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PAM: Yam! Yom! Yom!
LANA: Stop. Stop it.
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PAM: Yah! Huh! Yum! Yum! Yum!
LANA: Pam!
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PAM: Yum-yum-yum!
Yum-yum-yum! Gimme! Gimme!
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00:00:07,090 --> 00:00:10,158
Yum-yum! Gimme!
LANA: Goddamn it, will you
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00:00:10,168 --> 00:00:13,007
calm the shit down?!
PAM: Wow.
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00:00:13,135 --> 00:00:15,135
LANA: Well?!
This isn't good practice.
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00:00:15,142 --> 00:00:17,609
My baby's not gonna be
a coke addict!
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00:00:17,617 --> 00:00:19,450
PAM: Wow.
LANA: Oh, I'm sorry.
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00:00:19,457 --> 00:00:22,592
What would you like to call it?
PAM: Mm, cocaine enthusiast?
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00:00:22,602 --> 00:00:25,670
CHERLENE: Is it too late
to not have it?
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00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:29,181
LANA: Yes! For the jillionth
time, I want this baby, so...
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00:00:29,192 --> 00:00:32,093
MALORY: Well, sure, now.Wait until you're waist-deep in
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dirty diapers, or he's up withthe croup and there's no bourbon
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in the house.(coughs)
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00:00:38,324 --> 00:00:41,125
Ugh!Then fast-forward to him
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knocking up the au pair,flunking out of college, and
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then singlehandedly bankruptingyour drug cartel!
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00:00:48,160 --> 00:00:50,260
PAM: Wait-- college?LANA: Yeah, right?
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00:00:50,267 --> 00:00:52,701
MALORY: My point is...CHERLENE: All babies should
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00:00:52,709 --> 00:00:55,877
be drowned?(scoffs) Not all babies.
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Just baby people.
LANA: Don't you have a...
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00:00:58,898 --> 00:01:00,864
tractor pull to headline?
CHERLENE: Yes.
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00:01:00,871 --> 00:01:02,071
MALORY: No!
PAM: Aw...
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00:01:02,076 --> 00:01:04,009
MALORY: No more of that
bush-league nonsense.
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00:01:04,016 --> 00:01:07,818
We're getting Cherlene
a record deal.
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00:01:07,830 --> 00:01:11,064
Sterling can't screw that up.
LANA: Look, I think maybe
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Archer's just been trying
too hard.
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MALORY: Ha!
LANA: I'm serious. I mean,
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as sad as it is, deep down, he
just wants your approval, and
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lately you've been putting so
much pressure on him.
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MALORY: Well?
How hard is it to sell 2,000
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measly pounds of cocaine?!
Or whatever we're down to now,
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1,900 and... What?!
Pam! You damn coke fiend!
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PAM: Ow! Ow! Ow!
(Cherlene laughing)
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LANA: Malory, stop!
MALORY: I mean, did you used
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to be a man?
LANA: Pam?
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PAM: I don't know. Did you?
LANA: Have you been
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stealing coke?
PAM: Wha...? No!
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You think, if I had 100 pounds
of coke, I'd be sitting here
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00:01:46,869 --> 00:01:48,869
playing choo-choo-spoon with
a tranny?
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LANA: Oh, for the...!
I'm pregnant!
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CHERLENE: It said, baffling
medical science.
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Ow! (laughs)
MALORY: Enough! But, Pam,
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00:01:56,302 --> 00:01:59,937
I swear to God, if I find out
you're lying to me...
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PAM: I'm not! About this!
MALORY: Well, then where the
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00:02:02,424 --> 00:02:05,792
hell did it go?!
ALL: Oh, you were serious?
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00:02:05,802 --> 00:02:07,802
ARCHER: Yes!
RAY: No! Stop!
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00:02:07,810 --> 00:02:09,510
ARCHER: Gimme!
RAY: Archer, move your...
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00:02:09,516 --> 00:02:11,048
ARCHER: Ray!
RAY: Stop it!
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ARCHER: Let me do it!
Come on! Just for a minute!
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RAY: No!
ARCHER: Goddamn it!
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What could go wrong?!
CYRIL: Uh, you could
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crash it!
Just like you crashed
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00:02:18,598 --> 00:02:20,548
the damn space shuttle!
ARCHER (chuckles): Oh, my
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God, right?
Remember that?
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00:02:23,933 --> 00:02:29,237
Ray, you remember?
You got paralyzed? (chuckles)
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How do you not remember that?
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Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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ARCHER: Oh, my God, Cyril,
for the... We're not just
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waltzing into Colombia with
100 pounds of cocaine.
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We're sneaking in
under the radar.
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00:03:18,747 --> 00:03:20,747
RAY: Literally and
figuratively.
