Original subtitles

Who's there?

I said, who's there!

Who are you? What do you want?

Look, if it's money...

Listen, I'm rich! The safe's here!

Here, my rings, my watch, take them!

No no, please!

Listen, I'll give you anything!

My paintings!

Don't!

"George Unwin requests the pleasure..."

Unwin the millionaire?

The same.

If it's like Unwin's last party, there'll be three main topics of conversation:

Money, how to make it and how to hold on to it.

It's very dull unless one's income is in the seven-figure bracket.

Then why accept?

I was coerced into it.

I had a call from Lord Maxsted. - The chairman of British Banking?

Particularly asked me to be there. The second one was even more curious.

Do you want to hear?

Hello, Steed. Gilbert Jarvis here.

Hello Gilbert.

Look, I must talk to you. - Well, if it's that urgent, I can easily...

No, don't come here! Will you be at Unwin's party tomorrow?

I've been invited. - Good. I'll see you there.

But surely you can give me a hint what it's all about.

I can't explain now, but... I've just been murdered!

Intriguing, isn't it? - Yeah, did you call him back?

Yes, but he wouldn't talk. Said he'd explain it all at Unwin's party.

I wonder how he'll arrive. In a hearse?

Hello?

Steed there?

Yes, who's calling?

It's Jarvis, Gilbert Jarvis.

Steed, the murder victim.

Hello.

Listen, Steed, I've just been murdered again.

Been murdered again? Gilbert, what is all this?

Are you there, Gilbert?

Gilbert, what's wrong?

I'll meet you at Unwin's as we arranged.

He'll see me at Unwin's!

Do you detect that heady aroma?

Roses?

Money. The sweet, sickly smell of money.

The air's heavy with it. - The crowd is littered with millionaires.

And awash with them.

Do you suppose there's a collective noun for millionaires?

A "multi" of millionaires? - A "tycoonery"?

I don't see Jarvis anywhere.

Lord Rathbone made his first million before he was 21.

Easy to see how.

Here's Lord Maxsted, heading our way.

Steed, so glad you could make it. - Well, it was practically a summons.

I don't think you know Mrs. Peel, Lord Maxted.

How do you do? Must speak to you, Steed.

Will you excuse us? If we could find a quiet corner...

Hello Steed, old chap.

I see you brought the delicious Mrs. Peel along.

Hello, you are Emma Peel.

Delighted. I've heard so much about you.

Unwin, George Unwin.

I hope you're enjoying our little shindig.

Let me know if not, and I'll change the whole decor if necessary.

Or even the house, or move the whole thing somewhere else.

Paris perhaps... - George...

Or Monte, just you let me know, won't you?

Yes, old chap? - Has Jarvis arrived?

What? - Gilbert Jarvis, is he here?

No, I haven't seen him, and he's late, too.

He's a stickler for punctuality old Jarvis. "Time is money," he says.

He'd be right, too. - I think I'd better call him.

Oh, but I say, Steed...

I won't be a moment. Got to phone my banker.

But I'm his banker.

Peanut, my Lord?

Jarvis, is that you?

Jarvis?

Are you there, Jarvis?

No. - Jarvis, is that you?

No! - Jarvis! Jarvis!

Steed? What's happened?

Something funny at Jarvis' place. I'm going to check.

You hold the fort. I'll call you.

Steed, you're not going? - I'm afraid I must.

But we haven't had our talk, it's important.

Now, you talk to Mrs. Peel. She's a very sympathetic listener.

Well yes, I've... - Also, she's extremely trustworthy.

Shall we find a nice, quiet corner?

Steed said I could trust you.

Forgive me, but a banker, you know, to reveal anything about his clients...

I'm not taking notes.

I'll be brief and to the point.

What would you say if a millionaire came to you and withdrew one million pounds,

in cash. - I'd say blackmail.

And if the man then packed up and left the country?

What would you say then?

I'd say fear. He was running away from something.

Has this happened?

Not once, but three times, and it's happening again.

One of my oldest customers called me.

Same request. A million in cash to be available immediately.

Who was this customer?

Gilbert Jarvis.

