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1
00:00:01,867 --> 00:00:03,835
( upbeat blues theme playing )
2
00:00:24,724 --> 00:00:27,793
Just caught a whiff of something
strange coming from outside.
3
00:00:27,795 --> 00:00:29,627
It's like a combination
of exhaust fumes,
4
00:00:29,629 --> 00:00:33,231
hair tonic
and really cheap cologne.
5
00:00:33,233 --> 00:00:35,434
Hello, wage slaves.
6
00:00:35,436 --> 00:00:36,668
Bob's back.
7
00:00:36,670 --> 00:00:37,869
That explains it.
8
00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:39,037
Long time no see.
9
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:41,106
Kind of your life story, huh?
10
00:00:41,108 --> 00:00:43,274
Times like this, I don't mind.
11
00:00:44,409 --> 00:00:45,676
Hello, Reggie.
12
00:00:45,678 --> 00:00:47,179
Why are you here, Bob?
13
00:00:47,181 --> 00:00:48,580
I was in the neighborhood.
14
00:00:48,582 --> 00:00:50,749
I meant on Earth.
15
00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:52,250
Ah, admit it, slim.
16
00:00:52,252 --> 00:00:53,985
You haven't been able
to stop thinking
17
00:00:53,987 --> 00:00:55,320
about me
since high school.
18
00:00:55,322 --> 00:00:56,654
Bob, I never think about you.
19
00:00:56,656 --> 00:00:58,757
Not when you're here,
not when you're not here.
20
00:00:58,759 --> 00:01:02,561
Never. I'm not even thinking
about you right now.
21
00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:04,329
Seems like you're spending
an awful lot of time
22
00:01:04,331 --> 00:01:05,596
not thinking about me.
23
00:01:05,598 --> 00:01:06,764
I like that.
24
00:01:08,167 --> 00:01:09,901
All right,
just a word of warning:
25
00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:11,336
Don't anybody start bitching
26
00:01:11,338 --> 00:01:12,938
about what a lousy night
you had,
27
00:01:12,940 --> 00:01:14,906
'cause I guarantee ya,
mine was worse.
28
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,407
Hey, slick,
we were in the middle
29
00:01:16,409 --> 00:01:17,642
of a conversation here.
30
00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:19,044
No, we weren't.
31
00:01:19,046 --> 00:01:20,811
I never thought
I'd say these words,
32
00:01:20,813 --> 00:01:23,515
but go on, Becker.
33
00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:26,784
I come home last night,
my apartment door is wide open.
34
00:01:26,786 --> 00:01:28,687
Turns out somebody robbed me.
35
00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:30,287
Oh, no.
Well, what did they get?
36
00:01:30,289 --> 00:01:32,958
Mm. The only thing I have
worth stealing: my computer.
37
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:34,893
Coffee to go, please.
38
00:01:34,895 --> 00:01:36,160
Sure. Sorry, Becker.
39
00:01:36,162 --> 00:01:37,562
Well, did you
call the police?
40
00:01:37,564 --> 00:01:40,765
No, I-I felt this was a job
for the Rockettes.
41
00:01:41,934 --> 00:01:43,869
The police were no help at all.
42
00:01:43,871 --> 00:01:45,537
Did you slip the cop 10 bucks?
BECKER: What?
43
00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:47,739
Whenever I deal with them,
I always grease the guy.
44
00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:49,941
I'm guessing you grease
everything you touch.
45
00:01:50,442 --> 00:01:51,343
Hey,
46
00:01:51,345 --> 00:01:52,277
Little Stevie,
47
00:01:52,279 --> 00:01:53,210
no one asked you.
48
00:01:54,747 --> 00:01:56,247
Look, if you don't
wanna get screwed,
49
00:01:56,249 --> 00:01:58,416
you gotta learn
how to finagle the system.
50
00:01:58,418 --> 00:02:00,885
Case in point, don't be a sap
and tell the insurance company
51
00:02:00,887 --> 00:02:02,921
it was just your computer
that got stolen.
52
00:02:02,923 --> 00:02:05,223
But it was just my computer.
No.
53
00:02:05,225 --> 00:02:06,691
It was your computer,
your CD player,
54
00:02:06,693 --> 00:02:08,126
your grandmother's jewelry,
55
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:10,595
and, uh, that brand-new
set of golf clubs.
56
00:02:10,597 --> 00:02:12,096
So your brilliant advice
is to cheat
57
00:02:12,098 --> 00:02:13,565
the insurance company.
Is that it?
58
00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:15,199
Last time Bob got robbed,
he reported
59
00:02:15,201 --> 00:02:17,202
everything missing
but the Hubble Telescope.
60
00:02:17,204 --> 00:02:18,636
You know,
I hate to say it, John,
61
00:02:18,638 --> 00:02:21,239
but the little ferret
does make a point.
62
00:02:21,241 --> 00:02:23,474
Sometimes it takes
a little creative accounting
63
00:02:23,476 --> 00:02:25,510
to get what's rightfully yours.
64
00:02:25,512 --> 00:02:27,913
You sound like you're talking
from experience, Jake.
