Original subtitles

Open season on E.T.s, Frank?

Remember Ozzy...

Get in quietly, get out quietly.

I certainly hope that is the case.

Sorry, Oz. We won't be needing that.

Bloody Barry! Bastard!

What are we going to do if we're spotted, Frank?

Well, I guess we shoot the bastards.

My turn to the magnum.

I just wish we didn't have to wear all this crap.

Yeah but you know what the rules are.

When we work undercover we have to remain faceless.

Oh I get it, just in case we kill a lot of innocent people.

Don't you forget, we're only authorised to use violence...

when there's a threat to the planet Earth.

-And the moon! -And the moon!

There you go, Oz. Stick this stuff on.

We ought to have a look around.

If these are aliens, they might have parked their spaceship.

They might have come in a telephone box.

Well let's just get that guy out and will contact base...

and give them the code-words for invasion.

"The bastards have landed."

"The bastards have landed."

I'll be there in a moment, Robert.

Welcome my friends. The job is almost done.

We take off for home tomorrow.

I'm sure you'll be pleased to be leaving this shitty planet.

In the meantime I must impress upon you the importance...

of remaining in human form...

no matter how awkward, uncomfortable and ugly it makes you feel.

We are so close to success that we must take no chances.

Right. Looks pretty quiet.

-Probably all gone to bed. -Jeez, I hope not.

Right, synchronise watches.

Twelve oh one.

Check.

Check.

Let's go. We're on triple time.

The sad news is that we will be heading for Nalic Nod...

with six of our co-workers in a state of permanent death.

They died today, murdered by some real arse-holes.

Robert escaped their clutches and reported back to me.

My God!

What the...? My God... the blood!

Shit!

Somebody could get killed in here.

Vacuum the floors, clean the windows and...

all the boxes must be loaded into the freezer early in the morning.

We've been wasting our time unless we can present samples...

to the Nalic Nod Fast Food Authority.

Isn't it amazing how you can fit a whole town of humans...

into a few card of board boxes, if you slice off the fat?

It's the value of keeping your knife sharp and your mind clean.

Jesus guys, Derek was right!

This is what's left of the people from Kaihoro.

They're in those boxes!

Get him, Barry!

For God's sake guys, keep it quiet!

Shut him up, Oz.

I've just cleaned that bit.

Uh, that's gross!

Gee! They come to bits easy!

Get rid of it!

The old magic's still there.

What are you doing Frank?

I'm going to go in and find out what's going on.

Here, he was carrying this.

You, stay here.

...the importance of keeping the bloody books up to date.

The past week has been difficult...

and I would like to say how proud I am of you all.

The manner in which you conducted a very tricky slaughter operation...

has been a real credit to you and indeed...

to the whole Crumb's Crunchy Delights organisation.

Your paychecks will reflect the gratitude of the company.

I don't think we'll have any more trouble.

However...

we will be handing these around later.

I am certain that...

when the homo sapiens taste takes the galaxy by storm as it will..

Crumb's Crunchy Delights will be back at the top.

McYaballow's Fried Moonrat won't know what hit them.

All the livestock we need are right here.

Four billion of them!

Right, Robert.

Once the Fast Food Authority have checked the samples...

and issued the Mass Slaughter Permits...

this grotty little planet will tremble...

under the full might of the Lord Crumb restaurant chain!

Within a year the giant mincer will descend from the sky...

the sun reflecting from its silver bits...

and no army on earth will be able to stop...

the noddy-burger machine!

I see the gruel is ready!

An exquisite bouquet, Robert.

Aren't I lucky, I got a chunky bit!

Here you are, boys.

We'll bring out a whole line...

of homo-sapiens low-calorie delicacies...

juicy raw rump...

brains soaked in lemon juice...

spinal fluid sauce...

assorted organ stew...

sapien-burguers...

and chewy homo nuggets.

Just before we leave tomorrow...

we'll have a little party dinner with fresh local meat.

It's my show of appreciation to you all.

Christ, you'll never believe what I just had to do!

Did you have to drink some chuck?

Come on, let's find that guy and get out of here.

Goodnight, boys.

Goodnight, Reg.

Oh, Robert, what a lovely little hottie!

You OK?

Careful!

-Thanks. -Get dressed.

Door!

Well, at least we got in quietly.

Stay here!

Up here!

Got him!

Good one! Get the bastards!

There's more outside!

Split up! Send the boy up here!

Come on!

How many did you see?

About eight or nine.

Nah, there's heaps more.

That's one less.

-Ever been in a gun battle before? -No.

Me neither, but this one's going to be beaut eh?

Go Frank!

Cover the back!

Gotcha!

Come on!

Look out!

I bet that cleared his sinuses.

That's another beer you owe me, Oz.

Let's go that way.

You reckon?

Too right!

Bastard!

Bastard!

Go, I'll cover you!

Where the hell's Barry?

Aw, sod it!

Oh, shit!

Jeez!

The gun, Robert!

Come on Barry, stop farting around!

Right, let's go out of here.

What the hell is that?

-Well it sounds to me like... -Oh shut up, codpiece face!

You three, kill them!

The rest of you get these bodies on board the ship.

-Jeez, they're real dickheads! -Derek was right all along.

Get him, Oz!

Get down!

Oh, bloody hell!

Come on, baby!

Keen jogger, mate?

Should have bought a Holden, Frank!

What's up, Oz?

You go on, I'm going to go back and stop those bastards.

-We're supposed to be going for help. -You go.

Besides, you're not going to be back in time to stop them.

Come on!

Good one!

That was my car!

Just go to the nearest phone and call head office.

-Hi, my name's Giles Copeland. -Yeah, I'm Barry, let's go.

That's the end of those weekend cowboys!

Let's go home.

Dum dum dum...

Jesus Oz, what are you doing? That's an historical homestead!

Yeah, I know it.

I've got another one here, too.

Wankers!

For God's sake, Oz, put that thing down.

Let's get in there and hit the leader.

Hey, wait for me!

Holy shit!

OK then!

Quit playing with them.

Good one!

-Yaaah! -Derek!

-Bastards! -Jesus!

-He's gone apeshit! -Bastard!

Let's get the hell out of here!

-Are you all right? -Get the launcher!

Blast the bastard!

No!

Ozzy!

Frank!

Where the hell are you going? Come here!

Holy shit!

Derek!

Jeez Oz...

Here you go mate.

-I don't smoke. -Uh!

Bastards!

Hello, are you there?

Mummy!

...very well really.

But then these pricks tried to take us on...

but we soon fixed them...

Lost all the scummy third-class labourers...

but I've got some great samples...

I'll be home in about twenty minutes.

Hold the line!

Shit!

Suck my spinning steel, shithead!

I'm born again!

Resynck: Xenzai[NEF]

I'm coming to get you bastards!