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1
00:00:05,888 --> 00:00:07,401
Darrin.
2
00:00:07,528 --> 00:00:09,962
Do you really remember our first date?
3
00:00:10,088 --> 00:00:13,239
Are you kidding?
I'll tell you exactly what you wore.
4
00:00:13,368 --> 00:00:16,678
It was a red silk dress
with buttons up the front.
5
00:00:16,808 --> 00:00:20,278
It was pink, it was wool,
and it zipped up the side.
6
00:00:20,408 --> 00:00:22,399
Pink, red, same difference.
7
00:00:22,528 --> 00:00:23,927
We had dinner at The Lobster.
8
00:00:24,048 --> 00:00:25,959
No, we wanted to have dinner
at The Lobster,
9
00:00:26,088 --> 00:00:30,001
but you forgot to make the reservation,
so we ate at the Automat. What next?
10
00:00:30,128 --> 00:00:32,847
Then we either went to a movie, a concert,
11
00:00:32,968 --> 00:00:35,687
or took a walk along Fifth Avenue.
Who cares?
12
00:00:35,808 --> 00:00:40,404
Somewhere, sometime that night
13
00:00:40,528 --> 00:00:42,723
I kissed you for the first time.
14
00:00:49,688 --> 00:00:52,486
Yeah. You do remember.
15
00:00:53,848 --> 00:00:57,079
I think I'm getting sick to my stomach.
16
00:00:57,208 --> 00:01:01,565
- Mother.
- Samantha, my darling.
17
00:01:01,688 --> 00:01:05,567
Darwin. A celebration!
18
00:01:05,688 --> 00:01:09,522
- It was, up until a second ago.
- Darwin... Darrin!
19
00:01:09,648 --> 00:01:11,639
We were just having
the Tates over for dinner.
20
00:01:11,768 --> 00:01:15,807
- Then why an anniversary cake?
- I got it for nothing from the baker.
21
00:01:15,928 --> 00:01:16,963
Someone cancelled a party,
22
00:01:17,088 --> 00:01:20,205
so we had to come up with an anniversary
to go with it, and we did.
23
00:01:20,328 --> 00:01:22,478
Our first date.
24
00:01:22,608 --> 00:01:25,805
Why not celebrate
the sinking of the Titanic?
25
00:01:25,928 --> 00:01:28,647
What I'd really like to celebrate
is your departure.
26
00:01:28,768 --> 00:01:31,760
- Sorry you can't stay for dinner.
- Thanks. I'd love to stay.
27
00:01:32,128 --> 00:01:34,005
Mother, you don't really
want to stay for dinner.
28
00:01:34,128 --> 00:01:36,403
No, but he just talked me into it.
29
00:01:38,288 --> 00:01:40,518
A guest never comes empty-handed.
30
00:01:41,968 --> 00:01:45,802
- This is for you, darling.
- Thank you, Mother. What is it?
31
00:01:45,928 --> 00:01:49,045
Well, it's a little something that's been
cluttering up my closet for centuries.
32
00:01:49,168 --> 00:01:51,966
I thought you might enjoy it.
33
00:01:52,808 --> 00:01:54,241
Mother!
34
00:01:57,488 --> 00:01:59,558
Mother, thank you.
35
00:02:01,048 --> 00:02:04,404
- That looks almost like the Mona Lisa.
- And why not?
36
00:02:04,528 --> 00:02:07,600
It was painted by the same artist,
Leonardo da Vinci.
37
00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:10,003
- It can't be!
- You want to bet?
38
00:03:09,208 --> 00:03:12,518
Sam, I don't mean to pry,
and it's probably none of my business,
39
00:03:12,648 --> 00:03:14,843
but, well, is this...
40
00:03:17,048 --> 00:03:20,643
You mean, you think that's... Silly boy.
41
00:03:20,768 --> 00:03:23,646
That's my great-aunt Cornelia.
Isn't it, Mother?
42
00:03:23,768 --> 00:03:26,965
Well, she wasn't a great aunt.
As a matter of fact,
43
00:03:27,088 --> 00:03:32,162
I thought she was rather ordinary,
but she was very pretty, like Samantha.
44
00:03:32,288 --> 00:03:35,405
Leo was mad about her.
45
00:03:35,528 --> 00:03:38,122
Sweetheart, I know it takes getting used to,
46
00:03:38,248 --> 00:03:43,003
but the family was in Italy at the time,
and he rather liked us.
