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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:33,076 --> 00:00:34,599 [RAIN PATTERING] 4 00:00:34,773 --> 00:00:36,862 [MAN OVER SPEAKER] My constant fear and worry 5 00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:39,430 eventually drives me to complete insanity. 6 00:00:39,604 --> 00:00:42,955 I lose control of my mind and decide to murder Emily. 7 00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:45,480 When I get home, she's asleep in bed. 8 00:00:45,654 --> 00:00:48,091 I grab a butcher knife and hack her to pieces. 9 00:00:48,265 --> 00:00:51,355 Right after I kill her, I come back to my senses. 10 00:00:51,529 --> 00:00:54,054 I see that I've murdered the person I love most. 11 00:00:54,228 --> 00:00:57,361 Unable to live with myself, I decide to commit suicide. 12 00:00:57,535 --> 00:00:58,667 [SIGHS] 13 00:01:04,455 --> 00:01:06,022 [TAKING SHUDDERING BREATHS] 14 00:01:18,513 --> 00:01:20,080 My constant fear and worry 15 00:01:20,254 --> 00:01:21,951 eventually drives me to complete insanity. 16 00:01:22,125 --> 00:01:23,257 [CRYING] 17 00:01:23,431 --> 00:01:24,606 I lose control of my mind 18 00:01:24,780 --> 00:01:27,130 and decide to murder Emily. 19 00:01:27,304 --> 00:01:29,393 The philosophy. I understand both philosophies. 20 00:01:29,567 --> 00:01:32,614 I think that the answer is a bit more complex than that. 21 00:01:32,788 --> 00:01:34,398 I think that, um... 22 00:01:34,572 --> 00:01:35,573 Yeah. 23 00:01:35,747 --> 00:01:37,227 So then why are you here? 24 00:01:37,401 --> 00:01:41,275 To get... away from all this existential shit, 25 00:01:41,449 --> 00:01:43,842 to get out of my head and into my body. 26 00:01:44,016 --> 00:01:46,018 Do you feel that you're being too cerebral? 27 00:01:46,193 --> 00:01:48,282 I told you that I'm depressed, didn't I? 28 00:01:52,634 --> 00:01:54,070 You think I'm self-diagnosing? 29 00:01:54,244 --> 00:01:56,203 Do you think you're self-diagnosing? 30 00:01:57,508 --> 00:01:58,857 My sister thinks I am. 31 00:02:01,817 --> 00:02:02,861 I don't know. 32 00:02:05,037 --> 00:02:07,649 - How was work with rehab? - Fine. 33 00:02:07,823 --> 00:02:10,782 What about music, filmmaking, your creative pursuits? 34 00:02:10,956 --> 00:02:13,829 Fine, fine. It's pretty much everything right now. 35 00:02:14,525 --> 00:02:16,440 I have been focused getting screenwriting work. 36 00:02:16,614 --> 00:02:17,746 Okay. 37 00:02:18,050 --> 00:02:19,313 Good. Well... 38 00:02:20,009 --> 00:02:22,490 I feel that you are depressed. 39 00:02:23,665 --> 00:02:25,449 But you don't have depression. 40 00:02:28,278 --> 00:02:32,543 I just proposed to the love of my life. And she said yes. 41 00:02:35,329 --> 00:02:37,026 I should be happy. 42 00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:39,594 But I am crippled with fear. 43 00:02:39,768 --> 00:02:41,291 All I do day and night is worry, 44 00:02:41,465 --> 00:02:44,207 about the unknown, the what-ifs, 45 00:02:44,381 --> 00:02:46,166 convince myself of the worst. 46 00:02:47,950 --> 00:02:52,433 And, uh, it plays out like a horror movie in my head. 47 00:02:52,607 --> 00:02:54,696 And whenever I'm able to calm myself down, 48 00:02:54,870 --> 00:02:58,395 it's only temporary. It always leads back to anxiety. 49 00:02:59,657 --> 00:03:01,181 I have these crazy thoughts, 50 00:03:01,355 --> 00:03:03,531 these irrational scenarios that play out in my head. 51 00:03:03,705 --> 00:03:06,142 I mean, it seems so fucking real. 52 00:03:06,316 --> 00:03:09,537 Like, uh, what if I get so depressed I hurt Emily? 53 00:03:11,103 --> 00:03:12,192 Physically. 54 00:03:14,585 --> 00:03:15,934 Well, it sounds to me 55 00:03:16,108 --> 00:03:18,502 like you're presenting mentally with OCD. 56 00:03:22,811 --> 00:03:23,899 I don't... 57 00:03:25,596 --> 00:03:28,686 clean doorknobs or step over fucking cracks. 58 00:03:28,860 --> 00:03:31,254 I'm just... I'm just depressed. 59 00:03:31,428 --> 00:03:33,996 The depression is just a byproduct. 60 00:03:34,170 --> 00:03:36,999 It's like... a symptom. 61 00:03:37,173 --> 00:03:39,523 OCD is an anxiety disorder. 62 00:03:42,047 --> 00:03:43,701 I don't have a mental illness. 63 00:03:46,574 --> 00:03:48,880 I'm not some clean-freak hypochondriac. I... 64 00:03:49,054 --> 00:03:50,360 [STAMMERS] 65 00:03:51,622 --> 00:03:52,971 This is situational. 66 00:03:53,145 --> 00:03:55,235 That's not the only way OCD works. 67 00:03:56,975 --> 00:03:58,455 There's a mental side to it. 68 00:03:58,629 --> 00:04:00,805 It's called "pure obsessional." 69 00:04:00,979 --> 00:04:03,286 It only works through mental compulsions. 70 00:04:05,462 --> 00:04:07,029 So, what does that mean? 71 00:04:07,203 --> 00:04:09,901 You need to be working with an OCD specialist. 72 00:04:11,512 --> 00:04:12,382 Here. 73 00:04:13,514 --> 00:04:15,342 I want you to call this office. 74 00:04:16,734 --> 00:04:17,822 Set up an appointment. 75 00:04:22,479 --> 00:04:23,480 [SIGHS] 76 00:04:27,658 --> 00:04:29,530 [♪] 77 00:04:46,938 --> 00:04:47,896 [CELL PHONE RINGS] 78 00:04:50,420 --> 00:04:51,987 What's going on, little Looney Tune? 79 00:04:52,161 --> 00:04:53,510 [EMILY] Just over at my mom's. 80 00:04:53,684 --> 00:04:55,033 Her and Steve wanna have us over 81 00:04:55,207 --> 00:04:56,557 to celebrate the engagement. 82 00:04:56,731 --> 00:04:58,733 Yeah. No, of course. That's super sweet. 83 00:04:59,211 --> 00:05:00,517 Oh, how was therapy? 84 00:05:02,345 --> 00:05:04,913 - It was fine. - You don't have to go into it. 85 00:05:05,087 --> 00:05:07,698 - I was just asking. - I'll tell you more tonight. 86 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:10,353 All right, baby. 87 00:05:10,527 --> 00:05:11,876 Have a good shift. I love you. 88 00:05:12,050 --> 00:05:13,225 I love you too. 89 00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:15,402 [CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS ON STEREO] 90 00:05:27,718 --> 00:05:29,503 [ENGINE SHUTS OFF, MUSIC STOPS] 91 00:05:29,677 --> 00:05:30,982 [GROANS] 92 00:05:31,722 --> 00:05:34,595 - Congratulations. - Thanks, dude. 93 00:05:37,032 --> 00:05:38,512 She's so fucking excited, Coop. 94 00:05:38,686 --> 00:05:40,252 She called me crying, she was so happy. 95 00:05:40,427 --> 00:05:42,733 Thanks, Tess. What the hell are you doing out here? 96 00:05:43,255 --> 00:05:45,693 Oh, just another day at Transform Malibu 97 00:05:45,867 --> 00:05:48,913 on an Easter egg hunt for a bottle of peppermint schnapps. 98 00:05:49,087 --> 00:05:51,263 Meryl ratted Brandon out in therapy this morning. 99 00:05:51,438 --> 00:05:53,309 Said he had it delivered over the fence. 100 00:05:53,483 --> 00:05:57,182 - Okay. Let's go look for it. - Will you help me? 101 00:06:00,316 --> 00:06:02,840 Doc's got all these kids way overmedicated. 102 00:06:03,014 --> 00:06:04,233 - I know. - It's wild. 103 00:06:04,407 --> 00:06:06,061 - We talk all the time. - It's wild. 104 00:06:06,235 --> 00:06:08,759 - What's up, partner? - Welcome to the Octagon. 105 00:06:08,933 --> 00:06:10,761 Jesus. What? 106 00:06:10,935 --> 00:06:13,155 Yeah. Your boy went mental today. 107 00:06:13,329 --> 00:06:14,896 - Who? - Who do you think? 108 00:06:16,245 --> 00:06:17,812 - Brandon? - Bingo. 109 00:06:17,986 --> 00:06:19,944 Well, I found his delivery in the bushes. 110 00:06:20,118 --> 00:06:21,685 - [SLATER LAUGHS] - Nice. 111 00:06:21,859 --> 00:06:22,730 What is it now? 112 00:06:23,818 --> 00:06:24,949 [SCOFFS] He found out 113 00:06:25,123 --> 00:06:26,647 you were leading group riding today 114 00:06:26,821 --> 00:06:29,606 at morning check-in, the guy lost it. 115 00:06:29,780 --> 00:06:32,392 Flipping couches, screaming. 116 00:06:32,566 --> 00:06:34,306 "You got me all fucked up." 117 00:06:35,351 --> 00:06:36,744 Sweet. That'll be fun. 118 00:06:39,007 --> 00:06:40,965 [DUKE] Anything else we need to know? 119 00:06:41,139 --> 00:06:44,752 [LATER] Well, our favorite heroin addicts checked back in. 120 00:06:44,926 --> 00:06:46,231 Who? 121 00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,016 That doesn't really narrow it down. 122 00:06:48,190 --> 00:06:49,452 [SLATER] Come on. Omaha? 123 00:06:53,325 --> 00:06:54,414 Rachel? 124 00:06:55,066 --> 00:06:56,546 She's in the back, cooling her heels. 125 00:06:58,418 --> 00:06:59,810 I thought she was doing better. 126 00:06:59,984 --> 00:07:02,509 Addiction's a bitch, man. 127 00:07:02,683 --> 00:07:05,599 They send them back-- Familiar people, familiar place. 128 00:07:05,773 --> 00:07:07,165 Relapse is inevitable. 129 00:07:09,254 --> 00:07:12,170 - Is that it? - Just who's on meds. 130 00:07:12,344 --> 00:07:13,737 - No. - Come on. 131 00:07:13,911 --> 00:07:15,609 - No. No, no. - What are you talking about? 132 00:07:15,783 --> 00:07:16,827 - Uh-uh. - Fine. 133 00:07:17,001 --> 00:07:19,439 - There they are. - Fuck you. 134 00:07:19,613 --> 00:07:22,920 [SIGHS] You guys, good evening. 135 00:07:23,094 --> 00:07:24,922 - I'm out of here. - [CHUCKLES] 136 00:07:25,096 --> 00:07:27,055 - Yeah. - Take it easy. Shaka. 137 00:07:27,229 --> 00:07:29,057 - Shaka, bro. - Huh? Uh-huh. 138 00:07:45,334 --> 00:07:47,554 [BRANDON] All fucked up now! 139 00:07:47,728 --> 00:07:51,340 Man, you got me up in here like I'm some fucking lab rat! 140 00:07:51,514 --> 00:07:53,603 Man, fuck this! 141 00:07:53,777 --> 00:07:55,431 [COOPER] Solid therapy session? 142 00:07:55,605 --> 00:07:57,172 Speaking of rats! 143 00:07:59,740 --> 00:08:00,871 [SLAMS] 144 00:08:04,875 --> 00:08:06,050 It's okay, Meryl. 145 00:08:34,862 --> 00:08:36,254 Don't say anything. 146 00:08:38,561 --> 00:08:40,432 I knew you wanted to see us again. 147 00:08:40,607 --> 00:08:42,522 I just didn't think it'd be this soon. 148 00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:48,092 - It's fucking embarrassing. - No, it's not. 149 00:08:49,267 --> 00:08:50,834 I lasted, like, no time. 150 00:08:51,008 --> 00:08:53,358 It doesn't matter. Nobody's judging you. 151 00:08:59,321 --> 00:09:01,105 I fucking let you down. 152 00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:05,588 Hey. 153 00:09:05,762 --> 00:09:07,068 Hey, look at me. 154 00:09:09,113 --> 00:09:10,375 Fuck that shit. 155 00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:12,290 That's toxic waste in your head. 156 00:09:12,464 --> 00:09:14,728 You let no one down. Hear me? 157 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:19,428 You just helped me so much. 158 00:09:19,602 --> 00:09:22,953 You helped yourself. We just showed you some tools. 159 00:09:24,433 --> 00:09:25,608 You're here now. 160 00:09:30,787 --> 00:09:31,832 Thanks, Coop. 161 00:10:26,713 --> 00:10:29,150 - [EMILY] ♪ Mm ♪ - [SHOWER RUNNING] 162 00:10:29,324 --> 00:10:32,675 ♪ I miss my youthful... ♪ 163 00:10:35,199 --> 00:10:37,767 [EMILY CONTINUES SINGING INDISTINCTLY] 164 00:10:37,941 --> 00:10:39,464 Hello. 165 00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:43,947 ♪ They figured a way They'd pay you to play ♪ 166 00:10:44,121 --> 00:10:45,688 - [SIGHS] - ♪ You've given me ♪ 167 00:10:45,862 --> 00:10:47,559 ♪ All of your time ♪ 168 00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:52,521 ♪ I miss my old-school... ♪ 169 00:10:54,566 --> 00:10:57,308 ♪ They always knew what to do ♪ 170 00:10:59,354 --> 00:11:01,878 ♪ I miss the kid In the back of the room ♪ 171 00:11:02,052 --> 00:11:04,620 - [HUMMING TUNE] - [LAUGHS] 172 00:11:04,794 --> 00:11:07,101 - Toonzy. - Hey, you. How you doing? 173 00:11:07,275 --> 00:11:11,061 ♪ I know that I love My Toonzy ♪ 174 00:11:11,235 --> 00:11:12,759 ♪ And I know my Toonz--♪ 175 00:11:12,933 --> 00:11:14,325 Ooh! 176 00:11:14,499 --> 00:11:16,153 You think you're getting in here? 177 00:11:16,327 --> 00:11:17,981 - Yeah. Why? - On one condition. 178 00:11:18,155 --> 00:11:19,591 - You charging admission? - Hey. 179 00:11:19,766 --> 00:11:21,550 You can't say anything about the temperature. 180 00:11:21,724 --> 00:11:23,247 - How come? - My shower, my rules. 181 00:11:23,421 --> 00:11:25,467 My God, I got a parking ticket today. 182 00:11:25,641 --> 00:11:27,164 - What? - Yeah. Yeah. 183 00:11:27,338 --> 00:11:29,123 And you know what occurred to me? 184 00:11:29,297 --> 00:11:33,214 This thing, this genius idea is if we move to New York City, 185 00:11:33,388 --> 00:11:35,825 we'd have to take the train, and we wouldn't use a car. 186 00:11:35,999 --> 00:11:38,219 I'd never get a parking ticket again. Try this. 187 00:11:43,267 --> 00:11:44,312 - Yeah? - Mmm! 188 00:11:44,486 --> 00:11:45,574 - It's good, right? - Mm-hm. 189 00:11:45,748 --> 00:11:47,184 I got it at the farmers' market. 190 00:11:47,358 --> 00:11:48,272 Oh! 191 00:11:49,839 --> 00:11:52,799 - Your mom and Steve okay? - They're fine. 192 00:11:52,973 --> 00:11:54,931 Steve's a little under the weather, 193 00:11:55,105 --> 00:11:56,890 but, you know, same old. 194 00:11:57,064 --> 00:11:59,022 Did your mom freak out? 195 00:11:59,196 --> 00:12:00,807 Um... 196 00:12:00,981 --> 00:12:02,504 Kind of. I don't know. 197 00:12:02,678 --> 00:12:04,288 She kind of made it about herself, 198 00:12:04,462 --> 00:12:06,029 you know, like she always does. 199 00:12:06,203 --> 00:12:07,422 I'm sorry, baby. 200 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:12,122 Hey, listen, I was thinking 201 00:12:12,296 --> 00:12:15,212 that maybe you could finish chopping the vegetables for me 202 00:12:15,386 --> 00:12:18,041 so I could start on the salad. I hate chopping the vegetables. 203 00:12:18,215 --> 00:12:20,000 - Yeah, sure. Yeah. - [LAUGHS] 204 00:12:20,174 --> 00:12:21,479 My pleasure. 205 00:12:21,653 --> 00:12:23,090 [GROANS] 206 00:12:23,264 --> 00:12:25,222 I don't know, maybe I'm overly sensitive to it 207 00:12:25,396 --> 00:12:28,312 because she's been like this my whole life. You know? 208 00:12:28,486 --> 00:12:29,923 She's always been this way, 209 00:12:30,097 --> 00:12:32,316 and it's not like she's gonna change, you know? 210 00:12:35,972 --> 00:12:37,582 Sorry, I've gotta go pee. 211 00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:39,019 It's okay. 212 00:12:39,193 --> 00:12:40,498 [HUMS SOFTLY] 213 00:12:44,894 --> 00:12:45,982 [EXHALING SHARPLY] 214 00:12:49,420 --> 00:12:51,292 [SUCKS TEETH, EXHALES SHARPLY] 215 00:12:52,380 --> 00:12:53,337 [FAUCET TURNS ON] 216 00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,079 [FAUCET TURNS OFF] 217 00:12:56,253 --> 00:12:58,821 [BREATHING HEAVILY] 218 00:12:58,995 --> 00:13:00,780 [MAN ON TV] This is no laughing matter. 219 00:13:00,954 --> 00:13:02,694 If there'd been an accident, I might've landed in jail. 220 00:13:02,869 --> 00:13:05,219 [WOMAN] With your uncle a police vice president? 221 00:13:05,393 --> 00:13:06,916 [MAN] More than ever. 222 00:13:07,090 --> 00:13:08,570 I never got it licensed. 223 00:13:08,744 --> 00:13:10,702 - Should've been handed in. - Babe. 224 00:13:10,877 --> 00:13:13,053 - Incidentally... - Yeah. 225 00:13:13,227 --> 00:13:15,142 [DIALOGUE ON TV CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY] 226 00:13:16,317 --> 00:13:17,622 She diagnosed me today. 227 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:20,451 Yeah? 228 00:13:20,625 --> 00:13:21,801 [SUCKS TEETH] 229 00:13:21,975 --> 00:13:23,019 Okay. 230 00:13:24,455 --> 00:13:25,805 [TV TURNS OFF] 231 00:13:25,979 --> 00:13:27,023 [SIGHS] 232 00:13:29,504 --> 00:13:31,593 What did... What did she say? 233 00:13:34,509 --> 00:13:35,640 [SIGHS] 234 00:13:37,729 --> 00:13:39,166 Hey. 235 00:13:39,340 --> 00:13:42,038 Hey, whatever it is, we'll get through it. 236 00:13:45,085 --> 00:13:46,782 Does she, um... 237 00:13:46,956 --> 00:13:49,480 Does she think that your depression is clinical or...? 238 00:13:52,266 --> 00:13:53,833 No, she thinks I have OCD. 239 00:13:54,964 --> 00:13:56,400 - OCD? - Mm. 240 00:13:56,574 --> 00:13:58,359 - Really? - That's what I said. 241 00:14:00,535 --> 00:14:03,233 Sorry, I don't understand. You don't have any of those... 