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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:18,455 --> 00:01:25,258 * On the mountain top * 2 00:01:28,932 --> 00:01:35,167 * I see something black * 3 00:01:41,545 --> 00:01:45,413 * Is it cow shit * 4 00:01:46,750 --> 00:01:52,086 * Or my beloved * 5 00:01:53,824 --> 00:01:55,815 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen... 6 00:01:55,926 --> 00:01:57,860 and welcome once again to The Crazy Daisy Show. 7 00:01:57,961 --> 00:02:01,089 We have sophisticated entertainment, a window into reality... 8 00:02:01,198 --> 00:02:03,564 a breath of cold air from another world. 9 00:02:03,667 --> 00:02:09,230 As the Chastity Belt Foundation and the Aristotle Aplanalp chain stores... 10 00:02:09,339 --> 00:02:14,003 proudly present the semifinalists in the Miss World 1984 Contest! 11 00:02:14,111 --> 00:02:16,875 And now, ladies and gentlemen, it gives me a great deal of pleasure... 12 00:02:16,980 --> 00:02:19,744 to present Mrs. Martha Aplanalp, well-known philanthropist... 13 00:02:19,850 --> 00:02:22,318 and chairman of the Chastity Belt Foundation. 14 00:02:22,419 --> 00:02:25,877 A great sponsor and a great mother. 15 00:02:28,158 --> 00:02:31,559 ** 16 00:03:16,640 --> 00:03:21,100 Dear Mrs. Martha, first the question, why the Chastity Belt Foundation? 17 00:03:21,211 --> 00:03:24,146 Surely in these modern times that seems to be a bit old-fashioned. 18 00:03:24,247 --> 00:03:26,909 Oh, we're not old-fashioned... not in the least. 19 00:03:27,017 --> 00:03:31,317 At Chastity Belt, there are no metals... 20 00:03:31,421 --> 00:03:33,719 no elastic supports... 21 00:03:33,824 --> 00:03:35,724 no tranquilizers. 22 00:03:35,826 --> 00:03:38,556 Through the guidance of our sensational method... 23 00:03:38,662 --> 00:03:41,631 your own body kills the animal. 24 00:03:42,933 --> 00:03:46,130 We advocate simple triumph of the will. 25 00:03:46,236 --> 00:03:49,399 It is painless and ever so rewarding. 26 00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:52,465 No wild dreams. 27 00:03:52,576 --> 00:03:55,704 No... No peculiar behavior. 28 00:03:55,812 --> 00:03:58,872 Solid health and purposeful direction. 29 00:03:58,982 --> 00:04:02,543 It's so good to hear about health and purposeful direction in these sick times. 30 00:04:02,652 --> 00:04:07,055 Right on! Sock it to me, baby. 31 00:04:07,157 --> 00:04:12,618 A network of muscles forms the protective armor around the pelvic region. 32 00:04:12,729 --> 00:04:16,495 If not controlled and kept at bay... 33 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:21,537 wild impulses will turn everyone into beastly animals... 34 00:04:21,638 --> 00:04:24,539 chaotic natural beings. 35 00:04:25,575 --> 00:04:30,012 Semifinalists from 77 countries have been selected and sent here this evening. 36 00:04:30,113 --> 00:04:32,274 They are, of course, the most desirable, prominent... 37 00:04:32,382 --> 00:04:34,612 and well-preserved virgins available. 38 00:04:35,652 --> 00:04:40,419 This year's stake for the lucky young winner is $50 billion. 39 00:04:40,524 --> 00:04:43,891 Fifty billion dollars, the estimated fortune of Mr. Aplanalp... 40 00:04:43,994 --> 00:04:48,260 uh, Mrs. Martha Aplanalp's boy, her pride and joy. 41 00:04:48,365 --> 00:04:50,731 The richest bachelor in the world... 42 00:04:50,834 --> 00:04:54,270 who decided suddenly this summer to give up his bachelorhood... 43 00:04:54,371 --> 00:04:57,465 to sponsor the Miss World Contest and marry the winner... 44 00:04:57,574 --> 00:04:59,940 the most cherished girl on the planet Earth. 45 00:05:00,043 --> 00:05:01,943 There's a saying in the Aplanalp family: 46 00:05:02,045 --> 00:05:07,176 "When we buy something, we buy the best, and we buy it brand-new." 47 00:05:07,284 --> 00:05:10,515 And now, ladies and gentlemen, Dr. Mittlefinger. 48 00:05:13,256 --> 00:05:15,156 Turn over here, Doctor. 49 00:05:15,258 --> 00:05:18,091 Yes, uh, Dr. Mittlefinger certainly is an extraordinary man. 50 00:05:18,195 --> 00:05:21,961 Um, has to his credit the delivery of three army generals... 51 00:05:22,065 --> 00:05:25,466 four members of Parliament, Eskimo sextuplets, uh... 52 00:05:25,569 --> 00:05:28,970 and, of course, many, many more people... and women. 53 00:05:29,072 --> 00:05:32,803 I, uh... I'm really thrilled to be able to perform at this important function... 54 00:05:32,909 --> 00:05:36,310 and, uh, I'm anticipating some delightful specimens. 55 00:05:36,413 --> 00:05:40,008 Each new flower brings a new joy, a new excitement. 56 00:05:40,116 --> 00:05:42,141 Can we start the show? 57 00:05:42,252 --> 00:05:45,449 Of course. Uh, so let's meet now the first contestant... 58 00:05:45,555 --> 00:05:47,819 Miss Southern Rhodesia. 59 00:05:51,728 --> 00:05:55,129 Another historical moment, a window into reality... 