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1
00:00:06,207 --> 00:00:07,606
Ah, looks like rain.
2
00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:08,773
(THUNDER CLAPPING)
3
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:09,941
(WHINING)
4
00:00:10,011 --> 00:00:11,731
Also looks very
much like thunder.
5
00:00:12,779 --> 00:00:15,080
Hey, hey, don't be scared.
6
00:00:15,149 --> 00:00:16,415
Thunder can't hurt you.
7
00:00:16,484 --> 00:00:19,751
Thunder's just... just clouds
bumping into each other.
8
00:00:19,820 --> 00:00:22,221
Thunder is when a
large volume of moist air
9
00:00:22,289 --> 00:00:24,089
expands when it cools and rises.
10
00:00:25,192 --> 00:00:26,492
Who told you that?
11
00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:28,660
My Natural Science
professor at Yale.
12
00:00:28,729 --> 00:00:31,497
No, thunder is clouds
bumping into each other.
13
00:00:31,565 --> 00:00:32,764
Where'd you get that?
14
00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:34,433
My parents.
15
00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:38,837
(THUNDER CRASHING)
16
00:00:38,906 --> 00:00:40,805
Why would they lie
to me about thunder?
17
00:00:53,354 --> 00:00:57,222
♪ Tell me why I
love you like I do
18
00:00:57,291 --> 00:01:01,326
♪ Tell me who can stop
my heart as much as you
19
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:03,140
♪ Let's take each other's hand
20
00:01:03,164 --> 00:01:06,365
♪ As we jump
into the final frontier
21
00:01:07,535 --> 00:01:09,935
♪ I'm mad about you, baby
22
00:01:10,003 --> 00:01:11,403
♪ Yeah! ♪
23
00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:23,115
Oh, Mrs. Buchman,
you're trying to seduce me.
24
00:01:23,184 --> 00:01:25,429
I want to find the guy
who invented pantyhose
25
00:01:25,453 --> 00:01:27,953
and beat an apology out of him.
26
00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:30,622
You know what? My guess
is, he's not a very tough guy.
27
00:01:32,393 --> 00:01:33,692
Do I look okay?
28
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:35,360
You look really sexy.
29
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:37,869
We're going to a funeral.
I don't want to look sexy.
30
00:01:37,898 --> 00:01:39,798
No, I'm saying sexy
but, like, in a sad way.
31
00:01:41,001 --> 00:01:42,401
Oh, what did I do here?
32
00:01:42,470 --> 00:01:43,868
Let's see. Cold water.
33
00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,670
Yikes.
34
00:01:45,739 --> 00:01:47,250
Murray, you see
how lucky you are?
35
00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:49,252
You never have to wear
pantyhose your whole life.
36
00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:50,976
Ow! What'd you do?
37
00:01:51,044 --> 00:01:52,522
I hate speaking in public.
38
00:01:52,546 --> 00:01:54,458
You'll be fine. Listen,
the whole trick is
39
00:01:54,482 --> 00:01:56,693
you just... You got to know
what you're going to say.
40
00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:59,262
I just want to say how much I love
him and how much he loves me.
41
00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:00,830
All right. So that's
all you gotta say.
42
00:02:00,854 --> 00:02:02,894
Okay, don't worry I'm
gonna get it together.
43
00:02:02,923 --> 00:02:04,889
I'm not gonna pull an
Aunt Rachel. I promise.
44
00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:07,670
Who are you talking
to? Uncle Van.
45
00:02:07,694 --> 00:02:09,261
(PANTYHOSE RIPPING)
46
00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:10,440
No. What?
47
00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:12,097
Oh, no. What'd you do?
48
00:02:12,166 --> 00:02:13,710
Oh, fine! Fine! You
want to play like that?
49
00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:14,933
That's just fine!
50
00:02:15,002 --> 00:02:16,980
That's how we'll play.
'Cause you know something?
51
00:02:17,004 --> 00:02:19,249
You try my patience,
you really, really do,
52
00:02:19,273 --> 00:02:21,740
you flimsy discount
piece of crap!
53
00:02:30,684 --> 00:02:33,385
I got to tell you, I'm
surprisingly aroused by that.
54
00:02:36,624 --> 00:02:38,602
You know, Uncle Van
was crazy about you
55
00:02:38,626 --> 00:02:39,936
from the minute he met you.
56
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:41,804
Hey, of course Uncle
Van was crazy about me.
57
00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:43,428
He needed a partner in crime.
58
00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:45,942
You know, without me, he never
could have gotten those golf balls
59
00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:47,599
in your mother's turkey.
60
00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,613
That was like a
classic Van moment.
61
00:02:49,637 --> 00:02:51,648
JAMIE: I wish you
would tell that story.
62
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:54,050
All right. It was Thanksgiving,
we're sitting around the table...
63
00:02:54,074 --> 00:02:55,641
Not here. At the service.
64
00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:58,143
Oh, forget it. I hate
speaking in public.
65
00:02:58,212 --> 00:03:00,557
I thought the key is to
know what you're gonna say.
66
00:03:00,581 --> 00:03:02,614
Oh, no, no, no.
That's just for you.
