All language subtitles for Mad About You - S03E13 - Mad About You(Part 1)-ing

All right. How about this?

No, no, no, no, no.
You can't throw that out.

It's been here
since we moved in.

Vegetable medley.

Look at this. Arranged
by Henry Mancini.

Let's get rid of this.
You can't throw that out.

Why not? My father caught it.

Watch this. Next.

Here. We do not need this.

That's the top of
our wedding cake.

We're not... This... It's not
a scrapbook, it's a freezer.

No.

We will never eat this.
I... I'm gonna throw it out.

All right. Fine. I am going to.

Fine. I am.

All right, but the
medley goes back in.

All right.

All right.

♪ Tell me why I
love you like I do

♪ Tell me who can stop
my heart as much as you

♪ Tell me all your secrets
and I'll tell you most of mine

♪ They say nobody's perfect
Well, that's really true this time

♪ I don't have the
answers, I don't have a plan

♪ All I have is you

♪ So, darling,
help me understand

♪ What we do

♪ You can whisper in my ear

♪ Where we go

♪ Who knows what
happens after here

♪ Let's take each other's hand

♪ As we jump
into the final frontier

♪ I'm mad about you, baby

♪ Yeah!

♪ I'm mad about you ♪

How are you holding up?

Well, if I had two tongues,

I'd be the happiest
person in the world.

Second-happiest.

Hey, if we're trying to
hold this down to 80 people,

why are we inviting the Floyds?

Because they're
not going to come.

All right then.

Saved by the Bell?

I can't help it. It's
just... It's on so much.

I feel like if I'm not watching
it, I'm doing something wrong.

What do you think of
these plates? Be honest.

That's what you want to
eat on? Lions with shields?

Vines, bougainvillea, and pears.

Oh, my.

No, get it. We'll...
We'll eat on those.

All right. Now listen. This is the
band from Fran and Mark's wedding.

(WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS
NOW PLAYING ON STEREO)

WOMAN: (VOICE CRACKING)
♪ What the world needs now ♪

Why don't we
just get Ira's band?

Yeah, we might, we might.

Okay. Now, forget that
one. Put it out of your head.

All right. I just put
sorbet in my ears.

I don't remember anything.

(WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS NOW
PLAYING IN LATIN JAZZ STYLE)

What do you think?

Sounds like the guy in the deli.

I promised him we'd listen.

That's the guy in
the deli? Mmm-hmm.

Hey, where are you going?

With Fran to pick out bridesmaids'
dresses. I told you, like, three times.

I know. I know, I know. But only
when I ask do I actually listen.

You going to get your tux?

Antonio, fastest
tailor in the world.

Yeah? Says who?

I did that whole
documentary on him.

He told me, "If you
ever need a favor..."

(PHONE RINGS)
But you're going today.

Well, the wedding's
not for three months.

If I went today, that would
be like an insult to him.

Yes, Fran, I'm ready.

Sylvia. Hi.

Really? You ran into the Wolfs?

That's what you get
for taking the shortcut.

She won't get that.

That was a little joke.

A Little Red Riding Hood thing.

Well, uh, yeah, I'm sure
two more people will be fine.

Mom, we... we've discussed
this. This is not a swap meet.

You can't just invite
everybody that you bump into.

She's out of control.

You're the one just
finding this out. I know.

Ma? Listen to me.

All right. The Wolfs. Fine. But
after the Wolfs no more. That's it.

All right. All right. Bye.

That was my mom.

I love your mom. No you don't.

I want to love your
mom. Well, go slow,

and expect setbacks.

Meanwhile, your dad's gonna love
me with these cigars I'm getting him.

You don't have
to get him cigars.

Castro cannot get these cigars.

He already loves you.

Yeah, but he still
gives me that look.

There's no look.
Oh, there's a look.

It's like, "I know what you're doing
to my daughter, and I don't like it."

Get him the cigars.
I'm getting them.

Hey, I thought we
agreed you're quitting this?

We also agreed to keep
the guest list under 80.

There's no such thing. It's either
12, 60, or the next stop is 1,100.

These are done.

Did you just lick the last one?

Yeah, why?

I take it all the way
to the one yard line,

then you come off the bench,
and you get the touchdown?

You can mail them.

Fine. I will mail them.

Unless you don't
want to mail them.

I will mail them. Because
that's it, you know.

Once these go in the mail,
there's no turning back.

Come here. I don't
want to turn back.

(DOORBELL BUZZES)

Because then I'd have to meet
another girl and get her to like me,

and I don't have
that kind of time.

Have you been outside today?

It's gorgeous. What a day.

These guys played at
Mark's cousin's wedding.

They're fantastic. Stepbrothers.
Same mother, different father.

Talk to my florist?
Tomorrow at 10:00.

Talk to my caterer?
I left him a message.

