Original subtitles

[♪]

Left. Right. Halt.

Get the tools.

What tools?

The tools we've been using for the last 10 years.

Oh, those tools.

Now, let me see. The door goes on the right.

Right. Wait a minute.

The man said the door goes on the right.

What's this?

A fist.

[YELLS]

Right or left?

Oh, ignorant, eh?

[YELLS]

Now, listen, grapehead,

I'll explain this so even you can understand it.

Now, here. Get over here.

Now, when I say go, we both point to the right.

Go.

Hey, porcupine, come here.

Point to the right for this chump, will ya?

See?

Get busy. Come on. Where's the map?

Over there.

Get me a board. Get me a board.

Get me a--

What's keepin' ya?

Make it six inches.

Get me a saw. A saw.

[MOTOR WHIRRING]

[MOTOR STOPS]

Give it to me.

What happened?

Nothin'.

[YELLS]

Whoo-whoo-whoo...

Shut that door.

[MOANING]

MOE: Help! Murder!

Where is he? He's in there.

Get me outta here.

[CREAKING]

[SCREAMS]

MOE: Get that door open.

I can't, it's locked. I ain't got a key.

Get a saw.

[MOTOR WHIRS]

Don't move your head, now.

I'll have you out of this in a jiffy.

Hurry up. I'll have you out of this in a jiffy.

Hurry up.

[MOTOR STOPS]

[MOE SCREAMS]

[CRASH]

What are you doing down there?

Come here.

I think he wants ya.

Both of ya.

Hey, Moe. It was an accident.

It'll never happen again. I couldn't help it.

[BOTH YELL]

Oh, you only fell 14 feet. Why are you gettin' sore?

Is that all it was? Yeah.

Ah, well, I'm sorry, fellas. Ha-ha-ha.

[BOTH YELL]

Why, you rat.

Break it up, break it up.

The inspector wants to see you down at headquarters.

[IN UNISON] I didn't do it. He did it.

I saw him. I'll be a witness.

He had the money in his hand.

Relax. You're not under arrest.

The inspector has accepted your applications.

You mean we're gonna be on the police force?

Oh, boy. Free apples.

I'll be a man hunter. A bloodhound.

[BARKS]

MAN: "Mysterious burglaries panic city.

Police shakeup as ape man strikes again."

There you are, commissioner. There it is in black and white.

This ape man is making a monkey of the police department.

That ox can't call me a monkey.

Shut up, you baboon.

Now, look here, commissioner,

you've got to catch that ape man.

Just a minute, Mr. Dill.

We're doing the best we can. As a matter of fact,

we suspect he's not an ape man, but a real gorilla.

Real gorilla. Bah.

Look here, commissioner,

you've got to catch that ape man.

And if you don't, as head of the citizens league,

I'll have to demand your resignation.

I don't wanna make you any trouble, my friend,

but this thing has gone far enough.

As a matter of fact, it's gone too far.

And something's gotta be done.

But Mr. Dill, give me a chance.

We're trying.

After all, policemen are only human beings.

You know how the newspapers build these things up.

I had six phone calls yesterday.

Six calls from the irate citizens,

demanding action.

And I'm not gonna be the goat.

[SWALLOWS]

But, Mr. Dill, nobody's asking you to be the goat.

My men will catch this ape man or gorilla or whatever it is.

[WHISTLE]

[CRASH]

You're supposed to have an efficient police department,

and yet you can't catch a third-rate hoodlum

who masquerades as a monkey.

Remember, commissioner, this is your last chance.

Good night.

But, Mr. Dill, Mr. Dill,

let's understand each other on this.

That Dill sure had the chief in a pickle.

I'd like to get that ape man by the throat.

I'd tear his ears off. I'd gouge his eyes out.

Shut up, Tarzan, you're all wet.

[HUMS]

How did you know?

[PHONE RINGS]

♪ Hello ♪

♪ Hello ♪ ♪ Hello ♪

Hello? Hello? Hello?

[WHISTLES] [YELLS]

[RINGS]

Look out.

Hello?

You say the ape man's robbing a store? Where?

Yes. The Brooklyn building.

Come on, boys. The ape man. Let's get him.

Ah, phone. This thing.

[BLOWS]

Whoo-whoo-whoo.

It's locked.

Where's the passkey?

Oh.

I had one.

Yeah.

Which one is the passkey?

Oh, the passkey.

Ha-ha. Come on.

[ALL STAMMER]

Wait a minute. What are you, cowards?

I'll lead the way. Go ahead.

Ah. I give up. I surrender.

What's the matter with you?

I'm scared. You coward.

What are you scared of?

[ALL YELL]

Calm down. Calm down.

You stand guard while we frisk the joint.

Me?

You.

Me.

I'll lead the way. Go ahead.

I'm not afraid. I'm not scared.

Why should I be afraid?

Babies are afraid.