67
00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:04,227
Come on, he would love it.
68
00:03:04,251 --> 00:03:05,762
Who? Van.
69
00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:07,519
Hey, Van is gone,
70
00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:09,566
and I ain't taking the
rap for that turkey myself.
71
00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:10,900
(DOORBELL BUZZING REPEATEDLY)
72
00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:13,124
Oh, finally.
73
00:03:13,194 --> 00:03:15,394
Oh, good. Your sister
now buzzes in Morse code.
74
00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:22,753
(SCOFFS) That's what
you guys are wearing?
75
00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:24,570
Are you kidding me?
76
00:03:24,638 --> 00:03:26,538
He loved plaid.
77
00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:28,851
You're right. I'm sorry. It's
absolutely perfect. Let's go.
78
00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:30,654
All right, Murray, we're
gonna be back later.
79
00:03:30,678 --> 00:03:32,389
We're gonna go visit Uncle Van.
80
00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:34,057
Remember Uncle Van, he
used to throw you the tennis ball
81
00:03:34,081 --> 00:03:35,447
till you couldn't stand up?
82
00:03:35,516 --> 00:03:37,494
Yeah, well, no more
playing catch with Uncle Van.
83
00:03:37,518 --> 00:03:39,551
Why would you tell him that?
84
00:03:40,588 --> 00:03:42,087
Because it's the truth.
85
00:03:42,155 --> 00:03:44,167
So what's to be gained? Either
he doesn't understand you,
86
00:03:44,191 --> 00:03:46,124
or he does, and now he's sad.
87
00:03:47,695 --> 00:03:49,655
You really give
him too much credit.
88
00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:58,470
I guess, what I'm trying to
say is I really love Uncle Van
89
00:03:58,539 --> 00:04:00,859
and I know Uncle
Van really loves me.
90
00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:03,308
He really does.
91
00:04:04,144 --> 00:04:06,345
And I really do, too.
92
00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:08,714
I guess the reason
I love him so much
93
00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:12,284
is because I know
how much he loves me.
94
00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:14,886
How much we love him.
95
00:04:16,490 --> 00:04:17,889
All of us.
96
00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:19,258
But especially me.
97
00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:23,629
I really love Uncle Van.
98
00:04:24,565 --> 00:04:25,664
A lot.
99
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:29,479
And I know he really
loves me. Okay, okay.
100
00:04:29,503 --> 00:04:30,847
I think you covered that.
101
00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:33,082
Would you please
tell the turkey story?
102
00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:35,039
Um...
103
00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:39,144
I think we all know that Jamie
had a fondness for Uncle Van.
104
00:04:39,212 --> 00:04:42,147
And as she suggested
in her little story,
105
00:04:42,215 --> 00:04:43,948
he had a fondness
for her as well.
106
00:04:44,585 --> 00:04:45,717
Okay.
107
00:04:46,887 --> 00:04:48,127
Um...
108
00:04:49,590 --> 00:04:51,790
Van... Van was... was great.
109
00:04:51,858 --> 00:04:54,225
He was... He was a warm soul,
110
00:04:54,295 --> 00:04:55,627
a... a big heart.
111
00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:57,362
He was just so sweet.
112
00:04:57,431 --> 00:04:58,830
I used to tell Jamie
113
00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:00,766
it was like he was
from another family.
114
00:05:01,902 --> 00:05:03,402
Sorry.
115
00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:06,171
No, I mean, you're... This
is a wonderful family. But I...
116
00:05:06,239 --> 00:05:08,139
Van was truly, and I
said it, the only person
117
00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:09,841
I could have a
conversation with.
118
00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:15,394
I really love Uncle Van.
119
00:05:22,222 --> 00:05:24,100
You alienated my entire family.
120
00:05:24,124 --> 00:05:26,257
Well, it had to be done.
121
00:05:26,327 --> 00:05:28,760
You know, why... why did
you take your Uncle Van?
122
00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:31,162
Why did you take the pate?
123
00:05:31,231 --> 00:05:32,975
I like pate. I like Uncle Van.
124
00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:34,911
And I understand
he likes you, but still.
125
00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:37,980
I wanna make sure his ashes
wind up in the right place.
126
00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:40,639
I guarantee you it ain't there.
127
00:05:40,708 --> 00:05:44,543
It's only for a day or two till
I decide where he belongs.
128
00:05:44,611 --> 00:05:46,645
South Dakota.
129
00:05:46,714 --> 00:05:48,514
South Dakota? Yeah.
130
00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:55,298
Why would we spread
his ashes in South Dakota?
131
00:05:55,322 --> 00:05:57,756
Because he had that Desoto. Huh?
132
00:05:59,125 --> 00:06:00,359
Okay, Lise,
133
00:06:00,427 --> 00:06:02,694
come here, I just wanna
explain something to you.
134
00:06:02,763 --> 00:06:04,663
All right, South Dakota,
135
00:06:04,732 --> 00:06:05,997
Desoto,
136
00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:07,599
no connection.
137
00:06:07,668 --> 00:06:10,235
There's a similar sound
and yet there's nothing there.
138
00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:14,406
Fine. You think of something.
