Original subtitles

lf anyone's head should roll, it's Jim Fenner's.

He's the prime bloody problem on G Wing.

lf Atkins and Hedges are at it, we must be able to prove it.

Get me an award-winning picture and pronto.

Be a sweetheart and get me a top-up.

Yeah.

You got this from the gob of the biggest bent screw in the business!

Yeah. l know that now, and l'm really, really sorry.

You really wanna prove you're sorry?

Then shut your stupid mouth and listen.

What's this?

You should have enough on there to break Fenner's bollocks.

That's, er... That's two copies.

OK.

Cheers. Ta.

- Oh, what time do you shut? - Nine o'clock.

(Doorbell)

- Happy flat-warming! - Oh, thank you!

Chicken's in the oven and l've done two kinds of spuds.

- l hope you're hungry. - Smells wonderful.

What shall l do with these?

Not taking any chances, are we?

- lt was Di's... - You've made the place lovely.

- lt's really cosy, isn't it? - lt's lovely.

l've done the best l can with the little l've got left.

Right. Where's your corkscrew?

Shouldn't you stick to water?

l can have a couple.

Colin, before you start on that,

would you take a look at the dining room radiator?

lt's banging

and it isn't giving out as much heat as l'm paying for.

- Let the poor man have a drink. - l don't mind.

You just finished work, for Pete's sake.

He said he didn't mind.

You'll find out what it's like without a man in the house.

See how you like it.

l'll get you the tool kit,

if that's what you call a screwdriver and a piece of string.

Mmmm.

Oh! Methinks we need a refill, Phyl.

One cannot help but be inspired after a spot of quality shopping.

My God, where does it go? We ought to think about heading back.

lt's an open prison.

We must take them at their word, otherwise we might offend.

ls that open as in wide, wide-open?

We're only a little bit late.

Oh, bugger 'em. lf they can't take a joke...

Right. What have you got?

l fancy the Premier Cru at 145. You?

Oh, yes.

Let's get some service, then.

Larkhall's losing a first-rate wing governor. Simple.

(Scoffs) Jim Fenner could run rings round her.

The sooner he gets back behind his desk the better.

You're that sure the job will go to him?

One of Larkhall's longest servers?

Jim knows G Wing like the back of his hand.

And he's a union man.

Call me crazy, but don't it seem common sense

that a women's prison needs women managers?

l couldn't agree more.

Mr Grayling isn't exactly He-Man, is he?

Neil? He's all man, isn't he?

(Sylvia) So what was going on, Di?

How could you not know he was a homosexual when you married him?

l don't think he knew himself.

Besides, it's hard to tell, anyway.

They don't all dance round like Julian Clary.

Colin could be gay for all you know.

You're joking.

Course l am.

You act like you just picked up the wrong-sized Hoover bags.

We're talking about your marriage!

When something's not right,

there's no point hanging round trying to fix it.

l'm just happy l got out when l'm young and fit.

We won't be saying that about that baby

if you don't lay off the wine.

When this one's born, l'm telling you,

look out world, here l come.

We left the bottle factory in time and were halfway back to the prison

but the bus was so crowded.

You were hyperventilating.

l thought it was a heart attack.

So...we found the nearest place of safety.

Aqui.

And we decided...to get slewed.

(Cackles)

Thank you.

That was lovely, Sylv. Really, really tasty.

- Wasn't it, Colin? - Mm.

l've got a fruit cobbler in the oven. With luck...

Sorry, Sylv. Do you mind?

Just crack the window open in the sitting room.

l'll get you a saucer.

Can l pinch one? A ciggie, that is.

l didn't know you smoked.

Only the occasional one socially.

And this is the first time we've been out together, isn't it?

Won't be the last, l hope, eh?

Yeah. Right.

lt'll only be ten minutes. Er, custard or cream?

lt's plain to see you're not keeping that bump for yourself.

''Smoking when pregnant harms your baby.''

Ah, but it's stress that's the biggest killer, isn't it, Colin?

There's no harm in a little of what you fancy.

l'll just, er...toilet.

What do you reckon? l've only been single two minutes and he's mad for it!

l wouldn't put it that way.

Come on, you must have noticed!

The way he's been looking at me?

You're just jealous cos he's not 20 years older.

Sorry, Mrs...Kelly, but there's a problem with your card.

What? Nonsense!

Dear oh dear, it's the only blessed one l've got on me.

l'll have to ask you to sub me. Sorry.

Oh dear. l only have a little cash.

