Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,169 --> 00:00:03,503
[SNORING]
2
00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:06,005
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING
OVER RADIO]
3
00:00:06,173 --> 00:00:07,924
[DISHES RATTLING]
4
00:00:08,092 --> 00:00:09,926
I don't wanna...
5
00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:11,260
[SNIFFS]
6
00:00:11,428 --> 00:00:13,971
Woodhouse, you sneaky old fiend.
7
00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:15,723
Happy birthday, sir.
8
00:00:15,891 --> 00:00:18,935
Thanks, Woodhouse. This is amazing.
Seriously, you outdid yourself.
9
00:00:19,103 --> 00:00:20,937
That's not all, sir.
10
00:00:21,105 --> 00:00:23,106
[PARTY HORN BLOWS]
11
00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:25,942
Uh, sorry about that, sir.
12
00:00:26,110 --> 00:00:30,279
It's okay. I'll wait while you make me a new
birthday breakfast not covered in garbage.
13
00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:32,198
It's not garbage, sir, it's...
14
00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:36,744
Scraps of paper, Woodhouse,
which, by definition, yes, is garbage.
15
00:00:36,912 --> 00:00:41,374
Afraid I don't have the ingredients
to recreate this exact breakfast, sir.
16
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:44,293
Okay, then make Nutella waffles.
17
00:00:44,461 --> 00:00:45,920
[WOODHOUSE GROANS]
18
00:00:46,088 --> 00:00:48,256
Damn it. Nutella steak and eggs?
19
00:00:48,424 --> 00:00:49,716
Today's my shopping day.
20
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,592
Why do you even bother...
21
00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:52,802
...living?
22
00:00:53,637 --> 00:00:57,140
ARCHER: No time to talk, Popeye.
It's my birthday.
23
00:00:57,307 --> 00:01:00,184
Were you gonna say happy birthday?
Don't bother. Happy birthday to me.
24
00:01:00,352 --> 00:01:01,394
[HUMMING]
25
00:01:01,812 --> 00:01:03,771
Mm-hm.
26
00:01:04,523 --> 00:01:08,025
I wonder what the guys at the office
have planned for my birthday.
27
00:01:08,193 --> 00:01:12,655
Wonder if Fudgie The Whale will be there.
Or Cookie Puss. Heh, heh.
28
00:01:12,823 --> 00:01:15,992
Cookie Puss. Those guys at Carvel
know what they're doing.
29
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:21,164
Paging Dr. Boy, Dr. Birthday Boy.
30
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,254
[CLEARS THROAT]
31
00:01:34,178 --> 00:01:37,472
So, what are you ladies up to?
Cleaning out the stupid file room.
32
00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:41,184
Yeah? Any particular reason?
Uh, it's full of shit?
33
00:01:41,351 --> 00:01:43,519
LANA:
Speaking of, is that Archer?
34
00:01:43,687 --> 00:01:46,022
Yes, but I have to warn you...
35
00:01:46,190 --> 00:01:48,983
...I don't like surprises?
36
00:01:49,151 --> 00:01:52,028
Or doing your share of work, apparently.
Who likes that?
37
00:01:52,196 --> 00:01:55,865
You'd better start, because a lot of
this junk is yours. Now get to work.
38
00:01:56,033 --> 00:01:57,700
Are you serious? On my...?
39
00:01:57,868 --> 00:01:59,994
Your what?
My never mind.
40
00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:03,039
Because there's nothing special
about today whatsoever, Mother.
41
00:02:03,207 --> 00:02:05,124
Oh, I wouldn't say that.
42
00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:06,626
Uh... Wait, really?
43
00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:07,835
[ALARM WAILING]
44
00:02:08,003 --> 00:02:09,712
Yes, it's the quarterly fire drill.
45
00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:12,298
Let's go, people. Get the lead out.
46
00:02:13,008 --> 00:02:15,593
Ferris Bueller, you're my hero.
47
00:02:15,761 --> 00:02:19,055
Shut up. Hang on, does nobody
seriously know what today is?
48
00:02:19,223 --> 00:02:20,848
Tuesday?
The Rapture?
49
00:02:21,016 --> 00:02:22,850
Come on, people.
Look alive.
