Original subtitles

( upbeat blues theme playing )

MAN ( over TV ): Stay tuned.

Good Morning New York will be right back.

Morning, losers.

Oh, not again.

That's right. Bob's back.

I was feeling generous today, so I thought I'd throw some coin

in the direction of someone less fortunate.

I picked you.

Even if you did stomp all over

Bob's emotions years ago.

Oh, cut the crap, Bob.

The only reason you come in here is to relive some sick fantasy

you had about me in high school.

Bob is hurt.

He's not saying you're wrong, but he's hurt.

Morning. Reg, omelet, extra cheese.

In a minute, Becker.

I'm watching Good Morning New York

and it's just about to come back on.

I'm hungry.

You'll live.

There's a doctor on who's just written a book

called Activate Your Choices.

Her theory is that we screw up our own lives

because we allow other people to make our choices for us.

Well, yeah, let me make one for you:

Change the channel.

That would be my choice.

Forget it. My diner, my TV.

Just like high school.

Still struttin' around like Miss High-and-Mighty.

Hey, watch it. That's hot!

Yet oddly stimulating.

BECKER: Oh, for God's sake, Reg.

How--? How can you buy into this,

this one-size-fits-all crap psychology?

I mean, are people so intellectually bankrupt

they have to glom on to every snake oil salesman

that comes along with the latest instant cure for human misery?

I mean, am I right?

Bob doesn't even know what the hell you just said.

Quiet, it's coming back on.

WOMAN: I really started to activate my choices

when I was with my second husband.

In the book, I refer to him as "Angry Man."

In a way, he's the one responsible

for me writing this.

Oh, please. She's no doctor and she's no writer.

She's not even a real blond.

( TV clicks off )

Oh, come on, Becker,

how could you know anything about her?

She's my ex-wife.

( register dings )

Get outta here.

She's your ex-wife? Jake, you gotta see this.

Blind.

Right.

She's the woman that you left.

Yeah. Yeah, good old Sandra.

She was activating her choices

with just about every guy she ever met.

She has the high fashion, uptown look Bob finds very hot.

She'd crush you like a bug. Oh, yeah?

You don't know Bob. He's one tough little insect.

So you're the Angry Man she's been talking about?

Ah, you know how it is when you're married,

you have these cute little names for each other.

So, what was your name for her?

Castrating Bitch from Hell.

( slowly ): Mrs. Ahn, do you have insurance?

Insu--?

( speaking quickly in Chinese )

Um...

Margaret, maybe I can help.

No, it's okay, Linda. I can deal with it.

Um, in-sur-ance.

( speaking in Chinese )

Um...

( speaking in Chinese )

Like a good neighbor...

( Speaks in Chinese, laughs )

Yes, yes, insurance.

No.

She doesn't have any.

I got that.

You speak Chinese?

Oh, my old boyfriend taught me some Mandarin.

I was getting pretty good and then he just took off.

Turns out he left the country

to avoid prosecution for car theft.

Thank God, 'cause I thought, "Oh, it's me again."

( speaking in Chinese )

( laughing )

You speak Chinese?

Margaret, get my lawyer on the phone.

Linda speaks Chinese.

I don't care. Just call my lawyer.

You don't have a lawyer, remember?

He quit and went back into teaching because of you.

Well, j-j-just get me any lawyer, will ya?

I gotta sue my ex-wife.

Look at that. Look at this.

Oh, my God. Yeah.

What'd she say about you?

W-w-what didn't she say?

I got my own page in the index.

And she calls me the Angry Man.

Me. You believe that?

I'd like to take that stupid book

and just ram it down her throat.

Yeah, she doesn't know you at all.

All right, let's go, John Becker. Here.

Javier Cruz is in 1, Mr. Schwartz is in 2.

He needs the dressing changed on that nasty abscess.

Oh, you wanna do that one for me?

I just ate a cheese omelet.

That's your tough luck.

Mrs. Cruz, Javier, what's going on?

He started complaining about stomach pains.

I kept him home from school, but it's not getting better.

It's not better, right? Right.

Where's the pain?

He says in his stomach.

