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1
00:00:02,500 --> 00:00:06,004
PAM: Oh, for the-- We're already late.
What'd you go and start that for'?
2
00:00:06,170 --> 00:00:07,342
I didn't.
3
00:00:07,505 --> 00:00:10,224
So it just spontaneously combusted?
4
00:00:10,382 --> 00:00:13,727
So creepy. Look, I've got goose bumps.
5
00:00:13,886 --> 00:00:17,060
I'm sure you do.
MALORY: What is--? ls something burning?
6
00:00:17,223 --> 00:00:20,602
No. Maybe you're having a stroke.
MALORY: I'm not having a stroke.
7
00:00:20,768 --> 00:00:23,567
That's great, Mother,
keep those periodic updates coming.
8
00:00:23,729 --> 00:00:26,198
MALORY: Oh, shut up.
Hey, Friday happy hour, you guys in?
9
00:00:26,357 --> 00:00:28,610
Give me that.
No, no, no, that's not...
10
00:00:28,776 --> 00:00:30,028
CHERYL:
Whoo! Ha, ha, ha.
11
00:00:30,194 --> 00:00:32,367
...water.
PAM: Well, what the hell was it?
12
00:00:32,530 --> 00:00:34,157
Grappa.
CHERYL: Tsk. Aw.
13
00:00:34,323 --> 00:00:37,827
No shit, that was like 20 bucks' worth.
Who drinks a pint of grappa?
14
00:00:37,993 --> 00:00:41,543
Well, nobody now, Wendy Wasteful.
So you can buy my first couple of rounds.
15
00:00:41,705 --> 00:00:45,084
No, I can't. We--
No, you can. I'm allowing you.
16
00:00:45,251 --> 00:00:48,721
Oh, my God, thank you.
You're welcome.
17
00:00:48,879 --> 00:00:52,053
But we've got dates.
Meaning the fruit of the date palm?
18
00:00:52,216 --> 00:00:55,720
Ha, ha, ha. �Date" dates, ding-dong.
With who'?
19
00:00:55,886 --> 00:00:59,891
Oh, just some handsome firemen I met
at a warehouse fire.
20
00:01:00,057 --> 00:01:01,604
So come on, let's go already.
21
00:01:01,767 --> 00:01:04,065
My cooch has cobwebs on it.
22
00:01:04,228 --> 00:01:05,275
[KRIEGER WHISTLING]
23
00:01:05,437 --> 00:01:07,940
Krieger, hey. You wanna get a drink?
Ooh.
24
00:01:08,107 --> 00:01:10,576
No. It's "rnushi" night. Movie and sushi.
25
00:01:10,734 --> 00:01:11,781
With...?
26
00:01:11,944 --> 00:01:14,117
Oh, meaning that's tentacle porn.
27
00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:17,784
Fisherman's Wife and
Fisherman's Wife 2: The Re-Tentacling.
28
00:01:17,950 --> 00:01:19,702
[HOLOGRAM GIGGLING]
29
00:01:19,869 --> 00:01:24,090
Mother, hey. You wanna go get a drink?
You know, as a matter of fact, I do.
30
00:01:24,248 --> 00:01:28,628
Oh, okay.
And as another matter of fact, I am.
31
00:01:28,794 --> 00:01:30,967
With Ron, in the bar at the Tuntmore.
32
00:01:31,130 --> 00:01:36,136
And if he plays his cards right,
he'll be wetting a lot more than his--
33
00:01:36,302 --> 00:01:37,303
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
34
00:01:37,469 --> 00:01:40,518
Ow! What is wrong with you?
Well, for one thing, tinnitus...
35
00:01:40,681 --> 00:01:44,106
...which-- Yeah, I think
it's getting worse.
36
00:01:44,268 --> 00:01:47,272
How do these people all have dates?
These aren't people you date.
37
00:01:47,438 --> 00:01:51,909
I'm who should have a date.
I'm the best at dates.
38
00:01:52,067 --> 00:01:54,490
Hm. I wonder if Lana has a date.
LANA: Yes.
39
00:01:54,653 --> 00:01:56,121
Lana?
LANA: Yes.
40
00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:58,408
You heard that?
LANA: Yes.
41
00:01:58,574 --> 00:02:00,417
Who are you, Jaime Sommers?
LANA: Yes.
42
00:02:00,576 --> 00:02:04,126
No, seriously, I can barely hear me.
Are my ears really that messed up?
43
00:02:04,288 --> 00:02:06,040
LANA:
Yes. Yes!
44
00:02:06,206 --> 00:02:08,004
Yes, yes!
Okay, Jesus, I'm not deaf.
45
00:02:08,167 --> 00:02:09,419
I'm just--
LANA: Yes!
46
00:02:09,585 --> 00:02:11,178
Going to vomit.
47
00:02:12,087 --> 00:02:13,430
I'm going to vomit.
48
00:02:13,589 --> 00:02:15,887
Not on my carpet, you're not. I--
49
00:02:16,050 --> 00:02:18,678
Oh, for God's sake, get a room.
