Original subtitles

"Drawings from 30,000 years ago

in which people use erotic toys for sexual pleasure have been found.

This shows that sex toys were invented long before the wheel."

Óscar?

You took my toothbrush again, honey.

Sorry.

I hope you start using yours, honey.

Mmh.

That's what they are made for. I love it.

You should shave that beard.

What? You don't like it?

I thought I'd grow a long, long, Viking beard.

Can't you take anything seriously?

If you don't shave,

then I won't shave my legs for a long time.

- You won't? I'll help you... - Óscar, stop! Please!

Hey, give me that back! What are you doing?

Enough! That's enough!

He started it!

- Come on, boys! - I don't care who started it!

- I don't care! - Please, listen to your mother.

You're of great help, comrade.

You know what? I really need a full-time nanny.

Babysitting is a form of modern slavery

caused by capitalist exploitation, Bárbara.

Why should we need a housemaid?

You are exploiting me for free.

Please verify that your cell phones are switched off.

We remind you that its use is now prohibited.

Thanks.

Just give me a second.

Does little Óscar want to come out and play?

Not tonight, honey.

It was a long day.

Come on.

I spent all day thinking about you and all we could do.

Guess what I want you to do to me?

Shit!

I can't sleep.

Babe, my jaw is getting numb!

Lend me a hand here, come on.

I know. I'm sorry. I'm kind of absent-minded.

I'm sorry. Mmh.

I visited my naturopath friend.

She mentioned that ginseng and pomegranate juice

is good for this...

Okay. Then let's drink pomegranate and ginseng juice.

- Come on. Keep going. - Mom, I want to pee!

Oops! Too late.

Excuse me, sir. You need to go back to your seat.

Just a minute, please.

Now, sir. We're about to land.

THE GAME OF KEYS

On days like this, I'd love to be you, hon.

Why?

I'd rather be traveling and planning weddings than...

It's not that simple.

To be honest, traveling is so stressful.

Have I already packed...?

My toothbrush.

I finally got the DJ's confirmation. Soundcheck is at 4:00 p.m.

Please, tell him he should start with "Para tu Amor."

That's what the couple requested.

- I'll remind him. - Look at them! Sweet!

They don't even stop for air... How do they do it?

Adriana?

- Sergio? - I can't fucking believe it!

Weren't you in the States?

I was. But I got bored and now I'm back home.

This is Siena, my girlfriend.

- Oh, hi. - Hey.

- She's Bárbara, my business partner. - Hi.

- Adri, we need to go. - I know.

Are you still seeing Óscar?

- Great. - Come on, Adri.

We should hang out some day. I'll be here in Mexico.

- I'll give you my card... - Adri, please.

I'm coming.

Here. You can call me anytime.

Bring Óscar and everyone else, including your partner.

I will. Text me. We'll arrange something.

Okay.

Sergio?

- Who's that cute guy? - An old friend from school.

Boys in your school were hotter than the ones in mine.

I wouldn't say that.

But he was one of the hottest. He had a new girlfriend every week.

He seemed happy to see you again.

We were good friends. He felt like he could open up to me.

- And you wouldn't open up to him? - Bárbara!

- "Open up to me, Adri." - Stop it! It's so embarrassing.

- This way. - Which way?

This way. Hurry, we're late!

Therefore what God has joined together,

let no one separate.

Rings, please.

I can really get emotional with all this.

So much love is overwhelming.

- We did a hell of a job, didn't we? - We did.

I love my job!

You may kiss the bride.

Hurrah to the bride and groom!

I'LL SEE YOU ALL AT MY PLACE ON THURSDAY.

I'LL LET THEM KNOW. SEE YOU.

Are you sure you don't want something stronger?

No, dear. I'm fine. I want to keep my mind sharp.

My friend Sergio texted me.

He's inviting us for dinner on Thursday. Save the date.

- Why me? - Please, come with me.

Óscar hates those parties.

Okay, I'm in.

It's a good excuse to get rid of the kids for a while.

- I know. - Cheers!

Cheers to the bride and groom!

Kiss her! Kiss her! Kiss her!

- Don't you miss it? - What?

All that romance?

I thought you and Óscar were happy.

Yes, we are happy. Sure.

I couldn't have found a better husband and dad for Mica.

It's just that sometimes...

I wish he wasn't so obsessed

with being so him all the time.

You know?

When Leo and I moved in together...

I had an orgasm just listening to his voice.

Óscar was all over me all day when we were at school.

Then we got married, and he stopped.

It's a coincidence that we bumped into Sergio Morales earlier.

Are you sure you didn't like him?

Of course I liked him! All the girls liked him!

But just as friends. We had nothing in common.

We would've never worked together.

Why are you bringing him up?

I didn't. You brought him up.

Did I?

Well, maybe I did.

Have you ever fantasized about being unfaithful?

