Original subtitles

[upbeat guitar intro plays]

[man] Meet the Jade Dragon Triad.

They take no prisoners because they are prisoners...

at the Orange County Correctional Facility L.I.T.E.

They're the ruling gang in this four-star hellhole,

and the Real Asian Prison Housewives

of the Orange County White Collar Prison System.

-Is this first time you ever do? -[chatter]

We are a gang. We stick together. Uh-huh.

Although, right now, one of our members is a real "B" word.

We're getting ready to do something about it.

[woman] She come in and quickly become leader.

And we get so sick of her bossy, bossy behavior, and now she got to go.

In civilian life, we'd just vote Lu out, but here...

she's gonna end up on the wrong end of a noodle. Uncooked.

You get me?

Ignore them. Their bark is louder than the dogs they eat back home.

And I got news for them.

Anyone who comes after me is going to be one unfortunate cookie.

[cackles]

I made a pun.

[sighs]

[narrator] Now the story of what happened when the one man

who was holding his family together finally let go,

and the separate journeys that eventually gave them no choice

but to come back together.

It's Arrested Development: Fateful Consequences.

[narrator] Lucille's status as the queen bee

at the so-called country club prison where she was held

-began years earlier. -At least three to five years.

And those are the last years, George, the best years,

where you can have sex and not worry about getting pregnant.

All right, here's the good news. They only got you on stealing the boat.

They didn't even touch us on the financial stuff.

-You're gonna get outta here. -When?

Better be before the money runs out. This place isn't cheap.

I know, and you are running up those spa bills.

The same girl who hands me towels does the cavity checks. You tip.

Barry says he can get your sentence reduced if...

you agree to leave here

and go to Lucille Two's rehab clinic.

That's the bitch that put me here.

I have another idea. Now, you know China Garden?

I know the one by the harbor.

No, this one's a person. And that one closed.

China Garden's aunt, Olive,

is very well connected with the Jade Triad gang.

It's a prison gang here. And believe me, they will protect you.

That's a gang?

I thought they were tech support.

[narrator] As it turns out, years later, Austerity would be joined

by a member of the Bluth family, albiet as a new therapist.

Hello, everyone.

I am Dr. Tobias Fünke and I will be your therapist.

[cops clearing throats]

Yes, I'm getting to that.

And I am also a registered sex offender.

Now, let's have a wrap-about. [sighs]

[narrator] Tobias was there because of a merry mix-up.

Is there a little girl here all by herself?

Daddy needs to get his rocks--

We don't have to hear this again.

-He was arrested despite his innocence. -Bull-- [bleep]

No! I'm not a raccoon!

Because, instead of asking for a lawyer...

[man] ...this creep chose to ask about a more pressing matter.

[Tobias] Is this gonna be SAG or AFTRA?

[narrator] And for the first time,

Tobias started to get recognized for his television work.

Oh, no, no, that's not representative of who I am.

-Anus Tart. -Yep, that's me.

Fortunately, Tobias,

who had once turned down an offer from Lucille Two...

How would you like to come work for me at Austerity?

Mmm... Eh...

Mmm... No.

[narrator] ...had, after a particularly vicious beating with a soup ladle,

-changed his tune. -[all droning]

But didn't want to look too eager.

Yes.

I'm also an analyst and a therapist,

which makes me...

a theralyst.

Prison had taught Tobias at least one thing...

Now, let's have a wrap-about, and what we'll do is take a comfy pose,

and let's find out about each...

Oh, my goodness.

Wow. Well, it seems as if we are amongst royalty here. [chuckles]

-I'm sorry, how old are you? -Twenty-three.

Ah. Well within my rights.

[narrator] Lucille was also fitting in with a new group

that, turned out, was not tech support,

-led by China Garden's sister, Olive. -You play mahjong before?

Our beach club used to have a Jewish Day.

-Your move, Olive Garden. -I can't concentrate.

Playing mahjong without cigarette is like playing video poker without...

cigarette.

Why are we not allowed to smoke in this stupid prison?

Mmm.

-[upbeat song plays] -[man] What is it about that lady?

-I know a loophole. -Huh?

"Roop hore"?

[sounding out] Roop hore.

[narrator] It was a loophole that would get Lucille accepted

as a full-fledged member of the Jade Dragon Triad.

You couldn't have chosen a harder word to say.

And soon the Dragons were taking drags on their cigarettes again.

There's always a way to get what you want.

My husband is a very powerful man, Lucille Bluth.

Perhaps we can help each other get what we want.

Lucille shared her new prison alliance with her husband.

I got Olive Garden to offer us unlimited bread.

So I paid off the debt on the land.