47
00:03:43,128 --> 00:03:48,248
He liked anything in skirts, or out of them.
He was a sweet, dirty old man.
48
00:03:49,568 --> 00:03:52,958
If I hadn't chaperoned Cornelia
while he was painting her,
49
00:03:53,088 --> 00:03:57,206
she would have ended up as a centrefold
in the Galaxy Gazette.
50
00:04:03,488 --> 00:04:05,126
There.
51
00:04:05,248 --> 00:04:09,241
It adds a bit of class
to this bourgeois establishment.
52
00:04:09,368 --> 00:04:14,396
Now, if you don't mind,
I'd like our old painting back.
53
00:04:14,528 --> 00:04:18,316
I want to keep this house bourgeois
until this evening is over.
54
00:04:18,448 --> 00:04:22,726
I'm not about to explain to our guests
about Leonardo and Aunt Cornelia.
55
00:04:25,168 --> 00:04:28,365
Sam, are you sure it's Aunt Cornelia?
56
00:04:28,488 --> 00:04:32,606
Would I lie to you, Darrin?
There's the doorbell.
57
00:04:32,728 --> 00:04:34,684
I didn't hear any doorbell.
58
00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:36,924
Why wait till the last minute?
59
00:04:46,488 --> 00:04:47,523
That's a good-looking suit.
60
00:04:47,648 --> 00:04:50,242
- Why don't you wear it at the office?
- Endora.
61
00:04:50,368 --> 00:04:53,041
- Larry!
- Don't you look lovely!
62
00:04:53,168 --> 00:04:56,240
Well, if it isn't the glamorous,
ever-popular Endora.
63
00:04:56,568 --> 00:04:59,002
A simple curtsy will do.
64
00:04:59,128 --> 00:05:01,642
- You're out of this world.
- You might say that.
65
00:05:01,768 --> 00:05:03,759
Is that pot roast I smell?
66
00:05:06,088 --> 00:05:07,965
Smell again.
67
00:05:08,088 --> 00:05:10,761
Well, that's not pot roast. What is it?
68
00:05:10,888 --> 00:05:14,847
- Lobster thermidor.
- Mother, that wasn't necessary.
69
00:05:14,968 --> 00:05:17,084
It is if I'm staying for dinner, darling.
70
00:05:17,208 --> 00:05:21,167
- Well, what'll you have?
- The usual.
71
00:05:21,288 --> 00:05:22,801
Coming right up.
72
00:05:30,208 --> 00:05:33,086
Why, Samantha, how lovely.
73
00:05:35,528 --> 00:05:40,477
- What's that doing up there?
- It's hanging on a nail, dear boy.
74
00:05:40,968 --> 00:05:43,960
What a beautiful likeness, Samantha.
75
00:05:44,088 --> 00:05:47,478
And such a clever idea!
It's reminiscent of the Mona Lisa.
76
00:05:47,608 --> 00:05:50,759
- Who did it?
- Leonardo da Vinci did it.
77
00:05:52,888 --> 00:05:58,246
- Mother, stop fooling around.
- I meant Leonardo da Vinci did it first.
78
00:05:58,368 --> 00:06:00,324
And Darrin copied it.
79
00:06:00,448 --> 00:06:01,563
Darrin!
80
00:06:03,128 --> 00:06:05,403
Beautifully, too, I might add.
81
00:06:05,528 --> 00:06:09,407
Actually, an old friend of Darrin's did it.
82
00:06:14,968 --> 00:06:18,119
A friend of yours, huh?
Then how come you signed it?
83
00:06:19,088 --> 00:06:20,407
I signed it?
84
00:06:25,128 --> 00:06:27,926
You son of a gun, you're good.
85
00:06:28,048 --> 00:06:31,927
- You signed it.
- Darrin, it's remarkable.
86
00:06:32,048 --> 00:06:35,518
Well, I guess it is kind of remarkable,
for an amateur.
87
00:06:35,648 --> 00:06:37,161
Amateur?
88
00:06:37,288 --> 00:06:39,199
Well, you're a master.
89
00:06:39,328 --> 00:06:43,037
Behind every great man,
there's a mother-in-law to spur him on.
90
00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:48,127
Well, Mother, in the future,
91
00:06:48,248 --> 00:06:50,159
leave the spurring to me.
