Original subtitles

You're twisting my words!

You're a pig.

All I'm saying is that men are better suited

to some parts of the job because

they are less emotional than women.

Oh, so I'm emotional now, am I?

No, you definitely proved me wrong there.

Look, there are lots of things that women do better.

-Such as? -Laundry.

I'm joking, I'm joking!

Oh.

Obviously shrunk in the wash.

How do you get yours to look so crisp?

I like to add a drop of starch in with the detergent.

That's clever.

Come on, Caitlin!

Let's be real, here.

Men are just more...

...manly.

-I look ridiculous. -Not at all.

Really, you're not just saying that?

You look great.

Would you mind telling Portis that women

can do this job just as well as men?

(laughs)

Oh, you're serious.

Well, I mean, you know, some women do do fantastic work

-for MI5. -Thank you.

-Although... -Although what?

...some female agents can lack a certain, umm--

-Ruthlessness? -Yeah, exactly.

You don't think I'm ruthless enough?

I think that's a compliment, really.

You're right, I'm sorry.

Sorry, guys.

Lady got a little heavy there.

-Friends? -Friends.

Great.

(rope whizzing)

♪

Whoa!

Tim?

Hi, Judith.

♪

♪ Sha-na-na-na ♪

♪

What are you doing?

Oh, this, um, nothing.

It's just games, corporate bonding.

Session's boring, um, actually,

would you mind, um--

Thanks.

Oh, probably best not to play with that.

I might lose my deposit.

-Is it real? -Real, no, God.

It's not real, no, no, no.

Who's that he's talking to?

Come in, Alpha One.

-Is that you? -No.

Tim, Tim are you okay?

What's going on, Tim?

You in the police?

Of course I'm not in, don't be ridiculous!

I'm not in the police, I do data entry.

So you're not worried if I do this?

No.

-What about-- -Okay.

All right, okay, don't shoot.

Listen.

I work in the security services.

-You're in the Secret Service? -Yes.

This is unbelievable!

I know, thank you, but listen, you can't tell anyone.

No, I won't tell a soul.

Provided you give up custody of Marcus.

Shoot her.

You can't shoot her!

Why, what are you gonna do about it?

I--Judith!

Judith!

♪

(descending whistle)

Ooh.

Is she, where is she--

Oh my God, my darling, no!

What--you animal, what did you do to her?

-Any intractable hemorrhaging? -No, just a minor

subdural hematoma.

-What happened? -I don't know.

Any results back from the CT?

-Here. -That doesn't look too bad,

thank you, nurse.

Looks like she received some sort of blow to the head.

Judith!

Oh, Judith!

Tim.

-Huh? -My darling, Tim.

♪

-What did you use? -Huh?

You know--

I didn't do anything.

I understand.

And so, what, she thinks you two are still together?

-Apparently. -Can you get Tim for me, please?

God, she missed an entire decade.

Just imagine, she's never had to listen to Nickelback.

She wants to see you.

I'm here for you, Philip.

When you're ready to move on.

She'll be fine, it's just temporary.

I'll be here, okay?

Okay.

I just can't believe how angelic our son is.

Yeah, he's a real charmer.

Is, did, um, can I get you anything?

Actually, there is one thing.

What's that?

Okay.

♪

-How's Judith? -Forget it.

-What? -Never gonna happen.

-What are you talking about? -I'm not gonna kill her.

-I didn't say anything. -Not gonna kill her.

-You're paranoid, Tim. -I'm not gonna kill her!

She knows you're MI5.

-No, she doesn't. -She's a threat--

-No, she's not. -She'll expose us!

-No, she won't. -Would you at least consider it?

-No. -Well, I'm glad

we've had this chat.

-Do you need any time off? -No, it's fine,

Philip's with her.

No.

So, what do you reckon?

Still very tasty.

No, no I meant her memory.

Right.

Well, do you think you can bring it back?

We could give it a shot, what's the worst that could happen?

-She could die. -What?

Look, she's awake.

Hello, Judith.

-Hello, do you remember me? -No.

-I'm Owen, I'm a doctor. -Not really.

I'm like a doctor, and today,

we're going to be trying a little bit of hypnotherapy,

see we can't draw out some of those buried memories.

Okay?

First, just need to change a few things.

♪

Did you bring that with you?

It's important to create the right atmosphere.

Okay, Judith, I want you to relax.

Oh, sorry.

Sorry about that.

-Where were we? -Relaxing.

Right.

Imagine you're walking through a lush forest.