139
00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:16,118
How do they get a
whole guy in here?
140
00:06:16,142 --> 00:06:17,554
(STUTTERING) What are you doing?
141
00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:19,288
They put a 230-pound
man in a thermos.
142
00:06:19,312 --> 00:06:21,380
You're not even curious? No!
143
00:06:21,448 --> 00:06:23,382
Have some respect.
144
00:06:23,450 --> 00:06:25,917
You... You could be
curious with respect.
145
00:06:25,986 --> 00:06:27,263
(EXCLAIMS) Oh, it's Sunday.
146
00:06:27,287 --> 00:06:28,931
I bet he's somewhere
playing golf.
147
00:06:28,955 --> 00:06:31,089
Well, I don't really
think that's true.
148
00:06:31,157 --> 00:06:35,026
You think when someone
dies, that's it, their life just stops?
149
00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:37,729
I certainly think it
hinders their golf swing.
150
00:06:37,798 --> 00:06:39,909
'Cause you know, a lot of
it's in the legs, you know,
151
00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:42,093
and if you're dead...
Standing? A little tough.
152
00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:44,369
You're very naive.
153
00:06:44,438 --> 00:06:46,371
I'm naive? I'm naive
154
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:49,640
and yet you have a dead
uncle with a tee-off time. All right.
155
00:06:54,314 --> 00:06:56,381
(MURRAY BARKS)
156
00:06:56,450 --> 00:06:58,731
All right, but
don't tell anybody.
157
00:06:59,686 --> 00:07:00,985
There you go.
158
00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:03,494
Get your elbows off the table.
159
00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:06,905
PAUL: Baby. In here.
160
00:07:07,461 --> 00:07:08,905
Hi. Hey, how'd it go?
161
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:10,328
It went good.
162
00:07:10,397 --> 00:07:12,831
There's that dog of mine.
I know what you want.
163
00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:16,012
Don't feed him
up there. All right.
164
00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:18,281
What happened? I thought
we were having hamburgers.
165
00:07:18,305 --> 00:07:19,638
This is hamburgers.
166
00:07:19,706 --> 00:07:21,440
I know, but they're so wide.
167
00:07:21,508 --> 00:07:24,242
I had my heart set
on, like, a regulation.
168
00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:26,945
It's Salisbury steak.
Grab some silverware.
169
00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:28,413
What made you go fancy?
170
00:07:28,482 --> 00:07:29,893
It's the same as hamburgers.
171
00:07:29,917 --> 00:07:32,250
Actually, only in
Salisbury is that the same.
172
00:07:32,319 --> 00:07:34,853
Reminds me of Uncle
Van, he used to love it.
173
00:07:34,922 --> 00:07:37,956
Uncle van loved
the Salisbury steak.
174
00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:41,760
You know, it's... it's
really... It's so typical. What?
175
00:07:41,829 --> 00:07:45,964
Your relatives, they come for,
like, one night and they stay a week.
176
00:07:46,032 --> 00:07:48,845
Only until I can find
someplace where he'll be happy.
177
00:07:48,869 --> 00:07:52,203
May I make a suggestion?
How about not here?
178
00:07:52,272 --> 00:07:55,740
It's a lovely area,
and it's easy to find.
179
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:58,655
Do you remember when he took
us on the Circle Line up the Hudson?
180
00:07:58,679 --> 00:08:00,445
Hey, that was fun.
181
00:08:00,514 --> 00:08:02,481
Hey, how about that?
182
00:08:02,549 --> 00:08:03,860
We take a boat up the Hudson,
183
00:08:03,884 --> 00:08:05,562
we scatter his
ashes into the river?
184
00:08:05,586 --> 00:08:07,686
No, it's so filthy.
It's polluted.
185
00:08:07,754 --> 00:08:09,721
Sweetie, with all due respect,
186
00:08:09,790 --> 00:08:12,023
he's ashes, you
know what I mean?
187
00:08:12,092 --> 00:08:14,526
Ashes don't really mind filth.
188
00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:16,339
In fact, technically
they are filth.
189
00:08:16,363 --> 00:08:18,908
You know, the whole ashes
to ashes, dust to dust thing.
190
00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:21,845
Yeah, well, he's still not
going in the Hudson. All right.
191
00:08:21,869 --> 00:08:23,780
Well, he loved... he
loved the city, right?
192
00:08:23,804 --> 00:08:26,248
What if we scatter his
ashes just into the wind
193
00:08:26,272 --> 00:08:28,918
and then he'll settle in whatever
neighborhood he enjoys.
194
00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:31,510
I wanna find the perfect place.
195
00:08:31,578 --> 00:08:33,790
I don't really think he's
gonna be that picky.
196
00:08:33,814 --> 00:08:37,081
You really believe when
someone dies, it's all over?
197
00:08:37,150 --> 00:08:40,284
I really do. You know
what, do we have a bun?
198
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:42,353
How can you think that?
199
00:08:42,422 --> 00:08:44,088
I think that because...
200
00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:46,402
Listen, I question the little
things, but the big things,
201
00:08:46,426 --> 00:08:47,904
you know, like
thunder and death,
202
00:08:47,928 --> 00:08:49,293
I do what I'm told.