In your stomach, right? Right.

Excuse me, excuse me.

How long have you been feeling that?

It started on Sunday night.

I gave him some medicine, but it didn't work.

It didn't work, right? Right.

Has anyone ever prescribed a sedative?

He's got a stomachache. Why does he need a sedative?

It's for you, Mrs. Cruz.

Mom needs to calm down, right?

Right.

Oh, I'm sorry. Look, it's just a crazy time.

In two weeks, we're moving to Tennessee.

On purpose?

Yes. My husband got a new job down there.

Congratulations. Enjoy the music.

Okay, there's no fever, no tenderness.

I wanna do a blood count, then I'll re-examine him.

If he's still not better,

I'll order a CAT scan and-- And we'll check his appendix.

Whatever you have to do. He's been in a lot of pain.

It's painful, right, mi hijo?

Mrs. Cruz.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Dr. Becker.

Soon I'm gonna be out of the Bronx

and all this craziness.

I won't need a sedative in Tennessee.

But they got 'em there just in case, right?

Right.

"Angry Man."

Well, that explains so much.

All this time, I thought you were just having

one bad day after another.

( speaking in Chinese )

Listen to this.

"I was sitting in a colleague's car discussing a project

when the Angry Man appeared out of nowhere

and smashed in the windshield with a two-iron."

( laughing )

Morning.

REGGIE: Hey, Becker, question.

A guy cuts me off in traffic.

I'm so angry, I wanna smash in his windshield.

Should I go with an iron or pull out my driver?

( laughing )

She put that in there?

That's a lie.

Then you didn't do it?

I did it, all right, but it was her boyfriend's car

and they weren't even in it at the time.

You know something?

I oughta write my own book

and list all the other men she cheated on me with.

Oh, whoa, John, before you get too righteous,

when you met Sandra, she was your friend's wife.

Yeah.

So that would make you the other man.

Yeah, well, it was supposed to make me the other man

to end all other men.

So that would make you the mother of all other men.

Sounds like you're still carrying a torch for her.

Yeah, yeah, like the villagers carried one for Frankenstein.

Ugh. I hate her.

So I take it, then,

you will not be seeing her while she's in town.

What, are you crazy? Why--? Why would I?

Well, that's easy. She makes ya hot.

Oh, hot my ass. She makes me sick.

You know, as far as I'm concerned,

that witch can burn in hell.

John, how did I know you'd be here?

You're evil?

I take it you've read the book.

Damn right. You're looking at a big lawsuit, Sandra.

I meant no harm, and if it's any consolation,

I think the book's gonna empower a lot of people.

Big lawsuit. Lots of lawyers, lots of pain.

Fine.

My attorney came with me from Boston.

We can get started right now.

Ah, crap.

SANDRA: Come on in.

I'd like to introduce the man

who inspired Activate Your Choices,

Dr. John Becker.

Lesley Brooks, my assistant. Tom Fletcher.

Tom's from the same firm who handled our divorce.

Oh, right, Tom. Well, here you go, Tom.

Now you have it all.

Why don't we finish up in the morning?

John has some issues with the book,

so we need to discover some neutral ground

where we can negotiate our differences.

No, we don't. I'm just gonna scream at you, then go home.

Are you going to be all right with him?

Hey, partner, she's gonna be fine.

Why--? Why don't you just call your office?

Maybe there's someone that missed getting screwed today.

I really resent that.

Well, then, my work is done.

And you said I wasn't fair to you.

Oh, that doesn't count. I mean, he's a lawyer.

You know, I actually look forward

to the day when we can hunt them.

John, I am really glad

you activated the choice to find me.

W-when--? When did you start talking like that?

"Choices, issues, empowerment."

You sound like you stepped out of a giant pod.

I've grown since we were together.

I've acquired the language of someone

who's become self-aware.

No, no, no, Gandhi was self-aware.

All you did was get a better outfit.

John, I'm unclear.

What is it you want?

I-I told you, I just want you to know how pissed off I am.

You could have done that over the phone.

You didn't have to come all the way down here

when you're so busy.