50
00:02:19,762 --> 00:02:20,979
[LANA SIGHS]
51
00:02:21,138 --> 00:02:22,640
We did.
52
00:02:57,800 --> 00:02:58,847
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
53
00:02:59,009 --> 00:03:01,353
LANA:
Shut up, because first of all...
54
00:03:01,512 --> 00:03:04,561
...I don't have to explain myself to you,
of all people. And--
55
00:03:04,723 --> 00:03:05,849
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
56
00:03:06,016 --> 00:03:09,236
And if you blow that thing again,
the next time you hear it...
57
00:03:09,395 --> 00:03:12,239
...it'll be when some whore
is giving you a blow job.
58
00:03:12,398 --> 00:03:14,696
Hm. Doesn't even make sense.
59
00:03:14,858 --> 00:03:17,236
Ha, ha. I think she means
she'll shove it up your--
60
00:03:17,403 --> 00:03:18,495
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
61
00:03:18,654 --> 00:03:20,873
Dick hole, and where'd you get that?
62
00:03:21,031 --> 00:03:22,328
Rape-prevention class...
63
00:03:22,491 --> 00:03:25,870
...which, turns out,
is a not-good place to meet women.
64
00:03:26,036 --> 00:03:27,253
No shit.
ARCHER: Yeah.
65
00:03:27,413 --> 00:03:30,917
It's like their guard is so up, it's--
Cyril, Scotch, where?
66
00:03:31,083 --> 00:03:33,324
If you mean my grandfather's
Glengoolie Blue,
67
00:03:33,337 --> 00:03:35,589
you drank it and then
puked into my trash can.
68
00:03:35,754 --> 00:03:38,598
Oh, my God.
Lana I get, she wants to make me jealous...
69
00:03:38,757 --> 00:03:41,556
...but are you seriously just
getting me back for the Scotch?
70
00:03:41,719 --> 00:03:43,346
Do you even hear yourself?
71
00:03:43,637 --> 00:03:45,514
It honestly kind of comes and goes.
72
00:03:45,681 --> 00:03:49,276
Well, since, thanks to you, I didn't do
the former, now we're doing the latter.
73
00:03:49,435 --> 00:03:51,813
Cyril, go start the car.
Are you not going to--?
74
00:03:51,979 --> 00:03:57,201
Cyril, remember the ground rules for this?
So carefully negotiated?
75
00:03:57,359 --> 00:03:58,952
I will go start the car.
76
00:03:59,111 --> 00:04:00,579
And before you say it--
77
00:04:00,738 --> 00:04:03,366
Ha. How long has it been
since you got laid, Lana?
78
00:04:03,532 --> 00:04:05,785
That's not Why I'm dating Cyril again.
79
00:04:05,951 --> 00:04:10,081
Uh-huh. So two-J?
No. Not two years, ass.
80
00:04:10,706 --> 00:04:11,753
[LANA SIGHS]
81
00:04:11,915 --> 00:04:14,418
Fourteen months. So go ahead, laugh.
82
00:04:14,585 --> 00:04:17,259
At what? I was gonna say two weeks.
Two years is--
83
00:04:17,421 --> 00:04:21,927
Lana, that is the third saddest thing
I've heard today.
84
00:04:22,634 --> 00:04:25,808
Pam told me about a little girl
who drowned trying to save a puppy.
85
00:04:25,971 --> 00:04:28,724
Jesus. What was the second saddest?
86
00:04:28,891 --> 00:04:31,314
The puppy drowned too.
87
00:04:31,477 --> 00:04:33,320
But it's a close third.
88
00:04:33,479 --> 00:04:37,234
I mean, don't do this, Lana.
Come on, I'd be happy to bang you.
89
00:04:37,399 --> 00:04:39,401
Me and anybody who could fog a mirror.
90
00:04:39,568 --> 00:04:42,822
Well, before, maybe, but I really
think I've changed, you know...
91
00:04:42,988 --> 00:04:45,241
Handler matured.
Ha'.!
92
00:04:45,407 --> 00:04:50,163
No, I'm serious. With the cancer,
and my possible father dying and, uh-- Um--
93
00:04:50,329 --> 00:04:51,831
Oh, my God. The tinnitus.
94
00:04:51,997 --> 00:04:53,749
Archer--
Hang on, should we get that?
95
00:04:53,916 --> 00:04:55,839
Get what?
Wait, is the phone not-f?
96
00:04:56,001 --> 00:04:57,173
[PHONE NOT RINGING]
97
00:04:57,336 --> 00:04:59,680
Damn you, tinnitus,
you're a cruel mistress.
98
00:04:59,838 --> 00:05:00,885
[PHONE RINGING]
99
00:05:01,048 --> 00:05:03,346
But seriously, do you not hear that?
Yes, now.
100
00:05:03,509 --> 00:05:06,308
It's your phone.
Oh. Duh.
101
00:05:06,470 --> 00:05:09,565
Wait, please. Lana, come on. You can't
deny we're attracted to each other.
102
00:05:09,723 --> 00:05:10,770
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
103
00:05:10,933 --> 00:05:12,526
So?
So, what if all that stuff...