203
00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:52,976
So when we die,
that's it? It's... It's over?
204
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,477
We're just no longer a couple?
205
00:08:54,501 --> 00:08:56,741
We're certainly
not a fun couple.
206
00:08:57,804 --> 00:08:59,749
Know what I
think? Still not right.
207
00:08:59,773 --> 00:09:02,106
Why can't you just
eat like a grownup?
208
00:09:02,175 --> 00:09:04,053
See, this is why they
came up with death.
209
00:09:04,077 --> 00:09:06,923
To give nice people like you and
me a little break from each other.
210
00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:09,447
I don't want a break from you.
211
00:09:09,516 --> 00:09:11,883
You know what I think? What?
212
00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:15,153
I think, you can't get
hamburger from Salisbury steak.
213
00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:17,366
It's just too late in the game.
214
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,658
'Cause everywhere
you look, uncooked edge.
215
00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:21,660
Do you not want to
be together forever?
216
00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:23,695
No, I do, absolutely. So?
217
00:09:23,764 --> 00:09:25,163
So...
218
00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:27,010
Ketchup. Ketchup
would be the thing,
219
00:09:27,034 --> 00:09:29,178
'cause ketchup, if I may
say, would suggest to this,
220
00:09:29,202 --> 00:09:32,214
in its heart, that it's a
burger. It could be a burger.
221
00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:35,478
Hey, Uncle Van, no kidding,
I've asked you once already.
222
00:09:38,045 --> 00:09:39,945
You know, forever
doesn't mean till you die.
223
00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:41,379
Forever means forever.
224
00:09:41,448 --> 00:09:44,182
Do you remember that
play we saw on Jane Street?
225
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:46,663
(EXCLAIMS) The two women in
the garage? That was the whole point.
226
00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:48,286
Can't get out of it that easy.
227
00:09:48,354 --> 00:09:51,489
Would tomato help? Yeah,
tomato would be good.
228
00:09:51,558 --> 00:09:53,269
What are you
doing? Huh? Nothing.
229
00:09:53,293 --> 00:09:55,133
Did you open that? No.
230
00:09:58,298 --> 00:10:01,265
Just moving it over here,
though. Just leave it here. Why?
231
00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:03,212
Because, to be honest
with you, I'm uneasy
232
00:10:03,236 --> 00:10:05,036
dining with a dead
guy on the table.
233
00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:07,405
Where's the cheese?
234
00:10:07,474 --> 00:10:08,773
What cheese?
235
00:10:08,842 --> 00:10:10,620
Did you not offer
to bring me cheese?
236
00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:13,979
Cheese for the man who calls my
uncle "The dead guy". My pleasure.
237
00:10:15,048 --> 00:10:16,815
Thank you.
238
00:10:16,883 --> 00:10:19,261
Hey, didn't Uncle Van used to
take you and Lisa to the track?
239
00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:21,252
Yeah, all the time.
240
00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:24,166
I remember, one time he took you
down to the winner's circle, right?
241
00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:26,524
That's right. I can't
believe you remember that.
242
00:10:26,593 --> 00:10:29,706
Yeah, I remember, 'cause you told me Lisa
had this crazy blue dress on or something.
243
00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:31,896
I told you that?
Yeah. I pay attention.
244
00:10:33,634 --> 00:10:36,579
That little sweater with
Dalmatians you were wearing?
245
00:10:36,603 --> 00:10:38,069
That's amazing.
246
00:10:39,205 --> 00:10:40,717
A little barrette you had...
247
00:10:40,741 --> 00:10:43,461
What the hell's behind
your back? Okay.
248
00:10:44,745 --> 00:10:46,255
I knew it. I pushed
it with the barrette,
249
00:10:46,279 --> 00:10:47,857
that was my big mistake,
right there. Look at him.
250
00:10:47,881 --> 00:10:49,614
He loved the racetrack.
251
00:10:49,683 --> 00:10:51,850
He'd always be yelling,
"Tell me it's true, baby!
252
00:10:51,918 --> 00:10:54,185
"Tell me it's true!"
253
00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:57,022
Again, a little aroused.
254
00:10:57,090 --> 00:10:59,824
Look at that. That's the happiest
I've ever seen him, right there.
255
00:10:59,893 --> 00:11:01,225
Looks very happy.
256
00:11:01,294 --> 00:11:02,894
Hey! That's a thought.
257
00:11:02,963 --> 00:11:07,365
We take his ashes, we scatter
them in the winner's circle.
258
00:11:07,433 --> 00:11:09,934
That's perfect. Oh, the
winner's circle, that's perfect.
259
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,447
Yeah. Who thought of it? Me.
260
00:11:11,471 --> 00:11:13,772
Okay, call Ira. Why
am I calling Ira?
261
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:15,985
Because they don't just let
people into the winner's circle,
262
00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:17,920
you have to know someone
who owns the horse that wins.
263
00:11:17,944 --> 00:11:19,722
Yeah, so? So Ira's at
the track all the time.
264
00:11:19,746 --> 00:11:21,146
Maybe he knows owners.
265
00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:23,715
(MURRAY BARKING) Aha! Aha, aha.
