All language subtitles for Black-ish s02e18 Nany.eng

Dre: Raising four kids
requires the parents to be

a perfectly coordinated team,

and Bow and I are on point.

We have it down.

Mm! Or we did.

Lately, we've been slipping...

and slipping...

and slipping.

[Light laughter]

Hey, it's your mother's fault.

She ironed that shirt.

Dre, you do the ironing.

I'm his father. He looks up to me.

He doesn't need to know that
I'm a grown man who can't iron.

Well, I'm not killing it, either.

Hmm?

Jack's lunch almost gave him AIDS.

Damn.

And, you know, I know we've
gone round and round on this,

- but, Dre...
- Hmm?

We need a nanny.

What? No.

- Yeah.
- No.

No, black people don't
get nannies, all right?

- Ohh!
- That's some white [bleep]

Okay, well, Dre, then
you're gonna need to

put down that Asian pear and
stop listening to Kenny G

and get rid of your neti pot.

[Saxophone plays]

I knew one day you were gonna
use my neti pot against me.

It's got to go.

Synced and corrected by OussLP
- www.addic7ed.com

Look, Bow, I'm just not feeling

this whole nanny idea, all right?

That's not how I was raised.

My mother... She did not use a nanny.

That's 'cause she had grannies
and aunties and Yaya and Tata...

Titi. All right, she's called Titi.

- Okay.
- And that's different.

They're family.

I would love to depend on our family,

but your mom has fallen in
love with this younger man...

- Ohh.
- and so she's always gone.

And then there's your dad who's on

a constant turnaround to Vegas.

I'm just saying I'm not cool
with strangers raising my kids.

But you are cool with
countless babysitters

and endless after-school programs

and the fact that we started using Uber

way before we should have.

Take the Cahuenga
Pass. The 101 is a bear.

So, what was I supposed to do...

bring them to the
Mayweather-Ortiz fight?

[Groans]

Uh, hello!

Doesn't anybody do a
head count around here?

[Sighs] You never notice
how many white vans there are

until you have to walk home by yourself.

I thought I brought her home already.

We need a nanny.

So for class president,

vote for the one that
rhymes with "best"...

Susie Kwest.

Thanks, friends!

Well, she's got my vote.

What? She's running against me.

Like I said, she's got my vote.

She seems so sweet.

Sweet?! I'll show you losers sweet.

Oh, hello, friends.
Sorry, I didn't see you.

I was just hugging my brother.

Vote for me for this
largely symbolic office.

Paid for by the Committee
to Elect Diane Johnson.

Are you trying to lose?

You don't have a nanny?

Mnh-mnh.

Then how in God's name have
you been raising your 10 kids?

Four kids.

I'm your boss. I'll tell you how
many damn kids you have. Uh...

Dre, you totally have to get a nanny.

When I become a mom, I'm gonna have one.

Whoa, wait, are you pregnant,
or... or planning on it?

Because legally, you are required

to disclose that in your interview.

Actually, that's illegal,
as are my weekly weigh-ins.

Interesting.

Lucy, um, unrelated,
go pee in a cup for me.

Uh, Josh, do the same
thing so it looks fair.

- Sure thing, boss.
- Pee on your own time.

Copy. [Clears throat]

Point is, Dre, nannies
are essential, okay?

Mine's been with me since
my first child was born.

Later, she became my wife,

and now she's my nanny
again, post-divorce.

She's my rock.

Definitely some white [bleep]

Fo' sho.

- No, it's not.
- No, it is not.

My kids are grown, and
I still keep two nannies.

- Hmm?
- One because she's my Spades partner,

and the other one 'cause, uh...

she's got some photos.

- What? Oh.
- Hmm.

Now, uh, Dre, in your nanny search,

you're gonna want
someone who's hardworking.

Meaning foreigner.

Exactly, like a gal from Trinidad.

Ah, but not Tobago.

No, Tobagans are not
to be trusted, no, no.

Oh, especially with a camera.

No, no.

Okay, not to slow down
our island-defaming rant

that's only slightly less racist

than our Turks and Caicos run...

Don't you bring up those damn Caikens!

Why'd you bring up the Caikens?

