Original subtitles

[upbeat guitar intro plays]

[playing rock music]

[narrator] Senior year in college is the time

when students start to decide upon a career path.

-And how could rock and roll music... -[song ends]

And... that's where the song should have ended.

-[narrator] ...not be George Michael's? -So...

I guess we all got a little carried away.

You sure? We all ended at the same time.

That's because you all sped up together. [chuckles]

If I was playing in your band, I would say,

"Hey, let's do the whole fast and loose with tempo thing."

But this is about my demo tape to Juilliard.

And they've gotta dig what I do so much

that they start an entire department for woodblock.

So, I'm sorry guys, and you're leaving. Okay.

They left early. Proves my point.

-[door shuts] -She was cute.

They were playing way too loud anyway, right?

-Could you even hear the woodblock? -Right at the end.

We could record you separately and then mix it louder on the computer.

Then I'm not playing in a band.

I mean, the whole point of the band is to showcase my amazing internal clock.

That's something you have to be born with.

[narrator] Or bred with, which was the case with George Michael,

who, as a small child, appeared in a promotional video

-for a developmental tool called BabyTock. -BabyTock will give your child

a head start in math.

And, if I were a doctor,

I would guarantee you that it would also

boost their brain power by 110%.

That's a lot of brain power.

You've been using BabyTock, correct?

For how long?

Two months. But George Michael really enjoys listening to the sound.

And would you say it's... changed the power of his brain?

-Uh, well, that's impossible-- -[woman 2] ...to deny!

I've always wanted a smart baby.

This thing really works, George.

[narrator] In fact, it came from something that didn't...

So we're stuck with five thousand of these worthless cornballers?

[narrator] ...when they were looking to recoup

some of their costs after an ill-fated foray

into the fry-at-home snack food market.

[crowd gasps]

Whoa, whoa. They're not worthless.

You know? The timer still works.

No numbers on it, but it's very loud.

[loud ticking]

Perfect, for those who like the sound of a clock

-but don't know their numbers. -That's good.

We'll sell this to babies-- [shouts] Mother of-- [bleep]

[sighs] We should put these in cribs.

That's not a half puny thought.

[narrator] But for now, George Michael

would be keeping the Juilliard thing confidential.

...stays confidential from my dad.

He's never gonna want me to pursue a career in--

-Hitting a block of wood. -In music. Yes.

He still thinks of me as the same George Michael that I was

before my life blew apart.

[narrator] He was referring to this...

Before the world cracked me open

and I became the guy that you're looking at now.

George Michael 2.0.

God, I hate my name.

[narrator] Ironically, George Michael's Uncle Gob

was at that very moment

living the dream of a young, successful musician.

He felt as if he were in the center of an entourage,

even though he was three away from the center at the closest,

and was 20 years older

than the young musician Mark Cherry,

whose dream it actually was.

Still, Gob's life had become a blur of parties...

-[all shouting] -...and shame.

But Gob had a trick for helping him forget the shame.

Unfortunately, it also helped him forget that he tried to forget the shame.

[sighs] Hey!

-Remember me? -And soon, Gob found himself

experiencing what, on the street, is referred to...

-as a "roofie circle..." -I won't forget this!

...whereby a roofie is taken the day after a degrading event...

too late to erase the memory of the degrading event itself...

but not too late to erase the prior day's attempt to erase the event.

[whistling indistinctly] Hey!Remember me?

Thus, with no memory of taking the roofie...

Do you still sell these?

...but the memory of the event very much alive...

Oh, I should grab a, uh...Oh.

...the victim of the roofie circle finds himself constantly trying

-to re-erase the memory... -What's with the scary guy?

-[man starts to respond] -Cállate.

...but only succeeds in erasing the memory

of the attempt to erase the memory.

Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months...

-What's up with the Christmas decorations? -Es tiempo.

...as relationships grow testier.

And that's how Gob,

-instead of facing a little shame... -Hey, remember me?

-¡No! ¡No más! -...ended up in a Mexican hospital...

-Do you remember me?! -...with stage four syphilis.

