Original subtitles

[narrator] At the US Army's bionic testing facility,

far beneath the modest hunting cabin of one-time vice president Dick Cheney,

training was underway...

Okay, open the cabinet please.

[narrator] ...on the latest subject to receive

a state-of-the-art robotic hand.

Oh.

Too hard.

I think that was too hard.

[narrator] And although it wasn't a real home,

Buster had been left...

I can't take care of you anymore.

[narrator] ...with little alternative.

I need to get away, get away...

You're hopelessly hopeless, Buster.

It's as if they wrote that song for my own son.

Huh?

Fine! I got my own family now.

Army! And they want me.

You guys want me, right?

Oh, yeah.

-[laughs] -Once you learn how to use that thing,

we're going to turn you into a killing monster.

Monster?

[narrator] But before he could become one,

he needed to master a few basics.

I got some on you.

[narrator] And the basics...

Yeah...

you did get some on me.

[narrator] Seemed to be moving slowly.

[man] Yeah, that's on her.

He got a little...

It was too hard.

[woman] I think it was as well.

Let's go ahead and fast-forward through the commercials.

That's too fast. Okay, stop!

There's Jon Cryer. Stop, that's Jon Cryer!

[narrator] But Buster wasn't in a hurry to leave his new family.

We're back at the Progressive Insurance lady.

I'm better off just watching the commercials.

-Don't say that. -[grunts]

[narrator] And behind the two-way mirror,

the Army was rethinking its investment.

I hope this guy likes the music acts on Saturday Night Live,

because he's gonna be watching a lot of them.

[narrator] Now the story of what happened

when the one man who was holding his family together

finally let go,

and the separate journeys that eventually gave them no choice,

but to come back together.

It's Arrested Development: Fateful Consequences.

-[man] How many remotes do we have? -[woman] That was the only one.

[narrator] As Buster was failing to adapt to a new life...

[man] Do we have anybody from Pinky Team?

Guys, he can't do this.

[narrator] ...another Bluth family member was in another hospital

embarking on one.

Lord, don't call this beautiful angel home.

[narrator] Tobias had recently met the woman

at what he believed to be a method acting clinic,

but was actually a methadone clinic.

Carl Weathers used to give us grape juice.

But then, he'd add $5 to our credit card.

-Well, here is to our acting addiction. -Yep.

May we never be cured.

[narrator] In fact, Debrie Bardeaux was an actress,

having played the invisible woman, Sue Storm, 20 years earlier

in the low-budget version of the Fantastic Four,

produced by Imagine Entertainment.

And Tobias was entranced.

What interesting friends we've made.

[narrator] And headed off to a food for stuff swapping restaurant with Lindsay,

who was equally entranced...

A lot of people couldn't handle a dumpster dive

for their first double date.

[narrator] With Debrie's boyfriend.

Is that what this is?

No, Lindsay, we're together.

[narrator] But they wouldn't be for long,

because after the methadone

made DeBrie think she was a piece of toast...

DeBrie, that's our butter.

We were gonna swap it for dessert.

No, she's improvising.

[narrator] Tobias ended up connecting with her in the ladies room.

I see a pretty face under all that butter substitute,

and I recognize you from somewhere,

but it's not the Fantastic Four.

It's from somewhere else.

I've done some things I'm not proud of.

Episodics? Been there.

[narrator] She had been in a series of softcore porn movies

about women leading straight men into gay sex,

called Straight Bait.

He's gay. If you want to have sex with me,

then you've got to have sex with him first.

And if you don't want to have sex with her,

-you must be gay. -I'll show you how not gay I am.

[narrator] She did six of these movies.

And after lunch, did three more.

It's nice to be recognized, though.

Marky Bark, sometimes he doesn't know when I'm in the same room.

The same with me and Lindsay.

Maybe she's right.

I've yet to make more money as an actor than I ever did as a doctor.

And that's with Countrywide behind me.

You're a doctor? You can write scrips?

I like to think so.

You seem like you'd be a good doctor/actor.

[narrator] It was the first positive reinforcement

Tobias had had in ages.

You remind me of...

Billy Crystal--

[narrator] It would have broken Tobias' heart

if he'd known she was about to say Billy Crystal Meth, a funny drug dealer.

I'm sorry, but Debrie,

I've never met anyone who understands me like you do.

Or at all.

Maybe with someone like you, I could have a new start.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Did you see my license plate?

A-N-U-S-T-A-R-T?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Did you see my Straight Bait movie of the same name?

We should be together, we should run away.

[stammers] Oh, my gosh. Whoa!

This is happening so fast.

What do I do about Lindsay?

Can I just improv my way out of a marriage?

Yes, and let's do this.

Blackout.

"And scene," as they say.