65
00:02:27,915 --> 00:02:29,381
What, me?
Oh, never.
66
00:02:29,383 --> 00:02:31,683
Oh, please. I've seen you
count your register.
67
00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:34,219
Half that cash
goes right in your pocket.
68
00:02:34,221 --> 00:02:36,788
Government's always giving money
to people with disabilities.
69
00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:38,557
I'm just cuttin' out
the middleman.
70
00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:40,492
But speaking of cheating,
71
00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:42,793
let's talk about your famous
veal cutlet sandwich.
72
00:02:42,795 --> 00:02:44,262
Jake.
73
00:02:44,264 --> 00:02:45,496
Whoa, I-I eat that
all the time.
74
00:02:45,498 --> 00:02:46,998
Wha-- What's wrong
with the veal?
75
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,333
It's turkey.
76
00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:49,167
( laughing )
77
00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:51,002
Ah, Reg.
78
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:53,238
Well, I couldn't stand to think
of those cute little calves
79
00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:56,775
and how awfully they're treated,
so I made a substitution.
80
00:02:56,777 --> 00:02:59,777
Yeah, what-- What's humanitarian
about charging veal prices
81
00:02:59,779 --> 00:03:01,546
for a turkey sandwich?
82
00:03:01,548 --> 00:03:03,814
Hey, you're gettin'
a veal cutlet for 4.95.
83
00:03:03,816 --> 00:03:05,717
Quit bitching.
84
00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:07,485
Here I thought
this was a nice little diner,
85
00:03:07,487 --> 00:03:09,354
turns out
it's a den of thieves.
86
00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:11,489
Now, come on, John,
lighten up, would ya?
87
00:03:11,491 --> 00:03:13,191
Yeah, Becker.
Everybody does it.
88
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:15,192
Now, you see, that's
what's wrong with the world.
89
00:03:15,194 --> 00:03:17,862
Everybody says everybody
does it, so everybody does it.
90
00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:20,966
Well, not everybody does it,
'cause I don't.
91
00:03:20,968 --> 00:03:22,567
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Save it for the tourists.
92
00:03:22,569 --> 00:03:25,370
Look, if you want
a new computer,
93
00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:27,706
no questions asked,
I know a guy.
94
00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:30,108
Haven't you heard a word I said?
I'm not that kind of guy.
95
00:03:30,110 --> 00:03:33,378
You don't have to be.
My guy's that kind of a guy.
96
00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:37,148
New rule, Bob. From now on, you
must be this tall to talk to me.
97
00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:38,549
You got that?
98
00:03:41,019 --> 00:03:42,954
Look, do you want
the computer or not?
99
00:03:54,367 --> 00:03:55,866
Margaret, what time's
100
00:03:55,868 --> 00:03:58,403
the insurance agent
supposed to be here?
101
00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:01,673
All she said was sometime
this morning. Just relax.
102
00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:04,442
Yeah, that's easy for you to
say. Have you ever been robbed?
103
00:04:04,444 --> 00:04:07,144
Oh, please. I have lived
in New York my whole life.
104
00:04:07,146 --> 00:04:09,980
I was held up
on prom night.
105
00:04:09,982 --> 00:04:12,283
By my date.
106
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:16,387
Dr. Becker,
I just want you to know
107
00:04:16,389 --> 00:04:18,156
that I feel your pain.
108
00:04:18,158 --> 00:04:20,391
Oh, thank you, Linda.
109
00:04:20,393 --> 00:04:22,227
You must feel
so violated.
110
00:04:22,229 --> 00:04:25,129
I mean, someone
was in your home,
111
00:04:25,131 --> 00:04:27,031
touching your stuff,
112
00:04:27,033 --> 00:04:30,735
doing God knows what
to all your private things.
113
00:04:30,737 --> 00:04:33,304
How can you even feel safe
to go to sleep at night
114
00:04:33,306 --> 00:04:36,040
knowing that not only
was someone there,
115
00:04:36,042 --> 00:04:38,643
( whispers ):
but that they might come back?
116
00:04:38,645 --> 00:04:41,613
D-Don't you ever stop and think
what you're about to say
117
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:43,515
before you start talking?
118
00:04:43,517 --> 00:04:45,016
No, I like to hear it
for the first time
119
00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:46,851
with everyone else.
120
00:04:51,723 --> 00:04:53,391
Excuse me.
121
00:04:53,393 --> 00:04:55,360
I'm Susan Fox
from Evergreen Insurance.
122
00:04:55,362 --> 00:04:57,228
Are you Dr. Becker?
Yes, John Becker.
123
00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:59,330
Thank you so much for coming.
124
00:04:59,332 --> 00:05:02,967
I can't tell you how anxious
I am to get this settled.
125
00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:04,569
Well, I'm glad
to be able to help.
126
00:05:04,571 --> 00:05:06,438
At Evergreen Insurance,
we pride ourselves
127
00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:08,506
on being there when you need us.
Oh, that's great.
128
00:05:08,508 --> 00:05:10,608
S-Sit-- Sit down here. Um--
Thank you.