92
00:06:50,768 --> 00:06:52,201
Dinner's ready.
93
00:06:54,368 --> 00:06:55,357
Certainly, Mother.
94
00:06:55,488 --> 00:06:57,206
- Thank you, Sam.
- Did you notice
95
00:06:57,328 --> 00:06:59,239
that no matter where we moved
in the living room,
96
00:06:59,368 --> 00:07:01,006
the eyes seemed to follow us?
97
00:07:01,128 --> 00:07:03,323
It's just like the real Mona Lisa.
How'd you do it?
98
00:07:03,448 --> 00:07:05,757
Well, if he told you, everybody would know.
99
00:07:05,888 --> 00:07:09,198
That's right.
How was your golf yesterday, Larry?
100
00:07:09,408 --> 00:07:11,683
Not bad. On the back nine I shot a...
101
00:07:11,808 --> 00:07:13,480
- When did he paint it?
- Ages ago.
102
00:07:13,608 --> 00:07:16,406
- You shot a what?
- A 45.
103
00:07:16,528 --> 00:07:22,876
- You must be very proud of your son-in-law.
- Proud is hardly the word.
104
00:07:23,008 --> 00:07:26,637
Forty-five isn't bad.
I wish Darrin would play more golf.
105
00:07:26,968 --> 00:07:28,879
How can you say that?
106
00:07:29,008 --> 00:07:32,000
Why, he should spend
every free moment painting.
107
00:07:32,128 --> 00:07:34,722
- You're a brilliant artist, Darrin.
- No, not brilliant.
108
00:07:34,848 --> 00:07:38,079
I'm just very good.
109
00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:41,200
- This lobster thermidor is brilliant.
- Thank you.
110
00:07:41,528 --> 00:07:44,326
Well, now, you can't compare the two.
111
00:07:44,448 --> 00:07:47,087
I mean,
any good cook can make lobster thermidor.
112
00:07:47,208 --> 00:07:48,721
Out of pot roast?
113
00:07:51,368 --> 00:07:54,121
Mother was just making a little joke.
114
00:07:54,248 --> 00:07:55,840
So, you shot a 45.
115
00:07:55,968 --> 00:07:59,643
Can't we keep just one conversation going
at a time?
116
00:07:59,768 --> 00:08:03,078
Darrin, why don't you paint more often?
117
00:08:04,528 --> 00:08:08,123
Well, there is no explanation
except plain laziness.
118
00:08:09,288 --> 00:08:12,837
- I'll buy that.
- Samantha, you should encourage him.
119
00:08:12,968 --> 00:08:14,117
I do!
120
00:08:14,248 --> 00:08:17,365
I've been after him for weeks
to paint the kitchen.
121
00:08:19,168 --> 00:08:22,001
Well, that is not exactly what I had in mind.
122
00:08:22,128 --> 00:08:25,279
Do you know what a woman would give
to have a portrait like that?
123
00:08:25,408 --> 00:08:29,321
Darrin, I think that's a subtle hint
setting you up for something.
124
00:08:30,288 --> 00:08:32,848
- It is?
- Like your painting her picture.
125
00:08:35,008 --> 00:08:37,044
- Would you, Darrin?
- He couldn't possibly.
126
00:08:37,168 --> 00:08:38,840
That's right.
127
00:08:38,968 --> 00:08:41,641
I have to paint the kitchen first.
128
00:08:41,768 --> 00:08:47,161
Darrin, take it from a man who knows.
There are times when it's easier to say yes.
129
00:08:47,288 --> 00:08:49,563
He'll do the picture, sweetheart.
130
00:08:50,448 --> 00:08:53,520
Larry, you don't understand.
It's just not possible.
131
00:08:53,648 --> 00:08:55,127
Look, Darrin. If I had your talent
132
00:08:55,248 --> 00:08:57,921
and Sam asked me to do her picture,
I'd do it.
133
00:08:58,048 --> 00:09:00,039
And you're not even my boss.
134
00:09:00,168 --> 00:09:02,079
Now just think about that.
135
00:09:06,408 --> 00:09:08,364
Be sure you bring everything you need.
136
00:09:08,488 --> 00:09:10,319
Now, we'll see you tomorrow,
right after lunch.
137
00:09:10,448 --> 00:09:13,326
- Night, Sam.
- Good night.
