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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,360 --> 00:00:05,800 They say you need to do something for 10,000 hours 2 00:00:05,800 --> 00:00:07,920 to be an expert at it. 3 00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:09,560 Guess what Jock is an expert at? 4 00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:12,520 I've got to stop, me mouth's killing me. 5 00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:15,480 Do you want to do it again tomorrow? 6 00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:18,000 Not tomorrow. We could get lockjaw if we do too much of it. 7 00:00:23,080 --> 00:00:24,800 What's wrong with you now? 8 00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:26,200 I thought we were going out. 9 00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:31,080 Look, I can't talk to you when you're all emotional. 10 00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:33,480 We'll chat about it tomorrow. 11 00:00:33,480 --> 00:00:34,600 OK. 12 00:00:39,680 --> 00:00:41,960 Is she, like, your girlfriend now or something? 13 00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:43,480 Jesus, no. 14 00:00:43,480 --> 00:00:45,480 She seems to think so. 15 00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:46,640 That's her problem. 16 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,960 Jock is like a mentor to me when it comes to women, 17 00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:05,040 and the best person to talk to when it comes to relationship advice. 18 00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:07,480 Having a girlfriend's like buying a bike in the shop. 19 00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:09,960 What's the point when you can steal a different one every day? 20 00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:12,200 The city's full of them. That's all right for you to say. 21 00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:13,600 You're good at stealing bikes. 22 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:16,360 I'd be happy with just one nice, reliable bike. 23 00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:18,840 Yeah, but would you not like to ride a load of different bikes 24 00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:20,920 before deciding on the one that you want? 25 00:01:20,920 --> 00:01:23,200 I kind of already know the one I like. 26 00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:24,560 All right, fair enough. 27 00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:27,000 Give me the make and model, and I'll nick it for you. 28 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,360 Wait, we are talking about girls, aren't we? 29 00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:31,240 I thought we switched to bikes. 30 00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:38,520 Fuck! 31 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:41,800 There's Sergeant Healy. 32 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:44,720 He's basically a shit Irish Terminator. 33 00:01:56,680 --> 00:01:59,000 You know, it's really great to be such an inspiration 34 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:02,600 to the younger kids in our neighbourhood. 35 00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:03,920 Get out the way! 36 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:05,640 KIDS SHOUT 37 00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:10,040 Hurry, hurry, hurry! I AM fucking hurrying! 38 00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:21,480 Get back here, lads! 39 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:27,280 Come, on this way! Quick! Thank you, Mrs McCarthy! 40 00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:36,800 Open the fucking door! 41 00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:43,680 Ah, Jesus Christ! 42 00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:57,680 Our school used to be an all-boys school, but they introduced girls 43 00:02:57,680 --> 00:03:00,240 in the mid-'90s to reduce fighting at lunch break. 44 00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:04,480 Take that out of your nose. I won't tell you again. 45 00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:07,440 And stop holding hands. Stop. 46 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:09,760 Last thing I'd want to be doing on a hot day 47 00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:11,520 is holding someone's sweaty hand. 48 00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:15,040 # Looking all around when she's in town 49 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:16,600 # Looking all around. # 50 00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:21,360 Is that the... 51 00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:23,240 ..the bike you were on about earlier? 52 00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:25,920 Is it? 53 00:03:25,920 --> 00:03:29,560 I'll help you get with her if you like, but you've got to be careful. 54 00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:31,840 Do you remember what happened to Seany? 55 00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:34,560 Seany fell in love with this wan called Dicey Dearbhla, 56 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:36,200 and she ended up giving him the flick. 57 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:37,440 It's over! 58 00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:40,120 He used to be gifted at stealing shit, 59 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:41,840 but his heart just wasn't in it any more. 60 00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:43,560 HE CRIES 61 00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:46,080 Oi, come on! Get off of me! 62 00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:48,400 He got six months in jail because of that. 63 00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:50,480 Then when he got out, he saw her with another fella. 64 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:53,040 Now he's a drug addict living on the streets. 65 00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:54,200 Jesus. 66 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,240 Love will do that to you. 67 00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:59,480 As soon as you start to like her too much, you've got to break it off. 68 00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:00,640 Got it. 69 00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:03,800 What are you doing? 70 00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:06,240 Going to ask if she wants to shift you after school. 