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DRAMATIC CHORAL SYMPHONY
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DRAMATIC CHORAL SYMPHONY
3
00:00:09,100 --> 00:00:12,060
MECHANISM WHINING
4
00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:17,580
GENTLE WHISTLING
5
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Please! I was just hitchhiking.
6
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Why are you doing this?!
7
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There's blood coming out of my ear!
8
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You'll spin all the blood
out of my head!
9
00:00:30,020 --> 00:00:31,740
I'll die!
10
00:00:31,780 --> 00:00:34,380
Yeah, I'm afraid you will.
11
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But look on the bright side,
at least you'll be famous.
12
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I don't want to be famous.
I want to live!
13
00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:41,820
HE WHISTLES
14
00:00:41,860 --> 00:00:45,100
Well, you know, maybe being
a little bit famous would be nice.
15
00:00:45,140 --> 00:00:46,900
Peter Andre famous.
16
00:00:46,940 --> 00:00:48,860
Enough to get a free Nando's.
17
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That's the spirit.
18
00:00:50,340 --> 00:00:54,820
Scream if you want to go faster!
19
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Scream if you want to go faster!
20
00:00:56,300 --> 00:00:59,580
It's music to my ears, boy. No!
21
00:00:59,620 --> 00:01:01,860
SCREAM!
22
00:01:01,900 --> 00:01:04,020
CRAIG SCREAMS
23
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HE CACKLES
24
00:01:09,860 --> 00:01:12,660
WALTZER WHOOSHES
HE LAUGHS
25
00:01:14,740 --> 00:01:16,220
Aaargh!
26
00:01:16,220 --> 00:01:17,340
BOLD, JAZZY THEME
27
00:01:43,140 --> 00:01:44,380
BIRDS TWITTERING
28
00:01:47,460 --> 00:01:48,860
Seconds, anyone?
29
00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:51,780
Oh, no more for me, Monica, thanks.
I'm full to bursting.
30
00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:53,980
I've got to go to work after this.
31
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Having to work the weekend.
32
00:01:56,140 --> 00:01:59,020
They're making you work the weekend?
Oh, don't ask her, Terry,
33
00:01:59,060 --> 00:02:02,020
that's what she wants.
I'm currently on a task force,
34
00:02:02,060 --> 00:02:05,580
investigating a triple murder,
Terry. Oh!
35
00:02:05,620 --> 00:02:08,660
That's why we work the weekend,
to save lives.
36
00:02:08,660 --> 00:02:11,300
Hmm. And what's the biggest case
37
00:02:11,300 --> 00:02:13,420
in your little
private investigation agency, Gemma?
38
00:02:15,220 --> 00:02:17,900
Gnomes. Sorry? What was that?
39
00:02:17,940 --> 00:02:19,980
Gnomes.
40
00:02:20,020 --> 00:02:21,460
All right?
41
00:02:21,500 --> 00:02:23,900
And we solved it, actually.
Case closed. Hmm!
42
00:02:23,900 --> 00:02:26,180
It was quite interesting, really.
Yeah.
43
00:02:26,220 --> 00:02:28,780
Oh? Well,
they weren't stealing them,
44
00:02:28,820 --> 00:02:32,500
they were just rearranging them
into explicit poses in the night.
45
00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:35,060
Ohh! Explicit? How?
46
00:02:35,060 --> 00:02:37,700
Freddie, shush. Well, one were
bent over, one had a fishing rod.
47
00:02:37,740 --> 00:02:40,420
Terry, shush.
Oh, ho, that takes me back.
48
00:02:40,460 --> 00:02:42,660
We've not done it like that
since Obama got in.
49
00:02:42,700 --> 00:02:44,980
Freddie! Will you please shush?
50
00:02:44,980 --> 00:02:46,660
Well, then we got the dog, and...
51
00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:48,740
Vicky said it was insulting it.
52
00:02:48,740 --> 00:02:51,620
You know, because we were
mirroring its sex life,
53
00:02:51,660 --> 00:02:53,700
even though we'd had
its equipment lopped off.
54
00:02:53,700 --> 00:02:56,700
Freddie! You had a point, though,
didn't you? He used to watch us
55
00:02:56,740 --> 00:03:00,140
with a weird look in his eye.
Encouraging me on,
56
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you know, cos I was doing what
he could do no longer.
57
00:03:03,180 --> 00:03:06,700
Freddie, I don't think your sisters
want to know about our sex life.
58
00:03:06,740 --> 00:03:08,540
We do. We do. Do we?
59
00:03:08,580 --> 00:03:11,220
Vicky sends me upstairs
and I exfoliate me whole body
60
00:03:11,220 --> 00:03:13,900
till I'm perfectly clean.
Then she comes up, inspects me,
61
00:03:13,900 --> 00:03:16,820
and if I don't meet the standard,
I have to stand in the wardrobe
62
00:03:16,820 --> 00:03:20,180
for ten minutes, cos I've
let her down. You know, normal.
63
00:03:20,180 --> 00:03:24,500
Freddie, enough! Let him speak!
Gemma, while you've been busy
64
00:03:24,540 --> 00:03:25,340
Freddie, enough! Let him speak!
Gemma, while you've been busy
65
00:03:25,380 --> 00:03:27,820
looking at copulating
little magical people,
66
00:03:27,820 --> 00:03:31,780
in the real police force,
we've had bodies found.
67
00:03:31,820 --> 00:03:36,540
In Grassington, Kettlewell, and
another one in Aysgarth last night.
68
00:03:36,540 --> 00:03:39,380
Oh. Do you want me to wrap you up
some beef, Vicky?
69
00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:41,980
In case you end up in a stand-off
with the killers.
70
00:03:41,980 --> 00:03:43,780
It'll be nice to have
a beef sandwich
71
00:03:43,780 --> 00:03:46,700
if the snipers get stuck in traffic.
Yeah?
72
00:03:46,700 --> 00:03:48,180
Hubberholme.
73
00:03:49,580 --> 00:03:52,100
What? It's number three on the tour.
74
00:03:52,140 --> 00:03:54,300
What tour? Every tour.
75
00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:57,780
Well, every tour of
t'Yorkshire Dales.
76
00:03:57,820 --> 00:03:59,860
Grassington, Kettlewell,
77
00:03:59,860 --> 00:04:02,460
Hubberholme, and Aysgarth.
78
00:04:02,460 --> 00:04:05,220
Then there's literally dozens
after that.
79
00:04:05,260 --> 00:04:07,860
It's the perennial pensioner's
favourite.
80
00:04:07,860 --> 00:04:11,540
An entire county, echoing
with the sounds of complaints
81
00:04:11,580 --> 00:04:14,220
delivered through poorly fitted
teeth.
82
00:04:14,260 --> 00:04:16,140
Oh. Did you hear that, Gemma?
83
00:04:16,180 --> 00:04:19,460
The force is missing
an investigative genius.
84
00:04:19,460 --> 00:04:23,980
Huh. I'll have to bring you into the
situation room with me. What, now?
85
00:04:24,020 --> 00:04:24,420
Huh. I'll have to bring you into the
situation room with me. What, now?
86
00:04:24,460 --> 00:04:27,620
Monica's got spotted dick
and custard for pudding.
87
00:04:27,620 --> 00:04:30,260
She's being sarcastic, Terry.
88
00:04:30,260 --> 00:04:33,660
Oh. You run along
to your murders, Vicky -
89
00:04:33,700 --> 00:04:35,740
which, by the way,
she hasn't solved.
90
00:04:35,780 --> 00:04:39,300
We're, erm, working today as well,
aren't we? Yeah. Well...
91
00:04:39,300 --> 00:04:41,660
Going undercover, actually. Yeah.
92
00:04:45,700 --> 00:04:46,940
Hi!
93
00:04:48,940 --> 00:04:50,940
Just be cool.
94
00:04:50,980 --> 00:04:52,740
Just be cool...
95
00:04:52,740 --> 00:04:55,060
Puppies aren't stealing themselves
from this pet shop.
96
00:04:55,100 --> 00:04:57,060
If you see a puppy-napper,
just bark.
97
00:04:57,100 --> 00:04:59,060
But what if they throw a ball,
Gemma?
98
00:04:59,100 --> 00:05:03,940
I'm a dog now. I owe it to my newly
adopted species to run after it.
99
00:05:03,980 --> 00:05:04,260
I'm a dog now. I owe it to my newly
adopted species to run after it.
100
00:05:04,260 --> 00:05:06,900
Look, I know it's not the most
glamorous job we've ever done,
101
00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:10,460
but a few more of these -
well, a lot more of these -
102
00:05:10,500 --> 00:05:14,140
we can get out of me sister's place,
pay for the wedding...
103
00:05:14,180 --> 00:05:16,500
I love that you're excited
about the wedding.
104
00:05:16,540 --> 00:05:20,220
Come here. Give us a kiss.
Aww. And maybe...
105
00:05:20,220 --> 00:05:21,860
a rub of me tummy.
SHE SNORTS
106
00:05:21,900 --> 00:05:23,420
Oh. Oh...
107
00:05:23,460 --> 00:05:25,940
Oh, Terry... I can't see.
108
00:05:25,980 --> 00:05:28,900
Yeah. Right, which way are you
going? Just go to the left. What?
109
00:05:28,900 --> 00:05:30,220
Your left or mine?
