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1
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(Jenna) Previously on Awkward...
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00:00:01,407 --> 00:00:04,070
We're engaged. Jenna, you're legit popular.
3
00:00:04,078 --> 00:00:05,778
(Jenna) Popularity was for losers.
4
00:00:05,780 --> 00:00:07,363
I have to earn your forgiveness.
5
00:00:07,365 --> 00:00:09,448
I'm not going anywhere until I do.
6
00:00:09,450 --> 00:00:11,367
- What is that?
- Matty, you're unpopular.
7
00:00:11,369 --> 00:00:13,452
If you want to survive in
the netherworld of the uncool,
8
00:00:13,454 --> 00:00:15,093
you can't think how you used to think.
9
00:00:16,188 --> 00:00:17,354
(Jenna) After I'd ended my brief,
10
00:00:17,355 --> 00:00:19,155
boring foray into popularity land,
11
00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:21,070
I didn't know which me to dress for.
12
00:00:21,382 --> 00:00:23,527
Was I still cool, fun, flirty Jenna,
13
00:00:23,529 --> 00:00:25,425
or was I back to being...
14
00:00:25,450 --> 00:00:27,864
So plain, Jenna.
15
00:00:28,390 --> 00:00:31,100
- It's perfect.
- Uh, perfect for what?
16
00:00:31,125 --> 00:00:33,030
The mother-daughter senior banquet.
17
00:00:33,055 --> 00:00:34,460
Please tell me you're not doing that.
18
00:00:34,492 --> 00:00:36,325
And pass up a chance to imitate you
19
00:00:36,327 --> 00:00:39,412
onstage in front of all the senior girls?
20
00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:42,054
You're right. I... I really shouldn't.
21
00:00:42,079 --> 00:00:43,912
It's... it's cruel.
22
00:00:44,765 --> 00:00:45,785
As if!
23
00:00:45,787 --> 00:00:49,005
I've been waiting for this
day since you were a freshman.
24
00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:51,123
Okay, well, can you at least
choose something else to wear?
25
00:00:51,125 --> 00:00:54,961
But, honey, that hideous hoodie is so you.
26
00:00:54,963 --> 00:00:57,964
- Gee, thanks.
- Okay. Okay.
27
00:00:57,966 --> 00:01:01,548
Which outfit screams,
"I am Jenna Hamilton"?
28
00:01:01,696 --> 00:01:02,835
Damn.
29
00:01:03,558 --> 00:01:05,484
It's not this sexy top, is it?
30
00:01:10,812 --> 00:01:13,946
(Theo) Get your yearbooks,
you sick nostalgia junkies.
31
00:01:13,948 --> 00:01:17,033
You'll notice we've made
a few changes this year.
32
00:01:17,035 --> 00:01:18,618
Sorry, not sorry.
33
00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:21,571
The original version was
bogus social propaganda.
34
00:01:21,573 --> 00:01:23,489
Not to mention boring as [bleep].
35
00:01:23,491 --> 00:01:25,124
Hell, yes. Hell, yes.
36
00:01:25,126 --> 00:01:27,493
Yearbooks are like smack on crack.
37
00:01:27,495 --> 00:01:29,378
Interesting outfit choice, Jenna.
38
00:01:29,380 --> 00:01:30,329
What? I'm mixing it up.
39
00:01:30,331 --> 00:01:33,082
I love that for you. [gasps]
40
00:01:33,084 --> 00:01:37,220
WTF? GTFO!
41
00:01:37,222 --> 00:01:39,555
OMG. FML.
42
00:01:39,557 --> 00:01:40,923
T, are you short-circuiting?
43
00:01:40,925 --> 00:01:43,059
Beavis and Gayhead hijacked our yearbook.
44
00:01:43,061 --> 00:01:45,761
"Most basic" is not a senior superlative.
45
00:01:45,763 --> 00:01:47,763
- Neither is "best bulge."
- Yikes.
46
00:01:47,765 --> 00:01:50,483
Jake and Matty got "most
likely to be bro-mos forever."
47
00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:52,018
Well, Au revoir, the train has left
48
00:01:52,020 --> 00:01:52,985
that friendship station.
49
00:01:52,987 --> 00:01:54,797
Oh, Jenna, look. You got something.
50
00:01:55,740 --> 00:01:57,353
Wait, what? Let me see.
51
00:01:58,493 --> 00:02:00,359
(Jenna voice-over) Considering
how many changes I'd gone through
52
00:02:00,361 --> 00:02:01,944
in the past four years,
53
00:02:01,946 --> 00:02:04,163
I wouldn't be surprised if
I was named "most improved"
54
00:02:04,165 --> 00:02:05,915
or "biggest transformation" or...
55
00:02:08,670 --> 00:02:10,202
"Most depressing"?
56
00:02:10,227 --> 00:02:13,803
Synced and corrected by Chitorafa
www.addic7ed.com
57
00:02:15,126 --> 00:02:16,375
This is BS.
58
00:02:16,377 --> 00:02:19,262
I haven't been Suicide
Girl since sophomore year.
59
00:02:19,264 --> 00:02:22,682
Why would anyone still
think of me as depressing?
60
00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:24,183
Well, there was that one semester where
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00:02:24,185 --> 00:02:26,102
you ditched all your friends
to hang out with Mary Jane
62
00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:27,520
and that douche, Collin.
63
00:02:27,522 --> 00:02:29,055
Oh, and I guess the low class rank
64
00:02:29,057 --> 00:02:31,057
and the whole "not getting into SCU" thing.