[groaning]

Now, the story of what happened

when the one man who was holding his family together

finally let go,

and the separate journeys that eventually gave them no choice

but to come back together.

It's Arrested Development: Fateful Consequences.

[narrator] George Michael was frustrated

by the limitations of his musical gift.

[George Michael] Maybe using a band to showcase my woodblock skill

is a dumb idea.

I'm never gonna be louder than an electric guitar.

[P-Hound] Too bad there's no such thing as an electric woodblock.

[George Michael] Sounds like a mother of an invention.

[narrator] And so they set to work inventing a downloadable app

-that would be just that. -You'll always have a woodblock with you.

I can't believe nobody's ever done this.

[narrator] A quick something search

would have shown the guys that there were already

three woodblock apps on the market.

So, there are three on the market.

...which they did.

[in Spanish] We are in the jungle.

But they were undeterred.

Download them. Come on, let's do it.

I hope we're not doing this on my account.

No, we're doing it so we can see what the competition is like.

No, I mean on my iTunes account.

-It's 99 cents. -Times three.

[woodblock thud effects]

[narrator] But they did,

and soon they realized what kind of competition

they were up against.

-These are a [bleep] joke. -[laughing] I know!

Where are the mallet options? There's no choice of wood weight or grain type.

There's no diameter hole option.

What is this? BabyTock?

-BabyTock? -You know, the sharp metal box

that you put in a crib-- Is that nota well-known...?

In fact, it had only been used on one other child,

and its claims of creating math prowess

were undermined by her own performance in the field...

-Gonna need special tutoring. -...but also by the fact

she was currently in her fourth senior year of high school.

But having lost her show business job...

You're fired.

...Maeby would have to live off her royalty checks until she graduated,

which is why she was soon forced to sneak into the penthouse apartment

without her mother knowing.

Although, it's worth noting that her mother

had also previously snuck into the penthouse apartment

without her mother knowing.

-And as Maeby checked out themail... -Oh, my God!

...her mother's ostrich was in heat and eager to check out the female.

And the ostrich eventually found what she thought was another ostrich.

Tobias, however, would shortly be sneaking into the same penthouse

that his daughter, Maeby, had moments earlier snuck out of.

The dream of a successful acting career

that Tobias shared with his girlfriend DeBrie wasn't panning out.

Something was forced to admit

when the depths of DeBrie's desperation for money...

We're broke.

...became almost clear to him.

You can't sell your Fantastic Four costume.

-[ostrich squealing] -[grunting] Somebody help!

-Lucille Two! -And soon, the reward would be given

-to Lucille Two's hero. -There's my hero!

You know the doctor said if that bird

had gotten through my second layer of makeup,

it could have done permanent damage to my skin.

And I want to repay you.

You're a doctor. And you're out of work.

-Well-- -How would you like to work for me?

At Austerity.

The rehab center? That's yours?

My brother Argyle runs it day to day, but we are so understaffed.

You'd be such a gift.

It would only pay 120 grand a year to start.

What do you say?

Tobias, whose girlfriend had nearly sold her body in front of him...

knew that everyone at some time has to give up an old dream.

Eh... Mm... Eh...

-But this wasn't the time. -No.

Gob had a dream, too.

Of partying and picking up girls.

See, I told you I knew him.

Can I get a picture with him to show my five-year-old?

-You have a five-year-old? -[narrator] But it was old too.

Granddaughter.

Oh, yeah.

Or at least, it had become old...

-Run. Run! -...to the man who'd made it possible.

[bleep] Getaway.

But George Michael's music dream was in full flower...

Woodblock.

-[man] Unavailable. -It's taken.

[narrator] ...as he finished an app he decided to call...

-Blockwood. -[man] Also unavailable.

-It's taken. -BlockBlock.

No. People are gonna think we're in the chicken noise business.

-How is that a chicken noise? -You know.

Look, it's kind of hard to do in these matador pants, but you know...

Block--

[man] FakeBlock is available. Would you like to take it?

Okay. They have FakeBlock.

Okay, yes, we'll take that.

-That will be $5000. -That's no problem.

Could you hang on to that for me, please, and I'll call you back. Thank you.

