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1
00:00:05,172 --> 00:00:08,107
WOMAN ON RADIO: 5:25 on
this Thanksgiving Thursday...
2
00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:09,308
(TURNS RADIO OFF)
3
00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:03,196
(SIGHS HAPPILY)
4
00:01:14,641 --> 00:01:18,544
♪ Tell me why I
love you like I do
5
00:01:18,612 --> 00:01:22,647
♪ Tell me who can stop
my heart as much as you
6
00:01:22,716 --> 00:01:24,416
♪ Let's take each other's hand
7
00:01:24,485 --> 00:01:25,917
♪ As we jump into
8
00:01:25,986 --> 00:01:27,519
♪ the final frontier
9
00:01:28,989 --> 00:01:31,457
♪ I'm mad about you, baby
10
00:01:31,525 --> 00:01:33,192
♪ Yeah! ♪
11
00:01:38,099 --> 00:01:40,710
Does this look dry to you?
It's supposed to bounce back.
12
00:01:40,734 --> 00:01:42,845
Hey this one I'm not even going
to put out. They'll never remember.
13
00:01:42,869 --> 00:01:44,781
Did you feed Murray?
Hey, there's Ira.
14
00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:46,683
Where? On the parade.
15
00:01:46,707 --> 00:01:49,475
Oh, that's Robert Stack.
16
00:01:49,543 --> 00:01:51,054
He said he wasn't
going to be on till the end.
17
00:01:51,078 --> 00:01:52,222
You should get dressed.
18
00:01:52,246 --> 00:01:54,012
Huh? We got... We got time.
19
00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:55,581
Who gave us this?
20
00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:56,826
My mother. Put it out.
21
00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:59,351
Oh. It's so atrocious.
22
00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:03,766
You know what? I think we're
sending the wrong message.
23
00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:04,934
If they see this stuff out,
24
00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:06,625
it only encourages
them to give us more.
25
00:02:06,693 --> 00:02:09,528
If she doesn't see it,
she's gonna start smiling.
26
00:02:09,597 --> 00:02:11,808
Well, we sure don't want
that to happen. No, no, no.
27
00:02:11,832 --> 00:02:13,543
Trust me. She
smiles, she's hurt,
28
00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:15,245
she laughs, she's pissed,
29
00:02:15,269 --> 00:02:17,981
she gets bubbly, it's
every man for himself.
30
00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:19,538
Can you help me with this?
31
00:02:19,607 --> 00:02:22,567
(OVEN BELL DINGS) And
it's the Knicks by 12 at the half.
32
00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:27,912
Hey, what is that? Cranberries.
33
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:29,047
Not from a can?
34
00:02:29,116 --> 00:02:30,182
Be very impressed.
35
00:02:30,251 --> 00:02:31,428
I'm wildly impressed.
36
00:02:31,452 --> 00:02:32,929
My mother always made cans.
37
00:02:32,953 --> 00:02:34,253
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
38
00:02:34,321 --> 00:02:35,887
I got it.
39
00:02:35,956 --> 00:02:37,234
Here, I'll get it. Here. You do
this. Do you know how to do it?
40
00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:38,502
I believe I'll figure it out.
41
00:02:38,526 --> 00:02:39,724
All right. All right.
42
00:02:39,793 --> 00:02:40,959
Hello?
43
00:02:41,028 --> 00:02:43,028
I'm in the middle of cooking.
44
00:02:43,096 --> 00:02:46,398
Lisa, you're not a vegetarian.
45
00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:49,347
Oh, since when? Honey?
Honey? Fast. Fast, fast, fast, fast.
46
00:02:52,406 --> 00:02:55,674
Oh, come on. This is just
a hostile act against Daddy,
47
00:02:55,742 --> 00:02:57,042
and you know it.
48
00:02:57,110 --> 00:02:58,877
Maybe because he's a butcher.
49
00:02:58,945 --> 00:03:00,823
Doesn't she pay
somebody for this?
50
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:02,692
We're not going to
have salad. No salad?
51
00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:05,495
Every Thanksgiving my mother made
salad and every year nobody ate it.
52
00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:08,853
Sweetie, it's like you can't do it too
fast. Band, bang, bang, bang, bang.
53
00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:12,257
No. No, no, no.
54
00:03:12,326 --> 00:03:15,093
No. No salad.
55
00:03:15,162 --> 00:03:17,162
That is not a hostile
act against mom.
56
00:03:17,231 --> 00:03:18,830
Because it's totally different.
57
00:03:18,899 --> 00:03:20,210
Because it is. I'll do it.
58
00:03:20,234 --> 00:03:21,667
Okay, fine.
59
00:03:21,735 --> 00:03:23,468
Fine, fine, fine. Just
please let me go.
60
00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:24,969
Okay, bye.
61
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:26,249
When you run downstairs for ice,
62
00:03:26,273 --> 00:03:28,973
will you also get a
vegetarian lasagna?