242 00:14:04,713 --> 00:14:07,759 tics or rituals or anything, do you? 243 00:14:07,934 --> 00:14:09,152 Uh-uh. 244 00:14:09,326 --> 00:14:10,719 No. I don't know. 245 00:14:10,893 --> 00:14:12,852 - I don't know either. - Okay. 246 00:14:13,026 --> 00:14:14,592 Hey. 247 00:14:14,766 --> 00:14:16,551 We've got this. Okay? 248 00:14:16,725 --> 00:14:18,770 You don't have to go it alone or... 249 00:14:21,817 --> 00:14:23,950 - I love you. - I love you too. 250 00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,567 I'm so lucky to have you. 251 00:14:34,221 --> 00:14:35,352 [MOANS SOFTLY] 252 00:14:44,448 --> 00:14:45,928 - Hey. - Hey! 253 00:14:46,102 --> 00:14:47,887 - There you are. - I'm so sorry. 254 00:14:48,061 --> 00:14:51,238 - Traffic was the worst. - No, no, it's fine. 255 00:14:51,412 --> 00:14:54,545 - Congratulations, honey. - Thanks, J. 256 00:14:54,719 --> 00:14:55,938 I'm so happy. 257 00:15:01,596 --> 00:15:02,684 Oh, yeah. 258 00:15:10,213 --> 00:15:13,129 - So you took the knee, mate? - I sure did. 259 00:15:13,303 --> 00:15:15,044 Giddyap. 260 00:15:15,218 --> 00:15:16,132 Thanks, man. 261 00:15:16,306 --> 00:15:17,525 Listen, we're here to help 262 00:15:17,699 --> 00:15:19,135 with the planning. 263 00:15:19,309 --> 00:15:21,616 Whatever you guys decide. Just know that, okay? 264 00:15:21,790 --> 00:15:22,878 I appreciate that. 265 00:15:24,227 --> 00:15:27,491 - I love you guys. - We love you. 266 00:15:27,665 --> 00:15:30,059 And you know, once there's a baby on the way, 267 00:15:30,233 --> 00:15:32,148 you're gonna get a lot more help. 268 00:15:33,410 --> 00:15:34,803 Yeah, I know, I know, 269 00:15:34,977 --> 00:15:37,414 one thing at a time, but, uh, 270 00:15:37,588 --> 00:15:40,417 hey, you are family now. 271 00:15:43,768 --> 00:15:45,074 [TOY CARS SKITTERING] 272 00:16:07,531 --> 00:16:08,663 [WOMAN] No, stop that. 273 00:16:08,837 --> 00:16:10,970 [SCREAMING] 274 00:16:13,755 --> 00:16:15,235 Just being alone with all this, 275 00:16:15,409 --> 00:16:16,801 that's been the hardest part, I think. 276 00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,934 That has to be really difficult for you. 277 00:16:19,108 --> 00:16:21,023 We all only save ourselves. 278 00:16:21,197 --> 00:16:23,983 Well, that's a lonely philosophy. 279 00:16:24,157 --> 00:16:26,942 That's because it's true. Lonely doesn't have to mean sad. 280 00:16:28,291 --> 00:16:30,250 If you like yourself. 281 00:16:30,424 --> 00:16:31,338 [CHUCKLES] 282 00:16:31,512 --> 00:16:32,426 Touché. 283 00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:34,645 So why don't you tell me 284 00:16:34,819 --> 00:16:36,908 what you already know about OCD. 285 00:16:38,301 --> 00:16:39,999 Just what I scoured on the Internet. 286 00:16:41,696 --> 00:16:44,133 When I started reading articles about Pure O... 287 00:16:45,308 --> 00:16:46,353 my face dropped. 288 00:16:47,876 --> 00:16:49,660 I knew in my heart that's what I have. 289 00:16:49,834 --> 00:16:52,185 Okay. And that's a normal reaction, right? 290 00:16:52,359 --> 00:16:54,404 Just knowing what we're up against, 291 00:16:54,578 --> 00:16:57,451 like, makes us feel better about it a little bit, yeah? 292 00:17:03,326 --> 00:17:05,720 You haven't asked me about my story yet. 293 00:17:05,894 --> 00:17:07,330 Would it help you if I did? 294 00:17:08,766 --> 00:17:10,290 I don't know. 295 00:17:10,464 --> 00:17:12,292 I thought that that's kind of how this worked. 296 00:17:12,466 --> 00:17:14,468 Okay, why don't we switch it up? 297 00:17:14,642 --> 00:17:18,341 Why don't I tell you what I think happened, 298 00:17:18,515 --> 00:17:20,909 and then you can tell me if I'm wrong. 299 00:17:21,083 --> 00:17:22,954 Okay. Okay. 300 00:17:23,129 --> 00:17:25,522 So it started with a thought. 301 00:17:25,696 --> 00:17:28,873 A horrible thought. Something dreadful. 302 00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:32,225 Maybe you thought that you'd harm someone. 303 00:17:32,399 --> 00:17:36,359 Maybe you thought you did something horrific 304 00:17:36,533 --> 00:17:38,405 or were capable of it. 305 00:17:38,579 --> 00:17:41,799 And this thought was totally against your self-identity, 306 00:17:41,973 --> 00:17:44,193 but it started to consume you. 307 00:17:44,367 --> 00:17:45,890 And not in a casual way, 308 00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:48,632 but in the most intense way you've ever experienced. 309 00:17:48,806 --> 00:17:50,765 The more you tried to push that thought away, 310 00:17:50,939 --> 00:17:53,115 the stronger it returned and just became 311 00:17:53,289 --> 00:17:55,813 this incredible source of anxiety. 312 00:17:55,987 --> 00:17:59,948 You tried to hide it from everybody that you know... 313 00:18:00,122 --> 00:18:03,082 because just the thought of it frightened you to your core. 314 00:18:05,345 --> 00:18:07,129 You were afraid you'd be judged for it, 315 00:18:07,303 --> 00:18:09,697 you thought the people who loved you no longer would, 316 00:18:09,871 --> 00:18:11,873 that you were vile and depraved. 317 00:18:12,047 --> 00:18:13,918 So you tried to bury it. 318 00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:16,269 Eventually you realized you couldn't do that anymore, 319 00:18:16,443 --> 00:18:19,576 so you told somebody that you were close to. 320 00:18:19,750 --> 00:18:23,189 And then it was out there, right? It was no turning back. 321 00:18:24,712 --> 00:18:26,279 Then you got into talk therapy, 322 00:18:26,453 --> 00:18:28,716 which just made the problem worse 323 00:18:28,890 --> 00:18:30,500 because talking about it ad nauseam 324 00:18:30,674 --> 00:18:32,241 just made you really hate yourself 325 00:18:32,415 --> 00:18:35,070 and destroyed your self-confidence. 326 00:18:39,030 --> 00:18:40,467 How am I doing so far? 327 00:18:42,947 --> 00:18:46,255 Hey, listen, I want you to know that I'm not doing this 328 00:18:46,429 --> 00:18:48,605 to make you feel like a number, okay? 329 00:18:48,779 --> 00:18:51,434 I'm doing this because the first rule of treating OCD 330 00:18:51,608 --> 00:18:54,437 is that the content doesn't matter. 331 00:18:54,611 --> 00:18:56,744 It's completely irrelevant. 332 00:18:56,918 --> 00:19:01,009 Right? There's POCD, pedophilia. There's HOCD, homosexuality. 333 00:19:01,183 --> 00:19:04,969 There's hit-and-run OCD, existential OCD, harm OCD. 334 00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:08,451 There's ROCD, which is centered around romantic relationships. 335 00:19:08,625 --> 00:19:10,323 - I mean, the list goes on. - Well, yeah. 336 00:19:10,497 --> 00:19:12,238 Definitely got those last two or three. 337 00:19:12,412 --> 00:19:13,761 And that's my point. 338 00:19:13,935 --> 00:19:16,807 They're all exactly the same. 339 00:19:16,981 --> 00:19:19,114 Just thoughts. 340 00:19:19,288 --> 00:19:21,769 Right? And what I'm gonna teach you, 341 00:19:21,943 --> 00:19:23,640 and this is really important, 342 00:19:23,814 --> 00:19:26,208 is that no matter how much your brain tries to lie to you 343 00:19:26,382 --> 00:19:28,384 and tell you that it's about 344 00:19:28,558 --> 00:19:31,909 the content of your thoughts, it's not. 345 00:19:32,083 --> 00:19:33,694 It's about your reaction 346 00:19:33,868 --> 00:19:36,349 and your relationship to those thoughts. 347 00:19:39,265 --> 00:19:40,179 I see. 348 00:19:41,354 --> 00:19:42,920 Things don't make us anxious. 349 00:19:43,094 --> 00:19:46,228 Anxiety is a state of mind. Does that make sense? 350 00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:49,405 I think that you'd benefit most 351 00:19:49,579 --> 00:19:50,798 in group therapy. 352 00:19:52,321 --> 00:19:53,627 Why is that? 353 00:19:53,801 --> 00:19:55,585 Late onset is difficult. 354 00:19:55,759 --> 00:19:57,587 It creates an identity crisis. 355 00:19:57,761 --> 00:20:00,329 There's a stigma that needs to be overcome now. 356 00:20:00,503 --> 00:20:02,201 And so I think that the group therapy 357 00:20:02,375 --> 00:20:03,724 will mitigate this. 358 00:20:03,898 --> 00:20:05,552 And you need to be around people 359 00:20:05,726 --> 00:20:07,728 who've been managing this for a long time. 360 00:20:07,902 --> 00:20:11,471 And then you can see that OCD is not a death sentence. 361 00:20:11,645 --> 00:20:14,256 Sure. Whatever you think. I already trust you. 362 00:20:14,430 --> 00:20:15,910 Listen. 363 00:20:16,084 --> 00:20:18,260 You're gonna get better, I promise. 364 00:20:19,957 --> 00:20:22,308 In this community, we help save each other. 365 00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,184 You can't even surf on these things. 366 00:20:29,358 --> 00:20:31,534 It's not about that. It's about getting out on the water. 367 00:20:31,708 --> 00:20:33,232 Paddleboarding is for chumps. 368 00:20:33,406 --> 00:20:35,582 - Then you should be an expert. - Fuck you. 369 00:20:35,756 --> 00:20:36,887 Hey. 370 00:20:37,061 --> 00:20:38,237 Hey. Hey, hey, hey. 371 00:20:39,673 --> 00:20:41,675 Everybody take it easy. Cut the shit. 372 00:20:41,849 --> 00:20:44,068 I'll take you both to a Big Book meeting. 373 00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:45,505 No sweat, Coop. 374 00:20:45,679 --> 00:20:47,463 Just a little bit of tension is all. 375 00:20:50,292 --> 00:20:51,685 Take a breath, Meryl. 376 00:21:01,347 --> 00:21:02,261 Hey. 377 00:21:04,524 --> 00:21:06,090 Don't let him get to you. 378 00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:08,397 Just focus on what you can control. 379 00:21:10,530 --> 00:21:11,966 You been good this week? 380 00:21:13,446 --> 00:21:14,838 Yeah. It feels... 381 00:21:16,100 --> 00:21:17,798 better to get out of the house. 382 00:21:19,147 --> 00:21:20,409 I bet, yeah. 383 00:21:20,583 --> 00:21:22,106 Seventy-two-hour detox is a bitch. 384 00:21:24,065 --> 00:21:26,023 No, it wasn't that bad this time. 385 00:21:27,808 --> 00:21:29,766 Just too much time in my head. 386 00:21:31,551 --> 00:21:33,422 Well, you know what Slater says. 387 00:21:33,596 --> 00:21:35,076 "In your head, you're dead." 388 00:21:36,643 --> 00:21:37,513 Yeah. 389 00:21:43,998 --> 00:21:44,955 What? 390 00:21:47,784 --> 00:21:48,959 You were right. 391 00:21:50,178 --> 00:21:52,136 About what? 392 00:21:52,311 --> 00:21:54,313 I shouldn't have gone home. I just... 393 00:21:55,357 --> 00:21:56,576 didn't know any better. 394 00:21:58,055 --> 00:22:00,319 I'm a little lost, you know? 395 00:22:04,366 --> 00:22:05,759 Take that all away for a second. 396 00:22:05,933 --> 00:22:08,152 All the distractions, all the bullshit. 397 00:22:09,676 --> 00:22:11,330 What do you wanna do? 398 00:22:11,504 --> 00:22:13,114 If you had a clean slate, 399 00:22:13,288 --> 00:22:14,724 money didn't matter, 400 00:22:14,898 --> 00:22:16,857 what your parents wanted didn't matter? 401 00:22:19,512 --> 00:22:21,340 No one's ever asked me that before. 402 00:22:23,559 --> 00:22:25,126 Well, what would you like to do? 403 00:22:26,649 --> 00:22:27,781 I don't know. 404 00:22:29,478 --> 00:22:32,829 Like, um, I like fashion, 405 00:22:33,003 --> 00:22:36,311 but that's not really, like, a job or anything. 406 00:22:36,485 --> 00:22:38,139 - What? Sure it is. - [LAUGHS] 407 00:22:38,313 --> 00:22:40,184 What, you think clothes make themselves? 408 00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:42,317 No, I know, but I'm just saying, like, 409 00:22:42,491 --> 00:22:45,320 where I come from, it's not a job. 410 00:22:48,279 --> 00:22:49,933 Good thing you're in L.A. then. 411 00:22:54,895 --> 00:22:56,157 [MAN ON TV] What, ever? 412 00:22:56,331 --> 00:22:58,420 [WOMAN] Forever and ever. 413 00:22:58,594 --> 00:23:01,292 You don't believe me, do you? 414 00:23:01,467 --> 00:23:06,385 Well, here's auf Wiedersehen to Joan! 415 00:23:06,559 --> 00:23:07,995 [GUNSHOT] 416 00:23:08,169 --> 00:23:10,389 [MELODRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ON TV] 417 00:23:10,563 --> 00:23:11,564 [TV SHUTS OFF] 418 00:23:17,308 --> 00:23:19,049 [QUIETLY] Hey. You should go to bed. 419 00:23:42,551 --> 00:23:43,987 Rodney. 420 00:23:44,161 --> 00:23:46,033 Uh, OCD lifer. 421 00:23:46,207 --> 00:23:49,384 I've been, uh, managing this thing since I was, like, 8. 422 00:23:49,558 --> 00:23:51,255 Been through it all, one point or another. 423 00:23:51,430 --> 00:23:54,476 So mainly HOCD in my early 20s. 424 00:23:54,650 --> 00:23:56,609 Thought I was gay. 425 00:23:56,783 --> 00:23:59,612 Uh, but ended up in conversion therapy 426 00:23:59,786 --> 00:24:02,136 before I put it together, so yeah. 427 00:24:02,310 --> 00:24:07,184 And I'm currently here for a flare-up of a hit-and-run OCD. 428 00:24:07,358 --> 00:24:10,187 So every time I drive, 429 00:24:10,361 --> 00:24:14,757 I convince myself that I cause a car accident, so... 430 00:24:14,931 --> 00:24:16,411 Yeah. 431 00:24:16,585 --> 00:24:17,673 Liz. 432 00:24:17,847 --> 00:24:19,370 Like all of us, plenty of traits 433 00:24:19,545 --> 00:24:21,329 go back to childhood, but I wasn't diagnosed 434 00:24:21,503 --> 00:24:23,287 until sophomore year of college. 435 00:24:23,462 --> 00:24:25,551 Before that, I spent years in talk therapy 436 00:24:25,725 --> 00:24:28,336 just exacerbating my compulsions. 437 00:24:28,510 --> 00:24:30,817 Since I've been diagnosed, been through a lot of them. 438 00:24:30,991 --> 00:24:32,253 There's hit-and-run OCD, 439 00:24:32,427 --> 00:24:34,690 there's OCD surrounding starting a fire, 440 00:24:34,864 --> 00:24:36,562 skin picking. 441 00:24:36,736 --> 00:24:38,955 I'm here because I'm an elementary school teacher 442 00:24:39,129 --> 00:24:41,218 struggling with pedophilia OCD. 443 00:24:41,392 --> 00:24:44,134 Hey, I'm Jake. I'm an alcoholic. 444 00:24:44,308 --> 00:24:46,528 [LAUGHS] Sorry, wrong meeting. Just kidding. 445 00:24:46,702 --> 00:24:49,444 I've been dealing with OCD for about 15 years. 446 00:24:49,618 --> 00:24:52,360 Combination of pure and physical. 447 00:24:52,534 --> 00:24:56,582 Started out with contamination, scrupulosity OCD, 448 00:24:56,756 --> 00:24:58,801 which is based in religion. 449 00:24:58,975 --> 00:25:02,283 Uh, recently, I've been dealing with magical thinking, 450 00:25:02,457 --> 00:25:05,329 and in particular, the irrational thought 451 00:25:05,504 --> 00:25:07,462 that if I don't perform certain rituals 452 00:25:07,636 --> 00:25:10,073 in certain ways, my son will die. 453 00:25:10,247 --> 00:25:13,207 So um, yeah, it's been a lot of fun. 454 00:25:15,252 --> 00:25:16,819 Okay. Thanks, guys. 455 00:25:16,993 --> 00:25:21,563 Um, Cooper, feel free to go in depth if you like. 456 00:25:21,737 --> 00:25:22,956 Whatever you want. 457 00:25:23,130 --> 00:25:25,785 So Cooper, obviously. 458 00:25:25,959 --> 00:25:28,352 Uh, about a year ago, my mom got really sick. 459 00:25:28,527 --> 00:25:31,094 She has an autoimmune disease, was in the hospital. 460 00:25:32,879 --> 00:25:35,142 My mom means a lot to me. 461 00:25:35,316 --> 00:25:37,666 My father left to start a new family when I was young, 462 00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:39,146 so she raised me. 463 00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:41,191 Anyway, things got really bad for her, 464 00:25:41,365 --> 00:25:44,717 to the point that I had to book my travel plans to say goodbye. 465 00:25:44,891 --> 00:25:46,632 And that same week, I lost my job. 466 00:25:46,806 --> 00:25:49,722 Production on a film I wrote fell apart. 