60 00:05:55,232 --> 00:05:57,496 an event never attempted live on television before... 61 00:05:57,601 --> 00:05:59,762 and coming to you on The Crazy Daisy Show. 62 00:05:59,870 --> 00:06:01,838 If you'll just step up here. 63 00:06:22,492 --> 00:06:24,926 Would you be good enough to remove your pants? 64 00:06:25,028 --> 00:06:26,928 Oh, my pleasure. 65 00:06:27,030 --> 00:06:28,930 - Dr. Mittlefinger... - So kind. 66 00:06:29,032 --> 00:06:34,561 brilliant master of deep insights and even deeper insights. 67 00:06:34,671 --> 00:06:39,074 Innovative explorer of the abysses of the human body and soul. 68 00:06:39,175 --> 00:06:41,905 Tell us, Miss, uh, Southern Rhodesia. Tell us, how do you feel now? 69 00:06:42,012 --> 00:06:45,914 Oh, I'm great. Oh! 70 00:06:46,016 --> 00:06:48,007 What's happening? 71 00:06:48,118 --> 00:06:50,848 You're tickling me. 72 00:06:50,954 --> 00:06:54,481 I'm really sensitive. You're tickling me with your little light. 73 00:06:54,591 --> 00:06:56,855 This little light. 74 00:06:56,960 --> 00:07:00,020 Now, ladies and gentlemen, we proudly present Miss Congo. 75 00:07:17,714 --> 00:07:19,773 Remove your panties please, honey. 76 00:07:19,883 --> 00:07:21,874 Hey, baby. You mean my bananas? 77 00:07:21,985 --> 00:07:25,785 Oh, yes, of course. Delicious. 78 00:07:33,930 --> 00:07:36,956 There are different types of hymen, a delicate little piece of skin... 79 00:07:37,067 --> 00:07:42,004 that informs us about a girl's initiation into the world of adult pleasures. 80 00:07:44,107 --> 00:07:47,099 I mean the sinful, disgusting pleasures of the flesh... 81 00:07:47,210 --> 00:07:49,678 and unusual sensual... 82 00:07:49,779 --> 00:07:51,679 excitation. 83 00:07:57,921 --> 00:08:02,153 Now, here comes Miss Yugoslavia, a picture of radiant health. 84 00:08:10,367 --> 00:08:13,234 Yes, well, this young lady is certainly self-assured. 85 00:08:52,242 --> 00:08:54,574 Now, moving right along, folks... 86 00:08:54,677 --> 00:08:57,703 let's meet Mademoiselle Canada. 87 00:09:18,635 --> 00:09:20,603 Would you take your pants off, please? 88 00:09:20,703 --> 00:09:22,728 I don't wear any. 89 00:09:23,840 --> 00:09:25,933 You never wear any pants? 90 00:09:26,042 --> 00:09:28,510 Not for a special occasion like this. 91 00:09:36,286 --> 00:09:39,050 Splendid. Splendid. 92 00:09:39,155 --> 00:09:41,623 By far the most beautiful thing here. 93 00:09:43,693 --> 00:09:49,063 In all my years of practice, I've never seen anything so sweet. 94 00:09:50,300 --> 00:09:52,200 A rosebud. 95 00:10:28,438 --> 00:10:32,067 * The whole world is our country * 96 00:10:32,275 --> 00:10:35,472 * Liberty is our law * 97 00:10:35,678 --> 00:10:40,377 * And just one thought... * 98 00:10:40,483 --> 00:10:43,850 * The whole world is our country * 99 00:10:43,953 --> 00:10:47,116 * Liberty is our law * 100 00:10:47,223 --> 00:10:52,718 *Just one thought burns in our hearts * 101 00:10:53,096 --> 00:10:58,193 * Wanderers on land * 102 00:10:58,768 --> 00:11:03,228 * And sea * 103 00:11:03,973 --> 00:11:08,069 * For an idea * 104 00:11:08,411 --> 00:11:11,209 * We leave our loved ones behind * 105 00:11:11,314 --> 00:11:14,647 * The whole world is our country * 106 00:11:14,751 --> 00:11:17,618 * Liberty is our law * 107 00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:22,714 * And just one thought... * 108 00:11:22,825 --> 00:11:26,124 * The whole world is our country * 109 00:11:26,229 --> 00:11:29,357 * Liberty is our law * 110 00:11:29,465 --> 00:11:35,301 *Just one thought burns in our hearts * 111 00:11:35,405 --> 00:11:40,570 * But all your exiled people * 112 00:11:40,777 --> 00:11:45,612 * Shall return to you * 113 00:11:45,982 --> 00:11:51,147 * And brandish the torch * 114 00:11:51,354 --> 00:11:53,322 * To demand their rights * 115 00:11:53,423 --> 00:11:56,688 * The whole world is our country * 116 00:11:56,793 --> 00:12:00,058 * Liberty is our law * 117 00:12:00,163 --> 00:12:04,657 * And just one thought... * 118 00:12:04,767 --> 00:12:08,168 * The whole world is our country * 119 00:12:08,271 --> 00:12:11,502 * Liberty is our law * 120 00:12:11,608 --> 00:12:16,705 *Just one thought burns in our hearts ** 121 00:12:22,719 --> 00:12:26,120 When I buy something, I always buy the best. 122 00:12:26,222 --> 00:12:30,022 You know,yesterday, I bought a diamond mine in South Africa. 123 00:12:30,126 --> 00:12:32,959 Today, another buy. 124 00:12:33,062 --> 00:12:35,530 The best-bred bride available. 125 00:12:38,768 --> 00:12:42,295 Must be about 785 diamonds in there. You know that? 126 00:12:42,405 --> 00:12:45,169 - About that? - Oh, yeah. Maybe more. 127 00:12:45,275 --> 00:12:47,266 And they all came from my diamond mine. 128 00:12:47,377 --> 00:12:50,278 Yeah! 129 00:12:50,380 --> 00:12:53,144 Yes, sir, baby. Here we go. 130 00:13:01,991 --> 00:13:03,959 Yeah. Hand-carved. 