Original subtitles

The closer you get to death, the more alive you feel.

Dylan Thomas wrote, do not go gentle into that good night.

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

My dad always told me to live like that.

Dad wrote a poem too. It goes.

Dune Buggies!

Woohoo!

Dune Buggies! Woohoo!

Here comes the big one.

Come and roll, watch out.

I learned early that ping pong and Hulu hoops could not hold my attention, but we make a ramp out of the ping pong table set the Hulu upon fire. Give me a skateboard now, I'm listening.

What's your record? How many stairs?

What?

15 stairs?

What? 15 stairs?

Oh, go!

Oh, oh, oh! Oh, oh, oh! Oh, oh, oh! Whoa, my god! Tays! Your head is touching your butt! I could hear the ocean!

No, all the people. See, a bridge spanning a 1500-foot gorge and think what a beautiful architectural achievement.

Screwed up people see the same bridge and think

I got into a fault for that

The parachute I'm not an idiot

Go go go go

Okay, he said go

Yeah, I can't believe there's a line

Where are you going back to them? You insisted to be here to make sure I was safe, you know if you go sit in the van and I die well, that's your fault

But I stand next to the van your fault and these

Is out of the South 10 knots easily tilt? Okay, I can't wait to go go ahead. No, no, you guys go first. I don't want to be rude

You know if you spit from up here when you spit lands it goes like 50 feet in the ground

Updra 50 knots. All right guys, let's go. It's going for the cops car. Well, all this is illegal. I can't do this if it's illegal tight as all stupid laws

And he was that close

If I was taken so long, I want to jump on the security yeah, hey

It's called preparation rookie. Oh

What you want some day? You better fall away. I sure is waiting a long time to throw a shoot. No, he threw a to wrap around his leg shouldn't open and get all poofy and floaty. Not when he's trapped around his leg. Oh my god, please pull through blocking your arm. Oh my god, he wasn't wearing no

One Yes, we were just you know driving by and

I'm not a speed limit.

35.

Yeah.

You know, pick it up, litter.

Give a hoot, don't pollute.

And there was guys jumping, you know, the hoologins.

Scofflaws really.

And we just decided to pull over and watch.

It's not a crime to watch, is it?

No, just a jump.

Jump.

On purpose.

From here?

No.

That's okay, baby.

Oh, well, one of that's knob in the world.

Oh, my god. That was horrible. I don't know. We almost got to take it. No, no, no. The guy dying. Come on. Let's just get out of here. Yeah, yeah, wait. No, no, no, no. We're not done here. Oh, he's right. We should probably say a prayer before we leave. Oh, good. No, no, no, no, no, no. We can pray during free fall. Oh, we're jumping. What? And let's jump. Hell yeah.

After we put on our equipment. Yeah, yeah, we're jumping. Great.

We're super serious. A guy just died. Died. Do you get that? Died. You would be one of the odds of an

haven't twice in a row. It's got to be like a really lot to one. Aaron is my protector. She's got to

get over that. Because I don't want to be 80 sitting in some nursing home with her telling me I can't slide off the roof in a bed pan.

Because I'm going.

Oh, you do it. Yeah. I got four minutes to live. Bite me.

Oh, yeah. This is a lie.

Christopher, his head popped off and rolled away.

popped and rolled. Don't you think that's a bad sign?

I mean, he was dead long before that. Hey, and don't give me the squinty McSquinter's in look.

All right, or the armed, faulty McFolders in thing.

I'm doing things like this, make me feel like I'm ripping into life. And you know, maybe you can't get your mind around that because your rush is buying shoes and shoes are great.

I need more than that.

Pying back since six feet of dirt. Yes, and the headstone that reads, here lies Christopher Titus, despite his girlfriend's miss giving, he enjoyed life thoroughly. Thank you.

Oh, and he was great with cars.

You know, I want to be cremated. And as you all know from my Christmas letter, I don't want to be kept on life support.

I do. I want to be a vegetable for wannabe.

What? Nothing.

Yeah, yeah, you know, because people wait on you and when people talk to you, you don't have to answer them back. Oh, and you get to eat?

To your own.

Christopher, if you jump out this bridge and something goes wrong, you would be lucky to be Dave. Oh, I am not going to be a vegetable.

It's science. I won't survive it anyways. But I will survive. And I would be without you.

Oh, I know what your duty is, my girlfriend is safe stuff like that. But you know, it's my duty as me to jump anyway. No, no, no. It's done. You're so much to lose.

We're not going to lose anything. Oh, it's...

Look, all right. I'm not that great. You get over me. I mean, I don't listen to you. I don't plan to listen to you anytime soon. Oh, my God. Do I say stuff like that?