129
00:05:10,610 --> 00:05:11,876
Let's see, I got my, uh,
130
00:05:11,878 --> 00:05:13,812
original receipt
for the computer.
131
00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:17,081
Uh-huh.
As you can see, I spent $2,000.
132
00:05:17,083 --> 00:05:19,784
Over here is the, uh--
The, uh, police report.
133
00:05:19,786 --> 00:05:22,153
Well, you're certainly
very organized, doctor.
134
00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:24,121
And I would like to compliment
you on your honesty.
135
00:05:24,123 --> 00:05:26,190
A lot of people try
to inflate their losses
136
00:05:26,192 --> 00:05:29,327
to take advantage of the
"big bad" insurance company.
137
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:30,628
Uh, well, thank you, you know.
138
00:05:30,630 --> 00:05:33,264
I-I believe in playing
by the rules.
139
00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:36,134
All right. Well, it says here
that with depreciation,
140
00:05:36,136 --> 00:05:40,138
your computer today
would be worth $500.
141
00:05:42,208 --> 00:05:45,543
Wha--? Wha--? Whoa-- Whoa--
Whoa-- Whoa. I-I spent 2,000.
142
00:05:45,545 --> 00:05:48,713
I-- I can't accept
a check for 500.
143
00:05:48,715 --> 00:05:50,748
Oh, I'm so glad you said that,
because most people
144
00:05:50,750 --> 00:05:52,550
forget about their deductible.
145
00:05:52,552 --> 00:05:59,624
Yours is $100, so I'm prepared
to authorize a check for 400.
146
00:05:59,626 --> 00:06:02,593
Well--? How am I supposed
to get a new computer for that?
147
00:06:02,595 --> 00:06:05,230
I mean, what kind of scam
are you people running?
148
00:06:05,232 --> 00:06:07,297
Oh, I know, I know,
it's just terrible, isn't it?
149
00:06:07,299 --> 00:06:09,901
If ever there was a business
in need of serious reform,
150
00:06:09,903 --> 00:06:12,303
( whispers ):
it's ours.
151
00:06:12,305 --> 00:06:16,908
How am I supposed to replace
a computer for $400?
152
00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:19,343
You know, it's interesting that
you bring that up, actually,
153
00:06:19,345 --> 00:06:22,213
because I can offer you
a more comprehensive coverage--
154
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:23,948
Ho-- Hold on, hold on, uh--
155
00:06:23,950 --> 00:06:25,850
After burning me
on my old policy,
156
00:06:25,852 --> 00:06:28,286
you're actually trying
to sell me on a new one?
157
00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:31,922
Oh, I know, I know.
I just can't help myself.
158
00:06:32,958 --> 00:06:34,591
Well, this is--
This is ridiculous.
159
00:06:34,593 --> 00:06:35,726
I'm not gonna take this.
160
00:06:35,728 --> 00:06:37,161
You know,
I'm gonna sue you people.
161
00:06:37,163 --> 00:06:39,597
I happen to have
a very aggressive lawyer.
162
00:06:39,599 --> 00:06:41,065
Just one?
163
00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:42,233
( laughing )
164
00:06:52,110 --> 00:06:56,281
So, Reggie, when are you gonna
stop circling the airport
165
00:06:56,283 --> 00:06:58,950
and let Bob bring you in
for a landing?
166
00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:01,052
I must have done something awful
in a previous life
167
00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:02,620
to deserve this.
168
00:07:02,622 --> 00:07:05,056
Yeah, but what did I do?
169
00:07:05,058 --> 00:07:07,725
Bob, let me ask you something.
170
00:07:07,727 --> 00:07:09,093
What does your wife
say about you
171
00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:10,929
coming in here
and hitting on me?
172
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:13,397
Due to a recent
collagen incident,
173
00:07:13,399 --> 00:07:16,134
Bob's wife is a little hard
to understand.
174
00:07:16,136 --> 00:07:17,402
( door opens )
175
00:07:17,404 --> 00:07:19,103
I swear, you could stick
your hand
176
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:21,272
into a puddle of swamp water
and still come up
177
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:23,408
with a higher form of life
than your average
178
00:07:23,410 --> 00:07:25,777
electronics-store salesman.
179
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:27,411
For those of you
playing along at home,
180
00:07:27,413 --> 00:07:30,482
the topic today
is electronics stores.
181
00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:34,017
You know, I-I have been to every
discount store in this city
182
00:07:34,019 --> 00:07:36,654
looking for a computer
for the lousy 400 bucks
183
00:07:36,656 --> 00:07:38,422
the insurance company gave me.
184
00:07:38,424 --> 00:07:39,757
I've been to Crazy Achmed's,
185
00:07:39,759 --> 00:07:42,427
Crazy Yitzaak's, Crazy Pablo.
186
00:07:42,429 --> 00:07:44,828
If you're insane and you went
through Ellis Island,
187
00:07:44,830 --> 00:07:47,565
I've been in your store today.
188
00:07:47,567 --> 00:07:49,367
You screwed yourself, Becker.
189
00:07:49,369 --> 00:07:51,469
I told you to pad
your insurance claim.