131 00:13:06,362 --> 00:13:08,330 - You know who this fella is? - No. 132 00:13:08,431 --> 00:13:10,831 That's Karl. Karl Marx! 133 00:13:10,933 --> 00:13:12,833 Yeah. 134 00:13:12,935 --> 00:13:16,393 He's the guy that shot the Russian czar. Yeah. Shot him dead, right in the head. Yeah. 135 00:13:16,506 --> 00:13:19,304 That started World War I, honey. Yeah! 136 00:13:24,180 --> 00:13:26,910 I got it from a Russian business connection. Yeah. 137 00:13:27,016 --> 00:13:28,916 He buys a lot of my diamonds. 138 00:13:29,018 --> 00:13:31,509 - You see that little fountain down there? - Yes. 139 00:13:31,621 --> 00:13:33,521 That's my next buy. Yeah! 140 00:13:33,623 --> 00:13:37,286 It's gonna be my biggest undertaking in landscape architecture. 141 00:13:37,393 --> 00:13:39,554 I'm gonna buy it from the Canadian government. 142 00:13:40,596 --> 00:13:42,791 I'm gonna renovate it, redecorate it. 143 00:13:43,900 --> 00:13:47,063 Get rid of the water, turn off the falls. 144 00:13:47,170 --> 00:13:51,834 I'm gonna install an electronic, synthetic... 145 00:13:51,941 --> 00:13:54,034 laser moving image in livin' color. 146 00:13:54,143 --> 00:13:56,304 In livin' color, honey! Yeah. 147 00:13:56,412 --> 00:13:59,347 And we're gonna have a huge quadraphonic sound system. 148 00:13:59,449 --> 00:14:01,917 Yeah! Of the royal waters. Yeah! 149 00:14:03,086 --> 00:14:06,578 We're gonna have the best sight and sound system available. Yeah. 150 00:14:06,689 --> 00:14:10,090 Unaffected by weather conditions. 151 00:14:20,136 --> 00:14:22,468 My empire. 152 00:14:22,572 --> 00:14:24,904 Milk for the entire country. 153 00:15:26,002 --> 00:15:27,970 Let's see the bride. 154 00:15:28,070 --> 00:15:30,630 - Whoo! - Hey! 155 00:15:38,214 --> 00:15:41,342 Mama! 156 00:15:41,451 --> 00:15:43,419 Whoo! 157 00:15:46,422 --> 00:15:48,447 ** 158 00:15:48,558 --> 00:15:51,356 Now, you may ask, do I have time for marriage? 159 00:15:51,461 --> 00:15:56,831 And I simply state that marriage is a great gimmick for saving money and time... 160 00:15:56,933 --> 00:15:59,561 which is money! 161 00:15:59,669 --> 00:16:02,604 I have come to understand the real meaning of marriage. 162 00:16:02,705 --> 00:16:05,299 I simply can't afford any more waste. 163 00:16:05,408 --> 00:16:08,809 I can't afford any more chaos in my sex life. 164 00:16:08,911 --> 00:16:13,405 All right. Everyone has to relieve himself, but why waste it? 165 00:16:14,517 --> 00:16:18,453 Okay. You bang some broad, you feel good for a half a second... 166 00:16:18,554 --> 00:16:21,853 but then you realize you've gotta run to the phone to call your doctor... 167 00:16:21,958 --> 00:16:24,085 'cause you gotta have a V.D. test. 168 00:16:24,193 --> 00:16:26,593 You soothe your balls... 169 00:16:26,696 --> 00:16:28,596 and you get a headache. 170 00:16:28,698 --> 00:16:31,258 - That's right, my son. - Well, not for me no more. 171 00:16:31,367 --> 00:16:33,335 I guarantee that. 172 00:16:33,436 --> 00:16:38,135 My mama kept telling me, "Son, look after your health." 173 00:16:38,241 --> 00:16:42,041 Well, Ma, I sure as hell aim to. 174 00:16:42,144 --> 00:16:45,910 Come over here, honey. Best little heifer in town. In the world! 175 00:16:46,015 --> 00:16:49,212 No chemical substitutes. 176 00:16:49,318 --> 00:16:52,219 All ingredients checked and double-checked... 177 00:16:52,321 --> 00:16:54,585 and certified pure. 178 00:16:56,959 --> 00:17:00,725 Not an easy thing to find these days, is it? 179 00:17:00,830 --> 00:17:02,730 Well, I done it. 180 00:17:02,832 --> 00:17:05,858 So now I have acquired a lady of the house... 181 00:17:05,968 --> 00:17:08,095 a personal jewel... 182 00:17:08,204 --> 00:17:10,104 but above all... 183 00:17:10,206 --> 00:17:14,336 a purified sanitation system for unchecked waste. 184 00:18:29,318 --> 00:18:31,286 Hey! Hey! 185 00:21:29,031 --> 00:21:32,023 Hey, Mama! Yahoo! 186 00:21:34,203 --> 00:21:36,603 Hey, Mama! Yahoo! 187 00:22:14,677 --> 00:22:18,169 * Is there life on the Earth * 188 00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:21,044 * Is there life after birth * 189 00:22:21,150 --> 00:22:23,812 * Is there life on the Earth * 190 00:22:23,919 --> 00:22:29,289 * Is there life after birth * 191 00:22:31,594 --> 00:22:34,392 * It's a joy to be alive * 192 00:22:34,496 --> 00:22:37,954 * It's good to be glad * 193 00:22:38,067 --> 00:22:40,627 * Good to survive * 194 00:22:40,736 --> 00:22:46,504 * It's great to be mad * 195 00:22:46,609 --> 00:22:49,373 * It's fun to have nothing * 196 00:22:49,478 --> 00:22:52,072 * Do things in the nude * 197 00:22:52,181 --> 00:22:55,082 * Oh, it's sweet to be hungry * 198 00:22:55,184 --> 00:22:59,814 * It's finger-licking good * 199 00:22:59,922 --> 00:23:02,823 * Is there life on the