104
00:05:12,684 --> 00:05:14,061
...really has matured me?
105
00:05:14,228 --> 00:05:16,856
I know I'm not perfect,
but you have to admit I'm better.
106
00:05:17,022 --> 00:05:19,241
Than...'?
Than I Was.
107
00:05:19,399 --> 00:05:21,527
And also than Cyril could ever be.
108
00:05:21,693 --> 00:05:22,990
First of all, Cyril--
109
00:05:23,153 --> 00:05:28,000
Cheated on you as much as I did, Lana,
and I'm 10 times handsomer than him, so--
110
00:05:28,158 --> 00:05:31,332
They're the same.
Lana, be honest with yourself.
111
00:05:31,495 --> 00:05:33,042
It was actually about 10 times worse.
112
00:05:33,205 --> 00:05:34,457
[PHONE CONTINUES RINGING]
113
00:05:34,623 --> 00:05:37,001
What happened to your idiot voice mail?
114
00:05:37,167 --> 00:05:39,920
Oh. I'm doing this new thing
where now it just rings.
115
00:05:40,087 --> 00:05:41,680
Drives people crazy.
116
00:05:41,839 --> 00:05:45,514
Oh, my God, you have matured.
Lana, I have. Just let me prove it.
117
00:05:45,676 --> 00:05:49,601
If, in some crazy parallel universe,
I agreed to that...
118
00:05:49,763 --> 00:05:50,980
...how would you?
119
00:05:51,140 --> 00:05:53,188
By-- Jesus, hang on.
120
00:05:53,350 --> 00:05:55,728
Woodhouse might be trapped
in the dumbwaiter again.
121
00:05:55,894 --> 00:05:57,567
He was in there two days last time.
122
00:05:57,729 --> 00:06:00,403
Your apartment is one level.
How do you have a dumbwaiter?
123
00:06:00,566 --> 00:06:01,567
Goes sideways.
124
00:06:01,733 --> 00:06:03,076
Hello?
125
00:06:03,235 --> 00:06:04,703
Speaking.
126
00:06:04,862 --> 00:06:05,909
Uh-huh.
127
00:06:06,196 --> 00:06:07,698
Uh-huh.
128
00:06:08,115 --> 00:06:09,367
Uh-huh.
129
00:06:09,992 --> 00:06:12,211
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
130
00:06:12,744 --> 00:06:14,417
Okay, bye.
131
00:06:14,580 --> 00:06:15,581
Yes!
132
00:06:15,747 --> 00:06:18,125
Okay, Lana, check you later.
133
00:06:18,292 --> 00:06:21,262
What? What about all that just now?
All what just now?
134
00:06:21,420 --> 00:06:24,219
About how you've matured
and you wanna get back together.
135
00:06:24,381 --> 00:06:27,180
That's what you heard?
Wow, your ears are even worse than mine.
136
00:06:27,342 --> 00:06:28,764
[ARCHER WHISTLING]
137
00:06:28,927 --> 00:06:31,225
Wait, was that even Woodhouse?
Nope.
138
00:06:31,388 --> 00:06:32,935
Then who was it?
139
00:06:33,098 --> 00:06:34,099
[PHONE HANGS UP]
140
00:06:34,266 --> 00:06:35,392
[SOBBING]
141
00:06:35,559 --> 00:06:40,235
Yes, my dear Sterling, come for me.
142
00:06:40,814 --> 00:06:43,317
Phrasing, boom.
143
00:06:45,777 --> 00:06:47,029
[WHISTLING]
144
00:06:47,946 --> 00:06:49,869
[CAR ENGINE REVVING]
145
00:06:51,366 --> 00:06:52,959
Hey, asshole!
146
00:06:53,118 --> 00:06:54,415
[TIRES SCREECHING]
147
00:06:57,623 --> 00:06:58,966
[ARCHER CLEARS THROAT]
148
00:07:00,459 --> 00:07:01,460
Thanks.
149
00:07:01,627 --> 00:07:04,551
And, oh, my name is Cyril Figgis.
150
00:07:04,713 --> 00:07:06,886
[TIRES SCREECHING]
151
00:07:15,349 --> 00:07:18,148
[PANTING]
152
00:07:21,438 --> 00:07:22,860
[VASE SHATTERING]
153
00:07:24,524 --> 00:07:26,652
[PANTING]
154
00:07:27,027 --> 00:07:28,074
[DOORBELL RINGING]
155
00:07:28,612 --> 00:07:31,411
Hey, how's it going?
156
00:07:32,115 --> 00:07:34,584
KATYA:
Thank you. They're beautiful.
157
00:07:34,743 --> 00:07:38,589
Sorry about the chocolate, I didn't
know you were allergic or Whatever.
158
00:07:38,747 --> 00:07:39,839
The alkaloids.
159
00:07:39,998 --> 00:07:42,751
They can make a problem
with my bioelectronics.
160
00:07:42,918 --> 00:07:45,592
Oh, right. Because you have those.
161
00:07:45,754 --> 00:07:49,304
And I'm sorry if you misunderstood.
I did not call you for the romance.
162
00:07:49,466 --> 00:07:53,846
L-- Yeah. I mean, yeah. No duh.
163
00:07:54,012 --> 00:07:58,188
Besides I wouldn't be interest--
I have a girlfriend, so...
164
00:07:58,350 --> 00:08:03,197
Oh?
Yeah, an actress, of stage and screen.
165
00:08:03,355 --> 00:08:05,858
Oh. Well, I hope she makes you happy.
166
00:08:06,024 --> 00:08:08,197
Is funny, you don't ask where is Barry.
167
00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:11,739
Heh, heh.
What do you mean, "Where is Barry?" He's--
168
00:08:11,905 --> 00:08:13,873
Yeah, where is Barry?
169
00:08:14,032 --> 00:08:16,539
I-- [SOBBING]
170
00:08:16,702 --> 00:08:18,625
I don't know.
171
00:08:19,538 --> 00:08:23,918
And only one week after--
Well, you know, when I left you for him...
172
00:08:24,084 --> 00:08:26,678
...he said he must go for work to London.
173
00:08:26,837 --> 00:08:28,134
Wow, that was months ago.
174
00:08:28,297 --> 00:08:30,550
And since then, it's nothing.
175
00:08:30,716 --> 00:08:32,559
Not a word.
176
00:08:33,135 --> 00:08:36,230
What could have happened to him?
Uh...
177
00:08:36,388 --> 00:08:39,733
BARRY:
No!
178
00:08:40,017 --> 00:08:42,395
He is on space station? But why?
179
00:08:42,561 --> 00:08:46,407
Well, you know, I hate to say this,
but obviously he met someone else.
180
00:08:46,565 --> 00:08:48,238
Heh. Sterling, please.
181
00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:52,576
Yeah, that was the third dumbest thing
I've ever said.
182
00:08:52,738 --> 00:08:54,536
Wait, what were the first two?
183
00:08:54,698 --> 00:08:57,918
Buddy, you just sold a time-share.
184
00:08:58,368 --> 00:09:00,746
Make that two time-shares.
185
00:09:01,246 --> 00:09:05,217
Goddamn maintenance fees.
Sterling, will you please help me find him?
186
00:09:05,375 --> 00:09:07,753
How? That office Was, like, just a trailer.
187
00:09:07,919 --> 00:09:09,341
Barry.
Oh.
188
00:09:09,504 --> 00:09:12,599
Barry, right. Um...
Please, Sterling...
189
00:09:12,758 --> 00:09:18,310
...if you ever truly loved me,
you will help Barry to come home to me.
190
00:09:20,891 --> 00:09:22,518
Okay.
191
00:09:23,018 --> 00:09:24,770
PAM:
Okay, let me get this straight.
192
00:09:24,936 --> 00:09:27,359
You wanna help psycho cyborg
super-villain Barry...
193
00:09:27,522 --> 00:09:29,991
...who's trapped in space
like General fricking Zod...
194
00:09:30,150 --> 00:09:32,448
...get back to Earth
so she'll dump him for you?
195
00:09:32,611 --> 00:09:35,865
Right? When Barry gets back,
she'll realize what a dick he is...
196
00:09:36,031 --> 00:09:38,443
...so she'll need
somebody to talk to, so
197
00:09:38,456 --> 00:09:40,878
enter Sterling Archer,
the sensitive friend.
198
00:09:41,036 --> 00:09:42,583
What is this, Opposite World?
199
00:09:42,746 --> 00:09:43,793
Yeah, right?
200
00:09:43,955 --> 00:09:45,127
[CHERYL GASPS]
201
00:09:45,290 --> 00:09:47,964
Oh, for-- This is not Opposite World.
202
00:09:48,126 --> 00:09:49,753
I think in her mind that means--
203
00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:52,139
God, okay. This is Opposite World.
204
00:09:52,297 --> 00:09:53,298
[CHERYL SIGHS]
205
00:09:53,465 --> 00:09:57,936
Okay, and since certain people around here
may not see how brilliant my plan is...
206
00:09:58,095 --> 00:09:59,972
...they're gonna need to be--
PAM: Convinced?
207
00:10:00,138 --> 00:10:02,391
I'm sorry, did you say "incapacitated"?
208
00:10:02,557 --> 00:10:05,811
Because, Krieger, I can't have the--
Responsible people?
209
00:10:05,977 --> 00:10:10,107
--"Naysayers" walk in on you
while you're helping Barry build a rocket.
210
00:10:10,273 --> 00:10:12,401
Barry the unstoppable psycho cyborg.
211
00:10:12,567 --> 00:10:15,992
He's not unstoppable anymore.
Ray's got bionic legs.
212
00:10:16,154 --> 00:10:17,201
[GASPS]
213
00:10:17,364 --> 00:10:19,463
But if you don't
wanna see two robots
214
00:10:19,476 --> 00:10:21,585
smashing each other with
cop cars and shit...
215
00:10:21,743 --> 00:10:24,667
...as they fight to the death
through the streets of Manhattan--
216
00:10:24,830 --> 00:10:27,208
Bap-bap-bap. Stop.
