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1
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No, coordinate with Rome,
then get me the lastest intel,
2
00:00:05,183 --> 00:00:08,588
then tell Rodney they need
travel docuents an hour ago.
3
00:00:09,001 --> 00:00:11,536
Then bring me the file I asked for!
4
00:00:11,656 --> 00:00:14,412
Yeah, why don't I shove a broom up my ass
and sweep the floor while I'm at it?
5
00:00:14,452 --> 00:00:15,608
- What was that?
- Nothing.
6
00:00:15,728 --> 00:00:19,907
Good. Saved you the embarrassment
of an incredible homophobic remark.
7
00:00:22,733 --> 00:00:24,068
- Ow!
- Sorry!
8
00:00:24,292 --> 00:00:25,163
What's going on?
9
00:00:25,283 --> 00:00:27,726
- Where?
- Uh, this new place called here?
10
00:00:28,232 --> 00:00:29,086
Nothing.
11
00:00:30,754 --> 00:00:31,766
Malory!
12
00:00:32,438 --> 00:00:35,258
Good luck! She just had an electro--
13
00:00:37,502 --> 00:00:40,862
Electro-magnetic lock installed!
14
00:00:40,982 --> 00:00:42,886
Are you serious?
15
00:00:43,006 --> 00:00:45,173
LANA: Malory!
MALORY: Because I'm seriously
16
00:00:45,174 --> 00:00:47,527
asking, did Krieger
give you robot hands?
17
00:00:47,647 --> 00:00:49,872
KRIEGER: Not yet! But
you just say the word.
18
00:00:49,992 --> 00:00:52,225
LANA: The - [zzrrrzz]
19
00:00:52,554 --> 00:00:54,355
LANA: Out.
20
00:00:54,356 --> 00:00:58,092
MALORY: Can't have anything nice...
Krieger!
21
00:00:58,093 --> 00:00:59,960
KRIEGER: Jazz hands!
22
00:00:59,961 --> 00:01:03,164
MALORY: Should've never
taken him to see "The Wiz."
23
00:01:03,165 --> 00:01:06,066
LANA: The Broadway
show or the movie?
24
00:01:06,067 --> 00:01:08,536
KRIEGER: Jazz hands!
25
00:01:08,537 --> 00:01:10,037
MALORY: Both.
26
00:01:10,038 --> 00:01:12,273
KRIEGER: Jazz hands!
27
00:01:12,274 --> 00:01:16,410
LANA: I -- whatever, look, obviously there's-
MALORY: Nothing! Is going on,
28
00:01:16,411 --> 00:01:19,115
Lana! If there were, I would tell you, but-
[dooot]
29
00:01:19,192 --> 00:01:21,426
CHERYL/CAROL: Uh, there's a
Cardinal Corelli on line one
30
00:01:21,427 --> 00:01:23,128
for you? Something about a
radical faction of the Swiss
31
00:01:23,129 --> 00:01:26,356
Guard assassinating the
pope tomorrow night?
32
00:01:27,666 --> 00:01:31,203
LANA: You need to get that?
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00:01:31,971 --> 00:01:41,480
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
Resync for WEB-DL by lost0ne www.addic7ed.com
34
00:01:58,847 --> 00:02:03,847
4x11
The Papal Chase
35
00:02:07,602 --> 00:02:10,074
LANA: Do you. Need to get that.
36
00:02:10,075 --> 00:02:12,381
MALORY: No, I'm sure whoever it is-
[dooot]
37
00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:15,154
CHERYL/CAROL (O.S.): It's the Vatican!
Line one! Jesus!
38
00:02:15,155 --> 00:02:17,995
CHERYL/CAROL: (gasp) Shit, I
hope he didn't hear that.
39
00:02:17,996 --> 00:02:19,198
(gasp) Or that, shit!
40
00:02:19,199 --> 00:02:21,170
MALORY: Just put him
through, you idiot!
41
00:02:21,171 --> 00:02:21,871
CHERYL/CAROL (O.S.): Okay,
42
00:02:21,872 --> 00:02:24,980
Jesus! [gasp] Shit...
MALORY: Uhhhhh.
43
00:02:24,981 --> 00:02:28,356
Ah ha ha, Giancarlo! Come stai?
44
00:02:28,357 --> 00:02:33,635
CORELLI: Molto meglio, cara mia, now
that I see your eyes, your lips, your...
45
00:02:33,636 --> 00:02:36,610
MALORY: Giancarlo!
Siete senza vergogna.
46
00:02:36,611 --> 00:02:39,518
CORELLI: And you, are the only
woman who ever made me regret
47
00:02:39,519 --> 00:02:41,457
taking the holy orders.
48
00:02:41,458 --> 00:02:44,253
MALORY: And you are the only man
who ever made me-
49
00:02:44,373 --> 00:02:45,916
RON CADILLAC: Come oonnn!
50
00:02:46,037 --> 00:02:47,306
I'm right here, ya know!
51
00:02:47,307 --> 00:02:47,974
MALORY: Why?!
52
00:02:47,975 --> 00:02:51,182
RON CADILLAC: Gettin new carpet in my office.
Which, speaking of...
53
00:02:51,183 --> 00:02:52,051
MALORY: Ron?!
54
00:02:52,052 --> 00:02:54,057
CORELLI: Malory,
you have married?
55
00:02:54,058 --> 00:02:55,360
MALORY: Ehh...
56
00:02:55,361 --> 00:02:57,499
CORELLI: You are a
fortunate man, signore.
57
00:02:57,500 --> 00:02:59,470
RON CADILLAC: Ah, blow
it out yer cassock.
58
00:02:59,471 --> 00:03:00,206
MALORY: Ron!
59
00:03:00,207 --> 00:03:04,083
CORELLI: Malory. We don't have much time.
