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1
00:00:02,127 --> 00:00:04,087
[THUNDER CRASHES]
2
00:00:05,381 --> 00:00:08,049
[CLOCK TICKING]
3
00:00:17,685 --> 00:00:19,060
[DOOR OPENS THEN MALORY GASPS]
4
00:00:19,228 --> 00:00:20,103
[CREAKS]
5
00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:21,604
ARCHER:
WD-40, Mother.
6
00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:23,231
Oh.
ARCHER: Costs, like, a nickel.
7
00:00:23,399 --> 00:00:27,694
Or maybe, Mother, you could swallow
your pride and just apologize to your super.
8
00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:31,447
Oh, and to me, for ruining my Friday night,
which is now being spent here.
9
00:00:31,615 --> 00:00:33,366
So, what, why the frantic phone call?
10
00:00:34,660 --> 00:00:37,787
LANA:
Hello? Malory? Why did you call us?
11
00:00:37,955 --> 00:00:39,414
Because if it was... Oh.
12
00:00:39,581 --> 00:00:40,623
[THUNDER CRASHING]
13
00:00:40,791 --> 00:00:44,919
I'm gonna go out on a limb
and assume it had something to do with that.
14
00:00:45,087 --> 00:00:47,630
It's not what it looks like.
ARCHER: Well, that's a relief.
15
00:00:47,798 --> 00:00:51,300
Because, uh, it looks like
you're sitting here with a gun, right?
16
00:00:51,468 --> 00:00:54,053
And over there, strapped to a chair
and shot to death...
17
00:00:54,221 --> 00:00:56,973
...is a guy in a full-body latex catsuit.
18
00:00:57,141 --> 00:00:59,559
Or am I misreading the situation?
19
00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:02,645
Well, technically, it's a zentai.
What?
20
00:01:02,813 --> 00:01:07,400
A zentai covers the face and head.
I think a catsuit just stops here.
21
00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:09,152
Give me that.
22
00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:10,486
I didn't shoot him.
23
00:01:10,654 --> 00:01:13,531
You're saying the fact that your gun
has recently been fired is...
24
00:01:13,699 --> 00:01:17,160
Is unrelated to the dead guy over there
who's chock-full of bullets.
25
00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:19,662
Well, obviously they're related.
26
00:01:19,830 --> 00:01:23,332
Yeah, do that, take that tone.
But I swear, I didn't shoot him.
27
00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:27,420
Oh, okay. So I guess he walks in here
already shot, obviously panicking...
28
00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:29,839
...so you restrain him
with these leather cuffs...
29
00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:33,509
...then to keep pressure on the wounds,
you greased him up, squeezed him into this...
30
00:01:33,677 --> 00:01:36,763
Zentai. And of course not, you ass.
31
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,973
Someone broke in here and shot him.
32
00:01:39,141 --> 00:01:40,308
Okay, Malory?
33
00:01:40,476 --> 00:01:43,686
Well, unless it was
the creepy-old-people-bondage-sex police...
34
00:01:43,854 --> 00:01:46,647
...why would anyone break in here
and shoot him?
35
00:01:48,859 --> 00:01:50,359
No answer? Okay, let's ask him.
36
00:01:50,527 --> 00:01:51,527
[ARCHER UNZIPS ZENTAl]
37
00:01:51,695 --> 00:01:53,529
Holy shit.
38
00:01:53,864 --> 00:01:56,866
MALORY:
Because he's Savio Mascalzone.
39
00:01:57,034 --> 00:01:58,075
Um...
Oh, for...
40
00:01:58,243 --> 00:02:00,369
The prime minister of Italy.
The what?
41
00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:01,996
Wait, doesn't Italy use a king?
42
00:02:02,164 --> 00:02:03,956
Wha...? No, they don't use a king.
43
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:05,833
What year do you think this is?
44
00:02:06,001 --> 00:02:09,128
I, uh... Yeah, exactly. Good question.
45
00:02:09,296 --> 00:02:10,838
And, uh, speaking of questions...
46
00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:13,424
No, no, no, don't.
Don't go back there, Sterling.
47
00:02:13,592 --> 00:02:16,385
ARCHER:
I have a question, Mother.
48
00:02:16,553 --> 00:02:19,514
Why does this chair have no seat?
49
00:02:19,681 --> 00:02:21,432
And what...
50
00:02:21,934 --> 00:02:23,559
...is in his ass?
51
00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:24,977
[INHALES DEEPLY]
52
00:02:27,773 --> 00:02:29,148
[EXHALES]
53
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:08,771
ARCHER: Mother, what is in this man's ass?