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00:03:20,754 --> 00:03:22,754
CYRIL: I...
ARCHER: Is there a name
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00:03:22,762 --> 00:03:25,630
for that when it's both?
Like in French or something?
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CYRIL: I meant
once we get there!
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Your plan is to just ask
around for...?
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ARCHER: La Madrina, yes,
the Godmother.
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00:03:32,296 --> 00:03:34,412
CYRIL: I know what it means.
RAY: I hate I took Latin.
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00:03:34,419 --> 00:03:36,386
ARCHER: Maybe someday you'll
meet a mummy.
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00:03:36,394 --> 00:03:38,644
CYRIL: But what do you think
is gonna happen when three
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gringos waltz in and start
asking around for the woman
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who runs the entire Cali cartel?
ARCHER: Well, again, Cyril,
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we won't actually be waltz...
CYRIL: You know what I mean!
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00:03:45,761 --> 00:03:47,761
ARCHER: I also know what
I'm doing!
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RAY: Yeah, showing mommy
who's a big boy.
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00:03:49,775 --> 00:03:51,808
ARCHER: What?!
(Cyril laughs)
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00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:53,815
Oh, you want to see who's
a big boy?
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00:03:53,822 --> 00:03:56,907
(Cyril and Ray scream)
RAY: Archer!
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00:03:56,917 --> 00:04:01,302
ARCHER: Take it back!
RAY: Cyril, help!
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00:04:01,315 --> 00:04:04,316
CYRIL: Uh, uh...
Oh.
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00:04:04,326 --> 00:04:05,943
ARCHER: Ow!
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00:04:05,949 --> 00:04:09,500
KRIEGER: Ow!
I don't know where Archer is!
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00:04:09,511 --> 00:04:12,412
MALORY: Then find him,
you bearded buffoon!
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00:04:12,422 --> 00:04:14,755
Use the... the surveillance
satellite.
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00:04:14,763 --> 00:04:16,763
KRIEGER: Oh, you were
serious?
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00:04:16,770 --> 00:04:18,937
MALORY: Wha...?!
CHERLENE: Don't ask her that.
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00:04:18,945 --> 00:04:21,496
She hates it.
KRIEGER: ISIS had satellites.
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00:04:21,504 --> 00:04:23,921
The whatever we are, Gang Who
Couldn't Sell Coke Straight,
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doesn't even have cable.
MALORY: But what about
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all these?
KRIEGER: They're all aimed
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00:04:27,977 --> 00:04:29,977
inside the house.
MALORY: Well, what the hell
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good is that for?!
KRIEGER: Eh, I'm making
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about two grand a month
on the Gilfcam.
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00:04:33,998 --> 00:04:36,132
OTHERS: Ew!
MALORY: The what cam?
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WOODHOUSE: "What is your..."
(mumbling)
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Hmm.
Dear Gilf Hound 69...
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ARCHER: Jesus Christ.
Thanks for the concussion,
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00:04:47,982 --> 00:04:50,015
dicks.
CYRIL and RAY: Well?
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ARCHER: Oh, and just so
you know, that's exactly how
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00:04:52,532 --> 00:04:54,782
Len Koenecke died.
RAY: Who?
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ARCHER: "Who." Typical.
(Cyril and Ray gasp)
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(burro brays)
(all gasp)
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00:05:06,163 --> 00:05:09,164
RAY: Goddamn it, will you
slow the shit down?!
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00:05:09,174 --> 00:05:12,225
(all yell)
ARCHER: I'm sorry, was there
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00:05:12,235 --> 00:05:14,268
a question?
(Cyril and Ray groan)
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Because nobody made
you two come here.
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00:05:16,835 --> 00:05:20,169
I didn't put a gun
to your heads.
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00:05:20,179 --> 00:05:22,963
I mean, not literally
to your heads.
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00:05:22,973 --> 00:05:28,026
So, if you'll hide your vaginas,
it's time to gather some intel.
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RAY: Intel?
No, do not compare what we
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do now to intelligence work.
ARCHER: Don't worry, I won't!
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Because selling cocaine to
cocaine dealers doesn't really
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compare to helping overthrow
democratically elected
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00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:42,951
governments!
Like the U.S. did in Guatemala,
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00:05:42,961 --> 00:05:46,713
Chile, Nicaragua, uh...
Oh! Iran?!
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00:05:46,724 --> 00:05:49,424
Because-- spoiler alert-- those
didn't really work out so great!
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00:05:49,433 --> 00:05:52,067
But that's okay, because I'm
pinning my hopes for the
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00:05:52,076 --> 00:05:54,794
future on the next big shipment
of Stinger missiles to that
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00:05:54,803 --> 00:05:58,721
ragtag bunch of Mujahideen
heroes in Afghanistan!