Your agents of ISIS, they are ready?
60
00:03:04,084 --> 00:03:06,957
LANA: Or they are confused
verging on angry?
61
00:03:06,958 --> 00:03:11,369
MALORY: Lana, it's an undercover mission.
At the Vatican?
62
00:03:11,370 --> 00:03:15,011
LANA: What, they don't have black nuns?
Although granted
63
00:03:15,012 --> 00:03:19,356
I've never seen one. But that's
not like, a rule, is it?
64
00:03:19,357 --> 00:03:21,168
CORELLI: Ehh...
LANA: Well since you're
65
00:03:21,194 --> 00:03:22,798
not sending me, and
I assume you're
66
00:03:22,799 --> 00:03:24,249
not sending Ray...
67
00:03:24,369 --> 00:03:26,489
MALORY: To the Vatican?
You think all those Catholic
68
00:03:26,610 --> 00:03:31,387
priests wouldn't peg him-
[cough, cough] as American?
69
00:03:31,388 --> 00:03:32,925
With that hillbilly accent?
70
00:03:32,926 --> 00:03:35,798
CORELLI: Malory, I must go now.
Please hurry!
71
00:03:35,799 --> 00:03:40,545
LANA: So not Ray, and not me, which leaves...
[Gregorian chant]
72
00:03:40,546 --> 00:03:41,615
LANA: [sigh]
73
00:03:41,616 --> 00:03:49,134
ARCHER: In nomine Patris, et Filii,
et Spiritus Sancti, et cetera, et -
74
00:03:49,135 --> 00:03:50,337
LANA: You can't.
75
00:03:50,338 --> 00:03:52,477
No one is gonna believe
Archer is a priest.
76
00:03:52,478 --> 00:03:54,748
ARCHER: For your infor-
I'm in! Turn it off!
77
00:03:54,749 --> 00:03:55,652
CHERYL/CAROL (O.S.): Okay!
78
00:03:55,653 --> 00:03:57,456
Jesus! [gasp] Shit.
79
00:03:57,457 --> 00:04:00,665
ARCHER: For your information, Lana, I
have totally prepared for this mission.
80
00:04:00,666 --> 00:04:02,336
LANA: Well there's a firs-
ARCHER: First thing I did was
81
00:04:02,337 --> 00:04:05,243
watch every episode of "Lucy,
Daughter of the Devil." Which
82
00:04:05,244 --> 00:04:07,983
by the way, was grossly-
LANA: Inadequate preparation,
83
00:04:07,984 --> 00:04:11,627
for an undercover mission protecting the
pope from an assassination attempt!
84
00:04:11,628 --> 00:04:13,765
ARCHER: I was gonna say
"underrated," but -
85
00:04:13,766 --> 00:04:16,940
LANA: But even if you were prepared-
ARCHER: Which I truly feel that I am.
86
00:04:16,941 --> 00:04:20,718
LANA: -- but which you're not, who's
your backup if Ray's not going? Cyril?
87
00:04:20,719 --> 00:04:22,776
ARCHER: No...
MALORY: No, it turns out Cyril-
88
00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:23,841
CYRIL: Aaagh!
89
00:04:23,961 --> 00:04:25,463
How bout a little warning?!
90
00:04:25,583 --> 00:04:28,404
MALORY: Has a thing.
About church stuff.
91
00:04:28,405 --> 00:04:29,306
LANA: Since when?
92
00:04:29,307 --> 00:04:31,980
CYRIL: Since none of your beeswax, and-
ARCHER: Bwoohahaahaaa!
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00:04:31,981 --> 00:04:32,782
CYRIL: Aaagh!
94
00:04:32,783 --> 00:04:34,262
LANA: Well...
95
00:04:34,382 --> 00:04:39,281
CYRIL: And I think I
need a spanking, because I have been a very
96
00:04:39,401 --> 00:04:42,565
naughty baaaaagh!
97
00:04:44,538 --> 00:04:47,822
LANA: Guess that explains that.
But it doesn't explain
98
00:04:47,823 --> 00:04:49,927
how Archer's gonna run
this mission by himself.
99
00:04:49,928 --> 00:04:53,135
MALORY: Well, if you were
"confused verging on angry"
100
00:04:53,136 --> 00:04:54,807
before...
CYRIL (O.S.): Aaagh!
101
00:04:54,808 --> 00:04:55,709
PAM (O.S.): What?!
102
00:04:55,710 --> 00:04:59,117
PAM: Jesus Christ...
Shit. God damn it.
103
00:04:59,118 --> 00:04:59,919
MALORY: Pam!
104
00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:00,621
PAM: What.
105
00:05:00,622 --> 00:05:01,290
LANA: Pam?!
106
00:05:01,291 --> 00:05:02,125
PAM: What?!
107
00:05:02,126 --> 00:05:02,828
ARCHER: Paaaam!
108
00:05:02,829 --> 00:05:05,234
PAM: Whaaat?!
109
00:05:05,235 --> 00:05:08,108
ARCHER: I dunno,
what're we doing?
110
00:05:08,109 --> 00:05:10,447
LANA: Esatto! Che
cosa stiamo facendo?!
111
00:05:10,448 --> 00:05:12,587
PAM: Aww man, we
have to learn Latin?
112
00:05:12,588 --> 00:05:14,458
ARCHER: Ew yeah,
that's a dealbreaker.
113
00:05:14,459 --> 00:05:15,628
LANA: You were speaking Latin
114
00:05:15,629 --> 00:05:16,898
when you walked in here -
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00:05:16,899 --> 00:05:18,034
ARCHER: Mmmmno...