My husband doesn't like me to carry cards without him.

Too many criminals on the streets.

l'll tell you what l'll do. Here is my name and address

and as soon as l get home,

l'll have the cash biked over to you. How's that?

- Only live a mile away. - Er...

And l must say, we will be back. The oysters were wonderful.

As a matter of fact,

l think we ought to have our Wl Christmas lunch here.

Do you do group bookings?

- Yeah, l can get you a leaflet. - Do that.

And phone us a taxi while you're at it.

The sooner l'm home,

the sooner l can bike you over a tip for being understanding.

Oxygen-starved at birth?

(Toilet flushing)

Sorry, you should have said if you needed to go.

lt's not the loo l need.

Sylvia's busy with her cobbler.

l thought this was a good time to have a moment alone.

Yeah, listen, look, erm...

you've got a lot on your plate at the moment,

which is understandable

and l'm happy to have a meal but no...Di...

lf it's Sylvia you're worried about, we can go back to your place.

You leave now and l'll follow you.

Back off! Christ!

What's your problem?

What's yours?

Look, l've got a girlfriend, right?

You never said. Who?

That's my business.

Got a girlfriend, my arse!

lf you had a girlfriend, you'd be able to remember her name,

unless you got her from the classifieds.

- Or maybe you are gay. - What?

Because l don't fancy you?

Look, even if l wasn't seeing someone,

it'd never happen so give it a rest. You're doing my head in!

Shit!

Thank you.

- (Man) Taxi? - Oh, yes.

- Give me half an hour. - And don't let your manager take the tip.

- That's for you. - Oh, shit a brick.

Right, you two, in the car. And no fuss!

What's going on?

Come on, out!

Loved the oysters!

- Morning. - Morning.

Thank you, Di. Wait outside, will you?

Sit down, Tina.

You know what this is about?

You ain't gonna send me down the block, miss?

l'm not blaming you for anything, OK?

All l want is you to sign a statement

confirming Mr Fenner was sexually harassing you.

Statement? What, in writing?

He did make sexual advances towards you, didn't he?

Well, yeah, but he ain't gonna see it like that.

What do you see in this photograph?

Mr Fenner with his hand on my tit.

But l can't go saying it was rape or nothing.

lf he thinks l'm saying that, he's gonna go mad.

Cos l was the one giving it all ''Yeah, why not?''

Look, whatever happened before this picture was taken,

you keep that to yourself.

An officer should never allow himself to be in this situation.

lt's abuse.

l want you to sign this statement about it.

He's gonna know l dobbed him in.

l'm making sure you won't be around for him to pressure you.

l've had a licence drawn up for a home visit.

You're going to see your parents.

What do l wanna do that for?

My dad wishes l was bleedin' dead.

lt gives you a chance to build bridges. lt's what you need.

Your mother sounded keen to see you on the phone.

So she can tell me how me and Maxi ruined her life.

Look, Tina.

What would you rather be doing for the next couple of days?

Making the best of it with your mum and dad

or trying to avoid Fenner every minute of the day?

There's an officer outside. l'll be back later.

Lucy Kerridge.

l've been assigned to your case to help you prepare for your trial.

(Al) This is a load of shite.

l'm no saying l never did it so why do l need a lawyer?

Yes, you're right, Alison.

My name's Al.

Well, l'm here to help you, Al.

But l need to know a bit more about you than l have here.

Where you grew up, for instance.

What's that to do with the price of cheese?

Al, you've been charged with murder.

We need to figure out why you did it.

(Sighs) This is crap, man.

Well, why did you?

OK, let's start with some facts.

You were born in...Glasgow?

Aye. Rutherglen. A big mansion on the hill.

l'm kidding by the way.

A shitehole, so it was.

What about your parents, do they work?

My mum was a cleaner the last l heard.

She might have run out of people to work for cos of the Vallies.

- Kept getting the sack. - What about your dad?

Aye, well, at least my mum bothered her arse.

He just sat on his.

Bastard.

Just kept out his way, didn't l?

And why was that?

Piss-head. A serious bad one.

Go near him - forget it.

Was he ever...

violent?

No.

- No? - That's what l said!

l'm trying to get to the root of your behaviour, Al.

lt might be relevant to your case.

Sod the case, man. l'm not going there.

Did he ever...

abuse you sexually?

No! Just shut it, right?

l'm not a therapist,

but it might help you to speak to someone professional.

Nah. No frigging way.

Whatever he done, l'm no saying to you or nae bastard, right?

Jesus.

