
I'm the Padre.
It would be totally preposterous.
287
00:16:29,668 --> 00:16:30,707
Do you want to sleep with him? No.
288
00:16:30,708 --> 00:16:32,747
I have a duty of care to Astrid.
You're jealous.
289
00:16:32,748 --> 00:16:33,787
No, I'm not. Are so.
290
00:16:33,788 --> 00:16:35,707
I'm not going to resort to, "No,
you're not, yes, you are" with you.
291
00:16:35,708 --> 00:16:36,747
Yeah, you are. No, I'm not.
292
00:16:36,748 --> 00:16:39,749
See? Look. This isn't really
your business, so...
293
00:16:39,750 --> 00:16:41,469
Fine. Fine.
294
00:16:43,309 --> 00:16:45,788
- I didn't sleep with her.
- What?
295
00:16:45,789 --> 00:16:49,588
I saw her leaving your quarters.
She was up for it.
296
00:16:49,589 --> 00:16:51,348
I said no. Bollocks.
297
00:16:51,349 --> 00:16:54,147
Nick, it's not the sex that
I disapprove of. It's the lying.
298
00:16:54,148 --> 00:16:56,869
A minute ago it was the sex.
Yeah, it is the sex too.
299
00:16:56,870 --> 00:16:59,508
But lying is cowardly
and it's wrong.
300
00:16:59,509 --> 00:17:02,508
I'm not impressed, Nick.
Badly done.
301
00:17:02,509 --> 00:17:05,907
Ooh! Hey, Mary! Did you hear?
Oh, yes, I did, Simon.
302
00:17:05,908 --> 00:17:07,547
Well done. You've got your hook.
303
00:17:07,548 --> 00:17:12,429
Yeah. I'm the
hot-Danish-aid-worker-rescuing lance corporal guy. Bang, bang!
304
00:17:12,430 --> 00:17:14,629
Sorry. Snappy.
305
00:17:27,549 --> 00:17:29,869
Oh, dear.
I don't understand.
306
00:17:31,429 --> 00:17:33,668
9381.
307
00:17:33,669 --> 00:17:37,468
9...831. Oh, no.
308
00:17:37,469 --> 00:17:39,187
Rule four, attention to detail.
309
00:17:39,188 --> 00:17:41,067
Rule five,
put the kettle on again.
310
00:17:41,068 --> 00:17:42,747
Ooh, nice one. No. Piss off, Bird!
311
00:17:42,748 --> 00:17:45,269
And you, Simon. I'm tired of being
pushed around.
312
00:17:45,270 --> 00:17:48,388
This is good, Millsy.
Rule two, get cross.
313
00:17:48,389 --> 00:17:51,467
Now, get on the phone to the QM
and imagine the guy on the other end
314
00:17:51,468 --> 00:17:53,709
just nicked all the
A's from your Scrabble set.
315
00:17:54,829 --> 00:17:56,788
All nine of them?
316
00:17:56,789 --> 00:17:58,509
Well, who would do that?
317
00:18:03,869 --> 00:18:05,548
Hello?
318
00:18:05,549 --> 00:18:06,828
Hi. Yeah.
319
00:18:06,829 --> 00:18:09,148
Yeah, I'm really pissed off!
320
00:18:09,149 --> 00:18:11,508
Yeah. Lives are at stake here!
321
00:18:11,509 --> 00:18:13,789
I want action and I want it now.
322
00:18:14,589 --> 00:18:16,349
Yeah, yeah, sure, I'll hold.
323
00:18:20,949 --> 00:18:23,388
That's good, Simon, but braver.
324
00:18:23,389 --> 00:18:24,748
Yeah? Braver.
325
00:18:24,749 --> 00:18:27,028
Braver! Ignore that.
326
00:18:27,029 --> 00:18:29,987
Just keep looking at me,
smile and look brave.
327
00:18:29,988 --> 00:18:33,109
Like you're going to kill me.
You're going to kill me! Grr!
328
00:18:33,110 --> 00:18:36,428
Yeah, now left a bit.
That is good, Simon.
329
00:18:36,429 --> 00:18:38,988
Keep looking at me.
330
00:18:38,989 --> 00:18:41,309
Yeah, that is good.
That is good, Simon.
331
00:18:41,310 --> 00:18:43,468
Yeah? Brilliant.
332
00:18:43,469 --> 00:18:45,789
Chin up.