116
00:05:18,035 --> 00:05:20,708
LANA: -- whereas I was just
speaking Italian, which neither
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00:05:20,709 --> 00:05:21,911
of you speak nor even
118
00:05:21,912 --> 00:05:23,883
understand, obviously, so -
119
00:05:23,884 --> 00:05:24,886
ARCHER: So?! Lana, the
120
00:05:24,887 --> 00:05:27,894
assassination plot is being
hatched by the Swiss Guard?
121
00:05:27,895 --> 00:05:29,230
LANA: So...?
122
00:05:29,231 --> 00:05:31,302
ARCHER: So it's an eight-hour
flight, so we get some tapes
123
00:05:31,303 --> 00:05:33,642
and brush up on our-
LANA: Swiss?
124
00:05:33,643 --> 00:05:34,209
ARCHER: Duh?
125
00:05:34,210 --> 00:05:36,817
LANA: Well, since Swiss isn't
a language, maybe you should
126
00:05:36,818 --> 00:05:40,259
get some tapes on German,
French, Italian and Romansh.
127
00:05:40,260 --> 00:05:41,496
ARCHER: Maybe I will.
128
00:05:41,497 --> 00:05:44,804
MALORY: Alright. Lana pack a bag, you're-
ARCHER: No! Mother come on, we
129
00:05:44,805 --> 00:05:46,686
don't need-
MALORY: Lana! Is going!
130
00:05:46,807 --> 00:05:47,556
LANA: Ha!
131
00:05:47,676 --> 00:05:50,452
MALORY: And Pam, if you keep
your eyes open and your big
132
00:05:50,453 --> 00:05:52,857
mouth shut, you just might
learn something from her.
133
00:05:52,900 --> 00:05:53,668
PAM: Ha!
134
00:05:53,669 --> 00:05:55,139
ARCHER: Why are you going ha?!
135
00:05:55,140 --> 00:05:56,476
PAM: I dunno, what're we doing?
136
00:05:56,477 --> 00:05:59,350
LANA: I'll tell you what we
should be doing. So, who does
137
00:05:59,351 --> 00:06:00,988
the pope remind you of?
138
00:06:01,108 --> 00:06:02,492
MALORY: Ha!
139
00:06:02,493 --> 00:06:03,395
ARCHER: What.
140
00:06:03,396 --> 00:06:04,330
LANA: Haaa!
141
00:06:04,331 --> 00:06:07,505
ARCHER: Shut up! And
you also shut up.
142
00:06:07,506 --> 00:06:08,508
WOODHOUSE: Yessir.
143
00:06:08,509 --> 00:06:09,343
PAM: Haaa!
144
00:06:09,344 --> 00:06:11,087
ARCHER: Why are you
still going ha?!
145
00:06:11,207 --> 00:06:13,521
PAM: Pink Panther's on.
146
00:06:13,522 --> 00:06:16,127
Father Guido Sardoochbag?
147
00:06:21,322 --> 00:06:22,856
ARCHER (O.S.): Oh really?
148
00:06:22,857 --> 00:06:25,425
ARCHER: Because she didn't
specify an agent in-command,
149
00:06:25,426 --> 00:06:27,417
Lana, so I would argue-
LANA (O.S.): With a fence post.
150
00:06:27,537 --> 00:06:30,524
ARCHER: I wouldn't argue with a -- oof!
Move, idiot!
151
00:06:30,606 --> 00:06:32,040
PAM: I'm goin as fast as I can!
152
00:06:32,041 --> 00:06:34,109
ARCHER: Not you, the-
PAM: The fence post?
153
00:06:34,110 --> 00:06:34,843
LANA (O.S.): Ha!
154
00:06:34,844 --> 00:06:38,179
ARCHER: It was a bollard! And my point was-
LANA: Fine! You're agent-in-
155
00:06:38,180 --> 00:06:41,182
command! Now shut up, brief
Corelli, and get the access
156
00:06:41,183 --> 00:06:42,216
code to the pope's apartment!
157
00:06:42,217 --> 00:06:43,051
[doot]
158
00:06:43,052 --> 00:06:46,554
ARCHER: I... will,
because I command me to.
159
00:06:46,555 --> 00:06:50,692
LANA: And you should eat, this could be
a long night, and you're... so teeny.
160
00:06:50,693 --> 00:06:51,459
WOODHOUSE: Hm?
161
00:06:51,460 --> 00:06:54,629
LANA: Seriously, eat,
you're like a slow loris.
162
00:06:54,630 --> 00:06:57,132
WOODHOUSE: Oh, no, bit
off my feed, I'm afraid.
163
00:06:57,133 --> 00:07:00,769
LANA: Woodhouse, you need to-
Oh c'mon, you need to fix?
164
00:07:00,770 --> 00:07:01,602
WOODHOUSE: [whimper]
165
00:07:01,603 --> 00:07:03,471
LANA: Well, is there some
amount you can shoot up to get
166
00:07:03,472 --> 00:07:07,508
right for the mission, without
gettin all... trainspotty?
167
00:07:07,509 --> 00:07:08,409
WOODHOUSE: Back in a tick!
168
00:07:08,410 --> 00:07:12,847
LANA: Oh for the -- and thanks for making
me carry your bag through customs!
169
00:07:12,848 --> 00:07:14,783
WOODHOUSE (O.S.): No, thank you!
170
00:07:14,784 --> 00:07:15,784
ARCHER (O.S.): Grazie.
171
00:07:15,785 --> 00:07:18,920
Grazie mille, vostra...
majesty-o?
172
00:07:18,921 --> 00:07:22,157
CORELLI: Your Italian
is, how you say, shit?
173
00:07:22,158 --> 00:07:24,292
ARCHER: Then you are not
gonna like my Romansh.
174
00:07:24,293 --> 00:07:26,728
CORELLI: Mio dio! You
think this is funny?!
