All language subtitles for Mad About You - S03E06 - Pandoras Box-ing

TV NARRATOR: Well, the fish
don't seem to be biting today.

That's why you've just
gotta like being out here.

Just sit back and
enjoy the wait.

We've really got
to find the remote.

♪ Tell me why I
love you like I do

♪ Tell me who can stop
my heart as much as you

♪ Let's take each other's hand

♪ As we jump
into the final frontier

♪ I'm mad about you, baby

♪ Yeah! ♪

All right, which sounds better,
Jamie Buchman Public Relations,

or Jamie Buchman
Public Relations, Inc.?

Hey, guess what! JAMIE: Careful!

Thank you.

Mr. Wicker. MR. WICKER: Sorry.

Hey, baby, you remember that
grant application I put in for last month?

Sure. I'm a finalist.

I thought you weren't
gonna wear that tie.

Yeah, isn't it? That's so great!

Yeah, isn't it?

What grant is that?

It's a documentary I'm working
up on the history of television.

Oh, you know the
Delahantys downstairs?

We don't know anybody
in the whole building.

We know across the
hall. And they hate us.

So, we're done. Who
are the Delahantys?

3-G. Big radiator
problems. PAUL: Oh, yeah?

But he's on all sorts
of grant committees.

Harrison Delahanty? Yeah.

Same guy as this?
Yeah, I'll introduce you.

Oh, you know, I don't
want to seem too...

Very casual, don't worry.

If he wants heat,
he'll do what I tell him.

If things work out, maybe you
can do something for my wife.

Remember, she did that
commercial last year for NyQuil.

She was very convincing.

Oh, you kidding? We
almost sent her soup.

Just the tip of the iceberg.

She's on Another World,
that soap opera, on Friday.

No kidding? Oh, yeah.

She got a line and
everything. It's the first time.

Make sure you watch. We will.

MR. WICKER: Great.
PAUL: Absolutely.

Hey, Mr. Wicker, listen, thank
you. That's... That's very nice of you.

Wow! 50 bucks!

What'd I do? (CHUCKLES)
I love that joke.

This is very exciting!

I don't think you
understand, it's finalists.

So that means like,
they're down to the final...

No, no, no, no, no,
no, no! What did I do?

I'm all organized, almost.

What is all this stuff?
They're my client files.

You have one client, Ira.

From before. I'm trying
to drum up some business.

I promise, I'll have all this stuff
out of your way by tomorrow.

It's all right,
whatever. You hungry?

No, I want to finish this first.

Oh, good, me neither.

I want to really get
cranking up on this thing.

They're telling me now they want
an oral presentation next week, so...

TV PRESENTER:
priced just under $12,000.

But now, with the factory

$500 cash-back offer...
What are you doing?

What am I doing?

Could you watch TV
later? I'm trying to work.

I'm not watching TV,

I'm studying the
history of a culture.

This is important research.

(THE ANDY GRIFFITH
SHOW THEME PLAYING)

ANNOUNCER: Starring Andy
Griffith and Ronny Howard.

Maybe you could take
the TV into the bedroom.

We don't have
cable in the bedroom.

Well, I'm working.
Well, so am I.

We have a problem.

Fortunately, you are married
to a problem-solving kind of guy.

Thank you very, very much.

See? This is good!

You're working, I'm
working, nobody's getting hurt!

Everybody's working!

(LAUGHING LOUDLY)

(MAN CHATTERING ON TV) No,
no, no. I'd say with the right campaign,

we can increase your business
demographically across the board.

Well, you know, you got to
spend money to make money.

JAMIE: Uh-huh. All right, well, let
me just read you what I have, okay?

Listen, I've already
done the research

(MAN CHATTERING ON TV) on
the kind of sales this can generate.

I'm sorry. What?
I can't hear you.

(TURNS TV OFF) Yeah, let
me just read you the figures.

(TURNS TV ON)
Contest promotion, 18%.