No.

I haven't. I wouldn't cheat on Óscar.

That's your destiny.

Too horny for a wife, too faithful for a slut.

I'll have those words tattooed on my ass.

Great!

Have a drink with me. Gabriel, give us a tequila.

I'll drink it, then.

Come on.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

- Hi, honey! - Hi, there.

The wedding was great.

Everything came out perfect.

It didn't rain, although it was forecasted.

It was supposed to be pouring.

- How did things go for you? - Good!

God, what a mess!

Shoot now. Just shoot! Run now!

- Just run, guys. Hurry. - Want an orange?

Yes.

Guys, please. Go to your right. We'll attack from there.

Shoot! Run now!

Mom! You scared the hell out of me!

You scared me to death. Why did you do that?

What did I do? We were chatting.

-You scared me to death. - Didn't you want an orange?

No.

I'm back, guys.

- Mica, have you seen...? - Dad! I reached the Heroic level.

I swear. I just need to kill one guy.

- Really? - Really.

Watch!

"Hello!

Welcome home. How was your flight?

And the wedding?"

I missed you.

- I was gone only two days. - But I missed you.

The house isn't the same without you.

I feel sad when you are away.

Listen.

Guess who we ran into at the airport.

- Who? - Sergio Morales.

From school?

I remember him.

I thought he was in the States, working as an extra, right?

As Ryan Gosling's double?

Yeah. But he's back home.

He invited us for dinner... on Thursday?

I don't feel like it.

We're not going, are we?

- Look. - Why not?

Well...

It could be fun.

I know Sergio was kind of an asshole, but...

- Kind of? - Everybody is invited.

It might be nice to do something new.

Mica, help me here.

I'm dying, help me.

Everyone's going with their spouses,

and I'll be alone if you're not coming.

Or I can stay home, if you want.

Jesus!

Okay, we're going.

Just a couple of hours. It's not like I want you to miss it.

I love you!

Mom, that's so gross!

Weren't you supposed to be killing dragons?

They're soul-eating giants, and I've already killed them all.

I'm trying to be a super cool mom, but it isn't working at all.

You need to be more patient.

Oh, my God!

Just be patient.

Mica has the soul of an artist, just like me.

But Óscar doesn't have a hint of artistic genius

and they get along a lot better.

It's like having two teenagers at home.

Men never grow up.

By the way, I forgot to tell you that I ran into...

Sergio Morales at the airport.

- Sergio from school? - That's right.

- Wasn't he Tom Cruise's guru? - I don't know.

He was making out with his girlfriend Vienna, Siena, whatever.

She's named after an Italian village.

- And is he still cute? - Well...

You'll see him on Thursday, he invited us for dinner.

I can't. We're attending a concert.

Come on, Gaby! You must come.

It's a school reunion. You can't miss it.

Wait.

- What are you laughing at? - I've just remembered...

Remember when you found out Sergio liked Nicole Kidman

and you dyed your hair red?

I just got some red highlights. And they looked great on me.

You even had curls on your hair.

I want you to come and meet his girlfriend who's like Megan Fox,

nothing to do with Nicole Kidman.

I'm just curious now.

I'll try to persuade Valentín, but you know him.

- Hi, there! - Hi, honey!

Hello, darling.

How are you? Oh, hello, baby girl!

What's up, my baby girl?

Hey.

- How was your day? - Fine.

I trained with Adriana and came back to work.

How was your work out/gossip session?

- It was a gossip session indeed. - Really?

Adriana bumped into her old high school crush.

He was at school with us and then went on to travel the world.

- Maybe you know him. - Who's that guy?

He invited us for dinner at his place on Thursday, and I said yes.

- Shall we go? - It's Schubert's piano concert.

- Fuck! I forgot. - You did?

I did.

And I said yes.

It's okay. I'll tell Adriana we can't go.

It would've been fun, though. It's been years since we last met.

- What? - You win. Come here!

We'll hang out with your friends and go to the concert some other day.

- Are you sure? - Is that okay with you?

It is. I love you.

- Do you feel like dinner? - Dinner?

Yes. Open a bottle of wine. I'll be with you in a minute.

Come on, girl.

Let's have dinner.

- Leave my brother alone! - Put that bow down!

- Leave him alone! - You're going to get hurt!

- I can't smell your cologne. - No. I'm fine.

- Did you wear your cologne? - I did.

God!

Bárbara, come on. Let's go.

Come here. Stop throwing stuff at each other.

Listen. I have lemon popsicles. If you behave, you can have one.

Are you sure?

Do you hear that?

It's complete silence.

I don't care what you think. We're getting a full-time nanny.

Bárbara, you know how I feel about that.

Leo, I love you. But I'm not happy.

And this has to change.

Either we get a full-time nanny,

or I swear I'll leave you alone with the kids.

What do you think?