138
00:09:13,448 --> 00:09:15,404
Mother!
139
00:09:18,168 --> 00:09:21,160
You have done some pretty vile things
to Darrin in the past,
140
00:09:21,288 --> 00:09:23,165
but what you did tonight was unforgivable.
141
00:09:23,288 --> 00:09:25,597
- How could you be so cruel?
- Are you kidding, Sam?
142
00:09:25,728 --> 00:09:27,923
She majored in cruelty
with the Marquis de Sade.
143
00:09:28,048 --> 00:09:30,516
Not at all. He was just a classmate.
144
00:09:30,648 --> 00:09:33,367
Endora, I've had it with you.
I mean, I've had it with you up to here.
145
00:09:33,488 --> 00:09:37,845
If you are out to destroy Darrin's life,
you have almost succeeded.
146
00:09:37,968 --> 00:09:40,528
Almost doesn't count.
147
00:09:40,648 --> 00:09:43,401
The Marquis de Sade was
Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm
148
00:09:43,528 --> 00:09:44,756
compared to you.
149
00:09:46,048 --> 00:09:49,324
I have been insulted here for the last time.
150
00:09:49,448 --> 00:09:51,962
You shall never see me again.
151
00:09:52,088 --> 00:09:53,646
Promises! Promises!
152
00:09:53,768 --> 00:09:57,363
Darrin, you have got to calm down.
153
00:09:57,488 --> 00:10:00,844
Yeah, I've got to calm down.
If I calm down, I can think clearly,
154
00:10:00,968 --> 00:10:04,199
and if I think clearly,
I'll come up with an answer.
155
00:10:04,328 --> 00:10:07,001
- And I've come up with an answer.
- Good.
156
00:10:08,168 --> 00:10:10,602
- I'll kill myself.
- Darrin.
157
00:10:10,728 --> 00:10:12,400
All right, I won't kill myself. I'll...
158
00:10:12,528 --> 00:10:16,760
What I'll do is I'll tell Larry the truth.
That painting is by Leonardo da Vinci.
159
00:10:16,888 --> 00:10:19,527
I am a fraud. My wife is a witch,
and my mother-in-law is a...
160
00:10:19,648 --> 00:10:23,163
- You wouldn't dare!
- Wouldn't I?
161
00:10:24,088 --> 00:10:26,682
No. I wouldn't.
162
00:10:26,808 --> 00:10:29,402
All right. I'm fresh out of ideas.
163
00:10:29,528 --> 00:10:32,998
Well, I'm not.
Anything Mother can do, I can do better.
164
00:10:33,128 --> 00:10:36,359
- Are you suggesting...
- Just one teensy little spell.
165
00:10:36,488 --> 00:10:39,719
Enough to get that picture painted.
Now, I'll go with you to the Tates,
166
00:10:39,848 --> 00:10:41,486
- and you can use my paints...
- No! No!
167
00:10:41,608 --> 00:10:43,326
From this moment on,
168
00:10:43,448 --> 00:10:46,963
all spells, hexes, incantations,
etcetera and so forth are strictly forbidden.
169
00:10:47,088 --> 00:10:49,841
Any mention andlor use of said devices
by any member of this family
170
00:10:49,968 --> 00:10:52,641
- is punishable by...
- I'll get you a tranquiliser.
171
00:10:52,768 --> 00:10:57,000
I don't want a tranquiliser. I want an answer.
Now, how do I get out of this?
172
00:10:57,128 --> 00:11:00,962
Well, you could break your right arm.
You can't paint with a broken arm.
173
00:11:01,088 --> 00:11:05,957
- Yeah, where's the hammer?
- Darrin, I was just kidding.
174
00:11:06,088 --> 00:11:09,967
All right, I won't break my arm.
I'll pretend I broke it.
175
00:11:10,088 --> 00:11:13,398
I'll go to an orthopaedic man,
and I'll rent a cast.
176
00:11:13,528 --> 00:11:15,405
That's a great idea.
177
00:11:15,528 --> 00:11:19,407
All you have to do is wear that cast
until Louise forgets about the painting,
178
00:11:19,528 --> 00:11:21,200
which will be never.
179
00:11:22,288 --> 00:11:26,201
Okay. I've got one last suggestion,
and this has got to work.
180
00:11:26,328 --> 00:11:28,558
- What?
- You'll put a spell on me.