Earth * 200 00:23:02,925 --> 00:23:05,553 * Is there life after birth * 201 00:23:05,661 --> 00:23:08,494 * Is there life on the Earth * 202 00:23:08,597 --> 00:23:10,929 * Is there life after birth * 203 00:23:11,033 --> 00:23:14,196 * Is there life on the Earth * 204 00:23:14,303 --> 00:23:16,999 * Is there life after birth * 205 00:23:17,106 --> 00:23:19,734 * Is there life on the Earth * 206 00:23:19,842 --> 00:23:24,677 * Is there life after birth * 207 00:23:27,216 --> 00:23:30,413 * It's a joy to be crazy * 208 00:23:30,519 --> 00:23:33,420 * It's good to be sad * 209 00:23:33,522 --> 00:23:35,683 * It's good to be lazy * 210 00:23:35,791 --> 00:23:40,421 * Great to be bad * 211 00:23:42,031 --> 00:23:44,761 * It's good to be lucky * 212 00:23:44,867 --> 00:23:47,859 * Good to practice deadly sin * 213 00:23:47,970 --> 00:23:50,461 * To die for a cause * 214 00:23:50,572 --> 00:23:55,236 * To be alive and to win * 215 00:23:55,344 --> 00:23:58,313 * Is there life on the Earth * 216 00:23:58,414 --> 00:24:01,247 * Is there life after birth * 217 00:24:01,350 --> 00:24:04,046 * Is there life on the Earth * 218 00:24:04,153 --> 00:24:06,951 * Is there life after birth * 219 00:24:07,056 --> 00:24:09,991 * Is there life on the Earth * 220 00:24:10,092 --> 00:24:12,822 * Is there life after birth * 221 00:24:12,928 --> 00:24:15,396 * Is there life on the Earth * 222 00:24:15,497 --> 00:24:20,730 * Is there life after birth ** 223 00:24:40,389 --> 00:24:41,754 Hey, Potemkin! 224 00:24:41,957 --> 00:24:44,755 Aren't you from that famous revolution that failed? 225 00:24:45,861 --> 00:24:47,795 I mean the one in 1905. 226 00:24:49,698 --> 00:24:52,326 Captain, I am your new lover. 227 00:24:54,103 --> 00:24:56,128 The annunciation! 228 00:24:58,807 --> 00:25:00,399 I'm starving for love. 229 00:25:00,609 --> 00:25:02,338 I'm hungry for love. 230 00:25:03,312 --> 00:25:07,442 Those who starve know how to make love. 231 00:25:10,486 --> 00:25:13,216 They're charged with electricity. 232 00:25:14,923 --> 00:25:16,823 Where is this boat going? 233 00:25:17,092 --> 00:25:18,684 All the way. 234 00:25:21,163 --> 00:25:22,596 All the way? 235 00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:25,992 To the bottom. 236 00:25:34,143 --> 00:25:38,807 You need a good sailor on this boat. Come. I'll treat you well. 237 00:25:40,549 --> 00:25:43,109 What a joy to meet... 238 00:25:44,420 --> 00:25:46,217 an authentic... 239 00:25:47,256 --> 00:25:50,453 sexual proletarian! 240 00:25:55,931 --> 00:25:57,728 Beast! 241 00:26:18,020 --> 00:26:20,215 Fascination! 242 00:26:27,162 --> 00:26:29,027 Forward! 243 00:26:29,331 --> 00:26:31,799 Optimistic tragedy! 244 00:26:42,978 --> 00:26:45,640 Oh, sailor! 245 00:26:53,388 --> 00:26:56,551 Stick your sword in! You won't hurt her! 246 00:27:00,262 --> 00:27:03,527 "Man" - how proud that word sounds! 247 00:27:06,468 --> 00:27:10,962 * Forward, people, to battle * 248 00:27:11,306 --> 00:27:16,073 * The red flag, the red flag * 249 00:27:16,178 --> 00:27:20,979 * Forward, people, to battle * 250 00:27:21,083 --> 00:27:24,951 * The red flag will triumph * 251 00:27:25,687 --> 00:27:30,420 * The red flag will triumph * 252 00:27:30,526 --> 00:27:34,462 * The red flag will triumph * 253 00:27:34,563 --> 00:27:38,363 * The red flag will triumph * 254 00:27:38,467 --> 00:27:42,528 * Long live communism and freedom * 255 00:27:42,638 --> 00:27:45,766 * Forward, people, to battle * 256 00:27:45,874 --> 00:27:48,934 * The red flag, the red flag * 257 00:27:49,044 --> 00:27:51,842 * Forward, people, to battle * 258 00:27:51,947 --> 00:27:54,848 * The red flag will triumph ** 259 00:27:54,950 --> 00:27:58,477 * Forward, people, to battle * 260 00:27:58,587 --> 00:28:02,250 * The red flag, the red flag * 261 00:28:02,357 --> 00:28:06,088 * Forward, people, to battle * 262 00:28:06,195 --> 00:28:09,687 * The red flag will triumph * 263 00:28:09,798 --> 00:28:13,199 * The red flag will triumph * 264 00:28:13,302 --> 00:28:16,396 * The red flag will triumph ** 265 00:28:18,941 --> 00:28:21,000 I expected something else to happen. 266 00:28:21,109 --> 00:28:24,601 Nonsense. He can do anything. He's the most powerful millionaire in the world. 267 00:28:24,713 --> 00:28:29,013 Which means, quite simply, that for your own good, you better forget this marriage. 268 00:28:29,117 --> 00:28:31,381 Then I think I should get alimony. 269 00:28:31,486 --> 00:28:33,977 I advise you strongly... 270 00:28:34,089 --> 00:28:36,284 to refrain from thinking anything. 271 00:28:36,391 --> 00:28:41,124 Thinking sometimes can be a very dangerous exercise. 272 00:28:41,230 --> 00:28:43,357 Very dangerous indeed. 273 00:28:44,700 --> 00:28:47,134 Hmm. This is insane. 274 00:28:47,236 --> 00:28:49,136 Yes. 275 00:28:49,238 --> 00:28:52,799 Maybe we should ask for a psychiatric examination. 