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1
00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:09,574
Did you look in the closet?
Well, Daddy, look in the closet.
2
00:00:09,643 --> 00:00:11,243
Again?
3
00:00:11,312 --> 00:00:13,357
Because that's where Mom's
kept the towels for the past 40 years.
4
00:00:13,381 --> 00:00:16,982
He shoots. Yes.
5
00:00:17,051 --> 00:00:19,196
How do you know
I didn't make it?
6
00:00:19,220 --> 00:00:20,685
Okay. You got it?
7
00:00:20,754 --> 00:00:22,654
Yes, I am that's why
you sent me to college.
8
00:00:22,723 --> 00:00:24,089
Okay, Daddy, good night.
9
00:00:24,158 --> 00:00:26,725
God, he's so helpless.
10
00:00:26,793 --> 00:00:28,238
Where did your mother go anyway?
11
00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:30,462
She's spending the
weekend with Uncle Phil.
12
00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:33,899
For what? His wife's in
Albany, so he's all alone.
13
00:00:33,967 --> 00:00:36,701
What's in Albany. Her brother.
14
00:00:36,770 --> 00:00:39,738
Where's his wife? In
diet camp till Monday.
15
00:00:39,806 --> 00:00:42,219
So basically, because of one
fat woman upstate New York,
16
00:00:42,243 --> 00:00:43,387
17 families go out of wack?
17
00:00:43,411 --> 00:00:45,010
That's about it.
18
00:00:45,079 --> 00:00:46,445
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
19
00:00:47,448 --> 00:00:49,448
Yeah, I wonder who that is?
20
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,650
Hi, Daddy.
21
00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:54,819
No, no, you like French's
mustard not French mustard.
22
00:00:56,157 --> 00:00:57,689
Ow! No.
23
00:00:57,758 --> 00:01:00,859
The Poupon is French, and
the French's is actually American.
24
00:01:00,928 --> 00:01:02,627
I said "Ow". What?
25
00:01:04,131 --> 00:01:06,398
Okay. Tell me you
don't feel this spring.
26
00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:09,334
Sourdough. This is a huge
spring. This whole bed is just shot.
27
00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:11,937
Actually, why don't I
hold on while you toast it?
28
00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:13,605
We're not getting a new bed.
29
00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:15,652
Seriously, we've had this bed
since we moved in together.
30
00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:16,920
No. Why?
31
00:01:16,944 --> 00:01:19,244
Because we've had it
since we moved in together.
32
00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:22,492
You know, on 60 Minutes, I saw a
thing. A Malaysian child was sleeping
33
00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:24,461
on a mattress just like this.
34
00:01:24,485 --> 00:01:27,565
Mike Wallace cried. Little
tears, little tears coming out.
35
00:01:28,222 --> 00:01:31,723
Fine. I will think about it. No. No. That's
good. The toast is supposed to be brown.
36
00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:33,858
Go get a tomato.
37
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:36,173
You know, why don't you just invite
your father down for the weekend?
38
00:01:36,197 --> 00:01:39,764
I already did. He doesn't like to leave
the house. Maybe we should go there.
39
00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:42,667
Then I'd have to
leave the house.
40
00:01:42,736 --> 00:01:45,837
Oh, God, no, no, no. Then forget
the tomato. Go get the mayonnaise.
41
00:01:45,906 --> 00:01:48,740
Well, maybe you should go.
What? And leave you home alone?
42
00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:50,969
What am I, Macaulay Culkin?
43
00:01:52,079 --> 00:01:53,745
All right. Try counterclockwise.
44
00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:56,188
Just...
45
00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:01,052
Just go before he hurts himself.
46
00:02:01,122 --> 00:02:03,989
Daddy, maybe I should just come
and stay with you till Mom gets back.
47
00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:05,268
You sure you'll
be fine? I'll be fine.
48
00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:07,292
Are you sure? I'll be thrilled.
49
00:02:08,695 --> 00:02:11,563
You'll be thrilled? All righty.
50
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:14,699
So, um... So I'll
be there tomorrow.
51
00:02:14,768 --> 00:02:17,302
First train in the morning.
Okay. Good night.
52
00:02:17,371 --> 00:02:21,039
Not... Not thrilled, happy-thrilled,
thrilled when you get back
53
00:02:21,108 --> 00:02:25,277
because I will have missed you the
whole weekend, so great is my love for you.
54
00:02:32,153 --> 00:02:35,499
Okay. The shower's dripping, so you have to
call Mr. Wicker before it explodes again.
55
00:02:35,523 --> 00:02:36,688
I understand.
56
00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:38,757
And don't forget, you
need to light the oven.
57
00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:40,341
If you need extra light
bulbs, they're in the
58
00:02:40,365 --> 00:02:41,871
thing. If the refrigerator
starts humming...
59
00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:43,962
Then I'll harmonize with it.