65
00:02:31,059 --> 00:02:33,059
And you're kind of always
in this constant state
66
00:02:33,061 --> 00:02:35,861
of analysis paralysis on your face.
67
00:02:35,863 --> 00:02:37,446
But don't worry, those superlatives
68
00:02:37,448 --> 00:02:38,898
are so false, it's an LOL.
69
00:02:38,900 --> 00:02:40,983
I mean, I got "most likely
to marry a deaf guy,"
70
00:02:40,985 --> 00:02:43,736
which makes no sense, because
Adam has perfect hearing.
71
00:02:43,738 --> 00:02:47,073
Okay, but you aren't
actually going to marry Adam.
72
00:02:47,075 --> 00:02:49,458
Oh, I forgot to tell
you, I changed the date.
73
00:02:49,460 --> 00:02:51,744
- What?
- The breakup date, obvi.
74
00:02:51,746 --> 00:02:53,212
Adam is picking me up from school tomorrow,
75
00:02:53,214 --> 00:02:55,665
and I promz to end the dramz that night.
76
00:02:55,667 --> 00:02:59,251
Jenna, Kyle has a question
he would like to ask you.
77
00:02:59,253 --> 00:03:00,586
Um, hey.
78
00:03:00,588 --> 00:03:01,921
Can you sign my yearbook?
79
00:03:01,923 --> 00:03:04,590
I already wrote the inscription for you.
80
00:03:04,592 --> 00:03:06,475
(Jenna) Dear Kyle, you're a sex god.
81
00:03:06,477 --> 00:03:07,643
Please call me anytime.
82
00:03:07,645 --> 00:03:10,094
Love, Most Depressing.
83
00:03:10,773 --> 00:03:12,250
Sure, Kyle.
84
00:03:20,608 --> 00:03:23,109
Matty, do you maybe
want to sign my yearbook?
85
00:03:23,111 --> 00:03:25,911
Um, only if you maybe want to sign mine.
86
00:03:25,913 --> 00:03:28,080
Hmm.
87
00:03:28,082 --> 00:03:30,249
Come on, Matty, let's go watch some Twitch.
88
00:03:30,251 --> 00:03:31,534
What in the bitch is Twitch?
89
00:03:31,536 --> 00:03:32,952
It's this online thing where you watch
90
00:03:32,954 --> 00:03:35,287
hot girls... uh, you know what?
91
00:03:35,289 --> 00:03:36,539
It's not important.
92
00:03:36,541 --> 00:03:37,957
Pop quiz time.
93
00:03:37,959 --> 00:03:39,959
Matty and Kyle being new BFFs is, A,
94
00:03:39,961 --> 00:03:41,961
an American horror story, B, disturbia,
95
00:03:41,963 --> 00:03:43,732
C, kind of cute, in a sick unnatural way,
96
00:03:43,757 --> 00:03:45,014
or D, all of the above.
97
00:03:45,016 --> 00:03:46,632
(Jenna) What would I
say in Matty's yearbook?
98
00:03:46,634 --> 00:03:48,718
More importantly, what
would he say in mine?
99
00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:50,469
We had so much history together.
100
00:03:50,471 --> 00:03:53,105
Earth to Jenna. Come in, Jenna.
101
00:03:53,107 --> 00:03:54,807
Sorry, what were we talking about?
102
00:03:54,809 --> 00:03:57,417
See, this is why you were
voted most depressing.
103
00:04:00,064 --> 00:04:03,315
Gross, why are there so many
old people at school today?
104
00:04:03,317 --> 00:04:05,985
There's a rehearsal for
the mother-daughter banquet.
105
00:04:05,987 --> 00:04:07,703
[squeals]
106
00:04:07,705 --> 00:04:10,656
I am so excited to see
you be me onstage, Mommy.
107
00:04:10,658 --> 00:04:12,158
Well, I'm terrified.
108
00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:14,243
You know how much I hate
being in the spotlight.
109
00:04:14,245 --> 00:04:17,129
Well, then why do you do
all those plays at church?
110
00:04:17,131 --> 00:04:19,081
God called me to those parts, Lissa.
111
00:04:19,083 --> 00:04:21,634
I couldn't disobey His wishes.
112
00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:22,752
Now, come along.
113
00:04:22,754 --> 00:04:24,553
Hey, beast with a bun!
114
00:04:24,555 --> 00:04:26,055
Ally, what are you doing here?
115
00:04:26,057 --> 00:04:27,506
Are you trying to get Percocet
116
00:04:27,508 --> 00:04:28,891
from the school nurse again?
117
00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:30,676
I think she's onto my games.
118
00:04:30,678 --> 00:04:33,062
I'm here to practice for
that mother-daughter thingy.
119
00:04:33,064 --> 00:04:34,263
Excuse me?
120
00:04:34,265 --> 00:04:37,066
You are not going to be
in the banquet, you slunt.
121
00:04:37,068 --> 00:04:40,653
Oh, I am, and I'm gonna get you so good.
122
00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:41,987
I am so sorry I'm late, sweetie.
123
00:04:41,989 --> 00:04:44,156
Did rehearsal already start?
124
00:04:44,158 --> 00:04:47,811
Darn, looks like your
services are no longer needed.
125
00:04:48,362 --> 00:04:50,329
Fine, I didn't really want to do it anyway.
126
00:04:50,331 --> 00:04:52,941
It's not like I'm getting
an Oscar for this [bleep].
127
00:04:54,335 --> 00:04:56,702
I am so thrilled to be
a part of this, honey.