- I'm just trying to...
- You know that's a sore spot.

- Lucy, that's a total trigger.
- Okay.

Okay, so, I've created a campaign ad

that goes more with your personality...

mean old lady in a small girl's body.

Zoey: Susie Kwest wears
the same khakis every day

and uses Febreze
instead of washing them.

If Susie can't
change her clothes,

how can we trust her
to change our school?

Vote Diane Johnson.

Fresh clothes. Fresh choice.

Ba-bing, ba-bang.

Wow. If I knew how, I'd cry.

[Doorbell rings]

Dre: So it didn't matter
what I thought.

We were getting a nanny.

Bow had set up a ton of interviews,

but none felt right.

From British au pair...

to mannys, which, for obvious
reasons, shouldn't exist.

- There was one that seemed promising.
- [Chuckles] No.

But Bow didn't think so.

- Probably for the best.
- Hmm.

[Doorbell rings]

Dre... [Sighs]

It's one more interview,

and I have a really good
feeling about this one.

Oh. Hi. I'm Dre.

Hi. I'm Vivian.

Hi. Rainbow.

Hi, Rainbow.

- Oh. Yeah.
- Excuse us.

Uh, Bow, can I talk to you for a second?

- Okay.
- I know what you're trying to do.

You think I'm gonna like her because...

she's black.

Dre, you can just say the word. Black.

- Black.
- Yes.

Okay. Well, aren't you always saying,

[Dre's voice] "Bow, we got
to be down with our hood

and look out for our own."

That sounds nothing like me.

And no matter how black she
is, we don't need a nanny.

This is a beautiful house
with amazing acoustics,

which you probably know

because we can hear
each other perfectly.

[Normal Voice] Uh-uh. Oh. So
you... could... Well, you...

Yeah, good thing I didn't say
anything about those boots.

So, I have 10 years experience.

- And I love to cook. I cook a lot.
- Oh.

And I always felt
comfortable in the kitchen.

So do I. [Laughs]

And in Hide-and-Go-Seek,
I am a great hider

- and terrible seeker.
- Oh, my God, yes.

The kids... They're gonna love that,

and especially because Dre
always finds them right away.

What?

Uh, am I supposed to not see
the feet under the curtain?

- Yes.
- Yes! [Laughs]

Like, what? Like,
doesn't even make sense.

Anyway, we want you to know

that we're not looking
for a housekeeper.

You're not gonna need to do any cooking.

No cleaning, nothing like that.

We want you to focus on the kids.

- Mm... Mnh-mnh, mnh-mnh.
- I'm s...

No, no, no, no, no. You work hard.

- Okay.
- Mm-hmm.

- And I should, too.
- Yes.

My job is to take care
of this entire family,

and that includes you.

- Hmm.
- [Chuckles]

Wait, so... [Chuckles]

You're gonna... You're
gonna take care of me?

- [Laughs]
- Vivian: Yes!

And just like that, my black
family had a black nanny.

- Aw!
- Let me give you a hug.

- Too much too soon.
- Not right now, though.

Although Bow was in love with her,

I still wasn't totally
sure about black nanny.

Hey, Vivian. We're we're home!

[Gasps]

Oh, my God, this place looks amazing!

And look at that...

The kids, quiet, doing their homework.

And [gasps]

It's okay. No big whoop.

- Hey, guys.
- Hey!

Hello, bl... nanny.

So, guys, huh, what do
you think of the new nanny?

I like Vivi a lot.

Me, too. Like, a lot, a lot.

Junior: Like, if it
was the end of the world

and we were the only two people left,

I would prefer it that way.

Okay, dinner is ready.

Kids, please go wash your hands.

- Okay.
- Okay.

And, you two, please get comfy.

- Oh, go sit down?
- Oh.

- Mm-hmm.
- Shut the front door.

[Chuckles] Okay. Okay, I will. [Laughs]

Oh, my goodness. I like this so much.

Okay, now, I DVRed the game for you.

But first... Mmhmm.

- Oh, my g... No way.
- here you go. Mm-hmm.

No way. Is that homemade mac and cheese?

- Now, I use sharp cheddar...
- Mmm!

Fontana, asiago, and let
me see if you taste it.