Who better than the Chinese to help us build a wall, right?

So, the Chinese will own a piece of the wall

between the U.S. and Mexico?

They'll own all of it,

but they'll make us very rich in the process,

because the government still needs to buy that border property from us.

[narrator] But what George hadn't told her was that after finding money

to surreptitiously pay off incumbent politician Herbert Love

to support the wall project he was hoping to build...

I am gonna put this on my wall.

...George Sr. discovered the property he'd purchased

to sell back to the government for it...

-You told me it was on the border! -...wasn't actually on the border.

-It was 50 feet south of the border. -It is 50 feet south of the border!

Excuse me, but I was going off Buster's map.

-It had been made on Buster's map. -Oh, God, it was Buster's map.

One that he had made as a cartography student,

because the class where you get to see naked people and draw them was full,

and George Sr. couldn't ask Herbert Love to rescind his support of the wall.

And make him a flip-flopper? I can't do that.

[narrator] Actually, he'd tried, but couldn't afford it.

It's a 40 for the flip and a 40 for the flop,

and since it's gonna cause a flap, I'd say another 40.

So it's a flat 40-40-40 flip-flop and a flap fee.

I like the plan,

I just wonder if we're not in that treason-adjacent place

where the government will retaliate and, uh... execute us.

[Lucille] Oh, they'd never execute a woman for this.

I have a good feeling about these people.

Oh, that's good enough for me.

[sobs]

-Now, that's what we call a breakthrough. -Tobias was making a new start of himself

when a patient entered that had already done so.

Sorry I'm late, everybody.

DeBrie.

-[gasps] Tobias. -I didn't know if I'd ever see you again.

[narrator] In fact, when Tobias turned down Lucille Two's job offer...

I almost [bleep] a guy for a hamburger, and you turned down $120,000 a year?

The doctor in India told me that I have the gift to make people laugh.

-[sobs] -Why are you crying?

A desperate and confused DeBrie soon fell in with Mark Cherry,

and an entourage that would make anyone feel like they'd hit bottom.

[screaming]

You look great, very, very healthy.

Yeah.I haven't had anything for six weeks.

Mark C. checked me in.

-[whispers] Mark Cherry. -I know.

She reminds me of my grandma.

Real sick version.

So sweet.

So, how are you?

Good, gosh, great, yes.

Uh, after you left, I booked a guest-y on a hidden camera show.

-[DeBrie gasps] -[cops clearing throats]

Yes, could you give me one second to organically get...

And I'm also a registered sex offender. How are you?

-Oh... [chuckles] -So, you two know each other?

-This got the attention of Argyle Austero. -Yes, we do.

We were a couple of sorts. Uh...

[stammers] Or are a couple?

Do you have time for a chat?

Uh, yes.

If you and DeBrie had a previous relationship,

there is no way you can be her therapist.

But I love her. Eh...

Surely there must be some way we can be together.

I'm sorry, I can't allow it. Sobriety is too important.

I am only sober because musical theater saved my life.

-Is that right? -Mmm.

I'm somewhat of an actor myself.

I just had something on the air three weeks ago.

It was an "as myself," but whatever fills out the reel, yes?

[upbeat theatrical music plays]

I ain't no squealer.

Kitty escaped the country.

-Carl Weathers. -Mr. Weathers. Carl Weathers.

I got here soon as I could.

I'm Dr. House, and it's called GVH.

The graft is rejecting the host.

[groans]

You know, we could put on a musical. This place is littered with talent.

I could direct, we could get Mark Cherry to do the music,

and we can cast it with patients.

I don't know if I'd want to risk a patient's sobriety

with that kind of pressure.

[narrator] But like a dog's wagging tail,

Argyle's tapping feet betrayed him.

Well, when it comes to DeBrie,

you don't have to worry about her being under pressure

because she's a professional actress.

[narrator] Which also made its way onto Tobias' reel for some reason.

She was in the movie The Fantastic Four.

Oh, my God. I was in The Fantasticks.

-Wha-- -[stammers]

[Tobias] Look at that.

My sister and I played the young lovers.

♪ I can see it ♪

-♪ Shining somewhere ♪ -♪ Shining somehow-- where ♪

-♪ And I'm ready, I can see it... ♪ -♪ Ready ♪

[narrator] It was uncanny how much the two men had in common.

They used to call me Mr. Fantastic.

-[woman] ♪ Mr. F ♪ -[Tobias] Wait a minute.

DeBrie played Sue Storm, you played Mr. Fantastic.

I have a suit made of rocks,

if I can get it back from the State of California.

We shall mount a musical of The Fantastic Four.

I don't like it.

I love it.

Huzzah!