It's $5,000 for the domain name,

and then there's this whole XML website fee.

I got the last one.

That was 99 cents.

Times three!

[narrator] That's what led George Michael to the Student Employment Office.

We actually have a variety of subjects

that high school students need tutoring in.

Take a look at that list and let me know if there's anything

that you've handled before.

[narrator] There was.

Although George Michael couldn't imagine it was the same Maeby.

Is this F in "Maeby F" her last name or her grade?

It's her last name. But her most recent grade is...

Well, this just shows an Elvis Presley head.

So, that bad?

I'll take her.

Stay on top of her. You need to ride her pretty hard.

Don't be afraid to crack the whip.

-Hey, you must be-- -[narrator] George Michael's new dream

had been replaced with an oldone.

-This is the girl you broke up with? -Huh? What is this?

I can't wear this.

Well, we dated for a while, but, you know, I was a kid,

and I didn't know how to kiss yet.

I don't know, for whatever reason, I listened to my dad,

who said we shouldn't make it work.

-Was she your first? -Cousin? No.

Why would your mind go right to-- No.

It's just, he was right. We were kids.

I wasn't yet O.S.

-"Overtly Sexual." -Right.

As I live and breathe.

Crazy. That's just crazy.

-[knocking at door] -Okay, so listen...

after I let her in, you go and try and keep my dad out. All right?

I can't let him get in the way of this one.

Hey, you must be--

[narrator] But first, he had to cover his tracks.

-What? -This had to look like fate.

-George Michael? -Huh? What is this?

-[Maeby laughing] -What are you... doing here?

As I live and breathe...

But for the phrase, "As I live and breathe,"he nailed it.

-I'm supposed to tutor a kid from-- -High school. Yeah.

-That's me. -Crazy.

That is just crazy.

[narrator] And despite his deceit,

he couldn't help but challenge her strategy for staying in high school.

You have to make a living, right? Don't you need an education?

-Don't forget, I'm a Harris. -Harris?

Yeah, someone who "in-harris" a lot of money.

Oh, an "heiress." Yeah, well...

I wouldn't put all my ands in that basket.

You know, it's fine. You don't get it. You've never been a risk-taker.

I like to [bleep] with people. That's what I do.

-I'm making a statement. -[P-Hound] I love it.

I knew you were cool when I saw you wearing that shirt.

[narrator] It seemed George Michael

wasn't the only deceitful one in the double castle.

I get it too.

I love it too.

George Michael found himself less overtly sexual than he'd hoped.

I made a 40-year-old woman cry in Spain.

I love making love to Spanish women.

Get out.

And with his roommate gone,

George Michael slipped back into seduction mode.

So... a man, a woman.

Let's solve for "X."

I don't know you're talking about.

In algebra, you have an unknown element, and we call it "X,"

and then you have to solve for it to find out what number X is.

"X" isn't a number.

You don't even really know... the basic...

[narrator] But in that moment, the urge to educate her was more powerful

-than the urge to kiss her. -Let me show you real quick.

So if you take something like this: "3x+1 = 10"...

[narrator] And with the algebra lesson complete,

George Michael pivoted back to his overtly sexual seduction.

When I say, "You and me and a bedroom,

let's solve for 'X,'" um...

I'm stating it as a kind of formula.

Yeah, let's get wasted. Let's drink that formula.

It's not that kind of formula.

I'll show you what a formula is real quick, 'cause that's very important.

-Gonna wanna... -[knocking]

-But when the door opened... -Dad!

...George Michael's window of opportunity closed.

-P-Hound is yanking our chain again. -Uncle Michael!

-[Michael] Oh, my God! -And after a brief reunion,

-George Michael had another opportunity... -Told her about your software?

-...to impress his cousin. -No.

He's got this privacy software. Keeps people from stealing your stuff.

Tell her, pal.

So, it's privacy software that's also anti-piracy?

George Michael weighed his options.

Maeby had chastised him for not taking risks,

and what would be a bigger risk than perpetuating a lie about software

just to ignite the passions of a woman?