217
00:10:27,374 --> 00:10:29,627
My penis can only get so erect.
218
00:10:29,793 --> 00:10:30,840
HOLOGRAM:
Hm.
219
00:10:31,002 --> 00:10:32,049
[SPEAKS IN JAPAN ESE]
220
00:10:32,212 --> 00:10:34,840
I was tired.
ARCHER: Ew.
221
00:10:35,006 --> 00:10:38,806
[ARCHER WHISTLING]
222
00:10:42,180 --> 00:10:43,477
ARCHER:
Cyril?
223
00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:46,189
CYRIL: What? Oh!
ARCHER: Heh, heh, heh.
224
00:10:46,351 --> 00:10:47,853
L-Hey-
225
00:10:49,312 --> 00:10:50,359
Ray?
226
00:10:50,522 --> 00:10:51,523
[RAY SIGHS]
227
00:10:51,690 --> 00:10:53,158
RAY:
What? Unh!
228
00:10:53,316 --> 00:10:55,535
ARCHER:
Seriously, how is that even a genre?
229
00:10:55,694 --> 00:10:57,446
And is this just jackoff central?
230
00:10:57,612 --> 00:11:00,035
PAM: Ugh! Not with all this damn racket.
ARCHER: What--?
231
00:11:00,198 --> 00:11:03,919
Why aren't you in position?
PAM: I am, this is how I do it.
232
00:11:04,077 --> 00:11:06,045
Ew. I meant with Mother.
233
00:11:06,204 --> 00:11:08,002
PAM:
Oh. I put Cheryl on that.
234
00:11:08,165 --> 00:11:10,543
Great, Miss Opposite World.
235
00:11:10,709 --> 00:11:13,178
You heard me, do not go in there.
236
00:11:13,336 --> 00:11:14,963
Why? What are you hiding this time?
237
00:11:15,130 --> 00:11:18,134
Probably another one
of her so-called mystery fires.
238
00:11:18,300 --> 00:11:20,052
Lana, I said no.
239
00:11:22,971 --> 00:11:26,066
Okay, so where's the-J?
240
00:11:26,224 --> 00:11:29,068
Fire.
Ugh.
241
00:11:29,227 --> 00:11:30,604
[SQUEALS]
242
00:11:30,770 --> 00:11:33,068
Worst day ever!
243
00:11:33,231 --> 00:11:34,983
Okay, status report. Mother in there?
244
00:11:35,150 --> 00:11:37,653
No.
MALORY: Carol, open this damn door.
245
00:11:38,069 --> 00:11:39,571
Okay, now I just need to find--
246
00:11:39,738 --> 00:11:40,739
[POUNDING ON DOOR]
247
00:11:40,906 --> 00:11:42,078
LANA: Cheryl.
And neither is Lana.
248
00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:44,663
Nice. Hey, excellent job, seriously.
249
00:11:44,826 --> 00:11:47,830
Ow! I mean, totally shit job?
LANA: Cheryl.
250
00:11:47,996 --> 00:11:51,591
Thank you.
So when I said this is Opposite World--
251
00:11:51,750 --> 00:11:55,596
Pam, the important thing is that I'm happy.
Try not to overthink it.
252
00:11:55,754 --> 00:11:56,846
[POUNDING ON DOOR]
253
00:11:57,005 --> 00:11:59,929
I wanna help you finish your new spaceship.
Why is that weird?
254
00:12:00,091 --> 00:12:02,685
"Why is that weird?"
Because my sworn purpose in life...
255
00:12:02,844 --> 00:12:07,315
...is to murder your little buddy Archer?
Archer? No way, man. I hate that guy.
256
00:12:07,474 --> 00:12:08,600
Since when?
257
00:12:08,767 --> 00:12:11,316
Since, um, he slept with my girlfriend.
258
00:12:11,478 --> 00:12:13,355
[HOLOGRAM SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
259
00:12:13,522 --> 00:12:14,569
Keep it UP-
260
00:12:14,731 --> 00:12:16,779
God, that is just classic Archer.
Right?
261
00:12:16,942 --> 00:12:19,741
I mean, not a huge surprise
from a self-centered alcoholic...
262
00:12:19,903 --> 00:12:22,452
...who's compelled
to sleep with every woman he meets...
263
00:12:22,614 --> 00:12:24,354
...because that's the
only way to fill the
264
00:12:24,367 --> 00:12:26,118
emptiness where his
mother's love should-- Ow!
265
00:12:26,284 --> 00:12:27,456
Do What?
266
00:12:27,619 --> 00:12:28,962
One sec?
267
00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:31,623
What the shit?
What? You said be convincing.
268
00:12:31,790 --> 00:12:34,589
Convincing, not deliberately hurtful.
Well?
269
00:12:34,751 --> 00:12:36,503
Yo, asshole. What are we doing here?
270
00:12:36,670 --> 00:12:38,297
Fixing that spaceship, buddy.
271
00:12:38,463 --> 00:12:40,557
Looks like it's just about done, huh?
272
00:12:40,715 --> 00:12:44,140
Yeah, those scientists
were pretty resourceful...