63
00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:31,410
Who's running down
for ice? I made ice.
64
00:03:31,478 --> 00:03:32,478
Look... Hey!
65
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,381
Where's my ice?
66
00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:39,229
I needed the room in
the freezer. We'll buy ice.
67
00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:42,454
I've been working on
that ice for two weeks.
68
00:03:42,523 --> 00:03:46,958
I had a whole schedule.
I'm up nights making ice.
69
00:03:47,027 --> 00:03:50,362
You were doing an absolutely
beautiful job. Please go downstairs.
70
00:03:50,431 --> 00:03:52,108
Ice and what? Lasagna? Yes.
71
00:03:52,132 --> 00:03:53,276
You want me to make
you a list? I don't need a list.
72
00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:54,866
And brussels sprouts.
73
00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:56,313
Oh, hey you know,
brussels sprouts, let's say no.
74
00:03:56,337 --> 00:03:58,903
Come on. Fran's
alone, Ryan is with Mark,
75
00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:01,251
she's feeling vulnerable, and
she loves brussels sprouts.
76
00:04:01,275 --> 00:04:03,556
So let her eat a Valium.
77
00:04:05,045 --> 00:04:07,557
Would you please... This is the
first time they're all coming to us.
78
00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:08,741
I want everyone to be happy.
79
00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:10,260
I thought we're
doing it our way.
80
00:04:10,284 --> 00:04:12,229
We are doing it our way,
except with brussels sprouts.
81
00:04:12,253 --> 00:04:14,731
All right, so what am I getting? I'm
getting ice, brussels sprouts, and lasagna.
82
00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:16,622
Thank you. And chutney.
83
00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:18,624
Now I got to make a list.
84
00:04:23,397 --> 00:04:25,041
Anything else? Nope. That's it.
85
00:04:25,065 --> 00:04:27,299
You forget doilies? Acorn
squash? Dental floss?
86
00:04:27,368 --> 00:04:28,511
We're covered.
87
00:04:28,535 --> 00:04:30,034
We have nice turkey.
88
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:31,370
As do we.
89
00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:33,283
Just that and the ice.
90
00:04:33,307 --> 00:04:35,707
Ice. My biggest profit margin.
91
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:37,216
Just water, cold, and time.
92
00:04:40,147 --> 00:04:42,147
Okay. Hey! Parents.
93
00:04:42,182 --> 00:04:45,784
Early parents.
Yes, they are. Very.
94
00:04:45,852 --> 00:04:47,297
It's your first
Thanksgiving here.
95
00:04:47,321 --> 00:04:49,821
We thought we'd give you a hand.
96
00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:52,357
Look, Paulie, I
brought my potatoes.
97
00:04:52,426 --> 00:04:54,504
Oh. You know,
Jamie made potatoes.
98
00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:56,428
So she'll freeze hers.
99
00:04:57,431 --> 00:04:58,597
Okay.
100
00:04:58,666 --> 00:05:00,064
I've got to baste.
101
00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:02,100
Is that ice? Yeah. This is ice.
102
00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:03,913
You bought ice? Yeah.
103
00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:05,848
He bought ice. You bought ice?
104
00:05:05,872 --> 00:05:07,706
I bought ice. Your turn.
105
00:05:08,676 --> 00:05:10,642
Ooh. Ooh. Is this Ira?
106
00:05:10,711 --> 00:05:11,876
Where? There.
107
00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:13,712
No. Clint Black.
108
00:05:13,781 --> 00:05:16,326
I can't believe Ira got
his band in the parade.
109
00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:17,716
What a break.
110
00:05:17,785 --> 00:05:19,329
They're going to be
dressed like pilgrims,
111
00:05:19,353 --> 00:05:21,420
and they're gonna
play Turkey in the Straw.
112
00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:24,389
Hey, don't knock it. You know,
that's how Led Zeppelin started.
113
00:05:24,458 --> 00:05:26,391
(PIPES CLANGING)
114
00:05:26,460 --> 00:05:28,438
You mean to tell me that super of
yours still hasn't fixed those pipes?
115
00:05:28,462 --> 00:05:29,539
Do you have a wrench?
116
00:05:29,563 --> 00:05:31,095
And what can I do?
117
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:32,409
Nothing. Both of you, sit down
and relax. You're our guests.
118
00:05:32,433 --> 00:05:33,498
This is our turn.
119
00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:35,345
At least let me
help set the table.
120
00:05:35,369 --> 00:05:37,369
It's set. We're doing buffet.
121
00:05:37,438 --> 00:05:39,371
And why is that, honey?
122
00:05:41,274 --> 00:05:42,974
You know why, ma?
123
00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:46,478
Just... Just to toy
with your mind.
124
00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:48,380
You know what? We
should get dressed. Yes.
