All language subtitles for Arrested Development s04e09 Modern Marvels.eng

[narrator]
At the US Army's bionic testing facility,

far beneath the modest hunting cabin
of one-time vice president Dick Cheney,

training was underway...

Okay, open the cabinet please.

[narrator]
...on the latest subject to receive

a state-of-the-art robotic hand.

Oh.

Too hard.

I think that was too hard.

[narrator]
And although it wasn't a real home,

Buster had been left...

I can't take care of you anymore.

[narrator] ...with little alternative.

I need to get away, get away...

You're hopelessly hopeless, Buster.

It's as if they wrote that song
for my own son.

Huh?

Fine! I got my own family now.

Army! And they want me.

You guys want me, right?

Oh, yeah.

-[laughs]
-Once you learn how to use that thing,

we're going to turn you
into a killing monster.

Monster?

[narrator]
But before he could become one,

he needed to master a few basics.

I got some on you.

[narrator] And the basics...

Yeah...

you did get some on me.

[narrator] Seemed to be moving slowly.

[man] Yeah, that's on her.

He got a little...

It was too hard.

[woman] I think it was as well.

Let's go ahead and fast-forward
through the commercials.

That's too fast. Okay, stop!

There's Jon Cryer. Stop, that's Jon Cryer!

[narrator] But Buster wasn't in a hurry
to leave his new family.

We're back
at the Progressive Insurance lady.

I'm better off just watching
the commercials.

-Don't say that.
-[grunts]

[narrator]
And behind the two-way mirror,

the Army was rethinking
its investment.

I hope this guy likes the music acts
on Saturday Night Live,

because he's gonna be watching a lot
of them.

[narrator]
Now the story of what happened

when the one man who was holding
his family together

finally let go,

and the separate journeys
that eventually gave them no choice,

but to come back together.

It's Arrested Development:
Fateful Consequences.

-[man] How many remotes do we have?
-[woman] That was the only one.

[narrator] As Buster was failing to adapt
to a new life...

[man]
Do we have anybody from Pinky Team?

Guys, he can't do this.

[narrator] ...another Bluth family member
was in another hospital

embarking on one.

Lord, don't call this beautiful angel
home.

[narrator]
Tobias had recently met the woman

at what he believed
to be a method acting clinic,

but was actually a methadone clinic.

Carl Weathers used
to give us grape juice.

But then, he'd add $5 to our credit card.

-Well, here is to our acting addiction.
-Yep.

May we never be cured.

[narrator]
In fact, Debrie Bardeaux was an actress,

having played the invisible woman,
Sue Storm, 20 years earlier

in the low-budget version
of the Fantastic Four,

produced by Imagine Entertainment.

And Tobias was entranced.

What interesting friends we've made.

[narrator] And headed off to a food for
stuff swapping restaurant with Lindsay,

who was equally entranced...

A lot of people couldn't handle
a dumpster dive

for their first double date.

[narrator] With Debrie's boyfriend.

Is that what this is?

No, Lindsay, we're together.

[narrator] But they wouldn't be for long,

because after the methadone

made DeBrie think
she was a piece of toast...

DeBrie, that's our butter.

We were gonna swap it for dessert.

No, she's improvising.

[narrator] Tobias ended up connecting
with her in the ladies room.

I see a pretty face under
all that butter substitute,

and I recognize you from somewhere,

but it's not the Fantastic Four.

It's from somewhere else.

I've done some things I'm not proud of.

Episodics? Been there.

[narrator] She had been in a series
of softcore porn movies

about women leading straight men
into gay sex,

called Straight Bait.

He's gay. If you want to have sex with me,

then you've got
to have sex with him first.

And if you don't want
to have sex with her,

-you must be gay.
-I'll show you how not gay I am.

[narrator] She did six of these movies.

And after lunch, did three more.

It's nice to be recognized, though.

Marky Bark, sometimes he doesn't know
when I'm in the same room.