190
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:54,572
Well, excuse me for trying
to play by the rules.
191
00:07:54,574 --> 00:07:56,541
See, the only problem
with playing by the rules is
192
00:07:56,543 --> 00:07:59,444
you end up
playing with yourself.
193
00:07:59,446 --> 00:08:02,113
Bob is touched by your
tale of human misery.
194
00:08:02,115 --> 00:08:03,814
Bob, don't be
touched by me,
195
00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:06,650
and more importantly,
don't touch me.
196
00:08:07,252 --> 00:08:09,453
Understood.
197
00:08:09,455 --> 00:08:11,222
So please allow Bob
to reiterate his offer
198
00:08:11,224 --> 00:08:13,758
to put you in touch
with Bob's guy.
199
00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:17,061
So you're offering me a computer
that just fell off the truck,
200
00:08:17,063 --> 00:08:18,463
is that right?
201
00:08:18,465 --> 00:08:19,930
All I'm saying is
202
00:08:19,932 --> 00:08:21,632
my guy will get you
exactly what you need
203
00:08:21,634 --> 00:08:24,168
for precisely the 400
shekels you have to spend.
204
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:25,636
No questions asked.
205
00:08:25,638 --> 00:08:28,272
The computer's hot,
isn't it?
206
00:08:28,274 --> 00:08:29,841
Perhaps we need
to review the concept
207
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:32,609
of no questions asked.
208
00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:36,413
Yeah, I don't think so.
209
00:08:37,115 --> 00:08:39,083
Fine.
210
00:08:39,085 --> 00:08:43,154
If you wanna be the last schmuck
in Schmuckville, go ahead.
211
00:08:43,156 --> 00:08:44,856
If, on the other hand,
212
00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:46,791
you want a brand-new,
213
00:08:46,793 --> 00:08:48,826
state-of-the-art computer
214
00:08:48,828 --> 00:08:51,162
for $400,
215
00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:52,997
I can make that happen.
216
00:08:52,999 --> 00:08:55,333
What's it gonna be?
217
00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:58,670
Yes or no?
218
00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:02,373
Yes.
219
00:09:20,292 --> 00:09:21,658
( knock on door )
220
00:09:22,327 --> 00:09:23,861
Oh, brother.
221
00:09:23,863 --> 00:09:25,963
I'm coming, I'm coming.
222
00:09:27,198 --> 00:09:28,566
Hey, slick.
223
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:29,967
Oh, jeez.
224
00:09:29,969 --> 00:09:31,502
Open up, will ya?
I got your computer.
225
00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:34,105
Hey, just shut up
and get in here, will ya?
226
00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:36,740
I got everything you need here.
I think you're gonna be happy.
227
00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:40,177
Look, Bob,
I'm not feeling so good about--
228
00:09:41,146 --> 00:09:43,147
Oh, wow, that's a--
229
00:09:43,149 --> 00:09:46,050
That's a 450.
That's top of the line.
230
00:09:46,052 --> 00:09:49,921
I'm like Dominos.
It's here, it's hot, guaranteed.
231
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:51,989
Let me just, uh,
get ya a check, here.
232
00:09:51,991 --> 00:09:55,293
Hey, stay out here
where I can see you, will ya?
233
00:09:55,295 --> 00:09:57,961
Yeah, I thought doctors
lived better than this.
234
00:09:57,963 --> 00:10:00,698
Hell, I thought hostages
lived better than this.
235
00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:03,167
Here you go.
236
00:10:03,169 --> 00:10:04,669
Pleasure doing business
with you.
237
00:10:04,671 --> 00:10:06,036
Uh, yeah.
238
00:10:06,038 --> 00:10:08,806
So, doc, you know how
to set up one of these things?
239
00:10:08,808 --> 00:10:09,940
Uh, no, but I'm sure
240
00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:11,843
you got
a guy for that too.
241
00:10:11,845 --> 00:10:13,177
Yeah, you're lookin' at him.
242
00:10:13,179 --> 00:10:14,712
Once Bob found out
there was such a thing
243
00:10:14,714 --> 00:10:15,813
as a lesbian chat room,
244
00:10:15,815 --> 00:10:18,516
he learned about computers
real quick.
245
00:10:18,518 --> 00:10:19,950
Bob, you-- You don't have
to do this--
246
00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:21,285
Look, forget it. Forget it.
247
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:23,187
I'll have you up and running
before you can say,
248
00:10:23,189 --> 00:10:25,556
"Hi, my name is Bob,
a 16-year-old girl
249
00:10:25,558 --> 00:10:27,157
experimenting
with her sexuality."
250
00:10:28,560 --> 00:10:29,693
Desk okay?
251
00:10:31,663 --> 00:10:34,599
It-- It was, yeah.
252
00:10:34,601 --> 00:10:36,634
This will only take
a couple of hours, but, uh,
253
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:39,103
meanwhile, Bob's feeling
a bit peckish.
254
00:10:39,105 --> 00:10:40,972
Wanna pass me
a slice of that pizza?
255
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:41,706
( groans )
256
00:10:43,508 --> 00:10:44,608
Great.