Adriana is here.

It's funny that she's always driving.

- Óscar can't drive or what? - He can.

- Hey! - Hi.

We all arrived at the same time. We are in sync.

- Couldn't have come out better. - We all arrived at the same time.

- What did you get? - Some pasta.

- Yummy! That's a cake? - No. It's a sculpture.

- Hi, Barbs. - How are you?

- Hey! - Gaby.

- Hi, Leo. - Hi, Barbs. How are you?

Did she make it?

-Hello, guys. Welcome.

How is it going?

How's it going, Morales? You haven't changed, buddy!

You too, man! How are doing?

Well, you're kind of chubby now.

Hi. Nice to see you again.

- Adriana, you look beautiful. - Thanks.

- Do you remember Gaby? - Sure.

- Hi! It's been a long time! - I know.

- This is my husband, Valentín. - Nice to meet you.

- You too. Associate. How are you? - Hi.

- This is Leo, my husband. - Hi.

Nice to meet you. Thank you for having us over.

Thank you for coming. Come in, please.

Thanks.

Leave my wife's salad alone.

- It's pasta. - It's Christmas salad.

You must throw some really good parties here.

Just like today, right?

It's so nice in here.

Hello! Welcome.

- Hi. - Mezcal anybody?

- Yes, please. - This is Siena, my girlfriend.

They are Bárbara, Leo, Gaby, Valentín,

Adriana, and Óscar.

- Okay. Just to warm up. - Cheers!

Cheers.

- Where is mine? - Right here, babe.

- You have a nice apartment. - Thanks.

It's actually a friend's. He's in New York and let us stay.

- But yes, it's incredible. - Until we find our own place.

But it's okay.

Let's go to the kitchen. Make yourselves at home.

Are you okay?

This is for you. It's fresh from the oven.

For me? It's a chocolate cake...

Not exactly.

- My God! - It's based...

on old Peruvian fertility sculptures.

- I hope you like it. - It's great.

Gaby is a unique sculptor, but she's really good.

- You made it? - Yes, I did.

My followers are going to love this.

Siena, please, give them a break.

Please, come here. Let's start drinking.

I need to take a picture of this now!

Your skills have improved a lot.

Look at that!

Óscar, can you hand me the wine bottle I left on the bar?

The boss has spoken.

Thank you.

Some pasta.

Thank you.

It's delicious. I'll put them over here.

- Have a tequila with me. - No. I'm fine with wine.

Really, I'm fine. I'll be back.

What are you doing?

- Don't you remember? - What?

Right!

I love my sweetheart's ass!

Hi there, babe.

- I'm sorry. - It's okay.

Behave yourself!

- It's so hard for me. - Sure, I liked it.

Hey, man! Some mezcal for you.

- There you are! - Cheers.

Adriana got really drunk that day.

You even puked. But I took care of you.

...like this delicious wine my comrade brought.

- It's been a long time. - It's so cool.

Who wants some wine?

Remember that drink they served at the club we used to go to?

Okay, enough!

Enough of your school experiences that I don't fucking understand.

Please!

Let's play a game! Valentín, hand me those cups behind you, please.

What kind of game?

What kind of game?

- "Never Have I Ever." - How do you play it?

What do you mean?

In his school days,

Valentín used to play Monopoly with real houses.

- Shut up, you communist. - It's not that difficult.

When it's your turn, you say, "Never have I ever whatever..."

Whoever answers yes gets a shot.

- Okay. I'll go first. - Great.

So, never have I ever...

been to Acapulco.

What you meant was, "Never have I ever ...

- had sex with a donkey in Acapulco." - Right!

Well, you know my secret now. Cheers!

Disgusting! You haven't changed.

The donkey's name was Patrick and was a nice guy.

Come on, now. It's my turn.

Not including your current partners...

never have I ever dreamt about having sex with someone in this room.

I have to admit this sexual fantasy...

came up specifically during this last hour.

- Cheers, comrade Siena. - Cheers, comrade.

Excellent, Leo.

Then, let's take this game to the next level.

Why don't we play...

"The Game of Keys"?

Wait, Siena. They are not like that.

They are.

Like what?

- We are like that. - We are certainly like that.

- Like what? - We are like that!

It depends...

We are like that!

- Óscar! - We are like that.

Okay, then.

Ladies, take out your keys and throw them into this bowl.

Your car keys, your home keys, any key.

Now, gentlemen, you're going to close your eyes

and pick a random key.

I go first!

Okay. Good.

- What's next? - Now...

You're going to sit next to the owner of the keys you're holding.

Whose are these?

- That's mine. - Those are mine.

- We're going to win this game! - Come here.

I got the smartest guy in the room.

- What's next? - Okay, perfect.

We're going to have sex all night...

with the key owner.

- You're kidding, right? - I'm not, dear.

- She is. - I'm not.

No way!