Of course it would be a lie,

and since Maeby wouldn't know it was a lie,

he wouldn't appear to be taking a risk.

Perhaps the bigger risk was to tell his father he was lying.

That he came up with it because he wanted his father to leave

so he could enjoy what remained of his senior year.

After all, he wondered, wouldn't that be the course of action taken

by an overtly sexual man?

A man who owns a pair of matador pants?

He had not responded now for 41 seconds,

according to his unfailing internal clock,

and it was time to come clean.

Well, thanks. Yeah. It's just a Boolean-driven aggregation

of what programmers call "hacker traps."

[narrator] And he found himself suddenly and effortlessly

tapping into a long inbred instinct for lying.

A Bluth taking his first steps in deceit.

And she seemed to be impressed.

But to close the deal, he couldn't lie to himself any longer.

There was someone he needed to get away.

It's called FakeBlock.

His father.

Mark Cherry also had someone he needed to get away.

♪ Stay away, get away ♪

-♪ Get away ♪ -He'd even written a song about it.

Yeah, just like that.

But the lyrics were too subtle for Gob to notice.

It's worth noting that Maeby wasn't impressed

with the software George Michael had lied about.

Can I get a Crown 12 neat, water back.

She was depressed.

I gotta start bringing some cash in, you know?

Everyone's just passing me by.

George Michael, Kitty Sanchez...

Drinks for the house.

This guy?

These guys are making a fortune

off that To Entrap a Local Predator show they're on.

[narrator] And although she did briefly pursue

-a job in show business... -You looking for a new bait house?

...she soon felt worse when she saw her supposedly 17-year-old boyfriend...

Isn't this guy a little too young to be in here?

No, he's with us.

...had a better one.

-[cop] You fitting in at the high school? -He's a cop.

They accepting you?

[narrator] But George Michael ended up...

It's a fake profile that leads hackers away from your actual data.

-...with a great idea for software. -I mean, think about it.

Everyone has something that they want removed from the internet.

George Michael certainly did.

-[dramatic instrumental music plays] -[girls laughing]

[speaking Spanish]

Oh, my God.

If we could make something like that, it could be bigger than Facebook.

Who wouldn't want something like that? Think you can do it?

-No. -No, of course not.

No. I mean--

This is my chance with Maeby, and I can't even get rid of my own father.

What if we just did a vote?

Just the roommates.

We do a quick vote, and it's, "Ciao, father-o."

He's gonna know who voted against him.

-Not if I get him to vote against himself. -[chair squeaking, cracking]

Why would he do that?

He wouldn't. I was just leaning back so it looked like I--

I got this chair again, didn't I?

Maybe I just need to be clear, and say, "I'm putting up a wall.

We need to rework our whole system here."

Sounds like you guys are working on your privacy software, huh?

-Hey! How'd you find me? -[narrator] And long story short,

Michael did end up thinking the voting out a roommate idea

was his own.

And it's, "Adios, broth-iero."

It cannot fail.

[somber piano music plays, stops]

-That was fun. -Did he look betrayed to you?

He kind of always looks that way.

[narrator] Gob was about to be betrayed as well,

for that night, Mark Cherry and his entourage

were quickly going out for the evening.

Hurry, before he sees us. Come on.

-Hey, guys, where we going? -But, not quickly enough.

I'll drive, I just gotta put my my sick bees in the trunk.

Whoa! I can't be near bees. I wrote a whole [bleep] song about it.

[narrator] It seems that Malibu wasn't the only colony

that was collapsing on Gob.

You've gotta get your bees out of here. They're sick.

They're gonna collapse the whole colony.

Did you tell him about the sick bees?

Jesus, I just said that!

You're late to the party again!

What am I supposed to do with sick bees?

You know, I don't really care. I got problems of my own.

I saw you pointing.

Yeah, you saw that.

But you didn't see the tumor on my neck six months ago, did you?

Your venemous hatred has killed my bees.

[narrator] Perhaps this was the moment

that Gob could sense the tide was turning.

It's my fault, guys. I made a big mistake.

[narrator] In an effort to prove he provided a valuable service...