128
00:04:56,704 --> 00:04:58,954
I've already been working
on an impression of you
129
00:04:58,956 --> 00:05:00,840
that I think you'll adore.
130
00:05:00,842 --> 00:05:03,132
Hard to believe, since
you literally know nothing
131
00:05:03,157 --> 00:05:05,085
about my life, but whatever.
132
00:05:05,110 --> 00:05:06,716
Good luck, Darlene.
133
00:05:07,632 --> 00:05:09,381
You're gonna need it.
134
00:05:11,052 --> 00:05:12,935
Hey, I didn't get to your yearbook yet.
135
00:05:12,937 --> 00:05:14,353
Do you mind if I get
it back to you tomorrow?
136
00:05:14,355 --> 00:05:15,471
Not at all.
137
00:05:15,473 --> 00:05:16,555
I haven't gotten to yours either.
138
00:05:16,557 --> 00:05:18,508
Sweet. I'll see you later.
139
00:05:18,893 --> 00:05:20,726
(Jenna) Matty needing
more time with my yearbook
140
00:05:20,728 --> 00:05:23,062
clearly meant he had a lot to say.
141
00:05:23,064 --> 00:05:25,231
I just hope none of it
involved calling me depressing
142
00:05:25,233 --> 00:05:30,286
or angsty or "that girl with
the analysis-paralysis face."
143
00:05:44,836 --> 00:05:46,252
- Who did that?
- I don't know.
144
00:05:46,254 --> 00:05:47,920
Maybe you should ask
one of Gabby's friends.
145
00:05:47,922 --> 00:05:50,055
Aren't they your bodyguards now?
146
00:05:54,011 --> 00:05:55,928
This guy bothering you, Matty?
147
00:05:55,930 --> 00:05:57,117
Looks like you're the
one with the bodyguard,
148
00:05:57,142 --> 00:05:58,679
McKibben, not me.
149
00:06:01,853 --> 00:06:03,102
I'm sorry, bro.
150
00:06:03,104 --> 00:06:04,904
I know run-ins with your ex can be awkward.
151
00:06:04,906 --> 00:06:07,773
Me and Jenna? No, we're cool.
152
00:06:07,775 --> 00:06:09,214
I was talking about Jake.
153
00:06:09,861 --> 00:06:11,327
And then she was all,
154
00:06:11,329 --> 00:06:13,579
"Looks like your services
are no longer needed,"
155
00:06:13,581 --> 00:06:15,865
and I'm like, "Oh, I'm so devastated.
156
00:06:15,867 --> 00:06:17,944
Go slip on a [bleep]."
157
00:06:18,336 --> 00:06:19,668
Ixnay on the side-braid.
158
00:06:19,670 --> 00:06:21,269
Little bitch just walked in.
159
00:06:21,289 --> 00:06:22,955
Mom, what are you doing with your hair?
160
00:06:22,957 --> 00:06:24,790
I haven't worn it like that in forever.
161
00:06:24,792 --> 00:06:26,125
Honey, don't stress out.
162
00:06:26,127 --> 00:06:27,343
I'm just trying out some options.
163
00:06:27,345 --> 00:06:28,844
Which reminds me, I need to try out
164
00:06:28,846 --> 00:06:30,296
a new white wine option.
165
00:06:30,298 --> 00:06:33,182
This one tastes like it's
low on alcohol content.
166
00:06:33,184 --> 00:06:35,718
I can feel my body rehydrating.
167
00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:37,133
Not happy.
168
00:06:38,556 --> 00:06:39,772
Ah, the yearbooks are in.
169
00:06:39,774 --> 00:06:41,473
- Let me see.
- Oh, it's dumb.
170
00:06:41,475 --> 00:06:43,976
Theo and Cole took over senior
superlatives, and I got...
171
00:06:43,978 --> 00:06:48,147
"Most depressing." Oh.
172
00:06:48,149 --> 00:06:49,698
But I shouldn't read
too much into it, right?
173
00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:51,150
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
174
00:06:51,152 --> 00:06:52,985
Senior superlatives mean nothing.
175
00:06:52,987 --> 00:06:55,204
I was voted "most likely
not to go to college,"
176
00:06:55,206 --> 00:06:58,991
and look at me now, 20
years later, enrolling.
177
00:06:58,993 --> 00:07:00,626
Joke's on them, right?
178
00:07:00,628 --> 00:07:01,961
Just out of curiosity,
179
00:07:01,963 --> 00:07:03,379
what did... what did Dad get?
180
00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:07,326
"Most likely to become a
father before graduation."
181
00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:10,803
Which is weird, because it was three months
182
00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:12,457
before I got knocked up.
183
00:07:12,673 --> 00:07:14,000
- And Ally?
- [burps]
184
00:07:15,142 --> 00:07:17,309
- "Strongest liver."
- Oh, my God, I'm screwed.
185
00:07:17,311 --> 00:07:19,228
No, you're not. Those
are just flukes, sweetie.
186
00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:22,765
Listen, our high school
quarterback, Trent Simpson,
187
00:07:22,767 --> 00:07:24,733
was the nicest guy ever,
188
00:07:24,735 --> 00:07:27,353
and he was voted "most
likely to end up in prison."
189
00:07:27,355 --> 00:07:30,406
I am so sad Trent Simpson's dead.
190
00:07:30,408 --> 00:07:31,523
He was so hot.
191
00:07:31,525 --> 00:07:32,942
He died? How?
192
00:07:32,944 --> 00:07:34,526
Got shivved in the joint.