Mmm! See if you taste the big dog.

Velveeta.

- Velveeta!
- Velveeta! [Laughs]

Mmm-mmm-mmm!

Enjoy.

- Bow.
- Uh-huh?

This is a big whoop.

- Oh.
- Whoop-whoop!

You win, Bow.

I would say I'd eat my words,

but I'm fulled up off of black nanny's

delicious mac and cheese.

[Laughs]

You know, Dre, I think you should stop

calling her black nanny.

Don't you tell me what to do.

You know...

Hmm?

I haven't felt this not
tired in a long time.

I-I wonder what I should do
with all this extra energy.

I think you should bring it to daddy...

[Gasps]

'Cause I'm naked from the waist down.

- What?
- Come on.

- [Laughs]
- Come on.

- Just roll over. Roll over
- Ohh!

[Laughs]

Whoop-whoop!

[Laughs]

Mmm!

You better get a move on, Mr. Dre.

Okay, here is your lunch,
your second lunch...

- Oh.
- and your secret third lunch.

How'd you know?

[Laughs] Bye.

Bye-bye.

Oh! I know that look.

Hmm?

Looks like somebody
got some on a weeknight.

Who, me?

[Laughs] Yes, I sure did.

[Both laugh]

Good for you!

It was. It was very good for me.

[Gasps]

[Both laugh]

Okay, h-hold on a second.

Are those Swarovski crystals?

- Oh.
- Oh, I need these.

Okay, okay, well, can I keep these

and you go get your own, maybe?

Well, I guess so, if you want
to be all stingy about it.

- [Laughs]
- Let me see.

Wait, go like this.

Okay, kids, you ready for school?

All right. Time to make my move.

Let's go, let's go, let's go.

Thank you, girls.

[Deep voice] Oh, hey, Vivian.

These munchkins...

[Chuckles]

Aren't they something?

[Chuckling]

Vivi, I forgot to give a morning hug!

Aw, come here, man-man!

[Chuckles]

And what about big man?

Morning hug.

Boy, please.

People are loving our ad.

Diane: Wow! Look at all these comments.

"Susie Kwest is a bleeping mess."

I think you got this wrapped up.

[Computer dings]

Ugh, Susie tagged me in a new video.

- Here.
- What's that about?

Uh... Watch it, meatball head!

W-W-W-W-W-Watch it,
meatball head!

Head... Head... Head...
Watch it, meatball head!

Really?

In my defense, kid's
covered in marinara.

[Sighs]

Gloves off? Duly noted, Susie.

We can empty our pockets, too.

So... a knife fight?

I was thinking stronger attack ads?

That lead to a knife fight?

You scare me.

- Hey.
- Huh?

What are you doing?

Um, I'm trying to clean up
this mess before Vivi gets here.

I don't want her to know
we're disgusting animals.

Dre, can I ask you a question?

Sure.

Um, do you think that these
pajamas are cute enough

for when Vivi gets here?

Because I have a cuter pair,

but she's already seen me in them.

What do you think? Are they okay?

So you changed out of
pajamas into pajamas for her?

Vivian: Good morning!

- Oh, hey!
- Oh, hey.

Oh, cute PJs.

Thank you! Yes.

Mr. Dre, more sneakers on your stoop.

Ah.

Ooh, it is like Christmas
every day in here.

Oh, well...

It's like I get to work for the Diddys.

[Chuckles]

Well, technically, it
would be the Combses.

Well, you sure are blessed.

God is good.

I wish I could get
new sneakers every day.

Or at least once a year.

But they'd steal them as soon
as UPS left them on my stoop,

if I had a stoop.

Yeah.

Or a UPS man brave enough
to come into my neighborhood.

[Chuckles]

Huh? Excuse me.

Black nanny's offhand remarks
made me feel all weird inside.

It's white guilt, Dre.

But I'm black.

You have black white
guilt, which is way worse

because we went from being
the help to having help.

What a world we live in.

I'll bet it's how Carlos Santana feels

when he walks past day
laborers at Home Depot.

Just looks away, pretends
to be on his phone.

Or starts humming "Oye Como Va."

Oh, that's my jam!