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00:05:58,733 --> 00:06:02,468
CYRIL: I... Wow, it seems
like you've actually given this
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00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:04,864
some thought.
RAY: Plus, I mean, it's not
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00:06:04,872 --> 00:06:06,822
like we're selling cocaine
to little kids.
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00:06:06,829 --> 00:06:09,162
CYRIL: And ISIS did do a lot
of bad stuff.
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00:06:09,170 --> 00:06:11,221
RAY: We blew up an
oil pipeline.
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00:06:11,228 --> 00:06:14,029
CYRIL: Not to mention a bunch
of people, which, compared to
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00:06:14,038 --> 00:06:16,405
that, this is kind of a
victimless crime.
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00:06:16,413 --> 00:06:19,330
If it even is a crime.
I mean, is it?
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00:06:19,340 --> 00:06:21,891
ARCHER: He said, sucking at
being a lawyer.
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00:06:21,899 --> 00:06:24,149
CYRIL: I'm actually an
excellent lawyer.
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00:06:24,157 --> 00:06:26,557
ARCHER: And I'm excellent in
the field, so...
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00:06:26,565 --> 00:06:29,032
CYRIL: Maybe at ISIS.
But on ISIS missions, you had
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00:06:29,041 --> 00:06:31,425
big dossiers with all the
information you could
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possibly need.
ARCHER: Yeah, but I never
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read them.
(crowd gasping)
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00:06:36,953 --> 00:06:40,121
What's up, pendejos?(clattering, chairs scuffling)
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00:06:40,131 --> 00:06:44,299
CYRIL: Ay, mierda.RAY: Oh, goddamn Latin.
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00:06:44,312 --> 00:06:47,564
I just feel like such a tourist.
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00:06:51,020 --> 00:06:54,628
MALORY: Colombia?
What are they doing in Colombia?
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00:06:54,878 --> 00:06:56,171
KRIEGER: I...
MALORY: And how did you know
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00:06:56,295 --> 00:06:58,024
where they were?
I thought you couldn't
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00:06:58,127 --> 00:06:59,815
track them.
KRIEGER: Ray posted a
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00:06:59,940 --> 00:07:03,323
Snacklesnap.
It's where you take artsy photos
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00:07:03,452 --> 00:07:05,146
of your food and share it with
people.
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00:07:05,152 --> 00:07:06,593
PAM: Snacklesnamps is
awesome.
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00:07:06,722 --> 00:07:09,222
Look, here's some cocaine
puddin; here's some more
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00:07:09,231 --> 00:07:11,314
cocaine puddin.
Ooh, cocaine puddin.
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00:07:11,321 --> 00:07:13,622
MALORY: Why would anyone want
a picture of someone else's
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00:07:13,630 --> 00:07:15,946
food?
KRIEGER: Well, no, they
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00:07:15,954 --> 00:07:17,954
don't.
PAM: Yeah, everybody hates
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00:07:17,961 --> 00:07:19,961
it.
CHERLENE:
Mmm,
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00:07:19,968 --> 00:07:22,236
Snacklesnaaamps...!
MALORY: But why take cocaine
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00:07:22,244 --> 00:07:25,478
to Colombia?
LANA: I assume as a sample?
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00:07:25,488 --> 00:07:28,005
To show some cartel boss that
our product is high-quality and
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00:07:28,014 --> 00:07:30,832
already in the States?
MALORY: Saving them the
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00:07:30,841 --> 00:07:33,675
transport cost.
But those three waltzing around
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00:07:33,684 --> 00:07:36,452
Colombia with millions of
dollars of cocaine?!
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00:07:36,461 --> 00:07:38,794
My God, they could already be
dead!
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00:07:38,802 --> 00:07:41,336
LANA: Oh, Malory, come on.
This is Archer, okay?
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00:07:41,345 --> 00:07:43,479
He can take care of himself.
CHERLENE: Yeah, and I doubt
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00:07:43,486 --> 00:07:45,652
they were actually waltzing.
LANA: I'm sure they're
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00:07:45,660 --> 00:07:50,563
totally fine.
CYRIL: Archer!
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00:07:50,578 --> 00:07:55,548
ARCHER: Woooohoohoohoooo!!
(laughter, cheering)
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00:07:55,562 --> 00:07:58,813
Here's to you, Hal Needham.
(laughter)
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00:07:58,824 --> 00:08:01,775
(glass shatters)
(shouting in Spanish)
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00:08:01,784 --> 00:08:05,803
Man, why bother with coke?
I just made 100,000 pesos for
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00:08:05,816 --> 00:08:08,600
jumping through a stupid window.
