All language subtitles for Barely Famous s02e02 The Vacation Episode

So how do you want us ***?

Just, like, as if we're
friends having lunch.

Should I do another
voice for this scene?

(deeper voice) You wanna
get the, uh, fish soup?

- Cool.
- Yeah? (laughs)

- Yeah, that was great.
- Just (bleep) do it.

- That was cool.
- If you need it on the show.

You know what? We don't.
Just be Chris Martin.

***

***
- Right.

- Just be yourself
- Who do you want me to be on your show?

Umm, on the show, I'll get you to

be however you act, like, normally.

Can I get you a drink?
Do... Is the waiter an actor?

The waiter's just our waiter.

- Is the food real?
- Food's real.

Really, like, you're
playing it, like, method.

Yeah, I'm...

Like Leo in "The Revenant."

Yeah. People have said before

that I have, like, a Leo vibe.

You do, but I want to have that too.

You want to have a Leo vibe?

I admit, I don't mind you upstaging me

in the scene for a
bit, but at some point,

I want to break out and...

Just, like, don't even talk about it,

you know? What? (laughs)

What's that? It's...

You don't need to do that, you know?

- I do that sometimes...
- Yeah.

... because, like, I connect

with the audience, you know, but...

Yeah, you do. You really do.

- I love the show.
- Thank you.

Yeah. Probably my third or
fourth favorite reality show.

What are your other ones?

"Khloe Loves Lamar," "T.I. Loves Tiny,"

"Kim Kardashian Loves Kanye."

That's not a show, I don't
think, that third one.

It... it could be.

Whoa. Better start thinking
outside the box, Erin.

You... you know what's coming next.

Right, I do. (clicks tongue)

-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --

Blood is thicker than water.

I mean, this is the
beauty of being sisters,

is we can treat each
other however we want to.

Okay, "blood is thicker than water"

means you're loyal to your family first.

That's not what it means.

It's just like, do whatever you want,

and this bitch ain't goin' nowhere.

It means that because you're my family,

I'll always be loyal
to you over anyone else.

Ohh!

(man) So, sorry about
the last-minute meeting.

No, we're so happy to be here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, we have a little... (chuckles)

I'm about to burst.

- We have a surprise for you.
- Yes.

We're getting nominated for an Emmy?

- I love positive thinking.
- Yeah, you guys are, uh...

Just put it on your dream board.

We are...

sending you...

on a vacation.

Oh, my God. Oh, yeah.

- We're gonna film a vacation episode.
- (screams)

By the way, this is,
like, the best idea ever.

- Yeah. This is great.
- Spray tan.

You're gonna get real tans,
'cause we are sending you...

- South of France?
- Southern France?

- Stadt. Stadt.
- St. Barts, St. Barts.

We're sending you to Orlando!

Florida!

(female executive) Yes! Hmm.

Oh, my Gosh!

- They're in shock.
- They're in shock.

Like Miami?

No, no, no. We are setting you up

at Universal Orlando Resort.

You're gonna ride rides,
you're gonna drink drinks,

you're gonna... smell things.

I'll do a layover in Orlando, for sure.

I'll kind of gather, pee, you know,

get some chips and then
head across the pond.

It's so funny how you
guys sometimes think

we're having conversations,
but we're actually

just telling you something
that we need you to do.

Mmm-hmm.

- Look, you guys want to go to Paris...
- Yeah.

You want to go to Rome. Yeah.

- Yeah.
- We're not gonna pay for that...

- No...
- until we can see

that you guys can handle

shooting an episode on the road.

It's a little more pressure...

- Okay, I get that.
- ...and more responsibility.

Well, because if this
is, like, the challenge,

if it's, like, the first
step, sometimes you gotta,

- like, crawl before you walk, right?
- Yes!

We have fun there and
we, like, make it...

cute and whatever,
then we can go to Paris?

Yeah, you film
everything on the episode,

- do everything that's set up...
- Make it exciting, make it pop.

Okay, so, we're going to Florida.

(both) You're going to Florida!

We're going to Orlando.

And we are really
looking forward to it.

Excited.

??

Hi, ladies. Thank you so much

for joining us at here at
Universal Orlando Resorts.

So, first off, do you guys
have any questions for me?

- Yes.
- I mean, first off for us,

we're just excited to be
here on a free vacation.

I have a question.

I was told that when we
arrived, all of our fans

would be here to greet us.

That must've been some
kind of miscommunication.

I'm just gonna be
your handler for today.

- Sorry, just you?
- Just me.

