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1
00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:35,629
- Darrin, is that you?
- No, I left half an hour ago.
2
00:00:36,755 --> 00:00:39,508
Hey. Hey, sleepyhead.
3
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:41,512
Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
4
00:00:41,842 --> 00:00:43,958
I meant to get up
and fix your breakfast.
5
00:00:44,262 --> 00:00:46,617
You were sleeping soundly
and looked so beautiful...
6
00:00:46,931 --> 00:00:48,159
...I just couldn't wake you.
7
00:00:48,432 --> 00:00:50,548
I'm not beautiful.
I'm sleepy and I look awful.
8
00:00:50,851 --> 00:00:54,048
Not to me, you don't.
You look more beautiful every day.
9
00:00:54,396 --> 00:00:56,432
- Do I really?
- Of course you do.
10
00:00:56,732 --> 00:00:58,324
I'll try to get home early tonight.
11
00:00:58,609 --> 00:01:00,964
The Hotchkisses and the Tates
are coming for dinner.
12
00:01:01,278 --> 00:01:04,554
And I'm looking forward to them
seeing my beautiful wife.
13
00:01:04,906 --> 00:01:06,498
I'll see you tonight.
14
00:01:17,001 --> 00:01:19,913
Mirror, mirror, on the wall...
15
00:01:20,546 --> 00:01:23,424
...who's the most gullible of all?
16
00:01:23,757 --> 00:01:25,395
Mother.
17
00:01:27,385 --> 00:01:28,579
What do you mean, gullible?
18
00:01:28,929 --> 00:01:32,842
You're getting more and more human
every day, Samantha.
19
00:01:33,225 --> 00:01:35,420
- Thank you.
- The way you lap up that treacle...
20
00:01:35,727 --> 00:01:37,683
...it's just pathetic.
21
00:01:37,979 --> 00:01:41,528
I may not be appealing to you, Mother,
but Darrin thinks I'm beautiful.
22
00:01:41,900 --> 00:01:44,812
Oh, he's not telling the truth,
and you know it.
23
00:01:45,736 --> 00:01:48,091
Thank you, Mother.
You do say the nicest things.
24
00:01:48,405 --> 00:01:52,080
Human beings can't get along
without lying to each other.
25
00:01:52,451 --> 00:01:55,602
If they're forced to tell the truth,
it's instant chaos.
26
00:01:55,954 --> 00:01:57,148
That's not true.
27
00:01:57,455 --> 00:02:00,288
Nonsense. They're all the same.
28
00:02:00,625 --> 00:02:05,653
Every one of them,
including your precious Dobkin.
29
00:02:06,089 --> 00:02:07,317
That's enough, Mother.
30
00:02:07,590 --> 00:02:09,069
Very well, dear.
31
00:02:09,342 --> 00:02:11,139
You'll see.
32
00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:16,231
All right, Hagatha.
33
00:03:16,531 --> 00:03:17,725
Here it is, Endora.
34
00:03:17,990 --> 00:03:19,981
I'm so glad I had one
in stock for you.
35
00:03:20,284 --> 00:03:22,479
These little truth gods
are hard to find.
36
00:03:22,786 --> 00:03:25,505
I knew if anyone would have it
in her shop, you would.
37
00:03:25,831 --> 00:03:27,867
Nobody seems to be
making them anymore.
38
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:30,119
There's a lot of handwork
goes into them.
39
00:03:30,419 --> 00:03:33,889
And this new generation of witches
just doesn't have the patience.
40
00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:36,060
Where shall I put it?
41
00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:39,237
How powerful is it?
42
00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:46,317
But if a human comes
within three feet of it...
43
00:03:46,642 --> 00:03:48,997
...he'll just have to say
what's on his mind.
44
00:03:49,311 --> 00:03:52,303
Oh, splendid.
45
00:03:52,648 --> 00:03:54,320
May I see it, Hagatha?
46
00:03:54,608 --> 00:03:56,246
Of course.
47
00:03:58,029 --> 00:04:01,624
Oh, it's a dear little thing.
48
00:04:03,616 --> 00:04:06,449
Put it on the desk, Hagatha.
49
00:04:08,246 --> 00:04:10,157
One more thing.
50
00:04:10,457 --> 00:04:13,415
They do know what
they're saying, don't they?
51
00:04:13,751 --> 00:04:14,945
Oh, yes.
52
00:04:15,211 --> 00:04:17,327
And Samantha won't be
affected by it, will she?
53
00:04:17,630 --> 00:04:19,348
Not at all.
54
00:04:19,632 --> 00:04:21,270
She's still one of us, isn't she?
55
00:04:21,550 --> 00:04:24,223
Oh, of course. Of course.
56
00:04:24,554 --> 00:04:27,512
Now, would you like
a gift card to go with it?