60
00:02:44,031 --> 00:02:45,764
Are you gonna be
okay? I'll be fine.
61
00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:48,778
What are you gonna do? I'll do...
I'll do whatever. I'll c-call the guys.
62
00:02:48,802 --> 00:02:50,213
What guys? The guys.
63
00:02:50,237 --> 00:02:51,503
You don't have any guys.
64
00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:54,906
I've got guys. I've
got plenty of guys.
65
00:02:54,975 --> 00:02:56,808
Okay. If you decide
to do laundry...
66
00:02:56,877 --> 00:02:58,188
I'm not gonna do laundry.
Yeah, but if you do...
67
00:02:58,212 --> 00:03:00,111
I'm not gonna do laundry.
68
00:03:00,181 --> 00:03:03,393
Don't do it between 4:00 and 6:00, or
you'll run into the Kopecks and their kids
69
00:03:03,417 --> 00:03:06,463
and just trust me. Yeah. Understand
how much I'm not gonna do laundry.
70
00:03:06,487 --> 00:03:07,797
(INTERCOM BUZZING) All right.
71
00:03:07,821 --> 00:03:09,932
MR. WICKER: Cab's
here. She's coming.
72
00:03:09,956 --> 00:03:12,157
Come on, sweetie,
you're upsetting the cabbie.
73
00:03:12,226 --> 00:03:13,703
You know, you're
allergic to coconut.
74
00:03:13,727 --> 00:03:15,427
So, no luaus.
75
00:03:15,496 --> 00:03:18,856
Are you gonna miss me at
all? Yes, only if you leave.
76
00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:22,000
Bye. Bye. Have fun.
77
00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:28,507
Well, now, it's all mine!
78
00:03:28,576 --> 00:03:30,075
It's all mine.
79
00:03:34,215 --> 00:03:35,514
That's mine.
80
00:03:35,583 --> 00:03:37,015
It's all mine.
81
00:03:37,084 --> 00:03:39,444
That was always mine,
now it's even more mine.
82
00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:43,366
Anything in here? All mine.
83
00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:45,750
Milk. Perfect example
of things that are mine.
84
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:47,392
Mmm.
85
00:03:49,296 --> 00:03:50,662
Ah.
86
00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:53,865
See that? Virtually empty,
yet I put it right back.
87
00:03:55,302 --> 00:03:58,002
Whatever you want. Mallomars.
88
00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:00,951
By the way, I don't know if I
mentioned, Mallomars, also mine.
89
00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:03,842
You can have one, too.
90
00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:06,990
You see that? I don't even close
it. That's how giddy I am with power.
91
00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:12,016
Come dog of mine. Come with
me. Let's watch my Baywatch.
92
00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:19,891
You can sit. Sit, lick,
whatever you want.
93
00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:26,798
All right. Here we go. There's
a 3:20, 5:30, there's 7:45...
94
00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:28,345
Paulie, I can't
go to the movies.
95
00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:30,012
Why not? I've got a date.
96
00:04:30,036 --> 00:04:32,036
What? Yeah, we do that out here.
97
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,507
But I'm free.
98
00:04:36,343 --> 00:04:37,643
Imagine my dilemma.
99
00:04:37,711 --> 00:04:38,951
(SCOFFS)
100
00:04:41,181 --> 00:04:43,615
All right. Fine. You know
what? I'll call the guys.
101
00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:45,917
What guys? I've got guys.
102
00:04:45,986 --> 00:04:49,053
Hey, hey, hey, hey. I
understand. It's softwood walking.
103
00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:51,623
I'm gonna go bowling.
104
00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:53,303
Mmm. Mmm-hmm.
105
00:04:53,327 --> 00:04:55,905
You want to borrow some of my
guys? Why would I want your guys?
106
00:04:55,929 --> 00:04:58,169
Because you don't
do alone so good.
107
00:04:58,198 --> 00:05:00,799
Hey, excuse me. I
lived alone for 30 years.
108
00:05:00,867 --> 00:05:04,770
Paulie, you lived with your parents until
you were 18. In college you had roommates.
109
00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:07,350
We lived together until I
threw you out, and then Jamie.
110
00:05:07,374 --> 00:05:10,019
Basically, you've been alone
about five minutes your whole life.
111
00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:12,922
You didn't throw me out. Hey, I don't
want to have that discussion again. What?
112
00:05:12,946 --> 00:05:15,414
You want me to call
Susannah and cancel my date?
113
00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:17,082
Nah. Because I would.
114
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,561
You would? Yeah, I would.
115
00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:19,785
All right.
116
00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:22,213
(LAUGHING) I'm not
gonna cancel my date.
117
00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:28,127
(MURRAY BARKING)
118
00:05:28,195 --> 00:05:31,697
Hey, dog of mine. Pepperoni.
119
00:05:31,765 --> 00:05:33,231
Do not tell your mother.