And as you walk through it,

you see a clearing in the distance.

There's a waterfall cascading into a pool

of clear, blue water.

You notice a man bathing.

He's naked, he's called Owen.

-Uh, sorry-- -Not now.

And as this muscular man emerges from the pool,

-you can clearly see his-- -Mother!

He lives with his mother.

-No, technically-- -Only till she dies.

Look, another man is also in the forest.

-I don't see him. -Yes, there!

Wearing wonderfully colorful clothes,

-and making you laugh-- -You're him.

-Yes. -And homeless.

-He's not. -Diseased.

And when this stallion kisses you,

all your buried memories burst forth.

The hell are you doing?

(smack)

Let's stay calm, shall we, let's just bring the mood back.

♪

Sorry.

What is...

Listen, I don't want anyone to think differently of me,

after, you know, what happened on the roof.

-Forget about it. -Yeah, yeah,

it was an accident.

We all make mistakes, honey, don't beat yourself up.

It wasn't an accident, I pushed him.

'Course you did.

Tim, you will please tell them--

Oh, it's okay, we know you didn't mean to.

I did, I meant to.

Isn't she adorable?

No, I'm cold-blooded, I'm dangerous!

Is anyone even listening to me?

This part, listen.

(making sound effects)

♪

-Knock, knock. -Oh, hi.

-What are you doing here? -Someone forgot their lunchbox.

Oh, right, thanks.

Actually, this is perfect, we can have a quick practice.

-Practice? -For the recital next week.

We're playing together, remember?

Oh, maybe you don't.

Don't worry, it's like riding a bike.

This it?

Um, three, um...

♪

What am I gonna do?

This was for a place at the Conservatoire de Paris.

I'm so sorry, Marcus.

Wait, I think I might know someone who can help.

(crash)

You got a problem with that?

You're right, I do need to get on top of my filing.

Thanks.

Anyone else want a piece of me?

Oh.

Not so adorable now, eh?

(blows raspberry)

Can't chat, gotta go see him.

-Holding a gun. -Yeah, enjoy.

I understand you play the piano.

I understand you have photos of your mother in a bikini.

You better be good.

I am crazy good.

Barbara?

Cancel all my appointments.

You don't have any appointments.

Why didn't you tell me that earlier,

I've been sitting here all morning!

Unbelievable.

(rain dripping)

...I've got a right to eat with them every evening.

(reading in low voice)

♪

I'm home.

Hi, Tim.

-Hey, darling. -Hey.

♪

(knock)

♪

I'll put some pants on.

♪ You like the stars tonight, tonight ♪

♪

Aren't the girls a little young for me?

Course they are, that's the whole point.

Stop being such an old woman and have some fun, would you?

Are these seats taken?

Go ahead.

-Keep it light, okay? -Okay.

♪

My girlfriend's got amnesia.

-Why? -Poor you, what happened?

It's actually a desperately tragic story.

Sort of The Notebook meets Titanic,

you wouldn't be interested.

We would.

Do you think you're up to it?

I'll try.

We're probably going to need some drinks.

All right, yeah, no, sure.

♪

(thunder rumbling)

♪

Oh, jeez, you scared me.

I'm sorry, Tim.

-What? -It's the voices.

Hey, oh God, what have you done?

Oh, God, what have you done?

-Why are you laughing? -Your face!

It's ketchup, that was absolutely brilliant!

Are you insane, you frightened the life out of me!

Oh, it was funny!

This isn't like you!

Well, I guess it is now!

(birds chirping)

♪

Is she up yet?

♪

(crash)

-Ah, yes, got him again! -Hilarious.

Oh, has someone lost their sense of humor?

Oh, yeah, it just wasn't that funny the first 12 times.

Oh, grumpy pants.

This tastes funny.

It's yak's milk!

Okay, should we, should we, uh, go?

-Yes, please! -No, sorry, okay,

I was just trying to mess around.

No, it's fine.

We'll, um, we'll see you later.

-I'll see you at the recital. -No pressure.

No, I wouldn't miss it for the world!

(laughs)

Classic!

♪

Well, it is great having your mom live with us.

Yeah, yeah.

-She's become quite the joker. -Yeah.

She put cling film on the toilet seat again this morning.

She replaced the toothpaste with horseradish.

Oh, she's so funny.

-I can't stand it anymore. -Oh, thank God.

-She's driving me crazy. -What is the matter with her?

She told my teachers I'd gone deaf,

and I've had people shouting at me for the last three days,

and yesterday, she filled my lunchbox with raw fish!