-[bees buzzing] -...Gob stopped in front of a club

-to pick up some women... -[Gob] Oh, ladies!

...where, moments earlier, Tobias shared with DeBrie

that Lucille Two had offered him

-a valuable job. -You turned it down?

-Mm-hmm. -I almost [bleep] a guy for a hamburger,

and you turned down 120,000 a year?

To keep our dream alive, yes, I did.

-I thought you'd be proud of me. -[sobs] You're worse than Marky.

He couldn't see me, but you can't hear me.

[sobbing]

[narrator] The setback sent an emotionally fragile DeBrie

back to her old ways,

including a night of being passed around amongst Hollywood creeps.

[Gob] Who wants to party with Mark Cherry?

-Which is how Gob... -[rock music playing]

...kept his old dream alive, after all.

That's one forget-me-not saved, huh, fellas?

-Ah, looks like we got a real live one. -[woman] Whoo-hoo!

By "live," I mean barely alive.

[narrator] But a dream can also be a trap.

[crickets chirping]

[indistinct police radio chatter]

All right, guys. What have we got?

It's quiet out there.

We, uh, we better be ready.

Yeah. I'm a man. Don't make it look like makeup.

Car.

Is that guy one of ours?

Look at the license plate.

Looks like we got ourselves an Anus Tart.

[narrator] Yes, Tobias had hit rock bottom...

Hey. It's Big Daddy.

I thought I'd try to call you before I surprised you.

Things are...

really looking up,

-and, uh-- Hello? -[beeps]

Damn it. What Sudden Valley does to these cellphones.

[narrator] ...and was finally ready to reconnect with his family.

[man on radio] Anus Tart is turning on Tracy Lane.

He's peeping up George Michael.

All right, guys, let's entrap a local predator.

Who, what, when, where, why, and how.

Who, what, where, when, why, and how. Who, what, when, where?

[man on radio] Anus Tart is approaching...

[narrator] And Tobias' dream of finally getting to be in a TV show...

-[Tobias sings indistinctly] -...was finally coming true.

Is there a little girl here all by herself?

[narrator] And perhaps it was this that would finally get him to admit

that he sometimes did speak...

Daddy needs to get his rocks off.

[narrator] ...in a misleading way.

On the next Arrested Development: Fateful Consequences...

-Gob's dream becomes a trap too. -[indistinct chatter]

-Take off your-- -[all] Clothes!

-Take off your-- -[all] Clothes!

-We're having a good time. -We're having a great time.

-Hey, Getaway? -Yeah.

You know what would be really cool? If you shut the partition.

It'd be like, uh... like a joke.

Like you're our limo driver and we don't want to talk to you.

That would be hilarious, right? Yes, very good, sir.

-Very good. -[music, chatter fading]

Right?

Be like, "Eh, I'm just driving the Queen of England.

But we're still taking our clothes off."

[narrator] And excluding Gob allows this to happen.

What's stashed in here?

-[loud buzzing] -[all screaming]

"A lot of traffic out here today, Miss Daisy."

[screams continue]

-[sings indistinctly] -[narrator] On the plus side,

Gob's bees end up feeling good enough to sting again.

♪ Getaway, getaway ♪

[man] On the next To Entrap A Local Predator...

Predator gets its first rock solid case.

[high voice] Have some lemonade!

Pretty good lemonade, huh?

It is. Is there alcohol in--

-John Beard. -Why are you here?

I'm here to see my little girl. I wanted to show her Daddy's thing.

-Okay. -So it's your daughter you're here to see.

Yes.

Maeby.

Well, you're free to go. She's not here.

[man] But this creep won't take "go" for an answer.

That's all right, I'll stay. I'll wait.

And this creep makes himself right at home.

[John] Give me a minute.

-He's not leaving. -He's not leaving.

He's not leaving.

Tell him there's a raccoon in the backyard.

[John] Guess what? There's a raccoon on the patio.

[scoffs] Bull-- [bleep]

Where is that little guy?

[man] And this guy turns out to be a real comedian.

[Tobias groaning]

I just broke my skull in a fourth place.

The patio! Oh...

[theme music playing]

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