Direct mailing, 23%.

Uh, yeah. Print media, 22%.

I'm working here! So am I!

Well, can you please
do something else?

JAMIE: Cross-tie-ins,
11%. So it seems like...

Okay, fine. Can I use
the phone, please?

Seriously, I have to call Ira.

Excuse me. I'm really sorry. Do you
think we can continue this in a little bit?

Thanks a lot. Bye-bye.

Look, do you want me
to rent my own office?

We decided we can't afford that.

Okay, fine, then tomorrow I'm gonna call
the cable guy and get cable in the bedroom.

Forget about that.

Hey, it's me.

Really?

You were just talking to Ira?

Yes. He's my client.

He's Ira.

So what?

Just 'cause you used to take baths
with somebody, he doesn't count?

One time at grandma's house.

What? Two times.

I'm going to meet you at
the gym at 5:00, all right? Bye.

Want to call your client back?

Very funny. It's not funny.

It's not not funny. Careful!

Get me, I'm Dick
Van Dyke. All right.

I'm sorry. You really
hate this, don't you?

I don't really love it so much.

Well, then let's get
cable in the bedroom.

Forget about it. I'm not gonna
pay them for another connection.

How expensive can it
be? It's not even the point.

It's just so rude
of them to ask.

I mean, nobody asks, "Does the water
company charge you by the faucet?"

No, but it's...

"Or the electric company
by every socket?"

No, but it's only...

And like other examples I can't
even think of that would be better.

All I'm saying is, I don't
want a TV in the bedroom.

(DOORBELL BUZZING)

Why not? Just 'cause
it's... it's a bad idea.

Why? See, I don't know,
'cause it changes everything.

How? Hi.

I found those charts you wanted.

Hi. It just... It just does. Hi.

Well, now I'm convinced. Thanks.

Listen, you may know
you better than me,

and you may even know me
better than me, but I know us,

better than you, and I'm
telling you it's a bad idea.

Well, so what are we gonna do?

I don't know.
We'll figure it out.

How?

Hey, anybody using
your house today?

No. Are you sure?

Yeah. No, him.

It'll be fine, yeah.
Could I have your keys?

Oh, me? You.

Sure. Yeah.

Thank you. You're welcome.

No, him. Yeah.

It'll be good. Thank you.

Bye. Bye.

What is going on?
Just a little crowded.

I'm working, and
he's watching TV.

You win. No, no, no.

It's work, watching TV. It's
for this project he's doing.

Nobody's right,
and nobody's wrong.

I'm a little bit more right,
but that's not important.

Did you and Mark have
cable in the bedroom?

We have cable
all over the joint.

Wasn't it expensive?
What are you talking about?

Don't they charge per room?

Only if you tell them.

Do you have it?
Not yet. Over more.

Over, over more. No, back.

Did you cut your hair?

Gino!

Swing it!

Better? Yep! Yep!

(SIGHS) Yep! No.

(SCATTING)

JAMIE: Sorry!

I told you, those goggles,
they make my eyes sweat.

Let it go. Hi.

Hey, guess who I
just missed? Who?

Harrison Delahanty,
the grant guy.

Wicker said we missed the shared
elevator thing like by two seconds.

You'll get him next time. Here
are those statistics I told you about.

Hey, hey, hey,
what are you doing?

I'm her client.

No, no, no, you're Ira.

I thought no business.
We're going to have dinner.

Fine. We'll talk about this
at our meeting tomorrow.

Where you going?

What?

Nothing. Go ahead.

Be enthusiastic.

All right!

There's a TV in the bedroom.

Surprise.

All right!

TV in the bedroom! What
could be better than that?

What the hell's the
matter with him?

Well, it's exciting, honey.

I thought we settled this.

You can work now out of the
comfort of your own bedroom,

isn't that great? No.

All righty.

I just don't like the fact
that we agree on something,

and the minute I'm out the door,
you call the cable company...