467 00:25:49,896 --> 00:25:51,506 Point is, I shut down. 468 00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:53,682 I didn't know how to handle it all. 469 00:25:53,856 --> 00:25:55,379 And I had the thought cross my mind 470 00:25:55,554 --> 00:25:57,033 for the first time in my life 471 00:25:57,207 --> 00:25:59,906 that maybe it would be easier to just give up. 472 00:26:03,213 --> 00:26:05,041 My mom ended up making a full recovery, 473 00:26:05,215 --> 00:26:06,869 but for the next five or six months, 474 00:26:07,043 --> 00:26:09,655 I became consumed with anxiety, thinking I was suicidal. 475 00:26:09,829 --> 00:26:11,570 But I didn't say anything to anybody. 476 00:26:11,744 --> 00:26:12,919 I kept it all inside. 477 00:26:14,094 --> 00:26:15,486 It was a fucking nightmare. 478 00:26:15,661 --> 00:26:17,793 There was nothing I could do to stop it. 479 00:26:19,621 --> 00:26:21,405 And around that point, I had the thought 480 00:26:21,580 --> 00:26:23,364 that what if instead of harming myself, 481 00:26:23,538 --> 00:26:25,105 I harmed my girlfriend? 482 00:26:25,279 --> 00:26:27,411 Uh-huh. 483 00:26:27,586 --> 00:26:29,239 It's morphing. 484 00:26:29,413 --> 00:26:30,893 What? 485 00:26:31,067 --> 00:26:32,634 That's what it means when the OCD jumps from 486 00:26:32,808 --> 00:26:35,071 - one obsession to the next. - Yeah. 487 00:26:35,245 --> 00:26:37,030 Okay, okay, so I guess it morphed. 488 00:26:37,204 --> 00:26:38,553 As hard as things already were, 489 00:26:38,727 --> 00:26:40,294 that's when it started to eat me up. 490 00:26:40,468 --> 00:26:42,905 I was able to rationalize if I ended up hurting myself 491 00:26:43,079 --> 00:26:45,038 once it became about... 492 00:26:45,212 --> 00:26:46,735 the woman that I love. 493 00:26:49,651 --> 00:26:51,131 Even then, kept it all hid. 494 00:26:52,872 --> 00:26:55,048 Until one day we were leaving this grocery store 495 00:26:55,222 --> 00:26:56,789 and I walked by this little... 496 00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:02,403 kid, this little boy. 497 00:27:04,753 --> 00:27:05,754 And I had-- 498 00:27:07,582 --> 00:27:09,149 The image flashed across my mind 499 00:27:09,323 --> 00:27:11,151 of me stabbing the boy in the face. 500 00:27:17,505 --> 00:27:18,854 [NORA] You're in a safe space. 501 00:27:19,028 --> 00:27:20,726 [INHALES DEEPLY] 502 00:27:20,900 --> 00:27:22,075 Hmm... 503 00:27:24,294 --> 00:27:25,295 I'm sorry. 504 00:27:29,778 --> 00:27:32,476 We left the store, and I just collapsed into my girl's arms. 505 00:27:32,651 --> 00:27:34,000 I told her everything. 506 00:27:37,220 --> 00:27:38,831 Got into talk therapy. 507 00:27:39,005 --> 00:27:40,484 [LAUGHS] 508 00:27:41,790 --> 00:27:43,096 You guys know the rest. 509 00:27:44,924 --> 00:27:47,056 She's been great, my girlfriend. 510 00:27:47,230 --> 00:27:48,884 She's--Fiancée, actually. 511 00:27:49,058 --> 00:27:50,581 We just got married. We just got engaged. 512 00:27:50,756 --> 00:27:52,105 - [BOTH LAUGH] - Sorry. 513 00:27:52,279 --> 00:27:54,760 - Congratulations. - Yeah. Congrats, man. Ah! 514 00:27:54,934 --> 00:27:56,457 Thanks, thanks. Thanks, guys. 515 00:27:56,631 --> 00:27:58,807 Um, that's the thing, though. 516 00:27:58,981 --> 00:28:00,896 Now I've been struggling with relationship OCD, 517 00:28:01,070 --> 00:28:02,985 picking everything apart. 518 00:28:03,159 --> 00:28:06,075 Wanting it to be perfect before we get married. 519 00:28:06,249 --> 00:28:09,122 I've also developed pretty severe health OCD, 520 00:28:09,296 --> 00:28:10,993 thinking I have cancer for no reason. 521 00:28:11,167 --> 00:28:12,908 We are all perfectionists. 522 00:28:13,082 --> 00:28:15,258 That thing just comes with the territory. 523 00:28:15,432 --> 00:28:18,740 - Well, thank you, Cooper. - Yeah. Yeah, thanks, man. 524 00:28:18,914 --> 00:28:21,830 We've all been in your position before. All right? 525 00:28:22,004 --> 00:28:24,050 So just big steps, bro, all right? 526 00:28:25,268 --> 00:28:26,705 You're in the right place. 527 00:28:51,773 --> 00:28:53,427 [DOOR OPENS] 528 00:28:53,601 --> 00:28:54,776 [FOOTSTEPS] 529 00:28:54,950 --> 00:28:56,082 [DOOR CLOSES] 530 00:29:01,087 --> 00:29:02,392 How did the group go? 531 00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:04,568 Still going. 532 00:29:07,049 --> 00:29:07,920 Wanna smoke? 533 00:29:10,444 --> 00:29:15,841 I have this disconnect where I think how I should feel. 534 00:29:16,015 --> 00:29:17,277 Yeah, but if you take 535 00:29:17,451 --> 00:29:19,018 an analytical approach all the time, 536 00:29:19,192 --> 00:29:21,150 you're bound to see the world through a gray lens. 537 00:29:21,324 --> 00:29:24,284 But it's like the numbers tell you so. 538 00:29:24,458 --> 00:29:26,939 Heartbreak is just the law of averages. 539 00:29:27,113 --> 00:29:28,549 The numbers are insignificant 540 00:29:28,723 --> 00:29:29,942 unless you can decipher 541 00:29:30,116 --> 00:29:31,944 how they affect something as a whole. 542 00:29:33,684 --> 00:29:34,990 I don't understand that. 543 00:29:36,209 --> 00:29:37,863 I'm saying love is a choice. 544 00:29:38,037 --> 00:29:40,169 Hope is a choice. 545 00:29:40,343 --> 00:29:42,171 You just said you're in love with her. 546 00:29:42,345 --> 00:29:43,607 I am. 547 00:29:43,782 --> 00:29:45,305 Em is a great girl, dude. 548 00:29:45,479 --> 00:29:48,047 You think you're the first guy to ever spin out? 549 00:29:48,221 --> 00:29:50,484 But what if that's all a relationship is? 550 00:29:50,658 --> 00:29:53,139 Shit that you have to constantly overcome. 551 00:29:53,313 --> 00:29:55,881 We're talking about love. 552 00:29:56,055 --> 00:29:58,274 It's not a permanent state of bliss. 553 00:30:00,233 --> 00:30:01,190 [CHUCKLES] 554 00:30:01,364 --> 00:30:03,192 Look. 555 00:30:03,366 --> 00:30:06,543 I don't mean to get all hippie and shit, but... 556 00:30:08,807 --> 00:30:10,896 you gotta find joy in the journey. 557 00:30:17,424 --> 00:30:19,426 What are you doing here, man? 558 00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:21,341 What do you mean? 559 00:30:21,515 --> 00:30:23,604 What are you doing at this rehab? 560 00:30:23,778 --> 00:30:25,432 I went to college with Tess. 561 00:30:26,825 --> 00:30:28,348 She thought I'd be good at this. 562 00:30:28,522 --> 00:30:30,959 No, I know all that. That's not what I mean. 563 00:30:31,133 --> 00:30:33,440 What are you doing in this rehab? 564 00:30:36,051 --> 00:30:37,270 I don't follow. 565 00:30:38,619 --> 00:30:42,101 Everybody here has to be here. 566 00:30:42,275 --> 00:30:44,103 The clients, they're at rock bottom. 567 00:30:44,277 --> 00:30:47,193 I'm here because I'm sober. It's part of my program. 568 00:30:47,367 --> 00:30:48,803 Slater, sober. 569 00:30:48,977 --> 00:30:50,849 Tess lost her sister to addiction. 570 00:30:52,415 --> 00:30:55,331 Nobody ends up at rehab unless they have to. 571 00:31:00,206 --> 00:31:01,250 I don't know. 572 00:31:03,818 --> 00:31:06,734 [♪] 573 00:31:18,789 --> 00:31:21,227 Why are you still so resentful about that? 574 00:31:21,401 --> 00:31:23,969 Because I apologized, I was sincere, and you accepted. 575 00:31:24,143 --> 00:31:26,667 I'm figuring this thing out. I overthink, I obsess. 576 00:31:26,841 --> 00:31:29,017 That doesn't give you an excuse to be an asshole. 577 00:31:29,191 --> 00:31:31,280 - That's not fair. - Know how hard it's been for me 578 00:31:31,454 --> 00:31:33,239 to have a fiancé who's having doubts 579 00:31:33,413 --> 00:31:35,284 but he's telling me, "They're not really doubts. 580 00:31:35,458 --> 00:31:38,200 - So just be cool. Help me." - I have to filter out 581 00:31:38,374 --> 00:31:40,115 every thought that passes through my head. 582 00:31:40,289 --> 00:31:42,465 Do you know how exhausting that is? 583 00:31:42,639 --> 00:31:44,119 Imagine trying to fix your mind, 584 00:31:44,293 --> 00:31:47,340 but can't trust the mind that's fixing it. 585 00:31:47,514 --> 00:31:49,298 I'm gonna slip up, I'm gonna fuck up. 586 00:31:49,472 --> 00:31:51,648 And I'm gonna let things through that are not real. 587 00:31:51,822 --> 00:31:53,302 It's just my anxiety talking. 588 00:31:53,476 --> 00:31:55,261 But I won't know that until after the fact. 589 00:31:55,435 --> 00:31:57,959 Right, but if you don't know it, how am I supposed to know it? 590 00:31:58,133 --> 00:31:59,743 You have to trust that deep down 591 00:31:59,918 --> 00:32:02,181 - it's not how I really feel. - Oh, I'm trying. 592 00:32:05,793 --> 00:32:08,187 Look, you can lean on me. Right? 593 00:32:08,361 --> 00:32:11,451 I'm here for you. I've been here for you the whole time. 594 00:32:11,625 --> 00:32:13,192 I know you have. 595 00:32:13,366 --> 00:32:16,195 It's just hard when talking about it makes it worse. 596 00:32:16,369 --> 00:32:18,371 I can't tell other people I love what I'm going through 597 00:32:18,545 --> 00:32:20,329 because they'll just get so concerned. 598 00:32:20,503 --> 00:32:21,896 And that makes it harder. 599 00:32:27,206 --> 00:32:30,818 I'm sorry. I'm sorry about your family. I-- 600 00:32:32,559 --> 00:32:34,735 Babe, I just think you're spun out. 601 00:32:34,909 --> 00:32:37,172 I--It's not gonna last forever. 602 00:32:37,346 --> 00:32:39,131 It doesn't feel that way right now. 603 00:32:44,571 --> 00:32:45,485 [SIGHS] 604 00:32:46,268 --> 00:32:47,269 [SIGHS] 605 00:32:48,923 --> 00:32:51,056 I'm here for you. 606 00:32:51,230 --> 00:32:53,406 I really... I really am, 607 00:32:53,580 --> 00:32:56,409 but our relationship doesn't get to go on hold. 608 00:32:56,583 --> 00:32:58,280 Right? I need you to show up. 609 00:32:58,454 --> 00:33:01,022 And I need to be able to express how I feel. 610 00:33:03,242 --> 00:33:04,678 You don't feel that you can? 611 00:33:06,027 --> 00:33:08,725 Honestly, right now, no. 612 00:33:09,944 --> 00:33:11,511 No. I feel like 613 00:33:11,685 --> 00:33:13,121 I have to take a back seat. 614 00:33:14,818 --> 00:33:17,473 - Well, I don't want that. - Okay. 615 00:33:23,610 --> 00:33:24,567 So tell me. 616 00:33:25,916 --> 00:33:27,570 Go ahead. Whatever it is. 617 00:33:34,751 --> 00:33:37,015 I feel like this engagement is bullshit. 618 00:33:38,625 --> 00:33:40,496 Like, it doesn't feel real. 619 00:33:47,938 --> 00:33:49,201 Well, I mean it. 620 00:33:51,029 --> 00:33:52,117 Very much. 621 00:33:54,684 --> 00:33:55,903 And I love you. 622 00:33:58,993 --> 00:33:59,950 Okay. 623 00:34:01,909 --> 00:34:03,606 - I know. - Okay. 624 00:34:03,780 --> 00:34:05,347 And I love you too. 625 00:34:07,393 --> 00:34:08,916 - Okay. - Okay. 626 00:34:13,225 --> 00:34:16,967 [BOTH] ♪ I believe ♪ 627 00:34:17,142 --> 00:34:21,146 ♪ That you were made for me ♪ 628 00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:27,065 ♪ And I was made for you ♪ 629 00:34:29,980 --> 00:34:33,593 ♪ I believe ♪ 630 00:34:33,767 --> 00:34:38,032 ♪ That you were made for me ♪ 631 00:34:38,206 --> 00:34:43,690 ♪ And I was made for you ♪ 632 00:34:46,780 --> 00:34:51,611 ♪ I was made for you ♪ 633 00:34:55,223 --> 00:35:00,098 ♪ I was made for you ♪ 634 00:35:03,623 --> 00:35:08,454 ♪ I was made for you ♪ 635 00:35:12,197 --> 00:35:16,723 ♪ I was made for you ♪ 636 00:35:20,683 --> 00:35:25,340 ♪ I was made for you ♪ 637 00:35:29,388 --> 00:35:31,216 [BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY] 638 00:35:39,137 --> 00:35:40,181 Oh, yeah. 639 00:35:41,574 --> 00:35:43,402 [BOTH PANTING] 640 00:35:46,318 --> 00:35:48,102 - [LAUGHING] - You okay? 641 00:35:54,152 --> 00:35:55,849 Oh, shit. 642 00:35:56,023 --> 00:35:57,677 - Babe. - What? 643 00:35:57,851 --> 00:36:00,158 I fucked up my cycle. We shouldn't have done that. 644 00:36:00,332 --> 00:36:01,942 [SPITS] 645 00:36:02,116 --> 00:36:03,900 See? 646 00:36:04,074 --> 00:36:05,380 Okay. Well... 647 00:36:07,121 --> 00:36:10,603 I know it's not ideal, but we can go get Plan B. 648 00:36:10,777 --> 00:36:12,387 It's a good thing you caught it. 649 00:36:12,561 --> 00:36:14,694 I hate that I can't be on birth control. 650 00:36:18,828 --> 00:36:21,744 The app's been working fine. We just have to be more careful. 651 00:36:21,918 --> 00:36:23,659 Oh, we have to be more careful? 652 00:36:23,833 --> 00:36:26,532 No, really you maybe have to be more careful. 653 00:36:26,706 --> 00:36:29,317 [LAUGHS, SIGHS] 654 00:36:29,491 --> 00:36:31,058 Hey, you should be more careful. 655 00:36:31,232 --> 00:36:33,147 You've got a little schmutz on your face. 656 00:36:34,366 --> 00:36:36,716 Oh, you think I give a fuck? 657 00:36:36,890 --> 00:36:39,022 You think I fucking give a shit, bro? 658 00:36:39,197 --> 00:36:41,503 I--You do. You do. 659 00:36:41,677 --> 00:36:42,983 What are you doing? No. 660 00:36:43,157 --> 00:36:44,854 What do you think you're doing? No. 661 00:36:45,028 --> 00:36:48,554 - Where are you gonna go? - You look like you have rabies. 662 00:36:48,728 --> 00:36:51,165 - Get away from me. - I might have. Come here. 663 00:36:51,339 --> 00:36:52,862 [BOTH LAUGHING] 664 00:36:53,036 --> 00:36:54,995 We're gonna get into it when the group gets in, 665 00:36:55,169 --> 00:36:56,779 but how was your week? 666 00:37:00,174 --> 00:37:02,132 Well, today is the day. 667 00:37:02,307 --> 00:37:04,222 Are you ready for your first exposure? 668 00:37:04,396 --> 00:37:07,050 So excited. I still don't even get what it is. 669 00:37:07,225 --> 00:37:09,444 So it's about desensitization, right? 670 00:37:09,618 --> 00:37:11,577 So you're gonna write out your intrusive thoughts 671 00:37:11,751 --> 00:37:13,796 or record them and then play them back. 672 00:37:13,970 --> 00:37:17,322 Then you're gonna try to allow yourself to be anxious 673 00:37:17,496 --> 00:37:19,411 without performing any compulsions. 674 00:37:19,585 --> 00:37:21,021 That's the most important part. 675 00:37:21,195 --> 00:37:22,718 It's where all the work gets done. 676 00:37:22,892 --> 00:37:25,765 So make myself more anxious to be less anxious. 677 00:37:25,939 --> 00:37:27,288 Essentially, yeah. Yeah. 678 00:37:27,462 --> 00:37:29,159 Eventually I might have you walk around 679 00:37:29,334 --> 00:37:30,552 with a pocket knife 680 00:37:30,726 --> 00:37:32,946 or go to bed with a knife at your bedside. 681 00:37:33,120 --> 00:37:34,774 But don't--CHUCKLES] 682 00:37:34,948 --> 00:37:35,775 Don't worry. 683 00:37:35,949 --> 00:37:36,993 Don't panic. 684 00:37:37,167 --> 00:37:38,691 You got this. 685 00:37:38,865 --> 00:37:39,996 What's this? 686 00:37:40,170 --> 00:37:41,955 A book for your friends and family. 687 00:37:42,129 --> 00:37:45,088 It's kind of like the dos and don'ts of how to help you out. 688 00:37:45,263 --> 00:37:47,177 You should probably give it a read too. 689 00:37:50,180 --> 00:37:51,399 - Thank you. - Mm-hm. 690 00:38:01,496 --> 00:38:03,281 [SHIFTER CLICKS, CAR SHUTS OFF] 691 00:38:04,456 --> 00:38:05,370 [SIGHS] 692 00:38:20,602 --> 00:38:23,562 My OCD attacks my relationship. 693 00:38:26,782 --> 00:38:28,828 Makes me dissect every aspect of it, 694 00:38:29,002 --> 00:38:30,656 Emily and I, until I bring both of us 695 00:38:30,830 --> 00:38:32,527 to the point of complete exhaustion 696 00:38:32,701 --> 00:38:35,269 and we decide to break up. 697 00:38:38,098 --> 00:38:39,491 After we break up, I realize 698 00:38:39,665 --> 00:38:41,797 I've made the biggest mistake of my life. 699 00:38:45,540 --> 00:38:47,673 At that point, I... 700 00:38:47,847 --> 00:38:50,589 I try to get her back, but it's too late. 701 00:38:52,591 --> 00:38:53,461 My... 702 00:38:55,376 --> 00:38:57,204 I fall into a deep depression. 703 00:38:59,467 --> 00:39:01,339 My obsessions spiral out of control 704 00:39:01,513 --> 00:39:03,558 and I end up in an insane asylum. 705 00:39:04,994 --> 00:39:06,126 All alone. 