181
00:11:29,528 --> 00:11:31,564
I wish I'd thought of that.
182
00:11:39,408 --> 00:11:41,842
- Come in!
- Well, Louise!
183
00:11:41,968 --> 00:11:44,004
- My goodness, that is really something.
- Thank you.
184
00:11:44,128 --> 00:11:45,766
- Thank you.
- You should thank him.
185
00:11:45,888 --> 00:11:48,163
The money that went for that dress
was Darrin's Christmas bonus.
186
00:11:48,448 --> 00:11:51,201
Larry, will you stop exaggerating?
187
00:11:51,328 --> 00:11:54,001
It's really very reasonable, for what it is.
188
00:11:54,128 --> 00:11:58,644
Sure! If you're going to be crowned
Queen of England, it's a steal.
189
00:11:58,768 --> 00:12:00,440
I hope you don't mind my coming along.
190
00:12:00,568 --> 00:12:03,002
Darrin likes to have me around
when he starts a painting.
191
00:12:03,128 --> 00:12:05,164
We can pass the time
playing gin or something.
192
00:12:05,288 --> 00:12:07,006
Gin it is. Penny a point.
193
00:12:07,128 --> 00:12:09,164
Maybe I can win back the price of that dress.
194
00:12:09,288 --> 00:12:11,848
You're on. Shall we set up?
195
00:12:11,968 --> 00:12:15,040
- Where do I sit?
- Anyplace. I don't care.
196
00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:17,398
Where would you like
your easel, sweetheart?
197
00:12:17,528 --> 00:12:19,086
Wherever you think.
198
00:12:19,208 --> 00:12:22,837
What kind of an attitude is that?
"Sit anywhere, put it wherever you think."
199
00:12:22,968 --> 00:12:24,367
Look, Darrin,
if you're going to slough it off...
200
00:12:24,488 --> 00:12:28,845
He's not. He's not. I promise you.
It'll turn out at least as well as my painting.
201
00:12:28,968 --> 00:12:32,802
Well, let's get the show on the road.
Samantha, would you get the paints
202
00:12:32,928 --> 00:12:33,883
- out of the box?
- Oh, sure.
203
00:12:34,008 --> 00:12:39,002
And, let's see, I'll need a table here
and my turpentine over there.
204
00:12:39,968 --> 00:12:43,085
The brushes here.
205
00:12:43,208 --> 00:12:45,278
I think the easel over there.
206
00:12:49,048 --> 00:12:51,437
How do you set this fool thing up?
207
00:12:59,168 --> 00:13:04,526
You picked up a seven of clubs,
a five of diamonds and a king of hearts.
208
00:13:05,048 --> 00:13:08,882
- You sure you know how to play this game?
- Throw a card.
209
00:13:09,008 --> 00:13:10,999
- Sam, I'm ready to paint.
- Then paint.
210
00:13:11,128 --> 00:13:15,485
- What are you bothering her for?
- Well, he can't... Unless I kiss him first.
211
00:13:15,608 --> 00:13:17,644
It's kind of a tradition, like launching a ship.
212
00:13:17,768 --> 00:13:20,646
Well, just hold the kiss for a minute.
213
00:13:20,768 --> 00:13:22,884
Now, this card has to be safe.
214
00:13:25,088 --> 00:13:26,601
Gin.
215
00:13:26,728 --> 00:13:28,844
You caught me with 70 points.
216
00:13:28,968 --> 00:13:31,084
- Sam.
- Coming, sweetheart.
217
00:13:33,528 --> 00:13:36,326
Louise, that really is lovely.
218
00:13:38,448 --> 00:13:41,838
- Let's get the show on the road.
- Just relax, sweetheart.
219
00:13:46,688 --> 00:13:49,566
- I don't feel anything.
- You will in a minute.
220
00:14:05,328 --> 00:14:08,365
- You got me on a blitz.
- Well.
221
00:14:08,488 --> 00:14:10,524
Pretty lucky for a beginner.
222
00:14:41,608 --> 00:14:44,759
- He's painting like he's got a demon in him.
- Well, he does, sort of.
223
00:14:44,888 --> 00:14:47,083
Now, concentrate on the game.
224
00:14:47,208 --> 00:14:50,996
- Can I have one little peek?
- You can see it when it's finished.
225
00:15:16,968 --> 00:15:19,402
Sam. Oh, Sam!