193
00:07:34,528 --> 00:07:38,197
This isn't a yearbook. It's a crystal ball.
194
00:07:39,969 --> 00:07:42,430
(Jenna) My mom's yearbook
had me freaking out.
195
00:07:42,455 --> 00:07:44,088
Was high school really
an accurate prediction
196
00:07:44,090 --> 00:07:45,707
of who you'd become?
197
00:07:45,709 --> 00:07:47,208
I wish Val wasn't MIA,
198
00:07:47,210 --> 00:07:50,211
I would've taken any kind
of guidance right now.
199
00:07:50,213 --> 00:07:51,596
It's a good one
200
00:07:51,598 --> 00:07:54,452
So I don't take advice from fools
201
00:07:54,477 --> 00:07:56,655
Thank God you're back,
Val. I have some major...
202
00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:58,304
Hi, Jenna. Can I help you?
203
00:07:58,320 --> 00:08:00,625
Lissa, what are you doing here?
204
00:08:00,648 --> 00:08:02,281
It's a funny story, actually.
205
00:08:02,283 --> 00:08:03,649
I was in Val's office the other day
206
00:08:03,651 --> 00:08:05,150
looking for the key to the equipment closet
207
00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:06,485
when a student came in thinking
208
00:08:06,487 --> 00:08:08,654
I was the new guidance counselor.
209
00:08:08,656 --> 00:08:10,406
I'm no expert, but I'd say
210
00:08:10,408 --> 00:08:12,992
life's way too short to
stay mad at your friend.
211
00:08:12,994 --> 00:08:14,326
When my dad told me he was gay,
212
00:08:14,328 --> 00:08:15,544
I was totally angry at him for lying
213
00:08:15,546 --> 00:08:17,246
to my family, but then I realized
214
00:08:17,248 --> 00:08:19,164
that carrying around bad feelings was gross
215
00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:20,749
and probably giving me premature wrinkles.
216
00:08:20,751 --> 00:08:23,669
So I let it go, and now
I feel so much better.
217
00:08:23,671 --> 00:08:24,837
I know breakups are hard,
218
00:08:24,839 --> 00:08:27,089
but if it's meant to be, it's meant to be.
219
00:08:27,091 --> 00:08:28,307
When I started dating my brother, Tyler,
220
00:08:28,309 --> 00:08:29,758
I thought I was in love with him,
221
00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:31,844
but then we had sex, and
it just didn't feel right,
222
00:08:31,846 --> 00:08:33,345
so we broke up immediately.
223
00:08:33,347 --> 00:08:35,314
Just masturbate. You'll be fine.
224
00:08:35,316 --> 00:08:37,016
So what can I do for you today?
225
00:08:37,018 --> 00:08:38,684
Oh, it's not for me, I was just...
226
00:08:38,686 --> 00:08:39,586
Sit!
227
00:08:40,855 --> 00:08:42,237
It's stupid.
228
00:08:42,239 --> 00:08:44,273
I was named "most
depressing" in the yearbook,
229
00:08:44,275 --> 00:08:47,793
and I'm worried that has some
sort of curse on my future.
230
00:08:47,795 --> 00:08:50,162
Please stop laughing. It's not funny.
231
00:08:50,164 --> 00:08:51,780
Everything in my mom's yearbook came true.
232
00:08:51,782 --> 00:08:54,917
Listen, Jenna, people come
to me with real problems,
233
00:08:54,919 --> 00:08:57,036
so I'd appreciate it if
you didn't waste my time
234
00:08:57,038 --> 00:08:58,671
with your little superstitions.
235
00:08:58,673 --> 00:08:59,872
- But...
- No buts.
236
00:08:59,874 --> 00:09:01,373
You shouldn't be worried
about what Theo and Cole
237
00:09:01,375 --> 00:09:03,542
wrote about you in some
silly yearbook, anyway.
238
00:09:03,544 --> 00:09:06,207
Your friends' opinions are the
only ones that should matter.
239
00:09:06,232 --> 00:09:07,713
That's actually a really good point, Lissa.
240
00:09:07,715 --> 00:09:09,048
- You're welcome.
- [knock at door]
241
00:09:09,050 --> 00:09:11,016
Now get out. My 2:30's here.
242
00:09:14,805 --> 00:09:16,021
Okay, pay attention, Darlene.
243
00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:17,439
Here is my cheerleading uniform,
244
00:09:17,441 --> 00:09:19,391
a comprehensive tutorial on
how I like to wear my hair,
245
00:09:19,393 --> 00:09:21,360
my favorite lip gloss, shoes, and... oops!
246
00:09:21,362 --> 00:09:23,228
I accidentally put in
two types of eyeliner,
247
00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:24,730
but since you're my mom,
248
00:09:24,732 --> 00:09:26,699
I'm sure you'll know
which one I prefer to use.
249
00:09:26,701 --> 00:09:28,150
Of course I do, honey.
250
00:09:28,152 --> 00:09:30,152
Sadie, your Latin gigolo's
downstairs looking for you.
251
00:09:30,154 --> 00:09:31,653
Says to hurry up, it's an emergency.
252
00:09:31,655 --> 00:09:33,872
I thought Sergio was on the food truck.
253
00:09:33,874 --> 00:09:37,384
He better not have left his
wiener apron in my car again.
254
00:09:38,129 --> 00:09:40,129
[laughs]
255
00:09:40,131 --> 00:09:43,568
Sergio no est? aqu?.