276 00:28:52,908 --> 00:28:57,208 There are people with similar symptoms. They become confused. 277 00:28:57,312 --> 00:29:02,944 They spend the rest of their lives behind the walls of asylums. 278 00:29:18,133 --> 00:29:20,931 - This house is mine! - Forget it! 279 00:29:25,907 --> 00:29:27,807 - Alimony! - Oh, yeah? 280 00:29:27,909 --> 00:29:29,877 Never! 281 00:29:36,685 --> 00:29:38,243 Be reasonable! 282 00:30:01,910 --> 00:30:04,208 Jeremiah. Jeremiah. 283 00:30:05,981 --> 00:30:08,415 Take care of her, Jeremiah. 284 00:30:21,196 --> 00:30:23,960 This is mine! This is mine! 285 00:30:24,066 --> 00:30:27,058 This is mine! Mine! 286 00:30:28,170 --> 00:30:30,968 Take care of her,Jeremiah. 287 00:30:31,073 --> 00:30:33,041 She's overtired. 288 00:30:34,409 --> 00:30:36,877 She doesn't feel very well. 289 00:30:36,978 --> 00:30:39,742 Poor girl. 290 00:31:50,852 --> 00:31:52,911 Where am I? Oh! 291 00:31:56,892 --> 00:32:00,055 Hitler! Dirty Jew. 292 00:32:00,162 --> 00:32:02,790 They call me Neanderthal. 293 00:32:05,500 --> 00:32:08,060 Fascist pig! 294 00:32:08,170 --> 00:32:10,638 I'm not just anybody. 295 00:32:11,673 --> 00:32:13,732 Dirty Commie. 296 00:32:13,842 --> 00:32:17,471 Why, they even wanted to put me on exhibit... 297 00:32:18,847 --> 00:32:21,281 in the Museum of Natural Sciences. 298 00:32:27,923 --> 00:32:30,983 My portrait is used in Szondy's test. 299 00:32:34,496 --> 00:32:37,329 I am listed in Krafft-Ebing. 300 00:32:37,432 --> 00:32:39,696 I am a certified psychopath. 301 00:32:39,801 --> 00:32:43,430 I am even quoted by Lombroso. And... 302 00:32:43,538 --> 00:32:46,530 my size is superhuman. 303 00:33:12,467 --> 00:33:15,197 - Afraid? - No. 304 00:33:15,303 --> 00:33:17,271 Hmm. 305 00:33:17,372 --> 00:33:19,431 I have my own advertising slogan: 306 00:33:19,541 --> 00:33:21,600 Try me. I'm delicious. 307 00:33:26,448 --> 00:33:28,609 See this chocolate complexion? 308 00:33:31,219 --> 00:33:33,187 Try it. 309 00:33:49,437 --> 00:33:51,837 It's sweet. 310 00:33:51,940 --> 00:33:54,306 Finger-licking good. 311 00:34:06,187 --> 00:34:08,678 Ooh. 312 00:34:10,025 --> 00:34:12,721 I'm Catholic, and it's a spiritual thing for me. 313 00:34:12,827 --> 00:34:15,318 I'm Muslim, and I have a real thing for you. 314 00:34:15,430 --> 00:34:18,194 Oh. 315 00:34:21,636 --> 00:34:24,503 Oh, you damned fool! 316 00:34:24,606 --> 00:34:27,666 This is my only property. This is my diamond mine. 317 00:34:32,614 --> 00:34:35,139 I'll do something to you that my father taught me. 318 00:35:08,049 --> 00:35:09,983 Are you happy? 319 00:35:18,226 --> 00:35:21,059 - Hello, sir. Where are you off to today? - Oh. Paris. 320 00:35:21,162 --> 00:35:23,653 May I have your ticket, please? Thank you. 321 00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:28,426 It weighs a ton. What have you got in there? 322 00:35:28,536 --> 00:35:30,595 Oh, books. Lots of them. 323 00:35:30,705 --> 00:35:35,005 Books weigh a lot. I'm taking a refresher course in philosophy. 324 00:35:35,110 --> 00:35:38,671 Marcuse, Supek, Vranicki, Sartre. 325 00:35:38,780 --> 00:35:42,944 - You know, i-i-it's heavy. - That would be 55 pounds overweight. 326 00:35:43,051 --> 00:35:45,611 Oh, I'll pay the difference. 327 00:35:45,720 --> 00:35:47,688 Thank you very much. 328 00:35:53,228 --> 00:35:55,196 Thank you. 329 00:36:58,793 --> 00:37:00,761 I have presents for you. 330 00:37:01,396 --> 00:37:03,227 A real Arabian carpet. 331 00:37:04,699 --> 00:37:06,223 You like it? 332 00:37:06,568 --> 00:37:08,229 Made in China. 333 00:37:10,972 --> 00:37:14,169 Vodka from Berkeley, California. 334 00:37:14,375 --> 00:37:15,774 For you. 335 00:37:15,977 --> 00:37:17,535 And my friend... 336 00:37:19,748 --> 00:37:21,238 Leonide. 337 00:37:27,222 --> 00:37:30,248 And my name is Luv Bakunin. 338 00:37:31,392 --> 00:37:34,020 Do you like my friend? 339 00:37:43,171 --> 00:37:45,139 Oh. 340 00:37:50,745 --> 00:37:52,804 Entrust your fate to no one! 341 00:37:53,148 --> 00:37:55,878 People! 342 00:37:55,984 --> 00:37:59,715 The policeman's boot crushes your desires and feelings. 343 00:38:00,155 --> 00:38:03,613 Let's be realistic and demand the impossible. 344 00:38:03,825 --> 00:38:05,816 A good bath, for instance. 345 00:38:06,027 --> 00:38:07,756 I haven't had one in four months. 346 00:38:09,864 --> 00:38:12,628 * Let's be realistic, comrades * 347 00:38:12,934 --> 00:38:16,597 * And demand the impossible * 348 00:38:16,805 --> 00:38:19,774 * A hot bath, for instance ** 349 00:38:29,050 --> 00:38:30,347 Don't stay here. 350 00:38:30,552 --> 00:38:32,645 This boat is full of corpses. 351 00:38:33,354 --> 00:38:34,912 It doesn't matter. 352 00:38:35,190 --> 00:38:37,158 The whole world is full of corpses. 