With all due respect,
I can't walk around

Universal Studios with just you.

First of all, I've
already seen two people

with their disposable cameras.

You know, one guy tried
to take a picture like,

you know, up my skirt.

There was... there's
a guy right there.

That's our cameraman.

- No, it's not.
- (Abbey) People are staring.

Maybe I can... Judy! Can you come here?

Oh, are these badges for us?

Yes, these are your badges,
these are your express passes.

Don't wear that.

We don't need to... we
don't need to wear...

- I'll wear mine...
- our badges.

(Abbey) Okay, that's kind of cool.

Do you need me?

Oh. Yeah, this is Judy.

You can escort them
around the park today.

Oh, I'd be delighted to do that, girls.

(loudly) Do you do security
work for celebrities?!

Are you a celebrity?

- Oh, my God.
- (Erin) Great question.

So, here are your itineraries for today.

You're gonna be guest
guides on the water taxi

from the hotel into the park

and you're gonna use funny scripts

that the park customizes
for celebrities.

(Erin) I've never seen this.

I got it. I didn't
read it, but I got it.

- You got this?
- Yeah.

Why didn't you ever show this to me?

I don't read that stuff,
I send it to Abbey.

We have a full day of responsibilities.

I don't... We're not ready
for any of this stuff.

What is The Groove?

The Groove is one of our dance clubs,

and you guys are gonna be guest D.J.s.

All you have to do is create
a playlist on your phone.

Another thing that I would have loved

to have known before we started.

I like our dynamic. Like,
I get us in the door,

and then once we're in the door,

you go do all the crap I don't wanna do.

Truth is, is, like, since we were kids,

Sara does what's best for Sara

and I'm left to pick up the pieces.

We're more powerful together.

Like, I realize now...

Would Mary-Kate be
anything without Ashley?

You'd be nothing without me.

Well, that means you'd
be nothing without me too.

I don't know if it works
that way on that end.

I've gotta go, but I will
see you here at 2:00, okay?

All right, Sara, we
have to go to the hotel

and, like, get organized
for all this stuff.

We have to, like, create a
playlist for this D.J. gig.

No, I can't go back to the hotel.

I've set up a photo shoot for my website

with an at-risk kid.

Excuse me?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I
know, it's annoying,

but I have to just do a few pictures...

- No, Sara...
- ... go on a few rides with him...

Sara, if we don't nail this D.J. gig,

VH-1 will never send
us on another vacation.

Yeah, but you can, like, mix both.

Do you not see the way

that you just completely
skirt around all responsibility

and then I always have
to pick up the slack?

I'm just curious if you see that.

Yeah, I see it.

I don't look at these types
of trips as a vacation,

and that's where we're butting heads.

God forbid, like, we end up, like,

actually having fun together.

Is that the worst possibility?

I don't mix business with pleasure.

- This doesn't make sense.
- Well, that's not true.

(laughs) I have, actually,
mixed business with pleasure,

but that's another...

We'll talk about that
when we're-when we wrap.

I'll see you at 2:00 at the water taxi.

Okay, right here, right?

- Please be on time.
- Okay, okay.

- No, I'm good.
- Okay.

Okay, you don't need to hold her.

- (Judy) Let's go this way.
- No one's holding hands.

This is how it's gonna go,

you're gonna go in front of us,

and then you're gonna just, you know...

- Sure, come on...
- protect us.

Celebrity coming through!

- Oh...
- Make way!

It's sad, it's actually sad.

I feel sorry for Judy.

??

(Sara) Judy, I'm so excited
to meet this little boy.

Out of all of my photo ops,

the ones with the kids,
the charity photos,

I always get the most likes with these.

But I'm just hoping he has a disease.

- I mean, not in a bad way.
- (Judy laughs)

Like, a disease that's maybe curable,

but, like, the wheelchair thing is good.

(Abbey) V.I.P., guys.

V.I.P. celebrity charity coming through.

Excuse me!

So, this is Zach...

our at-risk youth.

This is Sara.

Father of the... at-risk youth?

No, he's it.

(chuckles)

- This is all they had?
- I don't know,

they didn't have
pictures on the website.

All right, uh, I'm gonna
have to make this work,

because we're on a,
uh, a time situation.

Do you have an I.V. or something?

You look very healthy,
Zach. You look very healthy.

I am very healthy,
thank you for saying so.

Is there anything wrong with you?

Impoverished home.

- Oh.
- Single parent.

- Okay, that's good.
- You can work with that.

Wait a minute, you can't
tell that in a picture.

Oh, we're getting photos?