256
00:09:44,335 --> 00:09:46,385
Dumb bitch falls for it every time.
257
00:09:46,387 --> 00:09:47,920
You two seem to have developed
258
00:09:47,922 --> 00:09:49,888
quite the playful dynamic.
259
00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:51,256
Playful? Please.
260
00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:53,792
We drive each other bat-[bleep] insane.
261
00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:56,872
But hey, at least I'm actually around.
262
00:09:57,848 --> 00:10:00,983
Well, that's why I'm here now, Ally,
263
00:10:00,985 --> 00:10:02,601
to make up for lost time.
264
00:10:02,998 --> 00:10:04,498
Do you want to see what
I've been working on
265
00:10:04,523 --> 00:10:05,487
for the banquet?
266
00:10:05,489 --> 00:10:07,106
I have to admit, I'm a little nervous.
267
00:10:07,108 --> 00:10:08,941
- Yeah, whatever.
- Okay.
268
00:10:08,943 --> 00:10:11,135
[exhales, clears throat]
269
00:10:12,113 --> 00:10:13,829
Hey, silly gooses.
270
00:10:13,831 --> 00:10:16,365
Want to go ride horses after school?
271
00:10:16,367 --> 00:10:17,533
You better watch out,
272
00:10:17,535 --> 00:10:19,201
because mine's a champion.
273
00:10:19,203 --> 00:10:20,382
Thank you.
274
00:10:20,407 --> 00:10:23,338
News flash, Sadie hasn't
ridden a horse in three years.
275
00:10:23,340 --> 00:10:25,591
I guess I am a little out of touch.
276
00:10:25,593 --> 00:10:28,961
Uh, come on, I have a few pointers
277
00:10:28,963 --> 00:10:30,975
that'll make it perfect.
278
00:10:34,101 --> 00:10:35,968
Let me know if you have
pointers on my breakup speech.
279
00:10:35,970 --> 00:10:38,103
I want this ish to be perfect.
280
00:10:38,105 --> 00:10:41,473
Adam, as much as it pains me,
I have to end our engagement.
281
00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:43,142
I don't even know if I'm
ready to ace my stats final,
282
00:10:43,144 --> 00:10:44,643
let alone get married on May 7th
283
00:10:44,645 --> 00:10:46,311
in a Very Wang gown with a birdcage veil
284
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:48,197
in front of 400 of our
closest family and friends.
285
00:10:48,199 --> 00:10:50,732
Okay, stop there. Less is more.
286
00:10:50,734 --> 00:10:51,867
[car horn honks]
287
00:10:51,869 --> 00:10:53,819
Is that my beautiful
fianc?e chatting over there?
288
00:10:53,821 --> 00:10:55,621
Hey, babe.
289
00:10:55,623 --> 00:10:57,239
I brought place settings
for you to look at.
290
00:10:57,241 --> 00:10:58,624
You are going to die.
291
00:10:58,626 --> 00:11:01,160
Like, literal death. They are so adorbs!
292
00:11:01,162 --> 00:11:03,328
But before we dive in, I need to talk
293
00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:04,329
to you about something.
294
00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:05,656
Good luck.
295
00:11:05,681 --> 00:11:07,666
Ditto to you too at the
mother-daughter banquet tonight.
296
00:11:07,668 --> 00:11:09,001
Thank God I hacked into my mom's phone
297
00:11:09,003 --> 00:11:10,302
and deleted the invite.
298
00:11:10,304 --> 00:11:11,837
What'd you want to talk to me about?
299
00:11:11,839 --> 00:11:13,555
JK. It was nothing.
300
00:11:14,675 --> 00:11:16,842
Hey, Matty, finished your yearbook.
301
00:11:16,844 --> 00:11:18,060
Oh, yeah.
302
00:11:18,062 --> 00:11:20,512
I am finished with yours too.
303
00:11:20,514 --> 00:11:22,014
Great, can't wait to read it.
304
00:11:22,016 --> 00:11:23,816
Me too. Have a good night.
305
00:11:23,818 --> 00:11:25,718
(Jenna) I spent all night
crafting the perfect thing
306
00:11:25,734 --> 00:11:26,950
to say in Matty's yearbook,
307
00:11:26,952 --> 00:11:29,569
and not to brag, but I think I nailed it.
308
00:11:29,976 --> 00:11:32,288
Now to see what Matty, the
person who knew me the best
309
00:11:32,290 --> 00:11:33,873
and whose opinion actually mattered,
310
00:11:33,875 --> 00:11:35,241
thought of me.
311
00:11:35,437 --> 00:11:37,396
"You're one cool chick."
312
00:11:37,421 --> 00:11:39,121
You've got to be kidding.
313
00:11:39,146 --> 00:11:40,562
(Lacey) Okay, honey, are
you ready for a sneak peek
314
00:11:40,564 --> 00:11:41,646
for the show tonight?
315
00:11:41,648 --> 00:11:43,730
Now's not really a good time.
316
00:11:45,402 --> 00:11:48,453
Do you love, or do you luh-huv?
317
00:11:48,455 --> 00:11:49,621
What the hell are you doing?
318
00:11:49,623 --> 00:11:51,373
Are you trying to humiliate me?
319
00:11:51,375 --> 00:11:54,490
What? No, this is meant to be funny.
320
00:11:54,930 --> 00:11:56,429
Well, it's not.
321
00:11:56,431 --> 00:11:58,882
I'm not the same person
I was sophomore year.
322
00:11:58,884 --> 00:12:00,183
I've grown up, okay?