266
00:11:23,784 --> 00:11:25,394
What? Look at Murray.
267
00:11:25,418 --> 00:11:26,696
I'm looking. I don't see "aha".
268
00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:28,264
So if there's no
such thing as forever,
269
00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:30,521
why did Murray bring
the ball to Uncle Van?
270
00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:34,258
'Cause he's a dog.
271
00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:37,487
Last week he brought my socks
to the toaster. He don't care.
272
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,031
He just brings things...
273
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:41,844
Sweetie, do you know
why he's doing that?
274
00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:43,780
He's doing that
'cause he smells...
275
00:11:43,804 --> 00:11:45,369
No, you're right. Aha!
276
00:11:52,913 --> 00:11:54,691
You definitely know
this guy? Yeah.
277
00:11:54,715 --> 00:11:56,525
And he owns the horse? Yeah.
278
00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:57,849
So how do you know him?
279
00:11:57,918 --> 00:12:00,596
Paulie, from the track. I
can't talk about this right now.
280
00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:03,099
So just give me the guy's
name. Why can't this wait?
281
00:12:03,123 --> 00:12:05,323
'Cause I got a guy
in my living room.
282
00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:07,192
What guy? Jamie's uncle.
283
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:08,960
In the urn? In the urn.
284
00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:11,129
(CHUCKLING)
285
00:12:12,298 --> 00:12:13,818
When are you going
to the track next?
286
00:12:13,867 --> 00:12:15,200
I'm not.
287
00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:17,802
So fine. Give me the
guy's number, I'll call him.
288
00:12:17,871 --> 00:12:20,282
And say what? Next time
one of your horses wins,
289
00:12:20,306 --> 00:12:22,185
I'd like to bury my
wife's uncle's ashes
290
00:12:22,209 --> 00:12:24,153
in the winner's circle?
What's wrong with that?
291
00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:25,855
It's never gonna
happen, my friend.
292
00:12:25,879 --> 00:12:27,456
Where are they
running now, Aqueduct?
293
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:29,313
Everyone, let's get started.
294
00:12:29,382 --> 00:12:30,715
Belmont.
295
00:12:30,784 --> 00:12:32,024
All right.
296
00:12:32,953 --> 00:12:35,053
Ira.
297
00:12:35,122 --> 00:12:39,090
Hi. Uh, I'm Ira, and I'm
a compulsive gambler.
298
00:12:40,193 --> 00:12:42,326
Hi, Ira.
299
00:12:42,395 --> 00:12:44,035
I thought that's
what you do here.
300
00:12:52,806 --> 00:12:56,074
I've got Racing
Form, Racing Digest.
301
00:12:56,143 --> 00:12:59,410
I've got Green Sheet,
Yellow Sheet, Red Sheet.
302
00:12:59,479 --> 00:13:00,879
Everybody's got an opinion.
303
00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:03,414
"Duke says, Ed picks 'em,
304
00:13:03,483 --> 00:13:05,650
"and Bill knows."
305
00:13:05,718 --> 00:13:08,078
I can't believe your sister
paid admission for your uncle.
306
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,754
Meanwhile, where did she go?
307
00:13:09,823 --> 00:13:11,600
Maybe your uncle wanted a beer.
308
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:12,857
I kid you.
309
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:16,761
So what, this Paulie
guy, he's a big horse guy?
310
00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:18,207
Oh, yeah, he's the biggest.
311
00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:20,009
'Cause I don't let
just anyone in my box.
312
00:13:20,033 --> 00:13:22,845
Hey, Maurice, would I
bring a guy to your box
313
00:13:22,869 --> 00:13:24,814
who can't sit with you?
He can sit with me?
314
00:13:24,838 --> 00:13:26,537
Sure. He can sit with you.
315
00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:30,608
She's already disappeared.
316
00:13:30,677 --> 00:13:32,321
I like Valenzuela's horse.
317
00:13:32,345 --> 00:13:33,845
I told Tommy.
318
00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:35,758
What's that? I told Tommy.
319
00:13:35,782 --> 00:13:38,016
You told Tommy? Go ask him.
320
00:13:38,084 --> 00:13:39,383
We believe you.
321
00:13:42,355 --> 00:13:44,867
How do I know this guy? Why
do you talk to these people?
322
00:13:44,891 --> 00:13:46,590
He talked to me first.
323
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:49,527
All righty, all righty, all
righty. Who wants programs?
324
00:13:49,595 --> 00:13:51,507
Programs. Is that different
than what I got here?
325
00:13:51,531 --> 00:13:53,009
No, Paulie, you
gotta have a program.
326
00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:55,044
Give me the program.
I remember these.
327
00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:56,234
Yeah, so do I.
328
00:13:56,303 --> 00:13:57,947
Where's your guy
who owns the horse?
329
00:13:57,971 --> 00:13:59,481
It's Maurice. Maurice.
330
00:13:59,505 --> 00:14:01,239
Yeah. He's gonna
be here any minute.
331
00:14:01,308 --> 00:14:03,252
He'll get us into the winner's
circle? If his horse wins.
332
00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:04,420
Do you think it'll win?