The same with me and Lindsay.

Maybe she's right.

I've yet to make more money as an actor
than I ever did as a doctor.

And that's with Countrywide behind me.

You're a doctor? You can write scrips?

I like to think so.

You seem like you'd
be a good doctor/actor.

[narrator]
It was the first positive reinforcement

Tobias had had in ages.

You remind me of...

Billy Crystal--

[narrator]
It would have broken Tobias' heart

if he'd known she was about to say
Billy Crystal Meth, a funny drug dealer.

I'm sorry, but Debrie,

I've never met anyone
who understands me like you do.

Or at all.

Maybe with someone like you,
I could have a new start.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Did you see my license plate?

A-N-U-S-T-A-R-T?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Did you see my Straight Bait movie
of the same name?

We should be together, we should run away.

[stammers] Oh, my gosh. Whoa!

This is happening so fast.

What do I do about Lindsay?

Can I just improv my way out
of a marriage?

Yes, and let's do this.

Blackout.

"And scene," as they say.

Her heart stopped. She's dying!
Please, someone.

She had too much butter.

She's a very famous actress.

Oh, my God, that's a butter face.

How much butter did the patient have?

I don't know,
a Star Trek chess set's worth?

That Swappigans puts more people
in this hospital...

Make way, people.
We got a 61-year-old male

in full cardiac arrest coming through.

You have to wait outside, sir.

Be careful of her face.

She's an actress. [wailing]

[narrator] It's worth noting
he'd heard this Orange County hospital

was a favorite of show business big shots

seeking plastic surgery.

We're both actors. [wails]

[narrator] Tobias was both praying
for his new girlfriend...

Please let her live.

If you do, I promise I will devote all
of my acting talents to you.

[narrator] And putting out some feelers
for a new job.

I'll even keep working
in religious programming

For less than scale--
for Christian scale, as it were.

[narrator] Of course, he was referring
to what turned out to be

the televised marriage escape act,
of his brother-in-law Gob.

But if my hands are handcuffed,
I'll never...

[narrator] A disaster, which landed Gob

in the very same hospital bed
days earlier,

and where he announced...

I'm ready to settle...

[narrator] ...down.

As he yearned for a family, too.

Marry me.

[narrator]
And although she wouldn't provide one...

I hope you read this.

[narrator] She did offer him a lifeline
to the kingdom of the Holy Father,

which he misread...

I'm ready to let the son of Gob
enfold me.

[narrator] Hoping to get some cash out
of his son instead.

Have you been to the club "And" owned
by Jeremy Piven?

I'm gonna be there tonight
about eight,

maybe you could join me.

-Obviously, it's me your fa--
-[beeps]

I got it.

Okay.

[narrator] But the prayers made

over the same hospital bed
by Tobias...

...were soon answered.

Makeup makes everyone
feel a little better.

You didn't leave me. Everybody leaves me.

I wouldn't dream of it.

Excuse me, could you leave us?

-Absolutely.
-Thank you.

No, I'd like him to stay.

Really?

-Yeah.
-Okay.

I'm afraid that you have tested positive
for chlamydia, syphilis,

gonorrhea, hepatitis, pancreatitis,
trichomoniasis,

non-gonococcal urethritis.

all the "itis-es," really.

And there's also a host of "osis-es."

You know, what this means,
in non-medical terms,

is that you have landed a real party girl.

[Tobias] Will she be okay?

We can treat all of these things,
but if she's really gonna be okay...

she's going to have to tackle
this drug problem.

You didn't tell me you had a drug problem.

We met at a methadone clinic.

Are you high, we met at an acting class.

The Method One...

I'm going to let you guys hash this out.

I guess I shouldn't have lied
about being clean

when I took that methadone,

but I'll do better this time.

Are you going to leave me
now that you know

that I'm a druggie?

DeBrie look, you are a gifted actress.

When I first saw Straight Bait,

there were two men making love,
but I couldn't take my eyes off of you.