Who the hell took them in the first place? How?

Don't they say all we need to know?

Has the girl made a complaint?

She signed a statement. But she's embarrassed.

Well, traumatised.

We don't have to put her in the dock, do we?

The pictures alone are enough to get him sacked.

Well, you know how wily Fenner is.

lf she won't back up the charge, he'll wriggle out of it again,

say it was a set-up.

There's something else.

A statement from another officer.

Colin Hedges.

About what really happened

when Fenner had Shell Dockley's baby taken away.

What are you doing here?

Julie J's gone to the hospital with Julie S so l stepped in.

- Where's O'Kane? - Don't you know?

- Don't get smart with me, Hunt. - Sorry.

l assumed since you were her personal officer...

What?

She's had a home visit. Left before breakfast.

Meeting Maxi was one of the best things that happened to me.

She looked after me, the only one in my whole life.

Till she went soft.

Did she help you plan the murder of Virginia O'Kane?

Oh, aye - everything we did came from her head.

So effectively, you were just her heavy? She told you what to do.

lt's what she needed me for, right? She didn't have the muscle.

She was manipulating you, Al.

You were under her spell.

l think we've got a defence here -

a real chance to get you off the murder charge.

We plead guilty to manslaughter

on the grounds of diminished responsibility.

But Al...you'd have to be able to say in open court

just what happened to you as a child.

Why not wear protective clothing and a gas mask?

You wouldn't have to breathe the same air as me.

(Colin) For Christ's sake. (Di) Oh, l'm sorry.

Maybe l misunderstood.

Maybe you weren't unbelievably offensive to me last night.

- Tea, Sylvia? - No, thank you, Colin.

l should have an Alka-Seltzer, Di.

That hangover's making you irritable.

(Phone ringing)

G Wing.

Yeah. Right. Well, l'll come up now.

- Where are you going? - (Di) See a shrink l hope.

Sort out his split personality.

- Miss Betts wants to see me. - What for?

Did you see the way he blanked me?

Colin's upset her.

lnsulted me, more like.

He was all over me last night and now he's Mr Frosty.

You're reading the wrong tea leaves, love.

- lt's Atkins he's after. - Excuse me?

- Atkins? Surely not! - Oh, open your ears! lt's well out.

There'll be serious questions asked about your conduct.

l'm aware of that but...

Paying for sex with Michelle Dockley, colluding with an officer.

That woman lost her baby, for God's sake!

l know what l'm guilty of and l'm prepared to pay the price.

But l'm still gonna give evidence. Fenner's out of control.

Colin did come to me in the first place, in spite of Fenner threatening him.

His honesty in the circumstances ought to be to his credit.

lt's clear who most needs to lose his job here.

Well, we'll see about that.

OK.

Let's take this one step at a time.

l need to put a report together.

- l'll get back to you. - l've got everything we need.

What's the point in waiting?

Every minute Fenner's in post is a risk to inmate safety.

l can't send off a pile of statements willy-nilly.

Just hang fire, let me deal with this properly.

What was all that about?

lf he's been saying things about me, it's cos he wants the job.

Not now. l've got the mother of all headaches to deal with.

She is grooming him, Neil.

The sooner she leaves, the better.

That's what l wanted to talk to you about.

lsn't it a security risk, her working out her notice?

She's proved her incompetence.

Sorry, Di. lt seems Karen may not be leaving after all.

- What?! She's resigned! - Under pressure.

And it appears the circumstances were...unreliable.

Oh, this is you all over, isn't it?

You promise me the earth then back down

when it's too late for an abortion!

You don't understand.

There are other ways to lose a baby, Neil.

lf you want this one born alive, you give me that job!

Fenner's bollocksed it for you!

Karen's got a dossier on him that would rot your teeth!

Yvonne, can l have a word?

l'm delivering my file to Area personally.

Get some bloody action.

What about Colin Hedges? His statement come good?

Mm. We need it.

l'm gonna write up my own report against Fenner,

including a copy of my original rape allegation.

When Area see this, they'll have no choice but to fry him.

And Hedges? l mean, he's taken a risk.

- Do you think he's for real? - Yeah, he is. At last.

He's paying his dues.

l just hope Area Management see it that way. For his sake.

(Chatter)

Jim, l need to talk to you.

- Privately. - Why, what's up?

You are in deep, deep shit.

What are you up to, bitch?

- Pots and kettles, Jim. - Don't prick me about!

Getting O'Kane out, meetings... You're at it big time.