125
00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:50,615
I'll take care of the kitchen.
126
00:05:52,419 --> 00:05:54,519
Look. It's so unusual.
127
00:05:55,422 --> 00:05:57,055
It's a sweet potato mousse.
128
00:05:57,123 --> 00:05:58,803
Martha Stewart made
it for Willard Scott.
129
00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:02,828
That man will eat anything.
130
00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:04,896
Ooh! No marshmallows.
131
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:06,598
It didn't call for any.
132
00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:08,878
Want to hear a funny story?
133
00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:12,404
When I was little girl, we had
no money. It was during the war.
134
00:06:12,473 --> 00:06:16,207
My father was overseas, and my
mother was in the hospital with the croup.
135
00:06:16,276 --> 00:06:19,978
Well, so far it's more a
cute story than, like, funny.
136
00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:23,582
Thanksgiving, all my brothers and
sisters, we went to eat with Mama.
137
00:06:23,650 --> 00:06:25,194
They brought in the
tray, and we looked down,
138
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:26,496
and there were
the sweet potatoes,
139
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:27,753
but no marshmallows.
140
00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:29,232
'Cause they were rationed.
141
00:06:29,256 --> 00:06:30,722
Marshmallows?
142
00:06:30,791 --> 00:06:32,090
It was war.
143
00:06:33,627 --> 00:06:37,028
Anyway, we were so
upset, we cried and cried.
144
00:06:37,097 --> 00:06:40,365
And I told myself that
when the war was over,
145
00:06:40,434 --> 00:06:42,078
I would never spend a holiday
146
00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:44,503
without marshmallows again.
147
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:46,204
But this is fine.
148
00:06:52,045 --> 00:06:53,712
I'll be right back.
149
00:06:55,416 --> 00:06:57,148
Sweetie, she doesn't
need marshmallows.
150
00:06:57,217 --> 00:06:58,395
I just want her to be happy.
151
00:06:58,419 --> 00:07:00,151
Quick! Quick!
Quick! Look at this.
152
00:07:00,220 --> 00:07:01,453
What, what?
153
00:07:01,522 --> 00:07:04,122
That's not Ira.
That's Ben Vereen.
154
00:07:04,190 --> 00:07:05,924
I know. What a talent.
155
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:07,960
Yeah.
156
00:07:08,629 --> 00:07:10,228
Excuse me.
157
00:07:10,297 --> 00:07:13,598
Nothing else? Votive candles?
Lemon Pledge? Chocolate macaroons?
158
00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:15,044
No. Just marshmallows.
159
00:07:15,068 --> 00:07:17,235
For sweet potatoes.
Uh, sweet potato mousse.
160
00:07:17,304 --> 00:07:19,838
Martha Stewart make
that for Willard Scott.
161
00:07:19,907 --> 00:07:21,239
But no marshmallows.
162
00:07:21,308 --> 00:07:24,708
(LAUGHS IRONICALLY)
You want to hear a funny story?
163
00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:27,323
The smoke isn't
bothering you, is it?
164
00:07:27,347 --> 00:07:29,726
No, no, no, no. I just wanted to
share it with the rest of the city.
165
00:07:29,750 --> 00:07:30,910
(CAR ALARM BLARING)
166
00:07:32,185 --> 00:07:33,763
Mom, Daddy, you're early.
167
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:34,853
Yeah, they actually are.
168
00:07:34,922 --> 00:07:36,566
Hello, sweetheart.
169
00:07:36,590 --> 00:07:38,535
Oh, God, she's smiling.
What have you done?
170
00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:39,825
I told her no salad.
171
00:07:39,893 --> 00:07:42,093
Oh, for crying out loud.
172
00:07:43,497 --> 00:07:45,007
Aunt Lolly, happy Thanksgiving.
173
00:07:45,031 --> 00:07:46,242
Guess what I'm
having for dinner.
174
00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:47,432
Vegetarian lasagna.
175
00:07:47,501 --> 00:07:49,167
Why? 'Cause.
176
00:07:49,235 --> 00:07:51,369
Well, you know,
vegetarians die young.
177
00:07:51,438 --> 00:07:52,904
Says who? It's a fact.
178
00:07:53,874 --> 00:07:55,006
I gotta baste.
179
00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:58,409
Look what I
brought. My potatoes.
180
00:07:58,479 --> 00:08:00,812
Oh, how thoughtful.
181
00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:02,681
Oh, what a large bird.
182
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:05,962
No, it's big enough.
183
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:07,218
Oh, it looks delicious.
184
00:08:07,287 --> 00:08:09,687
Oh, come on. Give it a try.
185
00:08:10,123 --> 00:08:11,590
How did you prepare it?
186
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:13,803
You know, melted butter,
paprika, a little sage.
187
00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:15,638
Didn't you salt it? I
did, salt and pepper.
188
00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:17,395
Because Daddy
can't eat salt. Gus!