71 00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:08,400 No fucking way. Why not? 72 00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:11,320 You need to go through the levels. First you stare at them, 73 00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:15,840 then they catch you, and then you go over and explain why you're staring. 74 00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:17,320 Has that ever worked for you? 75 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:25,400 I'll tell you what, I'll get with her sister, Siobhan. 76 00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:27,600 That way, we'll be like a foursome hanging out, 77 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:30,240 then eventually, Linda will get bored and she'll have to shift you. 78 00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:31,920 Thanks. 79 00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:38,440 How's it going? How you getting on? Not too bad. 80 00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:40,600 We were just eyeing you up there, we saw a bit of a ring. 81 00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:43,400 We could see it shining. Can I have a look at it? 82 00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:46,600 Got it in the Savoy. Is that from the Savoy? Yeah. 83 00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:50,040 Do up your tie, will you? Do up your tie. 84 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:51,720 Up, up, up, up, up, up. 85 00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:54,320 All the way, all the way, all the way. All the way. 86 00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:56,480 Your hands are so soft. It's the moisturising. 87 00:04:56,480 --> 00:04:57,800 Do you use that stuff? 88 00:04:57,800 --> 00:05:01,160 BOTH: Moisturiser. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. 89 00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:06,120 Come on, you know the rules. Stop holding hands. 90 00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:16,200 Anyone wearing trainers with their uniform, 91 00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:17,760 you've been warned enough times. 92 00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:20,880 Take them off now. Spend the rest of the day in your socks. 93 00:05:26,840 --> 00:05:29,480 I thought getting a girlfriend would involve something simple, 94 00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:32,200 like telling them you like them and asking them to go out with you, 95 00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:34,440 but it's actually a lot more complicated than that. 96 00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:36,320 Linda has to see you shifting someone else. 97 00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:38,280 That way, she'll think you're the man. 98 00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:41,520 This him? Yeah. 99 00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:43,360 This is Janette, she was one of my first. 100 00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:44,640 Good kisser, no bullshit. 101 00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:46,640 JANETTE SNORTS 102 00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:49,200 This needs to look natural, like the two of you have done it 103 00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:52,040 loads before, and Linda, the black one, has to be watching. Yep. 104 00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:54,760 Let's get on with it. 105 00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:05,680 We've been waiting here ages. Mam and Da are picking us up soon. 106 00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:08,440 Yeah, sorry. Janette had to stop to get a tampon from the shop. 107 00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:11,040 Yeah. 108 00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:12,400 You want to shift? 109 00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:13,920 Yeah, all right, then. 110 00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:23,880 Hi, Linda. Hi. 111 00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:25,600 This is Janette. 112 00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:27,120 Hiya. 113 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:36,560 JANETTE SNORTS 114 00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:38,600 Ready? 115 00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:40,000 Come on, then. 116 00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:49,440 Did you ever try and kiss someone 117 00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:51,160 when you know someone else is watching? 118 00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:53,920 You start picturing what they see, and end up trying to do it better 119 00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:55,720 based on what you think you look like. 120 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:00,520 Why are you combing my hair? 121 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:03,360 I'm not combing, I'm caressing. 122 00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:05,320 What does caressing mean? 123 00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:08,920 Er, it's like when you touch something really lovingly. 124 00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:11,840 Love? Well, not love, like, I didn't mean that. 125 00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:14,280 I don't love you. You'd better not! 126 00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:16,120 This is fucked up. I'm going. 127 00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:21,840 She's obviously not having a good day. 128 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:23,600 Clearly. 129 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:25,920 I mean, I don't know why she got so upset. 130 00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:30,040 Using your hands shows initiative. 131 00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:34,160 The way you held her and the way you touched her and... 132 00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:35,400 Yeah. 133 00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:39,160 ..the way you held your body around her, your body language. 134 00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:41,360 I think it was pretty romantic. 135 00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:43,720 Well, like, tell me if I'm wrong, but isn't this nice? 136 00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:46,240 Oh, yeah, it's really nice. Oh, your hair's way better! 