CYRIL: Yeah, that's about
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00:08:08,609 --> 00:08:10,776
$50.
ARCHER: Still, though.
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00:08:10,783 --> 00:08:12,916
BIKER JEFE: ?Dijiste coca?na??La quieres?
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00:08:12,924 --> 00:08:16,759
ARCHER: No, gracias.Yo tengo mucha coca?na.
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00:08:16,771 --> 00:08:19,973
Por lo tanto,buscamos a La Madrina.
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00:08:19,983 --> 00:08:22,984
(record scratches)BIKER: Hijo de puta.
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00:08:22,994 --> 00:08:26,495
(glass shatters)(music begins)
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00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:28,673
BIKER JEFE: You look for theGodmother?
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00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:31,564
ARCHER: Yes, for a verylucrative business proposition.
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00:08:31,574 --> 00:08:35,076
Do you know her or...BIKER JEFE: No, but I can
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00:08:35,087 --> 00:08:38,004
make a phone call, and someonewill come.
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00:08:38,013 --> 00:08:41,515
Until then, just keep drinkingyour guaro, huh?
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00:08:41,526 --> 00:08:43,859
(gulping)
ARCHER: About 15 steps ahead
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00:08:43,867 --> 00:08:46,101
of you.
(laughter)
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00:08:46,109 --> 00:08:48,960
BIKER JEFE: Pinche gringo.(chuckles)
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00:08:48,969 --> 00:08:50,835
ARCHER: Hmm, see whatI did there?
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00:08:50,842 --> 00:08:52,959
CYRIL: Uh, overdosed onliquid snake?
183
00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:54,966
ARCHER: Made a connection,Cyril.
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00:08:54,974 --> 00:08:57,575
I gained his trust.(engine running, doors closing)
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00:08:57,583 --> 00:08:59,783
Oh, my God.Although, now that you mention
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00:08:59,791 --> 00:09:02,258
it... (burps)(groans) I think I actually may
187
00:09:02,266 --> 00:09:04,600
have...(retching, groaning)
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00:09:04,608 --> 00:09:06,608
CYRIL: God.ARCHER: Snake poisoning.
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00:09:06,615 --> 00:09:09,983
(groans)(laughter)
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00:09:09,994 --> 00:09:11,994
CYRIL: Damn it, Archer,I told you.
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00:09:12,001 --> 00:09:14,084
ARCHER: What's that?I can't hear you over the sound
192
00:09:14,092 --> 00:09:17,093
of I have snake poisoning.RAY: Moveri!
193
00:09:17,102 --> 00:09:19,219
Placet moveri, iudices.
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00:09:19,227 --> 00:09:23,996
(groaning)CYRIL: Well, it's your own
195
00:09:24,010 --> 00:09:26,127
fault. What the...RAY: What're you...
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00:09:26,134 --> 00:09:28,885
ARCHER: Shh! Shut up.I think I heard a troop truck
197
00:09:28,894 --> 00:09:31,144
pull up out front.(banging)
198
00:09:31,152 --> 00:09:34,904
COMANDANTE: ?No se muevan!?D?nde est?n?
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00:09:34,916 --> 00:09:38,167
(Cyril gasps)CYRIL: It's the army.
200
00:09:38,177 --> 00:09:40,761
ARCHER: Shit.It's not the army.
201
00:09:40,770 --> 00:09:43,020
We're not that lucky.They're paramilitarios.
202
00:09:43,028 --> 00:09:45,028
CYRIL: But what do they...(creaking)
203
00:09:45,035 --> 00:09:47,819
Hey, what are you doing?ARCHER: Waiting for you.
204
00:09:47,828 --> 00:09:50,129
And to be honest, having secondthoughts about it.
205
00:09:50,137 --> 00:09:53,805
RAY: Serious shit, come on.(Cyril yelps)
206
00:09:53,816 --> 00:09:56,367
(Cyril screams)(Archer chuckles)
207
00:09:56,376 --> 00:09:58,459
COMANDANTE: ?Abre la puerta!(banging)
208
00:09:58,466 --> 00:09:59,865
(Cyril whimpers)
209
00:09:59,871 --> 00:10:05,558
ARCHER: Okay, Ray...RAY: Ow.
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00:10:05,574 --> 00:10:07,491
CYRIL: Who are theseparamilitarios?
211
00:10:07,498 --> 00:10:09,581
ARCHER: Either heroicvigilantes trying to restore law
212
00:10:09,589 --> 00:10:12,040
and order because the cops can'tor won't...
213
00:10:12,048 --> 00:10:14,265
CYRIL: Well, that doesn'tsound too bad.