110
00:05:35,100 --> 00:05:36,500
Help!
111
00:05:36,500 --> 00:05:38,140
Please help!
112
00:05:38,180 --> 00:05:41,500
Argh! Shush now,
I'll be with you in a second.
113
00:05:49,540 --> 00:05:52,020
Still no news, Chief Inspector. Oh.
114
00:05:52,020 --> 00:05:54,940
The victims weren't friends,
they worked in different places.
115
00:05:54,940 --> 00:05:58,020
They had no past relationships
that would connect them in any way.
116
00:05:58,060 --> 00:06:02,420
OK, OK. Might we just get lucky
and he might get bored and give up?
117
00:06:02,420 --> 00:06:02,740
OK, OK. Might we just get lucky
and he might get bored and give up?
118
00:06:02,780 --> 00:06:05,340
Yeah.
SHE LAUGHS HEARTILY
119
00:06:07,500 --> 00:06:09,260
No, I don't think so, Ma'am.
120
00:06:09,260 --> 00:06:10,780
Right. Shame.
121
00:06:10,820 --> 00:06:12,980
See, that's the trouble with
serial killers, isn't it?
122
00:06:13,020 --> 00:06:15,860
They just never seem to know
when enough's enough.
123
00:06:15,860 --> 00:06:18,020
We've got another body. Oh...
124
00:06:18,020 --> 00:06:19,900
Hubberholme.
125
00:06:19,900 --> 00:06:21,420
Hubberholme... What?
126
00:06:21,460 --> 00:06:22,820
It's number three on the tour.
127
00:06:22,860 --> 00:06:24,140
Oh, God, no.
128
00:06:25,260 --> 00:06:26,380
Thanks, Marcus.
129
00:06:27,620 --> 00:06:31,140
Do you know what I think, Sergeant?
I think any connection at the moment
130
00:06:31,140 --> 00:06:33,580
would be a great help.
I mean, nobody told me
131
00:06:33,620 --> 00:06:35,220
this job would be so difficult.
132
00:06:35,220 --> 00:06:38,060
Criminals don't seem to want
to be caught these days.
133
00:06:38,060 --> 00:06:40,740
Scenic coach tours, Chief Inspector.
134
00:06:40,780 --> 00:06:43,980
Oh, great idea.
I would bloody love one.
135
00:06:43,980 --> 00:06:47,220
Get me out of this mess.
No, the locations.
136
00:06:47,260 --> 00:06:50,580
They're along the routes of
the Yorkshire Dales coach tours.
137
00:06:50,580 --> 00:06:52,900
They start in Grassington,
then Kettlewell,
138
00:06:52,940 --> 00:06:55,060
Hubberholme, Aysgarth,
139
00:06:55,100 --> 00:06:57,460
and then onwards from there. Oh...
140
00:06:57,500 --> 00:07:00,540
Fantastic! Finally, a connection!
141
00:07:00,580 --> 00:07:02,460
Well done, sausage!
142
00:07:02,460 --> 00:07:04,980
So, er, where are they going next?
143
00:07:06,740 --> 00:07:09,500
Well, that information,
144
00:07:09,500 --> 00:07:12,620
it came from...a source.
145
00:07:12,660 --> 00:07:14,260
SHE GASPS
An informant.
146
00:07:14,260 --> 00:07:17,540
Ooh, bring them in!
I bloody love an informant!
147
00:07:17,540 --> 00:07:20,660
Yes, Ma'am. There's something sexy
about them, isn't there?
148
00:07:20,700 --> 00:07:23,500
A cloaked figure,
nestled in a world of darkness,
149
00:07:23,540 --> 00:07:26,380
reaching out to us
to put things right.
150
00:07:26,420 --> 00:07:28,980
Oh, I bet he's a right
swarthy charmer, eh?
151
00:07:31,820 --> 00:07:34,900
Look at yourselves. You could have
at least taken your heads off.
152
00:07:34,940 --> 00:07:37,660
Well, we can't,
they're sewn into the costumes.
153
00:07:37,700 --> 00:07:41,020
It's either this
or vest and knickers, I'm afraid.
154
00:07:41,020 --> 00:07:44,140
Anyway, you're the one who asked
for our expert knowledge.
155
00:07:44,180 --> 00:07:46,700
So you're our experts, then?
156
00:07:46,740 --> 00:07:48,900
Nice outfits.
157
00:07:48,940 --> 00:07:52,500
I'm actually part of a club where
we dress up in something similar.
158
00:07:53,500 --> 00:07:55,620
Have a few drinks.
159
00:07:55,620 --> 00:07:57,060
See what happens.
160
00:07:58,180 --> 00:08:01,500
It's not a sex thing. Right.
161
00:08:01,540 --> 00:08:03,420
We'll say no more about it, then.
162
00:08:03,460 --> 00:08:07,780
This is Terry Bremmer, everybody.
I'm his fiancee, Gemma.
163
00:08:07,780 --> 00:08:10,060
Hi. Right.
164
00:08:13,420 --> 00:08:15,500
Victim number one.
165
00:08:15,540 --> 00:08:17,140
Found in Grassington.
166
00:08:17,180 --> 00:08:19,340
Spun to death on a Waltzer.
167
00:08:19,380 --> 00:08:21,020
SCREAMING
168
00:08:21,020 --> 00:08:23,180
MANIACAL CACKLE
169
00:08:24,780 --> 00:08:26,660
Victim number two, in Kettlewell.
170
00:08:26,660 --> 00:08:28,940
Tied to a windscreen,
171
00:08:28,940 --> 00:08:31,460
then flayed alive.
Took all the skin off his skull.
172
00:08:31,460 --> 00:08:33,020
SHRIEKING
173
00:08:33,060 --> 00:08:34,980
SCREAMING AND SLICING
174
00:08:34,980 --> 00:08:37,500
MANIACAL CACKLE
175
00:08:38,460 --> 00:08:40,060
Number three.
176
00:08:40,100 --> 00:08:42,060
Crushed between the doors,
177
00:08:42,100 --> 00:08:44,100
Aysgarth Monastery.
178
00:08:44,100 --> 00:08:45,420
METALLIC RATTLE
179
00:08:45,420 --> 00:08:47,140
MANIACAL CACKLE
180
00:08:48,740 --> 00:08:51,900
And our fourth unlucky chap
181
00:08:51,940 --> 00:08:56,140
was found in the foghorn at
Foggerty Falls Foghorn Museum,
182
00:08:56,180 --> 00:08:58,380
smack-bang in
the middle of Hubberholme.
183
00:08:58,420 --> 00:08:59,740
HORN BLASTS
184
00:08:59,780 --> 00:09:01,860
MANIACAL CACKLE
185
00:09:01,900 --> 00:09:03,500
VICTIM WAILS
186
00:09:03,540 --> 00:09:05,380
BASS HORN BELLOWS
187
00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:07,060
MANIACAL CACKLE
188
00:09:09,740 --> 00:09:14,180
And...that's all we've got so far.
So, er, just relax,
189
00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:14,420
And...that's all we've got so far.
So, er, just relax,
190
00:09:14,460 --> 00:09:18,460
tell us what you know,
and remember that lives are at stake
191
00:09:18,460 --> 00:09:20,020
and it's all down to you. Go!
192
00:09:20,020 --> 00:09:22,340
What? Me? No!
193
00:09:27,060 --> 00:09:29,580
Hello.
FEEDBACK WHINES
194
00:09:31,460 --> 00:09:34,020
Well, erm, it's just that I noticed
195
00:09:34,020 --> 00:09:37,180
that these four places
are the first four stops
196
00:09:37,180 --> 00:09:39,900
for dozens of coach tours
around the Yorkshire Dales.
197
00:09:41,020 --> 00:09:43,740
And you're going to tell us
where the fifth location is,
198
00:09:43,780 --> 00:09:46,060
aren't you? No. No?
199
00:09:47,180 --> 00:09:50,500
What do you mean, no?
Then what is the point of you?!
200
00:09:52,180 --> 00:09:54,460
I've got an idea. Shove over.
201
00:09:54,460 --> 00:09:57,780
Right... Now,
from these four points,
202
00:09:57,820 --> 00:10:00,820
there's only a limited amount of
tours that you could be part of.
203
00:10:00,860 --> 00:10:05,460
Yeah? So our fella is either
part of the tourist industry
204
00:10:05,460 --> 00:10:05,740
Yeah? So our fella is either
part of the tourist industry
205
00:10:05,780 --> 00:10:08,980
or he's got a grudge against people
in the tourist industry.
206
00:10:08,980 --> 00:10:12,060
Ma'am, he's on the phone.
207
00:10:12,060 --> 00:10:14,820
Our boy. Knows details of
the killings we haven't made public.
208
00:10:14,820 --> 00:10:18,500
Right. You talk to him.
You're the expert.
209
00:10:18,500 --> 00:10:21,820
Nice outfit. There's actually
a few of us that get... No! OK.
210
00:10:21,860 --> 00:10:23,740
Leave it, he's not one of us.
211
00:10:23,780 --> 00:10:25,820
Right, put the call through.
212
00:10:25,860 --> 00:10:29,300
So, keep him on the line
for as long as you can.
213
00:10:29,340 --> 00:10:31,300
Oh, and quick reminder,
214
00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:33,980
innocent lives are depending on you,
but...no pressure.
215
00:10:41,260 --> 00:10:42,980
Hiya...