137 00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:47,840 Yeah! It feels like ropes. 138 00:07:47,840 --> 00:07:50,880 No, it's not like ropes, but, yeah, I get your point, though. 139 00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:53,160 Yeah. She must have a thing about her hair. 140 00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:57,680 It's not even like she was that good. 141 00:07:57,680 --> 00:07:59,240 Her tongue was like... 142 00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:00,560 ..like an angry snake. 143 00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:05,840 Are you OK? Yeah, thanks. 144 00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:13,880 Shit, fuck. Sorry, no... 145 00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:16,400 You got a tissue? 146 00:08:18,640 --> 00:08:21,120 Are you sure? Go for it. It's fine, it needs washed anyway. 147 00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:22,720 Positive? Yeah. 148 00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:27,280 Thanks. 149 00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:30,840 Er... 150 00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:32,520 You've got just a little bit left. 151 00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:34,560 Oh, I... No, it's fine. 152 00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:44,560 You've got to hand it to Jock. 153 00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:46,920 His advice on girls is pretty much idiot-proof. 154 00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:54,880 I thought you said they were meeting friends. Like, girl friends. 155 00:08:54,880 --> 00:08:56,960 Why, what's wrong with them? 156 00:08:56,960 --> 00:08:58,560 They're the worst! 157 00:08:58,560 --> 00:09:01,360 They are literally the worst two fellas in the school! 158 00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:04,720 Oh, I hate them. I hate them! 159 00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:08,520 They're only having a chat with two fellas on a bench, for God's sake. 160 00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:10,480 Orla, this is where it starts. 161 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:13,560 They talk on the bench, and then they go back to the house. 162 00:09:13,560 --> 00:09:15,080 They say, "Let's chill." 163 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:17,640 That's the words they use, then they don't chill. 164 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,560 Barry, you're going to have to trust the girls. 165 00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:21,920 You know that, like, OK? 166 00:09:21,920 --> 00:09:24,400 I'm going to go over and say hello. Yeah, go over and say hello, 167 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:27,440 and don't embarrass the girls in front of their two friends. 168 00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:35,600 HE COUGHS EXAGGERATEDLY 169 00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:42,000 Jock. Conor. 170 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:44,880 All right so? Hi, sir. 171 00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:47,320 Girls, your mam's in the car, waiting for you. 172 00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:48,560 I'll be over in a minute. 173 00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:55,520 Can I sit down? 174 00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:07,040 See you and Linda and Siobhan are getting very friendly these days. 175 00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:11,200 Just like to ask you what your intentions are... 176 00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:13,440 ..man-to-man. 177 00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:17,400 Is this one of them conversations about protection? 178 00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:28,280 HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY 179 00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:40,320 What's up with him? 180 00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:45,280 Calm down now, Barry. Barry... 181 00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:47,400 You're not hanging out with them any more. Barry... 182 00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:49,440 ..necking their face off! 183 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:53,200 Barry, would you just drive the fucking car?! 184 00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:55,520 ENGINE STARTS 185 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:03,720 That's me da there. He died a few years back. 186 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:05,840 Some dickhead dropped a hammer off a roof. 187 00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:07,040 Watch out! 188 00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:13,000 Jesus Christ! 189 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:14,560 How come you ended up with Dad? 190 00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:18,760 Same as everyone else - I got pregnant. 191 00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:22,760 You didn't have to marry him, though. What did you like about him? 192 00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:24,640 Is this about a girl? 193 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:26,360 No, fuck off. 194 00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:28,400 Relax! Jesus. 195 00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:47,600 After your dad got me up the pole, I was raging. 196 00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:50,320 Couldn't even look at him. 197 00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:54,400 I'd say a month went by. 198 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:57,280 He'd be calling every day, and I'd be saying I wasn't in. 199 00:11:57,280 --> 00:12:00,400 But then another month went by, I didn't hear from him at all. 200 00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:03,680 I was feeling like shit, 201 00:12:03,680 --> 00:12:06,400 so your grandad brought me down to his workshop, 202 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:08,640 and he showed me a wooden cot he'd made. 203 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:12,000 It was ugly as fuck. 204 00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:15,000 But so much thought had gone into it. 205 00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:19,280 Then he told me that your dad was down there every day 206 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:21,080 for the last month, making it with him. 207 00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:25,560 Wasn't the smartest, your dad. 208 00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:30,080 But he knew if he won your grandad over, he'd have me too. 209 00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:34,840 AS VOICEOVER: I like to think that, someday, 210 00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:37,560 I might be doing carpentry with Linda's da. 211 00:12:37,560 --> 00:12:39,120 DOORBELL RINGS 212 00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:52,120 Hiya. 213 00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:53,800 Hi. 214 00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:55,080 Can I come in? 215 00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:06,960 Being a good criminal is all about keeping your cool 216 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:08,680 when confronted by the Guards. 