175
00:07:26,729 --> 00:07:28,096
ARCHER: I thought that was.
176
00:07:28,097 --> 00:07:30,231
CORELLI: Assassins plan to kill
the Holy Father in his own
177
00:07:30,232 --> 00:07:35,170
bed, on this very night, ma tu
stai qui con la testa nel culo!
178
00:07:35,171 --> 00:07:39,340
PAM: Whoa whoa, take it down a notch, St.
Louis! His head is not up his ass!
179
00:07:39,341 --> 00:07:40,942
ARCHER: How'd you
know what he said?
180
00:07:40,943 --> 00:07:42,177
PAM: It was an
eight-hour flight.
181
00:07:42,178 --> 00:07:43,945
ARCHER: Wow, did
you learn Romansh?
182
00:07:43,946 --> 00:07:46,681
PAM: Who am I, Cypher?
The gayest X-man?
183
00:07:46,682 --> 00:07:50,251
ARCHER: I dunno, Gambit looks like
he knows his way around a pair of -
184
00:07:50,252 --> 00:07:52,220
CORELLI: Basta! Here is the
access card to the Holy
185
00:07:52,221 --> 00:07:57,192
Father's private apartment. I
assume you have a plan once inside?
186
00:07:57,193 --> 00:08:00,195
PAM: We call it the
old switcheroo.
187
00:08:00,196 --> 00:08:01,863
ARCHER: We absolutely do not
call it the old switcheroo.
188
00:08:01,864 --> 00:08:04,132
CORELLI: Mio dio!
189
00:08:04,133 --> 00:08:05,133
LESSER CARDINALS: [gasp]
190
00:08:05,134 --> 00:08:07,836
ARCHER: I know, right?
Trope alert!
191
00:08:07,837 --> 00:08:08,970
CORELLI: Che?
192
00:08:08,971 --> 00:08:13,541
PAM: Eh... non si traduce bene.
193
00:08:13,542 --> 00:08:14,609
LANA: Feeling better?
194
00:08:14,610 --> 00:08:17,212
WOODHOUSE: Sound as
a pound, my dear.
195
00:08:17,213 --> 00:08:19,013
Where the hell are we?
196
00:08:19,014 --> 00:08:22,217
LANA: Uh, this new
place called Italy?
197
00:08:22,218 --> 00:08:24,185
WOODHOUSE: How'd I get
all the way downtown?
198
00:08:24,186 --> 00:08:25,653
LANA: Wh-? Not Little Italy!
199
00:08:25,654 --> 00:08:27,021
Italy, Italy!
200
00:08:27,022 --> 00:08:29,357
WOODHOUSE: Bloody hell.
What are we doing here?
201
00:08:29,358 --> 00:08:34,229
LANA: Thwarting an assassination attempt
on the pope. Using you as a decoy.
202
00:08:34,230 --> 00:08:36,231
WOODHOUSE: Back in a tick!
203
00:08:36,232 --> 00:08:38,466
LANA: With Ken and your weekend weather.
And you may need an
204
00:08:38,467 --> 00:08:40,701
umbrella because it's
going to be raining.
205
00:08:40,702 --> 00:08:42,370
Dead ass popes.
206
00:08:42,371 --> 00:08:45,039
PAM (O.S.): Aw crap,
he's already dead.
207
00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:47,675
ARCHER: No he's not, he's just old.
That's how Woodhouse looks
208
00:08:47,676 --> 00:08:48,777
when he's asleep.
209
00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:50,011
PAM: I'm gonna get a mirror.
210
00:08:50,012 --> 00:08:52,480
ARCHER: Right until he wakes
and sees me staring at him
211
00:08:52,481 --> 00:08:56,484
with night-vision goggles and
literally pisses himself. Hey,
212
00:08:56,485 --> 00:08:59,487
does Woodhouse seem unhappy to you,
or -- what the hell're you doing?!
213
00:08:59,488 --> 00:09:02,390
PAM: Gonna see if his
breath fogs it up.
214
00:09:02,391 --> 00:09:06,861
ARCHER: Put the stupid mirror back, he's not-
PAM: [gasp]
215
00:09:06,862 --> 00:09:09,264
ARCHER: Dead. Nice
job, Oliver Cromwell.
216
00:09:09,265 --> 00:09:10,198
PAM: I killed the pope!
217
00:09:10,199 --> 00:09:13,434
ARCHER: Yeah, that's why I said Oliver Crom-
PAM: Jesus Christ I'm going to
218
00:09:13,435 --> 00:09:17,705
hell I'm going to hell I'm going to hell I'm-
[THWAK! THWAK! THWAK!]
219
00:09:17,706 --> 00:09:18,372
ARCHER: Pam.
220
00:09:18,373 --> 00:09:20,275
PAM: Yes?
221
00:09:20,276 --> 00:09:23,278
ARCHER: Get off the pope.
222
00:09:23,279 --> 00:09:27,515
ARCHER: Heeey, Your Holiness...
PAM: Is he dead?!
223
00:09:27,516 --> 00:09:29,417
ARCHER: I dunno, shut up, I'm-
PAM: Should I get another
224
00:09:29,418 --> 00:09:32,386
mirror? But like, a
much much smaller one?
225
00:09:32,387 --> 00:09:34,555
LANA (O.S.): No, you're
half heroin already!
226
00:09:34,556 --> 00:09:35,290
[clunk]
227
00:09:35,291 --> 00:09:39,294
LANA: Okay, here's Junkie Brewster, let's...
Where's the pope?
228
00:09:39,295 --> 00:09:40,394
ARCHER: Soo, Here's the thing.
229
00:09:40,395 --> 00:09:41,729
PAM: Promise you won't get mad?