333
00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:06,978
If I knew that, I'd
be too happy to live.
334
00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:09,458
You know, that three
horse will never take the trip.
335
00:14:09,482 --> 00:14:10,715
Did you tell Tommy?
336
00:14:10,783 --> 00:14:12,023
Right now.
337
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:15,519
Who is Tommy?
338
00:14:15,588 --> 00:14:16,788
I don't know.
339
00:14:18,791 --> 00:14:20,892
Man, I love this place.
340
00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:23,639
Are you sure you should be
here? Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
341
00:14:23,663 --> 00:14:25,230
You're not gonna be tempted?
342
00:14:25,298 --> 00:14:27,932
Paulie, there's more to do at
the track than bet on the horses.
343
00:14:28,001 --> 00:14:30,368
There's the fresh air, there's
the excitement, the people.
344
00:14:30,436 --> 00:14:31,769
They got delicious food.
345
00:14:31,838 --> 00:14:33,571
And they got
ducks in the infield.
346
00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:36,752
Give me your wallet. No, no, no.
347
00:14:36,776 --> 00:14:38,321
Give me your wallet.
It's okay, I'm cured.
348
00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:40,389
You're not cured. I'm
not gonna bet. I swear.
349
00:14:40,413 --> 00:14:42,173
For how much? Ten bucks.
350
00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:44,323
Now, is it me,
351
00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:46,918
or is the air pressure
in here unusually low?
352
00:14:46,987 --> 00:14:48,286
Where did you go?
353
00:14:48,355 --> 00:14:49,555
Oh, look.
354
00:14:51,958 --> 00:14:55,026
Wow, a Secretariat barometer.
355
00:14:55,828 --> 00:14:57,428
Really needed it.
356
00:14:58,298 --> 00:15:00,498
(TRUMPET BLOWING)
357
00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:02,233
Hear that, Uncle Van?
358
00:15:02,302 --> 00:15:05,147
ANNOUNCER: The horses for
today's first race are on the track.
359
00:15:05,171 --> 00:15:06,837
Ira. Maurice.
360
00:15:06,907 --> 00:15:09,085
What do you think? Hey, I want
you to meet my cousin Paulie.
361
00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:11,153
I hear you know a
few things. Oh, a few.
362
00:15:11,177 --> 00:15:13,011
This is his wife Jamie and Lisa.
363
00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:15,319
My pleasure. They're both good.
364
00:15:16,716 --> 00:15:19,350
Yeah. So, uh, who
we rooting for today?
365
00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:21,197
First race, I own the six horse.
366
00:15:21,221 --> 00:15:23,587
Six horse? Six horse.
367
00:15:23,656 --> 00:15:25,156
The name would be
368
00:15:25,892 --> 00:15:27,458
"About To Be Glue."
369
00:15:28,962 --> 00:15:30,428
About To Be Glue.
370
00:15:30,496 --> 00:15:32,030
Yeah, that's not a good sign.
371
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:40,604
Look, Uncle Van, horses.
372
00:15:40,673 --> 00:15:43,913
(IN A HUSKY VOICE) Tell me
it's true, baby. Tell me it's true.
373
00:15:44,811 --> 00:15:48,112
Look at this. About
To Be Glue is 50 to 1.
374
00:15:48,181 --> 00:15:49,347
He's a long shot.
375
00:15:49,416 --> 00:15:50,848
He's About To Be Glue.
376
00:15:50,917 --> 00:15:52,883
Uncle Van loved long shots.
377
00:15:52,953 --> 00:15:56,193
Which is why he left you a pair
of mukluks and a cheese wheel.
378
00:15:59,559 --> 00:16:02,204
We're going to get hot
dogs. I'll give you a hand.
379
00:16:02,228 --> 00:16:03,705
Hey, hey, hey, you're
going nowhere. What?
380
00:16:03,729 --> 00:16:05,041
Wait a second. Wait
a second. What?
381
00:16:05,065 --> 00:16:06,397
All right, you can go.
382
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:09,533
Don't anyone touch
my barometer. All righty.
383
00:16:09,602 --> 00:16:12,082
You know what, sweetie?
I'm not sure this horse
384
00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:14,583
is gonna get your Uncle
Van into the winner's circle.
385
00:16:14,607 --> 00:16:16,941
Look at this. It says,
"About To Be Glue
386
00:16:17,010 --> 00:16:18,476
"doesn't figure."
387
00:16:18,544 --> 00:16:20,522
You hear that? "Doesn't
figure." I like that.
388
00:16:20,546 --> 00:16:22,124
What does the other
one say? The other one,
389
00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:23,747
here Belmont, six horse.
390
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:26,517
"About To Be Glue
figures to be last."
391
00:16:26,586 --> 00:16:28,519
Well, what do they know?
392
00:16:28,588 --> 00:16:30,532
ANNOUNCER: The horses
are approaching the starting gate.
393
00:16:30,556 --> 00:16:31,934
About To Be Glue.
About To Be Glue.
394
00:16:31,958 --> 00:16:34,658
Atta girl! I bet the
ass off that animal.
395
00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:38,029
Sorry, lady. Come
on, About To Be Glue!
