Original subtitles

No one will be accepted.

Screwed up people.

I want to be accepted.

One of the few things we have in common.

My whole life, all I wanted was my dad to pat me on the top of the head and go,

who's a good boy?

Who's a good boy?

But instead all of that was white peanut butter on the end of my nose and laugh,

I tried to lick it off.

Dad, this is my report cut.

I got all this.

Here dad, I know it's here, empty.

Why can't you be more like your brother? He brought me all up beers.

Of course. We'll see.

Bruno, if you're father's supposed to make you feel like a winner. But if he doesn't, don't just bear.

You still might get accepted from those badass jokes at school that call you TARD and Reno.

And those guys are cool.

Hey, great game today, guys.

You, G-L-I, they ain't got no, Alabama, they ugly. Hey, man, I want you to know I've been working with these. Right?

So those who see from Lincoln want to PC you. Whoa! I got your back.

If you can't get accepted from your dad or the cool kids at school, you'll be a bitter adult hoping for acceptance from your peers at the Western Regional Car show.

And the form of a tacky eight foot trophy that says best in show that'll look bitch and on your man on proof to everybody that I truly am worthy.

Ha ha. I don't know talking about me.

I had to choose between me and the trophy. No, you don't understand. I am leaving you forever. Okay, you're on a desert island.

Either a gallon of water or that shirt. This is your best work. You're gonna get the job in!

Hey, what's your reason I might get it? Yeah. It's because you're here. Standing right by my side.

Wearing this.

Oh, there's a top. You want me to wear this at a car show and find a ball these guy? Well, yeah, but not for all these guys.

I mean, some of these guys can't really help me. You know, I only want you to shake it for the judges.

I thought you wanted them to look at the car. Oh, but it's the bait and switch. See, once I see the car, they will forget you.

Are more beautiful than the car. No. You know what honey? You are right. What am I thinking?

I actually go into these girls to do it, you know? You know? Because I mean, it's what they do. I mean, they work out.

I mean, because they're not busy helping support their boyfriends, giant hot wheels, collection.

Okay, okay. How about this? We win the show. We get tons of business and you get to go back to school.

I'm going back to school anyway. Yeah, but the choice is either now or after our kids are grown up and you're all wrinkly.

We're kids. Well, not having kids until you finish school. Fine. I will harm myself for grad school.

Oh, dear. But, but, but. I love you. Yeah, well, in about 10 minutes. So we'll have everyone else in here.

Your car is bad. We rock, don't the four. Who, wrong. Don't the four. Who, wrong. Don't the four.

Guys, guys. Hey, guys, you know, you're out in public in front of people bumping nipples. Hey, we win. I want to be listed as Pink Job by Dave.

Well, that's not my whole name.

Just Dave.

You know, like Gandhi or Jesus.

Right.

Jack the Ripper.

Dave?

As your catcher did it?

Dave, you can't stop saying it.

I'm using both my names when they say,

hey, who designed the interior?

Oh.

Tommy Shaffter, interior designer.

No.

No, and don't say it's so high. Okay. Tommy Shaffter, interior designer.

Just, just Tommy.

Excuse me, Christopher Titus? Titus?

Chad Rogers, street-rotter magazine. Hey. I'm interviewing all the car owners, so whoever wins.

You'll do a feature in the magazine. Yeah, just like we do every year.

Blah, blah, blah, what you got? Coolest rod on the planet. Could be. Check it out.

Great paint job. Good flow. Paint job, huh? Okay. Great paint job. Dave did the paint. And it's got a hand-built independent suspension,

billet A-arms and a billet rear end. But the paint, it's like glass.

Paint job. Okay. Fine. Like to paint job. We're a big deal. The big rich paint paint job.

What's my answer? You like to paint job? No big deal. And I put in a Z-R-1 motor and the body is all hand-formed steel.

Huh? Who did the paint? If your brother gets all the success that you dreamed of, you can't be jealous, right?

I mean, you're supposed to love and support him. Like, you know that really acidity puke burp you get that comes all the way up to here?

That's the taste of brotherly love.

It's me? Built it all myself. Paint you love well. Love me. Because I did the paint.

Paint job bodywork and interior. Come on, man. Nobody in this business is a one-man band.

Well, you know, Christopher Titus, Titus I Performance. Titus. That's all I'm saying. Who are those guys? Oh, those guys. You know, they're my dust boys.

Really, I don't want man band. That's great. Finally something interesting. It's a great angle. If you went on, get you on the cover. Well, you know, you could still put the article in even if I don't win, right?

People would love to read that big loser builds kind of cool car by himself that loses.

What did you hear that? You sold this out. What? Did not.