230
00:09:41,730 --> 00:09:45,233
LANA: I -- actually do not promise I won't
get mad, because here's what thing?
231
00:09:45,234 --> 00:09:46,226
ARCHER: Um...
232
00:09:46,346 --> 00:09:49,251
LANA: What, why is there
a giant mirror on the oh my God
233
00:09:49,371 --> 00:09:50,638
you crushed the pope?!
234
00:09:50,639 --> 00:09:54,242
LANA: Don't just stand there idiots,
help me get it off and Pam! Woodhouse!
235
00:09:54,243 --> 00:09:55,310
PAM: Huh? Oh!
236
00:09:55,311 --> 00:09:56,311
WOODHOUSE (O.S.): Oof!
237
00:09:56,312 --> 00:09:57,312
WOODHOUSE (O.S.): Ow!
238
00:09:57,313 --> 00:10:00,081
PAM: Ow! What the --
is that a needle?!
239
00:10:00,082 --> 00:10:00,949
ARCHER: [chuckles]
240
00:10:00,950 --> 00:10:02,217
LANA: Rrrrrgh!
241
00:10:02,218 --> 00:10:02,984
POPE: [gasping]
242
00:10:02,985 --> 00:10:03,584
LANA: Oh thank God!
243
00:10:03,585 --> 00:10:06,321
POPE: Chi siete voi,
dove sono le guardie?!
244
00:10:06,322 --> 00:10:08,789
LANA: We're -- Your Holiness,
do you speak English?
245
00:10:08,790 --> 00:10:11,726
POPE: Yes, of course, but-
ARCHER: Ha! Way to waste your
246
00:10:11,727 --> 00:10:13,728
time learning Italian, Pam!
247
00:10:13,729 --> 00:10:17,732
PAM: Aw, stai zitto, testa di cazzo.
And could you...?
248
00:10:17,733 --> 00:10:19,000
WOODHOUSE: Sorry.
249
00:10:19,001 --> 00:10:21,602
POPE: Dio mio! He
look just like me!
250
00:10:21,603 --> 00:10:23,872
LANA: Yes, Your Holiness, he's a decoy.
We have reason to
251
00:10:23,873 --> 00:10:26,407
believe a faction of the Swiss
Guard will make an attempt on
252
00:10:26,408 --> 00:10:28,709
your life tonight, so-
ARCHER: So if you don't mind
253
00:10:28,710 --> 00:10:32,813
hopping out of those pope-jamas...
LANA: Archer? We'll hide you,
254
00:10:32,814 --> 00:10:35,016
put him in your place,
wait for them to come in -
255
00:10:35,017 --> 00:10:37,252
POPE: And then what?!
You are only two!
256
00:10:37,253 --> 00:10:39,954
ARCHER: Well three, so-
PAM: Better make that two.
257
00:10:39,955 --> 00:10:42,790
Think I mighta grabbed the
tail of the dragon here...
258
00:10:42,791 --> 00:10:45,026
WOODHOUSE: Ooh, then
you're in for a treat!
259
00:10:45,027 --> 00:10:47,762
ARCHER: Shut up! And with all
due respect Your Holiness,
260
00:10:47,763 --> 00:10:51,832
it's the Swiss Guard... I think
we can handle a few court jesters
261
00:10:51,833 --> 00:10:53,368
with, whatever, halberds.
262
00:10:53,369 --> 00:10:56,371
LANA: Which, you realize
are just ceremonial.
263
00:10:56,372 --> 00:11:00,541
ARCHER: Obviously they're ceremonial,
they were made obsolete by the arquebus.
264
00:11:00,542 --> 00:11:03,378
LANA: Which is why
now they use MP-5's.
265
00:11:03,379 --> 00:11:04,379
ARCHER: Oh.
266
00:11:04,380 --> 00:11:07,815
LANA: Which is why where's the gear bag
with all of our automatic weapons?!
267
00:11:07,816 --> 00:11:10,551
ARCHER: Well I assume in the hotel room, but-
LANA: God -
268
00:11:10,552 --> 00:11:12,020
ARCHER: I thought they
just had halberds!
269
00:11:12,021 --> 00:11:13,988
LANA: Do you at least
have a sidearm?!
270
00:11:13,989 --> 00:11:15,623
ARCHER: It was ruining
the lines of my cassock.
271
00:11:15,624 --> 00:11:16,490
LANA: Dammit!
272
00:11:16,491 --> 00:11:19,860
ARCHER: And again, I honestly
thought they just had- [rattle rattle]
273
00:11:19,861 --> 00:11:23,864
ARCHER: -- halberds. Although technically
I think they're called voulges.
274
00:11:23,865 --> 00:11:25,400
SWISS GUARD (O.S.): Santo Padre!
La porta, per favore!
275
00:11:25,401 --> 00:11:28,169
PAM: I got him,
just toss him down!
276
00:11:28,170 --> 00:11:30,538
LANA: I'm not tossing
the frickin pope!
277
00:11:30,539 --> 00:11:32,407
ARCHER: Somehow this
is all your fault.
278
00:11:32,408 --> 00:11:33,408
POPE: Che?
279
00:11:33,409 --> 00:11:35,977
ARCHER: Oh for the--
this is the pope!
280
00:11:35,978 --> 00:11:37,845
LANA: Oh, then WOODHOUSE
(O.S.) [yelp]
281
00:11:37,846 --> 00:11:38,479
WOODHOUSE (O.S.): Oof!
282
00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:41,182
PAM: Ow! Oh for
shit's sake, already!
283
00:11:41,183 --> 00:11:42,250
ARCHER: [chuckles]
284
00:11:42,251 --> 00:11:44,419
LANA: Archer shut up and find us some-
[krunch!]