257
00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:47,612
Oh, cold.
258
00:10:47,614 --> 00:10:49,813
Stick that in the microwave,
will you, Ichabod?
259
00:10:59,058 --> 00:11:00,791
Mrs. Yudelson,
the doctor wants you
260
00:11:00,793 --> 00:11:02,726
to use this ointment
three times a day
261
00:11:02,728 --> 00:11:05,296
and call us in a week
if there's no change, okay?
262
00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:08,232
Yeah, all right, yeah.
263
00:11:08,234 --> 00:11:11,202
Linda, would you walk
Mrs. Yudelson to the door?
264
00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:12,469
( whispers ):
Do I have to?
265
00:11:12,471 --> 00:11:13,804
Linda.
266
00:11:17,342 --> 00:11:19,843
Right this way, Mrs. Yudelson.
267
00:11:19,845 --> 00:11:22,646
Yeah, okay, okay.
268
00:11:23,649 --> 00:11:24,715
Oh, John,
269
00:11:24,717 --> 00:11:26,116
you got
a strange message
270
00:11:26,118 --> 00:11:27,885
from some guy named Bob.
271
00:11:27,887 --> 00:11:30,021
He wanted to know
if you were free tonight.
272
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:34,291
Something about dinner
and a nude ice revue?
273
00:11:35,393 --> 00:11:37,061
Throw it away.
274
00:11:37,063 --> 00:11:38,496
Um, are these
two separate things
275
00:11:38,498 --> 00:11:41,365
or do the skaters actually
serve dinner, because--?
276
00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:44,702
Mar-- Margaret,
just toss it, will ya?
277
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:46,203
Who-- Who's next?
Mm, all right.
278
00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:48,572
Um, you have a new patient in 1.
279
00:11:48,574 --> 00:11:50,707
Oh, and if you're still
going computer shopping
280
00:11:50,709 --> 00:11:53,077
this afternoon, I saw some good
sales in the paper.
281
00:11:53,079 --> 00:11:56,480
Oh, uh, yeah, I already came up
with a great deal on a computer.
282
00:11:56,482 --> 00:11:58,448
Thanks. Thanks very much.
Oh, really?
283
00:11:58,450 --> 00:12:00,417
'Cause I'm looking for one
for my nephew.
284
00:12:00,419 --> 00:12:02,019
What store did you go to?
285
00:12:02,021 --> 00:12:03,988
Well, it wasn't actually
a store, Margaret.
286
00:12:03,990 --> 00:12:05,656
It's more of a warehouse,
287
00:12:05,658 --> 00:12:07,959
cl-- Club, mem-- Membership
kind of thing, you know,
288
00:12:07,961 --> 00:12:10,461
for-- For-- For doctors only.
289
00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:12,263
I'm sorry. I'd-- I'd love to.
290
00:12:12,265 --> 00:12:14,264
MARGARET: For doctors only?
BECKER: Yeah.
291
00:12:14,266 --> 00:12:15,666
I've never heard
of such a thing.
292
00:12:15,668 --> 00:12:17,401
What are you talking about?
293
00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:18,569
All r-- All right, all right.
294
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,638
Look, it's not exactly
a-a place.
295
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:22,740
It's m--
296
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,675
See, I-I got it from a g--
297
00:12:24,677 --> 00:12:26,644
Guy who knows a guy
who knows--
298
00:12:26,646 --> 00:12:27,912
You bought a hot computer?
299
00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:29,447
I don't know that.
300
00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:31,715
I-I-I was very careful
about not knowing that.
301
00:12:31,717 --> 00:12:34,385
And I know it's wrong, so
don't-- Don't give me that look.
302
00:12:34,387 --> 00:12:37,054
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
And don't you make that sound.
303
00:12:37,056 --> 00:12:38,923
( sighs )
Oh, great, there it is:
304
00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:40,524
The sigh.
You know, I hate that.
305
00:12:40,526 --> 00:12:42,125
Mm-mm-mm.
Oh, the head shake?
306
00:12:42,127 --> 00:12:43,760
Oh, that's great.
You know something?
307
00:12:43,762 --> 00:12:46,297
Just stop lecturing me,
Margaret.
308
00:12:47,099 --> 00:12:48,733
Damn, I'm good.
309
00:12:53,772 --> 00:12:55,806
Mrs. Yudelson,
would it help
310
00:12:55,808 --> 00:12:59,677
if I dangled a Social Security
check in front of you?
311
00:13:02,914 --> 00:13:04,915
Hi, I'm Dr. Becker.
Sorry I'm late.
312
00:13:04,917 --> 00:13:06,383
And you are Mister--?
313
00:13:06,385 --> 00:13:08,452
Is that really important?
314
00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:09,686
Well, no, I guess not.
315
00:13:09,688 --> 00:13:11,689
Wha-- What seems to be
the problem?
316
00:13:11,691 --> 00:13:13,624
I, uh, got rear-ended by a cab.
317
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,860
I need one of them collars
for around my neck.
318
00:13:15,862 --> 00:13:17,962
All right, all right, let's--
Let's check it out.