706 00:39:08,911 --> 00:39:11,174 Driven to the point of complete insanity, 707 00:39:11,349 --> 00:39:13,481 I decide to take my own life. 708 00:39:20,532 --> 00:39:22,055 - [RACHEL] Hey. Come in. - What's up? 709 00:39:22,229 --> 00:39:23,361 Duke said you wanted see me. 710 00:39:23,535 --> 00:39:24,449 Um... 711 00:39:25,014 --> 00:39:26,102 It's okay. 712 00:39:26,886 --> 00:39:28,061 What's up? 713 00:39:29,105 --> 00:39:30,280 Um... 714 00:39:32,108 --> 00:39:35,721 Well, you know, like, what you were saying about me, 715 00:39:35,895 --> 00:39:37,810 like, following my dreams and all that? 716 00:39:37,984 --> 00:39:39,246 Mm-hm. 717 00:39:39,594 --> 00:39:41,683 Well, I kind of brought it up in therapy. 718 00:39:42,989 --> 00:39:44,730 - And? - Um... 719 00:39:46,209 --> 00:39:47,515 I guess there's, like, 720 00:39:47,689 --> 00:39:50,388 some fashion school called FIDM. 721 00:39:51,780 --> 00:39:55,436 And I was thinking about maybe applying. 722 00:39:57,873 --> 00:39:58,787 What? 723 00:40:00,920 --> 00:40:03,313 - [CHUCKLES] - Hell yeah, dude. 724 00:40:03,488 --> 00:40:05,054 - Let's go. - Yeah. 725 00:40:05,228 --> 00:40:07,622 Um, I just don't really know how to do it, 726 00:40:07,796 --> 00:40:09,319 so I kind of need your help. 727 00:40:10,712 --> 00:40:12,148 Of course. 728 00:40:12,322 --> 00:40:13,715 Anything. 729 00:40:13,889 --> 00:40:15,674 Um... 730 00:40:15,848 --> 00:40:18,503 Yeah, I have to, like, write an essay, 731 00:40:18,677 --> 00:40:21,767 and then I need a letter of recommendation. 732 00:40:21,941 --> 00:40:23,116 Okay. 733 00:40:23,290 --> 00:40:25,901 And I know that you're a writer. 734 00:40:26,075 --> 00:40:29,078 Um, but if you didn't wanna do that, I totally get it. 735 00:40:29,252 --> 00:40:30,732 Pssh, hey. 736 00:40:30,906 --> 00:40:32,168 I got you. 737 00:40:32,342 --> 00:40:33,735 We're gonna crush this application. 738 00:40:33,909 --> 00:40:34,823 You hear me? 739 00:40:34,997 --> 00:40:36,651 Yeah, I just didn't, like, 740 00:40:36,825 --> 00:40:39,045 wanna tell everybody else about it yet. 741 00:40:39,219 --> 00:40:41,526 Mm, you don't want Brandon to shade your shine? 742 00:40:41,700 --> 00:40:43,484 Exactly. 743 00:40:43,658 --> 00:40:46,922 I won't say anything. Your business is your business. 744 00:40:48,750 --> 00:40:50,665 - Thank you. - Big moves. 745 00:40:51,361 --> 00:40:53,015 - [EMILY] Hey, babe. - Hmm? 746 00:40:53,189 --> 00:40:54,843 How much time we got? 747 00:40:58,760 --> 00:41:00,893 Five minutes max. 748 00:41:01,067 --> 00:41:03,548 Okay. Okay, I'm almost ready. 749 00:41:03,722 --> 00:41:05,419 Oh, uh, Nora gave me this book. 750 00:41:05,593 --> 00:41:08,944 It's for friends and family. It's about how you can help. 751 00:41:09,118 --> 00:41:11,947 Oh, nice. Um, can you put it on my nightstand? 752 00:41:13,558 --> 00:41:14,602 Sure. 753 00:41:25,091 --> 00:41:27,746 - Wow. - Yeah? 754 00:41:27,920 --> 00:41:29,312 [EXHALES SHARPLY] 755 00:41:31,097 --> 00:41:32,838 - You like it? - Yeah, I like it. 756 00:41:33,012 --> 00:41:35,797 Do I look like a Bond girl? 757 00:41:35,971 --> 00:41:37,320 They'd be lucky to have you. 758 00:41:37,495 --> 00:41:39,409 Or like I'm-- Like I'm in a music video? 759 00:41:39,584 --> 00:41:40,759 [LAUGHS] 760 00:41:40,933 --> 00:41:42,500 - Yeah? - Yeah, yeah. 761 00:41:42,674 --> 00:41:44,806 I mean, you know, I can do anything in this. 762 00:41:44,980 --> 00:41:48,897 I can do my body rolls. I can do my around the worlds. 763 00:41:49,071 --> 00:41:50,899 - Whoo! - [LAUGHS] 764 00:41:51,073 --> 00:41:53,598 No, but, really, you like it? It's... 765 00:41:54,686 --> 00:41:55,948 You look beautiful. 766 00:41:58,559 --> 00:42:00,082 I do need five more minutes. 767 00:42:00,256 --> 00:42:02,737 - Just, really, a quick five. - Baby... A quick five. 768 00:42:02,911 --> 00:42:03,999 So another 15. 769 00:42:04,173 --> 00:42:05,435 - I'm a lucky man too. - Oh? 770 00:42:05,610 --> 00:42:07,263 - Yeah, you are. - Yeah. 771 00:42:07,437 --> 00:42:09,614 I mean, zero argument here, right? 772 00:42:09,788 --> 00:42:11,224 - You're so modest too. - Yeah. 773 00:42:11,398 --> 00:42:13,966 I think modesty is one of my greatest strengths. 774 00:42:14,140 --> 00:42:18,361 Wouldn't you say? Yeah, you like that? You like that comedy? 775 00:42:18,536 --> 00:42:20,538 - Anybody need more wine? - Yeah. 776 00:42:20,712 --> 00:42:22,017 No. That would be it. 777 00:42:23,845 --> 00:42:24,933 Thank you. 778 00:42:25,107 --> 00:42:26,282 - Good. - No? 779 00:42:26,456 --> 00:42:27,675 [VOICES DISTORT, FADING] 780 00:42:27,849 --> 00:42:29,285 - Oh, he gave up. - Cooper. 781 00:42:29,459 --> 00:42:30,460 Yeah? 782 00:42:30,635 --> 00:42:31,940 [STEVE] Give her a hand. 783 00:42:32,114 --> 00:42:33,768 [EMILY] That's why we keep him around. 784 00:42:33,942 --> 00:42:35,944 [STEVE] Yeah, he's very handy. 785 00:42:36,118 --> 00:42:38,947 [JANICE] Well, I'd like to make a toast. 786 00:42:40,775 --> 00:42:42,298 - Um... - Lovely. 787 00:42:44,431 --> 00:42:46,346 We all love you. 788 00:42:47,869 --> 00:42:49,392 Who you are as people. 789 00:42:50,959 --> 00:42:52,352 Who you are together. 790 00:42:53,571 --> 00:42:54,528 [EMILY] Yeah. 791 00:42:54,702 --> 00:42:55,529 Just love you. 792 00:42:55,703 --> 00:42:57,052 [CHUCKLES] 793 00:42:57,226 --> 00:42:59,402 - Oh, my sweetheart. - Oh, here we go. 794 00:42:59,577 --> 00:43:01,753 No, no, no, stop it. Your-- 795 00:43:01,927 --> 00:43:04,886 Your mother and I are just over the moon. 796 00:43:05,060 --> 00:43:06,453 And we can't wait. 797 00:43:06,627 --> 00:43:09,674 Well, Em and I are so glad to be here 798 00:43:09,848 --> 00:43:11,414 with each and every one of you. 799 00:43:11,589 --> 00:43:14,504 There's nobody we'd rather be celebrating this with. 800 00:43:14,679 --> 00:43:16,811 Truly. So... 801 00:43:16,985 --> 00:43:18,160 Cheers. We love you guys. 802 00:43:18,334 --> 00:43:20,598 - Love you, Mom. - [ALL LAUGHING] 803 00:43:20,772 --> 00:43:24,340 ♪ One plus one, you splice me ♪ 804 00:43:24,514 --> 00:43:26,560 ♪ The devil's in the desert ♪ 805 00:43:26,734 --> 00:43:29,737 ♪ Two plus one, I splice you ♪ 806 00:43:29,911 --> 00:43:31,913 ♪ The devil's in the desert ♪ 807 00:43:32,087 --> 00:43:34,612 ♪ Two plus two, I splice them ♪ 808 00:43:34,786 --> 00:43:37,049 ♪ The devil's in the desert ♪ 809 00:43:37,223 --> 00:43:41,749 ♪ One plus one You splice me... ♪ 810 00:43:41,923 --> 00:43:44,404 Hey, hey, hey. Stop the music. Call 911! 811 00:43:44,578 --> 00:43:46,667 [RODNEY] Oh, dude. 812 00:43:46,841 --> 00:43:48,582 Cooper. Man, I-- 813 00:43:48,756 --> 00:43:50,976 I'm really sorry, man. That's-- 814 00:43:51,150 --> 00:43:53,152 [LIZ] Yeah, I'm sure that goes for all of us. 815 00:43:53,326 --> 00:43:56,242 Absolutely. If it wasn't a heart attack, what was it? 816 00:43:56,416 --> 00:43:58,287 We don't know. 817 00:43:58,461 --> 00:44:01,508 Hopefully we'll get some results from the MRI today 818 00:44:01,682 --> 00:44:03,641 and figure out what's going on. 819 00:44:07,079 --> 00:44:09,908 But thanks, guys, I appreciate it. It's, um... 820 00:44:11,257 --> 00:44:12,650 No. I mean, feel free 821 00:44:12,824 --> 00:44:14,826 to take the rest of the week off if you-- 822 00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:17,132 No, no, this--This helps. 823 00:44:17,306 --> 00:44:19,265 I have to show up for myself 824 00:44:19,439 --> 00:44:22,529 so I can show up for Emily and her family. 825 00:44:22,703 --> 00:44:23,791 Okay. 826 00:44:23,965 --> 00:44:25,924 Well, I'm at least happy 827 00:44:26,098 --> 00:44:28,970 that your first exposure is starting to wane. 828 00:44:29,144 --> 00:44:31,451 You ready to step it up? 829 00:44:32,539 --> 00:44:34,323 Ready as I'll ever be. 830 00:44:34,497 --> 00:44:37,979 Hey, what's up? Is there any news? 831 00:44:38,153 --> 00:44:40,416 [EMILY] I didn't know if you were still in therapy. 832 00:44:40,590 --> 00:44:42,027 I'm on my way home. 833 00:44:42,201 --> 00:44:43,898 - Are you driving? - Yeah. 834 00:44:45,552 --> 00:44:47,728 Uh, we can talk when you get here. 835 00:44:47,902 --> 00:44:50,035 Okay. Sure. 836 00:44:50,209 --> 00:44:51,906 They don't think it's the years he smoked. 837 00:44:52,080 --> 00:44:54,213 - So, what then? - He got cobalt treatment 838 00:44:54,387 --> 00:44:55,823 in the '80s, and apparently, back then, 839 00:44:55,997 --> 00:44:57,738 they did radiation from the neck down, 840 00:44:57,912 --> 00:45:00,654 - so that could be it. - [SIGHS] Jesus. 841 00:45:02,308 --> 00:45:05,311 - When can he come home? - Uh, later today. 842 00:45:05,615 --> 00:45:07,139 Yeah. Mom's there now. 843 00:45:07,313 --> 00:45:08,836 I can come too. I'll call work off. 844 00:45:09,010 --> 00:45:10,098 - No, no. - Are you sure? 845 00:45:10,272 --> 00:45:11,491 - Yeah. - I wanna help. 846 00:45:11,665 --> 00:45:13,580 I know. There's gonna be time for that. 847 00:45:13,754 --> 00:45:14,755 I think I should just go. 848 00:45:14,929 --> 00:45:16,148 - Okay. - Okay. 849 00:45:16,322 --> 00:45:17,366 Just let me know. 850 00:45:17,540 --> 00:45:19,673 I wanna help. I'm here. Okay? 851 00:45:22,720 --> 00:45:24,286 [PANTING] 852 00:45:28,813 --> 00:45:29,944 [WHISPERS] I'm okay. 853 00:45:54,012 --> 00:45:54,882 Fuck it. 854 00:46:00,845 --> 00:46:01,889 Hey. 855 00:46:03,935 --> 00:46:05,458 Where are you going? 856 00:46:05,632 --> 00:46:07,416 What the hell is going on? 857 00:46:07,590 --> 00:46:09,897 She made a rap video with her drug dealer when she was home. 858 00:46:10,071 --> 00:46:11,681 She's all drugged out and naked in it, 859 00:46:11,856 --> 00:46:13,248 making out with another girl. 860 00:46:13,422 --> 00:46:15,511 She doesn't remember it, but it got put online, 861 00:46:15,685 --> 00:46:17,122 - and her father saw it. - Oh, fuck. 862 00:46:17,296 --> 00:46:18,776 Yeah. 863 00:46:18,950 --> 00:46:21,213 I can't stay late today. I gotta get to class. 864 00:46:21,387 --> 00:46:24,694 - It's okay. I'll do it. Yeah. - Thanks. I owe you one. 865 00:46:28,263 --> 00:46:29,699 [CRYING] 866 00:46:42,712 --> 00:46:43,670 [RACHEL] Hi. 867 00:46:56,770 --> 00:46:58,728 - Do you wanna hear something? - Sure. 868 00:47:00,295 --> 00:47:02,036 One time I paid 5 bucks 869 00:47:02,210 --> 00:47:04,430 to lick the used spoon of a junkie. 870 00:47:07,041 --> 00:47:08,521 That must have been a low. 871 00:47:08,695 --> 00:47:11,741 Well, it definitely wasn't a high. 872 00:47:11,916 --> 00:47:13,265 I guess, technically, it was. 873 00:47:13,439 --> 00:47:14,527 [CHUCKLES] 874 00:47:20,707 --> 00:47:23,057 Dude, my fucking dad saw that video. 875 00:47:25,190 --> 00:47:26,669 Yeah. He did. 876 00:47:30,543 --> 00:47:33,241 He told me he never wants to speak to me again. 877 00:47:38,072 --> 00:47:39,595 He just needs time. 878 00:47:39,769 --> 00:47:41,989 He's processing things, like you are. 879 00:47:44,252 --> 00:47:45,384 Yeah, I know. 880 00:47:47,081 --> 00:47:49,127 We can't control other people's emotions. 881 00:47:49,301 --> 00:47:50,911 You can try. 882 00:47:51,085 --> 00:47:53,044 It's a quick path to depression. 883 00:47:54,480 --> 00:47:56,612 Well, I'm already depressed, 884 00:47:56,786 --> 00:47:58,876 so fuck it. What's one more thing, right? 885 00:48:01,182 --> 00:48:02,270 I get it. I know. 886 00:48:03,619 --> 00:48:05,752 You have to fix yourself 887 00:48:05,926 --> 00:48:07,536 right now. 888 00:48:07,710 --> 00:48:09,887 All the demolition cleanup from your past... 889 00:48:11,801 --> 00:48:12,933 that's for later. 890 00:48:14,761 --> 00:48:16,458 [SARCASTIC] Yay. Can't wait. 891 00:48:21,768 --> 00:48:22,987 [SIGHS] 892 00:48:26,599 --> 00:48:28,340 You ready to go back in there? 893 00:48:29,428 --> 00:48:31,212 Um... 894 00:48:31,386 --> 00:48:32,779 just a few more minutes. 895 00:48:32,953 --> 00:48:33,998 Sure. 896 00:48:43,572 --> 00:48:45,531 [SNIFFLES] 897 00:48:45,705 --> 00:48:47,750 Sometimes it's... 898 00:48:47,925 --> 00:48:51,145 hardest to talk to the people you're closest to, isn't it? 899 00:48:54,366 --> 00:48:55,541 Amen to that. 900 00:48:59,762 --> 00:49:02,896 - How's your essay coming along? - It's good. 901 00:49:03,070 --> 00:49:06,117 Uh, they want me to write 902 00:49:06,291 --> 00:49:09,207 about a time I had to overcome adversity. Any ideas? 903 00:49:11,252 --> 00:49:13,733 [BOTH LAUGHING] 904 00:49:13,907 --> 00:49:15,822 Oh, FIDM! 905 00:49:15,996 --> 00:49:17,955 - FIDM! - [YELLS] FIDM! 906 00:50:17,840 --> 00:50:20,756 [♪] 907 00:50:38,861 --> 00:50:40,428 [COOPER OVER SPEAKER] My constant fear and worry 908 00:50:40,602 --> 00:50:42,561 eventually drives me to complete insanity. 909 00:50:43,083 --> 00:50:45,955 I lose control of my mind and decide to murder Emily. 910 00:50:46,652 --> 00:50:48,610 When I get home, she's asleep in bed. 911 00:50:49,220 --> 00:50:51,265 I grab a butcher knife and hack her to pieces. 912 00:51:21,600 --> 00:51:22,818 [SIGHS] 913 00:51:41,489 --> 00:51:43,535 I've just been trying so hard, you know? 914 00:51:43,709 --> 00:51:45,276 [RODNEY] Yeah. 915 00:51:45,450 --> 00:51:47,626 But I think I'm finally getting it 916 00:51:47,800 --> 00:51:51,020 that I can't take this on alone. 917 00:51:51,195 --> 00:51:52,979 Yeah, but you're here, right? 918 00:51:53,153 --> 00:51:56,417 Brother, you're gonna be okay. You are. 919 00:51:56,591 --> 00:51:59,246 Steve's diagnosis has been making my health OCD 920 00:51:59,420 --> 00:52:01,335 flare up like crazy. 921 00:52:01,509 --> 00:52:04,338 Keep digging deep and trusting the process. 922 00:52:04,512 --> 00:52:06,514 Just like OCD doesn't develop overnight, 923 00:52:06,688 --> 00:52:08,473 it takes time to do the work. 924 00:52:08,647 --> 00:52:10,214 But you're killing it, man. 925 00:52:10,388 --> 00:52:11,693 Mm, I don't know. 926 00:52:11,867 --> 00:52:15,044 - Thanks, guys. That's it. - Yeah? 927 00:52:15,219 --> 00:52:17,873 Okay. Rodney, how was your week? 928 00:52:18,047 --> 00:52:19,353 Aw, fuck! 929 00:52:19,527 --> 00:52:21,834 Well, my week sucked, man. 930 00:52:22,008 --> 00:52:23,618 Yeah. Uh, all right, 931 00:52:23,792 --> 00:52:28,188 so I was already running late for work on Thursday 932 00:52:28,362 --> 00:52:31,583 when I had this massive spike. Yeah. 933 00:52:31,757 --> 00:52:34,586 I drove by this car accident getting off the freeway. 934 00:52:34,760 --> 00:52:36,370 - [COOPER WHISTLES SOFTLY] - Yeah. 935 00:52:36,544 --> 00:52:39,721 So, uh, I sat pretty well with the anxiety, 936 00:52:39,895 --> 00:52:41,158 you know, for a few blocks, 937 00:52:41,332 --> 00:52:43,899 but then, uh, I lost the battle. 938 00:52:44,073 --> 00:52:49,296 Yeah. My OCD convinced me that I caused the accident. 939 00:52:49,470 --> 00:52:51,907 So I drove back to the scene. 940 00:52:52,081 --> 00:52:53,692 How many times did you drive by? 941 00:52:53,866 --> 00:52:58,087 Fuck. Like five, you know? Fuck, you know? 942 00:52:58,262 --> 00:53:01,178 I wish it was just the drive-bys though, right? 943 00:53:01,352 --> 00:53:04,485 - Yeah. - But--So I parked my bike, 944 00:53:04,659 --> 00:53:07,923 joined everyone on the curb, and I watched the scene. 945 00:53:08,097 --> 00:53:10,230 Yeah. And I started asking everyone 946 00:53:10,404 --> 00:53:11,623 if they saw what happened. 947 00:53:11,797 --> 00:53:13,277 So reassurance seeking? 948 00:53:13,451 --> 00:53:15,017 [STAMMERS] 949 00:53:15,192 --> 00:53:18,412 Yeah. But I didn't stop there. I didn't stop there. 950 00:53:18,586 --> 00:53:20,806 Started probing the police officer. 951 00:53:20,980 --> 00:53:22,590 Yeah. Yeah. 952 00:53:22,764 --> 00:53:26,072 On the scene. Trying to find out if they had any leads. 953 00:53:26,246 --> 00:53:28,161 - Right? - No, you didn't. NO, you-- 954 00:53:28,335 --> 00:53:31,077 Grab your popcorn. This shit gets even better. 955 00:53:31,251 --> 00:53:32,339 - Yeah. - All right. 956 00:53:32,513 --> 00:53:34,167 [ALL LAUGHING] 957 00:53:34,341 --> 00:53:36,648 So an ambulance came, right? 958 00:53:36,822 --> 00:53:41,043 And I ended up following it all the way to the hospital. 