216
00:10:43,020 --> 00:10:44,460
Hi!
217
00:10:44,460 --> 00:10:45,660
You all right?
218
00:10:45,700 --> 00:10:48,540
THICK SCOTTISH ACCENT: I am
more than all right, Mr Policeman.
219
00:10:48,540 --> 00:10:50,940
I'm just tickety-boo.
220
00:10:50,980 --> 00:10:52,940
So, are you, er...
221
00:10:52,980 --> 00:10:57,140
calling about another murder,
or just a...general chit-chat?
222
00:10:58,580 --> 00:11:01,180
Oh, I just thought I'd check in,
223
00:11:01,220 --> 00:11:03,820
see how badly you're doing
at catching me.
224
00:11:03,860 --> 00:11:06,100
We found the Hubberholme body.
225
00:11:06,100 --> 00:11:08,460
Been there for a while, hadn't they?
226
00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:11,820
Oh, aye.
You are terribly out of sequence.
227
00:11:11,820 --> 00:11:14,060
So, Aysgarth...
228
00:11:14,060 --> 00:11:16,340
Where are we going next?
229
00:11:16,380 --> 00:11:18,460
I mean, either way you look at it,
230
00:11:18,500 --> 00:11:21,180
you've got to be on the A684.
231
00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:22,900
But then, you'd get stuck in...
232
00:11:22,900 --> 00:11:25,820
BOTH: The one-way system
next to the pie shop.
233
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:42,140
So you know your pie shops, then?
234
00:11:42,180 --> 00:11:44,620
It has been said, yeah.
235
00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:47,060
THIN BRITISH ACCENT:
Bloody hell, it's Terry Bremmer!
236
00:11:49,540 --> 00:11:52,260
THICK SCOTTISH ACCENT: You're too
late to save this one, sadly.
237
00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:54,980
But don't worry, there'll be more.
238
00:11:55,020 --> 00:11:58,060
Much, much more.
239
00:11:58,060 --> 00:12:01,940
Yeah, well, maybe there will,
or maybe there won't.
240
00:12:01,980 --> 00:12:05,020
Or maybe we'll catch you
before the next one.
241
00:12:05,060 --> 00:12:06,340
And then, the only pie shop
242
00:12:06,380 --> 00:12:08,540
you'll be visiting, my friend,
is the one...
243
00:12:10,300 --> 00:12:11,700
..in prison.
244
00:12:13,660 --> 00:12:17,060
They've got pie shops in prison? No.
245
00:12:17,060 --> 00:12:19,540
Well, no, what I meant was, like...
246
00:12:19,580 --> 00:12:23,580
..you will probably be arrested.
247
00:12:25,180 --> 00:12:27,340
Oh! "Probably".
248
00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:32,060
By the time this is over,
you will eat your words.
249
00:12:32,100 --> 00:12:32,260
By the time this is over,
you will eat your words.
250
00:12:32,300 --> 00:12:33,340
Bye, now.
251
00:12:33,340 --> 00:12:34,900
No, look, mate, listen, hang on...
252
00:12:36,620 --> 00:12:39,700
Couldn't trace him, Ma'am. Oh...
253
00:12:39,740 --> 00:12:41,860
"Eat my words."
254
00:12:41,900 --> 00:12:43,500
"Eat my w...
255
00:12:44,700 --> 00:12:46,100
"..words."
256
00:12:46,140 --> 00:12:50,540
Gemma, I am going to eat my words.
257
00:12:50,580 --> 00:12:52,140
Gemma, I am going to eat my words.
258
00:12:52,140 --> 00:12:54,620
Sorry, are you admitting defeat?
Only, I was thinking of
259
00:12:54,620 --> 00:12:58,180
admitting defeat, so if you want to
go first, I'd be bang up for that!
260
00:12:58,220 --> 00:13:00,220
Gemma. I don't...
261
00:13:00,260 --> 00:13:02,060
You used to say it.
262
00:13:02,100 --> 00:13:04,380
But only when we were passing...
263
00:13:04,380 --> 00:13:06,300
Oh, my God!
264
00:13:06,300 --> 00:13:08,060
Albert Dickensthwaite!
265
00:13:08,100 --> 00:13:11,260
Right! We have a name!
Get him arrested!
266
00:13:11,260 --> 00:13:14,260
Oh, I knew we could do it.
Well done, everyone.
267
00:13:14,300 --> 00:13:16,620
I'm off for a gin. Anyone else?
268
00:13:16,620 --> 00:13:19,340
Any gin? Good stuff!
She's happy this time.
269
00:13:19,380 --> 00:13:20,660
I am. No, no, no, no.
270
00:13:20,660 --> 00:13:24,140
Dickensthwaite was
a foundry owner in the 1800s. Oh.
271
00:13:24,180 --> 00:13:26,020
He was one of those
Victorian eccentrics
272
00:13:26,060 --> 00:13:29,260
who believed that you could absorb
intelligence through your stomach.
273
00:13:29,300 --> 00:13:31,940
So, every day,
he'd eat a book for dinner.
274
00:13:31,980 --> 00:13:34,780
Yeah, until he died of
ink poisoning.
275
00:13:34,820 --> 00:13:38,220
There's a statue of him in
Shelmondbury, right, with him
276
00:13:38,220 --> 00:13:40,780
holding the last bell that was
ever made at the foundry.
277
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,580
But whenever we passed through,
278
00:13:42,580 --> 00:13:44,580
Gemma always got to say
to the passengers...
279
00:13:45,940 --> 00:13:48,940
I guess Albert really
did eat his own words!
280
00:13:49,900 --> 00:13:52,300
It's one of my favourite jokes.
281
00:13:52,340 --> 00:13:54,220
And did the passengers laugh?
282
00:13:54,260 --> 00:13:55,500
Oh, yeah!
283
00:13:58,020 --> 00:14:01,220
Right, well, you heard the man!
We're off to Shelmondbury.
284
00:14:01,260 --> 00:14:02,540
You're coming too.
285
00:14:02,580 --> 00:14:04,660
Ooh, yes! Another victim!
286
00:14:11,700 --> 00:14:15,460
RADIO CHATTER
287
00:14:23,020 --> 00:14:24,820
Time for the sniffer dogs,
is it, Ma'am?
288
00:14:24,860 --> 00:14:26,500
SHE SIGHS
Very funny.
289
00:14:26,500 --> 00:14:30,460
Nice outfit. There's a few of us
get together... Get out!
290
00:14:31,940 --> 00:14:33,580
Right, shall we, er,
291
00:14:33,620 --> 00:14:35,220
examine the body, then?
292
00:14:43,500 --> 00:14:45,500
Now, that is a bloody big bell.
293
00:14:46,860 --> 00:14:49,580
It goes ding, ding, ding.
294
00:14:50,700 --> 00:14:53,100
HAUNTING WHISTLING
295
00:14:57,020 --> 00:14:59,180
Oh, the cheeky little sod!
296
00:14:59,220 --> 00:15:01,020
He's doing The Wheels On The Bus!
297
00:15:02,380 --> 00:15:06,540
The song? "The wheels on the bus
go round and round."
298
00:15:06,580 --> 00:15:07,740
SCREAMING
299
00:15:09,180 --> 00:15:12,340
"The wipers on the bus
go swish, swish, swish."
300
00:15:12,380 --> 00:15:13,980
MANIACAL CACKLE
301
00:15:15,060 --> 00:15:17,980
"The horn on the bus
goes beep, beep, beep."
302
00:15:18,020 --> 00:15:20,060
HORN BLARES
MANIACAL CACKLE
303
00:15:20,060 --> 00:15:22,220
And the doors on the bus, Gemma,
304
00:15:22,260 --> 00:15:23,860
open and close.
305
00:15:25,980 --> 00:15:28,860
And now the bell
on the bus goes...
306
00:15:28,900 --> 00:15:30,500
Ding...
307
00:15:30,500 --> 00:15:31,700
..ding, ding.
308
00:15:35,140 --> 00:15:38,500
He's killing people according to
the verses of the song.
309
00:15:38,500 --> 00:15:40,220
And he's using a coach tour map.
310
00:15:41,420 --> 00:15:43,180
Your boy is a coach driver.
311
00:15:43,180 --> 00:15:45,740
Huh? Is that a lead?
312
00:15:45,740 --> 00:15:48,300
If he's a coach driver...
313
00:15:48,300 --> 00:15:51,500
..we could help you further,
if you like.
314
00:15:51,540 --> 00:15:55,540
We were part of that world for
years. They know us, they trust us.
315
00:15:55,580 --> 00:15:58,180
We could go undercover. Can we?
316
00:15:59,180 --> 00:16:01,580
I mean, look at us!
317
00:16:01,580 --> 00:16:03,620
We've got experience.
318
00:16:03,620 --> 00:16:05,980
That would be great. Oh!
319
00:16:06,020 --> 00:16:08,900
Just knowing that you two
are prepared to take the blame
320
00:16:08,940 --> 00:16:12,340
when this all goes tits-up. Oh...
I mean, I know it's not normal,
321
00:16:12,340 --> 00:16:15,500
but what else can I do?
You two are my last resort. Ha!
322
00:16:18,620 --> 00:16:21,780
Did you hear that, Terry?
We're her last resort.
323
00:16:22,740 --> 00:16:24,500
That means they need us.