You watched Straight Bait?

Oh just 2, 4 and 9.

You were with a guy
who didn't care about you,

but stick with me,
and I'll make you famous,

then you won't need any drugs.

Well, you're a doctor,

you could get me signed out of here.

So I can pursue my dream of acting?

Of course I can.

[narrator] But while Tobias was trying
to sneak out of a hospital,

Buster was determined not to leave his.

Ah! I blew it again.

I'll never do it right.

[narrator] And the Army began to suspect
that Buster was in no hurry to become

the killing machine
that their internal documents

perhaps over-promised.

I'm a mons--

Do you have any ice cream?

Maybe it would work with ice cream.

Now he wants ice cream.

He's using us.

It might be time for the Q test.

The Q test? What's a Q test?

[narrator] Gob was planning
on using someone as well,

but as he waited for his son to arrive...

I lost my wife...

[narrator] He opened up about his life.

I was in that storage unit
at the bottom of that rock.

-It was like I hit--
-Rock bottom?

No, not that.

More like a trending downward moment.

Maybe I'm being tested,
like that guy "Job" from the Bible.

-Job. Job!
-Yes?

Yes, sir.

-Job.
-Yeah, that's me.

I feel sorry for you, Pops.

Hey, pal.
I'm not that much older than you, guy.

[laughs]

Nah, I'm just here looking for my son,
trying to get some cash out of him.

You have another son?

I have a brother? Oh, man!

Yes... Steve.

-What's his name?
-Dave.

Dave Holt!

Yeah, Dave Holt!

[narrator]
Yes, Gob had been speaking to his son

for an hour and a half.

-Your mom's name is Eve?
-Yeah.

I [bleeps] a chick named Eve once.

Biggest mistake of my life.

[narrator]
And perhaps, it was because Gob

was inadvertently so warm to his son,

that Steve said this...

Would you want to come work with me?

Are you serious?

I'm in pest control, but...

Father and son?

What a great team.

It would be a great team.

But I don't... pest control. I don't know.

As long as I'm not being a pest to you,
right? I'm kidding.

Where is your place of business?

-One, eight, one...
-One, eight, one...

-Manville.
-Manville.

Manville.

What time do you start this pest control?

Seven a.m.

And I'll be there at 6:45
with two cups of coffee.

[narrator]
As Gob reconnected with his family,

Buster was on the verge of losing his.

For after weeks of pretending
he couldn't control his hand,

crushing everything
it came in contact with...

We're running behind
with your testing, Buster.

We'll just be a few more minutes.

Thank you. Thank you. [gasps]

[narrator] Buster's deception was about
to be challenged

by the ominously titled "Q test."

Aren't you the cutest?

And he can't see us at all, correct?

[man] Why wouldn't be able to see us?

Because it's a mirror.

No, it's a window.

[Buster] All right.

Okay, let's take it down.

Send in the authority figure.

God help the kitten.

Ahem. How are you managing with that hand,
soldier?

-[Buster whimpering]
-[kitten meowing]

[narrator]
Gob was celebrating the night before

his first big day of work.

I bet it's been a long time
since you seen your...

-Cherry.
-I have lupus.

[spits]

Could have warned a guy.

[narrator] But showing off
did catch the attention of someone.

How about this?

How about you do that cherry trick
for my boy, Mark Cherry?

Mark Cherry, the baby-faced singer,

or Mark Cherry,
the baby-faced show runner?

Baby-faced singer.

He has loved magic
ever since he was a kid.

[narrator] Which was two years or earlier,

when Mark Cherry was the star
of a cable teen sitcom called...

Pop A ROT-C.

created by a long time writing veteran
of the TV show Cheers.

Soon, Mark Cherry became a pop sensation

off his co-written hit single
"Practice Kisses."

I have a gentleman who is about to do

a magic trick for you.

It's an illusion, a trick is something
a whore does--

Do a trick and I'll pay your bar tab.