57
00:04:27,848 --> 00:04:29,759
Oh, yes.
58
00:04:32,102 --> 00:04:33,421
Thank you, Hagatha.
59
00:04:39,358 --> 00:04:42,873
If I'm not prying too much,
what did you put on the card?
60
00:04:43,237 --> 00:04:46,912
Oh, just, "Thought you might be
interested in this. Uncle Herbert."
61
00:04:47,283 --> 00:04:50,320
An uncle of Samantha's husband,
who travels around the world a lot.
62
00:04:50,661 --> 00:04:54,210
I'd rather my son-in-law
didn't know it was from me.
63
00:04:54,790 --> 00:04:56,348
Remember, if he doesn't like it...
64
00:04:56,625 --> 00:04:58,820
...you can always exchange it
for something else.
65
00:04:59,128 --> 00:05:01,437
Oh, thank you, Hagatha.
66
00:05:01,755 --> 00:05:03,825
I'll call him right away,
Miss Thatcher.
67
00:05:17,853 --> 00:05:20,413
Miss Thatcher, would you
come in here for a minute?
68
00:05:23,317 --> 00:05:24,796
Yes, sir?
69
00:05:25,068 --> 00:05:27,821
Miss Thatcher, how did this
package get on my desk?
70
00:05:28,155 --> 00:05:30,908
Well, I don't know, sir.
I hadn't noticed it before.
71
00:05:31,242 --> 00:05:33,995
My uncle Herbert's full of surprises.
72
00:05:34,327 --> 00:05:35,840
You know, he always says...
73
00:05:36,955 --> 00:05:39,389
That sure is a tight dress
you're wearing.
74
00:05:41,459 --> 00:05:42,858
Your uncle always says that?
75
00:05:43,294 --> 00:05:45,046
And I second the thought.
76
00:05:45,338 --> 00:05:47,488
Wow, that dress looks like
it was sprayed on.
77
00:05:47,882 --> 00:05:49,156
I beg your pardon?
78
00:05:49,425 --> 00:05:53,543
Yes, sir. That is a tight dress,
is what that is.
79
00:05:54,055 --> 00:05:56,250
I'm sorry if I'm wearing
something inappropriate.
80
00:05:56,557 --> 00:05:59,788
Inappropriate? Oh, no.
Not at all, Miss Thatcher.
81
00:06:00,144 --> 00:06:03,420
That's a very charming dress.
I shouldn't have been so personal.
82
00:06:05,732 --> 00:06:08,644
Well, I don't mind your being personal,
Mr. Stephens.
83
00:06:09,486 --> 00:06:12,478
To tell you the truth, I wore this dress
especially for you.
84
00:06:12,864 --> 00:06:15,822
I hoped it would get to you.
It's two sizes too small.
85
00:06:16,158 --> 00:06:20,356
I thought it would be nice for you to
notice that I was a woman just once.
86
00:06:20,746 --> 00:06:22,225
Miss Thatcher.
87
00:06:24,541 --> 00:06:26,179
I was just kidding.
88
00:06:26,460 --> 00:06:28,769
Really, I don't know
what made me say that.
89
00:06:29,672 --> 00:06:31,902
Yes. Well...
90
00:06:32,716 --> 00:06:33,944
...that makes us even.
91
00:06:34,509 --> 00:06:37,785
- I'll take that in here.
- I wish you would.
92
00:06:38,555 --> 00:06:40,671
Mr. Stephens' office.
93
00:06:40,973 --> 00:06:43,692
Well, just a moment, Mr. Burke.
I'll see if he's in.
94
00:06:44,269 --> 00:06:47,261
Mr. Burke wants to know if you've
done anything on his campaign.
95
00:06:47,605 --> 00:06:49,675
I haven't done a thing.
96
00:06:49,982 --> 00:06:53,099
I'd better tell him I had
the chickenpox or something.
97
00:06:54,528 --> 00:06:57,042
Hello, Mr. Burke. How are you?
98
00:06:58,574 --> 00:07:01,372
No, I haven't. Not a darn thing.
99
00:07:04,204 --> 00:07:06,764
Well, no, Mr. Burke,
I haven't forgotten about you.
100
00:07:07,082 --> 00:07:09,118
I've been snowed under
with other things.
101
00:07:09,417 --> 00:07:13,649
I haven't been able to work up
any enthusiasm for your product.
102
00:07:17,633 --> 00:07:21,182
Now, look, Mr. Burke, we have a lot
more important clients than you, and...
103
00:07:22,846 --> 00:07:24,916
The same to you, buddy.
104
00:07:25,933 --> 00:07:27,605
Sorehead.
105
00:07:28,310 --> 00:07:30,904
Am I mistaken, or did you throw
an account out the window?
106
00:07:31,229 --> 00:07:33,106
Yeah, I did, and it's about time too.