323
00:12:00,185 --> 00:12:03,053
How would you like it if I
imitated an old version of you?
324
00:12:03,055 --> 00:12:04,387
"Hi, I'm Lacey Hamilton.
325
00:12:04,389 --> 00:12:06,523
"I wear shorter skirts
than my teenage daughter.
326
00:12:06,525 --> 00:12:07,724
"Ooh, I have an idea, let's write
327
00:12:07,726 --> 00:12:09,192
"a [bleep] carefrontation letter.
328
00:12:09,194 --> 00:12:11,755
Where's my special stationery?"
329
00:12:12,614 --> 00:12:17,135
Jesus, Jenna. Learn how to take a joke.
330
00:12:18,148 --> 00:12:19,402
(Jenna) Well, that was dumb.
331
00:12:19,404 --> 00:12:20,904
If I didn't want my mom
to publicly embarrass me,
332
00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:22,873
I probably shouldn't have
pissed her off two hours
333
00:12:22,875 --> 00:12:24,157
before she went onstage.
334
00:12:24,159 --> 00:12:25,408
[door slams]
335
00:12:38,563 --> 00:12:41,564
[upbeat music]
336
00:12:41,566 --> 00:12:46,551
337
00:12:46,576 --> 00:12:49,077
Are you sure it's not
weird that we're here?
338
00:12:49,079 --> 00:12:50,711
Last time I checked, guys weren't allowed
339
00:12:50,712 --> 00:12:51,711
at this thing.
340
00:12:51,713 --> 00:12:53,080
Dude, it's fine.
341
00:12:53,082 --> 00:12:54,915
I sneak into the banquet every year.
342
00:12:54,917 --> 00:12:57,417
- Why?
- 'Cause it's awesome.
343
00:12:57,419 --> 00:13:00,253
They're girls, but they're moms
344
00:13:00,255 --> 00:13:02,431
pretending to be girls.
345
00:13:02,823 --> 00:13:04,907
- I also brought beers.
- Nice.
346
00:13:09,765 --> 00:13:11,231
Hi, ladies.
347
00:13:11,233 --> 00:13:13,433
Welcome to the
mother-daughter senior banquet.
348
00:13:13,435 --> 00:13:17,356
I'm Lissa Miller/ the
new guidance counselor.
349
00:13:17,689 --> 00:13:19,189
No, seriously, I am.
350
00:13:19,191 --> 00:13:21,942
Anyway, let's give a big
thanks to all the mommies
351
00:13:21,944 --> 00:13:23,527
for participating tonight,
352
00:13:23,529 --> 00:13:25,662
because without them, we
literally wouldn't be alive,
353
00:13:25,664 --> 00:13:28,698
and that would suck, so
let's get the show started!
354
00:13:28,700 --> 00:13:31,284
[applause]
355
00:13:31,286 --> 00:13:33,954
- I'm so pretty.
- No, I'm pretty.
356
00:13:33,956 --> 00:13:37,903
Oh, my God. You know who's the prettiest?
357
00:13:38,192 --> 00:13:39,126
Our moms.
358
00:13:39,128 --> 00:13:42,295
Julie, what if that's us in 20 years?
359
00:13:42,297 --> 00:13:44,931
When I'm not busy being
the best dang cheerleader
360
00:13:44,933 --> 00:13:46,517
at PHHS
361
00:13:48,137 --> 00:13:51,721
or Atonercising with my
super-fun supplicant squats,
362
00:13:51,723 --> 00:13:55,025
I'm making the world a
more open-minded place
363
00:13:55,027 --> 00:13:58,612
with my man Jesus Christ by my side.
364
00:14:01,984 --> 00:14:04,401
I have one thing to say
to all the moms here.
365
00:14:04,403 --> 00:14:07,904
Your daughters are gonna
need years of serious therapy
366
00:14:07,906 --> 00:14:11,041
after watching your heinous
performances tonight.
367
00:14:11,043 --> 00:14:11,778
[laughter]
368
00:14:11,803 --> 00:14:16,940
Women over 20 should never
wear crop tops and short shorts.
369
00:14:16,965 --> 00:14:19,216
Where is your shame, ladies?
370
00:14:19,218 --> 00:14:22,552
Is it hidden underneath
all of your bad Botox?
371
00:14:22,568 --> 00:14:23,567
[laughter]
372
00:14:23,569 --> 00:14:25,238
Please, do the world a favor
373
00:14:25,263 --> 00:14:29,292
and change back into
some disgusting mom jeans,
374
00:14:29,317 --> 00:14:30,816
a pair of ugly clogs,
375
00:14:30,818 --> 00:14:32,985
and just accept the uncomfortable truth.
376
00:14:32,987 --> 00:14:35,871
You're [bleep] old.
377
00:14:35,873 --> 00:14:38,157
[laughter]
378
00:14:40,077 --> 00:14:43,606
[mouths words]
379
00:14:43,697 --> 00:14:45,330
You're welcome.
380
00:14:45,355 --> 00:14:48,189
[cheers and applause]
381
00:14:49,670 --> 00:14:51,917
Whatever, that's so not me.
382
00:14:52,139 --> 00:14:53,339
You're right.
383
00:14:53,341 --> 00:14:55,254
You're snatchier.
384
00:14:56,227 --> 00:14:57,393
I like to be
385
00:14:57,395 --> 00:14:58,811
This one's ew.
386
00:14:58,813 --> 00:15:00,846
This one's too blue. This one looks like...
387
00:15:00,848 --> 00:15:02,348
Like Doo-Doo.