120
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:40,939
Oh, is the shower exploding
again? I forgot to call Wicker.
121
00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:44,309
That's what I need
this weekend, a flood.
122
00:05:44,911 --> 00:05:45,911
(FRAN SCREAMING)
123
00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:46,979
(PAUL EXCLAIMING)
124
00:05:55,989 --> 00:05:58,468
Hi. Hey, Fran. Hi.
When did you get here?
125
00:05:58,492 --> 00:06:00,532
(SIGHS) Sorry I
screamed. You startled me.
126
00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:03,127
Oh, were those yours? What?
127
00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:08,311
(STAMMERING) No, 'cause
I didn't see a thing. Okay.
128
00:06:08,335 --> 00:06:10,301
I swear. Fine.
129
00:06:10,371 --> 00:06:12,691
I'm gonna go get dressed.
Okay. Please do that.
130
00:06:20,781 --> 00:06:22,748
(PHONE RINGING)
131
00:06:22,816 --> 00:06:24,060
Hello. Hi, it's me.
132
00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:25,829
Hi, sweetie. How was your trip?
133
00:06:25,853 --> 00:06:28,773
It was okay. The train was a
little late. All right, good. Listen.
134
00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:33,492
Um. hypothetical situation.
135
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:36,828
Fran is naked in our
house. Why would that be?
136
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:39,097
Excuse me? She
was in the shower.
137
00:06:39,165 --> 00:06:40,932
She must have gone to the gym.
138
00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:42,812
So? The shower
there is all nasty.
139
00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:45,147
The gym's right around the
corner, so she comes over to us.
140
00:06:45,171 --> 00:06:47,406
Like, all the time?
Yeah, you know.
141
00:06:47,474 --> 00:06:51,510
No. I don't know. I don't know. That's
the whole point. What happened?
142
00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:53,378
I didn't see a thing.
143
00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:57,482
Oh, God. Did you apologize?
144
00:06:57,551 --> 00:06:59,391
I'm going to send
her an arrangement.
145
00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:01,386
Are you okay?
146
00:07:01,455 --> 00:07:03,755
Yes, I'm fine. I'm just...
Everything is under control.
147
00:07:03,824 --> 00:07:06,024
(DOORBELL BUZZING)
All right. Bye-bye.
148
00:07:06,493 --> 00:07:08,159
Why didn't you say something?
149
00:07:08,228 --> 00:07:09,228
(WHIMPERS)
150
00:07:11,364 --> 00:07:14,365
Snappy Garments. And
a lovely jacket yourself.
151
00:07:17,370 --> 00:07:20,038
I'm here to pick up
your dry cleaning.
152
00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:22,908
No. What? Buchman? Yeah.
153
00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:24,776
11 D? Yeah.
154
00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:28,713
One second.
155
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:30,582
Bye. Bye.
156
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:31,784
Bye.
157
00:07:34,588 --> 00:07:35,954
(PHONE RINGING)
158
00:07:36,022 --> 00:07:37,600
Hello. PAUL: Hi, it's me.
159
00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:40,002
Um, there's a guy
here, wants our clothing.
160
00:07:40,026 --> 00:07:42,694
Do we do that, or
are we being robbed?
161
00:07:43,363 --> 00:07:44,596
We do that.
162
00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:46,565
Since when? It's free.
163
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:48,478
What else goes on around here?
164
00:07:48,502 --> 00:07:49,979
It's the blue bag in the closet.
165
00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:51,614
I'm quite aware of the blue bag.
166
00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:53,483
You sure you're gonna
be okay? I'll be fine.
167
00:07:53,507 --> 00:07:54,951
Everything is under
control. Bye-bye.
168
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:56,675
Bye.
169
00:07:56,743 --> 00:07:59,945
Sorry about that. It's just... My wife
is away, so you know how that is.
170
00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:01,373
I've got to do
everything myself.
171
00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:06,463
Are these dry clean or
laundry? What's that?
172
00:08:06,487 --> 00:08:08,086
Dry clean or laundry?
173
00:08:17,397 --> 00:08:18,541
Hi, it's me. Dry clean.
174
00:08:18,565 --> 00:08:19,565
Thank you.
175
00:08:25,438 --> 00:08:28,306
PAUL: I can't call
him. Can't call him.
176
00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:30,775
Hey, you know
what? I've got no guys.
177
00:08:32,312 --> 00:08:34,813
Not a guy to be found here.
178
00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:40,284
Zucker? Nah.
179
00:08:42,823 --> 00:08:46,124
That's all right. That's all right. You
know what? It's good to be alone.
180
00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:47,559
It's good for the soul.
181
00:08:51,899 --> 00:08:53,264
(DOORBELL BUZZING)
182
00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:57,536
Thank God. I'm coming.
Don't go away. Don't go away.
183
00:08:57,604 --> 00:08:58,815
Right here. Please don't go.