319
00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:19,463
Where--
Where does it hurt?
320
00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:21,766
Where should I say
it hurts?
321
00:13:21,768 --> 00:13:24,535
Well, does it hurt
when you move your head?
322
00:13:24,537 --> 00:13:25,502
I don't know.
Does it?
323
00:13:25,504 --> 00:13:27,305
Does it what?
Does it hurt?
324
00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:29,607
You tell me.
How am I supposed to know?
325
00:13:29,609 --> 00:13:31,742
I'm trying to find out
what's wrong with your neck.
326
00:13:31,744 --> 00:13:33,010
Just tell me
where it should hurt,
327
00:13:33,012 --> 00:13:34,412
and that's what I'll say.
328
00:13:34,414 --> 00:13:36,714
What the hell's going on here?
329
00:13:36,716 --> 00:13:38,182
Oh, whoa, what's your problem?
330
00:13:38,184 --> 00:13:40,051
Bob said you knew
how the game was played.
331
00:13:40,053 --> 00:13:42,152
Bob? Bob sent you in here?
332
00:13:42,154 --> 00:13:43,354
Yeah.
333
00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:45,256
He thought we could
help each other out.
334
00:13:45,258 --> 00:13:46,724
You phony up a claim.
I go to court.
335
00:13:46,726 --> 00:13:49,293
"Ow, ow, ow."
We all make a few bucks.
336
00:13:49,295 --> 00:13:51,128
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
337
00:13:51,130 --> 00:13:52,496
BECKER:
Come on, get out of here.
338
00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:54,365
Go on, get the hell out of here.
339
00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:56,600
I don't wanna see you
in this office again.
340
00:13:56,602 --> 00:13:59,170
Hey, if anyone else is in here
because of a guy named Bob,
341
00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:01,305
I want you to leave right now.
342
00:14:07,346 --> 00:14:09,747
I forgot my purse.
343
00:14:09,749 --> 00:14:13,084
Don't move. I'll get it.
344
00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:16,120
Make it quick.
I gotta run.
345
00:14:24,629 --> 00:14:26,163
What's up, Jake?
346
00:14:26,165 --> 00:14:29,066
Reggie, I'll have the usual.
347
00:14:29,068 --> 00:14:31,936
Okay. Glass of orange juice
that I spit in.
348
00:14:34,339 --> 00:14:36,874
As close to a kiss
as I've ever gotten.
349
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,977
So, uh, has my good friend
John been in today?
350
00:14:39,979 --> 00:14:42,647
Because I picked us up a couple
of Yankee tickets for Saturday.
351
00:14:42,649 --> 00:14:44,448
Y-You're hanging out
with John Becker?
352
00:14:44,450 --> 00:14:46,450
Yeah. In fact, I was over
at his apartment last night.
353
00:14:46,452 --> 00:14:48,085
We shared a pizza.
354
00:14:48,087 --> 00:14:49,654
John Becker?
355
00:14:49,656 --> 00:14:51,422
Yeah, we're becoming very tight.
356
00:14:51,424 --> 00:14:53,657
With "John Becker,"
John Becker?
357
00:14:53,659 --> 00:14:54,658
What, are you deaf too?
358
00:14:54,660 --> 00:14:56,560
Oh--
359
00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:59,864
Look, uh, just tell him I was
in here looking for him.
360
00:14:59,866 --> 00:15:02,366
See ya, slim.
Hawkeye.
361
00:15:04,903 --> 00:15:08,572
Why in the world would Becker
be friends with Bob?
362
00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:10,173
John is a doctor.
363
00:15:10,175 --> 00:15:12,710
Maybe he was conducting
some sort of medical experiment
364
00:15:12,712 --> 00:15:15,680
and thought using a rat
was too cruel.
365
00:15:15,682 --> 00:15:17,781
( laughs )
366
00:15:17,783 --> 00:15:20,617
Or Becker has a roach problem
367
00:15:20,619 --> 00:15:23,587
and he brought Bob in
as a technical consultant.
368
00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:24,821
( laughs )
369
00:15:24,823 --> 00:15:26,190
Or-- Or maybe we're forgetting
370
00:15:26,192 --> 00:15:28,391
that Bob is
a weaselly little liar
371
00:15:28,393 --> 00:15:30,528
and we shouldn't believe
a word he said.
372
00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:32,630
Let's go with that one.
Yes.
373
00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:36,233
You guys seen Bob in here today?
I gotta talk to him.
374
00:15:36,235 --> 00:15:37,501
Reg, I'm scared.
375
00:15:37,503 --> 00:15:38,969
( sighs )
376
00:15:38,971 --> 00:15:40,404
What's going on?
You're--
377
00:15:40,406 --> 00:15:42,440
( scoffs )
You're friends with Bob?
378
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:45,008
Oh, no. Hell no. No, he--
He just came by my apartment
379
00:15:45,010 --> 00:15:47,345
the other night
to drop off a computer.
380
00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:49,713
Yes, yes, a hot computer.
381
00:15:49,715 --> 00:15:52,149
I-I let his guy
get it for me.