388
00:15:02,350 --> 00:15:04,016
Sorry, I'm just trying
to continue the rhyme.
389
00:15:04,018 --> 00:15:05,401
Aw, that's so cute.
390
00:15:05,403 --> 00:15:07,686
You think you can out-rhyme me.
391
00:15:12,526 --> 00:15:14,576
- Adam, we need to talk.
- I know, T.
392
00:15:14,578 --> 00:15:16,445
I really need to talk to you too.
393
00:15:16,447 --> 00:15:18,163
I've been thinking about how insane it is
394
00:15:18,165 --> 00:15:20,916
that we're planning a wedding
your senior year of high school,
395
00:15:20,918 --> 00:15:23,404
while you're wearing a
puka shell ring, no less.
396
00:15:23,954 --> 00:15:26,372
Really? I'm so glad you're
saying this, because...
397
00:15:26,374 --> 00:15:27,706
Let me finish.
398
00:15:27,708 --> 00:15:30,092
If we're seriously gonna do this,
399
00:15:30,094 --> 00:15:32,461
we have to do it right.
400
00:15:32,463 --> 00:15:35,431
Would you be my, would you be my
401
00:15:35,433 --> 00:15:36,927
Would you be my reason?
402
00:15:36,952 --> 00:15:38,155
It was my grandmother's.
403
00:15:39,387 --> 00:15:42,759
Tamara Judith Kaplan, I love you.
404
00:15:43,172 --> 00:15:45,672
Will you really marry me?
405
00:15:47,561 --> 00:15:50,612
Okay, you guys, we totally
saved the best for last.
406
00:15:50,614 --> 00:15:52,564
Get ready for Lacey Hamilton
407
00:15:52,566 --> 00:15:55,117
playing her super cool daughter, Jenna.
408
00:15:55,119 --> 00:15:58,537
(Jenna) Time to watch the
mother of all humiliations.
409
00:15:58,539 --> 00:16:01,981
Hi, I'm Jenna Hamilton.
410
00:16:02,006 --> 00:16:04,056
I like to write
411
00:16:04,081 --> 00:16:08,583
and read and hang out with
my best friend, Tamara.
412
00:16:08,608 --> 00:16:10,790
Are you in the house tonight?
413
00:16:11,302 --> 00:16:13,085
Holla at your girl!
414
00:16:13,087 --> 00:16:14,466
Oh, God, make it stop.
415
00:16:14,491 --> 00:16:18,610
You know, a few years ago,
people might have thought
416
00:16:18,635 --> 00:16:23,739
I was depressing because of
some things that happened.
417
00:16:23,764 --> 00:16:26,565
You mean when you tried to kill yourself?
418
00:16:26,567 --> 00:16:28,458
Right. But you know what?
419
00:16:28,483 --> 00:16:30,269
That was an accident,
420
00:16:30,271 --> 00:16:33,155
and I'm not the person that
I was sophomore year, okay?
421
00:16:33,157 --> 00:16:35,190
(Jenna) My mom was bombing up there.
422
00:16:35,192 --> 00:16:38,327
Maybe she had a point. Why
couldn't I just take a joke?
423
00:16:38,329 --> 00:16:39,912
If I didn't see the humor in my past,
424
00:16:39,914 --> 00:16:42,498
then I guess I deserved to
be called most depressing.
425
00:16:42,500 --> 00:16:44,231
That's it, I wasn't gonna sit here
426
00:16:44,256 --> 00:16:47,419
and watch another person tell
me who Jenna Hamilton was.
427
00:16:47,421 --> 00:16:48,670
Hey, Mom.
428
00:16:48,672 --> 00:16:51,031
You forgot the most important part.
429
00:16:55,186 --> 00:16:57,379
My super cool cast, duh.
430
00:16:57,404 --> 00:17:00,655
So listen, two years
ago, I was Suicide Girl,
431
00:17:00,657 --> 00:17:04,276
and I would complain about
it all the time in my blog.
432
00:17:04,278 --> 00:17:05,944
Blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah.
433
00:17:05,946 --> 00:17:07,195
I'm so misunderstood.
434
00:17:07,197 --> 00:17:09,948
Insert clich? Taylor
Swift song lyric here.
435
00:17:09,950 --> 00:17:11,449
But it wasn't all that bad.
436
00:17:11,451 --> 00:17:13,752
I got to date the hottest guy in school,
437
00:17:13,754 --> 00:17:17,038
and after I was Jenna,
Matty McKibben's girlfriend,
438
00:17:17,040 --> 00:17:19,847
I was Jenna, backstabbing stoner.
439
00:17:20,711 --> 00:17:22,177
Gosh, what next?
440
00:17:22,179 --> 00:17:27,132
And then, I was the girlfriend
of the hot, smart, college guy.
441
00:17:27,134 --> 00:17:29,718
My parents loved him.
442
00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:34,806
And then I was the most
shocking identity of them all...
443
00:17:34,808 --> 00:17:36,107
popular!
444
00:17:36,109 --> 00:17:37,976
But now I'm back to being me,
445
00:17:37,978 --> 00:17:41,479
a girl who's just happy
to be in her hoodie,
446
00:17:41,481 --> 00:17:43,198
and who can be a bitch to her mom
447
00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:45,660
when she really doesn't deserve it.
448
00:17:47,321 --> 00:17:49,404
So yeah, that's who I am.
449
00:17:49,406 --> 00:17:52,407
Take it or leave it, bitches.