I'm no baby.

[WHIMPERS]

How could anything happen? I'm not scared.

[CAT SCREECHES]

[SCREECHES]

[YELLS]

Hey, Moe. Hey, Larry.

What's the matter? A woman. She screamed.

She clawed me on the leg.

Is that bad?

Is she pretty?

I mean, where is she?

Come on. Show her to us, come on.

[WHISTLES]

Where are you going? Come on.

Oh, do I have to? Yes, you gotta.

Oh, please.

She's in here. She scratched me on the leg.

What woman? Where?

Well, I didn't see her, but I could swear--

That's a bad habit.

You stand guard while we search the rest of the room.

Where's your gun? Gun?

Oh, the landlady's baby was crying,

so I gave it to the baby to play with.

[GROWLING]

Here, take my gun.

Maybe it'll give you some courage.

Now, listen, you see that front door?

Well, keep your eyes glued to it.

Don't let anybody come in, don't let anybody come out.

You get it, don't ya?

All right.

Now, no more of your screwy ideas.

There's no dead woman in here.

[BOTH WHIMPERING]

Ah. See? I told ya.

Wait a minute.

That woman's a dummy, like you.

Don't do that.

[GROWLS]

You coward. A dummy can't hurt ya.

[YELLS]

Say. For a dummy, she sure gets around.

There's something rotten in Denmark,

and we're gonna find it.

Oh, boy. We're going to Denmark.

We are searching for more clues.

And don't disturb us.

Wait a minute. I don't trust her.

Don't be yellow.

You don't have to be afraid with that gun.

Gun? Oh. Is it loaded? [GUN COCKS]

Okay. But hurry back.

Right.

I'll lead the way. Get goin'.

[WHIMPERS]

[SINGING]

[SCREECHES]

[SCREAMS]

[WHIMPERS]

[GUNSHOT] [YELLS]

What happened?

I'm dying, and you start a quiz program.

Shut up and start talkin'.

Remember my big toe? Yeah.

Shot off. Almost.

Next time you handle a gun, shoot yourself in the head.

I'll make a note of it. How do you spell head?

B-o-n-e head.

[YELLS]

Oh, look.

Why, y--

It's that crook. And he's wearin' a fur coat.

Come on.

[ROARS]

[ALL YELL]

Stick 'em up, ape man.

We got you covered.

[MOANS]

Hey, fellas, look.

No human is strong enough to bend a gun barrel like that.

It's real. A real chimeny-panzee.

That's no chimp, you chump. That's a gorilla.

[ALL YELL]

[ROARS]

[ALL YELL]

[WHISTLES]

Boy. We've sure been running.

Yeah. As soon as we get our breath,

we're sure gonna run some more.

All the way home. Shh.

Bonzo. Bonzo.

Where is that ape of yours anyway?

He's been up here for an hour. He's here somewhere, Mr. Dill.

But you've got to remember,

that gorilla was trained for a circus.

This robbing business is new to him.

Yeah. Well, this will be the last haul for a while.

You gotta lay off until I get the commissioner fired.

And when I become the police commissioner,

we'll really go to town.

How do you like that?

Dill's been usin' this job as a front.

He's really a crook.

Come on. We'll get him.

He must be in the storeroom.

ALL: Stick 'em up.

We got ya.

One phony move, Mr. dill pickle,

and I'll shoot.

[STAMMERING]

Wait a minute. This is gettin' monotonous.

Oh, monotonous, eh?

[YELLS]

That's different. You see that?

Yeah. [YELLS]

Why, you.

[THUD]

[BANGING]

[WHINES]

[BARKS]

[YELLS]

[SCREAMS]

[SCREAMS]

[WHINES]

Get him, Moe. Get him, Moe.

Get him.

[WHINES]

Roll him over, Moe.

I'll crown that dill pickle.

[MOE YELLS]

[STAMMERS]

[BLOWS]

Hey, fellas. I did it. I did it.

Call the wagon.

Success.

I'm poisoned.

[YELLS] Listen, you.

[ROARS]

Ah! The gorilla.

Don't be scared. Don't be scared.

Just run!

Quick, the box.

[GROWLS]

This ought to lift it.

Moe. What happened? Speak to me.

Hey, Moe. Hey, Larry.

I cut my head off. I'm dead.

Nail my head on. I don't wanna be dead.

There's no future in it.

How can I be dead? I'm talkin'.

That's a coincidence.

Oh... You all right?

Curly. [SCREAMS]

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Rubber. I knew it all the time.

[BARKING]

[WHINES]

[ALL STAMMER]

Oh. Ha-ha.

[ROARS]

[STAMMERS]

Wait a minute. I've had enough of him too.

Spread out.

[WHINING]

Boy. We got the ape man.

What do you mean, we? I got him.

[BARKS]

[ROARS]

[ALL STAMMER]

[♪]