226
00:15:20,328 --> 00:15:22,842
Stop bothering her. I'm being blitzed!
227
00:15:26,488 --> 00:15:27,523
Gin.
228
00:15:29,128 --> 00:15:30,447
I give up.
229
00:15:30,568 --> 00:15:35,084
Between that dress and my gin losses
this free painting's costing me a fortune.
230
00:15:38,888 --> 00:15:41,800
- I'm telling you, it better be good.
- Where are you going?
231
00:15:41,928 --> 00:15:43,884
I'm gonna take a look at it.
232
00:15:44,008 --> 00:15:47,717
No, not now. Not yet.
I want Sam to look at it first.
233
00:15:47,848 --> 00:15:49,645
Let him see it, Darrin.
234
00:15:50,688 --> 00:15:52,007
No, it's...
235
00:15:57,608 --> 00:16:01,157
- May I take a look at it, too?
- Not yet, sweetheart.
236
00:16:01,288 --> 00:16:05,486
You must be exhausted from sitting so long.
Why don't you go upstairs and lie down?
237
00:16:05,608 --> 00:16:07,564
Well, I'm not tired.
And I want to see my painting.
238
00:16:07,688 --> 00:16:10,486
Well, if you're not tired,
why don't you get us some coffee?
239
00:16:10,608 --> 00:16:14,283
- Is something wrong, Larry?
- I said get us some coffee.
240
00:16:14,408 --> 00:16:16,683
I'm going. I'm going!
241
00:16:20,608 --> 00:16:23,566
Well, isn't that
242
00:16:24,568 --> 00:16:27,958
- interesting?
- The word is insulting.
243
00:16:28,088 --> 00:16:30,727
- Larry, I told you I was out of practice.
- Are you kidding?
244
00:16:30,848 --> 00:16:34,238
If this is supposed to be some kind
of a practical joke, you missed the mark.
245
00:16:34,368 --> 00:16:36,359
Now, wait. Wait, Larry.
246
00:16:36,488 --> 00:16:40,766
I mean, isn't it interesting how the eyes
247
00:16:40,888 --> 00:16:43,846
follow you wherever you go.
248
00:16:43,968 --> 00:16:47,040
From my angle,
the eyes are looking at each other.
249
00:16:47,168 --> 00:16:51,081
Darrin, I'm surprised that you would indulge
in such a tasteless prank.
250
00:16:51,208 --> 00:16:54,120
- Well, Larry, I...
- Ex-friends call me Mr Tate.
251
00:16:54,248 --> 00:16:57,046
I thank you to leave and take
252
00:16:57,168 --> 00:16:58,965
that atrocity with you.
253
00:17:01,288 --> 00:17:03,119
Mother!
254
00:17:07,968 --> 00:17:10,880
"Dropped by to say hello.
255
00:17:11,008 --> 00:17:14,967
"Esmeralda told me you were at the Tates'.
Love, Mother.
256
00:17:15,088 --> 00:17:19,525
"P.S. This note will self-destruct
before you can say..."
257
00:17:22,888 --> 00:17:24,879
She can't even keep her word.
258
00:17:25,008 --> 00:17:27,158
She said she was never
coming back here again.
259
00:17:27,288 --> 00:17:30,280
I guess she couldn't resist
just one last funny.
260
00:17:30,408 --> 00:17:33,241
I thought your mother couldn't change
one of your spells.
261
00:17:33,368 --> 00:17:37,725
Well, she didn't change it.
She just added to it.
262
00:17:38,688 --> 00:17:43,204
- Louise, I'm trying to spare your feelings.
- It can't be as bad as you say.
263
00:17:43,328 --> 00:17:45,523
But believe me, it is.
Now please, let's go home.
264
00:17:45,648 --> 00:17:46,603
No!
265
00:17:50,568 --> 00:17:52,240
I want to see my painting.
266
00:17:52,368 --> 00:17:54,598
Louise, you've been the victim
of a very bad joke.
267
00:17:54,728 --> 00:17:57,686
And that's putting it very delicately.
268
00:17:57,808 --> 00:18:00,197
I will be the judge of that.
269
00:18:00,328 --> 00:18:02,762
- Now what'll we do?
- Let them in.
270
00:18:02,888 --> 00:18:05,960
I think I can subtract Mother's little addition.
271
00:18:10,968 --> 00:18:15,484
- Hi. Did I forget something?