333
00:18:46,749 --> 00:18:48,469
Oh, that is... Phew.
334
00:18:49,509 --> 00:18:52,309
A few more.
You've got to have the shot by now.
335
00:18:52,310 --> 00:18:54,588
Come on! Come on, it's boiling!
336
00:18:54,589 --> 00:18:56,708
OK, we're done. Right.
337
00:18:56,709 --> 00:18:59,428
They're in there. Oh, yes.
338
00:18:59,429 --> 00:19:01,748
Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes.
339
00:19:01,749 --> 00:19:04,267
They're basically all the same
after that. Cool.
340
00:19:04,268 --> 00:19:07,347
Could you pick out the best one
and just mock it up for me?
341
00:19:07,348 --> 00:19:09,749
With pleasure.
Bird, you are the best!
342
00:19:09,750 --> 00:19:13,549
Ho-ho! Hook! Tick! Look! Tick!
I am sorted.
343
00:19:18,549 --> 00:19:21,548
Bird? Is he coming back?
344
00:19:21,549 --> 00:19:22,747
Why? Are you avoiding him?
345
00:19:22,748 --> 00:19:25,707
I've just spent the morning
trying to read his book. And?
346
00:19:25,708 --> 00:19:28,709
It's very detailed. It gives a
really strong sense of who Simon is.
347
00:19:28,710 --> 00:19:30,108
Ooh, that bad?
348
00:19:30,109 --> 00:19:33,427
Yeah, it's a bad book.
Mm-hm. It's an anti-book.
349
00:19:33,428 --> 00:19:34,747
But it doesn't matter, does it?
350
00:19:34,748 --> 00:19:36,707
Because he's already got
the hook and the look.
351
00:19:36,708 --> 00:19:39,429
Yeah, it's not like he's gonna
want any kind of validation
352
00:19:39,430 --> 00:19:41,148
from an authority figure.
353
00:19:41,149 --> 00:19:42,748
Oh, no.
354
00:19:42,749 --> 00:19:45,148
Do I have to tell the truth?
355
00:19:45,149 --> 00:19:48,269
Hang on, what was it you said
about lying? Oh, yeah, that it's cowardly and wrong.
356
00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:50,188
Yes. Very good.
357
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:52,787
But he's not going to make you swear
on the Bible, is he? We're off.
358
00:19:52,788 --> 00:19:56,109
Transport in ten. Yeah, hang on.
Come on, Bird! Move your arse!
359
00:19:56,110 --> 00:19:59,309
Shit. I think I've broken Millsy.
360
00:20:08,229 --> 00:20:09,468
Right.
361
00:20:09,469 --> 00:20:11,427
Time to take a dekko at the bomb.
362
00:20:11,428 --> 00:20:13,069
Boss, there's a new suit.
363
00:20:17,549 --> 00:20:20,187
Well, it appears to have
a very effective cloaking device.
364
00:20:20,188 --> 00:20:21,269
Look, that'll be it now.
365
00:20:26,909 --> 00:20:29,428
So, a point's a point.
366
00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:32,189
Just stop fucking gloating
about the fucking fitba!
367
00:20:32,190 --> 00:20:34,588
It's not like Hibs won! Nil-nil.
368
00:20:34,589 --> 00:20:37,307
Respectable result... for Celtic.
We didnae have
369
00:20:37,308 --> 00:20:38,987
our best striker.
And that sending off...
370
00:20:38,988 --> 00:20:41,947
OK, you two, settle this
when you get back. Play tiddlywinks or something.
371
00:20:41,948 --> 00:20:43,427
As long as Mac gets one less wink.
372
00:20:43,428 --> 00:20:45,629
It was never a red card!
Eyes on!
373
00:20:47,669 --> 00:20:51,148
I'm impressed.
Still not going to wear it.
374
00:20:51,149 --> 00:20:53,709
But nice work, Millsy.
Boss, just wear the fucking suit.
375
00:20:57,709 --> 00:20:58,748
For me?
376
00:20:58,749 --> 00:21:01,148
Fine. Yes!
377
00:21:01,149 --> 00:21:04,348
Hello? Oh, hello.
378
00:21:04,349 --> 00:21:07,988
You're still with us.
Yes, transport problems.
379
00:21:07,989 --> 00:21:10,347
Listen, I... I need to talk to you
about Nick.
380
00:21:10,348 --> 00:21:12,269
Yes, I thought this might happen.