Her heart stopped. She's dying! Please, someone.

She had too much butter.

She's a very famous actress.

Oh, my God, that's a butter face.

How much butter did the patient have?

I don't know, a Star Trek chess set's worth?

That Swappigans puts more people in this hospital...

Make way, people. We got a 61-year-old male

in full cardiac arrest coming through.

You have to wait outside, sir.

Be careful of her face.

She's an actress. [wailing]

[narrator] It's worth noting he'd heard this Orange County hospital

was a favorite of show business big shots

seeking plastic surgery.

We're both actors. [wails]

[narrator] Tobias was both praying for his new girlfriend...

Please let her live.

If you do, I promise I will devote all of my acting talents to you.

[narrator] And putting out some feelers for a new job.

I'll even keep working in religious programming

For less than scale-- for Christian scale, as it were.

[narrator] Of course, he was referring to what turned out to be

the televised marriage escape act, of his brother-in-law Gob.

But if my hands are handcuffed, I'll never...

[narrator] A disaster, which landed Gob

in the very same hospital bed days earlier,

and where he announced...

I'm ready to settle...

[narrator] ...down.

As he yearned for a family, too.

Marry me.

[narrator] And although she wouldn't provide one...

I hope you read this.

[narrator] She did offer him a lifeline to the kingdom of the Holy Father,

which he misread...

I'm ready to let the son of Gob enfold me.

[narrator] Hoping to get some cash out of his son instead.

Have you been to the club "And" owned by Jeremy Piven?

I'm gonna be there tonight about eight,

maybe you could join me.

-Obviously, it's me your fa-- -[beeps]

I got it.

Okay.

[narrator] But the prayers made

over the same hospital bed by Tobias...

...were soon answered.

Makeup makes everyone feel a little better.

You didn't leave me. Everybody leaves me.

I wouldn't dream of it.

Excuse me, could you leave us?

-Absolutely. -Thank you.

No, I'd like him to stay.

Really?

-Yeah. -Okay.

I'm afraid that you have tested positive for chlamydia, syphilis,

gonorrhea, hepatitis, pancreatitis, trichomoniasis,

non-gonococcal urethritis.

all the "itis-es," really.

And there's also a host of "osis-es."

You know, what this means, in non-medical terms,

is that you have landed a real party girl.

[Tobias] Will she be okay?

We can treat all of these things, but if she's really gonna be okay...

she's going to have to tackle this drug problem.

You didn't tell me you had a drug problem.

We met at a methadone clinic.

Are you high, we met at an acting class.

The Method One...

I'm going to let you guys hash this out.

I guess I shouldn't have lied about being clean

when I took that methadone,

but I'll do better this time.

Are you going to leave me now that you know

that I'm a druggie?

DeBrie look, you are a gifted actress.

When I first saw Straight Bait,

there were two men making love, but I couldn't take my eyes off of you.

You watched Straight Bait?

Oh just 2, 4 and 9.

You were with a guy who didn't care about you,

but stick with me, and I'll make you famous,

then you won't need any drugs.

Well, you're a doctor,

you could get me signed out of here.

So I can pursue my dream of acting?

Of course I can.

[narrator] But while Tobias was trying to sneak out of a hospital,

Buster was determined not to leave his.

Ah! I blew it again.

I'll never do it right.

[narrator] And the Army began to suspect that Buster was in no hurry to become

the killing machine that their internal documents

perhaps over-promised.

I'm a mons--

Do you have any ice cream?

Maybe it would work with ice cream.

Now he wants ice cream.

He's using us.

It might be time for the Q test.

The Q test? What's a Q test?

[narrator] Gob was planning on using someone as well,

but as he waited for his son to arrive...

I lost my wife...

[narrator] He opened up about his life.

I was in that storage unit at the bottom of that rock.

-It was like I hit-- -Rock bottom?

No, not that.

More like a trending downward moment.

Maybe I'm being tested, like that guy "Job" from the Bible.

-Job. Job! -Yes?

Yes, sir.

-Job. -Yeah, that's me.

I feel sorry for you, Pops.

Hey, pal. I'm not that much older than you, guy.

[laughs]

Nah, I'm just here looking for my son, trying to get some cash out of him.

You have another son?

I have a brother? Oh, man!

Yes... Steve.

-What's his name? -Dave.

Dave Holt!

Yeah, Dave Holt!

[narrator] Yes, Gob had been speaking to his son

for an hour and a half.

-Your mom's name is Eve? -Yeah.

I [bleeps] a chick named Eve once.

Biggest mistake of my life.

[narrator] And perhaps, it was because Gob

was inadvertently so warm to his son,

that Steve said this...

Would you want to come work with me?

Are you serious?

I'm in pest control, but...

Father and son?

What a great team.