♪ I can hear it ♪

-♪ I can hear... ♪ -♪ Sing it while... ♪

[narrator] Tobias wasn't the only family member

to have show business aspirations of his own.

-Excuse me. Is this a mistake? -Michael had recently become a producer.

[woman] It's one of the perks of having a movie made about you.

[narrator] But not before being told:

"We're going to need everybody's signatures on the releases

in order to make the story.

Although the real heartbeat of this is the dynamic between the father and son."

Or words to that effect.

-Although he would soon admit... -I bit off more than I could chew.

...he was only doing so to...

...to impress this girl whose name I don't even know.

Actually, the girl was accomplished actress Rebel Alley,

and Michael had recently bumped into her,

and perhaps it was because she reminded him of a woman he lost.

Yeah, there's a part for a wife, and you'd be perfect for the movie.

Do you like Scottish music?

-I'm in a band. -Yeah.

We're playing at the Ealing Club tomorrow night,

-and maybe you could come. -[Michael] I've got this crazy idea

that I'm gonna turn into a star

with a film that I can't get made

'cause I can't get my own father's signature on a release...

[narrator] George Sr. surprised Michael by signing over his rights.

I didn't know it was about lying to a girl.

Give me the release.

-You'd do this for me? -Of course I will.

-And then, unsurprising... -If you'll do something for me.

I knew it.

Michael, you gotta get this Love guy

against the wall between the U.S. and Mexico.

That's not right.

Really opposed to this wall, huh? When did you become pro-immigrant?

I have changed, Michael.

I cry at the drop of a hat, and I hate the way I look.

-I actually had one cute hat, and it... -What?

[breath quavers] ...it blew off at the CVS parking lot.

And this whole car full of black kids ran over it for no reason.

And they saw it!

They saw it!

[sobs] Michael...

Anyway, I live down there now,

and I care for these people who just want to come into this country

and ply their wares,

and let us freely fill the bay with their culture.

Hey, don't get me started on the Cinco, Dad.

I haven't been to one in 20 years.

There's gonna be blowback there, it's just gonna happen.

You can't swim in that bay for a month after

without getting nacho cheese sauce in your hair.

It's coming.

Can you help me, then, with Love, at his speech at Cinco?

-Can you do that for your dad? -Of course I will.

[narrator] So the old family was back together again... on paper,

while Lucille had a new family of sorts.

And as she had done with her last one, she was soon turning them on each other.

She said you're fat. That's what you said, right?

Or does that mean something different in Chinese?

-No, it means fat. -You keep causing trouble,

you're going to end up with noodles in your belly.

-I like noodles. -Not this way. Very hard to digest.

Ancient Chinese secret?

It's no secret. We'll kill you.

-She was even being controlling... -Did you get that?

...of the R.A.P.H.O.C.W.C.P.S. reality TV crew.

Do you need a clean of her making the threat?

I can lean back, but you will come around and get my reaction, yes?

Oh, I'll say it again. We'll kill you.

-But soon, the threat was made real. -We're playing mahjong.

-Hello. -Oh! She's got a sharpened noodle!

She's trying to noodle-stab me!

-[all shouting] -[alarm wailing]

Aah! My eye!

This'll be even more exciting if you jump cut it.

Quiet!

You can't just come in and have bread for nothing around here.

You have to pay bill sometime.

[narrator] Despite being threatened, Lucille was eager to claim her reward

from a husband whose land she had successfully gotten paid for.

-The wrong land? -When George Sr. came clean...

It's under control. I'm trying to get Love to come out against the wall.

We can't afford to build it if we're not selling the land back to the government.

It'll ruin us.

It'll ruin us if we don't build it.

George, you've gone puny again.

Look, we make sure Herbert Love comes out against the wall,

right after we get enough of it up to trigger the government payment.

And speaking of getting enough of it up, what's going on down here?

You need a little more Marilyn like I did yesterday?

♪ Happy birthday, Mr. President ♪

-I don't want to be Mr. President. -Huh. Especially with all this going down.

Oh, and speaking of president, what's happening with Gob?

You gave him a job?

Yes, but then I fired him.

The only thing I've got back there are my bees.

-Beans? -Bees!

-Bees! Oh! -[loud buzzing]

He caused my colony to collapse.

[sighs] My God, George, get him another job.

You must have some favors you can call in somewhere.

And then you can have some of my favors, Mr. President.

As much as I'd like to stay and lay some more pipe with you,

I better get moving on this thing.

You've gotta make this work, George.

Send me some evidence of a wall I can show the Chinese.

And the government.

We need to make this happen, George.

The Chinese have more than a sharpened noodle with my name on it.