You did the job. You did the paint job. Dave.

Hey, but listen, it's gonna be on the cover. The cover.

Don't patronize this Titus. I hate when you patronize this. Guys, guys, I am not patronizing. You come on. I love you. You guys are the best.

Well, then why don't you tell the guy from street rotter about us?

Well, it's because I didn't tell the guy from street rotter about you. You didn't want to give us any credit. Because I didn't give you any credit, huh?

I guess I'd never lie. It's wrong. If you're gonna stab someone in the back, you stab him in the back to their face.

And my dad never really did think all these out very well.

Can where were you last night? I was cheating on you. Start the car.

But you gained so much weight. You've lost some hair. You've gotten insecure. What's that about?

I'm a horrible person. If I was you guys, I would leave. I would go home and sock.

And then I would come back here about nine o'clock and help me load this car.

No. We should go over and tell Chad the truth. No, no, no, no. Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys LIVE. Look, Titus have performance needs an image, right? A logo of face. That's our ang. I've got a face. We're strong with my face.

I'm a DJ. David, you think? David's the face. The face. Do you think Tom is the face? Dude.

Coolest guy in high school was always the guy with the hot car. You know, the car that went, you know, the...

Oh, oh, oh. And when you stepped on the gas, you went like, and the cheques went, the guys went. Yeah.

Man, I should have taken creative writing, huh?

Yeah. He's our man. Can you do it, guess he can?

Got me. You're gonna win, right Titus? This is a hundred bucks. You're gonna win. Hell yeah.

All right, races, runnin' in. Three, two, one, go!

Oh, dude. Oh, gas. He gets pushed with this station.

I think we're gonna win a hot car. We got your back.

Oh, no, no, no!

Excuse me, I got this. Minorial.

Well, that's what I'm talkin' about. What happened to the bikini?

I gave it to a guy who knew an eye patch.

Still a quick... I'm only doing this for grad school.

I thought Grasco was all the best.

Okay, now, in the present of course.

Okay, it's a little way, and a free-spita.

Honey, I can't do it.

Okay, what you do to get about?

A little way.

And a free-spita.

I can handle this sweetie.

It's a marketing job.

Come on.

I've done marketing.

Right, marketing.

You know, don't slash.

Archie Mack, good.

Mark it everything.

You've got to see my Tommy Primo Primo hot ride with me.

So nice ride.

Oh my god, Tommy Primo, my huge fan of your work. Hey, hey, you ever thought about just going with Primo?

Because I'm telling you do your name too long.

I'm sorry. Primo and I are going to lunch. Come with us.

So Chad, tell me you built this car out by yourself. Excuse me, no need.

This is her free-spita. Okay, guys, can we go to lunch? Nice paint.

Yeah, thanks. Dad, finally you made it. Oh, I, oh, perfect.

I want you to meet somebody. Can't tie this, Chad Rogers.

Uh-huh. Street-rotter magazine. Oh, yeah.

So you're doing an article on that, no matter what. No dad.

No dad. What, what about the willys? That's a great idea. No.

What about that handcrack? No, no, no, me, me, me, me, mine.

My mind, my mind is caught right here. My mind, me. Have you lost yet?

Get it, get it. They don't announce the losers. It's just something you know.

So you look at the red, huh? Well, stick a ladder in the hose on the back and all you need is a Dalmatian.

That's what you know. The only thing Chad really likes is the paint. I got to go.

But next month you want to pick up Street-rotter. You'll recognize it, cause that'll be on it.

I've never been able to do anything wrong without my dad knowing about it. My whole life, he's been like this.

Puffy half opened hungover bloodshot. I in the sky. The face, the logo. Let you guys.

Trick them. He's got you dressed like the horror from Hehal.

I dressed myself like a horror. Yes, you did. This is your logo right here.

He did it. Easy. I think I did as much work as he did. And you let him get away with that.

Get a count. Look at this. One village, two idiots.

No, dad. You don't understand. Titus is our logo. Yes, he's the face guy. That's the angle.

Yeah, I'll show you the angle. You know what the angle is? Pick that up, okay. That's the angle.

My dad never let me get away with anything. During my senior year, he busted me for drunk driving.

A walk of six a.m. Saturday morning just hungover, you know, millions of brains cells just died and off. Dad's standing over me wearing a robe, holding a beer.

Hey, wake up. I want you to tell me where my car is parked at such an odd angle, on the porch, across the street.

Oh, wait. I left David in the truck.

Kees are in your puke.

After that, Dad called my driver's license for six months of my senior year. Yeah. Nothing screams prom night more than helping that date down off the handlebars.

Team.

Party!