- Yes. You forgot to show me my painting.
272
00:18:15,608 --> 00:18:18,202
That was not very nice of you
to rush off like that.
273
00:18:18,328 --> 00:18:20,683
I'll never forgive you for this.
274
00:18:20,808 --> 00:18:24,562
Samantha, is there any reason
why I should not see my painting?
275
00:18:24,688 --> 00:18:27,122
None that I can think of.
276
00:18:27,248 --> 00:18:29,842
You're not only fired,
but I'll make it my life's work
277
00:18:29,968 --> 00:18:33,847
to see to it that you're never hired
anyplace, anytime, anywhere.
278
00:18:44,408 --> 00:18:46,797
How can you call this a bad joke?
279
00:18:52,408 --> 00:18:55,605
- Well, he repainted it.
- Don't be ridiculous.
280
00:18:55,728 --> 00:18:58,800
He got here just two minutes before we did.
281
00:19:00,088 --> 00:19:04,525
- What are you crying about?
- Because you called it an atrocity,
282
00:19:04,648 --> 00:19:07,765
and it looks exactly like me.
283
00:19:08,288 --> 00:19:10,756
Louise. Louise.
284
00:19:10,888 --> 00:19:12,526
It's a compliment, Louise.
285
00:19:12,648 --> 00:19:15,287
No. You see, what he's saying is
that nothing could come close
286
00:19:15,408 --> 00:19:17,160
to your real inner beauty.
287
00:19:18,008 --> 00:19:20,238
After all, a canvas is one-dimensional,
288
00:19:20,368 --> 00:19:25,886
and you are a lovely, vibrant,
exciting, three-dimensional woman.
289
00:19:27,248 --> 00:19:28,567
Really, Larry?
290
00:19:28,688 --> 00:19:33,045
- Would Sam lie to you?
- I can't take my eyes off me.
291
00:19:37,408 --> 00:19:38,602
How did you change it?
292
00:19:38,728 --> 00:19:41,561
Larry, I give you my solemn word,
I did not change it.
293
00:19:41,688 --> 00:19:45,840
- That is not the same face.
- Well, of course it is.
294
00:19:45,968 --> 00:19:49,927
You know what I think it was?
You were upset because I blitzed you at gin,
295
00:19:50,048 --> 00:19:54,678
and in the stress and anger of the moment,
well, you just weren't seeing things clearly.
296
00:19:54,808 --> 00:19:58,084
It can happen. Ask any psychiatrist.
297
00:19:58,208 --> 00:20:01,245
- I'd like to believe that.
- Darrin?
298
00:20:02,528 --> 00:20:03,961
I know it's asking too much,
299
00:20:04,088 --> 00:20:07,603
but, well, you're so talented,
and you paint so quickly,
300
00:20:07,728 --> 00:20:11,721
- and Larry's birthday is coming up...
- Absolutely not.
301
00:20:13,008 --> 00:20:14,600
Darrin, I like your spunk,
302
00:20:14,728 --> 00:20:19,279
but as your boss, don't forget,
I hold your fortune in my hand.
303
00:20:19,408 --> 00:20:22,639
Sweetheart, I guess we'll just
have to tell them the truth.
304
00:20:22,768 --> 00:20:23,962
Sam, are you crazy?
305
00:20:24,088 --> 00:20:26,727
Now, I am not
going to go through this again.
306
00:20:26,848 --> 00:20:29,965
- Sam!
- The doctors made him give it up
307
00:20:30,088 --> 00:20:32,886
because of this rare allergy he has to paint.
308
00:20:33,528 --> 00:20:36,088
- That truth.
- He looks okay to me.
309
00:20:36,208 --> 00:20:37,357
Wait.
310
00:20:37,488 --> 00:20:40,286
It hasn't gotten all the way
into his bloodstream yet.
311
00:20:40,408 --> 00:20:42,717
In just a moment he'll begin to
312
00:20:44,608 --> 00:20:45,802
sneeze.
313
00:20:45,928 --> 00:20:48,920
And it gets worse.
He develops a nervous tic.
314
00:20:52,848 --> 00:20:56,238
- It'll go away in a minute.
- That's terrible.
315
00:20:56,368 --> 00:20:59,007
Sam, don't ex...
316
00:21:01,128 --> 00:21:02,402
...aggerate.