184
00:08:58,839 --> 00:09:01,973
Lisa. Hi. Hi.
185
00:09:05,546 --> 00:09:07,345
Hi, how are you?
186
00:09:07,414 --> 00:09:08,725
Uh, I was just in
the neighborhood
187
00:09:08,749 --> 00:09:10,515
and thought I'd
bring you some lunch.
188
00:09:10,584 --> 00:09:12,584
Did Jamie say to do that? No.
189
00:09:12,653 --> 00:09:14,373
Did she tell you to say no? Yes.
190
00:09:16,590 --> 00:09:18,389
I'm borrowing a dress.
191
00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:20,302
Anything. Whatever you
want. Whatever you want. Sure.
192
00:09:20,326 --> 00:09:21,492
You got a big date tonight?
193
00:09:21,562 --> 00:09:23,028
Oh, just Troy, you know.
194
00:09:23,096 --> 00:09:24,407
Going out with Troy. Mmm-hmm.
195
00:09:24,431 --> 00:09:27,065
Which one is Troy?
Harriette's acupuncturist.
196
00:09:27,133 --> 00:09:29,500
He's an acupuncturist.
So he works with needles?
197
00:09:29,570 --> 00:09:31,047
I would think that's
fascinating work.
198
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:33,504
What is wrong with you?
199
00:09:33,574 --> 00:09:34,948
Nothing is wrong
with me. I was just
200
00:09:34,972 --> 00:09:36,719
thinking. You and I
never get to really talk.
201
00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:38,877
Oh, we talk. No, not really.
202
00:09:38,946 --> 00:09:41,891
Well, Jamie and I talk, you
sit there and roll your eyes.
203
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:43,927
I don't roll my eyes
at you. Yeah, right.
204
00:09:43,951 --> 00:09:45,984
Never. Where...
where did you get that?
205
00:09:46,053 --> 00:09:48,731
Oh, come on. You couldn't talk to
me two minutes and not roll your eyes.
206
00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:50,989
Oh, that's so not
true. Oh, yeah?
207
00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:52,978
Yeah. Okay.
208
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,260
I'm thinking of buying a ferret.
209
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:03,835
Good for you.
210
00:10:03,904 --> 00:10:04,936
Mmm-hmm.
211
00:10:05,005 --> 00:10:08,506
I know where I can
get one for $600.
212
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:13,878
Sounds pricey
for a weasel, but...
213
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:17,515
Well, you know how good I am at
budgeting my money. Nobody better.
214
00:10:17,584 --> 00:10:19,317
I figured I name him Biff
215
00:10:19,385 --> 00:10:21,764
after this old boyfriend of mine who
used to be a doorman at FAO Schwarz,
216
00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:23,488
only he got fired
for stealing Legos
217
00:10:23,556 --> 00:10:25,289
and had to move
back home to Jersey,
218
00:10:25,358 --> 00:10:27,637
which was kind of a drag because
we had bought this '63 Valiant together,
219
00:10:27,661 --> 00:10:30,528
and whenever I felt like driving
uptown, I had to go to Newark first.
220
00:10:30,597 --> 00:10:32,550
But, actually, it
worked out pretty well
221
00:10:32,574 --> 00:10:34,799
because the bus I had
to take had this driver
222
00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:37,568
named Delana, and she let
me honk the horn once in a while,
223
00:10:37,638 --> 00:10:40,282
and eventually she introduced me
to her brother who breeds ferrets,
224
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:44,009
and he said I could have pick of the
litter for $600 and a pair of my panties,
225
00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:45,844
which you can't deny
is a pretty good deal.
226
00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:53,463
(DOORBELL BUZZING) Sounds
great. Excuse me for a second.
227
00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:04,607
Hi. Buchman?
228
00:11:04,631 --> 00:11:06,665
Yes. Sign here.
229
00:11:06,733 --> 00:11:09,534
What, a Meat of the
Month Club? That's right.
230
00:11:09,602 --> 00:11:15,774
I don't think so. Ah,
just... just one second.
231
00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:20,879
My wife is out of town,
so it's all been... Just...
232
00:11:20,947 --> 00:11:23,381
(PHONE RINGING)
233
00:11:23,449 --> 00:11:24,493
JAMIE: Hello. Hi, it's me.
234
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,851
Well, blow me down.
235
00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:28,765
There's a guy here
with a box of meat.
236
00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:29,832
So? So?
237
00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:31,067
So? I'm saying to you.
238
00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:33,024
What?
239
00:11:33,093 --> 00:11:34,937
Since when do we
eat meat in a box?
240
00:11:34,961 --> 00:11:36,594
Three years.
241
00:11:36,663 --> 00:11:39,164
Really? And I enjoy
it? Yeah. You love it.
242
00:11:39,232 --> 00:11:41,032
Well, who knew?