It would be a great team.

But I don't... pest control. I don't know.

As long as I'm not being a pest to you, right? I'm kidding.

Where is your place of business?

-One, eight, one... -One, eight, one...

-Manville. -Manville.

Manville.

What time do you start this pest control?

Seven a.m.

And I'll be there at 6:45 with two cups of coffee.

[narrator] As Gob reconnected with his family,

Buster was on the verge of losing his.

For after weeks of pretending he couldn't control his hand,

crushing everything it came in contact with...

We're running behind with your testing, Buster.

We'll just be a few more minutes.

Thank you. Thank you. [gasps]

[narrator] Buster's deception was about to be challenged

by the ominously titled "Q test."

Aren't you the cutest?

And he can't see us at all, correct?

[man] Why wouldn't be able to see us?

Because it's a mirror.

No, it's a window.

[Buster] All right.

Okay, let's take it down.

Send in the authority figure.

God help the kitten.

Ahem. How are you managing with that hand, soldier?

-[Buster whimpering] -[kitten meowing]

[narrator] Gob was celebrating the night before

his first big day of work.

I bet it's been a long time since you seen your...

-Cherry. -I have lupus.

[spits]

Could have warned a guy.

[narrator] But showing off did catch the attention of someone.

How about this?

How about you do that cherry trick for my boy, Mark Cherry?

Mark Cherry, the baby-faced singer,

or Mark Cherry, the baby-faced show runner?

Baby-faced singer.

He has loved magic ever since he was a kid.

[narrator] Which was two years or earlier,

when Mark Cherry was the star of a cable teen sitcom called...

Pop A ROT-C.

created by a long time writing veteran of the TV show Cheers.

Soon, Mark Cherry became a pop sensation

off his co-written hit single "Practice Kisses."

I have a gentleman who is about to do

a magic trick for you.

It's an illusion, a trick is something a whore does--

Do a trick and I'll pay your bar tab.

-Who wants a trick? -[cheering]

[narrator] Gob had them in the palm of his hand.

It even got the attention of a young actress named Rebel Alley,

who was there doing research for an upcoming PSA...

[shrieking]

[narrator] she'd soon be required to do by law.

Never yell "fire" in a crowded place. It's never funny.

[man] I mean come on!

That's always funny!

[narrator] And she was intrigued by this magical man.

That is David Spade.

-Check your purse. -[crowd gasps]

Oh, man, paparrazo.

Great. The last thing I need is to be seen partying with some tweens.

Dude, network's gonna flip if there's another drunk photo of you.

-I know. -We got to get you away from here.

Getting away is kind of my specialty.

I'll have us out of here in a flash.

Let's get out of here while they've still got lighter fluid in their eyes.

[shouting]

[laughing]

-Nice moves, Get Away. -Okay.

[narrator] Gob had been accepted into the group,

which was bad news for Cherry's business manager's son Josh Abramson.

Gob actually did end up driving down Manville at 6:45 a.m.

I'll be right there. Start without me. Start without me! [shouts]

He's not coming back.

[narrator] The same couldn't be said for Tobias...

Her heart stopped. She's [bleeps] dying.

Hey, Dave, you shaved. I like it.

[narrator] ...who perhaps pushed DeBrie to act...

Hi, Mike, how was Ojai?

[narrator] ...before she was ready.

Okay, let's go back to something

you're more comfortable with.

We should resurrect your most famous character,

Sue Storm.

We're gonna do the Fantastic Four movie.

Well, I don't know about just yet, but...

DeBrie, if you make this leap with me,

I promise I'll have you splattered all over Hollywood Boulevard.

How does that sound?

Confusing.

[narrator] It was.

Get your photo taken with Sue Storm, from the Fantastic Four.

Is that Jessica Alba?

No, this is the original Sue Storm,

-DeBrie Bardeaux -Who?

The original Sue Storm, DeBrie Bardeaux.

No, no free pictures, kids. No, no!

Scram, get out of here.Go! Go! Get out of here.

I don't think this is working.

I need to get a regular job.

I do have a law degree.

I know, and I'm a doctor, but, no, let's not settle.

It's the Fantastic Four.

No one recognizes one alone.

$10 gets you a picture with real Hollywood characters.

What do you say, $10? That's certainly cheap.

Hello, young man and his... uncle?

Neighbor?

Father.

Oh, that's terrific.

I'm Johnny Storm, the human flamer,

and this is Sue Storm, my sister

and fellow fighter in law.

Now watch as I get--

I have special effects. Look, children love fire. [groans]

This isn't working either.

[sighs] You're right.

Two people in blue doesn't say Fantastic Four.

You know what, though.

I think I may have just the thing.

Just "The Thing."

Cut to...