MALORY: Oh, please.
54
00:03:08,939 --> 00:03:12,400
Don't act like you've never seen
a marital aid before.
55
00:03:12,568 --> 00:03:14,527
Not in a dead prime minister's ass.
56
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:18,406
And you don't have to keep repeating it.
We've established where it is.
57
00:03:18,574 --> 00:03:20,575
Yeah, so you wanna move on to why?
58
00:03:20,742 --> 00:03:23,327
Wait, not why that. Why he's here.
59
00:03:23,495 --> 00:03:24,537
[SIGHS]
60
00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:27,623
Savio and I met after the war
when I was in Italy with Gladio.
61
00:03:27,791 --> 00:03:29,166
Who's that, his brother?
62
00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:30,877
No, it...
Ew!
63
00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:32,295
Are you finished?
64
00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:33,588
Hang on.
65
00:03:33,755 --> 00:03:35,464
Ew. Now I'm done.
66
00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:38,926
Operation Gladio.
It was a NATO stay-behind mission...
67
00:03:39,094 --> 00:03:42,972
...set up to counter a possible
Soviet invasion of Western Europe.
68
00:03:43,140 --> 00:03:47,518
But then it sort of turned into this whole
weird cryptofascist CIA shit show...
69
00:03:47,686 --> 00:03:50,563
...starring Allen Dulles
and a bunch of former Nazis.
70
00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,481
Thanks, Holly Hindsight.
71
00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:55,651
Anyway, Savio was in Italian intelligence...
72
00:03:55,819 --> 00:03:56,861
Rimshot.
Shut up.
73
00:03:57,029 --> 00:03:58,905
- And we were working
all these late nights.
74
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:02,158
There was a mutual attraction,
one thing led to another...
75
00:04:02,326 --> 00:04:03,409
Mm, please skip ahead.
76
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:05,578
Then he got married and went into politics.
77
00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:08,164
But ever since then, once a year,
he'd slip away...
78
00:04:08,332 --> 00:04:10,833
...and we'd spend
a romantic weekend together.
79
00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:15,004
Well, you definitely nailed it.
I mean, if this doesn't just scream "romance."
80
00:04:15,172 --> 00:04:16,339
Archer.
What, Lana?
81
00:04:16,506 --> 00:04:19,675
What's more romantic
than a dildo-party-slash-murder?
82
00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:23,346
A murder I'm trying to get a handle on,
so could you shut up a second?
83
00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:25,097
And he wasn't always into that.
84
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,266
You mean vice versa?
Shut up.
85
00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:32,521
As he grew older, Savio's tastes
became more and more exotic.
86
00:04:32,689 --> 00:04:37,777
And so he started introducing all these
accoutrements very gradually.
87
00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:39,278
He'd have to. Thing's huge.
88
00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:40,488
Ow! Ow!
89
00:04:40,656 --> 00:04:42,448
Okay. Okay. I... Okay.
90
00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:45,201
God, your hands are like cricket bats.
Shut up.
91
00:04:45,369 --> 00:04:47,662
What happened?
Can you walk us through the crime?
92
00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:52,041
Just the crime of murder, not the crime
of sodomy-by-rubber-eggplant. Oh!
93
00:04:52,209 --> 00:04:54,710
Savio was in town
to give a speech at the U.N.
94
00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:56,337
We'd made plans to meet here...
95
00:04:56,505 --> 00:05:00,383
...so he gave his handlers the slip
and arrived here at about 7.
96
00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:04,053
We caught up over a glass or two
of champagne.
97
00:05:04,221 --> 00:05:08,891
Then I freshened up
while Savio got changed and situated.
98
00:05:09,059 --> 00:05:13,396
ARCHER: So he put the, uh? In his own...?
MALORY: Yes. Hush.
99
00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:15,231
I came out of the bedroom...
100
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:18,859
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
101
00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:23,447
MALORY: I crossed over to the chair
and tightened his last restraint.
102
00:05:23,615 --> 00:05:24,824
Aah!
103
00:05:24,992 --> 00:05:27,326
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
104
00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:29,870
MALORY: Then I went to refill my champagne.
Ah.
105
00:05:30,038 --> 00:05:32,248
MALORY: Savio loved to be kept waiting.
Mm. Ah.
106
00:05:32,416 --> 00:05:35,376
MALORY:
And then, bang, in burst three men.
107
00:05:35,877 --> 00:05:37,920
[MALORY GRUNTS
THEN SAVIO SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]
108
00:05:38,755 --> 00:05:39,797
Savio!