And he has anger problems. Yeah. Eventually you and I are going to hook up anyway.

God, Christopher, you may not, you shall not, you will not jump off this bridge. Oh, dude.

Shh. Aaron, when we're dating, you will not get away with that. When a woman forbids a man to do something in front of another man, two things will happen. Number one, well, if a man will disobey the woman. And number two, the other man will go,

whew. You, you've been thinking, I'm leaving you. Two.

Give me how your legs don't work.

Oh, my God.

My daddy's pretending to shoot me. Dave, not now.

Then I killed your rookie partner. He's filled like a little girl.

Aren't you going to rest me? Shvain Hood?

You have the right to remain dead.

Bang, bang.

Oh, get him. Ogan.

See honey? The things okay? Shoot open. Who fee floaty? That's it. I've jumped it. All right.

Oh, cramp. Oh, God. That's your goal. I got to watch this off. Oh, God, God, Christopher. Listen to me. If you jump off this bridge, we will never get married.

I will pack my things and move back in with my parents. I will leave you.

No, you won't. I love you.

Dreadlin is the best drug. It's made free right in your body. All you got to do is jump off something where in the right equipment.

Or mess with my dad. Where in the right equipment? Yeah. And drink too much, oh man. And you new girlfriend is a skank. And even so much as little of your own, I will kick your pansy ass all the way back to you.

You got that huh? I got it. I got it. It's on your man. Man, that was like in the wind was like, shhh. I'm gonna choose you. And this bird came by, and then I felt like I was taking it on the whole road. And then we pulled our shoes. Like shhh.

That's great what it flagged at.

I know man would have rushed my heart was in my throat.

You jumped? No, no, no, I was up here on the bridge. And I dropped one by.

And the driver was like, and the horn went, and I went, hey!

Okay, can we go and have a political east come? No, no, no, no, no, no. Where's Aaron at?

I want to show her how not dead I am. She's in the van. She's not in the adrenaline junkie like us.

Go to the junk. Not a chance.

Hey, let's do it.

I do what?

Rip into life. I'm gonna jump off this bridge, throw the thing in and buy 15 pairs of shoes. It'll be a double brush.

But you can't wrap your mind around that. Oh, burn.

You're not serious. Ah, a guy died. Did you get that? Oh.

Dave, do you push yourself off or just let yourself off? Hey, you're not jumping. You push off and the falling. Just sort of happens.

And you shut up and the quiet. Just sort of happens. I have never been able to get Aaron into my extreme life. She even wrote a poem about it. It goes,

Dune buddies.

Nanny goes.

It runs.

See, I told you it was fun.

Okay, okay, because the vehicle is...

It's for it.

Right here.

Hey, okay, okay, okay, all right. All play.

Ready? Aaron, I see what I put you through. I've learned my lesson. I'll never do it again. Oh, God, please. I'm begging you. Don't jump on this thing, though, too. Okay. God, my legs are the thing. Oh, okay. You think we're bringing a gun? You read the manual. Good. Let's go now. Aaron, you may not. You shall not. You will not jump off this bridge. Oh, Aaron. Shh. Shh.

Ah! Okay, I get it. Whoo-hoo, you were a jumped. We're going home now.

Oh, what? You'll leave me? Yeah. I will move out and go live with your parents.

You suck at idle Brad. Hey, it's for you. Oh, Sammy, oh, somebody's taking it.

Good. Oh, I'm gonna say, say, you know, I do. Aaron, you get back here.

What'd you go? She's your true early. Aaron!

Yeah, good. Okay. Don't worry, okay. This happens all the time. It does shut up.

Hey, who, wow. Really jumped on? Hey, boy, did you show me? Yeah. The view is amazing, isn't it? Girl power.

Honey, are you all right?

Big marble, little. But I think I'm fine. Little, little scrape. I'm stuck in a plane. Give me down. Give me down. Give me down. Okay, you're shoot-stop. There is no way you're going to fall. Unless you move a lot and loosen it.

Good and die. I'm sure you're not surprised. So high. You're not going to look at that. What he meant. Yes, it is. She moves. She's falling down.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Ah! What your pun.

What a Rush. Do it again, Titus. Shut up!

Aaron, be calm.

You know about us. God is going to be with four Maccuts.

Get splattered all over those rocks.

I'm going to die, think of it!

At least, you have long, shut up,你!

I made it Keep up too!

Honey, honey, okay honey, Biko, please.

You know a thing where you just stare straight ahead

when you really, really piss at me, you don't move, do that.

Anyway, calm, bye, I.

Just grab the rope, okay?

I still have to open my eyes.

Honey, open your eyes.

You know, I can't reach you if you don't help me.

I can save anyone from tragedy.

I can save anyone from tragedy.