107
00:07:33,398 --> 00:07:35,866
What's the matter with you?
An account's an account.
108
00:07:36,193 --> 00:07:38,753
There are some that aren't worth it.
This is one of them.
109
00:07:39,071 --> 00:07:41,062
What's more, you knew it
when you gave it to me.
110
00:07:41,364 --> 00:07:42,763
That's very unfair, Darrin.
111
00:07:43,032 --> 00:07:44,465
It's the truth.
112
00:07:44,743 --> 00:07:46,142
I wanted the Hotchkiss account.
113
00:07:46,411 --> 00:07:48,447
I know how to sell
that dishwasher of his.
114
00:07:48,746 --> 00:07:51,897
And besides,
a raise should go along with it.
115
00:07:53,250 --> 00:07:55,161
What's bugging you
this morning, Darrin?
116
00:07:55,461 --> 00:07:58,100
I gave you the Burke account
because it was a challenge.
117
00:07:58,422 --> 00:07:59,901
And I want no part of it.
118
00:08:00,174 --> 00:08:02,768
That's a miserable man,
a marginal product...
119
00:08:03,093 --> 00:08:06,403
...and I have no intention
of knocking myself out.
120
00:08:06,763 --> 00:08:10,278
And you can stop making goo-goo
eyes at the Hotchkiss account...
121
00:08:10,642 --> 00:08:13,281
...because it's mine. All mine.
122
00:08:14,270 --> 00:08:16,101
Right, Larry. Sure.
123
00:08:16,397 --> 00:08:18,831
I hope you'll be in a better mood
when we come tonight...
124
00:08:19,150 --> 00:08:20,708
...with Mr. Hotchkiss and his wife.
125
00:08:21,194 --> 00:08:23,628
Yeah, I'll try to be a good boy.
126
00:08:26,532 --> 00:08:28,488
Well, see you tonight at 7, Darrin.
127
00:08:29,868 --> 00:08:32,098
I'm looking forward to it, Larry.
128
00:08:49,345 --> 00:08:50,858
Big shot.
129
00:08:54,016 --> 00:08:56,325
What did you stop me for?
What is it I've done?
130
00:08:56,644 --> 00:08:59,317
You know what you did, mister.
You went through a red light.
131
00:08:59,647 --> 00:09:03,117
That light turned yellow just as I was
going through the intersection.
132
00:09:03,483 --> 00:09:05,678
It was red all the way through.
133
00:09:05,986 --> 00:09:07,897
It was yellow, and you know it.
134
00:09:08,196 --> 00:09:09,629
Come on, now, tell the truth.
135
00:09:09,906 --> 00:09:11,737
May I see your driver's li...?
136
00:09:12,033 --> 00:09:14,183
Yeah, it was yellow, all right.
137
00:09:14,744 --> 00:09:16,063
You admit it?
138
00:09:16,329 --> 00:09:19,082
Yeah, you got me.
139
00:09:19,666 --> 00:09:21,065
What did you flag me down for?
140
00:09:21,667 --> 00:09:23,544
Oh, I was feeling lousy...
141
00:09:23,836 --> 00:09:26,304
...and I just felt like I had to
hang one on somebody.
142
00:09:26,630 --> 00:09:28,780
Always makes me feel better
when I get this way.
143
00:09:29,258 --> 00:09:30,691
Do you get this way often?
144
00:09:32,344 --> 00:09:33,936
You would too.
145
00:09:34,346 --> 00:09:38,385
I've got two enemies who are trying
to destroy my natural good nature.
146
00:09:38,809 --> 00:09:41,687
My sergeant by day,
and my wife by night.
147
00:09:42,228 --> 00:09:43,547
Yeah, you've got it rough.
148
00:09:43,813 --> 00:09:45,690
Keeping people from
killing one another...
149
00:09:45,982 --> 00:09:48,780
...and all you get in return
is a nasty look for your trouble.
150
00:09:49,318 --> 00:09:50,717
Mister, you really understand.
151
00:09:50,986 --> 00:09:53,705
You know, you don't meet up
with your kind very often.
152
00:09:54,031 --> 00:09:56,625
Well, I don't feel this way very often.
153
00:09:57,160 --> 00:10:00,152
Would you mind removing yourself
from my car? I'd like to go home.
154
00:10:00,496 --> 00:10:02,088
Okay, buddy.
155
00:10:12,799 --> 00:10:16,508
But don't go through that light again,
or I'll throw the book at you.
156
00:10:22,057 --> 00:10:23,285
Sam, I'm home.
157
00:10:23,559 --> 00:10:26,915
- Fine, Darrin. Be down in a minute.
- Okay.
158
00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:46,111
Hello, David.
159
00:10:46,414 --> 00:10:48,291
Did you have a nice day?