-And soon, George Bluth did just that. -Hi, I'm George Bluth,

of the Bluth Company,

and, uh, we've built this wall.

We have miles and miles of wall.

-Uh, will you confirm that, soldier? -Yeah.

[groans]

It's about protecting our border,

which is why we have a member of our armed forces with us today.

-Say hello. -[coughs, groans]

It's, uh, triple reinforced, steel reinforced,

and I don't really know how to say

that what it does is it protects, um--

It's Mexican-proof.

So... Can't say...

Well...

Gosh darn it, it is Mexican-proof.

[groans]

Sit up. Um--

-Daddy, my tummy's turning. -All right.

-Um, uh, it's triple reinforced. -Daddy, I gotta get out.

You're gonna be-- Oh, for God's sake!

-Get out! -I need to get out. I need to get out!

We're not gonna-- We'll edit this part out and, uh-- Oh!

Anyhow...

[narrator] But George Sr. hadn't built miles of wall.

He just found a roundabout way to make it seem that way.

[narrator] Michael the producer arrived to meet his lady Cinderella Man

at the Ealing Club,

-an exclusive show business hangout. -Ron Howard.

Oh, thank you.

-No, it's Michael Bluth. Hi. -Oh, I remember.

I did it. I got my father's signature.

You said you wanted to focus on the father-son relationship, and I love it.

Who's not gonna be able to relate to a son standing up to his self-centered father?

Sure. But the father-son relationship I was interested in

was not you and your father, it was you and your son.

You're the father.

-But that would make my son the son. -Bingo.

I don't think I can do it. I don't think I can go...

I can't go to my son. That's, uh-- I just--

I don't even think that it's worth it just to say that I'm a producer, like...

It's your call.

Maybe the real estate business will come around soon.

Will it?

I could never reveal that information to a non-producer.

[narrator] And then he heard something that made him change his mind.

Michael? Mr. Movie Producer.

That's me.

[up-tempo Scottish tune]

[narrator] And like all bagpipe music,

it was hard to tell if it was good music played horribly

or horrible music played well.

But Michael was eager to find out her name

when she was introduced at the end of the set.

-On the drum, Dave! -[crowd cheering]

Tonight on bagpipes...

-R... -[bleating loudly]

[cheers and applause]

-But he got to know her anyway. -Fantastic.

I'm only doing this in between movies.

Which, given how badly I bombed at that audition yesterday,

-it's gonna be a while. -I could put your name in for something.

-I do know Ron Howard. -[laughs]

Love that I make you laugh.

You seriously would be great for this part.

You remind me of the person that it's based on. Uh...

She actually dies on camera.

Well, make her mentally challenged and I'll thank you in my Oscar speech.

There's a part like that, too, only she's British,

so no one could ever tell that she's disabled.

I haven't been in work mode for a while, to be honest.

-I've been raising my son. -Oh, you have a son? I have a son.

-You do? -Yeah.

We've got a little issue, though, right now.

Let me guess.

He's pushing you away?

Yes.

My son practically kicked me out of his school the other day.

That is literally what my son did to me.

Then I said to him, "You have no privacy from me."

That's what I should do.

Lem's six in August. Yours?

-Seven in July. -Oh!

[narrator] Michael regretted the lie, so he sort of split the difference.

-Teen, 17, in July. -Oh.

-Grow up so fast, don't they? -Oh, wow.

Well, I guess you gotta move on with your life sometime.

Yes.

Yes, you do.

This is not a good idea.

Wow, you weren't kidding when you said you had a part for me.

-That was absolutely insane. -Thanks.

I've never done anything that crazy before.

I wanna do a lot more of that. I wanna see you again.

I wanna take you out to a nice dinner, so then--

Well, this will have to tide you over until then.

Wow, look at those.

Boy, without this, I wouldn't know you had a tattoo.

I know. Anyone that gets that much clothing off me better know my name.

Your name?

-Good night. -Good night.

[narrator] And that's when Michael finally saw her name.

[Michael] Oh, my God.

I'm dating Ron Howard's girlfriend.

[narrator] Actually, she's his daughter.

But that's kind of worse, don't you think?

On the next Arrested Development: Fateful Consequences...

Tobias talks DeBrie

-into joining his musical. -DeBrie, you've got to do this.

I mean, this could be good for you.

And it could be a huge hit,

and it's really the only way they're gonna keep us together.

Yes, the last couple of tries made your body shut down,

but I want the world to be able to see this angel face.

-Oh! Oh, dear. -Oh!

Well, that's a good luck sign on Broadway.

On the East Coast, it's "break a leg," on the West Coast, it's "lose a tooth!"

Get you some epoxy.

[theme music plays]

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