189
00:08:17,464 --> 00:08:19,041
Just a little bit. She
salted the turkey!
190
00:08:19,065 --> 00:08:20,209
Oh, only on the skin.
191
00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:21,299
(DOORBELL BUZZES)
192
00:08:21,368 --> 00:08:22,934
Oh, more company.
193
00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:27,372
PAUL: I got it.
194
00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:33,111
Oh, you'd do it,
too, if you could.
195
00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:37,594
Hey. Hey.
196
00:08:37,618 --> 00:08:40,519
See, that's Ira. Hi!
197
00:08:40,587 --> 00:08:43,922
Ira, we were just watching the
tape of the parade. Where are you?
198
00:08:43,991 --> 00:08:46,357
I got bumped. My
god. Who bumped you?
199
00:08:46,426 --> 00:08:47,759
Shari Lewis.
200
00:08:48,896 --> 00:08:51,062
Shari Lewis bumped me.
201
00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:53,464
You know, she's
Jerry Lewis' wife.
202
00:08:55,736 --> 00:08:57,168
No, she's not.
203
00:08:57,237 --> 00:08:59,103
It's a fact.
204
00:08:59,172 --> 00:09:01,885
It's amazing, you know. Her float
gets a flat, so they give her ours.
205
00:09:01,909 --> 00:09:04,086
Like people would rather see
a woman going down Broadway
206
00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:06,244
with her hand up a lamb's ass.
207
00:09:08,782 --> 00:09:10,426
Well, I'm going
to set the table.
208
00:09:10,450 --> 00:09:11,650
It's set.
209
00:09:13,921 --> 00:09:15,053
You're so funny.
210
00:09:15,121 --> 00:09:16,966
Oh, God, she's laughing.
211
00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:18,489
They went buffet.
212
00:09:19,325 --> 00:09:20,458
Buffet?
213
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:26,375
Wow, I haven't see her cranked
this high since I shaved my head.
214
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,132
I'll be right back.
215
00:09:28,201 --> 00:09:29,478
Where you going? I'm just
going to get some salad.
216
00:09:29,502 --> 00:09:30,502
She doesn't need salad.
217
00:09:30,571 --> 00:09:31,681
Maybe it'll get
her off the buffet.
218
00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:32,837
Where's she going?
219
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:34,483
She's going to get salad.
220
00:09:34,507 --> 00:09:36,541
Oh, that's nuts.
Just give me turkey,
221
00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:39,678
some stuffing, and that
cranberry jelly, and I'm set.
222
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:41,813
Cranberry jelly? Yeah.
223
00:09:41,882 --> 00:09:43,359
Well, how would you
feel about turkey, stuffing,
224
00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:45,261
and cranberries
made from scratch?
225
00:09:45,285 --> 00:09:46,328
Scratch? Scratch.
226
00:09:46,352 --> 00:09:47,786
Oh, no, no, no, no. Not for me.
227
00:09:47,854 --> 00:09:50,989
See, for Thanksgiving, it
has to slide out of the can.
228
00:09:56,663 --> 00:09:58,563
Now what? Cranberries.
229
00:09:58,632 --> 00:10:00,431
Take it easy with
the water chestnuts.
230
00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:03,034
My mother once
choked on one of those.
231
00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:05,949
Uh, jellied cranberry sauce.
232
00:10:05,973 --> 00:10:08,272
Don't carry. Tweezers.
Pretzel nuggets.
233
00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:10,241
How about a nice
block of halvah?
234
00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:13,444
You don't carry... You don't
carry jellied cranberry sauce?
235
00:10:13,513 --> 00:10:15,424
You have soup from 15 countries,
236
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:17,093
but jellied cranberry
sauce you don't have?
237
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:18,583
Union problems.
238
00:10:18,652 --> 00:10:20,797
(STAMMERING) There
must be one can somewhere.
239
00:10:20,821 --> 00:10:22,398
I only see two beans
in this three-bean salad.
240
00:10:22,422 --> 00:10:23,722
Oh, who cares?
241
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:25,490
Trust me, she'll notice.
242
00:10:25,558 --> 00:10:27,892
He wants it
sliding out of a can.
243
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:30,106
It has to slide out of a can.
You know why, by the way?
244
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:31,373
(SUCKING) The
noise. He likes the...
245
00:10:31,397 --> 00:10:33,610
He likes that little
cranberry suck noise.
246
00:10:33,634 --> 00:10:35,266
My mother needs kidney beans.
247
00:10:35,335 --> 00:10:37,080
What are we...
What are we doing?
248
00:10:37,104 --> 00:10:39,649
This is just... You know what, baby?
Whose Thanksgiving is this, anyway?
249
00:10:39,673 --> 00:10:41,139
You're right.
250
00:10:41,207 --> 00:10:42,107
Why are we making
ourselves crazy?