317
00:21:02,528 --> 00:21:06,203
My psy...
318
00:21:06,328 --> 00:21:08,205
...chiatrist?
- Yeah.
319
00:21:10,488 --> 00:21:12,399
He says that my...
320
00:21:15,408 --> 00:21:17,558
My, my...
321
00:21:17,688 --> 00:21:21,681
Forget it. Forget it.
If I want a picture, I'll use my Brownie.
322
00:21:21,808 --> 00:21:27,405
- Now, you just take it home and enjoy it.
- I will. I will.
323
00:21:27,688 --> 00:21:29,883
I'm so sorry about poor Darrin.
324
00:21:30,008 --> 00:21:34,126
Yeah, well, don't worry about him.
A day in bed, and he'll be just fine.
325
00:21:34,248 --> 00:21:36,637
- Take it easy, feller.
- I
326
00:21:39,248 --> 00:21:40,397
sure will.
327
00:21:40,528 --> 00:21:44,840
- Wow. So long, Sam.
- Yeah, Larry. Bye-bye, Louise.
328
00:21:44,968 --> 00:21:45,957
Bye.
329
00:21:47,248 --> 00:21:48,363
Sam...
330
00:21:50,768 --> 00:21:53,043
I'm sorry, sweetheart.
331
00:21:56,888 --> 00:22:01,837
- Was all that absolutely necessary?
- Well, it worked, didn't it?
332
00:22:11,528 --> 00:22:16,079
Sam, there's got to be a reason.
It just can't be plain meanness.
333
00:22:16,208 --> 00:22:18,802
Why does your mother behave
the way she does?
334
00:22:18,928 --> 00:22:21,396
Well, I'm not sure, sweetheart.
335
00:22:21,528 --> 00:22:24,759
Mother's like a kid.
She likes to play those silly pranks.
336
00:22:24,888 --> 00:22:26,924
But she's not a kid.
337
00:22:27,048 --> 00:22:28,766
A woman her age should settle down,
338
00:22:28,888 --> 00:22:31,686
take up basket weaving
or croquet or something.
339
00:22:31,808 --> 00:22:34,527
You forget, Mother is ageless.
340
00:22:34,648 --> 00:22:35,922
Yeah.
341
00:22:36,048 --> 00:22:38,039
Like mother, like daughter.
342
00:22:39,648 --> 00:22:41,047
I'll...
343
00:22:41,168 --> 00:22:44,285
I'll put that in the attic
first thing in the morning.
344
00:22:44,408 --> 00:22:49,163
Sam, is that really your great-aunt Cornelia
or is it you?
345
00:22:49,288 --> 00:22:52,041
I said it was my great-aunt Cornelia.
346
00:22:52,168 --> 00:22:54,636
Well, if you say so.
347
00:22:54,768 --> 00:22:56,167
But I was just thinking.
348
00:22:56,288 --> 00:22:58,756
Even if it is your great-aunt Cornelia,
349
00:22:58,888 --> 00:23:02,119
you could have been painted
by Toulouse-Lautrec or Renoir.
350
00:23:02,248 --> 00:23:04,887
- Don't tell me you weren't around then.
- So?
351
00:23:05,008 --> 00:23:06,839
So you look the same then as you do now.
352
00:23:06,968 --> 00:23:11,200
Well, sweetheart, I can't help that.
It's my metabolism.
353
00:23:11,328 --> 00:23:12,920
But I'm thinking ahead.
354
00:23:13,048 --> 00:23:15,482
If you look the same then as you do now,
355
00:23:15,608 --> 00:23:17,883
thirty years from now,
you'll still look the same.
356
00:23:18,008 --> 00:23:21,239
And me, I'll look like I'm supposed to look.
357
00:23:21,368 --> 00:23:24,758
Paunchy, wrinkled, maybe bald.
358
00:23:24,888 --> 00:23:29,279
It'll be embarrassing when this old man
takes this young chick for a walk.
359
00:23:29,408 --> 00:23:33,037
- What'll people say?
- People will say,
360
00:23:33,168 --> 00:23:36,797
"I bet that old man
has some pretty young ideas
361
00:23:36,928 --> 00:23:39,158
"to keep that chick interested."
362
00:23:40,368 --> 00:23:41,562
Yeah.
363
00:23:41,688 --> 00:23:42,677
Yeah!
364
00:23:42,727 --> 00:23:47,277
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