217 00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:13,880 Hiya. 218 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:17,120 Just checking in you're OK after that ordeal in the school last week. 219 00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:18,400 I'm fine. 220 00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:22,600 And you're OK? 221 00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:25,080 Yeah. Fine. 222 00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:28,400 Brought you some biscuits. 223 00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:35,840 There was no need. 224 00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:37,880 I wanted to. 225 00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:39,200 Thanks. 226 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:43,400 Maybe I'll leave you my number, 227 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:45,960 just in case you ever need a Guard for something. 228 00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:48,840 Can I not just dial 999? 229 00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:55,000 Well, if you can't get through, you'll have this as a backup. 230 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:56,360 OK. 231 00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:03,040 I'll show myself out. 232 00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:06,080 Bye. 233 00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:07,360 Bye. 234 00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:19,640 What was that about? 235 00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:21,120 Fucked if I know. 236 00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:39,360 Boop! What are you doing? 237 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:41,120 It's a boop. A boop? 238 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:43,320 Yeah, you do it to someone you think is cute. 239 00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:47,000 Lads. 240 00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:49,440 Siobhan was telling me inside the bathrooms that he was after 241 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:51,880 getting off with four girls through the week. Siobhan Casey? 242 00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:54,120 Yeah. She's a fucking bitch. 243 00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:56,000 So? She's telling the truth, like. 244 00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:58,160 Everyone knows that's the way Jock is. 245 00:14:58,160 --> 00:14:59,280 I know what you're doing. 246 00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:01,320 Is it like the kind of thing where it's hard to get? 247 00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:03,960 You tell me to fuck off, and then it's like 248 00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:05,720 then you always want me to come back to you. 249 00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:07,200 I've seen that in the movies. 250 00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:21,680 KNOCK AT DOOR 251 00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:24,400 Are you expecting anyone? 252 00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:25,920 No. 253 00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:28,200 Hello! Hello, hello! 254 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:29,840 Jesus! 255 00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:33,240 Hello! 256 00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:42,160 Hi, sir. All right? 257 00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:44,840 What do you want? 258 00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:48,840 Can we come inside? 259 00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:52,560 In here? To MY house? 260 00:15:57,000 --> 00:16:00,000 When I was younger, I used to have difficulty reading body language, 261 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,720 but I'm pretty good at it these days. 262 00:16:16,280 --> 00:16:18,040 Dad, what are you doing? 263 00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:19,600 I invited them over. 264 00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:24,800 Come in, boys. Make yourselves at home. 265 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:26,720 Thank you. 266 00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:27,920 Thank you. 267 00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:32,560 SHE MOUTHS 268 00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:50,640 I don't want you upsetting our two girls, all right? 269 00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:53,480 What, as long as they just get pregnant and not upset? 270 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:55,160 I guess that's what matters, right? 271 00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:57,080 For fuck's sake, what are you on about? 272 00:16:57,080 --> 00:17:00,680 They're here to sexually involve themselves with Linda and Siobhan. 273 00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:03,560 That's why they're here. They're not here for sausages and burgers. 274 00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:06,160 You could have warned me Jock was coming. I would have gone out. 275 00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:08,880 The only reason Jock came's because Conor wouldn't go without him. 276 00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:10,240 They're like two peas in a pod. 277 00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:12,120 We're going to have a lovely fucking evening, 278 00:17:12,120 --> 00:17:14,240 you're going to put some sausages on that barbecue, 279 00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:16,120 and you're going to fucking smile, all right? 