The truth is, I didn't
actually... Hey, wait a minute,

you called the cable company?
No, no, we're gonna steal it, like you.

It's air waves!

I could've hooked
you up for free!

Forget about it. Come
on, everybody does it.

Well, not us. Why not?

Because it's wrong.
It's just wrong.

If you want
something, you buy it.

And if not, then you live without
it. You don't just take something.

That's why they have jails,
for just that kind of thing.

You know? Would
you please tell him?

It's just wrong.

(CHATTERING ON TV)

Oh, that's... Who is that guy?

It's not him.

Do you like that?

Not to buy.

Hey, what'd you do, you
ordered the Blue Channel?

Wow.

It must have come
with the package.

Yeah.

Do you think she's pretty?

I think she's naked.

Okay, you know
that those aren't real.

I don't care.

God. All right, all right.
One second, please.

All right. One second, please.

Wow. Wow!

Oh, good for them.

See, that never happens
when we order a pizza.

Hello.

Hey.

Picture a little fuzzy to you?

Mmm. I didn't notice.

Seriously, wait a sec. Excuse
me. Look at... Like, the yellows.

Look at the yellows, that's...
Something is really wrong.

It's not like that in
the living room, is it?

Honey, you know, we were
kind of in the middle of...

I'll be right back, right back.

They're just yellows.

Hey, we're paying
for it, aren't we?

Yeah, you know, sure, we are.

Come on back to bed. I'll
make it worth your while.

Try channel nine. What
do you have on nine?

Benny Hill.

Details.

A girl, a bench, and him.

PAUL: There's no tricycle?
There's always a tricycle.

I said be specific. See?

Look... Look at that picture.

It looks fine.

Nope. Better in here.

Honey, I guarantee you'll
have a better time in here.

You know what, it's really
hard to compare like this.

Well, then don't! Just
come back to bed! Really!

There's no comparison, it's better
in there, but you gotta come fast.

I believe you, I believe
you, I believe you!

Ah, this is absolutely,
you know what, it's crazy.

I'm going to call the
cable company tomorrow.

Why? Because I'm not
paying for bad reception.

We got it on special. So?

We'll seem ungrateful.

If we're paying for it...
All right, fine, fine, fine.

I will call them tomorrow.
Now, where were we?

I'm so exhausted now. Oh, okay.

Meanwhile, this casual meeting
of yours has taken three hours.

You sure this guy
doesn't take the stairs?

You don't know
Harrison Delahanty.

I know, that's why I'm here.

(BELL DINGING)

Third floor. It's gotta be him.

All right, all right,
do I look casual?

Lean a little.

Hello, Wicker.

Not him? Not him.

Now, don't blame yourself.

This is just nuts.

Gotta have a little patience.
You know? It's like fishing.

Lobby.

I gotta use the john.

Didn't I tell you to
go before we left?

11, please.

Do you see how you
never notice service people?

Wow, you're still doing this?

And I'm getting good at it,
too. I gotta get out of here.

Are you going to be home
for the next couple of hours?

Yeah. I have some stuff
to do for my meeting.

All right, good, 'cause the guy said
he'll be here between 12:00 and 4:00.

What guy? Cable guy.

You called them? Yeah.

So?

You called them?

Yeah. I help out.

Yes, I would
consider that a special.

Who raised you,
Sacco and Vanzetti?

They weren't thieves, they were
anarchists. Anyway, it was Fran's idea.

Is this it? No, no,
no, no. That's electric.

Here.

Wow, so which one is
ours? It's one of these.

Thank you. Wait a
sec, wouldn't it be...

I figure 11, 11 up, and
then 4 over is 11-D.

Must be this, right? Yeah.

MAN: (SHOUTING)
Hey, who's... Nope.

Try 11 from the top.

All right, wait a
second. How's that?

MAN: (SHOUTING)
Son of a... Oops.

Paul.