382
00:15:52,151 --> 00:15:54,251
Before you say anything,
I know it was wrong.
383
00:15:54,253 --> 00:15:55,952
I know it goes against
everything I said in here
384
00:15:55,954 --> 00:15:58,122
the other day, which makes me
look like a hypocrite.
385
00:15:58,124 --> 00:16:00,758
But I did it, and I'm just gonna
have to live with it.
386
00:16:01,693 --> 00:16:04,528
You let Bob in your house?
387
00:16:04,530 --> 00:16:06,263
That's not the half of it.
388
00:16:06,265 --> 00:16:09,300
Now-- Now he's dropping by,
he's calling me.
389
00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:11,434
And worst of all,
he's sending me phony patients.
390
00:16:11,436 --> 00:16:13,570
If that little weasel thinks
just 'cause I let him
391
00:16:13,572 --> 00:16:15,906
get me one hot computer,
I'm gonna let him corrupt
392
00:16:15,908 --> 00:16:18,542
my entire medical practice,
you know,
393
00:16:18,544 --> 00:16:20,511
he's just got
another think coming.
394
00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:23,681
You let him in your house?
395
00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:25,449
Look, Reg,
I-I really need to talk to him.
396
00:16:25,451 --> 00:16:27,985
Do you-- Do you have
his telephone number?
397
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:30,120
Yeah, I got it right here
in a little locket
398
00:16:30,122 --> 00:16:32,322
I wear next to my heart.
399
00:16:33,691 --> 00:16:36,293
Damn it, you know,
400
00:16:36,295 --> 00:16:40,297
I'm not gonna let this guy
ruin my reputation.
401
00:16:40,299 --> 00:16:42,132
I know-- I know.
I'll leave him a message
402
00:16:42,134 --> 00:16:44,168
in the lesbian chat room.
403
00:16:56,281 --> 00:16:57,715
( knock on door )
404
00:16:57,717 --> 00:16:59,750
Hey, what's up, sparky?
405
00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:02,453
Bob. Oh, where--
Where are you going?
406
00:17:02,455 --> 00:17:04,221
Gonna grab myself a beer.
Hope you went shopping.
407
00:17:04,223 --> 00:17:06,724
The stuff last time, I wouldn't
shampoo my dog with that.
408
00:17:06,726 --> 00:17:09,092
Hey, hey, hey.
Come here, come here.
409
00:17:09,094 --> 00:17:10,661
We need to talk.
Sit down here.
410
00:17:10,663 --> 00:17:12,863
What about?
Us.
411
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:13,864
Huh?
412
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:15,365
You-- You and me,
you know, what--
413
00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:17,968
What's going on
between us.
414
00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:18,869
What?
415
00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:20,737
A-About our relationship.
416
00:17:20,739 --> 00:17:22,573
See, I-I-I don't
think you're--
417
00:17:22,575 --> 00:17:25,843
You're clear about
what I'm looking for.
418
00:17:29,914 --> 00:17:31,849
Oh, my God, you're gay.
What?
419
00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:35,652
Look, nancy, Bob is strictly
hetero, with a capital O.
420
00:17:35,654 --> 00:17:38,022
Besides, I don't find you
the least bit attractive.
421
00:17:38,024 --> 00:17:39,356
Bob--
Although there was that day
422
00:17:39,358 --> 00:17:41,225
when you had on
a blue sweater and those--
423
00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:43,594
Hey, Bob, shut up,
will ya?
424
00:17:43,596 --> 00:17:45,362
What I'm trying to say is,
I-I don't want
425
00:17:45,364 --> 00:17:47,498
you telling people
we're buddies.
426
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:49,166
You know? And I don't want you
sending any more
427
00:17:49,168 --> 00:17:51,068
phony patients to my office.
428
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:52,903
And I know
I asked you for this,
429
00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:55,973
but I want you to take this
computer back to your guy.
430
00:17:55,975 --> 00:17:57,074
I can't do that.
431
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:59,410
It's kind of
"all sales are final."
432
00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:00,377
I don't care what it was.
433
00:18:00,379 --> 00:18:03,547
I want this stolen
computer out of my life.
434
00:18:06,050 --> 00:18:07,351
All right, look--
435
00:18:08,653 --> 00:18:09,653
The computer's not stolen.
436
00:18:09,655 --> 00:18:11,388
I bought it retail.
437
00:18:11,390 --> 00:18:12,656
What?
438
00:18:12,658 --> 00:18:13,858
I didn't have time
to get you a deal.
439
00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:15,726
I had to get this scam moving.
440
00:18:15,728 --> 00:18:17,027
What are you talking about?
441
00:18:17,029 --> 00:18:18,462
This wasn't about
being buddies.
442
00:18:18,464 --> 00:18:20,197
I got enough friends
without hanging out
443
00:18:20,199 --> 00:18:22,198
with some gay doctor
in the Bronx.
444
00:18:26,637 --> 00:18:29,606
I did it to get closer
to Reggie.
445
00:18:29,608 --> 00:18:32,709
I figured,
if you liked me,
446
00:18:32,711 --> 00:18:35,379
maybe I wouldn't seem
so bad to her.