It's all about thinking quick and fun

and the perfect word to help people be untradiated.

It's all right here.

When we get married, I think you should wear a black wedding dress.

Oh, there's that look. Oh, I have the rope.

I kind of pick where's a black wedding dress?

I'll see can leather in some red pumps and some fish nets grab the rope.

I'm wearing white Christopher, a white, blazy, sleeveless gown.

I'll get it, but understand it. Oh, what about the shoes?

Clap, clap, clap. I think some cream colored flats. Because you know, my arches.

I'm gonna look up big in the veil.

I got you! I got you!

Leo, hey, look up. Hey, baby, how you doing? Nothing much. Dave! I'm on the phone.

Dave! What? What is so important? Dave fears nothing. It would have been a great fireman.

Makes that decadgot mustache. Dave, it's a careful, I'm allergic to bees.

Shoot up Tommy, it's nature's pinata. Oh, leg!

What's that?

Reena!

I'm reena!

Reena!

Guys, a little help, Tommy!

What are you looking at? What are you looking at? What are you shouting about the wedding?

We're gonna die! Oh, he's a paradise and if those are it, it's season lilies.

Tommy, swing us over to the bridge! I got it!

Oh, my way! Sorry. I'm a year-end idiot!

Oh, god, oh, god. Honey, honey, are you okay?

That made me so hot. What?

How?

Different women? I turned on by different things. Turns out, near death experiences make Aaron hot.

Next anniversary, after dinner on the way home, I'm having Dave put on a mask and car jackass.

Rearals? Get your pants off, don't you? You're not going any further around the bridge!

Hmm. I'm never done it on a bridge before. I'm on, on, on, on, on, on, on. I'll get to safety. You must get to safety. Okay, thank you. Grammar naked. Grammar naked. Grammar naked trying to seduce dad.

Hey, can he surprise?

Who's dropped this out?

Come on in.

I'm very late.

There we go.

We get home. I'll put a mattress on the roof.

I'm on the roof. Okay. Feel.

There it is. Wow. This is way better than shoes.

You feel this? I said not now.

No, my heart is pounding in my chest. You're doing it with me.

Oh God, Christopher. I totally get you now.

Oh my God, I totally get you two now. We're hanging out for bridge together. We can fall 1,500 feet toward deaths. I know.

You're cool. You make me cool. She's beautiful, smart, and sexy, and she gets me.

I never had anything to lose before, but Aaron makes me not want to spider myself on the rocks. Aaron makes me not want to blow a tire drag race and crash into the wall. Aaron makes me not want to break my neck wakeboarding. Great. Now I'm boring.

I'm dead me. Oh, come on, dead me.

Nets, too risky.

No way.

All right.

I'm a huge two-way.

No, no, no, no. We have too much to lose.

You're lying. You're going to pull us off.

No, no, no. We can't take that chance.

Because I can lose you.

Let's just live here.

Ha ha ha, it will raise our kids right on the groomer. Oh, oh. We'll be bridge people. Hey, hey, hey, what kind of cookseed are you going to wear at the wedding? Top hat and tails? I'm not introducing clowns.

That time to bring up wedding crap. Honey, relax. We're going to climb up. Even if we do fall, we've got these things on. No, no, no, no. I need not things. Parasutes. Okay, okay. Listen up. If you do fall, all right?

You throw your pilot shoot. That opens the parachute. And when you land, make sure you bend your knees. Because if you don't, your feet will get jammed and then your chest will get hard out of the kill you. Don't think about that. Keep talking. You are good. No, no, no. No, no, no. Dave, pull us off. Go. Call me. Call me. Pull us up quick. Dad, nothing to do with this officer. It was those two.

I'm not on the bridge. And the guy who jumped, he grows pot. Oh, God. He's not the cops. Out cramp. I have a cramp.

I have to go out there. You're under arrest. What the hot is on, what are you doing? We're busted. Yeah, but at least we got a ride.

No, I'm jumping. What? Christopher, you know how some girls have dreams about being, you know, beauty queens or astronauts or doctors?

No. My dream was to always be the only girl in my family.

Do never get arrested.

Take the harness.

Oh, okay. Okay.

Pulled job. I want you to know. If your shoot doesn't open, I'm not throwing mine.

And if your shoot doesn't open, I'm dating other people.

Hey, you better not date Dave!

Ohorn! Ohorn Cook! Oh, I'm a demon. The closer you get to death, the more alive you feel. Dylan Thomas wrote,

do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light. But if you got someone at home that loves you, rage responsibly.

And if you're thinking about jumping off a bridge, don't tell your girlfriend.

Who?

I'm the funny one.

No, I'm the funny one.

I'm the funny one.

Okay.