50
00:02:23,018 --> 00:02:25,186
I never remember it
taking so long.
51
00:02:25,354 --> 00:02:28,022
Maybe that's because
you never remember anything. So...
52
00:02:28,190 --> 00:02:29,690
Oh, my God.
53
00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:33,027
ALL:
Surprise.
54
00:02:33,195 --> 00:02:35,738
I... Is that...? What...? Mother?
55
00:02:35,906 --> 00:02:37,740
Happy birthday, dear.
56
00:02:37,908 --> 00:02:39,242
I...
57
00:02:39,409 --> 00:02:40,827
[SIGHS]
58
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,703
GILLETTE:
Ow.
59
00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:44,080
I think.
60
00:03:21,243 --> 00:03:22,785
ARCHER:
Oh, I can feel it.
61
00:03:24,788 --> 00:03:27,290
I can feel your power.
62
00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:31,210
What's that? You want me inside you?
63
00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:32,753
MALORY:
Sterling.
64
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:34,714
You know my name?
Sterling!
65
00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:37,133
Hm? Oh. Oh, sorry.
66
00:03:37,301 --> 00:03:39,594
I believe a "thank you" is in order.
67
00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:42,263
Mother, oh, my God.
Yes, thank you.
68
00:03:42,431 --> 00:03:46,142
And not just... Well, mostly me,
of course, but Dr. Krieger helped too.
69
00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:48,644
Well, only if by "helped" you mean...
70
00:03:48,812 --> 00:03:49,937
[ENGINE STARTS]
71
00:03:50,105 --> 00:03:54,317
...oversaw the design of the world's
most insanely kick-ass spy car.
72
00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:56,485
It's a spy car?
Lana?
73
00:03:57,487 --> 00:03:58,988
Lana, no.
PAM: Oh, my God.
74
00:04:00,198 --> 00:04:01,532
[BRETT GRUNTING]
75
00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:03,993
Holy shit.
76
00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:06,120
Yeah, I'm like a magnet.
77
00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:08,539
Brett, shut up.
What else does it do?
78
00:04:08,707 --> 00:04:10,124
Press that red button? -
I...
79
00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:12,585
Wait, is it gonna kill everybody?
80
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,003
Press that blue button?
81
00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:15,963
WOMAN:
Welcome, Mr. Archer...
82
00:04:16,131 --> 00:04:17,423
It does know my name.
83
00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:21,052
...to the Dodge Challenger, Special Agent
Edition, brought to you by Dodge.
84
00:04:21,219 --> 00:04:22,470
ARCHER:
Thanks, Dodge!
85
00:04:22,638 --> 00:04:26,015
WOMAN: Featuring a 440 V-8 engine,
six-speed manual transmission...
86
00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:28,684
...and a top speed of 185.
87
00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:31,437
Heavy-duty suspension,
run-flat tires...
88
00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,648
...bulletproof body panels and windows...
89
00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:37,193
...twin.30 cal machine guns
mounted in the front...
90
00:04:37,361 --> 00:04:40,446
...anti-pursuit countermeasures in the rear.
91
00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:43,866
It makes the Mach 5 look like a vagina.
92
00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:46,327
WOMAN:
The interior boasts mil-spec GPS...
93
00:04:46,495 --> 00:04:49,372
...satellite communications,
hi-fi stereo...
94
00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:50,831
...rich Corinthian leather.
95
00:04:50,999 --> 00:04:53,000
ARCHER:
Corinth is famous for its leather.
96
00:04:53,168 --> 00:04:54,627
And, of course...
97
00:04:55,504 --> 00:04:56,545
[ARCHER WHOOPING]
98
00:04:56,713 --> 00:04:59,090
ANNOUNCER: Bar is to be stocked
with non-alcoholic beverages.
99
00:04:59,257 --> 00:05:01,676
Dodge cannot stress this enough.
Never drink and drive.
100
00:05:01,843 --> 00:05:03,678
Now, Sterling, listen to me.
101
00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:06,055
It's like seeing the face of God.
102
00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:08,975
Sterling. This car cost me a lot of money.
103
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:11,602
So you have to take proper care of it.
I will.
104
00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:13,354
And if you crash it...
I won't.
105
00:05:13,522 --> 00:05:17,233
Or, God forbid, if you get it stolen...