214
00:10:14,273 --> 00:10:16,473
ARCHER: ...or right-wingterrorists with a boner for
215
00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:18,897
kidnapping and murder.RAY: That does.
216
00:10:18,906 --> 00:10:20,906
ARCHER: Moot point, though,really, if you're an American
217
00:10:20,913 --> 00:10:22,946
down here selling cocaine.I can't believe that guy ratted
218
00:10:22,953 --> 00:10:24,953
us out.CYRIL: Yeah, and after you
219
00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:26,626
made a connection.ARCHER: Now, really?
220
00:10:26,632 --> 00:10:28,516
CYRIL: Well...ARCHER: Shut up.
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00:10:28,523 --> 00:10:30,740
Ray, hug the shadows, get tothe Land Cruiser and be ready.
222
00:10:30,748 --> 00:10:32,998
Don't turn it on.Do not touch the brake pedal.
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Cyril, I'm gonna take out theguard; you're gonna take the
224
00:10:35,498 --> 00:10:37,664
truck's distributor cap, got it?CYRIL: Uh...
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00:10:37,672 --> 00:10:40,140
COMANDANTE: ?Se fueron!(gasping, whistle blowing)
226
00:10:40,148 --> 00:10:42,148
(shouting in Spanish)
227
00:10:42,155 --> 00:10:47,742
PARAMILITARIO: Ay. ?Qu? tieneadentro, hebillas?
228
00:10:47,758 --> 00:10:51,593
ARCHER: Okay, go, go, go, go,go.
229
00:10:51,605 --> 00:10:54,389
CYRIL: But...ARCHER: Look, I realize this
230
00:10:54,399 --> 00:10:58,067
is somewhat my fault, Cyril.We can talk about it later.
231
00:10:58,078 --> 00:11:00,078
(whimpering)
232
00:11:00,085 --> 00:11:05,105
(truck hood opens, man gasps)(gun clicks)
233
00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:09,105
ARCHER: So, funny story.(shouting, gunshots)
234
00:11:09,117 --> 00:11:12,802
(shouting in Spanish)So, hey.
235
00:11:12,814 --> 00:11:15,815
Sorry in advance for this.(man groaning)
236
00:11:15,824 --> 00:11:21,144
(gunshots continue)Cyril, did you get it?
237
00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:23,177
CYRIL: Yes!ARCHER: Then come on!
238
00:11:23,184 --> 00:11:25,184
(Cyril whimpering)
239
00:11:25,191 --> 00:11:29,510
ARCHER: Hit it!(engine starts)
240
00:11:29,523 --> 00:11:31,540
Cyril!CYRIL: I'm coming as fast as
241
00:11:31,548 --> 00:11:33,698
I can!ARCHER: Guys, we really need
242
00:11:33,705 --> 00:11:38,374
to talk about getting "phrasing"back in the rotation.
243
00:11:38,388 --> 00:11:40,822
(laughter)Woooohoohoohoooo!!
244
00:11:40,830 --> 00:11:42,830
Hammer down!
245
00:11:46,026 --> 00:11:50,022
Oh, I'm sorry, Ray.By "hammer," I meant
246
00:11:50,146 --> 00:11:52,397
"accelerator."RAY: It's floored, and it's
247
00:11:52,405 --> 00:11:54,521
overheating.ARCHER: Well, then stop, you
248
00:11:54,529 --> 00:11:56,913
idiot.RAY: I am not the idiot who
249
00:11:56,921 --> 00:11:59,372
packed the engine compartmentfull of cocaine.
250
00:11:59,380 --> 00:12:01,963
ARCHER: Oh, right.Uh, we should get that out.
251
00:12:01,972 --> 00:12:04,056
RAY: Good idea, that willgive us something to do while we
252
00:12:04,063 --> 00:12:06,530
sit here and wait for those guysto drive up and murder us.
253
00:12:06,538 --> 00:12:08,988
ARCHER: Ray, they're notdriving anywhere without a
254
00:12:08,997 --> 00:12:12,632
distributor cap, so...(vehicle approaching)
255
00:12:12,643 --> 00:12:15,594
Cyril, may I see thedistributor cap?
256
00:12:15,604 --> 00:12:17,971
(Cyril gulps)(Archer chuckles)
257
00:12:17,979 --> 00:12:20,196
Whew, man, Cyril, you had meworried.
258
00:12:20,203 --> 00:12:22,620
CYRIL: I-I did?ARCHER: Yeah, see, I always
259
00:12:22,629 --> 00:12:26,164
worried I would die withoutknowing how it felt to get my
260
00:12:26,175 --> 00:12:31,112
throat slashed and my tongue yanked
out through the gaping hole.
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00:12:31,126 --> 00:12:36,529
Are we seriously done with"phrasing"?