160
00:10:49,083 --> 00:10:51,278
Would you mind flying down
from your roost?
161
00:10:51,753 --> 00:10:55,587
My, we are testy today, aren't we?
162
00:10:55,965 --> 00:10:58,763
I don't know,
I'm just not myself today.
163
00:10:59,093 --> 00:11:00,811
Oh, you're wrong.
164
00:11:01,095 --> 00:11:03,450
You're very much yourself today.
165
00:11:03,764 --> 00:11:05,322
What is that supposed to mean?
166
00:11:06,141 --> 00:11:07,460
Hi there.
167
00:11:08,185 --> 00:11:09,857
Hi, darling.
168
00:11:11,563 --> 00:11:13,758
- What kind of a kiss is that?
- A cautious kiss.
169
00:11:14,065 --> 00:11:16,454
- I didn't want a roller in the eye.
- Honey, I'm sorry.
170
00:11:16,777 --> 00:11:19,291
I had to do my hair for tonight.
You don't mind, do you?
171
00:11:19,612 --> 00:11:21,170
Sure, I do. All men do.
172
00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:24,492
If women only realized how ridiculous
and unfeminine they look.
173
00:11:24,826 --> 00:11:26,817
All that hardware in their hair.
174
00:11:27,119 --> 00:11:29,110
You want me to look pretty,
don't you?
175
00:11:29,413 --> 00:11:31,005
Well, look at it this way:
176
00:11:31,290 --> 00:11:33,440
How would you feel
if I came down the stairs...
177
00:11:33,751 --> 00:11:35,742
...with shaving cream
all over my face...
178
00:11:36,044 --> 00:11:38,035
...and offered you
my forehead to kiss.
179
00:11:38,338 --> 00:11:39,566
Darrin.
180
00:11:39,839 --> 00:11:41,875
I wouldn't be at my
most attractive, would I?
181
00:11:42,175 --> 00:11:44,325
No. And you're not right now.
182
00:11:44,636 --> 00:11:47,753
I find his honesty
very refreshing, Samantha.
183
00:11:48,097 --> 00:11:49,769
Well, thank you, Mom.
184
00:11:51,059 --> 00:11:55,496
Well, if the sight of me is so
distressing, I'll go back upstairs.
185
00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:58,436
Oh, Sam. Sweetheart.
186
00:11:58,816 --> 00:12:01,614
You are the one woman in the world
who can get away with it.
187
00:12:01,944 --> 00:12:05,778
Even if you tried,
you couldn't be not beautiful.
188
00:12:06,490 --> 00:12:07,684
My...
189
00:12:08,158 --> 00:12:11,468
...that's the sweetest,
whitest little lie I ever heard.
190
00:12:11,828 --> 00:12:14,501
All right, Mother. That'll do.
191
00:12:14,873 --> 00:12:16,101
Oh, what's that?
192
00:12:17,792 --> 00:12:20,829
Oh, it's from Uncle Herbert.
It arrived at the office today.
193
00:12:22,964 --> 00:12:27,082
Hey, you should've seen the dress
my secretary was wearing today.
194
00:12:28,011 --> 00:12:29,239
Boy!
195
00:12:29,553 --> 00:12:32,670
Couldn't keep your eyes off her,
I suppose.
196
00:12:33,265 --> 00:12:35,733
Well, it wasn't easy.
197
00:12:37,644 --> 00:12:39,555
Of course, she can't
compare with Sam.
198
00:12:40,188 --> 00:12:43,339
Miss Thatcher is...
Well, you take her out of that dress...
199
00:12:47,737 --> 00:12:50,695
- Is everything set for dinner?
- Yes.
200
00:12:51,240 --> 00:12:53,037
Oh, darling.
201
00:12:53,326 --> 00:12:55,044
Don't let a thing like that
bother you.
202
00:12:55,328 --> 00:12:57,523
You know how men are
with their secretaries.
203
00:12:57,830 --> 00:12:59,866
Now, wait a minute!
204
00:13:00,290 --> 00:13:02,326
Why don't you two go upstairs
and get dressed?
205
00:13:02,627 --> 00:13:04,424
I hope you have a lovely evening.
206
00:13:04,711 --> 00:13:06,508
- Thank you, dear.
- Don't worry about me.
207
00:13:06,797 --> 00:13:10,028
I'll find something to eat someplace.
208
00:13:10,383 --> 00:13:13,295
- Okay, fine.
- By myself somewhere.
209
00:13:13,637 --> 00:13:15,355
Maybe I won't bother.
210
00:13:15,638 --> 00:13:18,550
When I'm alone,
I just don't have an appetite.
211
00:13:18,892 --> 00:13:20,928
Why don't you stay
and have dinner with us?
212
00:13:21,394 --> 00:13:24,113
Oh, darling. That's very nice of you.