I won't.
106
00:05:17,401 --> 00:05:19,235
...you won't ever get another one.
107
00:05:19,403 --> 00:05:23,030
Mother, I promise,
I'll take the best care of it of anything ever.
108
00:05:23,198 --> 00:05:24,240
You'd better.
109
00:05:24,408 --> 00:05:26,242
Well, come on.
Give your mom a hug.
110
00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:28,119
Oh, no, I don't think
that's really...
111
00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:29,328
Possible.
112
00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:30,997
Um, at all.
Why not?
113
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:33,624
Um...
Oh, God. He's got an erection.
114
00:05:33,792 --> 00:05:35,251
Shotgun.
Me too.
115
00:05:35,419 --> 00:05:38,087
Sorry, it's this Corinthian leather.
116
00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:40,673
In my new Dodge Challenger!
117
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,842
[TIRES SCREECH AND GLASS SHATTERS]
118
00:05:43,427 --> 00:05:46,762
Ahem. I forgot to close the bar.
119
00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:48,931
[GLASS CLINKING]
120
00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:51,392
[GLOVE COMPARTMENT CLOSES]
121
00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:54,895
In my new Dodge Challenger!
122
00:05:55,063 --> 00:05:57,982
Wow, so how much did Dodge kick in?
123
00:05:58,150 --> 00:06:00,109
Not as much as you'd think.
124
00:06:02,446 --> 00:06:04,780
So I hope this doesn't sound weird...
125
00:06:04,948 --> 00:06:07,742
...but I kind of wanna have sex with you.
Is that all right?
126
00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:11,328
Oh! Seriously, Dodge? Apple juice?
127
00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:14,040
Not you, the car, obviously...
128
00:06:14,249 --> 00:06:17,585
...but the blond genie woman
who lives inside you that talks.
129
00:06:17,753 --> 00:06:19,754
So, what do I call you?
130
00:06:19,921 --> 00:06:23,299
Hello? Jeannie? It's me, master.
131
00:06:23,467 --> 00:06:26,469
Wait a minute, was that just
a lame pre-recorded video?
132
00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:28,262
Or are you pouting for some reason?
133
00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:29,764
[SIRENS WAILING]
134
00:06:29,931 --> 00:06:31,098
Fine, then pout.
135
00:06:33,977 --> 00:06:36,395
But that totally wasn't my fault.
136
00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:40,816
You shouldn't even be able
to put the car in gear with the bar open.
137
00:06:40,984 --> 00:06:46,155
Besides the danger of drunk driving,
it's obviously a huge design flaw.
138
00:06:46,323 --> 00:06:48,657
Which is why now you're all sticky.
139
00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:50,785
Which, I'm sorry for that.
140
00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:55,664
Once we get you parked, I'll clean you up
and wipe you down with a fine chamois.
141
00:06:55,832 --> 00:07:00,795
And also quit talking to you, because now
I'm pretty sure that was just a recording.
142
00:07:00,962 --> 00:07:02,004
[BEEPING]
143
00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:03,714
I mean, it was, right?
144
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:08,135
Whatever. Either way, I'm done talking.
145
00:07:08,303 --> 00:07:10,221
Oh, come on, it's full?
146
00:07:10,388 --> 00:07:13,182
Damn it. Guess I'll have to park
on the street.
147
00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:17,645
MALORY: If you get it stolen,
you won't ever get another one.
148
00:07:18,313 --> 00:07:20,689
I heard you, Mother. Somehow.
149
00:07:22,818 --> 00:07:23,984
[HUMMING]
150
00:07:25,028 --> 00:07:26,362
Ooh.
151
00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:30,616
Hi, neighbor.
152
00:07:37,249 --> 00:07:40,167
The grappling hook detaches from my end?
153
00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:42,378
Way to think it through, Dodge.
154
00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:45,381
So clean all the broken glass
and the sticky apple juice...
155
00:07:45,549 --> 00:07:48,050
...then I need all new glassware,
some real liquor.
156
00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:53,180
Um, oh. There's a grappling hook in the street,
get that, and then find out where to buy caltrops.
157
00:07:53,348 --> 00:07:54,390
Caltrops?