280 00:17:16,120 --> 00:17:18,040 You're going to be a granny in nine months' time 281 00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:19,880 because you want sausages and smiles today. 282 00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:21,160 Have you seen Dad's face? 283 00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:28,920 That's what he looks like now because of you. 284 00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:31,320 As long as you're happy, that's all that matters, isn't it? 285 00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:33,360 Yeah, I'm glad you fucking understand that. 286 00:17:33,360 --> 00:17:36,280 Good, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, good. Best behaviour now, Barry, right? 287 00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:38,120 Best behaviour. All smiles. 288 00:17:38,120 --> 00:17:39,880 All smiles, exactly. 289 00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:41,920 Yeah, happy fucking days. Yeah. 290 00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:49,680 Little fucking pricks. 291 00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:53,320 There's no need to be nervous. You've seen her looking at you, 292 00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:56,280 she can't take her eyes off you since you arrived. 293 00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:57,440 I just go up and I say... 294 00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:00,760 "All right, hi, Linda." 295 00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:03,640 IN HIGH VOICE: "Oh, hello, Conor." 296 00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:08,120 What, that's Linda, is it? 297 00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:09,640 Yeah. 298 00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:11,320 Grand, all right. 299 00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:14,120 Hi, Linda. Hello, Conor. 300 00:18:14,120 --> 00:18:15,520 So... 301 00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:18,560 Do you want to maybe...? 302 00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:20,080 Do you want to be my girlfriend? 303 00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:22,840 Oh, have to check my schedule to see if I'm busy. 304 00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:25,600 Fuck you, so. If you don't have time for me, fuck... 305 00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:26,800 Fuck off. 306 00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:29,400 I've checked my schedule, and I'm free this weekend. 307 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:30,920 Boop! 308 00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:36,320 Are you actually? Nice. All right. 309 00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:39,920 So, what, maybe we could go out on Saturday or something? 310 00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:43,880 I'm free on Saturday, Conor, but you need to give me a kiss. 311 00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:47,840 Er... 312 00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:52,320 What the fuck are you doing, boy? 313 00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:55,240 You said, "Give me a kiss." 314 00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:57,440 Yeah, I didn't say that, Linda said that. 315 00:18:57,440 --> 00:18:59,040 Yeah, I was kissing Linda. 316 00:19:01,360 --> 00:19:03,160 Just drop it, all right? Sorry. 317 00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:08,560 Hey, but I'll see you Saturday. 318 00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:11,840 Was that good? You did well, though. 319 00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:14,360 That's the kind of thing we'll be going for. 320 00:19:14,360 --> 00:19:15,880 OK, yeah, yeah. 321 00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:17,720 I'll just stay calm and collected. 322 00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:19,160 ENTHUSIASTICALLY: Hiya! 323 00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:20,600 Fucking hell, why did I do that? 324 00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:25,560 Just leave you to it, all right? No, fucking stay! 325 00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:27,720 No... Stay, please! 326 00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:29,800 Please, please! Fucking hell. Hiya. 327 00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:34,760 Shit! 328 00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:40,320 Are you all right? Yeah! 329 00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:45,280 How's it going? Hiya. 330 00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:46,920 You look good. 331 00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:48,280 I know. 332 00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:52,400 You OK? 333 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:53,880 I'm fine. All right. 334 00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:57,000 You seem a bit moody or something. 335 00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:58,880 No. 336 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:01,760 All right. 337 00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:18,640 Fuck... 338 00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:25,200 Are you nervous? No, why? 339 00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:27,360 You're pulling the hairs out your 'tache. 340 00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:30,360 I'm just checking the length. It's just... 341 00:20:30,360 --> 00:20:33,080 You know, it grows so quick, you've got to keep on top of it, you know? 342 00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:34,320 Yeah, I guess, yeah. 343 00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:40,440 All right, let's cut the bullshit. 344 00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:42,000 What bullshit? Huh? What? 345 00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:43,680 I just need to say something. 346 00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:45,720 OK. So... 347 00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:47,440 Just give me a second. Sorry. 348 00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:52,800 Sir, how are you? Mm. 349 00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:57,840 Nice old selection of sausages there. 350 00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:03,680 Conor likes them short stumpy ones. Have you had them before? 351 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:06,240 I kind of prefer the long skinny ones there. 