959 00:53:41,218 --> 00:53:42,436 - My God. Rodney! - Yeah. 960 00:53:42,610 --> 00:53:45,178 Yeah, but before he got admitted, 961 00:53:45,352 --> 00:53:47,093 I walked in front of the guy 962 00:53:47,267 --> 00:53:52,098 that got into the car accident to see if he recognized me, man. 963 00:53:52,272 --> 00:53:54,492 Like total weirdo shit, man. 964 00:53:54,666 --> 00:53:56,668 Total weirdo shit. [CRYING] 965 00:53:56,842 --> 00:54:01,977 I mean, I'm laughing now, but... 966 00:54:02,151 --> 00:54:05,372 But it was shitty as hell, you know? 967 00:54:06,895 --> 00:54:08,027 I was like, what, 968 00:54:08,201 --> 00:54:10,986 like two hours late for work. 969 00:54:11,160 --> 00:54:14,686 And I spent the rest of the day convinced-- 970 00:54:14,860 --> 00:54:16,905 I was so fucking convinced 971 00:54:17,079 --> 00:54:18,864 that the cops were gonna come arrest me 972 00:54:19,038 --> 00:54:20,779 any second, man. Right? 973 00:54:22,433 --> 00:54:24,173 Isn't that crazy? 974 00:54:24,348 --> 00:54:25,305 Fucking weird. 975 00:54:26,567 --> 00:54:28,482 How was your week, Liz? 976 00:54:28,656 --> 00:54:31,268 I'm glad you're here, Rodney. 977 00:54:31,442 --> 00:54:33,792 Oh, Jake. You're gonna be all right, Coop. 978 00:54:33,966 --> 00:54:35,533 Thanks, man. 979 00:54:35,707 --> 00:54:36,925 Fuck, right? 980 00:54:38,971 --> 00:54:40,755 Aw, shit, man. 981 00:54:40,929 --> 00:54:42,931 Yeah. Yeah, fuck it. 982 00:54:51,331 --> 00:54:53,072 [COOPER] Hey, hey. 983 00:54:53,246 --> 00:54:54,421 Hey, mate. 984 00:54:56,075 --> 00:54:57,903 What's going on in the game? 985 00:54:58,077 --> 00:55:01,080 Uh... Oh, uh... 986 00:55:01,254 --> 00:55:04,475 - Lakers just pulled it out. - Nice. 987 00:55:04,649 --> 00:55:08,087 Yeah. You want a drink? 988 00:55:08,261 --> 00:55:10,568 I'm okay. Thanks. 989 00:55:10,742 --> 00:55:12,047 Oh, no, it's okay. 990 00:55:12,221 --> 00:55:13,832 I'll have one for you. 991 00:55:17,096 --> 00:55:18,227 So... 992 00:55:20,055 --> 00:55:21,927 I just wanna address the elephant. 993 00:55:25,017 --> 00:55:26,801 It's Stage 4. 994 00:55:26,975 --> 00:55:28,194 It's aggressive. 995 00:55:29,848 --> 00:55:32,067 I'm pretty much looking to palliative care. 996 00:55:43,775 --> 00:55:44,645 Okay. 997 00:55:47,909 --> 00:55:49,433 You two take care of Janice. 998 00:55:52,392 --> 00:55:55,439 Gonna fight the hell out of this thing for as long as I can. 999 00:55:57,484 --> 00:55:59,181 But she's gonna need a lot of support. 1000 00:56:00,095 --> 00:56:02,881 Absolutely. But we're gonna be here for you too. 1001 00:56:03,838 --> 00:56:05,318 - Yeah. - Okay? 1002 00:56:06,188 --> 00:56:08,930 Em told me you know a lot about this stuff. 1003 00:56:09,104 --> 00:56:10,671 I have--Yeah. 1004 00:56:11,019 --> 00:56:12,543 [CHUCKLES] 1005 00:56:12,717 --> 00:56:15,807 I weirdly have a lot of cancer knowledge. Yeah. 1006 00:56:19,288 --> 00:56:21,465 What do you think of my chemo hat? 1007 00:56:23,249 --> 00:56:24,555 Pretty sharp, huh? 1008 00:56:26,774 --> 00:56:27,775 Sinatra. 1009 00:56:27,949 --> 00:56:29,255 Sinatra in the flesh. 1010 00:56:29,429 --> 00:56:31,083 [BOTH LAUGH] 1011 00:56:31,257 --> 00:56:32,737 -"Luck Be a Lady." - [CHUCKLES] 1012 00:56:38,133 --> 00:56:39,874 [BREATHING DEEPLY] 1013 00:56:44,357 --> 00:56:46,577 You got this, Steve. You're gonna be okay. 1014 00:56:48,666 --> 00:56:49,536 Yeah. 1015 00:56:50,755 --> 00:56:51,843 [SOBS] 1016 00:56:52,017 --> 00:56:53,018 I'm scared. 1017 00:56:56,848 --> 00:56:57,805 [SOFTLY] I know. 1018 00:57:01,069 --> 00:57:02,810 I don't wanna go first. 1019 00:57:03,898 --> 00:57:05,117 [CRYING] 1020 00:57:08,860 --> 00:57:10,296 First. 1021 00:57:15,344 --> 00:57:16,955 [EMILY RETCHING] 1022 00:57:20,611 --> 00:57:21,481 You okay? 1023 00:57:28,183 --> 00:57:30,011 So apparently, the morning-after pill 1024 00:57:30,185 --> 00:57:31,970 only works on leftover sperm 1025 00:57:32,144 --> 00:57:35,539 and is useless if the sperm and the egg have already fused. 1026 00:57:38,585 --> 00:57:41,109 - Wait, what? - Yeah, so I'm fucking pregnant. 1027 00:57:52,817 --> 00:57:55,776 If we get the abortion, we can't get it for another two weeks. 1028 00:57:57,212 --> 00:57:58,387 How come? 1029 00:57:58,562 --> 00:58:02,870 Um, they caught it so early that... 1030 00:58:03,044 --> 00:58:05,482 we have to wait for the embryo 1031 00:58:05,656 --> 00:58:07,658 to grow to a certain size, I guess. 1032 00:58:11,226 --> 00:58:12,837 I mean, I'm not-- 1033 00:58:13,011 --> 00:58:14,491 This isn't, like, the first time. 1034 00:58:14,665 --> 00:58:16,754 - I'm not 19 and we're engaged. - I know. 1035 00:58:19,974 --> 00:58:22,499 I mean, I know that there's no perfect time. Jesus. 1036 00:58:24,892 --> 00:58:28,722 - [BREATHES DEEPLY] - Take all that away. 1037 00:58:28,896 --> 00:58:30,507 What's your gut telling you? 1038 00:58:33,205 --> 00:58:34,206 I don't know. 1039 00:58:35,686 --> 00:58:37,078 I'm confused too. 1040 00:58:40,212 --> 00:58:41,518 But I know I love you. 1041 00:58:42,954 --> 00:58:44,085 Like a crazy person. 1042 00:58:48,307 --> 00:58:49,395 And Steve's dying. 1043 00:58:49,569 --> 00:58:50,657 [SOBBING] 1044 00:58:50,831 --> 00:58:53,268 Hey. Come here. Hey. 1045 00:58:53,442 --> 00:58:54,705 Come here. 1046 00:58:59,666 --> 00:59:00,711 [SIGHS] 1047 00:59:06,325 --> 00:59:07,544 Whatever we decide... 1048 00:59:08,893 --> 00:59:10,590 - You decide... - Mm-hmm. 1049 00:59:11,678 --> 00:59:13,158 I'll be right here. 1050 00:59:14,986 --> 00:59:16,204 Always. 1051 00:59:19,207 --> 00:59:20,426 Okay? 1052 00:59:22,384 --> 00:59:23,255 [SNIFFLING] 1053 00:59:23,429 --> 00:59:24,822 Can I use your shirt? 1054 00:59:26,475 --> 00:59:27,868 Here, let me help you. 1055 00:59:29,348 --> 00:59:30,479 Mmm. 1056 00:59:30,654 --> 00:59:32,046 That is so weird when you do that. 1057 00:59:32,220 --> 00:59:33,831 Mm. You like it. 1058 00:59:51,544 --> 00:59:52,632 You good? 1059 00:59:52,806 --> 00:59:54,155 What? 1060 00:59:54,329 --> 00:59:56,636 You just--ou seem really quiet. 1061 00:59:56,810 --> 00:59:58,725 It's freaking me out. 1062 00:59:58,899 --> 01:00:00,727 I'm just giving you space to think. 1063 01:00:00,901 --> 01:00:02,947 You're over there writing your masterpiece. 1064 01:00:08,605 --> 01:00:11,390 How long have you and your fiancée been together? 1065 01:00:16,569 --> 01:00:18,658 Eight years. Wow. 1066 01:00:21,095 --> 01:00:23,228 I was like 10 when you guys met. 1067 01:00:26,057 --> 01:00:28,320 Oh, like 10. 1068 01:00:28,494 --> 01:00:31,932 Like--Like--Like 10? "I was like 10 years old." 1069 01:00:32,106 --> 01:00:33,455 I'm a junkie, okay? 1070 01:00:33,630 --> 01:00:35,849 - I don't know how to do math. - [LAUGHS] 1071 01:00:36,023 --> 01:00:37,503 "I don't do math." Where you from, dude? 1072 01:00:37,677 --> 01:00:40,288 I don't do math. Two plus two, I don't know it. 1073 01:00:40,462 --> 01:00:42,029 - Two plus two is five. - [LAUGHS] 1074 01:00:42,203 --> 01:00:45,119 Two plus two is five, maybe six, I don't know. 1075 01:00:45,293 --> 01:00:46,294 "I'm from Omaha." 1076 01:00:46,468 --> 01:00:48,035 [BOTH LAUGHING] 1077 01:00:48,209 --> 01:00:50,734 Oftentimes you don't see your rock bottom coming 1078 01:00:50,908 --> 01:00:52,431 until it's too late. 1079 01:00:52,605 --> 01:00:57,349 I have 29 years. I go to meetings three times a week. 1080 01:00:57,523 --> 01:01:00,613 I'm the CFO of a Nasdaq-traded company. 1081 01:01:02,006 --> 01:01:03,921 Still, there is not a day 1082 01:01:04,095 --> 01:01:06,488 that I don't think about using. 1083 01:01:06,663 --> 01:01:08,665 Let me leave you with this. 1084 01:01:10,579 --> 01:01:12,669 Get out of your story. 1085 01:01:15,106 --> 01:01:18,196 Get out of those cyclical thoughts 1086 01:01:18,370 --> 01:01:21,721 that have you thinking it means anything. 1087 01:01:21,895 --> 01:01:23,462 Because it doesn't. 1088 01:01:23,636 --> 01:01:26,030 The only thing that matters... 1089 01:01:27,335 --> 01:01:28,685 is what you do. 1090 01:01:30,164 --> 01:01:32,123 Every choice you make... 1091 01:01:33,385 --> 01:01:35,822 is a step toward fear... 1092 01:01:37,084 --> 01:01:38,216 or love. 1093 01:01:39,783 --> 01:01:41,132 Choose love. 1094 01:01:42,568 --> 01:01:44,265 [SCATTERED APPLAUSE] 1095 01:01:46,354 --> 01:01:47,268 - That's me. - Great. 1096 01:01:47,442 --> 01:01:49,009 - Okay? - Thank you. 1097 01:01:49,183 --> 01:01:51,142 - Don't be afraid to use it. - Okay. Thank you. 1098 01:01:51,316 --> 01:01:53,187 - All right. - Very nice to meet you. 1099 01:01:53,361 --> 01:01:55,015 - Nice to meet you. Bye-bye. - Thank you. 1100 01:01:55,189 --> 01:01:57,714 Dude. She said she'd be my sponsor. 1101 01:01:57,888 --> 01:01:59,846 What? Amazing, dude. 1102 01:02:00,020 --> 01:02:02,196 What's that make now, four or five? 1103 01:02:02,370 --> 01:02:04,068 Two, actually. 1104 01:02:04,242 --> 01:02:06,287 Probably the same amount of girls you've been with. 1105 01:02:06,461 --> 01:02:07,593 Poor things. 1106 01:02:12,598 --> 01:02:13,773 [SNICKERING] 1107 01:02:15,514 --> 01:02:17,342 [COOPER OVER SPEAKER] My constant fear and worry 1108 01:02:17,516 --> 01:02:19,910 eventually drives me to complete insanity. 1109 01:02:20,084 --> 01:02:23,522 I lose control of my mind and decide to murder Emily. 1110 01:02:23,696 --> 01:02:25,916 When I get home, she's asleep in bed. 1111 01:02:26,090 --> 01:02:28,962 I grab a butcher knife and hack her to pieces. 1112 01:02:29,136 --> 01:02:30,834 [PLAYING "LOVE ME LIKE A FIRE"] 1113 01:02:32,574 --> 01:02:35,273 ♪ Love me like a fire ♪ 1114 01:02:35,447 --> 01:02:38,842 ♪ And I'll love you Like a flood ♪ 1115 01:02:39,016 --> 01:02:41,583 ♪ I'll give you Everything I have ♪ 1116 01:02:41,758 --> 01:02:46,110 ♪ Down to the vapors In my blood ♪ 1117 01:02:46,284 --> 01:02:49,678 ♪ I'll be your broken levee ♪ 1118 01:02:49,853 --> 01:02:53,378 ♪ If you will be my drug ♪ 1119 01:02:53,552 --> 01:02:56,555 ♪ Love me like a fire, boy ♪ 1120 01:02:56,729 --> 01:03:00,167 ♪ I'll love you like a flood ♪ 1121 01:03:00,341 --> 01:03:03,214 ♪ Love me like an anchor ♪ 1122 01:03:03,388 --> 01:03:06,608 ♪ And I'll love you Like a rock ♪ 1123 01:03:06,783 --> 01:03:10,090 I'll give you Everything I have ♪ 1124 01:03:10,264 --> 01:03:14,007 ♪ Even the things I haven't got ♪ 1125 01:03:14,181 --> 01:03:17,228 ♪ I'll tell you That I love you ♪ 1126 01:03:17,402 --> 01:03:21,101 ♪ When you're worried That I'll stop ♪ 1127 01:03:21,275 --> 01:03:24,104 ♪ Love me like an anchor, boy ♪ 1128 01:03:24,278 --> 01:03:26,933 ♪ And I'll love you Like a rock ♪ 1129 01:03:27,107 --> 01:03:33,157 ♪ Come on now, love me ♪ 1130 01:03:33,331 --> 01:03:39,119 ♪ I need you to love me ♪ 1131 01:03:40,468 --> 01:03:43,123 ♪ Come on, baby ♪ 1132 01:03:43,297 --> 01:03:49,651 ♪ And love me ♪ 1133 01:03:56,920 --> 01:03:59,444 That was around sophomore year of college. 1134 01:03:59,618 --> 01:04:02,142 Had a difficult period with hit-and-run, 1135 01:04:02,316 --> 01:04:05,972 uh, and currently struggling with POCD. 1136 01:04:07,191 --> 01:04:08,845 Hey, man, I'm Cooper. 1137 01:04:09,019 --> 01:04:11,630 I got diagnosed a few months ago. 1138 01:04:11,804 --> 01:04:14,328 Relationship OCD, harm OCD, cancer OCD. 1139 01:04:14,502 --> 01:04:18,071 Uh, just figured I'd go for the trifecta right off the bat. 1140 01:04:18,245 --> 01:04:20,682 Um, I've been in your position, man. 1141 01:04:20,857 --> 01:04:23,207 I get it. We all do. 1142 01:04:23,381 --> 01:04:25,557 OCD attacks the things that you love most. 1143 01:04:25,731 --> 01:04:28,342 But this group is unbelievable. 1144 01:04:28,516 --> 01:04:31,258 It's where you're gonna get the support that you need, 1145 01:04:31,432 --> 01:04:33,130 - if you're open to it. - [SNIFFLES] 1146 01:04:35,262 --> 01:04:36,785 Thanks. 1147 01:04:36,960 --> 01:04:39,005 - You're welcome, man. - Yeah. 1148 01:04:41,965 --> 01:04:43,140 So, welcome. 1149 01:04:44,706 --> 01:04:46,447 - Thanks. - Yeah. 1150 01:04:46,621 --> 01:04:47,448 - [LAUGHS] - Yeah, dude. 1151 01:04:47,622 --> 01:04:48,972 All right. See you, bud. 1152 01:04:49,146 --> 01:04:50,364 - Later, Nora. - Have fun tonight. 1153 01:04:50,538 --> 01:04:52,192 - Hey, Cooper. - Hmm? 1154 01:04:54,760 --> 01:04:56,980 You are making some serious progress. 1155 01:04:57,154 --> 01:04:59,460 I really think you're gonna be a good resource for Brian. 1156 01:04:59,634 --> 01:05:01,201 Thank you. I hope so. 1157 01:05:01,375 --> 01:05:03,508 And I think that you're ready for a new exposure, 1158 01:05:03,682 --> 01:05:05,031 but I wanna do it here, 1159 01:05:05,205 --> 01:05:06,598 like a one-on-one, more clinical setting. 1160 01:05:06,772 --> 01:05:08,469 Okay. What is it? 1161 01:05:08,643 --> 01:05:11,168 I think you should talk to Emily about it first. 1162 01:05:11,342 --> 01:05:13,213 - Okay. Sure. - Yeah. 1163 01:05:13,387 --> 01:05:14,780 It's hard for me to feel clear 1164 01:05:14,954 --> 01:05:16,477 - about anything right now. - Mm. 1165 01:05:18,305 --> 01:05:21,874 I'm just getting a handle on my mental health and... 1166 01:05:23,615 --> 01:05:25,095 Steve's fucking dying. 1167 01:05:25,269 --> 01:05:26,966 I know. I keep thinking about that. 1168 01:05:27,140 --> 01:05:31,449 Like, the whole "carrying life while preparing for death." 1169 01:05:33,451 --> 01:05:37,455 But outside of that, it seems like we're leaning towards "no"? 1170 01:05:37,629 --> 01:05:39,674 Logistically, it would obviously be better 1171 01:05:39,848 --> 01:05:41,285 down the line. 1172 01:05:41,459 --> 01:05:43,069 But is that what you want? 1173 01:05:44,723 --> 01:05:47,508 You know, I'm not ready either. 1174 01:05:48,945 --> 01:05:50,250 That's not what I said. 1175 01:05:50,424 --> 01:05:52,209 I know, but you're not saying the opposite. 1176 01:05:53,906 --> 01:05:55,864 Now it sounds like you wanna keep it? 1177 01:05:56,039 --> 01:05:57,736 No, I-- 1178 01:05:57,910 --> 01:06:00,695 I don't know. I don't know. I don't fucking know, I-- 1179 01:06:00,869 --> 01:06:04,699 I told you, I support you whichever way we go. 1180 01:06:04,873 --> 01:06:08,399 I love you. We're not young, but we're not old. 1181 01:06:10,009 --> 01:06:12,098 We can do whatever we want. We can... 1182 01:06:12,272 --> 01:06:14,187 We can freeze eggs. We can adopt. 1183 01:06:14,361 --> 01:06:15,754 We can... 1184 01:06:15,928 --> 01:06:17,103 get pregnant again. 1185 01:06:18,626 --> 01:06:20,106 We've talked about all these things. 1186 01:06:20,280 --> 01:06:21,238 Yeah. 1187 01:06:23,588 --> 01:06:25,024 You're right. 1188 01:06:25,198 --> 01:06:28,462 No. You're right. We should wait. We should... 1189 01:06:28,636 --> 01:06:31,422 We should get through all your mental health stuff and-- 1190 01:06:31,596 --> 01:06:34,729 And Steve and all of the grief. And then... 1191 01:06:34,903 --> 01:06:37,254 And then we should reset. 1192 01:06:37,428 --> 01:06:41,693 You know, we should travel and plan our wedding and... 1193 01:06:41,867 --> 01:06:43,869 And do it on our own terms. 1194 01:06:46,524 --> 01:06:47,786 - Yeah. - Yeah. 1195 01:06:48,700 --> 01:06:49,744 Yeah. 1196 01:06:53,705 --> 01:06:54,706 Okay. 1197 01:07:07,632 --> 01:07:08,807 [SIGHS] 1198 01:07:26,825 --> 01:07:28,348 Hey, dinner's almost ready. 1199 01:07:28,522 --> 01:07:29,915 - No rush. - Thanks. 1200 01:07:32,613 --> 01:07:34,963 Wow, this the new series? 1201 01:07:35,138 --> 01:07:37,879 [JANICE] Yeah. I just went up to Matador. 1202 01:07:39,055 --> 01:07:40,273 I thought it might help 1203 01:07:40,447 --> 01:07:42,014 to put my head back into work. 1204 01:07:42,188 --> 01:07:44,364 Wow, these are... 1205 01:07:44,538 --> 01:07:47,498 amazing, J. Seriously. There's something so... 1206 01:07:51,502 --> 01:07:52,851 otherworldly about them. 1207 01:07:53,025 --> 01:07:55,593 Yeah. Thanks. 