158
00:07:54,558 --> 00:07:59,103
Yeah, caltrops. Try, maybe,
area-denial-weapons.Com.
159
00:07:59,271 --> 00:08:00,646
Very good, sir.
160
00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:03,232
[PHONE RINGS]
161
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:06,360
Oh, did you decide
to start talking to me?
162
00:08:06,528 --> 00:08:08,988
Nothing, Woodhouse.
What do you want?
163
00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:13,159
Ugh. It's black, powerful, sexy.
164
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,828
Like if Ron O'Neal was a car.
165
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,079
What?
166
00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:19,331
No.
167
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,041
No, no, no.
168
00:08:22,252 --> 00:08:25,212
No!
169
00:08:29,968 --> 00:08:32,428
No, no, no.
170
00:08:32,596 --> 00:08:34,138
Sir? What are you...?
171
00:08:34,306 --> 00:08:38,184
I thought maybe she had
some sort of cloaking device.
172
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,436
No, then I'd be standing in it.
173
00:08:40,604 --> 00:08:42,396
You. What'd you do with Jeannie?
174
00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:43,606
Steady on, sir.
175
00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:47,276
I swear to God, I'll scoop out
whatever organs you have left and...
176
00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:48,944
[SCREAMING]
177
00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:52,281
Sorry, sir, you were going all Bilbo-y.
178
00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:53,616
I'm sorry.
179
00:08:53,783 --> 00:08:56,660
Woodhouse, can I see that can for a sec?
No, sir.
180
00:08:56,828 --> 00:09:01,123
I just wanted to read the warning label
about "in case of eye contact."
181
00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:04,126
You did not. You were going
to spray me in the eyes.
182
00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:06,712
Heh, heh. I totally was.
183
00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:09,298
Oh, my God.
Okay, I gotta think.
184
00:09:09,466 --> 00:09:11,508
Would you stop?
They look pretty bad, sir.
185
00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:14,303
Really?
Because they feel great.
186
00:09:14,471 --> 00:09:18,474
Okay, so obviously Jeannie was stolen,
and who steals cars, Woodhouse?
187
00:09:18,642 --> 00:09:20,601
Gyppos.
188
00:09:20,769 --> 00:09:26,148
Car thieves. And this was obviously
a ring of very high-end car thieves.
189
00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:30,444
So now I have to go undercover in the
high-end car-thief whatever, underworld...
190
00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:33,656
...and steal Jeannie back.
Sounds dangerous, sir.
191
00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:37,910
Not nearly as dangerous as Mother
finding out I lost my birthday present.
192
00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:39,995
[ARCHER SOBBING]
193
00:09:40,163 --> 00:09:42,623
MALORY: Sterling.
Yes, Mother?
194
00:09:42,791 --> 00:09:44,208
Where is your new bicycle?
195
00:09:44,376 --> 00:09:46,377
[SOBBING]
196
00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:48,420
That's what I thought.
197
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:51,006
And you let her do it.
I...
198
00:09:51,174 --> 00:09:55,094
I'm kidding. You couldn't have stopped her.
She would've snapped your spine.
199
00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:58,138
I mean, you're just tiny.
200
00:09:58,306 --> 00:10:00,683
ARCHER: Lana. What do you know,
what do you say?
201
00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:05,771
I know you're about to ask me
for a favor, and I say, wait for it...
202
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:07,982
ARCHER: I...
LANA: Wait.
203
00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:10,276
Was that even a twist-off?
No.
204
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:12,152
Yikes.
Is my answer to your favor.
205
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:15,656
I don't care what it is.
The answer's no.
206
00:10:15,824 --> 00:10:17,408
Somebody stole my birthday car.
207
00:10:17,575 --> 00:10:22,705
Okay, I'm gonna drink some of this and then
I'm gonna do a huge spit take on you.
208
00:10:22,872 --> 00:10:25,624
What the shit, Lana?
I told you I was gonna do it.
209
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:28,043
Right, sorry,
guess I'm a bad listener.
210
00:10:28,211 --> 00:10:32,214
Obviously. Malory told you
not to let that stupid car get stolen.
211
00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:34,883
Thank you, world's loudest voice.
Now shut up.
212
00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:39,221
For reasons that don't bear going into,
I have to get it back before Mother finds out.