Just need one photo of you looking...

a little less... You look quite old.

Well, how old are you?

- Excuse me?
- 22.

- Oh, is that offensive? 22?
- (scoffs) This is not gonna work.

What are you talking
about, it's not gonna work?

You know, I gotta be
honest, I am so disappointed

in you and the way you look.

This is not what I was expecting.

Kind of disappointed
you're not a celebrity.

Watch it, buddy.

That was very rude, Zach.

I'm gonna forget about it

'cause I still need a picture.

Yeah? So, uh...

when we're done riding the rides,

you have to, you know, drop
me off at the house, my house.

So, did you call Sara?
Is she gonna be here?

Yeah. She's, like... I don't know...

She should be here any minute, I think.

All right.

How's your playlist coming
along for The Groove?

Oh, really, really well.

This set is gonna blow your mind.

I'm almost like, should
I be a professional D.J.,

I'm so good at this, you know?

(laughs) Okay.

Erin, is that you?

Hey, Erin.

- Hi.
- How are you doing?

My gosh. I haven't seen you in forever.

- I know. How are...
- How's your dad doing?

He's great. What are you...
what are you doing?

Are you at this appearance with us?

No, I'm just hanging in the park.

You're... Oh, you have
your kids here with you?

No. Um, I like to hang
out in the park a lot.

You just-you just chill
in the park all day?

Yeah. Sometimes I'll take
my kids to school and stuff

and then I'll-I'll come and hang out.

I mean, the Minion ride is amazing.

You wanna come?

I want to go with you.

- Can you?
- (groans)

It's so annoying. No,
I have to do this thing.

All right, well, sucks to be you.

Yeah, it does. Yeah,
it really does, Joey.

- All right, well, uh, good to see you!
- Yeah.

... and, uh, take care of
yourselves, all right? Bye.

Bye, Joey.
Bye-bye-bye.

You know what I mean?

You're just so cool around him.

Are you always that
cool around celebrities?

I am a celebrity, Melissa.

It's just you're so down to earth and...

I'm not that down to earth, honestly.

Well, anyways, uh, look,
they're running late,

so maybe we should just cancel the taxi.

Oh, you know what?
I'll just do it alone.

I'll do it by myself. I
mean, what's new, right?

One thing I can count on with Sara

is for her to be completely unreliable.

You know? It's like, can you
just, like, come to one thing?

Like, literally just show
up to one thing today,

that's all I ask. For,
like, five minutes.

Sara's a little like...

What?

Okay, so you can't go
to, like, the one thing

that we actually, like, agreed to?

Oh, my God, it's so cute that
you would ask me to do that,

but I actually just don't want to.

Oh, that's totally reasonable, Sara.

(sighs)

Hey, guys.

You didn't start without me, did you?

Uh-uh.

(Abbey) Oh, my God, Sara, it's 2:30

and we missed the water taxi.

(Sara) Oh, Erin will be
fine. She loves being alone.

What about the playlist?

Don't worry. Erin will
do it, she always does.

(woman) Hi, everybody.

Please welcome your guest
captain, Erin Foster.

I don't know if this is
gonna make much sense,

'cause it's supposed to be two people,

but I'm just gonna try
and see how it goes.

Uh, hi, I'm Erin.

Um... I'm Sara, and
we're the Foster sisters.

Some people think we're
hard to tell apart, you know?

So just remember it this
way: I'm the blonde one.

And I'm the blonde one.

That wasn't fun...
That's not even funny.

(foreign dialect) Who's Sara?

Where-where is your hot sister?

"Where is my hot sister?"

(speaking in foreign language)

I mean, first of all, she's
underwhelming in person, okay?

And second of all, Sara's
fans can jump off the boat,

everybody else, I have a
script here to continue for you.

(woman speaking in foreign language)

We wanted the Foster sister,
not the Foster brother.

Okay, all right, let's just hold on.

I get that you're, like,
Eastern European or something.

That-that's not my problem, okay?

- I'm wearing a dress. I'm adorable.
- Nein.

Okay, the fact that you're
calling me the brother

is-is stupid. You are confused, okay,

about what beauty really is,
because you're looking at it.

Sara, she's, like, a
soft nine in person, okay?

Also, she lies about her height.

She's not 5'10 ", she's 5'8",
so bring that up to her, okay?

Also, have you seen
her feet? Disgusting.

Let me tell you something,
Sara doesn't give an S-H-(bleep)

about any of you. I quit.

I'm not doing this anymore.

Life is not about making memories.

Life is about other people
seeing your memories.

