Original subtitles

My mom's in a mental hospital.

There's a fine line between genius and insanity.

Winston Churchill, Mozart, John Lennon.

These people all had a touch of crazy

that fueled their brilliance.

They were not locked up for it like my mom.

Well, then again, Winston Churchill never tried to kill my dad.

But I need a priest. Stop!

We never talk anymore, Canada!

Talk anymore, Canada!

Skits of French authors, the chemical balance in the brain and can make some people super strong.

Lucky for dad, we form mom, cotton, cotton, cotton, cotton.

Of course, nobody was there to catch the cup.

Get the cup, sonner!

Should I do it?

Is it she-harts?

See my mom. See that doctors release my mom from the mental hospital.

See Titus. See Titus run to the mental hospital to make sure mom stays locked up. Run Titus run!

LAUGHTER

Christopher, do you think we're doing the right thing? This place is like a prison. Mom's like a criminal.

Maybe she should be released. She passed all the tests.

She passed all the tests because they don't ask upon release. Were you kill your family?

Or she stole the answers. He would have they let her out. Oh, they're not letting her out. Dead's in the right now making sure her name is on the lobotomy sign-up sheet.

Did you think that's a bit harsh? She is your mom. What look? I am just here not to mock away, but to nod and go, good job, dad!

What? Be nice! Come on, come on.

Excuse me. We're here for one-eater Titus' competency hearing. To prove she is incompetent.

Mom, stress!

Dors' luck!

She's killed dead, take it over her!

LAUGHTER

THERES

I know my reputation, Christopher, but don't you think you all were reacted?

I prefer to think of it as the will to live.

What's going on, Mom? You're a mental patient in a mental hospital. When did they make you classier?

I'm a trustee.

Excuse me. Why is a violent manic to press a schizophrenic running the front desk?

Because she's so darn good at it!

Oh, Dr. Fine. This is my son, Christopher.

And his brother, Dave.

And Christopher's girlfriend, Eric.

Or should I say, fiancee?

Congratulations. I'm so happy for you. He's so cute.

Oh, I know. I love it so much. I'm so happy to hear you. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. You're not happy. I'm not shooting. She's a mental patient.

And that's Tommy. My name is Tommy.

As ten-tartists arrived at me? Oh, I don't know, Mom. We're supposed to meet him here. Or did you get to him first?

He's probably stuck in traffic. We're in a Mason jar.

Or something you put jam in.

LAUGHTER

Like a Mason jar.

Oh, my, your mother did not cut up your father, put him in a Mason jar.

Right?

You guys are hurting my feelings. And being schizophrenic, I'm feeling for two.

LAUGHTER

Come on. We can start without your dad.

No, no, no, no, no, no. See, that would hurt his feelings. See, keeping you locked in a mental hospital replaces our father's own picnage.

We'll start in five minutes.

Now, are you sure you want to try to keep me in here?

Oh, dad is coming. There is no way you're getting out of here. Oh, the way you are raised. It's so cute that you have that much hope.

Oh, I'm going to go.

Guys? We for dad, ah.

Tommy seems to think we should wait for dad. When I was seven, I watched one flow of the cook who's nested with my mom.

When Jack Nicholson was trapped to the table getting electric shock treatment, my mom burst into tears. She said it reminded her of her life. And I was stunned.

Because I didn't know my mom had been nominated for an Oscar.

LAUGHTER

Christopher, if your daddy ever starts acting weird and you want to come live with me,

here's money for the buzz.

LAUGHTER You want to be responsible for keeping your mom locked up in a mental hospital?

What's easier to live with? I, Christopher Titus, made sure that my mom stayed locked up for the rest of her life.

Or, dad did it.

Come on, Christopher. You don't need to do this with your father. I didn't raise a quitter. No, the TV raised a quitter.

Fine. Everybody who wants to put me away for life, I'll lay a veck more.

Ellie, you're really?

Hi. Hi. James, this is my son, Christopher. You know what I love most about your mom?

But...

LAUGHTER Yes, I like that about her too.

Honey, go see Philip, ask him for some yellow pills.

LAUGHTER You're ready when you are. OK. Well, go get him. I mean...

Go get me? I'm going to go in there and tell them who the president of the United States is.

I'll get him again. He's coming up with these tests. I can get out of here like that.

LAUGHTER Honey, are you sure you want to do this without your father?

If we don't do something and she gets out and we'll be doing everything without my father.

You've got to be careful what you unleash into the world.

Especially if what you unleash can throw a knife like a circus freak.

Hello, Kenny. It's Nina. I've never stopped loving you. Call me. Let's work it out.

Listen, you son of a bitch. I know you have a contract out on me. Well, I got one out on you too. And another.