It can't be coincidence. The pattern is always identical.

One million in cash. Cash, mind you.

No one deals in cash when that sort of figure is involved.

Exactly.

Unless it's a payoff of some kind.

My dear chap, you haven't got a drink.

Oh, thank you.

Mrs. Peel, call for you. - Thank you.

Hello? - Mrs, Peel, Jarvis is dead.

How did it happen?

He was really murdered this time.

I see. I'll see you later.

You say Jarvis asked for a million. - Yes.

He won't be collecting it, I'm afraid.

Why not? He's just been murdered.

Who'd want to murder him? - How did it happen?

I'm sorry, that's all I know. If you will excuse me.

No visitors.

Good evening!

I'd like to see Mr. Rathbone.

No visitors.

If you'd like to tell him that Mrs. Peel...

He's not seeing anybody.

Those are his orders.

Get on, Quint.

Yes, who is it? - Chalmers, sir.

Found someone snooping around the grounds.

Found someone?

Young lady, sir. - You?

You were at the party.

That's right. I'd like to speak to you.

I'm not seeing anyone.

It concerns a million pounds.

In cash.

All right, Chalmers...

but stay right outside the door, you understand.

I like to feel secure.

Burglars, I'm fair game for them.

It'd take an army of burglars to break in here.

Yes, well, state your business.

Supposing I were to say I was a journalist.

A series of articles entitled "How to become a Millionaire".

Journalist?

Chalmers!

Not only do you break into my house, but you use a dishonest trick to...

And you know all about dishonesty, don't you, Mr. Rathbone?

Well, they were there to take. - But not to take away.

Naughty.

What about Jarvis?

Well, what about him?

You know him well? - No, not intimately.

I met him a couple of times at Unwin's.

And yet you seemed so shocked when you heard he'd been murdered.

That's only natural.

Murder is a shocking affair.

You're a thrifty man, Mr. Rathbone.

And proud of it. Breeds moral character.

And dust.

Why are you so frightened?

Frightened?

Me?

You shut yourself off behind guard dogs,

armed men, an array of locks.

Well, I value my seclusion!

No. No, you're frightened.

Look at you now, you're edgy.

I don't like people!

And you're perspiring.

Well, it's hot in here.

Then why not open a window?

Shall we do that, Mr. Rathbone?

Open a window and let the air in.

No! Nothing frightens me, you understand.

Nothing!

Nothing!

Who are you?

How did you get in here?

Why?

Have you checked the grounds?

Yes, sir. - Guards posted?

Three front, three back. The rest are patrolling, sir.

If you meet any trouble, if you see anybody, shoot to kill!

Do you understand?

Shoot to kill!

Yes?

You have just been murdered again Mr. Rathbone.

For the fourth time, too.

Who are you? - A well-wisher.

Intensely concerned for your welfare.

Four times is the limit, Mr Rathbone.

The next time, it'll be for real.

What do you want, why do you keep...

Now, I think we talk business. Don't you?

Rathbone's place is a fortress.

Guards. Barred windows.

Bolts on the door? - Yes.

Just like Jarvis, he had them, too.

Didn't do him much good.

But he knew he was in danger. Now, Rathbone...

Rathbone is definitely scared, there's no doubt about that.

But why?

Steed, Mrs. Peel.

It's happening again, Rathbone this time. Asks me to sell his government stock.

Now?

Why, it's the worst possible time to sell.

I know it, and so does he for that matter.

But he's adamant, he wants the money right away

How much? - A million.

In cash? - Yes, it's to be at the bank by midday.

Is he collecting it personally?

I tried to reason with him, but he's in a terrible state.

Couldn't you delay handing it over?

I don't see how, after all it's his money. If he wants it, I must hand it over.

Certainly, you must.

Come in, Mrs. Peel.

Hello, Steed?

I'm safely ensconced in Lord Maxsted's office.

We've got the loot here, and all spread out waiting for Rathbone.

Would it all fit into a black, medium-sized suitcase?

Yes, why?

Because that's what Rathbone's carrying.

Very inconsiderate of him.

Lord Maxsted was just about to introduce me to a very old very rare sherry.