If it's not on Instagram or Snapchat,

it didn't happen.

People just eat up stupid (bleep).

That's why I got more
followers than you.

Your stupid gym selfies.

Those kill it.

(sighs) All right, just...

Okay, hold still.

What if... No, that's terrible.

I need you to look sad and
endangered and... young.

- Okay, let me try that.
- Smile, smile, smile.

Abbey, none of this is working.

Don't put your arm around me like that.

- It's cause there's shadows here.
- Where?

You can't wipe a shadow off your face.

Could always Photoshop out his
face and, like, put mine in.

We can't Photoshop him out,
Abbey. Why would you do that?

Can we try one where you're
maybe, you're squatting?

- Get on your knees, maybe.
- Okay.

Well, Abbey, that sounded disgusting.

(laughs)

But that might work.

Okay. I think I...

No, this isn't... It's still bad.

Zach, stand back up.

Sara, Erin's sending you some texts.

Great.

"Thanks for nothing.

I'm ditching you now, loser."

I don't need her for
anything, let's be clear.

(speaking gibberish)

"Sorry, butt text." (laughs)

(scoffs)

"I'm serious, I'm off the grid.

Don't try to get ahold of me."

She's unbelievable. She can't bail.

I mean, she knows that we
want another vacation episode.

I think that you need to take
some personal responsibility.

Oh, now I'm hearing this from you!

You keep insisting that
it's everyone else's fault.

You're gonna be stealing cigarettes

and making fake I.D.s in no time.

That's something my mentor told me once.

Yeah, well, that was also very specific.

Guess what, I don't need Erin.

I actually don't need any of you.

(Zach) Oh. Well, that's not true.

I do. I need you all to stay here.

I want you to go and
I want you to find Erin

and I want you to get her
phone with the playlist.

I'm gonna do The Groove
D.J. gig by myself.

Go, Abbey. Okay.

- Go!
- I'm going!

Going, coming through!

??

All right, guys, get on in here.

We'll take a picture.
Yes! That is awesome.

Joey, what's up?

Hey. Guess I'll see
you guys here tomorrow.

- Hey, how's it going?
- I ditched Sara.

I just, I'm so sick and
tired of being the one

who has to do all the work.

Well, listen, you know
what? When I was in NSYNC,

I actually kind of had to do
everything, but you know what?

I had to take a step back, so, you know,

I could push Justin and
kind of lead him in his way

to be in charge for every
once in a while, so...

Oh, that's cool that you did that.
Yeah, and look what happened.

Look what happened.

Somehow, me and you are,
like, super disconnected.

Me and Joey are, like, very in sync.

You're very star struck for someone

that lives with a celebrity.

I don't even think
of him as a celebrity,

because I really just
think about him as,

like, my soul mate. Well,
not in a romantic way.

You know what? Now we've both

boned guys from NSYNC.

I said it's not romantic.

But you're saying that you
boned Chris Kirkpatrick?

(excited screaming)

You know, it's actually been really nice

to just, like, get away from Sara.

- You want a bite?
- No.

Sara's never picked me up before

when we've gone anywhere.

- Never, no?
- No.

Justin never picked me up before either.

- They're selfish!
- Selfish.

I'm selfless.

Hey, Chris, may we
please start the game?

The funny thing is,

she literally hasn't even texted
me once to see if I'm okay.

(electronic voice) Bet
you can't ring the bell.

Oh, my God.

- You are a winner!
- (applause)

Okay, all right, everybody.

They rig these things. Everybody wins.

No, they don't!

Sara hates rides. Every time I'm like,

"I want to go on a ride,"
she's like, "Do the ride alone,"

and I'm like, "Where's
the single-person line?"

And it's like, Sara
doesn't go five minutes

without just saying something
to me about my appearance.

(groans loudly)

I know, right. Like, it's so rude.

Can we get everyone in here? Yep.

(speaking Minion language)

I mean, the truth is, I'm so
sick of everything with Sara

that I just want to go
alone. Like, I wanna go solo.

You know what? This is probably one

of the worst times of my
life that I've been here.

What?

I think you should maybe just
go hang out with your sister,

because that's all you
talk about all day long.

I'm gonna take Stuart and Kevin

and get on out of here. Come on, guys.

- Wait.
- (speaking Minion language)

- I know, right? Right?
- (Minion laughs)

Gosh, what a pain!

- (farts)
- Kevin!

- (Minion laughing)
- Oh, my God.

Okay, that's not cool at all.
You can't just leave me alone.

Well... what am I supposed to do now?