352 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,280 I'd say Siobhan likes a big sausage, does she? 353 00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:14,680 So... 354 00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:16,280 ..Linda... 355 00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:17,520 ..do you think...? 356 00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:20,760 What do you think about...? 357 00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:22,600 If you're interested... 358 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:23,640 HE BELCHES 359 00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:25,800 ..at all, in any way, at some point...? 360 00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:27,440 In what? 361 00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:29,480 Like, go with me? 362 00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:32,200 Go where? Just kind of in general. 363 00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:33,960 Just kind of go with me, like? 364 00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:35,600 Like, be your girlfriend? 365 00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:37,680 Pff! 366 00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:39,880 No! Ha! 367 00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:41,760 No, of course not! 368 00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:43,520 Ask me again. 369 00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:46,840 What? Ask me. 370 00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:48,160 Just ask me again. 371 00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:51,840 Will you be my girlfriend? 372 00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:53,920 Linda! One second! 373 00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:56,640 Now, Linda! Your mother needs help in the kitchen. 374 00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:00,800 Just wait here two seconds. All right? All right. 375 00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:02,880 I'll be right back to you. All right. 376 00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:04,840 OK. Promise. Promise. 377 00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:06,600 Two seconds. Two seconds. 378 00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:09,400 Boom! 379 00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:12,560 What did she say? 380 00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:14,840 Nothing yet, she had to go help her mam. 381 00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:18,840 But I'm pretty sure she's going to say yes, though! 382 00:22:21,120 --> 00:22:22,720 A big sausage for me, yeah? 383 00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:24,320 You're not getting any sausage! 384 00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:26,040 What's got into you? 385 00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:36,520 What are you smiling about? 386 00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:38,120 Nothing. 387 00:22:38,120 --> 00:22:40,480 Come on, why are you smiling? 388 00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:42,200 You can't take it off your face! 389 00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:48,000 Has it got something to do with that ride outside gawking in at you? 390 00:22:49,360 --> 00:22:52,160 He asked me to be his girlfriend, and... 391 00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:54,560 And? And what? 392 00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:56,000 And what did you say? 393 00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:57,840 I didn't give him an answer yet, 394 00:22:57,840 --> 00:23:01,160 I just came here because Da said you wanted me up here. 395 00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:03,680 Ah, Jesus, don't leave him hanging, the poor fucker. 396 00:23:03,680 --> 00:23:05,760 He's probably bricking it. 397 00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:08,440 I wouldn't tell him till next week, and make him sweat. 398 00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:10,720 That way he'll always want you, even after you dump him. 399 00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:12,320 You have a very dark side to you. 400 00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:15,360 I don't know where you get that from. 401 00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:20,120 What did I tell you? 402 00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:24,640 Ah, me balls! 403 00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:44,240 Sorry, sir. We were just doing a bit of wrestling. 404 00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:45,560 It's OK. 405 00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:48,680 I love wrestling. 406 00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:50,360 Oh, yeah? Yeah. 407 00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:53,840 Haven't done it in ages. 408 00:23:56,120 --> 00:23:58,240 Do you mind if I have a go? 409 00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:00,400 What, with me? 410 00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:01,560 Yeah. 411 00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:04,960 HE CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY 412 00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:07,880 Wait, are you being serious now, or is this one of them situations 413 00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:10,160 where I misread the signals and end up in trouble? 414 00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:11,640 No, it'll be a bit of fun. 415 00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:14,320 Come on. 416 00:24:16,360 --> 00:24:17,760 What's wrong? 417 00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:19,480 Er, this just feels a bit weird. 418 00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:29,040 MUSIC: Habanera from Carmen by Bizet 419 00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:47,320 That was good. You're still good. 420 00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:48,600 It was, yeah. 421 00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:51,720 What's going on out there? 422 00:24:58,160 --> 00:24:59,840 Looks like they're wrestling. 423 00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:05,120 This should be interesting. 424 00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:13,320 That was close. 425 00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:15,040 It's a good one, yeah? Yeah. 426 00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:36,800 Looks a bit winded there, doesn't he? Yeah. 427 00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:39,720 All right? Want to take a break? No. 428 00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:50,200 There you are. 429 00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:54,600 Do you mind if I sit down for a while? 