Now that I'm the iconic rock man The Thing,

no one will misunderstand.

I'm sure the Blues Brothers here will know who we are.

Excuse me, are you Sue Storm and The Thing?

[narrator] They were not The Blues Brothers.

Indeed we are.

[narrator] They were Orthodox members of the law firm

Feinberg,Feinberg, Feinberg and Feinberg,

We represent Stan Lee and Marvel Enterprises.

This is a cease-and-desist,

ordering you to stop impersonatingany of our trademark characters.

Let me take a look at that.

-I have a law degree. -No, DeBrie, I've got this.

Mr. Feinberg,

would it change your mind if I offered you

a free Sue Storm armband?

[narrator] It did not change his mind.

Buster also found himself without a uniform to wear

as he was being discharged from the Army.

Where am I supposed to go? What am I supposed to do?

I have nowhere to live.

You should have thought about that before you let that cat live.

Oh, I'm sorry. I have nowhere to go.

I'm sorry, you're a veteran and you have nowhere to go?

[narrator] That's when he met Ophelia Love,

the devoted wife of the candidate Herbert Love.

who was on a tour of the veteran's hospital.

It's not Army's fault.

I'm a monster.

And what makes you think you're a monster?

What do you see when you look at this?

I see a veteran whose hand I'd like to shake.

Not that one.

I think you should meet my husband.

We may have something for you.

Perfect. Wait, you didn't say "nothing," did you?

-Something. -Something.Got it.

DeBrie, however, found herself with no thing,

as they were told they could not continue to pose as the Fantastic Four.

Can they really make us leave Hollywood Boulevard?

Apparently in this instance, paper beats rock.

You have rock?

No, I am your rock now.

Oh. So what are we gonna do now that we don't have the rights?

We'll just go off brand.

We'll just change the names and do a cheap, generic knockoff.

Kids don't care.

[narrator] But kids of cops do.

Get your picture taken with Rock Monster and Ability To Be Invisible Person.

Hello, young man.

You're under arrest.

What?

Boom. Turn around. Let's go.

-I didn't-- -Let's go. Get up there. Come on.

If it happens again, it will be a third strike.

The three strikes law is up for review in the appellate courts,

but we really shouldn't be charging.

I know of a street in Garden Grove where they don't police very much.

Okay.

[narrator] Hollywood Boulevard at night is the playground of the hip, young

and successful, and while Tobias may have just left,

Gob Bluth had finally arrived,

surrounded for the first time in his life,

by a group of admirers that comprised LA's latest young elite.

There was Mark, a pop star who had a level of fame

he could neither appreciate nor handle.

Trout, a Southern boy who had a Northern man's taste in women.

JBJ, a weekend weatherman,

all week party boy and a huge disappointment to his father.

Chris K, who was a lot like Trout, but without the accent.

Oakwood, a studio teacher who might have had his own entourage,

if his part hadn't been cut from the pilot of Modern Family.

And of course, there was the man they called "Getaway."

-Hey. -Keep the limo running, Getaway.

[narrator] For after running from two families

that wanted to be with him,

Gob ended up with a family of five guys who didn't.

Tobias' family life wasn't much better.

I missed you out there.

DeBrie, what are you doing?

We're broke.

But you can't sell your Fantastic Four costume.

No, I was gonna have sex with him.

For money.

No. Put that back on.

You don't have to degrade yourself this way.

Hey, I'm not a thing.

Hey, I am a thing.

[narrator] Only Buster, it seemed had a chance

at having a real family.

As Ophelia made the case to her husband

about the homeless vet with the big heart and hand.

You want him to live with us?

He's a vet, Herbert.

And you yourself said, you need something

to compete with woman you're running against.

[narrator] Particularly after she had adopted Perfecto.

It's like that movie The Blind Side.

I suppose we could use a "Blind Side monster."

-[screams, grunts] -[both gasp]

[narrator] And as the other Bluths tried to find love

and be part of a family...

Welcome to the family.

[narrator] The Love family tapped Buster to be part of theirs.

[laughing]

[narrator] Unfortunately, Buster tapped back.

-Ow! Ow. -[Ophelia] Oh.

[narrator] On the next Arrested Development: Fateful Consequences...

To save his new family,

Tobias returns to the home of his old one

desperate enough to ransack the place,

when it appears someone has beaten him to it.

Michael. No...

George Michael.

[Lucille 2] Somebody, help!

[narrator] And he hears something awful.

♪ Why don't you get away ♪

♪ You're hopelessly hopeless... ♪

[screaming]

Stop it, Chicken!

Somebody, help!

Lucille 2.

[narrator] And Tobias ends up being a superhero after all.

...or Alicia. Either one. This woman's been attacked by an ostrich.

Oh, Tobias got a new girlfriend.

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