324
00:16:24,540 --> 00:16:26,100
Yay.
325
00:16:28,740 --> 00:16:30,980
EPIC ORCHESTRAL CHORDS
326
00:16:44,740 --> 00:16:47,980
Hey, I've found half a sausage roll
in me pocket. Don't eat it.
327
00:16:49,660 --> 00:16:51,500
I wasn't going to.
328
00:16:51,500 --> 00:16:53,860
SIGHING: Right.
329
00:16:53,900 --> 00:16:55,260
Back on a coach.
330
00:16:55,260 --> 00:16:57,380
I know we thought
we'd left the coach life behind,
331
00:16:57,380 --> 00:16:58,780
and it's going to be awful...
332
00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:02,500
..but we can get through it.
333
00:17:02,540 --> 00:17:04,820
SIGHING: You ready?
Yeah.
334
00:17:05,940 --> 00:17:07,460
The smell of diesel,
335
00:17:07,500 --> 00:17:09,540
life on the open road,
336
00:17:09,540 --> 00:17:11,540
shouting at road workers...
337
00:17:11,580 --> 00:17:13,140
Back to the good old days.
338
00:17:14,420 --> 00:17:18,380
The good old days? I thought THESE
were the good old days!
339
00:17:18,420 --> 00:17:21,700
Well, the good new days. Are these
new days not the good new days?
340
00:17:21,740 --> 00:17:23,420
Sorry, I got confused!
341
00:17:26,060 --> 00:17:29,100
When we had money,
and job security. Mm.
342
00:17:29,140 --> 00:17:31,460
Awful times.
343
00:17:31,500 --> 00:17:34,100
We realise
you can't be a coach operator
344
00:17:34,100 --> 00:17:35,780
without a coach, so...
345
00:17:35,780 --> 00:17:38,940
..we rustled something up for you.
I hope it's suitable.
346
00:17:38,980 --> 00:17:42,020
ROCK GUITAR
347
00:17:52,580 --> 00:17:54,900
Marcus, keys. There you go, cowboy.
348
00:17:54,940 --> 00:17:56,700
KEY CLATTERS ON FLOOR
349
00:17:56,740 --> 00:17:58,140
And you'll be happy to know
350
00:17:58,180 --> 00:18:00,820
I'm sending a qualified
police officer to go with you.
351
00:18:03,780 --> 00:18:05,980
No.
352
00:18:05,980 --> 00:18:08,060
NOOO!
353
00:18:11,180 --> 00:18:13,980
Are you enjoying yourself?
CHUCKLING: Yeah!
354
00:18:13,980 --> 00:18:17,540
Makes me think you might
want to go back to it.
355
00:18:17,580 --> 00:18:21,100
Er... No! No... No.
356
00:18:23,700 --> 00:18:25,500
Just so we're clear,
357
00:18:25,540 --> 00:18:28,660
you're not my sister-in-law
any more, or a police officer,
358
00:18:28,700 --> 00:18:30,380
you're my employee.
359
00:18:30,420 --> 00:18:33,100
Gemma, I've done
undercover work before.
360
00:18:33,140 --> 00:18:36,300
It's all about living the character.
361
00:18:36,300 --> 00:18:40,260
Well, if you can find it in yourself
to "live" the character of
362
00:18:40,300 --> 00:18:42,300
my subordinate on a tour bus,
363
00:18:42,300 --> 00:18:45,260
you can make me a coffee.
That's really not how it works.
364
00:18:45,300 --> 00:18:47,780
Subordinate. Coffee.
365
00:18:52,020 --> 00:18:53,780
This is my world, Vicky.
366
00:18:53,820 --> 00:18:56,180
You're a tour guide now,
so it's dry shampoo
367
00:18:56,220 --> 00:18:59,300
till it looks manageable
and wet wipes on your stinky bits.
368
00:19:01,860 --> 00:19:03,940
How are you liking
your new coach, then?
369
00:19:03,980 --> 00:19:05,780
It's having its moments.
370
00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:16,780
Is this your plan,
to just hang around a services?
371
00:19:16,780 --> 00:19:19,620
Are we going to talk an old man into
buying us cigarettes as well?
372
00:19:19,660 --> 00:19:22,700
Oh, Vicky.
For a supposed investigator,
373
00:19:22,740 --> 00:19:24,100
you've got a lot to learn.
374
00:19:24,140 --> 00:19:28,100
There's a place, a secret place,
375
00:19:28,140 --> 00:19:31,500
a place that I thought
we'd sworn never to go back to.
376
00:19:33,660 --> 00:19:35,180
Terry.
377
00:19:35,220 --> 00:19:37,460
You ready? Oh, yeah.
378
00:19:37,500 --> 00:19:39,020
SHE SIGHS
379
00:19:40,500 --> 00:19:42,300
SHE KNOCKS RHYTHMICALLY
380
00:19:43,540 --> 00:19:45,180
Hiya!
381
00:19:47,100 --> 00:19:49,380
LOCKS CLANKING
382
00:19:49,380 --> 00:19:51,140
This...
383
00:19:51,140 --> 00:19:52,820
..is the special place.
384
00:19:52,860 --> 00:19:55,020
LOCKS CLICKING
DOOR OPENS
385
00:19:55,060 --> 00:19:57,900
MUSIC: A Little Less Conversation
by Elvis Presley
386
00:20:03,100 --> 00:20:04,980
This...
387
00:20:05,020 --> 00:20:08,660
..is the tour operators' lounge.
Ever wondered where we go
388
00:20:08,660 --> 00:20:12,140
when you stop for a comfort break?
Right here.
389
00:20:14,860 --> 00:20:19,180
Some would say
it's a sacred temple of the road.
390
00:20:26,300 --> 00:20:28,380
Now, just blend in.
391
00:20:28,380 --> 00:20:32,260
I've formed a very close,
special bond with these people.
392
00:20:37,700 --> 00:20:39,380
Hi!
393
00:20:39,380 --> 00:20:43,340
Oh, look who it is.
Miss High and Mighty Gemma Draper.
394
00:20:43,380 --> 00:20:44,860
Cheeky, filthy madam.
395
00:20:44,900 --> 00:20:46,580
Yeah, she is cheeky.
396
00:20:46,580 --> 00:20:48,100
And filthy.
397
00:20:48,100 --> 00:20:50,860
Close special bond, is it?
398
00:20:50,900 --> 00:20:53,900
Who's this? Oh, this is Vicky.
399
00:20:53,900 --> 00:20:57,340
Our trainee. Ooh, she's got
a trainee now, has she?
400
00:20:57,380 --> 00:20:59,140
She's not expensive.
401
00:20:59,180 --> 00:21:01,980
Failed her exams,
then her boyfriend left her.
402
00:21:02,020 --> 00:21:05,620
She tried to train as a beautician
but, as you can see,
403
00:21:05,660 --> 00:21:08,700
she's not got the face for it.
404
00:21:08,700 --> 00:21:10,700
Yes, I see what you mean.
405
00:21:10,700 --> 00:21:12,980
No pride in her looks.
406
00:21:14,780 --> 00:21:16,860
All right? All right? All right?
407
00:21:16,900 --> 00:21:18,820
Hiya.
408
00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:22,860
So...
409
00:21:22,860 --> 00:21:25,380
..what's the goss in
the tour community, then?
410
00:21:25,380 --> 00:21:27,460
The bottom fell out of
our chemical toilet,
411
00:21:27,500 --> 00:21:30,180
but it's fine. My Tony fixed it.
412
00:21:30,220 --> 00:21:31,940
Just left the hole.
413
00:21:31,940 --> 00:21:35,620
Turns out the old folk like to feel
the breeze on their bits.
414
00:21:35,660 --> 00:21:38,380
Sometimes, you can hear them
whooping like they're on
415
00:21:38,420 --> 00:21:42,740
a roller-coaster. We're doing a new
tour. Botox, Detox and Goldilocks.
416
00:21:42,740 --> 00:21:44,060
a roller-coaster. We're doing a new
tour. Botox, Detox and Goldilocks.
417
00:21:44,100 --> 00:21:45,820
It's like a mobile spa,
418
00:21:45,860 --> 00:21:48,580
but we read you a story at the end.
This is ridiculous.
419
00:21:48,620 --> 00:21:50,660
Yeah, they're all the rage,
the rhyming titles.
420
00:21:50,700 --> 00:21:54,020
I'm doing Mums, Bums and Tums.
"Exercise while we drive.
421
00:21:54,060 --> 00:21:57,180
"Work your pelvic floors
as we cross the moors."
422
00:21:57,180 --> 00:21:59,700
We tried doing a
"Gammon, Salmon and Famine" tour,
423
00:21:59,740 --> 00:22:02,220
but by the time they'd had
the gammon and the salmon,
424
00:22:02,260 --> 00:22:04,180
people said
the Famine Museum was in poor taste.
425
00:22:04,220 --> 00:22:05,900
The big news is...
426
00:22:05,900 --> 00:22:08,260
..the roadworks on the A346.
427
00:22:08,300 --> 00:22:10,860
Ooh, yeah! They reckon
they've done them properly,
428
00:22:10,900 --> 00:22:13,700
but there's no way you can get
a coach through them. Aye.
429
00:22:13,700 --> 00:22:16,500
Roadworks, eh? Bloody hell!
430
00:22:16,500 --> 00:22:19,220
Stop the press. Doesn't affect me.