262
00:12:36,545 --> 00:12:39,346
I mean, not right thennecessarily, although "tongue"
263
00:12:39,355 --> 00:12:42,222
and "gaping hole" are kind ofbegging for it.
264
00:12:42,232 --> 00:12:46,334
(chuckles)Gaping hole.
265
00:12:46,346 --> 00:12:49,471
Begging for it.Eh...
266
00:12:51,839 --> 00:12:55,412
COMANDANTE: Drop your weapon!
ARCHER: Drop your weapons.
267
00:12:55,664 --> 00:12:57,105
COMANDANTE: ?Qu??RAY: Archer!
268
00:12:57,229 --> 00:12:59,255
CYRIL: Are you crazy?They'll kill us.
269
00:12:59,274 --> 00:13:01,435
ARCHER: Will you shut up?I know what I'm doing, Cyril.
270
00:13:01,443 --> 00:13:04,510
It's all about machismo.Last chance!
271
00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:09,457
Okay, uno, dos...COMANDANTE: ?No dispare!
272
00:13:09,472 --> 00:13:12,673
?No dispare!CYRIL: What in the...
273
00:13:12,683 --> 00:13:14,950
ARCHER: I told you, all aboutthe machismo.
274
00:13:14,958 --> 00:13:17,325
RAY: Archer?ARCHER: ?Quien es m?s macho?
275
00:13:17,333 --> 00:13:19,366
RAY: Archer?ARCHER: S?, Ramon, Archer
276
00:13:19,373 --> 00:13:21,440
es m?s...RAY: Archer!
277
00:13:21,447 --> 00:13:23,547
ARCHER: What?!Oh.
278
00:13:23,555 --> 00:13:26,422
CYRIL: Well, is that thearmy?
279
00:13:26,431 --> 00:13:28,532
ARCHER: I don't think so.One guy's wearing a T-shirt from
280
00:13:28,539 --> 00:13:31,640
a Phi Mu Fun Run.RAY: We called them Phi Moo.
281
00:13:31,650 --> 00:13:33,850
CYRIL: Well, then who thehell is it?
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00:13:33,858 --> 00:13:36,959
LA MADRINA: Soy La Madrina.And I think you have been
283
00:13:36,969 --> 00:13:40,921
looking for me, no?ARCHER: Only my whole life.
284
00:13:40,933 --> 00:13:42,983
RAY: Goddamn it.LA MADRINA: ?Oye, tanto!
285
00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:44,940
?Qu? miras?!COMANDANTE: ?V?monos!
286
00:13:44,947 --> 00:13:47,364
?V?monos!LA MADRINA: And you, guapo,
287
00:13:47,373 --> 00:13:49,790
you follow me.ARCHER: Oh, yeah, uh, about
288
00:13:49,798 --> 00:13:54,584
that...CYRIL: So, I have a question.
289
00:13:54,598 --> 00:13:57,933
Since we're now essentiallycaptives of the Cali cartel,
290
00:13:57,944 --> 00:14:01,078
and being dragged off to Godknows what terrible fate...
291
00:14:01,088 --> 00:14:04,673
Why the hell are you smiling?!ARCHER: A-- we're not their
292
00:14:04,684 --> 00:14:07,151
captives; we're about to betheir business partners.
293
00:14:07,159 --> 00:14:09,977
B-- I bet there's a prettydecent chance La Madrina owns
294
00:14:09,987 --> 00:14:13,005
a tiger.And C-- "guapo" means
295
00:14:13,014 --> 00:14:15,163
"handsome."
(Cyril and Ray sigh)
296
00:14:15,171 --> 00:14:18,506
(ringtone playing)
RAY: It's your mother.
297
00:14:18,516 --> 00:14:20,516
ARCHER: Wha...?
Give me that.
298
00:14:20,524 --> 00:14:22,524
MALORY: "Putting pressure
on him."
299
00:14:22,531 --> 00:14:25,082
If anything, I've been too lax,
but please, let me benefit from
300
00:14:25,090 --> 00:14:27,090
your vast experience as
a mother and...
301
00:14:27,097 --> 00:14:28,713
RAY: Hey!
MALORY: Hello, Ray?
302
00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:30,219
Put Sterling on the...
RAY: Hey, damn it, Archer!
303
00:14:30,224 --> 00:14:31,891
Give it h...
ARCHER: Give... Ray, give
304
00:14:31,898 --> 00:14:33,564
it... Ray, give it.
RAY: I'm serious.
305
00:14:33,570 --> 00:14:35,037
I'm serious, Archer,
cut it out.
306
00:14:35,043 --> 00:14:36,909
ARCHER: Damn it, give it
here.