Honey, I'm narrowing
it down. Paul!

What? Hey. Oh.
My, you're prompt.

What are you doing?

In the sense of what?

Buchman?

Yeah. No.

11-D?

No. Yes.

You're not gonna
believe what happened.

Try me. Here's the situation.

We woke up this morning,
my wife and myself,

we woke up and in our
bedroom we had cable reception,

where formerly we had not.

So, you know, we
decided to come upstairs

and see just how the heck
that could've happened.

And then, lucky for you, now
you're here, you can unhook it for us.

What's happened to this country?

Do you know what? I'm so
glad you said that. Seriously.

I was trying to explain
to my wife before.

Stop me if I'm lying.

There is definitely... There's a difference
between honesty and what she has done,

and, you know what, now that
we've both straightened her out,

I think we can go
our separate ways

and I thank you very
much for coming.

Give him some money.

Don't insult me.

Don't insult him.

Prompt and honest. What
are the chances of that?

Listen, it's not like
we're the only people

in New York, who
have stolen cable, right?

I mean, there's like two or three
dozen people in this building alone.

Look right here.
Sweetie, sweetie...

What? No. I mean,
I'm right, aren't I?

Yes, but... What are those?

(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

No, sir, see, my wife didn't...

Yes, but she didn't mean to...

MAN: What were you
thinking? I hope you rot in hell!

You have a real dark side.

Well, we've officially now
heard from the eighth floor.

Well, stop answering the phone.

Do you realize what
you've done? Yes.

Tell me. You were
right, and I was wrong.

I get no satisfaction from that.

Well, it's true. There's
nothing to argue about.

'Cause you were wrong. Yes.

I was right. Yes.

You don't even
know how to do this!

What do you want me to say?

I don't know, but when I broke
the toaster, I knew I was wrong,

but still I gave you a good
20 minutes before I admitted it.

Did you move some of my stuff?

Yes, yes, I did, I threw out
big boxes of it, you know why?

Just 'cause I felt
like it. Oh, here it is.

Oh, come on!

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

You need to practice this.

Hi. Hi.

Go on, Edison, ask the man.

Why did you make
Big Bird go away?

Excuse me?

On the TV. He went
away. Is he dead?

It's for you, honey.

I just hope you're happy.

Oh, okay, I'll put
her through college.

That's good. So we're meeting
people in the building now.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR) All right!

Here we go.

Hello, Buchman's. Mr. Wicker.

I was wondering,
in all the excitement,

if you had a chance to see
Mrs. Wicker on the soap?

No, we missed it. No problem.

I got the tape right here.
Let's take a little look.

It may be a little thing
to you all, but to us...

No, it's her big break.

Oh, it sure was.
Wait till you see.

She plays the
nurse. Right there.

Gillian and I are through.

Nurse, is she going to live?

Just tell me, is
she going to live?

She seemed very good.

It's okay, kids. I just
wanted to say thank you.

You can keep the tape.

They rerun soap
operas, don't they?

(DOOR BANGING SHUT)

All right, I'm just gonna go.

Where are you going? I told
you, I have a business dinner.

Wait, whoa, whoa, so you're just gonna
leave me here with 14 floors of rage?

Well, do you want
to come with me?

Not if it's business.
It's just Ira.

Yeah, I know, but,
you know what, just go.

(PHONE RINGING)

(GROANING)

PAUL: Hi, we're out, leave a
message and we'll call you back.

(BEEPS)

MAN: Yeah, this is 9-J.

I was planning to watch the
Army/Navy Game this weekend,

and I just found out I'll have
a little time on my hands.

Thought I might use it to come
over and beat the crap out of you.

It's just Ira.
Yeah. It's just Ira.

Hi, it's kind of crowded
in here tonight. Hi.

Yeah, I think it's
all the people.

What's going on?

Right, a lot of people
are in here watching TV.

It seems some blockheads down the street
got their whole building disconnected.

Hey. Hey.