431
00:22:19,220 --> 00:22:21,220
I've hated that road
since it opened.
432
00:22:21,220 --> 00:22:22,860
I prefer the old-fashioned routes.
433
00:22:27,580 --> 00:22:30,260
So, there weren't nothing more
about murder.
434
00:22:30,300 --> 00:22:32,820
The only thing they've killed
is the art of conversation.
435
00:22:34,100 --> 00:22:35,900
You're both utterly useless.
436
00:22:35,900 --> 00:22:38,100
Right, I'm taking charge.
You can't.
437
00:22:38,100 --> 00:22:40,180
I'm going into character.
438
00:22:40,180 --> 00:22:41,900
Watch and learn.
439
00:22:41,940 --> 00:22:44,420
Vicky, wait! Let her go, Terry.
440
00:22:44,460 --> 00:22:46,620
Let her go.
This is going to be brilliant.
441
00:22:48,300 --> 00:22:50,140
VACUOUSLY: O M to the G!
442
00:22:50,180 --> 00:22:52,940
I don't know about you girls,
but I'm all coached out.
443
00:22:52,980 --> 00:22:55,020
Ooh, I'll tell you
what goss I've heard.
444
00:22:55,020 --> 00:22:58,260
Apparently, there's been people
killing people.
445
00:22:58,260 --> 00:23:00,700
Isn't that mad?
Isn't that just mad?!
446
00:23:00,700 --> 00:23:03,020
And I think someone should do
something about it,
447
00:23:03,060 --> 00:23:06,460
for the good of everyone else. But
that's just me, that's what I think.
448
00:23:06,500 --> 00:23:09,740
Sometimes, you just have to
accuse people of doing something
449
00:23:09,740 --> 00:23:11,900
for the common good,
do you know what I mean? No.
450
00:23:11,940 --> 00:23:13,060
Yeah, you do.
451
00:23:13,060 --> 00:23:16,020
Having a private meeting, are we?
452
00:23:16,020 --> 00:23:18,220
Those lot might have
their little bits of gossip,
453
00:23:18,220 --> 00:23:20,180
but the real news is the murders.
454
00:23:20,220 --> 00:23:21,900
Oh, terrible, aren't they?
455
00:23:21,940 --> 00:23:23,940
Everyone's talking about them.
456
00:23:23,980 --> 00:23:25,580
Oh? Who's talking that talk?
457
00:23:25,620 --> 00:23:29,860
Would you have a list, maybe
a detailed description? Oh, yes.
458
00:23:29,900 --> 00:23:31,900
One suspect, devilishly handsome,
459
00:23:31,940 --> 00:23:34,500
charm oozing from every pore.
460
00:23:35,740 --> 00:23:38,820
It's me. I'm the murderer.
461
00:23:40,140 --> 00:23:43,180
"I'm the one responsible
for the five deaths, Clarice."
462
00:23:43,220 --> 00:23:44,860
HE CHATTERS
463
00:23:44,900 --> 00:23:48,700
Give over, Willy! You're the sanest
coach driver we know.
464
00:23:48,740 --> 00:23:51,180
If you're the murderer,
we're all in trouble. I just hope
465
00:23:51,220 --> 00:23:54,180
they catch him quickly.
I'm supposed to be driving tomorrow,
466
00:23:54,180 --> 00:23:56,340
and...I don't really
want to be on the road
467
00:23:56,340 --> 00:23:59,460
with a murderer knocking about.
Those mums, bums and tums
468
00:23:59,460 --> 00:24:01,500
will be clenching extra tight, eh?
469
00:24:01,500 --> 00:24:03,060
Hmm!
470
00:24:04,660 --> 00:24:07,780
Ooh, a song!
Let's sing a song, yeah?
471
00:24:07,820 --> 00:24:10,020
I think this one's got
too many miles on her, Gemma.
472
00:24:10,020 --> 00:24:12,300
And see how it makes us feel
473
00:24:12,300 --> 00:24:15,300
and what actions it might make us
feel like taking. I'll start.
474
00:24:15,300 --> 00:24:18,900
# The wheels on the bus
go round and round
475
00:24:18,940 --> 00:24:23,020
# Round and round
Round and round
476
00:24:23,020 --> 00:24:26,620
# The wheels on the bus
go round and round
477
00:24:26,660 --> 00:24:28,220
# All... #
Right, we've got to go.
478
00:24:28,260 --> 00:24:30,620
It's lovely to see you all.
Catch up soon, yeah?
479
00:24:30,660 --> 00:24:33,460
Anybody feeling anything yet?
Anything murderous, yeah?
480
00:24:33,500 --> 00:24:37,420
# All day long...
481
00:24:37,460 --> 00:24:39,580
# The wheels on the bus
go round and round! #
482
00:24:39,620 --> 00:24:41,820
What the hell was that?!
I was singing the song
483
00:24:41,820 --> 00:24:45,300
to see if anyone reacted to it.
Everyone reacted to it, Vicky.
484
00:24:45,300 --> 00:24:49,420
Well, somebody had to do something.
We haven't found out anything!
485
00:24:49,460 --> 00:24:53,500
Well, yes, we have, Vicky.
The A346 is unpassable by coach.
486
00:24:53,500 --> 00:24:56,100
That means you can't get to
the Twydle Tweed tea shop
487
00:24:56,140 --> 00:24:59,140
or the Todmorden Bun Museum.
So that's four more tours
488
00:24:59,180 --> 00:25:01,940
we can cross off our list of
possibles. Five tours,
489
00:25:01,940 --> 00:25:05,660
actually, Terry. You also can't
get to the old Sandgate Asylum.
490
00:25:05,700 --> 00:25:07,420
Although after that little stunt,
491
00:25:07,420 --> 00:25:10,260
we might want to think about
dropping Vicky off there. Hmm?
492
00:25:14,300 --> 00:25:15,700
Tss!
493
00:25:18,220 --> 00:25:20,660
RADIO: Morning, campers,
it's a new dawn and a new day!
494
00:25:20,660 --> 00:25:23,020
Don't forget, we've got murders
all across the Dales,
495
00:25:23,060 --> 00:25:24,540
so you be careful out there!
496
00:25:24,580 --> 00:25:26,460
When I see Vicky today,
she is getting it.
497
00:25:27,620 --> 00:25:28,980
This is my collar!
498
00:25:28,980 --> 00:25:30,620
We don't need some rookie coming in
499
00:25:30,620 --> 00:25:32,460
and screwing this operation up
for us.
500
00:25:32,500 --> 00:25:34,860
When I say jump,
she should say, "How...
501
00:25:36,140 --> 00:25:37,460
"..can I jump?"
502
00:25:37,460 --> 00:25:39,220
Is... Is that how it goes?
503
00:25:39,260 --> 00:25:41,380
Glad to see power's
not gone to your head!
504
00:25:41,380 --> 00:25:43,580
PHONE RINGS
505
00:25:45,300 --> 00:25:46,500
Unknown number.
506
00:25:47,860 --> 00:25:49,540
SCOTTISH ACCENT: Well, well, well.
507
00:25:49,580 --> 00:25:51,500
Word on the coach tour circuit is
508
00:25:51,500 --> 00:25:55,380
that you certainly seemed to have
fun at the old Members' Lounge.
509
00:25:55,420 --> 00:25:56,940
Eh, Terry?
510
00:25:58,940 --> 00:26:00,660
WHISPERS: It's him!
What?
511
00:26:00,660 --> 00:26:03,500
He knows me name! Put it on speaker.
512
00:26:03,500 --> 00:26:06,620
I thought I'd give you
a fighting chance with this one.
513
00:26:06,660 --> 00:26:09,460
The victim's still alive, for now.
514
00:26:11,860 --> 00:26:13,260
SOBBING: Please help!
515
00:26:13,260 --> 00:26:16,900
Now, now, remember your part.
516
00:26:16,900 --> 00:26:18,860
Like we practised.
517
00:26:18,900 --> 00:26:22,300
# The babies on the bus go...
518
00:26:22,300 --> 00:26:26,220
Wah... Wah! Wa-aah!
519
00:26:28,060 --> 00:26:30,300
NORMAL ACCENT: Good boy.
'Ere, have a rusk.
520
00:26:30,340 --> 00:26:31,740
Thank you.
521
00:26:31,780 --> 00:26:33,700
You say you're giving us
a fighting chance.
522
00:26:33,700 --> 00:26:36,460
At least tell us where he is.
Oh, Terry...
523
00:26:36,460 --> 00:26:41,140
Talking to you,
sometimes, is absolute agony.
524
00:26:41,180 --> 00:26:41,300
Talking to you,
sometimes, is absolute agony.
525
00:26:41,300 --> 00:26:43,380
But I'll tell you this.
526
00:26:43,420 --> 00:26:48,340
Whoever finds him
is going to be more miserable...
527
00:26:48,340 --> 00:26:50,460
than they've ever been before.
528
00:26:50,500 --> 00:26:53,660
LINE BLEEPS DEAD
529
00:26:53,700 --> 00:26:55,260
Right.
530
00:26:55,260 --> 00:26:56,740
Let's think about what he said.
531
00:26:56,740 --> 00:26:58,460
Talking to me were agony.
532
00:26:58,460 --> 00:27:00,780
Yeah... "Agony."
533
00:27:02,460 --> 00:27:03,820
Get me the map.