251
00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:43,508
You're right.
252
00:10:43,576 --> 00:10:46,144
We should... We
should just get up there.
253
00:10:47,114 --> 00:10:48,513
You're right.
254
00:10:50,450 --> 00:10:51,690
(EXHALES)
255
00:10:53,620 --> 00:10:56,721
It breaks my heart what's
happened to your life.
256
00:10:56,790 --> 00:10:58,456
(PARADE MARCH PLAYING ON TV)
257
00:10:58,525 --> 00:11:01,725
Well, at least you
were married once.
258
00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:06,643
Hi! Hey!
259
00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:08,232
I've been here minutes.
260
00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:10,035
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
261
00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:13,004
Listen, I've been with them
years. Trust me. It gets worse.
262
00:11:13,073 --> 00:11:14,238
Hello?
263
00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:16,085
Aunt Lolly, could you
turn that down, please?
264
00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:17,542
PAUL: I got it. Okay.
265
00:11:17,610 --> 00:11:20,078
Fran, it's for you.
Yeah. One second.
266
00:11:20,147 --> 00:11:22,847
Hello? Mark? What's the problem?
267
00:11:22,916 --> 00:11:24,716
Well, just tell him to eat it.
268
00:11:24,785 --> 00:11:26,350
Fine, let me talk to him.
269
00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:29,054
Ryan? Sweetie? You like turkey.
270
00:11:29,690 --> 00:11:31,089
Yes, you do.
271
00:11:31,158 --> 00:11:32,791
Yes, you do.
272
00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:34,559
Yes, you do.
273
00:11:34,627 --> 00:11:36,172
Excuse me. What
happened to the table here?
274
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:37,896
We went another way.
275
00:11:38,765 --> 00:11:40,331
Oh...
276
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,433
What did we... We
said we're going buffet.
277
00:11:42,502 --> 00:11:43,646
Well, we still are.
278
00:11:43,670 --> 00:11:45,548
We're just sitting at it.
279
00:11:45,572 --> 00:11:47,416
The other thing was
too much walking.
280
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,140
This way, everybody's happy.
281
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:50,508
No, actually, not really.
282
00:11:50,577 --> 00:11:54,112
This way, you're happy, me
and the missus, not so much.
283
00:11:54,181 --> 00:11:56,848
Jamie's happy. Not so much.
284
00:11:56,917 --> 00:11:58,494
Look, let me explain
something to you people.
285
00:11:58,518 --> 00:12:00,730
This is our home,
this is our dinner.
286
00:12:00,754 --> 00:12:04,266
So, if we want to eat on our
laps with no cranberry jelly...
287
00:12:04,290 --> 00:12:05,835
No jellied? No jellied.
288
00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:07,099
Then it's not Thanksgiving.
289
00:12:07,127 --> 00:12:09,906
No, it is Thanksgiving.
It's just our Thanksgiving,
290
00:12:09,930 --> 00:12:12,430
which means we're
we're gonna do it our way.
291
00:12:12,498 --> 00:12:13,843
Right? Right.
292
00:12:13,867 --> 00:12:16,387
Yeah. So, come on
move the chairs back.
293
00:12:19,740 --> 00:12:23,641
Come on, come on,
come on, come on!
294
00:12:23,710 --> 00:12:26,189
Now, scatter 'em. Scatter
'em around. All right?
295
00:12:26,213 --> 00:12:27,289
This is gonna be fun.
296
00:12:27,313 --> 00:12:28,725
We're gonna have a
great Thanksgiving.
297
00:12:28,749 --> 00:12:30,659
It'll be really good.
You just have to trust us.
298
00:12:30,683 --> 00:12:33,118
We're not kids anymore.
Everything is under control.
299
00:12:33,186 --> 00:12:35,453
It's gonna be fine.
300
00:12:35,521 --> 00:12:36,721
Sit down.
301
00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:05,183
How do you eat a
30-pound turkey?
302
00:13:05,252 --> 00:13:07,085
What are you, an animal?
303
00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:10,229
There. How's that?
304
00:13:10,257 --> 00:13:11,801
It looks very bad. Oh, God.
305
00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:13,302
Why don't we just go out
there? We'll tell them the truth.
306
00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:15,160
Please. You're right.
307
00:13:15,228 --> 00:13:16,372
We're adults. I know!
308
00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:18,596
All right.
309
00:13:18,665 --> 00:13:21,565
Here's what we do. Here
is what... This is smart.
310
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:23,834
Okay. We sneak out,
and we buy another turkey,
311
00:13:23,870 --> 00:13:26,282
and then when they're not
looking, we sneak it back in,
312
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,439
but like adults.
313
00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:29,652
Okay. Okay. Okay.
314
00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:32,643
All right, so I'll
go, you stall them.
315
00:13:32,712 --> 00:13:35,124
Fine, Ryan. Then
just eat the stuffing.