353 00:38:41,729 --> 00:38:45,495 IN THE KATYN FOREST 354 00:38:59,514 --> 00:39:04,315 * 355 00:40:01,876 --> 00:40:04,037 * 356 00:40:43,818 --> 00:40:46,651 * 357 00:41:23,591 --> 00:41:25,684 * 358 00:41:29,564 --> 00:41:33,557 * Let's be realistic, comrades * 359 00:41:33,768 --> 00:41:37,465 * And demand the impossible ** 360 00:42:05,533 --> 00:42:08,798 * Is there life on the Earth * 361 00:42:08,903 --> 00:42:11,895 * Is there life after birth * 362 00:42:12,006 --> 00:42:14,634 * Is there life on the Earth * 363 00:42:14,742 --> 00:42:19,907 * Is there life after birth * 364 00:42:22,283 --> 00:42:25,275 * It's a joy to be alive * 365 00:42:25,386 --> 00:42:28,617 * It's good to be glad * 366 00:42:28,723 --> 00:42:31,191 * Good to survive * 367 00:42:31,292 --> 00:42:36,059 * It's great to be mad * 368 00:42:37,365 --> 00:42:40,095 * It's fun to have nothing * 369 00:42:40,201 --> 00:42:42,829 * Do things in the nude * 370 00:42:42,937 --> 00:42:45,872 * Oh, it's sweet to be hungry * 371 00:42:45,973 --> 00:42:50,000 * It's finger-licking good * 372 00:42:50,111 --> 00:42:53,410 * Is there life on the Earth * 373 00:42:53,514 --> 00:42:56,347 * Is there life after birth * 374 00:42:56,451 --> 00:42:59,545 * Is there life on the Earth * 375 00:42:59,654 --> 00:43:01,952 * Is there life after birth * 376 00:43:04,459 --> 00:43:06,893 The portrait. The portrait. Somebody. 377 00:43:06,994 --> 00:43:08,894 The portrait. Get the portrait in place. 378 00:43:24,178 --> 00:43:26,874 I want you to face the camera and look terribly Mexican... 379 00:43:26,981 --> 00:43:29,814 'cause I didn't fly you all over here to look like a French extra. 380 00:43:29,917 --> 00:43:32,044 And start to sing very nobly. 381 00:43:54,809 --> 00:43:59,246 * To see this world of violence * 382 00:43:59,881 --> 00:44:04,284 * And so much suffering makes me high * 383 00:44:05,686 --> 00:44:09,816 * To live more fully I will die * 384 00:44:10,558 --> 00:44:14,961 * Such passion cries out for forgiveness * 385 00:44:18,032 --> 00:44:23,060 * River of blood, carnage * 386 00:44:23,704 --> 00:44:26,036 * I will shout * 387 00:44:26,207 --> 00:44:29,335 * "I want more!" * 388 00:44:30,978 --> 00:44:35,312 * Night of the sun, oh my heart, to celebrate the explosion * 389 00:44:36,651 --> 00:44:40,553 * With the motor of history driving me on * 390 00:44:42,323 --> 00:44:48,125 * I'm a wild stallion * 391 00:44:48,296 --> 00:44:51,390 * My golden mane flies in the wind * 392 00:44:51,566 --> 00:44:54,126 * As I seek out good times * 393 00:44:54,902 --> 00:44:59,805 * My valiant sword stands ever ready * 394 00:44:59,907 --> 00:45:03,502 Cut! Cut! What's the matter, love, now? 395 00:45:03,611 --> 00:45:06,637 What's got into you? Don't you know we're working on a limited budget here? 396 00:45:06,747 --> 00:45:09,375 Don't you know I've got to be back in London by tomorrow night? 397 00:45:09,483 --> 00:45:12,247 Let's do it again, and this time, let's get it bloody right! 398 00:45:12,353 --> 00:45:14,719 Rewind. Rewind. 399 00:45:14,822 --> 00:45:16,847 - So, are you ready? - Ready. 400 00:45:19,327 --> 00:45:24,765 * To see this world of violence * 401 00:45:24,865 --> 00:45:29,893 * And so much suffering makes me high * 402 00:45:30,938 --> 00:45:35,204 * To live more fully I will die * 403 00:45:35,943 --> 00:45:40,346 * Such passion cries out for forgiveness * 404 00:45:43,417 --> 00:45:47,319 * River of blood, carnage * 405 00:45:48,756 --> 00:45:51,520 * I will shout * 406 00:45:51,626 --> 00:45:55,062 * "I want more!" * 407 00:45:56,230 --> 00:46:01,031 * Night of the sun, oh my heart, to celebrate the explosion * 408 00:46:02,069 --> 00:46:07,530 * With the motor of history driving me on * 409 00:46:07,642 --> 00:46:13,205 * I'm a wild stallion * 410 00:46:13,314 --> 00:46:16,408 * My golden mane flies in the wind * 411 00:46:16,517 --> 00:46:19,350 * As I seek out good times * 412 00:46:19,453 --> 00:46:23,719 * My valiant sword stands ever ready * 413 00:46:25,526 --> 00:46:30,088 * This wild stallion cannot be tamed * 414 00:46:31,098 --> 00:46:33,692 * Stirring up passion wherever I go * 415 00:46:33,901 --> 00:46:35,869 * This is my song * 416 00:46:35,970 --> 00:46:38,495 ** 417 00:46:38,606 --> 00:46:41,302 * A thousand steeds will rise from my grave * 418 00:46:41,409 --> 00:46:44,037 ** 419 00:46:44,145 --> 00:46:47,512 * Untamed and unafraid * 420 00:47:27,588 --> 00:47:29,579 You are so beautiful. 421 00:47:31,892 --> 00:47:34,326 I know. 422 00:47:54,315 --> 00:47:57,773 Your eyes are irresistible. 423 00:48:09,530 --> 00:48:12,431 I must see you tonight. 424 00:48:13,501 --> 00:48:15,696 See me now. 425 00:48:50,070 --> 00:48:52,038 Mmm. 426 00:49:45,926 --> 00:49:48,224 Let's get a picture of Sacr� Coeur! 427 00:49:48,429 --> 00:49:50,260 Stand right there! 428 00:49:51,298 --> 00:49:53,960 It's him! Master, we must have a picture. 