243
00:11:41,101 --> 00:11:42,478
Is that Jamie? Uh-huh. Yeah.
244
00:11:42,502 --> 00:11:44,213
I didn't borrow her new dress.
245
00:11:44,237 --> 00:11:46,482
Hey, come on, get back here.
Honey, are you sure you're okay?
246
00:11:46,506 --> 00:11:49,574
Huh? Yeah, I'm
fine. It's just, uh,
247
00:11:49,642 --> 00:11:52,443
a lot of surprises for one day.
Do you want me to come home?
248
00:11:52,512 --> 00:11:55,446
No, no, no. Hey,
everything is under control.
249
00:11:55,515 --> 00:11:58,195
All righty. I'll talk to
you in five minutes.
250
00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:00,785
That's very funny.
Yeah, who's next?
251
00:12:00,854 --> 00:12:03,788
Who is that? Nobody. Nobody.
I have things under control.
252
00:12:03,857 --> 00:12:07,192
I'll be on the 4:00 train.
Bye-bye. All right. Love you, babe.
253
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:09,160
Little Sisters of
Mercy. You bet.
254
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:11,162
We're from the thrift store.
255
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,331
I know. You picking
up or you dropping off?
256
00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:14,877
We're here to pick up the bed.
257
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:17,568
The bed? I understand.
Of course. Why?
258
00:12:17,637 --> 00:12:19,403
Your wife donated it.
259
00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:20,739
She did?
260
00:12:20,807 --> 00:12:22,240
That's what it says.
261
00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:24,342
Uh, all right. Yeah, okay.
262
00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:26,144
Uh, of course, it's
right through there.
263
00:12:26,213 --> 00:12:28,346
Right there in the bedroom.
264
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:30,760
'Cause we... We've been having
a little problem with the bed,
265
00:12:30,784 --> 00:12:33,718
so we've been talking
about getting a new one.
266
00:12:33,787 --> 00:12:38,089
Uh, so, I guess why my wife
called you and just said, uh...
267
00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:39,724
The whole bed?
268
00:12:39,793 --> 00:12:41,692
That's what it says.
269
00:12:41,762 --> 00:12:45,130
Uh, uh, just... just one second,
would ya? 'Cause I don't...
270
00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:49,108
Take the bed out of here.
271
00:12:58,245 --> 00:12:59,911
Out of sorts. Six letters.
272
00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:02,024
Fusty.
273
00:13:02,048 --> 00:13:03,292
What? Fusty.
274
00:13:03,316 --> 00:13:06,684
F-U-S-T-Y.
275
00:13:06,753 --> 00:13:09,113
And this extra space,
we just ignore it.
276
00:13:10,523 --> 00:13:12,902
When is your wife coming
back? Why do you ask?
277
00:13:12,926 --> 00:13:15,726
Hey, Conways. You need
a taxi, right? If you would.
278
00:13:15,796 --> 00:13:18,096
Hey, hey, look at you two.
You're looking pretty sporty.
279
00:13:18,165 --> 00:13:20,977
You've got a big day? Brunch
and the opera with my publisher.
280
00:13:21,001 --> 00:13:24,235
Oh, my wife and I used
go to brunch all the time.
281
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:26,905
Oh, have you two split up?
282
00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:29,174
No, no. She just... Is she dead?
283
00:13:32,679 --> 00:13:36,147
No, she's not dead. She's
out of the town. BOTH: Oh.
284
00:13:38,118 --> 00:13:39,918
MR. WICKER: Cab's ready.
285
00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:42,999
Oh, Mr. Wicker, you didn't happen to
see any delivery men yesterday, did you?
286
00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:45,723
For you? Yes. We donated
some furniture to charity,
287
00:13:45,792 --> 00:13:46,891
but they never showed up.
288
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,759
Gee, I was only
on in the morning.
289
00:13:48,829 --> 00:13:51,729
Never mind. We'll call them
tomorrow. Come on, darling.
290
00:13:51,798 --> 00:13:54,143
If you're done with this
book review I'm gonna...
291
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,247
What did they say about
picking up furniture?
292
00:13:57,704 --> 00:13:58,870
(IRA LAUGHING)
293
00:14:01,107 --> 00:14:04,475
Laughter is not constructive.
No, no, let me get this straight.
294
00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:07,411
Two guys come down
your hall with a clipboard
295
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:10,849
and you think, "Let
me give you my bed."
296
00:14:12,219 --> 00:14:14,485
Yes. How do you do that?
297
00:14:14,554 --> 00:14:18,022
Because I am the
dumbest man in the country.
298
00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:19,457
And yet, and yet, maybe I'm not.
299
00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:22,260
Maybe Jamie was
in a charitable mood.
300
00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:24,569
So why don't you give
her a call and ask her?
301
00:14:24,630 --> 00:14:27,031
I can't. I can't call her
because then she'll know...