447
00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:37,948
You know,
without a doubt, you--
448
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:40,317
You are out of your
freakin' mind.
449
00:18:40,319 --> 00:18:42,452
I'm gonna pay you
for this computer,
450
00:18:42,454 --> 00:18:45,523
and then I want you
to get the hell outta here.
451
00:18:45,525 --> 00:18:47,090
Suit yourself.
452
00:18:47,092 --> 00:18:49,259
With tax
and the extended warranty,
453
00:18:49,261 --> 00:18:51,562
less the 400 you gave me,
454
00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:55,266
that would be $3,156.72.
455
00:18:55,268 --> 00:18:57,501
What? I could've gotten that--
That for 2,600.
456
00:18:57,503 --> 00:18:58,969
You got screwed.
457
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:00,537
No, I didn't.
You did.
458
00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:03,307
All right, you know,
459
00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:05,142
Reggie's never gonna
go out with you.
460
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,845
I mean, for starters,
you're married.
461
00:19:07,847 --> 00:19:10,480
Yeah, there's married
and there's married.
462
00:19:10,482 --> 00:19:12,049
My wife's total lack
of interest in me
463
00:19:12,051 --> 00:19:14,852
affords a certain
amount of wiggle room.
464
00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:17,187
Fine, you know, whatever.
465
00:19:17,189 --> 00:19:19,156
But even you
admit she hates you.
466
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:22,193
I mean, Reggie, you know,
of all women, why her?
467
00:19:22,195 --> 00:19:25,863
All right, I'll tell you.
468
00:19:27,231 --> 00:19:29,399
All the time we were growing up,
469
00:19:29,401 --> 00:19:31,401
she was the prettiest,
470
00:19:31,403 --> 00:19:33,336
the most popular.
471
00:19:33,338 --> 00:19:35,873
Out of all the women
I never had a shot at,
472
00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:38,142
she's the one
I never had a shot at the most.
473
00:19:38,144 --> 00:19:43,214
And understand, I had a lot less
going for me then than I do now.
474
00:19:43,216 --> 00:19:45,415
Yeah, I find that
hard to imagine.
475
00:19:46,818 --> 00:19:49,019
So then, when she came
back to town,
476
00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:50,721
I'm doing better.
477
00:19:50,723 --> 00:19:52,723
She's doing worse.
478
00:19:52,725 --> 00:19:56,827
So I figure,
maybe now I got a shot.
479
00:19:56,829 --> 00:19:58,963
Don't you see?
480
00:19:58,965 --> 00:20:01,531
Reggie was like the moon.
481
00:20:01,533 --> 00:20:03,700
When Bob was a kid,
482
00:20:03,702 --> 00:20:07,271
the moon was the one place
you could never go.
483
00:20:07,273 --> 00:20:09,340
Then, all of a sudden,
484
00:20:09,342 --> 00:20:11,442
there's guys up there
hitting golf balls.
485
00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:14,211
So I figure,
486
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:16,513
if they can do the impossible,
487
00:20:16,515 --> 00:20:18,748
why can't I?
488
00:20:21,753 --> 00:20:24,721
Bob, go dream somewhere else,
will ya?
489
00:20:24,723 --> 00:20:27,691
Next time you have a scam,
don't involve me in it.
490
00:20:27,693 --> 00:20:29,627
Now go.
491
00:20:29,629 --> 00:20:30,627
That's it?
492
00:20:30,629 --> 00:20:32,128
Yeah, that's it.
493
00:20:37,869 --> 00:20:40,203
You know,
494
00:20:40,205 --> 00:20:42,138
I stood here and I--
495
00:20:42,140 --> 00:20:44,207
I really opened up,
496
00:20:44,209 --> 00:20:46,643
let myself be vulnerable.
497
00:20:46,645 --> 00:20:50,113
And I shared feelings I never
shared with anybody else.
498
00:20:50,115 --> 00:20:52,315
But I guess someone like me
499
00:20:52,317 --> 00:20:54,785
doesn't matter much
to someone like you.
500
00:20:57,288 --> 00:20:59,790
You're a hard man, Becker.
501
00:20:59,792 --> 00:21:02,059
You act like I didn't
get to you at all.
502
00:21:03,828 --> 00:21:05,762
Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
503
00:21:07,398 --> 00:21:10,467
All right, you--
You got to me.
504
00:21:10,469 --> 00:21:12,202
A little.
505
00:21:12,204 --> 00:21:13,170
( chuckles )
506
00:21:13,172 --> 00:21:15,506
Thanks, doc.
507
00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:18,108
So you think if I used that moon
bit on Reggie, she'd go for it?
508
00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:20,210
'Cause if not, I got, like,
this Mount Everest thing
509
00:21:20,212 --> 00:21:22,246
I'm working on.
Go-- Go-- Go. Get out. Get out.
510
00:21:22,248 --> 00:21:24,080
( blues theme playing )
511
00:21:25,550 --> 00:21:27,451
( upbeat blues theme playing )
512
00:21:27,501 --> 00:21:32,051
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