273
00:12:44,302 --> 00:12:45,804
...till they all died.
274
00:12:45,971 --> 00:12:49,145
And how did they, uh, all die?
275
00:12:49,307 --> 00:12:53,778
Ah, heh, different ways.
Okay.
276
00:12:53,937 --> 00:12:58,738
Swift and severe.
The punishment will be swift and severe.
277
00:12:58,900 --> 00:13:02,154
I mean it, Lana, that girl is out of here.
278
00:13:02,529 --> 00:13:05,829
And right when she was gonna invest
$10 million in ISIS.
279
00:13:05,991 --> 00:13:10,337
She said that? Oh, my God,
that phony prospectus must have worked.
280
00:13:10,495 --> 00:13:14,170
Do you think the money's in here?
Come on, help me look in these boxes.
281
00:13:14,332 --> 00:13:16,175
Malory.
What?!
282
00:13:16,334 --> 00:13:18,837
Oh. Damn it.
283
00:13:19,004 --> 00:13:22,554
So, yeah. Krieger's helping Barry
finish his rocket ship.
284
00:13:22,716 --> 00:13:26,516
And when he gets home,
he can tell you about the other woman.
285
00:13:26,678 --> 00:13:28,680
What?
Wait, how'd we get to another woman?
286
00:13:28,847 --> 00:13:31,145
Oh, my God. Do you have proof of this'?
287
00:13:31,308 --> 00:13:34,187
No, I can probably get some.
288
00:13:34,352 --> 00:13:35,353
Sterling.
289
00:13:35,812 --> 00:13:38,031
If Barry really is cheating on me...
290
00:13:38,189 --> 00:13:40,533
And also if I can prove it somehow.
291
00:13:40,692 --> 00:13:42,114
...then he will be dead to me.
292
00:13:42,277 --> 00:13:45,156
Because I will kill him with my bare hands.
293
00:13:45,322 --> 00:13:46,369
[SOBBING]
294
00:13:46,531 --> 00:13:50,752
Yeah, or not, since there's no reason
for him to come home at all.
295
00:13:51,369 --> 00:13:53,246
What's that?
Nothing. What?
296
00:13:53,413 --> 00:13:55,415
Oh, you mean that?
297
00:13:55,582 --> 00:13:59,132
Sorry, that's just a sympathy boner.
298
00:14:02,380 --> 00:14:03,552
[WHISTLING]
299
00:14:03,715 --> 00:14:05,388
[TIRES SCREECHING]
300
00:14:05,592 --> 00:14:08,186
MAN: Ah!
ARCHER: Ha, ha, ha! Whoo!
301
00:14:08,345 --> 00:14:10,689
Cyril Figgis strikes again!
302
00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:16,732
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
303
00:14:18,730 --> 00:14:20,903
Status report.
Terrible.
304
00:14:21,066 --> 00:14:23,239
Wh--? Wait, what happ--? Goddamn it.
305
00:14:23,401 --> 00:14:25,324
What? Dude, assimilate.
306
00:14:25,487 --> 00:14:27,615
Are Mother and Lana still in the vault?
307
00:14:27,781 --> 00:14:29,783
No.
I-- Ugh!
308
00:14:30,241 --> 00:14:33,711
A situation, by the way,
for which I blame you entirely.
309
00:14:33,870 --> 00:14:36,749
How is this my fault? You were the--
310
00:14:36,915 --> 00:14:39,919
Holy shit, there really are
nerve-gas canisters up here.
311
00:14:40,085 --> 00:14:41,382
I thought that was a joke.
312
00:14:41,544 --> 00:14:42,841
How is that funny?
313
00:14:43,004 --> 00:14:44,597
ARCHER".
Because I said so.
314
00:14:44,756 --> 00:14:47,635
What's this even written on?
A bar bill, and just do it.
315
00:14:47,801 --> 00:14:49,929
Forget about actually fixing the rocket.
316
00:14:50,095 --> 00:14:51,972
But what about the robot fight?
317
00:14:52,138 --> 00:14:54,266
And why are you beating on shit?
318
00:14:54,432 --> 00:14:55,934
Because shit is stuck.
319
00:14:56,101 --> 00:14:58,274
Dude, it's not a fricking tractor.
320
00:14:58,436 --> 00:15:00,859
That's what all the space nerds up here
kept saying.
321
00:15:01,022 --> 00:15:03,445
Until Other Barry just couldn't
stand it anymore.
322
00:15:03,608 --> 00:15:04,609
Krieger.
323
00:15:04,776 --> 00:15:07,450
Forget the robot fight
and just read the damn script.
324
00:15:07,612 --> 00:15:09,455
Then upload the audio to the mainframe.
325
00:15:10,031 --> 00:15:15,003
Okay, either Barry. I need you to find
a female coax bus connector.
326
00:15:15,161 --> 00:15:17,960
What's a female Whatever look like?
327
00:15:18,373 --> 00:15:19,420
Pam.
328
00:15:19,582 --> 00:15:20,799
Par�!
329
00:15:20,959 --> 00:15:22,506
Pam!
What?!