302
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:29,800
How stupid you are? Yes.
303
00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:32,151
She's gonna be home tonight.
304
00:14:32,272 --> 00:14:33,504
Maybe she won't notice.
305
00:14:33,573 --> 00:14:37,876
I don't know, Paulie,
she's pretty sharp.
306
00:14:37,944 --> 00:14:40,945
All right. It really does open
up the room, though, doesn't it?
307
00:14:41,014 --> 00:14:42,014
Shut up.
308
00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:44,315
(PHONE RINGING)
309
00:14:45,818 --> 00:14:48,219
Hello. Hey, top of
the morning to you.
310
00:14:48,288 --> 00:14:50,755
What's wrong?
311
00:14:50,823 --> 00:14:53,269
Nothing is wrong. I just
wanted see how you are doing.
312
00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:55,826
Well, that's sweet.
I'm good. I miss you.
313
00:14:55,896 --> 00:14:57,328
Okay. Listen. Um...
314
00:15:00,166 --> 00:15:02,211
I was just wondering, did
you give any more thought
315
00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:04,802
to the buying a new
bed thing we discussed?
316
00:15:04,871 --> 00:15:06,371
No. I haven't. Okay. Bye.
317
00:15:10,543 --> 00:15:11,820
So of all the men in America...
318
00:15:11,844 --> 00:15:13,778
I am the most stupid.
319
00:15:14,948 --> 00:15:16,447
Okay. How do I fix this?
320
00:15:16,516 --> 00:15:18,060
What's the name of the charity?
321
00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:19,561
The name of the
charity. Oh, they said...
322
00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:20,997
The guy said it. He said
it. He's standing there.
323
00:15:21,021 --> 00:15:23,065
Big guy, big guy. He
said, "Hi, we're here from..."
324
00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:25,924
"We're here from..." Something,
something. I didn't listen.
325
00:15:25,992 --> 00:15:27,758
What about the Brits?
326
00:15:27,827 --> 00:15:29,538
They weren't even here? Yeah,
but they would know the name.
327
00:15:29,562 --> 00:15:31,073
The Brits would
know the name, yes,
328
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:32,508
because they're the
ones who called 'em.
329
00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:34,676
This is what I'm saying.
Oh, yeah, all right. Good.
330
00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:37,740
Hey, you know, this could
happen to anybody. It really couldn't.
331
00:15:39,739 --> 00:15:41,505
(OPERA SINGER SINGING)
332
00:15:43,410 --> 00:15:44,842
Conway. There you are.
333
00:15:46,746 --> 00:15:49,091
The charity donation thing, it
wasn't a bed by any chance, was it?
334
00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:50,359
MAN: What's going
on? We don't know them.
335
00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:51,660
Because they picked up our bed.
336
00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:53,729
We've never seen
them before in our lives.
337
00:15:53,753 --> 00:15:55,019
Hey, good seats.
338
00:15:55,088 --> 00:15:57,155
(PEOPLE SHUSHING)
Would you please go away?
339
00:15:57,223 --> 00:16:00,325
Sorry, sorry. Um,
was it... was it Unicef?
340
00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:02,927
Was it... Do you remember?
Was it Unicef? Just nod.
341
00:16:02,996 --> 00:16:07,698
Nod if it was Unicef. It
wasn't Unicef. Uh, Goodwill?
342
00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:11,936
Salvation Army? A.S.P.C.A?
The Kidney Foundation?
343
00:16:12,005 --> 00:16:14,583
(SINGING STOPS) It was the
Little Sisters of Mercy! All right?
344
00:16:14,607 --> 00:16:16,841
The Little Sisters of Mercy!
345
00:16:16,909 --> 00:16:18,629
Yes, thank you. Come on.
346
00:16:28,254 --> 00:16:30,288
Please, do go on.
347
00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:33,291
(OPERA SINGER RESUMES SINGING)
348
00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:39,330
I'm looking for a bed... Well,
we have a wide selection.
349
00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:40,764
A very specific bed.
350
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:42,700
Wood with the little iron stuff.
351
00:16:42,768 --> 00:16:45,647
As a matter of fact, one like that
arrived just yesterday. That's my bed.
352
00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:48,539
I wish all my customers
were as easy as you.
353
00:16:48,608 --> 00:16:51,542
No, no, no. I mean, It is...
It is my bed. I gave it to you.
354
00:16:51,611 --> 00:16:54,712
And God bless. It was a mistake.
355
00:16:54,780 --> 00:16:56,825
Oh, giving is never a mistake.
356
00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:59,484
Well, sometimes it is.
357
00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:02,086
Uh. it actually is my
bed. I understand.
358
00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:03,832
So could I just get
it back? Of course.
359
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:06,757
Thank you. I believe
we priced it at $400.
360
00:17:06,826 --> 00:17:09,786
Hey, Sister, how much for the
one with Nick and Doris? It's for me.