430 00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:56,880 I just want to hug, we don't have to kiss or nothing. 431 00:25:56,880 --> 00:25:59,320 No! Please? 432 00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:01,400 I've got this weird pain. 433 00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:03,960 A hug would definitely make it go away for a while. 434 00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:05,280 Jesus Christ! 435 00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:08,600 Please? 436 00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:18,880 That's a good one. 437 00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:31,880 So you want to go out with my Linda, yeah? 438 00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:34,360 Yeah! I mean, that's all right with you. 439 00:26:34,360 --> 00:26:35,920 I really like her. 440 00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:38,440 And you think you're good enough for her? 441 00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:40,160 I don't know, really. 442 00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:42,640 But I guess that's for her to decide. 443 00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:45,440 And if she'd go out with me, I'd be the happiest fella around. 444 00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:47,040 BARRY CHUCKLES 445 00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:48,480 What's so funny? 446 00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:50,880 Do you seriously think I'd let someone like you 447 00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:52,160 go out with my Linda? 448 00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:55,720 What do you mean, "like me"? 449 00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:58,760 You're nothing but a little scumbag knacker. 450 00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:00,880 I know it, Linda knows it, everybody knows it. 451 00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:02,480 And I'd never let you near her. 452 00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:21,600 Jesus! 453 00:27:29,120 --> 00:27:31,000 What the fuck, Conor? 454 00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:32,400 I'm sorry! 455 00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:37,280 Are you OK? Stay away from him! I'm OK, I'm OK. 456 00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:40,040 He was saying some nasty shit. 457 00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:42,040 I was doing a bit of taunting. 458 00:27:42,040 --> 00:27:44,400 That's what happens in wrestling, isn't it? 459 00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:46,600 I thought you were being serious. 460 00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:48,640 Well, I wasn't. 461 00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:52,200 And even if I was, when is it OK to punch somebody in the face? 462 00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:53,760 I'm sorry. 463 00:27:55,360 --> 00:27:56,760 You need to go. 464 00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:01,480 I'll get some ice. 465 00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:20,080 He's lucky. 466 00:28:20,080 --> 00:28:23,080 If this was in school, I'd have him expelled. Hitting a teacher! 467 00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:26,880 What? 468 00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:28,760 You should be ashamed of yourself. 469 00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:32,960 A grown man fighting a 15-year-old boy! 470 00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:34,320 And do you know the worst thing? 471 00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:38,280 You're after breaking your daughter's heart. 472 00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:06,600 You know what? 473 00:29:06,600 --> 00:29:09,480 You haven't taken the time to find out anything about me. 474 00:29:11,240 --> 00:29:12,960 You don't know what food I like... 475 00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:17,320 ..what I want to be when I grow up, what I'm good at, what I'm bad at. 476 00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:23,720 You just see this face, hear this accent, see my fashion sense, 477 00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:25,480 and you've just made up your mind. 478 00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:29,040 But there's more going on up here... 479 00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:33,360 ..than that. 480 00:29:41,040 --> 00:29:42,440 Conor... 481 00:29:45,760 --> 00:29:47,160 ..what food DO you like? 482 00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:51,120 Chicken. 483 00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:07,120 This was the first time Jock had ever been rejected, 484 00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:10,000 and he was taking it better than I expected. 485 00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:11,920 I'm not crying, boy. 486 00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:13,520 It's just hay fever. 487 00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:15,000 I didn't say nothing. 488 00:30:17,560 --> 00:30:19,080 Do you want to shift me friend? 489 00:30:19,080 --> 00:30:20,400 Fuck off! 490 00:30:34,840 --> 00:30:38,200 I heard that only your first love gets to break your heart. 491 00:30:38,200 --> 00:30:42,240 After that, you spend your whole life trying to fix it. 492 00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:44,160 Siobhan's a fucking bitch, boy. 493 00:30:45,160 --> 00:30:47,960 I'm delighted I don't have to talk to her any more. 494 00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:53,640 # Stay in on the weekends 495 00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:56,200 # Watching what I'm eating 496 00:30:56,200 --> 00:30:59,160 # Dancing with my demons 497 00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:01,800 # That's how I'm dealing now 498 00:31:01,800 --> 00:31:04,120 # Drunk in the hallway 499 00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:06,360 # Pissing in the doorway 500 00:31:06,360 --> 00:31:08,480 # Finished with the foreplay 501 00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:10,440 # That's how I'm feeling now 502 00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:14,520 # This is my comeback girl This is my comeback girl 503 00:31:15,840 --> 00:31:19,400 # This is my comeback This is my comeback girl... # 56265