Rathbone's here. Looking very jumpy, too.

Wouldn't you?

Suppose so. The prospect of wandering around

with a million in cash is not calculated to soothe the nerves.

He's leaving, on his way out.

If you want me, I'll be with Unwin.

Unwin?

Well, if the pattern fits, he's likely to be the next candidate.

I'm on my way.

Good luck.

Yes, Nicols?

Rathbone's arrived. He's heading for the bridge now.

Yes, Nicols?

Rathbone was followed, some woman.

Tall, slim, auburn-haired.

Never mind her attributes, deal with her quickly!

Skelton? - Yes sir?

Did you manage to pin Mr. Unwin down?

Well, he was in more of an upright position when I pinned him, sir.

Against a wall. I damaged his orchids.

Excellent.

He must be near cracking point.

I think we should step up the treatment. Immediately.

Right, sir.

One word. Just one word.

George! George, are you all right? - Of course, I'm all right.

What's wrong with using the front door?

George, what's going on?

I could ask you the same thing, breaking my windows.

Now look, there was a fight in here, I...

I saw it. - Fight?

Oh no, I just...

tripped down the stairs and knocked the lamp over, that's all.

That's not good enough, George.

I saw you stabbed right through the chest!

I hope you're not starting to lose your marbles.

There were two men here.

Two!

Must be the light from that lamp. You know, it casts funny shadows.

Look, Steed...

I don't want to seem inhospitable, but I am feeling very tired.

And frightened.

Are you frightened, too?

I've known you a long time, now if you're in any trouble...

Look, if I did have any trouble, I'd know how to deal with it, wouldn't I?

I would have thought so.

Well, let's leave it at that then, shall we?

Right.

Well, we must get together sometime soon.

Perhaps next month when I'm not quite so busy, eh?

We'll have fun, yes?

You know my number, don't forget that.

No, I won't.

Good night, Steed.

You see Mr. Unwin, there's no escape.

You may think you're invulnerable, but we can always get to you.

What do you want?

Before we go into that, I suggest you relax.

A spot of television might help.

I hear there's a good program on Channel B.

Channel B?

It'll be on the air at ten.

But what do you want?

Why don't you tune in and find out?

Who are you?

Channel B, ten o'clock. You'll be seeing me then.

Bridge Farm, that was the place.

It's not marked here.

Very bleak and deserted. The ideal place for a payoff.

Ah yes, the bridge is here.

And Rathbone just dropped it over the side?

Yes, he walked to the centre and...

For Rathbone to part with a million,

and just chuck it in the river, he must've had a good reason.

A sort of high-class protection racket with a clientele of millionaires?

When you have everything that money can buy, life becomes more precious.

Scare them enough, and they're bound to pay off.

And keep silent.

I doubt if any of them will talk. - Rathbone won't, that's for certain.

Once he's paid his million, he won't risk ending up like Jarvis.

There's still Unwin. - But are you sure he was threatened?

I saw him being attacked! I didn't imagine it.

He still hasn't approached Maxsted.

Not yet, but I have a feeling it will only be a matter of time.

Good evening. Welcome to Channel B.

And a particularly warm welcome to Mr. George Unwin.

Do answer it, Mr. Unwin.

That's me ringing you.

Thank you. You can you hear me, I trust?

Yes. - Splendid, sit down.

Now, are we viewing comfortably?

Yes. - Good, then I'll begin.

First, let me introduce myself.

The name is Needle.

No quips, please.

I've heard them all before.

Although, I do admit, I'm a little difficult to find.

It's extremely unwise to try.

Now, someone once said...

that a man should use his natural-born talents to the full.

Do you agree with that?

Yes, yes. - I'm so glad.

Because you see, I'm a natural-born parasite.

Will you get to the point?

The point?

Of course.

In the last 24 hours, you've been murdered four times.

Now, on any one of those occasions, it could've actually happened.

I think you'll agree, it would have been very unfortunate.

After all, dying is a very serious business.

It's so permanent!

Which brings us to the commercial.

The price? - A high one.

One which you can well afford.

In cash.

The place...