316
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:36,815
Yes, you do.
317
00:13:36,883 --> 00:13:39,184
Yes, you do.
318
00:13:39,252 --> 00:13:41,292
Well, the turkey should
be ready any minute.
319
00:13:41,354 --> 00:13:42,921
THERESA: It looked done to me.
320
00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:45,389
Where are you going now?
321
00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:47,758
Huh? Oh, I just
got to get a small...
322
00:13:47,828 --> 00:13:48,908
What?
323
00:13:52,699 --> 00:13:54,532
Uh, hey!
324
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,034
You know what we should do?
325
00:13:56,102 --> 00:13:57,814
Let's sit around in a circle
326
00:13:57,838 --> 00:14:00,738
and let's tell each other
what we're thankful for.
327
00:14:00,807 --> 00:14:02,327
Yeah, right. Get up.
328
00:14:03,576 --> 00:14:06,744
Who wants to go
first? Uh... Uh, Sylvia?
329
00:14:06,813 --> 00:14:09,047
Come back to me, honey.
330
00:14:09,115 --> 00:14:10,215
Okey-dokey.
331
00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:12,483
Burt, what are you thankful for?
332
00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:15,432
I got a parking space
in front of the building.
333
00:14:15,856 --> 00:14:16,856
And?
334
00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:18,857
No meter.
335
00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:21,359
Daddy?
336
00:14:21,427 --> 00:14:23,561
I'm thankful we're
gonna be eating soon.
337
00:14:23,629 --> 00:14:24,874
We're gonna be
eating soon, right?
338
00:14:24,898 --> 00:14:26,064
Yes, we are.
339
00:14:26,132 --> 00:14:28,566
I'm thankful for my
beautiful daughter,
340
00:14:28,634 --> 00:14:30,134
her wonderful husband,
341
00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:31,363
her lovely home,
342
00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:33,037
her exciting job,
343
00:14:33,106 --> 00:14:34,505
and for Lisa.
344
00:14:39,545 --> 00:14:42,046
I'm thankful I have
therapy tomorrow.
345
00:14:44,951 --> 00:14:46,184
Fran, how about you?
346
00:14:46,253 --> 00:14:47,585
Yes, you do.
347
00:14:48,421 --> 00:14:49,888
Ira?
348
00:14:49,956 --> 00:14:51,356
Uh, Chuckles.
349
00:14:52,125 --> 00:14:53,491
The candy?
350
00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:54,592
Yeah.
351
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:57,862
And Aunt Lolly?
352
00:14:59,799 --> 00:15:01,532
And okey-dokey.
353
00:15:01,601 --> 00:15:03,667
Um, so, that
brings it back to me.
354
00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:06,216
Let's see, let's see,
let's see, let's see.
355
00:15:06,273 --> 00:15:09,507
There's just so many
things to be thankful for.
356
00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:11,943
Alphabetically, for example...
357
00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:14,245
Aaaa... Apple blossom time.
358
00:15:14,781 --> 00:15:16,948
A.
359
00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:19,561
All right. No clam dip, no light bulbs,
no marzipan. I just need a turkey.
360
00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:21,065
We got smoked, not smoked,
361
00:15:21,121 --> 00:15:22,899
stuffed, not stuffed.
Garnished, not garnished...
362
00:15:22,923 --> 00:15:24,722
Oh, I'm begging you.
363
00:15:24,791 --> 00:15:28,393
And what else, what
else, what else, what else?
364
00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:31,396
Vinyl. Vinyl.
365
00:15:31,464 --> 00:15:34,665
Just like leather,
but nobody gets hurt.
366
00:15:34,734 --> 00:15:37,134
Well, I'm thankful
I'm a vegetarian
367
00:15:37,170 --> 00:15:38,915
and don't have to wait
for some dead bird to cook.
368
00:15:38,939 --> 00:15:41,099
No, Lisa, Lisa. Wait. Wait.
You've helped enough.
369
00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:47,078
You know, maybe it's just
my new outlook on meat,
370
00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:48,324
but this is disgusting.
371
00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:50,548
Okay. Please don't tell anyone.
372
00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:52,028
Paul's out getting
another one right now.
373
00:15:52,052 --> 00:15:53,084
Relax.
374
00:15:56,722 --> 00:15:58,356
FRAN: Yes, you do.
375
00:15:58,425 --> 00:15:59,757
Yes, you do.
376
00:16:05,898 --> 00:16:07,665
LISA: Wow! That's the
most beautiful turkey
377
00:16:07,733 --> 00:16:10,201
I've ever seen, and
I'm a vegetarian!
378
00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:14,038
Any minute now.
379
00:16:14,107 --> 00:16:15,139
Hi.
380
00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:17,328
Then pick the mushrooms out.
381
00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:20,244
Where were you?
382
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:21,645
Hmm?