Okay, okay, so your
advice to me is to hum

a Carlos Santana song
in front of my nanny.

Don't be ridiculous, Dre, okay?

A culturally specific
song you choose, okay?

And I'm not gonna start talking
black music with you here, Dre,

'cause we all know it's
just derivative of Elvis.

So I devised a three-step plan
to get rid of my white guilt.

Step one... hide my stuff.

But some things were
impossible to hide.

Damn! You got an
S-Class and a G-Wagon?

It was cheaper to buy them both.

Like, uh, buying two cases of Diet Coke.

I only ever had Shasta.
And my car got repoed.

But luckily for me, I
still got my bus pass.

Uh-oh. Mnh-mnh,
it done expired.

Yeah.

Step two... Walk out of the room

whenever I started
feeling sad.

So I told my sister, "6
bucks for a coffee?" Mm.

"Unh-unh, that's three dinners
and a flu shot for my son."

Ooh. That's hard.

Damn.

Step three wasn't great.

Hey, Mr. Dre. Another day at golf, huh?

We've been working on math all day.

The more I was hiding
my white guilt,

the more Bow was showing
her yellow ass.

- No one's ever done that?
- No, because they don't...

Vivian: You got to get in
there 'cause these nails...

- That's what it does to you.
- Oh, it's so good.

- Hey.
- Oh, hey, Dre!

Oh, my God, look, look,
Vivi totally braided my hair.

Can you see? She put "Bow" in there.

- It's my name, babe. Look at it.
- Yeah.

[Laughter]

She makes the best cocktails.

It's got Champagne,
tequila, and applesauce.

- Exactly.
- What?

It really shouldn't
work, but it just does.

Oh, wait. You got to try
it. You got to try it.

- Mm-hmm.
- Try it, baby. Come on.

She's just the best in the whole world.

Especially for someone who was
an absolute stranger a week ago.

- I should get out, right?
- Yep, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, I'm gonna get out of the tub.

- Yeah, I got you.
- Okay. Okay, wait.

I'm a little tipsy.

[Deep voice] What happened to the baby?

I fell.

Aw, but I bet a kiss

would make that boo-boo
feel better, huh?

[Smooches]

[Screaming]

Will you kiss my boo-boo?

[Sighs]

Everyone was loving the
new reality in our house,

except me.

I was stuck. And then...

Black nanny's got to go.

So you want to fire black nanny?

- Oh, yeah.
- Just the other day, you said

[Bow's voice] "She is just
the best in the whole world."

That sounds nothing like me.

[Normal voice] Yeah, okay.

Listen, I went down to that nail shop

that Vivian recommended...

And then Vivian said
the husband and wife

get it in on the regular.

And when she washed their sheets,

she said it looked filthier
than a hot tub at Circus Circus.

[Laughter] What?!

We had a wild night, but...

I mean, sure, yeah,
we tried some things,

but neither one of us
was in any real danger.

Exactly.

She is literally airing
our dirty laundry.

And it did not stop there, Dre.

The wife says her hair
is naturally curly,

and I guess it is... if you call
$700 worth of product natural.

[Laughter]

Oh, you did not like that.

No, I did not.

We should have seen the warning signs.

If you're thinking

of setting me up, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

No Libras. Gerome was a Libra.

- He spelled it with a "G"...
- Oh.

Which I thought was cute,
right, but it just...

- It still didn't work.
- It didn't work.

He was an exterminator.

Had an exterminating
business. He was just so good.

You never know that
that's gonna come in handy

when you meet somebody,

but you have to think
about those things.

A lot of times, you know,

we used to have these little fly traps.

Gerome would come in.

He would take those fly traps out.

He was a real man like that.
He was an October Libra, though.

They're later Late bloomers.

She has got to go.

- Yes, she has got to go.
- Mm-hmm.

And I threw a $1,500 pair
of shoes into a hot oven

because of my white guilt.

You're still spending
that much money on shoes?

Bow, I'm gonna need you
to stay on point, okay?

'Cause right now we
need to fire black nanny.

Black nanny. Yes.

They're getting rid of my Vivi?

Why, God, why?

Well, at least we'll
always have the burn ward.

And that time we were behind
her going up the stairs.