109
00:05:39,965 --> 00:05:41,590
[MAN SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
110
00:05:42,634 --> 00:05:45,886
Wait, whoa, whoa, back up.
Why did you have a gun?
111
00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:51,600
Hm? Oh, well, Savio liked it to seem
a little dangerous. You know?
112
00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:54,562
No, Mother, I don't.
Jesus, what else was on tonight's menu?
113
00:05:54,730 --> 00:05:56,605
Sex under a hive of Africanized bees?
114
00:05:56,773 --> 00:05:57,940
Archer.
115
00:05:58,108 --> 00:05:59,942
So you fired three times...
116
00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:02,069
MALORY:
And missed.
117
00:06:02,237 --> 00:06:03,904
Can you believe it?
ARCHER: No.
118
00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:06,449
Oh, sorry, was that rhetorical?
119
00:06:06,616 --> 00:06:09,618
Lawyer up, call the cops.
What?
120
00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:11,162
Hit the throttle on the bourbon...
121
00:06:11,329 --> 00:06:14,290
...because I'm gonna have to, uh, heh,
bust you in the face a couple times.
122
00:06:14,458 --> 00:06:18,252
What are you talking about?
Self-defense. It's your only shot.
123
00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:21,130
We gotta uncuff him
and de-dildo him, obviously.
124
00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:24,467
We'll smash the furniture
like he was chasing you around all rape-y.
125
00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:27,553
Fortunately, he's Italian,
so that shouldn't be hard to sell.
126
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,263
I didn't shoot him.
127
00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:32,475
On purpose. Exactly. The gun just went off.
128
00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:35,227
You probably wanna play that
a lot softer with a jury.
129
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,855
A jury? When you don't believe me?
130
00:06:38,023 --> 00:06:40,691
Mother, come on.
I mean, I want to believe you, but...
131
00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:43,736
But those bullet holes don't prove
anyone else was here.
132
00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:45,988
Well, maybe those don't.
133
00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:47,156
[GUNSHOTS]
134
00:06:47,324 --> 00:06:48,657
[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]
135
00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:49,909
Unh!
What?
136
00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:51,744
Malory, you got shot.
137
00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:53,662
Yes, I know dear, I was there.
138
00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:57,500
Let me see. Take off your coat.
No. I'm fine, it's just a through-and-through.
139
00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:59,794
Mother.
What? I put Bactine on it.
140
00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:01,003
Mother.
Sterling.
141
00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:04,673
The Italian prime minister
was just assassinated in my apartment.
142
00:07:04,841 --> 00:07:06,884
And so I think an apology is in order.
143
00:07:07,052 --> 00:07:09,678
Thank you.
I mean, I know it's hard for you.
144
00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:12,139
You two owe me an apology.
145
00:07:12,307 --> 00:07:13,974
For what?
Not believing me.
146
00:07:14,142 --> 00:07:19,021
How about for you dragging us
into your S&M dildo-sex-murder freak show?
147
00:07:19,648 --> 00:07:20,898
Look.
You look.
148
00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:24,360
I bet I'll never be able to have sex again
without thinking about this.
149
00:07:24,528 --> 00:07:27,196
I bet I won't even be able to eat
spaghetti and meatballs.
150
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:29,031
Oh, God.
BOTH: What?
151
00:07:29,199 --> 00:07:30,199
I could eat.
152
00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:33,077
I mean, not necessarily
spaghetti and meatballs...
153
00:07:33,245 --> 00:07:36,705
...but, you know, not necessarily
not spaghetti and meatballs.
154
00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:39,041
I mean, I really like spaghetti and meatballs.
155
00:07:39,251 --> 00:07:42,503
Man, if I don't get some spaghetti
and meatballs, I may literally die.
156
00:07:45,549 --> 00:07:46,549
[CLATTERING]
157
00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:48,884
LANA: Oh, and thanks so much.
ARCHER: You're welcome.
158
00:07:49,052 --> 00:07:52,012
Wait till you try it,
because I'm just kind of winging it here.
159
00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:53,806
I meant for dragging me into this.
160
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:55,015
Still, you're welcome.
161
00:07:55,183 --> 00:07:58,644
So we've got a dead Italian prime minister
in the living room, which...
162
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,563
ARCHER:
Sucks. Bet he knew how to make sauce.
163
00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:02,690
Which will be hard to explain.
164
00:08:02,858 --> 00:08:05,985
Given the circumstances
leading up to his death, which were...