307
00:14:36,916 --> 00:14:38,883
(tires screech and guns fire)
MALORY (gasps): Sterling?
308
00:14:38,890 --> 00:14:41,140
(beep)
OPERATOR: The mailbox of...
309
00:14:41,147 --> 00:14:44,115
(Archer laughing)
...is full.
310
00:14:44,125 --> 00:14:47,776
Good-bye.
(Malory groans)
311
00:14:47,787 --> 00:14:50,004
OPERATOR: If you're satisfied
with your voice mail greeting,
312
00:14:50,012 --> 00:14:52,813
press one.
(Archer chuckles)
313
00:14:52,822 --> 00:14:54,822
RAY: How did you...?
ARCHER: You remember that day
314
00:14:54,829 --> 00:14:56,829
I took your falafel, and you
were chasing me all around the
315
00:14:56,837 --> 00:14:59,087
living room in your wheelchair?
RAY: Yes.
316
00:14:59,094 --> 00:15:01,828
ARCHER: Yeah, so I recorded
that, added some sound effects,
317
00:15:01,837 --> 00:15:04,771
mixed it, called my phone and
left it as a message, stole your
318
00:15:04,781 --> 00:15:08,366
phone, got into the voice mail
settings, called your phone from
319
00:15:08,377 --> 00:15:11,128
a landline and played the
message from my phone, then put
320
00:15:11,137 --> 00:15:14,038
your phone back.
Which I think is why it sounds
321
00:15:14,048 --> 00:15:16,048
a little compressed, but
whatever.
322
00:15:16,055 --> 00:15:18,055
RAY: The...
ARCHER: Shut up, we're here.
323
00:15:18,062 --> 00:15:22,248
And remember, I got dibs on the
tiger.
324
00:15:22,261 --> 00:15:27,347
LA MADRINA: Well, I have to
admit, Mr. Archer, your proposal
325
00:15:27,362 --> 00:15:30,313
is very... surprising.
ARCHER: Not as surprising as
326
00:15:30,322 --> 00:15:33,456
somebody named The Godmother
looking like you.
327
00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:36,117
(La Madrina laughs)
LA MADRINA: Really.
328
00:15:36,126 --> 00:15:38,977
And what were you expecting?
ARCHER: I guess like a
329
00:15:38,987 --> 00:15:41,971
Mexican Mrs. Garrett?
LA MADRINA: ?Qu??
330
00:15:41,980 --> 00:15:43,980
ARCHER: Or Colombian, orwhatever, I...
331
00:15:43,987 --> 00:15:45,920
(La Madrina shushes)LA MADRINA: You talk almost
332
00:15:45,927 --> 00:15:48,011
too much.But you have aroused my
333
00:15:48,019 --> 00:15:51,854
curiosity.ARCHER: Just your curiosity?
334
00:15:51,865 --> 00:15:55,016
(La Madrina chuckles)LA MADRINA: No.
335
00:15:55,027 --> 00:15:57,828
(Archer coughing)But first, business, then
336
00:15:57,837 --> 00:16:01,839
pleasure, eh?(Archer coughing)
337
00:16:01,851 --> 00:16:04,352
ARCHER: Wha...LA MADRINA: Javier!
338
00:16:04,361 --> 00:16:06,361
JAVIER: S?, Madrina.
LA MADRINA: Pru?balo, por
339
00:16:06,368 --> 00:16:09,869
favor.If it is as pure as you say,
340
00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:12,297
and you have as muchas you say...
341
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:15,390
ARCHER: Oh, my God, we'vegot something like 900,000
342
00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:17,599
kilos.LA MADRINA: Eh, ?cuanto?
343
00:16:17,606 --> 00:16:20,207
ARCHER: Wait, no, that'sgrams, so...
344
00:16:20,216 --> 00:16:23,501
LA MADRINA: So, 900 kilos.ARCHER: I... however many are
345
00:16:23,512 --> 00:16:26,062
in a shit-ton.JAVIER: Permiso, Madrina.
346
00:16:26,070 --> 00:16:29,188
Noventa y seis por ciento puro.
LA MADRINA: ?Vaya!
347
00:16:29,198 --> 00:16:34,585
A toast, then, to new friends.ARCHER: Just friends?
348
00:16:34,601 --> 00:16:38,686
LA MADRINA: No.(Archer coughing)
349
00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:43,985
So, shall we have sex?(Archer coughing)
350
00:16:44,001 --> 00:16:55,093
CYRIL: Oh, man...How is it noon?
351
00:16:55,124 --> 00:16:58,042
And where the heck is Archer?RAY: I assume bothering a
352
00:16:58,051 --> 00:17:01,719
tiger.ARCHER: Oh, God.