- l'm not an idiot! - You are, Fenner.

lf you think you can get away with the years of lying, abuse, rape...

- l am having you, bastard! - Your credit's run out, darling.

No one believes a single word you say.

l've got it all. Photos, statements, the lot.

l've even got that wanker Grayling on my side.

And you know it, or you wouldn't be here right now.

l'll bloody kill you.

Your balls are going on my mantelpiece, Jim.

l'm putting it all in a big, fat file for Area.

On behalf of Rachel Hicks,

Helen Stewart, Nikki Wade, Shell Dockley

and every other poor cow you've ruined in your miserable life.

Now get the hell out of my office!

l said get out!

You OK?

No.

No, l'm not.

- l'm off. - Oh, really?

Yes, Sylvia, with your permission.

And l'll be late in tomorrow.

l've got some important paperwork to complete for Area.

l'll get on better at home over a bottle of something expensive.

l feel like celebrating.

- You've got a new job? - l'll keep you guessing.

(Sylvia) Hmph! She's fooling no one.

Just acclimatising herself to unemployment.

Look, Sylv...

(Sighs) l really am...feeling shite.

l, er... l think l'll knock off early too, if that's OK.

- You do look a bit sweaty. - l'll be all right.

Just need a lie-down and a couple of paracetamol.

- Can you cover for me? - Course.

- You go home. - Ta.

l'll just run the flaming place single-handed.

The agent said we'd get a good deal if we booked in advance.

Relax on the Orient Express, then get married in Venice.

lt'll be a slightly more secular ceremony than we'd prefer

but this way l don't get asked questions l can't answer.

Right now, l'm so happy, l wouldn't mind if Sylvia Hollamby married us.

- l wish we didn't have to wait. - l'm sorry, Henry.

l know it must seem like an eternity.

All done, then?

No, not quite.

This is a private consultation with one of my congregation.

Ten minutes till lock-up.

Then Mrs Hunt will see you in ten minutes.

Damn it!

We can't even be safe in here.

Let's not kid ourselves we can be safe anywhere

until l've done my porridge.

Or you'll get the sack and it'll be my fault.

Look, what if l didn't wait to get sacked?

(Shower running)

(Beep, door mechanism whirrs)

(Tyres squeal)

Oh, yeah. Nice day off?

(Al) Yeah, right. Daft cow nearly bored me to death!

Go on, then. What did she say?

Nothing. l dunno, l've got stuff to think about.

Like what? Said you was gonna plead guilty, innit?

Well, maybe l changed my mind, right?

Lawyer's only got her thinking she can work miracles.

Make a twat out of Al and a load of dosh for herself.

What's new, mate?

(Car engine starts)

Hey, wanker!

(Car horn blaring)

(Tyres squealing)

Oh, shit!

Like everywhere else, we're understaffed on G Wing.

l'm pleased to see you want to work with the lifers, Selena.

Your reputation convinced me to apply here.

- Really? - l'm not trying to flatter you

but your progressive approach is quite...inspiring.

There must have been a mutiny.

Didn't know my model had gone down so well at the colleges.

Their prehistoric right-wing crap didn't go down well with me.

Sorry if l sound arrogant,

but their systems are what ensures our prisons are so full.

People like you make a difference.

Well, thank you.

Oh, l see you're a qualified fitness instructor.

Plenty of scope to improve the exercise regime here.

l'd love that. l'm seriously into physical exercise as therapy.

l saw it work when l was in rehab.

Doing voluntary work with addicts.

Ah.

l'll get someone to show you round and introduce you.

Sandra.

l've done it. Permission sought and granted.

ln return for my resignation.

Oh, Henry!

Are you sure?

lt's a small price to pay to celebrate our love.

And l'll see you for visits.

But put in an application to the governing governor

as soon as you can.

Please don't change your mind.

lf you'd rather wait until your release...

l'll never change my mind.

l can't believe that this hellhole

could have brought me so much happiness.

Talk about moving in mysterious ways!

Principal Officer Jim Fenner, Selena Geeson.

- Welcome to Larkhall, love. - Cheers, love.

Colin Hedges. Or Casanova, as he likes to think.

But don't waste your time, Selena. He's got a girlfriend.

First thing you need to learn as an officer

is who takes sugar in tea. For when the orderly's not around.

Screw that up, and your career could be over.

l'd better start now, then.

- l'm looking forward to this. - That's what l said when l started.

Just look at me now!

How's the wing governor? l haven't met her.

You're not likely to this morning.

She's having a lie-in.