213
00:13:24,439 --> 00:13:26,191
Are you sure that I won't
be in the way?
214
00:13:26,482 --> 00:13:29,758
No, no, of course not. The Tates
love seeing you, don't they, darling?
215
00:13:30,111 --> 00:13:35,231
Oh, yes. Yes, they really,
certainly, really, really do.
216
00:13:35,658 --> 00:13:37,137
Don't overdo it, dear.
217
00:13:37,575 --> 00:13:40,726
- Seven o'clock, Samantha?
- Yes, 7:00.
218
00:13:43,248 --> 00:13:45,079
Seven o'clock.
219
00:13:52,882 --> 00:13:54,918
Well, I looked that man
straight in the eye...
220
00:13:55,217 --> 00:13:57,777
...and I said, "Sir, give me
a chance to prove to you...
221
00:13:58,095 --> 00:14:01,849
...that a 6-year-old boy can handle
the toughest paper route in town."
222
00:14:02,224 --> 00:14:05,296
He did, and I did,
and that's how I got my start.
223
00:14:05,644 --> 00:14:08,442
Ed, that's a wonderful,
heart-warming story.
224
00:14:08,772 --> 00:14:10,524
- Isn't it, Darrin?
- Certainly is, Larry.
225
00:14:10,816 --> 00:14:12,852
- Fresh drink, Mr. Hotchkiss?
- Oh, thank you.
226
00:14:13,152 --> 00:14:15,950
- I'll have one, Darrin.
- Stephens, that's a cute wife you got.
227
00:14:16,279 --> 00:14:18,793
Maybe she could help us write
slogans for my dishwasher.
228
00:14:19,115 --> 00:14:21,549
I'm afraid I'm not very good
at that sort of thing.
229
00:14:21,868 --> 00:14:24,336
Yes, it does take a little talent,
doesn't it?
230
00:14:24,662 --> 00:14:27,813
That reminds me. I thought of a great
slogan for my dishwasher today.
231
00:14:28,165 --> 00:14:30,725
- I'll let you have it for nothing.
- Great. Let's hear it.
232
00:14:31,043 --> 00:14:32,715
Everybody ready?
233
00:14:35,547 --> 00:14:37,822
- Frances.
- You're absolutely right, Ed.
234
00:14:38,133 --> 00:14:40,647
I haven't said anything yet.
235
00:14:41,636 --> 00:14:43,354
What was the slogan,
Mr. Hotchkiss?
236
00:14:43,638 --> 00:14:46,994
Well, this is going to kill you.
Here's how it goes:
237
00:14:47,350 --> 00:14:51,263
"Confucius say don't be wishy-washy,
buy a Hotchkiss dishy-washy."
238
00:14:55,150 --> 00:14:58,745
- Hey, that's great, Ed.
- Hey.
239
00:14:59,111 --> 00:15:02,148
Darrin, make a note of that,
and we'll discuss it at the meeting.
240
00:15:02,490 --> 00:15:04,208
Sure. Sure, Larry.
241
00:15:04,491 --> 00:15:06,322
Yes, sir. Yeah.
242
00:15:07,078 --> 00:15:11,754
I won't have to make a note of that,
because I won't forget it.
243
00:15:12,165 --> 00:15:14,963
How could I forget anything
as ridiculous as that?
244
00:15:18,254 --> 00:15:19,482
What was that you said?
245
00:15:20,507 --> 00:15:23,897
"Wishy-washy, dishy-washy."
You must be kidding, Ed.
246
00:15:25,761 --> 00:15:29,595
Now, Darrin, you've got to admit
that it's pretty catchy.
247
00:15:29,973 --> 00:15:31,929
- Watch yourself, Darrin.
- Don't get nervous.
248
00:15:32,226 --> 00:15:34,820
I know Hotchkiss is a pet of yours.
249
00:15:36,730 --> 00:15:38,163
That's right, buddy boy.
250
00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:40,829
If anybody's going to laugh
at a pet client of mine...
251
00:15:41,151 --> 00:15:42,982
...it's gonna be me.
252
00:15:45,197 --> 00:15:48,189
"Confucius say." Did you ever hear
of anything this ridiculous?
253
00:15:48,533 --> 00:15:51,923
I've heard better slogans
from a 10-year-old child.
254
00:15:52,287 --> 00:15:56,963
Darrin, Larry,
don't tease Mr. Hotchkiss.
255
00:15:57,375 --> 00:15:59,411
They always do this
with a new client.
256
00:15:59,710 --> 00:16:02,827
It's a sort of fraternity initiation.
257
00:16:03,297 --> 00:16:05,731
Junior high school fraternity.
258
00:16:06,384 --> 00:16:08,579
You must lose
a lot of clients that way.