213
00:10:39,389 --> 00:10:43,309
Ugh. Okay, I'll help you. To do...
Wait, what am I helping you to do?
214
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:46,937
Infiltrate whatever criminal outfit
steals the hottest cars in the city.
215
00:10:47,105 --> 00:10:49,064
PAM:
That would be the yakuza.
216
00:10:49,232 --> 00:10:50,274
ARCHER:
What?
217
00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:55,321
And, man, against those pinkieless bastards,
you had better come correct.
218
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:58,240
And you know this how, exactly?
219
00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:00,034
[TIRES SCREECHING]
220
00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:04,038
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
221
00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:05,247
Homies.
222
00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:07,041
Hang on, hang on...
223
00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:08,876
You race drift cars?
224
00:11:09,044 --> 00:11:10,336
CHERYL: Crappily.
Oh, for...
225
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:12,254
Is anybody not in here?
226
00:11:12,422 --> 00:11:14,381
I'm not crappy.
I just started.
227
00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:18,093
Shut up. When's the next race?
And we're gonna pose as your pit crew.
228
00:11:18,261 --> 00:11:21,096
It's tonight. And I don't know.
229
00:11:21,264 --> 00:11:25,017
If the yakuza finds out you're snooping around
about a hot set of wheels...
230
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:26,602
Don't worry about me, I'm...
231
00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:29,104
Not going on another
stupid rampage.
232
00:11:29,272 --> 00:11:31,815
Well, maybe a limited rampage.
No.
233
00:11:31,983 --> 00:11:34,068
Modified limited rampage?
Archer.
234
00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:36,820
Don't worry about my methods.
The important thing is that nobody tells...
235
00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:38,030
[DOOR OPENS]
236
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:39,239
Mother.
237
00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:41,075
Tell me what?
238
00:11:41,242 --> 00:11:42,618
What?
What.
239
00:11:42,786 --> 00:11:47,122
What are we doing? I shouldn't even
be in here. And neither should you, Pam.
240
00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:50,959
Why aren't you out in your new car?
Because Woodhouse is detailing it.
241
00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:55,297
Because that's the high level of care
that I am taking of it.
242
00:11:55,465 --> 00:11:57,841
You better be.
243
00:11:58,426 --> 00:11:59,468
[DOOR CLOSES]
244
00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:01,136
Wow, dodged a bullet there, huh?
245
00:12:01,304 --> 00:12:04,807
Figuratively. And you had better hope
we don't have to dodge any literally.
246
00:12:04,974 --> 00:12:07,851
Well, obviously I hope that.
247
00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:11,063
[TIRES SCREECHING]
248
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:15,567
LANA:
I am not super-confident about this.
249
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:17,861
Join the club.
I don't even know why I'm here.
250
00:12:18,029 --> 00:12:21,407
Join that club. Then shut up and act
like you know what you're doing.
251
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:23,492
I don't know anything about cars.
252
00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:25,619
I meant as an agent. Zing.
253
00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:28,580
Okay, Pam, who's the big
cheesy-san around here?
254
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,916
That would be Mr. Moto, he's...
255
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:33,252
Crapjacks, he's coming over here.
256
00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:35,838
So, shiro kabocha...
257
00:12:36,005 --> 00:12:37,714
...you are back.
Hai, Moto-san.
258
00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:41,135
And, again, just really sorry
about your nephew.
259
00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:42,719
He knew the risk.
260
00:12:42,887 --> 00:12:44,930
But I do not know these people.
261
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:47,850
Sorry. Hi, I'm Randy,
crew leader, and...
262
00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:50,686
Why does this underling
speak to me?
263
00:12:50,854 --> 00:12:51,937
"Underling"?
264
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:54,648
Randy, don't.
Listen here, Moto, I...
265
00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:55,858
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
266
00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:57,443
[GRUNTING]
267
00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:01,989
Uh...
Right in the head and ass.
268
00:13:03,199 --> 00:13:05,784
Unh...
Let that be a lesson to you.
269
00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:06,994
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
270
00:13:08,538 --> 00:13:10,539
Aw, man,
I just totally lost face.
271
00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:12,708
Ha, ha. Join that club.