Or as she puts it, ''doing important paperwork for Area''.

l wouldn't worry about it. She's on her way out.

Really? Why?

What Sylvia means is Miss Betts has handed in her resignation.

Got her own reasons, whatever the grapevine comes up with.

Sylvia will show you the ropes on reception.

Something l've got to do.

Keep cool. You've been honest, you're bound to get a break.

Hope so, else it'll be a while before we see each other again.

Yvonne! Smack him in the nuts. That should get rid of him.

(Sighs) She just don't give in.

- Make a bit more of an effort. - Like what?

Buy her a paint set or something.

Show her you're a decent bloke.

But what's the point, man? You're obviously guilty.

Maybe there's reasons l done it.

Too right. You're a frigging nutter.

They got a tape of you telling Den all about killing Virginia.

You can't just change your mind.

Where the hell are you?

l thought l made myself clear. Leave Area to me.

No, l wasn't stalling.

Karen? Karen?

What did l tell you?

That alone is enough to get rid. She's a bloody loose cannon!

Just shut up, will you, and let me think!

l want rid as much as you.

Last thing l need is the Shell Dockley fiasco blowing up.

lt's my arse, not Karen's.

- (Phone) - Yes?

Sir, there's two police officers to see Miss Betts.

l said she wasn't here but they wanna wait.

lt's the bag ladies you end up dreading.

You have to hose them down.

Stinking, they are, and crawling with lice.

Give me an old serial killer any day,

as long as she knows what a bar of soap is.

You!

There's been a terrible misunderstanding.

And which poor officer did you misunderstand at Barkwith Hall?

l know we set off on the wrong foot last time,

but let's make a fresh start.

We would like to make amends

and if you could give us back our gardening jobs again...

You must be joking!

Did you think we wouldn't find your little booze factory?

OK, Selena. You may as well start now.

l'm going to show you how to do a really thorough strip-search.

- How much do l owe you? - Ten pounds.

Here you go. Keep the change. Thanks.

Morning.

Two cops waiting to see you. Something about your car.

Ah.

Number one says go straight to his office.

Tell him l'll be along after l've checked up on my wing.

Yvonne Atkins. She's on threes.

- Lifer? - No.

l'm on Enhanced for my good behaviour.

Ain't that right, sir?

Don't tell me. Top dog.

You've seen too much Cell Block. She's OK.

Hard as nails, but she's no bully.

Babs, check this out. lt's from that bloke, Christopher Biggins.

Wants me to set up a visit with Buki.

Why's he asking you?

Dunno. Just says to keep shtoom about it.

Den, see that tape when l said about doing Virginia O'Kane?

Yeah, what about it?

lf you said you were setting me up, for a bet,

l've got a chance of getting off.

lf you testified in court.

l thought your brief got it sussed how to get you off.

Aye. This is loads better than that daft idea.

(Raised voices)

What?

(Yvonne) lf it isn't the Costa cons!

Costa fortune, more like.

(Al) Thanks for the moonshine. Sorry there's none left.

Don't mention it.

Oi, Bev! Over here, mate.

(Woman) You've been having fun, though, love?

Look, could we do this later?

Shit, man! What you doing back here?

Bent screws, what else?

Wicked!

Wait until you see the video of Lennox in his wheelchair.

Yeah. Top chariot, mate.

l been doing my own stuff since you left, innit?

Yeah.

So l see.

Well?

ln their internal mail system as we speak.

Watch this space.

Karen?

- What's this? - She's slipped on her own shit.

This is Detective Sergeant Rivers. Karen Betts.

- Have you found my car? - We have.

lt was abandoned after being involved in a hit-and-run.

- Jesus. - We can deal with this quietly,

if you wouldn't mind coming with us.

There's no need to worry. Not if you're innocent.

lnnocent? Of what?

We can deal with this down at the station.

- Shall we? - l'm not going to the station!

- What the hell's going on? - My car was stolen.

Karen Betts,

l'm arresting you for causing death by dangerous driving.

Death? This is insane!

You do not have to say anything but it may harm your defence

if you do not mention something which you rely on in court.

This is all a lie.

lt's a bloody fit-up by him there. Fenner.

l don't know what he's done, but it's him.

(Shouting)

Ladies, calm down!

That not nice? Not what you wanted?

You were gagging for it last week.

Gone off me since then, have you?

- No, sir. - l've gone off you.

Right off.

Fenner is gonna see me die in this shitting place.

Not unless l get Lauren to take him out first.

What? You can't be serious.

Why not?

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