534
00:27:12,100 --> 00:27:13,620
Gemma...
535
00:27:13,660 --> 00:27:15,180
I just wanted to look at it.
536
00:27:17,660 --> 00:27:21,340
Right. The last body was found
at Shelmondbury. Mm-hm.
537
00:27:21,340 --> 00:27:24,980
We know the A346
isn't passable by coach.
538
00:27:24,980 --> 00:27:28,740
So he's either going to
Kirkby Stephen,
539
00:27:28,780 --> 00:27:31,100
Millthrop or Garsdale.
540
00:27:31,140 --> 00:27:33,140
Well, they're all tour stops.
541
00:27:34,500 --> 00:27:35,980
And he said,
542
00:27:36,020 --> 00:27:38,580
"Whoever finds the victim
is going to be more miserable
543
00:27:38,620 --> 00:27:40,540
"than they've ever been before."
544
00:27:42,500 --> 00:27:44,220
Oh, my God. What?
545
00:27:44,220 --> 00:27:45,940
I just figured it out.
546
00:27:45,940 --> 00:27:50,100
Terry, I've actually stepped inside
the mind of the killer.
547
00:27:50,140 --> 00:27:51,780
Well, quickly, Gemma, step back out
548
00:27:51,820 --> 00:27:55,020
and tell me what you're thinking!
Margaret the Misery.
549
00:27:55,060 --> 00:27:57,180
DRAMATIC BELLOWING
550
00:27:57,220 --> 00:28:00,380
The most feared museum manager
in all the Dales.
551
00:28:00,420 --> 00:28:01,620
Yep.
552
00:28:03,180 --> 00:28:06,700
Fairfield Mill Torture Museum.
Right. Quick, call Henrietta,
553
00:28:06,700 --> 00:28:08,500
they can get there quicker than us.
554
00:28:08,540 --> 00:28:10,020
Well, come on!
555
00:28:11,420 --> 00:28:13,340
SIREN BLARES
556
00:28:19,620 --> 00:28:22,100
Of course. "The babies on the bus."
557
00:28:22,140 --> 00:28:23,380
Please...
558
00:28:23,420 --> 00:28:26,940
..can you make sure you tell my wife
HE dressed me like this?
559
00:28:28,540 --> 00:28:31,660
Fair enough. We should untie him.
No!
560
00:28:31,660 --> 00:28:33,300
Sorry to be rude,
561
00:28:33,340 --> 00:28:36,460
it's just...he's got me
stretched out here,
562
00:28:36,500 --> 00:28:39,780
but if you release the tension,
that axe up there...
563
00:28:41,580 --> 00:28:43,820
..it'll drop and cut me in two.
Don't panic,
564
00:28:43,860 --> 00:28:46,460
we are trained professionals.
Please just try to be calm,
565
00:28:46,460 --> 00:28:47,980
we'll pop you off in a jiffy.
566
00:28:48,020 --> 00:28:50,980
I'm just going to tighten
this rope slightly.
567
00:28:51,020 --> 00:28:52,260
HE SCREAMS
568
00:29:07,820 --> 00:29:10,620
That's the second person
I've cut in half this year.
569
00:29:13,420 --> 00:29:15,380
Oh, I'm afraid we got here too late.
570
00:29:15,420 --> 00:29:17,020
The trap went off.
571
00:29:17,060 --> 00:29:19,900
And you just found him cut in half?
572
00:29:19,900 --> 00:29:22,420
We did find him, yes,
we definitely found him.
573
00:29:22,460 --> 00:29:25,340
There was nothing we could do
to help. She's right,
574
00:29:25,380 --> 00:29:27,660
we did nothing to help.
Oh... I mean,
575
00:29:27,660 --> 00:29:30,140
it's all part of the job, but...
576
00:29:30,140 --> 00:29:33,020
..it never gets any easier.
Don't touch me...
577
00:29:33,060 --> 00:29:35,340
So, er, where next, Terry?
578
00:29:35,340 --> 00:29:38,660
I mean, we must be right behind him
by now, surely? Yes?
579
00:29:38,660 --> 00:29:40,820
From Fairfield Mill...
580
00:29:40,820 --> 00:29:42,940
Where to go? Where to go?
581
00:29:42,980 --> 00:29:46,340
Well, these days,
there's only one place you can go.
582
00:29:46,380 --> 00:29:48,740
Terry's most hated place.
583
00:29:48,740 --> 00:29:50,660
Oh, God, Gemma, no.
584
00:29:50,700 --> 00:29:52,980
White Scar Caves.
585
00:29:54,100 --> 00:29:56,180
Imagine darkness.
586
00:29:56,180 --> 00:29:58,780
The darkest darkness.
587
00:30:00,180 --> 00:30:02,940
Well, it's like that,
with a gift shop.
588
00:30:02,940 --> 00:30:05,100
Terry won't go in,
he's afraid of the dark.
589
00:30:07,620 --> 00:30:10,340
Right, let's get a team to
White Scar Caves.
590
00:30:10,380 --> 00:30:12,780
Terry's not coming. He's a coward.
591
00:30:12,780 --> 00:30:15,460
Just so you know,
I'm not afraid of the dark.
592
00:30:17,100 --> 00:30:20,140
I'm afraid of the tour guide there.
She...
593
00:30:22,020 --> 00:30:23,660
..caresses me in the gloom.
594
00:30:27,220 --> 00:30:29,780
JAUNTILY WHISTLING
THE WHEELS ON THE BUS
595
00:30:34,980 --> 00:30:37,460
There's got to be more!
A connection.
596
00:30:37,500 --> 00:30:41,300
What's the next verse in that song?
After the babies on the bus?
597
00:30:41,340 --> 00:30:44,180
Erm, it's...
SHE MUMBLES SONG
598
00:30:44,220 --> 00:30:45,540
The mummies on the bus.
599
00:30:47,500 --> 00:30:48,740
Do you mean the mums?
600
00:30:48,780 --> 00:30:50,740
MUFFLED SCREAMS
601
00:30:50,780 --> 00:30:52,540
WHISTLING SLOWER
602
00:30:52,540 --> 00:30:53,980
Oh, God!
603
00:30:54,020 --> 00:30:55,740
With their bums. And tums.
604
00:30:55,740 --> 00:30:57,580
Sorry, you've lost me.
605
00:30:57,620 --> 00:30:59,780
Willy's the one we're after.
606
00:30:59,780 --> 00:31:02,620
He's got a coachload of mums,
just like in the song.
607
00:31:02,620 --> 00:31:04,900
AND he actually told us
he was the murderer.
608
00:31:04,940 --> 00:31:07,300
Yeah! Pardon? Nothing!
609
00:31:07,340 --> 00:31:09,860
Let's get moving. Let's go!
610
00:31:09,900 --> 00:31:12,140
We'll follow you in the coach.
611
00:31:12,180 --> 00:31:14,340
Are you sure? It's much slower.
612
00:31:14,340 --> 00:31:16,140
I know, but...
I really like driving it.
613
00:31:17,860 --> 00:31:19,860
What? Terry!
614
00:31:19,860 --> 00:31:21,380
Focus.
615
00:31:21,420 --> 00:31:23,860
We're hunting a killer,
it'll take ages.
616
00:31:23,860 --> 00:31:26,740
Oh, Gemma, please.
Please, please, please?
617
00:31:28,220 --> 00:31:31,140
Fine. Your call.
Right, we'll see you at the caves.
618
00:31:31,180 --> 00:31:34,020
And can we just get this bugger
caught? Because this whole thing is
619
00:31:34,060 --> 00:31:36,260
really starting to do my tits in.
SIREN WAILS
620
00:31:38,740 --> 00:31:40,100
TYRES SQUEAL
621
00:31:42,860 --> 00:31:44,460
We did it, Terry.
622
00:31:44,460 --> 00:31:47,700
A whole police department couldn't
solve this case and we did it.
623
00:31:47,700 --> 00:31:51,460
Remind me to say those exact
same words to Vicky when I see her.
624
00:31:51,460 --> 00:31:53,540
The big news is...
625
00:31:53,540 --> 00:31:55,780
..the roadworks on the A346.
626
00:31:55,820 --> 00:31:58,180
I've hated that road
since it opened.
627
00:31:58,220 --> 00:32:02,420
Bugger. You all right? Gem...
628
00:32:03,620 --> 00:32:06,540
..we may have made
the tiniest of minor errors.
629
00:32:06,580 --> 00:32:07,780
What?
630
00:32:07,820 --> 00:32:10,580
Have you taken a wrong turn
in your super-sweet space coach?
631
00:32:10,620 --> 00:32:12,260
Ha-ha! Yeah.
632
00:32:12,300 --> 00:32:13,860
No, but also...
633
00:32:13,900 --> 00:32:17,340
..there is a chance we might have
sent the police to the wrong place.
634
00:32:17,380 --> 00:32:20,820
Where the murderer...isn't.
635
00:32:20,860 --> 00:32:22,300
We've done what?
636
00:32:22,340 --> 00:32:25,220
It's something
Willy said the other day.
637
00:32:25,260 --> 00:32:27,020
I prefer the old-fashioned routes.
638
00:32:28,540 --> 00:32:30,660
The Caves are on the A19,
639
00:32:30,700 --> 00:32:33,020
and Willy wouldn't use
that road either.
640
00:32:33,020 --> 00:32:35,540
And the old-fashioned route
doesn't go to the Caves.