381
00:21:12,270 --> 00:21:16,508
Sadly, Nick is
only interested in one thing.
382
00:21:16,509 --> 00:21:17,989
So, why won't he sleep with me?
383
00:21:17,990 --> 00:21:20,308
What? You didn't?
384
00:21:20,309 --> 00:21:23,387
He said it wasn't a good idea.
Bullshit! It was a great idea.
385
00:21:23,388 --> 00:21:25,829
Was it? Really?
I haven't had sex in two months!
386
00:21:25,830 --> 00:21:28,668
No, well, the thing about Nick is,
he...
387
00:21:28,669 --> 00:21:32,028
Oh, I see.
Oh, you and him, you're fucking?
388
00:21:32,029 --> 00:21:34,548
Oh, no. No, no, no, no.
389
00:21:34,549 --> 00:21:37,108
Can you imagine?
390
00:21:37,109 --> 00:21:39,628
I'm not... So, what's his problem?
391
00:21:39,629 --> 00:21:41,907
OK, I'm stuck here for another
18 hours,
392
00:21:41,908 --> 00:21:45,469
so you can tell Nick from me that
he should... pull out his finger.
393
00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:48,989
Right. I'll pass that on. Great.
394
00:21:51,269 --> 00:21:52,709
Or not.
395
00:21:57,669 --> 00:21:59,267
It's a tricky one, Millsy.
396
00:21:59,268 --> 00:22:02,107
I think we're gonna need to
break out the old flying scalpel.
397
00:22:02,108 --> 00:22:03,507
And how's the suit for you there,
boss?
398
00:22:03,508 --> 00:22:05,107
I'm only wearing it for you, Millsy.
399
00:22:05,108 --> 00:22:07,149
Personally, I think my bum
looks big in it, but...
400
00:22:12,189 --> 00:22:14,628
Shit!
Hello, Diamond 21!
401
00:22:14,629 --> 00:22:17,469
This is Bluestone 42.
Contact IED. Wait out!
402
00:22:17,470 --> 00:22:19,188
Boss! Everyone all right?
403
00:22:19,189 --> 00:22:20,669
Yeah.
404
00:22:22,229 --> 00:22:23,348
Boss!
405
00:22:23,349 --> 00:22:25,028
Oh.
406
00:22:25,029 --> 00:22:27,508
Ow! Fuck!
407
00:22:27,509 --> 00:22:30,188
Boss, are you all right? Millsy?
408
00:22:30,189 --> 00:22:31,908
Check my balls.
409
00:22:31,909 --> 00:22:34,829
What? Check my balls.
410
00:22:41,309 --> 00:22:43,468
Everybody, help!
411
00:22:43,469 --> 00:22:46,709
Millsy's totally touching my balls!
412
00:22:49,549 --> 00:22:52,148
I'm glad you're OK, boss. Oh, God.
413
00:22:52,149 --> 00:22:54,027
Make me a brew and ask me again.
414
00:22:54,028 --> 00:22:56,827
Make it yourself!
I've been on the phone all day
415
00:22:56,828 --> 00:23:00,949
trying to get the bloody suit that
just literally saved your arse! Yeah.
416
00:23:02,189 --> 00:23:03,909
Yeah, when you put it like that...
417
00:23:05,029 --> 00:23:07,029
we probably should get Bird
to make it.
418
00:23:07,030 --> 00:23:10,629
It's OK, boss, it's my job.
I know how you like it.
419
00:23:19,069 --> 00:23:22,349
Lance Corporal Lansley,
can I have a word? Sir?
420
00:23:24,629 --> 00:23:28,187
Congratulations on your rescue
of that Danish girl. Very good. Very good indeed.
421
00:23:28,188 --> 00:23:30,067
Just doing my job, sir. Yeah.
422
00:23:30,068 --> 00:23:32,427
We're going to say that Nick did it.
Sir?
423
00:23:32,428 --> 00:23:34,587
We're going to say
that Nick rescued the hostage.
424
00:23:34,588 --> 00:23:37,267
Yeah, the PR monkeys want
to throw this to that woman
425
00:23:37,268 --> 00:23:38,669
at the Express he shagged.
426
00:23:40,149 --> 00:23:42,149
Good for the team.
427
00:23:43,149 --> 00:23:45,709
You know the best soldiers
are the ones that go unnoticed.
428
00:23:45,710 --> 00:23:47,108
Like waiters.
429
00:23:47,109 --> 00:23:50,189
Till they kick the doors down
and shoot everyone.
430
00:23:50,190 --> 00:23:51,869
Unlike waiters.
431
00:23:53,309 --> 00:23:54,589
You follow?
432
00:23:55,869 --> 00:23:57,228
I think so, sir.
433
00:23:57,229 --> 00:23:58,869
Good man. Carry on.
434
00:24:15,949 --> 00:24:17,748
Jesus... Padre?
435
00:24:17,749 --> 00:24:21,828
Oh, Simon. Yes.
I heard about that IED. Is Nick OK?
436
00:24:21,829 --> 00:24:24,507
Cos I should probably go...
He's fine. Nick's always fine.
437
00:24:24,508 --> 00:24:26,267
Well, he might be... We're all fine!
438
00:24:26,268 --> 00:24:28,389
If you could just let me know
about the book.
439
00:24:28,390 --> 00:24:32,989
And don't beat around the bush.
I've been shot at. I can take it.
440
00:24:33,989 --> 00:24:37,108
Well... well, it's certainly...
441
00:24:37,109 --> 00:24:39,709
Bird said this might happen.
442
00:24:45,989 --> 00:24:48,629
Tell me the truth.
It's terrible, isn't it?
443
00:24:48,630 --> 00:24:51,308
Yes, Simon.
444
00:24:51,309 --> 00:24:52,868
Truly terrible.
445
00:24:52,869 --> 00:24:54,707
I didn't expect you to agree
with me!
446
00:24:54,708 --> 00:24:57,147
You're supposed to say,
"No, Simon, it's not terrible!"
447
00:24:57,148 --> 00:25:00,467
Bloody hell, Padre! You're supposed
to be keeping up morale!
448
00:25:00,468 --> 00:25:02,947
Simon, but it's fine,
because you've still got your hook.
449
00:25:02,948 --> 00:25:06,269
No, I've lost my hook. They're going
to say that Nick rescued Astrid.
450
00:25:06,270 --> 00:25:07,268
Oh, shit.
451
00:25:07,269 --> 00:25:09,549
Sorry. All I have is my look.
452
00:25:10,789 --> 00:25:13,109
Thanks, Padre.
453
00:25:25,069 --> 00:25:27,629
Fucking hell.
454
00:25:43,829 --> 00:25:46,709
Nick, can I come in?
I owe you an apology.
455
00:25:46,710 --> 00:25:47,949
Stay there.
456
00:25:49,669 --> 00:25:52,588
It's fine, really. See you later.
457
00:25:52,589 --> 00:25:56,827
No, no, it's not fine, because I
didn't trust you and I should have.
458
00:25:56,828 --> 00:25:59,629
Hi, Mary!
Thanks for passing on my message.
459
00:25:59,630 --> 00:26:00,988
Best Padre ever.
460
00:26:00,989 --> 00:26:03,509
He really pulled out his finger.
461
00:26:04,509 --> 00:26:07,708
I was just... debriefing her.
462
00:26:07,709 --> 00:26:10,389
Oh! That reminds me. Oh...
463
00:26:12,069 --> 00:26:14,827
Nick, I really wanted to believe
that you were better than this.
464
00:26:14,828 --> 00:26:15,867
Yeah, but you didn't, did you?
465
00:26:15,868 --> 00:26:17,507
So I thought I might as well
just go ahead
466
00:26:17,508 --> 00:26:19,067
and do all the things
you accused me of.
467
00:26:19,068 --> 00:26:21,229
And some other things
that Astrid thought of.
468
00:26:21,230 --> 00:26:22,789
Right!
469
00:26:24,749 --> 00:26:27,709
Boss, game on!
We're playing a decider. Hibs-Celtic.
470
00:26:27,710 --> 00:26:30,429
Full-contact power football
extreme!
471
00:26:33,709 --> 00:26:36,068
Gentlemen!
472
00:26:36,069 --> 00:26:41,789
Lady. Welcome to the inaugural game
of power football extreme!
473
00:26:44,109 --> 00:26:46,749
Hibs versus Celtics!
474
00:26:50,709 --> 00:26:52,269
Celtic will kick off.
475
00:27:19,149 --> 00:27:22,149
Come on!
476
00:27:50,349 --> 00:27:51,749
Ref!
477
00:27:53,353 --> 00:27:55,353
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
478
00:27:55,403 --> 00:27:59,953
Repair and Synchronization by
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