383
00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:22,791
I told you, I had
to... I had to...
384
00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:23,975
(MUTTERING)
385
00:16:26,619 --> 00:16:27,751
Hah!
386
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:29,432
What? Do you hear that?
387
00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:31,622
What? The pipes
are clanging again.
388
00:16:31,691 --> 00:16:33,369
Oh, that. It's horrible.
389
00:16:33,393 --> 00:16:35,126
Yeah, I'm just gonna
call the plumber.
390
00:16:35,195 --> 00:16:36,995
Are you calling a
plumber on Thanksgiving?
391
00:16:37,063 --> 00:16:38,540
Do you know what
that's going to cost you?
392
00:16:38,564 --> 00:16:41,299
$179 minimum. It's a fact.
393
00:16:42,402 --> 00:16:44,802
What do they care? They buy ice.
394
00:16:47,607 --> 00:16:49,040
You don't need a plumber.
395
00:16:49,109 --> 00:16:50,953
I'll have that damn
thing fixed in five minutes.
396
00:16:50,977 --> 00:16:53,611
I'll give you a hand.
It's right in there.
397
00:16:57,917 --> 00:16:59,050
You know what?
398
00:16:59,119 --> 00:17:02,086
$179 will come in handy
when we redo the bedroom.
399
00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:03,687
You're redoing the bedroom?
400
00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:06,236
Yeah, I hope I don't make the
same mistakes I made last time.
401
00:17:07,427 --> 00:17:09,771
We'll look. Right in there.
402
00:17:09,795 --> 00:17:12,230
FRAN: Ryan, sweetie,
let me talk to Daddy.
403
00:17:12,298 --> 00:17:14,565
Mark, just talk to him.
404
00:17:14,634 --> 00:17:17,201
You have control
of the situation.
405
00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:19,637
Yes, you do.
406
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:21,372
Yes, you do.
407
00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:22,873
Yes, you do!
408
00:17:24,010 --> 00:17:25,876
What is going on here?
409
00:17:25,945 --> 00:17:28,279
I don't know, but
I'm entertained.
410
00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:32,428
Okay, okay. Promise not to tell.
411
00:17:32,452 --> 00:17:34,963
Where is it? It was
right here a second ago.
412
00:17:34,987 --> 00:17:37,633
You don't leave a turkey in
the hallway in New York city!
413
00:17:37,657 --> 00:17:38,689
Well... Who knew?
414
00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:40,091
It's a fact!
415
00:17:42,695 --> 00:17:44,362
Butterball, not Butterball,
416
00:17:44,431 --> 00:17:45,930
organic, not organic.
417
00:17:45,998 --> 00:17:47,398
Free range, range restricted...
418
00:17:59,379 --> 00:18:00,789
BURT: How can you
not have a wrench?
419
00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:03,147
PAUL: I'm looking, I'm looking.
420
00:18:03,216 --> 00:18:05,249
SYLVIA: Lisa, take the lamps.
421
00:18:05,318 --> 00:18:06,495
PAUL: How about these?
422
00:18:06,519 --> 00:18:08,719
A pliers is not a wrench.
423
00:18:08,788 --> 00:18:12,068
THERESA: You can never
have too many pillows.
424
00:18:14,060 --> 00:18:15,126
(CAR HORN HONKING)
425
00:18:25,271 --> 00:18:26,715
Personally, that wouldn't
have been my choice.
426
00:18:26,739 --> 00:18:29,039
I panicked!
427
00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:31,675
Look, you two relax.
We'll go. Come on.
428
00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:36,013
Where are you going?
429
00:18:36,082 --> 00:18:36,981
I'm just afraid your sister's
going to overcook that bird.
430
00:18:37,049 --> 00:18:38,660
She won't. She might.
431
00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:40,362
It's done. Well, then,
let's go eat. Everybody.
432
00:18:40,386 --> 00:18:42,520
Not that kind of done.
433
00:18:42,589 --> 00:18:44,200
Are you having an episode?
434
00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:46,224
No, no. It's just the turkey.
435
00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:47,825
Well...
436
00:18:47,893 --> 00:18:50,894
Murray sort of... Ate it.
437
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:53,697
Oh, my goodness. Poor Jamie.
438
00:18:53,766 --> 00:18:56,066
You can't tell
anybody. Of course not.
439
00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:58,169
Gus!
440
00:18:58,238 --> 00:19:00,304
Just put it on the
Buchmans' account.
441
00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:02,039
They're good eaters.
442
00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:07,889
I will definitely hate this
chair less in the bedroom.
443
00:19:07,913 --> 00:19:10,080
What do you think?
444
00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:11,360
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
445
00:19:11,384 --> 00:19:13,317
All right, all right.
Let's see. 12C?
446
00:19:13,386 --> 00:19:14,785
12D. Right above them.
447
00:19:14,854 --> 00:19:15,934
12D.