641
00:32:35,540 --> 00:32:37,140
Where does it go?
642
00:32:39,460 --> 00:32:41,020
Dead Man's Drop.
643
00:32:42,460 --> 00:32:45,860
MUSIC: Sancta Mater by Karl Jenkins
& Royal Liverpool Philharmonic
644
00:33:06,260 --> 00:33:07,820
WRY, BREATHY CHUCKLE
645
00:33:11,980 --> 00:33:13,700
SIREN WAILS
646
00:33:19,580 --> 00:33:21,500
Well, he's not here.
647
00:33:21,500 --> 00:33:23,020
What?!
648
00:33:23,020 --> 00:33:25,100
Oh, we've dropped
a right bollock here.
649
00:33:25,100 --> 00:33:27,540
How are we going to tell Henrietta?
Well, I'm going to do
650
00:33:27,540 --> 00:33:29,980
what I've done every other time
we've dropped a bollock.
651
00:33:30,020 --> 00:33:32,820
Blag it.
PHONE RINGS
652
00:33:32,820 --> 00:33:34,100
Yes?
653
00:33:34,140 --> 00:33:35,540
SHE SQUEAKS: Henrietta!
654
00:33:35,540 --> 00:33:37,220
Hi, babes.
655
00:33:37,220 --> 00:33:39,620
Yeah, TINY change of plan.
656
00:33:39,620 --> 00:33:42,420
So, Terry's had
a bit of a brainwave.
657
00:33:42,420 --> 00:33:44,860
So, Watkins is a traditionalist.
658
00:33:44,900 --> 00:33:47,380
He doesn't like new roads.
659
00:33:47,420 --> 00:33:49,780
So Terry's cleverly deduced
660
00:33:49,780 --> 00:33:53,060
that he's at Dead Man's Drop!
Dead... Dead Man's Drop?
661
00:33:53,060 --> 00:33:55,900
That's miles away from here. You're
closer than we are. I know...
662
00:33:55,900 --> 00:33:58,860
Don't touch me... I know. We're
turning round now. Right, OK.
663
00:33:58,900 --> 00:34:01,220
Look, I'm supposed to say
if you find him,
664
00:34:01,260 --> 00:34:03,380
don't put yourself in harm's way
but, you know,
665
00:34:03,380 --> 00:34:06,860
maybe weigh things up. Have a pop.
God loves a trier. ..Go.
666
00:34:07,940 --> 00:34:09,300
SIREN WAILS
667
00:34:11,980 --> 00:34:13,740
All right, bye, then!
668
00:34:14,940 --> 00:34:17,620
EPIC SYMPHONY CONTINUES
669
00:34:21,140 --> 00:34:23,140
FEEDBACK WHINE
Well, I hope you've enjoyed
670
00:34:23,180 --> 00:34:25,060
your day out with
Willy's Wonder Tours.
671
00:34:25,100 --> 00:34:26,860
And as an additional treat,
672
00:34:26,860 --> 00:34:29,500
in a moment, you are going to
roll off this cliff
673
00:34:29,540 --> 00:34:31,660
and plummet to your death.
SCREAMING
674
00:34:31,660 --> 00:34:34,460
So, if you've got any feedback
and want to fill in a comment card,
675
00:34:34,500 --> 00:34:36,860
please do it quickly.
676
00:34:36,900 --> 00:34:39,500
No need to mention this
on TripAdvisor.
677
00:34:49,180 --> 00:34:53,380
And so, the final piece
fits exactly into place,
678
00:34:53,380 --> 00:34:53,460
And so, the final piece
fits exactly into place,
679
00:34:53,500 --> 00:34:55,380
for what is a spectacle...
680
00:34:55,420 --> 00:34:57,140
..without an audience?
681
00:34:58,300 --> 00:35:00,420
SCREAMING INTENSIFIES
682
00:35:10,580 --> 00:35:12,660
You might want to stop right there.
683
00:35:12,700 --> 00:35:14,540
See, this wire
684
00:35:14,580 --> 00:35:16,980
is attached to the brakes.
685
00:35:17,020 --> 00:35:19,300
One tug and all the mummies
on the bus
686
00:35:19,300 --> 00:35:20,700
most certainly will be...
687
00:35:20,740 --> 00:35:22,780
..shush-shush-shushed.
688
00:35:22,820 --> 00:35:24,740
Permanently.
689
00:35:24,740 --> 00:35:27,460
Willy, please stop!
These are innocent people,
690
00:35:27,500 --> 00:35:29,420
they don't deserve to die.
691
00:35:29,460 --> 00:35:34,380
Oh, trust you just to see things
at face value. It's not the bodies,
692
00:35:34,380 --> 00:35:35,140
Oh, trust you just to see things
at face value. It's not the bodies,
693
00:35:35,180 --> 00:35:37,260
it's what they represent.
694
00:35:37,300 --> 00:35:39,620
What, the lyrics
to Wheels On The Bus?
695
00:35:39,660 --> 00:35:41,260
It's just a nursery rhyme.
696
00:35:41,260 --> 00:35:43,300
To you, maybe,
697
00:35:43,340 --> 00:35:45,100
but not to people like me and Terry.
698
00:35:45,140 --> 00:35:49,500
Hearing it day in, day out
for over 30 years.
699
00:35:49,540 --> 00:35:51,500
I used to be
a normal coach driver, me,
700
00:35:51,540 --> 00:35:55,900
just like all the others. High
cholesterol and a broken marriage.
701
00:35:55,900 --> 00:35:56,020
just like all the others. High
cholesterol and a broken marriage.
702
00:35:56,060 --> 00:35:58,020
But the endless sing-songs,
703
00:35:58,060 --> 00:36:00,020
over and over!
704
00:36:00,060 --> 00:36:02,300
They drill inside your mind!
705
00:36:02,340 --> 00:36:05,820
They make you stray from
the dual carriageway of decency
706
00:36:05,860 --> 00:36:07,660
and take the diversion to...
707
00:36:07,700 --> 00:36:10,380
..bloody madness!
HE SOBS
708
00:36:10,420 --> 00:36:13,180
WAILS: I've been pretending to be
a Scotsman!
709
00:36:13,220 --> 00:36:14,820
He's right.
710
00:36:14,820 --> 00:36:16,180
It gets in your soul, Gem.
711
00:36:17,300 --> 00:36:19,940
You're trying to stop them
singing that song, aren't you?
712
00:36:22,060 --> 00:36:25,980
Jackpot. Mothers will tell their
children that it's bad luck,
713
00:36:26,020 --> 00:36:28,060
because if people sing the song,
714
00:36:28,060 --> 00:36:29,620
people die.
715
00:36:29,620 --> 00:36:33,820
And I will be a hero
to all the coach drivers.
716
00:36:33,860 --> 00:36:35,500
And I will be a hero
to all the coach drivers.
717
00:36:35,540 --> 00:36:38,700
There'll be a statue of me
on every forecourt,
718
00:36:38,740 --> 00:36:42,140
in every service station
up and down the land.
719
00:36:43,980 --> 00:36:46,180
That song plays in my head
every night
720
00:36:46,180 --> 00:36:48,540
when I'm trying to get to sleep.
721
00:36:48,580 --> 00:36:50,500
One tug of this wire...
722
00:36:51,940 --> 00:36:53,780
..the brakes come off,
723
00:36:53,780 --> 00:36:55,460
and you will be free of it.
724
00:36:56,580 --> 00:36:57,940
It sounds amazing.
725
00:36:57,980 --> 00:37:00,860
Wha...? Are you agreeing with him?!
726
00:37:00,900 --> 00:37:02,820
We should be stopping people
like him!
727
00:37:03,940 --> 00:37:05,740
I'm afraid Terry's with me.
728
00:37:08,260 --> 00:37:10,340
Bye, girls!
729
00:37:13,260 --> 00:37:15,180
TERRIFIED SHRIEKING
730
00:37:22,980 --> 00:37:24,940
I'll keep that song
in me head, thanks.
731
00:37:24,980 --> 00:37:27,140
You're not killing all those people!
732
00:37:27,180 --> 00:37:28,860
Terry, no!
733
00:37:30,900 --> 00:37:32,780
Yes, Terry!
734
00:37:32,780 --> 00:37:34,020
Join them!
735
00:37:34,060 --> 00:37:35,660
Join them!
736
00:37:35,700 --> 00:37:38,180
Don't! You'll go over with 'em!
737
00:37:41,500 --> 00:37:43,540
SCREAMING
THUNKING
738
00:37:45,900 --> 00:37:47,220
BRAKES SQUEAL
739
00:37:49,020 --> 00:37:51,140
NO!
740
00:37:51,140 --> 00:37:52,380
YES!
741
00:37:52,420 --> 00:37:54,060
YES!
742
00:37:54,060 --> 00:37:56,340
Ah-ha-ha-ha!
743
00:37:56,380 --> 00:37:59,380
Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...!
744
00:37:59,380 --> 00:38:02,180
REVERSING BEEP
745
00:38:12,180 --> 00:38:13,460
HORN BEEPS
746
00:38:13,500 --> 00:38:15,140
Terry!
747
00:38:15,180 --> 00:38:16,820
Yes!
748
00:38:20,100 --> 00:38:22,620
SIREN APPROACHES
749
00:38:26,140 --> 00:38:29,740
Right, let's go. Are you quite mad?