165
00:08:06,194 --> 00:08:07,736
Dildo-y.
Unseemly.
166
00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:09,446
Eh. Potato, po-dildo.
167
00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:10,739
[SIGHS]
168
00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:14,451
So plausible deniability
isn't a super-realistic goal here.
169
00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:16,078
We need to sneak the body out.
170
00:08:16,246 --> 00:08:19,665
Sure, we'll just walk a dead body
right out the front door. Idiot.
171
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,709
What then? Burn the apartment down?
172
00:08:21,877 --> 00:08:24,003
We're not burning down my apartment.
173
00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:26,672
You sure?
Shut up. I hit broil instead of bake.
174
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:30,342
Well, blood loss can make you stupid.
Can I please look at your wound?
175
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:34,096
No. Nor can you burn down my apartment,
so think of something else.
176
00:08:34,264 --> 00:08:35,848
[IMITATING WOODHOUSE]
I shall fetch a rug.
177
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,558
Something "else" else.
178
00:08:37,726 --> 00:08:39,685
You're not rolling him up in one of my rugs.
179
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:40,895
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Why not?
180
00:08:41,062 --> 00:08:42,104
Because then what?
181
00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:45,274
We get some coveralls
and a carpet-cleaning van...
182
00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:47,276
...and just walk him
right out the front door.
183
00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:51,197
You just called me an idiot for that.
Your version didn't have coveralls.
184
00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:53,949
Could we go out through the basement?
185
00:08:54,117 --> 00:08:57,620
No. We'd have to go past the super's
apartment, and his door is always open.
186
00:08:57,787 --> 00:09:01,040
I assume to let the stink of cabbage
waft through the halls, but...
187
00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:03,876
So you think he'd be a problem?
God, yes.
188
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,962
We're not on the best of terms.
189
00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:11,300
Well, ma'am, it's just, at Christmas, the tenants
usually give me a small consideration...
190
00:09:11,468 --> 00:09:13,928
...for the work I do all year
keeping up the building.
191
00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:15,429
We surely count on it, ma'am.
192
00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:18,974
Especially this year, as we had more
than the usual medical bills.
193
00:09:19,142 --> 00:09:22,645
Your point being?
Well, it's just that, for the third year running...
194
00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:23,979
...you give me a potato.
195
00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:25,189
Oh, dear.
196
00:09:25,357 --> 00:09:29,235
So once again you're faced
with the classic Irishman's dilemma:
197
00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:34,365
Do I eat the potato now or let it ferment
so I can drink it later?
198
00:09:34,532 --> 00:09:35,741
[COUGHING]
199
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:38,619
Will I get the operation now, Da?
No, son.
200
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:41,288
You're gonna die.
201
00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:43,165
What is your problem with the Irish?
202
00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:46,252
You mean besides not being on our side
in World War II?
203
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:47,836
Yeah, besides that.
204
00:09:48,004 --> 00:09:50,589
Wait, seriously? They were Nazis?
No.
205
00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:52,341
They're not Japanese.
Neutral.
206
00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:55,177
Now, since I don't wanna be
an accessory after the fact...
207
00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:58,764
...how's about we figure out a way
to get that body out of the apartment?
208
00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,849
Where did we land on the coveralls thing?
209
00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:03,811
I don't know where we'd get coveralls
this time of night, so...
210
00:10:03,979 --> 00:10:09,191
So if we can't get the body
out of here in one piece...
211
00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:10,651
Nope.
What?
212
00:10:10,819 --> 00:10:12,861
Lana, it's the only way.
What is?
213
00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:15,864
No. Malory, I've done some
messed-up shit working for you...
214
00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:18,993
...but I am not, repeat not,
chopping up a dead body.
215
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:20,494
Oh. Ew, Mother.
216
00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:23,205
What? My God, do you want me
to get the electric chair?
217
00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:25,541
For a murder you both know
I didn't commit?
218
00:10:25,709 --> 00:10:27,376
Malory, I just can't.
Me neither.
219
00:10:27,544 --> 00:10:29,086
Can't or won't?
220
00:10:29,254 --> 00:10:32,423
I...
Whatever. Call it her can't, me won't.
221
00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:34,883
[SOBBING]
222
00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:38,387
No, hey, Mother, come on.
Stop that. Stop it.
223
00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:40,764
Here, here, look. I'm gonna get help.
224
00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:44,727
From who?
225
00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:48,689
I need access to a 2-inch drain,
hot water, three GFCI outlets...