259
00:16:08,886 --> 00:16:13,084
Oh, no, we only do it to clients
who have a good sense of humour.
260
00:16:13,766 --> 00:16:15,722
Yeah, like you, Ed.
261
00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:17,530
Yeah.
262
00:16:18,061 --> 00:16:21,292
That's one thing you can say about me
without fear of contradiction.
263
00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:24,242
- Right, Frances?
- Whatever you say, Ed.
264
00:16:24,567 --> 00:16:28,526
A sense of humour has always been
an important ingredient in my success.
265
00:16:28,905 --> 00:16:31,135
I've always been able
to laugh at misfortune.
266
00:16:31,448 --> 00:16:34,440
Even during the grim days when
I was pulling myself up the ladder.
267
00:16:34,786 --> 00:16:38,699
Rung by rung, I worked myself up
into the appliance business until...
268
00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:40,639
Knock it off, Ed.
269
00:16:44,336 --> 00:16:45,564
What did you say, Frances?
270
00:16:45,837 --> 00:16:47,748
You didn't work your way
into the business.
271
00:16:48,048 --> 00:16:49,766
You were kicked into it
by my father...
272
00:16:50,050 --> 00:16:52,245
...who gave you $25,000
when we got married.
273
00:16:52,552 --> 00:16:54,270
How can you say a thing like that?
274
00:16:54,596 --> 00:16:56,314
It's very easy. It's the truth.
275
00:16:56,598 --> 00:16:58,907
- But...
- Darrin...
276
00:16:59,225 --> 00:17:00,943
...what'd you put in those drinks?
277
00:17:01,227 --> 00:17:04,105
I don't know, but I'll give you odds
we never make it to dinner.
278
00:17:04,981 --> 00:17:08,576
Now, Frances, take it easy.
279
00:17:09,318 --> 00:17:11,752
Give him both barrels, honey.
You'll feel better.
280
00:17:12,071 --> 00:17:14,380
- Louise!
- I've been clamming up for years...
281
00:17:14,698 --> 00:17:18,008
...while he's been playing
"I Love Me" on his big trombone.
282
00:17:18,368 --> 00:17:22,884
And don't you ever snap
your fingers at me again.
283
00:17:25,583 --> 00:17:29,258
Say, why don't we all
have another drink, huh?
284
00:17:29,629 --> 00:17:31,938
Samantha, is dinner almost ready?
285
00:17:32,256 --> 00:17:34,212
Dinner may be ready,
but Frances isn't.
286
00:17:34,508 --> 00:17:37,386
She has a few more things to say.
Haven't you, honey?
287
00:17:38,721 --> 00:17:40,632
Plenty. But this'll do for starters.
288
00:17:42,808 --> 00:17:44,605
The odds against dinner
are going up.
289
00:17:44,893 --> 00:17:48,169
I'll be going up straight through
the ceiling if you don't do something.
290
00:17:48,522 --> 00:17:50,990
Okay, honey. You know...
291
00:17:51,316 --> 00:17:56,629
...a little bit of frankness can be
a very refreshing and healthy thing.
292
00:17:57,072 --> 00:17:59,745
But a lot of frankness is a gasser.
293
00:18:02,910 --> 00:18:05,344
- What's come over you?
- You interrupted me.
294
00:18:05,663 --> 00:18:07,221
- Darrin!
- You never talked to me...
295
00:18:07,498 --> 00:18:09,693
...like this in your life.
- It's time somebody did.
296
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:12,434
- And it's about time you listened.
- Hold on, Darrin.
297
00:18:12,752 --> 00:18:14,708
- Darrin, listen.
- You stay out of this, Sam.
298
00:18:15,005 --> 00:18:18,315
- I can handle this, Larry.
- I think it's time for dinner, everyone.
299
00:18:18,675 --> 00:18:20,791
You might begin
by listening to your wife.
300
00:18:21,135 --> 00:18:23,695
And then your advertising
representatives.
301
00:18:24,013 --> 00:18:26,527
Keep going. Go on.
You're making lots of sense.
302
00:18:26,849 --> 00:18:31,639
I've waited for years for you to stop
being that silent, suffering martyr.
303
00:18:32,062 --> 00:18:34,212
You picked a beautiful time
to turn yourself on.
304
00:18:34,773 --> 00:18:36,411
Silent martyr?
305
00:18:37,068 --> 00:18:39,343
Now, you look here, Ed...
306
00:18:39,653 --> 00:18:41,723
Now, just a minute, folks.
307
00:18:42,531 --> 00:18:43,884
I'm not finished yet.
308
00:18:44,617 --> 00:18:46,573
I think it's time for dinner, everyone.
309
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:48,798
Larry?
310
00:18:49,370 --> 00:18:52,999
I think we ought to postpone
this little discussion until...