272
00:13:12,876 --> 00:13:15,377
So you rethinking that rampage?
273
00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:16,920
I am, actually.
274
00:13:17,172 --> 00:13:18,213
Ew.
Gross.
275
00:13:18,381 --> 00:13:20,883
Then can we please get out of here?
ARCHER: Absolutely.
276
00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:23,719
Right after I get my car.
Jeezy Petes.
277
00:13:23,887 --> 00:13:26,388
No wonder it was running rough.
Archer, don't...
278
00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:29,725
Now which one of you pussies has it?
279
00:13:31,394 --> 00:13:33,729
So just a heads up,
I'm starting the rampage now.
280
00:13:33,897 --> 00:13:35,230
No kidding.
281
00:13:35,398 --> 00:13:36,857
Mm...
282
00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:38,108
No.
283
00:13:41,404 --> 00:13:43,906
LANA:
I am so angry at you right now.
284
00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:46,533
You? Look at them.
They're furious.
285
00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:49,036
One question before you die.
286
00:13:49,204 --> 00:13:50,454
Shoot.
Figuratively.
287
00:13:50,622 --> 00:13:52,206
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
288
00:13:52,373 --> 00:13:54,082
My question is this:
289
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:55,584
MALORY:
What are you doing?
290
00:13:55,752 --> 00:13:57,044
What? Nothing.
291
00:13:57,212 --> 00:13:58,253
[LINE RINGING]
292
00:13:58,421 --> 00:14:00,923
Uh-huh. Have you seen Sterling?
What, like ever?
293
00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:02,132
Tonight, now.
294
00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:06,386
He's supposed to meet me at 21 for his stupid
birthday dinner, but he's not answering...
295
00:14:06,554 --> 00:14:07,888
ARCHER:
Hello?
296
00:14:08,056 --> 00:14:12,476
Mother? Hi, listen, I can't really talk
right now, can I call you back?
297
00:14:12,644 --> 00:14:16,438
Or are you pouting for some...?
Oh, crap, are you already at 21?
298
00:14:16,606 --> 00:14:20,192
Sorry, I'm running late, so go ahead
and order me four martinis and...
299
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:23,028
Sterling Malory Archer,
you inconsiderate little...
300
00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:24,238
Whoa!
301
00:14:24,405 --> 00:14:27,282
Birthday voicemail, Mother.
I gotcha, heh, heh, heh.
302
00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:31,662
But seriously, I bet I will be late, so go ahead
and pull the trigger on those martinis.
303
00:14:31,829 --> 00:14:33,121
[GROANS]
304
00:14:33,748 --> 00:14:36,625
What kind of ass would be late
for his own birthday dinner?
305
00:14:36,793 --> 00:14:39,753
The kind who'd infiltrate the yakuza?
306
00:14:40,255 --> 00:14:41,964
What?
Nothing. What? Nothing.
307
00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:43,715
Carol.
No.
308
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:46,093
Answer me.
No, I've said too much alrea...
309
00:14:46,261 --> 00:14:47,803
[YELLS THEN GASPS]
310
00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:50,597
Jeez. Ow!
311
00:14:50,765 --> 00:14:53,267
You got another one in you?
Answer me.
312
00:14:53,434 --> 00:14:56,061
And that, guys, I guess,
is a pretty long answer...
313
00:14:56,229 --> 00:15:00,148
...to why I'd go on a suicide mission
to get back my birthday car.
314
00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:01,775
Because of a stupid bicycle?
315
00:15:01,943 --> 00:15:05,571
What part of "five-speed Schwinn Sting-Ray"
are you not getting?
316
00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:10,325
Are you...? And I am being serious here.
Are you insane?
317
00:15:10,493 --> 00:15:13,036
Maybe some mild post-traumatic
stress disorder, but...
318
00:15:13,204 --> 00:15:14,496
But he drinks a lot, so...
319
00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:16,915
So I think I've got
a pretty good handle on it.
320
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:19,084
[LAUGHING]
321
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:23,589
We don't even have your damn car.
We steal drift cars.
322
00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:25,299
Imports only.
323
00:15:25,466 --> 00:15:26,842
Right-hand drive. Duh.
324
00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:30,345
Heh, okay, okay.
And why would I believe you?