285
00:11:44,420 --> 00:11:45,119
SWISS GUARD: Sparale!
286
00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:47,388
[BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPT!]
287
00:11:47,389 --> 00:11:49,991
LANA: Oof! Transport!
Are you shitting me?!
288
00:11:49,992 --> 00:11:52,560
ARCHER: Well it was this or the Vespas!
It's not my fault
289
00:11:52,561 --> 00:11:56,431
Italy's so gay. Which, by the
way, Pope, on the gay thing...
290
00:11:56,432 --> 00:11:59,733
POPE: La Sacra Bibbia says it
is a mortal sin. But get me out
291
00:11:59,734 --> 00:12:02,837
of here alive and I will
pardon you for it, my son.
292
00:12:02,838 --> 00:12:06,074
ARCHER: Wh-? No, I -
PAM: Haaaa!
293
00:12:10,112 --> 00:12:13,347
CHERYL/CAROL (O.S.): So why are
you scared of church stuff?
294
00:12:13,348 --> 00:12:15,050
Did the unspeakable happen?
295
00:12:15,051 --> 00:12:18,486
To your slender, hairless,
adolescent body?
296
00:12:18,487 --> 00:12:19,988
CYRIL: Wh-? No!
297
00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:21,489
CHERYL/CAROL: Aww...
CYRIL: Eww!
298
00:12:21,490 --> 00:12:22,256
CHERYL/CAROL: Right?!
299
00:12:22,257 --> 00:12:26,360
CYRIL: First of all, I'm not- I'm not
scared of priests or nuns or -
300
00:12:26,361 --> 00:12:27,128
CHERYL/CAROL: Bishops?
301
00:12:27,129 --> 00:12:29,297
CYRIL: No, I just --
CHERYL/CAROL: Bishop the android from Aliens?
302
00:12:29,298 --> 00:12:32,567
CYRIL: No! I told Ms. Archer
that because I didn't wanna go
303
00:12:32,568 --> 00:12:34,569
on another mission with the
world's worst colleague.
304
00:12:34,570 --> 00:12:36,404
CHERYL/CAROL: Bishop the
android from Aliens?
305
00:12:36,405 --> 00:12:42,911
CYRIL: Archer! You think he's a dick here?
On a mission he's ten times worse.
306
00:12:42,912 --> 00:12:43,812
CHERYL/CAROL:
That's impossible.
307
00:12:43,813 --> 00:12:44,980
ARCHER (O.S.) Oh really?!
308
00:12:44,981 --> 00:12:47,148
PAM: Yes, really! A, I was a
309
00:12:47,149 --> 00:12:49,651
race car driver! And B-
LANA: Archer.
310
00:12:49,652 --> 00:12:51,019
ARCHER: Your Holiness,
a little help?!
311
00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:52,621
PAM: The pope could
drive better than you!
312
00:12:52,622 --> 00:12:54,756
POPE: No no, io non guido.
313
00:12:54,757 --> 00:12:56,024
PAM: Ugh, esatto?
314
00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:58,059
POPE: (chuckling) Oh, capito...
ARCHER: Why're you taking her
315
00:12:58,060 --> 00:12:59,761
side?! She's Lutheran!
316
00:12:59,762 --> 00:13:02,363
POPE: Eh, Luther had
some valid complaints.
317
00:13:02,364 --> 00:13:03,364
LANA: Archer! Owwwww!
318
00:13:03,365 --> 00:13:05,533
LANA: Drive the
ffffffffrickin car!
319
00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:08,770
ARCHER: Okay, Lana!
What is your problem?
320
00:13:08,771 --> 00:13:11,172
LANA: Well there's you...
and also that.
321
00:13:11,173 --> 00:13:13,207
ARCHER: Why aren't
they on horseback?!
322
00:13:13,208 --> 00:13:15,376
LANA: Because why
would they be?!
323
00:13:15,377 --> 00:13:19,114
ARCHER: Right, halberdsmen
are foot-soldiers.
324
00:13:19,115 --> 00:13:23,852
POPE: Mi scusi, the bigger question is,
if they really are the Swiss Guards...
325
00:13:23,853 --> 00:13:27,488
PAM: Why are they wearing Swiss Guard
uniforms, driving a Swiss Guard car?!
326
00:13:27,489 --> 00:13:28,623
POPE: Esatto.
327
00:13:28,624 --> 00:13:32,527
LANA: Holy sh -- it's a false flag operation!
To make it look
328
00:13:32,528 --> 00:13:33,962
like the Swiss Guard!
329
00:13:33,963 --> 00:13:37,065
POPE: Who told you I was
to be assassinated?
330
00:13:37,066 --> 00:13:39,634
ARCHER: Cardinal Corelli! He-
LANA: He wouldn't, by any
331
00:13:39,635 --> 00:13:44,372
chance, be next in line
for the papacy, would he?
332
00:13:44,373 --> 00:13:46,841
POPE: Well, there would
be an election -
333
00:13:46,842 --> 00:13:48,543
ARCHER: Right, with
the smudge-pot...
334
00:13:48,544 --> 00:13:50,845
POPE: -- but Corelli
would be sure to win.
335
00:13:50,846 --> 00:13:52,113
LANA: Pretty good motive.
336
00:13:52,114 --> 00:13:55,150
PAM: (laughing) Yeah, you must make a shitlo-
[brrrrrrrrpt!]
337
00:13:55,151 --> 00:13:57,652
EVERYBODY: Ahhhhhhhh!!!
338
00:13:57,653 --> 00:14:02,157
[skreeech]
339
00:14:02,158 --> 00:14:03,792
LANA: Go! What're you doing?!
340
00:14:03,793 --> 00:14:05,160
ARCHER: I'm letting
them catch up!
341
00:14:05,161 --> 00:14:05,960
EVERYBODY: Why?!
342
00:14:05,961 --> 00:14:09,397
ARCHER: Can I finish?! He
asked, agent-incommandingly!
343
00:14:09,398 --> 00:14:12,600
Take the wheel and maintain speed!
Woodhouse, lighter!
344
00:14:12,601 --> 00:14:14,936
WOODHOUSE: I'm only
ninety pounds wet, sir!
345
00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:18,173
ARCHER: What? No you
idiot, your spoon-cooker!
346
00:14:18,174 --> 00:14:19,174
WOODHOUSE: Oh right.
347
00:14:19,175 --> 00:14:23,778
ARCHER: Like pulling teeth with you people.
Lana! Head toward Swiss Guard HQ!
348
00:14:23,779 --> 00:14:25,646
LANA: What, while you
request Freebird?!
349
00:14:25,647 --> 00:14:27,615
ARCHER: Ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha.
350
00:14:27,616 --> 00:14:28,183
Ahh.
351
00:14:28,184 --> 00:14:29,751
[brrrrrrrpt]
352
00:14:29,752 --> 00:14:34,288
Actually that was pretty good, for
you at least, but no, while I do...
353
00:14:34,289 --> 00:14:36,624
Shit, I had a pun about flares.
354
00:14:36,625 --> 00:14:38,126
LANA: Fake dynamite?!
355
00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:41,696
PAM: That's your plan?! So hey,
can I squeeze in a confession?
356
00:14:41,697 --> 00:14:45,700
POPE: (chuckling) Oho, ora
dov'� il tuo Martin Luther?
357
00:14:45,701 --> 00:14:50,504
PAM: Fine, I'll buy a damn indulgence! Oh wait...
ARCHER: Wait until they're
358
00:14:50,505 --> 00:14:52,607
right beside us,
then swerve into em!
359
00:14:52,608 --> 00:14:56,644
LANA: What, so you're crushed between the-
ARCHER: Woohoohoohoooooooooo!
360
00:14:56,645 --> 00:14:59,280
LANA: Shoulda seen
that comin...
361
00:14:59,281 --> 00:15:00,473
ARCHER: Hey, I can see St. Peter's from-
362
00:15:00,593 --> 00:15:02,483
LANA: Archer look ooouuut!
363
00:15:02,484 --> 00:15:04,786
ARCHER: Goddammit, quit telling
me what to do! I'm the
364
00:15:04,787 --> 00:15:06,687
goddamn agent-in-command!
365
00:15:06,688 --> 00:15:11,226
POPE: Figo, he really drops the G.D. bombs...
PAM: Plus he's a whoremonger.
366
00:15:11,227 --> 00:15:12,227
LANA: Cough.
367
00:15:12,228 --> 00:15:17,331
PAM: Oh please, who hasn't paid for it?!
Still talking about indulgences.
368
00:15:17,332 --> 00:15:18,332
ARCHER (O.S.): Lana now!
369
00:15:18,333 --> 00:15:20,769
LANA: He said, last wordsingly.
Hang on!
370
00:15:20,770 --> 00:15:22,303
EVERYBODY: Ahhhh, oh!!
371
00:15:22,304 --> 00:15:23,238
DRIVER: Sparale!
372
00:15:23,239 --> 00:15:24,205
Sparale!
373
00:15:24,206 --> 00:15:25,006
[BRRRRRRRRRPT!]
374
00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:26,875
ARCHER: What the-?!
Pam, what'd he say?!
375
00:15:26,876 --> 00:15:29,744
PAM: What do you think he said, dicknuts?!
Pay attention
376
00:15:29,745 --> 00:15:31,545
to the frickin context!
377
00:15:31,546 --> 00:15:34,515
ARCHER: Well sorry I don't have
your language-nerd skills!
378
00:15:34,516 --> 00:15:37,218
Hang on... Pambit!
379
00:15:37,219 --> 00:15:38,686
PAM (O.S.): Wrong
X-Man, dumbass!
380
00:15:38,687 --> 00:15:40,655
ARCHER: Still though...
[BRRRRRRRRRRRRPT!]
381
00:15:40,656 --> 00:15:42,423
DRIVER: Non lui! Il papa!
382
00:15:42,424 --> 00:15:43,992
Spar'al papa!
383
00:15:43,993 --> 00:15:46,928
SWISS GUARD: Ohhhh...
LANA: Ohhh, shit! Pam!!
384
00:15:46,929 --> 00:15:47,728
PAM: Get doowwwn!
385
00:15:47,729 --> 00:15:48,429
WOODHOUSE/POPE: Ungh! Ungh!
386
00:15:48,430 --> 00:15:49,864
[BRRRRRRRRRRRRPT!]
387
00:15:49,865 --> 00:15:51,199
LANA/PAM: Unghh!
388
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:52,533
ARCHER: Lanaaaa!
389
00:15:52,534 --> 00:15:54,735
LANA: Rrrgh. I'm fine!
390
00:15:54,736 --> 00:15:57,238
PAM: Yeah me too, asshole!
391
00:15:57,239 --> 00:15:58,273
ARCHER (O.S.): Oh good.
392
00:15:58,274 --> 00:15:59,274
LANA: Is the pope hit?!
393
00:15:59,275 --> 00:16:03,077
PAM: Uhh... no, he's,
they're both good.
394
00:16:03,078 --> 00:16:05,646
DRIVER: Recarica!
Spara di nuovo!
395
00:16:05,647 --> 00:16:08,850
ARCHER: Really wish I hadn't focused
so heavily on the Romansh...
396
00:16:08,851 --> 00:16:10,551
ARCHER [snoring]
397
00:16:10,552 --> 00:16:14,289
WOMAN'S VOICE: Lesson one.
Leshau untg.
398
00:16:14,290 --> 00:16:17,225
PAM: Context! They're reloading!
399
00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:20,394
ARCHER: Ohhh... That's
what you mean by context?
400
00:16:20,395 --> 00:16:21,296
DRIVER (O.S.): Spara!
401
00:16:21,297 --> 00:16:23,131
LANA: What else could
she possibly mean?!
402
00:16:23,132 --> 00:16:29,037
ARCHER: Who am I, William Safire?!
Oh and speaking of... in the hole!
403
00:16:29,038 --> 00:16:29,737
[SHUMP]
404
00:16:29,738 --> 00:16:30,705
LANA: What?
405
00:16:30,706 --> 00:16:35,643
ARCHER: Safire in the hole, Lana, it's a-
[KABROOOOOM!]
406
00:16:35,644 --> 00:16:36,311
EVERYBODY: Waaaagh!
407
00:16:36,312 --> 00:16:38,980
ARCHER: Lana look oooooouuuu-
[KROOOM!]
408
00:16:38,981 --> 00:16:40,614
[CAR ALARMS blaring]
409
00:16:40,615 --> 00:16:45,419
ARCHER: Ow.
410
00:16:45,420 --> 00:16:49,757
COMMANDER: So. The good news is, my men
have apprehended Cardinal Corelli, who
411
00:16:49,758 --> 00:16:51,392
immediately confessed
to the plot.
412
00:16:51,393 --> 00:16:53,794
PAM: Hey heyyy,
that is good news!
413
00:16:53,795 --> 00:16:57,431
LANA: You know how the whole "the
good news is" thing works, right?
414
00:16:57,432 --> 00:16:59,133
COMMANDER: The bad news is-
PAM: Oh right.
415
00:16:59,134 --> 00:17:01,802
COMMANDER: -- the men you
killed were Camorra.
416
00:17:01,803 --> 00:17:03,238
PAM: What're they,
like the mafia?
417
00:17:03,239 --> 00:17:07,408
COMMANDER: (chuckle) The Camorra
is like your mafia like...
418
00:17:07,409 --> 00:17:09,344
LANA: Seal Team Six is
like the Girl Scouts.
419
00:17:09,345 --> 00:17:11,012
COMMANDER: Exactly.
420
00:17:11,013 --> 00:17:13,181
PAM: So... equally sexy?
421
00:17:13,182 --> 00:17:13,547
LANA: Eww!
422
00:17:13,548 --> 00:17:14,349
PAM: Oww!
423
00:17:14,350 --> 00:17:15,483
ARCHER (O.S.): Oww!
424
00:17:15,484 --> 00:17:20,955
ARCHER: But the real good news, ow! Dick!
Is that we saved the pope's life.
425
00:17:20,956 --> 00:17:24,926
COMMANDER: For which we are grateful.
However... We cannot tell
426
00:17:24,927 --> 00:17:29,364
these two apart, so...
ARCHER: So I actually have an idea about that.
427
00:17:29,365 --> 00:17:31,465
LANA: Is it take them both
home, see which one's a better
428
00:17:31,466 --> 00:17:34,369
butler, and give the other one
back to the Catholic Church?
429
00:17:34,370 --> 00:17:35,436
ARCHER: Never mind.
430
00:17:35,437 --> 00:17:38,005
LANA: Then why don't we leave
them both here until they come to.
431
00:17:38,006 --> 00:17:40,875
I'm sure Woodhouse
never gets a vacation.
432
00:17:40,876 --> 00:17:44,178
ARCHER: Are you kidding? I didn't even
let him go to his brother's funeral.
433
00:17:44,179 --> 00:17:44,845
PAM: What?!
434
00:17:44,846 --> 00:17:47,382
LANA: Oh my -- you asshole!
435
00:17:47,383 --> 00:17:48,249
Was he crushed?!
436
00:17:48,250 --> 00:17:49,384
ARCHER: Probably woulda been.
437
00:17:49,385 --> 00:17:50,985
If I'd told him about it.
438
00:17:50,986 --> 00:17:55,924
LANA: Ugh. But wait, why did Corelli
hire ISIS to prevent the assassination?
439
00:17:55,925 --> 00:17:58,459
COMMANDER: To show the
cardinals he was trying to
440
00:17:58,460 --> 00:18:03,298
prevent it, all the while assuming-
LANA: What, that we'd totally
441
00:18:03,299 --> 00:18:05,833
bl-ow my God he assumed
we'd totally blow it?!
442
00:18:05,834 --> 00:18:09,737
COMMANDER: Well... ISIS
has a certain reputation.
443
00:18:09,738 --> 00:18:12,407
ARCHER: Hey, whoa! Not
cool, Payne Stewart!
444
00:18:12,408 --> 00:18:13,741
LANA: Oh, my God,
if Malory ever
445
00:18:13,742 --> 00:18:14,775
hears about this -
446
00:18:14,776 --> 00:18:15,583
ARCHER: Which she won't!
447
00:18:15,700 --> 00:18:17,901
Because Pam?!
PAM: What?
448
00:18:17,902 --> 00:18:19,136
ARCHER: Promise you'll
never tell Mother!
449
00:18:19,137 --> 00:18:22,141
PAM: Okay, I promise!
Swear to God!
450
00:18:24,642 --> 00:18:25,809
MALORY (O.S.): What?!
451
00:18:25,810 --> 00:18:30,147
ARCHER/LANA (O.S.): Pam!
Pam! PAM (O.S.): Haaaaa!?
452
00:18:56,094 --> 00:19:06,094
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
Resync for WEB-DL by lost0ne www.addic7ed.com
453
00:19:06,144 --> 00:19:10,694
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