Me again? Sorry. I guess the machine cut me off. You're a dead man. You're going to leave that house in a body bag.

LAUGHTER Finally with the others.

LAUGHTER Normal families have a junk drawer. Dead night had an evidence locker.

Although during show and tell, I always went up last because...

Uh, nobody could follow me. You're going to leave that house in a body bag.

My daddy calls it people's exhibit.

LAUGHTER Let's see if you're crappy Joe Mokintong. That.

I think it's something better than dad did it.

Aaron did it.

You can't even know what we did. I know. LAUGHTER Hello, everyone. Mrs. Titus. This is Aaron. My future daughter-in-law. Sorry, I have to do this. It's all right. She's going to give me the most beautiful grandchildren. Well, we haven't talked about kids yet. But I want to boy. What do you think Christopher wants? I don't think it really matters as long as he has your eyes. Oh. That is so sweet. You're going to make a wonderful mommy.

I think so. I know. OK. Better than Aaron did it. Tommy did it. Please. Please.

LAUGHTER Hello, Mrs. Titus.

Tommy, you need to focus. You were going to say Christopher had me over to you.

Over for dinner after you broke into the house, drug dust and tried to kill Mr. Titus with a bottle.

But then you'll probably say the fire was drugged. How I don't know. You tried to kill him. And I'll say, well, I was there. And he told me, and you say, that's here. Say, which it is. And you'll say, Tommy, were you on drugs? And I'll say no. And say, well, if you don't take drugs, how come I was so high I can't explain my word about five hours after I ate the cranberry sauce, which means you win. OK. Bye-bye. LAUGHTER There you go. Well. LAUGHTER No worries. I still got Dave. Dave.

LAUGHTER LAUGHTER Hey. This guy is great. Get over here. Yeah.

LAUGHTER It means no worries.

LAUGHTER It was about to say you win that a test of buying against mom, but never mind.

I'm on it. It's no wait. LAUGHTER

I might have just called mom a cab now.

LAUGHTER I have to pee in a cup. Ah-ha.

Mr. Titus, can we roll on this without you?

Oh, hell no. Well, are you going to testify? Hell yes. Let's go. Let's go. Let's.

Let's hear? Send him right in. I can handle mom. When other kids were waste in their time learning math, I was memorizing the National Association of Mental Health's Criteria for Committment of a Family Member. Something I could use. That's the Criteria of the National Association of Mental Health is as follows. Person must be causing harm to others. LAUGHTER

So, mom, are you ready yet? Just a minute, honey? I'm just fixing my due. Oh, or damaged property. We needed a new car anyway.

LAUGHTER And a new car for it.

LAUGHTER Next week, California divorce law. How do I hide your assets?

LAUGHTER Sorry. Well, mom, you seem to have everyone else rattled, but not me. You can't get to me because I know your game. What game? The look game.

LAUGHTER Look game. I don't have that. No, no, no, no, no. See, she's doing it right now!

You're right, honey. I'm doing the look. I'm sorry. Oh, now she's playing the e agree with me, game. See, I know her. I can hear what she is thinking in my head.

Is the voice in your head, your mother's? LAUGHTER What? No, it's not my mother's voice.

Whose voice is it, Christopher? There is no voice! LAUGHTER There's no voice. LAUGHTER

At your last meeting, your mom stated that you held a bat on her and then you rifle through a purse?

Yes, but she cooked it turkey and it wasn't Thanksgiving. Ah, right there! LAUGHTER

Is it possible that you pushed your mother into a psychotic episode?

She drugged us and my girlfriend almost drowned in mashed potatoes.

It'd be that the turkey made everyone sleepy. That's a fairly common occur.

But it wasn't Thanksgiving! Ah, ah! Charles, my office missed a tightest. Do you need a sedative?

No, no, no, I don't need a sedative. She's the one who's insane. I lived in cider for nine months and I heard every day.

LAUGHTER You know how crack that she needs to be to just sit there like that. She's the one that needs a sedative. Look at her, man. Look at her seats. See? See? See? OK. Everybody go up down! LAUGHTER Keep the violence, manic depressive, schizophrenic in the metal hospital. It sounds simple, doesn't it? What is fault? Where were you? He needs to know how to keep her incarcerated after she kills me!

Look at all these other wackos. Their children had no problem keeping them locked up. It happened so fast.

Did you lead with the story of the ice pick on Christmas? No. Always lead with the ice pick!

What did you call her? What did you call her?

The mother is a mom, and I called her mom. It, you always refer to her as it.

Damn it, Christopher. Stupid, stupid, stupid. You're going back in.

Oh, my God. My father taught me to face my fear. Then he kept saying, well, you keep staring at me!

Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute. That ain't fair. You guys got him outnumbered. You little punks.