429 00:49:54,068 --> 00:49:56,036 Oh! 430 00:49:56,136 --> 00:49:57,967 Oh. 431 00:49:58,072 --> 00:50:00,097 Ow. 432 00:50:07,615 --> 00:50:09,947 At last! At last! 433 00:50:10,050 --> 00:50:12,018 Instant cinema! 434 00:50:16,957 --> 00:50:18,925 Have you sent for the doctor? 435 00:50:24,732 --> 00:50:27,326 Where's my veal chop? 436 00:50:27,434 --> 00:50:29,698 Hello, maestro. 437 00:50:29,803 --> 00:50:34,069 I knew you were a hell of a lover, but this really knocks me out. 438 00:50:34,174 --> 00:50:36,074 And I am not easily surprised. 439 00:50:36,176 --> 00:50:38,974 Knocks me out too, se�or. 440 00:50:39,079 --> 00:50:41,343 It's a real love cramp. 441 00:50:41,982 --> 00:50:44,348 The man's organ is erect. 442 00:50:44,552 --> 00:50:47,715 The woman's love muscle closes tightly around it. 443 00:50:47,955 --> 00:50:50,788 Sometimes it tickles, but sometimes 444 00:50:50,991 --> 00:50:52,754 they get stuck. 445 00:50:52,960 --> 00:50:54,985 Happens to dogs too. 446 00:50:57,531 --> 00:51:00,227 - You're gonna cut it off? - Don't worry. Have no fear. 447 00:51:00,334 --> 00:51:02,598 - Latin lover. - S�. 448 00:51:08,876 --> 00:51:10,935 Hors d'oeuvres for table 12. 449 00:51:11,045 --> 00:51:13,843 Ah! 450 00:51:18,052 --> 00:51:21,544 �Arriba! 451 00:51:37,805 --> 00:51:40,103 - Can I have an autograph, please? - S�. S�. 452 00:51:40,207 --> 00:51:43,142 Will you sing something for us, maestro, please? 453 00:51:43,243 --> 00:51:47,703 * With the motor of history driving me on * 454 00:51:49,817 --> 00:51:55,380 * I'm a wild stallion * 455 00:51:55,489 --> 00:51:58,083 * My golden mane flies in the wind * 456 00:51:58,192 --> 00:52:01,320 * As I seek out good times * 457 00:52:01,428 --> 00:52:05,455 * My valiant sword stands ever ready * 458 00:52:07,001 --> 00:52:12,667 * This wild stallion cannot be tamed * 459 00:52:12,773 --> 00:52:15,298 * Stirring up passion wherever I go * 460 00:52:15,409 --> 00:52:17,309 * This is my song * 461 00:52:17,411 --> 00:52:20,278 ** 462 00:52:20,381 --> 00:52:22,975 * A thousand steeds will rise from my grave * 463 00:52:23,083 --> 00:52:25,950 ** 464 00:52:26,053 --> 00:52:29,181 * Untamed and unafraid ** 465 00:53:12,800 --> 00:53:14,768 When I left for Spain... 466 00:53:16,003 --> 00:53:17,664 in the war 467 00:53:18,138 --> 00:53:20,936 against all war and against fascism... 468 00:53:22,910 --> 00:53:24,901 my doctor said to me, 469 00:53:25,646 --> 00:53:27,375 "Comrade... 470 00:53:28,816 --> 00:53:30,340 don't go! 471 00:53:31,752 --> 00:53:33,219 You're too weak. 472 00:53:34,421 --> 00:53:36,412 You're so delicate." 473 00:53:39,827 --> 00:53:43,126 He said, "Life is so fragile. 474 00:53:45,099 --> 00:53:47,090 It must be protected." 475 00:53:49,136 --> 00:53:51,195 "From what?" I asked. 476 00:53:53,073 --> 00:53:55,667 "From water? Fire? 477 00:53:57,144 --> 00:53:58,668 Wind? 478 00:54:00,380 --> 00:54:02,314 Men?" 479 00:54:05,719 --> 00:54:10,713 "You can wipe your ass with your advice," I told him. 480 00:54:14,995 --> 00:54:16,963 I told my husband... 481 00:54:19,066 --> 00:54:22,058 "Freedom and communism start today." 482 00:54:25,506 --> 00:54:29,738 "Love starts today"... 483 00:54:32,813 --> 00:54:35,077 I told my lover. 484 00:54:38,719 --> 00:54:41,586 "We can't wage revolution with lies," 485 00:54:42,489 --> 00:54:45,686 I told the secretary of my party cell. 486 00:54:48,328 --> 00:54:50,956 I told my soldiers, 487 00:54:51,165 --> 00:54:55,329 "Our aim in this war isn't to die on the field of honor. 488 00:54:57,104 --> 00:55:00,596 Whoever falls and dies is a real schmuck, 489 00:55:00,808 --> 00:55:02,605 a total idiot!" 490 00:55:11,418 --> 00:55:13,477 Everyone has deserted me. 491 00:55:22,729 --> 00:55:28,292 Only a few old soldiers come visit me now and then. 492 00:55:34,074 --> 00:55:35,974 Don't stay here. 493 00:56:44,745 --> 00:56:46,679 Wow. 494 00:57:12,172 --> 00:57:14,572 My name is Anna Planeta. 495 00:57:14,675 --> 00:57:20,307 * 496 00:57:25,886 --> 00:57:29,014 * 497 00:57:42,469 --> 00:57:45,734 * 498 00:58:01,154 --> 00:58:04,317 * 499 00:58:27,948 --> 00:58:30,439 * 500 00:59:28,542 --> 00:59:30,510 * 501 00:59:50,864 --> 00:59:53,833 * 502 01:00:13,720 --> 01:00:16,484 * 503 01:00:55,495 --> 01:00:57,463 * 504 01:01:03,837 --> 01:01:07,273 - * - * 505 01:01:29,963 --> 01:01:33,160 - * - * 506 01:01:44,744 --> 01:01:46,712 * 507 01:01:49,182 --> 01:01:54,848 You can fuck me if you are lucky, Mr. Sugar. 