The money will be delivered in...

Don't worry.

We'll supply you with one.

Don't tell me. Unwin rang Maxsted.

And Maxsted rang me.

He's asked for his million.

In cash? - On the nail.

To be collected when? - Unwin didn't say.

He's going to call back, And when he does, Maxsted I hope...

Will be calling you.

Steed. Yes, my lord.

When?

Oh, I see.

Well, thanks for calling.

He's collected the money?

He's asked Maxsted to deliver it to his house.

There's still time.

You have a plan?

That's right. Ready?

It's a combined operation.

Hello, Steed. - Well, open house today, I see.

Forgive me, Steed, can't stop now, I have an urgent appointment.

Carry on! Don't let me get in your way.

What's this, George?

Off on a shopping spree?

It's a private transaction.

Isn't your cheque enough?

My dealings are my own concern.

I disagree. This deal is everyone's.

I know what's going on. You're being threatened, aren't you?

If I am, that's my affair.

I can take care of myself. - Can you? Then why are you paying?

It's my money, I can do what I like with it.

They'll be back, you know.

Look, Steed, I told you.

I can take care of this myself and I don't need your help.

Now just go and promise me you'll stay out of this.

All right, I'll go.

But for the rest...

Mrs. Peel? - Yes, Steed?

Unwin won't talk. He's going his own way.

Has he left?

Not yet. But when he does, I won't be far behind.

Quite a catch!

What do you use for bait?

Up you get!

Take me to your leader.

Or lead me to your taker.

You've obeyed your instructions to a tee. Well done, George.

You followed me?

Not quite.

What's that?

Your million. Which I hope to retrieve very soon.

Well, if you do, you'd better hurry.

Why? - I told you I could handle this alone.

There's a bomb in that case.

It's due to go off

in exactly 15 minutes.

I dropped it here.

Look, Steed, what does it matter where the case is

as long as it doesn't blow up before it reaches the hideout?

Mrs. Peel's car was back there.

You mean she...

Look, Steed, I'm sorry. I should have told you.

But I had been murdered four times.

If anything happens to Mrs. Peel, there'll be a fifth.

Hold it.

A word in your ear.

Your silence is requested.

No sign of anything.

We've not much time, Steed.

It's in that direction.

"E.P."

Mrs. Emma Peel!

And your name?

Needle. Nathaniel Needle.

In a haystack.

A little joke of mine.

You see, I thought I was impossible to find.

How did you manage it, Mrs. Peel?

Your reply, I don't think I heard.

That's not surprising. I didn't answer.

Tall, slim, auburn-haired.

Your description was passed to one of my men before you killed him.

Pity. He was a good man, Nicols.

Needle?

Get that case out of sight!

Don't have much time. It's due to go off at 3:00.

Let's try that caravan.

That's quite a haul.

Where are you heading? The Bahamas?

South America?

The moon?

Safe deposit.

And then back again for more.

Soon, I shall be the richest man in the world.

And the most powerful.

Keep an eye on those two.

But now, we must find a way of dealing with Mrs. Peel.

There's no one there.

Where's the case? - In the van.

But there's a bomb in that case.

Don't be silly. I've been carrying it around...

Bang goes the million.

And 10,000!

How much is that?

920,000.

Right.

10,000.

I didn't know you had so much money.

Neither did I.

If I didn't know you better,

I'd say you'd been very thrifty.

Forgetful.

Save a little each week, soon amounts up!

Certainly does.

Do you think it wise to leave all this cash lying around the house?

10,000. You're quite right.

Soon as it's counted, I'll pop down to the bank.

Totter.

With this little lot, you'll be tottering down to the bank.

I see what you mean.

Maybe I could use an armoured car.

Or two.

10,000.

I hope this isn't going to change your mode of living.

This vast wealth.

Of course not! I still retain the old values.

9,999?

It can't be! - That's impossible.

You're just one short of a million!

There's no status without it!

Who ever heard of a 999,999-aire?

Wait a minute.

There.

Success!

I made it!

You are now a self-made, fully fledged, half-penny millionaire.

Subtitles by rick@peoplesguidetothecosmos.com