330
00:15:22,669 --> 00:15:24,216
Come on, I need your help on--
331
00:15:24,379 --> 00:15:28,009
Wait, What were you doing in there?
Nothing. But don't go in there.
332
00:15:28,174 --> 00:15:29,517
No. Uh-uh.
333
00:15:29,676 --> 00:15:32,805
That's how Mother and Lana wound up
locked in the vault.
334
00:15:32,971 --> 00:15:35,690
A situation, by the way, for which--
I heard you!
335
00:15:35,849 --> 00:15:39,069
Come on. You're still into all
that stupid AV stuff, right?
336
00:15:39,227 --> 00:15:42,606
Uh... Not really.
337
00:15:42,772 --> 00:15:45,241
Okay, so screw those in.
338
00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:48,153
Wait, all of them?
Damn it, man, I said screw.
339
00:15:48,319 --> 00:15:50,071
I am screwing.
340
00:15:50,238 --> 00:15:51,660
Wow, this might actually work.
341
00:15:51,823 --> 00:15:52,824
PAM:
What's that?
342
00:15:52,991 --> 00:15:55,665
I said, why not use this one?
No. Give me that.
343
00:15:55,827 --> 00:15:59,001
Why? What's on here?
Nothing. Jesus.
344
00:15:59,164 --> 00:16:00,507
CYRIL:
Christ, Ray.
345
00:16:00,665 --> 00:16:02,713
Is it too much to ask? Just once?
346
00:16:02,876 --> 00:16:06,506
To be unconscious in a bathroom
without being sexually assaulted by--?
347
00:16:06,671 --> 00:16:10,301
You have a dart in your neck.
348
00:16:10,467 --> 00:16:12,469
So do you.
Oh.
349
00:16:12,802 --> 00:16:15,476
Sorry I accused you of--
It's okay.
350
00:16:15,638 --> 00:16:18,729
Come on, let's find
our-- [SPLASH]
351
00:16:20,477 --> 00:16:23,196
CYRIL: No!
RAY: No!
352
00:16:23,354 --> 00:16:26,198
Heh, heh, heh. Yes.
Ha, ha, ha. Ow!
353
00:16:26,357 --> 00:16:30,112
Will you focus?
That's as good as I can get it, dick-nuts.
354
00:16:30,278 --> 00:16:34,249
Shut up. Okay, then that'll have to do.
So make a tape or whatever, and--
355
00:16:34,407 --> 00:16:39,038
So just a quick heads-up. Miss Archer
and Lana are still in the vault.
356
00:16:39,412 --> 00:16:41,164
Then why are you bothering--?
LANA: Cheryl!
357
00:16:41,331 --> 00:16:42,378
[GIGGLES EXCITEDLY]
358
00:16:42,624 --> 00:16:45,377
MALORY:
Pam, you better not be making pornos.
359
00:16:45,543 --> 00:16:47,090
Okay.
Tape, woman, tape.
360
00:16:47,253 --> 00:16:50,382
Okay, here. Dick-nuts.
361
00:16:50,673 --> 00:16:52,971
[TIRES SCREECHING]
362
00:16:55,678 --> 00:16:56,725
[VASE SHATTERING]
363
00:16:56,888 --> 00:16:58,060
[PANTING]
364
00:16:58,223 --> 00:16:59,566
[DOORBELL RINGING]
365
00:17:00,058 --> 00:17:02,231
I'm afraid I have some bad news.
366
00:17:02,393 --> 00:17:04,395
Now, the audio's a little rough, you know.
367
00:17:04,562 --> 00:17:08,408
I mean, it's from outer space, but--
Sterling, please, I want to hear it.
368
00:17:08,566 --> 00:17:10,409
Well, Katya, you say that...
369
00:17:10,777 --> 00:17:13,405
ARCHER [ON TAPE]:
Barry? Barry, it's me, Archer.
370
00:17:13,571 --> 00:17:15,244
That's me talking to Barry.
Shh.
371
00:17:15,406 --> 00:17:17,454
BARRY: Classic Archer.
That's Barry, talking to--
372
00:17:17,617 --> 00:17:20,746
Shh. ARCHER: So listen,
Katya asked me to call you.
373
00:17:20,912 --> 00:17:23,756
BARRY: Shit.
She's wondering why you left.
374
00:17:23,915 --> 00:17:25,758
BARRY".
Because couldn't stand it anymore.
375
00:17:26,167 --> 00:17:29,797
ARCHER: So you lied to her about being
on the space station because-?
376
00:17:29,963 --> 00:17:32,432
BARRY".
Archer. I am screwing...
377
00:17:32,590 --> 00:17:35,059
...female scientists up here. All of them.
378
00:17:35,426 --> 00:17:38,930
ARCHER". Oh, I was gonna ask which
one, but-- All of them. All of them.
379
00:17:39,097 --> 00:17:40,895
All of-
Okay, Barry, --
380
00:17:41,057 --> 00:17:43,856
BARRY".
Different ways. Like� In asshole.