353
00:17:01,730 --> 00:17:05,198
Please, no m?s.Oh, my God.
354
00:17:05,209 --> 00:17:08,077
LA MADRINA: Oh, are you sure?ARCHER: I was sure, like,
355
00:17:08,087 --> 00:17:10,087
three hours ago.And back then, I could still
356
00:17:10,094 --> 00:17:12,394
feel my legs.LA MADRINA: Are you sure you
357
00:17:12,402 --> 00:17:15,353
cannot make love to me just oncemore?
358
00:17:15,362 --> 00:17:17,579
ARCHER: Not without a bloodtransfusion, no.
359
00:17:17,587 --> 00:17:19,787
(La Madrina sighs)LA MADRINA: Very well.
360
00:17:19,795 --> 00:17:22,663
ARCHER: Ow!RAY: Which is why you don't
361
00:17:22,672 --> 00:17:24,672
bother tigers.LA MADRINA: Then you may call
362
00:17:24,679 --> 00:17:29,115
me Coronel Ana Maria Delgado
de la Polic?a Nacional.
363
00:17:29,129 --> 00:17:31,295
ARCHER: What?!
LA MADRINA: S?, mi amor.
364
00:17:31,302 --> 00:17:34,137
I am-- how you say?--deep cover.
365
00:17:34,146 --> 00:17:36,596
(whistles)ARCHER: Wait, no!
366
00:17:36,605 --> 00:17:38,855
No, no, no, no, no!RAY: At least let me take
367
00:17:38,863 --> 00:17:44,333
some churros!LA MADRINA: Malditos gringos.
368
00:17:44,349 --> 00:17:47,584
As if American demand forcoca?na wasn't already
369
00:17:47,594 --> 00:17:52,230
destroying us, now you even try
to smuggle it into my country?
370
00:17:52,244 --> 00:17:54,661
You make me sick!
ARCHER: Then why'd you have
371
00:17:54,669 --> 00:17:56,786
sex with me?
LA MADRINA: Por qu??
372
00:17:56,794 --> 00:18:00,796
Eres guapo.A La Culebra!
373
00:18:00,808 --> 00:18:06,195
(Malory mumbling)LANA: So, I get that you're
374
00:18:06,211 --> 00:18:10,496
mad, but they are in prettydangerous territory, and Ray
375
00:18:10,509 --> 00:18:14,361
always answers his phone inthe field, so I'm...
376
00:18:14,373 --> 00:18:17,407
actually worried.MALORY: Well, if you're so
377
00:18:17,416 --> 00:18:19,633
worried, why don't you go downthere and rescue him?
378
00:18:19,641 --> 00:18:21,892
LANA: I...MALORY: Please?
379
00:18:21,900 --> 00:18:26,819
(crying): Go find my son andbring him home to me.
380
00:18:26,833 --> 00:18:30,735
ARCHER: And I didn't evenget to meet her tiger.
381
00:18:30,747 --> 00:18:34,933
If she even had a tiger.Plus, at this rate, we're gonna
382
00:18:34,946 --> 00:18:37,062
run out of coke, huh?RAY: Now, there's a moot
383
00:18:37,070 --> 00:18:39,070
point.CYRIL: Since we're being
384
00:18:39,077 --> 00:18:42,445
trucked off to La Culebra, themost notorious prison in South
385
00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:44,722
America.ARCHER: Pff, notorious.
386
00:18:44,730 --> 00:18:46,647
Cyril, please, I was in theLubyanka.
387
00:18:46,654 --> 00:18:48,938
CYRIL: Well, were you sentthere by an undercover cop who
388
00:18:48,946 --> 00:18:51,496
knows she'll be murdered ifanyone finds out she's La
389
00:18:51,505 --> 00:18:53,538
Madrina?ARCHER: No, idiot, I was...
390
00:18:53,545 --> 00:18:55,679
Oh.(Ray sighs)
391
00:18:55,686 --> 00:18:57,686
CYRIL: Yeah, so how long dodo you think we're gonna last
392
00:18:57,694 --> 00:18:59,694
in prison?ARCHER: Hmm.
393
00:18:59,701 --> 00:19:02,535
(laughs)If we even make it to prison!
394
00:19:02,544 --> 00:19:08,164
Am I right, fellas?Fellas, am I right?
395
00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:11,482
Guys, if we get out of this,the first thing I'm gonna do,
396
00:19:11,493 --> 00:19:13,493
I swear to God...RAY: If you say "buy a
397
00:19:13,500 --> 00:19:16,811
tiger," we will beat you todeath with your own shoes.
398
00:19:19,861 --> 00:19:30,371
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
399
00:19:30,421 --> 00:19:34,971
Repair and Synchronization by
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