361
00:17:09,829 --> 00:17:12,830
No, but... Excuse me.
It's my bed. Not anymore.
362
00:17:12,899 --> 00:17:14,977
No, you have a whole other bed.
It's coming from British people.
363
00:17:15,001 --> 00:17:17,235
When? When? Whenever.
364
00:17:17,303 --> 00:17:18,969
Well, I can't live on faith.
365
00:17:21,007 --> 00:17:24,342
So now they want to charge me $400,
and my wife is coming back in a few hours.
366
00:17:24,411 --> 00:17:28,112
So, if I just bring them your bed,
then everybody is happy, right?
367
00:17:28,181 --> 00:17:30,781
I'd say you've gotten yourself
a bit over a barrel, haven't you?
368
00:17:32,452 --> 00:17:33,972
(MIMICKING BRITISH
ACCENT) Hasn't he?
369
00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:40,836
Yes, a little bit. But now...
370
00:17:40,860 --> 00:17:43,005
Darling, I've been thinking.
Perhaps, we've been a little bit rash.
371
00:17:43,029 --> 00:17:44,106
(ELEVATOR DINGS) About what?
372
00:17:44,130 --> 00:17:45,874
Well, our bed has
been so good to us.
373
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:47,743
It seems almost
rude to part with it.
374
00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:49,434
Paul. Yeah, one sec.
375
00:17:49,502 --> 00:17:51,414
Okay, but you just said you
already bought a new one.
376
00:17:51,438 --> 00:17:52,614
I don't know.
377
00:17:52,638 --> 00:17:54,016
Paul. One sec.
378
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:56,274
So, just... just
give me your bed.
379
00:17:56,342 --> 00:17:57,608
All right.
380
00:17:58,344 --> 00:17:59,477
Thank you.
381
00:17:59,546 --> 00:18:00,678
For $300.
382
00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:02,447
What?
383
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:03,948
Rather a bargain, I'd say.
384
00:18:04,016 --> 00:18:05,528
Do you think we're
under selling ourselves?
385
00:18:05,552 --> 00:18:07,518
No, no, no, okay. Fine.
386
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:08,964
Paul. What?
387
00:18:08,988 --> 00:18:10,621
Tell me if you notice anything.
388
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:17,761
FRAN: If that bed
scratches my roof, I'll kill you.
389
00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:21,265
All right. So now we're square,
everything is even. Hey, excuse me.
390
00:18:21,334 --> 00:18:23,045
Hey, we were just
about to buy this.
391
00:18:23,069 --> 00:18:24,602
Sorry. For how much?
392
00:18:24,670 --> 00:18:25,781
It says $400.
393
00:18:25,805 --> 00:18:27,049
Uh, wait. That's... It's my bed.
394
00:18:27,073 --> 00:18:28,517
$410. What are you doing?
395
00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:29,685
Well, you want it or not?
396
00:18:29,709 --> 00:18:31,687
I just bought a bed for you.
397
00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:33,644
And God bless. $420.
398
00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:34,945
$430.
399
00:18:35,014 --> 00:18:36,225
What? Wait a
second. Wait a second.
400
00:18:36,249 --> 00:18:37,726
You don't... You don't
need this bed, okay?
401
00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:38,950
There's plenty of other beds.
402
00:18:38,985 --> 00:18:41,319
Look at this nice
Nick and Doris.
403
00:18:41,387 --> 00:18:42,698
Hey, this would
look cute on you.
404
00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:44,522
Oh, it would. Can I try it on?
405
00:18:44,591 --> 00:18:46,624
Right in there. Now
where were we?
406
00:18:46,692 --> 00:18:47,803
IRA: 450.60.
407
00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:49,105
Hey, what are you doing? $500.
408
00:18:49,129 --> 00:18:50,206
Stop it, okay?
409
00:18:50,230 --> 00:18:51,795
It's okay.
410
00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:53,531
It's too rich for me.
411
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:57,401
See? Sold for $500.
412
00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:58,814
Fine, fine, fine. All right.
413
00:18:58,838 --> 00:19:00,871
Now, can I show you
something in an end table?
414
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:02,106
No.
415
00:19:02,175 --> 00:19:05,943
Uh, j-just get the
car. Get the keys.
416
00:19:06,012 --> 00:19:07,423
(FRAN SCREAMING)
Fran, where's...
417
00:19:07,447 --> 00:19:09,927
I didn't see anything.
I didn't see anything.
418
00:19:11,251 --> 00:19:13,362
How did you get this thing
together in the first place?
419
00:19:13,386 --> 00:19:15,353
That was when I had guys.
420
00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:20,691
Great. I've got 14 things
and 3 holes. What do I do?
421
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,092
Join the circus.
422
00:19:28,535 --> 00:19:30,701
Is this it? No.
423
00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:32,303
JAMIE: Hello.