226
00:10:48,857 --> 00:10:52,401
...this bathroom should do nicely,
and a pot of coffee like I like my women:
227
00:10:52,569 --> 00:10:54,611
Black, bitter, preferably fair trade.
228
00:10:54,779 --> 00:10:55,821
[SNIFFS]
229
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,990
Oh, and your sauce needs less salt.
How can you...?
230
00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:01,160
Put two halves of a potato in with the sauce,
it'll absorb the salt.
231
00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:03,370
Oh, and I assume that's our patient?
232
00:11:03,538 --> 00:11:05,664
Not ours, Krieger, yours.
233
00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:07,875
Thank you.
234
00:11:08,043 --> 00:11:10,586
Ugh, too salty.
Yeah, I know. You got a potato?
235
00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:12,546
What is this, Christmas?
236
00:11:12,756 --> 00:11:15,007
And is Krieger hard at work?
237
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,925
He literally might be, yes.
Ew.
238
00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:19,178
Well, say what you will about him...
I did.
239
00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:22,514
He's discreet. So no one else
will ever know about this whole...
240
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:24,433
CHERYL: Aah!
What in the...?
241
00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:25,642
- Hell is that?
242
00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:28,771
Oh, God!
KRIEGER: Hopefully, my greatest work yet.
243
00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:33,692
No. No, no, no. Whatever this is,
I am not getting mixed up in it.
244
00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:34,943
Too late.
Malory.
245
00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:37,571
Hey, whoa, whoa, everybody calm down.
246
00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:40,282
It's not what it looks like.
CYRIL: Then what is it, exactly?
247
00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:44,870
Because it sure as shit ain't a surprise party,
Krieger. You big fat liar.
248
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,956
Someone's framing Malory
for murdering the prime minister of Italy.
249
00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:52,294
Ooh, I bet it's that wicked king.
So? Why'd Krieger drag us into it?
250
00:11:52,462 --> 00:11:53,712
Yes, Krieger. Why?
251
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:56,632
KRIEGER:
I needed help disseminating him.
252
00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:57,800
Ew!
253
00:11:57,967 --> 00:12:00,302
Not what it means.
Still pretty gross, though.
254
00:12:00,470 --> 00:12:04,139
And brilliant. When I'm done,
each of us will walk out carrying a small parcel.
255
00:12:04,307 --> 00:12:05,307
How small?
256
00:12:05,475 --> 00:12:07,976
Eh. On our way home,
we simply drop the parcels...
257
00:12:08,144 --> 00:12:11,146
...into seven different trash cans
in three different boroughs.
258
00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:13,482
That's actually pretty smart.
259
00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:16,151
Hopefully, when you look
at the drop points on a map...
260
00:12:16,319 --> 00:12:18,570
...it'll look like a big smiley face.
CHERYL: Ha-ha-ha!
261
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,322
LANA: That's gross.
GILLETTE: You're just a mess.
262
00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:22,866
That's kind of clever.
CYRIL: Super-creepy.
263
00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:28,831
Every time, every single time
we come over here...
264
00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:32,793
...we have to help you get rid of a dead body.
You've only been here twice.
265
00:12:32,961 --> 00:12:35,796
Speaking of,
why was the prime minister of Italy here?
266
00:12:35,964 --> 00:12:37,464
BOTH: Don't ask.
And follow up...
267
00:12:37,632 --> 00:12:42,970
...did those dastardly dagos kill him and then
dress him up like a big giant penis, or...?
268
00:12:43,138 --> 00:12:45,973
Oh, God, that reminds me. Krieger?
KRIEGER: Yeah, I found it.
269
00:12:46,141 --> 00:12:47,474
Found what?
BOTH: Don't ask.
270
00:12:47,642 --> 00:12:48,976
KRIEGER: Can I keep it?
Keep what?
271
00:12:49,144 --> 00:12:51,645
BOTH: Don't ask.
Just get it out of here, please.
272
00:12:51,813 --> 00:12:53,147
KRIEGER:
Yeah, take that tone.
273
00:12:53,314 --> 00:12:56,525
I'd like to know how this
could possibly get any worse.
274
00:12:56,693 --> 00:12:58,944
For one thing,
there's not enough sauce for everybody.
275
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:00,154
[POUNDING ON DOOR]
276
00:13:00,321 --> 00:13:01,655
OFFICER:
N.Y.P.D. Open up, please.
277
00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:02,990
Cheese it, it's the cops.
278
00:13:03,158 --> 00:13:04,366
Oh, shit.
Busted.
279
00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:08,412
And/or the police could show up.
Oh, for the... Now what do we do?