381
00:17:44,018 --> 00:17:45,065
[GASPS]
382
00:17:45,228 --> 00:17:46,946
ARCHER:
Okay, Barry. Jesus, have some--
383
00:17:47,939 --> 00:17:49,407
[SOBBING]
384
00:17:49,566 --> 00:17:52,194
Katya, baby, don't. Come on, you'll--
385
00:17:52,360 --> 00:17:56,991
Wait, does that even hurt your hands?
The only thing that hurts is my heart.
386
00:17:57,156 --> 00:18:01,957
And when Barry gets back, his heart
will hurt because I will rip it out.
387
00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:04,589
What if Barry wasn't coming back?
388
00:18:04,747 --> 00:18:06,966
But you said Krieger was fixing rocket.
389
00:18:07,125 --> 00:18:11,426
Yeah, but only because he wanted to see
an epic robot-- Oh, shit.
390
00:18:11,588 --> 00:18:14,091
Will you excuse me for a sec?
391
00:18:14,257 --> 00:18:16,134
[TIRES SCREECHING]
392
00:18:16,301 --> 00:18:18,474
No, no, no!
393
00:18:18,636 --> 00:18:20,934
Yeah. I think that's got her, dude.
394
00:18:21,097 --> 00:18:23,145
Told you it was the viscous coupling.
395
00:18:23,308 --> 00:18:24,810
Well, goody, you win space camp.
396
00:18:24,976 --> 00:18:29,447
So tel! Archer I'm coming for him.
Phrasing, boom, and both Barrys out.
397
00:18:29,606 --> 00:18:30,823
ARCHER:
Krieger!
398
00:18:30,982 --> 00:18:34,327
Why is Barry rocket-shipping away
from the fricking space station?
399
00:18:34,485 --> 00:18:36,988
Because Newton's third law of motion.
400
00:18:37,155 --> 00:18:39,954
Hey, thanks, Neil deGrasse Tyson.
401
00:18:40,116 --> 00:18:43,165
Ooh. DeGrasse Tyson-sen.
402
00:18:43,328 --> 00:18:46,423
How the hell did you fix his ship?
I gave you a bunch of gibberish.
403
00:18:46,581 --> 00:18:49,175
I may have gone a teeny bit off-script'?
404
00:18:49,334 --> 00:18:51,507
Wha--? What is Wrong with you'?
405
00:18:51,669 --> 00:18:53,922
With me? Dude, robot fight.
406
00:18:54,088 --> 00:18:57,137
Oh, and Barry said tell you he's--
I heard him.
407
00:18:57,300 --> 00:19:00,770
Okay, I'll tell Katya to pack a bag
and we'll move to Alaska...
408
00:19:00,929 --> 00:19:03,853
...or somewhere else snowy
where he can't track us.
409
00:19:04,015 --> 00:19:05,187
Doesn't even make sense.
410
00:19:05,350 --> 00:19:07,068
You know what doesn't make sense?
411
00:19:07,226 --> 00:19:09,649
RECORDING: The number you have dialed
has been disconnected...
412
00:19:09,812 --> 00:19:13,066
ARCHER: No!
...or is no longer in service. Goodbye.
413
00:19:13,358 --> 00:19:15,656
[PHONE RINGING]
414
00:19:16,027 --> 00:19:18,701
Hey Pumpkin pie.
415
00:19:18,863 --> 00:19:22,663
KATYA: Yeah, don't give me your pie of
pumpkin, Barry. You are in the big trouble.
416
00:19:22,825 --> 00:19:23,872
I told you.
417
00:19:24,035 --> 00:19:26,288
I said don't try to kill Sterling,
and what do you do?
418
00:19:26,454 --> 00:19:28,001
Uh, that.
419
00:19:28,164 --> 00:19:29,757
Da, but I do what you ask me.
420
00:19:29,916 --> 00:19:33,386
To repair your rocket, I use Sterling,
and once again break his heart, so--
421
00:19:33,544 --> 00:19:35,091
Archer'? Ha. Please.
422
00:19:35,254 --> 00:19:39,100
No, you please, he loves me.
You should have heard that pathetic tape.
423
00:19:39,258 --> 00:19:41,056
Well, whatever, look--
No, you look.
424
00:19:41,219 --> 00:19:43,938
When you get home, you're going
to have some new ground rules.
425
00:19:44,097 --> 00:19:48,318
Ha, ha, ha. Okay, hon.
Look, I'm sorry I lied...
426
00:19:48,476 --> 00:19:51,730
...but, uh' I make the rules.
427
00:19:51,896 --> 00:19:55,116
I mean. heh, heh,
I am the head of the KGB, so--
428
00:19:55,274 --> 00:19:58,073
Hello? Darling, you're breaking up.
429
00:19:59,946 --> 00:20:01,289
[SIGHS]
430
00:20:01,906 --> 00:20:05,376
Now, who do I have to screw
to get a drink around here?
431
00:20:05,535 --> 00:20:09,165
Nobody, rna'am. Unless you want.
432
00:20:10,748 --> 00:20:14,548
And if you do want, I can be bottom.
433
00:20:14,711 --> 00:20:16,805
No problem there.
434
00:20:16,855 --> 00:20:21,405
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