311
00:18:53,374 --> 00:18:54,648
...right now.
312
00:18:54,917 --> 00:18:58,546
There are ways of handling an account.
I don't think this is any of them.
313
00:18:58,921 --> 00:19:01,071
Ed, we don't tell you how to
make dishwashers...
314
00:19:01,382 --> 00:19:04,658
...because you make a good one.
We don't need amateurs telling us...
315
00:19:05,010 --> 00:19:06,966
...how to conduct
your advertising campaign.
316
00:19:07,888 --> 00:19:11,198
Well, let's go in, everyone. We might
as well fight this out over dinner.
317
00:19:12,018 --> 00:19:14,532
Darrin, let him tell him off.
It's his account.
318
00:19:14,853 --> 00:19:17,128
Louise, if I want your help,
I'll ask for it.
319
00:19:17,439 --> 00:19:20,237
You leave her alone.
She's a fine, courageous woman.
320
00:19:20,567 --> 00:19:22,683
Oh, for heaven's sakes,
where's your manners?
321
00:19:22,986 --> 00:19:24,214
We're guests in this house.
322
00:19:24,571 --> 00:19:27,563
- Oh, that's perfectly all right, really.
- This is my house too...
323
00:19:27,907 --> 00:19:30,102
...and I give Frances permission
to say anything.
324
00:19:30,409 --> 00:19:31,967
Go ahead, Frances.
325
00:19:32,244 --> 00:19:33,802
Well, why aren't you laughing, Ed?
326
00:19:34,079 --> 00:19:36,593
Where's that sense of humour
that carried you through...
327
00:19:36,915 --> 00:19:39,224
...when you were
climbing that ladder?
328
00:19:42,254 --> 00:19:44,848
Why don't we let it
wait until after dinner?
329
00:19:53,848 --> 00:19:55,998
Good morning, daughter.
330
00:19:56,601 --> 00:19:58,273
Good morning.
331
00:19:58,811 --> 00:20:02,087
Is there anything you'd like to discuss
with your dear old Mother?
332
00:20:02,439 --> 00:20:06,034
Like last night's disaster,
for example?
333
00:20:06,402 --> 00:20:07,721
Wasn't it awful?
334
00:20:07,986 --> 00:20:10,341
Well, as I said,
that's what you have to expect...
335
00:20:10,655 --> 00:20:13,567
...when human beings
are forced to tell the truth.
336
00:20:19,956 --> 00:20:23,585
- Mother.
- Isn't that right, my little friend?
337
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:26,918
Then Darrin's uncle Herbert
didn't send that. You did.
338
00:20:27,255 --> 00:20:28,768
That's right.
339
00:20:29,215 --> 00:20:31,854
It's a little truth god.
340
00:20:32,176 --> 00:20:33,848
Hi, sweetheart. Is coffee ready yet?
341
00:20:34,137 --> 00:20:36,651
No, I haven't put it on yet.
342
00:20:37,097 --> 00:20:38,655
Well, then how come...?
343
00:20:40,392 --> 00:20:42,701
Darrin, before you come
any closer...
344
00:20:43,020 --> 00:20:47,093
...I think you ought to know
that Mother sent that.
345
00:20:47,649 --> 00:20:51,358
And any human that comes near it
has to say what's on his mind.
346
00:20:51,778 --> 00:20:55,930
You see? They just can't
stand the truth, any of them.
347
00:20:56,324 --> 00:21:00,112
That was a mean, low,
sneaky, underhanded trick.
348
00:21:00,495 --> 00:21:02,053
Yes, it was.
349
00:21:02,330 --> 00:21:04,764
And I'm quite pleased with myself.
350
00:21:05,082 --> 00:21:07,437
It was at the party last night.
Mother kept it busy.
351
00:21:07,752 --> 00:21:09,344
That's what caused all the trouble.
352
00:21:09,628 --> 00:21:12,347
Oh, fine, great.
Then all I have to do is tell Larry...
353
00:21:12,673 --> 00:21:15,267
...that we were all under the influence
of a magic statue.
354
00:21:15,592 --> 00:21:17,150
He'll understand. Simple.
355
00:21:17,469 --> 00:21:19,300
Here's your chance to explain.
356
00:21:19,596 --> 00:21:21,393
He's coming up the walk right now.
357
00:21:21,807 --> 00:21:24,605
- Have fun, children.
- Moth...
358
00:21:26,686 --> 00:21:29,837
- Darling, I'm sorry.
- It's all right.
359
00:21:36,862 --> 00:21:40,093
Darrin, you made a fool
of yourself last night.
360
00:21:40,449 --> 00:21:41,962
And you darn near made one of me.
361
00:21:42,242 --> 00:21:45,120
Appeared to me that everyone was
doing a good job on themselves.