Do you wanna take a shower?

What?

I can't think of any other reason

why you'd come all this way to see me in person.

Oh, please.

Do us both a favor

and deactivate a choice for a change.

Okay. You have every right to be mad.

I did exaggerate and bend the truth for effect.

But you know what, John?

There's one thing I did leave out of the book.

The fact that you are still the most interesting man

I've ever been with.

You sure? That was a hell of a long list.

I tell you what,

I'm gonna write another book about the good times,

and there were some very good times.

I wouldn't have to take dramatic license there,

would I, John?

No.

Of course I wouldn't.

Mm.

Mm.

No, no, no, wait, wait, wait.

Just stay right there, will you, please?

I know what you're doing,

and it's not gonna work this time.

I'm not playing this game.

I'm gonna go home and I'm gonna take a shower.

Alone.

You're sure?

The John I know would never refuse an offer like that.

Yeah, well, you're not the only one who's changed.

John, I know I've done some selfish and thoughtless things.

I've been unfaithful, deceitful and even destructive.

But I've learned to accept that about myself.

Why can't you?

Well, maybe I'm just

not as good a person as you are.

Morning, Margaret.

Morning, Angry Man.

Oh, don't tell me you're actually reading that crap.

She got you down, John Becker.

( giggling )

You smashing that windshield, I almost wet my pants.

I was laughing so hard,

people on the train thought I was crazy.

That's enough, Margaret.

( laughing )

Wow, this is amazing.

This is the most moving, inspiring, wonderful book

I've ever read in my whole life.

Yeah, let me tell you something about that book.

That is filled with vicious, hateful lies,

written by a vindictive, selfish shrew

who is just out to get me.

You know Maya Angelou?

Oh, uh...

No, ne-- Never mind.

Doctor, what is it? Do you know anything?

What's wrong with Javier?

Mrs. Cruz, I want you to step out for a minute.

I wanna have a private chat with Javier.

Dios m?o, I knew something was wrong.

What is it? Come on, you can tell me.

There's nothing to tell. His tests are fine.

I just wanna have a little chat with him.

Oh, okay.

Um, mijo, I'll be right outside.

I think-- I think we all knew that.

Okay, what's going on?

What's going on with what?

I can't find anything wrong with your stomach.

I think there's something else going on.

Just between you and me?

Of course.

You heard about all the break-ins the last few nights

up and down Jerome Avenue?

Yeah. Yeah, I read about 'em in the paper.

Climbing up fire escapes and going through the windows.

Well, I know the guys who are doing it

and, uh, they've been after me to go with them.

Ah.

And I assume just saying no is not an option.

My friend said no and they messed him up real bad.

Well, don't worry about that,

that's not gonna happen, all right?

W-why didn't you tell your mom?

You're driving her nuts, man.

I mean, that's not something she needs a lot of help with.

I can't tell her.

You see what she's like. She'd make it worse.

All right, all right.

I'll tell you what, I'll deal with your mom.

I-I can't fake a stomachache for two more weeks.

And if I go back to school,

these guys, they'll be all over me.

I mean, what am I supposed to do?

How about I break your leg?

Oh, my God. What happened?

I thought it was your stomach.

It was, but this is even better.

What are you talking about? What is he talking about?

Mrs. Cruz, go back to my office.

I'll explain everything, I promise.

Have a seat.

John, did you really get in a fight with Santa Claus?

It was a Christmas party, he was our neighbor,

and I caught him under the tree unwrapping my wife.

( laughing )

Hey, Reg. BLT, please.

Coming right up.

So did you, uh, go downtown to see your ex-wife?

Well, I know I said I wouldn't, but, yes, I did.

Ooh. Twenty bucks right here.

Y-you bet on that?

Did ya sleep with her?

No, I didn't sleep with her.

Give it right back.

I can't believe this.

You bet that I would sleep with my ex-wife?

You're a guy. The odds were with me.

Hello, losers.

And this time I'm talking to you.

Bob just finished reading your ex-wife's book.

Usually you have to drill a hole in a tree to get a sap like you.

Now I gotta hear this from you?