325
00:15:30,513 --> 00:15:32,180
[LAUGHING]
326
00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:36,268
Why would I lie?
Either way we're going to kill you.
327
00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:38,312
Oh. Oh, right.
328
00:15:38,479 --> 00:15:40,188
And if they don't, I'm going to.
329
00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:41,857
How is this my fault?
330
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:43,692
MALORY:
This is all my fault.
331
00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:47,821
I should've never gotten him that car.
It's that damn bicycle all over again.
332
00:15:47,989 --> 00:15:49,865
And who the hell taught you how to drive?
333
00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:52,534
This guy I know named my dead father.
334
00:15:52,994 --> 00:15:54,536
Oh, I, uh...
335
00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:56,788
Yeah. I bet you feel like a dick.
336
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:01,376
No, because, look, if this whole thing
is anybody's fault, it's...
337
00:16:01,544 --> 00:16:02,753
[CAR DOOR SLAMS]
338
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:04,880
Pam, what are you doing?
What? Nothing.
339
00:16:05,048 --> 00:16:06,298
[TIRES SCREECH]
340
00:16:06,758 --> 00:16:08,634
Oh, shit.
PAM: Damn it.
341
00:16:10,053 --> 00:16:11,219
Fire.
342
00:16:15,850 --> 00:16:18,852
Where are you going?
How should I know?
343
00:16:19,020 --> 00:16:23,690
Can't see shit, my car's shot to shit,
and I only had three shitty payments...
344
00:16:23,858 --> 00:16:25,233
ARCHER:
Left!
345
00:16:25,401 --> 00:16:27,069
PAM: What?
Go left, dumbass.
346
00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:30,739
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
347
00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:31,948
To the cars.
348
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:35,952
Move the damn hood.
349
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:37,496
Okay, hang on.
350
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:41,667
Jesus.
ARCHER: How's that?
351
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:42,959
[SCREAMS]
352
00:16:43,127 --> 00:16:46,254
Pam, if you do that again...
What are you gonna do, shoot my car?
353
00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:48,507
Lana's doing it too.
No, she's...
354
00:16:49,467 --> 00:16:51,593
Goddamn it.
Sorry.
355
00:16:51,761 --> 00:16:54,346
Are you?
Cyril, here, make yourself useful.
356
00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:57,265
I... No. You know what? No.
What?
357
00:16:57,433 --> 00:17:00,602
No. The way I see it,
we're the bad guys here.
358
00:17:00,770 --> 00:17:02,771
[GUNSHOTS]
359
00:17:03,106 --> 00:17:05,982
ARCHER: They're the yakuza.
Who were minding their own business.
360
00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:08,777
Of white slavery.
Don't qualify it.
361
00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:09,945
And stealing cars.
362
00:17:10,113 --> 00:17:11,905
Not yours.
Well, maybe not, but...
363
00:17:12,073 --> 00:17:16,118
But you come in here, guns blazing,
half-cocked, and probably half-drunk...
364
00:17:16,285 --> 00:17:19,955
It's my birthday.
Well, happy fricking birthday.
365
00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:23,625
ARCHER: Thank you. Finally,
somebody acknowledges my birthday.
366
00:17:23,793 --> 00:17:25,502
Shut up,
because now we're gonna die.
367
00:17:25,670 --> 00:17:27,879
Not if shiro kabocha can help it.
368
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,923
LANA: Whoa!
ARCHER: Oh, God!
369
00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:39,933
Whoa. Wow, Pam,
you're actually pretty badass at this.
370
00:17:40,101 --> 00:17:42,519
Duh. Why do you think
they call me shiro kabocha?
371
00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:44,563
Yeah, what does that mean, anyway?
372
00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:46,314
The white shadow.
373
00:17:46,482 --> 00:17:48,024
[MOTO LAUGHING]
374
00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:50,110
No, it doesn't.
375
00:17:50,278 --> 00:17:52,446
It means "white pumpkin."
376
00:17:52,655 --> 00:17:53,655
Aw, honey.
377
00:17:53,823 --> 00:17:56,950
Oh, yeah? Well, I got your pumpkin hanging.
Ew.
378
00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:03,915
[TIRES SCREECH]
379
00:18:04,292 --> 00:18:06,460
You used-panty-vending sons of bitches.