-Who wants a trick?
-[cheering]

[narrator]
Gob had them in the palm of his hand.

It even got the attention
of a young actress named Rebel Alley,

who was there doing research
for an upcoming PSA...

[shrieking]

[narrator]
she'd soon be required to do by law.

Never yell "fire" in a crowded place.
It's never funny.

[man] I mean come on!

That's always funny!

[narrator] And she was intrigued
by this magical man.

That is David Spade.

-Check your purse.
-[crowd gasps]

Oh, man, paparrazo.

Great. The last thing I need is
to be seen partying with some tweens.

Dude, network's gonna flip
if there's another drunk photo of you.

-I know.
-We got to get you away from here.

Getting away is kind of my specialty.

I'll have us out of here in a flash.

Let's get out of here while they've still
got lighter fluid in their eyes.

[shouting]

[laughing]

-Nice moves, Get Away.
-Okay.

[narrator]
Gob had been accepted into the group,

which was bad news for Cherry's
business manager's son Josh Abramson.

Gob actually did end up
driving down Manville at 6:45 a.m.

I'll be right there. Start without me.
Start without me! [shouts]

He's not coming back.

[narrator]
The same couldn't be said for Tobias...

Her heart stopped. She's [bleeps] dying.

Hey, Dave, you shaved. I like it.

[narrator]
...who perhaps pushed DeBrie to act...

Hi, Mike, how was Ojai?

[narrator]  ...before she was ready.

Okay, let's go back to something

you're more comfortable with.

We should resurrect
your most famous character,

Sue Storm.

We're gonna do
the Fantastic Four movie.

Well, I don't know about just yet, but...

DeBrie, if you make this leap with me,

I promise I'll have you splattered all
over Hollywood Boulevard.

How does that sound?

Confusing.

[narrator] It was.

Get your photo taken with Sue Storm,
from the Fantastic Four.

Is that Jessica Alba?

No, this is the original Sue Storm,

-DeBrie Bardeaux
-Who?

The original Sue Storm, DeBrie Bardeaux.

No, no free pictures, kids. No, no!

Scram, get out of here.Go! Go!
Get out of here.

I don't think this is working.

I need to get a regular job.

I do have a law degree.

I know, and I'm a doctor,
but, no, let's not settle.

It's the Fantastic Four.

No one recognizes one alone.

$10 gets you a picture
with real Hollywood characters.

What do you say, $10?
That's certainly cheap.

Hello, young man and his... uncle?

Neighbor?

Father.

Oh, that's terrific.

I'm Johnny Storm, the human flamer,

and this is Sue Storm, my sister

and fellow fighter in law.

Now watch as I get--

I have special effects.
Look, children love fire. [groans]

This isn't working either.

[sighs] You're right.

Two people in blue
doesn't say Fantastic Four.

You know what, though.

I think I may have just the thing.

Just "The Thing."

Cut to...

Now that I'm the iconic rock man
The Thing,

no one will misunderstand.

I'm sure the Blues Brothers here
will know who we are.

Excuse me, are you Sue Storm
and The Thing?

[narrator]
They were not The Blues Brothers.

Indeed we are.

[narrator] They were Orthodox members
of the law firm

Feinberg,Feinberg, Feinberg and Feinberg,

We represent Stan Lee
and Marvel Enterprises.

This is a cease-and-desist,

ordering you to stop impersonatingany
of our trademark characters.

Let me take a look at that.

-I have a law degree.
-No, DeBrie, I've got this.

Mr. Feinberg,

would it change your mind
if I offered you

a free Sue Storm armband?

[narrator]  It did not change his mind.

Buster also found himself
without a uniform to wear

as he was being discharged from the Army.

Where am I supposed to go?
What am I supposed to do?

I have nowhere to live.

You should have thought about that
before you let that cat live.

Oh, I'm sorry.
I have nowhere to go.

I'm sorry, you're a veteran
and you have nowhere to go?

[narrator]
That's when he met Ophelia Love,

the devoted wife
of the candidate Herbert Love.

who was on a tour
of the veteran's hospital.

It's not Army's fault.

I'm a monster.

And what makes you think
you're a monster?

What do you see when you look at this?

I see a veteran whose hand I'd like
to shake.

Not that one.

I think you should meet my husband.

We may have something for you.

Perfect.
Wait, you didn't say "nothing," did you?

-Something.
-Something.Got it.

DeBrie, however, found herself
with no thing,

as they were told they could not continue
to pose as the Fantastic Four.

Can they really make us leave
Hollywood Boulevard?

Apparently in this instance,
paper beats rock.

You have rock?

No, I am your rock now.

Oh. So what are we gonna do now
that we don't have the rights?

We'll just go off brand.

We'll just change the names
and do a cheap, generic knockoff.

Kids don't care.

[narrator] But kids of cops do.

Get your picture taken with Rock Monster
and Ability To Be Invisible Person.

Hello, young man.

You're under arrest.

What?

Boom. Turn around. Let's go.

-I didn't--
-Let's go. Get up there. Come on.

If it happens again,
it will be a third strike.

The three strikes law is up for review
in the appellate courts,

but we really shouldn't be charging.

I know of a street in Garden Grove
where they don't police very much.

Okay.

[narrator] Hollywood Boulevard at night
is the playground of the hip, young

and successful,
and while Tobias may have just left,

Gob Bluth had finally arrived,

surrounded for the first time in his life,

by a group of admirers
that comprised LA's latest young elite.

There was Mark,
a pop star who had a level of fame

he could neither appreciate nor handle.

Trout, a Southern boy who had
a Northern man's taste in women.

JBJ, a weekend weatherman,

all week party boy
and a huge disappointment to his father.

Chris K, who was a lot like Trout,
but without the accent.

Oakwood, a studio teacher
who might have had his own entourage,

if his part hadn't been cut
from the pilot of Modern Family.

And of course, there was the man
they called "Getaway."

-Hey.
-Keep the limo running, Getaway.

[narrator]
For after running from two families

that wanted to be with him,

Gob ended up with a family of five guys
who didn't.

Tobias' family life wasn't much better.

I missed you out there.

DeBrie, what are you doing?

We're broke.

But you can't sell
your Fantastic Four costume.

No, I was gonna have sex with him.

For money.

No. Put that back on.

You don't have to
degrade yourself this way.

Hey, I'm not a thing.

Hey, I am a thing.

[narrator]
Only Buster, it seemed had a chance

at having a real family.

As Ophelia made the case to her husband

about the homeless vet
with the big heart and hand.

You want him to live with us?

He's a vet, Herbert.

And you yourself said,
you need something

to compete with woman
you're running against.

[narrator] Particularly after she had
adopted Perfecto.

It's like that movie The Blind Side.

I suppose we could
use a "Blind Side monster."

-[screams, grunts]
-[both gasp]

[narrator]
And as the other Bluths tried to find love

and be part of a family...

Welcome to the family.

[narrator] The Love family tapped Buster
to be part of theirs.

[laughing]

[narrator]
Unfortunately, Buster tapped back.

-Ow! Ow.
-[Ophelia] Oh.

[narrator] On the next Arrested
Development: Fateful Consequences...

To save his new family,

Tobias returns to the home of his old one

desperate enough to ransack the place,

when it appears someone
has beaten him to it.

Michael. No...

George Michael.

[Lucille 2] Somebody, help!

[narrator]
And he hears something awful.

♪ Why don't you get away ♪

♪ You're hopelessly hopeless... ♪

[screaming]

Stop it, Chicken!

Somebody, help!

Lucille 2.

[narrator] And Tobias ends up being
a superhero after all.

...or Alicia. Either one.
This woman's been attacked by an ostrich.

Oh, Tobias got a new girlfriend.

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