396
00:16:38,098 --> 00:16:40,564
Honey, come on, we have
to make a bet for good luck.
397
00:16:40,633 --> 00:16:42,644
Am I going or you
going? Do you wanna go?
398
00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:44,708
I'm sitting. I'm
going. How much?
399
00:16:44,737 --> 00:16:46,570
Do what you got to do.
400
00:16:46,639 --> 00:16:48,373
Ira says you can sit with me.
401
00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:50,086
Yeah, whatever.
When he gets back here
402
00:16:50,110 --> 00:16:51,753
I'll sit back with
Jamie. Whatever.
403
00:16:51,777 --> 00:16:54,178
What do you think of my horse?
404
00:16:54,247 --> 00:16:57,181
Well, I'll tell you
this, he's naked.
405
00:16:57,250 --> 00:16:59,217
You're telling me what?
406
00:16:59,285 --> 00:17:00,796
I'm saying he's
got nothing on him
407
00:17:00,820 --> 00:17:02,898
but a small guy with a hat.
408
00:17:02,922 --> 00:17:04,322
You don't like my jockey?
409
00:17:05,125 --> 00:17:06,524
I don't know.
410
00:17:06,592 --> 00:17:08,237
It's okay, it's okay. You
don't want to say anything,
411
00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:09,827
you don't want to say anything.
412
00:17:09,896 --> 00:17:11,073
I don't know anything.
413
00:17:11,097 --> 00:17:12,897
Come on, tell me.
Where did you hear it?
414
00:17:14,401 --> 00:17:17,368
Ask Tommy. You talked to Tommy?
415
00:17:17,437 --> 00:17:18,981
I don't even know who Tommy is.
416
00:17:19,005 --> 00:17:21,339
Oh, I hear that. He
hasn't been right in weeks.
417
00:17:21,408 --> 00:17:23,174
Come on, tell me what you know.
418
00:17:24,610 --> 00:17:26,044
Well, I'll tell you this.
419
00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:30,180
You can't get hamburger
from Salisbury steak.
420
00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:33,284
Say no more.
421
00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:41,759
Hey, Lise, listen.
422
00:17:41,827 --> 00:17:43,772
Why don't you order me
something? I got to hit the head.
423
00:17:43,796 --> 00:17:45,396
No betting.
424
00:17:45,465 --> 00:17:48,665
Betting? With what? I'll
meet you back at the seats.
425
00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:53,557
Yeah, we're probably
gonna split something.
426
00:17:55,975 --> 00:17:58,676
Give me a $5 wheel on
the six horse, front and back,
427
00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:00,578
and give me a
six, three, one box.
428
00:18:00,646 --> 00:18:03,214
Give me a $30
baseball, one, three, six.
429
00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:06,284
Also on the six, let me have
we have $10 across the board.
430
00:18:06,352 --> 00:18:07,785
Slap me!
431
00:18:07,853 --> 00:18:11,122
Okay. Give me $20 to win,
$20 to place and $20 to show.
432
00:18:11,191 --> 00:18:12,423
Come on!
433
00:18:16,996 --> 00:18:18,096
Here we go.
434
00:18:20,066 --> 00:18:21,544
Wow. Tell me!
435
00:18:21,568 --> 00:18:24,034
I can't believe
LaGuardia's so close.
436
00:18:24,104 --> 00:18:26,315
Forget about LaGuardia.
Tell me about my horse.
437
00:18:26,339 --> 00:18:27,916
What? Can he win?
438
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:29,807
How do I know?
I'm here for a funeral.
439
00:18:29,875 --> 00:18:32,310
Oh, do you think
he'll die in the stretch?
440
00:18:32,378 --> 00:18:35,357
What are you asking me... I been
to the track once in my whole life.
441
00:18:35,381 --> 00:18:39,250
Just like me. One long
day, and it lasts forever.
442
00:18:39,319 --> 00:18:41,619
Yeah, well, there's no
such thing as forever.
443
00:18:41,687 --> 00:18:45,327
So in other words, you
think he can't go the distance.
444
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:47,758
Yeah. That's exactly
what I'm saying.
445
00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:51,202
You make a quinella?
446
00:18:51,264 --> 00:18:52,630
That wasn't me, babe.
447
00:18:57,770 --> 00:18:59,770
I miss you, Uncle Van.
448
00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:02,039
You were always so nice to me.
449
00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:05,616
I wish I could
share this with you.
450
00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:08,312
In fact, you know what?
451
00:19:11,451 --> 00:19:13,651
I can't believe you already ate.
452
00:19:16,756 --> 00:19:18,676
Come on, baby. Come on, baby.
453
00:19:18,724 --> 00:19:20,358
That's it.
454
00:19:20,426 --> 00:19:22,226
(BEEPING)
455
00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:25,095
Here, I got $500 to win and
$500 to place on the six horse.
456
00:19:25,165 --> 00:19:26,430
Cancel it.
457
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:28,244
ANNOUNCER: The
horses for today's first race
458
00:19:28,268 --> 00:19:30,045
are approaching
the starting gate.
459
00:19:30,069 --> 00:19:31,502
All right, here we go.
460
00:19:31,571 --> 00:19:33,291
How you doing, Ira? Good.