Psst. You.

Guess what.

(slurring) Joey Fatone is an asshole.

Just wanted you to know
that in case you were like,

"She and Joey look
like they'd be friends."

- Erin!
- (scoffs)

Oh, of course, you're at a bar.

Oh, my God, that visor's so big.

Do you ever go camping under that hat,

'cause it could, like,
protect from a lot of weather.

That's why I wear it, Erin.

That's cool.

How many has she had?

I've only given her two beers.

Two beers. Guess what else.

I didn't eat, like, at all this week.

We have an event we have to
D.J. Do you remember that?

- Did you forget all about that?
- I do, I do. Wiki-wiki-ohh.

Sara doesn't need you.

We just need your
phone for the playlist.

Okay, well, I'm not
gonna give that to you,

because that's my job. I
got the playlist, I did it,

I'm ready, and, like,
I'm saving everything,

'cause that's what I always
do, and I will do it again,

'cause you know what?

- Cool.
- Sara blows.

- All right.
- But guess what.

I'm gonna do it anyway,
'cause I'm the doper.

This is ridiculous. I'm sorry, sir.

First of all, I was just about to leave.

I'm only here 'cause I want to not...

Okay, well, you clearly
need a chaperone.

Thank you.

That's disgusting.

? Ohh! ??

??

Abbey will be here any
minute. I'm so sorry,

she's just-she's walking.

- Of course.
- Great-great club.

(Erin) Ohh-ohh!

D.J. Erin is in

the hizzy-hizzy-Izzy-
wiki-wiki-wiki-wiki.

Oh, yeah. What's up,
what's up, what's up, Sara?

Are you drunk?

Ow! No, get off me.

I'm not drunk, but I'm drunk.

Give me your phone and
then go back to the bar.

You can't have my phone

'cause I'm here to
save the day per "yuzh."

Erin, give me your phone.

Not a "hance" in hell. Chance in hell.

Hold on. I'm gonna find it.

My phone's not in here.

Joey Fatone stole my phone, I think.

- Call the police!
- Okay.

My phone is not here!

- Oh, my God, Zach!
- What?

You have been putting
that playlist together

- on your phone all day.
- What are you talking about?

Give me your phone. Give me your phone.

This is where it is. I
had it the whole time.

Uh, just put that in,
and-and we're good.

- (employee) Okay, here's the mic.
- (music stops)

- (Sara) Okay.
- What we need for you to do

is pump up the crowd, get them
excited, lots of energy, okay?

Okay, sh... Keep my
clothes on, though, right?

- Yes, please.
- Okay.

No, take them off.

Hi, everybody!

We're in Orlando.

(man) Who are you guys?

(laughs) We're the
Foster sisters from VH-1.

We're huge D.J.s. We
go by the name Diplo.

Okay.

Let's party! Whoo!

You ready?

(classical music plays)

Uh... okay.

Uh, Zach? What is this?

What? It helps me with my anger issues.

Please hold on one second.

- Um, I'm not feeling it.
- Okay, give me...

- Ow!
- Sorry! Give me the mic, okay?

I'm gonna fix this. I'm
fixing it. Stop it. Stop it.

Erin, everyone is here to see
me, and you are embarrassing me!

You are embarrassing me.

I'm killing it, okay?

- You can't...
- I'm gonna put the mic down.

Okay, don't-don't kick me.

Oh, did you just kick me?

- Did you...
- Oh, don't you...

No, you... Sara!

(indistinct yelling)

- Kiss!
- Aah!

How could you leave your phone here?

Oh, I don't know.

I'm just so happy to
have it back. (kiss)

You never go anywhere
without your phone.

Okay, I want to apologize for yesterday.

Is there anything you would
like to say to me, Sara?

(telephone chimes)

Did you have Abbey text me "I'm sorry"?

This is really hard for
her. Give her a break.

I'm not good at talking about feelings.

That is a really weird thing to do.

- I'm apologizing.
- I'll take it.

Take it.

Great, okay. So, do
you want to hug it out?

In my mind, I am embracing you.

Do you want to do, like, a
high five without touching?

Oh. I wonder if VH-1's

ever gonna give us a
vacation episode again?

- I doubt it.
- I doubt it, too.

Although all the violence last night

probably is good for
T.V., don't you think?

Oh, my God, these Flaming Moe's

fully got me buzzed. (giggles)

Uh, they're nonalcoholic,
so you're lying.

You're, like, the girl in high school

who pretended to be
drunk at parties. (laughs)

How else was I gonna get lucky?

-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --

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