362
00:21:45,454 --> 00:21:47,570
- Including you.
- Oh, good morning, Samantha.
363
00:21:47,873 --> 00:21:49,465
- Lovely dinner.
- Lf you want some...
364
00:21:49,750 --> 00:21:51,263
...it's still out in the kitchen.
365
00:21:52,753 --> 00:21:54,903
I tell you, I stayed up
practically all night...
366
00:21:55,213 --> 00:21:57,249
...trying to calm down
Hotchkiss and his wife.
367
00:21:57,548 --> 00:21:59,061
Not to mention Louise.
368
00:21:59,341 --> 00:22:01,013
Oh, I salvaged the account...
369
00:22:01,302 --> 00:22:03,941
...but I do think I'm entitled
to an apology from you.
370
00:22:04,263 --> 00:22:05,696
Well, Larry, I...
371
00:22:05,973 --> 00:22:08,567
There's no reason for Darrin
to make an apology.
372
00:22:08,893 --> 00:22:11,088
I'm afraid you'll have to
get along without one.
373
00:22:11,395 --> 00:22:13,750
Maybe I can get along
without him at the office too.
374
00:22:14,064 --> 00:22:16,897
- Why don't you try?
- You've got a deal.
375
00:22:17,609 --> 00:22:19,918
And it's the worst deal I ever made.
376
00:22:20,321 --> 00:22:23,518
I need you at the office, you know that.
I can't get along without you.
377
00:22:23,865 --> 00:22:26,538
Oh, that's nice to hear,
isn't it, Darrin?
378
00:22:26,868 --> 00:22:29,587
What about
Mr. And Mrs. Hotchkiss?
379
00:22:30,746 --> 00:22:32,464
Well...
380
00:22:33,207 --> 00:22:36,279
...to tell the truth,
I wasn't up with them last night.
381
00:22:36,919 --> 00:22:38,193
He called me this morning.
382
00:22:38,588 --> 00:22:40,943
They continued the donnybrook
they were having...
383
00:22:41,257 --> 00:22:43,896
...and cleared up a lot
of old misunderstandings.
384
00:22:44,259 --> 00:22:47,410
- They're happy as larks.
- Oh, how sweet.
385
00:22:47,762 --> 00:22:49,480
Did they say anything about Darrin?
386
00:22:49,764 --> 00:22:53,074
As a matter of fact, he did. He said
Darrin was right about the slogan...
387
00:22:53,434 --> 00:22:56,073
...and that we know more
about advertising than he does.
388
00:22:56,605 --> 00:22:58,800
He thinks Darrin's a great guy.
389
00:22:59,107 --> 00:23:00,745
Well, that's fine, Larry.
390
00:23:02,735 --> 00:23:06,728
- You'll be down at the office later?
- Of course I will, Larry. I'll be there...
391
00:23:07,114 --> 00:23:08,627
...as soon as I get a raise...
392
00:23:08,907 --> 00:23:11,467
...and full responsibility
for the Hotchkiss account.
393
00:23:11,785 --> 00:23:13,343
What?
394
00:23:15,581 --> 00:23:17,492
You drive a hard bargain, Darrin.
395
00:23:18,667 --> 00:23:19,895
But okay.
396
00:23:20,461 --> 00:23:22,577
See you at the office.
397
00:23:34,140 --> 00:23:35,653
Thank you, sweetheart.
398
00:23:35,933 --> 00:23:38,003
Where's the statue?
399
00:23:38,686 --> 00:23:40,517
Right here, Mother.
400
00:23:40,812 --> 00:23:42,040
And you were wrong.
401
00:23:42,314 --> 00:23:44,589
Nothing but good seems
to have come from the truth.
402
00:23:44,900 --> 00:23:46,856
Well, you can't win them all.
403
00:23:47,153 --> 00:23:49,587
Anything you'd like to say, dear?
404
00:23:49,904 --> 00:23:52,372
Darling, you're beautiful,
sweet, charming, adorable...
405
00:23:52,699 --> 00:23:54,018
...and I love you madly.
406
00:23:54,284 --> 00:23:56,354
There, you hear that?
And that's the truth.
407
00:23:56,661 --> 00:23:58,936
But your mother is an
irritating, meddling...
408
00:23:59,247 --> 00:24:00,885
- Darrin.
- I'm not finished yet.
409
00:24:01,165 --> 00:24:05,238
- I'm going to say a lot more.
- Oh, no, you're not.
410
00:24:09,340 --> 00:24:10,568
As I was saying...
411
00:24:10,842 --> 00:24:14,960
...your mother is an irritating,
meddling, nasty...
412
00:24:17,597 --> 00:24:18,996
Well, I guess I told her.
413
00:24:20,517 --> 00:24:21,745
Guess you did.
414
00:24:21,795 --> 00:24:26,345
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