She was using kiwi
when no used kiwi.

How are you? Invitations?

My department. Who do you
think turned us on to jicama?

They are all signed and sealed.

Paul is going to mail them.

Except for yours.

Are you sure? Because once you
give it to me, there's no turning back.

We're not turning back.
We have discussed it.

Bye. Bye.

(SAVED BY THE BELL
THEME MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)

This guy Screech.
I'm telling you.

When are you getting
married? BOTH: March.

March. Maybe you want more
of a winter dress, higher collar.

No, I like this cut.

So, what does it
cost to try it on?

Because this is the one. This is
the dress I'm going to get married in.

You want two?
I'll give you a deal.

Saul, why the hell
would she want two?

Listen. I didn't put three kids
through college by being quiet.

Sorry. JAMIE: Hey.

Hi, Debbie. Sorry.

Gary and I just
had the worst fight.

About what?

It doesn't matter.

Let me look at you. Oh,
sweetie, you look so pretty.

Sometimes wonder
if it's all worth it.

If what's worth it?

What?

Hair? Up.

Veil? Traditional.

Train? Detachable.

Zipper or snaps? Buttons.

Buttons? Buttons? With my
brother, you'll need a locksmith.

Wow. JAMIE: Hi.

Look at my
beautiful baby sister.

Mom. Why is she here?

She tricked me.
How did she trick you?

She asked me where I was
going today, and I told her.

Oh. She's very sly.

Look at you.

Oh, someday it
will be your turn.

Mom, I'm fine.

I'm going to give you
one piece of advice,

something my
grandmother told my mother

my mother told me, and
now I'm gonna tell you.

Everybody and their mother
is going to be coming up to you

and wanting to give you
advice. Pay no attention.

You hear what I'm saying? Yes.

Hey, are these the
invitations? Uh-huh.

Oh, can we see? Sure.

Oh, that's interesting.
Burt and Sylvania Buchman.

Son-of-a-bitch.

I always wondered
what Sylvia was short for.

Tell me you didn't
mail the invitations.

I didn't mail the invitations.

Thank God. What?

What does this say?

"Gus and Theresa Stemple
and Burt and Sylvia Buchman

"request the honor of
your..." What does this say?

"Gus and Theresa Stemple
and Burt and Sylvia Buchman

"request the..."
What does it say?

"Gus and Theresa Stemple and
Burt and Sylvania Buchman..."

Oh, God. I mailed them.

You said you didn't mail
them. You told me to say that.

Where did you mail them?
I mailed them on the corner.

On the mailbox? No,
on the fire hydrant.

Wait, this show, it's,
like, strangely compelling.

Would you come on?

(GRUNTS)

You know, my cousin's friend
did this on Staten Island once?

Pulled out a baby alligator.

Your mother's gonna
hate me. It's a typo.

I'm gonna be paying for
that typo for the rest my life.

You're not wrong.

This is the worst
design in the world.

I don't know how they
expect people to get mail out.

All right. Let me.
Let me. Let me.

What are you doing?

In my house, if something
didn't work, you hit it.

Hi. Hey, hello. Hello,
Mr. Mailman. Hello.

Postal worker. Hi. Do
you prefer that, really?

It makes no difference.

Listen. We... What happened is

we have wrongfully put some
mail in here, and we will be

the happiest people in the zip
code if we can get it out of here.

It's illegal. No, I know.

But listen. You give it to us,

then we don't know
you, you don't know us,

this whole conversation
never even happened.

I'd lose my job.

They're just
wedding invitations.

Oh, you're getting married.

Let me give you a piece of
advice my father gave to me

and his father gave to him.
Wear comfortable shoes.

At the wedding. All the time.

Why? Just tell me why?

The man committed
a felony for us.

How do we not invite him?

You're worse than your mother.

Who, you mean Sylvania?

We're now up to 88.

No. No, he said his
wife might not come.

Eighty-seven... Do you
think this is an omen?

It's not an omen.
How do you know?

First of all, omens are bigger.

We just said once we
mailed the invitations that's it,

that's the point of no return.

Now we have the
invitations back.

It's got to mean something.

Boy, do you have to relax.

Listen. Both of my
sisters have had weddings.

Trust me. It gets so
much worse than this.

(DOORBELL BUZZING)

I'm only upset that I wasted a quart
and a half of perfectly good saliva.

Wasted your saliva on what?

Nothing.

Why would you say it?

Made a joke.

That's some joke.

I would have called, but
when I call, you screen.

No, we don't. It's
all right, honey.

Listen. It turns out that
the Wolfs can't make it.

That's why you came over here?

I thought you'd want to know.

That's great. Now
we're down to 85.

But on my way over,
guess who I ran into?

86 and 87?

The invitations...
Please, don't read these.

Why not? Because
there was a mistake.