750
00:38:29,780 --> 00:38:32,140
He's a murderer.
751
00:38:32,180 --> 00:38:34,300
No, no, I shall stay here,
thank you.
752
00:38:34,340 --> 00:38:36,860
Make sure you lock that door
when you shut it behind you.
753
00:38:38,340 --> 00:38:40,500
You cut him off,
I'm going to kick his head in.
754
00:38:41,900 --> 00:38:43,580
God, I love this job!
755
00:38:50,220 --> 00:38:51,460
THUD
756
00:38:51,500 --> 00:38:53,100
Oh, someone's...
757
00:38:53,140 --> 00:38:56,620
..been...a naughty...boy!
758
00:38:56,660 --> 00:39:00,180
I'm not resisting arrest.
I didn't hear!
759
00:39:00,220 --> 00:39:02,620
Hello... Is that the Gazette?
760
00:39:02,660 --> 00:39:05,260
Yes, it's Chief Inspector
Henrietta Shepherd calling.
761
00:39:05,300 --> 00:39:07,380
We've caught the killer.
762
00:39:07,420 --> 00:39:09,100
Yes, I'm arresting him right now.
763
00:39:09,140 --> 00:39:11,900
And I must say,
I'm being very brave!
764
00:39:11,940 --> 00:39:13,940
Willy Watkins, you're nicked, son.
765
00:39:13,980 --> 00:39:15,620
Oh, that's the best bit.
766
00:39:15,620 --> 00:39:17,220
I love it when she does that bit.
767
00:39:20,220 --> 00:39:22,820
MUFFLED PROTESTS
768
00:39:22,860 --> 00:39:25,620
KNOCKING
HYDRAULICS HISS
769
00:39:27,060 --> 00:39:29,140
BOTH: Oh!
770
00:39:29,140 --> 00:39:30,740
HE CHUCKLES
771
00:39:34,100 --> 00:39:35,380
He's my fiance.
772
00:39:35,420 --> 00:39:37,140
THEY CHUCKLE BREATHLESSLY
773
00:39:37,180 --> 00:39:39,660
Oh, you're so brave!
Oh. I can't believe it.
774
00:39:41,060 --> 00:39:42,300
I can't believe...
775
00:39:42,340 --> 00:39:44,180
Oh, yes, yes, sorry, I need to...
776
00:39:44,220 --> 00:39:46,380
..to get you untied, yeah.
777
00:39:46,420 --> 00:39:48,580
That's much more important. Ooh!
778
00:39:56,380 --> 00:39:58,660
The funny thing is...
779
00:39:58,660 --> 00:40:00,460
..you lot think it's all over.
780
00:40:01,940 --> 00:40:03,900
Oh, it is over for you, my friend.
781
00:40:03,940 --> 00:40:06,540
We are going to lock you up
and throw away the key!
782
00:40:08,100 --> 00:40:10,980
Well, I mean, we're not gonna throw
away the key. The keys are really
783
00:40:11,020 --> 00:40:14,140
expensive, did you know that? But
what I'm saying is, we're not going
784
00:40:14,180 --> 00:40:17,140
to need the keys for a very
long time, because you will be
785
00:40:17,180 --> 00:40:19,540
locked in the cell. Yeah.
786
00:40:19,580 --> 00:40:22,340
Be as smug as you like, copper.
787
00:40:22,380 --> 00:40:24,300
There's a lot more bodies to find...
788
00:40:25,420 --> 00:40:27,980
..and a lot more songs to be sung.
789
00:40:30,180 --> 00:40:33,540
IN SCOTTISH ACCENT:
If you go down to the woods today,
790
00:40:33,580 --> 00:40:36,220
you're in for a big surprise...
791
00:40:36,220 --> 00:40:38,340
What are you on about now?
792
00:40:39,580 --> 00:40:41,380
IN OWN ACCENT:
I've killed more people.
793
00:40:41,420 --> 00:40:43,660
They're in the woods.
Did you do any training?
794
00:40:50,020 --> 00:40:52,980
You know, when I thought
you'd gone off that cliff before,
795
00:40:53,020 --> 00:40:54,700
I was proper gutted.
796
00:40:54,700 --> 00:40:56,740
Gutted? Mm-hm.
797
00:40:56,740 --> 00:40:58,940
Just gutted?
798
00:40:58,940 --> 00:41:00,700
Not heart-broken,
or devastated,
799
00:41:00,740 --> 00:41:02,460
to the point where
you thought you'd
800
00:41:02,500 --> 00:41:04,620
never find love again?
Oh, I'd find love again,
801
00:41:04,620 --> 00:41:05,980
I wasn't worried about that.
802
00:41:06,020 --> 00:41:09,420
Probably with
a younger, athletic man,
803
00:41:09,460 --> 00:41:11,340
who ravishes me every day.
804
00:41:11,380 --> 00:41:13,820
What, full-on ravish,
or just a...
805
00:41:13,820 --> 00:41:16,180
..quickie, where we leave
most of our PJs on?
806
00:41:16,220 --> 00:41:18,060
Oh, fully ravished.
807
00:41:18,060 --> 00:41:19,380
Poor bugger.
808
00:41:19,420 --> 00:41:20,660
SHE GIGGLES
809
00:41:23,420 --> 00:41:26,700
Do you know, when I looked at you,
810
00:41:26,700 --> 00:41:30,420
you seemed to be loving driving
the coach today.
811
00:41:30,420 --> 00:41:32,780
Are you sure you don't
want to go back to it?
812
00:41:32,780 --> 00:41:35,100
I never want to get on
a coach again.
813
00:41:35,140 --> 00:41:37,580
There's something about
almost plummeting off of a cliff
814
00:41:37,620 --> 00:41:40,140
that really puts you off. Just...
815
00:41:40,180 --> 00:41:42,660
..sometimes, I think
you're only going along with
816
00:41:42,660 --> 00:41:44,940
all this detective agency thing
to make me happy.
817
00:41:44,940 --> 00:41:46,700
At first, yeah.
818
00:41:48,380 --> 00:41:51,460
Now, as long as
all of our cases are based on
819
00:41:51,460 --> 00:41:53,260
routes of old coach trips,
820
00:41:53,300 --> 00:41:55,380
we could make a fortune.
821
00:41:55,380 --> 00:41:56,780
Yeah.
822
00:42:00,180 --> 00:42:02,140
Oh, God! Do you mind?!
823
00:42:02,180 --> 00:42:03,620
We're in bed! Well...
824
00:42:03,660 --> 00:42:06,540
..sofa bed, but it still
says bed in the title.
825
00:42:06,580 --> 00:42:08,780
The Chief Inspector's
told me to tell you
826
00:42:08,820 --> 00:42:11,980
that she really can't thank
the both of you enough.
827
00:42:12,020 --> 00:42:15,660
And on a personal note, I suppose
I have to say thanks as well.
828
00:42:15,700 --> 00:42:19,220
Aw... Nearly made you sick,
saying that, didn't it?
829
00:42:19,260 --> 00:42:20,820
Yes... Yes, it did.
830
00:42:20,860 --> 00:42:22,100
SHE CHUCKLES
831
00:42:22,100 --> 00:42:25,380
The Chief Inspector also added
that with a bit of training,
832
00:42:25,380 --> 00:42:28,580
there could be a place on the force
for a pair like you.
833
00:42:28,580 --> 00:42:31,260
And on a further personal note,
I disagree with that.
834
00:42:31,300 --> 00:42:33,020
Well...
835
00:42:33,060 --> 00:42:34,580
..tell her thank you.
836
00:42:34,620 --> 00:42:36,380
That's very kind, but...
837
00:42:36,420 --> 00:42:38,180
..you know, we like to...
838
00:42:38,220 --> 00:42:40,060
..to tread our own path.
839
00:42:41,260 --> 00:42:43,620
Sure, it's a tricky path,
840
00:42:43,660 --> 00:42:45,620
fraught with danger,
841
00:42:45,660 --> 00:42:49,100
but there's a whole world
out there that needs our help.
842
00:42:51,180 --> 00:42:53,100
And we're going to give them
that help.
843
00:42:53,140 --> 00:42:55,060
Not by sticking to the rule book,
oh, no,
844
00:42:55,060 --> 00:42:57,900
but by playing hard and fast.
Two mavericks, fighting the fight,
845
00:42:57,900 --> 00:43:00,060
on behalf of the little people!
846
00:43:00,100 --> 00:43:01,220
What, the gnomes?
847
00:43:02,380 --> 00:43:03,980
Are we going back to the gnomes?!
848
00:43:04,020 --> 00:43:05,580
But don't worry,
849
00:43:05,580 --> 00:43:07,780
if you ever need us -
in fact, let's just say
850
00:43:07,780 --> 00:43:09,540
next time you need us -
851
00:43:09,540 --> 00:43:12,580
just give us a call
and we'll be there.
852
00:43:13,740 --> 00:43:15,740
Except on Tuesday nights.
853
00:43:15,780 --> 00:43:17,580
That's when Gemma's got Zumba.
854
00:43:17,620 --> 00:43:19,780
Terry!
855
00:43:19,820 --> 00:43:21,300
Did I ruin it?
856
00:43:23,380 --> 00:43:25,060
I ruined it, didn't I?
857
00:43:25,060 --> 00:43:26,260
SHE SIGHS
63845
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