450
00:17:52,409 --> 00:17:55,493
[cheers and applause]
451
00:18:02,052 --> 00:18:05,086
(Jenna) My mom may not
have deserved my wrath,
452
00:18:05,088 --> 00:18:06,888
but I knew someone who did.
453
00:18:10,130 --> 00:18:11,966
Ally, what are you doing here?
454
00:18:11,991 --> 00:18:14,505
I told security to keep all drunk hags out.
455
00:18:14,537 --> 00:18:16,587
I wasn't gonna miss
seeing my favorite witch
456
00:18:16,589 --> 00:18:18,706
get burned at the stake.
457
00:18:18,708 --> 00:18:21,584
Did I do okay? I was so nervous.
458
00:18:22,128 --> 00:18:24,545
You were great.
459
00:18:24,547 --> 00:18:26,380
Where did you learn all that stuff?
460
00:18:26,382 --> 00:18:28,799
- Well...
- I, uh...
461
00:18:28,801 --> 00:18:31,553
I paid attention, sweetheart.
462
00:18:32,472 --> 00:18:35,056
What do you say about having your first
463
00:18:35,058 --> 00:18:36,774
sleepover at my place?
464
00:18:36,776 --> 00:18:39,253
I made up the guest bedroom for you.
465
00:18:40,113 --> 00:18:41,362
I'd like that, Mom.
466
00:18:41,364 --> 00:18:43,898
You called me Mom.
467
00:18:43,900 --> 00:18:45,649
Does this mean that I can get a hug?
468
00:18:45,651 --> 00:18:47,944
Let's not ruin a nice moment.
469
00:18:55,797 --> 00:18:57,661
You're welcome.
470
00:18:59,549 --> 00:19:00,548
[phone beeps]
471
00:19:00,550 --> 00:19:02,383
Hey, T. Did you end it?
472
00:19:02,385 --> 00:19:05,753
Yep, I ended the play-acting
and ended the game-playing.
473
00:19:05,755 --> 00:19:07,471
This [bleep] is for real!
474
00:19:07,473 --> 00:19:09,423
You accepted a real ring?
475
00:19:09,425 --> 00:19:10,591
Why would you do that?
476
00:19:10,593 --> 00:19:11,892
I panicked, okay?
477
00:19:11,894 --> 00:19:14,178
He just looked so cute and vulnerable
478
00:19:14,180 --> 00:19:15,596
bent down on one knee.
479
00:19:15,598 --> 00:19:17,932
- I couldn't say no.
- This has gone too far.
480
00:19:17,934 --> 00:19:20,151
I know, I'm gonna tell
him the truth tomorrow.
481
00:19:20,153 --> 00:19:22,103
I just wanted to have
one night with this ring.
482
00:19:22,105 --> 00:19:24,071
I mean, hello, it's freaking gorge.
483
00:19:24,073 --> 00:19:26,607
- Look at the carats.
- Hey, Jenna.
484
00:19:26,609 --> 00:19:30,444
Yo, dude, you slayed it out there.
485
00:19:30,446 --> 00:19:34,030
- Yeah.
- You're a freaking murderer.
486
00:19:34,834 --> 00:19:38,452
It's because I'm one
cool chick, right, Matty?
487
00:19:38,454 --> 00:19:39,663
What?
488
00:19:40,540 --> 00:19:42,673
Are you mad at what I
wrote in your yearbook?
489
00:19:42,675 --> 00:19:44,759
No. Of course not.
490
00:19:44,761 --> 00:19:46,210
It was so thoughtful and heartfelt.
491
00:19:46,212 --> 00:19:48,379
I could tell you really
had to dig deep for it.
492
00:19:48,381 --> 00:19:50,419
Oh, come on.
493
00:19:51,050 --> 00:19:52,633
No, Matty, you come on.
494
00:19:52,635 --> 00:19:54,018
After all that we've been through
495
00:19:54,020 --> 00:19:55,936
and I'm still just "one cool chick" to you?
496
00:19:55,938 --> 00:19:57,438
- No, you're...
- What?
497
00:19:57,440 --> 00:19:58,639
A nice hookup?
498
00:19:58,641 --> 00:20:00,558
An expert college essay writer?
499
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:02,965
An awesome camp counselor, what?
500
00:20:03,780 --> 00:20:05,523
You're my best friend.
501
00:20:05,948 --> 00:20:07,982
But you're also a nice hookup
502
00:20:07,984 --> 00:20:09,150
and a great writer.
503
00:20:09,152 --> 00:20:10,985
You're not the best camp counselor, though.
504
00:20:10,987 --> 00:20:13,704
You're kind of bad at
making arts and crafts.
505
00:20:13,706 --> 00:20:16,407
Please, like you're so great at it.
506
00:20:16,409 --> 00:20:19,326
Gosh, it feels so good to
get out of that side braid.
507
00:20:19,328 --> 00:20:23,164
The pulling, how did you do
that every day for two years?
508
00:20:23,166 --> 00:20:24,458
Are you ready?
509
00:20:25,585 --> 00:20:27,835
See you later, best friend.
510
00:20:27,837 --> 00:20:33,367
We'll try to get it right this time
511
00:20:33,392 --> 00:20:36,677
(Jenna) You want to know the
best part about knowing who I was?
512
00:20:36,679 --> 00:20:38,819
That Matty did too.
513
00:20:41,139 --> 00:20:43,139
Synced and corrected by Chitorafa
www.addic7ed.com
514
00:20:43,189 --> 00:20:47,739
Repair and Synchronization by
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