What have you got today?

(pop)

I'll deal with it.

♪

Hey, Tim, what's up?

You remember we spoke about Judith.

Judith, oh, yeah, yeah, sorry about that, Tim,

you were absolutely right, she's no threat at all.

I see.

So, definitely not gonna have her killed?

-Definitely. -Good.

Good, course, if that were to happen--

-It won't. -No, I know.

But if it were, I would be furious,

-obviously. -Obviously.

But, I would respect your decision.

-It's never gonna happen. -Never say never.

-She poses no threat to MI5. -Or does she?

-No. -Better trust your instincts.

We are not going to kill her.

-She might expose us. -She won't.

Wouldn't blame you for considering it.

Send her my love.

If I have to.

♪

Whoa, stop.

-What's the matter? -It's...

...oh, it's boring.

It's a classical recital.

Yeah, well, if you wanna win that place at the Conservatoire,

I say we put on a show.

-What kind of show? -You leave that to me.

Oh, come on, do you really have to go back to work,

I want to carry on dancing!

Oh, Pete, we've been out clubbing

every single night this week.

I know, let's go out again tonight!

-Really? -I'm up for it.

The Apprentice is on.

Oh, don't be such a drag.

No, I'm just saying that, fine, let's go out clubbing!

Again!

We'll text you later, then.

Have a good day at school.

-See you tonight! -Can't wait!

(giggles)

Ooh hoo hoo, all right,

where do you think we should go tonight?

Yeah, to tell you the truth, I'm a little tired.

Come on, you're not bailing on me, are you?

I think I am, yeah.

Thank God, I am so exhausted!

Why do the clubs have to start so late?

What was that music?

It didn't have any discernible melody!

And it's so loud, I've still got a headache!

Oh, would you like some tea?

You don't have any chamomile?

Of course.

God, when did I become so lame?

I suppose we're not 18 anymore,

but thanks, that really helped take my mind off Judith.

You're welcome.

Do you want your glow stick back?

(computers beeping)

How are you, okay?

I thought I was better than the other agents around here,

and it turns out I'm not.

-I'm weak. -Hey, what

are you talking about?

You are my best agent.

-Really? -Oh, of course.

-Apart from Tim, obviously. -Obviously.

Caitlin, you are the complete package,

you're tough, smart, and above all, fair.

Don't you go listening to people like Portis,

he's just a fat-headed buffoon.

Dan, I'm right here.

Come on, cheer up.

In fact, I've got a special job, just for you.

Really?

-That's Judith. -Yup, you don't mind, uh--

(mimicking explosion)

♪

(applause)

Ladies and gentlemen,

next up we have Marcus Elliot,

accompanied today by Owen Pinbull.

(applause)

♪

Rubbish, get off!

(blows raspberry)

Boo, shut up!

What?

Come on.

♪

So what are you gonna do about Judith?

I'll tell you exactly what I'm gonna do.

Move on.

She might get her memory back.

We both know she won't.

♪

I had this made for our first anniversary.

Our first meal together.

Lock of her hair, oh, do you want any of it?

I'm good, thanks.

-What's the matter with you? -You humiliated me.

Oh, you shouldn't take things so seriously.

I do take things seriously, that's what I do!

My mother would've known that.

-Well, I am your mother! -No, you're not!

I don't know who you are.

She loved it when I wore these.

♪

I can't do this.

Yes you can.

She was my life!

You have to let go, now!

No, I won't no!

What are you saying, you'd rather I just died?

No.

Right, it sounds like you want me out of your life.

I don't want you out of my life, I just want the old you back.

Well, that's not gonna happen, Marcus.

(yelling at each other)

♪

(crash)

Oh, God, what happened?

♪

Oops.

(siren wailing)

You know what I don't understand is what you were doing there.

-Me? -Definitely not there

-to shoot Judith. -What?

-Good one. -I said you weren't there!

You promised me--

When are you gonna learn, Tim?

I do not keep my promises.

What kind of a heartless, cold-blooded monster are you?

-I couldn't do it. -Hmm?

I couldn't take the shot.

I'm sorry, sir, it just didn't seem right.

I know, I know, why do you think I sent you?

That's why you're the best.

-I thought I was the best. -You are.

-Judith, can you hear me? -Mommy?

Judith?

Philip.

What's that idiot doing here?

Good to have you back, Judith.

I had the strangest dream, I dreamt there was a spy--

(gun clicks)

We should celebrate!

(struggling)

♪