1208 01:07:57,812 --> 01:08:00,467 - Oh. Oh, okay. - Mm-hm. 1209 01:08:02,513 --> 01:08:03,992 [CHUCKLES SOFTLY] 1210 01:08:09,650 --> 01:08:10,782 How are you? 1211 01:08:12,218 --> 01:08:13,654 Em told me 1212 01:08:13,828 --> 01:08:15,352 he's not responding to the chemo very well. 1213 01:08:15,526 --> 01:08:18,094 I've made my peace with it best I can. 1214 01:08:19,443 --> 01:08:21,314 I tell you what, though, 1215 01:08:21,488 --> 01:08:25,536 managing other people's emotions is exhausting. 1216 01:08:25,710 --> 01:08:27,581 Fuckin' A. 1217 01:08:27,755 --> 01:08:29,670 - [LAUGHS] - Thank you. 1218 01:08:29,844 --> 01:08:31,368 [BOTH LAUGH] 1219 01:08:33,674 --> 01:08:36,503 I know you've been going through a lot. 1220 01:08:38,201 --> 01:08:40,116 But I appreciate everything. 1221 01:08:42,248 --> 01:08:43,510 Of course. 1222 01:08:45,686 --> 01:08:48,472 Em told me what you guys decided. 1223 01:08:51,605 --> 01:08:53,041 Are you okay? 1224 01:09:01,528 --> 01:09:03,313 I think so. 1225 01:09:03,487 --> 01:09:05,924 [INHALES DEEPLY] 1226 01:09:06,098 --> 01:09:07,839 That's about as far as I ever get. 1227 01:09:11,103 --> 01:09:13,627 [♪] 1228 01:09:13,801 --> 01:09:15,890 [INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE] 1229 01:09:56,279 --> 01:09:57,715 [BRANDON COUGHING] 1230 01:10:03,416 --> 01:10:05,462 [SIGHS] Okay. 1231 01:10:05,636 --> 01:10:10,031 Both of you find a rock, like one the size of a baseball. 1232 01:10:10,206 --> 01:10:12,033 - Why? - Just fucking do it. 1233 01:10:12,208 --> 01:10:13,861 - Who made you counselor? - You're always 1234 01:10:14,035 --> 01:10:15,994 challenging everything. It's fucking exhausting. 1235 01:10:16,168 --> 01:10:17,561 [COOPER] Okay. Okay. 1236 01:10:17,735 --> 01:10:20,738 Enough. Just trust me for a second, okay? 1237 01:10:31,923 --> 01:10:33,620 Write whatever you want. 1238 01:10:36,884 --> 01:10:38,712 Gonna play along? 1239 01:10:38,886 --> 01:10:40,671 All right. I want you to charge this rock 1240 01:10:40,845 --> 01:10:42,586 with all the negativity... 1241 01:10:44,152 --> 01:10:45,328 all the pain... 1242 01:10:47,068 --> 01:10:48,635 shame... 1243 01:10:48,809 --> 01:10:49,984 guilt. 1244 01:10:51,986 --> 01:10:54,815 I know it sounds like some wack-ass shit, Brandon. Just... 1245 01:10:57,427 --> 01:10:58,602 bear with me. 1246 01:11:01,518 --> 01:11:03,128 And then you're just gonna... 1247 01:11:04,608 --> 01:11:06,262 Fuck cancer! 1248 01:11:14,748 --> 01:11:16,315 Fuck heroin! 1249 01:11:25,672 --> 01:11:27,544 Y'all is corny as fuck. 1250 01:11:35,813 --> 01:11:38,642 - [MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKER] - Fuck this ratchet-ass shit. 1251 01:11:38,816 --> 01:11:40,296 Let me play something. 1252 01:11:40,470 --> 01:11:42,472 No one wants to hear your country shit. 1253 01:11:42,646 --> 01:11:43,995 - You think that's better? - Yeah. 1254 01:11:44,169 --> 01:11:45,736 - That's better than this? - Yeah. 1255 01:11:45,910 --> 01:11:48,129 - This is so good. - Who you even listening to? 1256 01:11:48,304 --> 01:11:51,785 [BRENDA] Your mom. I'm listening to your mom. Your mom's new album. 1257 01:11:51,959 --> 01:11:53,134 Everything cool? 1258 01:11:54,875 --> 01:11:57,356 I don't think so. I have to call Emily. 1259 01:11:57,530 --> 01:11:58,923 - Can you hold it down? - Yeah. 1260 01:11:59,097 --> 01:12:01,491 I'm so sorry, dude. I--I'll explain to you. 1261 01:12:01,665 --> 01:12:04,145 I'll explain it later, dude. [SIGHS DEEPLY] 1262 01:12:04,320 --> 01:12:05,973 [BRANDON] At least I got a mom. 1263 01:12:06,147 --> 01:12:07,148 [BRANDON LAUGHS] 1264 01:12:07,323 --> 01:12:08,367 Hey. 1265 01:12:09,803 --> 01:12:11,239 I'm gonna lead you back. 1266 01:12:11,414 --> 01:12:13,938 [♪] 1267 01:12:18,508 --> 01:12:23,774 ♪ Hope Is the strangest of words ♪ 1268 01:12:26,864 --> 01:12:31,869 ♪ I choose to keep the faith I deserve ♪ 1269 01:12:33,653 --> 01:12:36,613 ♪ The rest is absurd ♪ 1270 01:12:43,271 --> 01:12:48,407 ♪ When the thunder Crashes down ♪ 1271 01:12:51,410 --> 01:12:57,808 ♪ I will take solace In the sound ♪ 1272 01:12:57,982 --> 01:13:00,419 ♪ Because serenity I have found ♪ 1273 01:13:07,470 --> 01:13:09,646 ♪ The angels in the attic ♪ 1274 01:13:09,820 --> 01:13:13,563 ♪ Are breaking my habits In half ♪ 1275 01:13:13,737 --> 01:13:17,305 ♪ I'm living this life Like it's my last ♪ 1276 01:13:19,482 --> 01:13:24,574 ♪ In a shade That is brighter than black ♪ 1277 01:13:27,664 --> 01:13:33,104 ♪ In a shade That is brighter than black ♪ 1278 01:13:35,802 --> 01:13:41,417 ♪ In a shade That is brighter than black ♪ 1279 01:13:43,941 --> 01:13:49,468 ♪ In a shade That is brighter than black ♪ 1280 01:14:25,156 --> 01:14:28,159 - Thanks for coming. - Of course. 1281 01:14:28,333 --> 01:14:30,074 Well, in my experience, 1282 01:14:30,248 --> 01:14:32,163 it hasn't always been "of course." 1283 01:14:32,337 --> 01:14:34,470 This kind of treatment is often misunderstood. 1284 01:14:36,123 --> 01:14:39,475 Well, I... I just wanna help in any way I can. 1285 01:14:43,217 --> 01:14:44,871 So are you ready to try it? 1286 01:14:46,046 --> 01:14:46,873 Mm-hm. 1287 01:14:47,047 --> 01:14:48,222 Okay. 1288 01:14:56,883 --> 01:14:58,929 First thing. Cooper, pick up the knife. 1289 01:15:02,454 --> 01:15:03,629 [WHISPERS] Okay. 1290 01:15:09,417 --> 01:15:11,898 How does that feel, sitting next to Emily with it? 1291 01:15:14,553 --> 01:15:16,424 - I feel fine. - Great. 1292 01:15:16,599 --> 01:15:19,515 Now turn your chairs so they're facing each other. 1293 01:15:25,695 --> 01:15:26,696 [SIGHS] 1294 01:15:28,175 --> 01:15:30,003 Okay. Point the knife at her. 1295 01:15:40,884 --> 01:15:42,233 How does that feel? 1296 01:15:46,106 --> 01:15:47,238 I'm okay. 1297 01:15:49,457 --> 01:15:51,459 Now take her left hand, palm up. 1298 01:15:54,680 --> 01:15:56,639 You're gonna place the knife on her wrist 1299 01:15:56,813 --> 01:15:58,466 so that the serrated edge is up. 1300 01:16:02,906 --> 01:16:05,212 Hey. I'm fine. Go ahead. 1301 01:16:08,564 --> 01:16:09,739 [EXHALES SLOWLY] 1302 01:16:14,091 --> 01:16:15,527 [NORA] Okay. 1303 01:16:15,701 --> 01:16:17,964 Sit here for a second in the anxiety. 1304 01:16:18,138 --> 01:16:21,707 Don't let yourself engage in any mental rituals. 1305 01:16:21,881 --> 01:16:22,969 [EMILY] I'm okay. 1306 01:16:24,318 --> 01:16:25,972 Now, both of you stand up. 1307 01:16:31,238 --> 01:16:33,327 Cooper, hold the knife... 1308 01:16:33,501 --> 01:16:36,679 against her wrist with the sharp end down. 1309 01:16:38,985 --> 01:16:40,204 [EXHALES SHARPLY] Okay. 1310 01:16:40,378 --> 01:16:41,684 [NORA] It's totally okay, Cooper. 1311 01:16:41,858 --> 01:16:43,555 - Mm-hm. - We're gauging this as we go. 1312 01:16:43,990 --> 01:16:45,557 We won't take it any further than you're capable of. 1313 01:16:45,731 --> 01:16:48,255 No, no, no. I just--I--I need-- 1314 01:16:48,429 --> 01:16:50,954 I need--I need a moment. I'm okay. I, uh... 1315 01:16:51,389 --> 01:16:54,479 I'm nervous, but I... I can still handle it. 1316 01:16:58,701 --> 01:17:01,660 Now say, "I might cut you, Emily." 1317 01:17:10,495 --> 01:17:11,627 [CLEARS THROAT] 1318 01:17:13,759 --> 01:17:14,630 [CLEARS THROAT] 1319 01:17:14,804 --> 01:17:15,979 I might cut you, Emily. 1320 01:17:16,632 --> 01:17:18,068 [NORA] That's amazing, Cooper. 1321 01:17:18,416 --> 01:17:20,505 - Emily, you all right? - Uh-huh. 1322 01:17:21,245 --> 01:17:23,116 - Yeah? - Yeah, yeah. 1323 01:17:23,290 --> 01:17:24,857 [NORA] All right. Last one. 1324 01:17:25,031 --> 01:17:27,338 Cooper, hold the knife up to Emily's neck. 1325 01:17:28,731 --> 01:17:30,341 - What? - If you're not ready, 1326 01:17:30,515 --> 01:17:34,519 it's completely 100% okay, but I think that you are. 1327 01:17:36,564 --> 01:17:39,219 I wouldn't have you doing this if I thought otherwise. 1328 01:17:41,004 --> 01:17:41,961 Mmm... 1329 01:17:43,789 --> 01:17:46,052 I, um--I just need a minute. I need a minute. 1330 01:17:46,226 --> 01:17:48,838 - Take all the time you need. - [CLEARS THROAT] 1331 01:17:49,012 --> 01:17:51,536 And again, it's okay if you don't feel ready. 1332 01:17:51,710 --> 01:17:54,147 Your progress today has been incredible. 1333 01:17:56,106 --> 01:17:58,978 Okay, let's do it. Let's go, let's go. Um... 1334 01:18:02,634 --> 01:18:04,767 [BREATHES DEEPLY] 1335 01:18:07,900 --> 01:18:09,467 - You ready? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1336 01:18:09,641 --> 01:18:10,686 Okay. 1337 01:18:13,166 --> 01:18:15,342 [EXHALES SHARPLY, CLEARS THROAT] 1338 01:18:19,085 --> 01:18:20,826 - No compulsions. - Mm-hm, mm-hm. 1339 01:18:21,000 --> 01:18:22,785 Just let the anxiety be there. 1340 01:18:22,959 --> 01:18:26,832 Now say, "Emily, I'm gonna cut you, 1341 01:18:27,006 --> 01:18:29,487 and you're gonna bleed out and die." 1342 01:18:33,186 --> 01:18:34,710 [EXHALES SHARPLY] Oh, fuck. 1343 01:18:36,146 --> 01:18:38,322 I'm gonna cut you, Emily. And, uh... 1344 01:18:40,193 --> 01:18:41,673 [INHALES DEEPLY] 1345 01:18:45,111 --> 01:18:47,592 - Fuck. - I'm so proud of you. You can-- 1346 01:18:47,766 --> 01:18:50,160 - No reassurances. - Oh, sor--Okay. 1347 01:18:55,556 --> 01:18:57,036 [SNIFFLING] 1348 01:19:00,126 --> 01:19:02,781 Emily, I'm gonna cut you. You're gonna bleed out and die. 1349 01:19:09,919 --> 01:19:11,616 I'm sorry. 1350 01:19:11,790 --> 01:19:13,313 - You're safe. - [CRYING] 1351 01:19:14,488 --> 01:19:15,446 Fuck! 1352 01:19:15,620 --> 01:19:17,143 That took profound bravery. 1353 01:19:17,317 --> 01:19:18,797 - [EXHALES DEEPLY] - Okay. 1354 01:19:22,235 --> 01:19:25,412 I'm so embarrassed. I'm sorry. I'm so embarrassed. 1355 01:19:25,586 --> 01:19:28,676 It's okay. It's all okay. It's okay. 1356 01:19:30,896 --> 01:19:32,942 I really appreciate you doing this. I'm sorry. 1357 01:19:33,116 --> 01:19:35,118 - It's okay. It's okay. - Fuck. 1358 01:19:35,292 --> 01:19:37,163 It's okay. I've got you. 1359 01:19:39,078 --> 01:19:40,906 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 1360 01:19:41,080 --> 01:19:42,734 - It's okay. It's okay. - Fuck. 1361 01:19:42,908 --> 01:19:45,041 It's okay. You're okay. 1362 01:19:45,215 --> 01:19:46,216 You're okay. 1363 01:19:47,391 --> 01:19:48,522 You're okay. 1364 01:19:52,135 --> 01:19:53,789 [BOTH SIGH DEEPLY] 1365 01:19:59,707 --> 01:20:02,275 - Hey. - Hey. 1366 01:20:02,449 --> 01:20:06,540 Thanks for doing that. I know that was pretty weird. 1367 01:20:06,714 --> 01:20:10,066 I mean, yeah. Yeah, a little, but I get it. 1368 01:20:11,632 --> 01:20:12,808 I'm proud of you. 1369 01:20:13,852 --> 01:20:14,810 Thanks. 1370 01:20:18,988 --> 01:20:20,032 [CLEARS THROAT] 1371 01:20:24,210 --> 01:20:25,646 Sorry, how long do you think 1372 01:20:25,821 --> 01:20:27,779 until, uh, we can laugh about this? 1373 01:20:27,953 --> 01:20:29,825 [BOTH LAUGH] 1374 01:20:29,999 --> 01:20:31,087 Sorry. 1375 01:20:35,047 --> 01:20:37,441 Ahem, sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry. No, I'm not, I'm not. 1376 01:20:37,615 --> 01:20:39,922 I'm sorry. I'm not trying to minimize it. 1377 01:20:40,096 --> 01:20:41,227 Everything that you just did 1378 01:20:41,401 --> 01:20:43,055 was so beautiful and so vulnerable. 1379 01:20:43,229 --> 01:20:45,710 And I'm so sorry. 1380 01:20:45,884 --> 01:20:47,799 - Dude. - I'm sorry. 1381 01:20:47,973 --> 01:20:49,366 [LAUGHING] 1382 01:20:51,020 --> 01:20:53,674 Okay. Okay. Okay. 1383 01:20:53,849 --> 01:20:55,198 [CLEARS THROAT] 1384 01:20:55,372 --> 01:20:57,417 [EXHALES DEEPLY] 1385 01:20:57,591 --> 01:21:02,596 Hey. I'm really-- I'm really proud of you. Okay? 1386 01:21:02,770 --> 01:21:03,946 - Yeah. Thanks. - [LAUGHING] 1387 01:21:04,120 --> 01:21:06,122 I really am. Come here. 1388 01:21:09,734 --> 01:21:11,518 - Oh! - [SIGHS] 1389 01:21:13,303 --> 01:21:15,305 - All right. - Mm-hm. 1390 01:21:15,479 --> 01:21:16,436 [RACHEL SIGHS] 1391 01:21:18,308 --> 01:21:19,526 Here we go. 1392 01:21:19,700 --> 01:21:21,746 You got this. We went over everything. 1393 01:21:27,578 --> 01:21:30,233 - [LAUGHS] - Yeah, dude. Yes! 1394 01:21:30,407 --> 01:21:32,452 - So that's it? - Yeah. 1395 01:21:32,626 --> 01:21:34,933 He signed the contract with the therapy team. 1396 01:21:35,107 --> 01:21:36,717 He's fully aware. 1397 01:21:36,892 --> 01:21:39,459 No more bullshit or he gets sent back to County. 1398 01:21:39,633 --> 01:21:41,722 Good. That's what he needs. 1399 01:21:41,897 --> 01:21:43,768 Scrubbing floors and Big Book meetings. 1400 01:21:43,942 --> 01:21:46,379 This holistic approach isn't working for him. 1401 01:21:46,553 --> 01:21:48,338 [COOPER] Well, all right then. 1402 01:21:48,512 --> 01:21:51,036 Guy's a lost cause anyway. Let's protect our energy. 1403 01:21:51,210 --> 01:21:52,646 - For sure. - Mm-hm. 1404 01:22:02,091 --> 01:22:03,701 [NURSE] Emily Mansfield. 1405 01:22:06,399 --> 01:22:08,445 So both options are equally effective. 1406 01:22:08,619 --> 01:22:10,142 It's just a matter of preference. 1407 01:22:10,316 --> 01:22:12,144 But if we put her under, we have to come back. 1408 01:22:12,318 --> 01:22:13,363 That's right. 1409 01:22:14,712 --> 01:22:15,800 Okay. 1410 01:22:17,410 --> 01:22:20,283 Do you mind giving us a minute to decide? 1411 01:22:20,457 --> 01:22:21,588 No, not at all. 1412 01:22:21,762 --> 01:22:23,460 I don't need a minute. 1413 01:22:23,634 --> 01:22:25,766 I don't want to come back again, so... 1414 01:22:27,159 --> 01:22:28,595 [COOPER] Are you sure? 1415 01:22:28,769 --> 01:22:30,467 I think we should take a minute to process this. 1416 01:22:30,641 --> 01:22:32,730 No, I just said I don't need a minute. 1417 01:22:32,904 --> 01:22:34,297 You just heard her. 1418 01:22:34,471 --> 01:22:36,168 You know, let's do it. 1419 01:22:36,342 --> 01:22:38,866 I don't wanna wonder if we didn't finish the job. 1420 01:22:42,131 --> 01:22:43,654 Okay. 1421 01:22:43,828 --> 01:22:46,352 - Local anesthesia it is. - Okay. 1422 01:22:46,526 --> 01:22:48,224 - Yeah. - I'll be back in 15 minutes. 1423 01:22:48,398 --> 01:22:49,616 Thank you. 1424 01:22:53,316 --> 01:22:54,230 You sure? Yeah. 1425 01:22:54,404 --> 01:22:55,492 Yeah? Yeah. 1426 01:22:55,666 --> 01:22:56,623 You don't have to do it. 1427 01:22:56,797 --> 01:22:58,147 No, I know. I'm okay. 1428 01:23:04,066 --> 01:23:05,458 Oh, thanks. 1429 01:23:10,246 --> 01:23:12,944 Okay, can you distract me? Can you, like, just--? 1430 01:23:13,118 --> 01:23:14,119 Can you just talk? 1431 01:23:15,338 --> 01:23:17,688 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah? 1432 01:23:17,862 --> 01:23:18,819 - Um... - Just talk. 1433 01:23:18,994 --> 01:23:20,473 About what? 1434 01:23:20,647 --> 01:23:21,735 Um... 1435 01:23:23,476 --> 01:23:25,043 What's your favorite day 1436 01:23:25,217 --> 01:23:27,350 in our relationship, do you think? 1437 01:23:27,524 --> 01:23:29,178 - Ever? - Ever. Yeah. 1438 01:23:30,570 --> 01:23:31,702 Come on. 1439 01:23:33,051 --> 01:23:35,097 - Um... - [LAUGHS] 1440 01:23:35,271 --> 01:23:36,402 Come on. 1441 01:23:38,752 --> 01:23:39,971 Probably... 1442 01:23:41,886 --> 01:23:43,496 Remember when we were in Serbia? 1443 01:23:43,670 --> 01:23:44,584 Yeah. 1444 01:23:45,977 --> 01:23:47,718 And we went wine tasting? 1445 01:23:47,892 --> 01:23:48,806 Yeah. 1446 01:23:48,980 --> 01:23:50,199 - Remember? Yeah? - Yeah. 1447 01:23:50,373 --> 01:23:52,288 - And we--It started raining. - Yes. 1448 01:23:52,462 --> 01:23:54,159 [LAUGHS] 1449 01:23:54,333 --> 01:23:58,946 And we went and we made love in that castle in Novi Sad. 1450 01:23:59,121 --> 01:24:00,426 - Yeah, we did. - Yeah, we did. 1451 01:24:00,600 --> 01:24:01,862 - Yeah. - Yeah. 1452 01:24:04,126 --> 01:24:06,867 - What about you? - I don't know. 1453 01:24:07,042 --> 01:24:10,828 I don't have a specific day that pops into mind. I just... 1454 01:24:12,917 --> 01:24:16,051 I don't know. I think all the little moments, you know. 1455 01:24:16,225 --> 01:24:17,443 Me too. 1456 01:24:17,617 --> 01:24:19,837 - Sorry. - Don't be sorry. 