What mistake?

I should have listened
to you in the first place.

I should have used your
printer. It serves me right.

I was just wrong, wrong, wrong.

But now I'm gonna
call your printer,

and I'm gonna have them
redone, and everything will be fine.

What? That's a simple mistake.

I just hope it's not an omen.

Yes? No? PAUL: Whatever.

(POLKA MUSIC PLAYING) We can't
dance to whatever. I want your opinion.

We can't go with
the Polka People.

Pass. Pass. Positively
pass on the Polka People.

Ooh, that was fun. Say that.

I don't want to.

Listen, just relax. We
still... We still have a month.

We don't still have a month.
We only have a month.

Bands get booked.
Not Ira's band.

And we still haven't
picked out our song.

Ira's got a whole list of songs.

Listen. He's available
and he's cheap.

Plus, use him, take
him off the guest list,

it brings us back to 109.

Great. And vows. We still
haven't written our vows.

Vows we'll get. Listen,
I'm not worried about vows.

I'm starving.

We'll eat at the
food tasting thing.

(DOORBELL BUZZES)

We have eggs and batteries.

So I could make an omelet
that keeps on running.

Hi. Hi.

Feels like flatware.
Could be a serving tray.

Honey, it's our first
wedding present.

Didn't I tell you? It's
good to get married.

I need a signature. Okay.

Well, they are
RSVP-ing like crazy.

Oh, by the way,
my wife can make it.

There's a relief. You
were worried about it.

Hired the band yet? No.

Clock's ticking.

You're married, right? Yeah.

So what are you doing to me?

Look, look, look.

Ooh. Ooh.

A little squat
double-nosed bowl.

Honey, it's our gravy boat.

We wanted a gravy
boat? I asked you.

Because we never have
gravy. We never had a boat.

She's right. We
use ours all the time.

You eat a lot of gravy, do you?

Since we got the boat.

Look at this. They're
coming. Who's coming?

Everybody's coming.
Nobody's not coming.

Look, the Klines. "They'll never
drive down from Albany," we said.

Well, guess what? They're
driving down from Albany.

They gonna take the Taughannock?

What difference does make? The
point is where are they gonna sit?

Hey, hey, what happened... what
happened to quitting before the wedding?

We still have a month. No, no,
we don't still. We only have a month.

All right, all right, all
right. All right. You're right.

No, now. Now, now, now.

Good girl. Good for you.

Do we have any cupcakes?

And where did you
find this caterer?

She did Fran and Mark's.

She was good?

No, which is why
we went that way.

All righty.

Jamie and I discussed
several menus

and settled on what I think
are some really lovely choices.

So to start, I was thinking of an array of
puffed pastry stuffed with goat cheese,

artichoke, or wild mushroom.

Mmm. These are good.

They are. As long
as they stay hot. Mom.

I'm just saying. I mean, you
wouldn't want to see these cold.

While on the other hand,
shrimp start out cold.

Shrimp?

Sure. We had them at Deborah's
wedding. Remember, Paulie?

The size of a baby's foot.

I can do shrimp. No,
no. I like what you got.

I don't have to talk up for shrimp.
Shrimp speak for themselves.

I... I... I agree with Sylvia.

So then it's the shrimp.

Great. Thanks, Sylvia.

Oh, okey-dokey. All right.

She hates this. She
really does. Okay.

Okay. So far no one's asking
the important meat question.

Which would be? Where is it?

Absolutely right. The man is a
butcher, he has the right to know.

We just wanted
something nice and light.

You know what's nice
and light? Beef salad.

Beef salad. Sure. Sure.

Uh, Hillary, what do you think?

Well, we had decided
on the squab. Squab?

With a wild cherry glaze.

It looks like a pigeon.

A pigeon. Honey?

It's got a pigeonesque quality.

What's the difference
between this and a pigeon?

A pigeon's on a ledge.
This is on a plate.

Honey, you said you liked squab.

I know, but I... I thought it
was gonna be a little bigger.

Why would you think that?

Because it's squab.
You know, squab, squab.

It opens up in the middle.

Hey, I'm paying 60 bucks a head.

What have you got
with blood in it? Mom.

Gus. How about...
How about roast beef?

Honey. I think your father
would enjoy roast beef.

You know, nobody ever
went wrong with roast beef.

Daddy, I really
wanted the squab.

All right. So we have one
squab and how many roast beefs?

Well, we still have
to decide on the cake.

Jamie narrowed it down to two.

Okay. I'm going to be late for
my fitting. Can you handle this?

I will handle cake. Okay.
And you won't forget your tux?

We'll do the tux.
Listen. I'm going uptown.

Do you think that
she would like a lift?

That's all right. You
don't have to give me a lift.

Oh, so you don't want
me to give you a lift?