508 01:02:32,259 --> 01:02:34,454 * Three blind mice * 509 01:02:34,561 --> 01:02:36,461 * Three blind mice * 510 01:02:36,563 --> 01:02:38,463 * See how they run * 511 01:02:38,565 --> 01:02:40,590 * See how they run * 512 01:02:40,700 --> 01:02:44,534 * They all ran after the farmer's wife who cut off their tails with a carving knife * 513 01:02:44,638 --> 01:02:48,233 * Did you ever see such a thing in your life as three blind mice * 514 01:02:48,341 --> 01:02:50,241 * Three blind mice * 515 01:02:51,344 --> 01:02:55,075 * See how they run See how they run * 516 01:02:55,181 --> 01:02:58,947 * They all ran after the farmer's wife ** 517 01:03:26,346 --> 01:03:29,645 * 518 01:03:34,454 --> 01:03:37,480 * 519 01:04:14,127 --> 01:04:16,095 * 520 01:04:48,762 --> 01:04:52,789 * 521 01:05:09,549 --> 01:05:11,608 * 522 01:08:28,881 --> 01:08:31,247 I'm building the head... 523 01:08:31,351 --> 01:08:33,251 of Immaculate Conception. 524 01:08:35,121 --> 01:08:38,921 Conceive your child in the brains... 525 01:08:39,025 --> 01:08:40,993 of a... 526 01:09:37,750 --> 01:09:42,016 Nice and flat so I can cut little slices. 527 01:09:42,221 --> 01:09:46,123 Can I cut it now? 528 01:09:46,325 --> 01:09:48,350 No one's answering. Shall I cut it? 529 01:09:50,296 --> 01:09:52,264 Oh! 530 01:09:55,968 --> 01:09:58,562 Delicious! Who wants a slice? 531 01:10:05,778 --> 01:10:07,871 Aaah! 532 01:11:02,435 --> 01:11:05,598 ** 533 01:11:49,081 --> 01:11:51,072 ** 534 01:13:06,525 --> 01:13:13,397 * Is it cow shit * 535 01:13:14,200 --> 01:13:18,899 * Or my beloved ** 536 01:13:56,575 --> 01:13:59,305 ** 537 01:14:15,661 --> 01:14:19,188 * 538 01:14:20,900 --> 01:14:26,429 * 539 01:14:27,940 --> 01:14:31,205 - * - * 540 01:14:51,063 --> 01:14:54,157 * 541 01:15:05,845 --> 01:15:07,813 * 542 01:15:07,913 --> 01:15:12,111 * 543 01:15:31,137 --> 01:15:35,403 - * - * 544 01:16:11,143 --> 01:16:13,509 * 545 01:16:25,091 --> 01:16:27,821 * 546 01:18:29,615 --> 01:18:31,583 Oh! Oh! 547 01:19:23,836 --> 01:19:26,361 * 548 01:19:29,041 --> 01:19:31,009 ** 549 01:19:45,557 --> 01:19:48,048 * 550 01:20:16,622 --> 01:20:19,284 * 551 01:20:34,907 --> 01:20:37,398 Everyone I loved is dead. 552 01:21:07,706 --> 01:21:09,833 I feel good. 553 01:21:10,209 --> 01:21:12,643 It always starts out that way. 554 01:21:14,146 --> 01:21:16,171 It always starts out so well. 555 01:21:26,358 --> 01:21:28,451 Sugar everywhere. 556 01:21:30,829 --> 01:21:32,524 I don't believe it. 557 01:21:34,867 --> 01:21:37,461 This boat is full of sugar. 558 01:21:45,577 --> 01:21:47,374 Sugar is dangerous. 559 01:21:53,886 --> 01:21:55,615 Fine weather today. 560 01:21:56,722 --> 01:21:58,747 How can you say that? 561 01:22:13,305 --> 01:22:15,102 Sugar is dangerous. 562 01:22:19,878 --> 01:22:22,574 Makes you live dangerously. 563 01:22:42,468 --> 01:22:44,436 Are you afraid of the past? 564 01:22:51,210 --> 01:22:53,405 I brought all this sugar here, 565 01:22:53,879 --> 01:22:56,541 but the bitter taste still lingers. 566 01:22:59,017 --> 01:23:01,611 In any case, the traces can't be erased. 567 01:23:02,721 --> 01:23:04,882 What about the witnesses? 568 01:23:08,794 --> 01:23:10,625 The witnesses must disappear. 569 01:23:15,067 --> 01:23:17,797 Oh. 570 01:23:29,982 --> 01:23:32,246 Oh. 571 01:23:32,351 --> 01:23:33,978 That's good. 572 01:23:34,786 --> 01:23:36,185 Go on. 573 01:24:06,685 --> 01:24:08,915 No explanation? 574 01:24:12,324 --> 01:24:14,758 Not everything can be explained. 575 01:24:17,963 --> 01:24:22,696 I was so jealous when Vakulinchuk was killed. 576 01:25:05,143 --> 01:25:09,409 I was so jealous when Vakulinchuk was killed. 577 01:27:12,037 --> 01:27:14,562 My God, how sad you are! 578 01:27:16,441 --> 01:27:17,738 Is the tear ready? 579 01:28:17,869 --> 01:28:20,633 Anna! 580 01:29:33,345 --> 01:29:37,805 Darling, this is going to be the highlight of your career. 581 01:29:37,916 --> 01:29:41,352 From now on, when people eat chocolate... 582 01:29:41,453 --> 01:29:43,944 I mean the brand we advertise... 583 01:29:44,055 --> 01:29:46,023 they will not feel the same. 584 01:30:00,138 --> 01:30:04,040 I want them to feel as they're eating you. 585 01:30:04,376 --> 01:30:06,367 Action. 586 01:30:07,479 --> 01:30:09,913 Chocolat. 587 01:30:12,884 --> 01:30:15,944 Easy, easy. 588 01:30:18,857 --> 01:30:20,290 Perfect. 589 01:30:26,131 --> 01:30:28,361 Perfect. Very beautiful. 590 01:30:28,466 --> 01:30:30,627 - Okay. - Sensational! 591 01:30:30,735 --> 01:30:32,635 Okay. 592 01:33:14,532 --> 01:33:16,591 Right. 593 01:33:16,701 --> 01:33:18,999 We're gonna sell the chocolate. 594 01:33:32,851 --> 01:33:35,081 Beautiful. 595 01:33:35,186 --> 01:33:37,154 Beautiful. 596 01:33:37,255 --> 01:33:39,951 Let everything be known... 597 01:33:40,058 --> 01:33:41,958 and let everything be clean. 598 01:34:00,044 --> 01:34:03,639 Our scouts had trouble in certain parts of the world. 599 01:34:03,748 --> 01:34:08,151 It's not easy to find a girl who's both pretty and a virgin. 600 01:34:08,253 --> 01:34:11,814 Our boys did quite a job, I'll tell you. 601 01:34:39,884 --> 01:34:42,011 ** 41644

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