280
00:13:08,580 --> 00:13:10,914
Cover your arm up,
answer the door and stall them.
281
00:13:11,082 --> 00:13:14,460
And then somebody get me
a number 10 can of tomatoes.
282
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:17,463
What? There's already not enough sauce.
283
00:13:19,841 --> 00:13:20,883
[POUNDING ON DOOR]
284
00:13:21,050 --> 00:13:23,051
OFFICER:
N.Y.P.D. Come on, lady, open the door.
285
00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:26,638
Coming. Sorry, I was in the kitchen.
286
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:31,059
I'm making spaghetti and meatballs.
287
00:13:31,227 --> 00:13:34,104
Hi, I'm...
Italian, huh? Well, that's a coincidence.
288
00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:35,898
Oh, are you Italian, officer?
289
00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:38,275
No, and it's detective. Murphy.
290
00:13:38,443 --> 00:13:39,776
Irish.
That's right.
291
00:13:39,944 --> 00:13:43,489
We got an anonymous tip
that Savio Mascalzone was up here.
292
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:45,741
Ooh! Who's that, some mobster?
293
00:13:45,909 --> 00:13:47,576
Prime minister? Of Italy?
294
00:13:47,744 --> 00:13:50,370
Doesn't Italy use a king?
I wouldn't know.
295
00:13:50,538 --> 00:13:52,164
Somebody dead?
What?
296
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:55,000
Oh, my bird. Little Tweetsie.
297
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:56,835
Uh-huh.
Well, that's another coincidence...
298
00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:59,880
...because this anonymous tip said
Mascalzone was dead up here.
299
00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:03,926
What? Oh, for heaven's sake.
Yeah. Right here in the living room.
300
00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:08,430
Well, as you can see, there hasn't been
a murder in here. My gosh.
301
00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:11,225
Although I guess
someone must have spilled a drink.
302
00:14:11,392 --> 00:14:14,019
I have a few dear friends
over for a dinner party.
303
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:17,606
Uh-huh. Mind if I talk to them?
Heavens, no, of course not, but...
304
00:14:17,774 --> 00:14:20,108
What's in here?
Bathroom?
305
00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:21,401
Uh-huh.
306
00:14:21,569 --> 00:14:23,612
My guests are in here,
detective, but...
307
00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:25,864
[IN POSH ACCENT]
What are you doing?
308
00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:27,908
From the left, dear.
One serves from the left.
309
00:14:28,076 --> 00:14:30,869
[IN POSH ACCENT]
Whatever's gotten into you, Calpurnia?
310
00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:32,287
My mistake, ma'am.
311
00:14:32,455 --> 00:14:35,332
[IN POSH ACCENT]
Well, I should say it is, Calpurnia.
312
00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:37,584
Mother, your maid is...
313
00:14:37,752 --> 00:14:40,337
Oh, hello.
Evening. Sorry to disturb your, uh...
314
00:14:40,505 --> 00:14:47,302
Elegant dinner party, for the most
elegant people in all of New York.
315
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:50,389
Uh-huh. But we got a tip
there'd been a murder up here.
316
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:52,349
Good heavens, a murder?
317
00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:56,853
Well, apart from this sullen wench
murdering good etiquette... Ow!
318
00:14:57,021 --> 00:15:00,983
I find the very suggestion laughable.
Heh-heh.
319
00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:05,237
Ha-ha-ha.
Which is what I'm doing. I'm laughing.
320
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:09,324
So you don't mind if I look around?
Uh, no, of course not.
321
00:15:09,492 --> 00:15:11,994
Calpurnia?
May I speak with you in the kitchen?
322
00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:14,204
Certainly.
Ow. Heh-heh.
323
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:16,290
All right, I'll let you get back to your, uh...
324
00:15:16,457 --> 00:15:19,626
Ooh-ooh, elegant dinner party.
325
00:15:19,794 --> 00:15:21,670
Uh-huh.
326
00:15:21,838 --> 00:15:24,548
I hate you all so much.
327
00:15:24,716 --> 00:15:26,049
[IN BRITISH ACCENT]
No one cares, Figgis.
328
00:15:26,217 --> 00:15:28,218
You were only invited
to round out the numbers.
329
00:15:38,479 --> 00:15:40,022
What, how is this my fault?
330
00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:43,150
Gee, where to start? Oh, the murder?
331
00:15:43,318 --> 00:15:45,694
I thought you meant that silly
French maid costume.
332
00:15:45,862 --> 00:15:48,155
Which makes you look ridiculous.
And which...