No, no, no, no. I would
love a lift. Thank you, Mom.

Did you hear that?
She called me Mom.

You don't have to do that.

This brings back
so many memories.

I bet it does.

My tailor died this year.

Almost 30 years I
was going to him.

Go find another tailor.

So tell me. What
are you getting Paul?

For what? A wedding present.

I have to get him
a wedding present?

Nobody said you
had to do anything.

(SIGHS)

Oh, God. Look at you guys.

Do you love it? Yeah.

Yeah, it's great.
What's not to love?

Okay. What's the
problem? No, it's fine.

No one's gonna be
looking at my hips anyway.

No, they'll be looking at
where my boobs should be.

I feel like a lamp. A what?

A lamp. A lamb?

A lamp!

Oh, that I can see.

You know who else won't
look good in this? Sharon.

Okay, okay, okay, okay.
What do... What do we do?

We really love this.

You do? Really? Everybody?

Well, okay. You
should wear this then.

Really? Oh.

Er, Saul, so let me
ask you something.

How much would you charge
me to take in some slacks?

Wait a minute. You're telling
me that her, this woman,

she is not the teacher?

This girl is a freshman.

I love this show.

That's what I'm saying.

Oh, listen. I spoke to Manuel.

He's gonna get the
cigars in two weeks.

Right. Right. Now, these
are the big ones, right?

The El Grandes?

Well, no. No can
do on the Grandes.

But he can get
presidentes and executivos.

Executivos are what?
Those are the thick ones?

Well, they're thicker
than the Grandes,

but they're shorter
than the Robustos.

He got the Robustos?
Only in the Piccolini.

I don't want a Piccolini.

I didn't get the Piccolinis.

All right, all right. I just
asked you a simple question.

Well, everything's
ruined. I need pie.

That's 3.14.

What? Pi.

Did you get a
tux? I had a fitting.

Did it fit? Uh, it's hard to
say. Did it over the phone.

What do you mean you
did it over the phone?

He's that good.

Did you pick out a cake?

Well, we narrowed
it down to three.

When I left, it was
narrowed down to two.

Hey, your parents almost
had it narrowed down to five.

Okay, honey. It's
four weeks away.

We don't have cake,
you don't have a tux,

we haven't written any vows,
we haven't picked out a band.

All right, all right, all right.
Relax. Watch me help.

Ira? Yeah?

You want to play at
our wedding? Music?

No, with Lincoln
Logs. Yes, music.

I thought you'd
never ask. Thank you.

All right. Hired the
band. What's next?

Fire the band. What?

How could you do that
without talking to me?

They were in contention.
I know, but we never...

They're very good.
No, they're not.

You've never even
heard them. It's Ira.

You know what? They're
playing a gig tonight.

At least go hear them.

Where?

Upstate. Where upstate?

What's the difference?
A little bit upstate.

(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)

Come on. Music is music.

Listen, if they're good
enough for felons,

I believe they're good
enough for our families.

They made us leave
our shoelaces at the gate.

So? Hey, at Suki Hana they make
you leave your shoes at the door.

You enjoy that.

Maybe we should
have gone buffet.

All right, folks.

We're gonna take a little
time off for good behavior.

(LAUGHING)

Anyway, don't nobody go nowhere.

See? Everybody loves him.

Hey. Hey.

Listen. I just want you
guys to know that, you know,

some gigs, like this
prison gig, it's just a check.

But when you're doing things, when
you're playing music for people you love...

There will be a check
involved though, right?

Yes.

And by the way, if you want,

I got a guy who can
marry you for free.

Wait a minute, you got
a guy who can marry us?

Yeah, Lenny, the keyboard
player. He's a justice of the peace.

So people get married
by a keyboard player?

He does it all the time.

Oh, that's cool. And
yet we have a guy.

Ira... Oh.

I also, I started working up
a little, uh... A little song list.

Color My World, The Alley Cat.

No, no, no. Not the Hokey Pokey.

James, you got to have the Hokey
Pokey. That's what it's all about.

Ira... Yeah?

Well, you're, you know,
you're the leader of the band,

so whatever you
say is what we'll do.

All right.

You're doing a good thing, you.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Come on. Let's dance.

I don't remember, uh,
signing up to dance.

Oh, come on.

Oh, my God. What's that?

We've never danced together.

That's not true. We've
danced plenty of times.

When?

(CHUCKLES) All right,
so we've never danced.

Look at you. What?

You're the worst dancer
I've ever seen in my life.

I can dance. No, you can't.

Not in the
traditional sense, no.

I'm marrying you.
How did I not know this?

Hey, I didn't know about
squab. So, we're learning.

Hey, a smile. Man, I haven't
seen that in some time.

This is the safest
I've felt in two months.

Hey, you know, if
we kill our families,

(CHUCKLING) we could
have the wedding right here.