Thanks, Dad. You guys fighting one at a time. Think the big one way or still fresh.

Sorry. Hello, Kenneth. I knew you'd come. Hello. Don't look at him the eye.

Julie, oh, God. Look at the floor. I need to shoot. Dave. Kenneth. It. Well, that's a little harsh. Oh, I didn't mean to offend the attempted murderous apologies all around.

Oh, Kenneth, no matter how drunk you are, your sense of humor always floats to the top. I'm stone sober. That reminds me. My pill. Uh-huh. Victor Tom. You swallowed it, man. Okay. Let's get started. Watch me and get ready to take over.

New shoelaces would dress these up. Dave. Out.

Mr. Titus, whenever you're ready. Doctor, every time it gets released, all hell breaks loose.

Christopher, tell them about 1979. Junior October. Christmas.

Nice pick. I've picked. She pulled an ice pick on the family and she chased some of us.

Yeah, he's a little slow. She smoked during the pregnancy. It's amazing. He has lips. He has nice lips. He's a wonderful kisser. Thank you.

Cut! I'm getting on with it. Talk about your high school graduation.

Oh, she showed up wearing white vinyl goga boots in an army jacket. It was the style. Not without pants or underwear, it wasn't.

I was four, you left me in an airport overnight. Released 76. I tried to stab you upstairs.

Never released 84. My birthday. You got me a bikin' a slug, I said. No, no, no, no.

Oh, successfully stabbed X upstairs.

With? Ice pick? No. Spoon? No, no. Four! Four! Four! Four! This is so hard. You're doing fine, huh?

Honey. Mr. Titus, we have all this information. Yeah.

Well, how many people need metal plates in their heads before you keep this woman locked up?

I'm on my medication now. You don't have the ability to decide when to take your pills.

You destroyed my life and you need to be locked up for the rest of your.

I destroyed your life. I'm in here playing poker with serial killers for cigarettes. Christopher, she's smoking.

I didn't take my medication because I liked the highs and lows. But the only high I want now is to know my son. Oh, now she's going for the cheese. Oh, stop it. I'm serious. I lost my life. I lost my family. I lost my son. Yeah. Well, whose fault is that? It's mine. I told you that how many letters do I have to write before you give me another chance? How about one? This woman is not sent me one letter since she has been in here. Oh, my God.

This is easy. Take a break. I didn't send you letters. I gave your father letters every time he came to visit me. He visited you. Oh, that wraps it up. Woo. They weren't business. It was surveillance. Call me crazy, but you always kissed me goodbye. I packed you felt something fear longing. Well, you're hot. Thank you. Wait a minute. You came here to see her? Oh, my God.

You wrote me letters? That were the letters. Why do you need letters when you can always lie to your face?

Dad, I want my mom's letters. I threw them out. You threw them out? I finally get clear on what I want to say to my son and you destroy it.

I'm not a man, so just stay in here.

Maybe crazy is not something you're born with.

Maybe something you catch from your husband.

The criteria of the National Association of Mental Health

for the commitment of a family member are as follows.

Humb to others.

What? You wouldn't need.

Well finished. Daddy won't do that again.

Muffles? Thank you, mommy.

I'm yourself. What do you think? Nice. What your hair looks like crap.

Mom?

Mom, are you ready yet? Just a minute, honey?

I'm just fixing my due. Go give that to your father.

Destruction of property. Bye, Juanita.

Make sure Christopher gets this.

I was just trying to protect you. How about locking her up in a cage like some pet you can visit? Oh, good one,ita. Good one,ita. Sorry, Mom.

Papa, don't you have the credibility of you. Hey, it's me, honey. I'm busy with her. Yeah, well tomorrow. You can bump into her. I'd like to super market her the post office or the park. In fact, I'll just give her your schedule. Because Dr. I see no reason why this one won't you stay in here. Do you, Dr. I'm over here. All right. See you in our reason why she should have to stay. Whoa, whoa, wait. If no one else has any objections, we'll start process.

I have objections. Do you have any new information we haven't heard yet? This woman is... Jesus Christ!

Congratulations, Juanita. Thank you. Hey, Mom. You're going to leave the past in the past, right? I mean, you're not going to go after dad. Oh, I wouldn't try to kill your father the same week. I was released. That would be too obvious.

I'm joking. My mom's in a mental hospital. Packin' her stuff. You get a fine-lit crazy woman released. You're a menace. But if you do the same for a harmless, medicated mom, you're a hero. And she sends you stuff. Because she's harmless and medicated. Like when they let her out in 73, in 76, you're a good man.

In 84. Christopher. Say hi to your father.

Don't move.

Oh, God.

Strawberry.

I love my ball.

I'm the funny one. No, I'm the funny one. I'm the funny one. I'm the funny one. Okay.

You