333
00:15:48,323 --> 00:15:50,866
Why do you even...?
Never mind, I don't even wanna know.
334
00:15:51,034 --> 00:15:53,327
Good, it's none of your beeswax.
335
00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:56,622
Here. I hope you won't need it, but...
Why would I need?
336
00:15:56,789 --> 00:15:59,041
Whoa! Uh-uh. Nope.
Lana.
337
00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:01,209
Malory, I am not killing a...
338
00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:04,504
ARCHER [IN POSH ACCENT]:
A perfectly nice dinner, Calpurnia.
339
00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:08,216
By God, if you were my servant,
I'd have you over my knee in a trice.
340
00:16:08,384 --> 00:16:10,802
And, Mother, the constable wishes a word.
341
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:13,221
He does? I mean, yes?
MURPHY: Yeah.
342
00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:15,724
Sorry for the intrusion.
That tip must have been a hoax.
343
00:16:15,892 --> 00:16:17,726
I checked out the apartment. It's clean.
344
00:16:17,894 --> 00:16:19,186
No thanks to this one.
Mm...
345
00:16:19,354 --> 00:16:20,395
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Sullen wench.
346
00:16:20,563 --> 00:16:23,065
[IN POSH ACCENT]
I mean, indubitably, lieutenant.
347
00:16:23,232 --> 00:16:26,401
So then, I'll, uh...
I'll just be on my way.
348
00:16:26,569 --> 00:16:29,571
It's just, who would call in
with a fake tip like that though?
349
00:16:29,739 --> 00:16:33,575
I wouldn't be surprised if it was our super,
Mr. Herlihy. He drinks.
350
00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:35,285
Ah. Thanks, I'll check...
351
00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:38,246
Oh, hey, I never checked this bathroom.
You mind?
352
00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:42,626
I... No, of course not. Be my guest.
353
00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:51,635
Whoo! Oh.
354
00:16:51,803 --> 00:16:55,138
Sorry, didn't know anyone was waiting.
I'd recommend the other bathroom.
355
00:16:55,306 --> 00:16:59,935
I mean, I did what I could, but you can only ask
so much of a vanilla candle. Dinner ready?
356
00:17:00,103 --> 00:17:01,144
[GASPS]
357
00:17:01,312 --> 00:17:03,480
My God.
Ugh! Yeah. Whoa.
358
00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:06,900
He really did a number.
Make sure he didn't leave an upper decker.
359
00:17:07,068 --> 00:17:08,777
Sorry again for the intrusion, ma'am.
360
00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:11,113
Uh, Herlihy, you said his name was?
Hm?
361
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:14,366
Oh, yes. Yes, that's right.
362
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:17,494
Ow! Lana come on, I was... Ow!
I'll show you a sullen wench.
363
00:17:17,662 --> 00:17:18,745
[MALORY WHISTLES]
364
00:17:19,163 --> 00:17:22,499
Whistling bitch.
Right then. That snoopy detective is gone...
365
00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:24,084
...thanks to Dr. Krieger, so...
366
00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:26,086
Krieger? What about the rest of us?
367
00:17:26,254 --> 00:17:29,923
The rest of you can get out of my clothes
and then out of my house.
368
00:17:30,091 --> 00:17:32,008
But thank you all so much for coming.
369
00:17:32,176 --> 00:17:33,593
CYRIL: Oh, shut up, ma'am.
ARCHER: Loved it.
370
00:17:33,761 --> 00:17:36,096
LANA: Never again.
Thanks for dead guy in a box.
371
00:17:36,264 --> 00:17:39,266
Not very elegant.
No, thanks for having us. Amazing.
372
00:17:39,434 --> 00:17:41,393
And remember, smiley face.
373
00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,645
And thank you.
Krieger, wait.
374
00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:46,148
The bathroom, the body, how did you...?
375
00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:48,275
[KRIEGER SHUSHING]
376
00:17:48,776 --> 00:17:50,152
You don't wanna know.
377
00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:52,946
But you do probably
want to go wash your lips now.
378
00:17:53,114 --> 00:17:55,949
Ew! Ugh. Ugh.
379
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:57,993
Screw you, Archer. Sullen wench?
380
00:17:58,161 --> 00:18:01,079
Lana, come on, I was just kidding.
I had to make it look good.
381
00:18:01,247 --> 00:18:03,999
You had to make it look good?
Well, and also annoy you.
382
00:18:04,167 --> 00:18:08,670
Walther PP, chambered for.32 ACP.
What's the magazine capacity?
383
00:18:08,838 --> 00:18:09,963
Uh, eight?