1457 01:24:20,011 --> 01:24:21,491 - [KNOCKS ON DOOR] - Are you ready? 1458 01:24:21,665 --> 01:24:22,796 Mm-hm. 1459 01:24:22,970 --> 01:24:24,668 Yeah. Yeah, right? 1460 01:24:26,061 --> 01:24:26,974 - Okay. - Okay. 1461 01:24:27,149 --> 01:24:29,542 - Yep. Like this? - Mm-hm. 1462 01:24:29,716 --> 01:24:31,109 - Okay. - You're doing great. 1463 01:24:32,719 --> 01:24:34,069 - Okay. - Now just... 1464 01:24:34,243 --> 01:24:37,115 You're doing great. It's gonna be okay. 1465 01:24:37,289 --> 01:24:39,248 - You're doing great. - Great. 1466 01:24:43,948 --> 01:24:45,080 Mm-hm. 1467 01:24:46,603 --> 01:24:47,473 [SNIFFLES] 1468 01:24:47,647 --> 01:24:48,735 Mm-hm. 1469 01:24:51,086 --> 01:24:52,174 I'm okay. 1470 01:24:55,525 --> 01:24:57,527 - You're okay, babe. I know. - Mm-hm. 1471 01:25:08,233 --> 01:25:10,105 I'll be back. I'm gonna pick up dinner. 1472 01:25:11,671 --> 01:25:13,630 Okay. 1473 01:25:13,804 --> 01:25:15,849 Text me. Let me know if you need anything. 1474 01:25:33,476 --> 01:25:35,652 [YELLING] 1475 01:25:38,698 --> 01:25:42,528 Fuck! Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! 1476 01:25:42,702 --> 01:25:44,139 Fuck! Fuck! 1477 01:25:53,713 --> 01:25:56,586 I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 1478 01:26:01,156 --> 01:26:03,941 Oh, fuck. Oh, God. 1479 01:26:15,257 --> 01:26:16,693 I'm gonna go to bed. 1480 01:26:18,608 --> 01:26:19,565 Okay. 1481 01:26:25,397 --> 01:26:28,748 Oh, honey. What did you expect? 1482 01:26:35,929 --> 01:26:37,757 [PEN TAPPING] 1483 01:26:40,891 --> 01:26:42,153 Is he coming? 1484 01:26:53,817 --> 01:26:55,949 [BRANDON SIGHS] 1485 01:26:56,123 --> 01:26:56,950 [SNIFFS] 1486 01:26:57,124 --> 01:26:58,387 Here I am, Coop. 1487 01:27:00,084 --> 01:27:01,738 What's on the docket today? 1488 01:27:01,912 --> 01:27:04,219 Want us to write about our fucked-up childhoods? 1489 01:27:05,611 --> 01:27:06,873 Where's your notebook? 1490 01:27:08,179 --> 01:27:09,441 I lost it. 1491 01:27:23,977 --> 01:27:26,415 The prompt is: if you could give your past self advice, 1492 01:27:26,589 --> 01:27:28,155 what would you say? 1493 01:27:29,766 --> 01:27:31,463 Brandon, unfortunately that means 1494 01:27:31,637 --> 01:27:34,118 you've had to have learned something before, so... 1495 01:27:38,862 --> 01:27:41,908 I learned that you think you're a fucking fashion guru, 1496 01:27:42,082 --> 01:27:43,736 but you ain't shit but a junkie. 1497 01:27:43,910 --> 01:27:45,738 [COOPER] All right. 1498 01:27:45,912 --> 01:27:49,612 That's enough. I don't want to hear another word from anyone. 1499 01:27:51,483 --> 01:27:53,398 The only sound should be the sound of pens 1500 01:27:53,572 --> 01:27:54,617 scribbling on paper. 1501 01:27:55,966 --> 01:27:57,359 I didn't start anything. 1502 01:27:57,533 --> 01:27:59,143 - It doesn't matter. - The hell it doesn't. 1503 01:27:59,317 --> 01:28:01,276 Take it up with your therapist. 1504 01:28:03,321 --> 01:28:04,453 Whatever. 1505 01:28:06,498 --> 01:28:07,543 [VAPE THUMPS ON TABLE] 1506 01:28:14,376 --> 01:28:15,812 Put your phone away. 1507 01:28:21,557 --> 01:28:22,514 Brandon. 1508 01:28:32,350 --> 01:28:33,264 [LAUGHS] 1509 01:28:33,438 --> 01:28:34,526 Brandon. 1510 01:28:42,055 --> 01:28:44,144 - Give me my fucking phone back! - No phones in group. 1511 01:28:44,319 --> 01:28:46,277 - That ain't yours! - Get it back after group. 1512 01:28:46,451 --> 01:28:49,367 Yeah, well, fuck your bitch-ass group! 1513 01:28:49,541 --> 01:28:51,674 Y'all fucked up now! 1514 01:29:03,076 --> 01:29:04,643 I'm really sorry, Coop. 1515 01:29:12,782 --> 01:29:13,913 [SCREAMS] 1516 01:29:14,087 --> 01:29:17,003 Fuck this goddamn bullshit! 1517 01:29:24,054 --> 01:29:26,273 Flip one more piece of furniture and you're out of here. 1518 01:29:26,448 --> 01:29:29,015 - You've already been warned. - I don't give a shit anymore! 1519 01:29:29,189 --> 01:29:30,669 You never gave a shit in the first place! 1520 01:29:30,843 --> 01:29:32,018 You motherfucker! 1521 01:29:32,192 --> 01:29:33,455 Tell me I'm wrong. 1522 01:29:34,847 --> 01:29:36,240 You don't get it. 1523 01:29:36,414 --> 01:29:39,112 You're not sober. I don't want to talk to you. 1524 01:29:39,286 --> 01:29:41,941 - It's just me here. - Then fuck off! 1525 01:29:42,115 --> 01:29:44,814 You signed the agreement. 1526 01:29:44,988 --> 01:29:47,425 If you don't come back and join the group, 1527 01:29:47,599 --> 01:29:49,209 you're going back to jail. 1528 01:29:49,384 --> 01:29:52,343 Man, you on some shit I ain't even ever seen before. 1529 01:29:52,517 --> 01:29:54,345 You got me all fucked up! 1530 01:29:54,519 --> 01:29:56,608 Back up. I'm gonna lock myself in the office 1531 01:29:56,782 --> 01:29:59,916 - and call the police. - [CRYING, SNIFFLING] 1532 01:30:00,090 --> 01:30:01,961 I got two little girls, man. 1533 01:30:02,135 --> 01:30:04,486 I know you do. I'd like to help you if I can. 1534 01:30:04,660 --> 01:30:07,793 Why? You can't help me anyway, bro. 1535 01:30:07,967 --> 01:30:11,101 What, you think having us write in a journal or do yoga 1536 01:30:11,275 --> 01:30:13,016 is going to do anything? 1537 01:30:13,190 --> 01:30:16,715 I do. I do, yeah. 1538 01:30:16,889 --> 01:30:19,501 No. Anybody can come to a mansion 1539 01:30:19,675 --> 01:30:22,678 and find their chi or whatever the fuck. 1540 01:30:22,852 --> 01:30:25,550 It's just me out there, man! 1541 01:30:27,639 --> 01:30:29,032 It doesn't have to be. 1542 01:30:33,732 --> 01:30:35,691 You don't know what it's like to be alone, 1543 01:30:35,865 --> 01:30:37,562 to feel alone and all that shit. 1544 01:30:40,870 --> 01:30:42,480 You'd be surprised. 1545 01:30:46,484 --> 01:30:48,312 You got your cool-guy vibe, 1546 01:30:48,486 --> 01:30:51,184 your fiancée, living in Hollywood. 1547 01:30:52,925 --> 01:30:54,666 You don't know shit about me, man. 1548 01:30:54,840 --> 01:30:56,146 Mm. 1549 01:30:56,320 --> 01:30:57,713 But you wanna give me the sound bites 1550 01:30:57,887 --> 01:31:01,020 and the Instagram recap, go ahead. 1551 01:31:01,194 --> 01:31:02,500 That's what this is, right? 1552 01:31:02,674 --> 01:31:04,415 We come here, spill all our bullshit, 1553 01:31:04,589 --> 01:31:08,288 and you just throw us pithy phrases like robots. 1554 01:31:08,463 --> 01:31:11,988 You have zero fucking clue 1555 01:31:12,162 --> 01:31:15,078 what it's like to have to trick yourself every day 1556 01:31:15,252 --> 01:31:18,385 into actually thinking you can fix yourself! 1557 01:31:25,567 --> 01:31:26,829 [CLEARS THROAT] 1558 01:31:29,745 --> 01:31:30,920 Sit down. 1559 01:31:33,052 --> 01:31:37,056 You wanna hear my shit? Sit down. I'll tell you. 1560 01:31:50,853 --> 01:31:51,723 [CLEARS THROAT] 1561 01:31:57,990 --> 01:31:59,775 Been suicidal for the last year. 1562 01:32:03,518 --> 01:32:04,693 Thought I was. 1563 01:32:07,304 --> 01:32:09,872 I had lost control of my mind. 1564 01:32:10,046 --> 01:32:12,396 Thought I was headed for an insane asylum. 1565 01:32:14,659 --> 01:32:16,705 Turns out I have clinical OCD. 1566 01:32:18,576 --> 01:32:19,925 Now I just walk around 1567 01:32:20,099 --> 01:32:22,058 with the obsession that I might go crazy 1568 01:32:22,232 --> 01:32:25,278 and slit my fiancée's throat and then commit suicide. 1569 01:32:27,672 --> 01:32:30,196 I've also become obsessed that I have terminal cancer. 1570 01:32:34,331 --> 01:32:38,117 This experience has completely destroyed my self-esteem. 1571 01:32:40,990 --> 01:32:43,645 And I think that I'm a total failure of a human being. 1572 01:32:48,084 --> 01:32:50,303 And I oscillate... 1573 01:32:50,477 --> 01:32:51,957 between all those thoughts 1574 01:32:52,131 --> 01:32:55,004 about once every 15 seconds of my waking life. 1575 01:32:57,267 --> 01:33:00,052 Top of that, my future father-in-law just died. 1576 01:33:00,226 --> 01:33:01,184 Lung cancer. 1577 01:33:02,577 --> 01:33:04,317 Then my fiancée got pregnant. 1578 01:33:06,537 --> 01:33:07,930 Decided to have an abortion. 1579 01:33:10,454 --> 01:33:11,716 Now she regrets it. 1580 01:33:14,327 --> 01:33:15,720 I can see that she's... 1581 01:33:17,940 --> 01:33:19,419 She's totally broken. 1582 01:33:24,033 --> 01:33:25,251 And here I am... 1583 01:33:27,645 --> 01:33:28,994 talking with you. 1584 01:33:32,432 --> 01:33:34,086 Giving a fuck about you. 1585 01:33:37,568 --> 01:33:40,876 Exactly because you have those two little girls at home 1586 01:33:41,050 --> 01:33:42,617 who need more than anything 1587 01:33:42,791 --> 01:33:45,837 for their father to take responsibility for his life... 1588 01:33:47,839 --> 01:33:49,101 for his disease. 1589 01:33:51,277 --> 01:33:54,150 And outside of them, because you deserve it, Brandon. 1590 01:33:54,324 --> 01:33:55,412 Life's been shitty. 1591 01:33:57,153 --> 01:33:59,982 And here's a newsflash. It's gonna keep on being shitty. 1592 01:34:02,898 --> 01:34:06,031 And you're right. It is just you out there, like it's just me. 1593 01:34:08,773 --> 01:34:11,123 But it takes this. 1594 01:34:11,297 --> 01:34:14,866 Man, it takes this to help us figure our shit out 1595 01:34:15,040 --> 01:34:16,999 and to remember that life can also be 1596 01:34:17,173 --> 01:34:19,436 pretty fucking incredible sometimes. 1597 01:34:19,610 --> 01:34:22,352 Love yourself, bro. Nobody else can do that. 1598 01:34:23,614 --> 01:34:25,050 And either show up here 1599 01:34:25,224 --> 01:34:27,749 and do the work and stop blaming everybody else, 1600 01:34:27,923 --> 01:34:29,925 or give this bed to somebody who gives a fuck, 1601 01:34:30,099 --> 01:34:32,144 because me and Tess and Slater and Duke 1602 01:34:32,318 --> 01:34:34,277 will give you everything that we got. 1603 01:34:36,845 --> 01:34:39,804 But you've gotta want it, man. You gotta want it. 1604 01:34:39,978 --> 01:34:41,197 More than anything. 1605 01:34:41,371 --> 01:34:43,460 I do want it. I want it so badly. 1606 01:34:43,634 --> 01:34:45,114 I just don't know how. 1607 01:34:45,288 --> 01:34:46,855 [SOBBING] 1608 01:34:49,422 --> 01:34:51,250 I don't know how. 1609 01:34:56,952 --> 01:34:58,605 Take a minute to gather yourself. 1610 01:35:02,392 --> 01:35:04,220 Come back out and join the group. 1611 01:35:12,445 --> 01:35:13,490 Coop. 1612 01:35:17,842 --> 01:35:19,322 [SNIFFLES] 1613 01:35:19,496 --> 01:35:21,672 Just think about what you wanna write about. 1614 01:35:29,201 --> 01:35:30,420 Okay. 1615 01:35:32,944 --> 01:35:35,251 - Sorry about that, guys. - It's okay. 1616 01:35:35,425 --> 01:35:39,908 It's all good. But it shouldn't have happened, so I apologize. 1617 01:35:54,139 --> 01:35:55,314 Thanks, dude. 1618 01:35:59,971 --> 01:36:01,059 [SIGHS] 1619 01:36:12,636 --> 01:36:13,942 I'm just... 1620 01:36:23,212 --> 01:36:25,214 I'm really sorry about that. 1621 01:36:31,698 --> 01:36:33,135 I'm sorry too. 1622 01:36:38,357 --> 01:36:41,970 Just so you know, I don't really think you suck at fashion. 1623 01:36:43,101 --> 01:36:44,189 [GIGGLES] 1624 01:36:45,669 --> 01:36:46,888 [RACHEL] Thanks, dude. 1625 01:36:48,977 --> 01:36:50,065 Thank you. 1626 01:36:58,421 --> 01:37:00,597 All right. Show's over. 1627 01:37:00,771 --> 01:37:02,294 Fifteen minutes, guys. 1628 01:37:16,308 --> 01:37:18,833 [♪] 1629 01:37:32,672 --> 01:37:35,240 You don't wanna marry me? You?! Get out of here! 1630 01:37:35,414 --> 01:37:37,982 Get out! Get away from me! 1631 01:37:38,156 --> 01:37:40,724 Chris! Get away from me! Chris! Chris! 1632 01:37:50,429 --> 01:37:51,387 You okay? 1633 01:37:53,476 --> 01:37:54,390 Yep. 1634 01:38:00,222 --> 01:38:01,397 Okay. 1635 01:38:06,663 --> 01:38:07,794 [SNIFFLES] 1636 01:38:24,724 --> 01:38:25,900 What's up, baby? 1637 01:38:28,903 --> 01:38:29,947 Um... 1638 01:38:31,470 --> 01:38:33,298 It's not your fault. 1639 01:38:33,472 --> 01:38:34,952 And I need you to know that. 1640 01:38:37,868 --> 01:38:38,869 Huh? 1641 01:38:41,263 --> 01:38:43,134 What are we talking about right now? 1642 01:38:45,528 --> 01:38:47,399 I feel really clear about this. 1643 01:38:51,969 --> 01:38:56,234 Wait, just--Let's-- Let's... go back for a second. 1644 01:38:56,408 --> 01:38:59,542 - Can I say what I need to say? - Okay. Yeah. 1645 01:39:03,676 --> 01:39:07,245 Um, over the last few weeks, I've... 1646 01:39:07,419 --> 01:39:11,249 felt my body change, and I've... 1647 01:39:11,423 --> 01:39:13,686 I felt life grow inside of me, 1648 01:39:13,860 --> 01:39:16,298 and it made me realize that, um... 1649 01:39:19,214 --> 01:39:20,476 I don't wanna wait. 1650 01:39:22,260 --> 01:39:24,741 I don't wanna wait. I don't wanna freeze my eggs. 1651 01:39:24,915 --> 01:39:26,917 I don't want to-- I just, I wanna, um... 1652 01:39:29,441 --> 01:39:32,270 I wanna have a baby, Cooper. And I wanna do that soon. 1653 01:39:36,361 --> 01:39:39,321 And I can't stay with someone who I did this with. 1654 01:39:42,802 --> 01:39:44,717 And you didn't do anything wrong. 1655 01:39:44,891 --> 01:39:48,069 You didn't do anything wrong. You told me... 1656 01:39:48,243 --> 01:39:51,333 how you felt, and you were clear the whole time, and... 1657 01:39:51,507 --> 01:39:53,552 I just--I feel differently now. 1658 01:39:56,251 --> 01:39:57,165 Okay? 1659 01:40:00,081 --> 01:40:01,908 I don't--I don't understand. 1660 01:40:04,041 --> 01:40:05,608 [STAMMERS] 1661 01:40:07,871 --> 01:40:10,308 - We've gotten through so much. - Mm-hm. 1662 01:40:11,527 --> 01:40:13,224 And now we're at the end of it. 1663 01:40:15,705 --> 01:40:17,054 I'm feeling better. 1664 01:40:24,235 --> 01:40:26,020 Don't give up. Wha--? 1665 01:40:27,630 --> 01:40:28,979 No, listen-- 1666 01:40:29,153 --> 01:40:31,286 We can work-- We can work through this. 1667 01:40:31,460 --> 01:40:33,592 - I don't think we can. - Let's just talk about it. 1668 01:40:33,766 --> 01:40:36,291 I can't. It's not about communication, Cooper. I... 1669 01:40:36,465 --> 01:40:38,815 I have to leave. I have to leave. 1670 01:40:38,989 --> 01:40:41,731 I've been here my whole life, and you have to stay here. 1671 01:40:41,905 --> 01:40:44,777 It's where your dreams are, and I understand that. 1672 01:40:44,951 --> 01:40:47,954 But I have to go. And I've been sacrificing that. 1673 01:40:48,129 --> 01:40:50,348 But I have to go and... 1674 01:40:50,522 --> 01:40:54,004 And find something beautiful. I just have to be free, okay? 1675 01:40:54,178 --> 01:40:58,878 So I'm gonna go and I'm gonna be at my mom's, just so you know. 1676 01:40:59,053 --> 01:41:02,447 Hold on, hold on, hold on. Hold on for a second. Hold on. 1677 01:41:05,233 --> 01:41:07,887 Please don't do this. Please don't do this. 1678 01:41:08,975 --> 01:41:10,368 Please don't do this. 1679 01:41:10,542 --> 01:41:11,717 Cooper, I have to. 1680 01:41:13,502 --> 01:41:16,592 - Okay, I have to go. - Let's just talk about it. 1681 01:41:18,159 --> 01:41:20,204 Cooper. Look at me. Look at me. 1682 01:41:20,378 --> 01:41:21,640 This is the hardest decision 1683 01:41:21,814 --> 01:41:23,860 I've ever had to make in my life, okay? 1684 01:41:26,384 --> 01:41:27,733 So I have to go. 1685 01:41:30,519 --> 01:41:33,478 - Don't go. Please don't go. - I'll be at my mom's. Okay? 1686 01:41:34,958 --> 01:41:38,048 - Okay. - I'll see you. I'll-- 1687 01:41:39,789 --> 01:41:41,095 I'll just come there. 1688 01:41:47,057 --> 01:41:49,059 [DOOR CREAKS OPEN, CLOSES] 1689 01:42:31,754 --> 01:42:34,148 Hey, Nora. It's Cooper. Call me as soon as you can. 1690 01:42:34,322 --> 01:42:36,585 Hi, Nora. It's Cooper. I need you to call me back. 1691 01:42:36,759 --> 01:42:39,675 Hi, Nora. This is Cooper. I'm trying to get ahold of you. 1692 01:42:39,849 --> 01:42:42,243 I, um, really need to talk to somebody. 