Wait a minute. Wait the cheetos caught in the chain.

Hair to party!

Wow. Check out the crowd. I guess he's doing an ounce when a car kicks ass. He just kind of knuckles. Go claim your prize boy. You deserve it. Excuse me, guys. I'm the builder. If anybody has any questions.

Oh, oh. And, please. And, Fritz, we toss.

Dave, what's my car?

I'd see her. There. There and over there. And there is a piece in my pocket.

Your car is still there. He just took off the party, paint.

What am I supposed to do now? What did back together? I give you a hand, but I've got to get down to the news, Dan.

I hear that the latest issue of screw your friends weekly is out. I'll recognize it because that will be on the cover.

Well, it looks like someone can kiss that magazine cover goodbye. And that trophy. You know what? You guys screwed all of us. No, you screwed us. And then we screwed ourselves.

Don't force. Who? Huh. Honey, get the face ready. The judge is coming.

Titus' side performance. Hey. Where's your car? Oh, it's here. And it's here. And it's here. And it's here. And it's here. And it's here. There's a piece in his pocket. How am I supposed to judge that? Oh. What was it? Peace by peace. Well.

Pain is beautiful. You got a shot if you can put it back together. The judging wraps up in 30 minutes. Oh, that's perfect.

I got five minutes for coffee, then.

Hey, maybe one of these girls can help you. They work out. Oh, oh, oh. By the way, those guys over there.

Hey. Off at a chiffin and pay for my grad school.

I don't need help from anybody.

I'll be fine. Hello? Did a help? I don't need games. No, no, no. Mr. Fairy. If they knew I'd find you. He looked beautiful. I loved me, baby. I love you too, baby. See that? See that? See that? See that? See the, Episode 5 of everyone. Has everything

I built him a ta-da-da-da.

It's gonna get it.

Oh, sorry.

That's my work.

I own your work.

I paid you to work on it just purple longs to match.

To Shay, Titus.

Who's my tools?

Which I paid for.

I appreciate Titus.

Try arching your back.

I just didn't help you need them. Yeah, we have experience. It feels just like yesterday. We put together a card. Just like this one.

Dave, help me. What? Dave?

I need your help. Well, that's better. No.

Not until I get a compliment. What? A compliment. Yeah, I'm not a fake compliment. Like, Dave shut up. You're stupid.

A real compliment. Fine. You know how I taught you how to paint? Yeah. Yeah, well, it took me five years to shoot my first decent car. And you picked it up in a week. Got it like that.

Man, you fit in like that. I mean, you don't even understand pie. Pie is 3.14567.

I mean, blueberry pie. Oh, how do they get the juice inside the crust?

They have a magic juice machine. I know it. See, but when it comes to paint, you're like some sick genius.

And I wish I had that. I mean, about anything. Well, Titus, that was nice. Now you get to say it in front of Chad.

I feel better. I really do. Having the editor of a National Car Magazine think I was a greatest thing in the world, well, I've been a nightmare.

I mean, I'm back to being small, worthless, and unknown. Oh, that's the good stuff, right?

Chad. I got an interview, too. You know, my brother. Who's also my painter? D. Yeah. I didn't paint the car he did.

D. Yeah. Yeah. So can you make sure you put that in the article? D.A.V.E.D.

Thank you, Dave. Sticker.

Man, not only do you have talent. You got heart.

Giving credit for your work to your mentally challenged brother.

Yeah, Dave. He's special.

You know what? That's the angle. Christopher Titus. Cool cars. Warm heart. Thanks.

Just gently apply good. Have your attention. We're getting ready to hand out the awards.

I accept this award on behalf of my girlfriend, Aaron, my brother, Dave, and my best friend, Tommy.

My partners are what make me. No man stands alone. You know, I hired these guys. I trained those guys, and, uh, well, you know, I taught them everything I know. And, you know, without me, they would be nothing because it is all me. Me, me, me, me. I had to stop doing that, huh?

Our first award for presentation goes to Titus High Performance.

Hey, Dave, you did it. You did it. You got set to award. What? No, no, like you. Okay.

You did good, honey. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, my, my, my, my. Hey, I'm Dave. Oh, I just want to tell you guys how great it feels to be accepted by this group that my brother can't seem to get into. And that's pretty much all year-related. Hey, Titus. Dreams. Don't always come through, baby. You suck Titus. You saw.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No one more people want to be accepted. Screwed up people do too. Oh, we made the cover. But any press is good press, right?

There's honestly spell your name right. So now the whole world is going to read about Titus High Performance.

Titus. Great.

I'm the funny one. No, I'm the funny one. I'm the funny one. Okay.