461
00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:34,938
Mike.
462
00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:36,507
(CHUCKLES)
463
00:19:36,576 --> 00:19:39,743
Hey. Did you see that they
have, uh, ducks in the infield?
464
00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:48,452
My wife likes the
number six horse, too.
465
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:50,488
Do I know you?
466
00:19:50,557 --> 00:19:53,257
No. So why you talking to me?
467
00:19:55,328 --> 00:19:57,839
I thought that was
done here. I'm sorry.
468
00:19:57,863 --> 00:19:59,608
Hi. Hey, where you
been? Come on.
469
00:19:59,632 --> 00:20:01,165
Look what I did.
470
00:20:01,234 --> 00:20:03,345
Wow! How much did
you bet? You said I should.
471
00:20:03,369 --> 00:20:06,937
All right, so, you know what,
our kids will work with their hands.
472
00:20:07,006 --> 00:20:08,517
ANNOUNCER: The
horses for the first race
473
00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:10,619
have now reached
the starting gate.
474
00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:13,143
I've really got a feeling.
I feel like Van is here
475
00:20:13,213 --> 00:20:15,924
and this horse is gonna win and
he's gonna wind up where he belongs.
476
00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:17,859
Hey, honey, I so
want to believe that.
477
00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:19,684
Really? Really.
478
00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:22,731
'Cause we need forever. 'Cause
getting our money back would be good.
479
00:20:22,755 --> 00:20:24,400
Did you hear about
Salisbury steak?
480
00:20:24,424 --> 00:20:26,302
I heard. Where'd
you hear it, Tommy?
481
00:20:26,326 --> 00:20:28,766
Nah, Tommy's out.
There's a new guy.
482
00:20:30,096 --> 00:20:31,840
ANNOUNCER: They're all in line.
483
00:20:31,864 --> 00:20:33,264
Here, I got the food.
484
00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:34,699
Where's Uncle Van?
485
00:20:35,501 --> 00:20:37,401
He's with Ira.
486
00:20:37,470 --> 00:20:38,769
Hey, where is Ira?
487
00:20:38,838 --> 00:20:40,204
With Uncle Van?
488
00:20:42,542 --> 00:20:44,823
ANNOUNCER: About To
Be Glue stumbled at the start.
489
00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:48,679
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
490
00:20:50,850 --> 00:20:52,983
Has anybody seen a bronze urn?
491
00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:54,852
Guys, hey!
492
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,354
Quit watching television.
493
00:20:56,422 --> 00:20:58,188
(ALL YELLING)
494
00:20:58,258 --> 00:21:00,469
ANNOUNCER: Jim
Schtickington still in front by two.
495
00:21:00,493 --> 00:21:02,204
Jen's Hope on
the far side second,
496
00:21:02,228 --> 00:21:03,628
Kenny Lane can't go with him,
497
00:21:03,696 --> 00:21:05,807
and in-between horses
is About To Be Glue.
498
00:21:05,831 --> 00:21:08,799
And three horses
across the track chasing...
499
00:21:08,868 --> 00:21:10,379
Schtickington on the inside,
500
00:21:10,403 --> 00:21:12,214
Jen's Hope outside,
and About To Be Glue
501
00:21:12,238 --> 00:21:13,937
this long shot coming on.
502
00:21:17,744 --> 00:21:19,310
About To Be Glue,
About To Be Glue.
503
00:21:19,379 --> 00:21:21,011
Uncle Van?
504
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:23,347
Come on, you had your
little fun. Uncle Van?
505
00:21:25,285 --> 00:21:27,285
Olly olly oxen free.
506
00:21:27,353 --> 00:21:30,655
ANNOUNCER: Coming on, About To
Be Glue is running a huge one out here.
507
00:21:30,723 --> 00:21:33,758
About To Be Glue.
About To Be Glue.
508
00:21:33,826 --> 00:21:37,261
VAN: Tell me it's true,
baby! Tell me it's true!
509
00:21:37,330 --> 00:21:40,331
ANNOUNCER: About To Be Glue
has suddenly sprouted wings out here
510
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:43,033
and About To Be Glue is going
to go on and win it by three.
511
00:21:45,204 --> 00:21:46,870
We just won. We won.
512
00:21:48,107 --> 00:21:50,140
Did you hear that? What?
513
00:21:50,209 --> 00:21:51,820
Nothing. What did you hear?
514
00:21:51,844 --> 00:21:54,022
What did you hear?
I didn't hear anything.
515
00:21:54,046 --> 00:21:56,492
All right. Let's go to
the winner's circle. Yeah.
516
00:21:56,516 --> 00:21:58,316
Okay, great.
517
00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:01,897
How did you not hear that? Aha!
518
00:22:01,921 --> 00:22:03,161
All right!
519
00:22:12,765 --> 00:22:15,566
Fifty to one and I didn't bet
on him. How stupid am I?
520
00:22:15,635 --> 00:22:17,000
I had $1,000 on him,
521
00:22:17,069 --> 00:22:19,189
and your cousin
talked me off the horse.
522
00:22:20,306 --> 00:22:21,905
How stupid are you?
39016
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