1693 01:42:42,417 --> 01:42:44,375 Hi, Nora. Call me back as soon as you can. 1694 01:42:44,549 --> 01:42:46,421 It's an emergency, okay? Bye. 1695 01:42:48,423 --> 01:42:49,293 [SIGHS] 1696 01:43:19,802 --> 01:43:20,933 [GROANS] 1697 01:43:23,109 --> 01:43:24,198 [GROANS LOUDLY] 1698 01:43:59,842 --> 01:44:01,452 How are you doing with all that? 1699 01:44:01,626 --> 01:44:04,063 I understand how she feels. 1700 01:44:06,718 --> 01:44:09,025 And if I'm honest, I could feel it too. 1701 01:44:09,199 --> 01:44:10,548 That's the thing, bro. 1702 01:44:10,722 --> 01:44:12,289 I mean, just because you're doing better 1703 01:44:12,463 --> 01:44:13,856 doesn't mean she is. 1704 01:44:14,030 --> 01:44:15,945 She was probably putting off her own needs 1705 01:44:16,119 --> 01:44:17,903 for a very long time. 1706 01:44:18,077 --> 01:44:19,557 That's what really gets me. 1707 01:44:21,124 --> 01:44:22,473 I just wasn't ready. 1708 01:44:22,647 --> 01:44:24,258 Clearly, she wasn't either. 1709 01:44:24,432 --> 01:44:27,304 That's true. Not something to beat yourself up about. 1710 01:44:27,478 --> 01:44:29,263 She's just so shut down now. 1711 01:44:29,437 --> 01:44:32,309 Everything is like, "I'm sorry, Cooper. I hear you, Cooper." 1712 01:44:32,483 --> 01:44:33,919 Heard my name more in the last weeks 1713 01:44:34,093 --> 01:44:35,921 than in the eight years we were together. 1714 01:44:36,095 --> 01:44:38,707 - So you guys are still talking? - Just logistics at this point. 1715 01:44:38,881 --> 01:44:41,231 Um, she still has some stuff she needs to move out, 1716 01:44:41,405 --> 01:44:44,103 then we'll break off contact. I know it's not healthy. 1717 01:44:44,278 --> 01:44:46,236 I'm sorry, Cooper. 1718 01:44:46,410 --> 01:44:49,718 You just never get that chance again, you know, 1719 01:44:49,892 --> 01:44:52,198 to have your first big love make it the distance. 1720 01:44:52,373 --> 01:44:57,682 Hey, hey, hey. Key word is "first" big love, right? 1721 01:44:57,856 --> 01:45:00,076 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1722 01:45:00,250 --> 01:45:02,121 Um... 1723 01:45:02,296 --> 01:45:03,558 Uh, in brighter news, 1724 01:45:03,732 --> 01:45:05,516 I booked a screenwriting job. 1725 01:45:05,690 --> 01:45:08,954 It's for a feature. I found out this week. Yeah, yeah. 1726 01:45:09,128 --> 01:45:11,348 I let work know I'm gonna take some time off. 1727 01:45:11,522 --> 01:45:13,045 I'm gonna take my laptop and travel. 1728 01:45:13,219 --> 01:45:14,482 I just booked my tickets. 1729 01:45:14,656 --> 01:45:16,048 Three months in South America. 1730 01:45:16,222 --> 01:45:18,747 Buenos Aires, Rio. 1731 01:45:18,921 --> 01:45:22,664 - When do you take off? - Next week. 1732 01:45:22,838 --> 01:45:24,840 Yeah. He told me last week he was leaving. 1733 01:45:25,014 --> 01:45:26,102 [INHALES DEEPLY] 1734 01:45:26,276 --> 01:45:28,278 So this is it, guys. 1735 01:45:29,497 --> 01:45:32,717 Time to cut the cord. 1736 01:45:32,891 --> 01:45:34,763 You all have such beautiful, open minds. 1737 01:45:34,937 --> 01:45:38,070 And I don't know where I would be without all your support. 1738 01:45:38,244 --> 01:45:40,377 Oh, man. Right back at you, bro. 1739 01:45:46,731 --> 01:45:48,472 [CHUCKLES] 1740 01:45:48,646 --> 01:45:50,692 Ahem. Thank you. 1741 01:45:50,866 --> 01:45:52,302 I really appreciate it, Cooper. 1742 01:45:52,476 --> 01:45:53,564 [CLEARS THROAT] 1743 01:45:53,738 --> 01:45:54,609 [CHUCKLES] 1744 01:45:57,351 --> 01:45:58,395 What? 1745 01:46:01,267 --> 01:46:03,618 It was no problem. I was on my way to the rehab. 1746 01:46:03,792 --> 01:46:07,796 Oh, congratulations on the-- On the writing job. 1747 01:46:07,970 --> 01:46:10,233 You really-- You deserve it, Cooper. 1748 01:46:10,407 --> 01:46:11,843 Yeah, thanks. 1749 01:46:12,017 --> 01:46:13,105 You too. 1750 01:46:14,498 --> 01:46:16,239 Tess told me that you sold a song 1751 01:46:16,413 --> 01:46:17,893 to that indie band. 1752 01:46:21,157 --> 01:46:22,985 I don't want it to be like this. 1753 01:46:23,159 --> 01:46:24,987 - Like what? - Like awkward. 1754 01:46:25,161 --> 01:46:27,381 I didn't want-- And I don't want to fight or-- 1755 01:46:27,555 --> 01:46:30,122 - Neither do I, but I-- - [SIGHS] 1756 01:46:30,296 --> 01:46:31,776 I can't just be friends. 1757 01:46:34,736 --> 01:46:35,780 Because we're not. 1758 01:46:38,696 --> 01:46:40,263 I can't live that lie. 1759 01:46:46,182 --> 01:46:47,096 What? 1760 01:46:49,228 --> 01:46:50,316 Nothing. 1761 01:46:55,278 --> 01:46:56,279 Bye, babe. 1762 01:46:59,978 --> 01:47:01,197 Bye. 1763 01:47:03,895 --> 01:47:04,766 Cooper. 1764 01:47:08,334 --> 01:47:09,945 He'd want you to have this. 1765 01:47:15,037 --> 01:47:16,081 Thanks, J. 1766 01:47:17,474 --> 01:47:18,649 Uh... 1767 01:47:18,823 --> 01:47:19,737 [CHUCKLES] 1768 01:47:21,304 --> 01:47:25,047 - Listen, I--You know? - I know. Me too. 1769 01:47:29,399 --> 01:47:31,357 - Take care of yourself. - I will. 1770 01:47:32,010 --> 01:47:33,011 Good. 1771 01:47:34,143 --> 01:47:35,144 Thanks for everything. 1772 01:47:35,840 --> 01:47:36,885 You too. 1773 01:47:39,409 --> 01:47:40,454 [DUKE] There he is. 1774 01:47:40,628 --> 01:47:42,673 - Johnny Hollywood, baby. - Whoa! 1775 01:47:42,847 --> 01:47:44,675 Hey, what can I say? I'm a badass. 1776 01:47:44,849 --> 01:47:46,808 [TESS] Yeah, you are. Congrats, dude. 1777 01:47:46,982 --> 01:47:48,549 Thanks, Tess. 1778 01:47:48,723 --> 01:47:50,638 [SLATER] Off to stuff those Brazilian babes. 1779 01:47:50,812 --> 01:47:52,553 - Oh! - Ahh! 1780 01:47:52,727 --> 01:47:54,076 Come on. 1781 01:47:54,250 --> 01:47:56,252 I don't know if I'm quite there yet, up here. 1782 01:47:56,426 --> 01:47:58,210 But, you know, I'll-- I don't know. 1783 01:47:58,384 --> 01:47:59,429 [LAUGHS] 1784 01:48:01,039 --> 01:48:03,259 - Oh! - [Duke] Are you ready? 1785 01:48:03,433 --> 01:48:05,174 All the clients are in the living room. 1786 01:48:05,348 --> 01:48:07,089 I am. That's what I'm here for. 1787 01:48:07,263 --> 01:48:10,701 Potential. That word says everything, brother. 1788 01:48:11,659 --> 01:48:13,748 You're gonna get out exactly what you put in. 1789 01:48:14,792 --> 01:48:16,664 You had some breakthroughs here towards the end. 1790 01:48:17,447 --> 01:48:19,362 Got a long way to go, but I... 1791 01:48:20,406 --> 01:48:21,930 I believe in you. 1792 01:48:23,322 --> 01:48:25,499 I believe you're gonna get there. 1793 01:48:25,673 --> 01:48:28,023 Just don't give up. Don't ever give up. 1794 01:48:29,633 --> 01:48:31,330 And don't be such a little asshole anymore. 1795 01:48:33,202 --> 01:48:34,290 Okay? 1796 01:48:43,734 --> 01:48:44,648 [SNIFFLES] 1797 01:48:45,736 --> 01:48:46,911 But seriously, bro. 1798 01:48:48,434 --> 01:48:50,959 We're here for you. Reach out anytime. 1799 01:49:01,709 --> 01:49:04,450 - I don't wanna talk to you. - Yeah, you do. 1800 01:49:09,586 --> 01:49:11,457 What am I supposed to do now? 1801 01:49:11,632 --> 01:49:13,547 Exactly what you've been doing. 1802 01:49:13,721 --> 01:49:17,246 Building good habits. Trust yourself. 1803 01:49:17,420 --> 01:49:20,510 I can't do this alone, dude. 1804 01:49:20,684 --> 01:49:22,773 I was never always gonna be here. 1805 01:49:22,947 --> 01:49:24,558 You know it's not like that. 1806 01:49:24,732 --> 01:49:27,778 Yeah, but I thought you'd at least be here until I left. 1807 01:49:27,952 --> 01:49:29,475 You're stronger than you think you are. 1808 01:49:29,650 --> 01:49:31,652 It's not about that. 1809 01:49:31,826 --> 01:49:33,567 It's about the fact that I gave in 1810 01:49:33,741 --> 01:49:35,177 and I did what you asked, 1811 01:49:35,351 --> 01:49:37,353 and now you're leaving. 1812 01:49:37,527 --> 01:49:39,529 You can always reach out. 1813 01:49:39,703 --> 01:49:43,533 My dad's not talking to me. All my friends are fuckups. 1814 01:49:45,796 --> 01:49:47,276 I still need you, man. 1815 01:49:53,195 --> 01:49:55,197 You're just another fucking letdown. 1816 01:49:57,373 --> 01:49:58,330 That's not fair. 1817 01:49:58,504 --> 01:50:00,594 Fuck fair. Whatever. 1818 01:50:02,508 --> 01:50:04,554 I'm sorry. I can't do this. 1819 01:50:21,615 --> 01:50:23,138 Left my spare key in the desk drawer 1820 01:50:23,312 --> 01:50:24,835 - if you need to move it. - Cool. 1821 01:50:25,009 --> 01:50:27,316 Um, this is for Rachel. 1822 01:50:27,490 --> 01:50:29,187 I knew she wasn't gonna take it. 1823 01:50:29,361 --> 01:50:32,451 Oh, um, I left a curling iron on my desk as well. 1824 01:50:32,626 --> 01:50:35,063 It's Em's. If you could give it to her, if you see her. 1825 01:50:35,237 --> 01:50:38,066 - Sure, if I see her in time. - What do you mean? 1826 01:50:38,240 --> 01:50:42,070 - Oh, shit. She didn't tell you. - Tell me what? 1827 01:50:42,244 --> 01:50:44,246 She's moving to Paris next week. 1828 01:50:46,988 --> 01:50:47,902 I'm sorry. 1829 01:50:51,253 --> 01:50:52,297 That's okay. 1830 01:50:53,516 --> 01:50:54,430 I'm not surprised. 1831 01:50:54,604 --> 01:50:56,127 Just a little thrown off. 1832 01:50:57,302 --> 01:50:58,652 [BOTH CHUCKLE] 1833 01:51:01,611 --> 01:51:04,005 - Bye. - Bye, Coop. Have a great trip. 1834 01:51:11,621 --> 01:51:13,884 - LAX, right? - Yeah. 1835 01:51:25,504 --> 01:51:26,767 Bye! 1836 01:51:28,682 --> 01:51:30,161 Bye, Cooper! 1837 01:51:44,741 --> 01:51:47,004 - What is this? - He didn't tell me. 1838 01:51:59,756 --> 01:52:03,281 It's my letter of recommendation for my application. 1839 01:52:03,455 --> 01:52:04,500 I see. 1840 01:52:06,589 --> 01:52:10,462 - Should I read it right now? - If you want. It's up to you. 1841 01:52:13,248 --> 01:52:14,379 [SIGHS] 1842 01:52:14,553 --> 01:52:17,556 "Dear Admissions Committee, 1843 01:52:17,731 --> 01:52:20,168 I had the pleasure of meeting Rachel 1844 01:52:20,342 --> 01:52:22,387 as her rehabilitation counselor. 1845 01:52:24,520 --> 01:52:26,348 I can say unequivocally 1846 01:52:26,522 --> 01:52:28,567 that Rachel is one of the most promising people I've ever met. 1847 01:52:30,744 --> 01:52:33,007 Emphasis on 'people,' not 'client.' 1848 01:52:36,097 --> 01:52:39,274 I could be writing this letter from the perspective 1849 01:52:39,448 --> 01:52:41,015 of how much I gave to her 1850 01:52:41,189 --> 01:52:43,800 and how much she learned during her time here. 1851 01:52:43,974 --> 01:52:46,063 But the truth is that she gave more to me 1852 01:52:46,237 --> 01:52:47,456 than she received. 1853 01:52:52,330 --> 01:52:54,942 Her ability to flourish in the face of crisis 1854 01:52:55,116 --> 01:52:56,421 has been incredible. 1855 01:52:58,336 --> 01:53:00,164 How fearless she's become. 1856 01:53:05,822 --> 01:53:08,651 I believe vulnerability is the greatest form of courage. 1857 01:53:10,305 --> 01:53:12,568 And Rachel's exhibited nothing but that. 1858 01:53:14,352 --> 01:53:15,963 Courage of the highest degree. 1859 01:53:19,531 --> 01:53:23,448 She had the courage at 18 to face her darkest hour. 1860 01:53:25,276 --> 01:53:27,539 To come to L.A. and seek treatment 1861 01:53:27,713 --> 01:53:30,107 for a disease that no longer defines her. 1862 01:53:32,240 --> 01:53:35,504 To face the backlash from her friends and family 1863 01:53:35,678 --> 01:53:36,897 and pursue this application. 1864 01:53:37,071 --> 01:53:38,812 It's an inspiration to witness. 1865 01:53:42,946 --> 01:53:44,339 I don't personally know 1866 01:53:44,513 --> 01:53:47,429 the first thing about high fashion, 1867 01:53:47,603 --> 01:53:52,129 but I do know through Rachel now 1868 01:53:52,303 --> 01:53:53,696 that you can't hold someone back 1869 01:53:53,870 --> 01:53:56,786 who's conquered their own mind. 1870 01:53:56,960 --> 01:53:59,310 And for that, I'll remain forever indebted. 1871 01:54:04,011 --> 01:54:06,230 All of us need the help of other people. 1872 01:54:08,406 --> 01:54:11,627 Give this young woman a chance, I beg of you. 1873 01:54:11,801 --> 01:54:14,499 I can think of no one more deserving of your education. 1874 01:54:14,673 --> 01:54:16,545 Sincerely, Cooper Ganz." 1875 01:54:22,725 --> 01:54:23,900 [CHUCKLES] 1876 01:54:32,909 --> 01:54:35,781 ["LOVE ME LIKE A FIRE" PLAYING] 1877 01:54:43,311 --> 01:54:46,096 Oh, my God, I got in. I got in! 1878 01:54:46,270 --> 01:54:48,925 Wait, wait! No way! 1879 01:54:49,099 --> 01:54:50,666 Would you mind turning up this song? 1880 01:54:53,016 --> 01:54:54,844 Yes! 1881 01:54:55,018 --> 01:54:57,281 ♪ Love me like a fire ♪ 1882 01:54:57,455 --> 01:55:00,110 ♪ And I'll love you Like a flood ♪ 1883 01:55:00,284 --> 01:55:02,852 ♪ I'll give you Everything I am ♪ 1884 01:55:03,026 --> 01:55:05,942 ♪ Down to the vapors In my blood ♪ 1885 01:55:06,116 --> 01:55:11,600 ♪ I'll be your broken levee If you will be my drug ♪ 1886 01:55:11,774 --> 01:55:14,168 ♪ Love me like a fire, girl ♪ 1887 01:55:14,342 --> 01:55:17,040 ♪ And I'll love you Like a flood ♪ 1888 01:55:17,214 --> 01:55:19,564 ♪ Love me like an anchor ♪ 1889 01:55:19,738 --> 01:55:22,306 ♪ And I'll love you Like a rock ♪ 1890 01:55:22,480 --> 01:55:25,092 ♪ I'll give you Everything I have ♪ 1891 01:55:25,266 --> 01:55:28,182 ♪ Even the things I haven't got ♪ 1892 01:55:28,356 --> 01:55:30,706 ♪ I'll tell you That I love you ♪ 1893 01:55:30,880 --> 01:55:33,796 ♪ When you're worried That I'll stop ♪ 1894 01:55:33,970 --> 01:55:36,277 ♪ Love me Like an anchor, girl ♪ 1895 01:55:36,451 --> 01:55:38,409 ♪ And I'll love you Like a rock ♪ 1896 01:55:38,583 --> 01:55:43,675 ♪ Come on now and love me ♪ 1897 01:55:43,849 --> 01:55:49,246 ♪ I need you to love me ♪ 1898 01:55:49,420 --> 01:55:50,465 ♪ Come on, baby ♪ 1899 01:55:50,639 --> 01:55:56,950 ♪ And love me ♪ 1900 01:56:01,780 --> 01:56:03,913 ♪ Love me like an altar ♪ 1901 01:56:04,087 --> 01:56:06,698 ♪ And I'll love you Like a church ♪ 1902 01:56:06,872 --> 01:56:09,571 ♪ I'll give you Everything I can ♪ 1903 01:56:09,745 --> 01:56:12,704 ♪ Through the good times And the worst ♪ 1904 01:56:12,878 --> 01:56:14,793 ♪ I'll tell you I've never done things ♪ 1905 01:56:14,968 --> 01:56:18,232 ♪ When I can see You want to be the first ♪ 1906 01:56:18,406 --> 01:56:20,669 ♪ Love me like an altar, girl ♪ 1907 01:56:20,843 --> 01:56:23,802 ♪ And I'll love you Like a church ♪ 1908 01:56:23,977 --> 01:56:26,240 ♪ Love me like a seraph ♪ 1909 01:56:26,414 --> 01:56:28,982 ♪ And I'll love you Like a saint ♪ 1910 01:56:29,156 --> 01:56:31,767 ♪ I'll give you Everything you need ♪ 1911 01:56:31,941 --> 01:56:34,639 ♪ And I'll never need To be thanked ♪ 1912 01:56:34,813 --> 01:56:37,251 ♪ Just promise You'll remind me ♪ 1913 01:56:37,425 --> 01:56:40,080 ♪ When we're old And my mind goes blank ♪ 1914 01:56:40,254 --> 01:56:42,908 ♪ That you loved me Like a seraph, girl ♪ 1915 01:56:43,083 --> 01:56:45,215 ♪ And I loved you Like a saint ♪ 1916 01:56:45,389 --> 01:56:50,264 ♪ Come on now and love me ♪ 1917 01:56:50,438 --> 01:56:55,834 ♪ I need you to love me ♪ 1918 01:56:56,009 --> 01:56:57,314 ♪ Come on, baby ♪ 1919 01:56:57,488 --> 01:57:03,799 ♪ And love me ♪ 1920 01:57:08,456 --> 01:57:10,545 ♪ Love me like a monkey ♪ 1921 01:57:10,719 --> 01:57:13,330 ♪ And I'll love you Like a vine ♪ 1922 01:57:13,504 --> 01:57:16,159 ♪ I'll give you Everything I have ♪ 1923 01:57:16,333 --> 01:57:19,293 ♪ If you'll let me Call you mine ♪ 1924 01:57:19,467 --> 01:57:21,338 ♪ I'll put you On my shoulders ♪ 1925 01:57:21,512 --> 01:57:24,863 ♪ Up all the mountains That we'll climb ♪ 1926 01:57:25,038 --> 01:57:27,301 ♪ Love me like a monkey, girl ♪ 1927 01:57:27,475 --> 01:57:29,607 ♪ And I'll love you Like a vine ♪ 1928 01:57:29,781 --> 01:57:34,612 ♪ Come on now and love me ♪ 1929 01:57:34,786 --> 01:57:40,183 ♪ I need you to love me ♪ 1930 01:57:40,357 --> 01:57:41,619 ♪ Come on, baby ♪ 1931 01:57:41,793 --> 01:57:48,061 ♪ And love me ♪ 1932 01:57:50,150 --> 01:57:56,852 ♪ Come on, baby I need you to love me ♪ 1933 01:57:57,026 --> 01:58:02,379 ♪ I need you to love me ♪ 1934 01:58:02,553 --> 01:58:03,902 ♪ Come on, baby ♪ 1935 01:58:04,077 --> 01:58:10,039 ♪ And love me ♪ 129239

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