424
00:19:32,372 --> 00:19:33,937
Oh, this is no good.
425
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:35,206
Now what?
426
00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:36,774
Uh, all right.
427
00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:38,976
How fast can you
do this? We can't.
428
00:19:39,045 --> 00:19:40,911
All right, but hurry.
JAMIE: Hello.
429
00:19:44,417 --> 00:19:47,518
Hey. Look who's home. Hey.
430
00:19:47,587 --> 00:19:50,188
Hi, what happened? Aunt
Rochelle got back early,
431
00:19:50,256 --> 00:19:53,424
so Mom got back early,
so I took the 3:00 train.
432
00:19:53,493 --> 00:19:56,694
It's like a whole little
Darwinian thing there.
433
00:19:56,762 --> 00:19:57,928
IRA: Ow!
434
00:19:57,997 --> 00:20:00,665
What was that? How
was your father? Good?
435
00:20:02,001 --> 00:20:04,134
Please. The man fought two wars,
436
00:20:04,204 --> 00:20:06,804
he can't cut a melon.
I'm so exhausted.
437
00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:08,250
Oh, you know what?
You're exhausted.
438
00:20:08,274 --> 00:20:09,718
(STUTTERING) Let's go out. What?
439
00:20:09,742 --> 00:20:11,420
We'll take a walk, you
know. It'll pep you right up.
440
00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:13,222
Now, honey, I just
want to go to bed.
441
00:20:13,246 --> 00:20:15,457
Well, okay, all right. But first,
I wanna show you something.
442
00:20:15,481 --> 00:20:16,625
What? Just come here. Come here.
443
00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:17,759
Come here, come here. Honey.
444
00:20:17,783 --> 00:20:19,623
I wanted you to see
this. This is good.
445
00:20:24,156 --> 00:20:26,156
What? Guess.
446
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:30,595
I'm... I'm really
too tired to guess.
447
00:20:30,663 --> 00:20:33,797
Oh, come on, come on.
Guess, guess, guess, guess.
448
00:20:33,866 --> 00:20:35,866
Uh, you cleaned something? No.
449
00:20:35,935 --> 00:20:37,379
You cooked something? Uh, no.
450
00:20:37,403 --> 00:20:38,714
You ate something? No.
451
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:40,082
All right. I give up.
Oh, come on, come on.
452
00:20:40,106 --> 00:20:42,005
Look. Look... Look around.
453
00:20:46,212 --> 00:20:47,245
Cold.
454
00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:51,694
(CHUCKLES) Warm.
455
00:20:51,718 --> 00:20:52,850
Warmer.
456
00:20:53,853 --> 00:20:54,885
Cold.
457
00:20:59,726 --> 00:21:01,125
Warm.
458
00:21:01,193 --> 00:21:02,393
Warmer.
459
00:21:02,462 --> 00:21:03,728
Hot.
460
00:21:03,796 --> 00:21:04,956
Cold.
461
00:21:06,466 --> 00:21:09,166
How can I be hot and
cold at the same time?
462
00:21:09,235 --> 00:21:11,201
Malaria.
463
00:21:11,271 --> 00:21:12,814
No, wait. All right,
all right, all right.
464
00:21:12,838 --> 00:21:14,283
You wanna dance? No.
465
00:21:14,307 --> 00:21:15,484
You wanna play cards? No.
466
00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:16,918
Wanna learn VCR Plus? No.
467
00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:18,554
If you had told me
about the dry cleaning,
468
00:21:18,578 --> 00:21:19,955
or the meat, or at
least one of 'em,
469
00:21:19,979 --> 00:21:21,490
I would know what
goes on around here.
470
00:21:21,514 --> 00:21:23,781
So, basically,
this is all your...
471
00:21:24,884 --> 00:21:28,018
That was quick. What?
472
00:21:28,087 --> 00:21:30,888
Little shooting pain I
just had. It's all right.
473
00:21:30,956 --> 00:21:32,323
Are you okay?
474
00:21:33,259 --> 00:21:35,225
Um... Yeah.
475
00:21:35,295 --> 00:21:37,728
You know what,
though? I just missed you.
476
00:21:37,797 --> 00:21:40,230
I really... I missed
you. I love when you...
477
00:21:40,300 --> 00:21:41,943
Nothing seems to work
when you're not here.
478
00:21:41,967 --> 00:21:43,567
Oh. Really.
479
00:21:43,603 --> 00:21:45,670
Well, now you're home
and everything is good.
480
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,039
Welcome home.
481
00:21:57,082 --> 00:21:58,627
Honey, maybe we
should get a new bed.
482
00:21:58,651 --> 00:22:00,785
This is all I'm saying.
483
00:22:23,843 --> 00:22:25,343
(DOOR CREAKING)
484
00:22:31,951 --> 00:22:33,451
(TRUNK CREAKING)
36571
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