448
00:19:18,158 --> 00:19:19,158
Hi!
449
00:19:23,129 --> 00:19:24,828
So, what do you think?
450
00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:28,966
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
451
00:19:36,075 --> 00:19:37,275
Hello.
452
00:19:37,343 --> 00:19:38,942
Go to the kitchen.
453
00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:41,379
Where are you? Upstairs.
454
00:19:41,447 --> 00:19:42,480
What?
455
00:19:42,549 --> 00:19:44,748
Just go to your kitchen.
456
00:19:44,817 --> 00:19:45,983
Got it.
457
00:19:47,820 --> 00:19:49,987
SYLVIA: Who is that?
458
00:19:50,056 --> 00:19:51,088
Uh, Ira.
459
00:19:51,157 --> 00:19:52,756
Isn't he here?
460
00:19:52,825 --> 00:19:55,293
Uh, different Ira. Excuse us.
461
00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:56,681
Dinner will be on in a minute.
462
00:19:57,830 --> 00:19:59,096
Did I hear "dinner"?
463
00:19:59,165 --> 00:20:00,464
I wouldn't count on it.
464
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:02,833
What do you mean?
What's going on?
465
00:20:02,902 --> 00:20:05,570
All right. But you
didn't hear it from me.
466
00:20:11,143 --> 00:20:12,254
Why are we in the kitchen?
467
00:20:12,278 --> 00:20:14,245
This is where he said to go.
468
00:20:16,416 --> 00:20:18,296
I... I don't know...
469
00:20:19,219 --> 00:20:21,985
She makes me
want to smoke again.
470
00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:24,388
(SNIFFS) I smell turkey!
471
00:20:27,993 --> 00:20:30,439
Yes, you do. But you know
what? We're letting it cool.
472
00:20:30,463 --> 00:20:32,107
Shouldn't it come out
of the oven for that?
473
00:20:32,131 --> 00:20:34,042
You bet. That's what
we're going to do.
474
00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:35,077
We'll do that. Why don't you
tell everybody to go wash up?
475
00:20:35,101 --> 00:20:36,534
Fine. Okay.
476
00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:49,780
On the house.
477
00:20:52,352 --> 00:20:54,852
Everyone knew,
and nobody told me?
478
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,040
Well, you were next.
479
00:20:57,457 --> 00:20:58,989
What a disaster.
480
00:21:01,661 --> 00:21:03,093
You know what?
481
00:21:04,964 --> 00:21:06,196
Look, everyone.
482
00:21:06,266 --> 00:21:08,132
It's Ira on TV.
483
00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:11,702
What Ira? It's the
Cirque du Soleil.
484
00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:12,881
Oh, sure, sure.
485
00:21:12,905 --> 00:21:14,405
There's Ira!
486
00:21:14,474 --> 00:21:16,039
(ALL CHATTERING)
487
00:21:19,879 --> 00:21:21,011
Good for you.
488
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:23,381
What? I never had
a mother-in-law?
489
00:21:23,449 --> 00:21:24,660
She loved you.
490
00:21:24,684 --> 00:21:25,783
Please.
491
00:21:25,851 --> 00:21:27,951
It's Thanksgiving.
492
00:21:28,020 --> 00:21:29,787
All right. Who wants turkey?
493
00:21:29,855 --> 00:21:31,054
(ALL CHATTERING)
494
00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:32,301
JAMIE: Sorry it took so long.
495
00:21:32,325 --> 00:21:33,791
Oh, what long?
496
00:21:33,859 --> 00:21:35,537
It just gave me a chance
to work up an appetite.
497
00:21:35,561 --> 00:21:38,596
Oh, this buffet. I
feel so cosmopolitan.
498
00:21:38,665 --> 00:21:40,864
No, I really do.
499
00:21:40,933 --> 00:21:43,601
The bird looks delicious.
500
00:21:43,670 --> 00:21:45,636
Wait till you see dessert.
501
00:21:59,084 --> 00:22:00,804
Thank God they're
out of the room.
502
00:22:00,853 --> 00:22:03,887
I haven't been able to
get a word in edgewise.
503
00:22:03,956 --> 00:22:06,957
I'm telling you, Ceil,
these people are nuts.
504
00:22:08,461 --> 00:22:10,372
They're going,
and they're coming,
505
00:22:10,396 --> 00:22:13,664
and not a speck
of salad anywhere.
506
00:22:13,733 --> 00:22:17,435
And I keep watching
the parade over and over.
507
00:22:17,503 --> 00:22:19,002
And I'll tell you the truth.
508
00:22:19,071 --> 00:22:20,582
They keep calling me Aunt Lolly,
509
00:22:20,606 --> 00:22:24,475
and I'm not even sure which
one of them I'm related to.
510
00:22:24,544 --> 00:22:26,825
What the hell. It's a free meal.
35705
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