380
00:18:06,627 --> 00:18:09,087
Shiro kabocha, this is not over.
381
00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:12,340
We'll see about that. Gun, give me.
No, honey, let's just...
382
00:18:12,508 --> 00:18:14,384
Shut up, give me the gun.
No.
383
00:18:14,552 --> 00:18:16,178
Give it.
No. You're agitated.
384
00:18:16,345 --> 00:18:19,973
No shit I'm agitated,
look at my car.
385
00:18:20,141 --> 00:18:21,266
At least you have one.
386
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:24,519
Thanks to you we wasted all night
dicking around with the yakuza...
387
00:18:24,687 --> 00:18:26,521
...and I still don't know
who stole my fricking...
388
00:18:26,689 --> 00:18:27,689
[TIRES SCREECHING]
389
00:18:27,857 --> 00:18:30,358
Mother.
Sterling Malory Archer.
390
00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:33,945
What are you doing here?
Did you not hear my outgoing voicemail?
391
00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:37,824
Did you not hear me tell you not to let
your brand-new car get stolen?
392
00:18:37,992 --> 00:18:41,369
Thanks a lot, blabbermouth.
She beat it out of me.
393
00:18:41,537 --> 00:18:43,455
Rowrr.
Oh, stop it.
394
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:46,792
But, no, you didn't listen to me.
And then you lied to me.
395
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:49,377
And then you almost got
everyone killed, and...
396
00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:51,296
MOTO:
Almost, nothing.
397
00:18:51,506 --> 00:18:54,508
I'll kill you all right now.
398
00:18:54,675 --> 00:18:57,052
Do you mind?
I'm trying to parent.
399
00:18:57,678 --> 00:18:58,720
[YELLS]
400
00:18:58,888 --> 00:18:59,888
[SPLASH]
401
00:19:00,056 --> 00:19:01,556
That was for Pearl Harbor.
402
00:19:01,724 --> 00:19:04,810
Now, where was I? Oh, yes,
and all because you're irresponsible.
403
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:07,521
No, I'm...
Well, not with the car.
404
00:19:07,688 --> 00:19:12,400
Are you...? Sterling, you left it
unlocked in an unattended garage.
405
00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:14,361
I don't, um...
406
00:19:14,529 --> 00:19:15,570
She took it.
What?
407
00:19:15,738 --> 00:19:19,032
Well, not me personally, I...
Why would you do that?
408
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:21,326
To teach you a lesson.
About what?
409
00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:25,497
Life. Just like with that damn bicycle
when you were 8 years old.
410
00:19:26,082 --> 00:19:27,249
I don't, um...
411
00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:29,376
She took it.
412
00:19:29,585 --> 00:19:30,919
You stole my bike?
413
00:19:31,087 --> 00:19:33,713
I came home from work,
it was just lying on the sidewalk.
414
00:19:33,881 --> 00:19:36,758
And I thought,
"Oh, well, this will teach him."
415
00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:39,928
Sting-Ray, five-speed.
416
00:19:40,137 --> 00:19:45,100
But so did you talk to him about
responsibility when you gave it back?
417
00:19:45,268 --> 00:19:46,643
Gave it back?
Wow.
418
00:19:46,811 --> 00:19:49,855
CYRIL: You're disgusting.
What kind of a lesson would that be?
419
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:52,107
Banana saddle, sissy bar.
420
00:19:52,275 --> 00:19:55,193
Oh, my God. So, what about his car?
ARCHER: Jeannie.
421
00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:59,030
Mm, I'm afraid
it already has a new owner.
422
00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:00,490
[ENGINE REVS]
423
00:20:00,658 --> 00:20:02,826
MAN:
Aw, yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
424
00:20:02,994 --> 00:20:04,244
Thanks, Dodge, or whoever.
425
00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:05,620
[CHUCKLING]
426
00:20:05,788 --> 00:20:07,664
Yes, my ass is everywhere.
427
00:20:07,832 --> 00:20:08,874
[HORN HONKING]
428
00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:11,251
What are you looking at, sucker?
429
00:20:47,496 --> 00:20:48,496
[English - US - PSDH]
430
00:20:48,546 --> 00:20:53,096
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
32346
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof