Original subtitles

Over there!

It's uncanny, Steed.

The amount of stimulant I've pumped into him, he ought to be showing some signs of life by now.

Not a murmur.

Ah, Mrs. Peel. - Morning, Steed.

Good morning. Mrs. Peel, may I introduce Dr. Gibson, Mrs. Peel.

Morning.

The gentleman in the bed is a latter day sleeping beauty.

His name is Kendrick. Jack Kendrick. A local farm hand.

Dr. Gibson there found him on the Great South Road and brought him here.

And I'm not having him moved. Not until he shows some sign of recovery.

Which suits us very well.

If you want us we'll be in the next room.

Steed, what is wrong with that man?

He's in a coma. But why?

That's what we're here to find out.

Notice something about him? How well he looks?

Yes.

He's got a good suntan.

He was wearing these clothes.

Tropical kit.

Strange garb for this climate, don't you think?

Well, he's probably just come back from somewhere.

Well, no doubt about that. Kendrick disappeared four days ago.

Along with three other locals.

He's the only one to turn up so far.

Oh yes, I forgot to mention it. He had that arrow stuck in his back.

Only a flesh wound, though.

There must be some kind of poison, paralyzing drug.

No. Dr. Gibson examined it under the microscope.

No trace of a drug.

Intriguing, isn't it?

The middle of the English countryside,

up pops a missing man sporting a tan it would take months to acquire,

wearing tropical clothes, and with a native arrow in his back.

Steed!

Kendrick?

Kendrick?

Kendrick!

Four days ago you left your home.

Where did you go?

Where did you go?

Steed.

Listen.

Professor Swain? Let me help you.

Oh, thank you, thank you, dearie.

You must be Mrs. Peel.

Yes, how do you do? - How do you do?

It was very good of you to come down at such short notice.

Oh, not at all, not at all. Something of acute interest to me, you said.

Yes, I believe you're an expert on primitive tribes.

Oh, you flatter me, dear lady, you flatter me.

No, it's an interest, an interest, possibly a passing interest.

No, by profession I'm an entomologist.

My knowledge of primitive peoples is well...

No, I... I lectured on entomology at the Kalayan University until the new government took over.

Then, like so many of my colleagues, I came back here.

And very happy to be back, too.

Professor, do you have experience with Sharanzi?

Yes. What do you know about it?

Does Sharanzi really exist?

Yes.

An odd admission from a westerner, eh?

Oh yes, yes, it exists.

A cult peculiar to Kalaya.

A more dreaded form of... well, for want of a better term: voodoo.

With roots as deep and mystical as the world itself.

Oh, just a moment, I think I might have something here.

Of particular interest to you. Yes, yes, yes, here it is, here it is.

You see, Sharanzi, in the Kalayan tongue, means the curse of sleep.

A curse inflicted on evil doers, by the ancient gods,

who resided within this forbidden area, protected by these holy men.

Now, to enter the forbidden area, was to transgress.

To transgress, Sharanzi.

Excuse me. - Certainly.

Used by the holy men. Aradi, the sweet sound of hell.

The inescapable sound that precedes the everlasting sleep.

Professor,

you've seen victims of Sharanzi? Oh, indeed, yes.

And you'd recognize the symptoms if you saw them again?

Better than that, I could tell for sure, with this.

You see, one holds it over the victim,

and if the Sharanzi has taken over, round it goes.

I could give you a practical demonstration, if you could find me a suitable subject.

I think it could be arranged.

My goodness sir, this is a relic.

One of our old mid tropical five button broad weaves.

But who was it made for?

Oh, it will be on the file, sir. Off to the tropics, are you, sir?

Thinking about it. - Well, you couldn't have come to a better place.

This establishment prides itself on its service.

No matter where you are, steaming jungle, burning bush or arid desert,

we always get our order through.

By plane to the nearest airport, motor vehicle to the nearest village,

and thence by native bearer to the very flap of your bivouac.

After big game. are you, sir?

Very big.

Oh, we specialize there, too. All the best hunters come here.

Simon Trent, for one. Oh, yes. One of our very best customers.

Splendid chap, sir.

Once shot a bull elephant with a single barrel at 40 paces.

Or,um, was it 30?

Do much shooting, sir? - On occasions.

I once shot a bull elephant myself.

Really? What did you use?

F8 at 500th of a second and a small roll of film.

Oh. Oh, yes.

Ah yes, here we are, sir. The shirt was made for a Colonel Rawlings.

17th Battalion Fusiliers. Dispatched to him by steamship.

Where? - Um, Kalaya.

When? May 14, 1929.

This is mumbo jumbo quackery.

Dr. Gibson, we can at least try.

Oh, that's mine. The car seat's very uncomfortable.

Now first, I must anoint the afflicted man with this.

Well, this is ridiculous. What do you expect to achieve with this nonsense?

Well you must admit so far conventional medicine's had no effect.

Very well. But it's your responsibility.

I'll have no part of it.

Sharanzi.

Sharanzi!

I'm sorry, Mrs. Peel, there's nothing more I can do.

I've diagnosed the sickness, I do not hold the cure.

He sleeps the sleep of the living death.

There's no awakening him. Not by any means I have at my command.

But surely there must be something.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Peel.

Professor Swain, we're not living in a primitive jungle.

This is Hartfordshire, England.

Yes, yes. That's the puzzling part.

How the poor chap came to offend.

Offend? Whom?

A curse that follows across continents.

Across the world.

The Kalayan gods. This is their punishment.

The man is doomed.

He'll sleep and eventually he'll rise, and walk the dark forests of hell for all eternity.

Walk? That man couldn't take a single step.

There's no response, no reflex action.

Nevertheless, that is the legend.

The dark forests of hell for all eternity.

Professor, are there any members of this tribe living in Britain?

Students perhaps, or immigrants.

Well, I really couldn't say.

Well, perhaps I can phone the Kalayan embassy and find out.

Well, you can try.

But my experience with that government is that they are extremely unhelpful.

Well, I shall try.

Well, good-bye, Mrs. Peel. - Thank-you, Professor.

Oh, get me the Kalayan embassy, please.

No, Kalayan.

K for Katy, A for apple, L for... love?

Yes, I've got that. Ex-servicemen's club. Is that all?

All right, thank-you.

I've heard of forty winks, but this is ridiculous.

Same as Kendrick? - Not a murmur since I found him.

I'll have to get someone in to help you.

Pity, though. I wanted to keep this quiet. - I can handle it.

Mrs. Peel, I wouldn't dream of leaving you here all on your own.

Really Steed, I can manage.

Oh, don't worry, I'm an insomniac.

This Swain, did you believe what he told you?

Well, it all sounded pretty fantastic.

But taken in context with what's been happening here...

Under some ancient Kalayan spell.

Could be.

Kendrick was in the army once.

Served most of his time in Kalaya.

So did the other three locals who disappeared.

A curse that follows one across continents.

That's what Professor Swain said.

And you know, I'm beginning to believe him.

What else did he say?

Oh, nothing much.

I took the trouble to phone the Kalayan embassy

and find out how many nationals there are living over here.

And.

Actually there are very few.

Three or four work in restaurants,

and the rest are servants in the Kalayan Ex-serviceman’s Club.

It's a weird sort of organization, run by a man called Rawlings.

Rawlings? A Colonel Rawlings?

Yes. Why?

That tropical gear. That was bought in 1929 by a Colonel Rawlings.

Well, he's probably dead by now.

No, I checked up at the war office.

He's one of those old steaders. He did his entire military service in Kalaya.

In fact he stayed on there after he retired.

And when the Kalayans took over the country he was turfed out.

Hang on, I've got his file in my car.

Had a spot of bother with the natives.

A full blown savage with a very unfriendly disposition.

Oh, come now, Steed.

It's the truth. He was wearing war paint.

Sacrificial knife, the lot.

He practically ruined my bowler hat.

Didn't do this much good, either.

What's missing?

Colonel Rawlings' file.

Fortunately he overlooked my cucumber sandwiches. - Oh, good.

Mmm... What about Colonel Rawlings?

Oh, that's no loss, I read the thing twice.

Got enough of the details.

Enough?

To infiltrate the Kalayan Ex-servicemen's Association, and meet Colonel Rawlings.

By the way, what's the address of the organization?

Oh, that's no problem.

See that house at the bottom of the garden?

That's the Willows, the home of Colonel Rawlings.

And the headquarters of the Kalayan Ex-serviceman’s Association.

Now, isn't that a coincidence.

Isn't it just.

Take me to your leader.

You should have tried the front door.

It's far less hazardous.

Fine time to tell me.

Steed. Major Steed.

For identification purposes.

Thanks.

Can I pick your pocket now?

Trent. Simon Trent.

Of course. Your reputation precedes you.

Shot a bull elephant at 50 paces. Isn't that so?

Oh, that's not all I've shot in my time.

Well there can't be much hunting around here.

Oh, you'd be surprised.

It's amazing what turns up in the traps sometimes.

Is it?

And then the only thing to do is to...

... put it out of its misery.

You here to see the Colonel?

That was the idea.

What about?

I tell you what. You join us. You eavesdrop.

Major, you're not very grateful.

After all, if I hadn't turned up when I did, you might have been stuck up there for days.

I'll show you my gratitude.

If I hear of anyone being pestered by a bull elephant I'll let you know, all right?

Now, perhaps we'd better find the Colonel.

Well, if you want to see him, you'd better dress for the occasion.

Hardly the thing to wear where you're going, old boy.

I think we can find something to fit you, Major.

You'll soon get acclimatized, Major.

The tropical temperature is maintained by under soil heating.

The humidity, by spraying.

And the growth, by filtered ultraviolet.

One really might be back in the Kalayan jungle, mighten one?

One might indeed.

Better stick close, Major. The jungle can be treacherous.

I suppose we could term you as a guest, Major.

The Colonel.

Oh, yes.

Colonel, sir?

Colonel Rawlings, there's a visitor for you, sir.

Well. This blasted place is like a crematorium.

The fans turning, are they? Are they?

Yes, of course, sir.

Rain. Can smell it. Monsoons are on the way.

That means mud. Filthy mud everywhere.

Still, imperius prius ipse. Empire before self, eh?

Someone to see you, sir. - What, where, who...?

Oh! Huh. Wearing my old colours. Yeah, my old regiment.

Presented after Macafee. You weren't there, were you?

No, of course not.

Still, I know you. Yes, yes, yes, it's um... - Major...

Don't tell me. Don't tell me. No, no, no, no...

Never forget a face or a name.

Used to know all of Kitchener's staff. Could recite them backwards.

Yes, yes, you're ah, Major... I know it's Major...

Steed. - Steed. Steed? Is it?

Yeah, of course it is. I knew you at once.

Yeah. Number four company wasn't it?

Number two, sir. I met you at Salundar.

Salundar, yes, regimental dinner.

Farewell party.

Oh really, whose? - Yours, sir.

Yeah, of course, of course, of course.

All right, man, stand at ease. I don't allow ceremony in the mess.

What have you been up to since then?

Well, when I got my gratuity I got a plantation. Rubber.

Wise, wise lad. Sound investment. Can't lose.

I did, sir. Lost a lot when the new government took over.

What new government? This is British territory.

Nobody's taking over here. And we'll fight to the last man!

To the last man. Won't we, Trent?

Yes, indeed, sir.

Do you know Trent? Splendid fellow.

He's got guts.

He downed a bull elephant at twenty paces. Or was it ten?

A drink for you, Colonel? - Oh yeah, I'm as dry as a bone.

Major?

Why, that's on my mess bill. What's your tipple?

Brandy, sir.

In this heat? You'll lacerate your liver.

Keep it long and cool.

With a touch of soda.

I'll have the same, thank-you, sir.

Uh, three brandies and soda my dear.

No, not that one. The other bottle.

He couldn't survive the winds of change.

The shock softened his brain.

He's like a tropical plant. He'd die in any other conditions.

Ours is an exact replica of the old clubhouse. He still thinks he's there.

And you play him along.

Yes, and in return, we have an ideal retreat.

He has a nice live in au pair.

He's got a whole tribe of them out there.

Adds a little reality.

How did you get here, Major?

Came up river, I suppose.

I say have you come up river?

Yes, sir. Ah, tricky journey, you know.

Especially during the rainy season.

Ahh, that's better.

It's always better after sundown.

That blistering heat.

You know, it's at times like these that I long to be back in my own country.

Yes, back in old Mother England.

Often dream about it.

A little house of my own, somewhere in the country.

Hartfordshire.

Yeah, I'd pump for Hartfordshire.

The English countryside.

Oh, there's nothing to beat it, you know.

You been back home recently, Major?

Fairly recently, yes, Colonel.

How is it? Still as green as ever?

Blast! This country. Uncivilized.

Sometimes I wonder why I stay here.

Still. Duty, you know.

Talking of duty, it's time I inspected the club area.

Yes, I'll have it swept clean and tidy, you know.

Just because we're out here. there's no lowering of the standards, no, no, no.

We like to do things as we would back home.

In England.

Ah, Fleming.

Good evening, sir.

Trent.

Just been out to the cottage. Both of them have...

Fleming, I, I... I don't think you've met John Steed, have you?.

An old compatriot, he's only just arrived, hasn't had time to settle down yet.

How do you do? - How do you do?

Fleming's our pet rubber expert.

Experimenting with some new strains, aren't you, Fleming?

Yes, well of course this is about the only place with ideal conditions.

I would have thought Kalaya had the tiniest edge over it.

Yes, well I mean the only place in this part of the world, of course.

All the same a very strange place to grow rubber, isn't it, England?

Is Kalaya barred to you?

Steed, would you excuse us?

Fleming, would you come with me.

I want to talk to you about those test trees on the north side.

I'm rather worried about them. - Oh, yes, yes, of course.

You darn fool. I told you to be more careful.

I'm sorry, Trent, I didn't see him.

Do you play polo, Major?

When I can, sir.

I played first team, number three, myself.

We got through to the army finals at Jedera.

Did you? - You know Jedera?

A passing acquaintance.

Astonishing place. White man's grave, it used to be.

Sticky. You know what I mean, sticky.

I've got a snap of me straddling a polo pony somewhere.

Want to see? Yeah, of course you do. Come on.

Now, I've got them all here somewhere.

Here we are. That's the army team of '31.

Yes, fine bunch of fellows, isn't it?

That's Tommy Johnson there.

Behind that blessed thumb. That dashed man never could take a decent photograph.

Yeah, we got through to the finals.

Had a terrific fight.

We got it all sewn up in the final chukker, when Johnson came swishing through...

You listening, Major?

Yes, Colonel, I'm listening.

Your play, Colonel.

You think you've got me, don't you?

It's not as easy as all that.

Cards are my strong point.

Got a mathematical turn of mind.

Yes, a very pretty move on your part, but...

Snap!

Tell me, Colonel, have you known Trent for a long time?

Trent. Ah, yes, splendid fellow.

You know he was downed a bull elephant at...

... twenty paces, yes I know.

How did you get to know him?

Two more, poor devils.

What's wrong with them?

Sleep. We've had a bad outbreak of it lately.

Sleep? - The sleep of the living death.

I see you've spotted our little charade.

It all helps with the illusion.

Needn't bother us though.

And it amuses the old boy.

Convincing illusion.

Well, Colonel, I really think I'd better be getting back.

Getting back? - Up river.

We can't have that, can we?

Tell him, Trent.

The river floods at this time of the year.

You'd have great difficulty in getting anyone willing to take a boat out on to it.

But really, I'm perfectly capable... - It's far too dangerous, old chap.

And you wouldn't want to upset the Colonel now, would you?

No, I wouldn't think of sending my worst enemy out on that river during the rainy season.

No, no, we can put him up, can't we, Trent?

Oh yes, indeed, sir.

Delighted to have you stay, Major.

Would you care for another drink?

The dark forests of hell for all eternity.

Well, I did warn you, Mrs. Peel.

Professor Swain, both those men were incapable of walking.

And the windows were firmly locked.

You know, the European mind is a literal one.

It demands explanations, logic.

Now, I've lived a great part of my life in the far east,

and I've come to accept the inexplicable.

I didn't say it was inexplicable.

I was in the next room. I... dozed off.

It would have been perfectly possible for someone to enter the cottage,

take both these men, and walk out right past me.

You really think that's what happened?

I think it's possible.

It's hard to make you understand the ways of the native Kalayan.

This legend of the sleep of the living death.

And that was something I wanted to ask you.

While Kendrick and Gibson were still here, I had an opportunity to study them.

I also had an opportunity to study this.

Professor are you familiar with... Glossina trypanosoma.

Come on, Professor, you're an entomologist.

Glossina trypanosoma. The common or garden tsetse fly.

Oh yes, yes, I'm aware of that. But what exactly are you driving at?

Sleeping sickness.

A disease carried by the tsetse fly.

And according to this book, the symptoms of... - Not those two men.

Now, you don't honestly believe that I wouldn't recognize sleeping sickness if I saw it.

I didn't say it was sleeping sickness.

Of course it isn't.

But I said it could be something like it.

No, no, no, nonsense. Complete nonsense.

I can assure you that my authority in this field has never been doubted.

I do not doubt it now, Professor.

I was merely trying to point out that the symptoms are similar.

Mrs. Peel, I have given you the benefit of my experience.

I'm afraid I can be of no further service to you. Good-night.

Professor Swain?

Professor?

Hello?

Mrs. Peel?

Steed, where are you?

Deep in wildest Kalaya.

What? - Listen.

Kendrick and Gibson, they haven't by the smallest chance taken a little walk, have they?

How did you know?

They turned up here last night.

I saw them being brought in.

Something else. Swain's just disappeared.

He walked out of the cottage and... - Have to go now.

Steed?

Steed!

Ah. Up bright and early, Major?

Morning constitutional. Old habits die hard.

Yes, don't they.

I find the same thing myself, you know.

This time of day, if I see something moving,

It's all I can do to stop myself from shooting it.

Very upsetting with the early risers in Kalaya when you were there.

It's not loaded, Major.

Never load a gun, unless you intend to use it.

A good maxim, I think.

And very comforting.

Well, if we get a move on, we should be in time for breakfast.

Must have been quite a blow to you when the Kalayans took over.

What? Oh, yes.

I mean, you had your own plantation, and all that sort of thing.

You didn't want to give that up, did you?

I didn't indeed.

I know how I felt. Frustrated. I wanted to hit back.

Unfortunately there is no way of hitting back.

Is there?

Quite.

Ah, good morning Colonel.

Ah, morning, morning. My monishes too.

How'd you sleep, Major? - Very well, thank you, sir.

Capital, capital. Have a spot of breaka.

Thank you, sir.

A word with you, Trent.

Sorry about the corn flakes being soggy.

It's the journey up river. It affects them, you know.

Might run into a little bit of sport later on, eh?

Sir? - Pigstick, you know.

Yeah, might be able to arrange a little chase of some kind.

Well, thank you, sir.

A thousand pardons, massar. The juniper tree. Midnight.

Sorry to startle you old chap.

Razafi. Lieutenant Razafi. With Kalayan Intelligence Service.

Oh, how...

How do you do? - How do you do?

I've been observing you, Mr. Steed.

It would appear that we are working to the same ends.

I sincerely hope so.

Oh, do forgive me.

Something very strange is happening here, Mr. Steed.

Very strange, and threatening to my government.

But, I understand that Trent and Fleming were thrown out of Kalaya.

They were not thrown out, I do assure you.

They just did not choose to remain under our rule.

All the same, they do bear a grudge.

They are planning something. All that business at the cottage.

The sleep of the living death.

Sharenzai. It's a lot of trickery to cover the real truth.

And what is the real truth?

Come with me.

You see, Mr. Steed, there is nothing primitive about all this.

These men and the others who disappeared are just guinea pigs.

Test cases. - Testing what?

Well, this is the cunning thing...

You... You get away, old chap.

Get away.

Lieutenant Razafi.

A spy.

A dirty spy.

Well, old boy, I've got to hand it to you.

I didn't suspect him for a moment.

But you spotted him right away, and dealt with him quickly and quietly.

I like that.

I suppose it's about time I did some explaining.

It might help.

I couldn't at first, you know, not until we made sure of you.

You do understand, don't you?

They chucked people like us out of Kalaya, Steed.

But we're going back. And we're taking this with us.

Recognize them? - Flies?

A new strain of tsetse flies.

It's taken a long time to develop, under these ideal conditions.

It's a very special strain.

We've made them immune to all forms of insecticides.

Once they are released, there's no stopping them.

I think you're beginning to understand.

I am, indeed.

Well, you can see for yourself how effective they can be.

They won't affect us, of course.

I'm very glad to hear it.

A simple, secret inoculation ensures complete protection.

But without that inoculation...

Tomorrow we fly back to Kalaya, Steed.

We're going back, back. And we're taking this with us.

One thousand of the little beauties, that's all we need.

Once they're released in a climate like that... - they breed like flies.

Yes. They breed like flies.

The whole country will be paralysed within a week.

Then we take over.

A pretty plan, don't you think?

Professor, this is the chap I was telling you about, Major Steed.

Meet the brains behind the whole thing. Professor Swain.

You look surprised, Major.

It's the incongruity, I suppose, all this happening in England.

That's been our strength.

We've been able to cover up our activity with a little mumbo jumbo.

Simple, yet so effective.

And ruthless. There were other guinea pigs?

Oh yes, a few local men who had served in Kalaya.

We had to make sure they hadn't developed an immunity to our

nice, new tsetse fly.

They hadn't. No resistance. No resistance whatever.

They needn't bother us. though.

Your nice inoculation.

Ensures complete protection.

We'd better get you fixed, by the way.

Oh, Lala, get Mr. Fleming, would you, please.

Lala, what is the matter with you? Losing your wits with me?

Take it!

The canister, Trent.

Go for it. They can't get away.

What's all that racket?

Fleming, what's it all about?

Trouble. Well, that is, just a local uprising, sir.

Uprising, eh?

Firm hand. That's what's needed. Firm hand.

Take them some coloured beads. Always seems to help.

Steed and a woman have taken the canister.

Now split up and track them down.

Ah, doing a spot of hunting, eh?

Bring us back a big one, huh?

I'll bring you back a couple, Colonel.

Well, grab them young if you can. The last lot were as tough as old boots.

I like something a bit tender. Something I can get my teeth into.

Mrs. Peel?

Mrs. Peel?

That's a single barrel. You've had your five.

My arithmetic is shocking.

By Jove, the natives are restless tonight.

Ah, I say, well done, Major.

Bagged a big one, eh?

Have the boys bring him back. We'll have it stuffed.

Excuse me, Colonel.

Ugly looking brute.

Fleming!

Fleming! - Over here. We got her.

I'll do it.

You almost spoiled it, Mrs. Peel.

All that work almost in jeopardy because of you.

That arouses me to violence.

Me, Steed.

Me, Emma.

What's in this, anyway, the crown jewels?

Creepy, crawly, germ laden flies.

Let's get back to the old country.

Ah, good old England.

Beautiful weather, don't you think?

Well, if you're dressed for it.

These little beauties won't like it though.

If the temperature falls below subtropical - they die like flies.

Absolutely.

Steady as she goes.

Full speed ahead.

In that case, we'll have to start the other engine.

Aye, aye, sir.

subtitles: rick@peoplesguidetothecosmos.com