Oh, yeah! [Gasps]

So, we're gonna say
Susie Kwest wets the bed?

Did we fact-check this?

Who cares?

Meatball Gate really put us
in a hole, and if we do this,

there is no way she can recover.

Really? She'll never recover?

That's awful.

Let's do it.

All right, and posting it...

- Whoa!
- I don't think so.

- What?
- I have been watching you two.

This is wrong.

Diane, if you want
to be class president,

you need to be a leader, not a bully.

And, Zoey, you are
too pretty to be mean.

Oh, thank you!

No, not, "Thank you."

Somebody is gonna whup that ass!

And then what, huh?

Now, come on. Go.

And don't just do better. Be better.

Go.

Vivian don't play.

Yeah, she even got through
to me, and I'm broken inside.

Yeah.

[Gasps]

How can we fire her when
she's so good with our kids?

Yeah, and it's not only the big stuff.

She got Jack to change his underwear

three out of five days this week.

[Gasps] You're kidding me!

[Both gasp]

So instead of kicking
black nanny to the curb,

we sat her down on the sofa
and had a conversation

we needed to have
from the get-go.

Look, I'm going to be
completely honest with you.

- Okay.
- When I first met you...

Mm-hmm... I tripped
over how black you are.

I know. I-I-I remember.

Acoustics.

- Right. Yes.
- Oh, yeah.

What I think Dre's trying to say is

that we've never had a black person

working in our house. [Chuckles]

And I just felt so comfortable with you.

I felt like we were girlfriends.

No, and I felt the same way.

We... Well, I didn't, you know.

- Okay.
- I felt hella uncomfortable.

- Mm-hmm. What?
- Because all my boxes of shoes...

and my two Benzes and
my crazy jacket game

- and my Sonicare and my neti pot.
- Okay, all right.

You don't have to feel guilty.

I admire how hard you work.

- Oh.
- Mm-hmm.

I-I hope to ball out and...
and have what you do one day.

Well, that's probably not gonna happen.

- Dre.
- W-W-W-With hard work.

With hard work, it...
it... it could happen.

- Yeah.
- And... And a GED.

- Yeah.
- But anyway, you know,

- the lines got a little blurred.
- Mm-hmm.

But moving forward,
I have to be comfortable

with who I am in my own house.

Yes, and I need to
know that what happens

at the Johnsons stays at the Johnsons.

- Mm-hmm. Right here.
- No, I-I am so sorry.

I-I-I screwed up that
whole nail-shop thing.

I almost felt like I was
talking about my sister,

- Yolanda, you know.
- Mm-hmm.

And... And she had just
asked me to pee in a cup

for her for the third time.

- She... She is a mess.
- Don't...

And... And there I go again.

- Mm-hmm.
- I-I'm sorry.

You know what, let's
just keep it professional.

- Agreed.
- Mm-hmm.

And to that point, if we are going to

keep it professional,
uh, Bow, I-I can't...

I can't be braiding your hair
like that in the tub anymore.

No! I love it so much!

Baby, she... she wrote
"Bow" in my hair.

- She wrote my name.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Okay, baby...
- And the way she scratches my...

you need to let that go, okay?

- You look crazy in braids.
- No, I don't.

Like Allen Iverson
pretending to be a doctor.

- [Gasps]
- Okay?

The point is you are
amazing with the babies.

You're amazing.

But this dynamic is...
is new for all of us,

and... and... and we're gonna
have to work on this together.

In the spirit of keeping
it professional...

- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.

Well, do you think that maybe you could

stop calling me "black nanny"?

Absolutely. Absolutely.

And... And... And in that same spirit,

can you please remind me
what your real name is?

- I'm s...
- [Chuckles]

Come on. come on.

Ooh! The results are in!

Zoey: Okay, and the winner is...

Susie Kwest!

I meant...

Susie Kwest!

I'm sorry Diane.

It's not your fault, it's Vivian's.

We should've never taken
our foot off Susie's throat.

Hi guys, how's it going?

Oh it's going much better...

Now!

- Did you win the election?
- No!

But the real win is going to bed
with a clear conscience.

Thanks again for your advice...

Vivian!

You're welcome... Diane!

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