So Paul's gonna join
us. Hope that's okay?

Um, yeah, yeah, it's
okay, it's fine. Come on.

Gee, thank you both very much.

Hi, yeah, those people over
there want to not buy you a drink.

What's that about?

My wife decided to
open up a cable franchise.

What, you're the blockheads?

Hey, don't you have
some business to discuss?

Yes, we do. All right.

Here's the contest idea
I talked to you about.

So what's it gonna cost me?

Well, that depends. If we get some
kind of cross-promotional agreement...

Do I like trout amandine? No.

What's this here?
That's total budget...

Why don't I like it?
Because it has bones.

See, the thing is, if... They
don't take out the bones for you?

I'll just choke. Fine.

I'm sorry. This is business.

Hey, what isn't
business with you lately?

Why don't you just say it, you hate
that I'm working out of the house.

No kidding! I've been
saying that for two weeks.

No, you haven't. You act
supportive, and then you torture me.

Just say you're mad. Whoa!

Okay, what did I
say to you yesterday?

That you were mad. What
did I say the day before?

That you were mad.

So what do you
need, a billboard?

All right, don't get mad.

You know, you know what... Ow!

What is that, a spitball?

Who threw that?

Look, the problem here seems to
be striking a pretty deep nerve, right?

So, in the meantime, why
don't we do what we can do?

What can we do?
Reconnect your building.

Can you do that?
Forget about it.

Why not? Because we
already got enough... Ow!

All right, let's go.

Hope you're all happy. We're
going to hook up your cable.

Oh, great. Thanks. Listen,

also, my brother's car is
making that noise again. Thanks.

Trust me. I know
what we're doing.

If you knew what you were
doing, we wouldn't be here.

Can you do it? Piece of cake.

I just need a
little piece of wire.

Here. Right here? Like this?

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Oh, just relax.

MAN: Hey! What
happened to the lights?

GIRL: Mommy!

What did you do?
Why is it always me?

IRA: Don't worry.
I got it, I got it.

Here we go.

(DOOR CLANGS)

You see that?

(CAR ALARM BLARING)

Oops.

Okay, okay.

I'll see you guys later.

Hi, folks.

(PEOPLE MUTTERING)

Here. I'd like you to have this.

What is it? It was my
novel. Now it's a coaster.

Oh, my goodness.

(STUTTERING) I'm...
There's... There's got to be...

How're you doing?

(CLEARING THROAT)
MAN: Anybody there?

Who's that? Harrison Delahanty!

Where are you? I'm
stuck in the elevator.

Well, when we get you out,
there's someone I'd like you to meet.

I told you about her.

Didn't I tell you about
her? You were right.

She nearly electrocuted
me in the shower.

I don't think I nearly... MAN:
What's the matter with you?

Leave well enough alone?

Why didn't you just shut off
the water and call it a day?

ALL: Yeah!

Hey, knock it off!
Knock it off, will ya?

It was me! It wasn't
her, it was me, okay?

Anybody have a problem
with that, you know where I live.

I thought you were mad at me.

Yeah, well, that's
my job, not theirs.

Thank you.

Do you realize we can
never go out there again?

I don't care. This is fine.

Yeah. Hey, stop smiling.
I'm still mad at you.

Do you realize what you've done?

Do you realize now the entire
city, the city... Stop smiling.

(PAUL MUTTERING)

Good evening, I'm Al Roker,
reporting from NBC in New York.

It seems the City of New York

has been thrown into
a mysterious blackout.

Con Ed believes it was
caused by either a power surge

in a series of
sensitive grid relays

or some yutz
trying to steal cable.

Fortunately, New Yorkers can
always be counted on in an emergency.

Looters have asked
for our patience.

They say there
are lots of stores

and they'll get to every
one just as soon as possible.

I'm Al Roker, reporting
from NBC, in New York,

filling in for Tom Brokaw,
who is stuck in the elevator.