Hey, listen up, everybody, let's get this straight.

Yes, I went back there, but I'm glad I did, you know.

I got to tell her off.

You know how you never think about the perfect thing to say

until you're in the car on the way home?

Not this time.

I thought of the perfect thing in front of her.

What'd you say?

I looked her right in the eye, and I said:

"Well, maybe I'm just not as good a person as you are."

You monster.

Did you videotape it for When Pansies Attack?

No, no, no, you had to be there.

So when you going back, Becker?

I'm not going back.

Oh, Becker, you're going back.

But don't be ashamed.

Everybody has someone like that.

Yeah, someone who's wrong for them, but they can't resist.

BOB: Tell me about it.

I've been trying to scale "Mount Reggie" for 20 years.

JAKE: For me...

Ah, Denise.

Somebody up there wasn't looking out for me

when I met that woman.

I mean, she never cared a damn minute

about anybody but herself, but, no, I couldn't resist.

I just kept running right back.

What happened to her? Nothing.

I'm seeing her Saturday night.

What about you, Reg?

Oh, please, I've never had a relationship

that wasn't destructive.

Which is why I know you're going back.

I-I'm not going back. I was right, she was wrong.

I won. She knows that.

No way I'm doing anything to ruin that.

You probably figured I'd come back, didn't ya?

No. You told me you were never coming back

and I believed you.

Oh. Well, good.

I just wanted to make sure you were clear on that.

And-- And you are.

You wanna come in? No, I'm fine right here.

John, it's kind of late. We gonna disturb people.

That's a good point. I'll, uh-- I'll come in.

So you were saying?

I was saying that it's finally over.

That's all, you know. Ahem.

I Just wanted to make sure you understood that

'cause it's probably the last time

your ever gonna see me, Sandra.

I know, John,

but I guess that's just the way it has to be.

Can I take your coat?

No, no, no, I'm-- I'm not staying.

That's too bad. I was just gonna offer you a glass of wine.

No, no wine. I'm leaving.

Bottle's already open. Okay.

But, you know, just 'cause it's...

Just 'cause it's open.

It just hit me, John.

I never really realized it until this moment.

It's finally over.

That's right, Sandra. It's finally over.

I came here last night to say goodbye,

and what happened doesn't change that.

It's still goodbye. I know, John.

I heard you say it last night

and also at 2 and 4 this morning.

Right. Well, I just wanted to make sure you understood.

What are you writing?

I'm autographing a copy of my book.

I added a little personal note.

( sighs )

Okay.

But after we try this, it's definitely over.

Becker, you're in early.

I just wanna grab one of my smokes.

No offense, but you look like hell.

Yeah, well, I had a rough night.

Oh. A-- A patient?

Yeah. Are they okay?

Yeah, they're fine.

Oh, what kind of case was it?

It was a recurring condition.

Oh. Coffee?

Oh, all right, fine. I went back to see Sandra.

That's what you wanted to find out, wasn't it?

No, I totally bought the patient story.

But this is better.

So did you get the last word in again?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I believe my last words were, "Where are my pants?"

God, Reg, I hate this.

She has power over me and she knows it.

Well, I know you don't wanna hear this, Becker,

but I'm glad you went back.

Why?

( sighs )

If you repeat this, I'll deny it.

But I've always been a little intimidated by you.

You're this hotshot doctor,

you walk around like you're better than everyone else,

like we're all dirtying up your world.

And then this woman comes along who cheats on you,

breaks your heart,

and writes a book making you look like an idiot.

And you go crawling back to her.

And not just once.

Again and again.

You're just as screwed up as the rest of us.

You know, and I can honestly say right at this moment, Becker,

I like you.

It's not exactly my dream come true

to be liked for being pathetic.

That's not what I meant.

So you're saying that--

That you can only like me if I hit bottom.

That you can only connect to someone

if they're really low.

I mean, is that what you've been waiting for?

For God's-- For God's sake, Reg, what does that say about you?

It's not gonna work, Becker. I still like you.

Putting on a little weight there, aren't ya, Reg?

That'll do it.

( upbeat blues theme playing )

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