384
00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:13,675
LANA: Eight rounds,
plus one in the chamber, for a total of nine.
385
00:18:13,843 --> 00:18:16,052
Hey, thanks, Rain Man. Your point being?
386
00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:19,765
Malory's clip was empty.
But she said she only fired three shots.
387
00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:24,644
Oh, my God. So you're saying Mother
lured Mascalzone up there...
388
00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:28,231
...greased him into a 6-foot man rubber,
strapped him to a chair...
389
00:18:28,399 --> 00:18:31,026
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
390
00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:39,326
I know, dear. But you have to wait.
391
00:18:39,494 --> 00:18:41,036
ARCHER:
Calls us...
392
00:18:41,204 --> 00:18:44,623
What? Mother, calm... I'm on my way.
393
00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:47,626
Don't move. I'll, uh...
I'll probably be back.
394
00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:49,795
Then she pulls a gun on him?
395
00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:51,004
[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]
396
00:18:51,172 --> 00:18:52,631
What is this?
A crock of shit.
397
00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:55,634
Because that would mean
she called the cops on herself.
398
00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:58,428
Knowing they'd never come back
after they searched her apartment.
399
00:18:58,596 --> 00:19:00,764
Which was full of people and spotless.
400
00:19:00,932 --> 00:19:05,811
Oh, my God, do the math, Rain Man.
The wall was shot three times.
401
00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:09,314
Mascalzone was shot five times.
402
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:10,982
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
403
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:13,735
For a total, wait for it, of eight.
404
00:19:13,903 --> 00:19:15,737
Yep. Plus the one in her arm.
Heh-heh.
405
00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:20,075
So, what, Mother shot herself?
Oh, my God, Lana.
406
00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:22,702
[MALORY GRUNTS
THEN SAVIO SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]
407
00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:27,207
Why? I'll tell you exactly why.
Before I kill you.
408
00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:29,417
Operation Gladio.
Gladio?
409
00:19:29,585 --> 00:19:35,924
Which would mean Mother's been banging him
once a year for like 35 years...
410
00:19:36,092 --> 00:19:39,427
...and the whole time
she's been holding a grudge, right?
411
00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:41,930
Just waiting to...
412
00:19:42,473 --> 00:19:44,307
Holy shit. She killed him.
413
00:19:44,475 --> 00:19:47,227
And got us to dispose of the body.
Ew.
414
00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:49,688
But why? After all this time?
415
00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:53,441
Well, to be honest, until recently,
the sex has been pretty phenomenal.
416
00:19:53,609 --> 00:19:54,609
[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]
417
00:19:54,777 --> 00:19:56,444
And I figured, eh, what's the hurry?
418
00:19:56,612 --> 00:19:59,406
But then you started getting weird.
419
00:19:59,574 --> 00:20:01,283
But why you make la vendetta?
420
00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:03,785
Because one night,
all those years ago in Rome...
421
00:20:03,953 --> 00:20:07,497
...you and your fascist thugs
gunned down a young man in the street.
422
00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:12,294
A beautiful man. Blue eyes, full lips,
black, thick, wavy hair.
423
00:20:12,461 --> 00:20:13,461
[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]
424
00:20:13,629 --> 00:20:16,131
What was this man's crime?
Well, I wouldn't call speaking out...
425
00:20:16,299 --> 00:20:18,592
...against the rebirth of fascism a crime.
426
00:20:18,759 --> 00:20:23,054
More of a mistake.
By a beautiful, idealistic young man.
427
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:25,599
Who may have been my son's father.
428
00:20:25,766 --> 00:20:28,268
May have been? You don't know?
429
00:20:28,436 --> 00:20:34,316
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
430
00:20:37,028 --> 00:20:40,113
Who knows? It's Malory.
You really wanna know why she killed a guy?
431
00:20:40,281 --> 00:20:41,990
I... do not. No.
432
00:20:42,158 --> 00:20:45,952
Although, I am curious
why she wouldn't take off that trench coat.
433
00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:49,080
Mm. Honey, you still got it.
434
00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:50,582
[IMITATES PORN MUSIC]
435
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:51,958
Uh-huh-huh.
436
00:20:52,126 --> 00:20:55,003
So much of this
I never wanna know the answer to.
437
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:58,006
Okay, how about a slice?
438
00:20:58,174 --> 00:21:01,718
God, what is with me and Italian lately?
439
00:21:27,453 --> 00:21:28,453
[English - US - PSDH]
440
00:21:28,503 --> 00:21:33,053
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